Finding Your Foreplay & Catching Your O's

Stop what you're doing and listen closely because Bellesa and I are giving away free spicy toys or gift cards to every single one of you. That's right. Everyone who signs up wins something. And if you haven't heard of Bellesa, let me put you on. They're a bi woman for everyone company that's completely flipping the script on sexual wellness. And now they're hooking you up. You've definitely seen Bellesa's viral toys all over your for you page. Like the rose, it blew up for a reason. This little flower shaped suction toy is iconic. Or. Or their famous whisper collection. You know the first fully ever silent vibrators. If you live with roommates, parents, or even if your partner is sleeping right next to you, these toys are silent without compromising power. Or their new Pebble Pro. They just one up their best selling pebble with a stronger, smarter and seriously spicy redesign. Ballast has somehow figured out how to engineer a one stop pleasure shop with three interchangeable heads. It sucks. It humps. It licks. It vibrates. I'm speechless. And of course I had to hook all of you up. So my friends at Bellesa are sending out free toys or gift cards for toys to everyone who signs up. You heard that right. Every single one of you wins something. Just click the link in the episode description or head to bbvibes.com Emily that's B B V I B E S.com Emily welcome to 2016, lovers. Time to get your sex and dating life back on track. In today's show, we're talking orgasms, foreplay, anxiety, making your threesome dreams come true, and more. Thanks for listening. It's the new year and you know what that means. Time to make those resolutions and get our lives in order. Now, I can't go to the gym for you, but I can help you get your finances in fighting shape. And that starts with checking your credit. But you can't just get your credit score on any old site. Trust me, I've gotten so dinged before. I paid $15 to check my credit at another site for one month and was charged for an entire year. It was so annoying. So let me give you a tip. Go to Credit Karma. They do things differently there. Credit Karma offers truly free credit reports with no strings attached. They don't even ask you for your credit card information when you sign up. Plus, Credit Karma doesn't affect your overall credit score and it only takes two to three minutes tops. I didn't believe any of this, so I timed myself. I did this yesterday it took me 1 minute and 17 seconds. That's it. I was done. There is my credit score. They don't just show you the score and send you on your way and you're like, locked out of the site. They actually break it down for you so you can see how your actions affect your credit. It's very informative. Now, you may not get to those crunches, which is totally fine, but you can feel more confident about your finances this year. So visit creditkarma.comsave now to get your free report. That's credit karma.comsave.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com you can check out all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list, which you totally should be on our mailing list because you know we give good emails around here. And check everything else out. Find us on itunes. I love you all. Thank you for listening to the show as we're going into our 11th year. Right, Menace?

11Th.

Holy moly.

Crazy.

Oh, and we just released the 10 year anniversary show podcast.

I know. How do people like it? I'm sure they enjoyed it.

Just released it, and I think that people are loving it. Apparently. It sounds really good. I haven't listened to it yet. I was there. Oh, no. But I wanted to listen to it. But it actually, you know, it was. It was a wonderful night. Have we talked about it yet on the show?

We just said that it was awesome and it was coming out.

Yeah, it was us. Are you done texting?

No, no, no. There was something that I failed to mention last time because I told everybody that I was traveling. And I really wanted to mention this because it's awesome and you're gonna love it too. So I told everybody over break that I was traveling to New Orleans, I was going to Honduras, I was going to Cozumel. Mexico, all these other places.

Trifecta. Yes.

Yeah. But because I was on a cruise and there's a port in New Orleans. But when I was in New Orleans, I ran into.

Some listeners of the Sex with Emmy show. Like, I was hanging out my girlfriend and I was raining. We were.

By this cafe and this girl comes up to me and says, I listen to Sex with Emmy show. I love it. And it was so cool.

No way. In New Orleans. I love it.

And I want to give her a shout out and okay, well, fine.

Thank you, New Orleans. I love having listeners in New Orleans.

That makes me happy.

We need to do a traveling show there. We should do our next live show in New Orleans.

Oh my God. It would be a perfect place to do it.

I think so too. So Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.

You know how your resolutions come. Did you make resolutions?

Yes, I did. You want me share them?

Yeah.

Save money. Because I've been traveling, getting too crazy. Spending money.

Right.

And then connect more with friends. I think, like, I've been focused. Oh, I have another thing to share. But I think they've been so focused because moving to Los Angeles, like, okay, we got a. The show, the other show that I do, the Woody show, the morning show. Like, we have to make a name for ourselves in Los Angeles. We really gotta, you know, rebuild everything because no one knows us here. And then just been focused on that for two years. So I haven't. My, my best friend from high school lives in Los Angeles and I've only seen him twice since I've been here.

