How To Go From Casual To Committed

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jeju. It's a sleek, powerful Rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20% off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r a so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily Today's show. Are you wondering how to get more out of your friends with benefits situation? Are your partner's bad habits ruining your relationship? What? What do you do when your romantic plans get hijacked by her best friends? Find out in this show. Thanks for listening.

I know sanitizing doesn't sound sexy, but you know what's even less sexy? Unclean toys. That's why I'm thrilled to have found a product that was created with your sexual health and enjoyment in mind. The UV from cleanlight Labs. You know when you're settling in for some me time and your favorite toy is missing or dirty or uncharged? That's the worst, right? At first glance, the UV is just a beautiful toy box. But it really solves all three of those common concerns facing sex toy users. Cleaning, charging and storage. Unfasten its childproof lock, open the lid, and you'll find an innovative ultraviolet cleaning system that has been specifically designed to sanitize sex toys, killing 99.9% of harmful bacteria. Look a little closer and you'll find a USB charging outlet you can use to juice up your rechargeable toys. And as they're getting cleaned. The UV is sleek, discreet and sophisticated. And it's available in two sizes. The GoPlay is a smaller box for A single average sized toy like a rabbit vibrator or a couple of bullets. It has a built in battery so your toys can stay charged up even when you're on the go. The home model is a larger box that can fit a toy as large as a full size magic wand or multiple regular sized toys. It also has three USB ports to keep everything ready to go. And for those toys that need to be plugged into the wall, there's a sealed outlet as well. How smart is that? Both models will be available in October at your favorite adult retailers, but you can pre order yours today. Just look for the UV banner on my website or visit uvclean.com that's uvclean.com.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them.

In a bun.

Bygone days. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's got to have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, that feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

Foreign.

You'Re listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com and just hang out there for a while because I promise we've got something on there that's going to rock your world, change your sex life, your relationship, your perspective. We update it every day. And also you can easily subscribe to the podcast there. You can ask a question, watch the videos, do whatever the hell you want. Hi Menace.

Hey, what's going on? Emily, how you doing today?

Good, how are you? Oh, your voice sounds very deep. Oh, hey. You're tired.

Yes, because I'm exhausted, as always. I know, but as people don't know, I get up at 2:50am every day.

I don't know.

And by the time we, I mean, we're recording this show at 4:50 in the afternoon. So I've been up ever since. And then, I mean, that's just. No, that's 26 hours.

How many hours is that?

14.

Right?

A little over 14.

Right. But it's weird because you know how on the weekends, your weekends can't be normal because.

Yeah, I mean, Friday, Friday I just go to Bed. And then Saturday I do fun stuff.

Snapchat all day.

Yeah.

Well, it's great to see you.

Hello.

Hello. I'm glad. I love that you're awake. Sometimes it's like little nappies before.

Yes.

We tuck them in. But yeah. So let me tell you a few more things before we get into the show that is that you can follow us, Snapchat, Twitter and Instagram. And you should this month. I mean, I'm sure you already do, right? It's all at Sex with Emily and facebook.com/sex with Emily. Because September, Back to Sexual Confidence Month. Back to school. You've already been through that. Back to Sexual Confidence Month is so important because confidence is the most important thing that you can cultivate to have an incredible sex life. And so we're helping you. We're helping you this month. And if you subscribe or you follow us on social media, subscribe to our newsletter. You will get all the information you need to enter contests. We'll be doing giveaways. We are doing giveaways now every single, single week. Really great products that will just help you in the confidence world. Right. Because we all suffer from that in some way. Insecurities in the bedroom always manages. Falls asleep. Yeah. Such a bummer.

No, no, no. I mean sexual confidence or just confidence in general. Yeah, I. I've shared this many times. I probably wasn't confident in myself until.

Mid, late 20s or something like that. Probably.

Yeah.

Always super shy.

Right.

Not confident at all. And one day you just got to say, eff it.

Right? Eff it. It's really about effort. It's really about like, I'm just going to be me. And then people, like, the more authentically you you are, the more laid you.

Get in, the more laid you get in, the happier.

The happier you are. Exactly.

And the less friend zone you get into.

It's so true. Right? It is true. The less friend zone you get into. And I. We always think about. We do have a question about the friend zone today. But yeah, you know, confident person, man, woman, you know, you know what you want. And, and I think that the thing is that thing about confidence, like we always think about, it's something you have to go out and get. But you have like, the, the truth is it's really inside you to get all touchy feely spirituality. But it is like, it's all. We all have the choice to be confident at any moment and just say, you know what? Today I'm just gonna go in there and I'm gonna be me. And I'm gonna say, you know what? I feel like I'm gonna approach this person and say hi and I'm just gonna like live in my confidence. Cause almost like it might not feel really comfortable at first, but after a while you're like, oh, this is me being real talking. You know what I'm saying?

