Hot Summer Sex

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Here's a little bit of inspiration from our Instagram audience. I said, what's one of your hottest summer dumber hookups you've ever had? Watching my girl get hit on at a pool in Vegas and end up watching them have sex back in his room. Someone else said while hiking in underground tunnels, it's super hot because it was so spontaneous. Someone else we snuck on the golf course I live on. The fear of getting caught was hot. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them. In a bygone day.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Okay, summer's heating up and I'm here to make sure your sex life follows suit. So in this episode, I'm sharing ideas on how to experiment with hot and cold sensation, play the perks of hotel sex, and my personal sex toy picks for travel. And if you can't get away this year, do not worry because I've got sex tips for bringing the vacation into your bedroom. I also answer your questions like how to set boundaries for your bachelor bachelorette parties, where to safely have sex in public. You know you want to try out some adventure, how to navigate a friends with benefits relationship, and what to do with penis anxiety if your partner plays with a toy that's a little bit bigger than you. All right, Intentions with Emily. For each episode, join me in setting an intention. I do it and I encourage you to do the same. So when you're listening, what do you want to get out of this episode? So my intention was to give you a roadmap for having a fun, hot, exciting summer. We all deserve it, right? Also, we have some great articles on our website, so check them out. We have sex positions for your summer bucket list. If you want to ask me a question, call my brand new hotline. It's 559-TalkSex or 559-825-5739. Just leave me your questions there or message me sex with emily.com askemily include your name, your gender identity, location, age, and how you listen to the show. All right everybody, enjoy this episode.

Summer is here. We are just coming out of isolation, a pandemic. And there's been a lot written lately and talked about this being the summer of sex. Have you heard this how to date during Horny Vex Summer? Are we heading towards the summer of sex? Is this going to be the horniest summer of all time? Those are just some headlines in front of me right now. Obviously we don't know what's going to happen, but it is true that many of us have been isolated during quarantine. Maybe we didn't really date or when we did date, it was kind of disappointing. And if you're in a relationship, aren't you ready to get out of your house and have some fun this summer? I think that's the one thing we can all agree on. The sun is out, we're ready to have fun. But what are we gonna do about our sex life? How do we get more adventurous? So let me just lay down some stats here for you. Hinge, one of the fastest growing dating sites says that 85% of their users were open to going on dates as soon as lockdown lifts. Half of their users already arranged real life dates. And then in the same month, Durex announced a double digit increase in condom sales. We know what that means, right? I think that we are all very, very optimistic. I read these articles. I'm looking what people are Saying it's true. It could be the summer of sex. People are talking about the Spanish flu in 1918. And then when that ended, we ran into the whirring twenties and it was just alcohol and flappers and a good time. But I also know a lot about the human condition and I think a lot of us sort of have our baseline. If you were somebody who loved to go out and sleep around, and that's your jam, and dating several people, you're probably going to do it maybe even more so this summer. But if you're someone who's looking for a relationship and you're actually looking for that partner, I say, do you this summer, like, find what you are looking for? So don't let the hype make you feel like you have to give in. Like, oh, I guess I should just date a bunch of people this summer if that's not what you're looking for. So I just ask everyone to take care of yourself. And as always, only you have the answers for what really feels good to you and what you're looking for. If you're looking for a partner, what's important to you? What are their values? Are you looking for a long term relationship? Are you looking for someone to have children with? You know, do you want to live with someone? I just think it's important to get really clear because sometimes we get out there and we date and we're like, oh, I didn't want any of these things that this person wants, but they're really hot. I'm really attracted to them. So hopefully you had time during the pandemic to kind of think about a lot of these things and now you're ready to go. How do you enjoy a summer of hot sex? Well, I've got some ideas for you. Whether you're in a relationship or you're dating or it's a one night stand, let's all enjoy some hot summer sex. So one of the first things which I always think about when I think of summer sex is sensation play. And we wrote something about this on our Instagram and a lot of you were like, what do you mean by temperature play? Sensation play. So temperature play essentially uses hot and cold sensations to stimulate the skin's neuroreceptors or all those nerve endings. And so when you stimulate through heat or through cold, it gives your body that rush of sensations and endorphins. And if you're doing it during foreplay, you know what happens then it gets translated into your arousal. So this is just kind of a fun thing. You can do with your partner and to play with. And