G-Spot GPS

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Be in bed. Feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the Kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithelmi.com youm can easily subscribe to the podcast. Check out all of our great blogs which will just continue the conversation with some great tips for you. Sex, relationship, dating, all that fun stuff. And we do two podcasts a week and there was one that you guys all loved called Mastering Sex and Seduction with the Lady Gang. That was a really fun podcast and you should check that out. And we've just done some great shows lately, so hopefully you're enjoying those. And I've come here with Anderson.

Hey.

Hi, Anderson.

Yeah, Em gives a really good email.

What?

You give really good email.

Thank you. I do give good email. Oh yeah. Sign up for the newsletter. Yeah, subscribe to the. It helps when you guys subscribe. It just does.

You're so cool.

Then you get them all.

What? What do you.

Oh yeah, I do, I do, I do. People love our newsletters and that. Also here's the thing, if you missed the shows last week, you'd be like, here's all the shows, here's all the blogs. You might like, all that cool stuff. Oh, also, Kegel Camp is back. I have an iPhone app called Kegel so you'll never forget to do your exercises again. And it was down for a little bit and now it is back. And as always, please connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, all that. It's xwithemily. And also you guys, one more thing I was gonna say here is, oh, I've got Ask Emily videos. I've been doing a lot of those. Facebook and YouTube, they're all that. Yeah, people ask me, oh yeah, I.

Saw a clip of one just now in the, the green room when I walked out, I saw you in the background. You were here in the studio. And I look really good.

Thank you.

You look good.

I liked it.

Can I tell you that 12 year old Anderson or 12 year old anybody, pretty much if they broke into this place, like they would just have a feel. They'd be like a kid in a candy store.

Why?

I'm just seeing like boxes of porn over there and all sorts of sex toys. You got a sex toy out there that's in some kind of plastic bag that's probably been used by a woman. 12 year old boys would take that home and use it.

They would, right? This office is amazing.

It'd be like jackpot.

I want to redo it. Like I seriously feel like I still need to finish decorating it a little bit. Anyone's a designer?

Want to help? Vaginas on the wall over there.

You got. Those are lips, not vaginas. We've got the quotes.

They're sideways.

Oh, they do look like vaginas.

They're absolutely vaginas.

Do you thought those were vaginas?

She's got a vulva puppet sitting here on the.

I know. It's like vaginas and penises. Oh, my.

Is that from the Vagina Monologues?

No, it's just a vulva puppet. So when I teach people, I can show them where the clitoris is. The labia.

That's what that's for.

It's a teaching puppet.

That's why it's color coded.

It's pricey, I gotta say. Got it on Etsy. It's like a 200 puppet.

Is it really not?

There's not a lot of them out there.

I was going to ask, do you think a guy's ever bought one and banged it, but now that you're telling me they cost 200 bucks, I doubt it.

Not like a flashlight.

200 bucks for that thing?

Hello. Well, I think it's handmade. Look, there's a little rose where the clitoris is.

Yeah, I'll make you one for, like, 10 bucks.

Clitoris. Oh, this is a good snap.

Yeah, you should definitely put that up so people can see what we're talking about.

Okay, Absolutely. Yeah. You guys, you gotta check all the stuff that goes down.

It looks like if Grimace from McDonald's had a vagina, it would look just like that. Or Barney. Barney had a vagina Pink.

Cause it's purple.

Yeah.

It's so friendly. It's friendly.

All right, let's do this.

Okay, so this show, we are going to be taking your calls, which, you guys, I love that. I love the call shows. You've been here for call shows, right, Anderson?

I was here for the first call show. Excuse me.

I love that. Okay, so if you have questions you want me to answer on the show, that's really easy to do. You can text it to Ask Emily. Just one word. Text ask Emily to 797-979. And then you get a link back and you ask your question. You can also go to sexwithemily.com via the Ask Emily tab. And then you can ask the question there. And as always, include your gender, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. And you can also select if you'd like to be called like we're doing on this show.

If I were to text, it would be to Ask Emily.

No, I know that's confusing. So in your phone, you'd write like you were sending a text to somebody. You'd type in as the phone number.

Yeah. What is the phone number?

797-979.

So it's like 69 plus 10.

Right? Well, right, yeah.

79. 79. No, it's not.

And then in the message, you write Ask Emily one word.

Oh. And then press send. What if you don't put in Ask Emily, or if you put spaces, does it go off into absentia or.

I don't know where it goes.

Yeah. Who knows? Yeah. No good.

Nothing happens.

Producer Lark is saying, bad times don't do that. Yeah. So.

But what happens is, you guys, just so you know, when you do that, you just get a link, and then you open the link and you can just fill out the form on your phone. Because we know you're all on your phones anyway.

Right.

So we're trying to make your life easier for you. That's what I'm all about. And I'm trying to help you out of better sex and relationship.

Let's do calls. I love calls. More than.

More than Emily.

More than emails. Because you can actually ask the questions that are missing from the emails, which is fantastic.

So many times. We want to know more.

Right?