I do feel what you're saying you feel.

Yeah, I love that. Okay. Also. So yeah, we're talking about that this month because it's sexual confidence. And also. Oh, oh. This weekend is the Sexual Health Expo in New York. I will be there. Are you. Come join me. The 24th and 25th in Brooklyn. Find out more information on my website. I'm doing a live podcast on the 24th Saturday at 1pm and there's some really cool workshops going on. If you are on the east coast, you can get to Brooklyn. You're always asking me when you come to the East Coast. I'm there. Really cool topics, workshops for two days. Plus, like all the cool products and toys we talk about. There's one on digital dating. How to sext, Skype and swipe your way to dating success. Female anatomy, which a lot of people need help with. How do you have a great blow job? Role playing. It's gonna be a great weekend, so I will see you there.

I gotta check to see if my friends. Man Kim, they're a band man Kim, they're from Brooklyn. Oh, they live in Brooklyn once in a while when they're not traveling the world performing. But I know Kim, she would totally love.

Oh my God, have them come. I'll get them in.

I'll hit. I'll hit them up, see if they're in town. Just get in, come hang out with you.

That'd be fun. That'd be a good time. So yeah, it's been a busy seven. Just getting my sexual confidence up all month. You didn't hear the story? Yeah, well, no, I've been. You know why I'm a fan of Kegels Kaggle camp. I've got my app, but I've been wearing the. The Kegel weights more frequently. The balls, the balls, the keg balls. And because I've tried a lot of different things. When you wear the different weights, they.

You really don't even have to do your. Your exercises. You just. I mean you can't. It helps more if you do them. But we're just wearing them. You naturally are holding them in like. I'm not walking, like sucking. But you just. The by the nature of walking, you're holding them in. And I feel like I do have these kegels of steel again. You know, it's like anything. You go to the gym a lot for a few, then you stop. But I feel like they're like, oh. And I'm like, yeah, I want to go to New York and have lots of sex. Because remember I was saying, like, where.

Do you pick up these kego balls?

On the website. Shop with emily.com. i'm trying to think. Madison, can you check which ones we have on our site right now? And they come in different weights. They're really cool and. But you missed the story. I don't even know if I should tell it again, but I told on the show with Anderson.

Oh, tell me what happened.

I was at an important meeting and I was wearing them. And like, the thing is, you wear.

The balls to important meetings.

I'm wearing them right now.

Okay, well, not.

This isn't an important meeting, but like, you can't. It's like putting a tampon. I mean, it's not very sexy, but it's like a little ball. And you're. All day long, you're working these muscles. Because before I get into my story, the reason, the reason is, is because obviously over time, you know, everyone needs to work on their pelvic floor. Even now. Because you're. When you squeeze your pelvic floor muscles, men and women, your sexual energy, all of those are. You're setting your breath there, your. Your muscles get stronger and you're going to like, desire. It's going to be easier to have a G spot orgasm. If that's something that you would like to procure with, that's something you'd like to experience in your. In your life. And so that's just the in. Also, women after childbirth, urinary incontinence, just stronger or the whole thing, it just keeps sex in your mind more. And it's true. Like, I've, like, been wearing them and I'm feeling this. I don't know, because I was saying for a while, I'm like, I'm not really even feeling having sex, which is so interesting. It's not like. Because I'm bored of sex because I talk about it all the time. It's just like you go through phases where I'm like, focusing on other things. But now I'm like, yeah, I want to go bang. Which I will. So into a meeting. I'll get back to this. So into a meeting. Oh, okay. On the website, we have the Luna beads and the Ben and The benoir beads, lovelace flex, Kegel weights. So just check it out.

Nice.

It says lovely autocorrect.

All right.

Love life. Oh, I love the love life 1.

Sex and mischief balls by sports. Okay, Just putting kegel on the website.

There's too many of them.

Yeah, yeah, just check them on the website.

You have so many balls.

So many balls. And they're common. I'm just telling you, if you want an easy way out. It's kind of like if you go to the gym and someone could, like, run for you, you know, and, like, that can't happen. But these. They work it out for you. So I was going to a meeting. I put them in because it was like my. You know, doing them for 30 days. And I'm wearing these wide leg pants that I have. And the thing is, they can slip out, right? This does happen. I mean, I'd been driving to the meeting. I was late, and I was rushing into the meeting, and they were my. I was in my car, and I wasn't like, oh, the ball. Like, I kind of forgot. And I'm standing in the meeting, and I get there, and the woman's like, oh, do you want to come back and get a cup of coffee? And it was like a pretty. It was an important meeting. Get back in the room. And she's like, oh, so nice to meet you. And then all of a sudden, we're getting coffee, and they just. One just drops on the floor, like, oh, no. Falls through my pants onto. And I just. I just.

