Happy, Healthy & Horny Again with Dr. Carolyn & Cindy

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On today's show, I'm joined by Dr. Carolyn, Delicia and Cindy Bar Shop to talk about everything from vulvas to sexual health to keeping everything ready for when it' time to get busy. Topics include women's sexual health, how to get your pelvic floor in tip top shape no matter what stage of life you're in. Because hey, we can all use a tune up trying to regain trust. It's a lot harder than you think. But I think you can get past it. You're too wet during sex. How can you dry things up? And the real reasons you may be losing your sex drive and what you can do to get it back. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge. What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, that feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of.

Girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com we've got some awesome blogs and posts there to help you have better sex. You can check out all of our podcasts. You can also check them out wherever you listen to podcasts. Gosh, they're everywhere now. We love when you subscribe and review us. It's awesome. You can find us anywhere on social media, exwemily across the board. You should totally be following us. We've got some great announcements coming up and ways that you can engage with us and possibly win some toys. Plus find me Monday through Friday on Sirius XM. It's awesome. 5 to 7pm Pacific on channel Stars 109. It is fun and you guys can get a free trial if you go to sexwithemily.com sxm alright guys, I hope you enjoy the show. I'm gonna just welcome my guests who are here. Dr. Carolyn DeLucia and Cindy Barshop. I gave you guys a pre a pre intro. Dr. Carolyn Delucia is a internationally renowned OB GYN who specializes in women's health issues. She's been on the podcast before and I love her. She's been such an inspiration for me and Cindy. Bar shop. Hi. They own V Spot Medispa in New York and I the last time I saw them, it's basically a spa for your vagina.

Basically it is.

I mean, I don't know what else. That's literally what it is. And in all different ways it can heal it. It can help you. And they are experts in all things right.

It's basically we enhance women's sexual health.

Women's sexual health.

That's right. And how we heal ourselves throughout our lives and keep us healthy and ready for intimate moments.

Wait.

I just have to say I'm so happy to be here. Back it up a little bit.

Back it up.

You guys.

I love Emily.

Everybody thinks I have a crush on her, which I think I do at this point. I have to say that I think you're amazing. You're doing unbeliev unbelievable things for so many people and I just like, I bow to you, my love. I think you're amazing.

Thank you. I feel the same. Last I was, like, saying to Jamie, last time I saw them, I was hanging out for hours in their beautiful spa that every woman should go to in New York and, like, hopefully taking over the world. So welcome. They're going to be here for a minute, but I think we could also take a call because we've had a lot of calls. Come in and feel free. If you guys want, we'll help you, you know, guide you in jumping in if you have answers to things. But let's take a call.

Okay. Let's talk to Logan. He's 48, in Toronto. He's grown apart from his partner, is not sure about the time invested into the relationship.

Hey, Logan, thanks for calling. Sex with Emily. Tell me what's going on.

Well, I.

Have a situation with my partner. I've been with her for 10 years, and her last five years, we just haven't been intimate. And.

You know, I made mistakes earlier on in the relationship where I, you know, flirting with, you know, girls that I had dated once. Literally once.

I'm not her. You don't have to defend it.

No, I'm only laughing because, Logan, I've been that. I get it. Like, it was once. So you guys had some trust issues. The trust was broken about five years ago, and it hasn't really been able to come back from that.

Oh, man, I've been. I love this girl. I mean.

No, I can hear it in your voice, you know.

You know, the struggle is not to get long winded. But I met her.

I met this guy like, 13 years ago, and I was good friends with him for two years, and then I met his girls, and then I was asked to be the godfather, A mutual friend of mine, of ours.

Okay.

I was the godfather of his. Of his oldest. And it turns out that my stepdaughters are her best friends. So I've been. I've been. I knew the girls. I know the girls before I met Wanda, and now we've been together for 10 years.

Okay, I get it. Wait, wait. So you guys. You feel like you were meant to be together. So what's happening now? So for five years hasn't been great.

Have you.

Have you guys talked about it? Do you know?

Okay, it seems like our talks turn into arguments.

Right? Okay.

I keep getting thrown into the. The whipping of, you know, flirting, and.

It was five years ago. I get it. You guys are in a very unhealthy cycle right now. So this is what happens with couples. If you. The trust was broken, whether it was one time or you had an affair for A year, it doesn't really matter. But when trust breaks in a relationship, it's really, really hard to heal on your own. And I absolutely think that you guys need to go to some. To therapy. And it's. You're gonna realize it's not about the cheating. It's about some other intimacy challenges that you're facing. The reason why, your girlfriend. Is it your wife? Your girlfriend?

Your wife, where we're calm a lot, she could say 10 years.

So the reason why she keeps bringing it back to that, to the cheating, I don't think it's about that. It's because there's some intimacy challenges where you guys haven't really learned how to communicate, which most people do not, by the way. So I think if you love her and you guys want to be together, that couples therapy for both of you will be amazing. Because I can't tell. I'm not there. You feel one way, she feels another way, and that's it. Like, there's nothing's going to happen unless you get a mediator and you go once a week for three months and. And you don't stop. And then in three months from now, you can make a clear decision, but right now you can't.

Well, I have to be honest with you. I. I'm the willing party of this.

Well, it's her duty. She has to. Unless she wants to keep fighting about something that happened five years ago. Like, this is what I don't understand. Like, I'm not telling people they have to go to, like, prison or do something awful. It's like therapy. And if she still has a stigma. Right. See what I'm saying? Like, she's the one who's bring up stuff in the past. She's resisting therapy and resolving it because she likes to stick on an issue that really isn't about the present moment. So I think that you guys have to go. I mean, what else would happen right now? I mean, I can't. Five years, same issue.