I know, and I feel like they've been great. Like, I think we've really helped a lot of people here because we can really get into it. So let's take our first call. Okay, we've got Janet. She's 31 from Iowa, and she wants more sex than her male partners and wants to know what is wrong with her. Hi, Janet, you're on with. I've got Anderson here as well.

What's up, Janet?

Hi.

Hi. Thank you so much for calling in. Okay, so how can we help you? Tell me what's going on. What's the background here?

So, basically, my whole experience since I've been having sex, I've felt sexually repressed. And I'm trying to figure out what I should do about that.

That doesn't line up with the question.

Wait, Yeah, I thought you were saying that you want more sex than your partners was that I've felt repressed.

Basically, yeah.

I. Explain to me. Okay, but you feel like you can't express that because you feel, like, repressed. You feel like your body wants sex, but you just kind of shut down when you're with partners.

Yeah, either. Usually, like, I get Rejected from them. And then that causes me to shut down. And then it's just like this vicious cycle, basically. And it seems to keep happening to me, so it's hard to think that I'm just picking the wrong people.

How does that manifest where you get.

Yeah, exactly.

Rejected.

I don't know. I think it. It started from, like, my first relationship where I would, like, try to initiate something with him, and then he would say, no, not right now type of thing.

No, Helen, I've got a headache.

Okay. And that was your first relationship? Right. That happens sometimes. And then what's happened since then?

Yeah, I keep getting kind of, like, the repeats of that, or, like, it tends to just. I keep dating guys who. They don't seem to think it's a priority, where to me, it's a priority. It's one of the best things that you can do.

Relationship.

Absolutely.

And sound like I'm. I'm like, I keep. And there's this stigma that.

I don't know.

It's like a societal norm that says guys want sex all the time. And I'm like, not in my experience.

Can we get some details, my friends? Janet.

Like, okay, what was that?

How, like, does this start happening after a certain period of time that you've been with them? Or is it right off the bat?

Right away?

Right away. Okay. And then are you asking for, like, with each meal, or are you asking for it, like, once a day?

No, that's the thing. Not even once a day, because I'm not. I'm currently not in a relationship where we see each other every day. And, yeah, it's not like I need it all the time. It's, like, just slightly more than they seem to want.

Well, I have to tell you, that is the stigma or that is the stereotype that men are, like, walking around and they crave sex all the time, every 30 seconds. Think about it a lot. But I have to tell you, in the 12 years I've been doing the show, that that was one of the first things I learned that actually was not true, that I was. I heard from more women, actually, that were like, I want more sex than my partner. So I have to say that that's. That's very common. But I'm trying to understand, because it sounds like you had an early experience, you said, like, your first relationship, where you often felt you felt rejected when you initiated. And I'm wondering if you might not be reading into situations or projecting that that is still happening, and maybe it's not happening as much as you Think and you're shutting down because you think that he's really rejecting you and he might not be.

And you know what they call that? A self fulfilling prophecy.

Self fulfilling prophecy. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. That's kind of what I think keeps happening too, because I've come to the conclusion like that it's not me. I'm doing everything I can to make sex awesome for them. So it's not me. Like, yeah. So I need to learn how to like, flirt more.

How do you, how do you rather.

Than, rather than just like expect them to automatically want sex all the time.

How do you make sex awesome for them? Janet?

Put effort into it.

Right.

Like, I think when I was, when I was younger, I just expected them to do everything right. So now with my current boyfriend, I'm putting a lot more energy into it and like switching up sex positions and asking him to try different things and stuff like that. But I think I need to work on like flirting before playing.

Yeah.

Before we get to the bedroom.

Right.

Kind of closed off about it because I've been so hurt in that area. So I just sort of like, I'm afraid to put myself out there.

Yeah. It sounds to me like you're doing a lot of action towards him and you're trying to make him feel pleasure. And actually men want to feel your pleasure. Like it's really hot when you're turned on as well. So if you're just focusing on him, he might not feel really connected because you are kind of just like, no, let me take care of you, let me take care of you. Don't worry about me. And so they're kind of like, that can be confusing to men. Now I know there could be some guys listening. Oh, that'd be awesome. But the truth is, with a real connection and real chemistry with couples, it's mutually beneficial. And you're both. It's a feedback loop. Right. Like you're turned on. He's turned on. And so I think like getting more into your body and really working on like, you know, masturbating, self love. All that time when you're alone and really like thinking about like, what does turn you on? How do you like to move and what, what does sex feel like in your body and breathing and just kind of like staying there instead of in your head because it sounds like you're approaching sex very strategically. Like, I'm going to please him. I will give him a blowjob now. Yeah. Which is like what men do.

Yeah.

Right. And that's a way that you use your male energy to kind of. Kind of keep down the feminine side of you, which has been hurt. Like, the part of you that feels like you're going to be rejected and vulnerable, which we all deal with that.

Exactly.

You're trying to get out ahead of it.