I just bent down and picked it up and put it in my purse. I was like. I wasn't gonna be like, oh, hey. But I don't know if she saw it. It was a woman. I could laugh because actually, I'm like, his balls in. That's funny. But I just kind of threw my purse, and that happened to me. That's never happened before. They never fall out. They don't really typically, but they can. I mean, you know, hey. But I wasn't really. I was busy that day.

Does. What about people that are concerned they may get stuck?

They will not get stuck because there's a string on a lot of them that's like, it. You pull it out and. Yeah. I mean, you don't want to push them up too far, but the string is really, like, this thick. Like, it. But it's not uncomfortable. You forget. I don't even remember that I'm wearing them. Clearly. I went to a meeting, and I was like, oh, yeah. And that's the cool part. About it, but they don't. They don't get stuck. You pull them out and you just feel it. Like, your muscles, like, you're like, oh, and that's also. Your pelvic floor is awakening, like, for guys, too. If you're like, oh, I don't really feel that desire. Like, do them five minutes a day. You can download my app, Kegel Camp, and I can't talk about Kegels. Kegels, enough. Whatever. However you say it, they will help you. It's true. You know, I feel that way. Okay. What's up with you, Menace?

What is up with me? I don't. I don't really know. I'm just. Just working, being here. There's some great news. The radio show that I'm part of, the Woody show, is here in Los Angeles, but we're getting syndicated to some other cities.

That's amazing.

So a lot of podcasters that we get, a bunch of podcasters all over the country. I'm sure that the Woody show morning show that I'm part of will be in a city.

Congratulations. That's like, the radio dream.

I wish I could share with you right now where we'll be okay soon.

They can check out the Woody show website, social media.

It's not a sexual show, so don't get disappointed if you're here just to listen about sex. It's about pop culture and news and stuff.

People love you no matter what. It's fine.

Thank you.

It doesn't matter. Everything has to be outside.

I know, but people come here to learn about sex, right? Well, that's what we hear, the Woody show. And you think, oh, maybe that's a sexual thing, because Woody penis kind of stuff. They might.

I get it.

I thought you finally get it now.

I know. Well, I know we thought Woody was funny. I'd be like, one joke about it. But I always thought. You're right. That you were just saying it because you were thinking, well, you guys, like, sucks. You wouldn't like my show. But you're saying because of the Woody, the myth. I'm there. We're on the same page.

There you go.

Okay, let's move into some sex in the news. All right.

What do you got?

The five. Okay. So I was reading this earlier, and I was like, Madison's like, we're talking, like. So I want to share with you because I wanted you all to do the same thing. The five germiest places to get it on, ranked by microbiologists.

All right.

This kind of grossed me out, especially because I'm flying tomorrow. Almost everyone has a bucket list of sexy spots where they want to have sex. But if you're doing it in that said pubic public, odds are you won't be alone. Fecal bacteria, norovirus are just a few of the nasties that can linger on hard surfaces and high traffic areas. And all that skin exposure puts you at an extra risk of infection. So here's the five. Airplane bathroom.

Oh, I would never want to do that. Maybe if I'm on a private jet.

But even this even makes me feel like I want to go in there with gloves. And listen, 75%, okay? These tiny, cramped quarters are the worst offenders, all right? 75 or more people are use a single restroom on a plane before it gets cleaned. And not many are washing their hands effectively. So it's no surprise that the research found E. Coli all over airplane bathrooms.

Oh, no.

Yeah. What?

No, I'm just saying, you already know this.

It's like a. No, no, I know, but when I read, I'm like, I don't even want to pee. Like, I want to pee in a bucket on the plane.

Yeah, but airplane bathrooms are known.

I know, but when I'm reading it, I'm not going there have sex, but I'm just like, I'm gonna go in there with, like, a mask and gloves. Okay.

I rarely ever go to the bathroom on a plane anyway.

How can you. I go the whole time. As I said in the aisle, I have anxiety if I'm in a middle or our window because I peel, I drink a lot of water, and I. And I am like, excuse me, pardon me. Excuse me. I just want to be able to look at my freedom to pee.

I like sitting in the aisle because I fake being confident being on an airplane and not being afraid, but I don't even want to look out the window.

Really?

Yeah.

You're scary scared.

Flyer and I fly all the time.

I did not know this about you.

No, I thought I knew, but I faked a fake.

You fake. You fake confidence, but you're still not confident about it. Well, it's scary. It's a fear. I get it. It's different, okay? The gym, locker room staff, strep, norovirus, ringworm, you name it.

It's that a lot of people hooking up in the gym locker room.

People hook up in the. Dude, don't you hear the stories of people hooking up in gym locker rooms?