And my struggle is, Emily, is that it's not gonna happen. It's like, I mean, 10 years I've devoted to. You know, I'm not breaking up with.

Listen, I understand, like, Logan, you have to bring it up in a way that you're like, listen, I care so much about our relationship and the health of our relationship, and I love you. And I see spending the rest of our life together, and I really think that we have to go. We have to find a solution. What we've been doing now isn't working. And I really Believe if you commit to going to therapy with me three times, just three times, then we can make a decision about it. And if she doesn't, then you can ask her what her thoughts are for solving this. But if she doesn't have any, then it sounds to me like you're in a more advanced way of thinking that she's kind of doesn't want to move beyond her same repetitive thoughts. So I understand her resistance, but maybe there's a different tone. It's amazing, Logan, how sometimes we think we've had a conversation so much with our partner, but then when you, like, kind of stop and take a different tone, it's more about us as a team. She might hear you differently. Okay, so let me know how it goes. I'm here every day, Logan. You know that. So call me back, have that talk, like tonight or tomorrow or skip Valentine's Day. Do it Friday. But I think you should do it asap because life's too short to waste it in a relationship that's not working. That's how I feel. Okay, you guys, you can give me a call. Triple eight, 94 stars. Triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven. Hi, Carolyn, Cindy. Who are still here. I just saw a call pop up that might be good.

Lori.

Yes, Lori, who's 56, Arizona. Lori, she didn't notice that her vagina was dry during menopause.

I have vagina experts here. There's three actually here. Hey, Lori, thanks for calling.

Hi.

Hi.

Hey.

I am so excited that we've got vagina spa ladies.

Me too. You don't understand.

Hi, Lori.

We're so excited.

Hi, Lori.

Oh, I do understand.

Okay, good.

You get it. You get it. Okay, what's going on, Lori? Talk to us.

Well, one of the things I wanted to just sort of share my own experience on is that, you know, 57, I'm in menopause, and I've had some challenges, but I've been going to a doctor to work on things. But about two years ago, when I first started my little journey, going to the doctor to try to make my pelvic floor work better and all of these sorts of things, when she took a look in the nether region, she went, oh, my God, you're so dry.

Okay.

I just wanted to share that because I have a feeling that there's probably a lot of other women out there in their 50s getting to this stage in their life, and they may not even know that they're dry.

Because, you know, it's soft and silky and everything is good. And so you may not notice that there's a dryness.

Yeah, I guess. Yeah, you might not notice that's true.

Or you just may notice that's one or the other. But I think that it happens to all of us. The many symptoms of menopause, hot flashes, night sweats that women always talk about, all of those things minimize over time. But the changes in our vagina area, those just get worse and worse and worse. So that vaginal dryness that your doctor noticed now is only going to get worse unless it's addressed. So kudos to your doctor for having mentioned it to you. And now you can address that so that intimacy doesn't get uncomfortable.

Yeah.

But there's also new technology out there.

That you should be aware of. Lori, what'd she tell you? Did you do anything about it or did she recommend anything?

Oh, yeah, she actually recommended some really great lubrication. She. She recommended doing some personal lubrication besides having lube for sex.

Okay.

And I mean, I guess I was just. I was just so surprised, as everything has always been. I've been like, super. I've. I've had super lubrication.

Right, right, right, right. But you just don't.

Everything has always worked really well. So when this turned out to be a symptom for me, I was like, oh, my God, I had no idea. Yeah, it sort of. It's sort of uncomfortable.

Oh, so sex wasn't. So you're saying is, Laurie, you were having sex that was uncomfortable, but you weren't sure why.

Right, right.

I was like, what the hell happened? Right.

Oh, Lori.

Okay, I get it. Yeah. Women, no one tells us. It's like, we all. We're all going through the same thing. Women at some point are going to go through this period in their life, and no one tells. You really got to figure it out. And it's like, that's why I'm obsessed with V spot. I'm so glad they're here to talk about this stuff. So, Lori, they're going to have some. Yeah, yeah.

Lori, there's solutions, there's technology solutions. Thank God, that have been in the states for about three or four years now. And it's something called a CO2 fractional laser. It actually does a tissue regeneration inside the vaginal canal. There's no pain, there's no downtime. You need three treatments. We love the femilift, which is one of. You know, there's others out there, but we like the femilift at the V spot. And you should go. You have to research yeah, she's in Arizona. In Arizona. You could always call us at the vspot, 800-408-8776 and I could do some research for you to find, you know, another doctor. We always suggest go to a gynecologist for this and Carolyn and I could take a look for you. And we always like recommend people around the country so you could get these treatments.

Yeah, this technology is new and amazing, which is why I wanted you guys to come on and talk about some of that. So thank you. Lori.

Hey, thank you.

Thank you for calling. I appreciate it. So let's talk about the new technology.

So there's several options that women have that we can use to improve the lubrication of the vagina and the sense of what happens. The other thing that we feel as we age is an inability to stretch. So penetration becomes really, really uncomfortable. And these machines help to bring back that elasticity. And in treating the walls of the vagina with either radio frequency devices, and there are several on the market and they're exp. Exploding all over. We use UltraFem 360 at Vspot, but there are others and the, the, the femilift, which is the laser. Both of these technologies treat the walls of the vagina and bring new blood vessels, therefore a natural sense of lubrication. So no need for other extraneous things. And it's just like back to normal. Like, oh my God, I remember how this used to feel. And it's like, thank goodness it's back. And the other thing that many women do is we lose sensation. And when we lose sensation, there's no fun. I mean, if it's not fun to have sex, why have sex?

Exactly.

Right.

So this happens for women starting for perimenopause, even women in their 20s. Okay. So every single night. And you guys can call us with your questions tonight. 889-4782.