Yeah, yeah. And I totally understand that. And that's like a practice because, you know, seriously, these early experiences with sex and relationships kind of get us trapped unless we move through them. But I love that we're naming that right now. And if you kind of feel that experience that you had, like, really just, like, feel it, like, don't even think about it too much. If you kind of like, remember that experience, kind of let it go through your body and like, sit and like, just kind of like, I'm going to rewire this, reprogram it, and when I go into sex, I'm going to bring myself fully in. My body turned on, Excited kissing. Like, that's true. You probably. It would be great for both of you, you to kind of not jump to sex and to really connect through intimacy, through touching and kissing and making out. And that's all the stuff that goes away in relationships anyway. And to me, that's like some of the best part. Foreplay and just kind of focusing on, like, all that, like, nibbling on his ears and he's like, kissing. You know, that's what I think you need right now.

Yeah, exactly. Like, the excitement beforehand type thing is sometimes the best thing.

I totally agree with you. And like, I always say foreplay, not just a suggestion, it's a requirement. And that's. You might be needing that to actually be turned on. You might be needing more from him as well. Like, you want to make out or you want oral sax for him to slowly undress you. And if you know what that is, you can, like, let him know. You can show him and say, you know, I was fantasizing today about you undressing me slowly or, like, kissing my nipples or whatever turns you on. And then he'll think that's how you're thinking about it and it'll be this. You know, I think that's what you need. And you already said it, so.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. I think so too. Yeah.

And I need to get better at saying what I want and asking for what I want.

Exactly.

Rather than just shutting down.

Right.

There you go. You got this, girl. So next time when you're in this, you're gonna remember this and you're going to just practice. Cause here's the Other thing, it's not that. It's like. It's a new skill and you haven't done it a lot, but the more that you do it, you're gonna feel more comfortable and you're gonna be getting the rewards from it. And you'll be like, how could I not ask? So you got this?

Okay.

Yeah.

That clears it up for sure.

Cool. Okay, good. Thanks, Janet. Keep me posted. Let me know how it goes. Take care of you. I will. Thank you. Bye, Janet. Have a great day. Thanks.

Do you think I didn't want to say this when she was on the phone? Because I didn't.

Wait, now you're gonna trash her? Yeah.

No, I'm not gonna trash.

Kidding. Yeah.

Do you think she might be, like, a little bit too aggressive? Like, what I'm picturing is, like, she's like, come on, let's do this. And she's, like, trying to, like, you know, get. Get to them. Get. Get in their pants. Like, I don't really feel like it right now. And then she's like, fine. And then she's kind of like, maybe.

She'S replaying the replay off.

Like, if a girl's coming at you hard and then, like, you're not completely into it, and then she gets, like, pouty. Like, that's like.

Yeah. I mean, maybe she's just. I think. What problem is that? She's just. Which is lovely, but she's caring about her partners and wants to. Please don't want to do all these things. And she's not even in her body. She's left the body.

Right.

And a woman who. I don't care. Like, I mean, maybe guys who are completely, you know, not evolved emotionally or they don't care, like. Yeah, I'll take that. I mean, I think that, you know, she. She seems like a lovely woman, and she probably is with guys who are like, I'm not feeling anything from you. So if we're shut down, which Talking from someone who's been shut down previously.

In their life, you were shut down for the first, like, 23 years.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, pretty much. So I feel like, yeah, you gotta bring that. You gotta get your body, bring it to partner, and he'll respond. Okay, that was a good call. We've got Catherine. She's 37, from Toronto, and she gets the G spot feeling like she has to pee, and it's annoying and can't quite follow through with the G spot orgasm. Is that what's happening, Catherine?

That is it. I'm assuming that's the, you know, heading in the right direction, but I just can't seem to get past that feeling that I need to pee. So it's either I feel nothing or I just have that ongoing, like, I need to pee.

Right. Well, that's. That is the feeling that you have right before for many women, they feel like they have to pee and then they have the orgasm.

And now I think a lot of women stop it at that point, too, because they're so concerned about peeing. Right. So they never actually get to follow through.

Right. Have you ever had a G spot orgasm on your own?

No, I have not.

Okay. So I would rather. Well, you. You're in a relationship right now.

Yes, I am.

Is he a hockey player?

He has played hockey, yes, but he's from Toronto. College or university kind of stuff.

Nice.

Well, I. Yeah, I would say. Thank you.

Hockey players. Not a.

Now we can picture it. I've talked about this as well on the show that I feel like I didn't have a G spot orgasm with a partner until I explored on my own. And because then it was like, I didn't have the pressure of, you know, someone else, like, is this happening or not? And I love the We Vibe rave. It's a great G spot vibrator. Like, I can't even tell you. I don't know. Everyone here in the office loves it as well. And it's a great way to find. You can try your fingers as well. That works. But I feel like maybe you wouldn't care if you have to pee and then you'd start to know how that feels. Like you use some lube. It helps to have a clitoral orgasm first because then that area becomes more engorged, and then you're. You don't like the word engorged, Anderson. Sorry. And then it could kind of help you. And also, like lifting your legs up. There's different ways to position yourself, putting a pillow under your body.

What you're saying is once you find out where it is, you know how to guide it?

Yeah. Well, how does that sound to you or Catherine? Is there anything else, like, texture to that or like. Well, I definitely.