it's really fun for the receiver when hot and cold are combined together in unpredictable patterns. Meaning you can drop some warm massage oil wax, and then you can do some more heat. And then you can put a little ice cube on. And then you could maybe use some warming lube. So just play around. There is no script here. I'm just going to give you the ingredients. So what do you need to do? Sensation play, temperature play. Ice cubes. Ice cubes in a bowl. You can just have them by your bed. There's a lot of different ways to play with ice cubes. Then there's massage candles. You know, I'm obsessed with massage candles. Remember, don't use a regular candle. A regular candle has wax. Massage candles are usually made out of ingredients that are like warming coconut oil. They're ingredients that you are meant to pour on a partner and to use as massage oil. So look for the label on the candle. There's warming lube by system jo, which is amazing. Use it on different body parts and things warm up. They feel good. You could also use an ice pack if you don't want to use ice cubes, because ice packs tend to be less messy. And maybe you just can grab an ice pack. You could also, if you want, toys. Now, glass and metal toys are really fun for temperature play. Essentially, you're looking for objects that retain their temperature. So those made of metal and glass will do so. So you can chill them, put them in the freezer, or you can boil them. Those are really fun to play with. If you want to know how to do it, though. Like, how do you do temperature play? You can use a blindfold on your partner and tell them you have a surprise for them. And then you could light a candle and you could use the warm oil on the candle or some warming lube. Can you imagine? They have no idea that something that you rub on them is going to start to heat up in a few seconds. And then you can sort of use an ice cube. You can put an ice pack in your hand with one hand. You could be, you know, playing with your partner. And then once your hand's really cold from the ice pack, you could use that hand and give your partner a hand job. Or play with them so your hand is actually ice cold. Or take the ice cubes in your mouth and you can drip them down your partner's body. You could have ice in your mouth and then, you know, go down on your partner and have them feel that sensation when they least expect it. So it's just Temperature Plays is a fun thing to do. We're going to be hot this summer, and I love recommending that. So what about just adventurous sex? How do you do something that. What does that mean to you? If I'm like, ah, I just want to get out of my house? Well, do something fun and new and interesting. I mean, adventure to you might be something different than it is to me, which is totally fine. But adventurous is just outside your comfort zone, outside of what you normally do. So if you want to start, there's some fun sex games. There's like, sex dice. There's games that actually ask questions to your partner. So they're like leading questions so you can figure out more about each other. That just might be something fun. If you've never played a sex. If you're already a game couple, you. You might as well play a fun sex game. We have a bunch on our site available through Good Vibrations. They have a ton of board games and sex games and sex cards, and that could be your first step. Oh, also, there's a great article on our website called 5 BDSM Games to Spice up your sex life tonight. I promise if you read that, you will be very inspired. You also know that I'm obsessed with our yes, no, maybe list. If you haven't downloaded that, that's going to give you a lot of suggestions about what you could do that is adventurous and fun. Skinny dipping. This is the time, right? It's time to skinny dip. So I think that's always hot, whether you're jumping in the ocean, you're jumping in a pool. I'm a huge fan of hotel sex. It might be one of my favorite, two of my favorite words. Here's the thing about hotel sex. It's variety. You're in a new location that is not the same bedroom. You can relax. You know, we don't care as much about the sheets, right? You can have sex in every room in the hotel. You can have sex on the balcony. You order room service. You don't have any distractions, no kids around. It's a great ambiance. And you can make as much noise as you want. That's what I love about hotel rooms. So let me give you some tips about what to pack for hotel or vacation sex if you want to get a little bit more adventurous this year. So I always charge my toys before I go on vacation. Like, does any of you do a packing list? Like, things that you always bring when you travel? Well, mine has sex toys on it and depending where I'm going, I have to make that a smaller bag of toys. If I'm driving somewhere I might bring a big bag of toys depending how ambitious I'm feeling. But I always bring my Vesper because I'm wearing it all the time anyway. So I always have a vibrator on me. And I love my Vesper necklace. It's a great gift. Vesper necklace. It looks like a pen around your neck and yes, it vibrates and it's really pretty and I wear it every single day. It's sex with emily.com craven I often bring my Jaejou Jejou J E J O U E. They have a couples collection and it seems like whenever I travel there's always some Jaejoo products with me. So their Mimi or their Mimi Soft is a great toy to use with a partner during penetration or on yourself. They have a G spot bullet vibe which is small but it packs a punch and it's great for internal stimulation. They also have a penis ring called the Mio. And the thing I love about these products is that they're really