Hot Sex: Holiday Edition

Stop what you're doing and listen closely because Bellesa and I are giving away free spicy toys or gift cards to every single one of you. That's right, everyone who signs up wins something. And if you haven't heard of Bellesa, let me put you on. They're a bi woman for everyone company that's completely flipping the script on sexual wellness. And now they're hooking you up. You've definitely seen Bellesa's viral toys all over your for you page. Like the rose, it blew up for a reason. This little flower shaped suction toy is iconic. Or. Or their famous whisper collection. You know, the first fully ever silent vibrators. If you live with roommates, parents, or even if your partner is sleeping right next to you, these toys are silent without compromising power. Or their new Pebble Pro. They just one up their best selling pebble with a stronger, smarter and seriously spicy redesign. Ballast has somehow figured out how to engineer a one stop pleasure shop with three interchangeable heads. It sucks. It humps. It licks. It vibrates. I'm speechless. And of course I had to hook all of you up. So my friends at Bellesa are sending out free toys or gift cards for toys to everyone who signs up. You heard that right. Every single one of you wins something. Just click the link in the episode description or head to bbvibes.com Emily that's B B V I B E S.com Emily thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. I'm joined by producer Jamie and we're giving you some tips to keep the holidays as sexy as they are. Jolly topics include ways to keep lives hot during the holidays, literally and figuratively. Which pleasure products make the best gifts? From stocking stuffers to the bigger stuff. Why the holidays are the perfect time of year to ask for what you want in the bedroom and ways to embrace what your turn ons are. Because who doesn't want to be turned on? All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes they call them. In a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean?

Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels Pretty good.

But, you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com youm can also find our podcast everywhere. You listen to podcasts. We love when you comment and subscribe. It really helps us when you subscribe on itunes. We love that. And also, if you haven't heard the news, I've been doing a Show on Sirius XM Radio Stars channel 109, and it's amazing. It's Monday through Friday, 5 to 7 Pacific, 8, 10 Eastern. And it's been amazing because people are calling in every night. I can answer your questions, take your calls five nights a week, same kind of thing, helping you with your sex and relationship questions. If you don't have serious, you can get a free trial@sexwithemily.com sxm but still doing the podcast, so not to worry there. You can also find us on all social media. It's sexwithemily across the board. Okay, I'm excited to be here with my producer Jamie, and we're gonna be talking a whole lot of sex stuff.

Hello.

Hello. We're talking holidays. We'll also be answering your emails. But holidays can be stressful. Stressful time of year. And we know that sex can be a huge stress reliever. Anxiety. There's so much anxiety and stress, yet we often can put sex on the back burner. We might do that throughout the year when we're stressed, but especially during the holidays. So we want to give you some tips about how to keep it interesting. Right. Because sometimes we think, I am so stressed out, sex is the last thing on my mind. Or I'm just so tired sex is the last thing I mind, or I'm just so hungry sex is the last thing I mind. I think a lot of us delay sex, but here's the thing. We forget a lot, first of all, how important it is to actually have sex with our partners. We think, well, we'll get back to it. We'll get back to it. But it's so much easier just to maintain. And you might forget this, but once you get started having sex, do you ever really regret it?

I don't think I ever have.

You've never been like, God damn it, why do we just have had sex? No. Right.

Unless it was like. Unless you're having issues in that department, maybe.

True. Unless it wasn't great sex. But I always say it's like going to the gym. Like the hardest part is getting out the door. And then you don't regret that either. The gym, never getting your shoes on, getting out the door. So same thing with sex. So it's about keeping sex top of mind and thinking about it in a more positive way. Not like it's gonna be a burden or a drag or how we gonna find time, but start thinking about sex like we. How you need sex. And this could also goes for masturbation.

I agree. Because I'm trying to. I'm like, you know, when you think about sex, like, oh, like I don't have time for sex. Like this is just gonna, like, you know, I'm not feeling it right now. It's not gonna make you feel good. But if you're like, oh, sex.

It'S great. I just, I just like having it. I think it's good even if you don't have it that day. I just feel like it kind of makes you feel better.

Yeah, it's true. And yes. And think about the sex you previously had maybe, or sex that you want to have with your partner. So even if you just think about it this way, that if you're like, well, there's no time. The holidays are so crazy. It could be 20 minutes, 20 minutes of sex. How much time are you spending and maybe even wasting on other things? Like how much time did you spend on social media today? How much time do you spend holiday shopping? You could just say, you know what, I'm gonna prioritize sex. Put in the schedule and make sure that it happens.

Yeah, just put it in your calendar. Even you don't have to call it sex in case you're worried someone's gonna look at it or masturbation, just be like me time or us time.