I mean, like, maybe guys. I mean, definitely. Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of.

Games Not a great idea.

I'm thinking heterosexual hookups.

Well, it's harder because they're separate rooms. Yeah, but inside the gym locker room, a perfectly warm and moist environment for bacteria to thrive. Don't walk barefoot.

I just want to let you know that there's a. There's a lot of old balls if you're into that at the. At the 24 Hour Fitness in San Francisco.

At the.

Oh, what is it?

Which one was it? Oh, I used to go there all balls. Oh, my God.

That one all the time. If you're into that thing.

There's that thing. Go to the Patreon. That one is. That one is just dirty there. Okay.

Movie theater daddy.

Yeah, movie. Yeah, Old balls. Yeah, Whatever you're into, they're there everywhere. Movie theater number three, sticky floors aren't morning enough. They. The seats and handrails aren't washed regularly. One swab test detected staph on infection on theater seats.

Oh, no.

Avoid getting handsy or mouth.

A lot of people that straight up have sex in.

I know movie theaters. Yeah, I don't even want. Oh, God. Okay, number four, playground and parks. Do you ever see that equipment being clean? Nope. But, but, but here's.

This is like young people that don't have places to have sex.

No, but I think no. Okay. I forgot that this was even about sex. This just made me think. I never want to go to playground. I don't want to go to pee in the any bathroom again. The beach, sewage, garbage, bird poop. Other fun in the sun factors. That's what happens. So don't avoid those places having sex and avoid them in general.

Really?

I don't know. I just feel like I don't want to get staph infection.

I'm surprised bar bathroom is not on the list. I think that would be up there.

But it's not as bad as the movie theater.

I guess not.

I don't see movies anymore. Okay. So madness. This makes me think about it because when I look at this list, I've never. I'm trying to think of unsanitary places that I've had sex or what I've had sex outdoors, so I've never done the mile high club because it just hasn't been interesting. I think I gave a hand job in a plane once. My boyfriend like over the thing. Over blanket. Under the blanket. Under the blanket. Gym, locker room. No. Movie theater, no. Playground. I did have sex in a park once, but I had a blanket out and on the beach I have, but I had blankets out so that's fine. Where else have I had sex outdoors? I'm trying to think. I've never. Have I ever done a bathroom at a bar? Seems familiar. Yes, I have. But I probably was drunk and didn't wash my hands after. Did you used to do that?

I have before.

In the stall.

Not in a stall. Just like one of those one person bathrooms.

Yeah. I gave guy a blowjob at the W Hotel. I just remember because. Oh, my God. It's like my entire life is flashing before me that I'm trying to remember.

Sometimes you just forget.

Life goes on. I was drunk. I remember being in the W Hotel. No, not the. Wow. The Clift. And I was on a date with a guy a few times I dated him and I must have gotten drunk because I wouldn't do this. You know me, not a big drinker. But apparently I had like two cocktails and I gave him a blowjob in the floor. And the. I remember being in the Clift Hotel.

Clift is like a little hookup spot, I'm telling you.

In the. Or is everyone hooking up in the. In the. At the. Everywhere. At the Cliff. I mean, I had sex in the room in the Cliff, but I just remembered the blowjob. He's so lucky.

Yeah. Do you know, it's funny and I've shared that. I've shared this story on the podcast before, so I'm sorry if you heard it, but talking about the Cliff Hotel in San Francisco. So I used to work at the Mark Hopkins Hotel, which is at the top of a hill. And you look down, you can see the Cliff Hotel. Right. The F went out. It was lit up on the top. On top of it.

And the F. Oh, the Cliff Hotel. I remember that. When was that?

It was like that for a while.

It was amazing. It was one of my happiest moments of my life.

The Clit Hotel.

Yeah. And it really kind of is a good hotel. I don't even think he touched.

You want to hook up? There's a great bar there.

There's a lot of the Redwood Room. It's called the Red Room.

I don't remember something like that.

You can find it.

I don't even remember.

There's lots of good places in San Francisco to hook up.

That's a hot spot if you're visiting.

I didn't know that my blowjob experience was even like the hot spot. I mean, at the time, I don't think I knew, but now I know. And now that story and I'm sure there will be more coming into my brain. How about you? Anywhere gross that you prevent?

You probably miss the. The bar, bathroom. I'm trying to think like out in the wild anywhere.

Camping?

Oh, probably like, like kitchen or something like that.

I think it's all bad. Stay in your bed, but then make sure you wash your sheets. So people don't wash their sheets. Oh man. Okay, so be clean. I just want to warn everybody. I think everyone should start wearing the plastic gloves and like the masks and stuff over that. Good. But besides that, sex is fun. Okay, let's give a shout out to our sponsors and we'll be right back with your emails. Thanks for listening.