Yeah.

So it's been non stop. But it paid off. And now I'm staying here for another three years.

That's great.

You're saying. Yeah. The woody show. All 97 in the morning in Los Angeles. We were staying for three more years and now I can relax a little bit.

Right. That's good. So start to be more social. It's so funny you say that because I really. We moved here about the same time. You might have moved here a year after I did. I was here for three years, San Francisco for 20. And I same thing. I moved here. It's been all about work, which is great. Sex with Emily show has been just know, growing the whole brand, everything. I love it, love doing it. But I realized, gosh, I haven't really done a lot of social things. Haven't made a lot of new friends. I mean, meet people, but it takes a while. You got to put energy into it and make efforts. So that's a good one. I like It.

So I think that's it. I just really want to reconnect with friends.

I want to like, you know, see la. Like I really am in one mile radius of my whole life.

It's like, like, how many times have we hung out since I've been here?

Zero. Not once. I barely, I just see you here. I know it's amazing. But it is amazing to see you here. Also. I went to the, I went to the Grateful Dead show on New Year's Eve. Just wanted to say that. I don't even know if you like that on New Year's Eve. That's. We had like second row. We had vip. It was amazing. Second row, dude, it was amazing. I know. I love the Dead. You know, that's kind of my thing. And it was fun. It was good. I, you know, I worked, but I kind of took some time off and reflected and thought about the same things you did that like, God, I really want to. Now that I'm here, work is great. I'm going to, you know, get a life.

You had.

I know. And yeah. So also January 16th and 17th, if you're listening to this sexual health expo, it's in Los Angeles at the Universal Hilton Hotel. This is our fourth one. Okay. We started a year ago in Los Angeles. We took it around the country. It's been so successful. And I want you all to, I want to see you there. I'm gonna be there doing a live show. Go to sexualhealthexpo.com for more information. And we're giving away tickets. Are we gonna have time for you to get tickets by now when they come out? Yeah. Okay. So email me feedbackexthemily.com why you wanna go? Each ticket is good for two people. So you can bring a friend and it's top sex educators. You guys have heard me talk about it. We have latest and greatest toys. It's going to be a good time. Two day conference. Yes. All right.

So I, Sorry.

Yeah. Are you done? I'm distracted. I'm distracted by your distraction.

One of our listeners. So tinky06 on Instagram is who I met. New Orleans. And thank you so much for listening.

Yeah. Hi, Tinky.

Tinky.

What's up, Tinky? What up?

Sorry, I, I, I, I wish.

Like a dog with a bone.

I wish. I.

You haven't even been here. Like, welcome.

I know. I, I, I really, I wish I could remember your name, but I was completely Dr. Past seven days there. So.

Yeah, only seven days. I got a drunk text from you in Las Vegas. A Few weeks ago. I think you've been drunk.

I wasn't really drunk.

No, you're sober.

I was just saying hi.

I know. Because you missed me. This is gonna be our year. What else? I feel like there's so many other things. My brain. We're just gonna go into some sex in the news. I feel like I. I just. I'm happy seeing you here, so. Okay. God, I don't even like this word, but music Tampon, which is super sexy, allows fetuses to listen to your mix tape in the womb.

Oh, I saw that.

Over the years, studies have music listened to during pregnancy may have a positive effect on babies after they're born. And some believe that auditory fetal learning can help later with a child's memory skills and brain development. A recent study has found that fetuses can detect sound as early as 16 weeks. So the invention resulting from the study in Babypod is a pink speaker that a woman inserts into her vagina like a tampon allows the fetus to listen to music right from within the womb. And. And the ultrasound showed the fetuses are responding to the music by moving their mouths and tongues as if they were performing like a lip sync. Lip Lip Sync Battle.

I don't. I mean, I know direct contact with the music. I don't know.

I don't know. But I mean, if that's gonna do it, I think. But then can you drink too, or something? I mean, I feel like when you're pregnant, there's so many things you have to do, and now you gotta stick this thing in your vagina so your kids can learn music.

I thought it was a musical tampon.

You did?

Yeah.

Why the hell would you like that?

I don't know.

Hey, if you're period, you're really pissed, you hate everyone and you want to kill everyone, but here's some music in your vagina just for fun, where you hide.

That's actually not bad in tampons.

Why do you need to. You don't actually put those in you, though.

They're just to sneak them into festivals.

Just FYI. I know what those are. Madison, have you stuck a tampon in your vagina to festivals?

How much weed has been in your vagina?

And let's not share a bowl next time one tastes good. Okay? Let's just say that.

No, they make them so people can.

