Hotter Sex For the Holidays

Okay, let's be real. Confidence is sexy in and out of the bedroom. And when it comes to performance, sometimes a little support makes a big difference. So whether you're craving more stamina, fuller erections, or you're just looking to level up your pleasure game, there's a tool that's been helping people feel more empowered for years. Meet Bathmate, the world's leading hydro powered penis pump. These aren't gimmicks. They're FDA registered, backed by science and designed to give real, lasting results. At Bathmate Direct, you'll find pumps that naturally support size, strength and blood flow, helping you experience bigger, harder, more energized erections over time. And because they work with water, they're more comfortable, more effective, and way safer than traditional air pumps. With just a few minutes a day, the Bathmate hydro pump can help you increase size and girth, gradually boost confidence in and out of the bedroom, improve stamina and performance, support stronger erections through better blood flow. And the best part, it's all natural, non invasive and totally shower friendly. You can literally work out your sexual wellness while you wash your hair. It's iconic. Right now, Bathmate Direct is giving our listeners 10% off when you use code SW10@bathmate direct.com. that's Bathmate Direct B A T H M A T E D I r e c t dot com. Use code SW10 for 10% off. So head to bathmate direct dot com, use SW10 and level up your confidence. Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. The holidays, they can be a great time, but also a stressful time. But that is no excuse to let your sex life fizzle out. Today I'm sharing tips to help you de stress and sexually reconnect whether you're single or in a relationship. And answering your sex questions on sex toys, extramarital affairs, orgasms and more. Thanks for listening. Okay, everybody, it is the holidays. And I know what would make the best holiday presentation. Just what you always wanted to wake up to. And that is a Sibian on Christmas morning. How perfect would that be? Or holiday morning. Whatever you celebrate. Okay, so I've had my Sibian for six months now and I have experienced things that I didn't know possible to feel in my own body. As you know, I've tried every toy on the planet, but the Sibian is like nothing else you've ever experienced. I personally have been able to stretch my ability for pleasure by myself and with a partner. And it really does push the needle in your sex life, in your Sexual relationship.

It's like a sexual boot camp.

It is a sexual boot camp. And here's the thing also that I should have been telling you. They have a 45 day trial period. So if you get the sibian and you're like, ah, no, we're not into it.

Oh, that's awesome. I didn't know that.

Yeah, you could check it out and be like, I just want.

There's mattress companies out there that are always saying like, hey, you can sleep on our mattress for like so many days and then send it back if you don't like it. But you can sit on this sexual ottoman for 45 days.

Yep. You want to.

That's a month and a half where you could learn if you like it. Even if you did send it back, you'd probably learn a bunch of stuff.

Oh, my God. I learned like by the third time I was having more orgasms during a course, which is really hard for women because you ride this like, like you ride the cowgirl. It's the same thing. Like a woman on top position. It's a full on sexual experience. Your partner comes with a little stool. Great foreplay. I know my guy gets turned on like touching me. Watching. It's a whole thing. Anderson. I won't get too much.

I love that you can try it out though. For 45. I did not know because it's an investment.

Do you want one?

I don't know if it's really made for the dudes over here, but I love the idea of your listeners being able to give it a shot for 45 days.

Try it out, you guys. It might be like the only thing you need to take it to the next level. It has 11 different attachments.

It's cold outside. You want to stay in more.

Oh, my God. You will never leave your house this winter if you get one of these. You have a little bunch of variety of orgasms to choose from. When you get the different attachments, would.

You say it's equivalent to a man learning how to flate himself for a woman?

Yes. Yes, I would say it is.

Because I don't think men would leave the house if they could actually.

Oh, my God. No. We get those people calling in sometimes, don't we, on Loveline? Yes, it is the same thing. And women. So the number one question I get asked is, why can't my partner orgasm during intercourse? Well, because she probably hasn't learned how to. She doesn't understand her own body. And this boom, it will happen. In fact, here is from a listener who Tried. The Cibian says this letter is long overdue. I'm no prude, but my husband and I have an average sex life three to four times a week. Mainly missionary or me. And top, I would rarely come. Sex was just me taking care of him. I'd always wanted to try a vibrator, but was too shy to tell him. So I teased him a bit and he was thrilled. We went out and ordered the Sybian. When it arrived, he made me come four times. The first time, we used it. Wait, he did it in the New World? Yeah. Well, she tried it. And then, well, they were having sex. It's a longer email. I had to edit it. So, you guys, you've heard me talk about the Sibian. Check out their website. S-Y-B-I-A-N.com.

The last sex toy you'll ever need.

Yeah, totally. Special treat for our Sex with Emily listeners. You get $75 off your first order with code EMILY. 75. Okay, everyone, thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh, my. Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can do everything there. Everything. We post blogs every day, videos, things to help you have a better sex life. Any sex question on your mind right now, just go to the search bar, put it in there. I am sure I have answered it. Or we've got a podcast about it. And it's just a good time over there. And sign up for our mailing list. Cause our mailing list, our mailing emails rock. That we send out once a week. But they're not, like, annoying.

You give good email.

I give good email. I have to say I do. Hello, Anderson.

Hey there, Em.

Hi, baby.

Hello there, miss. I have answered every sexual question ever presented ever.

Name one that I haven't answered.

I shouldn't say that. No. Okay.

Exactly.

Let's go with it.

Got it, got it, got it. Thank you. I did my tenure on the show.

Congratulations. Congratulations. That was a smashing success. It was a fantastic time. I enjoyed myself very much. And you killed it up there.

I killed it.

You did?

I did.

Can I say that I was worried about you?

Can I say talk about it?

Is that all right?

Yeah. I mean, if you were.

All right. So we're upstairs. We're upstairs in the green room. I talked a little bit about on the After Disaster as well, but we're. It's a surreal.

You talked about it on your podcast.

Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thanks.

It was a surreal situation. We were at the world famous Hollywood improv. We're upstairs in the green room. I go up and I see Em. She's dressed to the nines and she's got the stack of, like little half, half leaflet papers in her hand and she's reading them. And she's like, halfway through a routine and who is it?

Your monologue menace?

No, Ken.

Oh, Ken.

You have, like, one of your manager people, like, kind of watching you. And he's like, coaxing you through it. And you see me come up, you're actually gonna start over. And he's like, no, just keep going. And then you kept bitching because, like, you had to lick your thumb and you were stumbling. You must have stopped, broke, like the code of just going pushing through the monologue and looked at me and asked me questions probably 15 times.

Oh, really? I was so nervous.

I'm like, oh, no, this is going to be an unmitigated disaster on stage. I was really worried about you. Did you notice that I ran off to get booze?

Yeah, but that's right.

That was. I was trying to get you to relax. No, I wanted you to relax.

Oh, you got me booze.

