7 Dec 2025 · 50 min
Emily Morse and Anderson Cowan discuss Valentine's Day ideas for singles and couples, then tackle a listener's question: a 27-year-old Canadian bought his girlfriend lingerie and a vibrator without asking first. Emily explains why that backfired and how to introduce sex toys the right way, with actual words to use.
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Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet. And it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Whether you love it or hate it, Valentine's Day is right around the corner. So in today's show, I'm sharing tips to help you fall in love with a day of love. From top gifts to the best ways to treat yourself. Plus answers to your emails. How to turn your partner onto sex toys, what to do about those condom fears. All this and more. Thanks for listening.
Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?
Cuz My man E here, he just.
Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.
A girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge?
What do you mean? Like laundry?
It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?
Oh my God, I feel so good.
Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.
You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com and subscribe right away so you never miss another podcast again. You just get them. They're that easy. You get them in your iTunes Spotify, Google Play, all that stuff. Follow us on social media. I love that. Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter. It's all sexwithemily. And while you're also on the site, you can shop my store. Cause everything I talk about pretty much is in our store, on our site. And we get. Most importantly, we update with amazing content every day. If I do say so myself, I am here with Anderson. Hi, Anderson. Hi.
How are you?
Hi. I'm good. How are you?
Good to see you. Look like you're making a speedy recovery from that spider bite.
Yeah, the spider bite and then the three week virus.
Can I just tell you that if I heard that one of my friends got bit by a black widow and I was just imagining all my friends and you know, in my head, I would land on you. I bet. I bet it was m. I bet Emily got bit by the spider. Yeah.
This has been the craziest month. Do you really think so? Why? Why? But why? Because I'm often outside.
Like, no, just because that's something that would happen to you.
It would happen to me. I'm glad you understand about me because the others were not so surprised.
It's good, though. I think it's good because of all my people, my. In my Rolodex, that is my head, that are my friends. I think that you were most ripe for, like, a book. And when these things happen to you, I get. It'd be nice to have a few pages on the spider bite.
I'm taking copious notes and the book is coming, but I don't know if I told you this. I might have mentioned this on last week's show when Magnus was here. Sorry we're not here, but I was saying that was so funny because I had to go back to urgent care because I've had this cold. I think they flooded my body with so many antibiotics when I was in the hospital that everyone should know. If you ever take antibiotics, you have to take probiotics. You get them at the health food store.
That creates a war in your body. Because the antibiotics and the probiotics hate each other.
Exactly.
They war. It's like the Middle east in there.
Exactly. Breaks down your immune system. So I was taking antibiotics, but still I got the sickness. I went back to urgent care, and he's like, oh, my God, you're the spider bite. You're the girl. We were freaking out. He's like, we have never seen anything like this in 20 years. He's like, hey, bud, come over here.
Brought in the other doctor that's always a bad sign. You never want to be in a hospital where they're calling their doctor buddies over to see you.
He's like, that was just. Yeah, that was just crazy. That was just weird, huh?
Nice to be known as the spider girl, not the sex girl. For a minute, it kind of was.
They don't even know what I do for a living. Yeah. So that was fun. So. But to know that it doesn't happen that often. I don't know. I guess I'm. I'm special. Everyone wants to feel special, right?
Right.
But not for that. But I am making a recovery. My voice is still a little bit of hoarse, but not as bad as it was a few weeks ago, as we know. And it's been good to see you. I feel like I've seen you like 18 times.
I was even. I even came in here yesterday and got the scoop on today's show. I heard this here. Yeah.
You pre prepped.
Yeah, I did.
I know you know, we're talking about Valentine's. I wasn't here.
Said hello to Eddie. I said hi to Madison. She told me what today's show was about. And she saw the forlong look on face when she said Valentine's Day. And she says, don't worry, Anderson, you as a man, there's going to be some good news for you, I promise.
Yeah, there is good news for you.
You're not alone, you men.
You're not. You're not alone because what are you? Okay, so when I say Valentine's Day, let's do a word. My mom just left from Michigan, so excuse the long A's and the Michigan accent, the Allen. So if you. When I say Valentine's Day to you.
What do you think causes anxiety? And especially for a guy like me who's kind of counterculture and a contrarian. And I go against the grain on most things. Not sure exact what that says about me or why, but I hate being part of the group and the hordes, especially with like Hallmark invented holidays like Valentine's Day. It's just a money grab for these chocolate making, strawberry making, dipping, Hallmark card producing people. But at the same time, I don't want the wife who I love more than anything to feel neglected. So it's like a rock and a hard place.
Exactly. So this is the conundrum. And so this is what we're going to cover on the show today. Because I think a lot of people feel pressured into Valentine's Day. They don't want to let their partner down. They that's what makes us dread it because we're like, oh, my God, I got to get the flowers. I got to get that. Got to do something, right? Because the wife will be upset. But, you know, we don't want to disappoint a partner yet. We don't want anything to do with it.
Restaurants are just ridiculous. Like, everything's double priced and overbooked and it's. It's a headache.
I know. That's why you have to make it another day.
February already kind of sucks because it's so short and you know, your bills are due a lot earlier than.
Right, right, right. No, you're so right. But we're old, dark. I agree. I'm going to. We're going to get more into that shortly. But I'm gonna go. I'm gonna. I'm gonna actually stay in order right now. Of other things I need to talk to you about. But I'm glad that. To hear you say that.
Yeah. I was excited, what Madison told me, which will come up later on the program, about women's take on Valentine's Day.
Yeah, it's interesting, right? It's fascinating. So everyone's listening. Who's feeling. You've got. It's like 12 days away. What is it like? No, it's a third. So it's 11 days away. We're gonna help you through this whole quagmire that is Valentine's Day, so you're gonna feel good about it. So. But I want to say that it was, it was very good to see you, though. And you know what I'm saying that.
I do with Valentine's Day is I. I always buy calendars, like, late February. So we don't have calendars in the house. So, you know, you lose track of what day it is.
She doesn't have, like a Google calendar.
I don't think she looks at it much.
Who has a paper calendar?
I do. I got six of them in my house, but they're all last year's right now because I don't get to know until after Valentine's Day.
People, like, turn the clocks back and stuff. Or like, they turn the 10 minutes ahead or 10 minutes late.
Oh, yeah, our clocks are all over the place.
No, but. Okay, okay, okay. So listen, so here's the deal. The one thing I want to talk about really quickly is that, you know, I did all my somatica work last year with Celeste and Danielle in San Francis. They're gonna be here on February 12th, and they're teaching a how to Flirt workshop. And some people have flirting skills, some people don't. You do. I feel like you're a natural flirt. Back in the heyday, I've heard the stories.
