From Boregasms to Orgasms

Stop what you're doing and listen closely because Bellesa and I are giving away free spicy toys or gift cards to every single one of you. That's right. Everyone who signs up wins something. And if you haven't heard of Bellesa, let me put you on. They're a bi woman for everyone company that's completely flipping the script on sexual wellness. And now they're hooking you up. You've definitely seen Bellesa's viral toys all over your for you page. Like the rose, it blew up for a reason. This little flower shaped suction toy is iconic. Or. Or their famous whisper collection. You know the first fully ever silent vibrators. If you live with roommates, parents, or even if your partner is sleeping right next to you, these toys are silent without compromising power. Or their new Pebble Pro. They just one up their best selling pebble with a stronger, smarter and seriously spicy redesign. Ballast has somehow figured out how to engineer a one stop pleasure shop with three interchangeable heads. It sucks. It humps. It licks. It vibrates. I'm speechless. And of course I had to hook all of you up. So my friends at Bellesa are sending out free toys or gift cards for toys to everyone who signs up. You heard that right. Every single one of you wins something. Just click the link in the episode description or head to bbvibes.com Emily that's B B V I B E S.com Emily thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm talking about ways to make the most out of all your sexual experiences. From penetration, oral, and everything in between. Topics include a chat with friend and see CEO of Per Messiant about the orgasm gap and how long it takes for men to climax versus women. What to do if your partner starts to get a little too aggressive about having sex when you aren't in the mood. How to make sex more pleasurable for your wife who is constant cramping during sex. And where to turn when you're completely bored by sex. With partners, with toys, even with yourself. Trust me, I will get you out of this rut. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God.

I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com you can also find us, you guys, wherever you're listening to podcasts, you can find us there. I love when you review us. You give us five stars. Subscribe. It really helps us. Also find me on SiriusXM radio five nights a week on channel 109. I'm there Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific, 8 to 10 East. If you want to get a 30 day trial trial for free, go to sexwithmily.com sxm. You can still call in even if you don't have a subscription. 888-947-8277. Find me on all social media across the board. It's sexwithemily. Alright guys, I have an exciting announcement. If you have not seen this yet, you have to check out the new Sex with Emily Vesper. It's an elegant vibrator that you wear as a necklace and I wear it all the time. I never take it off. I wear it as a layering piece and it is strong and it's rechargeable. Usb rechargeable. And it's just really cool because you have it around your neck. It's empowering. It's like I care about my sexual pleasure. And it also means you have great taste. And yes, it works. It's not just around dangling around your neck to look pretty. So we have a limited edition that you can pick one three phrases that I wrote for you. You could either get I come first, turn me on or meditate, masturbate, manifest. Just go to sexwithemily.com Vesper V E S P E R and get one for yourself. And also you guys, it starts at $69. You can get the silver one for $69. And then we have rose gold and we have gold. You're gonna love it. It's a great conversation piece. I've got it for all my friends for years. They love it. You're gonna love this one. So check it out. Okay guys, I hope you enjoy the show. Jeff Abraham, he's a dear friend. He's also the CEO of Promescent and he's here to talk about. I kept Saying, Jeff, you're here to talk about all things penis, but also sexual timing. And his Facebook Instagram is Allcent, and the website's promescent.com, he's essentially the CEO of a company called Promescent. It's an over the counter topical penis spray, essentially used to improve climax control and help people last longer in bed. And I've known Jeff for years, since the start of Promescent. And we love having you on. I love being here because we just never have a dull moment. There's always stuff to talk about when it comes to penises and what's going on. So I think I just explained it. If people don't know about permecent, men want to last longer in bed sometimes.

It's the number one sexual health issue for men and women, obviously. Because if it's an issue for a man, it becomes an issue for his partner.

So it's a real thing. And then you created the spray that can help him last a lot longer.

Well, I didn't.

64%, Dr. Gilbert.

I don't want anyone to think that I'm this.

I know you didn't. Right. No, I got it that you took it to market and made it all happen. So how have you been doing, Jeff, since I saw you last?

I've been doing good.

Yeah.

Busy. Very, very busy. But, you know, that beats the alternative, having nothing to do.

Yeah, that's true. That's. People like us will never be, never have not have anything to do. I thought what might be interesting for us to talk about is just lasting longer in general in bed. Because, like, okay, so I've been talking about promescin for years because we just. I mean, it makes sense. But, you know, if you want to just, like, there's a lot of other things you do. Like, we talk about edging. The stop start method is one of them. Where you kind of mast until the point where you're about to, like, go over and then you stop. And then like, what are somebody focusing on your partner, like, enhancing intimacy? Because even if you're using promescent, like, I feel like we're so focused on penetration where I kind of like about promescent. Jeff, tell me. Think about this. We could talk about promescent as just like a foreplay tool that you just use. Like, I love talking about, like, CBD lubes that people just rub into their vulva before sex for like 20 minutes. And you're like, your vagina won't be anxious and it can help with your orgasms. But with perescent, even if you're like, sometimes I last long. I don't know. Just the experience of them putting it on their penis, you have to let it absorb.

You wait eight to 10 minutes.

Eight, 10 minutes. But what if you said, what if you waited 20? And you're like, I'm gonna just rub it in so I know it's there. Like, everyone waits 20. I'm waiting for my lube. You're waiting for permesen. And then we cannot go right to penetration. Cause I feel like everybody goes right for penetration sometimes, and we need to slow it all down.

I think too many people put the idea of orgasm and penetration in the same category. What would be wrong with having your partner achieve an orgasm or two or even three prior to insertion, prior to intercourse? And I think people are so focused, and I think part of it is they're so into judging themselves based on porn they watch or anything else. Their expectations are unrealistic. That I have people, I swear to you. Because I work our interactive chat feature, it's called Olock. On our site. It's me on there two hours a week. What are you doing? I go, I need to understand who's buying my product, where they come from. And by the way, a lot of them go, sex with Emily. That's where I heard about it. Which is great.

I love it.

But I have people that go, I'm not kidding you. They go, how long can I expect to last? And the first thing I always ask is, how long are you lasting right now? Because it's a function of how long you last prior. And I have people say to me, I'm lasting 20 to 30 minutes. And I'm like, why are you buying Promaster? They go, I want to last an hour. I'm like, are you trying to pleasure or punish your partner? I'm like, I'm kind of confused about.

You become a sex therapist, you put your sex therapist hat on.

