Flirt

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You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcasts and do a lot of cool stuff there. Here's the thing about Sex with Emily. So we are so excited to announce this new Facebook promotion we have going on. If you go to the Sex with Emily Facebook page and you like it, or if you've already previously liked it, we're picking out one person every single day to get free free Sex with Emily for three months. So go like it right now. Sex with Emily Facebook. Do it. You could win. And you can get Sex with Emily all the time. Because you know we're doing, we're doing four shows a week. We're not doing shows on Wednesdays. We're doing shows Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Fridays are free, free Fridays, which is very exciting. And we sex family is like if you become a friends with benefits member, you know, you get 15 cents. It's 15 cents a day. You get all the sex advice that you want. You get your answers. You get answers to your questions. You, Your emails. We get hundreds of emails. Sex, family. And your email goes to the very, very top. We answer it ahead of time. Like, that's how you get it. It's like whether you're like, on call sex advisors, if you become a friends, benefits, member. So we appreciate that. And so just go like the page right now. Cause I know you're probably already on Facebook because do you know that everyone, like, you just walk around offices and everyone's on Facebook all day long. Do you realize that Menace always talks about. Menace isn't here today. But he always talks about how everyone in his building is always on Facebook. I mean, not in my office. Cause we're always really busy. But most people are on Facebook all day long. So just go. Like the sexuality. You will get all the sex, family you need. Three. Three months. Sex, family. Okay. Happy Monday, everyone. I just had a weekend. Had the weekend. It was really fun. I did a lot of going out with. Going out with friends, went to bars, met some guys. I talked to that guy that I was. That sent me flowers last week. I talked to him on the phone for a while. I don't. I think I have all these guys that are just kind of floating around in my orbit.

You do?

I do, right? Hi, Erin. Hi. Erin's filling in. Erin and Kelsey are here today. They're my amazing interns, and they are here today. Fill in. I do. I have guys. Weren't those pretty flowers? He said, oh, my God.

And they've lasted so long.

I know.

They're so pretty. And they smell good.

They smell good.

They're your colors too. He knows something about you.

Do you think?

I think so.

I should tell him that. But I need to water them more and then my dog. Okay. I need to water them and cut them and take care of them.

Okay, we'll do that.

Can we do that?

Mm. I'll write that down.

So that was really nice. And then the guy I was dating who was out of town, he just got back in town, and it was awesome to see him. He's really cute. Ooh. He's been out of town all summer. But we were dating for three weeks and he was gone for three weeks, so it kind of canceled it out. It's kind of like starting again. It's awkward. I was, like, a little nervous, Whatever. But it was good. It was good to see him.

Did you guys ever sext do?

We never sexed. We never sexed. The whole time he was gone. And I feel like. And my friend says that women have to initiate the sexting because guys are like, never know if a girl's gonna freak out from sex. So do you agree that the girl hasn't. The woman has to initiate it?

I mean, I do. I totally agree with that. But I feel like he could also set you up. I feel like that's.

He did. Yeah. And he didn't set me up. No, he didn't. He'd be like, how was your day? And then my friend was like, you should tell him my day would be better if your cock was in my mouth. And I was like, I'm not gonna say that. If he says, how's. That was her advice to me. And I'm like, I'm not doing that. I'm not being sexy.

That's a little intense.

And then I think Friday show. Going back to Friday show. So we have free show Friday now. And free show Friday is free for everyone. You can check it on the website. And we had Nicole Day Doane, who is the author of Slow Sex and the Slow Sex Movement, which is all about oming and massaging your clitoris in different quadrants. And she actually. So you should go check that out. That's actually up on the website right now. It's free. Did I mention that? And she's. I'm going on some special retreat where I'm gonna get owned. Like, I'm gonna have this expanded orgasm thing. And I'm a little nervous.

You're gonna meditate?

I'm gonna meditate clitoris with my clitoris. And I feel like it's a good. It'll be good for the show.

It will be. Because she'll give you that map to the clitoris, Right? She'll give that to you, and then we'll give that to our listeners.

Exactly. She's gonna give me the map to clitoris, which is interesting. Cause I'm just, like, glad that people can find the clitoris. But the clitoris apparently is broken into all these quadrants. Like, you have to find the clitoris at 1 o', clock, 2 o', clock, 3 o', clock, whatever. So it'll be interesting.

There's math and science involved, and we'll talk about that with the news today.

Oh, okay. There's math and science involved. Okay. We've got some sex in the. Oh, today's show. Let me tell you what we're talking about. Today's show. We've got some sex in the news, and we'll be Talking about flirting, how to know if someone is flirting with you, and how to approach someone. Because that is one of the top questions I get asked from people is like, how do I find a. How do I find a woman? How do I find a guy? There's no one to me. I live in the worst town to date in. Everyone thinks that wherever they live is the worst town, and they can't find anyone. So we're gonna get into flirting techniques and tips and what else is in there? How to approach a woman, the things.

You shouldn't do, how to make her comfortable around you. I think that's the hardest part, because once you are there with her, finally approach her, you're like, what do I do?

Right. Exactly. How do you make her feel comfortable and at ease with this new guy that just started talking to me? Because it's a fine line. And we're not gonna give you any cheesy pickup lines. Cause it's not about pickup lines. That's like, one guy's joke could be another guy's demise. It's all in the delivery and who you are. And it's about confidence. We're gon that. Because I think, like, some people are natural flirts, but you think you can learn it.

It is okay. It's either you're a natural flirt or it's a learned skill. For sure. It's like becoming a salesman, right? I hate to say it, but it really is.

You have to learn to sell yourself. And that's why, like, the pickup artist community, if you've ever read any of those books, like, like that pickup artist, they all, like, they all teach men how to talk to women. So that's what we are going to talk about today. And we'll be reading your emails. And some of the topics of your emails include porn, the semen cookbook, men who can't orgasm during intercourse, and flirting techniques. So we're gonna talk about some flirting techniques and Kegels and stuff like that too.

Oh, my gosh.

Jam packed day. Oh, my gosh. Jam packed day. Yay. And then what else was I gonna mention? Yeah, free Friday. No Wednesdays.

And then can I say one more thing about Facebook, please? You guys, we are logged onto Facebook during the show, so if you have, like, some questions going on, I'll, like, pull those over to Emily for you.

Yeah.

So right now, if you have a, like, Cesar. Hey, Cesar. I can't wait. He is really excited to hear your advice about approaching a woman.

Oh, good, Cesar. We're gonna get there soon, so yeah. If you want to go post on the wall right now, go post. Post. Post away. Cool. And so we are in. Yeah. And it's sex with Emily on Facebook. So we are at. Yeah. So I went out oming, and then I'm like. I went out oming and this weekend, my dog. I feel like. Can we just talk about it? Like, I love her, but I feel like she's ruining my life in some ways.

Okay, so what did she do while. Did you have someone over?

I had someone over. I had. Okay, so. So I had someone over, and she pooped in the house. And then I stupidly picked up the poop and dropped it in the toilet with paper towels around it.

Oh, God.

But you're not supposed to put paper towels in the toilet.

So do you. What, you pick her up or poop up with toilet paper next time?

Yes. And I flushed it just thinking. Cause I wanted to just get it done with. And my whole house flooded with water.

Oh, man.

And then she, like, just. You know, we have with the rug in the office, and she's just. But I love her little face. You love her?

She makes me happy.

It's hard, though. But I think it's. I'm gonna give it two months, and it's really. For me, and it's a really good experience to have a dog in my life. But, yes, I did have someone over. So maybe she was offended or she was feeling embarrassed. Maybe. Yeah, she.

