Flashback Friday: Everything Anal

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute.

The girl's gotta have her standard. Oh, my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of.

Girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list, which you really should do, because you'll get a free report. The five biggest mistakes men are making in bed and the five biggest mistakes women are making in bed, which you kind of want to know. And we're going to have some more products coming your way as well. And there's a lot happening on our site, so check that out. Also, follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, sexwithemily. Today's show is all about anal sex. I know you've probably heard about, you know, there's a lot of things going on, but what you didn't know is that August is Anal Pleasure Month, brought to you by Good Vibrations in San Francisco. They also are the same people that brought you Masturbation Month in May. So if you missed that, you know, that'll be come around again. But this is Anal Sex Month, and I'm here with Menace. Hey, Menace. How you doing?

How you doing? How is this?

I didn't warn you that today's show is about anal sex.

You didn't.

How is what you didn't?

And how is it just not Anal Sex Month every day in San Francisco?

Yeah, that's true. In San Francisco, it is Anal sex month every month. Yeah, but. But now it's because. Here's the thing, Manus. It's because people always ask me, and I was thinking about this before the show, and it's like, people always say, emily, what are the trends in sex? What are the latest trends? And I always think about one of the top things that come to my mind is anal sex. And I even think it, like, sounds like anal is the new blowjob. Now, this has been going on for a while, but I feel like it's like, tab, you know, it still has that taboo and that people are kind of obsessed with anal sex. I mean, look at Howard Stern, right? Every guest who comes on the show, do you ever try anal? Like, even on Loveline, like, they asked me, like, what about you and anal sex? Like, people are obsessed with it. And so I thought, you know, Good Vibrations is having Anal Pleasure Month just to celebrate. They have a lot of things on their site, if you go to goodvibes.com but also just like, tips to enjoy it, why people are so obsessed with it, what are the right ways to do it? And I'm going to get into some of those tips today. So if you're curious about anal sex, I'm going to give you some gateways, how to get into it and to do it right. I'm also going to be reading your emails and all that stuff. So that's what's going on. Are you a fan of anal sex?

Am I. What about anal sex? Sorry?

Are you a fan? Are you a fan of anal sex?

Of course. I don't think there's any guys that are against it.

It's usually the women I've met. Well, exactly. So the women. I think that women really are sort of a lot of women. And I think that it's because. So I was asked recently by Cosmo magazine why men love anal sex. And these are some of the things that I thought that I wrote. And I want to know what you agree with and what you don't agree with. Because also, I've actually been with men, several who don't like it. They're like, it's not my thing. I tried it once and wasn't into it. So I don't know that every man likes it, but I think a lot of men are. Are really into it. So I think that men like it because they see it as taboo, which can be thrilling and daring and very sexually exciting for men. So do you see, is it more that it feels good menace, or is it more like, oh, it's a taboo, it's her ass. I get to put my dick in her butt. You know, what is it?

Do you agree with that?

I guess it's just the taboo. And then you're like, oh, well, it's probably, you know, a little bit tighter, so it feels better type of Thing, you know?

Right, right. Okay. So many men see anal sex as a gift from their female partner. Something rare and special.

Oh, really? A gift?

Yeah, a gift. Like it's a gift. Like it's like, hey, she's gonna give me her butt. Like I have a friend who's married and she's like, when I get married, she's married for five years now. She hasn't done yet, but she's like, then I'm gonna have anal sex with my, with my husband. And she's still afraid to do it.

Oh, see, she lied.

Some guys, like most women, liars and cheaters. No tricksters, True menace. It also demonstrates a sense of. No, they're not. Okay, I'll get into more of these later. Let's just talk. What's going on? Menace, what's new with you in your life that I need to know?

I just got back from Chicago. Lovely weather in Chicago for Lollapalooza music festival. It sucks because text family listeners always hit me up to hang out and I'm, you know, I'm at a festival for, with like a hundred thousand people, so I, I can't meet up with anybody. I don't, you know, so.

Right. He's working or otherwise he would totally hang out with you and talk about anal sex all day.

Yeah. But you know, thank you. And I, I love the city. I love, I love the Midwest. I love Midwest women.

Chicago, all that area in between, in between the coasts, basically. Because I don't know, I see this time and time again beautiful women just with, you know, normal looking guys. Right.

Just, just like it gives you hope.

It gives me, it does give me hope. Because like it seems on the coast, like either on the west coast, I don't know how much on the east coast, but definitely on the west coast coast, Los Angeles, San Francisco, the, the.

The application of being a man just. Oh my God. On your resume. Okay, does he have a good job? Does he drive a nice car? Does he work out every single day? I don't see. And then, and then a chick might, you know, hang out with you. I see in the, in the middle of the country, just normal hard working guys, maybe like factory workers with like bombshell hot women. You know, it's crazy.

I don't know about you, but those.