Yeah, exactly. And I've literally talk to people on the site and talk them out of buying the product. I go, there's something you're doing wrong. If your partner is not climaxing in 30 minutes of penetration and thrusting, you need to either work on your technique or your partner needs to go to a gynecologist. Maybe there's an issue, because this isn't about setting an Olympic record for time. It's about pleasure. It's about mutual satisfaction between a male and a female or two males or whatever. It's one of those things that people put sex almost into An Olympic category now, like, it's an event, right? It's supposed to be mutual shared pleasure. It's supposed to be being in tune with your partner. Don't rush into it. Oh, my God. You've got to have this at this time. Like you said, take your time.

Take your time. Like, relax into it. Like, do the making out, do the kissing. Because the orgasm gap, which is we've been talking about since the beginning, Jeff. Of promescent.

We seven, eight years now.

Seven, eight years. That's amazing. I was like, there's something that could actually help men with. Last longer. Like. Cause I try every. I mean, I didn't have a penis, but I had to give it to the penises. I know. Because I was like, this sounds. And then it's. I mean, it's amazing. I was just talking about all the technologies now there are for penises and vaginas out there. And this is one of the first. That was like, so exciting to me that you could actually help men last longer. But there still is the orgasm gap.

Yes.

And that is real. Like, that is real for most, you know, heterosexual couples, but really any couples. And that the orgasm gap, they say typically it can take a man. What is it like, 5 to average is like 8, 13 minutes or 8 to 15 minutes.

The actual man, we're not talking about people with PE. The actual average healthy male lasts 5 minutes and 42 seconds of penetration and thrusting. The average female takes 18 minutes of penetration and thrusting to achieve climax. Those are unhealthy couples. So that's the arousal gap or the orgasm gap. So even in healthy couples, if you just jump right into it, you're not going to have mutual satisfaction. And that's why guys think about baseball scores. Think about stopping, starting. Think about their grandmother naked. Think about all these coping mechanisms. And isn't sex and intimacy supposed to be about unbridled pleasure? You know, letting yourself go and really enjoying yourself and being into your partner as opposed to having this little guy on your shoulder walking on eggshells. Not yet. Not yet. Oh, my God, is she.

I think I got my aunt. My.

You don't want to be so hyper focused. Like, you're not even enjoying yourself. You're trying to take your mind away from the pleasure rather than feeling the pleasure.

Right, Exactly. You want to be in the moment with your partner and like, let it last. It's true that it has kind of become this Olympic performance based on por. Which is what we were just talking about before you came in, about how we're Just. That's how people are learning. They're thinking, like, oh, longer is better and more positions is better, and, like, you're not. I wish there could just be. I don't know if. Wish I had the time and money. Like, you just make porn that was, like, real, like, intimacy. Like, couples just stare into each other's eyes and, like, you never see that. I mean, it's like a foreplay channel. Like A4. Like, are people ever searching foreplay, like, on Pornhub? You know what I'm saying?

I mean, someone. I don't know, someone somewhere might be. I think.

I think you'd have to dig deep into the pornhub archives to find the. You know, the foreplay.

Sensual, soft sex. Yeah, that's our. With a plot.

That's like one video.

That's why we like Erica Lust. That's why we like Erica Lust. Exactly. There's one.

There is a female porn.

Erika Lust.

Is that what it's called?

We love her.

I love that. I saw that.

Oh, she's amazing. She's been on my show a lot. She's a director.

Yeah.

I was gonna direct a film with her. Perhaps if I go to Barcelona. We were gonna have our listeners submit their erotic. Their. Their porn stories. Like, what they dream about, what their fantasies are. And then we were gonna make a porn. It could still happen if I get to Bart, which I might get to Barcelona next year and do it. But her name's Erica Lust, and it's. If you are listening right now and you have not been satisfied with the porn you watch, if you check out her site, it really is. It's, like, for women, by women. Because most porn now we know is by the male gaze, which, to be honest, Jeff, I mean, as a businessman, it's good for your company, but. But also in porn, like, what we're seeing isn't, like, real depictions of sex. So, yeah, they are lasting longer in a way that would be. Would be good for business, actually, because they Porn been great because they're like, I'm not lasting an hour and a half. And Jeff's like, whoa, whoa.

No, exactly.

No one wants you to last an hour. But what you were saying, though, it's so true, that there is this notion maybe it's a lot of younger men, that they still believe that it's measured upon how long they last. And they're thinking that before. They don't even know about the pleasure part. Like, no, actually, if you do a lot of the work beforehand on your partner, go down on her Give her orgasms. That's the stuff to focus on.

That's what you really need to focus on. You want to hear something that shows you how warped people's perception are, you know? We're the number one best selling sexual enhancement product on Amazon. The number five product in sexual enhancements. I swear, I wish I was making this up. It's some kind of supplement that supposedly increases the amount of semen that you ejaculate.

Really?

I'm like, what kind of a dude is going, hey, what's my volume?

Like, do you want to get pregnant, maybe? No, no, guys worry about volume.

That's a real thing.

No, I thought you meant the actual semen. No, guys want, like, they. Because it's fucking porn.

It's porn.

The spleen is porn.

A guy's going, if I can't hit my partner in the eye from 12ft away, seriously, I'm deficient. You know what I mean? I'm like, what? I go, where am I? What kind of a cosmic hellhole have I fallen into? Where that has become an expectation and someone's gonna buy a product to go, yeah, I'm measuring my distance. I'm like, oh, my God.

I'm like, people do do that. They do all the time. And I've heard them say that. Yeah, like something's wrong when they can't shoot across you. But it's for men, right? Cause they wanna see it to them. Like, you think their partner's going to. Your ejaculate was low this week.

I mean, yeah, I'm just. I've just never really felt that that was an issue to kind of be a little self conscious about. I was like, what? But it's consistently because I always go through the rankings. I want to see who's behind us, you know?

Yeah.

Fortunately, we're not behind anyone else.

I love that you're number one now and I know you've been through a lot. I mean, I don't know what, you know, if you want to talk about what's been going on or it's, you.

Know, it's one of these things that you have to address things. And there was a podcast that came out. American Greed did a big podcast on this lawsuit that we're involved in. It's go to trial next year. And, you know, you and I have talked about it at length and it's frustrating because in a lot of cases, when you're an entrepreneur and you have a small company that's dynamic, especially in a very large market segment, which we are you're going to have big companies that try to take advantage of. And we've had that happen. And we're moving steadily ahead in the litigation. We're very pleased with where we're at. That being said, the company that we're in litigation with is $20 billion a year, and they're doing everything possible to delay it and run up the cost. That's the playbook that big companies use. But I have very good representation and we've been very thorough and very diligent. And as soon as I sensed what was happening, I obviously took very copious notes and I had everything documented and it happened and there's no doubt about it. And one of the frustrating things is if you're me and you're sitting here and you watch, they're being represented by this big firm, Shepard, Mullen, Hampton and Richter, is you watch how they operate and you can see what they're covering up and you can see what they're trying to exclude. And it's gross, right? They know exactly what happened. They know how guilty they're.