It's an attention, right? It's all about attention.

I know.

You let her sleep with you guys.

I did let her sleep with us, but then she got him pooed, so it wasn't good. I know. And then I went to this really cool bar on Friday night. I went to 25 Lusk, which is like a new hip.

Like, do they serve wine?

Yeah.

I have to ask for menace.

I love that you're playing the menace role. Did you have a lot of wine and talk about sophisticated things that I don't understand? No, but it was just kidding. It was all my friends. It was all my friends, and we were totally psyched, and we just. I met a bunch of girlfriends, and I had some guy friends in from New York, and there was this guy friend in from New York who insisted. And then I found out later that he was. I think he was kidding, but he's like, emily, we totally fooled around. Last time I saw you, he said that we fooled around when I saw him in LA a few years ago, and I don't remember, and he's like, no, we totally Did.

Why do you bring that up again? Don't bring it up.

He's like, don't you remember? I don't know. And I was like, no. And then I started feeling really bad. So, of course. Me, big mouth. I'm telling all my friends. I'm like, you guys, I hooked up with him, apparently. But I don't remember. Couldn't have been too good. Couldn't have been too good if you thought that I hooked up with you, but it was a really funny night. And then.

Good way to play it.

Can we play it? Thank you. Thank you.

Well played.

Well played, Emily. Well played. I'm like, I hooked up with him, and I don't remember. It doesn't sound too good for him. And then I went to. I went to a crab fest thing on Saturday. Crab Fest. Crab fest.

My mom goes to those.

Really?

Come on.

Yeah. Sorry. It's cool. Whatever. It's like your mom. I love crab. But it was at this cool bar on the Mission, and we went to crab, and then we went to another party after at my friend's house, and then we went. I was a very busy party.

Did you observe any flirting this weekend?

I did. I did. I was getting hit on by lesbians this weekend because my friends are lesbians. And I actually, for a moment there, I was standing with my friend, who's not a lesbian, but I was talk. They were, like, talking to these lesbians. They were like, oh, I really like her earrings to my friend. And my friend said, oh, Emily gave those to me for my birthday because she's, like, my best friend, and they're like, oh. And they assumed that we were a couple together, and. And then we weren't a couple together because then she talked about how we met through my ex boyfriend. But, yeah, I got hit on by lesbians, which is kind of hot.

That is hot.

I know.

I hear that's hard because lesbians can. They can read you that you're straight. Like, they. Okay. I have a lesbian friend who says that you. Straight women look at her like she's. You know, like, they don't see her.

Oh.

And so you must have that vibe.

I have that vibe. Well, I think I'm a natural. So we're gonna talk about flirting today. I do think I'm a natural flirt, and I've always been that way. And I think I said, it's like, people, like, boyfriends have gotten mad at me. They've been like, I feel like you were flirting with the waiter. And I'm like, I was ordering My chicken. Like, I don't think that I was flirting, but.

Amen. I know.

Do you get that too?

I do.

People think that you're a natural flirt. What do you think?

You just play with my hair. It's a bad habit.

We'll talk about that. Okay. We're gonna get into that soon. Okay. So I guess we can get into some sex in the news. Yeah, if we're so inclined.

World's a crazy place this weekend.

Okay, you guys, this is the deal. Sex in the news gone crazy. Okay. Scientists finally locate the clitoris.

Okay, where's the app?

Okay, exactly. We are doing a clitoris app, but oh, no, it's G spot app.

Oh, that's right.

That's right. Finally, science scientists are telling us what. What we've been telling men forever. Namely, that clitoral and vaginal stimulation actually provide different sensations.

Scientists have used MRI brain scans to determine that these two types of stimulation differ because they actually activate different parts of the brain. So they're saying, like, the G spot orgasm and the clitoral orgasm are activating different parts of the brain. In addition to the fact that vaginal and clitoral sensations differ, the study also found that stimulation of a woman's nipples actually activates the same region as genital stimulation.

So this is orgasm research to maximum.

I love when they do orgasm research. It's so important. It's good. Men need to know, and we know that nipple orgasms are the second most common type of orgasm.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

So. And you know what I find interesting is the men just gonna go off on nipples for a minute. Men who find their men. There's a lot of men whose nipples are sensitive and you never know it. And some men might not even know if their nipples are sensitive. But you gotta play with it. They might be like, at first thinking, oh, that's for chicks. Nipple play is for chicks. Nipple play isn't for me. But I think that a lot of dudes actually find can find it hot if you play with their nipples.

Makes me think of that movie. I'm not sure. It's with Ben Stiller and his. Like, he gets married really quickly, he's in a relationship, and then she's like playing with the nipple hair around his nipple. And she's going around in circles around his nipple. He's like, stop that. And then she, like, starts going in square instead.

I never saw it.

Stop that.

I never saw it.

So Ben Stiller might not be.

He might not be the right guy, but I'm just telling you for nipples on randomly. Like, touch your guy and, like, see if he can do it. Because guys. Little bite, little bite, little bite, little nibble, little pinch, little lick, little lick. And then you blow on the nipple. Anyway, interesting that scientists are studying clitoris. I love when they do research for women. Okay. Man has sex with cat before throwing it out the window.

Oh, my God.

This is sad.

It's a tragedy.

A man is facing several charges after admitting to police that he had sex with a cat and then threw it out of the window, killing it. Police following up on reports that a man with no pants on had thrown a cat out of a window, came to a man's apartment. The man admitted to using meth, first denied having a cat, police said. Later he changed his story and told his police his boyfriend threw the cat from the window three hours prior. This is so sad. This is animal abuse. When police told the man that witnesses of the cat was thrown. More recently, he said he attempted to have sex with the cat and then threw it out the window along with a pornographic dvd. The man is charged with animal torture, bestiality, and indecent exposure and could spend four, five years in jail.

Good.

Who wants to have sex with their cat?

Someone on meth? I don't know.

Does meth make you want to have sex with the cat? I think it just makes you want to do weird things.

Yeah, exactly. I'm not sure. What does his boyfriend think about this?

I don't know. I. Hopefully the boyfriend broke up with him. That is so sad.

I hope it wasn't the boyfriend's cat. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Ew. The poor kitty. So anyway, but that is sex in the news, and that's what we're bringing to you today.

Sick.

Let's move. Airline investigates alleged cockpit blowjob pics.

I saw them.

You saw them? So a woman apparently was giving oral sex to a captain of a plane. A Pacific airline says it's investigating two leaked pictures that allegedly show a stewardess giving a pilot a blowjob in the cockpit of one of its planes. An airline spokeswoman said in the statement. We are conducive. We are conducting a full investigation into the matter, and there are some indications that the female shown in the photos may be a member of our cabin crew.

Oh, God.

There is no evidence whatsoever to suggest that the act took place in flight, and there are no reasons to believe that any safety breaches have occurred. According to the Chinese language Apple Daily, the pilot, a foreigner, has issued a legal letter to the newspaper saying the Photos have been stolen from his personal computer. Dude, just wait. Get a hotel room. Why are you doing it in the cockpit?

Can I just say, this is an Asian airline.

Okay.

And he looked very well endowed.

Really?

Mm.

Wow.

He did. But I don't know. He had a lot of chest hair and they blurred out the face, so I can't. I don't know who he is or what he is, but I mean, she was a good looking girl.

Really? Yeah. Well, I mean, good looking girl. He's a fantasy. It is a fantasy. That is. I'm sure it was a fantasy for him.

The Mile High Club.

The Mile High Club. But they weren't. But we don't know if they were Mile High.