We hear from many women of all ages, but you know, women going menopause, perimenopause, who just, they're like, I'm not into it anymore. I don't want it. I don't want to have sex. So you're saying that a lot of these things can help women feel ready again, be ready for sex. Exactly.

And desire it. Initiate. How about that? I mean, actually be the initiator, which really everybody, you, me, everybody wants to feel desired. Your husband, your partner wants to feel, feel that need and desire. So when you are the initiator, that is such a major turn on for your partner and the one you love. Right. It doesn't matter. I mean, sometimes. How do you feel when you're. When he's after you? It feels great. My gosh, he wants me. So when you give that back, there's no better gift.

So because you can do these procedures that help women feel more comfortable in their vagina, their vulva, it helps them with desire.

Correct.

Because they're feeling the blood flowing in. Because essentially. Let's explain it, Carolyn, as a doctor, OB gyn, what actually is happening? Why is this happening to women at this certain point? Because we're losing tissue. Estrogen. Our estrogen's taking a nosedive.

That's correct. So when we stop feeling.

Stop playing that. I don't know that everybody gets it.

All right. So as we age, what happens is we know that we can't have babies anymore. Why can't we have babies anymore? Because we stop making egg and our eggs. In that process, we make estrogen. When we stop making eggs, when our ovaries go dead, they no longer dark, they no longer make.

I don't mean to make it sound.

Like that, but yeah, dead ovaries, they're dead everywhere.

The clock has stopped. Left, right, they're all over.

She left a path of dead ovaries in her.

Right. Okay, so dead ovaries.

So our estrogen is gone with that death, and then with the loss of estrogen, we no longer support the blood vessels in the walls of the vagina. So when that woman's doctor looked at the vaginal tissues, she was able to say, oh, my gosh, you must be so dry. Because we see the clinical changes. It gets pale, it gets smooth. Normally, a vagina is moist and has folds. That's gone. In menopause, it's like the ice skating rink. We lose it all right? Now Emily's eyes look in complete horror.

Complete horror.

You should see the little look on her face.

It was priceless.

I don't want it to be a cold, lonely ice rake in my vagina.

Dear God. I don't want to go when I shrink in my pants.

That is too cute. The look on her face was horror.

Help me. 1-800-help- my vagina.

I'm getting way too close.

But what?

I mean, my eyes are open because of the way you're talking about, but I'm so sorry.

It's so true. I see it every day.

I know, but I talk, but I'm saying the way we hearing someone else.

But they're here to help because that's right. I mean, you're there. She's not a sponsor. What I'm saying, we reverse it all. Don't worry. I met Carolyn because we met at conferences that we were speaking at this year. And I was like, there is technology that can actually help women. Because I got to tell you something. And we are going to get back to your calls, and you can call us 889-478-2277. So I was talking to my mom, who's 75. She's. Or 76. She's gonna love this if she doesn't listen. She did watch me on today's show. She's like, oh, my God. Like, I made it. I'm like, yeah.

How was it?

It was fun.

Oh, she looked beautiful.

Thank you. But I was like, I'm doing a show every day, but she's not hearing me talk about her S ring. She's like, oh, yeah, I've been doing the s ring for 30 years. Her doctor gave her 20 years. But what. I didn't know much about the. It's something that women. Every six months, every three. But it's not. It's more synthetic.

It's.

It's a silicone ring, and it's one size fits all, almost, and it's mostly comfortable. Meaning. But it's a ring that is impregnated, I like to say, with a core of estrogen. And over three months, it slowly seeps out into the tissues. The issue with that device and why it's not my number one choice for women is that it doesn't help the opening or the introitus, clinically speaking. So if he's knocking at the door and can't get in, who cares how well the walls look? That's what I say.

So some of these, something like that.

Correct me here, it means that it's just pleasurable for the man. What we want to do now, they just get in the.

If they're.

If you're just opening up the entry. Right. With the ring.

No, no, no. It's inside.

It's inside. She's more lubricated. But these.

This opening is still tight.

So it doesn't.

Yeah.

So this. The. The. So, for example, the procedures that you have, like, they help women with the whole vulva. Exactly. She's like, mom, I don't even know. You're getting sensation.

The O shot.

I mean, talk about. Let's talk about the O shot. Yeah.

O stands for orgasm. That's what it stands for.

Everyone's talking about the O shot.

Oh, yeah. And it's been around now. I mean, I think the Longest lasting, we're up to almost nine.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. So Dr. Charles Runnels invented the O shot. It's an incredible, incredible, simple, painless procedure where we take your own blood and spin it down, isolate all the incredible growth factors that our body makes to help us heal our cells. It's called platelet rich plasma. And we re inject that into our local tissues, literally directly into the clitoris and directly into the G spot and bring back sensation.

Actually also enhances orgasms if you have them. And it also helps people who've never had orgasms or only get orgasms, you know, with cell phones stimulation. So it's pretty amazing. I've done a couple.

You've done a couple. Okay, so I want to hear the before and after. Oh, shot. Go ahead, Cindy. Yes, Cindy Barshot from vspot.

Okay, let me try.

Brace yourself.

Do it.

No, the difference. The difference is for me and everybody's not the same is that I'm able to have a vaginal orgasm, which is pretty intense. So I was always able to get orgasms before and I.

More clitoral orgasms.

Only clitoral. I didn't even know what a vaginal was.

Wow.

I didn't even know actually until I started the V spot. I didn't even know about vaginal orgasms. There's so many things that you don't know.

That's right.

That women don't know that they have access to to make them feel better and to really just enjoy their sexual pleasure. And, you know, I'm like everybody else. I learned as I went, yeah, no, I get you. So for me, I always were able to have an orgasm. And I was like, all right, I'll do this. Because first of all, when you hear the word oh, shot, it's like, oh, shit. I.