People joke a lot about men not being able to last long in bed. You know, it's a widespread issue when it becomes something society recognizes as a condition worth poking fun at. Well, for the millions of men who experience premature ejaculation, though, it is not funny. In fact, it can be a huge problem with effects that extend beyond the bedroom. This is why I love talking about Promescent, a clinically proven, FDA compliant product that can significantly delay ejaculation. Think about what that means. If you're able to last longer, you've less anxiety about performing. You can focus on being in the moment with your partner enjoying sex instead of stressing about it. And your partner gets the benefit of a longer, more intense experience. Okay, so what is Promescent exactly? Well, it's a topical spray that gets applied to the penis to improve a man's stamina. Unlike common delay sprays that simply make you numb, Permesin is quickly absorbed, allowing you to enjoy the sensations of sex. When used properly, it won't transfer to your partner, which is never a good thing. What other product can help you last longer, have better sex, reduce performance anxiety, and improve your relationship? None. So I strongly encourage you to learn more about Promescent. Go to my website, click on the Promescent banner or visit promescent.com today. That's P R O M E S C E N T dot com. Okay everyone, I'm excited to announce a new feature on the show. We'll be having voicemails. You can leave a voicemail 818-ASKSWE1. That's 818-275-7931. You can also ask a question directly on the website. There's an ask Emily little pull down there, pull down tab. And yeah, a couple ground rules. Just, you know, you want to keep your message a little short. You don't have to include your real Name or your last name. And don't talk about the person you're talking about. Like your boyfriend's Bob, you know, and make fake Bob fake a name.

Yeah.

And then what else do we want? Oh, and then when you're emailing or any of this, your name, your age, where you live, how you listen, all that kind of first orgasm.

Also, you got to follow Emily on Snapchat. Sex with Emily. Because last time I was here, it was crazy. So we recorded a show with. Who was it?

Tom from Sports Sheets.

Sports Sheets. Great story about how he started his company.

Right.

So check out. But so after the show, you're like, oh, I gotta shoot some videos, blah, blah. And you were sharing this on Snapchat. You and producer Madison were using a doggy style strap.

Makes it. Yes.

So you're like, behind her, humping her. Humping her.

Yes. And then it enhances your doggy style experience. So, yeah, she was cool. She was a little turned on.

So you're doing her doggy style, then she flips you over on your back.

Right.

And she's like, doing you.

Right. G spot.

This is all on our. On the Snapchat.

Wait, check it. You're missing this stuff every single day.

So you have to follow.

Right.

Sex. Emily. It's probably not there anymore. You're gonna have to say.

I think we're gonna say. I think. No, we do have to save it. We're gonna post it on Instagram as.

Well, so you can reshare that on the Snapchat. Oh, once you post this.

Oh, yeah. Okay, let's. Let's download it. Madison, we're gonna download this story on Snapchat and post it maybe on the. On the website.

Reshare it.

No, no, no.

You can reshare it on Snapchat.

Oh, a weekly. When the show comes out. The day the show comes out, we can reshare our humping.

We're working together.

You're so good, Menace.

There we go.

I love this about you.

Make sure to do that because people are going to listen to this and be.

This is what happens. I'm downloading it now because you said.

That hopefully you're listening to this podcast when it comes out.

Yeah, you're gonna like to see this.

Really enjoy it. And again, thank me for saying and coordinating this for you.

Yeah.

So sex to Emily on Snapchat.

Right. Thank you. Okay. All right, here we go. Got some emails, Emily. I recently started talking to a woman who lives in Charlotte about seven months ago. Things have been great, even with the Distance. I'm a self employed musician and songwriter, so I'm able to fly up to North Carolina to see her two to three times a month. She's a law student and rarely gets to travel due to school and work. Back in April, she told me that she'd finally come see me in Miami after the summer summer semester. And I was very excited to finally have her come visit me for a change. However, her best friends found out she was coming to Miami and decided to hijack her visit and make it a girls trip. I was a little annoyed at first, but we worked it out to where she'd spend a couple of nights at my place, couple nights with her friends.

When she told her friends about her plans to spend time with me, apparently they weren't happy. As a result, everything I had planned turned out. We can go out to dinner once or twice, she says to him. She says she's trying to make everybody happy, but it seems to me that she's only trying to appease her friends. Am I wrong for being upset? I've already explained to her how I feel about the whole situation and it doesn't get us anywhere. What should I do? JC Age 29 so you get this. This girl he's been seeing for seven months coming to visit him in Miami. She's super busy as we all are, but now she's made it a woman's trip, a girls trip. He's not happy. I mean, I can see why his feelings are hurt. He misses her. He hasn't seen her. She doesn't have that time off. She values her friendships that, you know, the girls wanted to come. I get that the friends will do.

That to you every time.

