Foot Fetishes

This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. Spring calls for a wardrobe refresh, and Nordstrom has the best styles of the season. From dresses and denim to standout tops and accessories, find the trends and essentials that feel right for you. Discover new arrivals from brands you love like WAIF, Princess Polly, Mango, Adidas, and Free People. Plus, free shipping and returns and free styling appointments make everything so easy. Shop in stores at nordstrom.com or download the Nordstrom app. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com. Sexwithemily.com is your new favorite place to go online because sexwithemily.com is where it's happening every day from 1 to 2. We're doing live shows, live streaming shows with video, as you can see if you're watching right now. And we are so excited, and we hope that everybody will go to sexwithemily.com right now. If you're, you're already there watching, become a Friends with Benefits member. Your first month is free, and you're going to get daily shows.

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Hey, how you doing?

I'm good, how are you?

I'm good. Man, the elevator's broken here.

I know, but let me tell you—

A lot of flights to get up here, but real quick, I signed up today as a member to check out the user experience and walk through it, and it was good. I did notice some issues, so if you are using Firefox, you might have a glitch here and there, but I talked to the people and that shouldn't be a problem. So it should be fixed by now. Oh my God, awesome, thank you. I don't want to copy you on the email because I'd respond 6 times and then you'd be annoyed. Yeah, you'd be like, what, what, what are you talking about? So, you know, I'd leave the hardcore technical stuff to you.

You're the man.

That's why you're—

Yeah, I love it. Thank you for dealing with that.

So if you run into anything, don't worry. The site has only been live maybe a week.

A week.

A week today. And they're working day and night to fix any problems that you might have.

Exactly. So please email me feedback@sexwithemily.com if you see any issues with the site, anything you like, you don't like. We'd love to hear from you. You can also still find me on Facebook and Twitter, which is Sex with Emily, and check out my new iPhone app, Kegel Camp. And today we'll be reading your emails that you've sent to feedback@sexwithemily.com. Some topics include how to get into the mood, when to lose your virginity, rough sex versus gentle sex, and how to successfully have a friends with benefits relationship, and a few other things. And we have a special guest in the studio today, my cousin Liz, and she's a lesbian. We've got a real live lesbian in the studio who's going to discuss lesbian sex and what we can learn, what we can all learn from lesbians sex. She's going to share some of her experiences because we've actually never talked about— I know she's a lesbian, she's my cousin my whole life. We've never gotten into it, have we, Lizzy?

We have not. But I just have to say, um, I'm so happy to be here, and it's wonderful to participate in this, and it's super exciting. So thank you for having me.

Thank you for being here.

So I'm a very— so I'm a very happy lesbian, but I'm even happier to be here with you today.

Yeah.

And I'm really excited that you're here because, see, this is the issue that I have all the time with like, um and with articles that she brings up, it's like, oh, here, here's the article about a woman that, I mean, that wrote about how to please a man. No, I want to learn from a lesbian how to please a woman, you know, because I think that you would probably know best, like, what you like and what they like.

Well, I try not to just play lesbian on TV, so I will do my best for everybody.

But I think there's a lot that we could learn from you about, like, oral sex and all that stuff. So we're gonna, uh, we're gonna get into that in a minute, and feel free to pipe in and chime in with everything we're talking about. So speaking of climbing up the stairs though for 6, for 6 flights, yeah, I finally got to stop in at Zappos.

Oh, you did?

So exciting because that wasn't— and they gave us a book. They gave us their Delivering Happiness book written by the CEO.

No way!

Shoes, but they gave us that.

That's sweet.

I love our new—

I actually saw them the other day and they're really nice.

They're really nice people. I just— I've talked about on the show that they're not a sponsor.

We just—

not a sponsor. I love Zappos. And if they want to be a sponsor, I will totally I will promote the crap out of you. Okay, so we also, um, yeah, we've got a little bit of sex in the news, and we have a daily poll on the site. So our daily poll yesterday was, how long would you like— how long do you like an entire sex session to last? Okay, so here's the results. All right, 15 minutes, 10%. 30 minutes, 45% of you think 30. And 60 minutes, 45%. Neck and neck.

You know how much work goes into that?

I knew you'd say that.

Now wait, wait, wait, this is actually Is this actual this from making out? See, you didn't really break it down. Is it from making out?

Sex session. Sex session.

Oh, it's penetration.

Nope, it's a sex session from foreplay to end. Would you like it to last 15 minutes, 30? And it looks like most people want longer sex. So how about that, 45 minutes? And we've got a new poll going up tomorrow, which I did not write down, but it's gonna be on the website. You can check that out.

But that is—

We got new polls Monday, Wednesday, Fridays.

So you are including making out and— I'm including making out.

I'm talking from beginning to end. Okay, from the first kiss to end. First kiss to the end.

Okay, I can go with that. But I'm just saying, if you want penetration for an hour, that's gonna—

that's a long time. Yeah, I agree. But, but the whole foreplay, since we're so big into foreplay here, and, uh, right, Liz? Absolutely. Couldn't agree more. Couldn't agree more that foreplay is so important. And then last night I went through all of my sex books because my interns are doing week— they're going to do monthly book reports on all the— you know, I get so many books sent to me, so we're gonna like report to you like the best sex Sex books out there coming soon, but it was really fun. It was like nostalgia going through all the books I've read and all the stuff I've done.

I've gotten—

you've seen my place, I've got like hundreds and hundreds of sex books.

So many books.

So it's very exciting.

There's so many books that come to my office for you that I have to carry down here. I know.

So if anyone read a book, wrote a book or anything, feel free to send along to me. So I thought that we could, we could do a little bit of emails and I think that Cousin Liz could even help. Answer some of the questions, and then we have some specific questions for you.

Right before we get into that, can I bring in a mini subject real quick?

Please.

Because we haven't really talked about our day. I had something happen to me today.

Oh, thank God. What?

My assistant, who I have at my other company, she's saying, oh, you know, I had to get off work, I gotta go, I gotta go celebrate, I gotta go have a martini and go out to eat. I'm like, what's going on? She goes, it's my half birthday. My birthday. I go, what are you talking about, half birthday? She's all, yeah, it's— I'm, uh, this age and 6 months. So the new thing, apparently, that is news to me, that women, uh, celebrate half birthdays now.

Is she 3 years old?

No, exactly. I just thought how ridiculous this was, so I tweeted out and I, I Facebooked it, and I had numerous people say, oh yeah, I celebrate half birthdays also.

Oh my God, what are you talking about? Or something, I guess.

But it was only women that would— that was responding.

Yeah, I would never do that. I didn't want to celebrate my one birthday. I mean, I barely wanted to celebrate my birthday last week just because it's a pain. I don't love birthday parties and the whole thing, but some people are like obsessed with birthdays. I have like so many birthdays right now in June.

