Just the Tip(s): How to Please a Penis

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The glands is spade like the reason why it is shaped spade like it's the ideal shape for getting semen deposited to best fertilize an egg. Meaning back caveman times, you were out and you came home and you wanted to make sure that your lady wasn't getting impregnated by the neighbor. And so you'd have sex with her and you'd plunge her with your penis and to pull it was like a plunger. You have sex with her and then you pull out the semen left by a previous mate.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. So when it comes to penis parts, do you know which ones are rich with nerve endings? Which areas need a gentle touch and which can handle more force? Well, on today's best of show, I'll give you tips for penile pleasure, from head to shaft, perennium to prostate. We also take your listener questions like when you're in a long term relationship, who should initiate sex? If you're not turned on by your partner of nearly a decade, what's next? And when you've been masturbating for years but discovered your entire family could hear you, how do you deal? We'll cover all this and more Intentions with Emily for each episode. Join me in setting an intention for the show. I do it. I encourage you to do the same. So. So when you're listening, what do you want to get out of this episode? How is this going to help you? Well, my intention is to empower you with the knowledge needed to please any penis, whether it belongs to you or a lover. I want you to know exactly where to touch and what to use. From lube to penis rings. Please rate and view Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. Just check out my YouTube channel, social media and TikTok. It's all Sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, do it. Leave me your questions or message me sex with emily.com. ask Emily or call my hotline 559 Talk Sex or 559-825-5739. Just include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. And it's totally cool to change your name or choose to remain anonymous. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode.

A few things about the penis. Just to clear things up. Maybe you didn't know. And we can just start here with the shaft.

Shaft.

I'm just gonna break it down.

It literally just says shaft and bold letters with an exclamation point.

I literally sat down to look at the show prep. I'm like, shaft, shaft. So sexy. The shaft. We all know what the shaft is. Long. It's a primary part of your penis. You know what the shaft is, right? So the shaft is a penis. That's the long part of the penis, the shaft. And there's like nerve endings there. Not as much as everywhere else. When a man's aroused, the blood flow, the blood flows to the penis, flows through the penis, and that's how we get an erection. Hate to say this, I don't want to talk about size, but it just. In my notes here, you know, I've mentioned this. The average erect penis around 5, 6 inches.

Hmm.

Not that anyone's measuring. And no one cares as much as you do about your penis, I promise.

Yeah, we can't we ballpark it anyways. We just look and we're like, oh, whatever.

Unless it's too big.

Yeah, most of the time.

Most of the time it's too big. Like in our experiences, not in our life. I mean, not in our day to day life, but people that you guys could call in. So then we got erections. Did you know that there are three types of erections that men can have?

I did not know that.

Exactly. So there's a reflexogenic erection. Reflexogenic sounds like something you'd buy on the home shopping network or something.

Sounds like a reflexogenic machine. I don't know. That sounds like reflexology, something like that.

And that is caused by direct physical stimulation. Nerves in the penis communicate with the spinal cord and then blood's released. That sounds like it's blood, not blood in a like a gushy way. Blood's released without the man's body needing to check in with his brain. And it's a reflex. It's just a reflex that does not require. Okay, we're talking about. This is direct. Might not need mental stimulation, might not require porn. Then we've got a psychogenic erection. And this comes from your mind, your psyche. So this is where stimuli. It could be a lot of different things, right? Like porn, talking dirty, fantasizing. And they're caused by different stimuli. So it's like reflexogenic is by touching, psychogenic by the brain. The third of all the erections, now that you know, there's three nocturnal. In the nighttime, they peak during REM sleep two to three times a night. So while we are all sleeping, your erections are up all night.

The average man has about 11 erections in a 24 hour cycle. So you guys are pretty busy.

And then there's the head. You guys, the head. Now we're getting interesting. I mean, that was interesting still.

I thought I was.

