Land of the Free, Home of the Sexy

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes JJOO is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the Hera and right now you can get 20 off the HERA using code EMILY20@sexwithemily.com HERA. That's EMILY20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com H E R A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm helping you navigate your sex, dating and relationship questions. Topics include what people's porn habits say about our sex habits, how to get adventuresome outside the bedroom, and how to get over that awkward face so you can actually date. And what's up with the listeners? Low libido. And why do people love penis rings? All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com and subscribe to the podcast. Subscribe to our newsletter. You'll enjoy it. It makes it easy, right? Madness. Subscribe. We do two shows A week, you get them in your inbox, you're happy or however you listen to podcasts, I.

Feel you're, like, slow and whispery. You're trying to sexy for everybody on the slow down. No, but I'm excited to be here, as I always say that I'm very excited to see you and do a podcast with you. It's always super fun. I'm sorry I can't make it here more often, but I know you do other shows that I'm sure. I'm sure they're amazing without me.

Well, you don't need me, I gotta say. But I like you in my life.

To calm you down and keep you balanced. That's why you need me here, so that's why I show up every once in a while. But I do think, you know all the listeners that listen to the podcast and you know that I meet here and there and say that they love the show. So thank you for that.

Yeah, thank you for that.

Great.

Yeah. But there have been some good shows. I do one with Hannah Cranston. Turns on and turns off. She's a millennial. She's got a. She's a millennial.

A millennial.

She's got a show that's geared towards millennials called think. I would say Shark Tank. Think tank on YouTube.

Okay. Sweet.

Yeah, she's smarty hottie. That was a really fun show. We talked about stuff and things.

You should check it out.

I. Check that out. Jason Ellis was here.

Oh, he's.

He's amazing.

He's crazy. That's a very open guy.

He's so amazing. Yeah, he's like, I get blowjob. You know, he gets.

Yeah.

Blow jobs from a bunch of guys. He's bisexual. From guys. And he's married. And I'm like, I might just give you a blow job. Like, I was like, you're so hot. We had this little tension in here, like, sexual chemistry. Yeah, he's a really good show.

He's a very interesting guy. You know how I know him? Because in high school, I was really, really into skateboarding. So he's a pro skater, so I knew everything about him. I actually used to have a pair of shoes that was named after Jason Ellis.

Really?

Yeah.

Check them out. You should come in. I know.

Thanks for calling me, but it's cool. No, I'm sure that was amazing. So you don't need me here. He would have tore me apart. He's crazy. I'm happy you didn't call me, but he's.

It was great.

I'm sure it's really good. So check that out@sexemily.com, right? Or get on the Google search Jason. Jason Ellis podcast app Sex Emily. And I'm sure you'll find it.

So that's true.

What the hell is going on with the show today?

Dude, today we're gonna be doing. I mean, today, this moment, we're gonna be doing some sex the news. All right. Got some emails from the people. We could also. People can have text us their questions. They can call in. But remember, we did a caller show when you were here last time. So you guys, all you gotta do is when you email us, like, check that box, it says you'd like to be called. It's super easy. We call you. It's a good time.

Do it.

So we're going to be doing that. It's summer, I have to say. I know you're not supposed to do that.

Whenever. You're not supposed to mention when you're doing something that's going to fix that. Like, hey, madness. I can't hear. But I like to talk about it because it's sort of nostalgic that Madison always fixes my mic over the years.

Yes.

And I think I've gotten a lot better at it.

You have.

Sometimes it falls and stops and drifts. What mic technique? I'm on it. You think with all my mad oral skills, I would be really good at the mic, but.

Yes.

Yeah, but it's working. Totally.

Oh, there was something that I want to bring up. So there's this famous radio show, but I'm sure you've never heard of them because it's not in your format. I don't know how often you listen to hip hop music, but there's a morning show called the Breakfast Club, and they're on like, I don't know, 70 radio stations. They're on in 140 countries. And they just had the comedian Kevin Harton.

Right.

So Kevin Hart was talking about one of his old friends staying at his house, you know, while he was in New York City. And he said that at the time he went with his ex and they were like around town and all that kind of stuff. And his buddy who was staying at the house, he. He stayed back and he was just hanging there. So he ended up going back home early and he found his friend masturbating in front of a laptop at his house.

Yeah, that happens.

And they, I mean, they like joked about that, but what's the, Like, I want to ask you, like, I don't know, maybe you're probably more open to it than the norm, but what's the etiquette of masturbating at people's houses? It happens, I'm sure. Like, yeah, you. You can masturbate at other people's houses, but, like, busting out a laptop and looking at porn is a little much.

