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Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jeju. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20% off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Now that the excitement of Valentine's Day has passed, you're probably thinking, what's next? Well, today I'm answering your emails and giving you tips on how to keep the passion of Valentine's Day alive and going strong all year long. Long. Okay, I'm going to tell you about one of the things that's really going to improve your sex life. So here's the deal. I'm here with Madison, my producer, and we need to tell you about the Jeju products. That's J E J O U E. Now, if you've been listening for a while, I've been obsessed with them for a long time. But Madison and I used a toy not together, the Jeju Mio, which is a penis ring. And we both had incredible experiences with it.

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. That feels so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list. Take our survey. You guys check out our survey. It's on our website. But also, if you just go to our website and search survey, it'll come up as well. And it's been great. We've had a lot of answers from you guys. We've had a lot of people respond. But really, if you're a listener to the show, I just want to know, what do you like about it? What would you like to hear more of? What are the episodes that really stuck in your mind? What are some questions you have? It'll take you three minutes, and you might even win an awesome sex tip. So we just appreciate your support of the show, as always. And you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook. All those things are Sex with Emily and Today's Show. Okay, we are going to go through some sex in the news. I've got Madison here to help me. Sex in the News, Answer your emails. We got some good news stories today. I'm, like, obsessed with one of them. And we're going to be answering the questions that you sent to feedbackextwithemily.com and I know you're going to like some of these topics too. And they include things like sex tips for a younger listener, and a woman who doesn't like foreplay, porn, porn issues in a relationship, and some other things. And we might get a little bit to a little bit about anal sex, which I know y' all love talking about. And as always, you can email me feedbackexwithemily.com okay. Sex, the news. I love this. This is a survey that was done by Timeout.com and it's about the world of dating. In 2015, they collected responses from 11,000 people in 24 cities all over the world. Which reminds me, Madison, this is much better than that study of, like, women are peeing, not squirting, where they, like, talk to eight women. That would be called inconclusive data. This would be called conclusive data. 11,000 people in 24 cities. I just had to point that out. Okay, the best city in the world for dating. What would you think it is? Okay, we should start with number 10.

Yeah, no, honestly, let's count down, because then people are just gonna get even more excited for it.

Okay, you're excited. Number 10, Tokyo.

So, I mean, there are a lot of people in that city, so not nearly as many as, like, say, China.

Or something, but I wonder what makes it the best. I mean, what. What the criterion is for the best. But number nine is la.

That does not. I mean, actually, that kind of surprised me a little bit just because LA is. I always hear people talking in la, like, oh, there's no one to date here. Everyone's awful. So apparently not everyone thinks that, but.

The weather's really good. It's so funny. I was talking to a friend the other day and they're like, how's la? I'm like, well, the weather's great. And I feel like that's what everyone always says about la. But the truth is, the weather really does make a difference on your mood. Seasonal affective disorder. You don't have it here. And in la it's fun because you can do things outside and have good sexy dates. Go for late night swims in a pool or something. Swimming.

I mean, I can wear a sundress in January and that helps me out a lot. If I was single, I know that would be definitely working in my favor. So go la.

You know what's funny about the sundress is that guys love a sundress. And I lived in San Francisco for so long that whenever I asked guys what turned them on, they're like a girl in a sundress because you never see it in San Francisco because she's wrapped in fleece. Okay, number eight is Sydney. We've got a ton of listeners in Australia. God, we just. We've just been looking at our stats, and so thank you to all of our Australian listeners. We love you, and I'm glad you're having a good time dating. Number seven, New York, which, again, I always hear New York is a bad place to date too. Everyone's looking for the bigger, better deal. But they say that about LA too. Yeah. Then we've got London, number six. Chicago, number five. Four, Beijing. Three, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Interesting. Two, Melbourne. We should move to Australia and hang out with our listeners.

Honestly, I'm 100% down for that. Their minimum wages really high. Like, I could be a server and make tons of money, but nobody tips.

Oh, they don't tip.

Yeah, I've been.

Turtle, you have looked into it.

You're gonna.

Don't leave me yet.

That was my plan C after college. I was like, nothing else comes up. I'm moving to Australia.

No, they have a really good time there. Good time in Australia. And number one, Paris.

Did you say it's for lovers?