Those women, those women, if those women were in Los Angeles, San Francisco area, oh my God, you know, they would expect, you know, men to buy them, you know, Chanel bags all freaking day long, you know.

Yeah, well, that's your interpretation of women on The west coast and the East Coast. Because I don't see that.

Come on, stop playing you.

I'm not playing. You tend to date women who want you to buy them Chanel bag. I swear, I've never asked a guy to buy me a bag. Although when he does buy me a bag, I'm really appreciative. Yeah, but I didn't ask for it. I didn't ask for it. I know what you're saying. The Midwestern. I mean, I'm from the Midwest, so if anyone gets offended, whatever. I feel like there are good Midwestern values. Like we're good people. We're not so caught up in that stuff.

Perhaps it's not as bad as in San Francisco. I'm just. I'm just kind of saying. But yeah, definitely Los Angeles. It's.

Oh, my God. Insane Los Angeles, man. Los Angeles is a whole nother world. I mean, the men here are. It's so much about like the arm candy and the older guy with the younger women. I mean, you don't see that in San Francisco as much like here. It's like they're all aspiring to be, you know, actresses or whatever. I mean, it's like the cliche that everyone says about la, but now that I've been living here, I see it all the time.

Well, the epidemic in San Francisco is the sevens think they're tens with women.

I told you that. I came up with that phrase.

There's so many. Well. Well, yeah, you told. I guess you told me that, but I. It's not just you. A lot of people, people say it. Sevens. The sevens think they're tens. It's crazy, right? Because this is what happens in our area. In San Francisco. I know there's a whole other country and people that listen, listen around the world maybe can relate to this. In San Francisco, I gotta think of all the attractive women that I went to high school with. They all left the area and they went to Southern California or somewhere else, right? And all. All the weird and outcast chicks stayed here and they went to Berkeley or San Francisco State or they were kind of nerds. So they. They went, you know, they went to Stanford and all this stuff. The most attractive women that I went to school with did not stay here. And it seems like all. There's a bazillion attractive women in Southern California, and it seems like they stayed there. And all the outcasts and, you know, the nerds and believe me, I'm friends with outcasts and nerds. I like those type of people. And it seems like they all came from Southern California and they came up here. But the thing is, that's the pool of people that we have to date here. So the women that are maybe a seven think they're tens. Because guys, you know, they're like, well, this is all we have to choose from around here, you know?

Well, I don't know. I think that there's a lot of beautiful women and smart women and cool women that do move to San Francisco. I just think that you come to Los Angeles and you're like, oh, my God, the woman. Every single woman here is hot. From like the waitress to the dry cleaner to the person washing my car to the person making copies of the, you know, at the coffee store, whatever. Like, everyone's hot. Yeah, it's true. But. But I also think what they say about. But I don't think unattractive women.

But the thing is, what I'm trying to say about the rest of the country.

Is there's beautiful women way hotter than in Northern California that just don't know that they're hot. And they just don't act like it, you know, they don't. They don't have a chip on their shoulder, like, oh, my God, you know, I need to take selfie pictures all freaking day and post it on Instagram and get well.

Because people move here. I think what you're saying is, and what it's known is that every girl, they say, this is what my friends in LA say, all my producer, director friends, whatever, that, like, the hottest chick in every high school class in America, like the top five hot chicks, or the top two hot chicks from every high school. Everything about small towns in America or in the world, really. But let's just talk about America for the sake of the. Of the story. And they all moved to LA because they all think they can make it. Because everyone's like, wow, you're working at Costco, but you should really be an actress. You're so pretty, whatever. And then they move out here and then they're all trying to make it right. And some people make it and some people don't. It's tough. That's why I got into radio, because my looks don't really matter. Right?

Of course.

Of course not. I mean, I did a little dabble here and there in television, but you know what I'm saying? But it is true. So how is your dating life? Are you going to share one thing with me that I didn't know before?

That you didn't know before?

Listening. Yeah. I know nothing. So that would be good for you to tell me one thing.

I mean, nothing. I don't have a wild and crazy drama filled relationship. You know, I'm not, I'm not like you and I go up in a cabin with a bunch of people in my, you know, my exes are hanging around or anything like that.

You know, my exes, my exes, you know, I don't.

But that makes, I mean, your, your life that you should share more because the sex family show is way more interesting than, than my dating life. It's because you put yourself in situations and you feel, or, I mean, at least you tell me that it doesn't matter that you go with a current boyfriend to an ex boyfriend's cabin and you're all hanging out together. Like you tell that to an average person out there, they would think, oh my God, that's drama filled. And that's pretty freaking interesting.

I think it's, it's not right. I think it's really healthy for people to be friends with their exes. Like my ex is my ex from years ago. And so I happened to bring my last boyfriend with my current boyfriend. Not only did we go with his, I mean, my ex boyfriend and my current boyfriend at the time who's now my ex boyfriend, but we all went. Not only did we go to his cabin, we all went to Mexico together.

Ridiculous.