Well, that's how guys do it now. So I feel like if you're inviting somebody. If you are inviting somebody to stay at your house, a man or even a woman, but let's just say man, just assume they're going to masturbate in one of the beds in your house or on the couch. It's gonna happen. I'm such a.

Even if I'm with a partner, I want to do that. Even if I. I wouldn't have. If I'm staying at somebody's house, I wouldn't even have sex with my partner at somebody's house.

Really? What if they're not there?

Even if they're not there, you just.

Feel bad about the sheets.

Yeah, I know. Like, my co workers, we've had this discussion before, and they're like, they don't care. They're all about it. But I'm like, so, like. I don't know. I think it's weird. I think it's disrespectful. I don't know. It's in my head.

I feel like it's like saying, like, why'd you shower at my house? Like, I can't believe you're staying with me. You used my shower. I feel like, really just.

That's like nothing.

You want to be clean. You want to be neat, Clean, clean, clean. Yeah, you want to be clean, neat. Leave the space as you found it. Like, when you're camping, you don't want to do anything wrong. But I think. Yeah, I think it's fine. But I would think that you'd be a little bit extra careful. Like Kevin Hart. Like, his friend should have been like, oh, he gets home about now. Or maybe you don't know when he's getting home, but you want to be more discreet. I think discretion is important.

Yeah.

When it comes to masturbation in someone else. But, you know, if you're staying with them, they're gonna be having sex. Give me your. Give them the sheets that you don't care about.

Okay.

You don't even like going to the bathroom around, like. Yeah, you've got more stuff going on.

Oh, no, it's not like deep rooted issues. It's just.

No, it's not issues. It's just. People are weird about that stuff, I guess.

I don't know. It's just me.

I'm just happy people are masturbating.

Do you know this? I don't know if I share the story, but I had a friend who was staying with some other friends in New Jersey, and he's gay, and he was staying with the family, so they have kids and all this stuff. So the family takes off and he decides, this is effing terrible. And I gave him a lot of shit for this. He decides to get on Grindr and invite somebody over and, like, hook up in their pool house. Right. So he's, like, hooking up with. But he doesn't realize that the family got home early. Right. Here's another situation where people get home early, and so they're looking out their back window, and they see some random guy leaving out of their pool house. So they, like, freak out, and they, like, start screaming at the guy, and the guy just runs off and takes off.

That's so bad. See, that's bad, right? Those kids. Yes. That's disrespectful. Oh, this. That is. That is bad. And this just reminded me. I don't know if I ever told you this, but this might have been on the show because you've. I think we've talked about this before.

Yeah.

And maybe that was that story, but apparently on some show we did, I was telling you that I had sex at my mom's house. I went home to visit my mom in Michigan, and I. I had sex on the porch.

You did?

Yeah, with, like, boyfriend. It was years ago. I was, like, dating some. Maybe five years ago, I was dating a guy in Michigan that happened to be from Michigan. I was still living in la, but I went home to visit for, like, Thanksgiving, and I was like, oh, I had sex on the porch. And my mom didn't know. It's just so funny at this age to be having sex at home. We like. And then my mom calls me, and she's like, my friends, listen. My mom's, like, 74. My friends listen to your show, and you had sex. She said. She said to me, oh, I'm. I'm listening to her show right now. And then she stopped me. I was like, what? She's like, oh, nothing. And she's like. She just said she had sex on your porch. And I was like, Mom's like, which porch? Because we have a front porch and a back porch. I'm like, the back porch. She's like, who would you have sex with. And she freaked out. These are the things you never know people are gonna hear. And I'm like, mom, you were sleeping. I don't know if it was full on intercourse. Am I just given a blowjob? No, I didn't say that. But yeah. So mom, I didn't care, but she thought it was, like, shocking that I. She's like, well, this was the back porch, not the front porch. But her friends are listening. See, you never know who's gonna listen.

Everyone tells you they're not listening. My mom's friends listen to my show and they follow me on social media. And you gotta learn the whole this is the whole radio DJ trick. You say when your parents call you on some stuff like that, you're like, mom, that's just for the radio. That didn't really happen. That's all you.

I did that with the guy.

The conversation is over.

That's true. That's true. That's a good way of doing it.

Yeah, but I can imagine I'll be mortified. See, this is me again. I can't have those type of discussions. I don't even swear in front of my mother.

I know.

Well, I mean, you have a different relationship.

