Get Your Masters in Masturbation

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Mutual masturbation is such a sexy thing. It's really hot because watching your partner masturbate, it's sexy as hell if you haven't done that. But also it's educational because you actually get to see how they touch themselves and what turns them on. Specifically.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes they call them in a bygone day.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

You all know how I feel about the magic of self love. Well, masturbation has many health benefits which you're going to hear about in this episode. Plus, it's a gateway to some serious pleasure and an excellent opportunity to understand your body. That said, there are so many ways to increase your pleasure and explore new ways to play with yourself. So today I break down your questions about self pleasure, including how to do it when you never have what sex Toys to use, what to do if you find yourself becoming reliant on a toy. We also get into the relationship between shame and fantasy and talk about how often to masturbate while in a relationship. And it's probably more than you think intentions them Lee for each episode, join me in setting intention right now. What do you want to get out of this show? It could be I want to improve my self loving routine. I'm tired of hitting and quitting it the same way. Well, my intention is to help you feel comfortable with your own self love routine and figure out new ways you can give yourself the gift of pleasure. Oh also we have some great masturbation articles. Try this one out on our website. The best masturbation techniques to try tonight. Or check out our articles about mutual masturbation at sex with emily.com all right, enjoy the show everyone.

Let's talk about masturbation for a minute. Just because masturbation is something that I encourage, I know that a lot of you either are bored with your masturbation routine. You still have some challenges around it. You know, maybe you grew up in an environment where it wasn't accepted or maybe you don't love that your partner masturbates, but you don't masturbate. Which is when I think you need to masturbate. But let me just remind you some of the basics here before I go in and answer your questions. There are health benefits to masturbating. It releases sexual tension. It reduces your stress, it can help you sleep better. It improves your self esteem and your body image. I mean once you learn how to give yourself an orgasm and what feels good, you look in a mirror, all the things you're gonna realize, like my body's pretty amazing. It also relieves menstrual cramps and tension. It can help strengthen your muscle tone in your pelvic and anal areas. It's a natural pain relief when you have an orgasm. So a lot of you do say though, why should I masturbate if I have a partner? Well again that's why those health benefits and it's a way to stay connected with yourself. It literally is the ultimate definition of self love. It's a very intimate experience with ourself. We discover more things about ourself. We can play, we can make it fun, we can spice it up. And just remember this, just because your partner masturbates and they're with you does not mean that they are not into you and they don't love you or they want something different. If just means they need a release and it's part of connecting with themselves. Also in this episode I mentioned the G spot a few times and I just want to clarify that I believe it's more of a G area. I think the name G spot has got a lot of vulva owners worried that they don't have the spot. It's in a different place. I believe it's more of internal clitoral nerves because your clitoris has nerves inside. And also it was named after a guy named Grafenberg and we know that he didn't have a vulva. So it's an area. Have fun looking for other ways to orgasm rather than focusing on a spot. Here's the other thing I asked on Instagram. I was like how did you learn to masturbate? We put this in our stories which is Sex with Emily. And you answered Practice porn, Experimenting, Trial and error. Accidentally. I was in middle school and just started feeling around for what felt good. Someone else said I just started touching myself thanks to the Miss America pageant and mesh shorts through reading dirty fan fiction when I was 14. Apparently your podcast I was a masturbation virgin. God. That happens. You realize, doing a podcast for 15 years and some of you grew up listening to this podcast, which is amazing. The Internet self taught the movie American Pie. My mom gave me a book about puberty. Accidentally in the shower when water pressure gave me an erection. I've heard that a lot. A lot of accidental, incredible feelings with a shower head. I found a vibrating pen when I was 14 and used that. Here's another common one. I just started humping pillows. A lot of you answered that you were humping mattresses and stuffed animals. Someone else had Pilates. Makes sense. You're