Not that I'm not interesting. Not the penis. The penis is interesting. It has its own, you know, holiday, the glans or the head. So this is the bulbous part of the penis. The protrusion at the very tip of the penis is called the glans, also called the tip, the head. It's probably why they call it giving head. Mm, there you go. So that is the opening of the urethra. That's where the urine comes out, the semen comes out. And it is. Okay, so this is true. It is the glands. So the head is spade like. And the reason why it has evolved like that it was evolved for pleasure and for purpose, according to evolutionary anthropologists. And I've heard this many times, and I believe in sexual archaeologists, they would know the reason why it is shaped spade like. It's the ideal shape for getting semen deposited to best fertilize an egg. Meaning back caveman times, you were out and you came home and you want to make sure that your lady wasn't getting impregnated by the neighbor and so you'd have sex with her. And you'd plunge her with your penis. And to pull it was like a plunger. So you have pet. You'd have sex with her, and then you pull out the semen left by a previous mate so that. So the previous mate that she's sleeping with could get her pregnant.

So it's like a competition thing.

It's competition thing. Survival of the species. With your head. Yeah. They're pulling out the semen from the past, plunging it.

That sounds crazy. Wow, that's cool.

You didn't know that? No. Oh, I thought we talked about this. No, I guess not with you, but yeah. No, that's a known thing. Do you guys. Is this not a known thing?

I don't think very many people know.

I have no idea. I guess that's why I got my doctorate. I'm a doctor. I learned this in sex school. It's true. Maybe when I forget what I used to not know. And here you guys have to know the head of the penis. I don't remember life before sex with Emily. Cause I knew. I guess just assume I knew nothing. The head of the. Like most of you, like, I didn't know. Didn't know. Head of the penis. Are you guys very sensitive? More sensitive than the shaft. And it's like licking light touches, like soft touches. So that's the tip and then the foreskin. That's the soft suede, like skin that covers the glands. That's like when people are uncircumcised. So if you're, you know, America, Americans mostly are circumcised. I believe different religions they are not. But I think more men are uncircumcised and circumcised in this world.

Yeah.

So here's the deal that if you're. You come across one or you're not sure about it. This is the thing. Okay. So circumcision is widely performed procedure. 37 to 39% of men around the world living without foreskin for religious and or cultural reasons. So anyway, how you use it, just make sure that's hygienic. Like, this is the only thing. There's like really nothing different. It could be more sensitive, but just make sure that it's clean. Make shower. Make sure you clean. If you have one. You probably know this, but it is. They can experience more sensitivity to stimuli. And then we got to talk about the frenulum.

Your new best friend.

Your new best friend. The frenulum is your best friend. Now this is where the magic happens on the penis. It's Kind of like the clitoris of the penis. The frenulum is found is a thin piece of tissue on the underside of the penis where the head meets the shaft or the foreskin connects to the shaft. It's very small but very highly erogenous zone. And the most sensitive part of the penis. There's more nerves in it than the head and the shaft. This part is the penile brain. You know, even without the penile brain, communication, the stimulation can lead to many happy men, many ejaculation. So during blowjob, during touching it, like, pay attention, lick it, you know, use a vibrator against it. Although that would probably go like a low vibe setting. And just like, tickle it, know it's there, know it's precious. And maybe you masturbate and you didn't know it had a name. You're like, oh, yeah, I do like that spot. I didn't know why. And that's why. It's your frenulum.

It's interesting. Like, when you do touch that part on a penis, you can see it almost gets, like, harder for a second. It's like it's a jo. Oh, hey. Welcome.

Look at you. Welcome to the party. Yeah. So glad you're here. Scrotum and testicles. The balls. The balls are tricky. I get it, like, if you don't have them, but just you guys gotta know what they do.

Some call it the nectar of life. That's where the semen originates. That's where it all happens.

They snug around the scrotum, and they are just effectively, the temperature is important for sperm production. You understand that? And I think it's important to say that when playing with them, stimulating them, just go, like, go light. Like you're holding those, like, Benoit balls in your hand. They're very sensitive, as we all know.

I just know, I mean, like, that I've noticed is like this. When the balls, when they go from being kind of, like, loose and hanging to, like, up and taut. I heard that that's to get them out of the way during sex.

Yes. When you're erect, they pull up.

Yeah.

They suck up. Yes.

I think that's cool.

That is cool, right?

Cause, okay, this is the thing. We were talking about this earlier in the show about how we feel, like, not all men, but some men, like, they don't really look at the vulva when going down. I'm like. I mean, I guess it's hard not to look at it like a penis because it's so much more stark and in your Face.