Let me just back everyone up. I mean, I couldn't tell, like, because Jeff was on podcast, he's been talking about this. But what I'm saying, as an entrepreneur, you, your friend who Ron, if you want to.

Dr. Gilbert.

Dr. Gilbert. And he was killed. And he's the one who created Promescent as a urologist, who was like, wow, I invented this thing that is going to save help men and have better sex. Which is really an amazing story that he invented. And then he was mistakenly killed.

He was killed. Mistaken identity.

Mistaken identity. And then Jeff has been a champion of this brand since it was his best friend since it's inception. So when I met Jeff, he was just like. It was just a few years after. You're like, I've been.

It was literally months after.

Months after. Wow, Jeff, wow. Been so great.

And it's been almost seven years now, so that shows how long we've been doing this together.

So he. So. And the whole thing was like. And you're like, I know this is working because I've taken around. I want to help him. But then he, you know, he died and you're like, I'm going to help his family. So for you, this has been like. And the thing about Promescent is that. But the fact that it's really. There was nothing else like it. There is nothing really else like it.

Still to this day. There's nothing else like it.

There's nothing else like it. And then One of the biggest pharmaceutical companies, like, you're the little man like really tried to buy you. I remember the whole thing. And now they're like, they stole your formula. So, yeah, I'm glad that you're going after that you're sticking to this and that you've been getting a lot of press and attention around it. So we all wish you, you know, so much luck here and whatever we can do to support that because it fucking sucks. It reminded me the sounds. This is not even equivalent, but it doesn't even matter. The story of someone stealing your shit. Well, kind of is, but like, okay, so it's just weird because I'm at SER. But I remember when I started my show like 14 years ago, I was talking to someone who actually had. Was a producer for radio and I think he was working at Sirius. He's a family friend and he's like, well, I said, I think I just want to start doing a podcast, but I would love to do radio. And I think maybe I'd already been on the radio. Point is, he goes, well, Emily, like, you just be careful because how do you know that someday someone just couldn't be sex with Susan? And I was like, well. And I said, this is when I first started. I said, well, there could be a sex with Susan, but she wouldn't be sex with Emily.

No, she'd be so different.

She'd be Susan. How Susan talks about sex and I'm. How I talk about Emily about sex, which is kind of the same but different. No one ever did that. And I actually knew in my head that no one could be me, because I'm talking about me. But your freaking formula, they fucking stole it. Yeah, but they still can't be you. And they can't have the integrity that you have.

They can't. And they were so careful trying to design around it, because when you, when you are knowingly ripping someone off, you try to cover your tracks. And they were so careful in trying not to violate the actual formulation that they came up with an inferior product, which is hilarious, which is great. So when you and. But, you know, they took all of our trade secrets and data and then literally tortiously interfered, tried to get us, you know, crushed in some of the venues we were in. But the funny part is here's this billion dollar company trying to crush us and we're still number one. We still have the number one best ranking and we still dominate any platform that we're head to head with these guys. And I take a tremendous amount of pride in that.

Yeah. You sure? You've been working really hard for it, so. And as you should. And we support you.

Yes.

Okay, Jeff. So that was just the. I had to. I haven't seen him. So you guys can call us up and we haven't caught up.

We actually have a George, 46 in Ohio who wants to ask Jeff about Vitaflux.

Okay. Fire away. You said George?

Yes.

Okay. George, go ahead.

George.

We're having a phone problem.

George.

Oh, well, sorry. George.

Oh.

Oh, there we go. George.

Call back, George, if you can.

He started to say he learned about promescent therapy.

He started asking about Vitaflux, which is a new product we have, and he said he found promescent, I guess through you.

Uh huh. Yeah.

I think that's what I caught before he found.

Yeah, that's what he caught. I was trying to look up Vitaflex.

I don't know. What's Vitaflex?

You're gonna laugh when I tell you this. It's a new product we have that's freaking spectacular. It's a mini promescent and it doesn't treat pe, but it was developed at Baylor University by some of the leading sex therapists there. It's an endothelium agent which increases nitric oxide. And what it does is give you a much higher libido. It helps circulation, so it helps with better erections. It helps with energy levels.

How do you digest it? How do you take it? It does the same thing.

It's a bunch of L, carnosine. It's a bunch of amino acids. It's high quality and it is spectacular. It was developed at Baylor University, and one of the leading sex researchers in the business said to me, you got to try this product. Said, okay, great. He gives it to me. I'm like, what is this? I'm like, I felt so much energy and it gave me mental alertness, and it gave me a lot. My libido increased and I'm like, wow. You know, my age, 60. I thought it was a nice little bonus. And they developed it for sexual function. But the crazy part was because of the endothelium aspect, the nitric oxide aspect, it regulates, stabilizes blood pressure. So it blew up and took off in the blood pressure area. So they weren't really marketing it in sexual wellness. So I said, do you mind if we take it in that area? So they said, sure. And it went insane. We're selling. I mean, it's crazy. We have people come on every three months, order three bottles of Hermesin and Three bottles of Vitaflux.

I didn't even know this, Jack.

Yeah, it's for men. Relatively new. It actually works for women, too.

I just think libido is such a mind thing. Like, it's for your mind if you're on board with sex. Your brain.

The endothelium layer, though, is what I.

Don'T know about endothelium.

Yeah, it. A lot of your hormones, it allows the nutrients to get to your hormones. It raises your hormone level. So that's why the libido goes up. I literally started giving it to my friends around where I live. I go, try this. I go. Because I was thinking to myself, this has to be a placebo effect. Every single person I gave it to goes, what is that? I love that product. I go, it was developed by a leading sexual researcher at Baylor University.

Okay. That's amazing, Jeff.

It's called Vitaflux. Evidently, this guy tried it or is thinking about trying it.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

George from Ohio.

George from Ohio. Thanks, George. Yeah, we have phones, but the good thing is that, Jeff, we always have stuff to talk about, even if we don't have phones. So what I was thinking, though, so in breaking this down, we're talking about. I'm talking to Jeff. He's the CEO of Promescent and Climax Control Spray. And now other things, like Vitaflux didn't know. What about couples who are trying to figure out this just comes up all the time. Like. Like, when should they have sex? So, for example.

