How to Please A Penis Princess

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Hey everyone. Welcome to Sex with Emily. Tonight's show is all about those picky penises. You know, those penises in your life that you're not quite sure what to do with. Sometimes they're up, sometimes they're down. We're going to talk about what men and women can do about them. And I give advice for women to help you please the men in your life with those high maintenance members. Thanks everyone for listening. But first we have to support our lovely sponsors because let me ask you this, are you getting enough? I bet you'd love a little bit more, right? Well, AdamandEve.com wants to give you more with 10 free gifts. First, you'll get a sexy surprise for her. Second, a specially selected toy for him. And third, a little something we know you'll both enjoy. Plus you get six full length adult movies on DVD at number 10. Can you believe there are 10 things they are giving you free shipping on your entire order. I only order things that have free shipping and this makes so much sense. Plus there's 10 things so what do you have to do to get your 10 free gifts? Not hard at all. Go to AdamAndEve.com and select any one of them. It could be an adventurous new toy, a sexy piece of lingerie, or anything you desire. Just enter offer code EMILY at checkout and you'll get all 10 free gifts. So go to checkout AdamandEve.com today. Select one item. Get 10 free gifts, including free shipping when you enter offer code Emily. That's emily@adamandeve.com. thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com check out my site. You'll love it. We post great blogs, videos, articles, everything that you need to have better sex and relationships. Because who the hell doesn't want that? Can't find anyone who doesn't want that. Literally. No one's like, oh, yeah, I'm perfect. Everything's perfect in my life. My wife is perfect. My life is perfect. No, you want a better relationship, right, Anderson?

That's right, Em.

That's what tonight's show is all about. It's actually about so you, the man, can have better sex. It's about the penis. This is the penis show. We've done penis shows in the past. You know, we've done vagina shows, we've done breast shows. But this show is about picky penises.

Don't change the name of the show, because if it became Sex with penises, I don't think it would be nearly as good.

I don't even like the word. I think we need some other thing. You know, it's all about picky dicks. Schlong pick docs. Yeah, about those picky pricks. Picky pricks. It's all about those sticky schlongs. No, but really, there's. I feel like every single day, and I was just saying earlier that when I walked in here, I was like, oh. The reason why I was a little frazzled is because I was.

Per usual.

You're frazzled. Cause you're Emily.

Emily. I feel like you really accept me and love me for who I am.

It's true. I do.

I know.

And you bring the booze, which makes it easier.

I just. I felt like getting you booze because I thought, who doesn't need a booze in a life? I need to. I actually need to start drinking more. It's on my list of things to do.

I think that that should be a good.

No, no, totally. I'm really. I'm not. I'm not really a great drinker. Like, I was always such a lame drinker in college.

You're a control freak.

What does that mean?

Well, I mean, I don't like the taste of it.

I would get messed up.

But you don't like to lose control.

I want to think I've never lost control. Drinking.

Yeah. See? See what I mean?

I know because. But that's not why. It's because I don't like the taste of alcohol. I like the taste of water. Nipples. And no, I don't like the sugar. I like. I could drink.

You know what?

The only thing I like and this is not. Has nothing to do with sex with Emily. Dirty martinis. I can slam those two of them.

I'm drunk.

I'm dead. I'm over. They're, like, salty. And you can't taste the alcohol.

I thought you were gonna say blowjobs. So I'm glad you went with dirty martinis.

No, that'd be so blowjobs don't. Because dirty my teas are like a real drink, and that's all I can drink. So, anyway, today I just got back from an interview with Elite Daily. Do you know Elite? It's a very common, very popular website right now. And they really, like. Everyone's reading it. They've got great articles on there about everything that you can think about on the planet. And it seems like you just like every time you're on Facebook or wherever there's Elite Daily. So they interviewed me today for a very interesting article about condoms. And it's funny because it keeps coming up lately in my conversations with colleagues and just friends, it's like, I feel like condoms have, like, gone the way of, you know, the transistor radio or something. Like, people are no longer. I was gonna say of phone calls. No, people we like are. Did you always use condoms growing up? Weren't you always, like, you have to use condoms when you start? Weren't you scared about it in high school?

Yeah, whenever I'd have sex with a girl, the first two times, I'd use a condom. And then.

But then after that, you wouldn't, even as a young kid. Okay, so maybe. What is this, like, an east coast thing? Like, you in California, we're all chill.

Yeah.

So we were uptight about condoms as well.

I feel like in the AIDS era, too.

So did I. That's what I'm saying.

I feel like once I had sex with a girl a couple times, I could trust it.

See, but you can't.

And this is ridiculous.

But at least. Let me tell you something, though. This is why we're ahead. At least in our generation, we at least use them the first few times. Today, people don't even think they have to use condoms. They're like, hey, I'm clean, babe.

It's cool.

And then the woman's just like, okay, cool, I'll have sex with you. Or vice versa. And they're just trusting each other. And I think that people are forgetting that there's actually a huge risk for, you know, for STDs. Just because someone says they're clean and they look clean doesn't mean they are. You know, you could still contract something and not find out for a few weeks. And you just don't trust anyone and use a goddamn condom. And so I kept thinking about it, and then she said to me. So she was interviewing, interviewing me about condoms, and then she said, well, why don't women. What if a guy pulls out a condom, for example? She says it's latex. Because a lot of people are allergic to latex condoms. Do you know this?

Yeah, I hear it on Loveline all the time.

And those two times you've used a condom with your wife. And then it's probably been a long time since I did three years, I.

Did it twice with her, and that was it. No more. Never again.

So anyway, latex, right? So now, like, there's. There's poly. Polyisoprene condoms, which is skin condoms. Makes them. It's lifestyle skin condoms. And they're actually amazing. I just tested one. I had a friend volunteer, really? To have sex with me.

You kidding me?

No, I'm actually not kidding you.

You're like, we gotta try this for my work. We gotta try this.

Yeah. I mean, okay. It's someone that I've slept with before.

