7 Dec 2025 · 55 min
In this episode Emily Morse opens with a promotional plug for Bathmate, a hydro‑powered penis pump, and then moves into a New Year’s themed discussion about sexual wellness, dating, and relationship resolutions for 2016. She advertises the Fleshlight and the Sibian sex‑toy, announces the upcoming Sexual Health Expo in Los Angeles, and shares personal anecdotes about past New Year’s parties, her current boyfriend Ross, and her own experiences with codependency. Throughout the show Emily and co‑host Anderson Cowan field listener emails, offering concrete advice on topics such as multiple orgasms, dating multiple people, and navigating codependent patterns. The conversation blends humor, candid personal stories, product endorsements, and actionable tips for singles and couples, all framed as a “sex‑and‑relationship resolution” guide for the new year.
Questions this episode answers
Emily identifies this as classic codependency, traces it to childhood wounds, and recommends therapy to unpack those patterns, plus honest communication with the partner about the issue and asking for patience while she works on self‑discovery.
Emily advises patience, staying present, focused breathing, varying clitoral and peripheral stimulation, using lube or a small vibrator, taking short breaks, and practicing the “cliteracy” technique to train the body for successive peaks.
Emily says early on you don’t need to disclose unless asked; once intimacy is on the table, be transparent about dating others and use protection. If feelings develop for more than one person, ensure everyone is on the same page and can consent to a poly‑dating arrangement.
Chapters
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Happy New Year's lovers. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Okay, the new year is right around the corner and you know what time it is. It's time to start thinking about 2016. How can you be the best lover and dater in the upcoming year? So today we'll be talking about sex, dating and relationship resolutions that everyone should be making and share tips on how to make them count. Plus, we'll be answering your emails. It's going to be a great show. Thanks for listening. Okay guys, I got a personal question for you. Has your self loving felt a little, how do we say, lackluster lately? Are you looking for a way to mix up your masturbation? Okay, well I will tell you the number one sex toy for men and the only one you want is the Fleshlight. How's this? Think about it. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could feel the pleasure of having sex anytime? Even if you don't, you don't have a partner. The Fleshlight makes his dream come true. It is a masturbation sleeve that you solo or with a partner that simulates the sensations of real sex. And it was engineered to look and feel like the real deal. And it really does. You guys gotta check these things out. And you can check out my Instagram and Facebook and all that stuff. Exwithemily and Twitter, we show a lot of great videos and pictures of them. Between the Fleshlight stamina training unit, you can last longer in bed. The flight, it's a little more discreet. And now omg, there's the quick shot. And it looks like a little camera lens. It's an open ended masturbator and it's great. It's like the size of your hand and it can help you with self pleasure. Can help your partner give you a great blowjob or hand job. It is the hand job helper. Check it out. Every woman has dildo. Every man should have one of these. Go to sexwithemily.com Click on the Fleshlight banner, use code Emily and get a free bottle of their award winning flesh lube. Thanks for listening.
Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.
A girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage?
Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.
Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?
Oh my God, I feel so good.
Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.
You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com we have a new website. You're gonna love it. Check it out. Sign up for our mailing list. Don't miss our amazing emails, the blogs we post, everyday videos, and these podcasts. So thanks everyone for supporting the show. It's been a wonderful 10th year.
What's the new website?
It's just a new brand new website. It's the same website. So much more. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. Sex Only.com for 10 years. But it's just going to be, you know, we've got thousands of podcasts and blogs and videos and it's just going to be easier to navigate and it looks great. You're going to love it. And also everyone's been asking me about the live Podcast. That from the show me about the live show podcast. And that's going to be coming out the 5th of January. I know. You can't wait. It's exciting. I know. I think it's great. No, just because we, you know, we wanted to put together for you all because that was a great night. We already talked about it on a previous show, so we have to get into it. But I have to have some good shows that have come out this week, coming out next week that you're all gonna love. I had the Swingers on Holly and Mike. That was a great show. What?
Ponytail?
No. Ponytail.
Ponytail.
No. They're the ones from Playboy radio. They're the ones that I went to this swinger party with.
Anything weird, though? Do you, like, braid his pubes or anything?
They are the most normal couple that I actually want to hang out with them. I am friends with them. Really smart. Yeah, it was fun. So it's been a really good show. Okay, so Happy New Year's coming up.
Thank you. It's a couple days away and what.
Are you going to do?
I don't know. I might be an old man and stay inside and just drink inside where it's cheap and safe.
That makes sense.
I might go see my favorite comedian who's playing at the Orpheum, Bill Burr.
Oh, he's amazing.
Do tickets? No, but I'm sure I can.
Is it hard to get tickets?
Probably. He's doing two shows. I'd like to do the later show.
He's funny. I've met him. He's amazing.
The best.
See, that's the thing about New Year's. I think you have to learn this.
It's a lot of pressure.
Sort of a rite of passage you got to go through and have a lot of bad New Years and a lot of pressure and the hype, and you're like, oh, my God. It's like crazy. It's like driving around. I'm drunk and I lost my friends and party sucked and they spent way too much money.
I used to go to Vegas every year.
Oh, God. Sounds like awful makeup.
Make out with randoms.
Oh, that's fun.
Yeah, that's fun. In the middle of the street.
Yeah. But I think that you realize eventually that New Year's, hopefully, maybe you never do, but it is sort of an amateur night thing. And when you're with your. I just think it's important to be with people you like. Use good friends. Even if you stay home, stay with friends, have a party, go to one place that you like. And do that. But don't put so much pressure on yourself that it has to be like this perfect evening. Because it can be a cluster.
Get like a little blow. Pick a location. Don't try and do too many locations. Have a couple.
Don't do too many drugs.
Chipagne on hand.
Exactly.
Do it respectfully.
Right. I don't even put my pressure. I don't even. I don't pressure myself.
When I was single, man, it was brutal. You'd be like, what? I gotta do something. It's got to be great. It's got to be a fantastic, memorable night. I. I gotta hook up, I gotta do this, gotta do that. Like a checklist. And I would just freak myself out.
Yeah, it's like. Yeah. But even if you're. I guess if you're in a relationship or single, you always think like, it's got to be a whole thing. And I get. If you're. Say yeah, you're right. Single, you want to be fun. Go out with your friends. But then, okay, well, San Francisco was different. But when I was. It was like this before Uber, but you could never get a cab. You'd be stranded, freezing. Oh, yeah. It'll be like 8.5 the fair times. The higher the fair. I don't know what I'm doing it though. I'm. It's. Maybe I'll go with you to the comedian. Can I go with your wife?
See Bill Burr be the third wheel. It'd be awesome.
I just want to say you don't have plans yet.
How does sex with Emily not have plans yet?
Well, I'm going to go out with my guy that I'm dating. Ross.
All right, well, I thought you were going to be a third wheel. What's going on now you have other plans? You're already standing me up.
Maybe I'll go with you.
That was the quickest stand up ever.
No, maybe we'll go with. We don't have a plan. But he's looking to music. What should we do? Everyone thinks that I have all the.
Where's Ross from?
He's from Danville, the Bay Area.
What in the world is Danville?
It's like a suburb outside of.
All right, so you guys are both like from outside these parts?