There's always birthday months, birthday weeks.

I never did that. I'm like, give me a birthday 5 minutes. Your cupcakes were the best.

Of course.

We have a new video coming up actually that's my birthday.

I thought I would share that with the world. Maybe there's more people out there.

Does anyone else have birthdays? Feedback@sexwithemily.com. We want to hear from you.

I thought that was a little ridiculous.

That is redonkulous. Anything else?

I thought I would share. No, that's it.

You sure? I'm trying to think if I have anything else except for the fact that I did get asked out by my blind date guy that I went out with on Saturday. He said he'd be back in town in 2 weeks.

Oh, okay. So what are you going to do now? Is there like some— museum that you didn't go to.

Exactly. Maybe this time. Yesterday went to Disney Museum, now we're gonna go— no, I don't know. He's, he's said he's gonna be back in town, so I'll meet him. We'll see.

Is there like a play that you're gonna go to?

Maybe we'll go see a play, the ballet opening. I don't know. I just thought that I should share that. And then the blind date from 2 weeks ago that I wasn't into also emailed me to go out again, but I said no.

Okay, how did you break it to him? No, he's getting blown by that.

Tell me how he's leaving town. I— no, I said maybe. Okay. He's leaving town for 3 months to go meditate. So I was like, yeah, well, I'm gonna be gone for a week.

It takes 3 months to meditate?

Yeah, he's living on an ashram and doing a whole thing.

But he's like, why would you do that? Don't— because you don't make a living. Like, I know, not take 3 months off.

He's got like money saved or something. I don't know.

That's insane to me.

So I think that that's one. Like, why would I go out with him one more time before he's leaving for 3 months?

And whose guys What guys are you going out with that meditate for 3 months?

I've meditated for a month— for 10 days at a time. Remember, cuz, when I did that?

Look, I completely remember that.

Oh my god, can I go, like, let's move to Michigan together and do the show out there.

Okay.

And just so we can go back to like normal—

He thinks that I'm so California right now.

You're so like sold out your Michigan roots. Like, I'm from here. It's just so weird that the people that are not from the Bay Area that moved to San Francisco like take on this whole like hippie lifestyle of drinking wine and doing yoga and like, like meditating.

No, but I don't find like the people that are actually from this area doing that because you guys are so entrenched in whatever you grew up with in real life. Like, you go back to— you go back to Michigan, people are going to look at you like you're crazy. No, they're not. My mom does yoga. Lindsay, tell them. I—

Emily's telling the truth. I'm sorry.

Yoga?

Because you're on the phone with her telling her how amazing it is when it isn't.

It is.

You've never done it. You need to do it.

I did, and I was injured for 3 months.

Shut up.

You're hilarious.

You're injured because you had to sit cross-legged.

Because again, it was some other person that wasn't even from this area thought how amazing it was, that moved here to San Francisco and got all into it, and they're like trying to convince me to do it. And that's why I tried it and I hurt myself.

Yeah, well, one time is not enough.

Again, I have not found somebody from here that is into it.

Okay, so what are you saying? I moved here a long time ago from Michigan. I think of myself as like from the heartland, Midwestern roots, good stock, you know? Like, don't you think? Yeah, we're both from Michigan.

I, you know, Emily, you eat so much, you know, potatoes and rice and meat. I mean, that's good. You can only say you're from the Midwest. Yeah, I know, it's good.

But I'm just saying, they're dating weirdos that are into that kind of stuff. Okay, you should date a guy from Michigan.

I have dated guys from Michigan. That's why I moved.

A long time ago.

A long, long time.

You should try one out. Find one. Go on, go on, uh, one of those websites and search them out.

Okay, sounds good. I, I do like the Midwestern guys. I've met— but when I did the— no, here's the thing about the California guys, they're all a little crazy. You're a liberal hippie. That's you.

No, I'm not crazy.

Yeah, well, you're not insane. I'm not normal.

I'm not a liberal hippie.

I'm not a liberal hippie. I just like to meditate and do yoga, whatevs. I'm wondering, since Lizzie's like— I got a little— I think we should just get into Liz. Okay, cool. Okay, so Liz, we've I'm gonna get these emails, so we're gonna get to the emails, 'cause Lizzie's gonna have to run it in whatever, 20 minutes, half hour, but we're gonna get into some stuff here, and then we'll get back to listener emails, and we're gonna get back to do some Sex and the News if we've got time. But Lizzie, here's a question that, I can call you Lizzie, does everyone call you Lizzie still?

Just me?

You know what, people who know me best.

Oh, my cousin Lizzie.

What can I say?

She's my older cousin, and I always looked up to you my whole life.

And now it's the other way around.

Right, aww.

Not the age thing, but the looking up to thing. But I just have to say one thing. I am one today. Anyway, I'm one lesbian, and I am sure, Em, you have countless numbers of lesbians listening to you. And so I just want to say, ladies, shout it out. I'm gonna give one opinion. I've been, I've been a card-carrying lesbian for 20 years. I have my experience, and I know all you ladies out there have had your own experiences, so I hope that through sexwithemily.com you guys really start up a conversation and say, you know what, that crazy cousin of M, she had some opinions, completely disagree, my experiences are completely different. Shout it out because let's make it a conversation.

I think so too. Let's make a conversation. This is just one— yeah, one opinion, one opinion.

Yeah, I get that. I have to defend myself all the time. I'm like, I do not speak for all men.

I know, you know, because people get angry with men sometimes, which we love. Okay, so this is This is one. Dear Emily, is lesbian sex more about caressing, kissing, licking, nibbling, and sucking as opposed to penetration? What has been your experience with your partners for, for penetration sex? Are you more excited to be on the giving or receiving end? Thanks for taking time to answer my question. Jeff from Minnesota. So he just wants to know, what's lesbian sex? What's it all about?

I think lesbian sex is a lot like other kinds of sex in the sense that we all love lots of different things. And I think none of us would want to be pigeonholed to say we only like one thing. You know, maybe this week we're into one kind of caressing and next week is another kind. But the truth is lesbian sex is just as much variety as any other kind of sex out there. So absolutely, I think Jeff makes a really interesting point. I think there's this idea out there that women, you know, we're softer and we're just into caressing and touching and, you know, we're a little bit anti-penetration because we don't come genetically with that penis. But the truth is, we like all of it, and it's all great. And at least, you know, um, my experience and thinking about conversations I've had with friends, you know what, it's all good.

It's all good. It's all different.

Absolutely. Okay. I mean, you know, we get bored like everybody else, so, you know, you got to mix it up. You got to keep it lively. You know, those of us who've had long-term relationships. I've been lucky enough to have them myself. You know what, you gotta keep it lively, you gotta keep it interesting, and you gotta figure out how to keep your partner satisfied. And of course, you want to say— you want to be satisfied yourself. And that's where, as Em always talks about on her show, as Menace always says as well, it's all about communication. It's just how you want to do it.