It's for lovers. That makes sense. But I wonder, you know, I guess that even the Parisians, we all kind of put it on this pedestal of Paris being this amazing place to date. But even the Parisians think so too. So Parisian attitudes toward their dating scene and the proportion of present singles who took part in the survey said top place to date. So, you know, I though believe. I believe wherever you go, there you are. So I'm just telling you this because there is some more information we're gonna get into. But if you're someone who lives somewhere and you're like, oh, God, it's the worst time to date. The worst time to date, you know what? It's probably you. Not that you're a bad person. It just means that you're probably not putting yourself out there to date because there are single people everywhere that you can find. And we talk a lot on the show about just practicing, just going out there saying hi to people. And a lot of people have social anxiety around dating and approaching members. I wasn't any members of the opposite sex or anyone they're interested in. So once you just get those over that anxiety and you just start talking to people, give you the coffee in the morning or standing in line at the grocery store. You'll start to get your confidence in just striking up conversations so you don't have to complain about where you're living. That's so bad. It's you reaching out and making it the best city to date in no matter where you're at. Okay, the most desperate city. New Yorkers are the least happy daters. But I think maybe they might just be the least happy people. It's a hard city to live in, honestly.

They get like one good month of like weather, obviously. I'm from California, so I'm like, oh, the weather is what decides it. But they get one good month, maybe two of like nice weather. The rest is either too hot or too cold. There's just not a lot of people out on the street.

Right. And it's hard living in like, it is hard going, you know, getting around the town and all that. But also they just might be unhappy everywhere. But no, I love New York. I always thought that I should live there. But Sydney, Sydney is desperate too. The Most single minded 31% of Sydneysiders though say they are proudly single. So I don't know why they're desperate.

They're actually not. I think they're actually not desperate. I'd say New Yorkers are the ones who are like, I'm sad to be single, I want to date. They're the least desperate because they're the most like, who cares? I'm single, let's live it up.

Exactly that sweetest color. Just gotta move the show on the road. And since we have so many listeners there, I think we should do a live sex. I've even been emailed by them. Like when you come in Australia, I think that should be on our next field trip. We go to the Hustler store sometimes and sometimes we'll just go to Australia. Okay, so they're proudly single. I love people who are proudly single. There's nothing to be ashamed of if you're single either. By the way, that's another thing. It's your attitude if where you're living like, I can't meet anyone. Being single sucks. Being single only sucks until you're in a relationship and then you're in a relationship and you wish you were single again. It's that grass is always greener thing. And be happy where you are now. Be happy that you're single and you have the opportunity to meet all these amazing people that could Come your way if you're open to it. Yeah.

Not to be cheesy, but love yourself first. Like, if you're happy and you're single and you've got hobbies and a life and everything, people will take notice. It, like, really shines outward. And that's how you find, like, the right person. Because they're gonna like that you're doing your thing on your own.

The most attractive thing to other people are someone who has a lot, who has a full life, who's passionate, has a full life and has a lot going on. So. So be that person you want to find. Okay. How do you rate as a date? Okay, seven point. Okay, this is. Out of 10. 7.3 is the average score people gave themselves as daters. And LA daters, not surprisingly, gave themselves the highest score. They gave themselves an 8 out of 10. So everyone in LA thinks they are a killer dater, right?

I think they're above average as far as dating.

That does not surprise me. Okay, 6.5. The score people worldwide gave their average date. So most people think they're dating sixes. And Chicago women rated their dates the lowest at 5.6%. One of the men in Chicago, they're nice, good guys. Midwestern, I have no idea.

I love guys from Chicago.

Right, right. Women from Chicago. But that's interesting.

You know, a lot of it is mid. I don't know what it is. I don't know what that is. They're just. There's a lot of snow there and cold and a lot of beer drinking. So maybe I'll go from bar to bar to bar. Who knows? Okay. All dating is speed dating. According to 41% of people, it takes them two to three minutes to decide whether they want a second date. I wish that were true. Maybe that's men that said that. Because it takes me two to three years. I'm dating someone, I'm like, why did I take that second date? No, that's kind of an old pattern. I used to spend half my relationships trying to get out of them. Metis always teases me about that. But really, it's interesting. Two to three minutes to decide. I feel like I often and may have a first date. That's good. And I think I need to see him again to try it out. But it's never like, I know I wanna date him again. And usually I'm sort of on the fence. But what do you think when you've been on dates? Can you tell right away?

Honestly, no. It takes a while for people to grow on Me. I mean, maybe subconsciously you make the decision. Like, I know there's, like, that thing that it takes like 8 minutes or 90 seconds even for a guy to decide that he wants to have sex with you.

See, that's what I thought this was talking about. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think that's really funny because for me, it takes a long time. But then in the back of my mind, if I'm honest with myself, I've always had an idea that maybe one day I would want to have sex with you. So I guess it's a subconscious thing. It's just I'm not aware of it.