Sneak drugs in a festival. They're like tampons on shells and you can, like, put, like, drugs in them, but you don't actually put them in you. They're just to like hide from security when you get pat down. Okay. Madison. Just full of information. Sorry, guys. Okay. Experts say 3pm is the best time of day to get your freak on. All right, so biologically there's an ideal time for you and your lover to do the no pants dance. 3pm which is good for you.

I support that.

Yeah, dude, you can go home after the show and bang your girlfriend.

Yeah.

It's 3pm According to Daily Mail. Because in the afternoon women have high levels of the hormone cortisol, which helps alertness and that they're most energetic around the same time, men have elevated levels of estrogen, making them estrogen making them more emotionally present during sex.

Sweet.

Which is what we all want. We just want you to look into our eyes and tell us we're beautiful and be present.

That's what it's all about.

So what about morning wood though? Wouldn't you think that was the ideal time when you stick the dick in the back? Because while men sleep, they produce testosterone. It's a key hormone obviously in sexual arousal and levels peaks in early to mid morning. Meaning this is the perfect time for the men to have sex.

I know. Didn't women. They like having. They. They liked having sex in the late at night. Right. And then liked it in the morning.

In the morning because like, I already have a boner I'd have. If you were here. You're not. So sticking in you.

Why is she so goddamn complicated?

Why can't we all just get boners at the same time? Exactly. Well, it's funny because I was out for drinks last night and I was out with this friend Carrie, and then I ran into another guy I know. And she's a reporter as well. She writes about sex. So I ran to my friend Matt and we started talking about. For some reason, this is funny, he said to me, he was telling me his crazy sex stories about girls. And he said, this one woman I was with, it was like, he's like, we've been hooking up for like a month. And I like, I rolled over and I tried to have sex with her and she got up and started screaming at me like, how dare you? Like just start without even foreplaying. Just like putting it in, like in the morning, like, I'm not ready yet.

What a high maintenance dude.

I know. I'd be like, goodbye. Like, that's the point. It's so easy. You just do it. I'm always like down. I'm barely awake. If it's good, it's good. If it's not. I slept a little more. I slept through, you know, sleep sex. So I didn't understand that he had another interesting story I'll share with you, which was that we were talking about a friend we have in common, which I won't mention, but she's not. Whatever. Someone that we both know. And he said, oh, I was sleeping with her. And.

They never hook. They never hooked up before, but they were like, sorry. They were just started dating. They got out a few times and the first time they were together, they got in bed and they were making out. And she says, how do you feel about anal? And he was like. Not sweet, though. He was like, I love it. No, but she was saying that, like, she doesn't want a commitment, she wants to take things slow. That was the preface to it. And then she said, I really, really like anal and I'd like to do that. And he was like, I just. He wasn't into it. It wasn't his thing, and it kind of freaked him out and he left. So I thought that was interesting that she played the anal card, right? That a lot of people kind of say that that's what she needs or requires. And he was saying it really was just not his thing. Although you're right, some guys would be very excited about it.

So he might have had a penis though, too.

No, I don't think she had a penis.

You never know because.

There was.

Sorry, I'm running on no sleep. But there was this. How do you say, transsexual. I just don't want to 2016. I want effing.

That's okay.

PC Police on me right now. Yeah, but the.

There was this one that used to come into this morning show that I used to be a part of, and that's what. That was the move, saying that I was really into anal.

Oh, so they didn't have to see the penis. Yeah, right. No, she did not have a penis. It was just.

I do know. Have you checked?

No, because the thing is that I didn't tell the story right? But the interesting part was he. He led by saying she was like, listen, I want to take it slow. I was hurt by a guy.

Save him. Like, he's just, oh, look how sensitive and thoughtful I am. Guys are disgusting.

No, he just wasn't. He's like, I don't even. We haven't even made out. And you're like saying you want it anyway. It doesn't matter. I'm saying, you know what? I'm not having judgment here. I'm Just saying that I told a.

Girl that wanted anal that I didn't want to do it. 95% of guys out there be like, fuck, awesome.

I don't think it's 95 right away, first time, but I could be wrong. Let me know. Feedbackextexto. Com. Let's get into emails because we've got so many emails to catch up on. I love love when you email me feedbacktaxwithelmily.com and you guys take great orders because we do ask you to include your name, your age and where you.

Live and how you listen. How you listen.

So many orders, though. I always feel like I let that one go. How you listen would be awesome.

Yeah. Like, oh, do you listen on one or.

Right. This person is telling us here. So. Thank you. Emily. I love your podcast. I listen frequently on my iPhone podcast app. Very helpful. I love it so much that I even bought myself my very own magic wand after hearing so many rave review on your show.