Communication is lubrication, we always say.

Absolutely.

And okay, so what about like, do you use any sex toys or any strap-ons?

100%.

You do that?

100%.

What kind of sex toys do you like?

Well, I—

you know what, there's a whole variety out there, and I don't know that I'm any different than anybody else. I will say I am not from San Francisco. I'm also from the hearty Midwest, and in my town there are plenty of sex stores. And you know what, what's really exciting is that one lesbian sex store in town, they're really good about bringing out sex toy shows. They do them a couple times a month. They're great about advertising them. It's SRO, it's standing room only, and the women come in and they learn all about how to use all of them. So, you know, the variety is out there for us too. And it's—

some of us—

like a typical lesbian toy then? Not— you don't say you've used it or not, but like, what is like a typical— like, oh yeah, all my friends got the blankety-blank.

I mean, I think, um, I— you know, the dildo, right?

All right, you know, which is a non-vibrate—

like, a vibrator vibrates, but there's the dildo, there's hun— you know, countless numbers of vibrators out there. The vibrator is really popular, really common. Lots of women I know use them, are really satisfied by them, either using them by themselves or with a partner. They're really popular.

Okay, got it. You have a question?

Yeah, well, I just want to rewind a little bit.

Okay.

Just, I want to figure out, uh, you know, how was your experience coming out?

And that's a great question.

Wow.

You know, we— you were here yesterday, but you weren't on this on the air, and you said that you've had sex with men before and stuff like that. So, so what was it? How did— how was the transition? How was coming out and all that?

It's a great question. I'll do my best. And, um, Em knows the story too, so she can certainly chime in. So I think I just said I've been a card-carrying lesbian for about 20 years. Um, I— and when I came out, it was, you know, let's just say a few weeks ago, and it was a little bit of a different time. Um, not as easy maybe for a lot of the teenagers out there who might be listening to the show, a little bit of a different time. Um, and so as much as I grew up in a pretty liberal family, um, truthfully, it was a little hard on my parents. They really— they, they struggled with a little bit. They weren't shocked, it wasn't a huge surprise, but I can't say they were happy about it. But for me personally, it was a huge relief and, um, a huge piece of understanding about myself, and I never looked back. And it was a great decision in my early life, so pretty happy about it.

And when did you When did you first realize that you were a lesbian?

I would say, you know, looking back, you know, I, what can I say, I fall into a funny stereotype, so I had that really cute gym teacher at my school, super cute, you know, taught field hockey, and when I think back on my friends in junior high and high school who are now full-fledged lesbians themselves, you know, we all had a crush on her. It was, you know, oh yeah.

Because we didn't, my straight friends, we didn't have crushes on the, yeah.

I mean, you know, that was definitely out there, But you know, this was also, you know, we didn't really have the words to put around it at that point. That, you know, kind of happened later. So we kind of got it in our hearts and maybe in our heads, but we didn't have the words yet to put around it. So, but I would say for myself, it really kind of happened in college and then right after college in graduate school.

I remember when you told me I was at University, we both went to University of Michigan. Yes, we did. And Lizzie came to visit me and she was like, you know, I have to tell you. That I have to tell you something, I'm a lesbian. And I had already thought so because every time we talked about, I'm like, so who are you dating? You'd be like, well, this person that I'm dating is really interesting. And then this person, never using gender. And I'm like, that's really interesting. She never says he or she. And so that was kind of my thing. And I think I just kind of had it. I've known you for, I knew you for a while. You told me, and I don't think you had even told your parents yet.

That's probably true.

Yeah, that's probably true.

We were young, but also we were close and I clearly trusted you and wanted you to know. And it was really important. Thing to be able to take the time to tell you what was going on.

Yes, I'm glad that you did. And we've never talked about the sex part. What, Menace?

No, no, I was gonna ask you another thing. Yeah, how do you— have you figured out how to deal with women yet? Because man, oh, it is a struggle.

Menace, you know what, I gotta say, in my ripe old age, I gotta say, the day I learn how to figure out women, okay, you know, I gotta say— and again, ladies, I'd love to hear from you out there. I'd love to have you, you know, um, send them an email and hear what you have to say. Um, yeah, not easy. I think, you know, my own personal experience, women are super complicated, and sometimes I need a little bit of a break and go hang out with my gay men because they're just right, you know. It's, it's generally happy experience. Not to stereotype, not to generalize, of course everybody's their own individual. But yeah, not easy, Manus, not easy.

I feel like you just lifted a weight off my shoulder.

Why? Because you're not the only one who doesn't understand women. but the relationships are more complicated. For example, there's the whole U-Haul theory, right?

What does a lesbian—

the joke, what does a lesbian bring on a second date?

Completely.

A U-Haul. Okay, explain how that works.

Have you ever heard that? So the idea is that women are inclined to be enmeshed really quickly, and so they go on a first date and there's all this connection and all the pheromones are just running and there's all this chemistry, and so they decide super quick to just shack up and move in together. And so the joke is, what does a lesbian bring on a second date? Answer: U-Haul. Um, and I know I grew up with that, and I've certainly seen my fair share of it, and I've seen the U-Haul leave, you know, a few months later. There's definitely some of that too. What's exciting and interesting is that I see lots of men doing it too. And so the joke now is, gee, you know, all these gay men, you know, are you a bunch of lesbians also?

So it's definitely interesting, but they see in the gay community that they're just not as committed. There's more open relationships. Right?

Boy, you know, that's really— that's a tough one. And I'm not a statistician and I'm no sociologist. I got none of that stuff going on. But, um, you know, I think the question is whether maybe it's more accepted in the gay community and so people are more able to talk about it openly and freely, as opposed to maybe in straight couples, like, it's a little bit more hush-hush, a little bit— excuse the pun— in the closet. Actually, that's a question to maybe throw out to your audience, like, what do other people people think. Like, if straight couple— if people in straight relationships are having affairs, stepping out of their primary relationship, like, what's that about?

Right, exactly. You know, that's a good question. I mean, right, it's not to say that you guys don't have the same issues that we have.

Completely.

It's all—

it's all the same.

Okay, so a lot of people say that, like, lesbian sex is more passionate than other kinds of sex.