No, I mean, he's lived here for a few years and. He lived here. He went to school here. But I, you know, then he came and moved back. We met looking for apartments when we were both moving from San Francisco. So we had that in common. I'm not sure yet, but I'M not putting pressure on myself. And the holidays, I'm gonna be here too, which I kind of like.
Cause what you should find like a New York theme place and just like bring in the New York New Year and then just be done with it and go home early.
So true. It's so funny. One of my friends with kids was telling me, she goes, oh my God, it's so fun. We do the best thing ever. I'm like, what? She's like, well, we like have all of our kids over, like, you know, cause they're best friends or their neighbor and we get kids and then we like pretend at like five o', clock, that's like nine. And we just drink like crazy. And then we just go home and pass out at like 8. And the kids go to bed and it's fun.
That's like. That's an adjustment. A late game adjustment that you make when you're a parent.
When you're a parent. Right, exactly. My parents would just leave me and come home like three days later. But that's.
Oh, then you'd have a party at your house.
No, I never did. I was a really good kid and my parents are divorced. They'd leave me alone.
People that have parties at their house are desperate. I was always the desperate kids that would have.
Or their parents just don't care.
And they really wanted to have friends, so they'd let people come into their parents house when their parents are out of town. It was always the sad people, you think?
No, it was the fucked up kids who drank a lot and partied a lot, it seemed.
No, those are the ones that showed up at the house. The people that were actually having the party. At least for my growing up. And then like people would be stealing VCRs and stuff. It was just sad.
Yeah, the VCR, it was very sad. You know what's so funny? So your friend Mike Carano, our friend Mikey, he. I love Mike. Mike Carano's amazing. How can people find him if they want to check out how amazing to.
Him on the After Disaster Weekly with.
Myself is Anderson's killer podcast. I told you, I want to start tweeting out your texted you last night.
Yeah, you texted me last night. Late, late night. And you said to send me your podcast.
Yeah, it made no sense.
Send me your podcast because I want to tweet it out, which is really sweet, but I don't like. Do you want me to put it on a disc?
And me, because I was like, God, my listeners love you. You make you do good. But you make great podcasts and people should know. And sometimes I think that podcasts are becoming.
Speaking of podcasts, let me just slip this in real quick.
Remember my Quran. Okay, go ahead.
Last week on the Film Vault. I don't know if you know, but I did Star Wars. I saw Star wars before it came out.
So I got you because I said.
Or I post you roasted Tarantino's new ones. But I'm really careful. I don't spoil anything because people are spoilers. But you know, I just give you an overall vibe and it's good. The Star wars fans are going to be happy. Many of them have already seen it at this point, but does not disappoint. And it's way better than all of those horrific prequels that came out.
Em, really?
Prequels were terrible. No sex in any of them.
It's all the same people, right? From Star wars, like from the early Star wars who were still.
There's a lot of recurring characters.
Okay. You talk about it on the after disaster, the film Vault.
The full vault. And the After Disaster. We talk about how my cat brought in a frickin parrot.
You told me that she killed someone's.
Someone's pet.
Your cat is dangerous. But anyway, your buddy Mike, speaking of VCRs, what'd you say? VHS. Whatever you said VHS is that he gave me was so sweet because from the live show he brought me. Remember he came to Loveline. He brought me CDs and photo.
Yeah.
Who is a CD player? I have a MacBook Air. There is no C. There's an adapter.
You got like a Mac. I'm sure that there's in your office.
But like it didn't work. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Give it to me. I'll deal.
There is no cd. But what I'm saying is I felt bad because you know Mike, he was so sweet. It took me four days to figure out to get a CD player to.
Oh, you figured out.
I did and they were great. And they look good.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, I just wanted.
Do I look okay? How do I look?
Oh my God. So good. I'll show you after they're on my laptop. Okay. So anyway, what I want to talk about and it was good to see you wasted the other night.
I was not wasted.
The best part is I texted you last night. You're like. It was fun that you wasted. You go. I was. I wasn't even.
I saw you in the beginning when you were with Anna David. I saw Emily and I were at the Same concert a few weeks ago.
Acoustic Christmas.
Acoustic Christmas. And, yeah, I had, like, three beers in me at that point. I was. I was beating up.
Sure.
Yeah.
Okay. Because I was like, wow, Anderson's a good time.
I was hammered, though, later.
Yeah, I did not know. That's why I said we should party together.
I thought you were drinking too, right?
I have, like, two drinks.
Emily, like, inhales a little vodka, and she's drunk.
Oh, my God. I had. Do you remember that love line we had? There's something called the Open Forum where people call in for half hour about things. One topic, like, have you ever cheated on your partner? And how'd it work out? So we did blackout sex, remember? And I was like, I don't black out. I don't know. And Drew's like, jews don't black out. Like, we were kidding.
Jews don't blackout.
Well, typically, this is a very. This is not true. This is a Jews tend not to drink stereotype. Or not huge drink. I know many Jewish alcoholics, but I'm not Mana Shavitz. Every night I had blackout sex. I had two dirty martinis, and one was very strong, and I had sex. And I.
The other night when I saw you.
No, another night. I wasn't that drunk that night. This was like, a week ago. I went to go see the guy Ross, who plays in a band, and I.
What's he play?
Bass guitar.
Not bad. Not bad.
No. He's been playing his whole life. Like, he's amazing. Amazing. He was in band before he became a doctor, but I was by myself. I mean, a bunch of people were there, but I just went and I. The drink was so strong. And we went home, and I. In the morning, I was like, did we have sex? And I saw the condom. I was like, oh, yeah. And it was a little bit blackout. And I just want to tell you that it happened to me. I feel like it was a little late, but it happened. And I'm like, I'm not a drinker. I don't like it. I didn't like being hungover. I can't drink. I can't do anything. I can't see that.
You just think of a client.
I'm like a nun. I'm sober, but I'm working out a lot. So, you know, hey, I don't know. I just want to tell you that I'll never forget.
Katy Perry came on Loveline a number of years ago, and she was telling me that she hates drinking because it makes her feel nervous. The next day, I'm like, suck it up and be a little nervous every now and then.
The thing is, I want to get up early, work out. I don't like it.
Hey, I like the idea that you woke up and you saw a condom and you had no recollection and you didn't immediately start throwing your shoes at your boyfriend.
Why?
Why the fuck is there a condom? You just assume that it's no.
I knew. And then it all came back to me. I remember it. I'm like, was it good? But it just sounds very young. But it was funny because that just. I shouldn't drink. But anyway. But I don't drink that often. It was weird.
You don't.
I got drunk last night.
You're like, why don't we have a party? I'm like, cause you don't.
I know you don't. So lame. But I want to. I'm a good time when I don't black out. One more thing I gotta say before we get into some really juicy New Year stuff for you guys. Cause this year, 2016, is gonna rock your world. After I'm done with you. Sexual Health Expo. January 16th and 17th. It's in LA at the Universal Hilton Hotel. Universal City. Where is that Anderson?
It's like, it's right by Universal CityWalk, Universal Studios, right off the 101, just north of Hollywood, right?
So it's like around this area. And here's the thing. Sexual.
It's a good Hilton too.