I mean, you've been pimping the magic.

Wand for a long time, dude, before I even pimped magic wands. I loved the magic wand. It's the best. My question is about orgasms. I first started masturbating in college when I realized I needed to learn to get myself off before expecting a partner to. It was kind of like a shot in the dark at first, rubbing until I would feel the final total body release. All of a sudden, the past three years or so, I've not been able to reach that final stage of explosion, and I can't figure out why. Of course, since I notice a difference, I can't help but think every time when I'm close, if it'll happen. So I'm kind of mentally cockbucking myself by doubting it'll happen. So she's about to orgasm, and then she's like, am I going to? Am I going to? And then she can't. I'm still able to enjoy clitoral stimulation and love using the magic wand, but it's the same thing. I hit a point where it seems like my body can't handle any more pleasure and it just kind of stops. My whole body tenses up intensely and I can't get it to relax no matter how much deep breathing I do to continue the sensation. To me, I've been considering it as an orgasm as of late, but I can't help but wonder if my body is in fact able to get past the tense level and keep going. See, guys don't have this at all. You're like, I came. I didn't come. Good night. Have you ever heard of this happening? And had any tips for how I can get my orgasm back? J. She did not include her name and how old she is, by the way, but she did include her app that she lives on the app. So she is orgasm blocking herself, and she's caught up wondering if she's gonna feel it. And she's so caught up in her head that she's cheating herself out of enjoying it. Which I think men and women have these same challenges when it comes to sex that we. Sometimes we're in the bedroom, whether we're masturbating with a partner. You know, guys think, am I gonna perform? Am I gonna come too quickly? Is she into it? You know, am I turning her on? What does she think of my penis? And women are thinking a lot of things like, you know, how does my body look? Will I be able to orgasm? But the thing here is, Jay, is that the arousal starts in your mind because our brain largest sex organ. So she has to get her brain on board before anything is gonna happen with her body. So the problem is she's probably just going in and trying to masturbate like she did in the past and, like, knocking one out like guys do, right? You're trying to just, like, whip it out. So you got to get your brain on board. So whatever turns you on, Jay, you might not even know you can watch porn. You can read erotica, think sexy thoughts. Think about the last time you were with someone and how they really turned you on. And you know what you should do, Jay? Take the orgasm off the table. Say, you know what? I'm going to spend the next week. I'm not even tired of an orgasm. I'm just going to get to know my body. Because you said that you already did this work earlier. The reason why you started masturbating, which was amazing. I want to clap for you that you knew that the way to have the best sex and to be the most satisfied in bed is to first it starts with you and to know your own body. So once you take it off the table, you just need to relax and say, okay, you know what? I'm just going to start touching my body again and see what makes me feel good. We have so many erogenous zones, a lot of them, you know, our neck, our ears, our breasts, and tune into what your body is feeling. So, like, it's like a seduction of yourself. Light candles again, like, read erotica, watch porn, think about whatever you need to think about. Use lube. Adding lube to masturbation will definitely enhance your experience. I promise you. Women are more likely to orgasm in these lube. And you can, like, rub it all over your body and just, you know, tune into what your body is experiencing when you get aroused. And so think about that. And if you start to feel tense, like you said, don't try to fight it. Just be like, oh, I'm feeling tense, you know, and then go back to your breath. And you said you already did the breathing thing. But that also takes practice. So just say, okay, I'm breathing. Deep breaths, like in through your nose, out through your mouth. Like, take it back to what you're feeling in your body, Keep going back. And this might take you a few times, this might take you a month, but it's completely worth it because you know that you can orgasm. You know that you've experienced it before, and you know you'll get back to that place. But it's going to take a little retraining of your body. And you mentioned that you use the magic wand and maybe you have a sense of clitoris. If you have it cranked up to the highest setting and you're putting it directly on it, you could be overstimulating it. So you could turn it down. You could use it over your underwear or put a sheet over you. But, you know, I just don't want you to rush it. I want you to like, actually, this is a great experience for you because perhaps when you learn to orgasm, you were super focused on that and now you can learn. You can start to focus on being more sensual with yourself and more intimate, and it'll be a bigger payoff. So that's what I gotta say about that. Orgasms menace orgasms, all about orgasms. Guys are like, I came, I didn't come. What's for dinner? It's like, so.

I mean, it's very rare when a guy doesn't come. I know this weird saying, come, come to completion.

You can say whatever you want to say.

Don't you think, though? It's very rare, but it happened.