Exactly. Just something. Because then you'll think like you, you might not realize this over time, but I've, I actually track these kind of things when I don't have sex or even don't have orgasm. I've talked about this, but if I don't masturbate for a while and I do, I'm like, oh yeah, orgasm, it's so good. It really does. All that stuff we talk about how it boosts your. Well, it does boost your immune system. Orgasm. But it also the serotonin, like all the feel good feelings you get from an orgasm actually can shift your mood. So even if you just take a deep breath and you pause and you realize that, well, wait, sex. I'm not going to think negatively about sex or I'm not going to be stressed out that my partner wants sex. But you breathe and you're like, oh, it's not going to mess up my schedule. I have time for it. It's important just to remind you guys all the stress, make some time for the sexiness.

And then we've got some tips for you guys for the holidays. Some sex tips for the holidays. When again, it might not be as convenient, but it's also really cold out. Even here in la, it's cold today. It's weird when it rains here.

It is weird.

And I don't have a raincoat or an umbrella. I'm ill prepared.

I thought I had a lot of cute winter type clothes and I realized that I don't have a lot of cute winter type clothes.

No. Yeah. I mean, I guess it was warm here.

Yeah. Cause it never gets too cold. So it's like, you know me. I only have basically leggings as pants. I have like maybe one pair of jeans that I. That I wear.

I've never seen you in jeans and.

I just don't like to wear them.

Do you have a Paddington bear raincoat? Like a yellow raincoat?

No, but I really want one.

I just get an image of you on and like I feel like, have I seen you in a yellow raincoat? And I don't know why that just popped in my head. Paddington Bear. You know those. Paddington bear. I was like, I think I've seen Jamie one. But maybe not. No, me in my dreams.

It's so funny because there's this song, it's like some techno song. That's weird, but it's like something about like spreading love. Like a Paddington bear. And it's like.

Yeah, yeah. Is it like some techno song? My least favorite kind of music.

I know, I know.

Which is contentious in my current relationship. But we won't get into that. So ways to enjoy. So here's.

We legitimately had a conversation. He's like, I just. I count this minute, the seconds when you get in my car. I count to 15 and you're gonna tell me to change it. I'm like, then why would you play it? We have mutually agreed upon music. It's like the deep trance stuff. I just don't like it. Makes me anxious. Do you like that music?

I do.

Okay.

But I like.

You could drive around with him in the rain.

I like all the musics. All the musics. Wow. I like all the genres. Music.

Right.

I've lately. I like. I like stuff that I can sing to. So anything that I can Sing along to is.

Yeah, I like singing along to the 80s. The 70s, even 80s are the best. That's what I listen to on serious when I'm not listening to stars. But anyway, music. Oh, and then there was. Speaking of music, interesting sex in the news that came out recently about how playing music. We've talked a lot about music during sex. But actually wasn't there a study that said if you play music during sex there's just more pleasure, more orgasms, more connection with your partner. Cause it's another like you're less distracted by outside noises and whatever's happening and it can kind of get you in that groove. And it was certain types of music.

Yeah. And then I think too you both can kind of find. It helps you find a mutual rhythm.

Yeah. A mutual rhythm from the music.

Yeah.

I found that interesting because every time there is music when I'm having sex, if it's not techno music, I. I feel like it's. I'm like, ah, we should do that more. It's so easy now with playlists and everything, you know. Gotta put a CD in.

No, it's true.

Like ever. Like CD player stuck. That doesn't happen anymore. Okay. So the other thing is just reminiscing music down music lane. So some tips for the holidays if you are. I think shower sex is fun for the holidays if you've got relatives staying with you or you're just busy and you guys are both. We don't have a lot of time. Like let's hop in the shower. And it's cold out.

Yeah.

So take a warm shower.

Like a really hot shower. Keep the steam going. Maybe like let it get hot before you get in it. So there's already a lot of steam. Yeah, Things like that. I think that would be really cool.

Me too. We love the sport sheets. Sex in the shower line. It's essentially makes shower sex exactly what you wanted it to be before. You probably had some ill conceived shower sex sessions because sometimes they're ill executed. Sometimes we have shower sex. It's like not as great as we think. But with sex in the shower, it helps you from falling over.

Yeah. Which is a real thing.

It's like people fall over and go to the emergency room. That happens.

You don't want to do that.

No. So they have these really cool. The bar that you can put your hands up on comes up the wall easily. The vibrating mesh sponge, I think is one of the most genius inventions. It's a mesh sponge with a vibrator in it.

Exactly.

Enough said.

Just play around with each other while washing each other. Killing two birds with one stone.

And even just be massage in your partner's back. Like you don't have to get it all, but it could be fun. It's a place for to have some privacy too.