You know, I mean, that's the last thing I want to do is put a shot in my vagina.

Right, right, right.

But if you can have this thing is. That's why I always keep saying this. There's no pain in it. There's no pain. But you have to go to a certified person that I do say so.

They can find out more on your website too. It's vspot medispot, vspot.com.

Okay. And you guys V spot medicine. And everything we talk about tonight, just so you know, is@sexwithemily.com under the show nights.

However, every year, over 30 women will drop our testosterone levels. And this is an area that's rarely explored. And testosterone levels in women truly matter. So you should if it's really bad and you really have no interest and you're also having lack of sensation, once you're in, give in and do say, all right, all right, I'll do it. At that point, if you have no sensation, then you should definitely explore your testosterone levels.

Yeah. And Nita, I was also gonna say, and Dr. Delucia is right in the sense of there's a certain. I always say, like, women have to keep their pilot light lit. Right. And he's coming to you and you are exhausted and you're tired. But there's part of it that's like he's happy to have sex with you however you would feel pleasure. So I know you're exhausted, but has there been any time where you've been exploring yourself, masturbation, self love? How's your fantasy life? Have you been able to. Or when you actually have sex, are you able to get into it? Is any of that possible?

I think if I had to compare before and after is a huge decline. You know, before, you know, I probably would do myself three, four times a day. Now it's like maybe once a month. So.

Okay.

Like, yeah, it was a big decrease in that. I don't think been the same for us either. Not. It's not as intense, it's not as enjoyable.

Yeah.

What kind? I mean, could there be anything that happened during birth? It could be like kind of birth. I mean, anything that's changed. Why do you think it's just exhausting? It could be hormones.

I mean, if you have lack of sensation or pain, that can certainly make you not want to have intercourse.

Right.

But if you. If there's been no damage to the nerves, then you have to think about why you're not going into the fantasies. But it really. Your life has drastically changed from before the child.

So maybe there's a certain go easy on yourself and be patient that it's gonna come back.

That's right. I honestly even think women complain. Look at my belly after the baby. Look at the skin.

It does.

And I honestly believe, having been through it, that it takes over five years to get your body back, to even be like a normal back to you kind of body. So I think that that plays a role too. We feel different about our bodies. It's not. It's not what we. We don't feel it. Are you having a lack of feeling sexy, Anita, at all?

Yeah.

After the second one gained a lot of weight, the first one, I lost like all my weight as soon as he was out. And then the second One. I didn't lose anything.

I think, Anita, it sounds like there has to be. So I think there has to be a little bit more time with you taking care of Anita right now. Yeah. Self lovin. Going to the gym, getting a sitter. These are the things that moms forget because we're so into, like, giving and caretaking and we feel guilty leaving the kids. But this might be a matter of exhaustion. It could be hormones. We don't know yet. But I think it's a matter of Anita learning how to take care of herself and do things that are gonna get you back on track to feel sexy, to feel like the woman, the amazing woman that you are. Okay, thanks. Anita. Thanks for calling Sex With Emily. You can call us triple eight. 94 stars as 888-9478.

Okay, let's talk to Linda. She's 57 in New York, and she says she's still extremely wet and gets.

Her period at 57. Linda, hey, thanks for calling. God bless.

Wow. Wow. Linda.

Yeah, I still get my period, and it seems like the wetness, like, all the time is excessive, especially during sex. And it just feels like. Like it's too much.

Huh. Are you on. Are you on any medication at all or. You've always been wet?

I've always been wet, but not like this wet.

All right, I. I think I might be able to help explain a little bit of that there. At 57, there's no doubt that your body is beginning to go through changes. It's impossible to get our period forever. So the oldest woman that I've ever had who got her period was 61. And I think that's pretty much the extreme. The average is 51 and a half. So having your period at 57, you're already in that upper end of the normal range. So it's going to start to change. When our estrogen levels are beginning to change.

It's actually.

There's a spike in our estrogen levels, and estrogen is what makes us have a lot of lubrication. So when there's that spike in estrogen, it's not uncommon to have a period of time when you're feeling a lot of wetness and lubrication. So if you can stand it, let it go and enjoy every minute, because the dryness is to come, the dead ovaries. But also.

But also, I want to say that.

You could, if you really wanted to right now, take something like Robitussin to dry out your.

That's right.

So if it's too wet, you can dry it. You can take an antihistamine, like long acting antihistamine for allergies. And it dries out your nose, dries out your mouth, dries out your vagina.

All right. Hey, Linda, has there been any problems with this or you're more just concerned about. It just seems like an interesting unique situation for you.

It just seems just too wet sometimes and it feels like my vagina is bigger. Do you know what I mean? It's just. I know. And my gynecologist is so happy I'm still getting my period. She keeps saying it's a good thing, it's a good thing.

But there is. I mean, if it just feels that loose and wet, they can do one of the radio frequency treatments and actually does a tissue generation. It does like gives you or you know what probably would be better? Doing the Emsle Kegel machine.

All right, guys, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back your calls and more. Cindy and Carolyn.

I also didn't mention this, but you know a lot about the penis too.

I do, I do. Because if I prime my women, the men have to be able to keep up. And the pun is totally intended.

Right.

So I have to be able to keep, maintain the husbands and the partners. And I do that as well.

Okay, yes, we're going to get into that, but we're going to take a quick call first and we're going to get back to all your expertise. All right?

Okay. We're talking to Anita. She's 36 in Indiana, and she wants to know if your libido drops after having children.

Hey, Anita, great question. Very relatable. Thanks for calling. So tell me what's going on? When did you give birth?

Well, I have a three year old and a one year old now.

Okay.

Almost immediately after the one year old, I was like, I don't feel like doing it anymore.

Right.