there's like this deep rumbly sensations. It's super soft silicone. And they also have a Bee vibe kit which we love. Bee vibe. They make all anal toys and I love them if you want to experiment. So that'd be really fun to play with the anal this summer. Maybe it's a summer of you trying some anal play. Back to what I pack. I always pack little packs of lube. I have little bottles that I bring. I always bring samples like the flavored lube by System Jo. And I also usually bring a silicone lube just because I like to have them all with me. Another great thing is Forea has this brand new lube that they just launched that has double the CBD in it. I just got it and it already is the most excellent lube because it's just two ingredients. It's coconut oil and it's cbd. However, they just put twice the amount of CBD in it and it's great to relax. It can help with pain. It can lead to much stronger orgasms. I recommend for you always. And then another new fav. You guys, this is what I've been doing. Quarantine. I've been trying a lot of products. I love Dame products. My friend started the company years ago. It's been very successful. They have their Eva which is one of their best known toys. And I love the Eva because first of all it's really small essentially It's a waterproof, like, couples vibrator that you can use for stimulation during penetrative sex. So you gotta picture the Eva looks like a little. Like a little bug or something. And it has these little wings that tuck behind your labia. So you're essentially wearing it. So you can use it hands free. And you can also use it with a partner. So to me, that's a great getaway thing. The Dame eva. If you haven't tried it or you haven't checked it out, it is so much fun. And it's hands free. Oh, another thing by Dame is they have this finger vibe. It is so cool. It's called the fin. And essentially you put it over your finger and your finger becomes a vibrator. So just a great way to cover more surface area and to play with a vibrator with a partner, if that's something that you've been sort of shy about. This one is so discreet. It's really quiet. You just wear your fingers. You can tease yourself, tease your partner. And it's a great way to add a little bit of stimulation to everyone's erosion zones. And it is so well done. I love their products. They come in great little packaging and they're water resistant and they're just adorable. So check out all the Dame products. So usually if I'm going away with a partner, I'll bring something like a penis ring. I'll bring a toy that could be used in a bunch of different body parts and. And definitely pack lube. So how do you continue to keep it interesting? Well, again, I'm going to remind you that you don't have to do all these things at once. Typically, we're just bored because we're doing the same things over and over again. So it can just be a matter of trying one new thing. You don't have to change it up every time. It also helps, you know, to kind of get on the same page as your partner. Like, what do you want to do the next time you have sex? What do you fantasize about? What are you guys both excited? Ask them about their most memorable times they've had sex with you. You could think about your sex scripts. We did a great episode with Dr. Ian Kerner a few weeks ago. You can listen to that with your partner and find out what are the patterns that you want to mix up in your relationship. You can watch porn together. That's a great way to get ideas for mixing up your sex life. And I love Bellesa because they make porn that's for all genders. You know, a lot of it is made for women. It's Bellesa B E L L E S A super hot porn and it's way more of a turn on for all genders. Like I said, we have a new blog on our site, Summer Sex Positions. So I know you all love positions, so just check out that blog and you're going to have some new positions to try this summer. And I just asked you all, here's a little bit of inspiration from our Instagram audience. I said, what's one of your hottest summer hookups you've ever had? Here's some things you said. Watching my girl get hit on at a pool in Vegas and end up watching them have sex back in his room. The sound of the headboard hitting the wall is the heartbeat of summer. Someone else said while hiking in underground tunnels. It's super hot because it was so spontaneous in South Africa. Ended up with fun on the cliff while whales jumped offshore. That sounds romantic and sexy. Constantly sneaking off at parties, making out, fingering, oral, never quite penetrative sex, someone else said, with a professional kayaker in the woods back of his equipment van. Hot and spontaneous. Someone else we snuck on the golf course I live on the fear of getting caught. Was hot in the hotel lobby bathroom. Some random guy at the beach. First time a guy sucked on my clit. My wife having me explore bisexuality, I found that I love giving oral sex to a penis. She loves it and joins. Pulled off a country road behind a tree with my husband in his Jeep. Spontaneous and sexy. And then someone else on the beachfront balcony in the middle of the night. All right, thank you for that inspiration. And do you realize that a lot of those this is so this always holds true that a lot of your most memorable, hottest sexual experiences seem to be when it's spontaneous. You didn't know it was going to happen. It was unexpected. It was off the side of the road. It was someone you didn't know. So those are some things to think about when you're thinking about your hottest, sexiest summer yet. I'm going to take a quick break, but when I come back, I'm talking all about how to have vacation sex when you're at home.