Yeah, I've been talking about it for a year now. Because actually, fourth Expo, the first one was in LA last January, and then it got so popular, we did it in three other cities. And people are just like, love it. Because there's nothing else like it. For two days, the top sex educators will teach you for an hour each. They have like 15 different sessions in two days about everything you want to know in a very short amount of time. The best educators, plus all the cool products. I talk about new ones, you can touch them, feel them, ride them. There's a Siby in there you can ride.
Can you blow them?
You could blow someone. It's gonna be great. So anyway, I want to meet you all and I'm gonna do a live show there with Anderson. You don't know this yet? Are you in town?
I was not familiar with this idea.
I meant to ask you, when is it? It's the 16th and 17th. Just one of those days for like.
Three hours of January.
Two hours?
Yeah, of Jan. I have to check my schedule.
Okay. Menace is checking too.
Oh, are we finally gonna fight.
You guys are gonna be the time. I have great pictures of us. But anyway, I'm giving away tickets for two people. They're each good for a couple or your friend. Anything. Feedbackexwithamily.com Anything, anyone. Bring your dog. Bring Stanley. I said that each ticket is good for two people. And email me why you want to go. Why should you get this free ticket? Just might get one. That's what I say about that. I've got a little bit of sex in the news.
Sweet.
I think this is a funny one. Yeah, I think it's interesting. I read it. I'm like, really?
You think I'm going to like it? Because ever since your exclamation marks a couple weeks ago, dude, that's given us.
A lot of material.
It has. Every time I'm texting anyone now, my thumb is going back and forth like, do I do it? Do I do it? I don't know what to do now.
We had a study that said people who use periods, people who use punctuation are assholes. And I realized that upon quickly scrolling my recent messages from Anderson, that he always ends in periods. Yes. However, he's not an asshole. Empirically, you are. Maybe to others, but not to me. Okay, so we loved that sex the news story. Okay, so startup to offer $10,000 to couples who don't get divorced. A startup company is offering couples the chance to be rewarded for their commitment, offering free loans towards a dream wedding for any couples willing to stay together for the rest of their lives.
Well, isn't that the idea for everybody?
Swan Love, a startup based in Seattle, believes everlasting marriage should be rewarded, offering couples a loan of 10,000 towards the wedding of their dreams. The loan is free for couples who remain married, but any couples divorce have to pay back the full loan with interest. According to the company's website, the winning applicants are chosen using an algorithm based on assessment of online data, like a predictors, perhaps that these couples are going to be a success. They said that the data found while selecting applicants helps determine the rate of interest applied to the loan. So if they seem like they're kind of iffy, you get like a higher. I don't know.
Sounds racist.
It comes to the stats, we have all the right odds, so we'll be okay. In addition to 10,000, they provide free marriage counseling. They're gonna launch in mid February, but they're accepting applications. But here's my issue. I think that marriages are more likely to last than a startup. Let's just put it that way it's a frickin startup. What are the chances of startups lasting? So it says we want you to last forever. I don't know, the startup's gonna be around. I would take the money.
What if we want you to start up and last forever?
Swan. Yeah, exactly. Swan.
How about I'll give you a $5,000 loan if you don't defunct and default on all of your loans to people.
Most businesses fail, what, in the first three to five years?
Especially when they're called Swan.
Yeah, love, luv. Oh, I know.
God, Swan. Come on.
Right, so like really, Swan, if you're around like I'll just get married to get the 10,000.
I do like the concept. I like the concept.
I do too.
Given $10,000 and then as soon as one of the people, one of the couple or one of the, one of the partners dies, you actually get to keep the money.
Right?
Like I made it all the way to the end. She's dead.
I wonder what happens if like, well, he died. What am I supposed to do? I get the money.
It's just, I guess it's just a zero.
I wonder if there's stipulations. Yeah, I guess so. But I mean, no, I liked it that they're like, hey, let's do a feel good startup so we can decrease the divorce rate. I mean, they do talk about those studies of, you know, arranged marriages and stuff that people are more likely to stay together.
That's weird.
I mean, that's a little different than.
You know, why that is.
I think that's the hype and the buildup.
Well, anyone who's willing to go along with a arranged marriage is probably somebody who's gonna put up with a lot, you know what I mean?
But it's kind of like you don't have as many options. You're kind of like, this is what I gotta do. Even if it's your religion, but you kind of make it work. Maybe that was about different kind of apples and oranges thing, but what I'm saying is anything that. Because that seems to have good stats, which is not that I want to be an arranged marriage, but I just like their whole mission is like, I'm gonna do a startup, I could do an app or I could help people stay together and be happy. So maybe I don't need a bash.
Maybe you need an arranged thing there.
You know, I got approached to be in a reality show. Do you know that reality show about arranged marriages?
No.
Me neither. But I don't know what it's called.
Recent dude reality program.
You know? You know, I don't watch tv.
I do watch Survivor.
I. I was approached and they, like, I went through the process casting, and they were like, want you to be in this. And I was like, yeah, I'd be down, but I don't remember what happened. I think I did my other rally show.
How long ago is it? Oh, this is years ago.
No, I was like, no. Ms. Advise came out in 2000. My. I did a rally show in Bravo. You can buy it at itunes. If you are dying to see me on television or you're like a hippie.
Dippy woman on that show.
Kinda. I mean, I'm San Fran. Am I different than I am now?
Oh, I don't know.
I think I'm a hippie. I got. My friends are like, you're such a hippie. But I don't think I'm happy.
Yeah. Everything goes.
But when I was in. It doesn't matter. But 2011, maybe.
Okay. And I think it's gonna set you up with somebody.
Yeah. Like, you have like, one date and then you get married. I mean, the whole thing is crazy. I just went through because, like, I. It's just like any job interview day. I'm like, I'll try. I'll try this. I wasn't looking to be on a rate. It just kept coming to me.
I'm glad that it fell through.
Thank you, honey. So here I am, single. No, I'm in a relationship. I keep calling myself single.
You're with a dude who plays guitar and he's a doctor.
He's hot. Come on.
I mean, you slip that in, like. And I. I realized it was a humble brag and you were doing it.
I'm not bragging.
Real, like, coy and off the cuff. But, yeah, you know, he's been playing guitar since before he was a doctor.
Which is funny because you're like, what.
Did you say before he was a doctor? Because, I mean, he was a lot of things before he was. You know what I mean?
Well, no, it's funny because I wasn't. I'm the least bragging person. But when you said, oh, guitar, like, it's cute. It's his hobby. But he's been playing, like, since he was 16 and he was in a band for 10 years. And then, you know, before he was a doctor. Before he was a doctor. Okay, enough about that. I talk about him way too much right now. It's the most I've actually ever mentioned someone's name.
What's that.
That I'm dating on the show.
Ross, Ross, Ross, Ross.
Right now, when we break up, it's just gonna be weird.
Oh, it'd be sad.
I'm kidding. He doesn't listen. We're not breaking up. Okay, so are you sure he doesn't listen? Okay, you heard my.
Yeah. Emily's has. I mean, she has a history of dating guys who say they never listen but she always finds out they do. So if that's Ross, probably listens.
I don't think he has. Maybe he hasn't talked to me about it. I love you, Ross. How's that? Wow. I really hope he doesn't listen to me.