I would get very. I would flirt with people I had no interest in. People I had interest in, didn't know I existed because I would avoid them at all.
Because you were terrified. Yeah, Terrified they were gonna reject you.
Also flirting, I think it's too exciting. Street, Right? Like, also being able to pick up on flirting, I think is just as important.
The cues from women, the cues from men, we don't get it. So it's flirting your way to success. And I'm telling you, I learned more from them in these workshops, I did. Than anybo. They're so hands on. They're so great. And if you're thinking, oh, I already know how to flirt, it's really not just like, oh, like how to bat your eyelashes. It goes a little deeper than that.
Body language.
Yeah, body language. How to understand it, and how to talk to members of the opposite sex or the same sex. Whatever you're into.
Are there like different levels? Like batting your eyes like a one and like, dropping your pants and spreading your legs is a 10.
No, that's actually doesn't go there. But it's more about being comfortable and how to put these skills into practice and like, practicing on others, which it sounds weird too, but I actually always hated breakout groups. And they're like, grab a partner. I literally wanted to leave.
What's a breakout?
Know when you're doing. Have you ever done a workshop or done something like pick a partner?
I do camp every summer, which is probably kind of similar.
Yeah. But they're like, grab a partner. You're gonna break into small groups. I'm like, oh, my God, shoot me. You have to break it.
Yeah, that's terrible.
But it's like practical stuff and you practice and you get real life feedback. I learned more about myself in these six weeks that I did their courses. It wasn't just about flirting, but it was all about, like, intimacy and therapy. It was like sex therapy and how to talk to your partner about sex. But they're. They're geniuses. There's no one anyway. There's no one else like them.
So even when you have to break off into groups, it was good.
I'm telling you, it was my best group experience.
Good.
You guys should go. It's February 12th. It's actually 10 to 3 and there's more information. It's in LA, it's in Manhattan. Beach. Is that right? It's somaticinstitute.com SomaliaSkills 10 to 3 is the flirting workshop. So it's five hours, but it's like fun, I'm telling you. And also me with my add, I didn't want the days to end. It was like I would do it from 10 to 6, for 10 to 7, five days in a row. I loved it. So I'm just telling you, if they kept my attention, they're amazing. They're not my sponsor. They just changed my life. They could change yours. And also from 4 to 6, they're doing a free intro to Somatic training if you want to do that too. And I'll be there.
Would you frown on listeners? Now they have the address, they know when it's happening. Showing up around six o' clock at night and just kind of hanging out out front waiting to be like the first. First person to be practiced on. Oh, you know what I mean?
I actually wouldn't.
No, you want to frown on that. You kind of see it as devious.
But just hanging out and you want to see like, hey, come flirt with me.
Yeah. All these ladies and men, but ladies coming out of the flirting workshop and you're just kind of leaning against your car.
They might need some volunteers, though. I'm not sure. You guys check out. I'll also be doing a Facebook live with them on February 11th. So if you guys don't like my Facebook page, 1.5 million people do. You should check out our Facebook Live or just like it that day if you have a problem with it. But check it out because they're awesome and then you'll see what I mean. It's at 5 o' clock, Pacific standard.
And that's that same day. The 11th.
It's the 11th is our Facebook live where we're going to like do some intro to flirting and just talking to them because they're so rad they're going to be in town. When's the Flirt Workshop? February 12th.
And that can all be found on.
Sex with emily.com sex.com our social media and somatica institute.com somatica skills.
And I picked up on your little brag there that you have 1.5 million followers. Huh? Very subtle. But you got it in there.
A lot of followers. Didn't pay for any of them. Didn't sleep with it. Well, I'm sure some ex boyfriends are on there. You know, sometimes I'm like, so and so likes it. I'm like, he does like sex family. That's right. I should send him one of my T shirts. You have my T shirts, too?
Yeah, like.
No, I know. Actually, I never got one.
You never got one?
No.
I had sex with Emily and all I got was this T shirt. I'm sure the wife would love that. But we have cool T shirts if you guys want them. So I had an interesting weekend. So after I saw you, you took Stanley, you ripped him from my arms.
I did. It was like that. Emily watched Stanley for three nights, four days. And when I come get him, I always feel like it's Sophie's Choice. I'm some kind of gestapo.
You remember you went to the bathroom when I came out and I was, like, holding him on the couch.
It is a little uncomfortable for me to have to take them from you.
That's okay. You said that you'd bring them back and we'd have some kind of arrangement.
Right.
I was saying earlier to Madison, I was like, I just wish, like, I could do some kind of doggy share, like have a ex husband and we had a dog or something. Like, not a kid, but like a dog or something. Or can't they have some kind of people share cars now? They share homes. Can't there be, like, a doggy share?
I think they have these things called shelters where they have a bunch of needy dogs that need to be walked and. Or adopted.
They want you full time. No.
You go by in the afternoon and walk a few dogs.
The office staff peers made it very clear they don't think it's a good.
Idea because they don't want to watch your dog all the time. I get that all the time, Emily.
Okay.
What, you would have to, like, pawn your dog off on people sometimes.
If I can't walk the dog if I'm busy. He'd be cute. She'd be cute. Okay, so this weekend. So I saw you that night. You ripped Stanley out of my arms. It was okay, though, because my best friend was coming to visit from San Francisco.
A dog?
No, no. She doesn't even have a dog. But she's trying to talk me into cats because she's got cats. But she also has two cats and two kids and a husband, and it was.
What does that have to do with anything?
Nothing.
Oh, she's got a lot of stuff. You don't want cats.
True. Except for cats. I don't want cats. I mean, I like cats. I had cats growing up. But a cat that my mom gave the cat away after six months, which is tragic. My mom's like add it to the list. Why did she think she did that? This was traumatic because she got remarried after my parents got divorced to my stepdad who was evil and he had a son that came once a month and was allergic to the cat.
Yeah.
And said we can't have a cat.
Oh no.
Still upset.
Screw that kid. Get rid of the kid.
I thought of therapy.
You know what I heard Donald Trump's getting rid of all cats. Heard he's grabbing them all, dude.
He probably is.
And throwing them out. I have a cat and I just had to move the cat out of my office because that was its room and the dogs weren't allowed in there and the cat would go in there but the cat didn't like the litter and started peeing all over my really nice mid century desk. So desk has been planed down and I have to sand it and refinish it now. And the cat too. You have a full on farm relegated to the, the laundry room. Very upsetting. Well, that's where her litter is and her food is. Did you peeing all over my desk?
No. That's bad. That's really. Cat pee is not.
Cat pee is the word.
I just don't want a cat.