Like. Once I started listening to your show, I actually have purchased one of the We Vibes with the remotes and everything. So we played around with that a little bit. I've tried that on my own, you know, obviously haven't got the right spot yet. But, you know, I have been doing some good. And I definitely like when. When we're engaged in. In sex and I'm starting to feel that I, like, I don't stop because I've. Or I try not to, like, reposition too much. Because again, learning from your. Your podcast, I'm like, oh, this is a good sign. But, yeah, again, I just, like, sort of linger in that world of I need to pee and. And eventually, yeah, it starts to just feel, like, uncomfortable.

Right.

Rather than.

Yeah, I get it. Are you in your head a lot? Are you in your body? Like, are you thinking, like, is this it? Is this it? Because that can kind of stop us a lot as well from.

Probably.

Probably.

I do tend to have a bit more of an analytical personality. And, I mean, just like, this is the first relationship I've really had that I've had such, like, an active sexual side to it. So, of course I felt the need to research everything.

Wine.

Finding your podcast.

Yeah, no, I'm glad you found the podcast. And the G spot is, like, this elusive. Like, I'm telling you, it's not that for some women, it's like, literally, like, our anatomy is different. There's some women who, like, have sex for the first time, and they have, like, blended orgasms. And that didn't happen to me either. You know, I had a lot of sex before I actually found it. So he could also use his fingers. Like, you could lay back and just be like, let's try to find your G spot together. And you could lay back on a pillow. We have done that. Right. See, I tried that, too, with a boyfriend for years. That's why I had to do it on my own. I really did. I was like, f it. Oh, you know what else really helped me? Doing my Kegel exercises. I'm telling you, when I started doing them regularly and using the Intensity, I don't know if I've talked about the Intensity for a while by Pour moi. Which is like, I know. And you can do Kegels on your own, obviously. But this was the one product that.

I have, your app.

Okay. So. Right. So it reminds you. And I'm telling you. And for me, I feel like using, like, Kegel balls or the Intensity, which uses electrostimulation. You lie back, you've heard this, probably. We talk about this. You lie on your bed, and for 10 minutes a day, you put it inside you. You can't really feel. I mean, it feels good. It's also a vibrator, if you choose to use it that way. And you don't even have to do your Kegels because it stimulates them. Okay. This goes in your vagina it's safe. It's a medical device. So the point is, I just think that doing your Kegels, practicing on your own and taking the pressure off, like, I feel like you're already in this. Like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. And I get it. I am, too. That's why I asked the question. I totally get that. But I had to personally be alone and just, like, let it go and forget that anyone was there and just play with it. And it didn't happen, like, the first time. But I'm telling you, that combination of Kegels and using a toy lube and, like, making sure I had a clitoral orgasm and, like, squeezing my legs together was really helpful, too. What? Tightening?

I thought of a question.

Flexing those Kegel muscles, like, you kind of. If you throw like, that really helps as well with your G spot. Do you think tensing and relaxing them.

More people have found Jesus or the G spots?

Because it seems like it's unbelievable how many people have not found their G spots. And I was thinking a good place to find it would probably be prison, which is where a lot of people find Jesus.

Jesus. It's really, really hard to find. We're gonna name the podcast Jesus or Jesus, Honey, I'm with you. It is so tough. I mean, it's still not that easy for me with a partner. Like, it's just the way our bodies are. But I'm telling you, once you find it and in a different way, I mean, I think. I think. What do you. Can you try some of these things? Does that seem like I've given you.

I mean, we're working on it, so it's just more to. It's encouraging to see that it's the right track and that it's not weird.

It's not weird. No. It took me so long, and then I had. Yeah, it's not weird at all.

Relax a little and, you know, get up. Maybe do something. Some kind of, like, extraneous conditioning during the day or something, so you're a little bit more. Like, your body's a little bit more relaxed. And I don't know, like, maybe you go on, like, a long hike beforehand or something. Because she's in her head.

Yeah.

She needs to get a little bit on her body. Like the last one.

You got to get into your body, and you got to breathe, honey. You got to breathe into your pelvic floor. Like, breathing. Breathing. It helps with everything. Better sex. Better everything. Better life. Yeah. So I think some of those things take the pressure off Yourself and do it. Go for it, sweetie. You got this. Okay. Let me know when you find it.

Keep trying.

Okay?

Keep.

Keep going. Katherine, good luck. Thank you.

Glass of wine.

Bye. Thanks. Thanks, Anderson.

Thanks.

Bye.

Got a question for you, because you got a science background, right? What is the evolutionary point of having a hidden G spot? Is there a point?

I mean, here's the thing. It's Grafenberg. The guy who found it, a man found it, which is interesting.

So it is the Grafenberg spot.

Yeah, it stands for. It's Grafenberg. And the interesting is. There's also been much debate, does the G spot exist? Does it not exist? I feel like that the truth is, it's like where your clitoris is, where your G spot is. It's different on every woman. So our anatomy is different. And so it's just. It's.

Why have a hidden little button, though.

Somewhere that's like, deep, like the evolutionary speaking? Like.

Yeah, I don't understand.

I don't know.