Yeah, it's dry all up in your face. It's all off in your face.

But it's like I notice all of the things.

Yeah, you have the balls too.

Yeah, exactly right.

We pay attention. Perineum is also magical. I think that the parent. We can talk about the prostate too. The prostate.

It's all similar.

It's all similar. But you guys, let me tell you something. The prostate for men. Men, gay, straight, whatever you're into for men, if you have a. Men have a prostate. And there's a lot of stimulation that can happen there and it can feel amazing for many men and they have not tested it. So maybe one tie a finger. We've got a lot of great toys we talk about on the show that we, you know, we love different butt plugs. Fingers. Just try it. If you haven't tried it. We've got a ton of stuff on our site too, about that. And then the perineum, that's a sensitive spot between the scrotum and the anus. Also called the taint. Taint or the gooch. The douche. The gooch or the gooch.

Yeah, it's from Jack. Like, I learned that from Jackass.

Yeah, gooch. It's a good one. I've heard that too. I didn't know that that's where it originated. But whatever you call it, know that it has a lot of nerve endings and that's kind of the pathway to the prostate. So that's pretty cool. You can have indirect stimulation to the prostate by just pressing down on it or like pulling. Like if you want. On your own, if you just want to take a finger pad and like kind of two fingers or one just kind of press up on it, like kind of your flat. Just feel that feels. And the reason why that can't feel good is because it's indirectly stimulating the prostate. And also it's a good. Like if you are with a penis to partner, that's a great little thing. If you're giving oral or hand up to kind of apply pressure there, that can kind of provide a lot of excitement for a lot of people. You can also use a vibrator there. Like a light vibe tickling ticker on the balls. That feels good. I think that's like a fun. Like if you haven't had done that to your partner and like, oh, they don't want butt stuff. Like try. Try the period from women too.

Yeah. It's a way to like sneak it. Yeah.

To see how it feels.

Why not?

If that feels good, guess what? It's gonna feel like if you do try your prostate stimulating that bad boy. Penis rings. Cock rings, AKA cock rings. So the pivot is one that we love from we vibe. And I love this because. So just so you know that if you want to last longer in bed, you. That's originally why we started hearing about cock rings years ago. They were more like steel, right?

Yeah.

The ones they make last longer. Constrictive, but then. But they were constrictive, like blood flow. But these ones they have today, like the pivot or the verge or the Atom plus by Hot octopus. These are really cool. Like, they vibrate. They have vibrators in them. You put it around your penis, and it's great, like, for your. For solo play for a partner. Like, if you're with a woman, she gets on top, bottom, like, it still stimulates her clitoris, and it feels really, really good. We love those. If you haven't tried one, those are great couples toys. To start with. The external massager is. I like the Jo Pen Pave Grace. It's like this beautiful little blue toy. It looks like it fits in the palm of your hand like a little pebble. Not a pebble. Like a little rock. A skipping stone.

Yeah, that's. Yeah, like a skipping stone.

Exactly. The Grace is a cool one. And then.

We like the wish because the Wish. The Wish is a squishy toy. It looks like a little squishy ball. I just love it. It's like. It looks like one of those stress balls, but it's a vibrator. It's amazing. You can control it with the app, which is awesome. But it has less. It's, you know, originally, it's, you know, created all these toys. You can use them in any way you want. Like, I use the pivot, the cock ring on my own, you know, but the thing about the. The. The Wish is that it. It's. Its vibrations are not as intense. Like, it extends throughout the whole. The whole wish. Like, the whole thing. So for. For some, you always want to keep it in lower setting. And this one already has a kind of vibration that would feel great for men. Maybe not ejaculate as quickly, if that's a thing.

Do you think that more or not as many men can handle vibration just because they're not used to it or because it's like just their anatomy?

That's a really good question.

