Holy Phone Sex, Batman!

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the Hera and right now you can get 20 off the HERA using code EMILY20@sexwithemily.com HERA that's EMILY20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com H E R A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. Menace is here and we're helping you navigate your sex relationship and everything in between questions. Topics include how to get the dirty talking party started, best way to vet casual sex partners, how to encourage your partner to be their healthiest self, and getting the most pleasure possible in a new relationship. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man e here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Be in bed.

Feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out our incredible blogs on our website. They're gonna rock your world. People are loving them because their personal stories, their tips, their tricks, they're just everything you wanna know about sex, dating and relationships. Hi Menace. I'm Here with Menace.

Oh, I posted that I was gonna be on the show on Instagram. Let me give a big shout out to Normady, I hope. Hopefully I'm saying that. And then wolverine03.x on Instagram.

Oh, you posted a picture. But, you know.

Yeah, I posted on every day on my Instagram because I don't want to repost. I. I don't want to take photos of myself. And that. That's what you forced me to do every time I'm here.

And then. Because we're cute, so.

But if you. If you put two together. I don't want to take photos while I'm here. Why the hell am I going to repost them?

I don't know. Just. You never post pictures. Okay, but.

But now I. I posted one.

Okay, thank you. I appreciate that.

Menace on Instagram, if you want to see it. No people here.

Thank you.

I love you and I love being with you. Love being here. It's been a while. I know. We had another podcast, but we're recording another one.

I know it's true. And I.

It's great being together.

I know. I really miss you. You're like my old buddy. I'm glad that things are going so well for you with life and work and stuff like that. And I want you to. Maybe now. Well, there's not really more time, but if there was more time, we could, like, you can come see my new house.

Sweet.

And I was going to say, follow me on Instagram. Found me on Snapchat, and I love our feeds. But then you might not know. Why should I follow Sex Family? Well, because we're doing. You can see us right now doing our stories on Instagram and Snapchat, and we've got some cool things going on here. We give away. Do giveaways and fun quotes to inspire your day. Yeah. What should people look at?

All right, let's see. Because this thing. I'll say this real quick. Okay, so I'm not a social media expert, but at all. But this is the thing that I'll tell you things that bother me. When you see TV show or, you know, there's an event going on and you see a poster or something like that, or somebody shouts out their social media, they will say, follow us at blah, blah, blah. Why? Why should I follow it? Why should I look at it? They never give you the answer.

Exactly.

So I'm gonna go on. I'm gonna go with Emily's Instagram right here, and I'm gonna look through it. I'm gonna find Out. Why you should go to sex with me. Why you should follow me on Instagram.

It's good. It always works.

Oh, you're showing a lot more skin lately on these videos. What's this video? Oh, that was your tank top going on.

I know. My boobs look kind of big. I should bring that on my trip. Yeah, that is Latote. Oh. It's my new service where I get clothes and they send me clothes and I get to put them out. And that's. Yeah, that's cute.

Top of the video looks good.

Thank you. Thank you.

I like it. What else you got here? Okay, so here's you having some drinks with a friend. You have a polka dotted dress on. That's pretty good. And then you have some dude that's like all over you right here. Who's that guy? He looks like a backup dancer for J. Lo.

That show with Nico. Nico from Younger Nico Torturella. Dude, he's so hot. That picture, that thing he told me you want. You should see what he says in that video.

Okay, do you know what I'm going to do? Because sometimes, you know, a lot of people are going through Instagram and they can't turn on the audio because they're.

Oh, right.

Maybe put some subtitles on it. I'll show you a program that'll do that.

Really?

Yeah.

You could put subtitles on.

Yeah.

On the Instagram video.

Yeah. It's crazy.

See, you are a social media expert.

No, I'm not.

We'll do that. Can we share it with the people?

Because everybody is a social media expert. They always think they know the best. I don't want to say that, but just some suggestions here and there.

Okay, that is great. Thank you.

Follow Sex with Emily on Instagram. It has some good stuff on there. And if anybody's listening. I know there's thousands upon thousands of people listening to this podcast. If you know anybody, listen up. If you know anybody at Facebook or Instagram, Emily desperately needs to be verified on Instagram. Sex with Emily.

Yeah.

So how hard is that here? Even if you think like, maybe I don't know anybody on Instagram, at Instagram, go to your LinkedIn, type in Instagram and see you might be connected to somebody. Hit them up. Help Emily out because Emily gives you this show for free. All right, True. This is. The least you can do is look into it. Maybe you know somebody. There's. But her Instagram account needs to be verified. If you can help her out, that'd be great.

Oh, that's nice, man. That's what else we want people to do. I feel like you're in a really good salesy mode. Oh, I need you guys to keep listening until.

No, I'm not trying to be salesy, but I'm kidding.

No, you're like, really? Because you believe it and I believe it.

Yeah, I'm just like, you know, I love it. I'm just feeling the areas covered.

That's good.

That's all.

I love you all. Well, yeah. Thank you for supporting the show and I appreciate it. And whatever you do, I do appreciate it. I appreciate you. I appreciate you, Manus. And in honor of you.