Yeah. And I think it's fun because you can't really. Like the vibrator like hides itself in the sponge and even the footrest. It's like. Yeah, I use it to shave my legs or with a handle. It's like I'm lazy.

Right?

I like that. Exactly. Because that's what I'm saying.

I just hang on. You can't tell what it is, but actually. Right. You put your foot on it, you put your hand up on it. And so it's like that brace so you don't fall. That's the point of the sex in the shower line. It's brilliant.

And people aren't gonna be like, why is this sex stuff in your shower? Yeah, they're not gonna be able to tell incognito.

Sex stuff in your shower. And she does shave her legs in her little shower bar. So get creative.

I think I left it at my parents house though and I.

When you moved.

Yeah.

Hopefully they're using it either for sex or shaving.

No, that bathroom like doesn't get used now. Oh, it's like a shrine.

Jamie. Jamie left the nest. She left her parents an empty nest. But that's okay. You needed to move on.

I did.

Okay. So then after you get out of the shower, if you choose this adventure, use massage candles.

I haven't talked about massage candles in a while. Really? Because I don't know why, but I've really been have a re found love for them. They are cool, you guys. If you haven't used them yet, it's cause I used to have my own massage candles.

That's why we need to like.

I had my own line years ago. We need to make it for a while. I would love to make it, but I do love the Jimmy Jane ones. Or the Donna. Massage candles are great. You can find these all on our website. We do have a new store that you can check out. Powered by Good Vibrations, which is my favorite sex place. I have to say. I just grew up there. My mom let me run around. No kidding. But when I moved to San Francisco, I loved it. But you ignite massage candles, how they work is you light them. If you don't know you light a candle, they have amazing scents. You know, even light it for a little foreplay when you're hanging out with your partner and then you blow it out and it turns into this really luxurious massage oil. It's not like messy, waxy, hot. You don't burn your partner and then you just pour it on them and you give a little sensual massage. And that is another thing to deal with the stress over the holidays.

I mean, what's more relaxing than a massage?

I know. I'm thinking I should maybe take like a massage course. I know we recommend this to a lot of people. Like, you can take them online now too. Yeah, like, that is a great thing to do with a partner. Take a massage course or find a masseuse, you know, and have them come over and teach you. Like, I think, I think sometimes people can be like, oh, I'm not sure how to do it. It would be weird. But you just need like, it's like literally one or two strokes. Like, you just don't do it on the spine. Like, there's certain things you avoid. And then you just use your hands and you do some kneading and it just feels really good. And then the warmth of the oil beneath you, you can just kind of. It's all slippery and you can roll around together in the sheets.

I always forget too, because, like giving just like a dry massage, like how much? Because it's not bad. It's still fine. Like anytime your partner or someone's touching you, like, I just, I like that. But I'm like, when I use like oil, it feels, it's. First of all, it's easier to give the massage.

That's the other thing. You can't really mess up if you have. If you use really good massage oil. Yeah, lotion, something.

So it's easier to give the massage and then it just feels nicer for them, I'm sure.

Absolutely. You get like essential oils now they've like CBD massage oils. There's a lot you could do with it. So I say even just for a few minutes. We also know that it's just relaxing. So if you've been in that relationship and you're just like, I'm never in the mood, like, just give each other 10 minute massages. You'll be. It just keeps things nice and toasty. The massage candles. So those are some ways to reduce stress over the holidays. But here's some ways you can really get what you want for the holidays. I think it's a perfect time to, to actually ask for what you want. Finally get that sex that you want. We've got some great ways to Facilitate that.

Yeah, why not get a regular gift and a sex gift.

I think you should always. I only give sex gifts. It's true. Not to. Yeah. To most people, I only give. Even my mom, we just send her some lube. So, yes, give sex gifts. And so another good thing is we actually are having some fun here. We were like, I really want to give the listeners, like, a variety this year of just some gifts. Gifts that you could buy some, you could make some, you could just. And that will also advance your sexual agenda. So great. Time to do the old sexual bucket list where you're each writing down a few things that you want to try and then you swap it. This is just so you can go into the new year knowing that, like, we've got a plan in place to prioritize our pleasure in 2019. And the bucket list is where you each write down three things you've been wanting to try. Could be a fantasy, it could be more. Making out, spanking.

You might even be surprised that, like, there might be some overlap in your lists.

Yes, that's where you start. You start with the overlap.

So that's fun. Also, sex toys. Let's get into it. Gifting vibrators, pleasure products to yourself or your partners, even your friends.

Yeah, I mean, I think a couple years ago if I were to be like, give. You know, besides my one, I have one friend that would always have been down for vibrators or sex things. I think a couple years ago, some of my friends were still a little like, eh. But now I think, I think all of them would be like, just, yeah, totally. Bring me lube sex. Bring me stuff. Like, bring me things I bring.