tensing your pelvic floor the whole time. I ordered a book behind my parents back and it taught me how. Love it. Using the jets in my hot tub watching Black Swan and someone else said my therapist at 30 years old. I love when you talk to your therapist about sex. Why don't you? All right, let's get into your email questions. This is from Joe, female, 52, in Chino Hills, California. I've been listening to you for over a year now and because of you I've been thinking more about my needs. I've been married for 31 years but with my husband for 37 years. We are parents to three adult children now. We have a good sex life. I love him so much and enjoy pleasing him and giving him blowjobs every day, even twice if I'm lucky. Wow. He's also very generous with pleasing me. He's gone a lot because of work, so I'm alone a lot. I want to try masturbating, which I've never done and I don't know how. I don't know where to start. Do I tell my husband? I feel a little embarrassed about doing that. You always talk about it and it makes me feel like I'm missing something. Awesome. Any advice for me? Thanks. Can't wait to hear from you. Well, welcome to masturbation, Joe. Yeah, no time like the present. First off, good news that you also have years of experience with your husband. You've had lots of great sex and I'm glad you said that. He pleases you. So I'm assuming you already have orgasms and pleasure and so you do know what feels good to you in relation to your husband's body. But now it's time to get out on your own. So I do have a little recipe here for you to get started. I always recommend taking a bath or a shower and something to just kind to change your state. So you're not going for work or whatever you're doing these days and stressed out, but get into your body. It's really hard to get started with masturbation. Just going like, now I touch myself, get into a bath. I mean, I would try these Fourier bath salts. I can't stop telling everyone about them because it has Epson and Himalayan salt, kava, cacao, hemp. And it really gets your body relaxed and in the mood. But Jo, get yourself in the mindset where you're just going to start being present with your body, start to feel the warm water on your skin and scrub and just get into a different state. Set the mood as if you're going on a date, but it's with yourself. So what are all the things you would do before a night of sex? And I want you to give all of that to yourself. Then you can go into your bedroom or wherever you feel comfortable. Turn off your phone. And what I want you to understand is that this is more about curiosity without the goal of orgasm. It's more about what does it feel like to move your hands on your body, something you've never done before. I recommend taking a mirror and taking a look and actually seeing how you. How you look and look, checking out your vulva and how you get aroused. You know how I feel about lube. And just experiment with touch and sensations. You could also use a vibrator, but if you've never done it, I recommend just Letting your hands figure out what feels good. I mean, you could probably also channel being with your husband. And you probably know different body parts that feel good when stimulated. Right? We have this muscle memory. But my main thing for you is just to give yourself 20 minutes. Just see how it feels to touch your whole body, your breasts. You can start with your labia. Moving your fingers up and down and around in circles. Sometimes a light tapping or moving in circular motions like the pads of your fingers. Just start to breathe too. Breath is really important. Focus on how does it feel to be touched by your own hands? What is the sensation? Do you find yourself again still too in your head? I would just breathe deep, Move your fingers around. Is it a light tapping, circular motions? Is there something else that feels good? And I think you should absolutely tell your husband. I would think after 37 years, you guys have a close relationship and he would probably, since he's so invested in your pleasure, he'd probably be really excited that you're taking matters into your own hands. It's truly the greatest act of self love. Okay, this is from K30 in California. Dear Dr. Emily, I've never orgasmed with a vibrator before and that's about to change. But I have no idea where to begin. What should I consider when deciding which vibrator to buy? Is there something that can do clitoris? Angie, Spot. I need help. God, I love a sex toy. Question. Welcome to the wonderful world of sex toys. K. Yes, Clarissa has the internal spots and the clitoris. And that would be a rabbit style vibe, which is a dual stimulation vibe. You've never had a vibrator before though, so I think that you should get two vibrators because I always recommend that we start with a clitoral vibe. Starter toys that I always recommend is the touch. And I love the tango. I love the Jae Joo Mimi. But let me tell you why I love the touch. For example, it covers a lot of surface area. So while the