But I'll have you know, and I don't think I shared this with you, menace, is that when my, when my ex. Now they're both my exes. So how do I explain this? The ex boyfriend who arranged the Mexico triple and then my boyfriend at the time we all went to Mexico, right? There was like 15 of us. And my ex's girlfriend was very jealous about me being on the trip. Like she didn't like that I was on the trip. So there was some ramifications. Even though I was there with my new hot boyfriend, she still was very threatened by my presence there. So it's. Not everyone is cool with it. Not everyone gets it. And I don't think that you can necessarily be friends with all your exes. However, we had the same group of friends and he knows me really well. And I think a lot of times if you can like, and we weren't friends right away. It's not like you break up with your ex. I'm not telling anyone. If you break up with your ex, the next day you'll be sitting around having coffee, talking about who you're banging. But it takes a few months Like, I was really devastated when I broke up with the ex, you know, and it took us a few months till we were friends again. And now it's been like, you know, six, seven years, and we're really good friends. But, yeah, that is a weird story. Here's another weird story. So I went to a dinner party the other night, right? Because I'm in LA and I don't know that many people. I was dating a guy for a while, which sort of took up a lot of time, and now I'm not dating him anymore. And I figured, you know what? I'm just gonna. I'm in my. Like, it's like when I was on Bravo, misadvised, and I was like, say yes to everything. I'm just kind of like saying yes to every invitation that I get. So some guy messages me on Facebook who I'm friends with, and, you know, what the hell is it with Facebook? P.S. by the way, that, like, they always turn chat on now, like, whenever I go on Facebook, chat is on. I don't chat with people.

Okay. I don't know.

Okay. Anyway, so my chat keeps getting turned on. Maybe that's just my technical issue. So some guy chats me.

Who.

Who I look first. I have to look at who he is. And I met him. I barely know him, but I met him at Sundance Film Festival years ago. And he looks like a nice guy. And I remember meeting him, and we, all of our mutual friends are people that I think are cool and normal. And he says, I'm having a dinner party next Friday night. Please come. Bring a girlfriend if you want. It's going to be like 20, 25 people. I've got great views. Come to my party. So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna go. Just say yes, right? Two weeks away. I said yes. So I go to this party last weekend, and there was a lot of young women, like in their 20s and 30s, and a lot of older men, maybe in their 50s and 60s, who were in the entertainment business, right? Like heads of studios and whatever. And the women were a little bimbo, ish, except for me. And then the men were all like a little, you know, older and established. I'm like, is this the LA dynamic? Like, it wasn't all like that. And there were some really nice women. And it turned out that was my first impression and. But I sat down, I talked to these guys. Not in. In a romantic way, but they're all really interesting men and they don't all work in entertainment, but they were all More established, right. And you could tell a lot of the women in their little dresses and whatever were like trying to cozy up to them, which is the typical LS Store LA story. But there was this one guy and I. And I gave him my card because he was interested. It was like more. We were having a work conversation and I gave him my card and he said, oh, yeah, well, maybe we can, you know, grab lunch sometime. And I said, great. So I wake up Saturday morning at 8am and there is a email from him, a long email. Wow, you were the highlight of my night. So nice to meet you. Then at 9am, my phone rings and he calls me and I answer because I don't know the number and I don't know why I answered because usually I don't answer on the number. I was like, 9am Then he texted me. So I talked to him. He's like, let's go out. Then he texted me an hour later. So in. In a span of 12 hours of meeting this guy, he called me, he texted me and he wrote me a long email.

Wow.

And then I didn't answer and then he texted me again. So I was like, down, boy. Down, down, down. This is like, no, I'm all for guys calling. Like, I love when a man calls, but don't email and call and text and write and send smoke signals and, you know, God knows what else he was going to do. And it was so aggressive in my mind. I was like, whoa, relax, like he really wants to lock down a date. And then the next day, texted me to lock down a date and I'm not even interested in him. To me, I gave him my card as a business thing. So now I need to tell him that I'm not interested in him. He was a perfectly nice guy until he deluged me with every single form of communication that he had in his at his disposal.

That's crazy.

Don't you think that's too much?

It's a little too much. Yeah. This. This guy had some social problems, but.

He was very successful and like, he's an older guy. Whatever.

I was. You're just explaining the demographics of your party is because women that are not in their 20s or 30s in Los Angeles are already.

Married and divorced, you know, and then they're dating, they're dating younger guys.

So, right.

You need to get married and divorced soon. And then you can just like live off the divorce money and then date like, you know?

I know. See, that's what I should have done, but I actually didn't do that yet.

Young Latin studs, like all the, all the chicks from Orange County. Real Housewives.