Yeah, yeah. Who doesn't want lube? And if they don't know about lube yet, well, you're opening up their whole world to a slippery, sensual world of lube. So I think, yeah, bring lube. Bring toys. We love the Vesper necklace by Crave. That's a great gift for. If you haven't seen it. It's like an elegant vibrator necklace. It's been around now for a few years and it still always tops my list. I've given it to so many girlfriends and friends, and they just can't. Like, whenever I give it to them, they're like, oh, my God, like, they can't believe it exists. It's waterproof, rechargeable. You could wear it in the shower. You could just wear it as a. As a layering necklace. No one knows what it is.

Even if you don't Ever end up using it as a vibrator? It's just a really cool necklace.

Yeah, it's a talking piece. You're like, oh, what is that? And you can choose to tell them or not. They have it in a few colors, and it's great. Like, they have rose, gold, and silver, so that's fun. The other thing, you guys, we have a new subscription box, and I was just. I love it. We're doing it with good vibes now, and it's, you know, four times a year, so it's quarterly. What I thought about is what a great gift for your partner because it's like you're getting a little hint every few months of things that you could do in your relationship. Like, you're like, oh, things have gotten stale. It's, you know, it's March, and then here comes the box. So this latest box is gonna have bondage tape, which I love, which is an easy to use way to tie your partner up. It's like disposable tape. A rabbit vibrator. The rabbit vibe.

The rabbit vibe. The one from Vibratex. Vibratex.

A massage candle. Oh, there you go. Let's have sex later card. And some lube and I think a few other things. But that's a really fun box. And I was thinking, what a great wedding gift. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

How great is that as a gift that you could give to someone and just give them the gift of sex, you know, it's gonna be challenging.

They can open it up on their honeymoon.

Exactly.

I do like the fact that it comes every so quarter. That's every three months. Yes, I know. Basic math. And it kind of. If you forget, like, if you're one of those people, because it does, you know, life is busy, whatever, and you've kind of like sex, maybe took like a backseat or you forgot. Like, you're just got into a routine. It. Like, it comes in the mail and you're like, oh, okay, let's try something new. Or, oh, yeah, we haven't had been having sex lately. Let's see what's in this box, right?

I'll wait for you to come home. Or, you know, like, let them know that it arrived. Like, it's exciting.

Yeah. I like the let's have sex later card.

The let's have sex later card. And you can hide it somewhere and say, like, put it in their, you know, pocket or something.

Or what if they never find it and you're just like, well, I guess we're never having sex again.

Exactly. You can Write your own thing on it. Exactly. Oh, well, don't take it personally then. We also have lube. You guys, these are some stocking stuffers. Throw some lube in. There's a lot of great little bottles. Jo makes the great flavored lubes, which I love for oral sex and just. Yeah. Throw some lube for the whole family.

Yeah, the little.

Not the whole family, but, you know, the ones over 18.

I like the little tiny oo. They look like little tiny tests.

Yeah. Those are so cute. Yes.

They're really cute that way too. It's not like you're giving someone like this giant bottle of lube, but you're just kind of like, hey, here you go.

Oh, I love the little. Yeah, it's beautiful too. It's very elegant lube. The uber lube. They're screaming O. Screaming O for penis rings. If you haven't tried it and you don't want to step up to like a more intense, rechargeable. They have the ones that are like throwaway vibe that you could use them once disposable. And also they have a line of vibrators that I've been really impressed by. Screaming O. They're very cost efficient and they're really fun looking. Yeah. And they work well. And so you can also check those out on our site. But they also have the great penis rings and all that.

I think it's a lot of fun this year. I'm like, envisioning the screaming O stuff and it just makes sense to me. It just looks like the perfect thing to put in, like a sexy stocking stuffer type thing because. Well, one, A lot of the penis rings are actually like white and red, so that's already Christmas colors.

Yeah, that's true. There you go. It's a Christmasy kind of vibe. Want a Christmas vibe? Here you go.

Exactly. So those are fun. Check them out. And then what other vibes? You know how we love our vibes. They're all on the site.

Yeah. And I mean, there's like some, like. I think some little ones. Like there's the Aria finger vibe, I think is like a great.

Yeah, the Aria finger vibe.

Yeah, it's like, it's a. And you can take. You don't even need to use it as a finger vibe because it's. It's like just a little bullet. So you can just use the bullet yourself, but you can also put it in the little finger holder so you can hold it on your hands.

Yeah, I love that. I want to get one of those. Those are great.

There's one in the closet.