Like if the devil peed, it would smell like cat pee.
Oh my God. No, it's true. They pee in your shoes. They pee in your stuff. I'm sorry that happens to you, but my friend has cats and a husband and dogs and here's the thing. And kids, not no dogs, but here's the thing. So we've been best friends for a long time. And I kind of, I started planting the seed. She's a great mom. Kids are like, you know, 6 and 10. And she, her husband works a lot and she doesn't work anymore. But she hadn't really felt comfortable taking time away for herself. There's a lot of women I know like that who are like, gotta do it, you gotta do it. Because they take. And even the two of them, I work on them to get away together. But I'm like, listen, just. It'll be great. It's an easy flight. You're in San Francisco, come down, you'll see. Like it takes you an hour. Like Burbank Oakland. And I realized that like it was so. And I told her, I'm like, it will be epic. It'll be transformational. I promise you not to oversell it. But. And it's true. You just see that like she came down and it was so easy, you know, and to take time With a friend, which she has not done before. You realize how important our friendships are and how, like, it gave her perspective, like time, space, individual. Individuality, independence, like, stuff she wasn't getting. Nothing's wrong with her. Like, she's great, but like, you just get that and it makes her appreciate her family and her kids. And I think it was good messaging to her kids to see like, oh, mom's got a life and got friends.
Right.
And she went away and, you know, I just felt like, at the risk.
Of sounding, you know, like a hack, it like recharges your batteries and it makes you more effective in your other roles. I would think. I can tell you from my own experience as a kid, oldest of four. So I had a very more adult relationship with my mom. And that was a lot of that entailed trying to get her to go out. And my dad did not like her going out at all. He was always, you know, trying to control her. And he always, like, every time she'd have a dinner date with a friend, he'd accuse her of having a relationship with one of the doctors. She's a nurse, so he's like, you're going off to see one of your doctor friends.
Wow.
Talking to my mom as like a 12 year old boy saying, dad, go out with your friends. You need to have a life.
Yeah. You have to. Oh, my God, that's so insidious and sad. I'm sorry you do that.
And now, you know, dad's gone and she actually goes out with friends.
And it's great, but loves it, charges us. And I know it because I don't have a husband.
And I can tell you this too. She has regret that she didn't do it sooner. And she has regret that she didn't have relationships and friends and whatnot when we were growing up.
Right, Exactly. And I know women are thinking, okay, I can't do it. All the kids are hurt. They need me. No, your kids will respect you more when you get away. You'll respect them more or you, you'll appreciate them.
Appreciate them more.
Yeah. And it was just like, I've been talking to her all week. She's like, I feel like I'm high. I feel like I've been like, I have a whole new lease in life. So she was. And we just like, literally, we did not drive. You know where I live.
Did you get her higher, though? You go smoke some weed.
No, she's not a smoker. No, we drank a little. She like, you know, it was fun. She flirted she walked around.
She flirted. No, but like, oh, she flirted.
She didn't flirt. Here's the thing. She felt. She just felt like a girl again. She felt like we were kids, we were walking around. We went to this restaurant that made her d. Was like, just flirting. It just felt great to be a woman. To be sex.
Interacting with another.
What I'm saying. I'm just saying it's so important for people to do this. And also, this relates to my sex in the news, which is next. So I'm just. This is just a message to women and guys out there too. But I think men tend to probably more than women.
Good. To, like, book a trip like this on Valentine's Day, though, right?
No, but on Valentine's Day, what is good? There is a study. This is my sex. The news.
This is the sex of the news.
Yeah. Ready?
Great.
Do you need me to prepare you?
I'm ready.
I'm moving into it. Because it sort of moves, right?
Dovetails.
Dovetails. Thank you. Why the best less sex happens outside of the bedroom. Now, I've always said to people.
I thought you were gonna say a relationship.
No, right. With partners. Have sex with other people outside the bedroom. It's true. People are like, how do I spice it up? Like my. One of my quickest and easiest answers is have sex outside the bedroom. I mean, it could be the kitchen. It could be on the dryer in the laundry room or the washer on the spin cycle.
When it's on, turn it. Yeah.
Spin cycle. Vibration. Homemade vibrator. I've seen videos, but that we talk about. I've always talked about how the hotel sex is the best sex ever. You get dopamine. You get the surge of dopamine, the feel good hormone, because it's, like, different. It's something new. And the novelty of a hotel room is going to stimulate the dopamine transmission in the brain, which plays a big role in arousal and excitement, which is why there is that excitement and that novelty. And my sex is better when you do it outside the bedroom. But now there's more evidence that suggests the greatest, most orgasmic sex happens outside the bedroom. There was a new study, and they said the best way to keep the spark alive with your partner 56% and have the best sex ever is to go on vacation and to bang it out like a couple of horny goddamn teenagers.
Makes sense. And it doesn't have to be like a big extravagant vacation. Could be just, you know, up to coast. Or I. I say up the coast because we live out here, but like 30 minutes away from your place. You know, get like a. Not a sleazy motel, but, you know, a reasonably priced night.
Right.
And. Yeah, it's. It's. You're not looking at all the stuff in your bedroom. You're not thinking about all the stuff you got to do. You're not looking at laundry.
Right.
Well, you got to bring the kids.
Well, you did. You had your little trip.
Yeah, he's a newborn, so we just. Yeah, we put him together, but he wasn't there. Yeah, Yeah, I know.
That was.
Yeah.
And that was good for you guys. Bobby, to get out of the.
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I've always said when you're talking about sex toys, too, it's. It's. It's probably smart too, if you're looking for an excuse to get a sex toy. If you're going on a short little trip, bring one.
Bring a sex toy. Bring the massage oil. Bring all that stuff.
Especially if you don't know how to introduce these things to, like, I'm speaking from a. From a guy's point of view. If you don't know how to introduce some of these things you want to try out on your girlfriend or wife or fiance, you can do it when you guys are on the road because you're kind of in that head space. Like, you're a little bit outside your life.
Right.
You're a little bit different. You're adventurous.
Are you trying to say that your mom and I didn't give you a sex toy?
No, no, no. I. I just. I give this as advice. I'm an old married man and, you know, it's all old hat to me.
Right?
Old hat.
No, I get it. I'm just saying that. No, it's not, but. But it was good for you guys to get away. And 31 of couples said they've never been on a couple's only holiday.
What, now?
Yeah.
Who are these people?
Oh, my God. I know so many.
Well, maybe it's because they just got together like a week ago.
No, I gotta be honest. My friend who's been with her husband 12 years, they. I don't think the two of them have really gone away either.
They just can't afford it.
No, they can. Plenty of food. Everyone can afford. He's successful.