tango is a great bullet vibe, probably the one of the most powerful bullet vibrators, which is a style of vibe, the touch covers your labia and not just your clitoris, but you kind of lay it over your entire vulva and then have the tip of it touching your clitoris. And it just, it's a wonderful vibrator, touches all the spots. Literally it's a touch. So for internal though, you get the Rave by we vibe, which is an internal vibe, which also I called it the G spot gps. But if you want to get a dual stim, like a Rabbit. Then I would recommend their Nova 2. I actually am remembering this right now. Now that we're talking. My first vibrator. When I went to Good Vibrations 25 years ago, I bought a book called how to find your G spot. And I bought the original Rabbit vibrator, like the one with the batteries, the one that was on Sex of the City. And I realized I never used it because I just thought, yeah, might as well go for the G spot because I thought it was superior and I thought it was a whole thing. What I know now is that it really helps to have clitoral orgasms first. And when you arouse clitorally like your vulva and everything, it swells and it allows you to have an internal orgasm or G spot orgasm. Much easier once you're already aroused. So that's what I recommend. Also, get some lube. As long as you're getting some toys, I would recommend a water based lube, like pure. Because water based lube is best for silicone toys. You can't go wrong with one of these we vibes. All right, so this is from Cora 26. Hi, Dr. Emily. My question is regarding vibrators and sex. I've climaxed without a vibrator before with just sex and clitoral stimulation. However, I was single for many years and used my vibrator a lot throughout my time being single. I have a boyfriend now, but from use of my vibrator I don't seem to be able to go back to climaxing without one. Is there any way I can reprogram myself to climax without a vibrator? Now I love the vibrator, don't mind using it. I just feel more connected with someone when I don't use it. So here's the thing, Cora. We have like a muscle memory. So it is likely true right now that that is how your body is remembering to orgasm. You know, they say if you're, if you're exercising a lot, like let's say you were lifting weights and you're doing the same routine every day, eventually our muscles will stagnate, you know, so you gotta mix up your routine and you know, cross train and all that. So that's exactly what's happening with your vibrator. Your body's used to it. You have your thing with your vibe. You know exactly what you're doing. You hit it and quit it. So much like having to stimulate different muscles group to stay in shape. You have to do this as well with your masturbation routine. So my recommendation is to start Masturbating without a vibrator and start to get used to what it feels like with your hands again. Because your muscles also remember that they're just more used to the recent vibrator. I know for a fact that if you actually give yourself permission, you take some time and you say, I might not orgasm this time. Or maybe I won't bring in my vibrator for 10 minutes. Or I'm going to spend 15 minutes exploring again. I'm going to use some lube. I'm going to look in the mirror at how sex I am. I'm going to feel my body. I'm going to, you know, try something new with my partner. Or maybe my mind is engaged with him. Like, so maybe we're doing some dirty talk or some role playing. So you're really feeling connected to your partner and you're not so focused, focused on your own orgasm. You might find that it just comes back. So I recommend a little bit of practicing on your own and trying something new with your partner. Because when our mind sometime is in your head and you tell yourself you can't have the orgasm, sometimes that's actually what stops us from having it. You're not broken here, and I know you'll get it back. Cora. This happens. The good news about this is now you get to learn other ways. You get to relearn your body or maybe learn something new with this new partner, which I always think is exciting. Okay, this is from Drew, 28, in Boise, Idaho. Hi, Dr. Emily. I just wondering if there's any other methods of masturbation for men outside of my hand. My wife would prefer me to not get a flashlight or pocket. All right, Drew, for a lot of men, it does feel good. If you're going to mix up your masturbation, you're not going to use your hand. Well, you're going to need something else to stroke your penis. And so maybe your wife doesn't like the idea of the flashlight, which are often modeled after a vulva. Like they're actually someone's real vagina and vulva. But I like the arcwave. The arcwave is a brand new product for penises that it's a stroker, as they call it, and you put your penis inside of it and it starts to vibrate. It actually uses the same kind of suction that you hear we talk about with the womanizer. And it stimulates the frenulum and you put some lube in it, and it can feel amazing. So