Yes.

I'd like to ask you five questions. All right, so when the show first started, as you can remember, probably 12 years ago, you were there when I was doing my live show and you radio show and I used to ask every guest the five Sex with Emily questions. All right. They were quickie questions.

Yes.

And we brought them back when we've guests on the show.

Good.

And I realize I've never asked you.

These questions, at least that I can remember now.

I don't think so.

No.

No. Because you were never really a guest.

Yeah, I was just kind of just around.

You're just fucking hanging around.

Yeah.

So ready I'm gonna ask you. You got a rapid fire that you got?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.

Biggest turn on.

Biggest turn on. A woman with a job Motivated.

Biggest turn off.

Needy.

Sexiest part of a woman's body.

Hips.

What's the one thing you wish you could tell your current partner about your body's needs or current or all future or future partners? It says here, like just any. Well, what do you wish that she.

Knew about my body and its needs and this needs. My needs are for you to be aggressive.

You want her to initiate sex more.

Yeah, I mean, that goes. That's been my whole thing. My. I've always said that even. Not even in the sex part, just.

Even like in life.

In life, if there's somebody that you like, like, let it be known, you know?

I mean, know what you.

This, like this thing of a man and a woman and how it's supposed to be where a man is supposed to pursue a woman. If a woman is into a guy, let it be known. Like, don't play these games and waste time.

And I agree, I agree. Men can't figure it out. They're not always mind readers. They don't know thinking. They could even talk them out of the fact that, like, I think she liked me, but I'm not sure.

Then I've said this for years. Guys are dumb, women are way smarter, and many guys cannot pick up on sign.

I think we just got to stop playing games and be honest. Okay, one more question for you.

Stop wasting time.

Craziest place you've gotten busy?

Craziest place I gotten busy? Probably in.

I don't know, I think it was a club. I was wasted. Right. In a club or it was a bar. Bar, slash club. San Francisco Bathroom. Very classy.

Which one?

Oh, I don't even remember. I remember it was on by Van Ness Street.

Oh, I missed San Francisco. I just got like a little sad, little nostalgic.

Some bar off that street.

Okay, good to know. Thank you. That was really helpful. Yeah, I appreciate that.

That's it. I can do questions.

Okay, ready? Here's some more. Ready?

Yeah.

What's your foreplay routine?

Foreplay routine?

You asked for it.

Making out and stuff.

I. I like the old school. Like this. This making out. I guess making out is important. Yeah. And then you go from there. I don't know.

You go from there.

I mean, what would. What would you say?

That's a good question. What, my foreplay routine? Yeah, I would say that some sexy conversation.

Okay.

Passionate debate.

So you consider that foreplay?

I'm a sapiosexual. Actually, I'm writing a new column for. Exactly.

I didn't know you were a dinosaur. A sapiosexual.

What is that? It's a person who is mostly aroused by intellect.

Okay.

And so I'm writing a new column for Cosmo magazine.

Yes.

I'm contributing. It's called wtf?

Yeah.

And it's in there, actually, in their magazine. And every month I contribute to a column about like. Like what? The WTF is blank. So last month it was outer course. And that's just like, you know, all this like you used to in high school, dry humping, and was actually more detailed than that. And then this month is wtf? Sapiosexual. And I know it sounds like a weird dinosaur, but it's actually someone who is mostly aroused by intellect. More over, like, physical attributes.

I mean, you love writers.

I always love writers. I love writers.

People that write.

I dated a guy for like 5 minutes a few weeks ago who's a writer, and I'm like, oh, God, another one.

But you love people that conversate and people that listen to your conversation.

Exactly. Especially somebody who listens. It's true, though. And I've always been that way that I. And I feel like that there's a lot of people like this where you go out to a club or just out to a party or walking down the street and you might like. For me, like, okay, this is how I experience it, being a safe, sexual. I don't typically look at a guy and go, oh, he's hot. I'm gonna foam around and check him out. I mean, I can't tell you, like, I can count on one hand how many times in my life I've actually, like, gone after a guy because I thought he was attractive, just. And physical attributes alone. Now, most of the men I have dated is because I actually. Maybe they were attractive or not. But something happened. We talked, we had a conversation that, like, got my brain all turned on. And I'm not telling you that we were doing, like, he was doing, like, advanced calculus. It's more about somebody who just has, like, a passion for knowledge, like I do. And then there's something I can learn from them, we can learn from each other. And they're just, like, passionate about something. And that's what turns me on, is the brain, the mind. I mean, not that I don't love, like, good or all sex. I'm just saying that in a partner. And I also think the thing about being a sapiosexual is that. That there's actually a lot of, like, relationships where you're kind of attracted to the mind over, like, let's say just someone who's like, hot and young and pretty or whatever it is, whatever you're attracted to that. All stuff goes away, it changes, it fades. Or someone who's older, it doesn't even matter. But if it's just based on what they have, you know, like their possessions and their looks, it's like, it's not gonna get you very far in life. But if you are constantly inspiring each other and in an intellectual way and.