Not happy.

Yeah.

And he, you know, he complains about a lot, but then it adds more pressure and anxiety about having to feel like I'm ready.

Yeah.

We both work full time jobs, you.

Know, two little kids and you're exhausted and sex is the last thing on your mind. And you probably feel right now that if you never have it again, you'll be fine with it. Right? You're like, yeah, totally get it. All right. Okay. I'm going to toss it to Dr. Carolyn DeLucia right here. Well, she's our OB GYN. You probably hear this every single day.

I do, I do. And it's not uncommon at All. You're totally normal, Anita. And I think that the majority of what you're feeling right now is simple exhaustion. I mean, honestly, you. I'm sure you still love your husband. I'm sure he still loves you. It's just that you're a little bit preoccupied. And let me just tell you something. Foreplay for women begins in the morning. So you're not like a switch at this point. You can't come home from work after a full day of work and just flip a switch and be sexy, pussycat. It's just not gonna happen. And he has to understand that, too, that you're exhausted. So he needs to make you feel wanted and desired. So it may have to start in the morning with a little pinch, or it may have to start with a little, you know, bab. If I could really. Oh, man, you look so hot in that bathrobe and, you know, with the fluffy slippers.

But it does matter. It just shows that he cares. So that can start some of the feelings that are deep down inside you, which are not gone. It's simply that you're exhausted.

Well, I think. Yeah. Well, I mean, because I think also, what about hormones? What about stuff that happens to women? Well, at. If she's.

Are you breastfeeding, Anita?

No, we're done.

Okay.

Well, because breastfeeding causes totally wreaks havoc on our. On our hormones, and we have. You know, it's almost equal to menopause, so it truly is a tough time until we're out a while. But if you're all done breastfeeding and that's long over and your cycles are back to normal, I think that the majority of it is just the exhaustion. However, every year, over 30 women will drop our testosterone levels. And this is an area that's rarely explored. And testosterone levels in women truly matter. So you should. If it's really bad and you really have no interest and you're also having lack of sensation, once you're in, give in and do say, all right, all right, I'll do it. At that point, if you have no sensation, then you should definitely explore your testosterone levels.

Yeah. Anita, I was also gonna say, and Dr. Delucia is right in the sense of there's a certain. I always say, like, women have to keep their pilot light lit. Right. And he's coming to you, and you are exhausted and you're tired. But there's part of it that's like he's happy to have sex with you however you would feel pleasure. So I know you're exhausted. But has there been any time where you've been exploring yourself? Masturbation, self love? How's your fantasy life? Have you been able to. Or when you actually have sex, are you able to get into it? Is any of that possible?

I think if I had to compare before and after is a huge decline. You know, before, you know, I probably would do myself three, four times a day. Now it's like maybe once a month. So.

Okay.

Like, yeah, there's a big decrease in that. I don't think it's been the same for us either. Like, like not. It's not as intense, it's not as enjoyable.

Yeah. What kind? I mean, could there be anything that happened during birth? It could be like kind of birth. I mean, anything that's changed, why do you think it's just exhausting? It could be hormones.

Yeah.

I mean if, if you have lack of sensation or pain, that can certainly make you not want to have intercourse.

Right.

But if you, if there's been no damage to the nerves, then you have to think about why you're not going into the fantasies. But it really, your life has drastically changed from before the change.

So maybe there's a certain go easy on yourself and be patient that it's gonna come back.

That's right. I honestly even think women complain. Look at my belly after the baby. Look at the skin.

It does.

And I honestly believe, having been through it, that it takes over five years to get your body back, to even be like a normal back to you kind of body. So I think that that plays a role too. We feel different about our bodies. It's not, it's not what we, we don't feel it. Are you having a lack of feeling sexy, Anita, at all?

Yeah.

After the second one, I'm getting a lot of weight. The first one I lost like all my weight as soon as he was out. And the second one I didn't lose anything.

I think Anita, it sounds like there has to be some. So I think there has to be a little bit more time with you taking care of Anita right now and some self lovin, going to the gym, getting a sitter. These are the things that moms forget because we're so into like giving and caretaking and we feel guilty leaving the kids. But this might be a matter of exhaustion. It could be hormones. We don't know yet. But I think it's a matter of Anita learning how to take care of herself and do things that are gonna get you back on track to feel sexy, to feel like the woman, the Amazing woman that you are. Okay, thanks. Anita, thanks for calling. Sex with Emily. You can call us 8894 stars as 889-478277.

Okay, let's talk to Linda. She's 57 in New York and she says she's still extremely wet and gets.

Her period at 57. Linda. Hey, thanks for calling. God bless.

Wow.

Wow, Linda.

Yeah, I still get my period and it seems like the wetness, like all the time is excessive, especially during sex. And it just feels like, like it's too much.

Huh. Are you on, are you on any medication at all or you've always been wet?

I've always been wet, but not like this wet.

All right. I think I might be able to help explain a little bit of that. At 57, there's no doubt that your body is beginning to go through changes. It's impossible to get our period forever. So the oldest woman that I've ever had who got her period was, was 61. And I think that's pretty much the extreme. The average is 51 and a half. So having your period at 57, you're already in that upper end of the normal range. So it's going to start to change when our estrogen levels are beginning to change. It's actually, there's a spike in our estrogen levels and estrogen is what makes us have a lot of lubrication. So when there's that spike in estrogen, it's not uncommon to have a period of time when you're feeling a lot of wetness and lubrication. So if you can stand it, let it go and enjoy every minute. Because the dryness is to come, the dead ovaries. But also.

But also I want to say that.

You could, if you really wanted to right now, take something like Robitussin to dry out your.

That's right.

So if it's too wet, you can dry it. You can take an antihistamine, like long acting antihistamine for allergies. And it dries out your nose, dries out your mouth, dries out your vagina.

