Hotter for the Holidays: A Mash-Up

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man e here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

I'm excited to be here with my producer Jamie, and we're gonna be talking a whole lot of sex stuff. Hello, we're talking holidays. But holidays can be stressful. Stressful time of year. And we know that sex can be a huge stress reliever. Anxiety. There's so much anxiety and stress, yet we often can put sex on the back burner. We might do that throughout the year and we're stressed, but especially during the holidays. So we want to give you some tips about how to keep it interesting. Right. Because sometimes we think, I am so stressed out, sex is the last thing on my mind, or I'm just so tired sex is the last thing on my mind, or I'm just so hungry sex is the last thing on my mind. I think a lot of us delay sex, but here's the thing. We forget a lot. First of all, how important it is to actually have sex with our partners. We think, well, we'll get back to it. We'll get back to it. But it's so much easier just to maintain. And you might forget this, but once you get started having sex, do you ever really regret it?

I don't think I ever have.

You've never been like, God damn it, why do we just have had sex? No. Right.

Unless it was like. Unless you're having issues in that department, maybe.

True. Unless it wasn't great sex. But I always say it's like going to the gym. Like, the hardest part is getting out the door. And then you don't regret that either. The gym, never getting your shoes on, getting out the door. So same thing with sex. So it's about keeping sex top of mind and thinking about it in a more positive way. Not like it's gonna be a burden or a drag or how are we gonna find time, but start thinking about sex like we. How you need sex. And this could also goes for masturbation.

I agree. Because I'm trying to. I'm like, you know, when you think about sex, like, oh, like, I don't have time for sex. Like this. Is this gonna, like, you know, I'm not feeling it right now. It's not gonna make you feel good. But if you're like, oh, sex.

It'S great. I just. I just like having it. I think it's good even if you don't have it that day. I just feel like it kind of makes you feel better.

Yeah, it's true. And yes. And think about the sex you previously had, maybe, or sex that you want to have with your partner. So even if you just think about it this way, that if you're like, well, there's no time. The holidays are so crazy. I give you 20 minutes. 20 minutes of sex. How much time are you spending and maybe even wasting on other Things like, how much time did you spend on social media today? How much time do you spend holiday shopping? You could just say, you know what, I'm gonna prioritize sex. Put in the schedule and make sure that it happens.

Yeah, just put it in your calendar. Even you don't have to call it sex in case you're worried someone's gonna look at it. Or masturbation. Just be like me time or time.

Exactly. Just something. Because then you'll think like you, you might not realize this over time, but I've, I actually track these kind of things when I don't have sex or even don't have orgasm. I've talked about this, but if I don't masturbate for a while and I do, I'm like, oh yeah, orgasm, it's so good. It really does. All that stuff we talk about how it boosts your. Well, it does boost your immune system orgasm, but it also the serotonin, like all the feel good feelings you get from an orgasm actually can shift your mood. So even if you just take a deep breath and you pause and you realize that, well, wait, sex. I'm not going to think negatively about sex or I'm not going to be stressed out that my partner wants sex. But you breathe and you're like, oh, it's not going to mess up my schedule. I have time for it. It's important just to remind you guys of all the stress, make some time for the sexiness.

And then we've got some tips for you guys for the holidays. Some sex tips for the holidays. When again it might not be as convenient, but it's also really cold out. Even here in la it's cold today. It's weird when it rains here. It is weird cold and like I don't have a raincoat or an umbrella. I'm ill prepared.

I thought I had a lot of cute winter type clothes and I realized that I don't have a lot of cute winter type clothes.

No. Yeah, I mean, I guess it was warm here.

Yeah. Cause it never gets too cold. So it's like, you know me, I only have basically leggings as pants. I have like maybe one pair of jeans that I, that I wear.

I've never seen you in jeans and.

I just don't like to wear them.

Do you have a Paddington bear raincoat? Like a yellow raincoat?

No, but I really want one.

I just had an image of you on and like I feel like have I seen you in a yellow raincoat and I don't know why. That just popped in my head. Paddington Bear. You know those? Paddington Bear. I was like, I think I've seen Jamie one. But maybe not. No, me and my dreams.

It's so funny because there's this. That's like some techno song that's weird. But it's like something about like spreading love. Like a Paddington Bear. And it's like.

Yeah.

Is it like some techno song? My least favorite kind of music.

I know, I know.

But anyway, music. Oh, and then there was another. Speaking of music, interesting sex in the news that came out recently about how playing music. We've talked a lot about music during sex. But actually wasn't there a study that said if you play music during sex, there's just more pleasure, more orgasms, more connection with your partner. Cause it's another like you're less distracted by outside noises and whatever's happening and it can kind of get you in that groove. And it was certain types of music.

Yeah. And then I think too you both can kind of find. It helps you find a mutual rhythm.

Yeah. A mutual rhythm from the music.

Yeah.

I found that interesting because every time there is music when I'm having sex, if it's not techno music, I. I feel like it's. I'm like, ah, we should do that more. It's so easy now with playlists and everything. You don't gotta put a CD in.

No, it's true.

Like I'm ever like CD player stuck. That doesn't happen anymore. Okay. So the other thing is just reminiscing music down music lane. So some tips for the holidays if you are. I think shower sex is fun for the holidays. If you've got relatives staying with you or you're just busy and you guys are both. We don't have a lot of time. Like let's hop in the shower and it's cold out.

Yeah.

So take a warm shower.

Like a really hot shower. Keep the steam going. Maybe like let it get hot before you get in it. So there's already a lot of steam.

Yeah.