Oh, you're right.

People are just dumb. They stole it from his computer. I don't know. I mean, I can get that. There'd be like attraction on the job to the stewardess or whatever, wait till you get home.

Or to the pilot.

Or to the pilot. Exactly. Like whole fantasy thing. Okay. Survey finds one third of Americans more willing to give up sex than their mobile phones.

Oh, God.

There's always. Do you know how many studies we've had that have come out that are like, people would rather eat not, you know, would rather get new jeans than have sex. People would rather, like go shopping than have sex. People would rather have an animal than have sex, not have sex with the animal. But we owe these come out a lot. So this most recent study says it's a national survey, indicates that Americans are willing to give up some of life's greatest pleasures in order to hang on to their mobile phones. IPhone users were more likely than their Android, more likely than their Android or BlackBerry counterparts to spend a week without their significant other, exercise or shoes rather than go a week without their phone. One third of all respondents would be more willing to give up sex for a week than their mobile phones. 70% were women. Hmm. Yeah. I don't know.

Women in their phones. I mean, the phone vibrates.

I know, exactly. Have the phone vibrate. But what is it more like? I mean, I think no one can live without their phones these days.

I don't. I'd like to sometimes. You know that week where your phone's broken, you're like, oh, it's the best weekend.

It is the best. Or just a few hours you're in a movie, you turn off your phone or something like, it's. I think we're all addicted to our phone.

We should. I mean, I want to know what the listeners would give up for right for sex?

What would you give up for sex? Is there anything you give up or what you.

Yeah, what would you give up for sex? Would it be your favorite?

Which life's greatest pleasure would you give up? Would you. Would you rather give up for sex? Maybe.

We'll ask them maybe.

Okay, we will ask them.

Tell us on Facebook.

Yeah. Sex family on Facebook. Okay. Big boy from Outkast arrested for possession of ecstasy and Viagra.

I love outkast.

I love outkast too. Outkast. Antoine Big Boy Patton was arrested this weekend on suspicion of drug possession. More specifically, on suspicion that he's in possession of ecstasy, both pills and powder, drug fair paraphernalia and Viagra. According to reports, Patton was sniffed out by border border patrol cannon canines while exiting a cruise in Miami and changed with four charged with four separate offenses. A statement from his lawyer read, while Big boy was traveling with his group of friends, a small amount of contraband was found in the collective luggage. I'm confident when the entire facts are aired, he'll be excited. Completely exonerated.

Sounds like a good time.

He's a rock star. He's got Viagra and accident.

Viagra is not illegal.

No, but he probably had an illegal subscription prescription to it.

Oh, I see.

Yeah. And a lot of times when you're doing a lot of drugs, you can't get it up, so you need Viagra.

Well, big boy, he's got to live his life.

He's got to live his life. He's got to do ecstasy and Viagra.

He's got to get in the headlines.

But it's not good to do Viagra recreationally. Although it does work. But don't do it.

Do Kegel camp exercises.

Do Kegel camp. Exactly. Kegels are so much more fun. Okay, cable companies are begging you to watch more porn. In the past decade, cable providers have avoided discussing the fact that a portion of their revenue comes from pay per view and on demand porn. Today, the Wall Street Journal reports that while TV executives once tried to hide just how much of their revenue came from porn, they've been more forthcoming now that they need to explain what's cutting into their profits. While only a sliver of the cable company's 4.9 billion revenue of the quarter, porn is one of the TV providers most profitable segments. In 2010, cable and satellite providers made about 899 million from on demand porn, down from 1 billion just two years earlier. Meanwhile, online porn is only becoming more.

Popular.

Though the shift from films on cable to short online videos have Already proven the average porn viewer doesn't care too much about quality. He or she may be interested in paying for something like a celebrity sex tape. So these companies and they need to move forward.

Of course we're gonna go online. We're gonna do the more convenient thing.

Exactly.

They need to find sex on, like, sex tapes. You know, celebrity sex tapes. They should buy Kendra or like, I bet you there's a ton of celebrities that are gonna take advantage of this.

Yeah.

Better be like, oh, I'll sell my sex tape cable company.

Totally. I mean, I'm thinking a sex tape next week.

Yeah.

So, Kate. But speaking of which, if you want alternatives to that, There is Fire TV, one of our sponsors, who I'm obsessed with fyretv.com and you can totally get anyone who becomes a friends with benefits member right now. You get 30 minutes free of Fire TV. You can watch on your iPad. You can watch it on your iPhone, your. Any smartphone. You can watch it on your laptop. And they have 20,000 titles. They are the Netflix of porn. I'm telling you, Fire TV is so cool. If you go and you want to become a friends with benefits member, we will let you know how to access the 30 minutes for free. Just contact me about that. I have. They gave me a set top. They gave me a set top box in my home with 20,000 titles, which I always like. Allure men over. I'm like, so we can come over and watch porn?

No, we had a porn party.

I know, but I tell men guy friends they can come over, watch porn. Oh, that's a good idea. Thank you. That sounds fun. It's fun. They're like, what do you want to do? I'm like, I don't know. Watch porn?

Yeah, I know.

Aaron, you and your boyfriend. I know. Like, she totally like her boyfriend. We were having the interns pizza and porn party, and she kind of just migrated to the front room and was watching porn.

Yeah. Actually, the other day, I was fantasizing about one of the porns I was watching.

Really? Which one? I want to know.

It was the one with is like a school teacher reprimanding her. It was the one I blogged about. She was reprimanding one of the male students, and then he teaches her a lesson, you know, and sends her over the desk. It's hot.

That is so hot. I want to find that one.

It's so hot.

Okay. We were all getting toned on together.

Getting really hot right now.

It was so awesome. Okay. That is what we've got for sex. In the news. That was a lot of good sex.

In the news today.

That's crazy.

Except for the man threw his cat out the window. That's just bad.

That was really sad.

Aw. Poor little ammo. Okay, let's get into some emails. Oh, first we got to talk about the poll. Okay. What's your favorite role play scenario? This was our poll. These are the results.

Okay. 17% said police officer and civilian. 25% said teacher and student. These are the top roleplay scenarios. 28% said nurse and patient, and 30% said boss and employee.

Ooh.

Ooh. What do you think about that? Boss and employee. Think people have fantasies about hooking up with their bosses or their employees?

Maybe.

I know, like, leading. What's yours? What do you like my top fantasy? There's.

Mm.

I'd say.

Maybe teacher and student, which is like, what your fantasy Was that your fantasy?

You said it was, but the boy was the student. It was, like, kind of reversed.

Whoa.

So that was cool.

That's hot. Yeah, that was hot. What's your favorite then?

I don't know. I mean, the whole civilian and police officer thing seems kind of hot.

Yeah, that is hot too. I got pulled over. Totally agree.

By the busty police officer.

I got pulled over by a police officer once, and he. I was telling Wendy this when I was walking back. This police officer pulled me over once, and I was just like. It was late at night. I was coming up from a club. I was not drunk, but I did some illegal turn. And he's like, you look familiar to me. And I was like, yeah, I have this show called Sex Friendly. He's like, what do you talk about in the show? I'm like, how hot police officers are. I said, I don't. And he's like, naturally fun. I was naturally flirty. And then I got out of the car, and I was like, are you gonna frisk me? And I leaned over my car. I literally did this. And he was like, oh, my God, you're hilarious. And he gave me his card and told me to call him, and I did not get a ticket. And it was the one time I didn't get a ticket because I get pulled over, and I always get tickets. But I didn't get a ticket because for some reason, I was feeling super confident, like this cop. Cause I said, we talk about how hot police officers are. And then he was, like, playing. So then I was like, you gonna frisk me? And I bent over my car.