All right. It was a very clinical.

It was clinical. I was like, listen, you gotta help me out, buddy.

Overhead lights on?

Yeah. No, no, no. I hate lights. I can't.

Did you like some of your candles?

I did light one of my candles. Thank you. I bring them everywhere. I'm like, hold on, I gotta get my candle. Because they really do relax me.

And your place are his.

His place.

You should have said the office. That would have been the best.

I can't have sex in the office. The office is like a freaking circus show.

I swear to God, I know exactly the place to test out code.

Oh, you don't understand. Well, I'm gonna get back to my story. I'll get back to my circus office in a minute. But. But that we. Yeah. Tested it. Because they're supposed to. Because everyone thinks that also people don't have education about condoms. I think that men are like, have bad experiences with them. They fall off, they're uncomfortable. And they're, of course, can make the woman uncomfortable. But these polyisoprene, which is only, again, made by skin, again, they send them all. I'm testing them all is that they're thinner, but it means that they're just as safe and they're not gonna break and they stick to the penis. They don't slide off. So the point is, she said, but what if you're. What would you say to a guy? And I said, I would just say, baby, you know, I can't use that condom. You know, but keep having four. Because foreplay is great. It shouldn't be all about sex. But, you know, like that frustrating moment, like, wouldn't you just have blue balls right there if I was like, sorry, dude, can't use that condom with you?

Takes a while. But yeah, eventually the blue balls would kick in.

Right? But then what if I said, let's just save it for next time or something?

Well, you saying baby, I think is a great form of, like, prophylactic. I'd be done right there.

How about sweetie, honey? Okay, sorry, not baby. I don't know why I said baby, but I would have said, okay. I don't know. Just. What if I said, hey, no, let's just. I can't, I can't. Okay, so the point is, she said, why would for sure you get a blow job? For sure. I give you a blow job, done, and then hopefully form oral sex on me, and we'd all be fine. But I'm saying is that women, you shouldn't just ignore, for example, that excuse along with a guy who's like, sorry. Okay, There's a million excuses that guys Use when they don't have condoms. I've heard. These are the ones I've heard in my lifetime. I'm too big.

So stupid.

Yeah, they make me. I'm allergic to them.

I can't get hard with them.

I love you so much. I don't care if you get pregnant. Baby.

You heard that? Yeah. Oh, Christ. Where's that?

Maybe we should have a baby. Dude, I deleted his number. So the point is that it's just so funny that everyone's not using condoms. Not funny. It's actually serious that people aren't using condoms. And then she said, well, why don't women carry them? Why don't you just have them? I was like, yeah, because every woman goes out, we have our lipstick, we take our keys, take our id and then why not a condom? So what would you think if you're with a woman? I'll tell you what I said exactly. You think she was a slut. You would.

Well, you'd think that she was planning on getting some.

Yeah.

Which is totally unfair, but totally unfair.

What if it goes well? Why can't we just have it in our purse? Like, we have, like, tampons in case we get our period. Or, like, why can't we have them, like, credit card or Kleenex or something? Why can't we just say, oh, I've got condoms.

Don't hookers, like, have a little place in their boot that they actually made?

Maybe I should make. You know what I'm gonna make? That is the best. Oh, my God. I need to take a moment. I'm gonna make boots with. It's gonna be a statement for women, for feminism, that we can start for feminists, that we can have condom boots. And I'm gonna have clothing that have, like, natural pockets, kind of like you have, like, those iPhone pockets and stuff. I'm gonna have a little thing in there for condoms.

Wait, I'm seeing boots with, like, 50 condoms on each. Like, that's. That's the design on the outside. That's one. Every time you need one, you just rip them away. No, it's like penny loafers. It's like, who's getting a lot? Because they have, like, nothing left on the boots.

No, it's kind of like penny loafers. Like, you always have the condom in it, but eventually you replace it. Like, if you lose the penny. Okay, the point is, you think she was a slut, and she was like, really? In2014, we really. People think that. I said, absolutely. I know that women will think women will Think that they will be judged if they use a condom.

And that's what judge me off. Guys and girls especially would judge for sure.

So now what do we do? And then there's a guy, and you're either. You're buzzed, you're in the moment, and you want to have sex. And how many times have you thrown. How many times have you thrown caution to the wind and be like, yeah, we'll just have sex?

I can't believe my penis is not falling off.

I can't believe your penis doesn't. I can't believe it's here with me right now. I'm assuming it is. I haven't seen it, but it was interesting. And you guys will read this article. But it went on about. We're gonna talk more about this in the show, about people just hooking up with, without. With reckless abandon, not using condoms. And our people. No one's dating anymore, but I think it's important to. No one's having sex anymore. No one's having relationships anymore. Younger the millennials.

God damn, I'm too old. It would be great to go back in time.

I know, right?

I think I invented that thing.

Yeah. Really.

What you were talking about earlier.

Which one?

Where you're not really a boyfriend, you're just kind of like a. Kind of a boyfriend. Ish.

Yeah. There's a whole new term for it. Instead of friends with benefits, like, I.

Would tell girls, we're special friends. We're special friends.

And they would go for that.

Yeah.

But didn't they always want more from you?

Yeah. And then, like, now, years later, they'll say, hey, we were boyfriend, girlfriend, whether you like it or not. And, like, my wife will be like, yeah, I don't want you to talk to that girl that used to be your girlfriend. I'm like, no, but I never called her that. So she's like, yeah, but you were fucking her, so it's the same thing.

So you had fear of the girlfriend title for a lot of your whole life?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Up until. When did you go right from hookup to wife, like, you're my hug. You're my buddy.

Yeah, yeah. I met my wife. She was like, one of five girls that I was seeing. And then I pared it down to a couple, and then, you know.

Did she know you were seeing five girls?

Yeah, kinda, I think.

Did you tell her? Five?