Yeah, that's not me. I know. I really, I really regret not being married and divorced right now. But who would have known? Just kidding. People. But who would have known, like, if I married a rich guy or not? Like, but it would be nice to have some, you know, alimony or child support. But I don't have that now and it's okay. I'm making a nice living with sex with Emily, sort of everyone. So here's the thing. So we're going to get into Anal Pleasure Month in a minute because we're going to give you some anal sex tips. But I also want to tell you about. I'm going to read some emails from the people first. So I'm going to get into that in a minute and then I was going to tell you that this show, Anal Pleasure Month, is sponsored by Good Vibrations. So use coupon code GV Emily20 for 20% off orders of a hundred dollars or more, which is an amazing deal. And I'm going to give you some anal sex toys that you might like if you're into that kind of thing in a little bit. But if not, check out their JJU line of vibrators. And a lot of people have been emailing me and they're like, what did you say? And it's jju J E J O U E. I love everything in their line. They're beautiful products, they work really well, they're really powerful, they're great to use with your partner. Some of them. They've an amazing rabbit vibrator. So many things. Check it out.

Okay, here's a quick question though. What's going on with your love life other than that?

Well, okay, so I am, I am single again. I was, I was dating this guy that I liked and it just didn't really work out. I think that getting sick was a really, like, if everyone listens to the podcast. A few weeks ago I was in the hospital and I got really sick, which is crazy because I never get sick. But it was sort of a wake up call. Like I always freaking hate when people say everything happens for a reason in life and blah, blah, blah. Like when you're in like the depths of despair and they're like, it's all happening for a reason, that someone broke into your car or that, you know, whatever your dog got, you know, run over or whatever. But it really, it really was a wake up call for me to like, look at clarity in my life. And what matters and what's important. And I just felt like he wasn't the guy. That's what I gotta say. And as a result, since then, I am not dating anybody right now unless I go out with the guy who stalked me within a 12 hour period. But I'm not gonna go out with him. But I do have an interesting online dating opportunity coming up. In a few months, I'm going to be doing some serious online dating. So I'll tell everyone about that. It's with one of our new sponsors. Menace, you're really going to like this, but right now I'm just, you know, I meet guys when I go out, but I'm just not. I'm more like reconnecting with friends and I don't know, nothing exciting, really. Gosh, that's so not interesting because I'm constantly like reading, doing the show, studying sex, all that stuff. So I'll keep posted when someone new comes in the picture. But right now, actually for me, Menace, as long as you know me, isn't there usually someone in the rotation? Of course, but there really isn't. Like, honestly there isn't. And I think this is really healthy because I, and I think people can relate to this. I used to be the kind of person that jumped from one relationship to the next. And it wasn't on purpose. It wasn't like, oh, I can't be alone. It was like, I meet tons of guys and I, you know, I was like, oh, I like this guy broke up with this guy last night and I broke up with this guy. But now I'm just like, God, I really do want some breathing room. Like, I really don't need to be in a relationship right now. And I'd be happy just like hanging out my friends or going out with a guy, but not getting really serious about anyone right now.

All right, good.

And that's what I've always. All right, you approve of that?

Yeah.

You've done with that. You've probably heard me say that before, but this is real this time. Like when I was on my Manatorium and I didn't have sex with any guys for six months. That was a big one. But I'm not going to do that again. Okay, I'm going to read your emails from the people. This is. Email me feedbackexwithemily.com I love hearing from all of you. Okay. Hi, Emily. I've been married for four years. This fall, my husband and I are completely in love and have a very caring relationship. Before we were engaged, I was Unfaithful. But we stayed together and ended up getting married. When it comes to sex, we don't have it. We engage in flirting, and then when it gets close to getting intimate, it usually ends up with me giving manual stimulation or oral for him. At this point, we only have sex three to four times a year. We have talked about it, and he says we need to be closer emotionally before we become more intimate. I am wondering if this is from infidelity and how do we ever get to the next step? He won't go to counseling, so I am stuck. Help. Thanks, Eden. Okay, Eden, I don't know what it is. You've been together for four years. It is true that a lot of times when couples stop having sex, it has to do one of the biggest. There's like three main things, but a lot of it is they. People say they don't have time. They have kids. And another thing is underlying issues. Like maybe he still really is upset with the infidelity. I don't know what happened, but he needs to go to counseling. I do not approve of. If your partner says to you, we need to go to counseling, you need to go to counseling. I don't know what everyone is so afraid of about going to counseling, because it is the miracle cure for relationships either. It will get everything clear. Because think about it. You're in a relationship, Eden. You've been with your partner for four years. You've been trying to have this conversation. You're trying to improve your sex life, and it's not budging. So, you know, definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again. Sometimes you need to bring in a third party and a counselor that's going to help you. And if you can't afford it, there's always sliding scales. There's always, like, community services, but you guys need to go. It's imperative. Couples cannot get past things on their own. And it's true when they. When a. When a man or a woman feels emotionally distant from their partner, they can't connect sexually. And it's been four years. So that's a really long time. And the more time that goes by day by day by day, it's just going to get worse and worse. So he says he wants you more closer emotionally. It sounds like it's not. You're not able to bring you guys there. So you do need therapy. And it might be from the infidelity. He might not trust you. He might have his own insecurities. I don't really know what it was, and I Love that you were completely in love before, so maybe you can get back to that stage, but better that you go to therapy and figure it out now. So that's what I think about that. I mean, don't you think? Menace. Have you been in a relationship where, like, you're having emotion? Not that you have emotional issues because you're always so happy, but. No. Like when something goes wrong or you're fighting, like, it's just hard to connect sexually sometimes. When you have issues.