But let me just say, after all. And then to make matters worse, Dr. Drew walks in, right? And then our buddy Mike Carano and his. His friend, who is also an actress, walk in. So now the room's getting more crowded. Then Gary effing Busey walking and Drew in the green room are having this back and forth about sobriety and insanity and whatnot. And poor M's trying to just get her monologue down. It was a surreal situation.

I forgot. See, I was like in a blackout or something. Like.

But then you got up on stage. I sat in the back corner of the room and just watched. And you went up there and like, you acted as though you had been doing monologue for three months.

You killed it. I Killed it. Thank you. I felt like I was on well, because I wanted to memorize it.

And then I like, did you over stress everything. You need to settle down. You need to maybe sit on your Sibian a little more often.

I know, right? I mean, I took Wednesday off and I sat on my phone. You just sat on your hand all day long. I did. I used my intensity, my kaggle exercise. Because everything got out of whack the last two weeks. I was so nervous because 10 years and then.

Yeah, you don't want to let people down.

I was like, I'm going to do a monologue. And then I like had. Of course, I waited till last minute and I had all these clips I wanted to edit. And then I had like a meltdown on Friday in the office. We all had meltdowns, but it ended up being. Yeah, I was nervous. But I want to thank everybody who came, all of our listeners. And we're going to post it as a podcast.

Good.

So you can hear it. It's awesome. It's going to come out like January 5th or something.

What? Why the way?

Because that's when it's coming out. Okay. Because you guys can hear.

You had a listener who's in a Marine force or something.

Oh, my God, Jamal. Okay, that was crazy. That was surreal. He had.

He drove off in San Diego. He was dressed like he was getting married.

Oh, my God, he was so handsome. Jamal. Hi, sweetie. So we're sitting there, right? And we're doing. The funny thing is I totally prep for. I mean, I was really focused on this monologue because I wanted to tell my story, which was interesting. Cause a lot of my friends who've known me forever were like, I didn't know all that crap. But anyway, that was fun. And then I didn't know what the hell was gonna happen for the podcast, which is fine. Cause you and Madness were there and Drew, it was awesome. And then Madison producer hands me questions from the audience and I read it and it's from Jamal and it's like handwritten.

At first I'm thinking he's a longtime listener, long time listener.

Serving like in the military for so long. And he might not be Marine.

It might be. I apologize. It might be the Air Force or the Navy down there in San Diego.

Yep.

I'm gonna guess Navy.

No, but he was like a. He like was writing us from like Iraq.

He knew menace. He didn't say hello to me. So I disliked him immediately.

Yeah, you know what? I hadn't heard from him for years. I Mean, I hear from him every now and then, but he used to write every week for years. And I. I looked down, I'm like, jamal, are you here? And he came up on stage and it was almost like he was Twitter sex family. I know, yeah.

Cause he came up and gave this testimonial about how much he loves now blocking.

Yeah, he loved the show.

How much he loved your show. Loved your show. And how like he drove up in San D Go and it was like, I would. If I was sitting in the audience, I would think it was 50, 50 chance that you had planted him.

You could tell in my face that out of all my listeners, and I love you all, like, he's someone like, you know, he served to help him get through, like, his time serving.

He was giving great stories about how he was listening, like, while he was in Afghanistan and how he was having his friends listen to it. Like the other guys in his platoon were listening to dropped when he was on. Yeah, it was perfect. It was great.

It was a great night. Thank you for everything and thank you, everyone for supporting the show. It was just. It was an amazing night. It was like a mini little wedding kind of exception.

It was fun. So thanks for that 11 year anniversary next.

God, no, but I think it's fun doing that live. Like, we should do another live just Sex with Emily show at the Improv.

Why not? Yeah, it's good.

Have it be chill. You know what I mean? Just like chill out.

Like I always monologues.

Oh, God.

No freaking out about anything.

Em, I love. I told that story this week, though, in the office. How you were. How you were. I didn't know that whole part of it that you were just like. Came downstairs because Madison told me that you came down. You're like, she's not doing well.

I didn't tell her. That's bullshit. Madison. What are you lying?

For some.

I would never, ever do that to you.

Okay, maybe I turn it around. But it was just like, you guys are worried about me. Because Menace was just like, Madison's not comforting. He's looking.

Menace was just on his phone the whole time while Emily was doing her monologue upstairs in the green room.

Oh, my God.

Because on his phone playing like Tetris or something.

But I can't wait for you guys to get that podcast. It'll be fun. So thank you. And we also had our T shirts, which you guys can buy. I had sex with Emily and all I got was a T shirt. Okay, the other thing is. Oh, and everyone in the audience Got free tickets to the Sexual Health Expo. And I'm giving away tickets to the Sexual Health Expo which is January 16th and 17th in Los Angeles. I will be there. I'm hosting it. And you can go to sexualhealthexpo.com for more information. You've heard me talk about it for a year now because we've done it in four cities and it just keeps getting better and better. The leading sex educators are there in the world and they teaching workshops. Plus there's like the latest and greatest toys. Meet like minded people. Check it out. Free tickets, feedback, etc. With Elmy.com. just tell me why you want to go. Why you want to go. Do it, do it, do it.

What else? Anderson? That is what's going on.

Cool.

I'm good. I've been exhausted all week. But that takes it out of you. It was like a wedding. Were you like, tired?

Was I hard on you at all up there? I felt you were giving me some looks a couple times. What are you doing? Why are you saying this? Why are you saying that? You were giving me, like my landlord.

My landlord was her.

Her Russian Jewish landlord. Not only was he there, but he brought his entire family. It was awesome.

It was awesome.

It was great.

But not the father. The father wasn't there, but the son was.

Ye son was there and they were very inspiring.

He's my direct, like, he lives right.

He's the one that checks in on you in front of me.

Yeah, he's awesome. Eugene and his sister and they were so cute. I mean, and I'd seen him earlier that day because I never talked to him, but the last week they were like talking to me and then they had seen the show on Facebook and I was like, oh, you follow me on Facebook. You know what? I do come. So that was fun. You were awesome.

Your housekeeper was not there. No, I just retold old embarrassing stories of yourself. I told hunters. Probably I was trying to see the future of sex and I was talking to Jamal. Is that his name?

Yeah, I was.

I suggested that we should have a. Like, in the future, there might be a Sibian for a long distance relationship that you could actually drone into your to your long distance relationship girlfriend. That kind of fell on deaf ears. No one really understood what I was getting.

But some people asked what a Sibian was, which still I can't remember, my friend.

How did people not. Have you named it yet?

No, we're doing a contest right now.

Don't name it Stanley.

That's all I said. Please. I Was gonna ask you to bring Stanley to the dog tonight because I really miss him and I. Stanley the dog.