I mean, it was a lot of mystery there. There's lots of mystery, but, no, I got burned. I wanna hear about this. I had a girlfriend that I Do anything for. For three years. And I found out. I think I told you she was taking everybody. So then I was like, fuck this whole girlfriend thing.

She messed you up for that long?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

You really never got over it. And you said. You said, eff it. I'm just gonna start banging chicks. And not.

I thought. Also, I think guys do this too, and they don't admit it. But, like, you don't want your feelings to get involved either. So you. You try and lie to yourself and say it's just about the sex and it's not. Or you can just be friends and, you know, friends with benefits, but you're afraid of getting hurt. I think a lot of guys try and do that because they're afraid of getting hurt.

You think? That's why there's the whole trend right now. But why wasn't it. Why were they as afraid? Why weren't men and women as afraid of getting hurt earlier? Now there's just more options now it's. So now it's socially accept.

Do you think that women are being more objectified now than ever before?

No. What do you mean? Important in life?

Yeah. Well, because so many guys, especially younger guys, watch porn and that's how they experience sex. And like, there's so many guys that don't even want a girlfriend because it's worse.

Oh, yeah. I don't think that women being. Are being objectified. I think that women are being. Yeah. Completely disregarded, maybe for, you know, what men are seeing that they can't actually meet up to what they think is real sex and what actually women are supposed to do. Supposed to be, like, in the bedroom. And that's all. I mean, there's so much. These are like our Next upcoming, like, 15 shows are gonna be out this stuff because we're actually having a great guest on next week about porn and the impact it has in the male brain and what's happening. But it's true. Like, men are, like, seeing these hot. They're like, why aren't I having a gang bang right now? She's just giving a blowjob. I should have a gang bang with 10 hot blondes.

I wonder if it's gonna justify cheating too. Like, well, my girlfriend won't do that, so I gotta go get it somewhere else.

Well, I think it's leading to a lot of people justifying the fact that, yeah, they're having really bad sex. They don't think that their sex life is good enough or it's what it should be. Everyone's disappointed Sexually, I think it's setting the bar way out. It's not even setting the bar high. It's setting the bar in complete ridiculousness. It's not even realistic that you think that you could have that kind of sex. But if that's all you see, there's.

A void and you need to fill it.

What do I need?

You need to make porn. That's called what sex should be.

I.

Oh, yeah. I just wrote an article. Okay. That's my blog for Patty Stanger. This week is about no jackhammer sex.

So you need to actually make movies that show what sex should be like.

I should. And that's on my list of 15 projects that I have going on right now, is instructional videos. I'd love to hear from you, my listeners. Would you watch them? If I made some videos, I wouldn't actually be having sex. Anderson would be having sex in them. I would be instructing them.

You'd be in the background with a clipboard.

I would. No, I wouldn't be having sex, but I think that's a really good idea. You know, I'm definitely doing more videos. You should check out my YouTube page, all that. But I do think there has to be. There's instructional videos, but they're kind of cheesy and they're kind of outdated. And mine would be like me, but on video with a couple having sex. And we'd all be having fun. It wouldn't be porn. It wouldn't be awkward, and we'd all have better sex than we'd learn. God damn, I have so much to do. And the boots with condoms. Why? Because squirting and semen.

No, just because you'd have to be, like, the astute one. Like, your hair would be up. Yeah. But you'd have glasses on top of your nose. You know what I mean?

Exactly.

Your nose. Hey, real quick. Keep trying to talk to you about it. But the condom thing, if you're allergic as well, back in the day, all you could use is, like, animal.

Lambskin.

Lambskin. Which was just horrific idea.

So bad for you.

An animal's.

Oh, it was extra free on your wing. It was off. Exactly. Women get infections.

That's no longer an excuse because they have synthetic. That you're not going to be allergic to.

Exactly. And that's so true. And it's you. There are. And also condoms have changed so much that it's. I can see that it's overwhelming. If you go into a store now, there's 50 million to choose from and you're like, what do I choose? But really, if you really read the boxes, you can see that, you know, you. If you can't have latex, you can apply isoprene. I'm telling you, just. Everyone tried these. Skin Skyn. They have like 10 different kinds. And I'm just sort of obsessed. But I need to find other guys to test him with. This is actually a good thing. I could.

A contest.

I'm gonna have a contest. Who wants to have sex with me and test out condoms? Just kidding. Don't email me about that. You can email me your questions to feedbackexwithelmi.com because I love hearing from you. And I answer your questions on the show. I answer them on Facebook, I answer them on blogs. So you got to check it out. And I do. I will be answering some on this show as well tonight. I'll be answering them.

Speaking of which, it's funny that you just said that. One of our sex in the news stories right now. 11 things you should never learn from porn according to a porn star. Would you like to hear them?

Yeah. Who's the porn star? Is she named.

Yeah, Tasha Rain.

I just assume it's a girl.

Tasha Rain. Was she on the show?

Tasha Raine.

I think she was on the show. I'm thinking of Tasha Pop Woman.

Cherry Rain. She was my favorite.

Really? I don't know Tasha Rain. So most porn is created to reflect fantasy, not reality. And although we all enjoy watching our sexual dreams visually enacted on film, it's important to remember that some things, while exciting, should be left to professionals. So I do, as you know, always encourage people to experiment with erotic desires and with their partners. And porn can be a great learning tool. But here's some things you shouldn't learn. You do not have to pop a huge load, and it does not always need to be on her face. This is friggin amazing. It's so true.

You have to pop a huge load. Was that a quote or is that you?

Okay, you do not have to blow your wad interface every single time. And I'm not saying that some women wouldn't be totally down with that and psyched about it, but that is not your only option. And if she doesn't swallow, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. I'll tell you that too. I got a tweet about that the other day.

Wait, wait, what are the tweets?

The tweet was like, my girlfriend won't swallow. Does this mean she doesn't love me? I said, no, it means she won't swallow. You hate him.

Yeah. I just hope he doesn't have kids soon because with that line of thinking, he should not be a father anytime soon.