Before we get into your questions, my team had some summer sex quickie questions for me. What's my best summer hookup story? Oh, I have so many. I would say my summer hookup last summer in Iceland was pretty hot and I've talked about it on the show, but it was unexpected. I didn't really know him. It was really safe and consensual. We had great sex. And then he left, and I got to go to sleep and get up for work in the morning. What's the worst summer hookup I've had? Oh, God, I wish I wrote down all of my sex capades. I actually had a disappointing one in Italy because this guy was told he was Italian. All my friends were like, he's amazing. He owns these hotels and he's super sexy and has his own yacht and he's gonna come pick you up and. And then he did. We went out. He was a little bit of a misogynist and wasn't really interested in anything about me and assumed that the sex was just gonna happen. But it didn't. I jumped off the boat, went back to my friends. What's the best way to have vacation sex without leaving your house? That's a great question. Listen, if we know that speake spontaneity and variety are so important to having great sex, surprise your partner. Set up the tent in the backyard. Have a picnic outside. Have sex in a tent in your yard. But I think that the key to vacation sex at home is changing up the rooms or maybe redecorating a room, moving a couch around, having sex somewhere that you don't normally have sex in your house, and then bringing in a new elements, whether it's a new toy. You know, maybe you bring your iPad outside under the stars and you set up a big, like a blow up mattress and you make it a really comfy bed outside. And then you have your iPad and you watch porn that you've never done before. That would be really hot. What country do I want to have sex in that I haven't yet? Ooh, I want to have sex in Buenos Aires. That's where I want to have sex in Argentina. Okay, so now that we're so reliant and used to dating online, how can we start meeting and approaching people in real life? A lot of us are out of practice right now. We might have some social anxiety. We might be ready to start, you know, meeting people. But my first tip is to start saying yes to everything. Stay yes to invitations that are coming in that you might not normally say yes to. Perhaps you had, you know, there's someone that you're just acquaintance with and you're thinking, oh, do I really want to go to their party? But remember, we meet people through other people. So my first thing is just start getting out there and meeting people and talking to them. Practice striking up conversations the other thing you can do is let everybody know you're single. I have to say that in every episode. I will. But I'm telling you, whenever I say that to someone, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm dating right now. I'm looking to be fixed up. Eventually, someone fixes you up, or maybe they have a friend of a friend, or maybe they go out and meet someone that night. These are all the ways we did it. Before, we would date online. And also, I think that we have to get a little bit more resilient. I think we're all really bad at handling rejection. That might be another reason why we like the apps. Cause we're like, I don't have to get rejected in real life, but we have to just get more comfortable with the discomfort of rejection. Because once you go through it enough, you can just think, I'm practicing. I'm asking this person out. I'm putting my heart on the line. I'm being vulnerable. I'm saying what I want. And if this person doesn't meet me or they don't want the same things, I'm getting stronger as a person who is going after what I want. I'm practicing because, remember, it's a skill set. It takes courage to ask someone out. It takes courage to approach someone, but reduction is part of it. And I just. I have to promise you all that. It definitely gets easier over time. Like, everything, the more you take risks with dating and with love, the easier it gets and the faster you're going to be able to find someone that you want to be with. All right, we should get some emails. This is from Maddox. Hey, Dr. Emily. So my fiance and I have discussed and wanted to get your opinion on this idea. We're both perfectly okay with partying during our