I couldn't because I was in Disneyland all day. I've been at Disneyland all frickin. Why? Cause I had like nine hours of stuff that I had to listen to. And I'm like, I'm gonna do it while exercising, while walking around Disneyland. So I went and I walked nine miles at Disneyland and listened to nine hours of stuff that I have to take notes on. No. Hell on earth.

You did that today.

Today, yeah. My feet are throbbing. Dogs.

Why barking Disney World? Cause just Disneyland. Disneyland.

Have you been. I can't picture you at Disneyland.

Yeah, I went in college, but Disney World is where we went.

Cause there's waterlines out here and.

No, I get the difference. But growing up, we went to the one in Florida because it was closer.

The wife's birthday just happened and I took her to Disneyland. And the price. I'm not going to get into it, but the prices are so effing high now that you have to get a season pass to make it worthwhile. It was $150 for one ticket or 650 for two tickets for the year. So I'm going to make. I'm going to make it work.

Can I go? I want to go with you. I haven't been in years.

Like, you don't look like my wife, so you'd have to pay the 158 to get in.

I'll just go with you and walk around.

Walk around.

Is it fun, though? Like, I feel it is when it's.

Not packed with hordes. And it was. I've been there twice now, this in the last seven days. Packed with hordes of kids, right? Adults. A lot of really sad adults that are very heavy with Mickey Mouse ears.

That seems happy, though.

Why?

Is it?

Because they're escaping life. They're sad people.

But why not escape at Disneyland for a day?

All they do is eat and go.

Around in the Rascals. Yeah, they're eating, like, corn dogs.

So many of them are on Rascals.

What's Rascals?

They're like the wheelchairs for fat people.

Okay. But you know what? At least they're at Disneyland.

It was nice a couple times. I'm like, oh, my God. You're a lucky dude. You're at Disneyland right now.

Yeah, dude.

Wandering around by yourself.

Like, maybe you could be home just eating by yourself. Or you're there eating, you know, Slurpees and corn dogs.

They got a little land called Toontown, which I've never been to before, and I found myself wandering around there, and I'm like, this is not cool. You're by yourself. You're a grown man. You're wandering with earbuds in your head. This does not look good for you to be wandering around Toontown by yourself. Anderson, get out.

Anderson. Yeah, that's right. You could look like a creeper.

I went on a few rides.

I want.

Did you?

I really want to go.

It was kind of weird. I've never been by myself before.

No, see, that's the saddest thing. You just. Of everything you've just said, that you.

Were there alone, kind of weird.

But you seem kind of okay right now, so maybe it was good for you.

My dogs are barking.

I really want. Yeah, I really.

Okay, we'll go. We'll go.

Okay. Okay. Promise? Don't make promises you can't keep. But I will go with you because I would love to. So I would. I haven't been there. No, I have been there. In college when we used to come out for the Rose bowl because my school played Michigan, played in the Rose Bowl.

So I can't picture you standing in a line of being. Okay, I can't do. I can't. I can't see that.

I can't even stand in line for a drink. I was in a bar last night.

It took me 20 minutes to stand in line to get in the California Adventure, the other side of the park. 20 minutes just to get into the park.

And I don't do lines for it. That's terrible. Now I'm not never going, so let's cancel those plans.

It gets really empty, though, like in late January or February. Getting sex in the news.

I do. I have a really good one that I was. I thought. I found this very interesting since we're all texting these days. Study proves only jerks and their texts with a period.

What?

Yeah, with punctuation. Ready?

Wait.

With a period.

Mostly you're not supposed to put period. You just hit space twice. Period.

Well, check your texts. Ready? Here we go. What if you texted a friend asking if they wanted to get drinks after work, and they responded, sorry, I'm busy. Period. Now imagine instead they responded, sorry, I'm busy. Explanation. Point. That exclamation point. A simple one key change makes a huge difference in determining whether your friend's being a dick. No, that's because only jerks are. The non digitally adept end their text messages with periods.

No, dude, it's a study. Fuck it.

A new study from researchers at Binghamton University confirms our long held suspicion that ending text messages with periods can make your messages come off as kind of mean.

What?

When people use periods and texts, the study found, they're perceived as being less sincere, officially making periods the K of punctuation.

K, like K. Oh, I think that's what I mean, like K. I thought.

I meant a third of kkk.

No, no, I think it's like K. Texting is lacking many of the social cues used in actual face to face conversations, said this professor in a statement. And according to the Washington Post, when speaking, people easily convey social and emotional information with an eye gaze facial expression. I'm looking at nursing em just gave.

Me an eye gaze, tone of voice.

Pauses and so on. People obviously can't use these mechanisms when they're texting. Thus, it makes sense that texters rely on what they emoticons, deliberate misspellings that mimic speech sounds and according to our data, punctuation. To avoid confusion, just stick to communicating entirely in emoji. So then I started going through my texts today. I was like, no way. Like, they gave this to me in the office to, like, sex the news. They always pick, like, which ones I want to. I was like, this is awesome. And I realized, like, there's someone I do business with that I'm not happy with that I don't do. And I was like, oh my God, he always ended in periods.

Well, I end everything on periods. I hate exclamation marks.

Wait, the last text you sent me, which was 20 minutes ago, I called you a loser.

And there was no exclamation mark?

No, there was a period.

Yeah, I only used periods.

I was late and. Man, you were five minutes.

Don't ever call me menace. And you were five minutes late and I called you a loser. I was joking.

I used to go, such a loser, period.

Listen, if I see exclamation mark, all I do is periods. If I see exclamation mark in my head, like, sorry, I'm busy period, or sorry, I'm busy. I read it with the exclamation mark. I don't speak in. Well, actually, I speak a lot in exclamation marks, but I feel like, sorry, I'm busy with an exclamation mark is like, that's a dick move.

Yeah, but I'm like, well, that's aggressive.

You know what I mean? F. Brimmington or whatever the name of the school is.

I would say, oh, I love to. So sorry. But see, you know what I Do I overuse the xxoo? Even in a.

Here's the dick move. You write, yeah, busy, sorry, period.

Right, that's true. But I just.

Exclamation mark is an aggressive attack.

Well, they're just saying it's better than a period. Like, sorry, busy. No, I think that's a bad example.

When I get emails from professionals and they put exclamation marks at the end of it, I'm like, oh, this person.

I use way too much.

Oh, do you? Smiley faces and whatnot?

Not in emails with people, but I do a lot of explanation points. Way too many. And I use way too many XXOs. In fact, the other day I was writing a friend a thank you for something, and I'm like, xxo. Oh. And then by mistake, I sent it to. It's a long story. This guy that I didn't know who was helping me with a dress that I. The dress I wanted to wear that night, and I didn't know him. He's a tailor. I'm like, thank you. Love you, xxo.

Oh, he's probably gay. It's okay.