I think it's the same reason why we like it. I think it's like, whoa. I've never felt. It feels amazing. So I Think that anytime we stimulate nerve endings, whether they're on a woman or a man, you. You stimulate. Think about it. It's like, why you, like, touch or tickle or massage. I mean, it's. You haven't felt. So, yeah, it could be like, I've never felt it before. That could be the first time. But, no, I think it just feels amazing to be stimulated by something other than your hand or another person's hand or a body part. And I think that a lot of men don't. Don't ever try that. It depends on what you're putting, what you're vibrating against. That's the. That, you know, it's. It's Some. Sometimes. Sometimes you need it stronger because it's not as sensitive, depending on where you're putting it. Yeah. Like, if you put it on the tip or the frenulum or on the.

Perineum, they'll, like, go crazy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some could balls, definitely light balls. You want to go really light on perineum. You can go hard. Yeah. Okay. And here's some more techniques to remember for the touching the pleasing part of the penis. Now, remember this. There's a few basic pointers to keep in mind. Rhythm. You want to keep a rhythm going. Good hand technique is kind of like. It's kind of like playing an instrument, you know? Like, you know, when you're in a good rhythm, so, you know, you want to use your hands to make sure that you're, like, going up and down and have a nice rhythm. Let's talk about pressure for a minute. If you just do, like, a feather soft touch or you actually blow on the penis. I don't know. People used to. I had heard a story about a friend who. Was that you, Jamie? Who blew on the penis. They thought a blow job meant blowing.

Oh, that was not me.

I've heard that. It's not blowing. It's not light feather touching. You want a firm grip, but not too firm. So think about this. Like, think about mimicking, like, your real snugness. Like, when a penis is inside of you, for example, like, it's just. It's that firm enough grip that you can move your hand safely up and down, but you're not causing the penis to turn purple. You're gonna need to know how tight they might like it, too. No purple penises. Remember the angle. Like, do you only stroke your guy, like, up towards the belly button? And then you never go, like, to the other points. Like, do you ever go down south? Do you ever go, like, to the west or to the east. Do you know what I'm saying? So the angle changes sensation. So some guys might just want you to keep going up, but some guys might want you to move it around and play with it. Kind of like a joystick.

I get bored just going up and down. So I have, I just do that naturally. Cause I'm bored.

Yeah, exactly. And they're bored too. If you're bored, they're bored. That's how I feel about doing the show. When I get bored, I move on. I mean, I never get bored, but you know what I mean? I think I know.

No, I can tell. It's time to change the topic. I can tell.

So change your, you know, change your hand positions. And it's okay to ask and be like, does that feel good? How do you like this? So play with the angle. And also wetness. You guys remember this. It can feel good to like tease, you know, if you got like a soft penis around. But like if you want to like make it, you know, you just start licking it and playing with your hand. But once it gets hard, you want to make sure that you get some lube on there. And speaking of lube, I recommend Playgrounds Mini Escape Essence. It smells great. Not too overpowering. It's like coconut and sandalwood. It's so soothing. Vitamin E, hydrating, hyaluronic acid, bamboo extract. I mean, just let me tell you this. It mimics your natural lubrication. It's a silky texture. You're going to love it. Playground uses quality ingredients. It's long lasting and it's great for hand jobs. So please, no more dry hand jobs. Oh, and you can get 15% off your first order at hello playground.com with the code sex with Emily. That's hello playground.com code sex with Emily, 15% off. Get this lube. Those are some penis tips. And when we come back, I'll be answering your questions. So don't go anywhere.

Alright guys, into your emails. God, I love answering your questions. It's like my favorite part of the day. Always just go to the website if you want to send1sexwith.com Click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form or just email feedbackexwithemily.com always, always, always include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. All right, Jamie, you want to read the emails?

All right, so this first one comes to us from Ertl, who's 30 in Turkey. He writes, hello, Emily. My wife and I are healthy and our marriage is healthy. We've been married one and a half years and we're together two years prior to that. My problem is my wife has an obsession about who starts first. We're having sex at least two to three times every week. She tells me, whenever you desire, we have sex. But this is not totally correct. Most often we decide together to have sex. Sometimes I decide, and less often it's her decision that we start. For instance, the other day I took a shower and I had only underwear on. And I approached her for sex, but she said no. After an hour I put all my clothes on and she said, okay, let's do it. I said, alright, let me smoke first. Took 20 minutes and then I was ready. And then she said, we only start whenever you want. This freaks me out. What is your comment about the situation?