She's 20 minutes away.
I'm telling you, they have date night. That's important.
What do they do every week?
They get like, dinner down the street. It doesn't matter, but they hold that very. So you need those kind of Things away.
Gone away. Really?
What? Not really. I don't know. Maybe they have once or. I don't.
That. You know what?
I didn't even go bark down that tree or up that tree or whatever you do.
I think I've said it on the show too. But one of the best ways to figure out if. If you guys are compatible too is a. A road trip. The longer the better.
I love road trips. Yeah.
And if you. If you're not enjoying yourself on a road trip with your significant other, that it's not going to work out.
Right. If you're more excited stopping at gas than to like sit next.
Like, if you just can't wait to get your destination so you're not stuck in the car with this person anymore, that's time to end the relationship.
That's true too. That is true. I love someone. I love a good road trip trip. That's my bucket list for this year. Thank you for letting. Allowing me to fill that.
Really? Bucket lists.
No, I don't actually, but I think everyone should mine. I feel like I've always got a fluid bucket list, but that's one that I realize I'm missing from my life and that. That charges me.
I still. Yeah, we still gotta do the cross country. Stanley one day. Cross country one day.
Do you think Stanley would like a.
He's been on plenty of road trips with him. With us. We took all three of the dogs before we had the kid up to Portland like a couple Christmases ago. We just kind of jumped in the cart. Didn't know where we were going. Knew we didn't have to be back for three days. Put enough cat food in the bowl and we just started driving. We didn't know we're gonna go. We ended up in Portland. It was great. We stayed in so many creepy, horrible, like little motels that smelled like Indian spice.
See, I did that too.
Terrifying.
Yeah, it's Indian spice. It's true. And it's like, even if you have to go to a cheap 50 a night, I'm not judging. I don't care. Maybe bring flip flops or something so you don't step on.
Bring your own sheets.
Bring your own sheets and just. It's outside your camp. I don't care.
Okay.
It's winter.
I love. I love to like check her in. And then I like, I'll go and I'll see the little town. You know, I'll find like a liquor store that can get. Get a six pack of beer or something and I'll see like where we might have breakfast the next morning, and then I go home. It's great.
It is good.
So much fun.
So I think with Valentine's Day, it's not too late to plan a romantic get. I know they. Oh, here's the other thing.
Close.
I know they might. I know they might chart. Here's the other thing. Well, we'll get to this in a second. But they spike up the prices. You don't have to make Valentine's Day about Val. Like, on Valentine's Day, you could still do some things I'm going to get into in a moment, but you could. Could be a gift. You're like, next weekend we're going to go, or the weekend after, but just it's something to look forward to.
Right.
And plan some sexy things which we're going to get into.
Experiences are. Are just as important as actual, like a phys gifts. And that gets you out of the loop. It's a loophole. So you don't have to do anything actually on Valentine's Day other than present your experience that you got.
That's true. Pick a thing and present your love.
She doesn't want to fight the crowds and go out to dinner.
I agree.
Last time I was out to dinner on Valentine's Day, her family came down when we were living in Marina Del Rey and they came out to go to dinner, and none of us even realized it was Valentine's Day. And we couldn't understand why we couldn't get. We just walked into three restaurants.
Because you stole the calendars again, that's why.
Yeah, I think that might have been it. And we realized, oh, it's Valentine's Day. That's why everything's booked. And yeah, they jump up the prices.
I don't know. I think it's maybe. I don't even want to say. It's a younger person thing. In my 20s, I remember having a boyfriend and we had like, this dinner and it mattered, and it was like a 500, 200 dinner. I don't remember.
I think maybe once you get married, the, the anniversary becomes the de facto Valentine's Day. It's more important.
Yeah, I guess so.
But we're going to.
We're going to have some ideas on this, but we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back.
Okay. Tight. What? Okay. Valentine's Day. Okay, now we're getting into it. Anderson, you can. Well, you've already talked about how you feel about it, but here's the big news that Madison teased you with yesterday.
She was teasing me.
A new study found 41% of women dread Valentine's Day.
Welcome aboard, ladies. Welcome aboard.
But it's not going away. I think it has become kind of a giant cliche that everyone feels the way they're going to go buy some chocolates. I'm going to go buy some this. And that's because. But cards from Hallmark. But it is a day. It's not going away. That's the other thing about love and romance. And I think it should be about sex. And maybe we're doing it wrong. Like, maybe since Valentine's Day is not going away, we have to turn it around and make it work for us. So I think we have to make it our own. So don't feel bad about skipping the flowers. Even if you're in a committed relationship, you can break from the typical Valentine's Day traditions, and you can even take the pressure off. Off. You could talk about it early with your partner if you're having any anxiety now, you can be like, babe, listen, Valentine's Day is coming up. Let's be honest. How do you. Because if you're in a new relationship, you might never have had that talk. And you might be stressing right now. What do I get her? We've been together three months, six months. There's all these guides online. Like, if you. Three months.
I've been married for almost five years now. I have no idea what I'm getting there. Okay.
Okay.
I don't know if I'm going to get out anything.
Why are you talking about.
And I might just ignore it and pretend like it never happened.
Okay. Right, right. Why don't you talk to her about it? What if you say, listen, it's coming up. Emily and I were talking about on the show, and she had a great idea.
Can I give her one of your shirts?
Yes, you could give her a toy. Dude. Give her lube. Go into the closet after. But I feel like you can eliminate the fear from gifts. What? Give her a toy from my.
Oh, your closet. Okay. I didn't understand what you were talking about.
Go into the closet.
I thought you're. Give her a sex toy and then go into the closet.
No, you go in the closet at your house. It's not the bedroom.
Yes, that's true.
Sets inside the bedroom.
That's right. It.
So I think it's about expressing and feeling love. And I think. I think what your partner wants to feel is appreciated and special because I started to think about my best Valentine's Day and what I thought about was I told one a few weeks ago about dating the guy. And I brought all the toys. Like, literally. I was like, oh, my God, we're gonna have a romantic night. And I packed up one of those little travel wheelie suitcases with every toy I owned. And.
I'm such a bad packer. Anyway. I'm like, we could try the cock ring, and then we could try the gag, and then we could try the. The sports sheets. G spot link. I mean, everything. Which we didn't. But it was. I got so excited. And then I remembered the other one.
You forgot that you're with a guy once, and then you're. Everything else is over.
It was embarrassing. He's like, you brought, like, eight, literally 18 toys. I've been charging them all day. It was.
Right.
I just am not great with proportions.
Yeah. Just remind. This is early, right? This is younger days.