I would play with that. It's brand New on the market. You could also get a penis ring like the we Vibe. Verge is another one. So the thing about the Verge is great is that it actually also stimulates your perineum, which is that sensitive area that's like indirect stimulation to your prostate. So the Verge is a really cool toy to play with. It just sort of test out the vibrations, and you can use it to stimulate yourself. And you could also easily use it with your wife. I mean, here's the thing. If you have a penis and you've never tried vibrations or different kinds of lubes, maybe a warming lube or a cooling lube, I say it's time to try. There's so many nerve endings on your penis, and we're all so ready to go with doing the same thing over and over again. I love Drew that you want to try something new. Also recommend switching up your position. If you always use your left hand, use your right hand. If you usually do it sitting down, you could try standing up again. Try some different lubes and different sensations to play with. You could also try some anal play on yourself. Get a butt plug or get something by a narrows, which is actually made for the prostate. It's actually healthy to stimulate a prostate if you have one. Edging is also a way to mix up your masturbation routine, whether you have a penis or a vulva. But it's the. It's the process of stimulating yourself until you get close to orgasm and then you bring it back down again. So you escalate till you're about to orgasm and then you bring it back down. And this is the process of not allowing yourself just to orgasm, but to sort of stay in that area of arousal and stimulation. And the more heightened that becomes, the more times you go up and down with the arousal without orgasming. When you do orgasm, it can feel a lot more intense, a lot stronger. We have a downloadable guide about edging, and you can go to our website and check it out@sexwithemily.com okay. This is from Lydia, 23, in Nebraska. Hi, Dr. Emily. My name is Lydia. I'm 23. I'm a new masturbator and orgasm experiencer. That's a new term I've coined. My boyfriend is 24 and I began experimenting with toys two months ago. We just got a bullet clitoral vibrator and used it in the bedroom together on a vacation. I've never finished from penetration, but I think I faked it a few times. I've taken to using the toy on my own And I've masturbated for the first time ever. I'm doing it every day, but I've read stories. Masturbating too often can negatively impact your sex life with your partner. Any advice? On balance, I'm his first girlfriend and he doesn't have a lot of confidence in the bedroom and doesn't particularly enjoy giving oral. So I hesitate to advise him on to help me finish. All right, Lydia, here's the thing. I love that you're exploring, that you got yourself a vibrator and you're playing with it. Masturbating too often. Listen, it only becomes a problem when it's a problem. Can you no longer get turned on by your partner? Can you no longer do anything without your vibrator? Are you missing work? Because all you're doing is staying home and masturbating. Like, that's when it becomes a problem. But I wouldn't worry about the negative impact. But what I do like here is that what you said is your boyfriend doesn't have a lot of experience. He's in his 20s. You're in your 20s. I think you could give him the greatest gift ever. If you say, I've been doing a lot of experimenting lately, and I in no way want this to come across like, I think I know more than you or I'm better than you. I've just been exploring my body and I want to show you this really cool thing that I've learned. And let me show you this toy and maybe he could use it on you. But remember, the only reason why you know he doesn't have a lot of experience, which I find with a lot of people in their 20s, because you just haven't. Even if you've had sex with a lot of people, it doesn't mean you've experience with a partner that is in a healthy place. You're giving and exchanging ideas and information and listening and helping each other. You just said to me, Lydia, that you. That you don't want to rock the boat with him, but you'd be doing him a huge favor, huge service to tell him about pleasure and let him see you have an orgasm so he knows that it's possible. So I would recommend that. But also, mutual masturbation is such a sexy thing to. I always recommend to couples where you're both masturbating so you're both doing your thing. It's really hot. Because watching your partner masturbate is sexy. And seeing your partner in those with passion, it's sexy as hell. If you haven't done that. But also it's educational because you actually get to see how they touch themselves and what turns them on. Specifically, does he put his hand on his balls? Does he grab the shaft? What does he do? What kind of pressure? And then you could learn when you're going down on your partner and then he can learn what you like. So oral will become more comfortable to him. But the reason why a