There's nothing wrong.
No, he's adorable. I adore him. But here's the other thing, is that there's the me. Like, he came to one of my things once when I was speaking and teaching and you've met him a few times when we were speaking. I was speaking something. And he's like, it's just, like. It's just weird because there's, like, the sex with Emilyu and then there's the U. I'm like, but it's no different. Like, if I'm teaching. Like, he was like, a hustler workshop. I'm like, but. Or if he listens to me on the show. Like, one time we got in a fight about something. I don't remember this. Or we broke up and he was like, well, you didn't talk about that.
I'm like, oh, he does listen.
This was a while ago. I'm like, what am I gonna get on and go, I'm really sad? I mean, no, I don't talk about that. Barely. This is the most I've ever talked about anything. So. No. What? Tell him something. Do you have a message for him?
Hey, Ross. How are you? I hope to meet you one day. I guess I have a couple times.
But I think if you're listening, just know. But I think that's what he meant was, like, he listens. He's like, you didn't talk about this, Emily. You didn't talk about that. I'm like, I'm doing a show to educate people at sex. Which I haven't even gotten to most of it yet. Yeah.
If you're listening, we caught you. We now know that you listen. All right. Busted.
Okay. I love it. I love if he listens and it makes him happy. Okay. I just want everyone to be happy when you're listening. So here's the other news. If you're unhappy, turn this off sexual objectification, objectifying by committed partner can be beneficial to a woman. So when I think of sexually objectifying a woman, I always think about, oh, you know, someone just saying I just want her for sex or I love her body or she's hot. And it used to be sort of a thing that, you know, God, I feel so objectified. It's a terrible thing. But they're saying this study came out that sexual object, I don't know why I can't say it. Objectification by a fully committed partner, such as a long term boyfriend or husband can be beneficial to women and she might like it. More research on this female sexual object, luckily it's object objectification. But then they go on to call it valuation, which I can actually say throughout the study tends to focus on the negative consequences. That said, a team of researchers from Florida State and Northwestern University recently sought to investigate any possible benefits to sexual objectification. We believed it was important to investigate the implications of it by women's long term relationship partners. And this is so interesting. What they found was it asked men to report the extent to which they sexually valued their wives and asked women to report how committed to the relationship they believed their husbands to be as well as both parties. Overall marital satisfaction. The results showed the wives who felt their husbands were more committed and had higher levels of marital had higher levels of marital satisfaction, were more likely to see their husband's sexual valuation of them as a positive force in the marriage. So women can benefit from it in the context of a relationship. So if you're just dating a guy, you're like, oh, he just thinks I'm hot and only wants my body. But if you're in a committed place, it feels really good to be sexually valued by your partner. In fact, we don't want to be treated like sex objects by anybody. But if we can decide who's going to treat me like a sex object, I want my man to be like, you're so fucking hot every time he sees me. You walk in the door, I want, I want you this amazing. Like that to me is like diamonds for other women.
It's very easy to get it muddled and confused. I think you guys don't wear lipstick and mascara and like push up bras or skimpy so that we look at you and think, oh wow, her personality is awesome.
No, I mean I want you to think that.
But you guys all want to be objectified to it to an extent with.
The person I love, love or like I want.
But that's how you're gonna get the person in the door.
Right? But that. Right. And if it's something you don't like, you don't. But what I'm saying is, even when you're with somebody, and this is my message to men, even if you're with somebody and you're committed and you love her and you're like, she knows I think I hot. She's. She knows I think she's hot. She knows that I value her. She knows that I think. And this is, this might sound really superficial, she knows I think she's prettier.
She probably doesn't feel pretty all the time.
She needs to hear it. Not. And some women aren't confident. I'm not saying all women, but many women just, we put a lot. I can't even tell you how much. Just being a woman, you don't have to do any of the stuff we do. The nails, the hair, the wax.
I used to be vain.
So you're very hot. I just said to you, I used.
To go to like dating salons and stuff. I was vain. I had a chick brain for a minute there, right?
But we all want to hear it. And so if you're with your partner, I haven't told her lately that, you know, I'm really attracted to her. You know, or when you're in bed, you're like, God, your body just really turns me on. When you're, when you're feeling that and you're thinking it, just say it.
Just say it feels good. If you're feeling it, might as well say it. Unless you're dating or married to a very stuck up bitch and then maybe knock her off of her pedestal.
See? Okay, so Menace, you know Menace. Yes. Menace has a theory that, and we've been arguing about this for. Debating this for years, he's like, no, because I always talk about complimenting a woman 10 times a day. And people, you're big. 10 times, I agree. But if you do it twice, I'm happy. So I'm just saying 10. And if you do it twice, it's fine. But just because you look nice tonight, by the way. Thank you.
I like your blazer.
I just say I believed you. Look how gullible I am. This is a new blazer. Can I tell you? Look at my face. I was like, that's so sweet. I'm really tired. I haven't slept. You're so sweet, Anderson. And you look really tan.
You look good, though.
Thanks. And so the point is. Oh, he was. I did. I was like oh, my God, Tell me more. So. So he said he was like, no, you know, you can't tell bitches that they look hot because then they'll just think they got you wrapped around their finger. Like, that was his thing. And I'm like, if you think that, then you're an idiot. Then you're not confident. You're not in a good relationship. So. Okay, now we're gonna move on to a very important part of the show, and this is our sex and dating resolutions.
Okay.
Okay.
For the new year.
For the new year. It's the new year. And here's the thing. The New Year's is loaded, right? It's time for reflection. We look back on the year, we think about, what did we do? What didn't we do? We try to set goals for the new year. And then this whole resolution thing. Do you set New Year's resolutions?
There's so many different places you can do in your life, too. Like, why not do it on your birthday?
I know.
You know what I mean? That's a little more accurate. Makes more sense. But you know what makes sense with New Year's resolution, especially with vices and whatnot, is right after the holidays, there's not much going on in the month of January or February. You've already got all your boozing behind you with New Year's and Christmas and the, like, in laws and all that stuff. So it's kind of a convenient time to try and.
Are you gonna try to quit smoking in this year?
In February? Because I can't do it with the.
January's too tough.
It's too tough.
Yeah.
I gotta quit smoking and drinking and everything else.
I think you quit last February.
Yeah, probably.
Yeah. Awesome. Well, good luck with that. But that's the thing, is that there's so much pressure, you know? And I feel like it's also like, God, you know, if you ever made one and stuck with it, you know, and if you make one and you stick with it, it's almost worse because. And you don't. Because you don't stick with it. You're like. You might even be like, I'm not ever doing it again.
Depressed. Yeah.
But I want to give you some doable. Yeah, you do. And I always. I used to do it all the time. Like, eff it. Like, I just try to live a good life and make changes.
Too much pressure on yourself. You can't do that.
Exactly. You're like, you got to smoke 18 cigarettes on December 31st or whatever. I have to eat 16.
That would be good. Like, I only smoked 18 today. It's not bad. I'm doing better.