Things like that. I think that would be really cool.

Me too. We love the sport sheets. Sex in the shower line. It's essentially makes shower sex exactly what you wanted it to be before. You probably had some ill conceived shower sex sessions because sometimes they're ill executed. Sometimes we have shower sex. It's like not as great as we think. But with sex in the shower, it helps you from falling over.

Yeah. Which is a real thing.

It's like people fall over and go to the emergency room. That happens you don't want to do that. No. So they have these really cool. The bar that you can put your hands up on comes off the wall easily. The vibrating mesh sponge, I think is one of the most genius inventions. It's a mesh sponge with a vibrator in it.

Exactly.

Enough said.

Just play around with each other while washing each other. Killing two birds with one sponge.

And even just be massaging your partner's back. Like you don't have to get it all. But it could be fun. It's a place for to have some privacy too.

Yeah. And I think it's fun because you can't really. Like the vibrator like hides itself in the sponge. And even the foot rest. It's like. Yeah, I use it to shave my legs or with a handle. It's like I'm lazy.

Right? Exactly. I just. Hang on. You can't tell what it is. But actually. Right. You put your foot on it. You put your hand up on it and so it's like that brace so you don't fall. That's the point of the sex in the shower line. It's brilliant.

And people aren't going to be like, why is this sex stuff in your shower? It's like they're not going to be.

Able to tell incognito sex stuff in your shower. And she does shave her legs in her little shower bar. So get creative.

I think I left it at my parents house though and I.

When you moved.

Yeah.

And then hopefully they're using it either for sex or shaving.

No, that bathroom like doesn't get used now. Oh, it's like a shrine, Jamie.

Okay, so then after you get out of the shower, if you choose this adventure, use massage candles.

I haven't talked about massage candles in a while. Really? Because I don't know why but I've really been have a re found love for them. They are cool, you guys. If you haven't used them yet, it's because I used to have my own massage candles.

That's why we need to like I.

Had my own line years ago. We've been listening for a while. I would love to make it. But I do love the Jimmy Jane ones. Or the Donna. Massage candles are great. You can find these all on our website. We do have a new store that you can check out. Powered by Good Vibrations, which is my favorite sex place. I have to say. I just, I just grew up there. My mom let me run around. No kidding. But when I moved to San Francisco, I loved it. But you ignite massage Candles, how they work is you light them. If you don't know you light a candle, they have amazing scents. You know, you even light it for a little foreplay when you're hanging out with your partner. And then you blow it out and it turns into this really luxurious massage oil. It's not like messy, waxy, hot. You don't burn your partner and then you just pour it on them and you give a little sensual massage. And that is another thing to deal with the stress over the holidays.

I mean, what's more relaxing than a massage?

I know. I'm thinking I should maybe take like a massage course. I know we recommend this to a lot of people. Like, you can take them online now too. Yeah, like, that is a great thing to do with a partner. Take a massage course or find a masseuse, you know, and have them come over and teach you. Like, I think, I think sometimes people could be like, oh, I'm not sure how to do it. It would be weird. But you just need like, it's like literally one or two strokes. Like, you just don't do it on the spine. Like, there's certain things you avoid. And then you just use your hands and you do some kneading and it just feels really good. And then the warmth of the oil beneath you, you can just kind of. It's all slippery and you can roll around together in the sheets.

I always forget too, because, like giving just like a dry massage, like how much? Because it's not bad. It's still fine. Like anytime your partner or someone's touching you, like, I just, I like that. But I'm like, when I use like oil, it feels, it's. First of all, it's easier to give the massage.

That's the other thing. You can't really mess up if you have, if you use really good massage oil.

Yeah.

Lotion something.

So it's easier to give the massage and then it just feels nicer for them, I'm sure.

Absolutely. You get like essential oils. Now they have like CBD massage oils. There's a lot you could do with it. So I say even just for a few minutes. We also know that it's, it's just relaxing. So if you've been in that relationship and you're just like, I'm never in the mood. Like, just give each other 10 minute massages. You'll be. It just keeps things nice and toasty. The massage candles. So those are some ways to reduce stress over the holidays. But here's some ways you can really get what you want for the holidays. I think it's a perfect time to actually ask for what you want. Finally get that sex that you want. We've got some great ways to facilitate that.

Yeah, why not get a regular gift and a sex gift?

I think you should always. I only give sex gifts. It's true. Not to. Yeah, to most people I only give. Even my mom, we just send her some lube. So yes, give sex gifts. And so another good thing is we actually are having some fun here. We were like, I really want to give the listeners like a variety this year of just some gifts that you could buy, some, you could make, some, you could just. And that will also advance your sexual agenda. So great time to do the old sexual bucket list where you're each writing down a few things that you want to try and then you swap it. This is just so you can go into the new year knowing that, like, we've got a plan in place to prioritize our pleasure. And the bucket list is where you each write down three things you've been wanting to try. Could be a fantasy, it could be more. Making out, spanking.

You might even be surprised that like there might be some overlap in your lists.

Yes, that's where you start. You start with the overlap.

The holiday's coming up, whatever you celebrate. But you might go see the family soon. You probably will. And so I feel like this time of year, it's really kind of known to be a very stressful time for couples. I mean, I know that the holidays are supposed to be cheery and happy and warm and all this good stuff, but let's. Right. Anderson, do you get stressed out or no? Oh yeah.

I mean, everyone does.

Do you really? I mean, because I don't. Because I, I get stressed about the shopping. I mean, I do a little, but not like you do because I don't have like in laws and stuff.