Well, no, this was like a few years ago, but younger days. I remembered my very most memorable Valentine was when I was in third grade. And remember, they made you give everybody Valentine, and so everybody got those little peanuts.
That was exciting.
It was so exciting.
Little hearts in there.
Yeah.
And they'd be, like, waiting for the one from your crush to see what I was gonna say.
So what happened to me one year should stay.
Right. She should stay in elementary school.
Right?
That was gonna go beyond elementary school.
But in third grade, I remember that this guy Chris, who I thought was cute, this blonde boy with blue eyes. I go into my thing. I know. I go into my. My Valentine's Day stash of cards, and there was all little ones, right? They're all like three inches.
I still have some of them.
And then there was a big one.
Oh, no.
It was like one of those huge Hallmark ones. It was probably like. I don't know. What is this, like, you know what.
He'S trying to say, right?
No, not. I opened it up and it was like, happy Valentine's, Anthony. And there was a dollar in there.
A dollar.
You felt like you owed him a chance.
Not just because I'm a Jew. I was like, oh, my God, a dollar. He must really, like, that's like a.
Week'S worth of pay.
I know, but I felt like. I was like, why did I love that?
That's your favorite Valentine's moment.
No, it's my memorable, not favorite. I felt special. I felt like, this guy likes me. He didn't give dollars to every other girl in the class. And I just started thinking about what makes you feel special. He thought about me. He Took time out. He wrote a card and he gave me a dollar. Third grade, third grade, maybe fourth grade. Third grade, I moved in fourth or third grade, Fourth grade. Zelda. Premature to give me money. That's the last time a guy gave me money.
P S. Don't believe that.
No, it's true. I've never been the like, can you buy me? Can you do this? Can you do this? No, I haven't.
Haven't. Sure. People buy you drinks, which translates to money.
True.
Yeah.
I didn't even know drink cost anything until recently. I was like, really? Aren't they free? I thought bars get you in for free. But, you know, I feel like some people like to do this with gifts. So like, maybe you are. Maybe you find out like, hey, babe, do you say your wife's name? You say Jillian, right? But like, you could say like, I've been thinking about it, like, what, what Valentine's Day. I don't want, you know, stress out and get you something that you don't like. So do you want an experience? Would you want to go away? Do you have her options?
How does this differentiate it from like her birthday or Christmas?
You ask her, do you want something like romantic? Do you want like, I don't want. And she doesn't want to waste money on something or spend the mental energy obsessing about it. So there might be something that she does want. So talk to your partner about it. So you get out of that. But here's some other things I do and find out what they want. If you're in a relationship, take the pressure off yourself. If you're in a new thing and if. Or in anything in a long term thing, it doesn't matter.
Yeah.
I've even been with guys like, are we doing this Valentine's Day thing? And I was like, I really don't care. Let's just go out to dinner or let's just. Or not that night or like, let's order in. To me, the best one is like watching like before Netflix and chill was a thing I would do that. But I do have a gift guide first I'm going to start with. Because if you are still and these are all unique sexy gifts that I do think that I handpicked. But I also after that, I'm telling you what's coming up. I have some other things on Valentine's Day you can do on your own.
Okay.
Okay. Number one, I love this. It's the unbound box. It's great for singles or it's a subscription box. So you know that there's like the birch box for makeup and there's like the bark box and there's graze for healthy snacks. So this is a sec, right? Blue apron is essentially a box filled with yummy food and stuff that you have to cook. But sex toys and products. You can do it. It's every three months. So it's a yearly subscription. You get it four times a year. You get a new box delivered to your door. It's my very own sex with Emily subscription box. I got to hand pick everything. And so it changes every month. Obviously, this is. That's the spot box. And you get a sports sheets G spot link, which is a strap that you actually wear during sex that allows you to perfectly target the G spot in a way that you have never before.
Science, dude.
It is like science. The elusive G spot. You get some system Joe Agape lube.
Gotta do any math there to figure it out.
What?
I don't know. It's like.
No, it's just you can move and steer the body in a way.
So that's that one. Yeah, I know what you're talking about.
The Jimmy Jane iconic ring. It's a cock ring. Cock ring is amazing. It's like you stretch it. You can fit one size fits all. And I just. It can be used as a vibrator. And we are doing sex. Handcuff bangles. Are these gold bangles by Unbound box. They're so sexy. They're handcuffed bangles.
Yeah, like Madonna. But you put one on each hand and they're handcuffs. But they're sexy jewelry. And then you get skin condoms, which are the only condoms that I recommend that you use. And my book, hot sex. Over 200 things you could try tonight.
That's in the first box.
First box, dude. Right? And that's a gift that keeps on giving. You can do that until the next one comes. So why this is a great gift. It's variety. It's a spice of your life. And the spice of your sex life. It helps you find like, it's all high quality toys and products per usual. You find your lube, you know, you get a vibrator. You know, it's good whether you're single in a relationship. So click on the Emily's box banner on my site.
Emily's.
I think that's great for couples.
I get it right? Filthy.
Filthy. I'm so dirty. The next one is Joe. All in one massage kit. Massage kit. You know, you can give a gift massage to anybody. Like, you know, your Friend or whatever.
Right. Don't handwrite cards. Say good for one massage.
I've done that when I'm lazy.
And then I regret it numerous times. I've done it with my wife.
Then I lose the gift card. Yeah, I don't want to go.
Oh, you find.
But then I bought Madison once. I was like two years later because she was stressed. I bought her one. Good. The office. She was here till like 3am if you actually give the money, she didn't use it.
No one used the hand. Like you take a lined piece of paper and you fold it.
No, I actually email them to her. But people forget to use them. So get this thing. You get a mini tea light candle. You get a handheld massager. A guidebook teaching you how to give a massage. And you get their massage glide, which is a body safe silicone gel. And you can find this in the section of the Elmy store. That's a great gift for your partner. Mystic Wand. I love it. It's great for again, single or couples. I love wand vibrators. The Mystic Wand. It's rechargeable. It's from Vibratex. It's smaller and more lightweight than the original and rechargeable magic wand. So it's like velvety curve. It feel curved. Feel great to use during intercourse or by yourself. Super powerful.
Ergonomic.
It is ergonomic. That's exactly what it is.
I know.
I couldn't think of the word right now. Three intensity levels. I love it. When I went to all the, you know, I go to these sex trade, toy trade shows. It was the buzz of the show six months ago. Everybody was like, like, that's the best toy. That's the best one. That's best. And now it's out. It took them a while.
Did it win an award? Go up in a. I think it.
Did win an award.
Flowers.