And then. And then here's another observation as a guy, the idea of you guys having this little magic button somewhere inside of you and not finding it, like, in your 30s is just fucking beyond us. Like, if guys had G spots, they all would have found a by 11 or 12, guaranteed.

Hey, you've got your pee spot. Your prostate. Oh, I just can't believe. Have you found that?

Well, I'm not that exploratory.

Well, I think you should. I think that so many men are like, you know what? I love that this is kind of the year of the peace pot. And I feel like this year, men are also like straight men.

Didn't you say pegging was the year of 2014 or something?

Pegging is the new year.

2014 is the peg year.

No, no. This year is all about your peace pot. And I feel like men are getting braver. We're getting questions from guys asking, saying, I would like to find it. I would like to find it. You know, a. Toy fingers. How do I do it? Just find those tricky little spots.

We don't need the P spot. Guys, come on. We got plenty of going on. We're fine. We're good to go.

You think your orgasms are good now?

Why still?

Okay, let's take another call. Yeah, we've got Sarah. She's 35, from Wisconsin, and she wants to be able to swallow. She's got some gag reflex questions. Hi, Sarah. I'm here with Anderson. And you're Here to. Help you.

Hello.

Hello. So tell me what's going on.

Well, my husband And I have been together for 17 years. We've been married for 14. We are each other's first sexual and only sexual partner. We've never been with anyone else. It took us a while to figure out, like, how to have really good sex. I mean, our first few years of marriage, it actually wasn't that great. And we learned pretty much everything on our own. What felt good, what we needed to do. And now, after two kids and 14 years later, we are having really great sex. I mean, I orgasm almost every time. There are times where he can give me multiple orgasms in one night. It's just when it comes to oral sex, I have bad gag reflex. I get really scared and nervous, and I don't know how to get past that to pleasure him when I'm not in the mood. But he is, and I want him to, you know, be happy. And it's something that he wants, and I want to do it for him. And I just need to get.

Okay, I got this.

I've got some tips for you, Anderson. What were you gonna say?

I giggled because she has a similar accent to yours.

Oh, I'm from Michigan. Yeah. Okay. Gag reflex. Gag reflex. Yeah.

Wisconsin doesn't have accents.

Oh, I know. Neither does California. Right? We sound just like you guys, right, with the whole gag reflex. I think a lot of women think that you got to put the whole thing, you know, past your tonsils. And the goalie doesn't have to, like, you don't have to score. You just got to go, like, into the mouth is fine. You can use your hand for the rest of it. And you don't have to throw it past your tongue ever. You really don't.

That is true.

And a lot of girls like the whole deep throating thing. And I think a lot of guys got.

Well, I don't even think that. I think you're right, Anderson, but I don't think. Sweetie, you're not. Sarah, you're not talking about gag reflex. I mean, you're not talking about going deep, deep, deep. You're just talking about being able to. No, no, no.

Not even, like, right, not.

Okay, I get it. Some women.

Yeah, yeah.

Stop it. Some women have this. So let me talk to you about. Here's a few tips. Ready? So it's important, like, you don't. When you're going down on him, so it's. You don't have to keep, like, your mouth, like, super tight around his penis. You can let your lips fall open, and that will open up your throat more, and you have to Remember that you want to breathe, okay? You want to breathe, and then I'm going to give you some throat exercises, okay? This is. I just. This is an article I wrote. I just pull. This is going to lessen your gag reflex over time. You want to put a finger.

Sometimes I think it's because it's too much saliva in my mouth. I've tried, like, the flavored luten. I feel like it just gives me too much saliva. So you're trying to swallow the saliva. You're trying to suck. You're trying. There's so much going on that it's hard to concentrate and focus without wanting to gag.

And.

Well, let me give you some exercises you can do. So put, like, a clean finger in your mouth, or you can use, like, a toothbrush, right? And you slowly move the finger down your throat, like, until you start to gag. Okay? And when you're doing this, you don't want to gag. You start breathing through your nose while relaxing your throat. So this is the exercise. You breathe through your nose. You relax through your throat, and you try holding it. So, okay, the goal here is to try to stay calm and breathe and hold it for 10 seconds, okay? And repeat it a few times the first week. So, like, every day you could try it for, like, 10 seconds. And you'll realize that if you're staying calm, breathing through your nose, relaxing your throat, you'll eventually be able to move your finger back further and further, further, or the toothbrush back further and further. And that's how you can kind of work up the gag reflex. So that has worked for many people. If you do it on your own and you're not with your partner, so there you're not, like, worrying about saliva, and you're not worrying about him judging you or whatever it is. This is a way that many people have had success at kind of opening up that gag reflex, and that will give you more confidence. And then you can practice on, like, a vibrator or a dildo if you want, without him. But I feel like that's. That's what you do. I'm telling you, this works. If it doesn't work, you call me, let me know either way. I actually want to know how it goes with you, but I feel like the goal is to stay calm, breathe slowly, and build it up. 10 seconds, you know, do it. 10 seconds, you could do a few times a day, and you'll realize you'll be able to hold it longer. Move your finger back more just while.

You'Re brushing your teeth. Like Emily said.