Yeah, I got like, you know, 15, 20 people that it's like instantaneously I have to think of like what I should get them. It's a pain in the ass.

It is a pain. And how do you feel about your in laws? Yeah, okay. Right. So it's not easy.

They think I'm okay.

They must love you. Come on.

I'm like the second best out of two.

What do you mean?

Well, they have another son. They have all daughters, so. But they have two son in law. They have three daughters. Three daughters? No, no boys. And then now they have two son in laws and I am like a distant second.

Why?

Because the other Guy's handy and he's around all the time and he's already given them two kids and he's from New York and he's like, he's, he's.

That guy, he's handy. He like puts in light bulbs and stuff and like fixes.

Yeah. Redid their entire patio and I can't compete with that. Plus I've slipped up and said a few things about the mom in front of everyone at her expense. Which you don't do with that family.

No, you really don't. You made fun of the mom like early on and you could never rescind her.

Right? Yeah, they still, they still bring that up every time. Like, you mean like the one time when you called our mother stupid.

No, they don't.

Yeah, really bad.

But they must love you. You just saying that. But they must like love that you make their daughter so happy.

Yeah.

Okay. How about your own family? Do you see them on the holidays? Did you just split it up?

Yeah, yeah, that's, that's its own thing. I don't talk about that.

Okay. This is the thing. So.

Okay, so gotta split them up. Yeah. It's like double the fun.

Right. And so it's stressful, but it's like, it's. I was just thinking about this on the way here because I love coming here during the show and I, My brain just goes, I'm like, oh my God. You know, it's interesting, the holidays, because it's so confusing. Like everything in life, there's a lot of dualities. There's the joy, you know, the holidays, gifts and presents and family. And I'd say 50% of it maybe for a lot of people or more could just be like stress and gifts and family and all the drama that that can bring. And so things get crazy at work and you know, you've struggled. You find, want to find the perfect gifts and all that stuff. So I'm going to give some tips for, you know, surviving the in laws and all that stuff and. But first I want to say something that I think is going to go back to, that's going to help everybody and something I've been thinking about a lot too is that like the holidays do get hard and they can be confusing. And I just want everyone to know this because it's something that I had to deal with with my family and this is just has nothing to do with sexual at all. But I'm going to get to it, I promise. Is that your parents did the best they could raising you with the skills that they were provided. So I'm sure they had, like, whatever they did to you or whatever issues they bring up for you. And I'm not saying everyone you could love your parents, but everyone's got issues. They did the best they could. Their parents probably did the same things to them that they do to you or that's how they were raised. They didn't know any better, but they love you to the best of their ability. And your parents aren't going to change. They're never going to change. So every year you're going to continue perhaps to get disappointed or let down by similar things that happen every year, like, oh, God, mom, do this again. So the only thing that's going to change for sure and that, you know that's going to change is you and your expectations that you have of what's going to happen over the holidays. So if every year you expect that you're going to go home, it's going to be great, and your mom's going to get you the perfect gift and your dad's going to compliments you and your raise of work and all the great things you're doing and is really nice to your husband or whatever. It's not gonna happen this year, am. I mean, I. I hope, you know, people can change, but only if they want to. And so typically, people in our lives, you know, unless they go through some old metamorphosis on their own or therapy, they're really gonna be the same. And I'm just gonna save you. A lot of people know this. Do you know this, Anderson? Do you accept your parents yet? I think, like, people when they're younger, they don't, like. I think I had to go through this, like, in therapy and figure it out and hate my mom and get mad and then talk to her and confront her and let it go and realize. Did you go through this?

Yeah. I think usually when you get closer to, like, your parents age when they had you, you have a lot more insight as to, like, what might have been going through their head.

Exactly. So I'm just. This is just a public service announcement. Okay. Because I think it's.

So you're saying, get your dad a flashlight.

No, I'm just being honest to people that I've been thinking about this a lot and talking about this a lot this weekend that your family just, you know, whatever. So try to have good time this holiday season and try not to be so stressed and love your family and appreciate them and love your partner, because appreciation and showing generosity and appreciation are the Things that make relationships stronger. And if you get all stressed out and anxious and you stop connecting and you stop having sex because you're worried about your family and what to buy, then you're just gonna let it slip by. So let's all pledge to have a really joyous holiday season.

So you're saying have sex in your family's house?

Oh, funny you should say that because we have a sex in the news story about that.

Really? Do you have sex in your in laws house?

I don't talk about those things.

Okay. Half of Americans admit to having sex while staying with family over the holidays. It's a poll hosting relatives and friends over the holidays. Odds are they're getting randy in the guest bedroom. Because according to a poll conducted by online travel site Priceline.com nearly half, 49% of the thousand US respondents admit to engaging in some sort of holiday nookie, be it in the teenage bedroom they grew up in or their aunt's fold out couch in the basement. But it's not just horny house guests that are engaging in our related holiday fun. It applies to the hosts. They admit to being naughty in their boudoir while the guests up. And Maybe that's why 2/3, 68% of Americans say they preferred that they're out of town guests stay in hotels. I want everyone to say I want to stay in hotels. I don't want to stay with anybody ever, ever. Like I ne. I don't even want people to stay with me nor do I want to stay with anyone. Not even gut like seriously if I'm dating someone maybe. But who the hell want. It's so much better if you can have your life and your time and your in. You know, we're adults. Do you agree?

Anderson, you just finished saying enjoy your family, accept them and enjoy the holidays.

No, I'm just saying I just want.

Me and my Mimi in room 134.