Your partner. Like, you have kids, right? Like, how do you make time for it? I think that couples really struggle with this. Or, for example, your partner always wants in the morning, and you always want sex in the evening. And it just can seem kind of silly. But really.

People don't really have these conversations with their partners. They just realize they're not having sex. So I just realized this could be a. This could be a cure for it. Just talk about. And then even, like, scheduling sex.

You know what I was gonna say? If you have children or you both have busy careers, you literally need to schedule it.

You have to, because if you just.

Wait for it to be spontaneous, you're gonna go weeks at a time without intimacy.

It's never gonna happen.

And, you know, I guess I'm just different because I majored in communications, and I've always been talkative like you.

Yeah.

Any relationship I've ever been in, you discuss it. When people say to me, you know, we haven't had sex in a month, And I go, well, have you guys Talked about it? No. I go, how do you lay next to someone every night for a month and not be intimate and not discuss it?

Right. I don't understand.

I think the ultimate foreplay is communication.

Yeah. It's so hot. The words. Talk about sex. Talk about what you want to do. Get excited for it.

Yeah. And the idea that your partner's like, we need to schedule this, makes you feel wanted, makes you feel desired, and vice versa. I mean, how do you feel laying next to someone for a month and they don't touch you and you don't even talk about it. You talk about the elephant in a room. How do you deal with that?

Exactly. It is the elephant in the room. And it is crazy because it goes back to that. We think that sex should magically always work out without trying, that it's some mystical act that we do that's, you know, that's just kind of been placed here by the universe, and we don't really know how it works. Kind of like air, gravity, or like sex should just happen. And we think talking about it is wrong somehow. And if we schedule it, that is not sex.

That's not spontaneous.

Not having sex.

Well, think about this. You know, a lot of it actually funnels from the whole religious thing about how there's so much teen pregnancy because. Because a lot of young people think, well, if I acknowledge it and go by contraceptive, that means I'm planning on having sex. But if it's spontaneous, that means I didn't expect it to happen. Wait a second.

Exactly.

You're not being responsible, protecting yourself from potential diseases. You're not being responsible, protecting yourself from unwanted pregnancies by hoping that it becomes spontaneous so you don't displease your church by thinking you consciously had an effort to have. It's a desire. It's a physical desire, like eating or everything else. So be open about it. Just like you said, people just want it to be spontaneous. What other part of your life, when you invest, do you just throw darts at a dartboard and buy a company you haven't invested in? No. You research and you go, I want to do this right. The more information I have, the better. And you talk to people, hey, what do you think about this company? What do you think about this stock? When you go to work out, you ask other people, what's the best gym? Why do you like that? Why can't you do that with sex?

I know really well, people are just starting. I think we're still this new frontier with sex. We're still, the front lines in sex sense what we're doing sexually. Like, people are still like, oh, every night. I was saying, like, oh, I didn't know that I could even talk about it. Like, we still feel like we don't have permission. But you have to understand that everything in life that is worth having, the things that we care about, the things that we're good at, that we put effort into, the rewards come back to us. The things that you care about. We don't think that we should invest time, money, energy, speaking anything into sex.

Shows like this are so important because what I think it does, it normalizes talk about sexual. It allows people to go, it's okay for me. Other people have the same fantasies, the same desires I do. I'm not dirty if I desire sex. I'm not dirty if I go, wow. I want to be a little out of the box if it's between you and your partner and you both desire. But how are you going to know what you both desire if you don't talk about it?

Exactly. Just know that after six months to two years, 18 months, the honeymoon phase is going to die. And you're not going to. You're going to have to start talking. So just start talking at the beginning.

At the beginning. And then that honeymoon phase will last a lot longer.

Exactly. The reason why the honeymoon phase lasts is because it's new and it's novel and it's spontaneous. It's like someone new. And there's other things. There's traction and chemistry. But that could happen with a lot of people, that honeymoon phase. Which is why so many relationships don't work. Because we kind of like, ride the wave of the honeymoon for a year and a half.

And they think that's gonna be that.

Way forever, but it's not. But every night someone wakes up or calls in, they're like, oh, guess what? It was great at the beginning, but now it's not. I'm like, yeah, that's what happens.

That's a relationship.

That's a relationship. So talk about all this stuff at the beginning, and if you don't know, then say, I'm not sure. But I've been listening to this show, this chick named Emily, Dr. Emily, she told me that I should talk about it. I don't even know what to say, but clearly we should talk about it. And we never talk about it. Like, that's such a great way to say it, too, if you're. People are so afraid to talk about it. And I've said it's Just like, ripping a band aid off. Like, I think a lot of what we talk about here is really just giving people scripts. And here's how you have the conversation. So even just saying, I don't know what to say. This feels weird, awkward, and wrong to talk to you about sex because we've never done it. But I feel like it's important. Let's do it together.

I've been in relationships before where I'll actually say to someone and they get really uncomfortable. I'd say, I really like watching you touch yourself. You know? They're like, what? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, why? I'm like, well, how better would I know what you like rather than you show me? And they'll go, oh, no. I like everything you do. Everything you do. I'm like, okay. I'd like to think I'm the sex God, but I'm pretty realistic. I'm not. Okay, Quit being so uptight. And I'm like, show me what you. And they're like. They get all uptight, and it's like.

You know, still today, women. You're right.

Yeah. No, it's crazy.

It is crazy.

A lot of women still to this day think that if they really show that overt sexual side, that you'll be intimidated. You'll think, whoa. You know what I mean? Like, you know. Because I would hate to be a woman in today's society for this reason. If you're not sexual enough, a guy's gonna go, well, you're boring. But if you're too sexual, a guy's gonna go, hey, where'd you learn that? You know what I mean? Like, whoa, whoa. You're a little bit edgy. So it's hard to be a woman and really exert your sexuality. Cause a lot of men would be intimidated. They would be.

Do you think they still would be, though? Or is that just the old messages? That if women really started saying, this is what I want and this is.

What I need, there's a certain amount of men out there, maybe 20, 25%, that would run with it and be totally turned on.

We want more of that.

We need 100%. We need every man to do that. But there's still men that want their woman to be desirable and sexual, but not too sexual.

Right. Not too hot. I don't want to know. Where'd you learn that?

Exactly.

How many?

Yeah, because there's still. We laugh about this all the time. There's still so much insecurity in men.