Or you can do a toothbrush as well.

Yeah.

Okay.

Brush your tongue.

Okay. You got it. You got this. Good luck. Let me know. It goes. Bye.

Thank you very much.

I will have a great day. I'm gonna give a shout out to our sponsors because we love you and thank you for supporting them, you guys, and for listening to the show and telling your friends about the show. I appreciate that as well. And we will be right back.

We've got Kate. She's 25, from Buffalo, and her vibrator gives her orgasms, and she doesn't orgasm with her boyfriend. Hey, Kate. Hi. Hi. Thank you for calling in.

Thank you so much for having me.

Of course. Love talking to you. So tell me what's going on.

Yeah, so.

Oh, and I'm here with Anderson as well.

Been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now, and he's amazing. Sex is always pretty good, but I've sort of noticed recently that it could be a little better and that the lack of orgasming that I've had, not just from him, but most men in general, kind of is concerning. And that I know I can orgasm with my vibrator, which is. Is great, but I guess I don't really know how I can take that with my boyfriend.

All right. Okay. So this is really common. I think that women, a lot of times it's easier to orgasm on our own or with a vibrator, and then you're, like, trying to work it into the relationship, just having sex with your partner, and that can be a challenge. So have you ever had an orgasm without a vibrator?

Yes, but it happens very infrequently. Okay, I'm sorry. Yeah, I guess with my boyfriend. We've been together for three years.

Oh.

I don't know. Maybe like less than 10 times.

Jeez. And, like, you guys are probably having sex, like, a couple times a week. Kate.

So.

Yeah, so, yeah, that's very important.

Okay, so less than 10 times with him during intercourse. Do you remember what was happening during those times?

I honestly think it was closer to the beginning of our relationship, and everything was really new and exciting. And I think now that we've been together for a while now, we're getting a little more comfortable talking about things and trying to figure things out, and I guess, yeah, I just sort of let that one slip.

I got a big question.

Okay.

Kate, you don't. Do you fake with them?

No.

Kate fakes every now and again.

Women do fake sometimes, but don't. I mean, no one. I always tell women not To. But it happens.

I don't think I do. I'm aware of this. Like, I told him I was going on the talk with Emily, and he was kind of like, okay. Like, I hope that goes well. So he's aware of it, and I don't think.

Okay, no, I think that's cool. I don't think. Yeah. Okay, so listen, here's the deal, sweetie. I think that, first of all, it would be great if you could, you know, together. Either you could masturbate on your own with, you know, without a vibrator, if you want, or with one. Because I. I use vibrators during intercourse all the time, so I don't think that. I don't know if you've ever brought it into your sex life, but, you know, use it on your clitoris or. Is that how you use it? Do you use a clitoral vibrator?

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I don't. That's what I use.

So I think that. I mean, I don't see why. You know, I mean, I think that could be really hot. And if, you know, it works for you, you could just kind of bring it in and, you know, when you're on top or bottom, there's so many great toys now. You could use it during sex. So. But if you're. But if you're asking me, like, I'd like to not use a vibrator, I mean, I think that you'd have to. It's like, everything. Like, your body's maybe more used to orgasming with the vibrator now. Like, how often do you masturbate alone? Obviously alone.

I don't know. Maybe a couple times a week.

About the same amount of times that she's with the boyfriend.

Sorry.

About as much as you're with the boyfriend.

No, honestly, more.

Okay.

You masturbate more than you have secondary.

She's with her boyfriend more, right?

No, no, with my vibrator.

Okay.

So you should call the vibrator.

Yeah. No, I get it. Goes in phases. So I would say if you have the patience, because you could, like, retrain your body to kind of, you know, it's like everything mixing it up again. So start just touching yourself without the vibrator because you can have orgasms that way. Or, you know, you could just say, let's use this together. Would he be. Have you ever used. I mean, it can be really hot. Have you ever used it with him?

Yeah, he'd asked about it a couple.

Times, and I guess I kind of thought it was weird. Like, it might make him feel bad.

No, no, no. I'm telling you, he asked about it and once he sees it, he'll think it's really, really hot. I think. I mean, and also you can show him that way. Mutual masturbation is one of my favorite tips for couples to, like, the two of you can do. Like you're getting off, he's getting off, and then he'll see what you do with the vibrator and then he can use it on you. He can maybe hold it. That could be cool. Use, use lube. I mean, all that stuff. So I think that, you know, just bring it in, bring it into, kind of incorporate it into your, into your sex.

Okay, here's the good news. And I'm not sure that you, you're fully aware of this even though you've been with your boyfriend. And I never have been, but he really, really wants to make this happen for you. Like, it's a big part of what he's doing and, and having sex. For men, they like to see results. They like to know that they can actually do things and have these effects. He'll put in the work as long as you're open with him. And you said that you guys are much more open now with your relationship as opposed to when you guys first started dating. However, all the orgasms came originally, so obviously the communication is not quite there yet. But if you just kind of lay down the gauntlet and say, like, let's not even have sex until you can make this happen. I know that might be a little bit too much, but like, at least start going down that, like, let's spend 20 minutes on me trying to figure out if we can get it done and then, you know, we can do it.