Right. And the brain is our largest sex organ, especially for women. So I feel like men do have the tendency to grow. We always say, he grew on me. And some people might say, oh, that's bullshit. You should know right away. But, you know, that's happened to me where I got to know someone, I got to know who they are. We started to talk more. You know, it's our. We started getting more intimate emotionally. And then that might. Might even make someone more attractive. But for men, as far as deciding to sleep with someone, I do believe it's like 90 seconds, two minutes, and they're like. Or three minutes, and they're like, either I know or I don't. And it never changes. Yeah. Like, maybe if they're really drunk one night, but it's not. Cause they're like, I'm gonna sleep with you. I'm not. But the interesting thing about the second date is I think if you're not sure, you gotta look at why. Like, were there major red flags that were happening on the date? Like, were they mean to the waiter? Were they late? Were they cheap? I mean, those are things that they should be like, no, but if you had a good time, but you're just not if you want to jump their bones. Nothing wrong with, like, a second casual date. So I think that's all good. Okay. The best way to meet people, websites or apps is the highest hit rate. So 60% of daters worldwide said online dating bags them the biggest number of dates, which makes sense.

Yeah, but that's going quantity over quality. That's why it's a hit rate. Those are like, the people. Like, yeah, you get more dates, but are they really working out for you is the question.

Exactly. Exactly. I mean, I guess you're expanding your pool. And if you're someone who doesn't go out that much. I have nothing wrong with online dating. I think when you're dating, you need like, all hands on deck. You should be dating online and you should treat it like a job. So let's say you know when you're looking for a new job and you start telling your friends and your family or whoever you run into, you're like, oh, how are you? I'm great. I'm actually looking for work right now. If you know anyone who's hiring a gardener or whatever you do and you just tell them. And I think that's just like dating. If you're single, tell your friends, oh, yeah, you know, I'm dating. I'm having a great time right now. If you know anyone. And sure enough, that's another great way to send dates your way, because, well, we'll get to this in a minute. But it says dating apps come top in every city except Paris, where going out is still the most popular method. Because Paris is so fun, romantic. But here's the thing I'm saying about friends and telling your friends, friends equals fulfillment. 62% of people around the world say their most enjoyable encounters are with dates. They meet through friends, met through friends, came in top in every city except New York. And that's interesting. I guess New York is such a big city. But also I feel that even for me, most people I've dated, like, since I moved to la, I didn't have a huge social network, have been through fix up or friends of friends. So I think kind of like what the Tinder thing is, although that they kind of cut that whole part out. Now it's more about proximity than it is just about mutual friends. But I think it's sort of like this vetting thing. We think, oh, well, our friends like them and that they're automatically like, not some weird stranger. Except for this one time when my best friend in San Francisco hooked me up with this guy and we met a guy together and she made him seem like she knew him really well. And I ended up dating him for a while and he ended up being a jerk. And when I say a while, it was probably six weeks, but it was really intense. And I was like, charlotte, my friend Charlotte. Why the hell? She was like, I hadn't seen him in 20 years. I'm like, you know, that made it seem like he was this awesome guy. She's like, well, he was an awesome guy. I'm like, no, he's an asshole. So, yeah, I do a little more questioning to your friends if you meet someone who's great. Nothing wrong with calling your friends and finding out a little more data. Okay, here's where people are. This is their list of dating. Don't go Theresa. Okay. One in ten people have dated their boss. Hopefully they got a raise and then got fired. One in five have dated a friend's ex. Ooh, that's a tricky one. That's really tricky. Unless, I mean, I think the rules on that is that you just. You have to check it with your friend if they're still. If they're your good friend. But, you know, maybe it's okay if they've already moved on and they're like, oh, no blessings. He was a great guy. But you never want to do that behind the back unless you want to lose your friend. Right. Have you ever dated a friend's exact.

I have not dated a friend's ex. We've definitely overlapped with, like, oh, I slept with somebody and then found out that, like, a while ago they had slept with them. And it's always been dramatic. That's the thing with girls. Girls, it's like, once they've been there, that's forever their ex. That never really stops being their ex. Guys are more easygoing about it. I think I hear a lot more about guys dating their friends, exes, and it being totally okay.

Yeah, I think you just always gotta check in. Okay. 17% have dated their best friend, which is interesting. A lot of times friends become lovers. I've never experienced that until recently. Someone I was friends with that I started dating. And it was actually a nice thing because you already know them. But then sometimes you know too much, and you're like, remember when you're friends and you tell me about those crazy things you did to these women? And then it's in your head and. But I do think it's great to have a foundation of friendship. 17%, 14% dated their neighbor. I've done this. I think I've done all these. Except for the ex. Did I ever date a boss? Maybe I slept with the boss once. Younger. I don't remember. I've dated a neighbor for sure. That's always tricky, too. Cause no one's moving out anytime soon. And when you break up, you're gonna see him in the morning getting coffee. That's a good time.

That was a big thing in college. Everyone dated their, like, dorm neighbors and, like, people who lived in their dorm. Then when they break up or they. It, like, ends badly, they have to, like, duck them. They're like, damn it, I can never go into the common area ever again.

Exactly. You gotta, like, the rest of your life. You're, like, dating I gotta move upward.

Piss where you eat?