Yeah.

There really and truly is. And you see it when you work the chat feature on our site.

Tell me on the promescent site, Tell me about the. What are the insecurities you're finding?

Oh, I don't last long enough. I need to. Will this help me grow my penis? I'm like, where on this site was.

Does it say grow?

Does it say grow your penis?

It'd be great though, Jeff, if it did. Damn it.

Trust me, if it did, the next four months, I'd be on my own private island next to Bali somewhere.

You know, I know I would never see Jeff again.

Yeah, exactly. I'd call him, bring me another pina colada, I'll be over.

Yeah.

But it's weird because on our site you hear people go, well, you know, I want to last an hour. You know, I want to make my penis bigger. And I'm like, well, why don't you just focus on what you have and really get the best out of it, you know? Because every guy literally thinks they have to have a 10 inch penis. It's from watching porn. They think that they got a. Be able to hit a bullseye across the room on a dartboard. They think that they have to last an hour. It's insane.

It is insane. It's insane. And the penis series, I feel like we've done a lot on this show to kind of debunk that or to kind of calm men's nerves about their penises. Because most of the we're all fine with it. Like, if you know what you're doing, you know how to please us. And since only 20% of women can actually orgasm with your penis, we're not tripping on the size of your penis.

That's.

Why don't you want to know about your skills? We want to know what you're doing. We want to know. We want to know that you can please us and you want to pay attention. But I think it's interesting going back to what you said about the women who you're with even recently, who were like, oh, everything you're doing feels good. It reminded me I used to be that way. I used to be the woman who was like, well, I also didn't know what I wanted before I started the show. And I also was like, they'd be like, how does this feel? I'd be like, great, how's this? I'm like, everything you're doing is perfect. But in my mind, I'm like, it's not. But then. But I was before I knew about my body. And talking about sex, I was like, well, if I tell them, it's not good. I was the person who didn't know what else I really wanted either. So many layers to that. There's the women who are. No, but they feel like they're gonna feel suddy. There's me just saying, like, oh, everything's great. Cause I didn't know what was better. And so that's why, you know, it's. We gotta continue to talk about it with everybody. And I love that you're out there and you have a son. And I'm sure he's talking in a healthy way to his friends.

He's very open.

Everybody needs to be listening to this kind of thing. So if you're listening now, we do this five nights a week on SiriusXM stars, 5 to 7pm Pacific, 8 to 10 East. And also we have podcasts. We release three podcasts a week going back 15 years, 14 years. They're not all available right now online, but they will be we them all.

As like a. I think itunes was like, whoa, man, whoa. We need to cut some of these off. We can only put so many on.

Yeah, there's like 500. I know. Well, I still have it on my hard drive. And like, do I want1 from 2006 released? What was I saying? I mean, I've grown up on the show, but. But still, it hasn't been, you know, and even all these years, though, there's not that many other people talking about it in a healthy way, which is why it's really, you know, one of.

The things, being a man, that I can speak for all men out there. One of the reasons women have to be vocal and they have to tell men what they like, because you can have the same woman, you know, your basic penis is pretty indestructible. And it. They all respond to the same things. You go oral sex or. That works. But there are women who look exactly alike, Same body type, same everything. Some of them are like, I want my rubbed a lot harder. Some of them are like, oh, my God, I'm so sensitive. You can barely touch. So as a guy, you're like, wait a second. Okay. It's like cracking a safe. Everyone has a different combination.

Okay, I want to know.

Want to know. Because the exact same thing that turns on one female is totally non pleasurable to another. Okay. Because they have a hooded clitoris. They have. You know what I mean? And it's like, it's a total different animal each time. And you have to kind of dial it in. Like I said, it's like cracking a safe. It is when you're a woman. When you're with a dude, okay, I get news for you. Give him a blowjob, he's thrilled. Okay? It's like, there's not that much difference.

Not as much difference. I mean, you could vary your blowjob a little, but it's not like the freaking clitor. Some women don't even want their clitors touched. Right?

And some women don't know, get some sandpaper grind. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You know, I'm like, you have to know.

You have to know what we're doing.

You have to know. And part of it is communication. You don't want to look up there, you're going down on someone and they got this horrified look on their face, and they're like, oh, no, everything's fine. You're like, well, why are you having that panic attack over there? You know?

Exactly.

You know, it's important to communicate and.

Yeah, exactly. And that's.

Don't think your guy's going to go, oh, my God, if I'm doing something that might not be right to you, that he's going to freak out and go, oh, my God, my technique is bad. No. Because maybe that's exactly what his last partner needed.

That's what we often do, is that we often feel like, well, my last partner wanted this, so this is exactly what I should do with you. And we don't know the variation, so there's also the sex education part of it that just, like, we gotta talk about it.

That's why I start out with, hey, I want to see you touch yourself. Oh.

Going back to that. And she was like, oh, oh, no.

A couple of times, they're like. They start backing out the door. I'm like, wait, come back. I was just kidding. Yeah. Even though I'm not, you know.

Right.

But no, it's.

It is hot. That's why I love mutual masturbation. I love recommending that to people. And they're like, oh, really, Zoe?

A lot of dudes are like, no.

Why? You don't wanna be seen. You wouldn't want someone to watch you, your partner.

I mean, if it's in the context of someone I really care for, just like, okay, yeah, great. But I'm much more of a voyeur. I'll do it. Cause I figured it's really unfair to ask someone else to do it and you not do it.

Right.

But I'm like, hey, whatever you do works for me, I'm a dude, you know what I mean? Like, this is a little more complex over here. So I need to go to school here for a little while just to.

Kind of see where it's really hot too. Right. To watch him. It's like a twofer. You're learning and it's hot to see that your partner likes to give themselves pleas.

There's nothing sexy. I've talked to a lot of other guys. I swear to God. There's nothing hotter for a guy than to watch a woman. That's why if you watch porn, look how many women's masturbation scenes there are.

Very true.

And if you've ever seen a guy one. I've never seen a guy masturbation scene, but I don't watch women.

I actually think that that's hot.

What women masturbation?

Like, no, like just a guy. Like a jerk off video.

Yeah.

If the penis is really pretty looking. Because some people do have like a particularly pretty penis. Yeah, I would say.

Yeah. I think they all vary. That's true.

Yeah.

They don't show that a lot, huh?

No, they don't, but not a lot.

You had to look it up.

But how real are the women? I don't watch enough porn. Any porn. Well, but how about we as realistic as the masturbation? Well, because I was just gonna say for some women who are stuck and they don't know where to start with masturbation, maybe you could get some tips. Yeah, I mean, but again, I'm saying porn's not real.