lot of guys don't like oral is because they don't really know what they're doing because they haven't been with a partner who either enjoyed receiving it or actually knew how to articulate what they want. So if you can make this like a shared experience, Lydia, with your boyfriend and just be like, hey, I'm excited to be exploring together and learning new things. Let's start with learning about my body together. That's what I recommend. This is from Rebecca, 23 in Oregon. Hey Dr. Emily, my name is Rebecca and I'm a new listener to your podcast. After pursuing some articles on your Frequently Asked Questions page, I have a question I want to know more about. How can I overcome the roadblock of shame in masturbating? I grew up in a conservative Christian and in a single parent household where sex, masturbation and men were either not talked about or demonized. Masturbation was seen as a sin, lingerie was gross, and sex as described to me by my mom is a way for women to be men's toilets. As a result, I've never solo masturbated. I'm currently married to an amazing, supportive and sex positive man with whom I've done lots of sex learning and unlearning with. My sex drive has been very low since we got married because of major anxiety and busy schedules. My husband's encouraged me to try masturbating to increase sex drive and has bought me every kind of vibrator under the sun. I have self pleasured during sex a few times with my husband, but I still cannot get myself to do it solo. I do believe masturbation is healthy and needed, but I can't get myself to do it. It's like there's a huge wall that I just cannot overcome no matter what. I desperately want to increase my sex drive. I think masturbation might be what's needed. Any advice? Oh Rebecca, thank you so much for your question. First off, I'm gonna help you here, but I think this is so relatable and so many people grew up in homes where sex was demonized and they were told it was Wrong. And then they go out and try and have a healthy sex life. And it's really rid of all the messaging that you heard as a, as a young child. And it becomes so part of who you are and it's hard to separate it all. So just be kind to yourself and know that this is going to be a journey here. But what I love is that your husband is also encouraging you to explore. So that probably also helps you realize it's not wrong. So we've got a battle here of your mind and your body. So what I would love for you here is to just start to. You seem like you're a really good writer. I would kind of write about some of your earlier messages to sex and see do they still serve me? Do I still believe them? Where did that message come from? And it sounds like you know this, but if you could really sort of write it down and realize, does that still serve me? Is that true? Getting rid of those messages around it and realizing that it really is not what you choose to believe? It sounds like you're there and it sounds like it's been fairly recent that you are learning that you deserve pleasure. So let's say for 21 years, I don't know when you got married, but. But let's say you're 23, so I'm gonna sue. Maybe you were 21, and maybe for 21 years you've been hearing that sex is wrong and gross in your men's toilets. It makes sense that you're not gonna be able to switch on a dime to all of a sudden be in your body and be sexual, be masturbating. You have to undo a lot of that stuff, a lot of that messaging, which I'm glad that you realize is no longer serving you. And so I would replace some of that with some more education. That helps a lot. I love that you're listening to the podcast. That's a huge, huge help for so many people. And the more that you fill your brain and fill your mind with sex positive information, more than your husband telling you it's okay. Got a lot of great blogs on the site. Find some other sex positive books and more content that makes you feel more like yourself. So there's just layers of unlearning. I also recommend that you talk openly to friends that are outside of your, you know, not your family. It sounds like you've talked to your mom and your husband. But I'll bet if you start talking to your girlfriends, they can tell you about maybe some ways that they've masturbated. Or maybe they've overcome the shame. But the more we start to normalize sex, which is what my mission is, is to get everybody to talk about sex and to make it less taboo and less shameful. It can start with you getting in the practice of not just masturbating, but the practice of truly being a sex positive woman who respects your own needs and desires and your own pleasure. And I think the more that you start to make sex information available to you and a part of your life, the old messaging will start to slip away and you'll really be able to step into the Rebecca that you are meant to be as a fully empowered, sexy, incredible woman. Stick around. After the break, I talk to a woman who's wondering why she fantasizes about her neighbors while she masturbates.