Well, men who have delayed ejaculation, retarded ejaculation is actually what it's called clinically intoxicated or men who just can't orgasm. It's, it's, it's common for men. They take an hour. They just can't orgasm during intercourse. But it's not as common as women who can't have orgasms during intercourse.

Don't you think, like, 90% of women.

Can'T have an orgasm, 70% can't during intercourse.

That's crazy. A lot. Think of how. How big that is.

But that's a lot. It is. It's a lot. And it's probably majority of women you've been with. But the thing is, is that even if you can't naturally, when you're. When you're just with your partner, there's so many ways that you can learn to. Again, most women don't receive enough clitoral stimulation during intercourse. So you can use your fingers, you can use a hand, you can. You can use a sex toy. You can use lots of lube and rub yourself the same that you do when you're having sex. And then just bring that when you're having. When you're masturbating, bring that into your intercourse.

See why you got.

Why we gotta be so complicated?

Why so difficult?

Dude, this is why we exist. This is why we're doing this show.

It's so weird because, like, yeah, I talk to my gay guy friends and they just say like, how easy everything is. Yeah, they just like look at each other.

I know.

You know? And then if I look at you at a bar, I have to have this whole conversation. Then I got to set up like a second date.

Right? You got. Right.

They're just third day and then finally getting laid, and then they're just looking at each other and like 10 minutes later they're getting late.

It's true. It's not as complicated. I know. What the hell, man? You should have been a gay man.

I should have been a. Sex hurts too much. I can't do it.

How do you know?

I'm just kidding.

Don't knock it till you try it. I got some toys. You can check it out.

You can probe that anus, just not for me. I never thought of a man sexually.

Okay, well, we can talk about that.

But I'm sure you have. Many times.

Oh, many times, Many times. But first I'd like to just give a shout out to our sponsors who help keep the show free so you can all listen to it. So you know that I love my magic wand. Rechargeable. Oh, yeah, of course. It's from Vibratex and that's a great company. But they also have another great toy to try in 2016. This is the Rabbit Habit Original Deluxe. So this is the rabbit that gave rise to the. To the habit of people using the rabbit, like when it was on Sex and the City and a lot of people have imitated it but they've never equaled it. And they've even just improved at the Rabbit habit. It's the Deluxe by Vibratex. It has the highest, most satisfying level of satisfaction and use yet. It's smoother, it's silent, it's more powerful than ever. Has a perfect body fit. Have you seen the original Rabbit? It has a rotating shaft. It has these turning beads in it. And beneath these body safe materials, it transfers them. So you put it inside you and then you've got these all the. You got vibrations, you got beads going around. Because the inner 2/3 of the vagina is super sensitive, it has motion control. You can control the ears separately so it hits your clitoris. So it's like a whole clitoral G spot. Party, barbecue, good time. So if you didn't get one for the holidays, get one for yourself. Now the Rabbit Habit Original Deluxe from Vibratex American company that's making pleasure pieces for 30 years. Go to vibratex.com support America.

We need the help.

We do. I think if people were using more toys and having more orgasms, we would be a much happier place, don't you?

Yeah, we would.

Okay. Foreplay anxiety.

Foreplay anxiety.

That's what we gotta talk about.

Meaning.

Hi, Emily. We'll find out. Hi, Emily. I'm a big fan of the show. I had a question regarding foreplay. I've heard you say many times that long foreplay sessions will make for more satisfaction for my partner. I've been amping up the foreplay in just about every girl I've slept with seems. No, I'm just laughing because this is so you. Yeah, every girl I've slept with seems all the happier, which is great. However, sometimes I find myself getting a little anxious to get the whole penetration part. And I find myself getting slightly bored during a long session of foreplay. And as a result I lose my erection. Is this normal, Ramon?

I've been saying.

I know, right? This is your blood brother, Ramon.

No, no, no, because that's okay. Because of the time limit. I told you. Is there enough time? Because a guy. The moment he's kissing you, he's immediately erect, right?

Exactly.

And then like how long you either two things are gonna happen if you make out for a really long time. A his. His wean. His boner is gonna go down. Right? What's the clinical way of saying it?

Direction.

Erection. Right.

Since when do you want to Sound Fancy Happy 2016.

I know, I'm not.

I know what happened to you there. Okay.

And then so he loses his erection. Right. And then the second thing is gonna happen is he's gonna be too excited when he actually does. He does penetrate.

Right, Right.

And then the sex is not gonna last that long.

Right? Well, because.

Okay, it's guaranteed it's gonna happen.