You know, I just have to say, I've had many conversations with lesbians, with gay men, A little less so with straight couples. Maybe it's a little less comfortable there, but I know my— all the gay men in my life, you know, they get a little upset with me when I say something like, you know, lesbian sex is more intense. They don't like it. You know, they're unhappy about it. They're real happy with the sex they're having. They're real satisfied with it. So real hard to say, but I do think that there's this idea out there because women are somehow better than— better at connecting. And so, but I will say this, um, Um, I— lots of lesbians I— who I've talked about this with are really, really happy with their sex lives. Okay, they really are. They feel that intensity. Now, is that just about being comfortable in their skin and being comfortable with the partner that they're with? And so that's kind of all in the mix. I don't know. Um, but it— you know, those of us who are happy lesbians, I think most of us have, have had very happy sex experiences.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, because when men are saying that they're so confusing, like, it is like I'm constantly just giving oral sex tips for men and trying to help them explain it. So you guys both— with two women have the same body parts. I mean, I think— but it still is different for each woman.

You know what's interesting? It's like, it's like, oh, you know, you have a vagina, I have a vagina, so your vagina has to function exactly like mine. And of course that's silly, right? Because everybody's their own person, you know. So maybe we get out of the starting block in the same way, but to get it down the road and to get it happy, gotta have that communication because is I like it this way and you like it that way, and if I don't give it the way you want it, you know what, you're an unhappy customer, and that's not good for either one of us. So you still got to talk, right?

You still got to talk about it.

Okay.

I think— what are some, uh, stereotypes that don't involve sex that has to do with lesbians that you want to get out there that are not right? Because can I just name one?

Absolutely.

Is the Subaru the number one? Is that the Les—

you know, I can tell you, I have, I have a friend at home, she's straight, she's, she's, she's never been with a woman, and, you know, and I don't think it's gonna happen, although you never know, the right woman could come along, which is a whole other conversation. You know what, she talks about her cars, the Lesbaru, like she gets it, and she gets it. People, when they meet her, they might actually think she's a lesbian because she drives one. So there's definitely that going on, no question.

Oh, I have another one. Oh yeah, lesbian bed death syndrome.

Oh yeah. Well, I will say this, I will say this, um, because I've actually had this conversation with a therapist friend I know who specializes in, in gay couples, and she says in her experience that lesbian bed death not only exists, but the rate of decline in sexual activity between women is higher. She says it. Now again, this is her experience, her practice, one person.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

Okay, so they say that lesbians who are together for a long time eventually stop having sex. So they called it the lesbian bed death syndrome.

Oh, right, I thought they died having sex.

Oh, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm explaining it wrong.

You know what, man, it's right, we should have clarified.

We should have. So what do you think, what does she attribute that to? Well— Is it like a hormonal thing? Is it—

You know what, you can't, that's a great comment, Em, because I think, you know, as somebody with her own, you know, listen, in my advanced 120 years, you know what, the hormones, they take their toll, there's no question, and that's absolutely a huge piece going on, and even among my straight friends, like, as they're getting older, you know what, the hormones are coming down, and they're not as interested as they were in their 20s and 30s. That's absolutely true. And you combine it times 2, you know, absolutely, that's a piece. I— so I think that in combination, if you've been in a long-term relationship, again, I'm repeating myself, you got— you got it. If you don't figure out a way to enliven it, keep it happy, keep it active, that can help to create a problem where, you know, you kind of— you stop figuring out how to satisfy each other long term, right? And I also think because there is this idea out there, you know, again, it's a question for the ladies out there: does it become a self-fulfilling prophecy? It's like you have this idea like, yeah, you know what, my friends have been really honest with me, they're not having so much sex anymore, so I can feel okay, like I'm just gonna relax back into cuddling and I'm kind of done with the other stuff. And I, I think, you know, maybe women are just as guilty out there as everybody else and not knowing how to use the kind of tools and you're making available to help people figure out how to keep it happy, right?

I'm trying. So what have you done in your relationship? Let's say the lesbian bed that you saw coming, the train, lesbian bed death syndrome train was coming. What did you do to spice it up?

I, you know what, we did something. We started something years ago that really was fun and it worked for us, and I'll share it. We started doing once, like twice twice a month, a 24-hour date. Like, turn off the phone, turn off the computer, Saturday noon till Sunday noon. It's private time, it's sacred time. You can go out to dinner, you can go to the theater, you can spend 24 hours in bed. You just do it up, you do it differently, and you just sanctify that time, right?

And it works.

And it became super— and it became really special. And very exciting, right?

That's good. I love it. I love it. That's a great idea. It's like we're always saying like people should take time away, get away. It's so—

but also I think not just— not to, you know, it's like I'd love to do that once a week. None of us have 24 hours once a week.

It's just too hard.

So the idea of twice a month worked for us.

That's amazing. Yeah, I think that's a really good idea just for now because people are So glued to their phones.

I'm—

yeah, my phone, I still do the show. I have to check email. But yeah, people like— you walk, you go outside this building and every single person has the phone in their hand, not in their pocket. And then just imagine, and you see even couples walking by and they both have—

or the couple at dinner when they're both on the phone texting. Yeah, you're doing— why are you at dinner?

The 24-hour thing I think is amazing.

That's an amazing idea. I'm gonna do that one day myself.

Well, what I was— so then how about a shout-out to your listeners. Okay, if people want to try it even once and kind of report back how'd it go, was it hard, was it hard to get off the phone.

Yeah.

And I will just say in this age when, as, as you're both saying, as we're all overconnected and I'm sitting here with my iPad and my phone right in front of me, you want to know something, give yourself the gift of practice, right? And if you set it up as that 24 hours and it's do or die, you may fail. But if you ease into it and and, you know, keep talking with your partner and figure out a way to kind of do something that's going to work, then you know what? Huge success for you.

Because then you're not distracted by anything else and you're singularly focused. So that means no phones, no television, no iPad, no— No television?

Ooh, that's a hard one. Well, like, can we watch TV together?

If you're watching TV together and it's about the romance and not about, you know, Glee, which is really hard to do. I love Glee. But you know, just to make it about your partner.

I watched E.T. the other day.

Yeah, how'd it go for you?

You think that would be pretty sexy?

Menace needs some help in that department.

Menace, you're such a man.

Okay, so I want to read you something. This is some, um, this is an article I found and it's called Lesbian Secrets for Men, and I want to see if— how you feel about this. All right, okay, because I think this is all— okay. Spend time on places other than her, just her breasts and vagina. I talk about this all the time. Yeah, men go right— it's been a while since you're with a man, it's all right. Literally, they're like, boobs, vagina. Like, do you see my stomach? Do you see my shoulders? Do you know how good it feels when you kiss my ear? That doesn't happen. So men tend to focus on what sets women apart from themselves during sex: their breasts and vagina. Since men enjoy women touching their penis to get them aroused, they assume women want the same. However, women actually prefer to have their entire body paid attention to. Since women-on-women sex does not involve penetration sometimes, most times they must find other ways to turn each other on. So, so men pretend there is no penetration allowed, you must find other ways to turn your partner on. So what do you think about that? Would you say your sex, it can't just be about boobs and vagina?

Well, I want to say that you're missing the other 90-plus percent of real estate available. Why would you deny yourself?