Yeah, when I'm upset with somebody, I don't want to have sex with them. You know, most guys like, ah, whatever, I just. The more I get nagged or I have issues with somebody, the less I want to have sex with them.

Exactly, exactly. So that just happens. Like emotionally you get shut down. So I would say counseling would be your first step. You've been trying to do for four years. We all try to solve things on our own and sometimes you just need to help. That's what I gotta say about that. Okay. Dear Emily, first off, love the podcast. I've been listening to it for a few months now and really enjoy it. I've greatly benefited from it as well. I have a problem though. I met a woman online about a week ago. Things seemed to go well, so we exchanged numbers. Then about a day or so later, decided to go on a date. Last Sunday we decided to hang out at a bar and have a few drinks, maybe play some pool and. Oh, wait, I think. Okay, maybe I didn't read this. Okay, last Sunday we decided to hang out, have a few drinks, maybe play some pool and get to know each other. It seems like things were going great. We were both engaged in the conversation. We were flirty and never really seemed to have any awkward silences, which can sometimes be an issue on first dates. We left there on the way back to my house. I asked her if she wanted to chill and maybe watch some tv and she said, I guess so, but I have to get up early for work for some reason. Once we went inside my house, it became extremely awkward for 45 minutes and then I decided we should end the date. I gave her a hug, she left. I even sent her a text asking if she was okay because she seemed uncomfortable. She replied, yes, I am sorry I got awkward. I really don't get it. I sent her a message earlier and have yet to receive response. What should I do? I really clicked with her and I want to see her again, but I don't want to see needy. Thanks, Matt. Okay, Matt, are you sure that it was awkward. I want to know why you think it was awkward. She could have been nervous for being at your house the first time. But I need to know more details. And if you haven't heard from her, it probably means that you need to move on and she's just not that into you. If you texted her already twice and you haven't heard back, maybe she just got uncomfortable. However, I know a lot of women who get uncomfortable. Like, maybe she was thinking there was an expectation for you guys to, like, kiss or whatever, and she wasn't ready for that yet. So wait and see if you hear back from her. And if you don't, you got to date other people. What do you think?

I totally agree. If, I mean, you should reach out to her at least once and then if she's not responding, then just move on.

Yeah, people, when women don't respond or men don't respond, you could define it a million different ways, but it's hilarious. That book, he's just not that into you or she's just not that into you is so true. Like, they didn't get run over by a car. They're not in the hospital, they're not sick. They don't have to work late. Like, we all know that in this day and age, if we want to get in touch with someone, you send a text. It's really easy. So just gotta move, people. Gotta move on quicker. Okay. Dear Emily, I've been seeing a guy 11 years older than I am. He's 33, I'm 22. He has a nice sized penis. I like him a lot. And the sex is that's awesome. And the sex is great. The only problem is I've only orgasmed from my clitoris. I've tried to find my G spot, and even though we almost came close to me having a G spot orgasm, it didn't work. He asked me the other day if I enjoy our sex life because I never get off when we have sex. How can I find my G spot? Please help. Thanks, Abby. Okay, Abby, so here's the deal. So you said that you have clitoral orgasms. Do you have them during intercourse as well?

I know you want to find your G spot. And the thing is, 75% of women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm during sex. So that's really common. You can also bring in a vibrator. Again, I love the Jeju Mimi M I M I, which you could get at good vibes. So if you're interested in G spot stimulation during sex, I always Say doggy style is a great position to explore, but also you really need to explore your G spot on your own. So. Or he can use his fingers. So sometimes the best way for a couple to get the woman to experience her G spot is to first have him use his hands. Like to stick his fingers like one of his fingers, like in a come hither motion, like up the 2/3 wall of the vagina. And then you can feel the G spot. I'm sure you probably know this, but it's the G spot is that little. It feels like a round little.

Like a, like a, like a raspberry pit or something. Or like a, like it feels like a peach pit, but it's a lot smaller and sometimes you need pressure on it. So you just need to play around with what feels good for you. Use lots of lube, use his fingers. Spend a day in bed looking for your G spot. And then when you have intercourse with him, it'll be easier to guide his penis so it's hitting your G spot. But don't be all bummed out about it. At least you're having orgasms and you said that it almost worked the other day. So I would say don't worry about it. It's common, no pun intended. But spend some time without his penis in your vagina trying to figure it out. That's what I gotta say about that. So let's move into our anal sex month. Unless you have anything to say about G spot stimulation.