All right. Hey, Linda, has there been any problems with this or you're more just concerned about. It just seems like an interesting, unique situation for you.

It just seems just too wet sometimes and it feels like my vagina is bigger. Do you know what I mean? It's just. I know. And my gynecologist is so happy I'm still getting my period. She keeps saying it's a good thing, it's a good thing.

But there Is. I mean, if it just feels that loose and wet, they can do one of the radio frequency treatments and actually does a tissue generation.

It does.

Or, you know, it'd probably be better doing the Emsle Kegel machine to be able to tighten the muscle.

Let's talk about the thing for Kegels when we come back. Okay. We have from vspot. We've got people here, we've got things to talk about. It is Sex with Emily on Sirius XM Stars.

Okay, let's talk to James. He's 42, Maryland. He's married his wife for 13 years, and he's not convinced he's satisfying her because he can't. She can't climax without a vibrator.

Okay, great question. Hey, James. Also, thanks for holding.

Yeah, no problem.

Okay, tell me what's going on.

Yeah, so.

So basically, you know, like she mentioned, we've been married for 13 years and.

You know, usually we have sex, you.

Know, maybe two or three times a week.

And I'm not convinced that she's enjoying it.

I asked her, hey, how was it? She said, hey, it's great. Don't stop asking.

You know, when you ask, you kind.

Of destroy the whole atmosphere or something. But. So I'm not getting like any feedback from her. And I'm not. I'm just not convinced that she's.

I guess maybe from seeing a few.

Videos here and there, I. I guess I'm not.

Oh, like porn?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay. This is such a good question, James, because porn, while it has its purpose, you know, porn serves some great uses, titillation, but it's not real life. So the women in porn are not porn actors. Actresses are not actually having orgasms. So I wouldn't base it on that, but what I would base it on. So, yeah.

At all.

Like, it doesn't. Like I'm friends with porn stars and we've talked about, like, they, they don't actually have orgasms on screen. It's what they think cinematically will look great for a male director who's making porn for men.

But I.

So that's. But that's. You know, most people think that because I used to think it, you know, like, what. You know, but it's kind of like learning about how to drive from watching like Fast and Furious, you know. But here's the thing about your wife. What I want to know is why is she not. Have you talked to her and said, like, I know she says, I don't want to talk about it, but I. I'm not okay with that. Answer. When you're in a relationship and your partner's like, I don't want to have sex, or I've had enough or I won't talk about it. Like, that's not okay. Because here you are, James, so sweet. And you're like, I want her to be satisfied. And I'm not sure that she is. I think it's because maybe she has some shame or embarrassment or no one's ever asked her about her sex life. It doesn't mean that she doesn't want to have great sex. So I think we can kind of reframe the way you're asking it. Okay, so you said, she said to you don't like, stop asking me. Right. And when, when and how are you asking that question?

Well, usually it's after we're done.

Okay.

Yeah, I asked her, you know, in the bedroom. Was it good for you? Yeah.

Right. Was it good for you? Right.

No.

Okay, great. So here's the number one thing. Do not have the sex talk in the bedroom. Outside the bedroom. I think the bedroom should be for sleeping and sex. And it sounds like now that this has been going on for a while. James, what I would love is if next time you guys are hanging out, and it should be a chill conversation when you guys are feeling relaxed, maybe you're hanging out Sunday morning and just say, you know what? I been wanting. I love you so much. And I love the sex we're having. And I know you said when I asked, like, really casual. James, I know you said when I asked, you don't want me to ask about your sex. But I have to tell you that I think about it a lot because I want you to have so much pleasure and I want to have the best pleasure. And we're going to be together for the rest of our life. You guys have been together for 13 years, so we're in this. So I thought this could be the year that we really kind of co. Create an amazing sex life together. So what would that look like to you? And she might not know. This might not. This won't be the last time you have the conversation. Maybe she's never really had an orgasm without a vibrator. You said that she's only used a vibrator, which is just so you know. James, you're not failing. Only 20% of women have have orgasms through penetration. Again. Another thing that porn does not serve us well. Or movie or romantic comedies or television. Right. That's not the. That's not what happens to most women. So I think it's really a matter of opening it up because. Cause she probably doesn't even have the words the way you're asking it. So just. I love us. I love us together. Let's create a great sex life and then ask her what really turns her on. You'll share some of your fantasies and then start it, and she'll start to feel more comfortable. Okay?

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Good.

James, you're doing great. I love that you even called. And you have the concern it'll get better from here. The first step is admitting it. Thanks, James. Thanks for calling. Sex with Emily, right? It's hard.

Yes, it is.

In the bedroom. You don't want to hear it. And no one's ever asked his wife. And since we. So as women, like, one of my things was, like, I felt inferior because I didn't have an orgasm through intercourse. I still, like, I have to work on it. I'd have learned through a G spot vibrator when I started my show. You heard about this morning?

I heard about your G spot finder.

I did.

From your marketing.

From my email from Ken. Oh, you met with Ken, our CEO. My G spot locator.

I was thinking that G Spot gave. Yes. Yeah. The We Vibe. The We Vibe rave actually makes an incredible vibrator. That, to me, is, like, found the G spot. So anyway, I think. I love that James is just knowing that, like, I gotta talk to her about it. But she might not be comfortable. No one's ever asked her, you know?

Well, you know, it's interesting. I was talking to Ken Jay.

Oh, the boyfriend.

But we were doing this. When we were doing the sew event, they were saying that men have a physical of what has happened. I mean, we see a physical result, you know, an orgasm. They don't. So they don't get this affirmation.

So it's like if a woman's not having an orgasm.

Right.

So that's why we fake it.

Like.

Yeah.