It's been around as a chargeable and now you can't. It's not the Magic Wand. It's the mystic wand. Made by the same people, but okay. And then another thing is a doggy style strap. Who doesn't love doggy style sex? Women don't often like it. Yeah, they like it, but not as much as men. Men love it. A lot of women have really. They. It's uncomfortable. Guys can get off that way.
I think men like it too because they can kind of be with themselves. You know what I mean?
Do you think that's why? And they can fantasize about someone else.
There's a mirror in the room. They can do. Do the Patrick Bateman thing.
Kind of look over the Patrick Bateman thing. I hate that.
I think that might be part of it, dude.
Well, whatever it is, this is going to make it more pleasurable for her because it's a padded belt with adjustable straps. It goes across the women's pelvic region while her partner enters from behind, holds the straps for leverage. So instead of being off fours, it allows them to be held upright, which relieves those wrists and arms and back strain. And you can like kind of position. It's just like. It really is the doggy style strap that you can position in a way. Looking at my hands, I'm getting really excited.
You are. I'm also thinking that if you could put on some kind of headpiece for the lady where she has like rearview mirrors so she can maybe see, like over her shoulders so she can kind of watch the guy so that he can't be completely by himself. You know, if she had like some kind of like, headgear, but I had like mirrors in front of her so she could see over her shoulder.
Women are all monitoring their partners.
I feel like when the guy's doing it from behind and he might be doing like the, the Patrick Bateman thing, she can, she can see.
That's just the Patrick Bateman thing is when he, he's. He looks in the mirror the whole time at himself and he's doing the sit ups and the push ups. Right. He's a sociopath. So hopefully your partner's not a sociopath. The other thing is it increases the angles of penetration from 90 degrees to 45 degrees. Typically, we're at a 90 degree angle. With this, you go 45 degrees, which allows for deeper G spot penetration. That's the only math you will ever hear me use on the show. I was confused by the box. I'm like, three months, that means four times a year. I was gonna ask you, is that right? I did not become an accountant for a reason. And also it takes this position, which is super popular. Not pleasurable. It's a great gift. You can find it@sportsheats.com it's probably on our website. Here's the last one. Flipping through these.
So it's FT London.
FT London.
It's a new. They used to be called Fun Toys and now they're called FT London Rebranding. But whatever it is, whatever they call themselves, I love them. They make this G ring and they're kind of our new obsession here. It's a G ring. It goes around Your finger. And your finger becomes a goddamn vibrator. So a woman can use. A man can use. Could use it alone with a partner. It's like really cute and adorable, but powerful. So it's waterproof. You can use it in the shower, the bath. You can put it inside, outside, like you can. Like your hand becomes a vibrator. So you can use it while you're massaging her use on her clitoris. It's a little baby thing, but it has a lot of power and it's totally unique. I've never seen anything like it. Also available in the sex family store.
Nice.
So. And I've got a full gift guide on my website, which you can check out because you still have. Have some days left.
What about, like, sex games you can play cheap?
I love sex games.
You could. Go ahead.
Okay. A. Sex games. A Thousand Sex games by Kepper K H E P E R. They have, like, different sex games on our website. And I like those sex games. You get little cards like Truth or dare as Sounds silly, but, like, if you guys have never had the sex talk or you've never, like, played. It's sexy. It could be strip, whatever. Strip sex games. Or Monopoly. One of them is called monogamy, but it's Monopoly. Monopoly, but it's monogamy. Super fun. You go around, ladies. Well, the game is a board game called monogamy. Like Monopoly. Just get something fun. But it's, you know, it's not just. Again, I know I just said it's not about the gifts, but I always think I will maintain this. After 12 years of sex with Emily. If you're gonna do something, and I know a lot of you like, but I gotta get her a gift. Get something sexy. Get him something sexy. Spice it up. Keep it going. Something for the year.
You take little Hershey's kisses and. And fling them off the end of your penis into her mouth. It's like cornhole.
But if you have that skin, go.
Yeah, well, you can try. It takes a lot of. A lot. Or maybe the little hearts for Valentine's Day.
Right? Those little candy hearts.
Two more reasons why I hate Valentine's Day.
Thank you. Please.
Yeah, and because I'm just thinking about this and like, it's. It's so cliche to hate Valentine's Day.
That's how we started this.
It's real. Like, I really dislike it and it goes deeper than I realized. All right. Another reason is, like, my first girlfriend, you know, puppy love. I was probably 15, 16 years old, and I thought that like it was gonna be forever. And I overdid everything because I was that guy. And. And I remember really overdoing it for Valentine's Day. Like, all right, I take her down to the lake, and then I open the trunk. The car, like, balloons came out, and she had, like. I think I bought her a vcr. I went over the trunk.
A vcr?
Yeah. It was way back when and so.
You could watch tapes.
But nowadays it's like, I'm, you know, I'm married to the love of my life. She's got my. You know, we have a child together. And I'm not going to take her down the lake and open up the fucking trunk with. With balloons coming out. But I did it for this idiot who.
But did you do it at the beginning? You did some romantic things with her, I'm sure.
Another reason why I hate the Valentine's Day. And I think it's subliminal. Yeah, no, I didn't do that at the beginning. She knows that I've hated Valentine's Day since the beginning. Valentine's. But another reason why. And I think this is subliminal, but I bet it's true to both men and women, is right after Christmas, right after Christmas, the holidays, right?
Still paying off your credit cards.
You're paying off the credit cards. All this and that, and the Christmas moti. The Christmas songs are gone, which some people are happy about. But, you know, like, the jolly Santas and the Christmas lights and all that stuff is now gone in a lot of places. Is immediately replaced with Valentine's Cupid's in a day. And so you go to, like, your. Your supermarket the night before, right? And it's Christmasy, and then you go and it's all cupids, and you're like, oh, the holidays are over and this shit's here, and it. And it wears on you.
That pissed me off. That pissed me off. I couldn't believe how quickly they switch it this year. It's like, everything's on sale.
Everything. There's always got to be a motif going on in these places.
It's at night.
There's got to be a motif. And the Valentine, it's hard. Like, just like, you wouldn't want to replace, like, a. A great candidate. Like, I don't want to say that, but, you know, like. Like when Howard Stern left, like, they knew that whoever they're going to put in Howard Stern's place was going to fail because you. You don't want to come in after the top Dog, right?
So you think that that's why it failed.
Christmas is the biggest one. And then you replace it with. With naked babies flying.
No, it's confused. It's confusing. And it's sad, too, when you see. It's like all the dead Christmas trees on the street.
And I get very sad.
Okay. But here's the. I got one more thing to say about Valentine's Day Day.
This is part two of my Valentine's Day thing.