Definitely a different relationship than my mom, but still, it was funny. And yes. So I guess I. I did that. My parents. So I was allowed to do that. But I thought you'd appreciate that. That you're like, hilarious. I don't tell people when I tell them that they should not listen to. Not should. But if I'm dating someone, you know, it's often awkward if they're listening to the show and I just. I'm like, can you just check it with me? Like, if you feel weird about something that I've said or made you feel uncomfortable, let's check it. And usually it's like, oh, that story, you know, I'll be like, that wasn't you. That was another guy. Or people should just. If you got issues with it and you decide to listen, just let me know and I can clear it up for you.

So, overall rule, though, you shouldn't be inviting random people over to a house that you are staying at.

Way to sum it up.

Just like, you can. You can wait. You can wait. You can go find a hotel.

And also, though, if you are having people, say, at your house, be prepared that they might masturbate in your sheets. Okay, good chat there, Metis. We're going to get into sex in the news. I got especially for you. Good. Okay, so pornhub data Offer some naked truths about our sexual behavior trends.

All right, you know what's so interesting? I love data. I love data because it's like true numbers.

You know, that's what data is. It's so true. And here's what's so interesting about it, is that Pornhub serves 75 million visitors every day, making it the 40th most trafficked website in the world. So it has really substantial data. And they're saying it's like. Like the modern day Kinsey for sex reporting. Kinsey, you know, did back in the 60s. But it's like this is real time. This is a real time what's happening. So, you know, obviously technologies had a major impact with pornhub and all this stuff. Porn trends can reveal what's happening in current affairs, trends in society. While that's surprising to begin with, it does make sense. That's how, you know, how we get off reflects what we think. So relying on actual porn behaviors and popular search terms, the report carves an accurate example of where we are today with porn. Trump's impact on traffic and the rise of yoga porn. That's what so, ready, without further ado. Here we go.

What do you got?

75% of people are now watching porn on their phones compared to 25% watching on laptops. Except for your friend, who is the guy who's visiting. Kevin Hartimy.

Yeah. No, this was years ago, so I'm sure this time it would be. It would be a phone.

So people really aren't doing on their phones. I mean, I guess that makes sense.

I mean, technology has gotten so good with video streaming on the phone, so. Like it? Yeah, it's easy access. It's in your pocket. Versus, you know, pulling out a laptop and typing in a website, you know, Seems messy, too. Yeah. But your phone, you got your phone.

In one hand or do you prop it up? What do they do?

I'm sure they just hold it in their hand.

Yeah, but then you're using one hand. Okay. Yeah.

That's all you need is one hand.

I don't know. I guess. So you don't use one hand to, like, grab your balls? No, no. Right. I couldn't do that with one. I mean, I could if I was desperate with one hand. Interesting. Does that make sense? I don't want to ever use a guy's phone. So people don't clean their phones enough?

No, no, they don't.

Okay. The most popular category among female viewers still lesbian. Since the beginning of. Since all the porn that we've Seen all the point. We still like lesbian guys are gross. No, no, it's not that guys are gross. It's that I think that a lot of women have, you know, it just turns them on watching two women have sex. And doesn't mean necessarily that you want to have sex with a woman, but you might want to fantasize about it and turns you on. But still that stays the same. What men like, not so much. That changes a lot. In 2015, there was a monumental surge in demand for yoga porn after a yoga themed orgy video was released on pornhub.

Uh huh.

What does that mean? Like a bunch of. I think that happens anyway. Well, like, people, yoga, all have sex with each other.

Guys. I mean, guys talk about this like how good women look in yoga pants. You know, like, I mean, women are just wearing it now a lot of the times, not even working out. You know, they're just like. It's just a fashion thing and it like hugs on the body. So you know, they love it. Like Fabletics is huge now, right?

Yes. I bought stuff.

They even have like brick and mortar stores now.

They do, Yeah.

I saw one just recently.

That's interesting.

Like it's. And it's funny because I was just having a discussion with somebody just recently where there's this company out there, it's like looking to get the word out about having workout looking clothes. But it's not even used for working out.

No, no, it's. It's. It's like tennis shoes. It's like the gym shoes or whatever trend. What do you call it? Tennis sho shoes. Gym shoes, yeah. What do you call it?

Running shoes?

Like I. Well, when I. They were called gym shoes in Michigan growing up. Yeah. It's called like athleisure.

Okay.

Have you heard the athleisure trend? There's like Kendall Jenner. Yeah. Athleisure is. I mean, basically people are just wearing workout clothes and women look great in it.

So I'm sure the guys are like searching it out.

I thought, see, I wear my leggings. I feel like it's kind of lazy. But yeah, yeah. Like I actually. But then a few guys, I pass us by, they're like, oh, no, no, it's really hot, you should wear. And it's super comfortable. Like, I will never take him off then, if that's the thing. So also there's the search term Cuban maid Spike shortly after Fidel Castro's death.