There's not, like, a visceral, like, semen. So we can fake it like professionals. So really, I mean, a lot of this stuff is just a breakdown. Like, it's just a breakdown of communication where, you know, women are afraid, but we've been faking it or we don't even know what makes us feel good. So that's a good conversation to have.

Should we take another call? Yes.

Let's talk.

894-78277.

Let's talk to Drew 40, New Mexico. He called in about a previous situation with his girlfriend and wants to give an Update on the one.

All right. Hey, Drew, tell me what's going on. Thanks. I love an update. I love a good update. Well, maybe it's not. We'll see what's going on.

Can y' all hear me?

I got you. Yep.

All right. All right. So today's Wednesday. We was having Taco Tuesday. Yesterday at my place, I was having a good time.

I miss Taco Tuesday.

She tells me the way I make her feel. She doesn't like that feeling anymore, and she can't stop that feeling. Therefore, she cannot be with me anymore.

Wait, what?

What feeling doesn't she like?

That you give her the constant squirting feeling.

Okay, Becca. Oh, right. Drew, the puppy pads for the bed. The squirting. Right.

Yes.

Drew, my man. Puppy pads. Wait, but, Drew.

Back up.

Back up, Drew. Okay, Drew. His girlfriend squirts a lot. And then at first, it was a problem because it was so much squirting. And then we tried to come up with solutions, like putting down towels or maybe puppy pads or a squirt blanket, and it was great. And you were into it and accepting. And now she says that. That you're making her squirt too much.

Yeah. She told me that she didn't like the feeling anymore and that she had to end the relationship because she couldn't. She could not stop it. She didn't like it anymore.

True. It has nothing to do with you, per se.

No, no.

Well, she said, enough with this squirting.

You're.

Enough with you too much.

You can have a line of women.

Yeah, you'll have a line.

True. I mean, I wish I was a dating service.

I really.

I really didn't even. I didn't get mad because, I mean, like, you guys know, like, I was trying to leave that alone already, and I just. I accepted it. But then whenever she said she was done with it, I was just like, all right, well, I guess I can just go back to just, you know, coaching sports and shit. Like, whatever I want to do. Like, I guess.

Whatever.

Oh, are you upset that you hurt, though? I mean, you were into her. You called in, like, three times about it, so. Are you sad? Me? You don't have to say sad. Guys aren't like, yes, I'm sad, but really, that's the most.

I mean, I'm a. I'm a man.

I know, but, Drew, I'm giving you.

Permission to feel emotions, and I'm one of them. Type dude. I wouldn't say sad, but it was like. Like, I did let her meet, you know, my child My little man. And nobody meets my little man.

Yeah, you should wait. You guys were only together a few months, right? Like, for three months now.

About five months or so.

So I don't really. That's an excuse. I don't believe it's because she's squirting too much because she's gonna squirt again. But how are you feeling? So is your question just an update, or are you feeling like you just calling to say, yeah, I'm gonna go on and help other women squirt or what?

No, I don't.

Nothing like that.

Okay.

Honestly, like, I don't really. I don't talk to nobody about this.

Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm here for you. So. Drew, I'm not even. You know. So you're not. You're certain you don't want to be there? Because I'm not sure that I. I don't believe that would be a reason, and it makes me sad. And maybe she did you a favor by leaving, if that is the excuse you're making. Miss. Oh, baby, you make me squirt so good. I'm out.

Makes no sense.

No, we've never heard anything like that. We're shaking our heads here, and to.

Be honest with you, I've never heard that either, but, I mean, I guess it was a first.

But, you know, she's not being honest with herself either. It's not you. You have to make sure that you realize that it's never you. It's the.

It isn't. We all think it's. We all try to figure out, what did I do? How could I be better? How could it be different? Drew, you're making women squirt. So, like, there's no problem with this situation.

That's right. That's a skill. Don't lose it.

Yeah. And just find, you know you want to be. And I love that you've learned how to communicate and talk about these things. So now the next partner you're with, you're going to be even more open from the things we've talked about on the show. You're fine.

I'm pretty sure I will be. I'm probably. It's probably going to be a while because it just kind of sucks starting all that stuff over.

Well, see, I think you're having a little bit of mourning around it because you were into over five months is really. I'm sorry. That's a significant amount of time to spend with someone, so that's okay if you don't rush back into it. But I think we can learn from every relationship we're in, so I definitely agree with that.

You're right about that, Ms. Emily.

I know, Drew. So, you know, don't force yourself to go out on dates and do whatever. Just kind of think about this relationship. What did you learn from it? What would you like in your next partner? And then. And then you're ready to start a date.

But there's no pressure.

I was gonna pick up a part time job and just hang out.

Okay, Drew. Well, take care of yourself. You know that I'm here weekdays to talk to you. All right, Drew. Thanks for calling. All right. Happy almost Valentine's Day. That's when my Michigan accent comes out. Valentine's Day. What? They're raising their hands. All right, should we take another call? You can give us a call. 889-47-8277.

Yeah, I feel like everyone in the room got really excited.

What happened?

One in particular.

I don't know if it's Joe. Okay, so we got Joe, who's 74 in New York.

That's what excited you? Yeah.

And his questions about masturbation and marriage.

Joe, you win, because everyone's excited here. Hey, Joe.

Yes, Hi. Can you hear me?

Yes. We got you.

Hey, Joe.

Okay. Yeah, we married quite a while and we did have Vindic bush and got to the point where we were not really interested in it and we end up masturbating all the time. Is that going to be an issue?

You're masturbating with your partner right now?

Yes. Not. Not right now.

No.

I'm driving car right now.

I have no problem with masturbation. What would be the problem? That you're masturbating instead of having other kinds of sex?

Yes.

Is there a problem?