Okay, we have a woman, 55, in California. Hi, female caller. You can be anonymous. What would your name be if you. If you had your alter ego?

I would say acolytis.

Acolytis.

Goddess.

I like it. Yes, it's a goddess. You are. You are acolytis to me. Tell me everything. What's going on?

I'm calling tonight because I 55 and I just had these young neighbors, young couple just moved next door to me probably about a year ago, and I find myself masturbating in the bathroom, in the shower, when I know that they're home. Is that weird?

Well, what do you mean? So you masturbate in the shower and they're home and they could hear you, like hear you masturbating or you're.

So here's the thing. So, you know, I spend a lot of time in the bathroom just naturally. I like to bathe, I like to shower, I do candles, the whole thing. Right. But since they moved next door, I find myself spending a lot more time there with music and candles and I'm not super, super loud, but I notice I always kind of check to see if their car is there and then, you know.

Well, yeah, I don't think.

Do they think it's even saying it out loud?

I think that's really like. So no, I love that you're calling it because we all have rich fantasy lives and if we don't, we gotta get some because this is it. So are you thinking about them? Or maybe you're thinking about them hearing you? Or are you thinking about like. Are you in the bathtub?

I'm in. I'm in the bathtub most times. And then I usually bring my tool in the bathroom. With me and then I'll start. But I notice as I start to masturbate, I'll fantasize about the two of them hearing me. And I don't get super, super loud. But, you know, once the orgasm starts, you know, I don't really care about the sound. So I hope I'm not being loud. I don't think I'm being loud. At least.

Well, probably inspiring them. Maybe you're a little bit of foreplay for them. Maybe they hear your orgasm and that turns them on.

I'm kind of hoping, yeah, let's see if they complain.

But I think that that's really healthy. I think that you are keeping sex top of mind. You know what you need? It's self care, taking a bath, setting the atmosphere, maybe playing music, lighting a candle and giving yourself pleasure and bringing in having a rich fantasy life around your neighbors. And are they hearing or not? It's all good. I feel like acolytes. It's time to go find the other toy now. So. Wait, what. Can we back up for a minute? What is the tool that you bring into the bath? Because you said I bring my tool, which I love. It's a writer vibrator.

It's called the Melt. M E L T. Oh, dude.

Yes.

I love that thing.

It's so good. We're talking about the we vibe melt. I tried it. I thought, I've had all the kinds of orgasms. I tried it and then I had one orgasm, and then I had another one and it was like this. I don't know what happened. Like something from the inside came out. It was some nerve endings. It was incredible. And I was so excited that I came in the next day and my staff was here and a new intern they were interviewing. And I couldn't help it. I was like, I had this orgasm with this meltdown. Anyway, it was funny. So, yeah, I love the melt. I feel you.

Unfortunately, I tried it on my first try. I tried it on a Saturday morning in my shower downstairs, and everybody was eating. All my family, my husband and my kids were eating breakfast. And I literally was on the floor after. You know, my stomach was crunching. I was like, oh, my God, they're gonna have to call 91 1. And one of my kids knocked on the door. They were like, mommy, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, I'm okay.

I had to get out of the shower and I had to, like. I bought. I did the fetal position, and then I started doing some stretches because my stomach was just like my. My My abs were knotting up, and I thought, this is it. This is gonna be it. The fire department is gonna have to come, and I'm gonna be here in the fetal fucking position with this melt vibrating next to me. It was awful. I wanted to cry.

Like, mommy, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. I'll be okay.

That's. Does that, like, you gotta put guardrails up or something? Like you gotta wear knee pads or some kind of padding, like a helmet or something you need to wear. Right. Because you could. You could go out. Yeah, I use mine in my steam shower. I gotta turn off the steam sometimes. You gotta be like, something could happen here. Okay, well, now do you know which one you have in your garage that you have in your own?

I haven't had it out in so long.

I think that's your assignment this weekend.

I didn't have a G spot because I was like, maybe I don't have one.

Oh, you do. You have an internal clitoral nerve. I mean, wait, what about your husband? Does he ever come into the bathroom with you? No. That's your time. Does he ever help to find your D spot?

You know, that's the other thing. That's one of the reasons why I'm so quiet. Because I think he knows that I masturbate in the bathroom. But I think I have a little. Little bit of guilt because while he knows that I masturbate, I don't think he knows that I'm fantasizing about the neighbors. Does that make sense?

Yeah, absolutely. And he doesn't need to know everything. It's okay to have fantasies that we. Listen. There's two kind of fantasies. The ones we want to keep to ourselves and the ones we want to share with our partners. That's it. No judgment. Listen, the time when we feel the most sexually satisfied and the most pleasure is when we are free. And we're not worried about what anyone else thinks about our orgasm and what turns us on and what gives us pleasure. That's why women aren't having orgasms as well, because we just. We worry. But your. Your G spot orgasm is totally. Your internal orgasm is totally possible, but I think you just gotta get that. Go dig out that toy or we'll send you a new one. If you incorporate some internal play into your session, then maybe you'll. You'll start to feel more orgasms, and maybe that'll be something you want to bring into your relationship. Like, maybe you'll be like, look at all these nerve endings. Let's go crazy.