Oh, he's married. And this came on later because it was a series of tweets. I didn't want to talk about it. And she won't. Only she. Only to the missionary. It was the whole thing. You can tweet me your questions too. Sex with Emily on Twitter. Okay, number 10. You never have to do the position. The pile driver. It only looks cool in movies. The pile driver, where you. You know it is. You walk her like.

Oh, like wheelbarrow.

Yeah, it's kind of like wheelbarrow. It's actually in my book.

It's not a thing.

What do you mean?

I saw a picture of it in your book. But that's not a real thing. People don't actually think, like.

I mean, if you looked. Yeah, they don't. I've never even seen that. We're lucky if people get really. Yeah. Well, it's a position that exists and on the planet. And you don't have to. If you were feeling guilty that you weren't doing it, you don't feel bad anymore. You can have sex with her when she's not wearing any makeup. She's still your babe if the lights are off. Dude, no, we're still beautiful if we're not all done up like how you expect us to be. Don't you? You don't look your wife and go. Go put some lipstick on.

I'm pathetic. I don't even. I can't tell if she's wearing makeup or not. I'm one of those girls.

That's sweet because you just don't. But that's not pathetic. That's. That's how it should be. Do you know how many women live with guys who are so. And men, vice versa. Judge partners who are so judgmental. And they're always picking on them and knocking their self esteem and making them feel really bad about who they are.

I've dated some of the broken pieces, like, afterwards. And I've heard horror stories from girls that I've dated who, like, had guys that they dated that were like. That. They were like, yay, you're not wearing that. You need to go change right now.

Yeah. I could never date anyone like that. Like, did you just gain a few pounds or. You sure you won't eat that second piece of cake? I'd be like, I would leave.

Let's just say that a lot of dicks out There.

Speaking of dicks, we're coming up with dicks soon. Penises, actually. Princess penises. Okay. Number eight, you do not need huge equipment to make her time with you pleasurable. How true is that?

Why are you looking at me? I don't know.

Well. Cause yours is huge. Probably.

Yes. I have no idea if that's.

No. But, you know, this is the biggest concern that men have is that their penises. And no matter how much I say it, it does not matter. And I've talked to you all. I've talked to you about polls, I've talked to. We've talked about, like, studies. I've heard from hundreds of thousands of women who are like, you know what? Not that big of a deal. As long as it's not about the size of the ship, the motion of the ocean, the whole thing. As long as you know what you're doing with your mouth, your tongue, and. And your penis, you're going to be fine. And women don't care as much as you do. So. There's so many other things you could be worried about, like world hunger or something. Right now.

That's got to be one of the most primitive things left over in that.

Men wear their penis that they want.

Yeah, a big penis. It's just so primitive.

I know. And they. But it doesn't go away no matter how many times I tell you that.

It's so simple. And I know it's not going away on either side either. You girls are almost as bad.

What, about our breasts?

No, about the dicks. Talking about the dicks. Talking about sex.

We just talk about it anecdotally, like, oh, he's huge if it happens to me. But it's not like we're.

And you say it's huge glowingly. I mean, you don't say it, like, in a bad way or a humdrum.

Way, but it's like if you're dating one with large boobs, you'd be like. That would be like, her asset. You'd be like, she's really smart. She went to Ivy League school. Her breasts are so huge. And if I was dating a guy, I'd say, he's really generous, he's emotionally available. Oh, my God, his cock is massive. No, I wouldn't say that. What'd you say?

Okay, it's all right.

Legit.

I'm not a boob guy. So it's.

I'm kidding. I don't. Women don't talk. We don't do that.

I think you do.

There's just a few select friends. We don't broadcast it. Okay. If she goes down on you. Okay, I love this one. Can we just halt here for a moment? For like, 15 minutes. If she goes down on you, you should always go down on your woman. Or even if she doesn't.

But I don't understand why it should always be even if she doesn't.

It should. No, you're right. Sometimes you can just go down on her and she doesn't have to go down on you.

You guys should see the judging look that Emily's just shooting my way.

No, you're totally right. You can go down on her without her having to go down on you. I totally agree with that. But you should always go down on her. You should always try to please her clitory. Clitorally or clitorally. You should be clitorate in some way. You should pay attention to her clitoris before you stick your throbbing penis inside of her vagina. I'm just saying, because when she's not warmed up for sex, she's not going to enjoy it as much as she could. Had you spent a few minutes paying attention to her clitoris, that'd be weird. So I'm suggesting what?

To not touch the. To not do anything down there. That just doesn't make sense.

What do you mean?

Like, to just, like, ram it in without any kind of.

God, dude. Do you know how many guys just assume you're turned on because you made out and you, like, touched your nipple for 1.2 seconds?

I think those guys are just trying to get to the finish line. They're afraid. They're sorry before they get there.

That's the thing, is that they got shut. I believe that the reason why men are trained to go so fast and move through sex is because they've gotten shut down so many times before, and they're like, it's really gonna happen. It's like. It's kinda like the male wiring.

It's like football. They don't want to take a bunch of plays to get there. They want to make sure that they get across that plate.

I'm hard. I'm ready to go. And this is why I exist on the planet. Because I'm trying to tell you that, no, we are not ready to go. We didn't even see you coming. We don't even know what's going on. We're, like, hungry. We're, like, doing other shit. We're finishing our nails.

And you guys aren't ready either. I mean, you guys are ready.

We're still not ready.

You're, like, still climbing for business.

We're closed for business. We are. And in fact, as you see, when the vagina, my favorite word, gets aroused, the vulva gets aroused, it actually blossoms. It grows the clitoris beautiful, like a flower. Like all the Georgia o' Keeffe paintings.

Georgia o'? Keeffe.

I was gonna say that's our vagina. And you might never, ever see that flower bloom if you're just assuming she. Assuming she's turned on because you made out, touched her nipple, maybe rubbed over her pants as you were ripping off her jeans and sucked your penis inside her when you were hard.

Beautiful is not the word you should use. Not really.