Yeah. Pissed me away. 7% dated a teacher or a lecturer. I never had that for my professors in college, but I know people did. I'm like, you're the teacher. You know, I kind of gave them a put on this pedestal. 38% have been with someone in another relationship. That is cheating. Yeah, one of those. 41% dated someone who was married. That's really common. As we know that the cheating rate is probably about 50% for men and women. So they say yes. Okay. Do you research your dates online? 73% of men and women in Paris go Interpol on their dates before meeting them. They go Interpol on their dates before meeting them. More than half of respondents in all other cities do online digging. How can you not? I mean, I have some friends who get fixed up and like, did you google them? They're like, oh no, I totally space. I'm like, you gotta at least look. What? They google something. I think sometimes it's good. I think early on I would be like, no, that's just make it organic. But I know now with what I do, people are Googling me. So they already know everything about me. And it was funny. Cause I was out with this guy once and he was trying to pretend he didn't google me. He's like, no, what do you do? And then he let something slip out. He's like, well, you know. Cause podcasting. And I'm like, fuh. You didn't google me, Jerk. No, he wasn't a jerk. He was a nice guy. I just never did call him. It wasn't a great date. But I think, you know, these days I don't see how you can't. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I mean, the sad part about the Internet is that you used to really have blind dates. You really used to be set up with people that you didn't know. And there is something very sweet about that. But these days, you know, you can find out like they're. You know, if they've read a criminal record and stuff, which actually might be.

Helpful, which is important. I can't even imagine going into a date these days completely blind. No common friends, no nothing. I'd be like, this guy's gonna throw me in a van.

Yeah, no, exactly. And I've always had. I've always had. I used to get fixed up on dates and they were like, he's really great. He's really hot, he's sweet. He has this job. That's all you know, like he's a doctor. I'm like, okay, he has a job. He has a job. Awesome. Glad he does he have a car? Okay. Women are looking for, okay, bankers and finance types. That's 1 in 10 of women in Chicago are looking for banker and finance types. And 13% of women in Hong Kong. Now I think that's interesting to be looking for bankers and finance types because that makes me think that you're looking for someone who's in a financially secure position. So I'm not going to call you gold digger or anything, but I say work on your own finances as well. But you might find bankers, you know, sitting there with their Excel spreadsheets super hot. So whatever turns you on turns you on. Okay. Fifth, film and industry types. Women. 17% of women in LA are looking for that, which makes total sense. Artists and creatives. 13% of females in London want creatives. 10% of New York women want creatives. And 11% of women in Paris want creatives.

Those are all like romantic cities where there's going to be tons of people that are like, oh, I just want my next like big author. Are people even authors anymore?

Are they like long term authors, bloggers, anything? I've done it all. I've done them all. I did. I was really into the artist for a while and I like a guy who kind of has both, who has the creativity but then who also has a, like type A can actually do my spreadsheets for me. Not that he has to be in finance, but it's just not at all actually. But that's just a little different because if we're both artists, then we're both like neurotic about our work and talking about it and obsessing about it all the time. And it isn't always a great fit. But there's other factors that come into play. Okay, so here's what men are looking for. Men, interesting. Bankers and finance types. 12% of men in Hong Kong, they want bankers. They want the women to bring them the bacon.

Their finances are on point in Hong Kong. So I kind of understand totally.

8% in Kuala Lumpur, they want bankers, designer and fashion type. 17% of men in LA want a designer and fashion industry type. And 12% of London men. And then artists and creatives. 1 in 10 men in New York, 1 in artist and 11% in Paris. I don't see New Yorker guys wanting artists. I see them wanting a woman who has got a solid job too. Not that being an artist isn't solid, but.

No, I understand what you're saying.

Totally. It's an expensive city. It's like the most expensive city in the world besides San Francisco now. Okay, dating deal breakers. I think the very first Sex with Emmy podcast I ever did was on Deal Breakers. And I have a very warm place in my heart for it. I. I just love the topic of, like, what was it in that moment that turned you off forever from this person? Or what can happen on the date that you're like, I'm out. Check, please. So dating deal breakers. Number one, bad breath. 58% in London, 69% in Hong Kong, 67% in Singapore. What is it? Because they're eating a lot of weird foods in Hong Kong and Singapore. I just remember in Hong Kong, I ate pigeonhead and snake breath would be an issue. That would be bad, bad breath. Just carry some gum. Okay? Bad attitude. 58% in Paris, bad politics. 53% of Chicago women. These are the biggest deal breakers. 57% New York women, 59% Louisiana women.

Can I go back to bad attitudes in Paris really fast? Cause you go to Paris and everyone has a bad attitude, right?

Exactly. But they don't think they do.

No, they don't think they do. So I'm, like, astounded. Maybe these are. People say that in Paris they have bad attitudes, but these people aren't from Paris. Cause when you're in Paris, everyone's treating each other just fine. And you talk to them and they're like, who are you? American? Go away.