He was gay. But I'm like, I don't know you well enough to use xo. And then he did. Lol.

There's a whole Seinfeld episode. Episode. There's a whole Seinfeld episode. LOL's the worst too. Don't get me started. But there's a whole Seinfeld episode about exclamation marks and using them too much. And Elaine and her boyfriend are having massive issues in their relationships. Weren't texting though, because. Yeah, but they write notes to each other and left notes.

And I, I love this because it's so timely, it's so dated, but yet not.

Because I think that, like, when I see people leave notes around offices and stuff, and if there's a note on the, like, vending machine, and it's like, this machine takes. Won't give you change and you'll lose 20 cents. Exclamation mark. I'm like, what? Really? Does that deserve an exclamation mark? You know what I mean?

I use them all the time. Do you hate me? Do you hate my text? I do exos too, but is that inappropriate? Like, if your wife saw it, she'd be like, oh, because I shoot everyone.

She might. Yeah, I don't know.

I'm sorry. I won't be.

Probably not.

Okay, so everyone just, Just, Just chill. But, you know, here's the funny thing is the whole science of texting.

What I'm looking At your text, there's a lot of punctuation.

Is there to you? What do they say?

Not that bad, actually. Yes, please. No exclamation mark. Yes. Thank you so much, Anderson. All capitals, 3, 4, exclamation marks.

Wait, dude, every time I write.

That's a good idea. Happy face.

Every. See?

But not the emoticon. It's like the actual little, like cold.

It's too hard. Too many steps to emoticon. Okay, but every time I email you, for some reason, Anderson's all caps. I'll go, Anderson. And it's all caps, just caps app. I don't know why.

All right. I think that's a millennial thing. And I would think that a lot of your listeners hopefully agree with me that use of the exclamation mark is getting out of. Getting a little out of hand.

It's better than the period, apparently. Okay.

I hate movies with titles and the movies with any kind of punctuation in there. You know what I mean? Oh, God. Exclamation mark. It's like, nah, come on.

I'm gonna never want to use them again.

That's just me.

I just. I'm a people pleaser and I'm like, God forbid someone's mad at me and misreads a text. So I just overdo the emojis and modicons. I'm just gonna be me. It's all about me in the 11th year.

Voice texts. You can do that, right? You can like voice memo and then send it as a text.

If you send a voice memo by mistake to someone. I hate the iPhone when it does that to the most inappropriate people.

Yeah.

Or you FaceTime the most inappropriate people. Like ex boyfriends that I have to delete them.

I've never done that.

Okay, well, you don't have an ex boyfriend. Okay, so this is a great story too, since you love sex. The news. This woman, the woman who refuses to have sex with her husband just to make him happy. A 30 year old mother has revealed that she refuses to have sex with her husband until she learns how to enjoy physical intimacy for herself. Because she spent years treating herself like a sexual object at her past partner's disposal. Brittany de Lacritaze.

Nailed it.

A writer from Boston says she used to participate in various sexual acts with partners and act like a porn star in the bedroom because she thought that was what men wanted and she didn't know how she should. She could say no. Growing up in a world that tells women that we are sexual objects, that wants us to know that Our worth lies and how attractive we are to men. She wrote in an essay for cosmopolitan.com I internalize those messages. I learned to see my value being measured by how many men wanted to sleep with me. And this is very common. Like, we want affirmation from men. I totally. I think this is a great story. And while many men would be uncomfortable with their wives swearing off sex, Britney says her husband loves her and supports her 100%. She explains that in the past she used sex the way to make people like her. She did to squash arguments with her partner and even score drugs. I spent my entire life having sex for other people. And she. She recalled feeling pressured of anal sex and crying. And she said, this person, he was really sexy and he cared for and she believed him. And she says that she kept. Okay, whatever she says. I'm sick of the message that society tells us and that should do it for our husbands to make them happy. Because she was having sex with her husband once a week. And she said her husband also wants to be a sexual partner who is an active, invested participant. So listen to this Anderson. He is helping her develop the boundaries that she lacked in previous relationships. She's admitting that it's not always easy. And instead she confessed what happened and learned that her husband understand and wasn't even mad. Like, she's not having orgasms and all that. So now she's just taking sex off the table. She's learning her own body. She should probably buy a Sibian and then they'll be right back at it. And she hopes one day she'll desire sex for herself. And she's unwilling to give her body weight to anyone. And she said, I won't have sex once per week for my husband because it's good for our relationship. In quotes. How do you feel about quotes? We'll have sex. We both want to. And our relationship is actually stronger than it's ever been.

Where is this from?

This is from. Well, she wrote it in Cosmopolitan, but it was covered somewhere else.

First of all, her poor, poor husband. That poor guy.

He's super supportive.

Yeah, I know, but he's like making all these sacrifices that she's never made for anyone in the past. And she. And he's like, giving up sex. He's not having sex with her anymore so she can learn from her past horrific behavior with past partners.

I hear what you're saying.

I'm not gonna blow you or let you do anything to me, honey. Because we're working on boundaries now.

Let me just tell you this. I'M not saying that you need to stop having sex with your partner, but take a look in the mirror right now. This is for the ladies listening. Are you having sex either with a one night stand, someone you're dating, your husband, whatever, just to please him because he wants to. But you're not getting any pleasure out of it. And if that's the case, then it's time to take matters into your own hands. Reevaluate and reevaluate and do some self love and of your own. Make some time for yourself. In The New Year 2016 is all about you. Do you figure out how to make yourself orgasm and what makes you feel good? How to get your desire if you've low libido. We talk about this a lot. Figure out how to get it back up there. I like this message. I'm not saying stop banging your partner.

I'm saying she sounds like just a party though. She's got some issues, this one who doesn't have issues? I was she trading sex for drugs? I mean that's not just for the husband, huh?

Saying I like the message that a lot of women. In fact, I just hung up on the way here. I was talking to a friend and same thing. She was like had sex with this guy. He didn't call. And she's got. Now she feels rejected.

Your friends call you up for. For advice every day. Is that what you're dealing with on.

The way here every day? Yeah, I have logged. I talked to a friend for two and a half hours on Wednesday who's going through crisis.

You gonna bill him?

Dude, I should.

You should.

I had my day off and I talked to her. Yeah.

Were you sitting on your Sabian while you were dispensing?

Yeah, of course. Now I was using my intensity, my little Kegel exerciser, which I'm obsessed with. I do. I actually right before I came here, this is not why I was late. But my. The intensity, my pour mods, that thing that does your Kegels for you. I'm obsessed with doing it literally every day because it helps, let's just say that. And strengthens my pelvic muscles. But I was talking to my best friend in Charlotte and I was like, oh, what are you doing?

I'm a vet.

Right. Yeah, yeah. Oh, did you meet her?

No, I talked to her on the phone briefly.