Well, I didn't know that conversation would be in the factor of, you know, pre gaming foreplay. Foreplay.

I was kind of kidding. Like, it's not like we have a deep political, passionate.

Yeah, no, I totally agree with you. I mean, if I knew that was an option, I would definitely put it in there.

Like a hot conversation.

Yeah. Because I think that just heightens, like, when you finally get to the point of penetration.

Exactly. And then they just have penetration because they're like, stop talking now, Emily. Yeah, they're talking too, as well.

So she's still talking.

Exactly.

I'd be so exhausted dating me.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I had this happen.

I need a nap.

So for years, men, I would joke that my ex in San Francisco who I dated for many years and he's actually a very good friend of mine now, the one whose cabin I go to with other friends that when we were dating like 10 years ago, we broke up. He was like, at one point he was like, okay, how about like you don't talk after 9:00 clock at night and before 9:00am like, we just don't talk. It's like a no talk zone. I'm like, yeah, this will never work. Like I can't not talk.

I know.

Recently I was dating a guy and he was like, we kind of ended it. And he was like. I was like, you know, when I'm with you, I feel like kind of alone. And he was like, well, when I was you, I can't finish reading the New York Times.

And I was like, that was our last words we ever spoke.

Oh really? Are you serious?

Like a serious relationship. Like he's super focused in trying to get his stuff and I'm talking and I want to talk and I feel alone with him. That was it.

I mean, because you're, I mean you're not really super into television or anything like that. I mean, you're definitely going to find people that you'll be in relationships with that love having conversations. But definitely you'll run across people that are like, okay, I want to watch TV or I want to read a book. TV shows, you don't. That's a lie. There's no way that you're not distracting at all during a television show.

Depends if I'm really into the show.

But yeah, I think that's a television. That's the type. I mean, you at least know the type of person that you need.

Exactly right.

But I, for me that would not work because I would talking because I'd be so exhausted.

After you are exhausted, I bet your girlfriend does not talk very much, right? Or does she?

She does. It's weird because like her and I talk a lot but when we're around other people she's kind of quiet and they're like, oh, your girlfriend's so quiet. And when she really isn't, it's just when her and I are together, we talk a lot. But.

Right.

She's out. She doesn't want to like, I don't know, dominate a conversation.

Right. But you do you feel like when you're out, you're talking more, doing more of the talking.

Yeah, but we kind of like when we're in a group of people, we kind of like go our separate ways. We don't have to be, like, standing right next to each other, right. And like.

We are the. The power couple that stays together and we talk as one type thing. She like, she goes off and does her own thing, I do my own thing.

Yeah, that makes sense. That'd be boring. Well, I'm glad you're still in a relationship. I know it be. Okay, one more question. Here was. What's the most embarrassing sexual thing moment, a night, a scenario, trying a new move. Like anything really embarrassing sexually ever happened to you.

Embarrassing. Oh, okay. I would say probably not the very first time or probably like the third or second time. I was super embarrassed to go buy condoms. I think I've probably shared this the story before, but for new listeners that I asked my buddy, I was like, dude, do me a favor. I'll pay you $20. Go buy some condoms for me. And he was super embarrassed. So he went to the local 711 and he looked like straight up like the Unabomber. Sunglass, glasses on, hood on, like covering up most of his face. And he goes in and he buys the condoms. I don't even look at the box. I just take them. And then later that night, you know, I go try to hook up my girlfriend, open the condoms, put them on. Didn't realize. And I didn't even know they made these unlubricated condoms.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, who the wants that?

Nobody. Nobody wants them.

Why do they make them?

I don't know, honey. They don't. And this is what people. I don't know. There's like the baby powder or whatever it is. It's like dry and hurts. That's before there was.

What is going on? This is not working.

That is such a sad story because you can't recover. You probably didn't have lube sitting around. I don't know why.

What is that about? Do they.

Some people have allergies? Yeah, they do. Some people have allergies and that's why you should only use. I don't think I've talked about this.

I believe the condom companies and be like, what are you thinking?

No, listen. Skin condoms, which I've been talking about for years, and I don't even think I talk about this enough because, like, now that, like, my niece is in college and I'm talking to her friends about condoms since and stuff, because that's right. Can you believe my niece is starting college? Yeah. Remember when they were just.

I know, it's crazy.

Pumpkins, little pumpkins. Cuties.

Yeah.

Skin condoms. S, K, Y, N. They are literally the best condoms on the planet. And I'm saying that because it's true. And no one's ever disagreed with me. And they're like, thank you. I thought condoms were all terrible. Like, I thought every condom felt like the one Magnus just described. Because there are really bad condoms out there and we don't know it. So anyway, they're polyisoprene, which means they're non latex. They're like soft and they're thin. They feel amazing on my condom talk, but, yeah, they don't make that kind without the lube. It's terrible experience. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I know.

But I think that was the most embarrassing.

But it wasn't even you. Oh. You putting them out with the girl, though.

Yeah. Not knowing, like, these things even exist.

And they're hard to get on at first. Right? Yeah. I'm sorry.