There is the Aria one.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm stealing it. It's so funny because a few weeks ago I love the we vibe touch. And mine, I lost it. Like I don't know where it went. I moved. I can't find it. And I was like, we only have one left. Should I take it? Jamie's like, that is your sex toy closet. And I just feel bad. I'm like, well, we want to give it to people, our listeners, our friends. But I did. I took a new touch home. We've got a closet full and I did not know that was in the closet. Okay, so those are some fun toys. Lingerie. You guys can always be nice. I like when I've been gifted lingerie. So if some places Yancey, the website Yancey has some that are just kind of fun and a little less expensive. There's Fredericks of Hollywood, Victoria's Secret. You know, I know that's an age old thing, lingerie, but I still think it's fun to get something that's sexy or maybe gift certificate for you and your partner to go shopping and try and lingerie together.

Yeah, like I think it's something that people are like, it's cliche or some sometimes. But it's actually, it's fun, right?

I think it's fun. I need some more lingerie. It's on my list too. See, now I'm shopping for myself. Uv you guys, we UV is great. UV is the sanitation device. It cleans stores and sanitizes your toys. And I was thinking, because we sat here really thinking about this, you guys, like, what would you guys like? Like what are some unique gifts? And UV is super cool because like I said, stores clean. Sanitize your toys. And it's great around the holidays because make sure that your toys are safely locked away so you can parent proof and childproof your house if your parents are visiting. I have friends with kids and they've been like, oh, I would love that vibrator. But I have kids at home and I'm like, first of all, do your kids have like carte blanche into every. And I get it though. Kids go through things like. But they literally can open every drawer. And I get it. I used to go through my parents drawers when they were out. I remember finding like half a joint in my dad's drawer once. So anyway, I get it. But the UV locks up your toys and sanitizes them. Sanitizes them and stores them and you can't tell what it is and it cleans your phone, your jewelry, your makeup, brushes. It's the coolest friggin thing you guys and it's a great gift. There's also. Jamie just found these.

Oh I was so excited cause I you know like. Cause the thing is we're not just like, you know like oh what are these random things? Like no, we go on the websites, we look for stuff that like we think is cute and good for you guys. And I found these, I swear they were not there like yesterday. These we vibe ice cube trays. So it's like the you know, original, the cup, the original couple's toys. So like the sink or the match or the unite like all different versions of that toy. Or like ice cube trays in the shape of that.

That's really cute. I want to get those for the office. I why do we don't have those?

I just want those. I think that's amazing.

I like all the fun. Didn't we have like a penis ice cube tray here once? A Naboo by ice cube tray? Yeah.

What happened to those?

I don't know, people took them.

Fun with ice cubes.

Fun with ice cubes. Also you know one of my favorite tips is when you're doing the whole like oral sex on your partner, man or woman, you can give a blindfold and then play with hot and cold. So use a massage candle and then have a tray of ice cubes and play with ice. Play with different sensations. That feels good. Games you guys, we love these games. Creative conceptions makes these really cool games. They're like sex games that you can play with your partner. And I love them. This couple, they're a couple, they've been together a long time and they realized, I don't know when they started this company. I think this company's been around a while but they were like, you know, our sex life has gotten boring. Let's play games. We were a game couple. Like maybe they were into backgammon or whatever, Monopoly. So they made really cool board games. Like they're game that you might have seen because they have these at a lot of the stores. But now I've really gotten to know them. There's one called monogamy based on Monopoly and it's just a really fun game and you actually learn a lot about your partner and it inspires you to to do a lot of sexy things during the game. Some are more like emotional based like learning what you each want. And some are like do this now. Pull down your partner's pants, lick Them from behind. So the monogamy one's great. We were just playing together. Jamie and I were playing. What was the one that was. We were playing with.

The oral sex. Oh, the oral sex game is adorable. There's one called Oral Sex, and it's a board game, and you roll the die and then it moves you along the grid, and you just. Each time, you're kind of escalating your oral sex game.

Yeah, that one's fun too, because they just throw in some kind of, like, stupid little trivia with it. But it's fun.

There's trivia. Yeah.

So it makes it fun so you can test each other's trivia on it.

And then sex trivia.

And then there's, like, different. Like, there's, like, certain spaces or, like, lips or an ice cube or a blindfold. And it's like, in the thing, if you're like. As you progress through the board, it gets more and more, like, steamy.

Steamier. Yeah, exactly. So that's fun. And I think that games just like how a lot of couples listen to my podcast together, which I love because it helps you guys go, well, Emily said it, and let's discuss what she said. Would we want to try it? Games are the same kind of thing. It can facilitate a lot of those. A lot of those acts or conversations or things that you've been wanting to have in your relationship or didn't know that you want in your relationship, and you're doing it over again. Because sex is fun.

It takes the pressure off because then it's not your idea. It's like someone else's idea.

