For Penis Sake!

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes they call. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man e here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com and have a really good time there. Hi, Menace. Hi.

How you doing?

Good. How are you?

My favorite part about sex with Emily, Dot, tell me. Well, other than, you know, you can shop and just like get whatever we talk about here on the show.

Yeah, it's true.

Is the contact button. It is so easy. Has everything right there.

Right?

Any way you want to reach Emily, it's right there.

Right there.

Sex emily.com.

Snapchat.

You might be afraid to type it into your web browser. I don't know why? Because if you're listening to the show, you shouldn't be afraid.

Yeah, sex is everything.

But type it in on your phone and you can delete your history, dude.

Right? Is that okay? We just troubleshooted for an hour. We were delayed the show because Menace is such, so such a wonderful friend and uber tech savvy that he just fixed my stupid icloud problems. But the point is, you're right. I think that often. We were talking on an earlier show about how men typically get caught cheating. I'm not telling that people like you, you should clear your browsers, but maybe people don't know how men is. So how do they easily clear their browser history?

Well, at least for me, I'm a big iPhone user, so I'm assuming it's the same. I do have Android public service for a long time. Yeah, it's super easy. So let's say you've used viewed something that, you know, maybe you don't want other people to see. All you got to do is go to your settings, you find your safari and you go clear history and cookies.

So easy. Or Google how to clear the history.

It clears everything in two seconds.

Do you feel like most people, you know, who've gotten and I hear from women and men now, it's true, men get caught a little more. But how they get caught cheating is typically through their phone. Text. Yeah, there was like, oh, it was a Facebook message or it was a text message.

And it was actually something just recently we were talking about.

On the morning show that I'm part of, the Woody show.

They.

They were talking about a story where a guy got busted through the icloud. So because, you know, you're a big fan of this. I am not. But a lot of people like to connect everything on all their devices.

Right?

Right. So guys are stupid, like I always say. And then so here's the guy, he connected everything on all of his devices. So when he a text Message comes in, pops up on his computer, pops up on his tablet, all that stuff. So he's out in the world, but his lady is back, she's home. And then boop, boop, boop.

Right? There you go, there you go. It's all the kids. I've even had friends. Yeah, the kids saw the texts to another woman or another guy. My friend, a friend friend. A friend cheating and her husband, the kid got it like 12 year old son. So be careful, but, oh, don't cheat. How about that?

Did you hear about the story just recently in the uk, talk about dumb guys, where a guy, he.

You might have already talked about this, but he is suing Uber for millions of dollars.

Yes.

So, you guys, I heard this because.

The location, the GPS track location stayed on and his wife got a phone.

So what happened was he, he. Because he's a dumbass and he's. I mean, he's cheating, so he's a dumbass anyways, but he's a dumbass. And he used his Uber account on his wife's phone and Uber had a glitch in it where even though he signed out, the notifications were still coming in of like, oh, your Uber driver showing up. This is what the amount was. Like, all the information was still coming through even though he wasn't signed in.

Right. She was like, where are you going?

For $16.28, instead of taking responsibility of his own for his own actions, he's gonna. I mean, it's 2017. Nobody wants to ever do that in their life anymore. He is going and suing Uber over it. Yeah, like, no, dude, you're the dirt bag. That was.

I know what's gonna happen with that, though. That was like a few weeks ago.

I don't know.

I think Uber has. They've been under fire so much lately, they might just pay up.

Who knows, who knows how that's gonna go? I don't know what, the laws are different in the UK or whatever. Or maybe they'll pay for it to go away. Who knows? I hope they fight it.

Because people just think you can't get caught, though. That's the point. Like, they just think that it's not gonna happen to them or they're just, they're, they're, they're overwritten by lust and desire and they just want to act in that moment. So if you're thinking of cheating. I'm not saying I am a reformed cheater. I used to cheat. You remember, probably when you met me. Was I a cheater then? I'M trying to think I was over cheating then 12 years ago. But the point is, you should probably take a look at your relationship, turn around and say, hmm, is there something I could do here? I know this impulse, this urge, you know, I want immediate gratification. Feels really good right now, but could I look at my partner? Is there something we can do here? Do I love him? Do I love her? Can we repair something? If not, you know, then you end it and then you go have sex.

Yeah, right. But you. I mean, if you're out there doing that kind of stuff, you don't have your whole icloud connected to all your devices.

No, you. You don't, but. Thank you. But you just had my icloud direct. But I don't. I don't share my icloud with anybody.

No.

So I feel really safe about that, but. And then you try to make me that awful password. That's.

I was trying to make you a secure password so people don't find your nudes.

I don't have any nudes now. I wish I. Like, I don't have any nudes, but I feel like. I don't know. I guess I could still take nudes one day, but I'm not gonna send them to anybody. People, you know not to do that as well.

Yeah.

So what else is going on? How are you?

I'm great.

I know by the time this podcast comes out, just check. Check my Instagram account @Menace M E N A C E. Because I might be on the radio in a city near you.

Oh, maybe the Woody show. Check it out. So that's really cool.

Just check that out.

Check out my Instagram account, too, because there's lots of fun things happening. I'm gonna put up the naked picture. I'm gonna take a naked picture tonight maybe, and put it.

Don't promise that.

No, I want you to do it.

But you had, like, a shirt where you're showing off your belly. Guys are into that kind of stuff. Or.

Yeah.

Your stomach.

My stomach. Belly.

Say belly.

Stomach. No. How do you talk when you talk dirty? You're like, I want to come on your stomach. I don't know what he's saying. Panties. Panties.

Say belly. But. So you're over your sickness. You're looking great.

Thank you.

Healthy.

I do. I feel great. I gotta say, I feel really good. I moved into a new house. I feel like I'm really in the mood too. It's really great. It's like a real home. It's a home and it's set up now in a place like, in a way that it just. I don't know, you move into a space. My other places I talked about was like a very small place. It was like I lived there for a few years too long.