So dumb.

Okay, so we can move on to some sex in the news.

Tell me what's going on in the news.

Well, okay. This is what's going on the news. This is really important news. All right. And not just because I was quoted in the article, how to have phone sex. Experts share must know tips and what men don't like. This just came out, so I thought I would share it with you.

Men don't like.

Yeah. About sex. Trying to think what men don't like about phone sex. It was in the@hollywoodlife.com.

Sweet.

Okay, if you're in a long distance relationship or on a work trip, you just feel lonely in your hotel room, you might want to have phone sex, FaceTime sex, whatever it is. And I get asked this a lot, so that's why I was happy they called me about this. I say, here's some of my tips. Ready? How to do phone sex. Start out with a sexy text message. You can let your partner know that you're turned on and you're thinking about them at that moment. And you could say something like, it'd be so hot to hear your voice right now. And then that way you're letting them know that you want to talk a little dirty. But also you can tell if they're at work, whatever, they'll be like, babe, not now. Also, remember the thing about just kind of like normal sex, phone sex is kind of like regular sex. That it sometimes it just does not run as smoothly as you'd like. Like, if you're worried about what to say, you can make a cheat sheet beforehand. You can practice in front of the mirror. You can do it as you're driving along because it's different voice, it's different. It's a different experience that you're taking on. It's a new skill. And it's okay that if it's, if you laugh or if it's weird or you say something that you don't want to because again, it's a skill. And I think a lot of people just don't do it. They don't talk dirty. They don't sex because they're like, oh, I'm so afraid I'm going to judge. So I say do have gone to a next.

Next level too with FaceTime.

FaceTime sex. Yeah, whatever it is. Yeah. Phone sex.

FaceTime sex emojis are a factor now. Sexting back in the day, pager code, trying to sext, like, typing in all the. Or even trying to sex with like old school phones where you had to type in the number like five different times.

I don't think sexting happened.

Oh, oh, it definitely did.

It did. Yeah. I remember that. I got really good at that too. What was it called? Quirky.

I forget what?

Doesn't matter. It was a long time ago.

St something. Yeah, you're right.

Q, U something. Okay.

But I'm just saying, like, the level of access people have now to all different ways to have phone sex is incredible.

I know, right? FaceTime. I feel like maybe people are more having FaceTime sex than phone sex, but I feel like it's a lost art. Are there sexting? And this kind of goes for sexting as well because some of my tips are like, describe what you're doing to yourself at this moment or what you want your partner to do. That's very easy. Be descriptive. Say like, right now, like, I'm touching myself and I'm thinking about you, you know, sucking at my nipple.

So, baby, this doesn't happen often because I know, like, a lot of women. No, no, no. I know a lot of women are afraid. I mean, I would definitely never do this, but they're afraid that their partner might share what they're texting with their friends.

Yeah.

And I was at a bar and I think it was just because of the time difference of where I was at. But my buddy's girlfriend was texting him and he was like, wasted and he was just like. He's like. She was like texting him the most filthy, like, foul stuff.

What does that mean?

Give me an example. Because what you're filthy might be my fantastic.

Well, she's just like. It, it wasn't. It was just like from 0 to 1000. It's like, oh, hey, what are you doing? Oh, I want you to me in the ass right now. Blah, blah. I want your in my throat. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Like there wasn't any lead up time.

There was no foreplay. That's how women feel when men just like rip our clothes off.

Yeah, but this was a woman to, to a man.

Yeah.

Which was incredible.

And he showed it to you.

Yeah, but he was just, you know, he was, was. I'm sure if he was by himself, he.

Right. I mean, he has no one too, right? No, but I think that goes for sexy. For photos, naked photos that men or women, you get a picture, they will turn around who's ever next to them and show them.

Yeah. And I think, yeah, he was just telling me because he was confident that I wouldn't like tell anyone.

Like tell every million people listening to a podcast.

Well, I mean, I'm not saying who it is, but I'm just saying like the other people that are around the room that were there, that I'd be like, hey, check out, you know, Johnny's text that he's getting. You know, I just laughing with him about it.

Yeah, okay, well that's. Yeah, I mean, you know what, it doesn't matter.

A lot of this stuff can be screenshot and you have to be really confident on who you can talk, you.

Can sex it, you can phone sex it, or sext it. But you could say, here's the other thing. I just want to give people quick tips. You can use your own past experiences for inspiration. So if you're not sure what to say again, you'd be like, remember that time that we were. I'm trying to think of what was the last time we were in the shower and it was so hot when you were. I was using my sports sheets. Sex in the shower, line of handles of grips on the wall. And then you were fucking me from behind or whatever.

And I'll be text backing like, oh, that wasn't me. Oh, my bad, dude.

That happened to me once.

Oh, I'm not surprised.

I'm like, don't you remember when we had that sex in the wherever in my backyard? He's like, no, it wasn't me. I'm like, oh, totally. Another backyard.

I'm so high right now. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm on peyote. I'm at a retreat one time.

I was a little high.

Yeah, I'm on ayahuasca.