Exactly. Well, the game says you have to go down on me for 10 minutes, so. Or whatever the game says. And Emily says, okay. And then finally, creative ideas. You can make your own advent calendar, but with sexy stuff instead of chocolate. Like, each day you have a pull out a note that says, I think.

That'S like, the best idea. I mean, and you can. So you can either put in, like, I think maybe like, you know, some of the stuff for stocking stuffers. It could be like a little cock ring thing, screaming, oh, or whatever. Or. And I, you know, don't make it feel like you have to make sure that it's just like, sex.

Right. Every day.

Every day. Like, it could be just like a hot makeout sesh for 10 minutes.

Yeah. It could be a little note that says, today we. Yeah, we make out for 10 minutes. It's really creative, too. Things you want to try. It could be a date thing. Like Tonight, we're going to do this thing, but you pull out the note or the toy or the thing.

Yeah, I think that that's, like, such.

A cute little idea.

We should make one.

We should make one. We should have a craft day. All right, guys, those are ideas. Oh, crafties. I know. Let's do crafts. Okay, guys, so those are holiday ideas. I hope you guys are all doing well and having a happy holiday season. And we're here to support you as a always. So we're going to get into your emails and everything we talked about. You can find our website, sexdentally.com, click on the shop page and have a good time. Okay, we are going to take a quick break. When we come back, I'm going to get into your emails.

Okay, guys, we are back. We are back. I love answering your questions. You know I do. You know I do. If you want a question answered on the show, go to sexme.com click Ask Emily Tablo, fill out the form and check the yes box if you'd like to be called side note. On the Sirius XM show Monday through Friday. If you don't have Sirius, you could call us, triple 894-782-77 and ask your question, because I'm there, like two hours a night helping out better sex. That's just a side note. You can also just email directly your questions. Feedbackexwithelmy.com Most important thing, your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show.

Okay, so this first email is from Braden, 25, in Nevada. Dear Emily, me and my wife have been happily married for four years now and have been together 8. Our sex life is great, but I've recently been wanting to explore new things that we can bring into our sex life. Specifically, toys that she can use on me and I can use on her. Fleshlights, vibrators, plugs, etc. The issue I'm running into is rejection. I don't want to feel like I'm a perv or. Or make her feel she's not good enough. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

Here's the thing, Braden. I totally get it. Bringing up sex toys is not easy. We all have fears that we're gonna be rejected, especially, like, even sharing fantasies. Or we're afraid our partners are gonna think, oh, my God, they're crazy and reject us. So really, you wanna make it a conversation for both of you that you'd like to be, you know, suggest that there's some fun things you guys could try out to you know, keep your sex life spicy and hot. And so you could ask her, say, hey, and I thought, you know, what would you like to do? Let's talk about our sex life. Let's. Let's prioritize our pleasure. So what do you think? Have you ever thought about this? And she could be like, no, I don't know, I haven't thought about it. Or maybe she does have ideas. But you could say, have you thought about vibrators or sex toys or anything else? And if she's like, no, oh, I heard those were bad. Or doesn't it mean, what are people's objections to toys? We don't need them. That's like my favorite. I'm like, really? There's nothing about need. I'm not saying, like you need it, but it just adds something else. And for a lot of people, we do. Like, it helps with orgasms, it helps with pleasure. So let's just say she's like, oh, no, I haven't really thought about it. You guys can go to a local store together and go shopping, which can be so fun. You could also go online. Go shop on my store online and click around together so she can kind of see what it's about. So this way it's something that you're an activity that you're both into and then you look forward to the package coming and it's a fun combo. And. And I also want to tell you, and this is to everyone else, that it might not go well the first time just because they're like, nope, nope, I'm not going to answer. We're done. You can listen to that. And then you could bring it up again. Maybe not that day, but soon, and just say, okay, I heard that you were upset about this, but it's really my intention is that I just thought maybe, you know, that we would do something together that could make it interesting and spice it up. So I just think what I'm saying is a lot of times our partners say one thing or they shoot us down and then we never try again. And I think if you've never Brayden ever talked about this to her, maybe she had a bad experience with the vibrator, maybe she heard they were bad or who knows what? So just know that you got to keep trying, keep going, your intentions are right. And eventually I'm sure she's going to realize that, yes, sharing some new sexual experiences with her husband is very important. Thanks for that.