It was a little cocoon.

It was a little cocoon. But, you know, I'm just setting it up now. Like, I've got a really nice bed. Yeah.

Your new place. Yeah.

You guys know feng shui, the whole thing. If you're looking. I'm not like necessarily looking for someone, but I'm just saying if you are, this is what my design, my interior designer brought to me. And I've. I've actually said this to people. If you're looking for a partner and your home is not set up in that way, like, let's say you have all your clothes on your bed and you only sleep on one side of it, which I think I did a lot in my 20s and still happens sometimes. But to set up your space. So if you're looking for someone in the world to come in and you're looking for a partner or you're dating to like have two lamps, two nightstands, like, set your room up, like, it's in a way to welcome in that sexual energy.

I said that over the years. Invest in your bed.

Invest in your bed. Because you spend so much time in your bed. Which actually is. Leads us to our sex in the news in a second. Which is funny. Yeah, but. But keep going.

But I was just saying something that we've talked about in the past is like investing in your bed. Because don't you feel more sexy or more open to it when you're more comfortable in bed?

Right.

I know beds aren't cheap. And not everybody can just like, just buy them willy nilly. Like, some of them, like, cost as much as like buying a cheap car. But it's definitely worth.

Casper mattresses are awesome. I love Casper mattress. And also sheets are important. I was just thinking about this. I was having a flash. Like, things I want to tell guys in their 20s that, like, maybe I've said on the show, maybe not lately, but like, this kind of stuff is important that I feel like, bad sheets. And you're supposed you might still get laid, but it's just kind of gross. Like, clean your sheets and like, you go to Bed Bath and Beyond or you go to like, even Target has really good sheets right now. Don't get those satiny cheap ones that your mom got you in college and then you just move into your thing. Like, get like a nice parachute and.

Then go to TJ Maxxing.

Like high end stuff, high end sheets. It matters. Like, set up your. Be clean. Like, you know, I get it, it's hard in your 20s. You' like figuring life out. But like, guys, just check this out.

The more comfortable your bed is, the longer a woman's gonna want to stay.

Exactly. Same goes for sex.

And I know it's a mind blowing statement right there, but I'm telling you, it is true. And I know you're like, I don't want to. I want to spend my money on out going out drinking and doing like fun stuff. Like no chicks come in.

And if it smells and it's dirty and crusty, like they're not coming back, no, she might not come back. So it's not that hard. And it's, it just, it's good for your, your psyche as well. So get used to that stuff. That was actually, I was trying to think, you know what? I'm gonna probably should do a show on that too. Like, just things that I've learned because I feel like I've learned a lot in my life about things I wouldn't have known, which I would. Which I wish. What I wish I knew. You know, in my 20s when I was dating.

You should do a. A show where you're like, pretending that you're talking to your younger self. Yeah.

Oh, my God. It would be cool. That's a really good idea. So much to say.

I'll help put it together.

Right? Like, whatever you worry about does not matter. And that's actually true in every age. Whatever you're stressing about now is probably not really a problem. You're going to be fine. You have your health. If you do have your health, like, yes, you be grateful for who's around you, your friends, your family. If it's all working. Your penis is working. Yeah, all that stuff. You're good. Okay, let's do a little sex in the news.

All right.

Okay. We've got a double here because they sort of like work together. I found it very interesting that I'll read this. Okay. Here's exactly how much time you'll spend having sex in your lifetime. It's just one of these silly studies because they're like, think about your life for a minute. What do you do in a day? And how much time do you spend doing each of those things? So research shows we spend about 26 years of our lives sleeping. We spend 9.1 years eating and a solid 92 days on the Toilet.

Wow.

Time well spent. Right? But have you ever thought about how much time you spend having sex? Considering sex is a huge part of our lives, theoretically it should take up a lot of our time. Or does it? So there was a study by Reebok. Whatever they care.

Okay.

The average person will spend 0.45% of their life having sex, which translates to 117 days. That's like about four months out of like, that's about four months. Like 800. What does it say? 800 days. Not very much time at all. What is it? Eight? Why say 117 days and 800? 800. I don't know, 117 days.

800 hours maybe.

Yeah, I guess 800 hours. What the hell? 26. Okay. 9.1 years eating. So how many hours? No, we spend days, not even years. Okay, so if we spend nine years eating in 117 days having sex, that is like not a lot of time. We're on the toilet. We're spending 92 days on the toilet. So we spend a little bit more time having sex. The point is, I feel like that number should be up and we should spend more time prioritizing sex, which is why I was interested in this. And I think about everything else that we. And sleep is important. I've been actually obsessed with getting eight hours of sleep lately. Do you ever do that?

I try so badly, but I can't.

There's all these things like Ariana Huffington, she's like obsessed with sleep now. Like all her studies and all her research is like shows that like you need eight between seven and nine hours.

When I get it, I feel amazing.

I'm really trying. But now I've been so stressed lately that I'm trying so hard to get it that I wake up in the middle night because I'm nervous I'm not gonna get it. And that's actually crazy making so. So now you have the answer to that. Try to have more sex. Let's try to bump that number up. But here's the other thing I found really interesting. What we can say no, no, keep on going. No. That beds are important, sleep is important, sex is important. But the Swedes, they're always ahead of us. Actually they're more open minded. They say that Swedes should take sex breaks at work. Says the politician. So Swedes politician said that they should take a one hour paid break from work to go home and have sex.

With their partners every day.