No, it just is a difficult thing to do. So don't get frustrated if you can't do it right.

Don't you think, like, do you feel that most women. You probably don't know exactly, but like, you know, do you guys ever talk about it? The G spot, clitoris, you're just happy they had an orgasm, right?

Yes.

Okay, so.

Well, that's most.

We're happy that all your. Okay, so what'd you say?

Like, most men.

Most men I know. Okay, so it's anal sex month. Okay, so anal sex month. What does that mean? Okay, so I think that I was saying earlier that I think it is sort of a trendy thing. Not trendy like as in the last six months, but probably in the last 10 years. Like I don't feel, feel like people talked about anal sex that much. That's why I always say anal is the new blowjob. A lot of people wait till they're married to give it or men are fascinated by it. And I started to read some reasons I'm going to get into Some tips for it. But men, you know, I think that it demonstrates. Some men think that if a woman. If he's anal sex with a woman, that it demonstrates a sense of love and trust from his female partner that she's willing to give all of herself to him. True or false, Menace?

True.

Okay, here's another one. Many men just. Just love the female behind and want to be close to it. Really close to it. True or false?

True.

Okay, next one. It simply feels really good to many men. True, true. Okay. And it's unchartered territory. Going back to the whole taboo thing.

Yeah, I don't know. It's like, guys get off that it's taboo, though, that it just seems like the term that you're using is.

I don't know, it's like what chicks use to describe things. You know, I don't see a guy. Guy really tripping off it because it's taboo.

Right. But it is sort of something different. He's so used to the vagina, and now he's like, wow, they're like something kind of different. And it's like she. It's forbidden. And not every woman does it, but, you know, maybe not. So here's a quote from Carol Queen, who's a. Who's a sex educator expert. We love Carol Queen. She says, well, inner pleasure is widely enjoyed. It's still considered taboo. So access to clear and accurate information about it is sadly limited. That's why Good Vibrations declared August to be Anal Pleasure Month, a way to illuminate the subject and make information available to interested adults. So it's fun and it's fascinating. So, okay, so here's the thing. Anal sex, here's some tips should be pleasurable and not painful. A lot of people, women in particular, are kind of freaked out. And we're not talking about gay sex here too, but gay sex, gay men obviously experience. These are a lot of tips that they can use as well. A little knowledge about anal sex, which is what we're trying to do here, makes a lot of difference. There's also anal toys for beginners and experienced players. So some of the anal toys that you might have heard about are like butt plugs. Have you heard of a butt plug menace?

Yes, I have.

So they're designed basically to be inserted and held in place by the anal muscles, so they're not like an in and out, like a slim little dildo that you can use. And many people use butt plugs. I'm sorry. I'm explaining this because I get asked all the Time about butt plugs. Many people enjoy the sensation of fullness, especially when they're doing other activities like oral sex or intercourse. They like to have a butt plug in them. It just feels really good. And also during orgasm, the anal muscles contract along with the vaginal muscles and penis. So butt plugs can intensify the entire experience. As far as other products, if you're a man and you want to experience some things, there's the anal sex for men. It does not mean that you're gay. A lot of men like their prostate stimulated. It's called the male G spot. So Max for Men, which we love, one of our sponsors, you can check them out. Max G Stimulating Prostate Gel. If you're just starting to explore the male G spot. If you want to try any of their products, maxformen.com that's max number four and use coupon code EMILY25. They've got amazing products for men and it just might help you out. Explore the prostate. And there are a lot of men who don't even realize it and they think, oh, it's going to make me gay. But I'm telling you, there are a lot of men who like a finger in their butt or a little vibrator. The vibration feels really good and it can give you an incredible orgasm. I've seen it happen, and it exists. And you're not gay. Okay, here's some tips for anal sex. Okay, the first tip is relaxation. The most important first of all, the three most important ingredients to anal sex play is relaxation, lubrication, and communication. Okay, so first you got to relax. Everyone's got to chill the F out. It's made of two separate muscles, the anus that are about a quarter inch, quarter inch apart. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed the muscles will be. If you have stress and anxiety and you're worried that it's going to hurt, and what if I, you know, have to go to the bathroom? It can make your anus tighten, and that makes it less pleasurable and possibly painful. So first, I always say, if you're starting with anal sex, start with a finger. And start with lots and lots of lubricant. Like you want to be lubed because, like, the vagina lubricates itself, the anus does not. So if you start getting turned on, you know, doing other things, that your anus might relax because you're already feeling turned on. So you can also try, you know, inserting, like I said, a finger or a toy. Vibrations are great. A little vibration. Start off with Something slim though, like a slim little toy. And don't force or rush it. These are for first time anal players. They often need to get used to these feelings. So go slow. Okay? Slow, slow, slow. The slower the better. And anytime you want to chime in menace. I'm assuming you've had anal sex.