Okay, whatever. I understand that you all can't say no towels. I'm just. As my personal thing. But if you're staying with your family and, and you're gonna have sex, which you probably will, I'm going to be giving you some ideas later for I did think you could be Rosie over the holiday. Just stay in the hotel. You. I have things that you can. They're actually, if you get randy in the hotel, it's totally fine. And in the. Randy in the with your parents. What there's discreet toys that I'm going to tell you that are very quiet that you can use.

You Should. You should probably recant that. Randy at your parents house, not Randy with your parents.

Did I say Randy with your parents?

You did.

Randy with your parents could mean having a good time. Does Randy always mean sex?

It does. I think it's a British thing.

Okay, whatever. So that's what people do. So you don't. I've had sex in my mom's house.

There's something about going to the in laws house or even your own house, especially if it's like your childhood house. So there's a lot of memories there. A lot of sexual ghosts in that house, you know and.

But like my parents, like I. I actually. I always say my parents in Michigan. I'm kidding. Actually all that rant because I. I was just thinking about my stressfulness of staying with anybody like except for my family. Because I actually do love my family. But I've had sex in my mom's house a lot. Like in like in recent years too. Like I used to hook up with my ex and we'd go in like her patio. My mom passes out. She doesn't know.

Well, your mom passes out and you have sex.

I had the best. Do you know that two years ago I had the best sex at Thanksgiving or two years. A few years ago this was more than that. With an ex boyfriend who was also from my hometown. We had amazing sex. The best sex ever. In fact every year I get a text from him. We broke up five years ago on Thanksgiving that we great sex at my parents patio.

And I don't know frigid.

It was freezing. It was hot though. And cold. I can't explain it.

Is he married with kids now?

Yeah.

And he still texts you?

No, he's not married with kids. Sorry. No, he has a girlfriend. But yeah, he's like that night, Thanksgiving. Yeah, dude, they all text me still. Is that bad?

Oh yeah, I'm sure I don't do anything.

No, we're. Cause I'm friends with all my exes. It's fine. I give them good memories, you know, that's what I can do. That's what I leave them and they move on. And they're better men with better women.

I'd love to see what Christmas card looks like.

My Christmas card.

Send Christmas cards to all your ex boyfriends was just like photos of the places you guys banged?

I do and I addresses it to them and their wives and I'm like remember that time?

It's because most people saying that like you know pictures with them and their kids and they're like their Spouse. But you just send, like, locations of places that. Hot places you banked.

Yeah, no, maybe I should just do a montage of me and all my exes. Like, in the places that we went. Like, of all the places together in one car.

Just the locations with, like, puddles left behind.

Exactly. Puddles, Lube bottles strewn across the floor. And no joke, that has happened to me. Okay. Another thing is men who do housework really clean up in the bedroom. So there have been these studies, this has come out in recent years where, like, women are turned on by housework, and people laugh and they're like, oh, it's really hot if my husband's emptying the dishwasher. But it's really just not about that. Because couples who. I think that, you know, couples were together. I know that couples are together. They share the dishwashing, vacuuming, other domestic chores, once considered women's work, have a better and more fulfilling sex life. Which is a new study. And it makes sense because relationships are contemporary. You know, contemporary relationships. We're all doing everything. We're working, you know, we women are working. Men are working, and they want equal sharing, and they want your partner to be contributing. So, you know, women who are left with the sole responsibility, cleaning the house, doing laundry. That would piss me off. Taking care of the kids. And the last thing they want to do is have sex. Guys come home, they're doing that. You know, I'm saying. So if you're on the same level playing field, you're gonna, you know, have more sex. So everyone should, you know, sweep and empty the dishwasher and the. The garbage baskets, waste baskets. Do you do that? Do you guys have chores that you split up?

No, I do everything.

Come on.

I do most of it because I'm home during the day and she works during the day.

Do you care? No.

Like, I do all, like, the heavy lifting. And I always think it's manipulation because she'll, like, you know, I'll be taking the trash out and folding the laundry, and she'll be, you're so hot when you do that.

No, but it really is hot.

She's just manipulating. No, she wants me to hear that. So it's positive reinforcement.

Yeah, again, no. But then does she have sex with you after that?

I see. You know, whatever.

You're not going to answer that. But I'm telling you, when men split the workload, it says women feel less overwhelmed and have a little bit more room in their mind for more sexy activities.

And it's hot when she's down on her hands and knees. Plumbing. I get her.

Have you seen a man in rubber gloves?

What?

I don't know. With a tool belt? It's hot. No, I'm telling you, I've had. So this guy was dating, you know, when I first moved my apartment in la, he came over and he. This is. And this is a true story. He came over and he put together like my dimmer switch and hung stuff up in the bathtub. All this stuff. And I was told, I was. I was turned. It was hot. I was like, you know how to do that? Like it sounds like such a chick thing. Because I can't do anything like that. I have other skills. But it was hot. And then we had great sex. I appreciated it.

See, you're describing my brother in law. I can't compete with that. He comes over to the.

Can you cook? Can you edit them? Could you edit them a video, family video or something?

I did actually. For their first daughter's wedding. I did the whole thing.

So they must have loved that. You're a great editor.

I thought it was okay. They were too busy laughing at his jokes to even notice it. I think when I pushed play.

I hate this guy. Can we bring him down this year? Kidding. It's all love. He would be.

Oh yeah. He's like a total New Yorker guy.

Yeah, like New Yorker. What do you mean by. There's so many things that that means.

He'S from Long Island. He's like the real dude. No, he's Italian.

Oh, Italian. Long Island.

He's like an Italian George Costanza.