Joey from who's 35 from Canada, writes, hi, Emily, I'm married with no kids. My wife does not know the situation I'm about to ask. I know that I'm a straight male because I'm only attracted to women and even lose my arousal when I watch porn showing naked guys. That being said, there is only one guy that I'm sexually attracted to. And the strange thing is that guy is myself. I get aroused looking at my naked body in the mirror and I need to watch myself in the mirror when I masturbate. In fact, one of my sex fantasies is meeting an exact identical clone or copy of myself and making love to him. I've been experiencing this since I was a teen. I want to know if there are other people out there in the same strange situation. And do you have an explanation for this? P.S. can you please recommend the most delicious edible lube you know, that's available here in Canada?

Okay. Oh, this is a great question. First of all, I'm just thinking, like, hashtag self love. Like, I wish that I got this email. I love this. I think it's totally great that you are aroused by yourself. There is zero wrong with this. And I'd love to get this from women, too. I feel like women could. There's a lot of women who. I think we work a lot on body image and self esteem. And I just think I want you all to look in the mirror when you're having sex. It's really hot. Or just use a mirror and watch yourself masturbate. So, Joey, I love that you know, that you rise by yourself. Nothing wrong with it at all. Maybe you are a little bit of a voyeur or exhibitionist, you know, but you want to watch yourself. So I think that's hot. And I say also, embrace this and have sex with your wife in front of the mirror. That's something that I've revisited lately of my partner and I'm like, I forgot how hot mere sex is. It's kind of like your own porn, but you don't have to record it. And nothing's like, gonna get on the, you know, interwebs. So you just do it. It's a great way to spice it up. So I think you're good to go here, and I think it's great. And hopefully that'll inspire some listeners too, to fall in love with your sexual self. The Fleshlight Ice. Also, you can see your penis in the masturbation sleeve. So that's just a suggestion. You might want to check that out. If you're really into it, you can see through it to your penis. As far as edible Lube. I have to say, you guys, the best edible lubes, I believe are from System Joe because their flavors, I used to have a really thing. Oh, God. Edible. You know, flavored lube is bad tasting and leaves a bad taste. They have perfected it. They have gelato flavors. It's like hazelnut espresso, salted caramel. And it really tastes that way. Like, I've, like, almost downed a bottle of the salted caramel, as well as water based flavors like watermelon and peach. And that's. Jamie loves the watermelon.

Mm. It's my favorite.

It's your favorite? She uses it all the time. So that's what we recommend there. All right. Have fun with yourself and your wife. I liked your question. It's very inspiring.

I relate. I get really turned on by myself.

You do?

Yeah. I mean, I don't know what I used to think. I'm like, that might be slightly narcissistic, but I also don't care.

But in a good way.

No.

The good kind of narcissism is if you can look in the mirror and be like, I am a husk, sexy, hot person. I love it.

I even took a. Took a selfie this morning.

You did? In bed?

No, I was like, by the mirror. I love my new room. I'm just like obsessed with it. And there's like, just like a walkway down to the mirror.

So it's like, I love this.

Anyways, Courtney, who's 26 in Cincinnati, writes, hi, Emily. I love listening to your show, and it gives me more confidence in my sexuality. I have a serious boyfriend that I've been dating since March. Everything is great. And I have never felt so strongly about someone so quick. We share everything together. The one thing that I'm personally struggling with is our sex life. We haven't had sex yet. I told him I wanted to wait until we really got to know each other and then let him know. A month and a half or two months in that I was ready. But then he never tried. I was the one trying. He finally sat me down, said he was having sexual anxiety about our first time being intimate, and he took it upon himself to see a therapist. But I'm still having a hard time understanding the concept. Is this kind of common? What can I or should I do? And how do I keep my self esteem up? And what can we do as a couple?

Thanks, Courtney, for this question. I'm so glad the show is giving you confidence in your sexuality. And I don't want this boyfriend to take it Away from you. Because I promise you, promise you, whatever is going on with him has nothing to do with you. Like zero to do with you. If you guys have been together, you're a healthy couple in your 20s. He's got something else going on. So I am so glad he's seeing a therapist. That will certainly help him. So he might have something in the past that has happened. Performance anxiety is so real. I think we all have performance anxiety. And maybe he hasn't had sex before or a lot of sex. We don't know yet, but know that it is not you. The fact that he's actually made the effort and he's going to therapy is huge. It's huge for anyone to actually make that step. And it's so important he can still give you pleasure, though. So are you guys still, you know, doing stuff? Oral? Are you playing around, making out? I mean, all that stuff. You have to remember, you guys, it's not just about the old in and out, that foreplay is a really good time, and it's a way to still have that intimacy and just let him know that you're here with him for the journey. If you're willing to wait it out and he has nothing to worry about, you're here and you're excited to be intimate with him once he figures it out. So hopefully he's going to make some progress in this. Now also remember that these are the kind of things too, that months can go by and you might be like, oh, my God, it's still going on. So I think this, you know, we want to see a little bit of progress sooner than later. And hopefully he's going to be opening up to you and he's going to actually bring you guys closer. So thanks, Courtney, for the question.