Yeah, I don't know, dude, but I'm telling you, you're all everyone wants to know we have no time, we have no this. You make time for things that you make time for. Okay. A counselor suggest in a proposal aiming at improving people's relationships. There are studies that show sex is healthy, says Eric Muskos, a 42 year old city council member. He told the news agency. He said couples were not spending of time with each other in today's society. And it's about having better relationships. He noted there's no way to verify that employees do not use their hour for other purposes than spending times with their partners or spouses. You can't guarantee that they don't go out for a walk. But he saw no reason why the motion wouldn't pass. So after the Finns and the French, Swedish. Okay, after the Finns, Finns and the French, Swedish, full time employees worked the least in Europe with only 1600 hours on average in 2015, according to a study. Blah, blah, blah. We work way too much. Germans 1800. It doesn't say how much we work, but I'm sure we work a lot more.

Insane.

I know. So. But that would be interesting, don't you think? Like, because if you don't have a partner. Because there was. Wasn't there another news story a few weeks ago about taking time off for masturbation?

Maybe you would. Yeah, you'd either masturbate or maybe you.

Get partnered up, but nobody would exactly like, hey, I gotta have sex right now, you in my office. But I just think it's. We gotta prioritize sex more. Which is like, if there's anything.

If that happened, we would have world peace if it was everywhere.

I agree. I agree that the more sex. Let me tell you something else about sex is that I know that I. I talk about this all the time, about how important sex is and also masturbation. And even though it is my job, I realize that like, and you probably already know this and I feel like men, we always assume men masturbate all the time, but I think there's a lot of men who don't or they just, they just. Either they're in a relationship or they're not in a relationship and they're kind of like, I don't really need it. But sex and masturbation is a huge stress reliever. And I realized I was having a. I've had a very weird start to the year with all this stuff that's happened. And there's some stuff that I can't tell you guys about which one day I will. I mean, I'm healthy, I'm Fine, Just some interesting stories down the road, but just been kind of weird. I realized I haven't masturbated. So then like last weekend I was like, you know what? Like probably in like honestly a month, three weeks. A month, that's a lot for me. And then before that it might have been three weeks. Like I just haven't. And typically I do. So I was like, wow, I just think I should masturbate. And it was like this huge friggin release in a way that it was like. And now I'm gonna get back on it. It's like the gym, doing it more frequently, more regularly. And I realized with that time spent, I had so much more anxiety in my life that it's like this. Just, just take time for it. Take time for masturbation. If you feel like you've low libido or you're not interested in sex, it's like everything. The more you do it, the more sex you want to have and you'll just fucking feel less anxious. It's great. And another thing I realized is that you know how often like things are just right underneath your nose and you're like, oh yeah, I know this. And like I like, I say like I have hundreds of sex toys at my house. Literally.

Yeah.

And I realized that people. I was talking to a friend the other night and she was saying she was stressed and she doesn't have time for sex to have sex with her husband. I was like, well, you should just masturbate and try this. She goes, I have no time for masturbation. She shut me down. And then I thought, I have all these toys that are waterproof, right? Like so many sex toys are waterproof. Like what's like one of our. I'm trying to think right now, like what, what I use. I think it was the, the G vibe, the little finger one. Oh yeah, the C ring. Waterproof. And also remote control. It's remote control. But I like took it in the shower. I was like, okay, I have to shower. No time to masturbate. Cause I always associated waterproof toys with like, I'm with a partner, I'm taking a bath, I'm like, no, I can masturbate in the shower. Like the good old days, like everyone does. And it was frigging awesome. I'm like, now I'm gonna test out the waterproofness of all my toys. So even though this is what I do for a frigging living, sometimes I even forget. And I'm telling you, since I'm so tuned into that in my body, it was a huge release. So masturbate and have sex a lot. As often as you can remember. If you can't have sex, masturbate all those things. That's all.

I think people are trying to. But some do get really busy.

I think you get busy. I think you realize you don't have time, but even, like, it's important for you got to prioritize it in your relationship because it's gonna go away. It's gonna. You think about it. You're like, I'd rather watch Netflix. I'd rather dinner.

Yeah. And then you get so busy, and then it becomes like, awkward to even, like. Oh. To even attempt to even do it.

And then you cheat and you're hack. Your icloud gets hacked and all that stuff. So I'm just saying, you guys, it all goes back full circle. Don't Snapchat penis pics. You guys, I swear to God, I will block you. So don't even try it. But I love my Snapchat. You should be on that. So, okay, that's my public service announcement. I'm trying to think of all the different ways I can tell people that it's important if you're in a relationship and not in a relationship still to focus on sex. Okay, so I'll let you think about that for a second, and then we're gonna give a. Give a little break here. We're gonna come back, we're gonna read your emails. Love hearing from you, and thank you so much for supporting our sponsors. That's how we keep the engines running here, keep the show free. And, you know, we only talk about toys and work with products that we love and we use ourselves, so. Thank you. We right back.

Hi.

Hi.

Okay, we're back. Emails, emails.

Sweet. Can I ask you something real quick?

Please do, Menace. I'm so ready for that question.

What is the most scandalous or crazy thing you've heard lately involving sex or relationships?

You think, like, from a personal. Like someone who's told me something. Yeah.

Or something that you heard or anything like that.

God, I'm on the spot here. The most scandalous or.

Well, I'll just share something, like, in general. And I've brought you something.

I have something too. Okay.

That I. I just find, like, older and older people are just, like, cheating through social media.

Well, right. That's what we were saying.

But. But I know we talked about it before, but it just, like, it just keeps on ramping up.

Well, remember we say Facebook years ago, we said Facebook was Responsible for one out of five every divorce. And I have to be honest that every time I went with friends, they're like, so and so's cheating. Everyone cheats. Everyone cheats. And I've even met women at parties recently where Mary's like, well, you realize everyone cheats. And so. And I do think it is easier because of social media now. I feel like back in the day, we could not cheat as readily as easily, perhaps, and they're getting caught.

Madison probably knows this. Es Ansari.

Doesn't he have, like, a book as is Ansari? Yeah. What's it called? Modern Romance.

Modern Romance. He talks about the effects of social media of, like, how, you know, back in the day, you married somebody that lives within, like, five miles or in your building because you don't have as many options. I've heard great things about it. I haven't read the book. It's a good book, but I. It explains and breaks down. Like, he actually did research on.