Okay.

I don't know if they're like, oh, I really want to like, feel for the cat. I don't know. So Cuban maid. Millennials are loving cosplay porn at the moment. What do you think about that? Cosplay?

Yeah. I mean, because that's in, like, pop culture. Huge.

It's huge.

I mean, there's more and more, like, cons, comic cons, New York, Comic Con, San Diego. There's all these little small ones. And, like, cosplay is huge. It's massive. So I'm. I'm sure people are looking for it. It's so funny that you bring this up on the Woody Show. I always have to remind people the Woody show is a morning show that I'm part of in Los Angeles. But we were talking about it like it's something similar to this and, you know, something that was hugely popular just recently because it's blown up in probably the past couple of months.

What?

Have you seen those dumb things that kids are playing with? The fidget spinners.

Twidget. It's a better name. Yeah, Fidget spinners.

So people are searching out fidget spinner porn.

I know, but why?

Because it's funny, too. It's not.

Are they doing fidget spinner porn?

Yes, of course they are.

They do every kind of porn.

It's dumb. But it's like. But I mean, guys search a lot of this stuff, too, as a. As a goof, as a joke, you know, so they're not like, because, oh.

I'm so into my fidget spinner, and only if I could see a woman sucking on a fidget spinner, my life would be complete.

So that kind of necessary.

That.

Yeah, that's something that's blown up recently, too. So a lot of stuff is just in pop culture. They would think it'd be funny to look up on the Internet and see if there's, like, a porn version.

Right? But I wonder how that works.

They're actually sexually.

How do you know? You never know. People.

I mean, there's a. I'm. I'm sure a minute part of people that are into it, but again, a lot of guys are just looking it up as a goof.

Right? Maybe. You never know. But I want you. Well, I wonder. People search for it then. Like, we better make some twitcher porn.

Fidget porn.

I kind of want one of the fidget spinners. Are they already gone now? Like, it's so, like, jump the shark.

I give it about three to four months.

Is it supposed to make you less anxious to twitch it?

Fidget, I guess. I don't know. We'll get you one My radio station. I came out with a couple of them.

Okay, that sounds awesome. So anyway, those are your porn trends. I guess we can learn a lot about people also. Oh, the search term golden showers peaked by 289% after the stories about Trump and the hotel room showers.

Again, it comes up in pop culture and people are just searching it out.

My only concern about porn, I'm just going to end this here. Not a concern. Like, I think porn is great for turning people on. Watching with your partner. If you guys are both cool with porn, I think it's a great way for couples to kind of figure out what each other likes. And you kind of start with some lesbian porn. If you're in a heterosexual couple. Great way to start. But I think that technically, again, not the best place to actually learn how to have sex. I've just been reading a lot about girls and sex education and what they're learning. And so many of them, this is nothing new, but they are literally watching the sites and they're figuring out like, oh, that's how I need to act. And then when they're like giving a blowjob or they're having sex or they're on top, they. They're channeling these porn stars going, oh, this is how she moved. This is how she gave the blowjob. And I just, it kind of upsets me because I technically, it's really not how you should be learning about. You should be listening to the show.

I would hate to give you some, like, impromptu work, but I would love to hear from listeners. Now, is it@sexalemily.com is still feedback or is it Ask Emily?

Oh, go to the Ask Emily tab on the site and then send your question there. It's so much easier.

All right, so sex with emily.comaskEmily or.

Text 79 task text Ask Emily one word to 797979. Go ahead.

All right, I would love for you to compile a list by the time I get back here. Yes, again is for people to ask that are searching different types of porn. Am I the only one that's into this, like, this type of. Am I the only one that's into fidget spinner porn? Am I the only one that's into people that are dressing up like bears.

And having sex with the Email us.

And yeah, I want to know, like, ask us. Am I the only person that's into this type of category?

And then we're going to like. And then spreadsheet. And then we'll see, like, how many people ask those questions and see that people are probably watching a lot of the same things.

Yeah. And then I'll show. You'll show that you're gonna find people that are similar to you. I know, but I would. I would love to, like, find maybe the most obscure one.

Okay, that'd be great. Okay.

Super interested. We want to hear, like, I'm the. I'm the guy that's only into, you know, women that wear transparent clothes or nipple clamps. Am I, Am I. Am I the only one that's into that? That'd be great to hear.

Am I the only one in the subject matter? Am I the only one? Okay, good.

I'd love to hear that feedback.

Very excited. Okay. And people have been great about sending in all their questions.

No, the listeners are awesome. Thank you.