And the other thing is, you were saying at the beginning of the relationship, but let's go back to the beginning, the foreplay and all the things like the arousal and stimulation and all the things that you do early on in a relationship. A lot of times after three years, we let it go. So maybe there was some kind of foreplay, like build up and teasing or, you know, you guys went to dinner and it was like sexy or you went on dates or you stripped teas for him or something that like makes you get you and your body and turned on. So dirty talk. I mean, I don't know what it was, but you can kind of bring back some of that new relationship energy even when you're in the three year, three year relationship.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, so you got this.

I think the key is to bring that toy in. He's not gonna be threatened by it. I mean, there are a few guys that can be threatened by it, and there's gonna be a few guys that don't really care if you come or not. But that's. That's the minority, trust me. And if you bring that thing in, he's not gonna be threatened by. He's gonna think it's hot, like Emily said. And I bet you, since you're trained on how, you know, finish with that thing, you're definitely gonna do it with him, and then you can start to bridge that gap.

You know, he's not that guy. He's asking for it. Yeah. And I think, yeah, that's how you do it. All right, you got to talk to you. Bye. Seriously, this orgasm thing, this is, like, the top question we get asked, I think, from women, and I love teaching them. A lot of women have emailed me, thank you for my first orgasm.

That's kind of weird.

It's kind of like, I did it, but I didn't do it. Yeah, I get it.

You're responsible for a lot of orgasms.

I am responsible. Changing the world one orgasm at a time.

Yep, I remember that.

That's true.

Lube on every nightstand.

Yeah, all those things. I think those things are very important. Okay, we've got Jackie. She's 25, from Houston, and she just almost never has orgasms during intercourse.

Where have all the orgasms gone?

Where have all the orgasms gone?

I'm glad you got the reference. You got the reference. Way to go.

I'm here with Henderson.

Where have all the children gone?

Yeah, I'm here. Hi, sweetie. Tell me what's going on.

Hi.

Hi.

Yeah, so thanks for taking my call. I. Super excited. I'm not in a committed relationship. I'm just casually dating right now. And I'm very sexually. I masturbate a lot.

I'm.

I'm constantly just loving sex. I'm really open to things. I'm really, really in tune with my body. But I never, ever achieve orgasms with men. And I know it's mental. I just start, and I completely freeze up. I get anxious. I. I feel inadequate. I feel very nervous. I don't want to tell them it's not going to happen. And if it does, it's going to take forever. And so it's kind of. I'm kind of sick of that feeling of being looming over me all the time when I'm trying to be intimate with someone.

Yeah, I totally get it. I mean, I think so. Many women have been in your situation that it's just because it's not easy and it's hard to ask what we want. So do you get the foreplay? Are you able to ask for, like, do they oral sex or just every time?

Every time. I don't know if I'm doing myself a disservice because I use a vibrator, like, almost every day. And how can you compete? Sounds just like a man compete with a electronic device, a machine.

Well, here's the truth. I got to say that. Yeah, I mean, I understand that, because using a vibrator. The truth. Have you ever had an orgasm without a vibrator?

Yes, absolutely. It just takes a while. And I. If I have, and I've lately, in the last couple years, have. Have been squirting with digital stimulation. And sometimes it happens a couple times when I'm on top or, like, from behind. But I honestly just don't know how to have a vaginal orgasm. To ask to, like, make my own body know how to do it right. It's frustrating because I want to. I want to know. And I have a G spot stimulator, and I can't. I don't know what to expect.

I don't know how to.

How it's supposed to feel.

I know I can't really do.

I can't ask for it because I.

Don'T know what to expect. I get it. So that's happened, right? Yeah. So this is why you got to do the work on it. So you're saying G spot and clitoral. Like you haven't had either. Like, have you had a G spot orgasm before on your own? You.

No.

Okay.

No. I just usually get impatient, and I grab my clip vibrator.

I hear you. I did that. I did that as well. We've had a few comments.

I thought you say I grabbed my clit and then. Stop talking.