Right.

Why would you deny yourself? And here's a challenge for Explore your partner's body. Figure out what else turns her on. Like, or for the men out there, what turns him on, right?

So give me an example of some unique experience you've had, or spot on a woman that was like, wow, that it really turned around behind her kneecaps when I licked her.

Yeah, you know what, you're kind of reading my mind a little bit. And you know, I'm, I've, you know, I'm a little bit of a serial monogamist, full disclosure. So, you know, those of you women out there who've had hundreds and hundreds of lovers, I mean, I've been lucky enough to have two long-term relationships. So, you know, a little, little less variety on that front for me. But I will say, frankly, if you're good, any area in the body is an erogenous zone. You just got to go find it. And you— and you know what, again, and back to your point, use those toys. Because your hands are— your, your mouth, like, those are great. Use props, right? Use feathers, use food, you know, So use whatever you think might turn your partner on, and then you discover together. The elbow is great. The back—

I love when a guy just— the back of your neck. 100%. On my, on my forearm.

100%.

My neck.

How about your ankles?

Ankles? Sure. Everything.

Foot, foot tickling the bottom of somebody's foot. 100%.

See, I don't think— do women have food fetishes, or is that just a man thing?

But fetishes— uh, yeah, I think it's food fetishes.

Food fetish, believe me, I have one.

We in our family, the women in our family, have a huge food fetish.

We love to eat.

Have you heard about that though? Because I've been begging for a year now for a foot fetish person to email the show.

We've read it.

They haven't broken it down, like, why does it make them hot, right? If they can understand why it does. But we've— it's always men. Is that, is that a woman, woman thing?

I—

there are plenty of women out there who've got as many fetishes out there as the men, I would think. And I personally know women who, you know, in their own way— look, they love to touch feet, they love to, um, have their feet touched. That doesn't mean they've got a 24 by 36 photo of a foot on their ceiling, right? But in the right way, during this 45 minutes or hour or 24 hours of intimacy, touch your foot, see what happens.

Okay, another tip from lesbian— these are lesbian secrets. Have a night of mutual masturbation. Lie close to each other and kiss each other often, especially the neck, breast, and belly areas, so that you have body-to-body contact and you can really see. Watching your partner as they use their own hands is a great teaching tool as you both get turned on by the visual display. You might even want to place your hand softly over hers as she touches herself to learn the right pressure. So do you ever do that mutual master— watch each other like when you're first with someone and you know what makes them feel good and that's how you learn?

I mean, I think I think for exactly the reasons you're describing, I think we would all be denying ourselves a huge tool, a huge benefit if we didn't do pieces of this. I mean, absolutely, 100%. I mean, you know, guys, let's take the mask off. Like, masturbation, it's, it's, it's there for all of us, and it's a tool to use, and go for it. And, and doing it with a partner, perfect, perfect. It's all good.

It's all good.

Yeah, put it all on the table.

What about— this is the main question I had for you— what about oral sex tips? I know that all women are different, but I would think that lesbians would have— just have more experience. Are there— and they know that everyone—

well, then I feel sorry. Then I hope that's not true, only because I think, you know, we all enjoy oral sex. Yeah, straight, gay alike, you know. I—

but are there any like trick, tick— like, I know you've been with different women and all women are different, but are there any like tips or tricks or things that were like, wow, that always works every time?

Well, I don't— you know, um, I, what I do think what's really nice when you're having sex with the same partner over time is that you learn to feel their rhythm and you learn to follow their rhythm and you learn to read their signals using all of your senses so that you can really focus and apply pressure as they want it and relax when they want it and kind of go with the flow. Like feel it like water. Feel it like, you know what, this is just a really organic process, and I'm just gonna go with how she is telling me she wants to move, right?

Okay, that's big. Her body, because she might not— she might not be actually saying something completely.

And, and, you know, some women— look, everybody's different. Some women want to be penetrated while they're receiving, some don't. Some want the insides of their thighs caressed, some don't. Some want to be touched on on their butt, some don't. Some want their breasts caressed while they're being penetrated or receiving, some don't. And so it's, you know, there's just— there's so many options and so many choices, right?

Right. So do men— I mean, men— do women, you think, spend more time on the breasts? Because I've noticed that men don't really anymore. They used to. They don't. They spend like 2 seconds.

What's up with that?

I have no idea. I think they're afraid because I think they've just been turned down because they've gone for it. What's going on there?

Turned down?

I don't know, because I believe when they're younger, that's— they go for it right away and then they get pushed away. So later on in life, that's what they're used to. They're used to being pushed away, so then they just don't—

they just skip over the breast, go right to the vagina, and then right to the sex.

That is my theory.

Wow. Yeah, that's a shame. I know, because there's— have you ever been with a woman who can orgasm from her nipples?

Yes. Yes, I have. Right. That's amazing.

It's amazing.

It's amazing.

Yeah. Like women, a lot of women can do it, but they just don't know it because a man hasn't spent as much time.

Exactly.

Okay. So that's the point I wanted to know. Okay. Play with toys. So we said this, toys are for everyone, men, women use together.

So, um, and you said, and you know, part of your date time with your partner is to go to a sex shop and just, oh, I love it. Talk with the person behind the counter. Cuz you know what, they're there and they're trained.

If it's a gr—

if it's a good store, they're there and they're trained. and I'm gonna give one other tip. In, in one of the shops in my city, you know what, you go online, they've got videos online talking you through getting you comfortable with the idea of coming into the store and trying it out.

Love it. Okay, good. And we also have Adam and Eve. I can give them a shout out now. That's a perfect segue into our sponsor, Adam and Eve, since we're talking about toys. If there's— this is the perfect time to buy a toy if you've been wanting to buy a toy they're offering 50% off most items to loyal Sex with Emily listeners, and they'll throw in 3 adult DVDs and a free gift plus free shipping. So just go to adamandeve.com, put in coupon code EMILY at checkout, and take advantage of this deal today and get some amazing sex toys. People, what are you waiting for? They're like the easiest thing. They help you.

Perfect segue, Em.

Right, cuz?

Um, can I ask you real quick? I know that you have to leave in a few minutes, but, uh, do you do a lot of traveling?

I do.

You do?

I do.

So do you think any lesbian community in any other city is different than the other?

Uh, that's a great question.

I got a ton of them.

Yeah, you do. I'll tell you something, I'm just out here in San Francisco visiting for a few days, and I— friends of mine and I were out to dinner last night, and, um, I saw a bunch of tables of lovely ladies out, and it was just a beautiful sight. I think San Francisco seems like it's got a lot going on on the lesbian front, as we— I think we all know. Um, I, you know, I've only actually lived in a few cities, you know, a lot in, in communities. I know people complain like there isn't enough going on for just the women, right? And the men are better at supporting commercial stuff, commercial enterprise, which is a real shame. But lots of choices out there for great places to live as a lesbian.