But I want to give you some doable resolutions that will enhance your sex life and love life, whether you're single or in a relationship. So do me a favor. I want you to take a look at where you're at now. Maybe you're single and you want to date more. You want to meet more variety of people. Maybe you want to date less and just focus in on one person. Maybe you're in a relationship and it's, you know, gotten a little stale. Or maybe it's really heating it up and you hope it stays away. Wherever you're at right now, take a look at it and think about some kind of resolution you can make that will improve this part of your life that is so important. Because I know you think it's important because if you didn't, you wouldn't be listening to the show. So here's a few things you can do, and these are easy, so doable, so fun. And email me. Okay, here's another thing. After you make this resolution, I want you to email me feedbackexwithamily.com I won't even share it unless you want me to. And that is a commitment to me that you've made it. And then I'm going to follow up with you. How's that? I'm going to follow up with you.
Is this your own resolution?
No, that. I'm just telling them I'm going to. So you made that commitment to me, and I've got my staff. They're gonna read it, we're gonna mark it, and then in three months, I'm following up with you. But if you're single, okay, I've got tips for singles make. And you want to find someone and you want to date. Make it your second job, okay? Tell everybody you know, that you're single. Put it out to the universe. Put out to your various groups of friends, you know, because people are wherever they live, worst town to date in. And.
Wait, wait, what worst town?
Everyone says it's the worst town. I can't find anybody. And I just think wherever you go, there you are. There's single people everywhere, and people love talking about how bad it is. And I always say, well, look at you. Like, what are you doing to find yourself?
You're the common denominator there.
You are the common denominator. Believe me, you can date on. People say dating online sucks because everyone's bigger, better deal. At least you've got options. People do meet online. So make a commitment to date online. Make a goal that you're gonna go on one day a week, duty date. Even if you don't, you're like, I don't know. Just make yourself go out with that person. Because it's like, take every job interview. Like, see how you can learn on the job. Talk to one, you know, whatever. Make. Go on one match a week or get fixed up again. These. Take a new class. Do that. This could be part of your resolutions. I wanted to sew or I'm gonna go back to the gym. Commit to one class. Something that you could do that's different, where you're not hanging out with your friends. Yoga class, dude, yoga. The girls are doing the downward dog. And it's like you get those tons.
Of girls in there and they're all like, in touch with their bodies.
It's true. And yoga is good for you. Like, yoga is actually very healing.
For menu, add on one, please. You don't want to sound like, like you're desperate, though. I get when you're. If you're telling everybody that you're single on a regular basis. I got friends like that in my life and they're pathetic. So don't, don't like, you know, I.
Mean, I'm talking about your best buddies that you respect and you like their friends. Not randos at work. Not your.
Like, I think it's easier for girls.
No, but even. Okay, I'm sure you have a few close friends. You must. Cousins live in your area.
Who else? She's not talking to me.
She's talking to me. I'm talking to you guys. And if you. Next time with them, you're like, you know what? They might know you're single because everyone knows you're single. Probably. But say, you know what? Do you know anyone single? Do you know anyone? Because think about it. I'd love to be fixed up. That to me, is not desperate. It's like. And they might not at that moment, but guess what? Next week they might be somewhere and they meet someone. They're like, oh, my God, my buddy. My buddy Joe is awesome. Do you want to go out there? And that's how it happens. It's not just gonna fall down your lap, down the chimney, like Santa. Okay, so also masturbate. This is a great time to masturbate if you are single, especially if you're a woman. I know if you're a guy, you probably are. But if you're a woman and you. You wanna keep those engines going, you Wanna feel primed for sex? If you're just like, eh, I'm not gonna do it till I'm with someone. You know, it's like exercise. The more you exercise, the more you want to. When you masturbate, you're like getting like erotic pleasure. You're getting all turned on. You can learn your body more, get a new toy. Also working out. I'm telling you, the gym will improve your confidence. So if you've also been feeling like, lower libido, not in the mood. When you work out, you'll feel healthier and therefore you'll be more ready and likely to date. But that goes back to like New Year's resolutions, the gym.
I'm sorry, but once again, reasonable, reasonable goals. And like the gym, these are so reasonable. Might not be affordable, or it might not be an option. Every day because of time, a 20 to 30 minute walk is the same.
Count the steps exactly. Okay, so those are for singles. That is easy. So I want you guys to pick one of those and do that and commit to me. Relationships. Okay, if you're in a relationship, here's a great thing to do. Make a resolution with your significant other. Make a coupled resolution. Think about milestones.
Coupled.
Coupled.
A cuckold.
No, if you're in a relationship, think about it like, where do you want to be in two months, six months, 12 months? You know, frame it as a. Actually, since all of you email me most. A lot of my emails are from listeners who are in a relationship who aren't quite sure how to approach a certain subject with their partner, whether it's sex or dating or, you know, needs being met or not being met. This is such a good way to do it because you could say, you know, it'd be so fun, sweetie, let's do a resolution for our relationship. And it's much easier way to discuss what you look for, what you're looking forward to in the new year, than to talk about like, oh, this sucks. And that sucks. So make this a fun discussion as it always should be when you're talking about, like mixing up sex or relationships, or make it light. And from what I hear, like I said, most of you there is talking to your partner isn't so easy. So it's a great exercise to get what you want sexually and romantically. Try one thing in the bedroom. Here's the thing. You know what, honey? Let's do a bucket list. You could do this on New Year's Eve. You know, let's write down five things we want to try. You can go to a sex toy store. You can buy my book Hot Sex. Anderson loves it. He has it at his nightstand. It has 200 things in it.
It's in my oven.
It's in his oven. Watch porn together. Say, let's wrap up our favorite. You know, let's watch our favorite sex scenes in a movie. Listen to the film bald. Didn't you just do something on the best sex scenes?
Yeah, we did best nude scenes. And I disturbingly had nothing but dick.
I know. You know what? And like, look, plan weekends away. Like, make a resolution that you're gonna spend more quality time together. Get it? You know? And again, this is not for people who have so much money. You could get an Airbnb in your neighborhood. I don't care. Get away from the kids for a night. You know, turn off your phones when you're together. Just say something like one in a week. Phone's off. So pick one of those that will improve your. That will be the what you need to reignite your relationship and to just make a resolution. So when you look back on it in three months, you're like, oh, there is some progress. Okay, who's doing that? Email me. Anderson, which one of those are you gonna do?
I'm gonna master a bit more.
Okay.
At yoga club.
Speaking of which, I definitely have to say that in 2015, my body.
Had a lot to learn and I didn't even think that it was possible. But the Sibian is a thing that I'm so grateful for. It will 100% push the needle in your sex life and your sexual satisfaction, whether you're single or in a relationship. The six month I've had it, I've experienced things. Like I said, I did not know possible. If you told me in June that I'd be having these kinds of orgasms when also while during intercourse and on the Sibian, I would not have believed you. Because the Sibian is a full on sexual experience because it has a mount. It's the only one in the planet that has the unique mountable design that actually simulates the feeling of cowgirl woman top where most women are likely to orgasm. That's why he invented it 30 years ago. And the cool thing is you can customize it. It's your own experience. And if you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, you can learn on the Sabian how to do it with your partner. He can be there holding you, touching you, rubbing you, and then you transfer that to your partner. Repeated rides on the Sibian can train your body to orgasm. It's a muscle that you haven't used yet with your partner. Perhaps if you can't orgasm easily during intercourse, or you just want to experience different things. Check it out. And here's a testimonial from the webcibian website. Having been with my wife before and after using the Sibian, you can't even compare the two. We had a healthy sex life, such a healthy sex life, and now it's gone to incredible heights. It made sex more enjoyable now because of the way her body responds. Rick and Shannon. So to hear what other happy customers have to say, go to cibian.com. that's S-Y-B-I-A-N.com and is a special treat. It you get 75 off your first order with code EMILY. 75. Check it out.