Right. No, it's really, really interesting that it would just, like, kind of marry the person who lived downstairs or next door to. And it was so easy. But now we, like, we have so many different ways to meet people. There's. We're connected to everybody, too, that we've ever slept with. I mean, someone was just telling me the other night that it almost feels like, cliche, but that, like, their. Their boyfriend from college or something they heard had gotten back on Facebook, connected with an ex, and then went over and looked at something he told her, because they're still friends. They did. She. But he's like, yeah, I got back together with this girl. Like, people are getting. They truly are their high school sweethearts. They're college. They're still looking at everyone's lives. Every person you've ever dated, you can. You're now connected with, which I actually don't want. Like, I don't. I don't want to know that the guy was dating 10 years. I don't want to see his life in this. Not because I don't like him, but I'm like, I don't. That doesn't need to pop up on my newsfeed that you guys bought a house.

I was listening.

Not that I'm jealous. I just don't want to even know about you anymore. And like, a way, like, send love, send love, but doesn't even pop up.

I think everybody, though, they have, like, all their exes on their Facebook.

Everyone.

Everybody. Like, everybody's, you know, lurking, looking at everybody's profile. I was just Listening to Howard Stern, his channel on SiriusXM, which I. I highly recommend. His, like, interviews are freaking amazing, but caller was calling up and asking him, like, hey, because he is on Facebook, but he has, like, a private account that shares with friends and stuff like that. And they asked like, are you friends with, like, some of the people that you slept with or like, past girlfriends? And he's like, yeah. He goes, I'm still friends with them. He goes, I don't talk to them, but I definitely, like, look. Look at them and see, like, how. What they've done and like, how they're looking now and all kinds of stuff like that.

Yeah, I think it's kind of like a national pastime. Don't you realize whenever you're at the grocery store, wherever you're, everyone's on Facebook?

Yeah.

They're like, just looking, scrolling, scrolling. But I just think it's too much information overload and I don't want to know some things. I really don't. But what I was going to say about the crazy thing I heard is that, yeah, it was mostly cheating. It was through social media. But, yeah. That a lot of people. Like, I literally think I have like four or five people in my close circle who either the husband or the wife have. Have cheated and something's happened and they're getting divorced or they don't know or they repaired. Because some people can deal with a breakup. They do. It actually does help some marriages and some relationships, but I just think there's more temptation and. And so, I don't know. User discretion, you guys. If you're in a good relationship, you should turn around, look at your partner and focus on that and not cheat. But I don't know what I've heard. That's crazy. Sexually. You know, the interesting trend, though, that I do notice when you ask me that is that there's a lot more. You know, we get hundreds of emails all the time and that there. And not. Whenever the emails match up with the conversations I'm actually having in the world, I'm like, okay, this is a trend that more men are interested in prostate play and that people are asking me if they're like, I'd like to get a butt plug or I'd like to have my girlfriend.

You know, it's also peg me.

So that's good.

Yeah, the Peggy.

Because it's their pleasure zone, guys. It's the P spot for men. It's like the male G spot.

Well, it's.

Be careful.

It's been ramping up over the Years. But in the past like two years.

The last year was like the tipping point, I think.

Well, once I saw it like a whole episode about it on like Broad City. Broad City, yeah, yeah.

Like that's everyone pressure but like that guy's gonna. Huh. Whatever it takes for you'll be like, oh wow. I actually. It doesn't mean I'm gay. It can feel really good. So. So nothing seems crazy to me anymore. That's the thing. But I just noticed these trends and it makes me happy. I'd like to think we had something to do with that. Okay, ready for emails everyone. Thank you for emailing me. And go to sectionofthelmily.com, click on the Ask Emily tab and then you just send your question really easy. You can also select that you'd like to be called and we will set up a time to call you and get into your questions. Your issues help you out. You can also leave us a voicemail. 818-ASKSWE1. This is all on the website and menace. What do they need to do?

They need to go to sexemily.com and click contact.

No, but what do they say? Oh, that too. But what do they have to give us? Their age.

Oh, the rules. The generals that I say. The generals rules that I say. You don't have to really give your real name if you don't want.

True, we work with that.

We always love to hear about where emailing from, like what part of the country because it kind of gives us a good idea because they're like, oh, I can't meet anybody. Blah blah, blah matters. I have no idea where the hell you are. You might be in Wyoming, which is the least popular populated states in America. You could be in New Zealand. You know, you can be anywhere and.

Your age because it matters. If you're having certain issues at 22 or 42, it matters at what point you are. Thank you. And how you listen. That's helpful. It's good to know. Spotify, Google Play, Soundcloud. Okay, let's get into this. Do it. Dear Emily, My name is Sarah and I have a question regarding insecurities during oral sex. I don't have many sexual partners, but the times I have hooked up with different partners, blowjobs are definitely my biggest insecurity in the bedroom. One time maybe a few years back, I was giving a guy a blowjob and he asked me if it was my first time. It wasn't. Probably because he didn't think I was very good. Other times have gone fine. The Guy always comes, but I still feel like I'm not doing it right. I'm so insecure. I get worried my teeth are getting in the way, and I just want to stop. The last guy hooked up with told me straight to my face that I wasn't good at it. We stopped talking after that incident, clearly. But now I just don't want to suck dick at all.

Oh, no dick.

How do I get past this fear and insecurity? Also, if you give me some tips how to give killer head, that would boost my confidence as well. Love always, Sarah. 20, New York Spotify listener. Boom.

She nailed it.

Okay, you nailed that part, Sarah. Not nailing the blowjob, but we're going to get you there. What's your recommendation, Menace?

I would find somebody, a partner or casual hookup that would be completely honest with you, you know, and be like.

She'S already gone through this. Here's the thing.

No, no, no, no. I don't think that she's, like, straight up, like, a.