We love them. Okay, so let's move on to emails. All right, thank you, everybody, for supporting our sponsors. They help keep the show free, and we love all of them. You know, I don't ever talk about any product or service that I haven't tried. And we love you. Thanks for supporting the show. We'll be right back.

Now we're on to your emails. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, I love that we made it super easy for you. You can text. As I mentioned, just text Ask Emily one word to 797979, and then you'll get an immediate form back that you just fill it out, send in your questions. You can go to sexwithemily.com via the Ask Emily tab. And as always, include your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Madness. Remember, we used to get upset, people never doing it.

People are always like, don't know where you're at in life. What's your location? Because, like, oh, I can never meet anybody, you know? Well, where are you? Are you in Wyoming, in a small town? Are you in New York City? Like, I want to try to figure out some ideas for you.

Right? And even now when people message me on Snapchat and Instagram, they're like, hey, Bob, you know, age 26, New York. Like, they're really. They know that I won't even read it if they don't tell me.

That's great.

Yeah.

And how you listen to the show.

And how you listen.

You know, I don't do that as much. Spotify, soundcloud, sexual.com, google Play, Stitcher. Shout out to Stitcher. Good friends.

Yeah, I love them. So, okay, here we go. Ready?

Yep.

Excited? Dear Emily, how can I speed up sex? I've been a sex student since my first time, always trying to be better, and thought I had it all figured out. Sex with my wife is incredible. But lately she wishes it didn't take so long. She orgasms and waves and says she has too many orgasms. I never knew there was such a thing. And this goes against everything I thought that I knew. The problem is I no longer know how to do it quickly. I know there are desensitizers to slow things down. Are there products to speed things up? Any advice on how to speed things up would be appreciated. P.S. joe Lube. Tangerine Dream is awesome. Thank you. Derek. 42, Michigan.

Wow.

My home state. Wow. Okay. Derek, I was like. I was gonna say Joe Lube. And Derek, I'm so glad you bought the Joe Lube. Their Tangerine Dream, their flavors for summer are epic. You guys. I love you guys. A lot of people are snapping me. They're like, look what I bought. And they take pictures of the lube they bought and the toys they bought. Okay, Derek, here is the deal. Your wife, you've been together, I don't know how long. You're 42. You're saying that she wants you to speed along because she's having enough orgasms. Typically, when men email me they're taking too long for sex. It could be delayed ejaculation if it takes you. Which is. Which is actually the medical term for it. The diagnosis, if you will not there's anything wrong with you, is when it takes 30 minutes or longer for men to ejaculate during intercourse. I'm not feeling like this is the issue. I'm feeling like you might just be like 10, 15 minutes, and she's like, I just came in five, and you need to go quicker. So there are some things, you know, obviously she could probably do to move it, move it along. And I'm thinking you might need more. More foreplay. Like, what if she turns you on, you know, a lot for, like, she's giving you a blowjob or you're masturbating together or watching porn together or whatever gets you there to speed it up, but there isn't anything you can take or do. I was thinking, like, she could stick a finger in your butt when you don't know. But that can kind of be. I don't know if you're into that sort of thing. A lot of guys say when they. I happen to know that for some men, even just getting their perennium played with or doing something A little different could really turn it up for both of you. You could use. And I'm not saying you should just randomly do that on some guy, but she's your wife, and if you're into that, you might. You know, you might like it. Also a cock ring. Penis rings are great. Like, she's getting turned on. You're getting turned on. The vibrant men's just staring at me.

Yeah, no, I'm just.

Vibrations can feel great for you as well.

I mean, but I do, like.

I don't like that she's pushing you. I'm also feeling like that could be offense. Like, I wonder if there's a little bit of offensive in here. Like, I'm. I can't tell if this is.

You know, I like the. Maybe if she's into it. Who knows the more like, oral sex beforehand on you.

Yeah.

To, like, almost get you to the point and then.

Right. That's what. That's the only thing I can think about. I'm not gonna. There's no pills or anything you can do to speed it up. So unless it's delayed ejaculation, which you know can take a while. Otherwise, I think. I think you're fine when you're using the lube. She give you some hand jobs beforehand, but she has too many orgasms. I hope that's true for her. I also know that you guys are married and you've been together a while, I think. And I feel like sometimes women. Some women just aren't. Aren't as. As into sex or with their partners or they're just thinking, like, just speed along. I've had enough sex. And so I'm wondering if. If you guys are really connecting or if there's something else going on that's just like, something that there's some kind of resentment. I mean, if it's truly just like, everything's amazing. She has so many orgasms, she can't take anymore and just wants you speed up if that's really the only issue. So I just kind of want you to kind of take a look at that, Derek. But if that's truly the thing, I think foreplay some things that. That you've never tried before could be really cool and get you there fast. All right. Hey, Emily. Your show is fun and interesting. I love listening. My boyfriend and I have been together for seven months, and he's so hot and has the greatest penis I've ever seen. Seriously. Wow. That's what she wrote. But our sex life is meh. He's not very adventurous. Or spontaneous. And when we do it, it doesn't last long. He's not very good at going down on me, and I've tried to guide him, but it's not really working. I've made suggestions, but nothing really takes. One time he even asked if I wore thongs, and I was like, hello. How many times have you taken my clothes off or seen me get dressed? And you don't know what underwear I wear? How can I get him to have adventurous sex that is outside of the bedroom and not think of sex as a chore? Thanks. M. Alexis, 24, Dallas.