All right, Ertl, it sounds like there's some more going on here. You guys have been together for almost four years and it sounds like she might be setting you up. She says she'll start it and then you leave the room and then she puts it back on you. Here's what happens with initiating sex in a relationship. I hear this often, that there's always one partner. It seems like in every relationship there's one partner who initiates most of the time, if not all the time, and then another partner who wants to or says they will and they don't. But there is an easy fix to this, and that is just talking to her and having a talk, a healthy talk about your sex life outside the bedroom. When you're just saying, you know what, and you're not angry, you're not mad, you're not blaming, you're not saying you never. I went to get a cigarette, I went to smoke. And then you didn't want to do it. Da, da. No clean slate. Ertl, let me tell you what it looks like to me because Erdtl, she might want to initiate, like to please you, but she doesn't know how. And let me tell you why this happens to women a lot is because a lot of us are raised that and we're even conditioned that men start sex. We might feel guilt around it. We might be afraid of rejection. We might have been told, you know, even subconsciously, that. That women shouldn't be initiating sex, that we should wait for guys to claim us. Maybe, maybe she has some guilt around initiating and maybe she's never done it. So the best thing is just letting her know, like what feels good to you. Let her know, say, you know what? I know we've talked about initiating. But let me tell you what it looks like to me. I would love it if you initiated by me walking in the door and kissing my neck, or me walking in the door and you've already have some laundry on, or I'm sitting re watching TV and you kiss me from behind. Whatever it is, you have to let her know because again, you guys are together. I'm sure she wants to please you, but she just doesn't know how. So you really have to practice here to have a healthy conversation without blaming or shaming or bringing up any of the past anger. Because you know when we do that, when we start a conversation and we put our partner on the defensive, we don't get anywhere. We keep having the same kind of fights over and over again. And then ask her what it would look like for her. Like, how would you like me to initiate? You might even want to take this to the next level and ask about some fantasies or some different things you can try in the bedroom. I mean, she might not have a lot of experience talking about this stuff, but the more you really get into finding what pleases both of you, the better your sex life is going to be in the long term. Thanks, Arnold, for the question.

Okay, this next one comes to us from Kevin, who's 39 in Pennsylvania. He writes. Hi, Emily. My wife recently told me she's no longer in love with me and wants to try continuing to live together in a parenting marriage because we have four kids together. The youngest is only three. She also said she doesn't want to disrupt the finance and schedule support we have together, but also hopes in time we will still find someone down the road who makes us each happy. Can a parenting marriage work? I'm also clueless about dating while married because I think many would be turned off by the very notion. Am I correctly skeptical that my wife is trying to have it both ways, or can something like this really work? Thanks for your amazing show.

Hey, Kevin. Okay, let me. Let's talk about this for a minute. I have to say that.

I am sorry that you're going through this right now because it must be really hard and hurt to have your wife say to you, I'm no longer in love with you. And then. And then to follow it up with. But we can still stay together and see other people. So this does not work. I'm telling you. I don't often tell people to end relationships and to break up because I really think you guys, I do think it's important to try to do your best and stay Together for the kids, if that can work. But right now, or you know, to say that, okay, before we break up, let's make sure we go to therapy. And we've tried everything because sometimes couples just don't. They get to a point they don't ever try and it's over. But the fact that she already came to you and said she's not in love with you, unless that was triggered by something that happened, which, you know, I don't know in this email, I'm just gonna go off your facts here that she's already done. She says she's not in love with you and she still wants to have her cake and eat it too. I'm telling you, this doesn't work. Kids are smart no matter how old they are, even young, young babies, young kids, two year old, they know, they know what's going on. They can. They sense unrest in the home. They sense when mommy and daddy aren't in love and they're not sleeping in the same bedroom and they're not affectionate and they don't really love each other and just a working relationship. So I think the best thing you can do is to separate and show them what it looks like to be loved by both parents who live separately and then have you both develop healthy relationships on your own. I don't think that other people are going to be down with it. I mean, and I don't think that that's something that you actually want to do. I feel like she's forcing you into this and maybe even being a little manipulative by just saying, I don't love you, but let's stay together. No, I don't want to deal with those pesky finances and those four kids. This is. No, you have to deal with the finances. You have to be strong. I'm not saying this is going to be easy, but I promise if you guys are not going to be intimate and there's no more love in the relationship, the best thing you can do is get divorced. Never talk bad about each other to the kids and do your best to make, you know, happy, healthy separate homes for the children. I promise you, I promise you it's better for your kids and for you both in the long run.