Oh, about Stanley? Yeah, she's awesome. But I was like, yeah, I'm doing my kaggle. She's like, okay.

No, it was about the rat. Remember I had the rat, my cat Dragged in a half dead rat. Oh, my cat brought in a parrot the other day.

A dead parrot?

A dead parrot, like a foot tall.

Dead pet parrot was you okay?

It's still in my garage. I don't, I don't. I can't put it in the trash can.

You do stuff like this, Deal with the dead stuff, the animals.

She doesn't. She does much better than I do.

That's good. That's not your thing.

Fucking cat brings in a parrot. It's a, it's a pet.

Do you think your cat killed the parrot?

See, there should have been an exclamation mark there. It's a pet.

But we got it because we're talking. I'm looking at you.

I'm sorry. This had nothing to do with sex. It's sad.

We're gonna move into sex. This is what I want to talk about right now. Before we get into your emails, I would like you guys to think about stress and the holidays.

I'm sorry.

Cat brought in a dead rat.

The cat brought in a half dead rat many months ago. And I corralled the rat and it was cute and I felt bad for it. It was a tree rat and I tried to nurse it back to health. And I remember you're like, oh my God, my friend's a vet. We'll call her.

Did she help?

And we talked to your friend and she's like, it's a rat. You're not really gonna find any help or any place that's gonna take it.

The rat. That's how you're. You just love.

That's how I met her though. That's how I met your friends.

She's an animal rights.

You know, but when I'm, when I come across.

Love that we called. I don't even remember that. But I'm like, Charlotte, I'm like, Emily.

She'S not going to do anything with a rat. And she said exactly that. Yeah, there's nothing that can be done for this rat. The rat died four days later.

But she works at like a non profit vet place in, in called Pets in Need in the Bay Area. If you need a pet, do not adopt. I mean, do not buy a pet. Adopt.

Absolutely.

21 million pets a year.

Absolutely. Exclamation mark.

Yes. What need homes.

Absolutely.

I'm gonna get a new dog.

You keep saying that. I keep threatening. I'm just picturing a rat sanctuary somewhere where just all the injured rats get to go live on a farm somewhere.

There should maybe even. Charlotte was like, sorry, dude, you gotta Kill the rat. Whatever happened to the rat?

It died of, like, internal bleeding probably three days later in the little mouse cage that I had.

I would never. I'm sorry. I'm a really good person, but I would have been like, just get that rat out of.

My wife was not pleased. She's like, you couldn't have the plague.

It's true.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's start with the holidays. Are you feeling more stressed over the holidays? You seem like it.

Everyone is.

Yeah, well, it's. Whether you're single or in a relationship that can be very, very stressful. Lots of people break up. You're not doing that. And there's more. Proposal, ultimatums, marry me or we're done. Really? Yeah. Over the holidays.

Because they gotta go see the family. The family's gonna be like, am I.

Gonna have you meet the family? My family told me years ago, unless you're marrying him, we don't wanna meet him. Oh, that's a good one.

I like that.

I'm never getting married. So then they don't wanna meet anymore.

Well, they got sick of meeting new all the time, too.

Well, here's the thing. This is my problem, is that they only met, like, four, but they're all with the same people. So to them, they were like, really?

Oh, your family's always.

Yeah, my mom still married my stepdad. My brother was still married to his wife for 20 years, but not.

And Emma always brings the option or the variable.

Yeah, stop doing that. But I'm like, I'm never getting married. Like, guess we'll never meet someone. But I did date a lot of guys where I. I mean, I had to go to the families and get them presents and run around, which I always hated. I did. It's stressful meeting people, meeting the family, meeting the parents, what to get them. It's financially straining. Taxes are coming up, right?

What? What are you doing? Em?

What?

You're making everyone's, like, private parts shrivel inward.

Well, no, I'm gonna tell people why it's important.

And taxes. We can't talk about that at the same sentence.

This is what I'm saying. This is what stresses people out. So it's important to prioritize your sex life, even during the holidays, because you need it. Like, tonight I had, like, a half hour in between the office and here, and I. I did my little Kegel thing, and then I masturbated because that relaxes me.

And I shook her hand when I got here.

Jesus.

So prioritize your sex life for a lot of people. You know, it can be emotionally charged time, especially if you're single. But the holidays. Just take this moment. This is just my public service announcement. Appreciate what you have. Think about the people in your life that you love. If you're alone at the holidays, you know, make sure that you make plans with your friends. And think about this. If you're single, you don't have to buy anyone anything. So take that money you spend on someone else and buy something for yourself.

Right?

And think about the things that make you feel nurtured and treat yourself. Why are you laughing?

I'm just thinking the positive spin. Hey, your wife just died. Hey, here's the upside. Don't have to buy a house.

Don't buy a birthday present. Exactly. Buy something else. And if you're in a relationship, couples have their own stress. Right, Anderson? Yes, there's added stress. And are you being intimate? It's not even. You know, people think that sex and intimacy are the same. They're not. You can bang, roll over, fall asleep, order pizza and not have any intimacy. So it's important to spend time together without distract cuddling, massaging, remembering to connect because we all get so caught up. So if this starts happening, you know, realize that's happening in your relationship and instead of focusing on like resentments in your partner, this is a really good time of year to think. You know what, for this next few weeks, I'm just gonna. Now this is gonna sound really like self helpish, whatever, but it works. Say, you know what, until December 31, maybe leave Wanaka longer. I'm gonna think about the positive things with my partner that I like about them. Yes, it's annoying that they.

That they bring home dead rats and make me kill them, make me pull them away.

I never made my wife kill anything, whatever it is.

But I love that he is so loving and thinks about me and brings me dinner or whatever and just try to focus on the things that you love. Yes, there is a silver lining. And if you're single, we all do negative self talk. Like I did three minutes before the show. What was I saying? I hate myself.

Oh, yeah. She was sitting over there muttering as she was. Like, we weren't even talking. I was just hearing like little fireworks going off. Like, I hate myself. Everything sucks, but I don't really mean it.

Here I am. I love myself. I just did that.

But you need to get the negative outers.

I need to get out.

It's like, it's like stop and smell the flowers. Stop and watch the twinkle of the season. Because we all look back on it with fond memories. We always look back on it. But St. Nick and with me now, because I'm getting older, like, I don't know, you might be on the same page, but like, they seem to come and go so quick that it's like you just got to get through it and make sure that you meet all your deadlines and then be done with it. And then it's over.

It's like everything stop.

And just like I was trying to do that just tonight at the Disneyland place. I was like, just take it in. Like, look. Just look at the pretty lights and whatnot and try and enjoy it instead of being mad about this horrible person. The family of nine in front of me, they should be in school. Why were they not in school today?

Em? See, that's good. Even if you can have a moment of it. And the more that you do, focus on focusing on the positive when you do that. When you practice.