Okay. But he's a good, He's a good. The daughter.

Yeah, he treats her well.

Okay. So the thing is help out over the holidays. And again, the holidays are just. There's so much about stress and I just feel like we need to do everything we can to make it because you know, this is the season that like puts a lot like. Do you ever fight with your partner? I mean, I know a lot. I've broken up with boyfriends. There's just a lot of stress that goes on in Cuba. Fight. So I'm going to tell you how you survive the in laws. First is use active listening skills. Listen to what they're saying. Don't insult your in laws like, like Anderson does. Listen carefully. What?

One time. That's all it takes.

It's all it takes. They never forget. Okay, so here's the thing.

I think bring them a bottle of wine too, right off the bat. Right? Get them liquored up.

Get him a really nice bottle of wine. Do you bring them stuff? Do they drinkers?

Yeah, they have a few. See, I always show up with booze because I want to get them a little bit sauced so that, you know, they're easier to deal with.

See, that's what everyone does over the holidays. Don't you think? That's why everyone's having. I was going to say that. The article earlier, the news story. Everyone's having sex because everyone's drunk and you're more likely to have sex.

There are a lot of babies in September. A lot of births.

Yeah, it's true. That's.

My mom works in the nursery and it goes crazy in September.

No, it's absolutely true. It's Virgos anal child.

What?

Anal retentive. You know, if you're a Virgo.

An anal child.

No, no, no. I didn't think that was possible. I did not mean that.

The thing with the holidays them is like they're either 100 miles an hour or it's nice when you're actually sitting around doing nothing because people have time off too. So when you can actually enjoy like the Christmas tree or whatever, you know, the decorations you got in the fireplace, enjoy it. Enjoy those little moments. But everything else is like 100 miles an hour because you have to do everything. Double speed and get everyone something and do more work. So you can take time off.

Exactly. So you have to take evenings. This is my tips for couples. I'll go back to the in laws in a minute because it's actually. That's a better. That's a good point. Is that take evenings for yourself. So like, if you guys look at your calendar and you guys are both really busy, like, try to plan evenings where you're, you know, you're. You're not shopping, you're not doing things and you're like, let's watch holiday movies or whatever it is that used to make you love the holidays. Like go back to when you were a child and you think about what made you happy. You know, maybe it's watching Christmas movies or watching, you know, porn. I don't know. Have a night where you guys can help each other relax. So give each other massages. Like make it like, try to. If you could ever do it any other time of year, this is the time because it will keep you connected. All right, guys, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back.

So. Okay. Holiday parties. This is a study that came out. According to a national survey, 24% of Americans have taken the opportunity of a Holiday party to hook up either during or immediately afterwards with a co worker. 42% being guys, 27% being ladies between the ages of 18 and 34. In fact, the top three festivities for holiday hookups can be attributed to New Year's, Christmas and workplace parties, respectively. So if you are planning to seduce that guy from the sound department, graphic design, whatever, here's how you do it. Here's where people do it. The copy room. 10% of people do it in the copy room. I guess it's good you have a door. That's the pro. Even if it doesn't lock, you can put some obstacles in front of it.

Get some pictures.

Get some pictures. Exactly. The cons. Thanks to. It's in the movies all the time. You always think about having sex in the copy room. People are gonna know that you're probably in there. But the best sex position for there is definitely standing up. Up. Or the lady sitting tall and proud on the copy machine for photo memories of her ass. The other place people do it, 10%, the boss's desk. Pros. Well, who hasn't hated their boss enough to want to have sex on the desk with some mad, passionate lovemaking to watch their boss eat lunch there two days later? That seems kind of gross to me, and that seems risky. You're going to get fired if you sleep on the boss's desk.

If he catches you, don't sleep just on the desk.

Okay. And also the mailroom. 16% of people do in the mailroom. And the conference room, 18% of the people, which I can understand. The conference room, that seems a little more benign.

A lot of room on that table.

Lots of room on the table. So they do that. But I would just say be careful having sex with someone you sleep with. Oh, taking a colleague home, 74% of people take it outside the party into their house. That seems to be the safest way. But just remember, you know, I'm not going to tell you what to do. You should or should not sleep with someone you work with. But just remember, remember Monday morning, they're gonna be at the office and so are you, probably for the rest of the year. And so be careful. Make sure you really like them. It's not just the liquid courage. Okay.

Can I just say that I wish I didn't say it was very crass and crude and uncalled for, and I apologize.

Okay. Why? Because I don't swear a lot on the show.

I said don't. Don't sleep on the boss's desk. Just on it and that was rude. Should have said just bang.