bachelor parties, and we've given each other the green light to have sex or do whatever we feel like at our respective parties. Is that weird or unhealthy of us? Well, Maddox, only you get to decide if it's weird or unhealthy. I would definitely put boundaries around it. Do you both agree to tell the stories of what happened? Do you want to know every detail? Does she want to know every detail? Have you both ever had an experience with jealousy in your relationship? Is this a behavior that you've practiced before, like sleeping with other people and talking about it? I hope that it is, because I think the first time to practice talking about sleeping with another person, you're about to get married could be kind of dicey. So I don't think that it's weird or unhealthy only if you don't set boundaries around it and really have a conversation about what you're gonna do with this information and make sure that you don't wanna use it against each other in the future as, like, a weapon or something to make yourself feel bad. This is from Lauren, 28, in Indiana. Hey, Dr. Aboley. I've always been turned on by the idea of having sex in public. The problem is I get way too anxious and paranoid about it and think that even if I do it discreetly, I'm going to get in trouble or get arrested. My boyfriend and I want to spice up our sex life by doing this, but again, I don't want to end up in jail for getting my sex on. Do you have any ideas on places that feel like having sex in public but won't necessarily get you in trouble? Thanks so much. I love the show. All right, here's the thing. It is illegal. That is true. So like I said, sex in your backyard, but making it seem like it's somewhere new and exciting. Perhaps sex in a park under a blanket. I mean, again, these are all illegal. But I'm just telling you stuff that I've done. I've had sex, like a picnic at a park and a blanket over us, and we've kind of done that. But again, it's. You got to be careful. You could go check into a hotel and you could have sex on the balcony. You could do it in your car. Like, when you get home. You could, you know, have your partner pull you out of the car and, like, do it in your garage before you get in the house. I mean, yes, it is illegal. You just have to make sure there's no one else around. You know, people have sex when they're hiking or on a trail. I've had a lot of sex outdoors. I've not been arrested. I think even talking about it with your partner could be really hot. So just know you could always get in trouble, but why don't you just keep on the lookout? You know, it might be hot. When you're out with your partner, you can be like, oh, I just drove past this place that looks like a great place. We could have sex. You know, maybe you guys start to scout locations in your area and see if you can sort of come up with a place that feels safe enough, but it's still giving you that element of adventure. You know, a lot of people do it in the public bathroom at a club or a restaurant. Definitely don't do it near a school. Actually, this is reminding me. I once had a boyfriend in town visiting me in my 20s, and we went back to Michigan and I took him to see my high school, and we parked in the parking lot and we started fooling around. And the next thing I know, I should have known this. The cops come up, flash their lights, and they're like, what are you doing here? Like, you do not want to have sex or fool around near a school. They monitor that stuff. Okay, So I did it all so you don't have to. All right, and another question. I want to have a threesome, but I never have before. I think it'd be fun to do with a married couple since there wouldn't be any commitment and the nature of the relationship would be clear. My question is, how do I find a married couple to have sex with? As far as to where to find a third, there's a lot of apps right now. Some of the ones we recommend is FYLD F E E L D. And they actually Field specializes in connecting people who are interested in group sex and kink. And they released figures showing that during the pandemic, their membership increased by 50%. And in 2020, members were more interested than ever in a threesome experience, with almost 40% adding it to their desires list. So I would check out Field, I would check out FetLife Open is