Has there ever been a porno without a woman's masturbation scene on pornhub?

Some scenes not.

It always seems like it's fake. They're doing it so fast.

They do it so fast. Not only that, they're flopping around like a fish. I mean, I'm like, come on, you.

I don't think it's real, but I think that site like, omg. Yes.

I feel like. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

They show just the end.

Just like the right before. Yes. Ding, ding. Yes. Fucking yes. That's what pisses me off. Just like the person who was doing anal called in the other night, like, well, I went from back to front because in porn they went from back to front.

Oh my God.

Dude, in porn they're not showing you the warm up, the condoms, the lube, the washing in between. And they're not showing a woman. They're only showing her at the end of masturbation. They're not showing her her touching. They Never do this. Pisses me off.

It's always the end when she's grinding a million miles an hour. And it's just the orgasm part.

That's why guys go out. When guys try to go after your. That's why they start dying. No, that's why they go.

That's all they've ever seen. They think that's exactly what happens. You start out a million miles an hour, then 12 seconds later, you're supposed to climax.

Yeah. That's why my number one sex advice, if people, like, I used to say this, my number one thing. Like, Emily, if you add gun to your head, number one, I'm like, slow down. Like, literally slow down. Go three times slower than you think. Like, you. Like, if you're like, oh, but I already go slow, then go a little slower. I think that's gonna work for every sex.

That is great advice.

Whether you're kissing, whether you're, like, undressing each other, whether you're, like, everything. Like, what is the goddamn rush? Especially with the orgasm gap.

Anticipation is the best part of sex.

It is.

The buildup is the best part.

It is the best part.

And I've always found, for me, personally, personally, the longer the buildup, the better the finish.

Yes.

Think about that.

True.

It is. The more you anticipate it, the more foreplay you have, the stronger the climax.

That's why I think, like, that's how we, like, look forward to dates. Or don't go too. Don't rush into relationships too quickly in the sense of, like, keep that fire burning as long as you can. Or just tease each other. If you, like, tease your partner all night long, like you're teasing each other. Like, maybe you go into the restaurant and, like, you hand them your underwear because you're not wearing any, and then you, like, make out in the bathroom. You go back, and then you're having dinner, and you just prolong it the whole night. There's not gonna be as much work when you get home.

That's exactly right.

Before play is work.

Yeah.

You're gonna tease them. You know, they still might. They still might need a little permescent, though. They can put that on the bathroom. Jeff. Okay, we're gonna go. This was awesome having you here.

I enjoyed being here.

I love seeing you all the time. Jeff. Thank you for coming in.

This is a show that's necessary. This really is a show that's necessary. This should be required listening for every newly married couple. Doing my best to get the relationship off on a good start.

This is What I think I'm telling everybody. Thank you, Jeff, for being here. It's a pleasure. I appreciate it. Find jeff@promescent.com we'll also put that in the show notes if you're curious about it. All right, we're gonna take a quick break. We come back, we're gonna get into your calls.

We have Megan, 29, in Rhode Island. She's dating a 51 year old man and can't keep up with sex.

Oh, hey, Megan, thanks for calling. This is interesting. Tell me more.

Hi, I am. I.

You're on.

Are you there?

Yeah. Hey, Megan.

Oh, I'm on. I'm sorry. This is crazy. I listen to your stuff quite often. My fiance got me into listening to your radio station. Yes. I actually met my fiance now at 24. I was a massage therapist and he came in and I actually. I got to turn on the radio, baby, because I can't hear myself echo. So, yeah, we ended up actually having sex at the spa, like right when I met him. Like we finished our hands off of each other. Yes, that. Right, right. And ever since then, we just. It was. We were doing it probably like two, three times a day. But now we're going on five years and I don't know what's up with me. Like, he wants it still two, three times a day, but I just. It's not that I'm not horny or anything. I. I just.

It's a lot of work.

I don't know what's going to be like. It's. Yeah, it's a lot of work. I get tired and. Yeah, you know, I'll be at work thinking of him, but then when I get home, it's like, oh, shit. Like, I just want to go to bed.

No, Megan, totally makes sense.

But I want to please my man.

Of course you do. So here's what I think. Have you guys ever, like, talked about it? Like just talked about your sex life or what you guys are into and what turns you on?

We're very sexual. We've actually. I can be blunt on here, right?

Yeah, dude, you can say anything. Please do. The blunter, the better.

We. We've done threesomes to spice up our relationship. I'll do those once in a while just because I like women as well. And obviously he does. And I find it really attractive watching him. And it really turns me on. So that's like our number one thing. We're not like swingers or anything. And toys. I love when he uses toys on me.

Right.

But it's Just, I. Like I said, I don't know what's gotten into me.

Like.

Like, I. I don't know.

Here's the thing, Megan. It's not sustainable to have sex two to three times a day, four or five, for the rest of your life. I mean, I'm impressed that you've been keeping it up for five years. And so just know that great sex is not always about. It's mostly not about the quantity, right? Like, how many times you have sex. It's about, like, quality sex. And for you, it sounds like you might need sex a little less frequently, but that's okay. You can still please your man in other ways, or you guys can still figure out ways to have intimacy when it's. When it doesn't have to. When it's not intercourse. And so I think that this concern of your, um. I understand, like, just wanting to do it to please him, but you're gonna end up resenting it and resenting sex if you're not into it as well. So I feel like. Like, what would feel right to you right now, Megan? Like, how many times a week?

Um, I mean, I wouldn't mind doing it, like, five times a week. But to be perfectly honest, he was starting to get really mad at me. Like, oh, basically, if you don't have sex, like, I'm gonna be pissed at you type of thing, like, throwing temper tantrums. So it kind of made me feel like it was more of a job and. Oh, Megan, throw me up against the wall. Start kissing me, start fingering me, Bend me over, pull my hair. Like, jump in the shower with me. Be spontaneous. But it's like, I take a shower, he takes the shower. We hop in bed at night, and then we talk. And it's like, no, I don't want that kind of sex. Like, I want our beginning sex, where it happens.