Okay, you know what?
M. Tell me, baby.
The other day I said I corrected someone, which I rarely correct people because I think it's snobby and gauche. But somebody was saying the juju. And I said, this is Jeju.
Jeju? Yeah.
Oh, my God. I'm like the sex expert guy now because of sex with Emily.
Who brought it up?
Some dude.
He just said the juju.
He said he was gonna get one for his wife and he Juju and actually, no. It was on the film vault. Oh, it was on the film vault was. It wasn't on there. It was some dude. It was Brian, my co host, and he.
Right, okay. So Jesu means to play in French.
They make my favorite juju. And I corrected him. Then I realized I'm like, oh, no. I'm like the weird dude that knows.
Dude, I've been talking about it. That's hilarious. I love the JJU's. I love the Mimi. But they have a new line called Ooh by Jeju.
Oh, that's gonna be.
And oh, that's what I gave my chrono. Is he gonna be mad about this? But I did give one to his girlfriend.
He doesn't have a girlfriend.
Oh, well, his friend.
Okay.
Because he's like, did pictures and they were really nice. I'm like, do you know anyone who wants sex toys? And he gave it to his friend.
She pays people in sex toys. It's really awkward at the toll booths.
I do. It is awkward. But anyway, it's U by Jae Joo. It's so cool because it has the motor that I love in the jeju. I wasn't even talking about it. But it has three pop tops or two pop tops. You could change it. It could be insertable it can be a cock ring. Just check it out.
All right.
Okay, ready? Here we go. So everyone emails. Thanks for emailing me. Feedbackexwithemily.com tell me where you're from, how old you are, how you listen to the show. And just do it. Do it. It's easy. Okay.
Keeping male or female, sometimes we have a hard time.
You know what? It's true. One of these emails was tricky. So yeah, it's helpful. You don't have to use your real name, but if your name is like Sam or Bob.
No, Bob doesn't work. Alex.
You could say I'm a 27 year old female or male.
So put M or F or N A. Yeah.
God, we're making it so complicated. Give your Social Security number.
No, don't do that. I don't like numbers.
Dick pics. Just kidding. Hey, Emily.
She gave me a wink just now, so I don't think she's kidding.
Boys, my Name's Manny. I'm 27 and I really appreciate you and your show. I've been listening for years. I used to listen to Loveline too, as a teen, and it really helped me understand what to expect in dating and relationships. So I have an amazing girlfriend I've been with for two years. I say with because she lives in the UK and I live in SoCal. It really sucks, but we're making it work. She's going to grad school in New York in August and I'm planning to move there around the same time. I'm really excited about this opportunity in my life. I love this woman and feel that New York can give me the fresh start I've been longing for. My issue is that I have a tendency to create a more of an interdependent type of relationship. I put their needs before mine, but I end up resenting the person I'm with because I feel like I'm losing my autonomy and that I'm always doing the 8020 rule. Doing the 80 of the 8020 rule. I really see a future with this one, Em, and I don't want to mess it up. What do you suggest? Thanks for all you do. Shout out to Anderson. That guy's a G. Yo, Manny. Take care. Okay, Manny. Few things. The 8020 rule. I always hear that in business, like you're supposed to spend 80% of your time on your clients who are bringing whatever. Whatever the business that's your most profitable. Yeah, yeah. So he's saying. What he's saying is he's spending more time on her than he is on himself. So this is a classic case of codependency. Okay? So for those who don't know, because it is a very confusing term to people because it's meant, you know, there is some debate about it, but really the bottom line, codependence is the pain that a lot of us experience in adulthood and it comes out in relationships. But the reason why codependence happens, it comes from being wounded in childhood, which leads to a high probability of relationship problems and, or addictive disorders later life. And the reason why it's confusing is because like 40 years ago, when they started talking about it, it was really just surrounding alcoholics and people were dating alcoholics, so they just thought it was, oh, I'm codependent because I'm helping him drink. And. But really it's, it's the general population experiences, you know, and, and the thing is, as dysfunctional family, well, they kind of, they do tie it back to people who have, you know, because I'm thinking whose family wasn't a little bit dysfunctional, but you can tie it to like an ill parent or an emotionally abusive parent or a parent with an addiction. So if you are codependent and your relationships, this is something that happens. I'm gonna get to man in a second. Your relationships can become really one sided because you're constantly trying to meet your partner's needs. You're a people pleaser, but then when they don't give back to you, you get frustrated, passive aggressive, your needs aren't met, and it's a very vicious cycle and you get resentful and it can become destructive. And it is a pattern, unfortunately, that is learned in childhood and passed down sometimes from your parents. So, Mani, here's the deal. I have to give you just great kudos. When I was reading your email, I was like, wow, Manny, like, that's really mature. You're 27 years old, very insightful. And that's the first step in recognizing and fixing the problem that you are admitting that you have an issue here. And the only way to tackle this is to get your butt into therapy. Because this is not the kind of thing you're gonna handle on your own. Because this is the kind of therapy that you go into and you actually do need to go and talk about your childhood. How did these patterns develop? You know, you go back, you do, you think about like your parents and you let go of all that and you learn new behaviors that will help you be in a healthy relationship because.
It'Ll help with this relationship too. But it's also gonna be good for you in any other relationship down the road. But maybe you should tell him right now that it's definitely gonna help her and it's gonna be good for her in the relationship. And that then he'll be more likely to go.
Exactly.
Because he's codependent.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, it will be great for her. It'll be great for like, probably his boss, his sister, everyone.
It'll be good for everyone that you care about around you.
Right. And in the meantime, I would say get in front of the problem. So just be honest and open with your girlfriend because this is. This is who you are. This is the issue. She might not quite get it if you sometimes have been displaying some of these behaviors. Let her know you're dealing with and that you don't want to repeat patterns in the past. And ask her to be patient with you on your path to self discovery. Manny, I love you. And thank you for emailing and listening, for being such a fan of the show and for liking Anderson.
She loves you, Manny.
I love people who love Anderson. No, but man, thanks, Manny, man. I appreciate. Manny, man. Appreciate your support. Okay, another one. Guess what it's about.
Probably sex. Or maybe relationship orgasms. Oh, it's kind of like sex, right?
Kinda.
I said, oh, oh, oh, oh. What's your new favorite toy?
Sabian.
Wasn't it the Ooh.
Oh, the Ooh by jaejoo. Oh my God, they're so cool.
You gotta say it like that.
They're really cool. Actually, you could check them out at. And if you're curious, I think just go to goodvibes.com or click on the banner on my site and look. Ooh. Baijiju. But you also get. There's like a code. I have a discount code. It's like, Emily, what?