another one. That's what I recommend for you. And I think there's a lot of couples right now looking for a third. Okay. This is from Caroline, 28. Hey, Dr. Emily. I love your show and I've learned so much from listening. I recently moved to a new city and used dating apps to meet people. Went on a few dates, but really enjoyed spending time with one of them in particular. We started sleeping together, but after about seven hangouts, he told me he just wants to be friends with benefits. He was definitely not my soulmate by any means, but I do enjoy his company and the sex is great, but my ego is a little bruised and I'm kind of hurt by him saying that. Any advice on entering into a FWB situation with someone I was initially seeing romantically? Or am I setting myself up to be hurt? Okay, Caroline, here's the thing about friends with benefits. They work until they don't. And the best case scenario for friends with benefits relationship is when you're actually friends and it's never romantic. You've already, after seven dates, had the vision of this guy being a partner and maybe thinking about how nice it would be to be with him. And now he's told you that, that' he just wants friends with benefits. So I believe that in this particular situation, you're going to have a hard time with it, making it just friends with benefits while you still continue to date. I love that he was really honest with you. As far as your ego being bruised and this goes out for you and everybody. Please don't take someone's defining the relationship as a rejection on you or your character or something that you've done wrong. We spend so much time trying to figure out why we're rejected and what did I do? And, and then all of our worst fears about ourselves, you know, we bring to light, oh, it must be because I'm. I don't have a great job or I am too short or I'm too tall or whatever the things we think about. And typically, well, first off, you'll never know. You'll never know what it is, but you can just bet that it's about them and what they're looking for and not about you. So in this case, I would just think about Caroline, what are you, what are you looking for right now? It sounds to me like you're looking for a relationship. And the other thing about friends with benefits that you actually have feelings for is tricky because I think when you're really into someone, it's hard to get out there and start dating other people when you, when your heart's in one place. And so you might find yourself getting a little bit comfortable in this situation with this, with this guy. So I would say, if you can, I would end this relationship. It was seven dates. Probably learn some stuff and to keep moving on and believe his words. Like, I think often we go into relationships thinking that they're going to change, but figuring out what you actually want. Like, do you want a long term relationship? If you do, and maybe it's hard to admit to yourself, or maybe you think that you'll be able to change someone or find someone, but if someone tells you they're not looking for anything serious, you have to believe them. But also, I don't want us to make ourself excuses like, oh, maybe this will return into, I'm just gonna stick with it long enough and get this person to change their mind. Oh, I'm just gonna, you know, they probably don't really mean it. No, believe me, they mean it. They mean everything. And that's why I want you to go back to what do you actually want, Caroline? There was a recent study by the Kinsey Institute that found that this is post pandemic that more than half of single people between the ages of 18 and 45 said they want to find a committed relationship post pandemic. So this is just a quote from the report. It says, as we emerge in the near future from pandemic restrictions and lockdowns, researchers say it looks like post pandemic sex will be about taking our time, seeking out new relationships and partners and demanding more and better in the relationships we have. Gosh, I sure hope so. I sure hope that after the pandemic you're realizing that you get to choose who you spend time with. And when you do, I hope you're making those relationships healthier than ever. After the break, I answer a question from Piel, whose wife got a toy that's bigger than him. Be right back.