The girls want to be together, right? They do. And it can be hard when you have limited time and she wants to see everyone. And I know why you're annoyed and you talk to her about it.

I think that you could just let her know that like I respect your friendships, but I also value the time that we have together. And what do you think? Menace?

I know it sucks. I just. Just do. Just do it and see what happens.

You know, just say something to her.

No, no. I'm just like, just deal with the time that you have and then make it great.

And then don't be a whiny JC the whole time.

For real, don't. I mean, and then also though. But the biggest like poison in a relationship is the friends on either side, male or female. I'll tell you this.

Really? Oh, I've never had that.

But I Know when you have other people chiming in on your relationship, right? That always causes unnecessary drama. I'm sorry, it does. I. I had an ex girlfriend. We got along fine, but because of my schedule, I can't go out on. On a Tuesday night, right? Go party. And then it was always her friends like, oh, you're a boyfriend. Oh, you can't go out, blah, blah, blah, blah. And guess what? We ended up breaking up. So she can go be with those people, right? And then guess what? Those people aren't around anymore because they're locked down in their own relationship.

Right?

You know what I'm saying? So you got to see what's good for you. What's good for you, you know? But again, yeah, you can't be. You can say, well, you pick me or your friends. You can't be.

No, you can't be like that. That was King jc. I don't think you're whining. I think you're being very, very thoughtful here. I understand what you're saying and you're trying not to be upset about it, but I would be upset. I mean, I get it, but I would say also, you've already talked about it. The girls are coming. They're not canceling the trip. She's coming to see you. So what I meant is that the time you do have together, I'll. I guarantee you two or three really great nights. But you don't bring up, well, if your friends weren't here, she's gonna be so hot for you, she's just gonna want to sleep over anyway. And it'll probably end up being more time to do it.

Doesn't work out then, now you know. And you're not wasting your time, right? Because life is so short.

Life is so short. Whoop, there goes tomorrow. Exactly. Good point. Okay. Dear Emily, I started listening to your podcast a few weeks ago and I've really been enjoying hearing you and menace and Anderson. Here's my situation. A few months ago, I met a guy same age and we have since made up. Met up about once or twice. He explained he wasn't quite ready to be open emotionally as he just gotten out of a long term relationship, but was open to enjoying time with me as he was so open and honest about it. I was fine with having a casual relationship. The last few times we've met, he's expressed he doesn't want to just be sex. Then last month he was traveling to Europe. I was dating other men in the meanwhile, but I realized I've started to get Attached to. And I haven't clicked with anyone new. I know I'll hear from him once he gets back. So what is the best way to bring up that I want to see him more often or date more seriously? I feel like we're in a weird gray zone between casual and dating. Thanks so much for the help and love the show, Gwen. 31, Canada.

So, okay, so the deal is they were in a casual relationship and he wants more. No, he wanted more. No, he. He wasn't ready to be in a long term relationship. They were friends with benefits for a while.

He doesn't want it to be sex, then he was. Okay, so he doesn't want it to be sex either. So you're good. Gwen, if he said that he doesn't really want it to be sex anymore, this is the perfect situation to be in. Because it sounds like you're both kind of phasing out of the friends with benefits situation, which happens everyone. You can't live in the friends with benefit zone forever. Eventually some person in the relationship is gonna want more than the other one. But it sounds like you are both on the same page. And so I think you just gotta say, like, when he gets back. I would actually wait until like the night after. I mean, see how it goes the first night you go out. I don't think you need to. Like, if he's been traveling for a few weeks, you haven't seen each other. Just have a great night. But I think you should say, I know we started out being really casual, but I realized I missed you. And what do you think about, you know, having it be less casual, being more committed? Have the talk, you got nothing to lose.

Do it.

Your life is short.

If that's what you want, let it be known.

Exactly. So this happens a lot where people start out and they say that they're not open, they don't want it open, and they run open. I mean, this is the problem. A big problem in a lot of relationship is that people make commitments early in the relationship, like verbal commitments around things and then their mind changes or things change and it no longer what it once was. So it's kind of like a business contract. Like you really got to always be looking at it and updating it and make sure you're both getting your needs met. Nothing wrong with talking about.