Got it. Good. Okay, do you— do we have to say it's 1:30?

Okay.

We could do one more, one more question. One more, one more, and then I'm okay. Kiss more often during intercourse. For women, kissing is the fastest and easiest way to turn her on and get her juices flowing. Don't forget to kiss her when it's most important to her during intercourse. Try to kiss everywhere. Do you still make out when you're having sex? Completely.

I think it's cr—

you have to, right?

First of all, do you kiss fans?

Let's be—

let's— it's half the fun.

Do you know that kissing is the first thing that goes in relationships, long-term relationships? It's one of the first thing that goes. They're like, we have sex but we don't make out. Out. And I think making out is so important.

I do too.

Sometimes even more important. I'm like, can we make out?

I can— you know what, I can use toys on myself, but I can't kiss myself.

I know, you're right. I want to make out. Yeah, yeah, I got it. Thanks, cuz.

Loved being here. I absolutely love you guys. Have a great thing going. Can't wait to keep listening.

Okay, thank you for having me. Thanks. Am I gonna see you again? Because I don't know.

Let's talk.

Talk.

Call me later. Okay. Okay. All right.

Love you.

Love Okay, all right, that was awesome. That was—

love that.

How smart is my cousin?

Very smart. She's my smartest cousin, and she was very talkative, which I like.

Well, what do you think? Well, that is our family. Yeah, our family does not stop talking ever.

Can I— can I say something before the transition? But we are recording— just to go back— we are recording live at stitcher.com, which we love Stitcher. You can listen to podcasts on your mobile device and smartphone. They are not a sponsor, they just— they're nice enough to let us use their facilities to do this show. Sex with Emily is— if you're just tuning in, you just click the link that you saw, tweet on Facebook, yep, or Twitter, and you're like, what the hell is going on? The show is live right now. It is live. Sex with Emily has changed and it is a paid site now. Not right now, but but first month when you sign up, it's free.

Check out if you like it. I think you're gonna love it.

It's 15 cents a day, $5 a month. There is other packages where you can spend more, but yeah, cheaper for the year.

If you— if we would love you to subscribe for the whole year because then you just got it and you— and then you got Sex on Emily Every Day. You don't have to be here 1 to 2, you can listen to archive. We've got like 15 episodes from the last like 15 days that you guys haven't even heard yet.

It is also, on top of being an audio podcast, it is a video podcast, right?

You can listen to it on your iPod.

Yeah, and you can take it with you and can watch it and all that. Uh, you know, people have been asking more of the show, and this is how you got to do it. You know, it's a sandwich a month for Emily. You don't have to buy me anything. And, uh, it's— you can basically— the, the website is totally changed. There's gonna be content there every single day, a breakdown of the show, highlights of the show. You can respond, um, Emily can respond quickly to listeners.

And yeah, if you're a premium, if you become a premium member, your email goes to the top of the pile. We'll be doing video answers to your emails, we'll be doing written answers to your emails, we'll be doing chats, we'll be doing forums. You'll just— we'll have a lot more interaction. And since this is daily, remember, this is, uh, 5 times the amount of shows we were doing before, which is, is really, really exciting. So I hope you all go to the website and just support us. Like we said, it's a sandwich. Or if you saw me, like, wouldn't you want to be like, hey, um, I love your show, like, I'd love to buy you a glass of wine, or you'd love to have a sandwich. Just do it. Like just, it's, uh, we appreciate your support.

And then also, uh, another thing, you might run into some technical glitches here and there because the site has only been up for about a week, right?

It's still a new site.

It's a very new site. If you run into a problem, do not be, you know, don't get upset or, you know, say I'm not going to come back. Everything's going to be fixed. There's going to be more and more content, so just check it every single day.

Yeah. And I know it's kind of confusing to people too because they were listen to the podcast in a different way. So, um, please email me with any of your questions. I'm responding to all of them about the technical stuff, and I'm trying to respond to all your emails too, as I always do. So yeah, sexthumby.com. And just thanks. I love, love, love my listeners. Like, the last 6 years, like, just hearing from everybody, it's changed my life. This is my dream, being here 5 days a week. It's all I've ever wanted to do. So I feel very lucky and blessed, and thanks everyone for supporting this endeavor. Okay, let's get to some more emails.

Go for it.

Hey, I'm in Menace. I love listening to your podcast while I'm at work. Keep up the wonderful talks. I just had a question concerning my new relationship. I've been dating this wonderful guy for just over 2 months and we've only slept together once. Okay. Both our past relationships prior were quite messy, so we decided to take it slow. Before him, I hadn't had sex in a few years I'm 24, but I find that I don't need it as much. I want, I want to want to, but I'm starting to think I'm asexual or something. But because of my past, I'm always really cautious about sex. I'm just never in the mood and we barely ever in a position or a place to do so. Any advice? Caitlin from Rhode Island. Well, I'd say first, if you're experiencing like a low libido or not, you're not really, you're not sharing desire, I, my first thing is always get checked out by a doctor because there you might have, you know, are you taking any medications? If you've— if you have a sudden dip in libido, your doctor could check you out. So that would be the first thing. And then I would say there are ways to start if you're feeling not as sexual as a woman, like there— and men— but there are ways to start bringing that back into your relationship. I don't know how often, Caitlin, you use fantasy, but to start like fantasizing during the day, like, you know, maybe it could be like the hot guy you see at the gym. Fantasize about him. That's what guys do all the time. Time to, you know, you start bringing sex into you. You make a conscious effort to bring sex into your life. Masturbate more. Fantasize, masturbate, um, doesn't matter. You can try to stimulate your own sex drive so you're feeling it for each other. Maybe the two of you need to do stuff to spice it up, like, or have a nice dinner and a couple of martinis or two. Oh God, menace. I'm just saying, menace always thinks you should get drunk, but maybe she's not a drinker. So I would say yes, first get checked, and then I I would say make a conscious effort, like read erotica, rent porn, watch porn. There's so much that you can do to kind of stimulate that sexuality if it's not, if it's not coming on your own, I would say. Yeah, no pun intended.

Yeah, sorry, I was trying to bring something other than alcohol and then I just had an idea. I need to post the, um, this cocktail that when I worked at a bar, it was called the Panty Dropper, and it was just like It's super hard drink, but it tasted delicious and you couldn't really taste there was too much alcohol.

Yeah, I want it.

And then you just get wasted.

I can't drink that much, but if I have a good tasting drink, I'll be wasted.

Yeah, I'm gonna go and back to the bar that I— that I worked at and figure out the combination.

I could use one today. It's been stressful.

Now, a panty dropper?

Maybe, maybe a 4 when I'm done.

What are you gonna do later today? What are your plans?