Je parrancais une petit peu. They're like, what do you want? Like, oh, you hate me. I'm American. Okay, so bad resemblance to profile pictures. This is a deal breaker. 50% of Chicago men, they hate it when you make yourself look different in your profile picture. 64% of New York men and 59% of LA women. I can see that it's a bummer when you show up. I mean, I haven't done a lot of online dating, but that's just gotta be a bummer when someone walks in and you're like, you are so nowhere near that guy who was holding the red plastic cup with your picture cut off with your ex girlfriend around, which is always a mistake. Okay. And you know another thing about online dating? Why do all these sites have guys with another guy in the picture? Like on Tinder.

So annoying.

Which one are you? I'm supposed to pick. Okay. After how many dates should you stop seeing other people? Interesting. They said six, but I think it's only if you have the talk. Yeah.

I mean. Cause you can go on forever and ever and it would be totally fine not seeing other people. As long as both parties are down for it, right?

You gotta have the talk. I mean, if you. I guess what they're saying is that's the should. Like after six dates, you should know if you're looking for commitment. This is the person I wanna be with. So maybe that's when you have the talk. Are we exclusive? Are we seeing other people? And then after how many dates can you officially declare yourselves to be an item? 9.

Once again, this is not like a date. Like, it's not about like the date. You could be on your second date and be like, hey, like, are we doing this right? Or you could wait until like months and be like, so are we in? Like, are we official? Like, can I put on my Facebook?

Exactly. Can I change my status?

Do you like. Yeah. Do grown up people do that to change the status? Well, I mean, like, is that like a big deal? Cause I know in college and everything it's like, oh, it's Facebook official. And that was like a really big deal. Do you like, like, do your friends do that when they change your relationship status? You're like, oh my God, it's official.

Yeah, I've never changed my status. I don't believe in it, but I know it's a big deal. But I even had guys that are like, you won't change your status, but I just don't want people to know my business.

You're a public figure, so more people are like interested in that aspect of you. It's not like you're, I'm sorry, but you're not like down here with us regular people where like, like it's, it's better if like you stay relationship neutral.

Yeah, I am relationship neutral is the truth. So I. But yeah, but I always pissed them off. And men just like, oh, just cause you want to be free and single. But it's not bad. It's like, I don't think everyone needs to know. But it is a big thing when you do change it. But then the worst part is when you change it back. They used to have a factor where it would say like, so and so are no longer in a relationship. Do you remember that?

They still do. Like it'll say like, it won't say like they're no longer in a relationship. It'll say such and such is single. And you're like, this is so awkward.

Right. Like I said they were married.

People like it.

Right? Right. It's so Bad. Please Facebook don't do that. After how many dates is it appropriate to have sex? 1 in 10 people consider sex after the first date a reasonable request, but worldwide the answer is 3.53 dates, which is what I always hear. It's always a little bit between three and five dates. But really we're just showing you the stats here. You wait until you're comfortable and don't ever be pressured into having sex before you want it. Okay? A little more sex in the news here. There's a giant mystery penis that appears on a mountain in the uk. Imagine that Special. The arrival of a giant penis shaped snow track in the hills can currently be seen for miles across North Wales. And it's becoming something of a tourist attraction. The in quotes artwork is situated on the side of the Clwydean Hills, which is about 12 miles from Wexham in North Wales. And they don't know where the hell it came from. It's very artistic and it's very clever, but it's not the sort of thing that I would like to cut out of the mountain for all to see. A local farmer said, I don't know if someone done it as a joke or whether it was accidental, but it looks like the real thing from down below. Everything's phallic though, isn't it?

Yeah, I mean, I kind of wish people could see this picture. Maybe we'll like post it or something.

You should post it on Facebook.

We totally should.

Or Twitter or something.

Yeah, but it's not artistic. It's like a child's drawing. It's like when you're in like eighth grade and someone draws a penis on your school paper. That's what it looks like.

But is it really. Someone really drew it, they're saying. Or was it just a random snow penis?

I don't know, it's like a. Well, basically it's like a track and then it filled up with snow. So someone maybe had like done it a while ago and then it snowed and it just filled up and like announced it to everyone.

So funny.

Crop circles. It's like aliens or something.

You know what, it's art. Art people. Don't be offended. Okay, so let's get into the emails from you all peoples. Thanks for emailing me feedbackselme.com, but first, a word from our amazing sponsors. Okay, everyone, The Fleshlight is the number one sex toy for men and we've been talking about this for a while. It is a male masturbation sleeve. Okay, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna make. If you don't know what it is, you put your penis in it. You've got your hand, you can use it all the time. But sometimes you might want to feel something different that actually feels like sex and helps you last longer in bed. It has patented material that feels like the real deal. Madison has very up close and personal experience with it. She does not have a penis herself.

I just live with one.