P S. Oh, she says, sorry, Gwen, I will never look at gummy bears the same way again since listening to your sex in the news segment about the porn star gummy bear connection. So thanks for that. What the Hell was that? It was that use gummy bears for something during sex. Oh, right. They use it for look it up for a second. I was there for the sex. The new segment. I just don't remember now. I think they use it for. That's what they eat. I think it was anal sex or something. It had to do with anal, I think. But I'm gonna move on. Dear Emily, my husband and I listen to your podcast frequently. He more than I. I'm curious and like to listen to the show, but I have certain beliefs and sexual likes and dislikes that my husband doesn't agree with. I believe he is trying to push me past these boundaries. A huge problem in our relationship is that he had a porn star girlfriend. Literally, there was nothing this girl wouldn't do in bed. And now he is me, who, although I like toys and such, hates to swallow, wants no part of anal and hates that he wants me to tell him fictional stories about me being with other guys. He says it creates a competition with him. She fully manipulated him with sex to get what she wanted, and now he's addicted to that behavior and I'm morally opposed to it. And the fact that hormonal issues have lowered my sex drive. And I feel like I kind of have a recipe for disaster on my hands. I want to please him and he wants and be what he needs. But I fear I am not enough as she was sexually free and I'm not. I love him, but I worry my sexual limitations will be the death of our relationship. So my question. My death of our relationship. So my question is this. How do I become a sex goddess and get past my issues while still maintaining my boundaries, not compromising my values? Do it. Thanks for your time. Hopeful romantic, age 43. Okay, so. Okay. Hopeful romantic. You first. Here's the first thing you must stop, like, right now, ever comparing yourself to who you believe his ex girlfriend was. Yes, she was a porn star. Or comparing yourself to anyone else for that matter. Yes, she's a porn star. You know, I don't even know here that he even said to you that he wants you to do all these things. I think that you've got it in your head that he wants you to do this, that and that, like she did. And I doubt that he's walking around with that. And it doesn't help because you'll never be her. She'll never be you. And we all have these fears in relationships that we're not enough, that we're not performing enough, that we're too much. We Won't be loved or we'll be rejected. And so he's likely not comparing to his ex. I mean that's. And if he is, that's a huge problem. Now getting back to your sexual likes, dislikes. This happens in every, you know, every relationships. I'm glad that you guys are even talking about it. It sounds like he's laying out a lot about what he want, want and I'm curious about what you want. So have you done your own exploring? Have you like, you know, do you masturbate? Do you know your own body? Have you watched porn? I don't know if you have problems with porn now because of the ex girlfriend read erotica, whatever it is, like you can have things that you'd like from him as well. Maybe you want him to be more dominant, maybe you want more back rubs. I don't know what it is, but I think it's okay that he's expressing this to you. But again, you're, you're, you know, you can do what you want as well, but sexual compatibility is important. But I'm just worried you're tripping on this too much to even work on what you guys can do to get through it.

You constantly thinking about an outside factor that you have no control over. That's again causing issues in your relationship for no reason, right?

Oh, and here's. I want to get to your question, your specific questions. How do I become a sex goddess? You become a sex goddess by being. You're being, you're finding out who that sex goddess is inside of you. And how you're going to do that is by taking that time, like I said, to like masturbate. It could just be nights at home where you're like touching your breasts, your bubble bath. You're doing things for yourself. You're thinking about sex and you're thinking about what you desire. And I mean, don't put too much. Not like it's going to happen in a night, but like when a goddess, like whenever a guy say oh, she was a goddess, it's because she fully like lived in her sexual self. She was comfortable with her body, she knew what she wanted in bed. And I'm sure that he will love that sexual. And you're probably already have her within you. So I would just say you got to stop tripping because I think this is what messing you up. Okay. Hey, Emily. I just started dating a girl. It's been five or six months now, still fairly new. I've been traveling a lot, so the distance has been Tough. But we've stayed in communication every day. She came to visit last week. We had great sex and it was truly a good time. She met my family. They loved her. Our personalities are great for each other. We're both funny, witty, adventurous. A downfall, though. She drinks just about every day, and I don't think it will ever calm down. Also, I would never make her change from being the person she is. But drinking, to me, is not a priority at the moment with my current lifestyle. I've dated a lot and definitely could see a future developing with her. Have you had any experience with tolerating significant others and their different addictions, bad habits, etc? How have they turned out for you? Hopefully this question is relatable in a way. I love your show and you're beautiful. Thank you. Chadwick, age 27, New York.

That's a great question. We don't get a lot of addiction. I mean, I think on Loveline I used to get a lot of addiction or drinking questions and stuff. And yes, I have had this experience. I mean, you know, I gotta say, you're right, Chadwick, to say that this is not something that's gonna go away. She's 28. She's been drinking every day. Unless she wants to stop drinking or it's having negative repercussions on her life. Negative, bad, negative consequences. She probably is gonna still keep drinking. No one really stops unless they want to.

Yeah.

And so I'm not. I don't even know if. If it's an addiction. Like, I don't know if she said she's getting drunk every day, she's having a glass of wine every night. You didn't specify here, but I'm gonna assume attitude change. Right. Well, I'm gonna think that she gets. There is a little bit of an attitude. I'm gonna assume that it's not just that she has a glass of wine and there's no impact on her behavior. I'm gonna assume that maybe her personality.