Dallas, 24.

Yeah. What?

I want to buy a house in Dallas.

You do?

So cheap. Yeah, but you.

Then you'd be living. You want to live in Dallas?

I'm down.

Okay, cool.

I would love it.

Go do that.

But not for paying so much, so many taxes here in California.

Okay, Alexis, there's a few things going on here. You've been together for seven months that you're 24 years old. Listen, he might not be great at going down on you because he probably hasn't done it very often. In your 20s, early 20s, some guys, they just don't have the experience. But it can be difficult to give feedback because he might be like, I'm not sure what I'm doing. And maybe you've tried, and he could get offended. He might even tell you that he's offended. So it's. You can be very fragile, I think. Or men can. Their egos can be fragile. Same with the women. When you're giving feedback, I'm just gonna give him the benefit of the doubt, saying, he might not know, and you need to help him out. So maybe when he's going down on you, I do think you could direct him. You could guide him. You can, you know, with your hands. I'm gonna hope here that you've had an orgasm and that you know what you like. I'm gonna assume that, Alexis. And if that's true, and you do know what you like and you know how you need to move and you know where you need to be touched, then just guide him. Because I used to think when I was your age, Alexis, that men were mind readers as well. I thought, there's my vulva. You're gonna go vagina, vulva. You're gonna go down to me and you're gonna know what to do. And they don't. We don't come with instruction manuals, so I feel like you're gonna have to give him some guidance. And then also on the adventurous Side, same thing when you say to him, let's be more adventurous. That's not what that means. Yeah, he doesn't know what that means. Do oral better. He doesn't know what that means. You might not know what it means. So together you can be like, babe, this has been so fun these seven months. I love making out with you. Sex is fun. But what can we do together that could really, like, be fun and adventurous? And you could say, let's have sex. You might need to plan this, Alexis. You might need to say, we're having sex outside tonight. I brought a picnic. We're gonna go in the backyard. Here's a blanket.

Yeah.

And then I'm gonna show you how to go down on me. I don't know. I mean. You know what I mean? Like, guys don't know. I feel bad because we make assumptions that you do know.

Yeah, not until you tell me what you want. I have no idea. I'm just trying out things. Or I already think that this is what you like, you know, so I'm not going to change up anything.

Right.

Just have the discussion. Like, it. Guys, look, I've been saying it for a thousand years. Thousand guys are easy. You can talk to them. Just tell them what you want, but don't tell me.

Right. And when. I mean, fragile. Yes. Tell me what you want.

Yeah.

Don't be like, this has been bad, or you don't know what you're doing.

Yeah, it's tone.

Right? I mean, it's.

Yeah, yeah, definitely to say, hey, I want this. Like, you know, be kind of sexy about it.

Be like, hey, hey, what I want.

Yeah.

Put your mouth down there and use your tongue in this direction and use your fingers. I mean, Alexis, tell him. And again, this might be a great case for mutual masturbation because you masturbate. He masturbates. Then that's adventurous for some. For a lot of people, like, they've never watched a guy masturbate. He's never seen you. So you got this, Alexis. Just talk to him. And then if he's not responding, and then, you know, he's not trying anything different, and it kind of freaks him out. You've been together seven months. You're 24. Time to move on. I'm all about that lately. Like, I used to be like, oh, I can't really tell anyone just to leave because I don't know their situation. But I look at the age, I look at the thing. She's seven months in, still got a lot of time. She's having Some good sex right now? Yeah. Okay. Hi, Emily. You know that awkward phase you start as a teenager? I'm still sort of waiting for it to end. I'm painfully shy and socially awkward. I'm an adult with a good job. I'm a good person. And while I'm not a super attractive guy, I'm not unattractive. It's so hard to meet and talk to people. So hard to even get a first date, much less a second date or so on. Sex seems like something nice other people get to have. Listening to your podcast can sometimes be like a starving person watching the cooking channel.