She lives with a penis. And she actually gave the penis a flashlight.

Yes, I did. He has two actually.

He has two.

He's so spoiled. Yeah. And my other roommate has one. Like they are just spray spoiled, spoiled men.

Flashlight spoiled. But they love it. And it was good for you in your relationship, which I think is interesting because guys sometimes feel weird. And first of all, it looks like a flashlight. So the truth is no one's gonna see it. It's in a container and it makes. He likes it. It feels good. Sometimes you don't wanna have sex. Maybe Madison and you'll hand it to him. Not tonight, honey. And he's like happy. He'd rather be with you. But maybe some. Sure. But it feels good. If people think it looks and feels like the real deal. And the flashlight's down in a training unit. Helps you practice lasting longer and becoming a better lover. And have mind blowing orgasms. And you've experienced a few of them with your guys.

Yeah.

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Right. But then some guys love the clear one. Yeah, exactly. You just gotta go on their website and see what vagina looking Fleshlight appeals to you. And people been buying them like crazy. And everyone's emailing me and they're like, thank you. Oh my God, I love it. So it's your turn. Go to sexwithemily.com, click on the Fleshlight banner, use code Emily and you get a bottle of their award winning lube, Flesh lube, which you actually need with the fleshlight. So sexwithemily.com fleshlight banner. Click on it and use code Emily. And have a good time with your flashlight. Masturbating.

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The whole package. Okay, so here's some emails. I love hearing from you@feedbackexwithemily.com Dear Emily, I've been listening to your podcast for two weeks now and I really enjoy it. I'm writing to you of course, to get some sex advice. I'm a 19 year old student and 6 months ago I broke up with my ex. We'd been together for four years. Since then I had only one night stands which are not satisfying. However, I'm dating a new guy and I'm kind of starting to really like him. We've already had sex, but I wasn't able to orgasm. Maybe you can give some advice for your younger listeners on how to start and improve their sex life. Best wishes S. Female okay, so I'm so glad you're asking this question. And we've done a lot of shows, you know, really our audience is all ages. But that is a great question and it's very insightful because you're 19, you're with a guy for four years and it would make sense that you're probably still reeling from, you know, adjusting from the breakup. But also one night stands for women, typically not that satisfying, in fact, meaning that you're not likely going to have an orgasm. Because the thing that the ingredients that women need for orgasm oftentimes are trust, feeling safe, feeling secure. If you're having a one night stand stand with someone, you might be doing the deed, but it's probably not going to be that satisfying. And in fact, one night stands aren't satisfying for a lot of women and men. But for women, typically for a lot of women they just, you have to ask yourself the questions, are you having one night stands because it feels good, the conquering, the attraction, the buildup. And then in the morning you have those like Sunday morning regrets. You got to look at that because it could take a toll on your psyche and it just might not be the right thing for you. It's not right for a lot of people. So I think s, yeah, you want to feel safe and have trust of an orgasm. And also I want to know, you just want sex advice on how to start improve your sex life. And you already like this new guy, you had sex not able to orgasm. Okay, so that makes sense too. You've had sex with him once or twice and you haven't orgasmed. It's really, really common. In fact, Most women don't orgasm through intercourse alone. However, the better that you know your own body and you know exactly what makes you orgasm outside intercourse. Meaning you put some serious time into masturbation, getting to know your own body, what makes you feel good. Because this is the thing. And I know I always say this, like, spend some time. And they're like, I tried. It didn't work. I mean, no. I mean, you gotta, like, get in there. Whether you buy a toy, whether you use your fingers, maybe your partner starts using his fingers if you. You want to explore your G spot. There are so many erogenous zones on our body. And most people go their whole lives without ever experiencing them. Maybe they have an orgasm on top and that's it. Or when they touch their clitoris in this way. But they don't realize that their body has such potential to experience so many things in their life. So they just keep having sex the same way over and over again. And I love that you're young and asking this, because I'm telling you how you gotta improve your sex life is work on your body. Figure out what makes you feel good. You can also, if this guy you're dating is really open, I love mutual masturbation. You watch him, he watches you. He sees how you touch yourself, he'll probably jump in and wanna help you. And as long as you guys can communicate about it and once you learn your body, you can tell him, you know what? I gotta get on top. Cause I know how I like to move. Or can you squeeze my nipples? That feels really good. Because s. That was something that you found out when you were masturbating, that when you played with your nipples, maybe you put a little lube on your fingers and you started to rub your nipples or you started to, like, rub the back of your knee or the sides of your body and you're like, wow, that feels good. Whatever feels good. You might take his hands and show him. And this way you'll start to improve your sex life with him and with yourself.

Yes, absolutely. Because most guys, they don't know what's going on with your body right away. They need someone to clue them in and be like, hey, this is what I like. This is what I don't like. This is where that feels good.