No, it's not. But. Okay, that's what's happened to you. But that doesn't. If you even do foreplay. But it doesn't have to happen. The reason I'm laughing is because we have a history on the show of me saying, talking about foreplay, and Menace says. Wait, wait, back up. How long? Like, just give me, like, 10 minutes. Five minutes? Do I have to go down her for 10 minutes? Like, what's the max? You always wanted me to break that down for you. And there is not met. There's no magic number. But, Ramon, you are not alone. Happens to a lot of men. Even Menace here. Guys are so focused on the main event that foreplay starts to feel like it's a chore they have to do. Damn it. I gotta do that before I can watch cartoon. Two minutes.

Two minutes.

I know.

Two minutes of foreplay.

No, two minutes of our plays. Like, we didn't even know you arrived.

Okay, Madison, you're with somebody. How much do you foreplay? Don't. Not too close to the mic. Okay.

Foreplay, probably about 15 minutes. Yeah, that is already done ordering a pizza.

Are you like. I did 15 minutes of foreplay when I was like, like.

Well, I'm happy that you have a girlfriend and you've been with her a while because clearly she doesn't care. That's awesome. No, seriously, though.

I know, but 15 minutes, Jesus.

Age 15 minutes is minimal. Like Madison. Madison is saying on average, I mean, maybe, but sometimes could be longer. It could be longer. It's been 15. Sounds about right. And it is a requirement. So, Ramon, you have to know that, like, it's not a suggestion, it is a requirement. But you just got to find a way to make it more arousing.

Save yourself.

You got to find a way to make it arousing for you. So you got to get. Get turned on by turning your partner on. You got to pay attention to how she's responding, because I'm afraid that you're also inside your head, Ramon. So if you're truly turning her on, like, the way you're licking her, touching her, and the way she's moaning and moving, that. That could be an experience that could actually really turn you on. But I'm fearful that perhaps you're in your head and you're thinking, how much longer is this? Start working like you're clinically thinking about what's happening next. And so you have to get out of your head. Don't treat it like a clinical experience. Just let go and enjoy the moment. And it's also, you could choose foreplay that benefits both of you. The good old 69 minutes. 69. Mutual masturbation.

I don't consider foreplay. What I consider foreplay is why? Just making out.

Blowjobs. Foreplay.

That's foreplay.

Ten years. Ten years. That's foreplay? Yeah. You think foreplay is only for women because women are always clamoring for it.

I'm thinking foreplay is like making out and boob types. But it is like that. But like full on.

Technically, it's broken down into foreplay and then intercourse, which I think it's a spectrum. And you really shouldn't break it down because sex is sex. You can just have a whole lot of foreplay that feels really, really good. But, you know. Yeah. Foreplay is blowjobs. Oral sex. So you can have a blowjob too, minus that can factor.

Listen, your blow job is just. We just had four play. She blew me. Yeah, like, that's like. I don't know. That's kind of like a big deal.

This is me. This, this. That could count into the 15 minutes.

It's like making out. Out.

It's making out.

I guarantee you he's not considering a blowjob. Foreplay.

Well, you know, why is this p. It is. It's. But the way I talk about foreplay is because. I'm talking about. Women typically require it to be warmed up before sex. It's not like we're like, oh, this feels really good. Like, I'd really like a massage day. No, our parts can't work. It's like warming up your car in the winter at Michigan. We couldn't just, like, drive. I had to, like, where are my car? 15 minutes where I could drive to school every day. So it's her. Her car. It's not good. She's not gonna work unless you do this. Okay.

I like some foreplay. Give me a blowjob.

Like, what? Go home and see how that goes. You're crazy. Yeah. You could switch back and forth. She could give you little sucky and then you could go down on her. Yeah, it's for both of you. It's equal opportunity. Mind blown.

If you're.

I feel like you're getting down and.

You'Re getting blowjobs, you're are. You're already in the action going. You're in the sec. You're like in the beginning stage of like, full on sex. It's not like. I don't know. That does.

Doesn't seem like you don't have to finish that way. Do you always finish when she's performing? When she's going down you. No, I'm not gonna.

Unless I want. I want that to happen, you know?

Right. But sometimes she could just warm you up that way I'm sure you're already warmed up. Whatever. Let's move on to threesome talk. Dude, it is. I'm like, I don't even know what to do. I feel like. I feel like I've been talking to the wall for 10 years.

All right, let's say this ghost thing, because it's another thing that's been bugging me that's kind of like, bring it up in the same realm.

We should. Yeah, go Menace.

When you say, when somebody says.

It'S with the. With the younger kids these days, when they say, I hooked up, what do you say? I hooked up with that person. That means you had sex with them, right?

No, we've talked. No, it could mean, like, I touched her boobs. We had anal. Yeah, no, totally.

Hell no.