Look, do you want to, like, give her a scorecard?

No, no, not give her a scorecard. Be like, look, I mean, if you're. Let's say you have a partner or whatever, or a casual hookup that you're really, really cool with, say, look, I am going to give you fellatio right now. Can you tell me if there's any issues that you have? Be completely honest with me. Is there any issue? I mean, not all guys are the same.

She's 20.

She's 20.

But, like, they've not gotten a lot of blowjobs either. I'm cutting you off. Okay, listen.

What?

Because. Because it's not going to work.

How's that?

Because people don't know how to talk about sex with their partners even for 20 years. They're not going to be like, well, you could have had more teeth. Every guy's different. No, but I appreciate your insights. I do. But let me just tell. There's a few.

The guy that receives blowjobs, you're going.

To, like, give her a break? No, because that's how you like it. So there's so much going on here than technique, but I appreciate that, Menace. Here's the thing about Sarah.

How are you gonna give, like, techniques and not get any feedback on them?

Because it's. Because she'll get it. Cause she'll know you get into rhythm. It's like everything. Like, you know when you're good, Sarah, you're 20. You have a gift.

I heard it's wrong to assume that's what she did.

This is her problem. She assumed initially that. Okay, well, maybe two guys told you this, but she assumed the first time. What was it? That she wasn't very good? Oh, yes, it was her first time. Okay, whatever it is, Sarah, like, totally. But you're not alone, because women do have, like, blowjob fears. And it just takes one person, in your case, two people. Two is going to be a killer to tell you that maybe, you know, you need some help in the blow job department, which is totally fine. Like everyone who gives blow jobs. My friends also ask me questions who've been giving blow jobs for twice, like 20 years. Okay, so it's fine that you feel insecure. You gotta just let go of these voices in your head, the insecurity. Maybe you're hearing their voices going, is this your first time? Or that was really bad from past partners because that is holding you back right now. And so I think that you gotta just realize that, like, you know that those penises, like, maybe you just weren't peeling to those penises. Let's just say for penis sake that the first guy was like, is this your first time? And the second guy, who. It doesn't even matter, but you weren't doing right for those penises, okay? So let. Let that go. Let the criticism. Let. Let's just go back to what you can do to feel confident in the bedroom again, okay?

Don't give up.

Do not give up. It's like any new skill. I. First time I gave a blow job, I had braces on. It was not good. I was dating for like a year. He's like, can you give me a blowjob? And I'm sure I caught his penis or something, but I was so insecure about it. I remember this. And then, yeah, you have to have your teeth. And you're like, braces. You're like, cutting my own lips now. I think I was. Whatever. I don't remember. What happened is he'd never bled. But you got to be my number one tip across the board. Like, if I'm just. I was gonna say if I'm in the subway, which I never am, if I'm just, like, walking down the street, I'm doing something people like. Number one chip. Number one tip for blowjob Mike Enthusiasm. It's always, you gotta be into it. You gotta be excited. You gotta be into it. Like, it is the most delicious ice cream cone you've ever had. And you're, like, licking, and you're like, I do not want to let this one. This a drop. Like, I don't want to let any of it go. Because you want to know, right? Menace, if someone's like, you know, bowing down to your penis, that they're into it and they're excited, even if you're not. Fake to make it. Like, be enthusiastic through your insecurities, through this pain right now that you're thinking that you're fucking up.

Yeah. Suction, but not a vacuum, right?

You know, suction, but not a vacuum.

If there's no suction, that is the worst. If it's just like in your mouth, floating, right.

So there's a certain amount of, like. No, it's true. And that's why your hands are there too, because your mouth might get tired. But you probably know how to give a pretty good hand job. And you just want to, like, apply like, an adequate amount of pressure. Like, not too soft, not too hard. That like, he. You're cutting off circulation. But just stuff. It's like a firm grip. Like, use your hands is a great way to compensate for that pressure that you're saying that you need around your. Your penis. Being into it, like, you know, again, like, that's the first thing. So it will help you get into it more. The more that you're into it, it'll be like this feedback loop again. Even if you're faking it, that's cool. You want to lick it. You just want to make sure that, you know, you're. It's wet enough. That's why I love lube. Use lube, like, you could put. If you're not already wet, you can put a few if you. If you can't produce enough saliva. Some people can't or they don't. Blow job spray. I use it before every show, even though I don't give a blow job. I love this stuff. Doc Johnson. It's called Wet Head. This is also on our website. But it can help you with saliva it produces. And it tastes like strawberries. You can put some lube on your lips. I love System Joe lube. They have lubes that taste like salted caramel. And then just make sure that it's wet so you go down. You lick around the penis. Use your tongue so you're swirling up and down and you're just. The pressure is important. So you're holding the pressure with your hand and your mouth is going up and down, making sure that it's wet and lubricated and your grip is good. And you can also, like, ask him to, like, here's the Other thing, I don't want you. You're 20 years old, Sarah. I want you to. You're not. It looks like you're not in a relationship right now. I do want you to feel comfortable with the guys that you're with. And I feel like the more that you practice this, like, the better you're gonna. And you can even make. You could be honest with someone if you're with them. And you could even say, like, I want you to tell me what feels good to you. Like, I really want to be good at this. And when you're doing it, you can, like, not, like, tell me what you think, but, like, as you're licking them. Like, eye contact is important, too. That's part of enthusiasm. So you're like, you could have his penis in your mouth, and you could be licking it, and you can, like, look it up and be like, how does that feel? Like, what do you want? Does this feel good? Like, the suction. And they'll like. I feel like if I asked a guy, like, they would tell, like, would you tell a woman if she asked you, would that be annoying to. She was like, how is this? Would I want more pressure? Don't you wish sometimes that women would ask for feedback?

That's what I. That's what I was saying, that you flipped out on me.