I would pay $100 right now to make it go away forever. I would put it wherever. I don't know where I deposit that 100 bucks, but it'd be worth it.
That's like 10 gift cards.
I know. It's not.
Yeah, 100 bucks.
I don't have a lot of money, guys.
No, I know. But I'm going to talk about for a second how to love yourself on Valentine's Day.
Oh, Jesus.
Buy yourself a gift card. Okay, so listen, you're alone. You're not in a relationship. Or maybe you frigging are. And you're not with your partner. I don't know what it is that night.
Night.
But it's a day about love. So how to love yourself. Here's just a few things to throw out there. So if you're feeling bummed, you're going through breakup. Maybe it is a holiday that you secretly love to hate. But you love it. You want it. But it doesn't happen because you don't have relationship. However you feel.
Right.
Whatever that means. You understood that we're talking about the.
People that don't have any.
Yeah. Don't have anyone. What's another reason why I don't?
Yeah.
And I'm fine.
And I feel bad for people who feel the pressure.
I don't feel the pressure. But I'm going to do all of these things this night. Ready? I'm doing all five of these.
It's how you love yourself. On Valentine's Day Wednesday, I'm gonna look.
In the mirror and say, I love myself. I love myself. I love myself 100 times.
I'm good enough.
I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. God damn it. Some people like me. Okay. Treat yourself to a gift you've always had your eye on. Think of it like a birthday or anniversary with yourself. Something I always think you should on your birthday as well.
Right.
But you could do something. I don't know. It doesn't have to be a lot of money, but like something that you've been wanting to do or wanted. But it could be like a mascara. I'M thinking about myself like that expensive mascara. Not like the cheap drugstore one. If you're a dude. What do you guys want?
I don't know. What do we want? We don't need?
I don't know.
Find yourself porn by yourself.
Manicures. Do something.
Porn's not sad. Take it. Get the meal. If you're like, oh, I can't get that meal because it's expensive.
Yeah. On my birthday, like myself to, like, Alaskan king crab legs. Very expensive, but they're great.
Exactly. So masturbate. You know how to feel about masturbation. I would just find an excuse to tell you to. Matt, no, no. Don't put that near you, inside you, or anything. In Uranus or anything. Wow. You know how I feel about the perfect day to do it. Make plans with friends, but only the friends who make you feel good. I think this is also a great time when you're thinking about love and you're like, okay, Emily, I'll think about who I really want to be with. I think this is also something I've learned through the years is that, like, in my 20s, probably my 30s, I had, like, a lot of friends that I would. The shoulds. Right. Like, I should see them and I should call them back, but they were kind of pains in the asses. You realize, like, they're always like, why didn't you call me? You have to shed the. No, you keep the friends that are the real ones.
I'm saying there's a reason why you're thinking, oh, I should. I need to. But I haven't yet. It's like, because I should go get my oil change. It's not something you want to do.
No, no. But it's not that. But you shouldn't have shoulds. No shoulds in your life. They shouldn't come to your birthday party.
I remember you say that. That's a good one. I like no shoulds.
No shoulds. I got that from my mother. Get the shit. Shoulds. Don't. Should me. Don't. Should I. Don't Should. All over yourself.
Yes. Well, that's a little bit.
I should do this. I should do that. I should listen. So make plans with friends who are like, make you feel good. You're like, oh, it will for sure be a good time if I go out with this person.
I'm sorry, but I can't go out with you on Valentine's Day. I think the wife would be a little bit upset. But I appreciate what you're. I know what you're getting at.
I was going to offer it. I was going to toss you that.
I'm not a should in your life.
You're not a should. I actually like you. Well, you wouldn't be here. I don't hang out.
Here's the thing.
I have negative shoulds.
In fact, I, I like it.
I have literally of negative shit. Like I literally. I won't talk to people, I won't hang out. Like, maybe I don't even have it for work anymore. Like, I really just like the people I work with.
At a point in your life, you do.
There's no time. Life is. Life is too short. Indulge in some comfort food, whatever that means for you. Don't feel guilty. If you do like the chocolates, go buy them. Wait till midnight, they'll be half off. Massage, special day at home. Do mani pedi. Listen to music, Watch bad tv. Good tv, good movies. Bad movies. Movies.
That's a good one. I bet mani pedis are really overbooked on Valentine's Day too, because there's so many probably single ladies saying, you know what? I'm gonna go out, bring your friends.
Bring this friend that you like to Valentine's Day, or take yourself out for an experience. Another thing I was talking to my mom about, this is very mom heavy because she was just here for five days and literally just left. Is that I feel like I'm not always. There's a lot of things I've been wanting to do in la. Been here four years and I just haven't and done some things. I've just been busy working on my own. I'm not as motivated. But I have a friend, my friend Anna, you know, Anna David. She's been really good for me. She's like, we're going to the spa, the Korean spa, where they scroll down. And I'm like, oh, I've done that. Or I've gone downtown to that market, or I've went away to Palm Springs with her. We are not, you know, we're good friends. But I wouldn't do those things. And she pushed me. Now they're like part of my life. And I'm just saying, if you are not that person, go with a friend and do something that you've been like one thing you've been wanting to do. Because now I do these things. I went to the spa by myself. So that's what you should do on family.
And there's also a lot of, like, single parties that go on.
Well, that's the other thing is, like, I Love the single potluck. I've done that. Or have all your single friends meet at a bar. I did that once in San Francisco. I was not the arranger. I don't. I'm not like, usually the coordinator of those things, but I benefited from a party where they. Everyone said, invite your single friends. And I dated some guy for a year I met there.
A year. Look at that. So then the next year, on Valentine's Day, I usually.
I usually break up with them on their birthday. It's not on purpose.
Done that. Actually, that's not true. My friend did that. And I took his story. But he did. He waited for his girlfriend's birthday to come up, to break up with her because he was. He disliked her that much, he spent an extra two weeks.
No, she was always just. It was just sort of a coincidence.
Yeah. See, that's like. You, like the spider bite, like, we started the show with.
I was like, I'm so sorry it's your birthday, but you couldn't put it.
Off a day or do it the day before. So you don't have to deal with the gift. You give him a gift too. Here's a parting gift. Thanks for coming here.
Parting gift was self massaging.
I won't be doing it anymore.
Thanks for the memories. Thank you. You thank me for the memories. I'm out. I don't do that anymore because I, you know, now I like, know their birthday and I try to plan around.
Right.
It happened a few times. So that's Valentine's Day, everyone. Happy Valentine's Day. I love you. Just remember today about love. Okay, let's do some emails. We're gonna do one email.
One email. It was. It was. It was a Valentine's Day heavy show. It's a Valentine's Day show.