That'S probably why they're emailing, you know, probably.

So if that is the case, then, and this is behavior that you can't tolerate, you could let her know that. That her drinking is really, you know, having an impact and you love her and you care about her, but it's just not something that you're comfortable with. That's something you can live with. You don't want to drink every day.

And tell her to switch the weed. I stopped drinking after smoking weed. I barely ever drink.

Never. You don't, huh? Good. You were not a Good drunk.

No.

God, you were not. I'm so. It's fun.

Kind of. Yeah, but weed is more fun.

Weed is more fun.

Right.

I mean, if she needs that.

Be changing one addiction to the.

But just going from, like, cold turkey, I'm sure, is, like, so hard, you know?

Right. Yeah. And so, I mean, this might be. I mean, again, you don't want to be accusatory, but you can just say, I mean, you guys have been together five, six months, which is new, so you can sort of kind of have these conversations and say, I love being with you. Just got to say that the drinking is. I mean, I have friends. My friend just called me yesterday, and she's dating a guy and she doesn't drink that much. And she said, you know, I'm a little concerned because I feel like every time we go out, he has three beers and he's not really drunk, but it just. It makes me concerned about his behavior because her dad was alcoholic and. And so you've every right to. I can. And I dated several alcoholics, I have to say. And yeah, after a while, it does, you know, it does sort of weigh on you. And there are certain behavior things that you just can't live with. And some stop drinking. And so you're. You have every right to your own opinion and to feel what you are feeling and. Yeah. Have the talk. Yeah, yeah.

People that are not fun drunks.

Have you dated anyone with any, like, addictions or issues?

Yeah, I was trying to think when you're reading that email, like, if I truly have been in that situation.

Yeah, I've definitely dated people where they become a totally different person when they drink.

Yeah.

And when they're not fun, it absolutely sucks because when they're in that situation, you try to talk to them to, like, calm them down, or they just have, like, an extreme attitude, you know, and that I don't deal with very well at all because I just up and leave.

Right.

See ya. Yeah, I'm not gonna. Because I know that I can't. I can't fix that in that moment, I can't fix the situation. So, like, why even bother it? Like, some people just sit there and, like, argue it out.

There's nothing to fight for hours. Right.

You know, I won't do it, obviously. All right, see you later. Bye.

You know, and if she is an alcoholic, it is a progressive thing, so it can build. Right. Yeah, you're right. And if their behavior changes, like, nothing. Like, don't you have friends like that every time you go with them? You're like, this is when the person I used to have friends, they'd say the, the. The switch. They switch. The flip switch. The switch flips. Yeah, they switch a flip switch and they're a different person, different personality. And it's like every time. And that's happens.

I mean it happens a lot with my female friends or females that I've dated where it's just like, whoa, who is this person? You know? And it does happen with guys. I've been lucky to be around a lot of males that do get drunk that are just actually fun. But there is those a hole drunk dudes that are just like just want to fight everybody. I can't be around that bros. Yeah. I can't be.

I don't like being around drunk, really drunk guys. It's so not attracted to me at all. So. Yeah. So Chadwick, you're totally in the right here. I mean you're totally in your own. You're allowed to actually. What am I saying? You're in the right. You absolutely need to talk to her about it. It's an okay reason to feel like you can't be with someone for that. That. That's what we're saying. We totally support you. Okay. Madison just sent a producer. Madison, update us on the gummy bear situation. Okay. Because who said this to us? It was.

Gwen. She said she'll never look at gummy bears the same way since listening to the sex of the new segment about porn stars and gummy bears. And what happens was is many girls who do anals seem to subscribe to this porn logic that gummy bears just sit in the stomach as opposed to other foods which are digested as food should be. Many girls eat gummy bears in lieu of food when they are scheduled to perform any sort of anal act. Kaden Cross, porn star. Thank you.

Gummy Bear Factory will appreciate that.

I know, right? Little fun. Who thought it. Little fun fact there about gummy bears also, if you put them into water.

Do they eat those giant gummy bears? Have you seen those? There's a. There's a store in Los Angeles and I think other places called. It's Sugar. And they have like six pound gummy bears. Huge ones.

No, no. I think they make your stomach expand though.

I'm sure they do. They do expand. Like I know.

Young people were like soaking them in vodka and just eating them at school and that's right.

That's. That's bad. Get very drunk. We used to put them in water and watch them blow up when I was like third grade. Never did that Fun with Gummy bears. Okay, that's all we got time for today.

It was fun hanging out.

I know you're awesome Menace. I love seeing you and being with you and sharing the space with you. It's very special, very special time. Thank you to Madison, Lori, Jamie and Eddie for all your amazing help and thank everyone for just supporting the show. I love hearing from you and getting your emails and knowing that you like the show. And thanks for telling a friend. So thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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