I flipped out. The fact of it. Because the way you presented it was she should get, like, a review card. And what if he's like, you suck at this?

No, it was all about communication and, like, guidance, you know, if. If she. She should ask if. If I. If you feel like if something's not working, you know, like, let me know. Just don't be quiet.

Okay? So. I didn't mean to throw you down. I thought you meant, like, have someone who you trust, who you know very well, just give him a random blowjob, and he's gonna tell you if you're good or not.

Didn't I say, I don't know.

I cut you off? No, I thought you were saying, like, did you hear that, Madison? I think I heard it wrong. Then maybe she did.

She just tunes out when I talk.

She tunes out. It's okay. We all do. I get what you're saying, but I'm just saying, here's the other thing about sex. Sarah. I wouldn't just go around giving random blowjobs right now, because the other thing about sex, that. What makes women enjoy sex more, what helps them enjoy sex more and have more connection and feel, is when they feel safe. And we often Feel safe with partners that we trust. So just a random dude you're giving blow dab to? Sure. You could just test test it with them, but you might walk away not feeling as good. So I would wait until you're with someone that you, at least you've gone out with a few times that you trust or you've known for a while, whatever it is. And yeah, it's okay to ask for feedback. It's okay to, like, make a joke and be like, I want to make sure I'm doing this so it feels good to you.

Yep.

Okay. I didn't mean to knock you down. You're allowed to have sex advice. Okay. So blowjobs, fun oral sex. Okay. Hi, Emily. I love the show. So my girlfriend's 26 and I've been together. We've been together for six months. We don't have sex as often as I'd like, but we live about two hours apart, so it doesn't bother me. When we do have sex, it's amazing. The thing is, she never initiates. We've had talks about it. She says she takes. It takes a lot longer for her to really be comfortable with someone. Can you give her us some advice on the matter? Lance, age 33. Lance, this is a great question, and I love that you said us because a lot of people, couples listen to the show together because it can be, as we all know, a little challenging to bring up sex to your partner. So I love that you're both listening. So here's the thing about initiating sex. I think for guys, you guys, my heart goes out to men because it is. You gotta ask for the date. This is society talking. But you ask for dates, you gotta initiate sex. And sometimes you're like, can't you just start it? Right? Do you feel that way?

I've been saying that for 12 years. How did I. How great would it be? Because a guy is scientifically proven that guys can't pick up on the signs that women are giving.

Right. It's true.

Like, just let us know when you want sex.

But see, she might not. Okay. There's a lot of things going on here. Lance. This is what you have to understand about women. You would.

You would stop wasting people's time if you just said, you know what? I am into you. Let's. Let's, like, do something to you.

I think that women are. Yeah, but I think men get turned on, like, so much. Like, for women, arousal is a more complicated process. So. Well, men. It's not that women aren't thinking about sex. Like as much as men. We might not be as a student. We don't get turned on in that.

Way games because the effing society. And that's how you think things should go. Like everything I'm talking about everything should be on an equal playing field and everybody should just be honest with you each other.

Right.

And then. Then people want to get friend zoned.

It and like friend zone did.

Right?

Exactly.

You would know you would stop wasting each other's time, you know, and you have such a better relationship if you do get a relationship or just having fun with somebody if everybody live by your rule of communication is a lubricant.

I know if that you just all like talk about it. I. I've been thinking about this so much lately, about how much we. How we don't. Not only is it sex we don't talk about. We don't talk about anything. We hold on to resentments and we interpret. We assume things that aren't true. So. But let's talk about communication here for Lance. There's a few things going on here. We could blame society. Okay. I'm not sure what's going on with your girlfriend, Lance, but many women believe that if we initiate sex, it makes us slutty. We learned that at a young age. Not like they stood up and taught us at school. But we think anytime we. We seem ready for sex, we initiate sex. And I'm sure that she knows you're in a relationship, but she still could be holding onto this. So you could ask her, like, like, I want you to know that it. It would turn me on so much if you initiated sex. And so find out if she might have this block that she doesn't even know. We carry these things for sometimes for a lifetime. Like maybe she was brought up in like a religious culture. They were like, you could never show your turn on. I don't know what it is, but that could be one thing if she's not comfortable with it. And also remember that even though you've talked to her about it, she probably does want to initiate it, but she just doesn't know how. It's again, it's learning a new behavior. It's a learned behavior to learn how to initiate. Like guys, you've been put up with it. You've put up with the rejection. You know how to kind of do it. Even if you fumble. Sometimes you feel the moment. She probably has never done it. So think about it. It's like for the first time she's like trying. You know, she Needs your help. So I would say encourage her touches. Like, let her know you could have the conversation about, you know, what really turned you on. If you haven't let. I think you have let her know. You have let her know that you want her to initiate. So if. Even if she just puts a hand, like, be on your knee, or let's say she puts, like, rubs her finger through her hair, you can, like, moan. You can be like, oh, that feels good. You can, like, encourage her touches and her advances so she feels encouraged to do more touching. And also, like, when you're. Again, like when you're out to dinner or something, you could, like, talk about this and be like, what turn do you want? I want to, like, know what really makes you hot. She might tell you, like, I want you to tighten me up. And you could be like, I can't wait for you to initiate sex. And then you could say, this is what it looks like. So maybe you got to help her here. But don't feel like she doesn't want. You could say, like, when I come home at night and I walk in, it would be so hot. One night if you, like, ripped my pants off and started giving me a blowjob and we had sex, maybe that's your fantasy, Lance. Tell her that because she might just be like, I don't know when you want me to initiate. She needs more help. So paint a scenario for her. You can even, I always say, foreplay starts off the last orgasm. Send her a text. Be like, when I get home tonight. Like, it would be so hot if you were wearing, you know, that T shirt, that sexy thing I bought you. And, um, you were like, you started making out with me at the door or you met me in the bedroom or whatever. Start painting up her. Help her build a scenario and you both will come. How about that for communication?