That's okay, though.
Yeah.
But it was also like, you guys, if your partner's birthday comments, buy them one of these things. Do it. Talk to them. Do it. It's all. It's for every day. But I know you guys are thinking about Valentine's Day. All right, let's do one email. Hello. I'm a male from Canada, 27. My girlfriend, 24.
Hello. Eh.
I used to listen to your show on XM Radio. I was happy to find your podcast. I thought I would try to spice up our sex life, hoping to make it more fun for both of us. I bought her some lingerie and a small vibe. I figured she would be excited and interested, but I got a completely different reaction. She was uncomfortable that I did this. I Never really talked to her about toys before. She said I should have let her pick it out. My question is, how can I help her understand that I wanted to have more fun and help her get interested? We normally have sex maybe once or twice a month and it is always good. But after good sex, I always want more the next day. I want your advice on how I can get her more interested in sex. Thanks a lot, Troy.
Troy.
So, Troy, here's the thing. One woman's offense, like the offense, then something's gonna offend her. Could be like another woman's delight. I was gonna say offense like defense. But it like woman be like, oh, my God, you got me laundry and toy. And another one could be like, oh, my God. You know, I feel insecure about that. You might be saying our sex life isn't good. That lingerie would never look good at me. We've never even talked about toys. I'm against them. You need to broach this first. So you have very, very good intentions there, Troy. I understand what you were trying to do, but that's why you need to talk about toys before you bring them into the bedroom. This goes for men and for women. If you've never talked about it, you gotta talk first. It's hard, I know. And we just talked about all these great toys for your partner. But if you get. And if you have another talk, don't buy anything yet. I just did a blog for Glamour. It's on our website. It's called how to Turn youn Partner Onto Sex Toys. You might want to read that first. But you asked the million dollar question here. Because it's so common for one partner to want to work on sex, spice up sex and the other one doesn't. So I'm assuming, Troy, that you haven't talked about your sex life. Wouldn't you assume he bought her the toy and the lingerie?
Yeah. If she had a cold car doctor.
Yeah, yeah, what?
Cold Doctor. It's a term. If it. If it caught. I didn't. What? I wasn't trying to be like a crass there. If it got her off guard.
The name of your film company.
Cold Cockle.
Right, I get it now.
It's like warm cockles. Warms the cockles of your heart.
Those are cockles? In my heart.
It's the cold cockles because they never get warm.
Dude, you're such a cold cockle. Yeah, I could totally see that being.
You'Re such a cold hearted. My wife hates that name. She says it sounds crass. You are obscene. But it's not, and I am not.
So you, like, if they were, like, someone's film company is in cold cockle, and I have all my friends, I would say I. You.
I feel like, yes. At least she didn't kick you out of the house, Troy. Right. That it could have been worse. But, yeah, I guess you got to talk. I don't know, man. I. I would still roll the dice and hope that I could avoid the talk and hope for the best.
That's you, though. You're an avoidant male avoiding intimacy. I would start by saying, I'm sorry. I'm hurt if I offend you in any way. Talk after my intention. Well, now he has to talk because she's already pissed off about it. So my intention was to make you feel good, enhance our intimacy, connect. You can, Troy. People do this all the time. You can blame me.
Yes.
Say I listen to this podcast. I know the importance of keeping sex alive and growing sexually. She might not even know what that means. You know, a lot of couples listen to the show together, and it helps them. I get emails all the time. You might want to do that. You can ask her if she's thought about this. Has she thought about. Is there something that she has wanted more of in the relationship that's just important to talk about it?
Right.
You're not disappointed. You're not unhappy. You love her and you thought it would be a fun surprise. Clearly, it's not. You're sorry. What would make her feel good?
What about this? Yeah, you. What about this? You got to think about for the. From the female's point of view. Like, you want to make her make it all about her. Right? Because she's kind of defensive about this, and they're only having sex twice a month. He wants it more so he can kind of maybe say, like, I was. I. I didn't think that I maybe, like, he's victimizing himself a little bit. Like, I didn't think I was doing it for you because you don't like it that much. We don't do it very often. So I was trying to help. Bring. Bring in some help make you like it even more so that we can maybe do it more often. Because I love having sex with you so much, honey. And I didn't think that me by myself was doing enough for you, so I was trying to enhance your experience.
Right. Which actually might be true.
I tried.
That actually isn't so. But that's. That's kind of putting on him. I think it's important for him to like, take some stuff. Backstairs. I'm sorry back and I didn't know. And that's.
Make it about her, though.
Yeah, that's a really good point.
In a good way.
Yeah, in a good way. That, like, I know we have sex twice a month, which to be honest, I'm going to be. I think couples should at least. And you know, I never put numbers on this. There's no normal. But I would say it's healthy to have sex at least once a week.
And women.
I'm just going to say it never.
Oh, yeah. And women should never be threatened by sex toys. Right. That's a guy's place to be threatened by sex toys.
Maybe she's never used one. Maybe she had a bad experience with one. So maybe it's not about sex toys. But I think you guys like this is. This divide is just gonna get larger. It's going to grow if you don't continue. So you gotta work on this, Troy. So I think that's a good way to put it. I feel like maybe there was something else you wanted. Since we're only having sex two times a month. I feel like I want more maybe.
Coming on the other side. You're having sex four times a month.
Exactly. See what she says. It's not going to all fix us in one day, but I think you start the talk.
Yes.
And every couple's got to have the sex talk. Sooner than later is better. All right. This was great. Anderson. Great to see you.
Good to see you.
And I'll see you soon. And I would want to come on your podcast after Disaster soon.
You're always invited. Speaking of which, I'll tell you often.
Tell us.
But Anna David invited Mike Carano to a while ago. I don't know if you ever heard the story to a. Be with her when she had to put down one of her.
Oh, yeah.
Her dog.
Her cat.
Her cat. Yes, it was her cat. Yes. And the story that ensued was quite.
It's a great story. Yeah, it's a. It's a very. I.
We told that story on the afters. I heard you.
No answer.
I heard the Carano side, so you got to hear the Anocide.
Yeah.
Oh, I want to hear this off air. We gotta talk about it.
Okay. Anyway, check out all of Anderson's great podcasts.
Film Vault Cinematics after Disaster. And I am hard at work on groupers. Just finished two full days of. Of auditions actually casting actors for my first feature film. So, yeah, talk about that on all those other shows. All right.
Thanks everyone. Thank you Anderson.
Thanks for having me.
I love it. Thank you Madison. Thank you Eddie, thank you Lori, Jamie, Ken, my amazing team. And thank you all. Happy Valentine's Day. Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email feedbackexwithemily.com.
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