Yeah, but maybe not. Okay, so lubrication, unlike the vagina, doesn't produce lubrication. So everyone needs lube. Even if you're only playing externally, the lube will enhance your experience. And by the way, lube enhances all experiences. I sexually. I have a lubricant line coming out. Go to emilyandtoni.com put in your email address. I made the most killer lubricant that I'm going to be giving away samples in two weeks. It's coming out, so check it out. But generally for anal sacs, thicker lubricants work better since they create more cushioning service to protect the sensitive issues. Water based lubricants, which is what most people use, they're a slippery texture, but they tend to dry out. And you definitely need a lot of lube. So if you use a silicone lube, they never dry out, but they're harder to get off because they're waterproof. So just figure out what you want and you what feels good to you, but you also always want to use a condom. There are many diseases. There are things you can catch during anal sex. I know it might be a bummer and people don't love condoms, but you got to use a condom during anal sex with the lube on top of it. Agree.

Do you use lube medicine lube in anal sex? I mean, you kind of have to.

You have to. But do you use lube in general?

Lube in general?

No. Okay, I know. I'm gonna send you all my lab and when my.

Emily, why you want everything? Why? I know, I know women love lube and sometimes, yeah, you do need it. But like why do you want to like flopping all over the place with lube, right? No, but sometimes you can do why you want to be like.

You think it flaps all over.

I think like because it feels good, slippery all over the place. Why don't you keep. Guys want to keep stuff nice and tight, you know I'm saying.

I know, but it does. Don't use too much lube. Don't pour half a bottle down her vagina. But sometimes it just helps if she's lubricated and then she goes away. You know, sometimes you have sex and she's really wet at first and then she's not wet. There's nothing wrong with, like whipping out some lube. It feels really good. I feel like it always feels better and I get wet. I'm wet. But sometimes I just like a little extra lube. And sometimes it's good for like, if you're fingering your partner or whatever, you can put it all over her body. Lube's awesome. So the next thing is communication. Talk to your partner about anal play. Make sure you're both enjoying it. Are they comfortable? What sensations feel good to you? So people who are like new to anal play, they might, they might not know. They might not be able to say, well, I like it when you stick it in this way because they've never tried it. So just try different options and see what feels better to you. So you can try a bunch of different things. Like I said, there's butt plugs, there's slim little vibrators that work and you'd really like. You might benefit from that before going straight ahead with your penis. So choosing an anal toy, they're a great way to explore. Like I said, different sensations. Start out with something slimmer. There's glass toys, there's dildos, there's butt plugs. You can check them all out@goodvibes.com safety tips. Okay, you've got to be clean. It's more of a concern for anal play than other types of sex. Make sure that any toys are cleaned and covered with a condom. So even if you're sticking a toy in your partner's butt, you got to cover it with a condom. You can disinfect them afterwards, but be sure that you use a condom and use clean. Make sure that they're clean. Even calluses and like fingernails, like, you know, I hate this, like when guys have weird fingernail hang up hang things like they have hangnails, you got to be, you got to make sure that your hands are not too rough and there's calluses and all that because that could really hurt. Yeah, so that's another tip. So anal sex, this is another tip. It can be enjoyed even if it's been consistently uncomfortable in the past. So a lot of people have like one really bad anal experience and they're like, oh my God, I can never do it again. And so chronic anal tension is the most common cause of anal discomfort during sex. So tension can be relieved if you touch the anus and you become more familiar with it. So a lot of people, if you masturbate, which you probably do you can start playing around with your anus by yourself. You can stick a finger in there, you can stick a toy in there where you're taking a shower or a bath to see how it feels like. Start exploring it again because you might have had like post traumatic anal sex disorder. If you had someone who just tried to shove their penis inside you and you're like, no, no, no, I never want to do it. Try exploring it on your own and see how it feels. You can also breathe really deep. That affects the anal muscles. You can tense them and then relax the anal muscles. It's another way of letting go. So that is a really good tip. Breath and relaxation. And also anal stimulation provides so many kinds of pleasure. They're the highest concentration of the nerve endings around the anal opening itself, which is why sticking a finger in can be really effective.

And there's also other pleasures involved when the penis is inserted beyond the anal opening. But we will get to that in a minute. But that's the most sensitive part. And also people always want to know menace. They always want to know, can anal sex lead to orgasm or anal stimulation? And there is a minority of people that respond orgasmically to anal sex without direct genital stimulation. So orgasms from anal stimulation, they think, occurs mostly when the people get. It gets like absorbed through their sensations or their fantasies, or they're really thinking about it a lot in their head and they're having these fantasies and that could, that could. You can have an orgasm that way. Also, if you're touching your genitalia and something's in your anus, that can also cause an orgasm. So those are some of my tips. And oh, another thing is it can be safe and beneficial even if it's taboo and all that stuff that there's. And there's risks of sexually transmitted diseases. There are many people with chronic mental with problems like anal medical problems that have restored their anal health by challenging their negative attitudes. And they've learned to love their anus and love having their anus penetrated. So that's what we got for you for Anal Pleasure month. And I hope everyone explores the anus. And you know what, if you don't have anal sex, next time you're masturbating, just use a little lube and stick your finger in there and see how it feels. That's all you got to do. I'm just asking you do that. I'm not asking everyone to have anal sex. I'm not even saying you should ever do it. I'm just saying play around with it. Because, as I often say, our bodies have so many erogenous zones that we don't even know about, and life is too short not to explore them. Just do it today. Do something different with your sex life this week.