The discount code is Ooh with nine o's.
Exactly. Hey, Emily, I've been listening to your podcast for a few months and I'm loving them. I was cracking up on the airplane while listening and had a hard time explaining to my boyfriend why without possibly offending people around us, she couldn't tell her boyfriend why she was laughing.
I wonder what it was.
I know I always wanted to be like, why are you laughing? I'm 23 from Denver, Colorado and listen to my podcast app on my iPhone. My question is about having multiple O's in a row or within close proximity to each other. I've tried to have this happen alone, but find myself just having one orgasm. That leaves me too Sensitive to continue to use a vibrator or that my mind kind of sees it as a check mark and wants to continue on my day right after. Continue on with my day. Even though I set out with wanting to achieve multiple orgasms. Is this something that everyone is able to experience or should I just go about a different fashion? Thanks for being so awesome and fun to listen to, Andrea. Thank you, Andrea, for the awesome question. Because, yes, this is completely doable. You'll never hear me say that everything is possible for every person, but I can tell you this. There's very specific process that you could try in achieving O's. And I could tell you that for a lot of people I've taught this to, they have achieved them. So don't give up yet. Especially if you already are orgasmic. It's kind of like, I don't know, I just thought of this analogy when I used to run marathons. I was like, oh my God, can I ever run a marathon? And I was running maybe four miles. And they were like, if you can run four miles, you can run a marathon. And I was like, that makes no sense.
No, it still makes no sense.
Well, it's true, because if you couldn't get out there and do it, you just add another mile. You add another mile.
The training process means you're well on your way. Probably the hardest part is starting and getting to the four mile point. I get it.
And I kind of feel that way about multiple O's. So here's the thing. You can do this.
This is great. Also, if you are your goal, this should be your resolution. Okay, so here's a step. Practice patience. So you said you tried to do it and then you're like, check, check, I'm done. Patience. Just like anytime we're trying to learn something new, it really comes into this process as well. It'll be your ticket, multiple O's, they'll be coming all out of you. Maybe you'll have five, I don't know. And it might not happen the first time you try it. So hence the patience. But remember, it's about the journey, not the destination, especially when it comes to sex. So the more that you're focusing on the orgasm, you're like, tonight I'm doing three. It won't happen. So just. If you can just be like, you know what? I'm gonna have a fun masturbatory episode tonight. I'm going to listen to my favorite music, watch some porn, use a new toy, whatever it is. I mean, you guess you could be thinking that that's your goal, but don't be so focused on it.
Casual date with your and casually date yourself.
Exactly. Don't commit yet. Don't commit yourself in the first place.
Don't overthink it. Don't show up with flowers.
Because the best part about masturbation and exploring, even if you're not looking for multiples, is that we have so many goddamn erogenous zones that we go our lives without discovering. And you know how you discover them? Masturbation or with a really curious partner, which is amazing. If you have one of those into.
A tank filled with octopus and you're naked, it's gonna happen. Probably you're gonna find something new.
Okay? So also you gotta stay present. So you do when your mind's going, I'm done. I don't know, it's not gonna happen. You gotta go back to your body. So every time your mind's going, oh, I just had one, is it gonna back to the body mentally and physically? After the first orgasm, if you get overwhelmed, frustrated, you're just gonna shut down your body form of business like you've experienced. You said that that happened to you before Andrea. So just turn your focus to the sensations that you're feeling at that time. So if you're like, oh, I just had one and now my clitoris is super sensitive and I wonder what's for dinner? Go back to your clitoris, go back to that experience. How did that orgasm feel? Don't allow those thoughts to pull you out of the moment. And this is great practice for day to day life. Breathe, okay? This is gonna be your ticket, one of your second ticket to Olan patience and breathing. When you're staying present and you take yourself out of your head, you also have to remember to breathe. Because a lot of times we hold our breath when we're about to orgasm. We get anxious or we just hold our breath. But when you breathe, you can actually train yourself to move that orgasm through you. And it also relaxes your body and expands your ability to experience pleasure. Deep breaths also help the oxygen flow. Right, Oxygen.
This needs to be your next workshop. Like Lamaze, but for breathing with organism. This is it.
Who would come? Ha ha ha. Three times women wouldn't want to get it.
You guys will all come to my workshops, right? So it's like your nervous system, like your nervous system can do its job if you are increasing the amount of pleasure that your brain can process. Make sense. Okay? So then you gotta become clitorate. Okay? The cliteracy, the clitoris is important. The clitoris is the focal point, as you know, female arousal. 8,000 nerve endings. And it is the secret to unlocking your orgasmic potential. So you know, Andrea, how to have that first one, right? Wham, bam, thank you, man. You got it. But after you reach the first one, explore new techniques for stimulating yourself through indirect touch. So if it's sensitive around your clitoris, rub the areas around it, stroke your inner thighs, play with your nipples, vary your position and the pressure and the speed of your stroke. So don't go back to that quadrant of the clitoris where you had the orgasm. You can have orgasms in other parts of your clitoris, or you just might need a little break. So just take your hands, use some lube, some coconut oil, like massage oil, candles around your body, and, you know, you probably just require a short break before you. The sensitivity goes away, actually. And go back to the hotspot or the new hot spot. Sex toys. Huge fan of sex toys for the multiple O's. Again, experiment what feels good with a small clitoral vibe. Make sure that you don't let the arousal drop completely. So, you know, when you said you had that first one, you're like, eh, keep it going. But again, take it off that. If you were already using one, use it to trace around your inner thighs, your nipples. So you just keep it going. That's just to let. That's just like the first wave. Okay? And you can also crank it down. If it was up high, crank it down and then rebuild it so you're building and building to the sensations. Again.
You know, using your nipples. And just remember, it might take some time, but stick with it. And if you have been listening, you might have heard the story, but if not, it's one of my favorites of 2015. Lori, who works with me, I gave her the We Vibe touch because we all try different toys in the office and review them. And she said to me, I've never had a multiple orgasm. And I said, you know, and I told her exactly what I just told you all. And I told her some of the things to look out for and what to do. The next day was the show where we were reviewing the We Vibe touch. And she didn't tell me this until the show, but she said, emily, I had five. Five orgasms at night. Cause she just relaxed.
That's five times her record.
Yeah. In one night. I was like, holy moly moly. So there you go. I think everyone's gonna have them now. That should be good news. Year resolution.
I Wonder how many guys did listening to that just now.
How many guys do you think are jacking off?
I hope not that many. It's creeps. Think about that.
Oh, my God, I hope not. Okay, here we have another one. Creeps. No, you know what? I don't care.
I know you don't.
If I turn you on.
Cause you're a hippie dippy.
Am I too? We covered this. I'm not a hippie. I am a hippie. I have hippie sensibilities. I love the dead. I like the dead.
Beating off while you're listening to me. Whatever, man. Who can judge me?
As long as you're taking it in, I'm so not pressureable. I'm just like, I'm glad you're listening. Tell your friend. Oh, you know what you could do? Tell your friend. If you like the show and you just came, be like, hey, guess what? This is better than porn.
Because porn is not how God works. Not how guys work. They'll do it. They'll finish and they'll be horribly ashamed. And the last thing they're gonna do is call a friend and say, I just beat off to a podcast.