Yes.

Slowing down, like I'm gonna do now. I'm gonna start talking.

It wears off on you, right?

Yeah. You start to focus on the positive. You turn it around. You don't even realize you're doing it. And you can relieve your own stress. Also, when it feels good to give to others, so just attend to the needs of people you love. It feels really good. So happy holidays and be stress free.

And the people that, like, you have to see in your building that you might not really like, but you know, just try and be like, positive. I used to do this trick. I'm gonna share this with you real quick. I would pretend that someone was dead. Like, I'd see them and I'd be like, oh, God, I'm getting out of my car. I'm going to the elevator. I realize I'm gonna have to talk to this person. And then I would pretend that they were dead. And I'd be sad that I'm never gonna see them again. And I'm like, wait, but no, they're not dead. And then it would put everything in perspective and I would actually appreciate them. Real drastic. But it's a trick that I use a lot.

That is a really good one.

I used it a lot when I lived in a big complex with a lot of people. It worked.

Really?

Yeah.

Even people you didn't like, you'd be like, but if they were dead, I'd be sad.

Yeah. As soon as. Even if people you don't like, like when they. When they pass away, it's like. Like heart wrenching.

You know what I mean, you know what? Can I tell you something that is so true. I. I do this thing a lot where I see, see people I know, especially in San Francisco. It doesn't happen as much here because I don't know as many people in a smaller town. But I would see people and my first instinct was to avoid them. I'd be like, nope, I don't want to say hi. And I was out with a friend the other night, my friend Kim. And we were at a bar, we were at a restaurant bar. And then I saw this good friend of mine. I was like, ah, I can't deal with it now. And she.

A lot of energy.

She was go say hi. And I did. And I was so glad I did that. I was like stressed out. And it's like when you talk to you. And again, in this day and age, we are all so distracted on our phones. We're busy, we're rushing. It feels so. I was so happy to see her and it was a precious moment. So force yourself to do things that you wouldn't normally do.

Yes.

Okay, so now we'll get into some emails from the listeners. But first what I need to tell you about is super important.

What is that?

Super important?

But it has to do with sex.

Well, it has to do with your penis, Anderson.

No.

Yep. And your hands. Has your self loving felt lackluster lately, Anderson?

Is there a Star wars license plate?

Are you looking for a way to mix up your master? What?

Is there a Star wars licensing flashlight yet? No, because I feel like Star wars is on everything and I could see like a Darth Vader flashlighter.

That's. That is such a good idea. Maybe there is. I should talk to him about it. Flashlight number one sex toy for men.

You could bang the Death Star.

You could bang the Death Star. That is the best idea. I'll talk to Brian, the owner tomorrow. The Fleshlight. It is kind of amazing if you could think about this. You have your hand and you sometimes have a vagina or an as to put it into. But what if you could feel the pleasure of having sex anytime, even when you don't have a partner? The Fleshlight makes his dream come true. It's a masturbation sleeve. Used solo or with a partner. It simulates the sensations of real sex. An engineer to look and feel like the real deal. And now they have the Fleshlight quick shot. And it's amazing. It looks like a camera lens. It's smaller and it's your hand job helper. Madison wrote a great blog on Our website that's called like she hates giving hand jobs and it's all about this quick shot. It's like if you hate giving blowjobs or you just. Let's just say you want a hand, right? Giving a blowjob or hand job. The quick shot is your quick shot. You want a hand, it helps you out. So check it out. Go to sections.

Kong Calm, click on the flashlight banner and use code Emily and you get a free bottle of their award winning flush lube.

It's a great gift for your boyfriends or husbands. Stuffing stuffer.

Especially stuffing.

And then if he's after you all the time and you want a little time to watch the Kardashians or whatnot.

You can just sit and give him a hand, die with one hand and be flipping channels with the other.

Should quite get to that point of casual intimacy.

Yeah, well, what if you cuddle after? I love cuddling. God, I love it.

Okay. Hi Emily. Oh, so thank you for emailing me.

Moving on to the email.

Yeah, we're moving on. I just had to tell you about your penis. Feedbackextwithemily.com thank you for emailing me. Thank you for telling me where you're from, your name, how old you are, how you listen, your sex. Hey Emily. I'm looking for a new vibrator for my wife around the hundred dollar range and was considering the LELO NIA 2 but can't find much in the way of reviews on it so far she's just been using one of those cheap hard plastic, loud G spot type vibr but using it as a clitoral vibe. Do you have any other recommendations around that price range, Jason? Okay, Jason, this is great question. I actually did some research for you today and because in my mind I'm like okay, what are the price ranges? And luckily for you, my very. One of my very favorites toys that I discovered this year that came out this year is the We Vibe touch. It's an amazing clitoral vibe. It's like fits in the palm of your hand and it's $99. You can go to goodvibes.com or click on the banner on my site and you get extra discount I believe with code Emily. My Lori who works with me, she'd never had a multiple orgasm and this one gave her multiple O's. It is rechargeable, waterproof and it's just go to their website and check it out. It actually is my. It's like my go to clitoral vibe now. It might even be Replacing the Mimi.

Wow, that says a lot.

I know. Also, I'd recommend the OO by Jaejoo. Although Jaejoo makes the Mimi but the OO o o h is their new line. Brand new. Just came out like last month. For $99 you can get. So what it does is it's very smart. Does a motor and has two pop tops, right? So you can make it into a cock ring. Pop it off and then make it into like the meme y little pebble thing. So you can make it two different kind of vibes in one. Get it? Motor comes off. Put the silicone thing on top. Pop it off. Pop it off. So check out those like a reversible. Almost like a what?

Like a reversible jacket or something.

Too far. So those are great options that we have touched the ouba je jou. Good luck to you.

Him.

What?

Next year you need to make a Christmas card, right? I was going to you and like just like with your sex toys just dangling around you like like that's your family or like your. Those your kids. Like your husband and your. Your. Your family. But it's a sex toys. And then you send that out to like your friends and your family, your parents.

That'd be so funny. I could even dress them up and stuff.

We're sitting on the simian which like, which is like get a little bow.

Drinking some eggnog with a hat. Yeah, that's a great idea.

Like that's because you know people this time of year you get the Christmas cards from like people you haven't seen in years.

People still do Christmas cards.

I get one from an ex girlfriend that I haven't seen in 15, 20 years.

Really?

With her husband and her kids. The kids are like almost growing now. Like what are these going to stop coming? They continue to come, but you need to have one with like your ju and another pebble.

Is that kind of sad?

Yeah, it's a little sad.

What's sadder? Me with all my sex toys at Christmas tonight.

You won't.

Or the person at Disneyland eating the.

Cinnabon on the rascal with the Mickey mouse ears.