My plans are I am going to my goddaughter's sister's 8th birthday party.

Party in Marin.

It's a party. Yeah, yeah, she's turning 8, and I— it's hard because they live in Marin, which is like half over the bridge, and I don't get over there as much. So I try to make birthdays and I try to make Christmas.

Cool.

So, but what is the— what's the situation gonna be like?

Like, well, to all married people, all— okay, so you're gonna be the only— I'm always the only single one. This is what happens to me. I'm always a single person at every party, at every event, and all my friends are married in Marin. Marin County is more of like people leave San Francisco and they go there and they have families and they leave.

Yeah.

So I'm the single one, so everyone descends upon me like, who are you dating? What's going on? What's the latest thing in sex? Oh, I heard your show, you know. So I think I kind of become like— they think my dating stories are hilarious and I kind of become that person. But it also isn't— in the flip side of it, it's like, that should be me married with kids right now in Marin County, but it's just not really what I've wanted.

Um, but that's gonna be the deal.

There's gonna be no sense.

I I don't really see any single guys being at an 8th birthday party.

No, it's gonna be a lot of parents with kids taking pictures. I mean, it's not— it'll be nice, 'cause she's adorable, and I love that I have so many kids in my life. 2 godchildren and 3 nieces. So that's what I'm doing tonight, and then I'm gonna go home and work and update the website, because I'm really every day producing content. So, got some stuff to write, got 3 videos to post, new videos that people haven't seen yet.

Yeah, I wanna see that video section. Full. And, uh, what you got to do, like, um, uh, you should do like a Cribs type show where you go through like a sex shop and stuff like that.

Oh, it's a great idea. That's a great idea. We'll go to a sex shop. Well, my interns, we're all going to go to some sex classes together.

Okay.

Yeah. And they're also coming up this summer where they're going to all be doing intern sex toy reviews as well as book reviews and porn reviews.

I like that.

I love it. Isn't that Yes. Okay. Dear Emily, my name is Paul and I'm 16 years old. I love how educational your podcast is. When people in my high school talk about sex, they are so uninformed and sound completely ignorant and immature. I found your podcast because I was looking to get educated on the subject of sex. I, I myself have never had sex. The farthest I've ever gone was making out with a girl. My friends have all, have it, have all had sex, and I tell them that I'm not a virgin, but I'm beginning to think think something is wrong with me. I personally don't really care about having sex, nor do I see myself having sex anytime soon. I listen to your podcast to get educated, but I want yours and Menace's opinion. Should I do it just to get it over with, or should I wait? And how will people react if I tell them I'm a virgin? Will they ridicule me or think I'm weird? Signed, Paul. Paul, thanks so much for writing. You're only 16. I would not give in to the pressure of your friends and what they're doing. They're all— first of all, you're saying they've all had sex. I don't believe half of them. Um, maybe they have, but I think that you should only do it when you're ready. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not a freak. I think it's great that you're listening to the show to educate, so when you are eventually with a woman, you will, you know, maybe have some tips there that will work for you. But, um, I don't think you should just do it to get it over with. I think that is not the right answer. I think that you're, you're right on your path. You're educated. In fact, I wish that more men would have— that I slept with, because early sex is not that great anyway. I wish that more men would got educated about the female body before we had sex. I wish more 16-year-old boys own it.

You're gonna own it.

But what do you think? Way he shouldn't just—

yeah, I didn't have sex till I was 18, so don't even worry about it. Yeah, doing it.

But did you feel ridiculed? Like, did you feel odd because your friends were having sex? No, no, you just waited.

And yeah, and again, I don't think you should just do it to get over with.

No, never.

You shouldn't I mean, you shouldn't like hold off. I think at this point right now, if it happens, it happens. I mean, don't put too much pressure on yourself.

That's the thing, you just gotta stop. I think it sounds like you're spinning in your mind a little bit, Paul, about it. Like, should I do it, should I not? My friends have, I haven't. If I tell him, am I gonna be a bad person? And that goes on in high school a lot. You feel like you're gonna be judged. And all I would say is just kind of stick to your own strength and be who you are and be honest. And all will work well in the world. You don't have to conform.

Yeah, especially sexually. Now if you're the 40-year-old virgin, then yes, then you have to conform.

That's a whole other story. I'd love to hear from a 40-year-old virgin. We've had some emails from them in the past, but are you a virgin that's a little older? Email me, feedback@sexwithemily.com. We should do a virgin show. I actually had some people who were virgins that said they'd come on the show. That would be interesting, wouldn't it?

That would be cool.

God, what would I have been doing? I would have had a lot more free time if I hadn't been having sex for the last 40 years.

Have you seen the movie 40-Year-Old Virgin?

The Virgin? Yes, I actually have seen that movie.

I like it how it's just like it's almost gonna happen, but there's like some situation that happens and then it doesn't.

That's a good movie.

Yeah, and I'm sure that's happened before where like people, they were going to, it was gonna happen, but it just didn't, and then the next opportunity came up. And are you becoming flaccid over there on your microphone?

Yeah, it just, it was flipping, but now it's better. My mic.

But then there's some people that just, you know what, I'm not gonna do it till I'm married. And you know what, I respect that.

I do too.

If people want it, if that's what they want to do, hey, you know what, it's their own life. I don't ridicule them, right?

I hope that there's nothing I've ever enforced here that there are— I try so hard to not say what is normal and what are shoulds. You can lead your sex life however you want to, as long as you're doing what you want to do with integrity, you're not being forced into anything, you're not doing anything because you're feeling pressured. Women and men, and no matter how old you are, I mean, if your partner wants you to do something and you're not comfortable with it, it's okay to say no.

Yeah, you don't have to bring in the donkey.

Don't bring in the donkey or the fuzzy— or the bear or the Hamburglar costume.

You should wear the Hamburglar costume.

Yeah, get me one. I'll wear it.

Are you serious?

Whatever.

I mean, so awesome if you did, and we pumped it up and you wore it for an hour on the show.

We should—

I will find it.

We should bet on something, and then if I lose, I have to wear the Hamburglar and you have to do something. Yes, like I don't know why.

That would totally— I'm gonna go search it right now. I will find it.

You could find it on eBay.

Find one.

Okay. Menace was asking me if I would do anything for sex, and he's like, we'd dress as the Hamburglar.

No, see, this is the thing. I said, if you found— because you're like, oh, you know, we're like talking about if we find the one and you got married. And I said, what about— and you were talking about fantasies. And I go, okay, you found the dream guy, the The, the man that you've been searching for your entire life, and his fantasy— after you got married, you already locked down with this guy— his fantasy was he wanted you to dress up like the Hamburglar from McDonald's, and you said you would not do it.

Well, I just think it'd be hot in that costume, and it wouldn't feel very sexy.