Oh, I was, I did the stoner. I misread. Yes. A guy. I was taught I was dating a guy briefly, and I misread that he wanted to have phone sex at that moment because I couldn't hear what he was saying. And I thought he said, like, I'm so hot for you. What do you think he might have just said? Like, it's really hot here. And I was like, yeah, I'm hot for you too. Like, I really want to get. And he was like, gotta go. Like, I think I thought that that's where he was going, but I missed.

Misheard.

I misheard him. And I escalated phone sex without testing the waters.

Okay, so you're on bath salts.

Also, pay attention to your tone. So you want to speak slowly and breathy. And don't be afraid to moan.

Like that.

I would laugh so hard.

That's just me, though. That's just me. I. Again, I don't speak for all guys. Obviously, we've shared that many times.

But no, menace does not speak. The opinions of menace are not representing every man in the world, like, in.

Statement of all guys. But I would be laughing my ass off if I was like, menace, like, I gotta go.

I would be dying.

What time will you be here for the show?

I'm like, never, because you're creeping me the fuck out right now.

Okay, so avoid bad timing. Don't initiate if your partner's at work or didn't meet or you're, you know, with their parents at lunch. Don't skip to the climax like your friend did. Like, hey, fuck me in the ass. You actually want to build it. Build attention like you would with real sex, with actual sex. And if you can't think of what to say in the moment, like when you're in vertex, you could just say, like, that's so hot. Or what Next? If you need a little breather. That's just the tips of the day. I feel like that's really helpful.

I love it.

Okay. Love it, too. Okay, let's give a shout out to our amazing sponsors. Thank you, everybody, for supporting our sponsors, keeping the show free, and follow me on Instagram for that same reason. I love you all. Thanks for listening. We'll be right back.

Now we're on to your emails. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, that's amazing, text me your question. Ask Emily one word to 797-979. You just text Ask Emily. You get a link back, you ask your question. You can also submit a question@sexwithemily.com via the Ask Emily tab, as always. What do they got? Dominus?

They have to tell us their age, where they're listening from and how they're listening.

Right. You know, and where they.

Soundcloud. Sexademy.com. we're on iheartradio, iheartradio on Spotify, soundcloud.

Google Play, all that. Dude, everywhere.

Just put those factors because we need to know your age, because we need to know, like, what point you are in life.

Yeah, we do need to know. We can't help you.

Location is always good because that kind of helps. Like, maybe we can give some suggestions on where to meet people.

Right? And I had a great burger there.

Yeah, have a great burger somewhere. I'll let you know where to go.

And.

Yeah, and just how you listen, that just kind of helps out the show. So those are the factors. If you can just put those in there. You don't even really have to use your real name if you don't have to.

We don't care.

It's all good.

Fake your name. Just don't fake your orgasm. Hey there, Emily. I'm such a fan of your show. I love how no topic is off limits. I'm newly single and I love it. I've always dated looking for the one and was in and out of relationships. I've now turned over a new leaf and I'm embracing the single life. I've always been super comfortable with the thought of casual sex, but how do you even find people to have casual sex with? How do you make it clear that it's just casual sex? Whenever I'm with someone for casual sex, it always ends up being more than sex because they start to have feelings. I've also tried sex with an ex and that just didn't work. Those emotions and feelings. Again, I'm single and ready to playfully mingle. Just need some guidance and where to look. P.S. i've told all my friends about your podcast. Much love, Rachel, 24, New York. Thank you, Rachel, for telling your friends. And thank you, everybody, for telling your friends because, again, that also helps the show and we just. I'd love to hear from your friends. And if it's helping you, it's probably gonna help someone you love. Tell your mom, tell your parents, tell anybody. Okay.

New York City, 24 years old. You're not gonna have any issues.

Well, she is though, because. Well, yeah. Here's the thing, though. I think that Rachel, that you have to be upfront right away that that's what you're looking for for casual sex. And you're saying they all start to have feelings for you. Well, I think that that probably happens. Or maybe that's what she said.

Like Tinder. All casual sex is people really looking for relationships on there.

Hopefully you're on the dating apps. I'm sure you know about the dating apps. You could be on Bumble or Tinder or any of them. And you get to choose if it's about a hookup or not. You could say I'm looking for a casual partner, not commitment right now, if you're into dating that way. But I also think that maybe what's happening is you're dating people, you like them, you want to keep it casual, but maybe you're seeing them more often than is going to work for you. So, for example, I'm assuming that if you meet someone, you like it, it's good. You probably see them twice that week or, you know, seeing them too often. If you see them too often, they're going to get the wrong idea and they're going to get attached. So I try to get a few people in the lineup and date several guys at once, if you can, or women or whoever you're dating and space them out. And be very clear, though, ahead of time, like, I am not looking for a relationship. And unless you make yourself available to them, they won't be able to catch those feelings attached. Now, you might also be sending mixed messages. As someone who's done that in the past, like, I really didn't want a relationship, but yet I loved being with some guys that I was dating. And so I, like, couldn't help it because it felt really great, but I really didn't want to be with them. And so my words would say one thing and my actions would say something else. And so you got to make sure, check yourself there, that you're not sending these messages to these. To these people, because that can happen as well. So I just think being upfront, communicating.