Something a little bit different. Not the norm.

Do something different. Menace, I think you should have some anal sex this week, if you haven't already.

Okay.

Okay. How's that?

Sounds good.

Anything else?

Download Citra to listen to this show.

That's always a good thing. Or are we wrapping up? I'm sorry.

Yeah, I guess we'll wrap this up.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Oh, just like.

I mean, I don't like unless you do.

I just like. Well, just the thing is. This thing is just don't force it that. I mean, bring it up that you want to do it, but don't, like, try to force it on somebody. Because when you try to force it on somebody, then it's never gonna happen, you know?

Exactly, exactly.

You know, maybe have a couple drinks. Oh, bring it up again. Oh, wouldn't that be funny? And then just take your time with it. Don't just try to shove it in there.

Don't shove it in there.

You're never gonna get another chance again.

Make sure she's relaxed. A lot of times it works if she's laying on her side, like in the spooning position. And a men can kind of work it in that way. But that's a great point, Menace. Like, guys are just like, I'm just gonna stick it in. We're really drunk and I'm just gonna F you from behind. And you're an. Like, that is a way to get a woman running for the hills. Like, you really want to, like, again, start with a finger. Start slowly. Just even when you're having sex and you're like, I wonder if she'd been into this or not. You can just like stick a finger in there or start like rubbing the rim of her anus and seeing if she pulls your hand away. Now, even if she pulls your hand away, it doesn't mean that she might not ever want anal sex. It just means maybe it's new to her and she needs to warm up to it. So I feel like, again, like, the less aggressive you are as a man trying to have anal sex with a woman, the more chances you are likely to find a woman who actually wants to have it.

Right? Of course, of course. And, like, use lube and communicate and all that crap. It's all really important. All that stuff. It's all really Important. And I just think that it just comes up all the time and I want to help people have better anal sex. Especially during the month of August, you.

Know, everyone wants to do it and.

That'S what I got.

Everyone wants to do it. Even if they say don't. They don't want to.

They're. They're not. Everyone does. I mean, there's some guys, but I always wonder. There are men that I've dated in recent turn recent time that are like, nope, never had it, not into it. And I don't know why that is. You think they would want to have it once, but some guys just don't because that's what makes the world go round. Right? Not everyone loves anal sex and not everyone whatever. So I just want people to try new things and have really great sex. That's what Sex With Emily is all about.

I like it.

You like it? Menace, I miss you, darling. It's so good to talk.

I know. I want to get back to Los Angeles and we've got to do a show together in la.

When you come in.

Man, that I'm available. I don't know yet. I just come in town for a couple hours. That's always okay.

Thanks, Menace.

Thank you.

You're awesome. Thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com I've got to tell.

You about the Fleshlight.

So Fleshlight is a male masturbation sleeve. And you might be thinking, you know, I've got my hand, why do I need it? But the May. This masturbation sleeve feels amazing from every single guy from the show who's listened and bought it. Friends, I've given it to. It assimilates the feeling of actually having sex. And it's tight around your penis. What were you gonna say? You want one now? Finally.

No, I was talking about aren't they based out of Nashville?

Right. They're in Texas.

Oh, in Texas.

I'm actually gonna go watch them. There's gonna be some porn stars and their vagina will be molded. They. You have to stand there and I'm going to go witness that and do a video.

I was telling my co workers that you invited me to take the tour and they said that I should do it.

You should. It's in Austin too. It's a good time. We're gonna go. So the thing is that they've all these different patterns. If you like a particular porn star, you could buy one that way. You could also buy the Fleshlight Stamina. Training unit if you want to last longer in bed.

They're all different ridges and feelings.

Like it's just like having sex. It feels like you're having sex with like a bunch of different people.

If you buy a bunch of different.

I saw one that like looked like Yoda or something like that.

Is that the one that you want? When's your birthday? October. I'll get.

I want the Yoda one.

So it's funny because yeah, the Fleshlight, you have amazing orgasms and literally it's like, I know you use your hand, I know you might have sex, but it's just a great thing to. We have vibrators, so guys might as well try something different. You add some lube to it. It's sex in a can. That could be even better than sex. I know that it's really easy to clean all that stuff. Check it out though. You guys go to sexwithelmy.com, click on the Fleshlight banner, use coupon code Emily.

And you get a free bottle of their award winning flesh Lube.

Thanks so much for listening.

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