I would support now that's what we prefer.

Oh, I don't think there's any problem with it. Unless there's a problem. Unless you have a problem with it or she has a problem with it. Zero problem. If you're both leaving and having a good time. That's a great thing about sex. There's no sex police. There's no right way to have sex if you're both having pleasure and you're able to communicate. Communicate about it. I'm going to say that everything's fine. Joe. Yeah.

I think it's wonderful. I think the fact that you're just being intimate.

Yeah.

One other question is I got into cross dressing.

You got into what? A new cross dressing. Okay.

I like doing that. While we're doing the masturbation scene.

Okay.

And she has no problem with it at this point.

Great. Do you?

No, I love doing that.

Great. I love that you're so open. Cross dressing and masturbating with someone who accepts you. This is way more common than you think. And so I'm not gonna. Yeah. I love that at 74, you're expressing yourself. Yes, Jo, do it. I love it.

That's why we got excited. It's beautiful.

Yeah. Jo, you're totally fine. And bring it, like, get more lingerie. Tomorrow's, like, you know, Valentine's Day. They might go on sale with the chocolate on Friday. I don't know. But, like, we all support you, Jo.

That's great.

I love it when people figure out who they are and what they want in bed and with their partner. And it all is fine. It all works out okay. Carolyn and Cindy. Dr. DeLucia and Cindy. Bar ship from V Spot Medispa. V Spot Media. V Spot Medispa.

Medi.

Medi Medical. I get it.

Which is an amazing place that women can go to in New York.

Yeah. For their intimate health and sexual satisfaction. To enhance their satisfaction and just to even, like, find out their options, really.

Their options.

If you have any, like, problem, like, it's great that they, they could call here, really. We have people that come in and we just talk to them about kind of what they went through. It's not always in your head. A lot of times we go through so many different changes that people don't know about, and women suffer in silence. They feel like they're the only ones. Well, I'll just always pee in my pants. No, we don't have to.

Can we talk about that for one second? The peeing, the sneezing and peeing at a certain age and what you can do, because I, I. These technologies, the Emsella sitting on the chair, you can. Women can sit on a chair with their clothes on and then. Then stop sneezing and peeing.

Well, what the chair does is it has an incredible electromagnetic energy, and it forces you very comfortably to Kegel. Are you ready, ladies? 11,200 times in 28 minutes, super maximally. Which means stronger than your body could ever do on its own.

In a lifetime.

In a lifetime. Exactly. It's like 69 hours of Kegeling equivalent in one session. And you do six of these two a week for three weeks. And then maintenance is to come in and sit on the chair fully clothed, fully comfortably, and maintain it every three, four months. And I'm telling you, I have muscles I never even knew I had. I'm like, oh, my goodness. And now I always tease. I can crack a walnut. I haven't tried it yet, but I swear, those muscles are so strong down there.

YouTube video.

Yes. Yes. They can find it. All right. On your side. It's true, right? Oh, soon. You'll have a video of that soon. But it is true. You just go a few times. I've said so many. I want to go sit on your chair tomorrow. Please do. I might just do that. Lifts your butt, too, because I stopped.

Doing it for a little bit because I wasn't peed in my pants anymore.

Okay.

So it just happens to all women. It's gonna over. Type of women don't even know they can do anything about it.

I would say you should start Kegeling at a young age. And then. And this is my personal belief, Kegel. But there's so many different devices out there that track the Kegels if you're doing it right. Because nobody tracks.

We don't do it correctly.

Nobody does. It's almost impossible. But there are some devices I'm trying to remember. There's a tracker to teach you how to Kegel.

Intone.

Oh, intone. The in control.

So it works really well. So you should just.

Yeah, it does.

It does really well. But it's just. You have to get your body used to it just by saying, like, okay, read a book. And there's just such miscommunications on the way to Kegel.

But if we do them too.

Yeah.

And it's just super healthy for you. And it just makes sex better and better.

It does. It does make sex better. More intense orgasms.

And there's a 90% chance that, like, you know, when you get older, you'll be peeing your pants. There's more adult diapers sold in 10 years than baby diapers. So, like, everybody start Kegeling now.

Yeah, I'm doing them right now. Okay, you guys, I have to ask you my five. Thank you guys for coming in. I have to ask you guys the five cookie questions. I ask all of our guys.

Yeah.

Ready? Okay. Biggest turn on. Cindy J. Oh, Carolyn. Biggest turn on.

I guess it would be.

Showing me that I. That you're attracted to me. I think that's the biggest turn on.

Is making me feel desire. Biggest turn off.

Speaking only never being too selfish.

Okay, Biggest turn off for you.

Biggest turn off.

Smelly hygiene.

I'm telling you, hygiene. Okay. What's the sexiest body part to you?

It depends on the person.

All right.

I. Yeah, it Depends. I. I like every body part.

Oh, I feel the same. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like, it really depends.

Okay. What's something random that turns you on?

Random that turns around?

I don't know. Is there anything you're like, oh, lemons.

Or. And. Or your biggest dating deal breaker? I'm giving you options. Well, I like whipped cream. Oh, okay.

I like sexy talk.

Sexy dirty talk.

I like talking about things that I wouldn't. I don't want to do. So I have a question for sex with Emily.

Yes. We're gonna have a break, though, in a minute.

You guys can still have a break.

Then I'll do an episode I don't know have. We're gonna have to take a break. I love you both for being here. Dr. Carol Delucia and Cindy Bar Shop. It's vspot.com vspot.com and if you go to sexy.com, all their information's on there. Their Instagram. You can check out our Instagram. We're gonna be tagging them. All right, guys, thanks for listening. Such a fun show. I love you all. Thanks for supporting it and thank you to my amazing team, Ken, Michelle, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sex with emily.com.

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