Yeah. Well, here's the thing, Megan. This is what I was asking if you guys talked about it. So just so you know, this is probably your. You know, it's a long relationship. Five years. You're 29 years old. You've been in since you were 24. Here's the. In relationships, that initial chemistry is actually a physiological reaction we're having to someone. Like, you're having these love hormones that are connecting you. Oxytocin and dopamine. That's what happens in the honeymoon phase. But after a while, that is gonna fizzle. And so couples have to figure out, like, what would turn you on. People. Couples forget that. You have to still keep doing the things that you did at the beginning or find new things. So you might need some sexy texts from him, some words. You might need him to tell you things, to give you a massage. Yeah. So you got to let him know if you text me in the middle of the day and tell me that I'm really hot or what you're gonna do to me. When I hear those words, it really turns me on. You might want him to come home and just start kissing you slowly. Or it sounds like you want him to throw you against the wall, and.

He doesn't want that. He's like, well, babe, I better get in the shower and stuff. I'm like, I don't care. Just, why do you need to get in the shower?

Right? That's what you need. Listen, Megan, women. Men and women get turned on differently. Arousal is very different. Men are more automatic, aroused, and more spontaneous. Like, he gets spontaneously aroused when he sees you. Women are more responsive. We respond to stimuli like dirty talk, kissing, slowing things down, being foreplay. It's not just a suggestion. It's a requirement. So he has to understand that you can't just snap and you're ready for sex. No woman is ready for sex like that. Maybe at the beginning, but that's the problem in so many relationships. We rest on all the shit that happened in the beginning, and then we keep trying to chase that high from the first six. Six months. And it's not realistic. So why I'm here on the planet is to explain to couples and individuals that you have to know going into a relationship, the sooner that you guys talk to each other about what actually turns you on and what you need and the better you're going to be. But I don't love the part about him getting mad at you and threatening. That makes that. That gave me pause. So. Well, I'm turned off, too, and I don't think he's treating you very well. And he's 51 years old, and I think he should know better. And if he doesn't understand. Which, to be honest, most. Most men don't understand this. So I would. I wouldn't be surprised if at 51, he doesn't get this, because most of sex is based on more about what men want than women want. But you can explain to him that this is what you've learned by listening the show he turned you on to, that it's actually, you need more pleasure.

He does take this stuff into consideration because, I mean, he loves that. I know after hearing you say this, and it's it's not just me. He's probably going to be a lot better about it.

Well, I hope so.

I feel like I will be into it more where I start jumping on top of him and of course against that wall and starts, like, picking up my legs and ripping off my clothes. Like, I love that stuff.

Exactly.

I don't like planned sex. Like, I don't like planned stuff, you know?

Right, because you're not turned on by it. Right? Exactly, Megan. Well, I hope this sounds like this is going to work for you. I'm glad he's listening. Hello, boyfriend. Hope you guys can work it out. Thank you, Megan, for calling. I'm so glad you found.

We have James, who's 29 in Canada. His wife has endometriosis, and he wants to know how to make sex more enjoyable for her.

Okay. Hey, James, how you doing? Thanks for calling.

Hey, how's it going?

Good. How are you? I'm happy to help.

Not too bad, not too bad. Just driving home. But no, basically, she's had severe demetriosis ever since she was young. Basically every time. Well, most times that we have sex, she has a lot of cramping after. I don't know whether there's something I can do to afterwards.

Or something that I'm doing wrong. I'm not sure. The sex is fine, but it's just. She just gets cramping. If we have sex at nighttime. She finds it troubling to sleep at night.

Does she say, okay, but. And she's had this since you guys were together? Like you said, she's had it for a while.

Yeah, we.

She's had a couple surgeries done, and then we actually had a little one. And the OB was actually amazed that she actually got pregnant. And we carried. She carried him the whole time and whatnot. He's now four and a half. But, you know, still, they thought maybe that might have fixed the problem a little bit. But she's just getting. She still has the cramps sometimes.

She doesn't have the cramps.

Has she been to see, like a. Has she been to see. She could see a pelvic floor physical therapist for endometriosis. I would love her to see somebody if she's had it her whole life. She should definitely go see a pelvic floor physical therapist first because she doesn't have to live with this pain. So there are also some. There's some things like. We're a huge fan of cbd. There's something called phoria awaken, and that can help a lot of women with. With this. So you just kind of. It's like a pre lube and she can rub it, you know, you could even do it for her. You can rub it into her vulva and before you, you know, foreplay. And it just feels really good. That can kind of help alleviate pain. It has cbd. And then there's also some positions that are better for endometriosis and others, like spooning, raising up her hips, using a pillow. Missionary position is often really painful for people with endometriosis. And if she is having a lot of pain, you know, at the times it is more painful, you can do other things. Foreplay, mass oral stimulation. That's what I would recommend. James.

I kind of feel bad afterwards. So it's like. And I can't really do anything about it at the time. But it's like it kind of puts a bit of a dull ending on everything, you know.

I understand that, but I also think that she doesn't realize that. I think the first thing to figure out is like how you can help her not have the pain. She doesn't have to live with that pain. Women, a lot of women can cure endometriosis by going to see a pelvic floor physical therapist. So if you look at. We're gonna. If you go to the show notes@sexwithemily.com we're gonna put podcast on there that I did with a woman named Heather Jeffcoat and she's a physical therapist and she works with women all the time to help them with endometriosis. Because I understand that you're feeling bad. So your only thing is to not have sex with her and just do foreplay so she can still pleasure and orgasm or figure out a way that she has less pain with penetration. All right, thanks, James. Thanks for calling. Let me know it goes. I will be here for you. Let me know. Thanks. It's the thing, you guys. Women do not have to live with pain. 80% of women experience pain during intercourse. And you know, you do not have to have it. You don't. We live. We just think, ah, pain's a part of life. I'm just gonna have pain forever. We can take care of that. You can solve that. I mean, I can't personally, but I can help you and tell you where to go. For sure. Yeah.

I just too like how so many women just bear through it too. They do just to go. They're like, I know it hurts me, but I wanna please my partner. I know.

Cause we're so strong. I Think we're tough and we're like, I wanna. Yeah, we're taking one for the team. We're gonna do. I want him to. Yeah, I don't want him to. Like, so he's feeling bad, which is great. But she's also probably. Probably like, I have to do it. I'm a wife. I'm just gonna be pain. But I'm telling you guys, you might have to take a little break from intercourse, but go work on how you can get your body feeling good again.

One of my good friends has endometriosis, and I wasn't aware that you can do this. And I'm gonna have her listen to the podcast. Yeah, listen to the podcast so she can actually get.

And Heather wrote a book called, like, Vaginal Pain. I mean, sex that Pain. Yeah, it's amazing. I've sent some. Several people to her, and it's like, change their life. Women don't realize that you just go in with, like, a dilator. It kind of looks like this dildo here, but it's. And then you just hold it in. And she does ex with her, and she can go home, like, after a month, she could have less pain.