You got out of the car?

I got out of the car and Bent over my car and said, you're gonna frisk me? And then my friend was driving by, and she was like, what the hell are you doing? Cause she was following me. Cause we were on the way to another party. It was hilarious.

Oh, my God. Did you call him?

I did not call him. Okay. I'm not. I don't know. It felt kind of strange.

Yeah, it was just a good story.

He was like, do you want to call me? It's a great story that I've forgotten about it. Okay, here' latest poll that you need to check out. Where's the best place to get your flirt on? Since we're talking about flirting today. A coffee shop, a bar, the gym, or the laundromat. And I've gotten my flirt on at all those places. I have to say I met a significant boyfriend at the coffee shop. Okay, bars for sure. I met one of my first serious boyfriends at a bar in San Francisco. The gym, usually. Well, especially not my gym. My gay gym. I'm not gonna meet anyone but my gym. In the past, I have gone. I think I had sex with a train once at a gym. Ooh, it was really hot. He was my trainer, and then we had sex, and that was fun. I was in really good shape when I was in the trainer. No, not at the gym, but it's kind of. I can see why people sleep with their trainers, because I did it, and I think it's, like, hot. They're, like, touching your body, and they're, like, getting. They're like. They're, like, sexy, and they're in your little spandex. Yeah, and I have my spandex, and he's, like, lifting my arms or whatever. And then we slept together. This was years ago.

Kelsey was saying that people are hornier when they're working out.

Yes, Your testosterone for women, all your oxytocin, and all the stuff that spikes. But yeah, definitely hooking up with a.

Excuse my girl.

Especially hooking up with trainer is hot. Yeah, because they're touching your body, they know your body, and then you get free workouts.

Yeah, it's awesome.

Okay, then the. Did I just say. Yeah, I said that. Ladies, where would you. What's the best place to get your floor? On the laundromat. I have a laundry machine. What would you say is the best place to get your flirt up? Coffee bar. You're a flirt. You flirt everywhere, right?

Oh, gosh, yeah. I mean, I guess. Yeah, Just on the street. I like the leading to nowhere flirting. So I'm gonna Say me actually using, like, the public transportation. I love that said, you get to walk away at the perfect moment.

Exactly. You can just kind of leave them with like a lingering look or something.

Yes. So I don't. Out of there. I would probably say somewhere where I could leave. Maybe the laundromat would be good because, like, you always need an exit plan. We'll talk more about that.

Right. And you can ask them for a quarter. We're getting into Florida. You can ask him for like. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Don't pay for laundry if you're cute.

Right. Okay. Oh, and I had a guy. Okay, we'll talk about this later. The guy who bought me a beer at the bar. Like, that's always weird when a guy buys you a drink at the bar. Like, I wouldn't lead with that. But the guy bought me this drink and I was like, I'm not gonna sit here and talk to you.

Menace would take his man card.

I know.

Don't buy for a girl unless you go with her.

Right, right. Exactly.

He'd be so proud of me.

I know he would. You're like. You're like the little mini Menace. He's a palooza right now, but he's coming back. Okay, first of all. Okay, let's get into emails.

Okay.

Dear Emily, first of all, just finished watching the Interns Gone Wild Fetish Friday episode. Love the interns. It was fun seeing and hearing from them. I love my interns too. And if you have not seen Fetish Friday with interns, what was that two weeks ago? Yeah, it was awesome.

It was fun.

Okay, I have a Kaggle question. So I think I get the idea about how to do the exercises, but as a man, how do I realize the benefits in the bedroom? Do things just go better automatically? Am I supposed to be tensing my PC muscles during sex? And if so, when? The whole time, Intermittently. Just like when I feel like I'm getting close to orgasm. Thanks, Emily. Menace and Wild interns. Haha. Marvin. He is from Nashville, Tennessee, and he's a premium member. He's a Friends with Benefits member. And you can become a Friends with Benefits member too, if you go sign up on the website and you will have any sex question that you have that comes to your mind answered like that. Okay, so, Marva, the thing about the Kegels is, yes, I do think sex will get better. I don't know if you're having like, any issue sexually, but if men do their Kegels, and like I said, they're not for women only, they're for men and women. And you could download my app Kegel camp, from the iTunes store and get it. But Kegel Camp, Kegel exercises are. I think things do go better automatically. I think you're strengthening your muscles. It's like you're strengthening. You have to strengthen your Kegel muscles just like you strengthen, like, your biceps. So I think that if you have. You'll have stronger, longer, more intense orgasms. And it'll help you with. If you are having any premature ejaculation issues or having any issues staying hard, it'll automatically help that.

And I think you don't have to flex them the whole time, but maybe when you feel like you're about to orgasm, you can start flexing them and see what happens, see how you feel. Like when you're getting close to orgasm. I would try then, because I think that that will really intensify your orgasm if you start doing the muscles right. If you start doing the exercises right when you're about to orgasm, it's supposed to be explosive. I'm not a dude. I've never had a male orgasm, which I wish I could be a man for a day and have a penis. I always wish that. But if I could have a penis for a day, yeah, I would do my Kegels and I would just ejaculate all over everyone.

Oh, God. On the face.

On the face.

Oh, God.

On the face, on the ass, on the behind. I would just ejaculate. Ejaculate, Starbucks. I don't care. I wouldn't. But I would. I'd be psyched at a penis for a day. Oh, wouldn't you?

That'd be havoc. That'd be crazy.

That'd be so fun. Yeah. I'm so glad. Not a dude. Yeah, I just want a penis. But I don't think men are ever like, I really want a vagina, do they?

I don't know. It depends on the man.

True. Maybe they do. You're right. Okay. Also, this is from Marvin. I heard you mention the promotion for 30 minutes of Fire TV. I don't know if I would qualify, but I'm asking. I signed up for them shortly after you started promoting them. Since then, I've bought a few scenes and movies from Fire TV library. My wife and I have watched them together and talked about what we liked about them. Porn is so much more fun when shared with a partner.

Oh, my God.

Thanks again. That's also from Marvin, so. Yeah. That's awesome. So the Fire TV promotion is for anybody who's become a friends with benefits member. All you have to do to take advantage of the free 30 minutes is you launch the chat window on Fire TV and tell the agent that there's, like, a chat window. It says chat. We're gonna get the system better. We're gonna get it more concrete. But for now, you just tell the agent that you came in via sex with Emily. So you're like, I'm here with sex with Emily. And they'll give you 30 minutes free of Fire TV. But you have to become a friends benefits member first. And I love that he watched. I mean, Erin, you had that issue, I think, just to talk about porn for a minute. Porn is a huge. Is huge, right? Like, so we know, like, a lot of men. I don't want to say all men, but a lot of men, it's their own personal thing. Like, they masturbate to porn. They keep it separate from their partners, their girlfriends, their wives, or whatever. But there is something to be said. And I'm not saying that you need to not watch it alone anymore, but when you bring your partner into the mix when watching porn, it can really, really enhance your sex life. It can. It can. By talking about what? Because it's like, you don't have to just start the conversation blindly. You have porn that you're watching, and you can say, oh, that really turned me on when she bent him over the desk. Or when he bent her over the desk.

Exactly.