Thank you so, so, so much.

You're amazing. Thank you for calling. Stay in touch. Okay, I got you. Let's talk to Wendy in Oregon. Hi, Wendy.

Hi, Emily. Appreciate your show. I like listening to it. But I do have a question.

Of course.

You were talking about a device called a vibrator called the Melt, and I wanted to know how it compared to the Womanizer, which I already have. Oh, recommendations.

Great. Do you like the Womanizer?

Yeah.

Yes. Sorry.

No, Wendy, that's exactly how we all feel about the Womanizer. Okay, so here's the deal. Womanizer bought We Vibe, and they became one company. So Womanizers won. And then. And then the We Vibe. So We Vibe took the technology from Womanizer. That pleasure air technology uses indirect. It indirectly stimulates your clitoris. It kind of feels like. It's kind of like the closest thing to oral sex. It sort of gets around your clitoris and sort of has like this sort of a sucking feeling. And it's just like nothing that's ever been created before. When it came out six years ago, then We Vibe made a toy called the Melt, and they took that technology and it just uses. It's all silicone material. So it's like the reason why it's a little different than the Womanizer. It's the same technology, but it sort of is more uniquely shaped into the toy. So it doesn't come with, like, a separate. You know how the Womanizer comes with, like, two separate heads and it's kind of an external sucking. It's an external thing. This one doesn't have that. But I think they're all. I think if you like your Womanizer, you're good, but the belt isn't. Well, the Melt's a different sensation because it's also angled and it's a little bit. Which Womanizer do you have? I say, try it. To be honest, I'm like, I don't know what your. How much you got, what your budget is, but it's pretty awesome. It's a little bit smaller.

I could keep the Womanizer at my boyfriend's house and then keep the mount at my house, I guess.

Yes, Wendy, that's it. That's it. And then one day you call your boyfriend, say, guess what? I'm bringing a third tonight. And then you show up with the. With the. With the. With the Melt. You're like, I gotta show you my. Yeah, no, that's. That's. That's what you should do. I think you. I think that. Listen, why do I need six pairs of black boots, right? Do I really need them? That this inch, this heels of 2 inches and this is no, like, do you need the melt How? Yeah, I mean, you know, you don't need it. You have the womanizer. But I say it's all. That's why when I came in, Wendy, I've been trying or vibrators for 15 years and then I tried, I was like, this is a different kind of orgasm. So when I talk about exploring nerve endings, trying new things, you know, you never know what it could open up for you. Wonderful. Yeah, Wendy, thanks, Wendy. Let me know what you think I'd love. Now you got to tell me your experience with it.

Okay, I will, I will. Okay. Thank you so much.

Of course, Wendy. Have a great night. Thanks for calling. I appreciate you. I'm going to take a quick break, but after this word from our sponsors, I'm answering rapid fire questions. Stay with me.