My toys make me super happy, so. But it's funny. I think I'm gonna do that. Oh, one more thing for you, Jason. Not you no matter what toy. Look for body safe materials. Not porous, gummy or solid plastic. You want high quality silicone. And those are the two I gave you. Are all those things under a hundred bucks? Okay, nice. Next topic being the other woman in an extramarital Affair. Hey, Emily. I love your show. I can't remember how I found it, but I listened through iTunes. I'm 44 and I live in Florida. I need advice. I'm having an affair with a married man for the past five months. The sex is amazing and I'm really in love with him. He says he loves me. The problem is I hate having the affair. I hate how it makes me feel. I feel used. I hate that we can't be together and have a legitimate relationship. It's a dead end. I want out, but every time I try to end it, my heart just breaks. He's everything I want, and the thought of someone else pales in comparison. Any suggestions, please? Thank you, Sarah.

Yikes.

Okay, Sarah, first of all, any relationship's gonna feel amazing in the first six months. Typically. If it doesn't, then you should get out. Cause that's like the get out of jail free card. That's like the good times, right? Six months. And especially with this situation, there's a danger factor, right? There's the language, like unknown. Like it's. It's like secretive. You can only see him, and when you can see him, it's probably just about sex in a hotel room.

Forbidden fruit.

And he probably worships you. It's forbidden fruit. Exactly. He worships you. You're probably really different than his wife. You're the escape plan. These are all legitimate feelings totally. For you to be having. Sarah. I get it. And you're feeling conflicting emotions. Affairs are hot. But the thing is, they can be. You mean no towels? You're passionate, but. But they don't end well. You're right. And you feel dead inside. And it's a dead end relationship and it's not going anywhere. And he won't leave you for his wife. They all say that, right? You have to do the leaving. It's always hard to end a relationship. Even when things. Especially when things are going well. Even if you're in a regular relationship. Always. And especially when it's going well. Like, if you ever had to end a relationship with someone where you're like, things are good, but there's a fatal flaw. Like my mom. Remember she was on the show and she was talking about, like, fatal flaws.

Yes.

There's always something and you gotta end it. But it's gonna be hard. So what I recommend, Sarah, is gonna.

Be good for your soul, though.

So good for your soul. This is the best move. Surround yourself with friends. Make a lot of plans, stick with them. And I would have some come over and Help you make a dating profile online. And you're like, ah, make a dating. But listen, do it. You don't have to go on Tinder if you're like, against that. Everyone's like, oh, Tinder is a hookup app. Go on, Match. Go on. There's one called Bumble. That's actually plenty of fish like Tinder. But you choose the women choose. There's so many options. So have them help you build a dating profile. Commit to going on one date a week, even if you don't want to, because here's the truth.

With somebody that's not married. Married.

She's in a great place for dating. Because when you are in a good. Like when you're in a place where someone's making you feel really sexy and confident and alive and she's having amazing.

Sex right now, she's probably the younger lady in the relationship too.

What?

She's probably the younger lady too. I would assume this guy's probably a little older. And he looks at her like she's like the young, hot.

Oh, everything.

He's 44. You know what I mean?

Yeah, totally. So he's probably like, oh, yeah, he's probably showering her with gifts. Who knows? But you gotta, like, do things that make. That make you interact with members of the opposite sex because you're like, he's the best. You gotta knock this guy off the pedestal. He's having an affair, and he's not the only person for you. And I know we feel that way. We feel that way when we're in this position. We're like, he's the only one. I'll never find anyone else. But you're 44, Sarah. Etc. I'm sure you've been in relationships, and I'm sure you've thought that. I mean, we've all ended it. Relationships, thought, it'll never happen again, but you know that it will. And the sooner that you end this, the more likely you are to find someone.

So just go out, start mingling with friends, you know, date online, and you will keep an open mind. But I know that ending, it isn't easy, but you got to do it.

There's plenty of people out there, plenty of dudes. I like fish.

She's in the sea.

I hate to be judgmental, but what's going on with Sarah? She's 44. It sounds like she's never been married. Maybe she has been, but she didn't put that down. So she's. She's 44, not married, never been married, and she's only dating guys that are not available unavailable men. It sounds like maybe a little therapy might be in order as well.

Maybe if it. If you really think she might be.

The one finding unavailable dudes over and over and over again. If I had to guess, I bet this is not the first unavailable guy she has found herself.

It might be a pattern. You're absolutely right. And if you haven't had therapy yet, I believe everybody needs therapy. Just like everybody needs to work out. Yes, everyone needs therapy. So not.

Not that everyone that's 44 should be married by any. Any means. I mean, a lot of people are do much better. Emily is much better off not married. I think you're. I think that you're a more fulfilled life by yourself. I think you're independent and strong enough to be able to me.

My toys and my simian.

Yeah, I think you'd be good.

Do you think I could be buried next to my simian? Like I should buy a plot or something for all my toys. I'll be like, you go buy plot.

The sibian should be.

The people buy like plots for their significant others so they can. Do you think I should just get like two on either side?

You know what? You might be looking at it cheap if you call it a landfill. You know what I mean? Like, I don't really want a plot. It's just a small little landfill for my.

I want my toys next to me. I'm like a kid with stuffed animals. But it's my toys. Charge.

That one you got creepy. You go by to visit Em like two weeks after she's dead. Why are we talking about this dark subject?

This is so sad.

And one of the toys has shifted so it starts vibrating and then the ground is like vibrating as you're trying to pay your respects to Emily.

That'd be hilarious. Do you ever picture that? I. Do you ever picture I'm dead before the show so you could do the show really well?

What?

Do you ever come in here going, God, I hope Emily's dead? No, but you think I'm dead so then you can be nice to me.

I like you, Em. I like you a lot. I would not do this frickin show if I didn't like you. You know that. Yeah, I have a good time doing it.

It'll be fun.

And I get to talk about the film vault.

Do it. What's going on? I want you to go see movies. You talk about Christmas movies, holiday movies.

I got one that's coming out. I actually saw a screening of it. On the Fox lot last week. It's called Joy. It's the new David O. Russell movie, and it's a true life story about the woman that created the Miracle Mop with Jennifer Lawrence. She stars as Joy. Have you not heard of this? There's billboards all over town.

You'll see Jennifer Lawrence. She's looking up and it just says Joy in giant letters. I mean, you can't go two blocks without seeing Joy. At least out here comes out in theaters Christmas Day. That's December 25th for you Muslims and Jews. And while that sounded like, extra aggressive, a Christian.

And I'm not.

I'm not even a Christian. I extremist at all.

I haven't been to church since I had to see my sister get married.

Go ahead, Joy. It's Miracle Bop.

Anyways. Yeah. So, Joy, I review that on the Film Vault this week, which is out now. There should be, I don't know when.