It was rude. No, it's okay. People understand. But I try not to. You know, I guess being on the radio when I was first trained, I just, I try not to swear very much, but sometimes it's appropriate. In my, in my, in my regular life, I swear way too much, but on the air, I don't. But here's something. If you are single for the holidays, let's just be honest, you might feel a little bummed. You might feel like it's a raw deal. Like, you know, TV commercials and songs on the radio, movies on, like, basic cable. They're all dedicated to family and celebrating with a significant other. But you know, if you. Oh, and then if you're single, you got to go home and they're like, why are you still single? Don't you want to meet anyone? What happened to what's his face? What's her face? Well, you guys seem really happy. You're not getting any younger. All that stuff can make you feel really, really awkward and like you don't want to see someone's. You know, honestly, if I see another picture of someone's like, baby wrapped in your, like Christmas lights, really on Facebook, I don't want to see that. But don't get all grinchy. Here's some positives. Here's some positives. And we're going to tell you some perks. We're going to tell you some things to do. Office Christmas parties. First of all, you only have to go to one, not two. You're free to sleep with whoever you want. Co worker, like we just talked about. And I love going to parties alone. Like, I hate going to my. Like, I'm not hate. If I'm really in love with someone, I'll go to your party. But it's kind of fun just to go to holiday parties alone and be by yourself. You also, you know, Christmas Day plans, coordinating with someone's other family. Like Anderson was saying, like, you got to go through, we talked about this before, like your in laws, you got to go back and forth and you got to like see the parents that you can't stand or whatever. This time you can make the holidays all about you. You don't have to split the time with other families. You've more time to actually hang out with your chosen family, which might be your friends or your own family. But you don't got to deal with all that other stuff and presence. Oh, my God, I hate shopping for a boyfriend. It's the worst. It's like, what do I get? The best thing ever. Then you're stressed. I mean, honestly, the holidays are supposed to be about joy and love and happiness and celebrating. And really, when you have a partner, it can be super stressful. So those are some perks. Okay, so let's talk to Annie Daly. She is a freelance reporter. We met first. She was working at Cosmo for three years. So she knows a lot about sex and relationships. And she also, like I said, writes for, like, timeout New York. She writes for Self magazine. She writes for New York Post. I mean, she writes for everybody. She's a great writer. She talks a lot about, like, what's going on with dating and relationship and all the trends. And we're gonna give her. We're gonna talk to her right now, so we're gonna get on the phone. Hi. Hey, Annie. What's up? Annie, I was telling you that, and I told everyone who you are. Is that your episode you were on? Probably. When was that? When were you here? It was one of the most popular episodes this year.

I was here in August.

In August. It was so long ago at this point. I can't believe it. And it was a great episode. So I'm so happy that you're back with. With us tonight, and I have some questions for you.

I'm so happy, too.

I know. I love it. And where can they find you? Just. Let's give out your. Your. Where people can find you and follow you and all that. Your website? Twitter.

Yeah, so you can find me. My website is annadaily.com, which is a N N I E d a l y.com and my Instagram and my Twitter are the same. And it's at AnnieMdaily. A n n I e m daily d a l Y.

Awesome. Okay. And we'll have this all on our website as well. Okay, Annie, I've got some questions for you, because we always talk about, like, trends and dating and stuff like that. Have you heard of almost boyfriends or almost relationships and almost boyfriend?

Oh, my gosh. Totally.

I.

First of all, I love the word almost.

Right?

In general, I feel like the word almost is one of the defining words of our time just because. Because we have so many opportunities to do everything that everybody, like, almost finishes things and almost has relationships and almost. Almost. Because there's so many choices, and you end up going in so many different directions that you don't see that many things through to completion anymore.

Exactly. Everyone's got, like, add, right? And so there's this thing. It's like the almost boyfriend thing is a trend. And when I was interviewed by a, by Elite Daily actually, and I'm like, well, do you mean friends with benefits? And they're like, this is a little different. So their definition was like in between actual full time boyfriend and one night stand, there was this limbo of almost boyfriends in which we all have the makings of a long term relate, which has all the makings of a long term relationship. But we never get to the next level. And that's the biggest problem. It's the endless cycle of almost boyfriends which won't turn into anything of substance. It's and certainly won't turn into husbands. So why do you think this is happening so much more recently than ever?

So, okay, it's so funny. I used to be the queen of almost boyfriends. Honestly, I would actually joke about them to my parents and my grandparents as well at family functions because they would be like, so how's your dating life? And I would just say, oh, you know, filled with almost white friends. Because I think that honestly the reason for it is the plethora of choice. Again, it really does come down to online dating and social media. And when there are so many options out there, people always think that whatever they have, there could be something better. And so when you have someone who is really, really great on paper and in person, then people are just less likely to lock it down and tie it down because there's always just the glimmer of hope that something could be better, something that they don't even know.

Right.

And so it just makes people less willing to commit and to lock it down and say like, yes, you are.

My boyfriend because someone just liked your.

Patronage, then it's harder to break up.

Exactly.

It is an almost boyfriend. If you never really feel the deal, then it's easier to kind of end it right.

And then. But then you never get to any point of, and do you know of any kind of commitment. And it's this cycle and you know, eventually you hope you mature to the point of, you know, I'm going to meet someone and I'm going to want to. But no one's seeing the models of this anymore. They're not seeing none of their friends. Their friends all have almost boyfriends or almost girlfriends. So it's not even like it's the thing to do is to be in a relationship. It's like you have three people you're sleeping with. I just don't think. And I think that people also, you know, that they, that neither men or women want to step up. So I think a lot of times women might go along with it, or guys, because they're like, well, that's what he wants, or that's what she wants. And so they just think, you know, they're afraid to say it because they don't want to be rejected. And so everyone's just kind of going along with it, you know? I think, though, dating around is so exhausting. Like, after a while, you just think you'd be wiped out, and you're like, okay, I'll take you. You know, let's just commit. But it is a trend, and I don't know what to do about it, but. Because I think that.

Yeah, it's distracting that you mention that, too, because I think that a lot of people do that, especially around this time, around the holidays. I. I wrote a story for Cosmo about this last year about the. We coined it the Holiday Boyfriend, which is basically this phenomenon where everybody just wants to have a boyfriend character in their life during the holidays, regardless of whether or not they actually like someone. So they end up settling for, like, lame guys because it's better than. It's easier to go through the holidays with somebody, even if it's not somebody that you even like.