Hooking up does not mean. It does. Hooking up means like, oh, we made out in the car and I banged her.

When you made out with somebody, you made out with them. Like, I made out with her.

No, people just say we hooked. Anything beyond making out is hooking up. I think if you kiss someone, you'd say, we made out in the car. But if they touched your boobs or anything else was involved, it's hooking up. Which is a problem because when someone says, we just hooked up, I don't know what that means.

No, see, what do you think it means? You have to define it more.

So someone say we hooked up and I gave her a blow job. She gave me a blow job for, yeah, four minutes. And then I went down to her for 12, and then we had sex. I used a skin when he had sex.

That means I hooked up with that person. When it's talking with a relative without talking to a friend. And I didn't have penetration with a girl, and I would say, oh, and she only gave me a blowjob. I want to say I hooked up with that girl. I'd be like, that girl gave me a blowjob.

That's because guys love talking about their penises getting sucked to their friends.

No, that's not it. Because the definition of hooking up is having actual sex. It's not making out or feeling boobs or anything like that.

It's. If you had sex with them, you'd say, I had sex with her.

You know, you say, I hooked up with her. That means having sex. I'm just trying.

I don't know. I don't know.

I'm just trying to clear it up for everybody.

I think you're. I don't. I don't believe.

You know who, like, ruined it for everybody?

Who?

The goddamn Jersey sh on mtv.

Why?

Because they said everything was hooking up, even if it wasn't. Like, even if it was sex or not having sex.

But why do we really need to know anyway? We just know that they exchanged some fluids. Whoever it is.

I don't know if you had sex with that person or not.

You want to know if it was penetrative, like penis and vagina.

You can't say I going around saying I hooked up with that person if you didn't have sex with them.

Yeah, all the time. Maybe that's the way girls talk. We're like, oh, yeah, we hooked up a little. We might say that we went, yeah. That doesn't mean intercourse. Okay. I'm sorry, but, you know, I don't. That's okay. What do you think? Feedback.

It's upsetting. Are the new Twitter poll. Do it.

Twitter poll. Oh, yeah. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram. It's all sex with Emily. Like my Facebook page, which is, yeah, friggin taking off.

Love it.

It's still taking off. It's been around forever, but like a gazillion likes every. Because we people like us.

I love it.

Here we go. Hi, Emily. I'm a woman in my late 20s in New England, and I recently discovered your podcast. I've been enjoying it on the Pod Pocket Casts app. I only ever had sex with men before, and I'm extremely interested in playing with women. Also, a possible threesome situation is come up with a man I've had casual sex with a few times and his other female casual partner who I've never met. Neither the man nor I have ever had a threesome before, but I don't know about the other woman. I think a threesome sounds great in theory, but I don't know how logistics would work. How do you make sure everyone's safe without ruining the mood? Since we all have other partners as well, how do you keep anyone from getting left out? I usually stay really focused on my partner during sex. And like a lot of body contact. So I'm a little nervous about focusing on two people at once. I'm also nervous about the other two people being more into each other than me and me being the only one left out. Any advice or tips you would have, you have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance, Jessica. Totally normal concerns. She just laid out every single concern that people have in threesomes. So, Jessica, I'm going to give you some details here, but also we've done a lot of shows on threesomes, blogs, everything. So go to my website if you want to read more in specific detail. But these are normal and everyone thinks about these things. But before you head to the bedroom with these people, figure out if you guys are going to work as a trio. So I would say get together for drinks, see if you like her, see if it's interesting, get dinner together, the three of you discuss it beforehand. You know, you don't have to be like, hey, you know, I'll have a dirty martini. So are we going to all have a threesome? I mean, just see how you guys get along and how you jive and make sure there is no jealousy. Make sure there's no weirdness or possessiveness between you guys because you said you're casual with him and that she's casual with him. But you might find that once you're with him and you see him with someone else, you might get a little jealous, she might get a little. You just don't know what's gonna happen. So first you know, and also check your own feelings and make sure that whenever, like, I don't know, I just check you and be like, oh, I'm just casual. It's cool that maybe there's a little more there. I actually have to say that my best threesome, my award winning threesome of my life was in a very similar situation because it was a guy that I was truly casually dating. I was dating other people and he was dating other people and he was with a woman and she's like, she's never been with a girl before. Do you want to have put it together? And I was like, let's grab a drink. So we went to the Lone Palm in San Francisco.

Oh, wow.

Do you remember Lone Palm? We met for drinks there. I remember I have a picture of you with my dog there. Anyway, what else?

The dog that farted on me.