It is.

Okay. Another email.

Yes, what do you got?

Dear Emily, I've been dating two guys. Yes, I know, it's terrible. Oh, no. I thought I'd be able to choose by now. However, I can't. Uh. Oh, the one that makes me laugh the most, which is a big deal for me, isn't great in the sack, which is another big deal for me. To be fair, he's somewhat new, previously Christian, but I'm worried the sexual chemistry isn't there by now. Six months in, it's never going to be. We've talked a little bit about technique and things we like, but it just doesn't feel natural. And I find myself avoiding sex altogether with him. Guy number two, not super witty. He's not a bore, but didn't win funniest for senior superlatives. However, it's the best sex of my life. I feel 100% comfortable. He totally gets my lady parts and I love, love his. It's been really fun to explore that side of the relationship and I need that type of comfort in a long term. But I need to laugh as well.

That's why life sucks. Everybody.

Dude. I know, right? Not everybody's perfect. My question is, is it true that chemistry is or isn't there? Do I train funny guy from literally first base to home plate step by step? Hope he gets it. I know you say talk about it, but at what point am I forcing it? Or do I pick best sex and seek out my laughing love language in my friends and coworkers? Thanks for your help. Love double or nothing. Age 27. Let me tell you why I love this question. Because I'm telling you, this is the age like men has just said, like, welcome to the universe. This is something that we all deal with. I had this conversation with a friend the other day. She's like, do I choose this guy or that guy? Can you have it all? Her issue was that she was dating a guy that she really liked. She loved, she thought she loved him. She's like, but for six months, she's like, he's just. The sex is great, but I'm bored on the phone. Like, I. But we're together, he doesn't stimulate my mind. Like, how much does that matter? And we kept saying, like, she's like, can I just get that from my friends? Is that okay that one person doesn't fulfill all your needs? And the truth is that's something that you all have to figure out for yourself what is the most important to you. But I can tell you that they ended up breaking up. And I don't think it was only because of this. It was more like that was part of it that they didn't really share a lot of the same needs. Like, they didn't. Not only do you not find this guy, he's funny, but he's not great. But, I mean, this is a different scenario. But, like, turns out, like, they didn't want to talk about because they didn't have a lot in common. And whatever it is, there's a lot of different issues. And you're gonna decide at whatever point what's right for you. But I think it all kind of matters. You can't have it all. There will always be challenges but you kind of have to choose like the lesser of the evils you can live with. Like, okay, you know what? I can live with a guy who's blank. And in this scenario, I. First of all, I don't know why you have to pick an either or. Here you're 27 years old. If you're just thinking about for now moving forward, I'd say you can't force chemistry. After six, after six months, you have enough data, you have enough information of sleeping with Mr. Funny Guy that he's not going to.

Pick up on him to be better.

Six months. Like if you want to. If you want to.

Thing is, you go. If you go for the sex, I mean, either way you're going to be burned. I mean, I think you have a better. My personal opinion. I think you have a better chance of training the other guy.

I don't know. I mean, yes, you could train him. If you, if you're looking for a relationship right now and you see this.

Because this is the person that you enjoy being around. Because that's. It's not all about sex.

I'm sorry, it's not all about sex.

You can't have that, like make a relationship last, you know, but sex is important. We've always. It's definitely important. But we haven't we said this over the years, like, you never marry the person you've had the best.

I've not. People say that. I don't think that's true. I think you can. I don't believe in anything like that. Like, typically you don't marry the person you have the best sex with. I think some people really do. But what I'm saying.

You're saying it never happens.

That is the thing that people say. Absolutely.

But if you want an overall good relationship, then I, I suggest that you train the guy and if he's untrainable, then eff it.

But has she tried. I'm trying to think if she's tried.

She's tried to train him.

Here's the thing. He's got the Christian upbringing.

He doesn't. Like she's talking about kissing to first bait through all the plates. He doesn't have any experience and you're already avoiding sex with him. You could have him work on this stuff if you feel like putting the time into it. It could be very, very rewarding. But I'm feeling like you're at the point right now.

But don't you think you can design your perfect guy? I mean, at least attempt.

I can order it on my website.

Yeah, but, like, isn't this whole show around, like, teaching people different tips?

Right?

Tricks and stuff? Absolutely.

But it sounds.

Can we, like, like, attempt to fix this guy?

If she wants to, but she's. You're asking me, like. I'm not saying that. I don't think you should go with either of them. That's my real advice. Is that, like, true? Unless you're looking to, like, you're having. I'm just saying get married, have kids right now. Okay. And you truly love them both, that's fine. But I don't get that sense. Like, I feel like you're asking me more of this question about, like, can you have it all? Or, like, chemistry? I do believe that.

I was just thinking it's not just technique, it's chemistry for her.

Yeah. I wouldn't choose either. But that's just me. I would choose. No, I think that the. Let's see. Is it.

Let's face it. This is how the world works.

This is how the world works.

She's just going to come up for.

You again and again.

She's just going to hook up with a guy that she's has sex with the most, and she just wants to justify it by emailing the show.

I don't know.

I feel better about it. I think that's just how life works.

I think that the chemistry is awesome.

Go ahead and do it and stop worrying about it.

But here's the other thing. You have to have chemistry. They could be really great, hot chemistry. But he doesn't know how to touch her boobs or he doesn't know how to go down in her. It sounds like they don't have the chemistry and there's no technique. This just seems like a lot of work. And he's got the upbringing telling him that sex is wrong and there's a lot going on here. And I would say keep, like. But yes, tell him, listen to the.

Podcast, just not this episode. And then he'll have a happy life.

That's just, you know. But I can't tell you what to do, sweetie. But I can tell you that you can. You can have most of what you want in life, but you're always gonna have sacrifices in relationships, too. And you have to decide what bummer you can live with for the rest of your life.

Can I make a prediction?

Yes.