Which is what Aaron did during the porn thing. Like, you were like, that's hot. That's not hot. And I'm telling couples to talk to themselves. If your sex life is waning or you're not having amazing sex anymore or you just want to spice it up, watch some porn with your partner. And there's porn that is for men and for women, there's porn for couples that's really good. You can also sort by that on fire TV or any wherever you watch porn. You can sort for, like, porn for couples. Softer porn, porn, lesbians. Like, whatever topic you want. And when you watch it together, you just learn a lot about each other sexually. It's a great tool.

Each partner might have a different preference. Like, one might like it slow, one might like it fast. And you guys have to incorporate that and, like, just communicate what you want. Because you're not gonna get what you want unless you ask for it.

Exactly. You have to ask for it. And so porn's a great way just to, like, open up that whole thing. So you should do that. Okay, Emily. I want to Send you pictures for Fetish Friday of the glory hole. I made it for my wife and I. How can I catch the photos? Not X rayed or anything like that. This thing is very well constructed. Now, if only I could figure out how to bring up the cooking with semen to my wife to see if she would even try one of the recipes. Jeff from Florida, he is a friends with benefits premium member. Okay, so he made a glory hole, which means that it's a hole that he puts his penis in.

It's the thing that I've seen in the movies. It's like, oh, you stick your penis in and someone's on the other side. And it's just like an anonymous hookup kind of thing. Which sounds kind of fun if he does it with his wife.

Exactly. I love when people are sharing the stuff that they're doing with their wives or their partners. And the semen recipe, we did do a whole show on semen and there was a semen recipe book. And he sent the link.

Oh, he sent it. Thank you so much.

And his wife, I think. Right. He said the link. And his wife isn't down to cook with semen. I'm not really down to cook with semen either.

Just, you know, plop it in your.

Margarita, that's all you gotta do my margarita recipe. I love my margarita recipe. I gotta make more margaritas. We're gonna do the drinking show soon. Oh, and we could drink margaritas. Okay. Dear Emily, my ex was unable to orgasm for the entire year that we dated. I can literally count on one hand. This is from a woman, by the way. I can count on one hand the amount of times he orgasm during sex with me. He had no problem getting or keeping it up. It was just completing the deed. That never happened. We would go on it for almost an hour. Needless to say, it ruined sex for me because it went on for too long. And because sex was always 100% about him and never about my satisfaction, it was upsetting for me to deal with it as a woman. Because we were raised in a culture that makes it seem like it's easy for a man to get off, I started to doubt my attractiveness and abilities in bed. He kept saying that it wasn't me, but since I knew he could get himself off by masturbation, I was convinced that it was. Anyway, I'd like to thank you for mentioning that you also had that experience made me feel less alone. I'd really like to hear what other people have to say on the topic. Even a Doctor Perhaps women are expected to have more difficulty climaxing, but what about a man? Another interesting angle is how does your partner's inability to orgasm affect your ability to enjoy sex? Just some thoughts. Cue with the good work. Sincerely, Amy. Thanks, Amy. That's a really good question. I have to say, and I did bring it up, that there are, it's, it's not as common as women not being able to orgasm, but there are a lot of men who are not able to have orgasms during intercourse and they can only have orgasms during masturbation. And there's like a multitude of reasons. It could be because they are more comfortable. They just like they're in their routine of masturbation and they've never learned how to expand that orgasm practice into their sexual. And so maybe there's a way you guys could, could have done like mutual masturbation together and he could have shown you what he liked and then you could incorporate that into sex as well.

But it's never really about, it's not about you. I know that women beat him like, I'm not hot enough, I'm not pretty enough. But yeah, the same thing happened to me with a guy and it was so frustrating because it did get to be like, he's never going to orgasm. And I think it's almost more frustrating because we're raised in a culture where men do orgasm quickly or can orgasm the time, and it's usually about the woman. But it sounds like it's good that you are not with this guy anymore because he was, he made it all about him and he didn't make it about you. So it's one thing if you have a guy that can't orgasm, but if he's like, it's all about my orgasm and he's not even trying to please you in those times that you're having sex, trying to get him to orgasm and he's ignoring you, I don't think that's a very good thing. So. But I love that topic if anyone wants to write in about it. How does your partner's inability to orgasm affect your ability to enjoy sex? I think it affects all of our abilities. I mean, I think that there's, there's a lot of men that I think, and women I've dated, men who like, if I don't have an orgasm, it bums them out. They're like super bummed. They're like, what did I do wrong? And I owe you one. And then there's guys who don't care. And those are the guys that I'm not with. But there's the ones who are like, whatever, if you didn't orgasm, I'm gonna have an orgasm. So I think you hear both, but I think we all want everyone to have orgasms.

I mean, especially if you're unable. You imagine that he would be really into, like, okay, well, I can't please you, right? Yeah, I'll please you and then I'll please myself.

Right.

Because it's true that, you know, orgasm is your responsibility. Maybe he just has to, like, you know, incorporate that. He. I mean, you know, masturbation, like, that can still be incorporated into sex.

Exactly.

And I think I would take it personally, too. I see where she's coming from.

Yeah. Enough.

And obviously you are hot because he's with you.

Right. But I'm sure you are hot. But it has. Sounds like. Has nothing to do. Yeah. Like, this guy that I dated. Yeah. It's his issue, and he should. He should work on it if it's something that's gonna bother him and bother his relationships. I mean, this guy that I dated just said to me that it was that he never was able to orgasm with. He's like, I just never am able to. So we just kind of knew that. But it was also kind of like a bummer. Like, and sometimes he could, but we'd have to go for like, an hour every time. I was like, I don't have an hour. And it wasn't even about the time. It wasn't even about. It was just like, he needed to get to a certain place, and it's just a pain. So.

Felt like a chore.

It felt like a chore.

Yeah, that's the end.

And he wasn't as into pleasing me either. So easy.

Who are these guys?

Who are these guys I date? Thank God I've dated him because I've got good stories.

Have they ever heard sex with Emily?

Oh, yeah. No. They. All right. I told you. My ex boyfriend from college just listened to the show.

Oh, I know. That's exciting.

I know that was exciting. And he said I sounded the same. Okay, so.

Okay. Hey, Emily Jimenez. I just found your podcast on itunes today. You two are very clever. It's great to hear people talk honestly and openly about sex. I come from a community and family that never, ever talks about sex. So that being said, I am a virgin, and I'm pretty scared that when I first have sex with a girl, I will be completely inexperienced. I might make some big mistakes that I can't avoid. I just don't want that I can avoid. I just don't want to feel goofy in that situation. I'm also pretty inexperienced with relationships with women. I'm trying to start up more super tight friendships with women so that I won't be completely in the dark. Is there any specific advice you can give me when I become intimate with a woman? I know that a good relationship is built on trust, but I don't have experience with anything physical. Respectfully, Andrew from Canada. Hey, Andrew. I would just say that. I would say that I can't really give you any physical, like, experience. It's hard to, like, for me to give you that. I can't be like, break it down, kiss her, and then whatever, because it's a very, like, natural, organic process. So I would just try to be in the moment and try to be reading her signals and what makes her feel good. And the kissing thing is, like, don't go too hard. Like, a lot of men's mouths are so much bigger than women. So I would just start with, like, gentle kisses. And remember this, women, every. This is just some of the tips I can give you is that touch a woman five times lighter than you think, she wants to be touched. So a lot of guys are into, like, the grabbing and the pulling of the nipples or the mouth. They're kissing you with their tongue, and they're shoving it down your throat. If you do this rule and you're like, I really want to touch her this hard, but I'm gonna do it five times lighter. That's a really good tip to just to know what to do. But I wouldn't worry about it, honey, because you are a virgin and it's fine. And when you get to that point, you will figure it out along the way, I promise. And I wouldn't. I don't advise that you watch porn because porn is not a great way. I advise that you watch it for your own reasons. I'm not saying that. But porn isn't the best way to learn about sex because a lot of times they're shooting angles like, they're shooting the scenes because they think because it's what looks good on film, but it's not necessarily what feels good to a woman. So I would. I would not use porn as things. So the specific advice I would say is just touch her softer and pay attention to her cues. Is she moaning? Is she breathing heavy? Is she screaming, ouch? I mean, then I'd pull away. Yeah.