All right, this next one is from a Kevin. No age or location was given.

He did not follow. Fine, we'll still answer it.

He writes. Hi, Emily. Just started listening to your show recently and I found it to be engaging and informative. Keep up the great work. Here's my question. I've always had normal relationships in a sex life. However, I discovered something recently that is a real turn on for myself and I don't really know why. It's when a woman is all done up in cosplay, costume or makeup. For example, Elphaba Tigra, a clown, which I don't like clowns, but to each his own. I occasionally will get into a full costume or makeup myself. Not even referring to Halloween. I don't want to scare off potential future relationships. Just by talking about a subject like this. Things that turn you on. So how do I go about trying to explore this and meet women who might be interested in role play? Thank you for your time.

Okay. I think there's nothing wrong with this at all. I mean, there's a reason why cosplay. I mean, there must be cosplay groups, right? Isn't so much about cosplay, about, you know, meeting other like minded cosplay people. So I'm sure there's like conventions and meetups. So this could be really fun for you. I love someone who knows exactly what turns them on. So really it's about going out with someone. If you meet someone you like and asking them, like, what kind of things turned you on? What are you into? Because I have to say, like, you would all be really surprised at when you have a very honest, authentic conversation with someone about sex and that you actually know what you want. There's a lot of people who are sort of not sure. Maybe they say, oh God, I love dressing up. That could be hot. Let's dress up and role play. So make it like a conversation. You don't have to get into specifically what you're into, but you could just say, I think dressing up is hot, or have you ever dressed up? Or let me know what you think so you ease into the conversation. And I am a huge fan of roleplay for couples. So I really, again, I wouldn't worry about it. And part of me thinks you guys, I don't think you lead with it if you're just having a first coffee date. But I do think that it's better sooner than later to figure out if our partner is a sexual match for us, for all of us. Save yourself some time, find out if they're gonna be down with what you're gonna be down with. So I don't think this will be that hard to find out. Kevin, just be honest what you're into. Dressing up, doing some fun things in the bedroom and see what happens. It'll help you with your confidence and it'll help you continue to know that you are on the track with what you're into.

This one is from Stacy, 37, in Canada. Hi, Emily. Thank you for taking the time to read my email. I appreciate all the work you do for your listeners. My boyfriend and I took a four month break after dating for 15 months. I'm 37, he's 38. We reconnected and have been intimate again for about four weeks. We've always had a fantastic sex life. However, since we've been back together, he's only able to last a few minutes before ejaculating, both with manual stimulation and vaginal intercourse. Prior to breaking up, he would last, on average, 15 to 20 minutes. I'm not complaining, as he's still making sure I'm 100% satisfied each time. However, he's expressed that this is frustrating him. What do you think? Why do you think this has changed for him over the last of the last few months that we were apart? And do you have any suggestions to help bring his stamina back up to how it used to be without making him feel even more insecure?

Okay. Well, it sounds to me like, Stacy, that it's probably has to do with the fact that I don't know why you guys broke up, but maybe he's a little anxious getting back with you because he's really excited that you guys are back together. And so he wants it to be great. I mean, a lot of pe, Especially because he wasn't pre. He wasn't coming too quickly before. This sounds like a case of anxiety. Like, he's sort of worried it's going to happen. Maybe it happened the first time, and then it's only been four weeks. So I think he's going to get back to how it was, and he's probably just in his head to bring back his stamina. Here's the thing about bringing your stamina back. I mean, well, the first thing is just to let him know that it's okay. Like, it's cool, babe, you know, see if he can get going again, too. The refractory period for a lot of guys, you know, you just stop. You know, he comes and then he keeps going down on you, and you guys make out for a while, and then you go back to it. So that's some things. And I think by the time we've answered this, I think you guys are already gonna be back on track, is my gut. But for to help guys with their stamina is really on their own when they're masturbating to practice the stop and start method or edging where they're getting. Where they're masturbating. And then right when they're about to ejaculate, they stop and then they go back down again. They slow down and they get up again where they're going to masturbate, and they. Where they're going to come and they stop, they slow down. And that's a great way for men to kind of learn their ejaculatory control. So they call it the Stop Start method or edging. And also doing Kegels exercises really helps guys last longer. Those are my recommendations. I don't think you'd make him insecure if you just tell him that it's all fine and you want to work with him on this and and let's have some fun with it. And you guys could even do some mutual masturbation where he's not letting himself come and you're not letting yourself come and you make it part of your sex jam together. How you guys have sex together. Okay you guys, okay guys, we're out of time here today. Happy holidays. Look forward to hearing from everybody and I'm sending you lots and lots of love. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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