Oh, no, I know.

There's not going to be any one easy answer for me. Can you point me in a direction, though? Give me some guidance? I'm thirsty as hell and I can hardly stand it any longer. Seek guidance. Thirst is real, man. Carl, 32, Salt Lake City, Utah.

Salt Lake.

So, Carl. Okay, so awkward phase. Menace was there. You've been in the awkward phase. I mean, I really think. And you no longer are. You've embraced it. I mean, whatever it is, you've embraced your nerdy, awkward self.

And I don't think they changed that.

No, but you've had to go through that. We've talked about this. Yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

Like, really getting comfortable in your own.

Skin and just not caring, knowing. And I haven't said this in a while. If you get shot down, guess what? You're. You're not gonna die. You're gonna be okay. Don't waste your time being in a friend zone with anybody. You know? If you're into somebody, let it be known. Maybe not in the first five minutes or day or two.

Right.

But definitely, like, if. If there's. If there's somebody that you're into, like, pursue it. Don't be shy. Don't be afraid. Don't. You know nothing physically is gonna happen to you if you get shot down? Yes, you're gonna. You'd be sad maybe for a moment or two.

Right. But it gets easier.

It gets easier.

Does.

There's power in numbers, you know? And don't fire on, like, every single random person. But another thing is a good. A good test. Like, I've said this before. Just, like, even in public, don't be. I know. Like, people get so focused in their phones or, like, know, not talking to anybody. But, you know, just practice. Just, like, talking to people in public. Like, talking to the people in the grocery line. Just like shooting the shit with people. I'm telling you, that gives you practice when you do Find somebody that you're into that you can just flat out just talk to them and not be shy about it.

That's true. And people in Utah are really friendly in Salt Lake. Oh, I remember going to Salt Lake City. All the times I've been there. I'm like, these are the. Everyone who lives here is so nice and so open. And I feel like that everything that you're saying, menace, is that, like, first thing is cultivating confidence is the most important work you can do as a human. As a human. I mean, that's what holds so many of us back, is that we're not confident that we have these insecurities and we just don't know how to break through it. And really, it is just from working on the parts of yourself that will make you feel better. And you're thinking, what is that? Well, you want to be healthy, you know, go to the gym, working out, being more social. These are all things that will help. And I do think that. Fake it till you make it. If you're not comfortable talking to people, you gotta practice. Like Menda said, make eye contact, smile, just talk. Hi, how's your day? How's it going today? Yeah, you've been waiting long here for this, you know, butcher.

And it doesn't have to be all women. It could be like, anybody. Practice talking. The art of conversation and being confident is always an attraction.

It is.

Even if you're not even realizing what you're doing when you're just. Just talking to somebody, they might just start being attracted to you just because you can conversate, you know, and before. And when I was, I don't know, sorry, I'm not good at the English language. But I'm just saying, like, conversate should.

Be a word, though.

Yeah, conversate. But I'm just saying that, you know, when you have that practice, everything will work out. When I was in my awkward phase and, you know, being shy, not talking, you know, keeping the blinders on. Guess what? Guess how many people I was meeting. Zero. And then once I got over that and started talking to people.

They want to connect.

You make eye contact, you smile. Practice casual conversation with everybody. Also, you got to retrain your brain here because your message, you're 32. You're like, I'm awkward. I'm weird. Just say, like, you know what? Dating is fun. Dating is easy. I can do this. Dating is a blast. And I know you're like, oh, that's not going to work. Yeah, this actually does work. When you are in that Loop of like, this is hard. I can't do it. Be like, dating is fun. Dating is easy for me. Practice that one, Carl. I promise that it will. It will eventually begin to sink into your brain and just take an interest in her. If you're not sure, if you do meet someone and you go on a date. Online dating apps, or, you know, just not even online anymore, the dating apps are great for you, too. If you're shy and uncomfortable, awkward, set up a date. Just go and ask a lot of questions. Be a good listener.

Yeah. Just, I mean, you know, again, just don't be, like, really good at writing on an app. And then when you meet somebody in person, then you're, like, super quiet, you know?

Oh, the people who are great texters but not great daters. Yeah.

Make sure conversators, make sure it's all around a full package. You know, when you get out there, you'll be fine.

Yeah.

It's okay.

Got this. Okay. Yeah, Carl, those are my. Those are my main tips. Not too many things, just a few things. And you can do it. You'll like this one.

All right.

Because you're in it.

What's the next one?

Hey, Emily, new listener here. I found out about your podcast from the Woody show.

Oh, sweet. What's up? How you doing?

Yeah, what's up? It's.