Right. Because you want to, like, have someone to kiss on New Year's or whatever, and then you dump them on January 1st. I don't know. But you're right. People get really lonely over. Over the holidays. So we were going to talk. I was going to actually. Just talking about some of the perks of being single over the holidays. But I think you're absolutely right that this is the season people don't want to be.

I remember the experts there, some relationship therapists that I spoke with, called it mistletoe syndrome.

They called it the what? Say that again.

You look around and you see all of the romance and the cheesy ads in the movies and everything, and it just. Even if you're super smart and you understand that you're being somewhat manipulated by culture and society, you still fall for it anyway because.

What did you call it? I missed it. What'd you say it was called? The what?

The mistletoe syndrome.

Mistletoe syndrome. You're like, oh, my God, there's gonna.

Be mistletoe that I love.

That is such a great one. That is so true. I mean, it's so true. I know.

It really strikes home.

See, I. I feel like it's a relief not having someone to buy for and to go see their family. I mean, I think that there's some pros to it, but I get it. The holidays are a sentimental time and you don't want to be alone, so, you know, I get it. Now, what do you think are the pros and the cons of all this.

Casual dating during the holidays?

Just. Yeah. Or anytime.

Or anytime. Okay. Wow. That's a fun question.

A loaded one, too. The, I would say the biggest pro of casual dating in general is that it gives you a better idea of what you want down the line.

Right.

As long as you go into it not expecting to have each person that you date be like, you're everything. So if you have a healthy mentality about it and you know that you're actually just dating around, then it's really fun because first of all, you get to know what it is that you want and you don't want. Second, you get to just hang out with a lot of interesting people. It's almost like a lesson in psychology because. And also just a lesson in various careers that you can have in the city that you're in because you learn about everyone's jobs and you see how different people live their life.

Right.

Fascinating.

No, it's true. And you never know, too. They might have a friend. Yeah, they might have a friend that you like. Like, I had a guy that was. Yeah. Recently. We were going. We went out a few times and he was. He was into me and I wasn't really, like, I made it clear. I'm like, I'm not really into to you. And I thought, like, God, this is going to be weird and we won't be friends. And three days later, he called me. He's like, I have someone I want to fix you up with. It was so nice. It was such a nice way of, like, now we're friends. I'm like, listen, I'm a great win girl. I can hook you up. And he, like introduced me to someone and I thought that was really nice. I didn't like the guy, but still, it was a good effort, you know?

Yeah, that's a good effort. And that's also so nice on his part to just be mature and end things normally as opposed to slow fading you out or go you or doing something immature like that or breaking up over text or so many other lame ways to break up.

So many lame ways.

The slow fade on his part.

I thought so too. I mean, the slow fade is just horrible. Why do the guy, you know, so, okay, so then what are the cons, you think? The casual dating.

Casual dating?

Yeah. Besides like getting harpies.

Well, I think that the biggest con is that you just don't get the experience of having someone truly, truly care for you.

Right.

And that in and of itself is an amazing experience that everybody should get to experience at some point.

Right. So you don't get to experience intimacy.

Also, I think maybe you can become a little jaded and a little too hard and like not willing to accept when love does come your way. If you've dated casually for so long that you've almost like put up a wall where you're kind of lying to yourself and telling yourself that you don't need anyone because you've just become so accustomed to not needing anyone.

Yeah, that's true.

That it can be harder to let your guard down when you eventually do find someone that you really like.

Right. No, I think you're right. You don't recognize the signs that I can think of. Yeah. Because you're most like. You get into a pattern of this is what I do. And so you don't even know how to take it. If you like someone.

You don't even know your pattern of, this is what I do. This is how I date.

Right. I don't even know. I don't call them right away. You know, you play games.

You're protecting yourself. It's totally.

Yeah, it's normal. But then you never get so I.

Know you've been, by the way, totally understandable. It just can get dangerous if it goes on for too long or if you're not self aware enough to realize that you're doing it right and there.

Are people out there. Once you get to the point and you're like, I'm done with this, you can find someone who does want to be in a relationship as well. So you don't have to keep going down this road. So. Okay. Okay. So, Annie, I also know that, that you, you've been in a long distance relationship. Did we. I think we were.

Wait, I can't hear me. Sorry, I can't hear you again. I don't know why that keep.

I don't either. Okay, Annie, we're going to just have you back on when we get the phones working out better. Okay?

I am so.