Also, if he's making friends with some women, I mean, like, as far as Getting advice for a case by case basis. If you have. Women always want to help men become better men. You know what I mean? They want you to succeed. And if you're, you know, getting into some, like, friendships with women, like just find a few that you could seek advice with.

Exactly.

They will probably give you the best advice if they see a woman that you're interested in and help you break it down.

Exactly. Start talking to your friends.

So you said you're starting to see us. You're starting more super tight friendships with women. So I won't be in the dark, which is a great. Sounds like you're doing all the right things, Andrew. And I just wouldn't trip on it. Being a virgin. Don't trip on it. Just know that that's part of the process. We were all virgins once and we all get through it and you will too. Okay. Dear Emily, first off, I reside in Europe and there's differences in how people flirt. I feel awkward when I hear about the rules for dating in the us. You have to act like this and that on the first encounter. On the second, you have to do this, allow that on the third and you're out of the game. This puts an immense amount of pressure on people engaged in dating. You propose a smile. You've proposed a smile at people to make flirting a routine task in your daily life. Practicing this myself in the subway while doing the shopping or on my way to work. I get the most irritated responses. Why is this? I don't think I'm ugly. And speaking from my professional experience, I am someone who is liked by people quite easily. Kind regards sign thinkful needs. So flirting. That's a great entree into our flirting show. I would say that. Just keep doing it. I don't know, maybe you're doing it in inappropriate moments. People look really busy. You're talking to people who are kind of stressed out or they're. They're not. But it's a rejection. It's a game of rejection. Learning how to talk to women and building your confidence. You're going to get rejected along the way and not everyone's going to want to talk to you and not everyone's going to respond to you. But it is a numbers game and it's a confidence game and it is. The more you do something, the more confident you're gonna be. So I would say that you have to just. You do have to practice flirting your daily life. If you want to learn a new skill, you have to practice it. So flirt with everybody and maybe you're not getting really irritated responses. Like, maybe you're thinking they're irritated. Maybe they're just busy, they're moving. It has nothing to do with you flirting. So I would still flirt. But we're gonna get into some tips here. Some specific tips.

I don't have any experience flirting in Europe, but if you'd like to fly me out, I'll do some research.

Oh, nice. They're gonna fly out and do research. I love it.

No, I mean, yeah, let's definitely. Let's get into the tips, because I.

Think the tips will really help you. Okay. Let's get into some sex tips. Okay. I mean, the sex. The flirting tips. We're gonna talk about flirting. First thing is here's some signs that you know if she's flirting. Because, you know, there was a study that came out a few years ago that said that women are really good at reading cues of men. Like, we can tell if a guy's into us. We can tell what he wants. We can tell, like, he's into my friend. We can tell that he wants to leave. Men, not so much men. Not as good as reading cues from women. So we thought that we should break this down for you. So, you know if she's actually flirting with you. Okay. And it might not be that she's full on flirting you. And just because she's flirting, does that mean she wants to suck your penis? It just means that she's flirting with you. Okay. So she smiles. When a woman has an interest in you, her smile can hold your attention from across a crowded room. And it's definitely one of the major signs that she's flirting. It takes an effort on her part to do so. So if she's exerting this kind of effort, engage in her flirting by returning the smile.

Absolutely.

Return the smile. Just smile. I do it all the time. Like walking down the street. Like, you will smile.

Exactly. Like, you can smile or you cannot. And if she smiles at you, that's such a good sign, right?

Or just smile at someone you find attractive on the street. Just smile, smile, smile, smile. She keeps walking by. If it seems like she continues to walk by with apparently no sense of why she's there, it's so she's there for you. She's trying to get you to notice her without the obvious sign she's flirting, and you just say something endearing. So if she keeps, like, stalking you at the bar, she's walking past you like, oh, I need my drink. Oh, I need a drink. Stir. Oh, I need A napkin.

It's usually like eyes on the way to the bathroom.

Yep. Yeah, that's what it is. Making eyes at you. She might be into you. Check her out. She draws attention to her mouth. A woman's mouth can be extremely seductive, and she's fully aware of this fact. Some of the effective signs she's flirting will have her applying lip gloss, running her fingers across her lips, or using the straw in her cocktail instead of just sipping from the glass.

That's dirty.

It is dirty. Dirty. Using the straw from the cocktail. I apply lip gloss all the time, but I don't think it's flirty.

It's like the eye contact as you apply.

I think if I go like this.

Yeah. Oh, my goodness, you guys, Are you watching right now? Emily is flirting with you.

I'm flirting with you.

And I'm licking the straw. Okay. She isolates herself. This is all the top 10 signs she's flirting. If after having made eye contact, she strays from the pack and she's trying to flirt with you. If she's specifically removing herself from her fortress of friends. And this is one of the sure signs she's flirting and letting you know she's lowering her defensive barriers to let you in.

Oh, that's an opportunity.

Yeah. If she's removing herself from her friends.

Because then you don't have to have a wingman to deal with the grenade, as Menace would say.

Right. Who's the grenade again?

The friend that your friend has to talk to while you're flirting.

Oh, not the cute girl. Is that from Jersey Shore or something?

I don't know.

Probably. Oh, God. Menace. Okay. She mimics your body movements. For some reason, when human beings are interested or infatuated with each other, they begin to pick up certain traits from the other person. If she mimics your mannerisms, the way you hold a drink, the way you're sitting, she may be very interested in gaining your attention and giving you solid signs she's flirting. Imitation is rather a high form of flattery, after all. So it's funny, we were talking about this in the office, and I've learned this before, that even if you're like in a business meeting with someone, and let's say your hands are folded like this, like you're folded, and then you're talking to someone, and then they fold their hands like that, or they put their hand on their cheek, and you put your hand on your cheek, it means that there is some mutual admiration going on. And it can mean that in a business meeting, but it can Also mean it in flirting. It means that she's engaged, that she's interested in you, and that she's mimicking your body movements. So that's something to look for. And I actually have started to look for that when I'm in meetings. People, I'm like, oh, she's doing my same thing. That means that we're having a really good meeting. I don't know. I mean, it sounds funny, but it's kind of true. You mimic someone.

Yeah. Like they're comfortable and you're comfortable, maybe.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. She plays with her hair, twirls her hair. Guilty. I do that all the time.

All the time.

When trying to get your attention, she may twirl her hair in her fingers or let it cascade in front of one eye, adding a second come hither mystery to her Persona. See, I play with my hair all the time. I don't know if I'm always flirting.

But I know I always ask people on Twitter. I'm like, is this. Am I giving bad signals? And a lot of people are like, it's just so cute that you play with your hair. It is cute, but it also could also be a nervous habit.

It can be a nervous habit. My friend has that nervous habit. Drives everyone crazy. But if she's touching her hair. Yeah, that could definitely.

Or like, flipping it back to see you from behind her shoulder.