All right, this next one comes to us from Cassie, who's 27 in Toronto. She writes, dear beautiful Emily, oh, how nice. I've been in a nine year relationship and my partner is six years older. We've lived together for the past seven years. We're very happy, loving, good communication and have Regular sex. I'm truly suffering though because I just don't get really turned on by him. Yes, that means I don't orgasm. I do on my own and honestly feel I could easily with someone else. He's so into it and fulfilled, but I just can't seem to get that same buzz of excitement. I've tried ways of mixing it up and I'm very playful and still enjoy the act, but it's not really satisfying or deep. This is something I've been working on since the first year. I'm afraid maybe I've just never been sexually compatible with him. Although he's happy. I've never cheated, but I've felt sexual energy from dancing with guys that is way hotter than any intimate moments with my long term handsome partner. Help. It makes me so sad. Thank you for your time.

All right, Cassie. Okay, so here's the deal with this. This is what I always say to people when they are in a long term relationship and they no longer feel the spark. I'm like, well, how was it in the beginning? That's always my first question. And they go, it was great in the beginning. It was great and then I can work with them. But the fact that you are telling me that you never had it in the beginning, you've been working on it since the first year, I'm not sure it's going to magically change after eight years. Now you might just be over it completely and maybe you're in your head about it or maybe you're just ready. It sounds like you might be, but the only thing I can say is you've been with him for nine years, since you were 18. So essentially I'm going to guess that he's maybe your first real love. I mean 18 to 27. So maybe you just have, you know, it's time for you to get out and it is time for you to meet some other people. I mean, I like to say that you guys can work on it, but it sounds like you've been trying since the first year. And if you've been trying with him and you've actually said to him, you know, babe, I don't feel our spark as much like, let's try to work together and see what we can do to turn each other on. Like if you've actually tried with him and it still hasn't happened, I think that then maybe it is time to move on. Or maybe you're just desiring sexual energy from other people. But either way, which happens, you guys, this is why I am Not a huge fan of getting married before you're 30. I think our 20s are really made for time that. That we should be figuring out what we like sexually in a partner, in a relationship. It gives us more time to explore who we're growing into, what's important to us as adults. And it sounds like you just haven't had that time. Cassie, and I want you to have that time. Nine years together is a long time. And seven years living together. So I think unless you're ready to bring him into trying one more time and say, listen, I'm not feeling the spark, what can we do? If you've already done that, doesn't work, then I think it might be time to move on. I really do.

Okay, this next one comes to us from Taylor, who's 24 in South Dakota. Hi, Emily. I love your podcast and I'm hoping you can help me. I was recently left by my fiance. We were together for five years and he left me for another girl. I'm now dating again, and I'm having a hard time with the guy that I'm seeing. We've been seeing each other for about four months, and I'm already to be official with him, but he doesn't like labels. I feel like that this is just an excuse for him to sleep with other women. His roommate told me that I basically am just a prolonged booty call. And when I brought it up, the guy I'm seeing said that that isn't the way he sees me at all. I just don't know what to do. Is my past making me paranoid?