Okay, so here's the next email. How to date two girls at once. Anderson, you might have something to say about this before you were married. When you're single. Dear Emily, when you're single, what is the best way to handle going on dates with more than one person? Should you be upfront about going on dates with another person? What if you end up liking both? Tips would be greatly appreciated, Chris.
Okay, Chris, here's the deal. When you're dating casually, unless they ask if you're dating other people, you don't need to bring it up on the first date or even the second date. I mean, I always assume that if I'm dating someone, they're probably dating other people. So that's okay. Either way, you don't have to have a big conversation about it early on. But. But this is when you have the conversation, when it starts to get sexual. If you know you're going to be intimate with them or you're starting to be intimate, it's considered just good form. Let your partner know, hey, you know, I'm dating other people. And of course you have to use protection. So it's for your sexual safety, which you should always be using. If you do start to notice that you're getting some feelings, then you should also be really open about your dating situation. Now, if you end up liking both of them, if you're all on the same page, you're fine. You can all date each other and, you know, date whoever you please, because eventually what happens with those? Like, I've done that. I've dated, like three guys at once. Two to three. It gets exhausting, though, because then you don't remember. You're like, remember I told you that story about my dad and the clown? And they're like, no. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, you totally.
When we were at that.
I know. My memory's already bad, right?
Or sweetie, cause you're afraid to use the other person's name.
It doesn't last long, so. But if there's one person that decides they prefer exclusivity, then you got to choose. Either it's going to be you doing the. You know, you might decide and give them the ultimatum. They might give you the ultimatum. And that when it happens. But I like the idea of you dating casually and seeing multiple people to, you know, increase the likelihood that you're going to find someone that you want to be with. But how have you handled it, Anderson, in the past?
Poorly.
I say. I thought that. What did you do? What was the wrong way to do it?
Well, I was at a place where I was just really tired of getting my heart broken and being a monogamous, surreal, monogamous dater. And I was kind of being very promiscuous. And I was, like, seeing, like, I think five, maybe six different people kind of throughout the week, and it was exhausting.
For how many weeks? For same five? Yeah.
Like, people were coming and going. It was just one of those periods of my life, you know what I mean? Like, I was meeting people everywhere I'd go, everywhere I go, I'd find somebody different and new. And it was just. And I was kind of trying to be cool with it, try to be, but I was never good at being that guy. You know what I mean? Like, I. I would. I would stay in contact with people after one night stands because I felt dirty that it was the one. I told you this.
Did you, like, become friends with him?
For a long time, but I did go through it. But then I. It with me anyways. Like, it's. It's pretty easy to fall. Pretty hard to. For, like, more than one person. And that's what ended up happening. And it was ugly, so.
And then you. Eventually I figured it out.
But yeah, it's.
He'll figure it out, too.
Yeah. Be careful.
Any advice, words of wisdom for him? Pitfalls?
Yeah, I mean, just really be cognizant of other people's idea. Feelings other than your own. Don't let your own cloud.
Right.
Other people, because it's. It's. It's a way to really, really hurt people.
That's true.
And I learned that the worst pain I can feel because I'm somewhat codependent is by hurting other people. And I still think about that period of my life and feel like I get, like, I do that thing where I, like, I twitch in my car. What did I do? Horrible person.
I think that's great advice. And the truth is, most people are very, very forgiving. In fact, people appreciate the truth, obviously more than they do lies. And I found that I had to learn that, too. Like, I'm. For a while, I went through a period where I was just not committed. I would go on dates with people, and I'm like, I'm really not ready to be in a committed relationship. And then I would tell them that. And they always just appreciated that I was honest about it. You know, they're like, okay, I get it. Like. And if they were down with that, they were. But it just felt so great to be free about that. But for a long time, for a while, I wasn't able to. And so that didn't feel good either because I would be dating multiple people, and they weren't asking, but I felt bad.
So, you know, you probably really like some of them and you're afraid that if you're, like, honest with them, they'll go away. You want to keep your.
Exactly. Keep your options, the whole thing. So that's the deal. Okay. That's all we have time for. Anderson. Happy, happy New Year. I love you. I'm grateful for you this year. I'm grateful for you and every year. And happy new Year to all my listeners and thank you all. I am nothing without you, seriously. So thank you for listening to the show and supporting it for 10 years. Also, we are looking for interns. Anyone living in this area, Louisiana area, Orange County. If you can get your ass to Hollywood, we will talk to you. We want writing samples and resumes feedback at sex with emily.com and hey, right now, while you're emailing me about your resolution, follow me on Instagram and Twitter exwithemily and like, my facebook.com sexemilypage and.
If you want to help Em's podcast and get, like, listed and whatnot, the way to do that is to review it or get on itunes. Give it like a one or a five. One or a five.
Not a one or a five.
That's what I always say on the film vault. I don't like any mess.
No, I don't want any ones. Don't even go delete your itunes.
All right then. Fives or nothing.
It actually does help us because a few years ago, we did this thing where we. We charge for the podcast by mistake.
Why would you do that?
Because I was so broke, like, and this company came to me and they're like 99 cents.
That was when you were showing your nipples, right?
No, I never showing nipples. But I was like, God, maybe. But that didn't work. People got mad and they romantic.
Oh, I know the company. I know the company, right?
And I was just like death. I was like, I don't know how to do this. So anyway, like it. I love you all. Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Okay, everybody. You know, it's amazing. We talk a lot about resolutions. But what is amazing is to relax and do DE stress in 2016. Stress is a huge killer of your sex drive. Guess what? You know how to de stress? Little massage candle. Get an aromatherapy massage candle from Emily and Tony. It looks like a regular candle. Comes in three different scents that all smell amazing. And then you burn it. You blow it out. It is not waxy, it will not hurt you, but it turns into the most luxurious massage oil. Give your partner a massage. It is your secret weapon in the bedroom. In fact, someone emailed me. My girlfriend was skeptical at first, but agreed to try the warm oil on me first and gave me a back rub. Then I reciprocated and we. We could not stop talking about how good the candle smells and how great the oil feels. And I'm convinced that the scent and the candle helped us through some of the barriers to sex we have faced lately. So for a limited time, guess what, Anderson? 50% off all Emily and Tony products@emilytoni.com.
Including the menagerie trois.
You get all three. I love them. Nazra.
And then one.
They're so cute. One more thing. If you travel a lot, they're great promescent. This is about your penis. I love being able to help you have great sex and relationships. Promescent helps you last longer in bed. Twice as long, actually. And you don't need to take a pill. It is a quickly absorbing delay spray. You put it on before sex, 10 minutes before it, and you'll last twice as long. And it's also the only FDA approved treatment for premature ejaculation. You don't need a prescription though. You can go to promescent.com click on the banner on my website and get yourself a bott. I'm telling you, in the three years I've been talking about it, not one person has told me it didn't work. I've only heard that it changed their sex life and they were finally able to last long enough and please their partner. It's a good thing. Check it out. Promescent.com thanks for listening. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health. Magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive of magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50% off and here's a bonus. Use the code code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q-U-A-L-I-A life.com sexwithemily thanks for qualia for sponsoring this episode.