Beautiful. What?

I don't think you should say beautiful.

What'd I say? Beautiful.

It's a little different. You said that it was beautiful. When the vulva opens, it is beautiful.

Dude, you don't think that women's vagina is beautiful.

It's beautiful when Georgia o' Keeffe makes them look like flowers.

Okay, fine.

So it opens fleshy lumps.

Flowers are.

They're blossoming. Fleshy lumps.

Are penises beautiful?

Yes.

No.

Yes, I do think penises are beautiful. Some of them. Not all of them. Okay? Not every penis I've seen would I give an award to.

Some are more beautiful than others. Just like vaginas. But they're all like snowflakes. They're all different, which is amazing. Okay? Sex can have breaks, and it starts and stops all the time. So that just means that in the middle of sex again, this is talking about it being goal oriented. We're going right for intercourse. No, we're not going for intercourse. You can stop, you can have intercourse, you can pull out, you can start making out again. You could do 69, whatever. You could play with some toys. You can make a sandwich and then come back to intercourse. Okay, number five, you do not always have to pound away like a madman. I didn't even say it this time. Tasha Raine said it. Jackhammer. You do not have to pound away. And I don't watch enough porn. But it's on my list that men mostly are pounding away in porn, right? Like, they're never, like, softly. They're never like, softly. Which part is the good part?

I think everything leading up, like, the oral sex, but once it's. It's, like, repetitive. Just the same thing over and over and over.

Why do you think that there are legions of men and at this moment, pounding away like jackrabbits and hammers everywhere?

Because they also, I think that even.

People are having sex at this moment. You think in the world.

What's that now? How many people right now. I think about that kind of stuff. How many people are.

Yeah, like every, like, I think that there's so many people having sex right now and maybe they even the show even got them to having sex because I talked about the beautiful blossoming vagina.

People having sex while they listen to this. Yeah, right now.

But maybe they lost their boners if the men didn't think that was as hot as you did.

I think it's also like a physical dominance thing with guys. And I think that there's something to that with like, it would, they'd be doing that even if it wasn't for porn. They'd be like dominating, just pounding.

I get it. And you guys, that's, you know, that's what. That feels the best to you, to be truthful.

Yeah. No.

Okay. You will get her pregnant if you're not wearing a condom and she's not on birth control. The pull out method does not always work. The pull out method is not that effective at all. Birth control is 99, 98% effective. Condoms, like 97% pull out methods. Like I want to say 60%. Nah, higher.

Probably higher. But that precom, that precom. Precom is very concentrated.

Precom is very concentrated.

It's got a lot of stuff.

Anderson, one of the things I love about you, besides just your generosity, wittiness and humor, is your ability to just whip out the right sound effects. Because that's your job. Yeah, exactly. That the pre cum can make her pregnant. And so even if you don't think you're that turned on yet and you didn't even ejaculate and you didn't pull out, she could get pregnant pregnant. She may not always look that eager to go down on you. So one of the top tips I give to women about performing oral sex on a guy is to be enthusiastic and to be into it. And sometimes she might not be that psyched about it. So don't do the head push. That was always my number one. Like, no, no to guys. Like, when I first started the show, I was obsessed with the head push. I'm like, do guys really still, like, take a woman's head and just like push it and guys do that. P.S.

Come on in.

Have you done it?

Sorry, housekeeping's coming in right now. No, I've never, I've never ever done the house. I have gone, made the motion where I, I bring myself up closer so it's more convenient maybe.

What, do you, like, scooch up?

Yeah, maybe a little scoochy. Yeah, like, you know, doing something down there. And then I got. All of a sudden, I'm a little bit closer to her. Got on my knees or something, you know, inching closer.

Okay, that's. I guess that's fine if you're already naked and stuff. I'm talking about the. No one's naked yet had, like, headcounts.

Oh, that's just, like, brute. That's rapist.

No, guys are always like. I always think to myself, listen, dude, I know you have a penis. I know it's probably super hard right now, and I would have thought in my brain that that's an option right now, but I chose not to do that at this moment. And there's no need. I need you to push my head anywhere.

That's like borderline rape, right?

That's a whole other topic. Okay. Consent is the most important factor in sex, says Tasha Rain. That's number one. This is amazing. This is our whole show. We even ran.

But this is really.

These are great for Tasha Rain, porn star. And porn is just. It's taking over the world right now, so you can't really, like, even. I can't even, like, walk out of my house without talking about porn with someone right now. Oh, and my next. I'm not even reading my next news article because we're going to get on the topic. But first, a word from our sponsors, who probably have to do with penises as well. Okay, everyone, it is right before the holidays, and I know everyone's thinking, God, I want to lose a few pounds. I want to feel better. I know I'm going to have some crazy times over the holidays. That's why I just started doing a cleanse, because I've been feeling rundown, and I think you should all try. It only takes 20 days to flush out toxins, have more energy, and you shed some serious weight, if that is your goal. So I found D Herbs. I'm on their Full body cleanse, which turns out to be the number one selling cleanse online for over the past 10 years. And I'm so glad that it's not that crazy concoction of, like, lemon juice and cayenne pepper, which I've done, people, and it does not work. So it takes 20 days. It cleanses your body from head to toe, inside out, completely. Fresh start. And then you'll be done before you know it. You'll be feeling great for the holidays, and in a much Better position for long term health as well. And they've got great customer service reps. You can call them with questions. They give you diet tips, they tell you what you can and cannot eat. It's awesome. So go to dherbs.com that's the letter D herbs.com and check it out today for my listeners. Type in the promo code Emily and get a discount today. So that's dherbs.com or call 8664 DEHERBS at 8664 DEHERBS. Okay everyone, I'm talking about the Fleshlight because only because it's the number one sex toy for men and probably the only one you want because let's face it, you all have your hand and you master it with your hand. And it feels great. Right? Love the hand. Women, we've got all these other toys and tricks and we can feel so many different ways, but you've got your hand. So that's why the Fleshlight exists, because it is a male masturbation sleeve. It actually simulates sensations of real sex. And you just masturbated with it. You put lube in it. It feels amazing. And it's like a flashlight, looks like a flashlight, but it's actually in a can and it feels amazing. It's engineered to look and feel like the real deal. And people have told me that it feels better than real sex. I mean, I'm not saying that you won't want to have sex again because you will, but it actually just is an alternative to masturbation that even feels better than what you're already doing. So I've heard. I don't have a penis. If I did, I would sit home with a flashlight all day. The Fleshlight stamina training unit also helps you practice lasting longer and becoming a better lover. Plus you'll experience some of the most mind blowing orgasms of your life. And for my listeners right now, for a limited time, they're giving away their award winning flesh lube. They've won all these awards on this lube. Flesh lube. You're gonna want the lube. Go to sexwithelmy.com, click on the Fleshlight banner, use code Emily and get a free bottle of their award winning lube. So go to sex with emily.com, click on the flashlight banner today. And now back to the show where we're talking about your penises. Okay. I found that fascinating, all the porn tips, because it's what I always say, I guess because I agree. Did you disagree with any?