Hey, Taylor. Okay, listen, here's what I think. You were with someone for five years again, much like our last email, much like Cassie, you were with him from such a young age. I'm gonna assume he's your first love, and you were together for five years, and then he was your. You guys were engaged to be married, and then he left you for another woman. And that is a lot of heart that is really hard to deal with. And you have to rebuild trust again. You have to figure out who you are without a man in your life. So I would say take some time on your own. No, I don't know. If the roommate's lying to you, the guy's not gonna say, oh, my roommate's right. I actually do think that he's a booty call. But I gotta give this guy credit. He's telling you, listen, when someone tells you something like this, you gotta believe them. He's saying to you, I'm not looking for anything. He doesn't like labels. So it sounds like where you're at in your life right now, when you do get into a relationship, and I don't think it's now, Taylor, I think as much as we think it helps to get under, to get over, as they say, have sex with someone else to get over our ex, that's a temporary fix. That's a band aid fix. You could keep swinging from one relationship to the Next in your 20s, 30s. But I really think that this is really important for you to figure out who you are without a man. Maybe you get into therapy because there it sounds like you, that your past might be making you have less trust in men. It might be making you more paranoid that every little move is gonna. Is gonna, you know, you're worried that they're out with someone else and go to deal with these core, like, issues that you have around trust and even just around what you want from a partner. I don't think that you should be dating right now. I think that that's just an important step to take because then you're going to find yourself in a few years, you're in relationships and you're still not going to know who you are. So I want you, please, to take this work, you know, make sure that you're 100% confident on your own. Don't fall into those patterns of like, I need a man to complete me or I need a man to feel whole. Because here's what happens when you're with someone from 19 to 24, like, for, you know, all those really formative years, 18 to 25. I mean, it's like, of course you're craving that energy again from a man because that's what has filled you up all these years. It's almost like an addiction in a way. Like that energy made you feel whole, but it's really not about that. You have to, I'm telling you, do this hard work right now and just say no. Say no to dating. Hang out with your friends, build a full life, build a community around you. If you meet someone, great. But I wouldn't make this your goal to try to date someone and lock them down. Right now. I really want you to focus on yourself, Taylor. This is the time to do it.

Okay, this last one comes to from Ashley, 25 in the U.S. she writes, Dear Emily, when I was younger, middle school and high school, I would masturbate once or more a day with a very loud vibrator. I recently found out that my brother and parents heard Me almost every time. My brother acts super uncomfortable around me. My dad doesn't know how to even look at me, and my mom tries her hardest to make me feel guilty. I never did it with the intent of others knowing, but I feel like I ruined their lives. I almost feel like I sexually assaulted my family. It's really hard for me to keep living with this guilt. I feel like if I was never born, my brother and parents would have been much happier. I'm sure this has happened to a lot of people, but I really did use that vibrator quite often. Have probably scarred them for life. I'm going crazy over this, and it's consuming my life. Help.

Ashley. We all read this here, and I just want to give you a hug, sweetie. It sounds like you're having a lot of distress over this. And listen, you're a young kid. Use a vibrator. It was loud. I understand that's a little bit embarrassing, but I also think that you're taking this to a really extreme level. That isn't true. The facts are, yes, you used a vibrator when you were younger and they heard you. That's not comfortable. I get it. But you did not. You did not sexually assault your family. And I think that if they really are teasing you about it all the time, then they're blowing it out of proportion as well. And I think feel like maybe you're creating this to be a bigger thing because you feel some guilt around it. But I really don't want this to consume your life. You really did nothing wrong. I mean, they could. Your mom could have come in your room when you were seventh grade and said, like, hey, darling, this would be the ideal parent. Here's a quiet vibrator. Or we hear you. You know, but since nobody feels comfortable talking to their kids around sex, which just, oh, I wish they did, this is what happens. So for now, I think maybe you might need some therapy around this, because I'm gonna guess that perhaps, you know, you might feel this might have trickled over into some of the sex you're having with partners. Maybe. Maybe you don't want to make noise or you're afraid that, I don't know. I don't know what you're thinking about yourself, but if you're. I'm just picking up on your language here of sexual assault and that your. Your brother and your dad are uncomfortable around you. I'm wondering if you just are reading into their eye movements, like, if they're looking away, that maybe they're upset. I don't know because I'm not in your family, but I don't want this to consume your life. I think you could find a quieter vibrator though, the Womanizer Premium. It's a very quiet vibe, but again, the problem here, the challenge here, is more about you reconciling this with your family and if you're still not sure, you could talk to them one on one. I know that sounds mortifying and embarrassing, but I really feel like it's your family and if you want to have a healthy relationship, there could be some talking to do to clear it up because I really don't think it's as crazy as you think and as much of an impact in other lives and yours as you're allowing it to be. So you could also get some therapy like I said, and talk to the professional about how to handle a situation. But I really think that you're going to be fine. You already are. Ashley, thanks for the email.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to, like, subscribe and give us a review Wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Exwithemily oh, I've been told I give really good email, so sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK SEX. That's 559-825-5-739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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