Your needs, I'm putting it out there pretty easy.

Easy.

That's the easy one. What else do we have?

We got more. Okay. All right. Hello, Emily. I love your show. I think it's amazing that you're creating an open environment for conversation and you're bringing so much knowledge to your listeners. Thank you. I've been with my girlfriend for about two and a half years. She's almost 27, and I'm 27. For the past few months, she's pressured me with engagement, dropping hints, and even explicitly saying that she wants to be engaged by 27 and will leave if she isn't, because it isn't fair to her. She's an amazing girlfriend in every way. But for some reason, these hints and this pressure has left a scar on me. I feel myself preparing to pop the question just to stop these hints and get it over with. The pressure that she's creating is also affecting our sex life and creating resentment within me. Should I tell her the truth? I love her and I want to be with her, but I'm starting to feel emotionally abused with all of this pressure. Thank you, Emily. You are awesome. Joey. 27, Portland, Oregon.

Oh, Portland, Oregon. By the way, the Woody show, which is a morning show that I'm on. We're on a brand new radio station there Every morning, alt 102.3. So if you can listen, tell a friend. Yeah, every morning.

I'm so proud of you.

It's definitely a lot different from this show. So no, don't expect it to be the Sex with Me show.

It's way different, Joey. So after we answer this, you can go listen to minutes show and tell your friends. Okay? But here's the thing, Joey. First of all, I think that you're awesome and very evolved here. The way you're writing this because you're saying you actually know yourself. So I just want to point this out. I love that you're able to use the words that you're starting to feel resentment and that's why you actually don't. You might not feel like having sex with her. So you just seem like you're, you're self aware and you're really paying attention to what's going on. And I totally get why this is not feeling good to you because no one wants to be pressured into making the biggest decision of their life. And I feel like for whatever reason, she's got this idea in her head, you know, by the age of 27, I gotta do it, gotta do it. And for you, it's like, I get it. You know, maybe you would want to marry her. But with all that pressure, she takes kind of the thrill and the fun away from it of you guys actually deciding together if you're going to be a good couple. And when she lays that down and just says, I want to be married, I mean, how much time have you guys spent even discussing, like, do you have the same values, the same goals? Do you want the same things? I mean, you're, you're 27. And I feel like, like next time I think that, I mean, I think that you can be honest with her and let her know also that when she pressures you like that, it makes you want to retreat because you're feeling like it's kind of like a guilt trip and you're not even sure. Because what I think that sounds is like. Is like, she's just gotta, like, check this off her list by the time she's 27. But how much of what she's saying is, like, I'm excited to spend my life with you, Joey, because I envision our life together. Like, I love you, and this is why I love you. And this is how I picture our life. But it sounds like she's just laying down this ultimatum and it's. And I don't know if I think there's some room for you guys to enhance your conversations.

And I was gonna say, I know this is a lot of pressure. Just, like, look back and say, okay, is this somebody that I want to be with? Is this somebody I want to marry? Then fine, then just go with it. If you can't come up with an answer, then, you know, you gotta be completely honest and tell them and see what she has to say.

Yeah. And I think that if you don't know, you know, especially when it comes to that, with popping the question. The thing that I'm. Concerns me here was you said just to get her to stop talking, you want to just pop the question. That's not like, I'm just gonna, like, buy this shirt, so. Or whatever. Like, I'm just gonna, like, take my friend to dinner because she's been asked me for weeks. No, this is like, I'm just gonna marry this person to give them talking. This is not the kind of thing that you make those decisions. And so it sounds like it really has gotten to this point where I think you could say to her, when you're telling these things to me, when you're pressuring me, it's making me pull away. I got to be honest with you. And it's not because I don't love you. And it's not because I don't picture spending my life with you, perhaps. But I think there's stuff that we should talk about. And I think you could say to her, what kind of life are you picturing? Or, like, tell. Tell me why you're excited to live with me. Why are you excited to get married with me? And I think that maybe you'll realize after these conversations if you go a little bit deeper that maybe you are more aligned. And maybe you'll be like, you know what? Now that we're actually expanding the conversation beyond, like, let's just get married and see what happens. You actually do want to be with her, and maybe you'll find out some things that you realize. You know what? I'm glad we got more in depth about this. And I actually don't want to marry her. So I don't pop the question because of pressure and think you can be honest with her. And again, this is very touchy. So you don't want to be like, stop asking me to pop the question or I won't do it. But you got to say, babe, I love you. But when you start to pressure me like that, I feel resentment, and I don't want to feel that way. So can we just slow this down and have some conversations about.

Yes.

Yes. Hi, Emily. I just ended a 10 year relationship, and I'm in the process of divorce. My ex was the only boyfriend I ever had. We met when I was 17, and now I'm 27. Now that I'm entering a new phase, I'm trying to be more open about sex. I've had a few hookups, but as a shy person, telling my partner exactly what I want is challenging. Honestly, I'm not sure if I know exactly what I want or how I like it. So how do I get the most pleasure when I'm with someone new? Thank you. I Love your podcast, Michelle. 27. Iowa.