But that's what he wants.

I would do that, but can the next one I wear— oh, now you're—

now you'll do it?

I don't know if that was really what he wanted, but then I have to look into Why does he really want that?

McDonald's? It's delicious food.

Yeah, but it's not that healthy for you. I mean, but then— but okay, but so much about sex is like, I want to— okay, so it's this whole reciprocal thing. Like, if you were like, Emily, that is so hot, I, I think that I would like put on that hamburger uniform. Maybe I'd put on some stilettos too. Yeah, to make it a little hotter. But I'd be like, okay, he's getting turned on. This is what sex is, is that reciprocal. Like, I'm turning you on, so that's turning me on. So I do it. But you know, yeah, but it's so—

see, when you— if you gotta go back and listen to these podcasts, it's so much about pleasing you. What about, I just want that?

I would give it— no, honey, I'm all about pleasing the man too. Probably too much. I probably don't— I don't—

but I don't hear it on this show.

Pleasing men is so important. It's all about how to please a woman because women don't get pleased enough and we're more complicated. Honey, we talk about pleasing men all the time.

Okay, we do.

Example about About oral sex, about paying attention to what they want, taking initiative. That's the number one complaint that men have about women is that women don't take initiative sexually. So we say that women should do that. Women should try to— women should take off their sweats when they get home from work, shouldn't put on their sweats when they get home from work every once in a while, you know, to still make efforts to be sexy and feel sexy, not just for him but for yourself.

Okay, those are some good ones.

Thank you. I think I do that all the time, but maybe not enough.

Yeah, okay, maybe we want the hamburger.

Why don't— maybe, maybe you can give some— do some sex tips for women.

What? It's all about pleasing.

But you could do sex for men. I mean, you could give the tips that you want. What do you— men, what is the one— if you— if your partner— you're with a woman right now, let's say.

Okay.

And she's not a woman. No, you're the man.

Okay.

And you're with this hot woman that you just adore, you've been wanting to be with forever, and you guys are finally together, but you only have like 10 minutes, okay? 15 minutes. What would you want her to do if we only had 10 minutes? Yeah, 15 minutes, say.

But no, we were talking about fantasies though.

Okay, fantasy, fine.

Fantasy. My fantasy is I don't have to work for it. I get home and she wants to—

she's dressed up, she's like, get down, she's ready to go.

I don't have to do all these things where I praise her 15 times.

Yeah, exactly. That is, that is the number one male fantasy. To lose control in a relationship. I think that you just nailed it. So women listening, take more control. Men, that is the number one complaint from men is that women do not take initiative enough with sex. So women should do something special. So what should she do? She should grab you, she should already be naked, what? She should be wearing sexy lingerie? No, you're not into that. So what?

Yeah, she should just like totally grab me and just, you know, take full control. That's it. Just, yeah, you don't have to wear— Uh, not, not the entire time, but just like the, the initial thing where she just say, hey, this is, this is going down, right?

This is happening.

That is awesome. Yeah, I don't have to worry about, you know, once the right— the timing of when I can go for it. Just like, this is all about her, man.

Right? You know, open the door and she's standing there like, right?

Yeah, okay, let's, let's go.

Thanks, Manus. That's, that's it. Men are so I know, that's why we spend so much time on women, because women are not as simple as men. Men— not that men don't have issues, and men have a lot of— not, sorry, issues— not that men don't have like challenges sexually. I hate to say issues, challenges sexually. They do. But women, I just think, are a little more complicated with the orgasms, like, you know, and the all that stuff. All the orgasms, the clitoris, the G-spot. I know, it's a lot of work. What you're saying is you're fancy.

A lot of money.

You're a fan of what? Taking him to dinners first, getting him drunk, tequila. Okay, so I do— we have time for one more, maybe?

Go for it. We do.

We do. Yeah, awesome. But they're a little long, so— okay. In the recent show, you told me to meet a woman— to meet a woman, a man should search for her like going to the concert, bars, or other places where a lot of women are. And what do you think about a different approach? When you don't go anywhere, you just do your usual stuff like the job, gym, shopping, jogging, and you're not searching for anyone on purpose. You just do what you do every day, and if you see someone you like, you go start talking to that person, take their number. Is this scenario— does this scenario work when you're not searching on purpose? And what is better, talk to a woman in the club, concert, bar, or on the street, shop, or grocery? He's getting very specific. Does situation matter or it's all up to the guy? What do you think? And what sex is better, short or long? Is it better to start fast, rush, super exciting, wild sex, or to do prepared, smooth, soft, long night?

This is a two-parter. I'd rather just answer the first question.

Okay, yeah, that's from Vlad. Okay, okay. Um, Vlad, let me just say this, is that, um, I think that I say that often to people. I'm like, sure, I mean, I think if you want to meet somebody, you should make it— you're like, if you're ready, like, making your full-time job— you are always looking for somebody. So yes, a lot of people meet every morning at their coffee shop. They see me— they say see the same person on the bus or at their coffee shop or their gym. That, I think, or at work, that's a great way to meet people. You can also meet people at club— when people meet all the time at clubs and bars and gyms. But if you don't want to do any of that, or clubs and bars and whatever else you said, concerts— but if you're just someone who's like busy, you're working a lot, doing your thing, I think on your daily route, your daily path to work, that you will find someone that way if you get up and do when you start talking to them. I think there's nothing wrong with that. I think that that is— then they're obviously on your vibe, they're vibing with you, you're both taking the route to work, you're both drinking Starbucks in the morning.

Yeah, I, I do not want to meet a girl in a club or a bar or a concert. I don't, I just don't. That's not the situation.

But I have, I have met guys at bars, but it's been a while. Yeah, usually it's through friends or through my day-to-day life, like in my office building. That guy who asked me out, I'm not going out with with him, but he asked me out because we're in the same building, and that's how you meet people. So I would say it's not an either-or here, it's just whatever you want to do. And if— I think that just doing your daily stuff is a— I've actually said this a lot— is a great way to meet people.

Just open your eyes in your environment and do not be afraid to talk to people.

Just talk to people.

Just smile.

You're at the gym, you go every day, there's a hot woman on the treadmills. I use the treadmill mat.

No, gym's not good. Why? Girls don't like to be approached every day.

He jogs or whatever.

Girls don't like to be approached at the gym. I heard so many girls say that, right?

Yeah, you could just smile.

Yeah, don't go up and talk to her.

But I think that— and then which sex is better?

Give her the look.

Short or long? Is it better to start fast? It's better to do it all. There is no, there is no answer to your question because sex is all about variety. So sometimes, for example, I would like it short, sometimes I want it really long, sometimes I want it fast, sometimes I want it slow. I think that men feel the same way. So I think that my answer to you is to mix it And that's all we got time for together today, right?

Yep.

Okay, thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.