So the dog fart on you. So. And we went for drinks and we hung out and it was really fun. And I'm like, yeah, she's Cool. Hot. We went back to his house and, and it was, it truly was this, we all talked about. It was like this amazing threesome because we were not attached in a committed way because there's a whole nother host of issues. If you're in a relationship and you're thinking about having a threesome, like, you gotta have. And you should also set boundaries this way, but this way, like you really are all experiencing each other. You all, you know, everyone wants to be pleased. No one's there, you know, holding a video camera and you're all on a level playing field. You're not like one couple coupled out. So these concerns won't be bothering you in the moment, I promise you. Typically, you're not gonna be going, wow, she's touching his, he's giving him a blowjob and no one touching me. It just sort of flows together like a dance. And so they won't be bothering you. And if you're all like minded and you're in it for the same reasons and you all just really want to have a threesome together, it will happen. Just, just also again, make sure boundaries are set ahead of time because he might be saying, she might say, like, I don't want to watch you have sex with her. I mean, you guys got to talk about this stuff. Just say, hey, is there anything we don't want to do? And then finally a word about safety. If he's going to have sex with both of you, he has to change the condom in between. You just do. So have a stack of condoms there. That's how you keep safe. Hell yeah. Sounds like a good time.

I don't know if I can, if I would ever have a threesome that I would have to do all those things. Rules, you know?

What do you mean?

Like, oh, she can't do this, she can't do that type thing.

I mean, for each couple it's different.

Like, because I think you're just setting yourself up for disaster if you do that.

They're like a lot of couples who are together and they decide they're in a really good place, they're strong. This is when couples should have a threesome. Like, oh, it'd be kind of interesting to bring someone else into the mix. The kind of rules you set are, you know, he can't have penetrative sex with her, she can't sleep over, there's no kissing.

What's the point of having a threesome if it's like that?

I don't know, I'm just. People have their own things. You know, I just.

If somebody says that, then they're not ready for like.

I'd rather just go back to watching porn.

Yeah, because you're. You're setting yourself up for a nightmare that obviously that person is a jealous person. And they're just gonna hold this whole threesome thing over your head for the rest of your life. It's gonna mess up your relationship.

No, no. Nobody should have it if they're not in the solid place in their relationship.

Don't do it.

Don't do it. Yeah. So I think that's what we got time for. Is that correct?

It was great seeing you, Emily.

You too. Happy New Year.

Happy New Year. And I'm happy to stay here in Los Angeles three more years.

I love it. I love that you're not leaving. And since we're gonna like, both have the same resolutions of hanging out more.

Yeah.

I mean, we didn't say that directly, but I know this is gonna happen.

Oh, no, no, no. Definitely. Well, I mentioned earlier in the show, I was like, how many times did I hang out?

0.

0, 0.

I only see you here.

Sucks.

And it's epic though. Every time. Time I see you.

But yeah, every time we hang out, it's a good time.

I know.

I love hooking up some type of cable for you. And then we have drinks.

Will you come over and hook up?

I'm gonna get hook it up now. Your Sibian. I gotta hook the power.

Simian works just fine. It was the easiest thing to set up. But I am getting a new tv.

There's a lot of rain recently. I gotta make sure.

El Nino or Super Nino. Oh, what do I need to do?

I gotta hook up a generator to that thing or something.

For you, my Sibian. Yeah, yeah, exactly. God forbid. Super Nino. Someone fix my goddamn Sibian. What am I gonna do? Oh, my God. That'd be tragic. Okay, well, Happy New Year. Thank you. Menace. Follow Menace everywhere at Menace. Yeah, right. I love it.

Oh, and my dog, my baby. I miss her. She's.

She's been my dog Churro on Instagram.

Churro. She's out of town in San Francisco. But she'll be home soon.

Okay. Drop her off before I miss her dog. I actually. Last night when I couldn't sleep, I was up till 4am when you woke up in like, my Instagram photo. I was like, oh, my God, man is going to work and I'm going to sleep. But I thought to myself, I really am ready for a dog. Like, I felt like I wanted A dog in my bed. Is that weird? Do you think I'm ready? Yeah, I'm ready so I can dog sit.

A cool dog like mine, she just hangs out.

Yeah, maybe I'll dog sit. I'm just gonna move into a dog sitting. I know, I know. She was the wrong dog. It's like a bad relationship.

My dog last time was here. She just laid on the table.

I know. And you remember Stanley. Like, I wish I could have Stanley Anderson's dog, but I can't because his dog and he loves him. It's annoying. Okay, thank you, everyone for listening to the show. I love you and thank you, Madison, and thank you, Lori and Alyssa and Menace. I love you. Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Okay, everyone, thanks for listening to the show. And I gotta know.

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