That's amazing.

It's amazing.

Yeah. It's gonna help her with her partner as well, because she has those. Those painful. We have Jen, who's 49 in Ohio. She wants to know why her sex drive is completely gone.

Hi, Jen. Tell me what's going on.

Hi.

Hi.

So I just want to know, like, what happened? It died. It completely died. I dried up. I died.

No feeling, no Jen. Okay, you got to back up. So are you in a relationship? I know. Well, there's a lot of things that go into this. So you're married?

Yeah. Okay, so I'm married for 24 years.

Okay.

And we've been together 26. And it's. Everything's great. I love him. Every. Feelings, they're awesome. But there's. There's nothing. There's just no feeling there.

I know. Down there. So there's a lot. Right? So, okay, there's a few things. First, there's the physical, right? Like the physiological going through menopause or perimenopause. So our hormones drought. Our hormones change. So that's very real. That could happen. You could get that checked out, go to a doctor. It could be. There's.

You know, I did.

Okay, you get. Did you get, like, bioidentical hormones or anything like that?

Well, I went to an endocrinologist and got everything checked out, and I'm not quite perimenopausal yet.

Okay. You're not perimenopausal because you're 49, so you would be perimenopausal.

Yes. So I'm not menopausal yet.

Well, that could. So that could happen and drop. But there's also other things. Really? Honestly, Jen, a lot of it is, you're not going to like this, but boredom. We don't mix up our sexual repertoire enough. So you've been with the same partner for 24 years and so also are we get used to the same person. I need to know about your communication around sex with your husband. Have you guys talked about it? Have you gone on a sexual adventure? Have you tried anything different? Do you excite each other? You do?

Yes, but there's no feeling. Like, I have no feeling at all. I. I joke around with everyone at work. I'm like, I'm nuss down there. There's nothing.

Well, okay, so here's the thing. Do you have. Or do you ever masturbate or have orgasms or do anything like that on your own? Do you have feelings when you do it yourself?

Yeah, only with a vibrator.

Okay, that's. Okay, that's. Come on. Since we just need a vibrator every time. Do you know what really turns you on? Can you remember, like, what about foreplay? Like, if your partner goes down on you or you tease each other.

I like that. Yeah.

So when he goes down on you didn't. Do you feel like you're in the mood?

I mean, I don't even, like, want to even do that though. Right.

I get it.

It's like, I don't want to go there.

I know. Did anything. But you love your partner still. It wasn't like you had a fight or resentments or anything happened. So I feel like, okay, there's a few things also. Just getting reconnected. Reconnected with your body. I mean, I think that as women, we. This just happens. We get older, we disconnect from it. I do think a lot of it does have to do with. With hormones and menopause. And so I. I understand what you're saying, but once you get going, it actually feels good. So you have to get past the, like, I don't want to do it. It's kind of like going to the gym. Like, the hardest part is like getting out the door and putting your shoes on. But then we got there, we're like, oh, I feel really good that I worked out. So part of it is that and finding it really. It's true though, right? Women expect that arousal is going to hit us over the head because most men have this spontaneous right. They're just turned on. Your partner sees you and they get an erection. But for women, we think we're broken because it. We don't have that same drive that men do. We are differently. And especially as we get older, stress, other things going on, our life, hormones, it all changes. So we have to work a little bit harder on it. And by working at it, I mean you have to figure out ways that turn you on, that get you in the mood. If it's like taking a bath, if it's going on vacation, vacation sex works because you're getting out of your same routine, your same repertoire, doing the same things over and over again. Go to a sex toy store and go shopping together on your next date, doing one thing different, wearing something sexy in the bedroom. I know this all sounds like it might sound cliche to you, but I'm telling you, that's exactly what is missing right now if you start creating new things for you guys to do. And I'm not saying you got to get a whole red room of pain, but really just like trying subtle things and maybe even talking about it in ways that are. That are. That you haven't before. There's some really fun sex games that you guys could play together if you go to one of these stores or go to my site, Sex with Emily, to, you know, getting some inspiration, doing some research. Nothing's wrong with you. You're not broken. Just a little bit more work. For wetness, I recommend using a whole lot of lube.

I mean, what kind? Recommend coconut oil.

You know, people use coconut oil. I would recommend. I love something called Woo More play. It's coconut oil lube, and we are obsessed with it. Here it is. It's Woo Woo. And it's coconut oil. And it's. It's all organic ingredients. And it's actually like a massage oil. Coconut. It's the best. It's such a great lube. So I would recommend that because it's actually made. It's coconut edible. It is edible. It tastes delicious. It's like vanilla.

Okay.

Yeah, you're gonna love that. So use a lot of lube. There's also something called like BTL Emsella. It's another thing. And it's a chair that you can sit on. There's like, other things now for women, like rejuvenation, things that aren't about, like, labioplasty, which Whenever I say rejuvenation, women think I'm talking about like changing the shape of it and it's more about using like there's a chair that you can sit on that helps you with. It also helps like tighten your pelvic floor, which it could also help with lubrication. Lubrication. You literally go to a doctor's office. You sit on a chair twice a week. It's called BTLM Sella and it's pretty fucking awesome. And it strengthens your cargo, your pelvic floor. But I mean, lube should be great if you have, if you're not using lube now, use lube every time. I mean, I think people should use lube the first time they have sex and every time thereafter. All right, all right, check it out.

Yeah, that's awesome.

Okay, Jen, I'm here for you. Of course I'm here every night. Let me know how it goes. See, that's what I love. Being here five nights a week, Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific. Jen can go home and like get the lube or dress up and then call next week and say, hey, here's how it all went down. Here's what happened. I'm really into sex again. My vagina isn't broken. Her vagina is not broken. We often think our vagina is broken, but it's just because we haven't paid attention to it. It's like a garden. We haven't been watering, we haven't putting out the weeds, we haven't been tending to it. So we wonder why it's not growing or when it's not flourishing. It's because we literally get cut off and then we're like mad at our vagina because it, it's painful or it's, it's just not getting aroused anymore. We just kind of just think it's gonna be fine during sex. But why would you just wake up and be ready when you just treat it like it's some foreign land? We gotta stay connected to it. You gotta breathe into our floor. Pelvic floor. Alright, guys, thanks for supporting the show, for listening to the show, for sharing the show with a friend, for reviewing us wherever you listen, and just for being awesome. Thanks also to my incredible team, Ken, Kristen, Lisa, Michelle, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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