No, I got the vibrant. I get it. It's so easy. It's like, one and done. You're out. I get it. But it does take patience. It's gonna take some time. It's great that you're not in a relationship right now. So I would say mix. You're masturbating every day, and if you have a little extra time, you could start to, like, use fantasy. Think about things that turn you on, get your body, like, really aroused, and just try to, like, mix it up. Use a vibrator. Don't use a vibrator. And you know how you find the G spot is. I mean, you first of all, it helps to have a clitoral orgasm first. So, yeah, I mean, you could. It's okay to, like, have a clitoral organ. I mean, to use your vibrator, that is fine. But if you want to start exploring without it and you know that you have before, that's great, too, because I think, like, with anything, if you use a vibrator every single time, it might be harder if you're with a partner and you want to, you know. So you could practice going maybe one time with it or maybe not use it at the beginning, but use it at the end or vice versa. So when you're on your bed and you're, you know, masturbating, it's great to have a clitoral orgasm first. Because once you do that, your body's turned on, you're aroused, the blood rushes to the G spot. That area becomes, like, more engorged and Anderson's favorite word. And so it also can help to, like, lay back with, like, a pillow underneath you, your leg. You can experiment with different positions, like putting your knees back or having your legs up. You take, you know, a finger, and it's the. You go in, like, about 2 inches inside, and it's like this come hither motion, like, using, like, your middle finger. And you kind of look for a rough spot. Kind of like it feels like a peach pit or an apricot. Okay. And then you just kind of apply pressure to it. And it's not like the. It's not like the in and out, like, really fast. It's more like a deliberate pressure that you apply to that area. And it might feel like you have to pee. And it's kind of a whole new sensation for women. But the more, like, you're turned on and the more, like, you know, you've already had an orgasm, it will help you find it. And also doing your Kegel exercises, really important. That strengthens the area. I was saying that. Yeah, I mean, I said that earlier, but. No, but. But we call. We had earlier that I was saying, like, my. When I started doing my Kegel exercises regularly, that combined with, like, using a toy. I used the Rave by WE Vibe, which is an amazing G spot toy. That's how I found it first. And I had had a lot of sex, right? And it just didn't happen for me. So I needed that time alone to figure it out. And then I knew what it felt like. And then when I was with a partner, I knew how to, like, move in that way because I'd experienced it on my own. And I wasn't waiting for a man with a man to figure it out, because that's a lot of pressure. I get it.

Yeah.

So the more you practice all this stuff on your own and, like, make it fun now, like, practice, like, this is fun. You can explore all these different erogenous stones. Like, play with your nipples, your inner thighs. Like, tease yourself.

Yeah, Jackie, you guys got to make. Compared to guys. When I hear Emily just now saying, you know, you start off with, like, a clitoris. Clitoral orgasm, and then, you know, move into the. The dinner orgasm. And then maybe a dessert orgasm after. Guys, have we got one done? And then, you know, if you're a little bit older, you don't get to go again till tomorrow. So enjoy yourself and figure out all your.

Yeah, it's true. I mean, you're young. You got time. And I feel like that. What were you saying?

I just feel it. I just don't know what it's supposed to feel like.

You'll know when you know. And if you keep at it.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's the thing.

There won't be, literally, like a.

It's just this buildup, and you. I just know it forwards and backwards. And it's like 20 seconds and it happened. So I'm mastered that.

But it's like, okay, here I am.

With this thing inside of me.

I get the feeling, though, that she thinks, like, maybe she. She's already done that.

I don't know. I think that you'll know when you. You'll know. It's like, blended. Sometimes, like, you squeeze your legs together. Like, there's a lot of different ways. And I'm telling you, I've told the story, and I think it really says it the best that my friend in college who went away for 30, like, she was gone for, like, a month, and she. It wasn't me. I wish it was. Cause I didn't have orgasms till way later. But she was like, every night, she's like, I'm gonna figure it out. And she was there for a month, and she took, like, an hour every night. And she finally was, like, the third week or fourth week, she finally found her G spot. We are still best friends, and every time she has sex with her husband, she has at least three orgasms. And I'm convinced it's because she spent that time. How many people spend even an hour masturbating? Right? There's tons of stuff on our website about G SP Finding the G spot and how to have orgasms. Masturbation month. I know it's tough.

If a guy was, like, spending an hour a night beating off, like, he would have problems. And they probably need to talk to Dr. Zhu.

No, but. Yeah, but, Jackie, I think that you have a little more time and you're really in your head and you're like, it's not happening. What's it gonna feel like? And I think that women are so analytical about it. But another thing I would tell you is to breathe. Like, our breath is so important. So the more that you learn to, like you do your kegels, you're breathing through your body. You're just, like, relaxing into it. You get out of your head and into your body. Even if you're fantasizing, you'd be like, oh, this turned me on. And then move that through your body and don't worry about the outcome. That's when it's going to happen.

Okay.

Okay, Jackie, I know you can do this.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome. Have a great night. Jackie, you got time. It's evening. Go do it. Talk to you soon. Bye. Bye. Talk to you soon. Bye. I feel like everyone's my buddy. Bye, Jackie. I know you see this. It's so hard. The elusive G spot. We need to get, like, a G spot locator app. I've talked about that forever.

That is like, I think in the future they're going to have that. It's like, find my iPhone, find my G spot. Yeah. Yeah.

That'd be amazing.

Telling you, like, if. If G spots were on men, like, we would find them.

I know, I know. Then there'd be, like, whole teams of people like NASA.

Missing kids were G spots and men had them. Like, there'd be no missing kids.

I know. It's true.

Like, kids would never go missing.

Okay, Anderson, amazing.

So good to see you.

Loved everything.

Even though she punched me four or five times during the show, sometimes you just. Because I ask questions and she doesn't.

Know, you just don't. When people are talking and you don't. You cut me off. You cut them off. It's just. It's hard.

You should see me drive.

Oh, dude, I didn't want to do that. I love you, everyone. Check out Anderson and all of his stuff that he's got. Thank you, Anderson. Check out his podcast. Thank you, everyone. Thanks to my amazing team. Thanks, everyone for listening and for being supporting the show. I love you all and was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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