No. And I looked up Tasha, fairly certain that I met her, that she was in here a while ago.

I think she was on my show.

Tasha Rain. She's a wicked girl.

I should probably know this. So I've done a lot of shows with porn stars in the past, if you like to check them out, and a lot of other people. Okay, so penis princes. So there's. I write a weekly sex column for Glamour and this was the topic of my sex column. Sex glamour.com on Sunday nights. They never had a sex columnist before. Did you know this?

Glamour didn't have.

I know. Not online. Not study.

The magazine that George Costanza was pleasuring himself to when his mom caught him.

Really? No. They've always written about sex. They've always written about sex.

But they were at an actual in house columnist. Same lock, same law. The sex with them.

Exactly. So these are about. For guys that have particular penis issues. So, okay. I mean, it's picky penises. It's the guys who have those penises that you know you're ready to go. And when you're in the bedroom, things are heating up and then bam. You know, your equipment gets kind of. Gets kind of funky, fussy. Like, you're hard, you're soft. And you know, I understand it because we have thoughts too. Women are concerned about things in the bedroom. We know. You know, and then we also know that you're very sensitive. So we don't know how to always deal with it. When you say come too quickly or you're hard and then you're soft and then you're hard and then you're like, stop and go. Or you can't, you know, whatever it is. Because we know that men are so sensitive to it. And no pun intended, your penis is sensitive, but you also have a lot of emotions. You say one damaging thing to a guy about his penis, he'll never get over it. So we're thinking like, you know, we want to help you troubleshoot. Women troubleshoot. And guys, this is gonna help you too.

Troubleshoot what?

Troubleshoot these penis problems. The picky princess. Penises that women don't know how to deal with.

Who's the prince?

Okay, so this is why it's confusing. We're talking about penis princess. So guys who like, it's kind of a guy.

Princes or princesses?

Princesses.

Okay, princesses, yeah, Men princes, then princes.

It's a penis princess number one. This is the performance anxiety guy. We're saying that you're like a princess because you're so fussy about your Penis. But I'm not being offensive. Oh, people were offended a little bit. Few people.

Relax.

I was like, dude, I'm just trying to make this light. Yeah. They're like, oh, no. Whoever guys were like, this is not a great way to talk about penis. I'm like, oh, because you've been so kind to the female race lately. I'm sure, like, waiting having your girlfriend, like, blow her load in your face every single time.

And these are guys that have these exact issues.

Probably these guys. All I'm saying is, I know it's confusing. I said, this being the show, but it's like, okay, performance anxiety guy. He's very eager to please. He really wants to be the penis he initially was during the heavy petting stage of your relationship when you guys were fooling around and stuff. But he gets stage fright and he freezes up. And you know what happens to him? He gets. Gets a little soft and he, like, you know, he needs. He needs a little help. He needs encouragement. He gets soft, he gets scared. He goes back into his cave.

This is a virgin. This happens, like, to 98% of all virgins.

It's true, right? They get scared because they can't believe this has happened.

Your heart's pounding so fast, there's not enough blood for the pain.

Exactly. So you've been there, done that. So what women have to do is we just have to relax, take sex off the intercourse. I don't mean sex intercourse off the table. And then just, like, give him a massage, take the pressure off. He has to take his mind off it. Give him a massage, have him build up again. Say no big deal, because it's really no big deal. The point of this article is actually to help men and women realize that, like, we don't care as much as you do. Like, guys are tripping out. Oh, I'm gonna comment. And I think this is why a lot of men continue to have. I know this is why a lot of men continue to have the same problems, issues with their penises, because they're in their head about it because it happened before, it's gonna happen again.

Once they're up there, it's hard to get out.

So distraction works wonders. So if, let's say I gave you a massage using an aromatherapy candle, like my Emily and Tony candles, which you should all buy because they just. You have the most rockin sex with them. I don't even just have to buy it and then tell me that I'm wrong, which I'm not. And Emily and Tony.com coupon code Emily. Anyway, give a massage, relax him, get him out of his head and hopefully the penis will follow. Come out of his head and be hard. Okay. Penis princess number two, the foreplay. Flounderer. Flounderer. Okay, this guy, his penis is all about the intercourse.

What? I saw you saying something that I couldn't hear and I hate it.

Oh, you're getting freaked out.

What you say?

I said they all have alliteration. I like it.

Thank you.

The foreplay. Flounderer.

The foreplay. Exactly. Flounderer. But you can't stand your breath because.

Anything, especially right after you take a giant gulp of whatever is in that.

I'm so thirsty, I'm dying. Okay. He can keep it locked and loaded for the main event, which is no problem. But the minute the focus turns off of him and onto you, me, the woman, he loses his edge, so to speak. His self defense, his bombs us out. Yeah, no, this guy, you know, he's into the like when the second he has to provide foreplay, he flies flounders. He's like, I'm all hot and bothered. Oh, you want me to go down on you? You want me to catch your breasts? I'm gonna lose my erection because that doesn't really turn me on right now.