Oh, right. To flip the light. Oh, yeah, right. Okay. So anything with her hair, she touches you. The slight touch that sends chills up both your spines and makes your hair stand on edge is one of the hallmark signs that she's flirting. When she reaches out and lightly touches your forearm or shoulder, hand or wrist, you know, you have a live wand you need to reciprocate because there are few clearer signs that she can provide. So it's true. If you're out with someone and she, like, leans over and she's like, oh, honey, hi, you're so funny, or whatever, and she touches you. That's usually a sign that. That someone's interested.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And you should take advantage of it. Don't, like, grab on to her or anything.

Yeah. But notice that. Go. Oh, there's a.

Do a soft touch back, maybe.

Yep. Soft touch back. Little touches back and forth. They always say on a first date, if you can tell someone interested if they touch you or they lean over.

Exactly. Even just like, if you're standing next to someone and you're shifting your weight so your shoulders are touching. Like, that is a crazy sensation for me. Like, At a concert or something, and it's like. It's totally a signal. And then they'll, like, kind of. I don't know.

I mean, I guess it can be, like, electric, right? You have electric energy when you touch someone. I love it. Okay.

I'm excited. This is fun.

This is so fun. Okay. She makes eye contact. Eye contact is a sign of confidence and trust. She's stating that she is not interested in the games, and her intentions are straightforward. The duration of the eye contact is proportional to her level of interest. So if someone really stares at you in the eyes.

It means she's interested in you.

You guys need to log on to sexofemily.com right now and check out the video, because Emily is sending you signals.

I'm flirting with every single listener right now. You can watch the show, and you can listen to the show.

It's fun to watch.

It is fun to watch. Right? Because I'm looking at you in the eye. Eye contact is big.

It's huge. It's like a big factor when you're approaching someone, too.

Exactly.

It shows confidence.

Exactly. And guys who look away like they're talking to you, but they're, like, always looking down or whatever.

Yeah. Or your breasts not hot. Okay. She enters your personal space. When a woman enters a space, say, brushing past you with a glance and a smile, she's inviting a response, and this is her sign. She's flirting. The character of her invasion will give you cues as to how you should respond. So she enters your space.

It's tricky.

Yeah.

It could be an accident.

It could be an accident. She's entering your space. Okay. She approaches you to talk. Her approach may be closely tied to number two, but this cue takes a step further, cutting through the any game she may be playing, her approach and specific engagement by speaking is playing her strongest flirting card. It allows her, while speaking to you, to maintain eye contact, play with her hair, lightly touch you, and mimic your mannerisms along with other flirting techniques. If she comes over to talk to you, she wants to know what you're all about. It's the first step in an interview process called dating. So these are all the steps that you can look at to know if she flirting with you. Because men are not so great at.

Knowing that sometimes, you know, it might not even lead to dating, though. It might just be another one of your many tries. And, like, the one thing that we talk about later is, like, walking your way at the right moment, you know, on a high note, and not maybe not even asking for the Day.

Exactly. Don't even ask for the day. But again, and this. A lot of this is practice. You might not find someone the first time you go out, but it's like practicing and knowing and paying attention, because I know there's. I have a ton of guy friends who tell me, I never know if a girl's interested in me. I never know. And so this is how. This is how you know. Okay.

She makes it obvious.

So let's talk about the approach. These are tips for approaching a woman.

Have a plan and don't hesitate. If you don't feel confident, fake it. This is where you have to fake it till you make it. Think about, like, channel confidence in your body. Like, think about the times when you feel the most confident. Maybe it's when you're at work giving a speech, or maybe it's when you're on the basketball court, or maybe. Maybe it's, you know, I don't know. When you're with your family, you feel super competent and super, super. You feel like yourself. So you need to take this confidence and transfer it into dating, into meeting women. Because people always say that confidence is the number one attractive thing they find in men and women. So have a plan. Don't hesitate. If you don't feel confident, fake it. Expect rejection, and do not take it personally. Approaching a woman takes practice, and practice makes perfect. The more you approach, the greater your chances of approval will be. It's just like anything you're learning in your life, anything at all you've got, you will. You will be rejected, but you will get better at it and you'll learn what works. There's, like, nuances. You'll be like, okay, that didn't work when I grabbed her boob. Not saying you're going to, but it did work when I, like, walked in the room and I was like, hey, hey, here I. Who. Here I am. And you just, like, embody. You embody your body. Like you are yourself and you're there and your. Your eyes are straight ahead. You're not looking down, and you're not chuffing. Your feet and your hands aren't in your pocket. You're the confident guy at the bar that's attractive or at the room or at the laundromat or wherever you are. Okay? Gauge her body language. Don't approach a woman with her back to you or that has glanced at you and turned away. So if she looked at you and turned away in a way that felt like she was annoyed, but don't do it. But if she did it in, like, a flirty way. Like, she did a long, lingering glance. Then you could approach her.

Yeah, look for that smile. Look at that invitation.

Exactly. Create opportunity through flirting. Make eye contact and smile. When you're nervous, you may forget to keep a positive expression on your face. That's so true. Like, smiling is so confident when a guy just, like, smiles at me. Or, like, is just like.

Yeah, that's the number one way to fake it is if you just remember to, like, smile and breathe. It's. She doesn't know that you're nervous.

Exactly.

And if you are, she's like, oh, wow, he's nervous, but he's smiling and he appreciates me. She'll like, give you slack.

Exactly. She totally will. And, you know. Okay. Only ask her out if the conversation leads that way. Leave the conversation at a high point. Don't wait till it leads downhill. And finally, keep the conversation light. Avoid touchy subjects like politics or religion. I think that's smart. And the first time you're talking to someone, don't be like, so who'd you vote for? What do you think about Obama?

Unless you work for the government or something, I don't think that should be a topic.

I don't think it should be a topic at all. Okay, here are some conversation starters to help help you approach women. Bookstore, coffee shop. Ask about the book she's reading. I've had a guy do that. He's like, oh, do you like that book? And it seems very innocent, like, we're at a bookshop. Like, maybe he is flirting with me. But it's like, if it's something you're excited about, like, oh, my God, yeah, I love that book. Supermarket. Do you know how to pick the perfect kumquat? I don't know about that one.

I would laugh.

I would laugh, but it would be funny. Like, if someone's like, ah, these are. Or you could just be like, those oranges don't look great, do they? Or, like, apples aren't even in season and they got. I mean, it just doesn't have to be. I'm not gonna give you any pickup lines today because I don't believe they work. It's not like you could be, like, say, a funny pickup line. There's not, like, the perfect. Perfect line, but just talking to them. Okay. Bar lounge. I like this place. Have you been here before? That's the whole, like, have you been here before?

If you can't come up with something better, then that's what you're gonna say.

Right. But you're like, this is fun. But what I'm saying is, it's all about. Again, it's about being confident. Just like, looking at someone, being like, this is you having a good time. It's a good time here. Or you just start. People are at a bar to have fun. People at a bar, they're drinking, they're having a good time, and they want to talk to people. That's why dudes and women go to bars mostly. Right? You go with your girlfriends because you just want to catch up one on one. And then the guys approach you and you're like, I'm sorry, we're doing a girl thing here. But mostly people are at bars or they're out and about because they want to meet someone. And so.

And they're happy that you approach them first.

Believe me. Exactly. Exactly. We like that. Especially in San Francisco, where men don't approach.

Men do not approach women ever. They're like, let's be friends or let's hang out and, oh, let's all meet up with my 18 friends tomorrow night. But they don't ask you on dates. But that's another issue. Okay, here's how you should not approach a woman. Approach mistake number one, trying to be friends first with women. You could be friends and you could work together or whatever. It's okay. But don't just be like, I'm the one who's here for you and all the emotional stuff. Because. Because you wanna avoid falling into the friend zone and being the nice guy. A lot of guys make this mistake. They become your best friend, they become your confidant. You never make it known that you even are like her or you're interested in her. So she assumes you don't like her. And then she does make you her friend and you're in the friend zone. And it's very hard for a guy to get out of the friend zone. So I would not try to be friends first.