This is what's gonna happen. She's gonna break up the funny guy, have sex, amazing sex, with the awesome sex guy for, I don't know, maybe up to a year, and then she's Gonna email us again. She's like, oh, I broke up with both of them. And then I found some amazing guy. That's.

Yeah.

Pretty much.

I just don't think anyone in between.

Both of those two.

Yeah. I mean, to me, those are major things. If I can't talk to someone and they're not interesting. But the sex is amazing. Yeah. I can get it from my friends, but they're both important. Like someone that challenges you and someone that appreciates you and sees who you are and. And makes you laugh. Although, you know. Yeah. Makes you laugh or you communicate with, like, that's all important. And sex as well. But there'll be certain things. Like, you know, you could. But I don't think it's, like, so black and white. Like, you kind of get a little bit of both. Yeah. And, you know, then you work on things, and then you decide, well, okay, but he's really cheap. That's annoying. But I can work on that. Or, like, you know, so I just say, keep going. You're 27. That's my advice. I know. Okay.

So early in your life.

I know, but people don't realize that when they're there. That's the other thing I've been thinking about a lot. Like, why didn't I realize, like, I was trying so hard to make things work. I didn't try that hard, but I was in relationships for, like, two years that weren't that great or the sex wasn't that great. Which is probably why I'm doing the show now, because I had some instances where, well, it fed into it where the sex just wasn't. And I'm like, but I've got to make it work. But I've got it. I'm like, oh, no. It just never got better. And that was three years of my life I can't get back. So. Okay. Hey, Emily. I've been single for over a year now after being married seven years, and I'm now officially divorced. I'm getting back into the dating scene, and I've been seeing one guy in particular. The sex with him has been amazing, and he's so attentive to my needs. He gives fantastic oral sex, but I haven't been able to orgasm from the oral sex yet. Since becoming single, I've been masturbating more and using toys. I'm worried that my body is now so used to my sex toy that it's the only way I'm able to reach orgasm. The guy I've been seeing loves seeing me use my toy with Him. But I'd really like to have an orgasm from oral as well. What do you recommend? Do you think I should lay off the toys for a while and try to focus again on oral and finger stimulation? Thanks, Emily. I listen religiously to your podcast. It's helped me tremendously with getting my groove back, trying new things sexually since becoming single again. Take care, Tina, age 32. Okay, this is a great question. I always say that, but I love, I just. You know what? I truly freaking love all these questions because I see, like I can help her and that this is. Can relate to so many people here that you were married for seven years. This is why I wish this was a call actually though, because I want to know, were you able to orgasm through oral with your ex? Just curious. But the thing about, I want to answer your question specifically though, about toys. I'm not sure that you're not able to orgasm because of using toys. Now here's the thing about toy use. People always say, oh, am I going to be addicted to toys? I'm not going to orgasm anymore. It's kind of just like, it's like anything. I'm going to use the exercise example again when they say about cross training, like, if you ran every single day, yeah, you'd be fit. But cross training, like, it's important to, like, if you want to build muscle, like, you should, like lift weights and you should mix up your routine. You could even get injuries by repetitive motions. I'm not saying your toys are going to injure you, but if you feel like you're reliant on one particular type of toy, like some people are like, I only use this toy, then try another toy or try a different setting or masturbate every time. Like, maybe next time you masturbate, you don't bring it in until the end, or you only use it at the beginning. So you start changing up the way you use your toys. And maybe you also employ more fantasy when you're masturbating. So you're thinking about the. This guy going down on you and you're painting this really hot scenario, like, whatever. Maybe you're like on a beach somewhere and like you're thinking about his mouth on your and how he's doing it. And then you know you're also using a toy, but you're like, you're melding your mind and you're like your toy used together to for this fantasy. But again, like, I found, like, I used to think I could only come, like, say, like the magic wand, when that was like my favorite, which it still is one. I always have it, but I just. You. I love using different toys. Like, they. There's some that, like, when I want more, have more time. Like, the womanizer is great for, like, if you want a quick one. It's great for a lot of reasons. Or sometimes I just like, want all over. So I'll use like, like the, like the we vibe touch, which, like, glaze over your label. So you just kind of mix it, play with it, play with rhythm, play with motion, but don't trip on it because you will.

Have an orgasm with this guy. And also, maybe he needs some tips. Maybe you need some lube. Maybe you do wetter, you know, So I don't think you should worry about, like toys ruining you and go cold turkey. Just like, people are like, is porn ruining it? It's about variation and variety. Cross training.

It's like cross trainers.

It is. No, it is, though. And. And then, yes, don't get frustrated either because, yeah, if you're like, okay, I'm not going to use the toy at the beginning or whatever you're going to do. Yeah, it might take you a little bit. It might take you one or two times, but then you'll realize like, oh, yeah, my body's very adaptive. It's not like you ruined anything or your muscles are never going to, you know, be able to orgasm a certain way. No, you're fine. It's a good question though, don't you think?

I think it is.

Any other sex toy advice? I feel like I felt bad that I shut you down earlier and that you're upset, mad at me.

No, I'm not.

Because I think I didn't, you know, I don't feel that bad, but I.

Didn'T explain it well. I don't know. I'll take the blame for it.

Perfect. I love when you do that. Okay. So people can listen to you and find you, like, where in March. We don't know. You won't tell?

No, I can't say.

Okay. So you might turn your radio one day. Driving in Wyoming.

Yeah. Or anywhere. Yeah. Just follow me on Instagram @Menace M E N A C E. And I can tell you more later. Hopefully by the next time we record.

Perfect. I love it. Check them out. And you do a lot of snaps and Instagram. Follow me too. At Sex Family. Across the board, everything. Subscribe to our newsletter. We do give great newsletter. We reach out to you once a week and I think you'll like it. People always tell me, like, I love your emails. So thank you everyone for listening. Thank you to my amazing team. Thank you Menace, and thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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