And you know what?

I hate these guys.

Such a horrible curse.

They don't get it though.

It must be if, like, if, if working on you guys was like actually work and it and it was not fun for me, that would be awful. Sex would suck.

Yeah. Can I tell you that there are many legions of men and I don't know how I. It's the same way I tried to explain to women about like how you can learn to love the penis and love to giving blowjobs. Like I don't know if a guy has, doesn't. Isn't connected with the fact that he's giving his own pleasure and she's getting turned on and therefore that turns you on. How do you explain to a guy that that's how you should feel?

Is there something wrong with these guys? Are they like, are they guys that we should be watching like on a watch list?

Maybe?

Like, are they dangerous?

Part of me likes to think that they just either they're, they're not.

I think they're so selfish and so self centered.

Maybe date them for. So sometimes these are like the bankers. You're like, maybe he just was a little tired tonight. Yeah.

These are the guys that are ripping us all off.

Exactly. They are. These are not the, you know, he loses edge. And this bombs us out because, you know, again. But how do I explain to a guy, yeah, you've heard my story about the guy dated, who I'm still good friends with, who doesn't listen to my show, thank God. Who just texted me a second ago when we dated a long time ago, everything was great. We had great relationship. And this isn't why we broke up, but it took me months. Finally, we were at dinner one night and I said, years. We were together, but it was long distance. A year and a half. I said, listen, I had one dirty martini, you're on vacation. And I said, listen, I got a question for you. I know that you're not that into, like, performing oral sex. And I'm just wondering, is it because you might not feel like you know what you're doing? Because I'm so down with, like, showing you. Is it because you're not really into it, or is it because you think I don't want it? And he's like, nah, just not my thing. And I was. I was stunned. I was like, you know. And that was, you know, I was like, okay, well, you know, you're not my thing. And check, please. And it was pretty much. It was pretty much over, like, a few days after that. But. Because the point is, it's not just that he wouldn't go. Didn't like poor and oral sex. It was like. It's really just not. They didn't make the connection. That's my story.

Selfish prick.

No, but he's awesome. And we're really good friends. What I'm saying is there's a lot of women who are also just in our intercourse. I talk about foreplay all the time. That is like. The majority of women want that. But I'm sure some guys can find women who are fine with just whatever. Having sex. And they have sex.

Other psychos. Yeah, Other sociopaths.

Exactly. Maybe there should be a website for selfish lovers. Get it in selfishlovers.com.

No, that'd be horrible. Because they would be selfish.

Yeah.

But they would just never, ever connect.

Whatever. So. So. So the guy, any penis worth keeping around, he's gotta keep his turn, people. So when your guy is, like manually or orally pleasing you, I'm telling the woman, if your guy is a little bit, you know, gets a little soft, you can always reach your hand down. You could do 69. You know, you could perform oral on each other at the same time. So he's still getting his way. He's still Getting something out of it, too, if you aren't in arm's reach of his mind, you know, remember, you can talk dirty to him. That could do it. Right? A selfish guy, he's not turned on anymore because he's pleasing you. But maybe if you talk dirty, you know, you probably have to turn over and give him a blowjob in the middle. But I'm telling you, never turn some.

Of these guys and, like, you know, when you're really getting into it and let them know that, oh, my God, you're doing such great things to me. Maybe they'll. Maybe they'll come around.

That's a really good point. And I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I actually don't. I would. Okay. I would love a man or woman to email me@feedbackexwithemily.com if you've been with someone who has reverted their. They had an aversion to performing oral sacks and now they love it. Aren't you curious?

I'm sorry, I heard you saying, allow a girl or a guy to email me. I thought you were to say, eat me, and I'm. That would have been a good one.

I did not say eat it. Okay.

And enjoy it. She's got a girl or a guy to eat me and enjoy it.

Right, Exactly. Just eat me at feedback. Okay, so penis prince number three, the latex hater or the condom hater. So we kind of covered this. We did cover this earlier, but, you know, this is the penis that loves to walk on the wild side with no protection whatsoever. You know, guys say, oh, I'm that sensitive with the condom on, or I don't want to be held back. But the second you try to wrangle this guy into a protective coating, right, A protective wrapper, he freaks out, the penis, has an attitude, and he tries to get out of any safe sex situation and leaves us all running for plan B.

These guys are easy to spot, too, because they're covered with. With. With pustules and herpes.

Exactly. It's so easy. You can just spot this guy. So the best way to deal with him over here is to find out, to experiment with all these condoms that I'm telling you about that they're not like the condoms you had even two years ago. There's just so many different. So there's, like I said, I love the lifestyle skin condoms. They have a more natural feel than normal latex, and they're clinically proven to enhance pleasure because they also have one with these little studs on it. And they have, like, this lubricant that's not going to infect a woman at all. Because some condoms just give infections. And guys are like, I don't even feel like it's, like, next to. Where it's the closest thing to wearing nothing at all. So condoms are not what you think. Number four, the position picky guy. This is the guy that can only have sex in one position. He can only ejaculate in one position. Or that's his favorite one. That's all he likes.

Girls are like that, too. A lot of girls.

What did I cast out?

I got to be on top. I have to be. She only comes when she's on top. There's even a song about it.

I don't know. It's true. That's the major. I'd say a larger percentage of women orgasm on top, but not all. But the guy who only does in one position is worse than the woman because the woman is more like, okay, you can bang away at me for while on the jackhammer, and then I'm gonna climb on top.

Yeah, a guy can come most anyway, but guys can.

But there's some guys. You know, we've all met this penis. He's only happy thrusting in turbo mode. And it's often from behind. Right.

While he's staring at himself in the mirror.