They really don't know. And it took me a long time to realize that guys don't know. Cause I think especially in their 20s, teens, it's all about experience. And so it's not that because you're young, you don't know it's like you truly haven't had as much life experience or as much sex experience. But the thing that I didn't realize in my 20s was that I really did believe that they should know. I was always told that guys just know. Like they seduce you, they ask you out, they pay for the date and they know how to give you an orgasm and they don't know how necessarily unless you show them. Okay. Dear Emily, so for the first time in my sexual life I've come across a woman who does not like foreplay at all. We should build like a statue to her or something. Yeah, I know and it is somewhat of a problem. I don't want to sound cocky, but I'm very good at it. Not a statue like celebrating her, just that it's rare. Yeah, I don't want to sound cocky, but I'm very good at it and unlike most men, actually don't mind not receiving oral. So my focus is on her. But this leads to the next issue. Unfortunately they're just quickies. Even when there's plenty time, it almost seems like a chore. Honestly I'm a male that can go for a long period of time with or without breaks with multiple orgasms from both parties. But that has been happening less and less frequently. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Ben. Okay Ben, that's interesting. There are some women who don't like oral sex site being performed on them and that could be usually it's one of two reasons. Either they're uncomfortable with their genitalia, they don't feel like you really want to be doing it, they're ashamed about the way they look down there or the whole thing just makes them comfortable. Or there are women that it really just doesn't feel good. And a lot of times these women are multi orgasmic or they're super sensitive down there and they just doesn't feel good. But if she just wants quickies and she's not interested in any sort of foreplay, I think this is something that you need to talk to her about. You know, talk to her about her sex life and what, you know, what's her past history? Does she have any like past history of abuse? Does it seem like she's not really enjoying sex? Does she have orgasms during those quickies? I think you just need to talk to her about it and get a little bit more information. I appreciate that you're emailing me about it. I'm not seeing here if he's ever talked about but see bet and here's the thing, you are a rare species of a man that I just adore. You want to please her. And I wouldn't even say it's rare. There's a lot of men like this, and I love when I hear from them that really want to please a woman. And that's what turns you on. And it's almost like you're being denied of that because that's part of what turns you on. And she's saying, no, no quickies. And so unless you can bridge this gap, like, there's a lot of times that you can talk about things and maybe she'll open up and say, well, my last partner, you know, really messed me up and I'm still not feeling safe. Or, you know, sex has been really painful for me lately. We don't know what's going on with her, but I think you have to get more information because I don't think she's obviously gonna come around and be the foreplay accepting queen without you talking to her. So I think you just gotta say, babe, I really love pleasing you. And, you know, our sex is great quickies. Remember, you always wanna start with the positive, what you really like about it and say, God, I just really would love to ravish your body and have you orgasm. And if it's not oral sex, then what can I do to turn you on? And if it's someone you're having sex with, you should be able to have the sex conversation. They go hand in hand, and then you'll get your answers. And if she's shut down about it completely, you could spend some time trying to open her up. If you really like her and you've been with her for a while. But if it's something new, people, you know, see how much time you really want to put into it and see what she says.

Yeah, I mean, I feel like if she's only wanting quickies, it's because she wants to get it done and over with. And it possibly means that she doesn't really enjoy sex. Like, if you enjoy sex, you wanna take your time with it. You wanna let someone try to please you and figure out what's going on. It's possible she maybe has never orgasmed. I don't even know if he said that.

That's what I'm thinking. Has she ever had an orgasm? Yeah, right? I mean, quickies, that's all she wants. It sounds to me like she probably hasn't, unless she's one of these, like, you know, you just touch them and they have orgasms. So it Seems to me she probably doesn't know her body or have orgasms, and maybe she has some body image issues. I'm not gonna speculate here, but this is a conversation you have to have, Ben. And it should start by just talking about your sex life and that you love being with her and it's great. And you just had some questions and you wanted to talk and see where it goes and listen to her answers. Because people tell you who they are. People just don't want to listen the first time someone shows you who they are. Believe them. Maya Angelou. Great guy. Love that. Okay. Dear Emily, I've been in a committed monogamous relationship for three years. We have a great sex. We have a great sex life. We have great sex very often. And my girlfriend loves to try new things to keep it interesting. However, she absolutely hates that I watch porn and seems to feel threatened by it. Because of that and my own waning interest in the way sex in porn is portrayed. Jackhammering, for example, I've decided not to watch it anymore. Almost a month into not watching porn, I've realized that I've now lost the desire to masturbate at all. She constantly sends me sexy pics or videos of her, but I just don't seem to enjoy masturbating to it as much as I did with. With porn. She doesn't understand why I go to porn if I have her pics and all that stuff. And neither do I, really. We've discussed possibly bringing porn in the bedroom, but she still seems threatened and afraid, thinking that I will not have desire for the women, thinking that I will have more desire for the women on screen than with her, than for her. Porn has not ever in the past three years, interfered with our sex life or caused me to pick it over her. What can I do, Bobby? Porn, Porn. Porn. Porn. Porn. This is taking over our world here. I'm glad that you're talking about it with her and that she was honest with you. I think that there's a really big disconnect between men who watch porn and women understanding why men watch porn. Because men were watching. You were watching porn before you met her. And men still need to watch porn. They could be having the best sex of their life with their partner, and they still. It's a release. Like how I go on Zappos after work, maybe my shoes. And sometimes I masturbate as well, but I think at the same time, I've masturbated to some Zappos. Shoe porn. Shoe porn. Don't underestimate the power of shoe porn. So I think it's amazing, Bobbi, that you were able to stop watching porn, and I think you should stick with that. And it might take more than a month to get it back. Because if you've been watching porn a lot, then your brain changes. Like, your brain patterns change, and they get heightened by what you see in porn. And so even her sending sexy videos or the real deal of having sex isn't the same.