Iowa.

I love Iowa.

I used to be wanted in Iowa for speeding.

Really? Yeah.

I was driving through there. I got a speeding ticket that I never paid, but I paid it off for this story. Yeah, I'm good now.

Lingered for a while.

It did. Because I totally. I lost the ticket. I didn't know what to do.

You were probably 27.

Yeah.

Okay. Michelle, I feel like you just got a relationship. Ten years is a long time from age 17 to 27.

Yeah. But you're still in your, you know.

Oh, my God. Yeah. And I.

Perfect timing.

Perfect. Yeah. I'm glad you got out of a relationship that wasn't working for you. And let me tell you something. If you're a shy person or not a shy person, it's very challenging for everybody to talk about what they want in bed. If, you know, you've been listening to the podcast, you know that that's actually a lot of what I talk about is, like, really getting comfortable with what you actually do. Like, and then practicing communicating that to a partner. So I'm not even sure, like, I don't know what your sex life was with your partner. He's the only boyfriend you've been with. So I think this is gonna take some alone time, some masturbation. Like, all the stuff that I talk about in the show, like, figuring out, like, oh, what. What does feel good to me. So then you'll know. Even if it's just like, oh, I like when somebody. I like when you rub my clitoris in this way. Or I like these kind of movements. This is what gives me an orgasm, you know, I feel like you could practice that and learn your body more that way just by, like, masturbating and figuring that out. But also, when you're with a new partner, it's not gonna feel comfortable at first, especially if you didn't do it with your last partner. But it gets easier. It's a skill that you build over time. So even if it's just a matter of, like, moving in a certain way so they're understanding what you desire, or just, like, saying it, even if it's uncomfortable and being like, you know what? I really like to slow things down and make out some more. And even it feels weird or your voice gets squeaky. The more that you actually start saying these things out loud that you want, it just gets easier. And I think that people appreciate it. We all want direction, right? Madness.

Yeah. I mean, should she be exploring her own body to figure out what she wants?

That's what I said. I said she should do. Yeah, I said a little masturbation. I was gonna say double down, but that's not really doubling down, is it?

Well, it always comes to mind. I mean, I know you said that, but, like, in what way do you think of just other.

I feel like 10 years, he's the only guy you've had sex with. I'm not even sure that you masturbated in those 10 years. And as you guys know that, I think that masturbation for men and for women is really important. For if you're in a relationship or out of a relationship, and since you've been with him since you were 17, I'm just gonna take a wild guess here that maybe you haven't spent a lot of time alone. And this is, like, not just, like, getting in your room and doing it. Like, take a bath, explore your body, rub your hands over your body. Like, know, like, who are you now as this woman who's been in a relationship for 10 years? Like, who are you as a sexual being? What really turned you on? Play with that. Like, think about it. What are this? Your sexual fantasies? What's some hot moments from your past? And just Start to kind of build your erotic self, if you will. I mean, I think I'm answering your question here because I feel like, well, there's a lot of information might be rushing through. You're saying there's a few hookups. And also, if. Don't rush into sex either. I just. I would say that to everybody, actually. I think a lot of us rush into sex because we actually feel like we can't say no, or things are already moving along, or we just think, why not? But if we don't often pay attention to our bodies, saying, you know what? I'm not really ready yet. And so maybe you're not even ready yet.

So a lot of reading material@sexwithumly.com by the way. True. Don't be afraid to type it in. I know it says sexemily.com but.

Right. But literally, we have so many great blogs. Thank you to Jamie here, who curates them all and just been killing.

Go read some stuff.

Okay. Another email. Oh, my.

Yes.

You can help with this one, too. All right. Hello, Emily. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend going on six years now. I'm more than happy with him, and I'm positive he'll be the person I'll spend my life with. But here's the problem. I find myself fantasizing over other men with more in shape and desirable figures. Don't get mad that I'm. This is why I spend three to four days at the gym each week. I make healthy dietary choices. I want to look good for him, but he doesn't have the same mindset as I do. He's put in a lot of weight since we first started dating. I feel like he doesn't care. I know if he were in better shape, it would make our sex life skyrocket. How do I approach him without being completely rude and sounding like a shallow bitch and tell him to lose some pounds? Thank you so much. I love listening to you. Taylor, 24, Houston.

Houston.

So well, Metis has fluctuated with. I don't know if anyone's ever. I think you're. Go ahead. You look great. But I know that you just said you went to the gym.

Yeah, I started going just recently. I talked about getting the iWatch is the best investment I've made. I. This is my second one because I lost my first one. But, you know, having the activity goals every day is great. You don't have to get an iWatch. You can get like a Fitbit or something like that in this situation. It was funny because I was just ragging on my co worker the other day because his. His hair is all messed up, his clothes are all disheveled, and we're saying, oh, now you got a girlfriend. You're just letting yourself go. You know, you get kind of. You get kind of comfortable. When you do have a partner, you don't really think about those things anymore because you used to, you know, do all those things that, like, tried to impress somebody or you wanted to make sure you look good. So I don't know, guys. I don't think guys are really that sensitive about that.