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Rapid fire questions. A lot of you are sliding into my DMs and emails, and I wanted to answer as many as I can in a limited amount of time. So here we go. How do you talk to your husband of 17 years about our mismatched libidos? This is the old timing tone in turf. You can go to our website and also check out our guide. But listen, you gotta have these conversations. Honest, open. Just be curious and tell him that you want to talk about how much sex feels right to him and how much sex feels right to you. And then you compromise and you schedule it. All right, this is from Abby. What is a fun sex position that isn't common? Well, you know, there's a few positions. I'd say there's about four or five that we all know about. But remember, there are alternatives to those positions. You could try a sitting position. Your partner sits on the bed, and then you sit on their lap. You could try an alternate position suit, doggy style. Remember, you don't have to be on all fours. You can lay down. You can use pillows as props. When you prop pillows up and you raise up your pelvic floor, that can really kind of enhance the. The penetration. And the. That can. It can really enhance the depth of penetration, and it can feel that much better. You can also try the cat position coital alignment technique. You can check it out on our website. And that can also help a vulva owner have more. More orgasms. All right, where do I start experimenting with bdsm? How do I bring it up with my wife? And how should we start to explore? Well, if you've ever had a conversation about your sex life, this is a great place to start. Start talking about fantasies. What are three things she's been wanting to try? What are three things you want to try? You can also start to explain to her what you think is hot about bdsm. Do you want to spank her? Tie her up? Do you want to talk dirty to her? Let her know what you're into and why, and then see how she feels about it. Show her some scenarios and porn or somewhere that she can understand more about it and what might be pleasurable to her. This is from Instagram. I want to spice up my masturbation routine. I want to try doing it outside. Thoughts yeah. You know, spicing it up. I mean, sometimes if you could just do it with your left hand instead of your right hand. I just read about a guy being arrested doing it in a Walmart parking lot. So I don't really recommend just doing it like I outside in your car, but try a vibrator. Try different techniques. If you always masturbate on your back, do it on your stomach. If you're always laying down, try sitting. And there's warming gels and cooling gels. And you could just try different sensations. Remember our body parts. There's so many nerve endings and so much sensitivity that if you're playing with hot and cold sensations and different vibrators, it's going to mix it up, I promise. All right, so from a female on Instagram, newly dating. He's smaller than me. I'm insecure. Is this common? You know, I think that everything's common. You guys all want to know, am I normal? But if you're attracted to him and he's attracted to you, then just remember that our insecurities are coming from our own deep rooted place of insecurities. And so I think just working on being connected and present in the moment and go with that, because I'm sure this is probably your limiting belief and not your partners. How can I get my husband to be more confident in the bedroom? Okay. You know, we often think that to get our partners to be more confident about affirmation and giving them, you know, lots of compliments. But the truth is, I'm gonna guess that he's probably insecure in other areas as well. Usually our insecurities have to do with deeply rooted issues in our psyche that we haven't quite tackled yet. So I would, you know, confidence ultimately is an inside job, so I would try to have conversations with him and find out what it is that is driving his insecurities. If you want to help him talk it through. But I feel like a lot of it is us kind of working and clearing out those demons that are holding us back. Okay. Wife loves cunnilingus and doggy style position. Can she climax from a rim job while I'm there? I don't know. Why don't you try it out and see what happens consensually? Why not? Let me know if it works. We're all different. That's the beauty of this. Let me know. Some women can. All right. What's your opinion of Gainswave technology? Okay. Gainswave technology improves blood flow to the penis, and so essentially, it stimulates the growth of New blood vessels. Yeah. You know, I've heard great things about sound waves. It can help men with erectile dysfunction. It improves blood flow to the penis. Because remember, if we have erectile challenges, usually it's about blood blood flow. So it's just using sound waves to stimulate that blood flow. I've heard great things about it. You can check it out. It has a 75% success rate in treating erectile dysfunction. And we've also done a show that with Dr. Edward Karpman. You can look for that episode. Can you recommend a good blowjob toy? There's some great penis masturbation tools. There's the Arcway, which is the newest one that vibrates. It can stimulate your frenulum. That's a great one. You could just use a vibrator you have laying around like the Tango by we Vibe. The Pivot's a great one. I also like their chorus. It's a great one because it's a couple's toy and you can also wrap it around the penis and give it a hand job or a blow job. So remember, just play with different sensations. Flavor lube is also awesome. All right, that's all we have time for. Thanks, everyone. Send me your questions. Love you all. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Alex Emily. Be sure to like subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to podcasts and share this with a friend or a partner. Believe me, if you got something out of this, they will too. Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. It's all sexwithemily. If you want to ask me a question about sex, dating or relationships, you can email me feedbackexwithemily.com or sexwithemily.com askemily and check out my website. We are. We have so many articles on there helping you better sex. And you can check out our guides@sexwithemily.com Guides for free. Guides that will give you expansive tips and activities. Sign up for our weekly emails because, hey, I've been told I give really good emails. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.