Adrenaline rush and the same.

The same chemicals. Everything that you get from watching porn that is so aggressive these days, and it's constantly raising the bar. And a lot of men are feeling like they can't have satisfying sex without it. So I don't know what kind of porn you're watching, but I think it's great that you took a break. And I would say think of other ways to spice it up with her in the bedroom. So I like the idea of bringing porn in eventually. But you said that she's always interested in ways of spicing it up. So why don't you focus on some more of that? Like go to a sex toy store, go shopping, buy some toys, get into a little bondage, blindfold her one night. I mean, to have the talk with her about fantasies and about what turns her on, because she seems very open sexually, but she's just got this political belief that a lot of women have about porn. And usually it's that they think that their partners want to be with the women in porn. They don't match up to the women in porn. And I don't know if you're going to change that, but she seems to be a sexually open woman and you're losing your desire. And I think if you push through and you keep having sex with her and you keep trying, you know, maybe even wanting to try dirty talk, maybe even wanted to have sex outdoors. Maybe you guys need to get out of the bedroom, take a little vacation, you know, one night away. Keep trying to do things that are gonna mix it up and keep porn out of it for a little bit. And I think you're gonna get your sensations back and your desire for her.

Absolutely. Also, you mentioned that porn has never gotten in the way or interfered in your sex life or your sex feelings. Guaranteed. The reason it's a problem is not because she thinks it's interfering with your issues. It's because it's interfering with hers. It's making her not feel confident and not feel like she's enough. And that's. That's just a big issue. That all women deal with anyway, like, without even porn. You know, you're constantly wondering, like, is my husband, boyfriend, whatever, thinking about me when we're having sex or is he thinking about something else? So that's just something that you need to talk about with her.

Right. Maybe she needs some more affirmations from you to tell her she's beautiful and she's sexy and how much you desire her.

Yeah. Or you can make your own porn video to help her kind of get a feel for what you like about it. Recreate something maybe like make her the star of your own porno and then watch it and that'll be a good way to ease you into it.

That is a great idea. And then delete it after. Maybe she'd be into that because then she sees herself as a star. You're worshiping her. So I don't think this is a deal breaker here. I just think that. I think you're making all the right steps, but now is when the communication comes in and maybe a little home porn. Okay, Bobby, thank you. Thank you, everyone, for writing. Thank you, Madison, for being here today. And I love you all. I do. And please take our survey and if you like our show, review us on itunes. Oh. Oh, my God. I haven't talked about this in a while, but I have an iPhone app called kegel camp. Kaggle exercises help men and women enjoy sex and improve your sex life. And they are for men, too. People always think men can do them. But I have an app called kegel camp. It's been out a few years, but we just re released it. It's so much better now as far as we just made some improvements and it'll rock your world. So get it in the itunes store. And I love you all. Thank you so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com okay, everyone. You know we talked about surveys here and earlier in the show, and I'll bet this wasn't on the survey, But a lot of men want to last longer in bed. It's probably because of that orgasm gap. You know, women take around 20 minutes to orgasm. Men take about 66, and then you got that gap. And a lot of men just want to last a little bit longer in bed, and they can't. Either it's premature ejaculation or you just go for four minutes and you want to go for eight. So I'm here to tell you about promescent. And promescent is the only FDA approved treatment for premature ejaculation. It's a quickly absorbing delay spray and you put it on your penis. It absorbs in. She doesn't have to know that you're using it. And it will make you last twice as long and close the arousal gap and the orgasm gaps. You both can have orgasms together, maybe not at the same time, but you will have orgasms during sex. Promescent is amazing. Thousands of urologists are recommending it. Check it out. Go to promescent.com that's P R O M E S C E N T thanks for listening. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health, magnesium. And here's the thing, no single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50% off and here's a bonus. Use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15% off your order. That's Q U A l I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.