This is from Pial 33 in Ireland. Hey, Dr. Emily. I've been married for eight years. To spice up our sex life, I bought a ring and also a dildo. But I'm also slightly feeling low as the dildo is bigger than my dick size. Will my wife still feel like having sex with me as before? Please let me know. Yes, I can let you know that she will. It's just a different experience, a different kind of stimulation. It's something that's going to allow her to experience different sensations that she can't experience with a penis. But not because of your size. Listen, men are way more obsessed with their penis size than their partners. I'm. In all these years, I've never heard anyone tell me that they left their husband or they left a partner for a vibrator or a dildo. But your concerns are totally valid. I understand why you're thinking this. If I were you with your wife, I would talk to her about it. I'm sure she's going to reassure you and tell you it was great. But it's not you, baby. So we all want intimacy and connection and touch. You're not going to get replaced by a vibrator. And I love this question because you are not the only one thinking it. But I don't know, I just. I don't think that's the way vulva owners think. We're not like, oh, well, I've got this bigger thing, or, I'm going to choose this partner because of their penis. I mean, we're just not oriented that way. We're. There's so many other things that go into great sex and great relationships, and having a penis of a certain size is not one of them. You're going to be fine. This is from Andy, 36, in Colorado. Hey, Dr. Emily. My husband loves to come in my face and does his best to aim, but it occasionally gets in my eye, which stings for a long time. As a result, we don't do this very often, and he is nervous when I tell him we can do this because he doesn't want to hurt me. He produces a much larger than average volume of semen, based on what Google tells me is typical. I have no problem with him coming in my face as long as it doesn't get in my eye. And love to please him as he is an incredible lover. I often cover my eyes with my hands right before he comes, but I'd love a sexy alternative to this idea. Any suggestions? And any suggestions on how to ease the eye pay when it does get in there? This is a great question, Andy. I don't know if I've gotten this question because it does happen and it does sting. You could get some sexy glasses or goggles or a blindfold or some kind of eye production. A lot of people are buying these, like, blue light blocking glasses right now, and they make so many of them in really cool shapes. You could just wear one. You could wear them to bed. You could have it by the nightstand. You also just turn your head away. But another thing you can do is you can position yourself so he comes more across from your face. So kind of like his penis is positioned to one side of your face, so it might just hit your mouth or your lips or your cheeks without risking your eyes. So if you're on your back, he can be kneeling next to you instead of front of you or above you. And if it does get in your eyes, just flush it out. Use some eye drops. Like, use some Visine eye drops, and the. The pain will go away. You probably know that, but I think this will be some fun from different positions to play with, and maybe you get some sexy glasses. It's all fun and games till somebody gets shot with semen in the eye. Okay, this is from Desiree. Hey, Dr. Emily. My name's Desiree and I've been listening to your podcast for a few months now. I love it. I even sign up for your awesome newsletter. God, I love our newsletters. Have you signed up for a newsletter yet? You totally should. It's on our website. All right, here's my situation. I have a pretty good sex life with my partner, but it could be better. For my birthday in October, we went to a sex shop, and it was great. He picked out a few toys and this sexy schoolgirl outfit for me, but I can't bring myself to put on the outfit for him. I've bought it to his house multiple times and even brought it a weekend getaway and still didn't wear it. I've had multiple partners in the past and haven't had any problem trying new things like anal or a video. But when it comes to my current boyfriend, I have, like, this mental block from being sexy, and I don't know why I want to wear it and spice up our love life. Can you please help? Also, I've been making all kinds of ridiculous excuses, like I don't know if I have the right shoes, or, he lives with his parents. How am I going to put it on for him without them seeing it? I'm so lost. Thanks in advance. All right, Desiree. I've been in the same situation, and I think I understand why it's happening. I literally did the same thing. I had a boyfriend who bought me something once. He's like, why haven't you worn that? When are you going to wear it? You haven't worn it yet? And then I would try to wear it, but it didn't go like we were going out at night. Let's say we'd be going out. And then I, like, put it on, but it didn't ever worked underneath my outfits. And then I knew that I was probably in my 20s, so I'd end up sleeping at his house. But I did have, like, an overnight bag at the time or a car, so I was like. And then when he was at my house, I didn't want to be like, wait a minute, I'll be right back. And then come out in the lingerie. It just all seemed really silly and staged and cheesy. I never did it. But what's helped me is to actually try on the outfit at home by yourself and get comfortable in it. Look in the mirror. How are you going to position yourself? What do you know? Bring the shoes, try it on, make it your own. It doesn't have to be just a schoolgirl outfit, right? You could maybe you could even wear half the schoolgirl outfit and jeans. And then when you get to his house, you could put on the skirt so you're already halfway dressed. But get used to you being the sexy schoolgirl not in his eyes, not through his gaze, but through your gaze. So then you won't. You'll feel less uncomfortable when it really comes time to being the naughty schoolgirl with your partner. So again, like everything. This is just a skill set. It's trying something new, which I love. But I also know that feeling of like when I'm just gotta do it, I just gotta do it. So practice will help get you there. I promise. Desiree and thanks for your question.

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