Anderson has two awesome podcasts. The After Disaster, which you talked about me last week, which. That's awesome.

It was fun.

I'm kidding. It's not just about me. It's about randomness and hilariousness, and it's awesome. And the Film Vault.

And the Film Vault.

If you already listen to podcasts, just Film Vault, go over there and subscribe.

Keeps you up to date with movies that are out or movies that you should go check out.

What else? So I should see that over the holidays? Because I plan on seeing movies.

I don't believe you. I'm sorry. I just don't believe me. You're not gonna see movies? You're not gonna go to Disneyland and wait in the line?

Can't we go? Isn't there a fast pass for Disney?

Take home and play with your Sibian.

It's supposed to rain. It gets me excited. I'm like, I don't have to do anything.

Oh, no, El Nino's coming. Are you gonna wear yourself?

It's raining tonight. I might.

Hey, when is this? What day is this? Today.

This is right now. It's like, it's already the 18th.

Oh, it's the 18th.

Mm, sweet. So I'm seeing a bunch of movies. Okay, so I've got one more.

More. All right.

How do you feel about that?

Do it.

One more email. Okay. And that's where I'm going to find it.

If you do see a movie this year, though, I don't know how you are with squeamish and with, like, hard to watch subject matter.

Depends. What does it tell me?

The Revenant is one of the greatest movies I've ever seen in my life. And that also comes out Christmas Day. At least limited. It's Leonardo DiCaprio. Oh, Leo DiCaprio. And Tom Hardy, who's my favorite all time person living in acting right now. I love Tom Hardy. And it's a true life story of probably the biggest badass mountain man ever to walk the earth.

Okay. I love it, but it's.

What he goes through is horrific.

Is it bloody?

It opens up to Native Americans shooting arrows.

Oh, I don't like bloody. Is it bloody?

It gets bloody. There's a bear attack like nothing you've ever seen.

No, no. Will you tell me?

Holy. The revenant. The revenant I talk about at a length on the phone.

I don't want death. I don't want blood. I don't want dead rats in my garage. Okay?

We're not moving in.

Okay, so. Dear Emily, my husband and I have been married for more than three years and together for seven. I've never had an unaided orgasm during sex. I've always used my hands for clitoral stimulation and made the mistake of telling my husband once that an orgasm wasn't absolutely necessary for me to enjoy having sex.

Oh, no.

I still stand by that statement, but I think it's gone a bit too far. Now our sex life is mostly without significant foreplay, then sex after he. Or wait, now our life sex life has no foreplay. No significant foreplay, then sex. And after he orgasms, I'm still lying there, unsatisfied. Sometimes I'll get myself out with my hands or a vibrator. Sometimes I ask for his help, which is rare. Last night after we had sex, I was having a lot of trouble reaching orgasm to the point of frustration and crying. At no point did he ever offer to lend a hand. In my mind, I shouldn't have to ask him to help. Help. He should have wanted to help. And quite frankly, he seems disinterested in my reaching orgasm. Now, I don't know how to reverse this course we're currently on. Can you help Shannon? 41 Kentucky.

Can you. 41 Kentucky.

Okay, Shannon, here's the deal. Men are not mind readers. In fact, many are very literal. Like your husband. You told him once, it's not important for you to orgasm, and he ran with it.

Slippery slope.

It is a slippery slope. Like why? Why wouldn't you run with it? Okay, so he's like, oh, she's fine. So that's one thing he probably doesn't know. What you need or how to help you. It's always been her responsibility to orgasm. Women have to take responsibility for their own orgasms. I get why you said that, and it is true. I think for a lot of women, like, I'm fine if I don't orgasm every time. Most, I'd say the majority of women don't every single time. But, you know, I wouldn't get too hung up also on the unaided thing. Like, the majority of women do need more clitoral stimulation during sex. So, like, I feel like you're looking at that, like, this black mark, like, oh, I need to use my fingers. I need to vibrate. Or like. Like, who doesn't? It's so common. So it's less about the orgasm and more about him. You feel not caring for your pleasure. And so the only way to reverse it is to tell him what you're missing right now, you know, currently. So you need to bring, you know, tell him what's missing. Bring back the foreplay. Anderson's not gonna like this, but you could. You could say, let's rebuild this, and let's take a week of just foreplay and no sex.

That's fine.

Some massage, some oral sex. He'll get some blowjobs, he'll get some cunnilingus or some fingers, whatever you want. But you need to recon. Connect intimately. I have a feeling that he might not be there for you in other ways as well. That's just my hunch, because a lot of, like, if you're not having a satisfying sex life, it means that you're not being intimate or connecting with your partner. So I would say spend time kissing and holding and each other and cuddling and doing all that stuff and open up the lines of communication. This is your husband. You can. You can reverse this. But you just got to be honest. You just got to tell him what you just told me. In fact, you can play on the show. The more you're able to share with him, like, your needs and your feelings and your wants and what's really going on, the better your sex life and your relationship will be.

What about this, though? Because she might be worried about feeling stupid talking about how it's been going on for a long time and ever since she said that. And he'll know that it's been kind of frustrating. What if she said, hey, just recently, this has been. I've been having a really hard time.

Absolutely.

And can you start doing, like, paying a little more attention here and there? Because I'm having a harder Time.

Yeah, I'm having my butt. Cause you know what?

Nothing to do with you. Our bodies change.

They might have kids. Our bodies change over time. And your orgasms and your 40s or different in your 30s. You gotta move different ways in your 20s. And so that's true. And the thing is, I don't know if he ever made you feel bad about using your hands or fingers, but that's fine too. And I think you just gotta get him on board. And again, you can be like, you know, babe, I know I said that. And no, I still don't need one every time, but I would like your help getting there. And make it fun, you know, make it like, she doesn't have to be this, like, we need to talk.

Because she could make a pie chart and say, like, this is before I said that. Look and see how satisfied I am and how big the pie chart chart is. See how there's none now after I said that, that's a problem, right? There's a little slope going down.

Exactly. A little graphic in Excel spreadsheet. So, yeah, I would just talk to him about it. And I know that's easier said than done, but really, if communication is a lubrication, if you don't talk to him about it, you're not going to get what you need. This is not. This is not means for divorce on any stance, any grounds. You just need to talk about it. So good luck to you and just do that. Like, do that now. Thank you, Shannon, for writing. Good luck, keep me posted. And I love you, Anderson.

Do you have another?

No, that's it. We're out. Okay, I love you. Thank you everyone for listening. We're also looking for social media interns in the Los Angeles Orange county area. You can make it to Hollywood. You can be our intern. Emails feedbackextwithelmy.com with a resume and a cover letter. And thanks everyone for listening. Follow me on Instagram, Twitter sexwithemily and also facebook.com sexwithemily okay, I love you all. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.

Okay.

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