Exactly. He's not looking at your ass, which we think, oh, at least he's looking at my ass. No, he's just looking at himself in the mirror. If he doesn't have things his way, he becomes fussy and will stop what he's doing and he's sock. Or he'll keep going, but he will refuse to reach full enjoyment. Or he can't reach full enjoyment because he needs to have his position. The only way to handle this situation with this particular picky penis princess is compromise. Just like all things in life and relationships.

Oh, you break out a pie chart.

Yeah, you do. You're like, okay, I get whatever the hell I want. Missionary. Please her for all I care. Like, make sure that she has her way, she has an orgasm, and then you can pound away at her.

I didn't want to paint you in a corner, but you hate barter sex bartering, don't you? I thought you hated that. No, I hate doing favors for. And I'll do this if you do that.

No, I'm not talking about doing favors for. I'm talking about, like, really. So the only way you can come is pounding her, like, turbo Pounding her from behind. I get it. But would you be cool if maybe sometimes I was on top or I did the spooning position or I used a sex toy and then you could pound me from behind? I'm talking about compromising sex. I'm not saying I'm gonna give you a blowjob because you took out the trash. Very different.

Yeah, it's very different.

Very different. I'm so glad we covered that. Okay, and number five, the picky penis princess is the, the. The Minute Man. We all know about him, and I feel bad for him because he's the most excited and the most enthusiastic and the most sensitive. He's so excited.

Guy that can go again not too long later.

Some of them can, some of them can't.

Guys that can't, that's just awful.

I know.

Because usually you're like, okay, get out of the way. And then you go. But some guys can't. So what you gotta do is this guy. The life of the Minuteman. And according to recent studies is way more common than you think. There are several ways to help this penis through his shortcomings to ensure everyone leaves the party having a good time. So we always talk about this, like clearing the pipes, so to speak. So we could do like a pre game masturbate before the date.

Even called the flogging the dolphin in that movie.

Flogging the dolphin. Yeah, maybe that's.

What movie was that? Something about Mary. Yeah, you got to flog the dolphin.

Exactly. So you can do that beforehand. You could also do the stop start method. Practice that masturbating. Or you get like a stamina training unit. Because then the whole point of the stop start method, either during sex or well, during masturbation, is that you masturbate until the point where you're about to ejaculate and then you stop and then you try it again and then you learn training your penis. But the stop start method during intercourse is when you are just like. Which is okay. Have you ever been with a woman and you think you're right and you're like, oh, stop, babe, just gotta stop. You don't want to come yet.

Yeah, I've had sex. Yes.

Okay, so that happens a lot. But if that's the only. It's okay every once in a while. But if it happens like the entire time, every minute, then you could also. You could try promescent.

There you go.

Which is a delay spray cocaine.

Works on your picture.

Oh, dude.

Or in your nose.

Do not recommend drugs to my listeners.

Sorry.

It's the only FDA approved delay spray on the market, it's applied directly to the penis. And this can help guys last twice as long. And this way, both you and the penis can enjoy every single minute of sex with no interruptions. And actually works. Iv mean, I've talked about promescent forever, because it really is. I mean, you can still feel the sex. You last twice as long, she has her orgasm, everyone's happy. So that's the penises.

Plus, you know what, with the minute man guy.

I would think that he's overcompensating in many other ways, too, and leaning hard on her before he takes care of himself. Because it's gonna be over so quick. So maybe, you know, don't be so worried about it. Cause that'll get out there into the chatty rooms.

I mean, I've talked about this, but I dated a minute man for a while.

Was he.

Yeah, totally. It was amazing oral sex. Amazing everything else. And I really, really loved him. And we did not break up because of his premature ejaculation.

Especially the guys a little more experienced, I think, that have been around for a while that have it. I'm sure. I would think that they. Yeah, I'm making myself sound like I'm in a man. I'm not. Not that it matters, but I would just assume there'd be overcompensation there. You know what I mean?

For sure. You have to. You got to always. Everyone always overcompensates for the shortcomings, right? So.

Shortcomings. Yeah, it works.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, but. But then there was the guy that was. I don't want to get into it.

Oh, one guy who's like, it's not my thing. I come really fast. I'm very selfish.

He was small And a premature ejaculator.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Oh, yeah.

And selfish.

No, not selfish. No.

He was giving triple threat.

He was a giver. No, he was a giver. And so I'm just saying. So all your. No matter what your penis issue is, we're fine with it. I'm trying to teach women and men how to communicate about it. Because men can get so frozen. They don't. It's the worst thing ever. And women are like, we don't want to talk to you about it. So hopefully this will help everyone have better sex and less picky penises. But if your penis is picky, we still love you anyway.

Okay, Picky princess penis.

So what else did I say that I forgot? We're gonna sign off now, but the first thing is I want to say is to check out the sexual Health Expo, sexualhealthexpo.com I'm giving away tickets. It's January 17th and 18th in LA in Los Angeles. I can't.

You can do it. You can do it. Los Angeles.

You live here January 17th and 18th in Los Angeles. I'm giving away tickets. Email me feedback at second why you would like to attend. It's gonna be awesome. I'm giving the keynote speech, but that's not why it's gonna be awesome, but one of the reasons. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, everything is sex with Emily. And also subscribe to us and review us on itunes. And I love you all. Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Okay, I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but we're going back to penises. Thanks everyone for listening to the show. I've got a product under comfort and you know, it's like deodorant for your balls, but it's for women too. Anywhere you sweat, your lower back, your breasts, it's a cream to a powder formula. It's for men and women and it prevents sweat stains, chafing at the gym, and it keeps you fresh and dry and ready for action anytime. So a lot of guys use talcum powder, which is really messy, gets all over the place and it's actually not even good for you. It's a little carcinogenic. So this smells just great. You can rub it all over like, like I said in the morning and then you know that if you happen to have offering for sex or even a blowjob that night, you will be fresh and ready to go. Go to emilyandtoni.com use coupon code EMILY for 20% off your first order. And also it was voted by Men's health the number one product that you didn't know you needed in 2014.

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