The only benefit of the friend zone is to maybe meet her friends. That's what I'm saying. Like, if you're gonna be that guy. Exactly. And like, you guys don't have the chemistry and you end up being friends.

Exactly.

It could be a ticket somewhere else.

She might not be interested in you, but. Exactly. So you diss her. Like, she could. I mean, a lot of people, I think. I mean, one of the top ways people meet people besides online dating is through mutual friends. Yeah. I've met a ton of guys I've dated because I was at a party and Their friends of friends were there. Okay, number two. Approach mistake number two. Trying to come up with the perfect pickup line or some other clever and impressive way to get her interested in you. Don't do that. No, don't do the pickup line. Just don't. Just be yourself. Like, if you're standing in museum, you could be like, wow, that painting is an amazing painting. It sounds stupid, but that's what you can do. And that's just, like, talk, people. Everyone wants to talk. Everyone wants to have a connection with.

Someone or even just imagine. What would you want her to say to you? Like, you're not gonna expect her to give you some pickup line.

Exactly right. Approach mistake number three. Not having some techniques and tools, a utility belt to help you. You should have a plan going into it, or your tongue might get tied. So think about what you're gonna say beforehand. But you don't need too much of a plan or a perfect or like, a pickup line. But just know, like, I've got this confidence. I'm gonna go in there. I'm just gonna be like.

What? You know, enjoying the weekend. How do you like this show? It's kind of loud in here, isn't it? I mean, whatever it is, just, just. And there's also a rule, they say with all the pickup artists and whatever that you shouldn't. There's like the 30 second rule or something. If you walk into a bar, or. I always say bar, but if you walk into anywhere. Laundromat, I don't care. And you see someone that you find attractive, you should approach them right away. Because then you seem sort of like you're. You're. You. You made eye contact and then you didn't. And then you. You went away. And then you just seem less confident. But if you see someone that you're attracted, like, just go up and be like, hey, what's up? Like, it's kind of like. It's just. I think it just shows more confidence.

Yeah, absolutely. And then I'm sure people in the room are gonna notice that too.

Exactly. Okay.

Approach mistake number four. Not qualifying the woman. Qualifying is the process of figuring out if a woman meets your criteria requirements, which is something that most guys do not do. So. Meaning that you might not even be interested in her, but you're talking to her.

Yeah. What is that?

I guess. Yeah. Like, why?

If you're a nice guy. Maybe if you're a nice guy, it's okay. But why go up to a girl you're not interested?

Exactly. If you're not Interested, I mean, to practice. I have no problem with you practicing and just talking to women they're not interested in. But if you're really interested, I just think this leads down the wrong. I mean, people think they're interested in people, but it's like, not for the right reasons. Always. Right, Right. Okay. Approach mistake number five. Not having an exit strategy. We meet it. When you meet a woman, you need a good plan to get that conversation, to get into a conversation first. But you also need a good plan for leaving when things are at a high point. So you should always leave when things are going well and be like, hey, this was so great talking to you. Let me get your number. And then you leave.

Right.

Bonus. Approach mistake number six, asking a woman out too soon. I don't know. You really shouldn't ask woman out the first time you meet her. I'm not sure about that.

I don't know about it.

I think that you could. You could be like, we should do this again sometime. You don't have to be like, hey, next weekend, there's a specific thing I want to do. But, like, I'd love to see you again. Hopefully we'll see each other again soon. And these days with Facebook and social networking, like, there's so easy to find people that it's like, you know what.

I think is a really good thing to do is, like, if you go somewhere frequently, or if you are like, hey, I'm going to this next weekend. I'll let you know what. You know what I mean? You meet somewhere at a place and maybe you're going to another concert, like, bring it up so that you can run into each other from there, but you don't have to go together.

Exactly. That's good. Okay. Making her feel comfortable around you. These are the last things I have to say. There are particular motions and gestures you can use to make her feel comfortable and improve your chance with your lady if done with a sense of class and timing. For example, when you're walking through a crowd, say at a bar or concert, shield her with your arm around her shoulder. At least a hand on her back. I love that. I love that, too. When a man's like, I've got you, I've got you. We're going, we're moving. You're in my orbit. Be polite, but don't soften your demeanor in an attempt not to offend or bother her with your masculine presence. She's actually attracted to men, so you have nothing to worry about here. So be polite, but don't Be soft.

Yeah. Don't be the soft guy. Just be yourself.

Exactly. Play it cool.

Literally.

Don't make sudden grandiose gestures. Change the tone or volume of your voice abruptly and. Or let your mood swing rapidly from one place to another.

Oh, the big old animated guy that you didn't know he was gonna be animated.

Exactly.

He's a. The center of the bar. He's like, blah, blah, blah.

He's trying too hard and you're insecure. Exactly.

You shouldn't keep my attention that way.

Always take the opportunity to be chivalrous. Opening doors and pulling out chairs go a long way. I totally agree. Guys don't do this anymore. But when a guy does open the door, walks around to my side of the car or like, comes to my door to pick me up, like, I think those things mean a lot.

They stand out.

They totally stand out because no one does anymore.

No one else gonna do it. That's gonna be shy guy. That's your strength.

Exactly.

You know what I mean?

Exactly. Don't be a yes man. If she talks about how much she loves disco and strawberry daiquiris, you do not have that in common with her. Just gaint. Just don't say you do just to gain approval. In fact, saying that you like that stuff is more likely to back further to help your attraction. Go ahead and tell you before Guinness and AC dc Stay true to your personality and to your opinions and speak your mind. All in a civilized manner, of course. And I have to say, the men that I. When I was, like, thinking about the show and I was like, who's been the most like, why have I dated the men I've dated? What did they do that was. Was so. You know, that was. That was so alluring to me. And I think it's just the guys who are confident. They state their opinion. They. They own. They own their space, they own their room, and they're comfortable and they're not pandering to me. They're not kissing my ass. They're not looking at me and not saying anything or snapping at the waitress. Or snapping at the waitress. Yes. If a man snaps the waitress. Don't. Don't be mean to anyone around you and don't criticize people. Don't just sit around and be catty and be like, what about that chick over there? That stuff does not work at all. So just be yourself. Think about I always. One lesson, one final thing is that if you don't know who this person you're reading this, you're like, yeah, but I don't really get it. Think of how you are when you're hanging out with your best guy friends. Okay? Not like when you're at the porn clubs or the strip clubs, but when you're like hanging out with your guy friends in your home and you're whatever you do with your friends, that's probably when you're the most confident. Think about what that feeling is, what that feels like to be confident in your own body, and then translate that into when you move out into that way to the world.

Can I share a listener's tip?

Yes.

Damien on Facebook says, usually the first thing I usually say is that I'm Facebook friends with Emily Morse. They seem to like that.

Oh, that's sweet. What a sweetie. That's sweet. Yes. You can drop my name anytime. That's really sweet.

Friends with Emily.

Friends with Emily. Love it. Okay, everyone, that's what we got for you today. Thanks so much for listening. I appreciate it. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. And remember, we've got we Go like me on Facebook, Go like my Sex with Emily page because I promise you, we are giving away every single day a free 3 month membership to Sex with Emily. So you can get five to four shows a week and all the benefits of being a friends benefits member. So do that. Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com there's one overlooked mineral.

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