I was wondering. I was gonna ask you, like, I.

Wonder how much she encourages him to go to the gym with her. To be honest. I mean, like, she might be just implying, like, hey, I'm coming. Go in gym. Want to come along? Like, kind of like laughs about it.

He might not know. Right.

That she's serious about it. We do that a lot at my work where we all talk about how we need to get in shape. And there's some people that are way serious about it than others. And when they said, hey, you want to come to the gym? They're kind of like, joking about it, but they're serious at the same time. Like, hey, you should really go to the gym. You know, so if you're more direct about it and see what he says.

Yeah, I think let's go work out together. That's something I often suggest to couples. I'm like, oh, well, just like you get a gym membership together. But also a lot of times when men, you know, they gain weight, they feel unhealthy, their sex drive can go down, they're not feeling as sexual, they're not in the mood as much. I mean, minutes. You said you just start working out again and you feel like you have more energy. Yeah. Way more affected your sex life. But we've talked about this in the past, too, that when you. It's true when you exercise more and you're healthy, you're going to want more sex. Also, though, you've been together for six years, since you were 18, so that could be another thing, that your sex life could be waning or you might be desiring other men. It could be also just because you've been together six years. Although it is a big deal if he's gained a lot of weight. It's not only the weight that you find attractive, but maybe just the fact that he's not taking his own health that seriously. That's not sexy either. You're like, I just want you to take care of yourself like, I do. And I get it.

Definitely affects your motivation to go out and eat, do things, and enjoy being together, you know? I know. Definitely. I'm just like, I'm too exhausted because, yeah, I'm out of shape, not working out, and I'm like, I don't really want to go all the way out to the pier. I'd rather stay at home and watch Hulu or Netflix or something like that instead of actually being outside. And I know that's, like, going outside would be way more fun for my partner than staying at home.

Right.

You know, so I'm sure that would cause some resentment if. If the person is. Start starting to act lazy.

Yeah. So maybe there are some things you could even just going for a walk, like, I remember, you know, even just, like, taking those 10,000 steps a day, and you guys walk places or you do things together. Couples who start new activities together or take courses together, like, actually it brings them closer. It spikes the adrenaline, enhances connection. So maybe there's some creative ways that you could kind of, you know, get him to come on board with some. Some more physical activities.

I mean, if you have the opportunity, get a dog, too. Dude, it's a dog. So much fun.

I'm gonna get a dog again.

Good luck with that.

Okay, I'm going to. All right, so that's all we got time for.

That's it. Oh, I don't. All right, fine.

Okay.

What did you do in, like, six months?

No, no, honey, you'll come back soon. This was so fun. You're like, just kidding. I'm busy. But I love you all. Thank you also, you guys, for subscribing, and it's itunes, and also for reviewing the show on itunes. Let's talk about that menace. You're really good at telling people why that's important, too.

It's very important, because I don't want to guilt trip you, but Emily has a whole crew of people here that work very, very hard on the show, and they don't ask you to pay for the podcast. All we need you to do is go review the show. If you're listening on itunes, there's a little comment section to say, oh, I love it. Give it five stars. I mean, that's what Emily would love you to do. I. I don't care. You can give it one star. I mean, Emily would cry. It wouldn't help us.

What happened was, a few years ago, we got some bad reviews, like, six years ago, and we, like, charged. And I can't get those are the ones that come up first is negative.

Emily was still trying to figure this out.

2006 or 2007. Yeah. Someone's like, hey, guess what? You can charge. And people. Because I was broke and I didn't know. And then people are still. That comes up first in iTunes, the negative one. So if you put more positive out there, the whole world will be a better place.

Yes, please go review anywhere you listen to the show play and set Spotify all those places. That only helps the show. Even if you're like, oh, I'm too afraid to write something on there because it says. It says sex. Just go ahead and just rate five star. Just rate it.

Five star, baby.

That help out.

We love it. Okay.

So thank you.

I appreciate it and thank you for everything. Everyone. Check out Menace and his show. Congratulations for the Woody show being on four cities.

Yes, we're on. If you live in Albuquerque, New Mexico, we are on 104.1 the Edge. And if we if you're listening like this gentleman, in Portland, we are on alt 102.3. And in St. Louis, alt 104.9. And in Los Angeles, alt 98.7. So a lot of places at the Woody show in the morning. Check us out.

Check it out. Appreciate it. Congratulations, Manasse and all that. Thank you to everyone for listening. I love you all. Thank you to my amazing team, to Ken and Jamie, our intern, Shannon, producer, Lark and Michael. And thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email feedback@sexwithemily.com.

There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep. Sharper focus, stronger muscles, and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger, and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement. It's a foundation for daily well being, which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever. Due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age. Well, Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free, and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really noticed calmer nights and clear mornings and just just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.comsexwithemily for 50 off. And here's a bonus use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q U A l I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.