Oh my God, you're awesome. Annie, I love you. I love talking to you. Happy holidays. And I will talk to you very soon. Thanks for calling. Okay, bye, sweetie. That was Annie Daly. Thanks. You can find her. It's all the information will be on my website during this podcast. Okay, so single. That was interesting though. Almost boyfriend. I think it's really true that people just aren't. I mean I, I had boyfriends in college. Like I always had one every year. I didn't do the casual thing, but sometimes I think I should have. Now I'm doing it, I do it kind of backwards. Here is the thing when you are single. Here's some tips for surviving if you're single. I didn't want to say surviving if you're single. Friggin embrace it over the holidays because I know you get bummed out. You're single, you know, maybe you're with your family, you're not with your family, they can both bum you out and it can be emotional. So here are some tips to help you make it work. Do something that's non traditional. Do something that's like outside your box. So with all the holiday hype, you might feel like you have to survive, like I said, rather than enjoy them. But watch a movie you've been wanting to watch. Take a mini vacation in your hometown, go to a museum, go ice skating, go see those friends you never get to see who are there. Take some time for yourself. What's on your to do bucket list list that you've been like, oh God, I never get to go there. Also, it is a great time to meet new people. Ask your friends, say, hey, you know, any holiday parties? Invite me when they go out, their co workers. The best way to meet people, I think, and it is actually true, studies show besides online where a lot of people are meeting is through friends, friends of friends, their co workers. Everyone's going for drinks right now. So it's a great untapped resource, you know, to be, you know, to go out with people who are working or also through your friends who have, who are in a relationship, sing. You know, people in relationships always want you to get in a relationship. All my married friends are like, or when you getting married, so you know, why not go out with them and meet some of their single friends to let everyone, you know, like, I'm single, let's hang out, let's do something people love. Include being inclusive over the holidays. So don't be shy and don't think no one wants you around. I know that when I've let people know that I'm here, they're like, oh, come, come with us, come to. You know, I'm sure you've got people like that in your life. And so this way you can just go out, you're on your own, you don't have to worry about everyone, you know, boyfriend or Girlfriend. And you can actually meet other people through friends that you trust. It's also a good time that you can reconnect with old people. Not like old, old people, but old people. People that you don't see that often. You know, your friends, like, they might migrate home for the holidays, but people are also around, or people in relationships. You think, oh, I never get to see them because they're married again. You should, like, catch up with them, say, I want to hang out. It's also reach out to family members. Just give them a call. The people that you don't often talk to, like, you're like crazy aunt in Chicago that you love, that you never, you know, make time to, like, connect. It feels really good. You never have time during the year to just pick up the phone so you can reconnect with those people. And you can also, like, host a party at your house. I know you think everyone's busy and doing stuff, but there are so many people who just don't have their families around or don't have things going on. Have a potluck. You don't have to go crazy and go make all the food. Have people come over you. Go to people's houses. You know, just, like, get together people. Can I bring a friend? Sure. I mean, I know when I've been alone for the holidays or New Year's or whatever it is, I always meet the best people because I like flying solo. That's me. I know a lot of people don't. I actually prefer it. Anderson, why are you smiling at me? Is that weird?

You like flying solo? That's very strange. I'm being sarcastic.

It has another meaning, right?

What do you mean?

I don't know. Doesn't it like flying? I don't know. Yeah, I do. I really.

You're a lone wolf. Emily's a lone wolf.

I've always been that way, though.

No one can trap her, can't trap me. No one can hold her down.

I know. You know, many guys I've dated, they're like, I just wish I could put you in my pocket. Like, they love that I'm just a free spirit. And then I'm so independent. And then a few months in, they're like, I wish I could just put you in my pocket.

I wish I could just contain you kind of bragging.

Do you think there's a guy out there? Do you think there's a guy out there that could capture you?

I. Sure. I capture me.

You're like a butterfly. Very elusive butterfly.

You know, I'm open. I'm open to being.

No, no, no. Honestly, do you think there's a dude out there that if he walked up.

My work. Do you think there's. There's one out there?

Sure, absolutely.

Forever.

What do you mean forever?

What the does forever mean?

Sure, I'm open. Absolutely. I have not.

No, that's just like that. You're just saying. You're. You're alluding the question.

No, I think I. Absolutely. I think there's someone out there that I could meet and I could say, yeah, done. Put a fork in it.

I want that for you. I hope that happens for you.

Why? I don't know. No, I think my mom does too.

I don't like the idea of seven year old Emily, you know, with a loose vagina.

70. I think it's seven.

No. 70 year old, loose vagina at the gym with Madison.

Oh, my God. Yeah. No, I think that I'm, you know, I mean, a lot of nice guys. We'll see what happens. I don't trip on that. You know why? Because I just think there's so much to life and finding someone is great. And when you're obsessive about it and I have to find the one. The one. The one. You're not going to find them that way either, so.

Plus the show would suffer badly. It's like you fell in love and you're always like with some dude and watching movies and eating popcorn on the couch. This show would become very dull.

I can't talk. A lot of the crazy dudes I'm dating. Right? You're right. It's true. I can never. In a relationship. I have sex, though. P.S. but I'm well aware, I do think there is there. There could be someone great. And I can't wait to tell you about it. I will tell.

Wait, does it count? Does. Does sex with toys count as sex?

No, it does not. It counts.

When's the last time you had sex with an uncut man?

Uncut man, Uncircumcised man?

I would say about two, two and a half years ago.

You like it?

Yeah, I did. Yeah. I mean, I'm telling you. Uncircumcised penis.

We're gonna talk about it like in an episode coming up, right?

Yeah, yeah.

You can't.

It's not. So I'm telling you, it's actually, I like it because I feel like it's super sensitive.

Less work for you.

Less work. And it's. You might not have seen one before, but when you do, it's like Nothing. You just, you know, whatever. I did a whole show.

Can't eater.

No, they're fine. Why not? I don't discriminate against penises. As long as there's a penis ready, willing to go that I'm into, I'm down.

If you like the show, which I hope you do, seems like you do well, then just rate us five stars. We love it when you do that on itunes or wherever you listen. And also subscribing just really helps to keep bringing you quality content and making the shows that we love bringing you. If there's any topics you want to hear more about, you can email me feedbackexwithemily.com and finally, happy holidays to everybody. Happy Christmas Eve. Have a wonderful holiday everybody. I appreciate you all so excited to be heading into our 15 year 15th year. And to be honest, none of this, none of this could happen without you guys listening, supporting the show, sharing with a friend, emailing me and tell me me and my staff like how you the show has helped you and asking your questions. It's all, we're all in this together, right? That's how we're gonna all have better sex and relationships in the new year. So thank you and thanks to my amazing team, Ken. Thank you Kristen, Elisa, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwith emily.com.

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