See, I shout you out all the time. You don't believe me.

I do believe you. In fact, someone came to me, they go, could it be possible that I heard you on the More Some morning show. I don't know what it was, and they were talking about you and, like, blow jobs or sex toys. Like, probably the morning show. The Woody show. Okay. I have a question about a problem that I continue to have in my relationships. After I've been dating a guy and we get more serious, like one or more years, I stop craving sex. I've had three serious relationships in seven years, and it's happening again with my current boyfriend. I thought it was my birth control pill, so I switched to the copper iud, and I still don't see much of a change in my libido. And it's at least six months since I stopped the pill. My boyfriend is wonderful and so attracted to me and willing to have sex. It just kills me that my body doesn't react the same way his does. We've tried talking about it, but I don't want to hurt him by saying I don't get turned on. He's super helpful, bought me toys, he encourages me to watch porn, and Masturbate. But I don't find myself getting horny at the right times and just not that often to begin with. Is there something wrong with me? Is there a way I can improve my libido? Thanks for all you do, Emily. Now back to binge listening. Samantha 26. Long Beach.

What? Long Beach.

Long Beach.

Long beach is awesome.

I know, it's great.

Love Long Beach.

Love it, love it.

A lot of passionate people for radio in Long Beach.

Yeah, but you're right. You go there and they're like, all the time. It's crazy.

Yeah, that's where I met. I talked about on. On another podcast, Allison, who said meeting me was like meeting Brad Pitt, which was very flattering. Definitely not true.

That in every show, every day.

But Allison, the sex family listener. Thank you so much.

Thank you, Allison.

That was in Long Beach.

So if you met me, would it be like, before the divorce that I was, like, meeting Angelina Joey?

I know, it'd be crazy.

No, I'm just wondering if that's.

I don't know. Okay, maybe show an email.

Okay, so here's the thing, Samantha. First of all, we have to always rule out anything. So any other medications you're taking, the copper IUD could still be the issue. It can be. I'm just saying, I know that you went off the pill, but you got to talk to your doctor, go to your gynecologist and check it out. A lot of women are just like, I'm just going to deal with this. If you're taking any antidepressants, if you're drinking a lot, drugs, all of that stuff is going to. Could have an impact on your libido.

Okay, let's say if it wasn't. All right, because she did say it was, like, past relationships. What do you think?

Well, the past. She was on the pill, and now she's an iud. And she might be switching, like, you.

Know, apples for apples, let's say. Crazy situations, let's say.

Okay, so what.

What do you do?

Let's say there's nothing. That's it. But I'd say that let's say there's nothing going on. You're not taking. You're not depressed. Depression can do it. You're not super anxious, you're not stressed out, you're not taking any medication. You just don't get turned on. I would focus on your. You time and your masturbation time. Because if you can learn how to get on board with sex, get your body on board, get your brain on board with sex, like what turned. What truly turns you on. And, you know, we've spent a lot of time talking about this last, especially the last year, a lot about women and fantasies and, like, figuring out, like, what are those moments that come. Men have a spank bank for women. It's not necessarily like, I mean, it could be past lovers, but start thinking about the times when you have been turned on. And the more that you masturbate and the more you think about sex, the more sex that you're going to want and you're going to want to create, you're going to crave. I actually just wrote a column for Glamour, and I think you can also find it on our website about how to get your brain back on board for sex, which you can check out. I don't want you faking it with your boyfriend. You're saying he wouldn't understand. But I feel like if you, you know, you love this guy and you're with him, that you really should be honest with him because you're saying you're not getting horny at the right time. So what are the right times? I mean, there. There's a study that came out a few months ago. Like, shock. Men and women don't crave sex at the same times. What men want in the morning, like, women want it, like Tuesdays at 3 or something. I mean, it's crazy. Like, how are we all supposed to make this work? But we do make it work. And so I really think that you need to just pay attention to yourself. You have to put in some work here, figuring out what works for you, because he's not going to be able to do the magic. You know, he's not going to be able to touch you in some magical way. He's trying. And here's the other thing I love. He's really supportive of you. He's buying you toys. He's encouraging you. So just be honest with him and be like, babe, make it both of your things, too. If you're like, let's do mutual masturbation together, or, let's go buy a toy together because I haven't found my G spot yet or something that you guys can do together if you feel like on your own, you won't do it. But that's what I would say. That's what I will say.

Try that.

Done.

Regroup.

Let's regroup. Hey, Emily. I love listening to the podcast. I've heard you and other people talk about cock rings and was curious as to why people like them and use them. I feel a Little embarrassed Googling this and asking others. So figured I'd write to you, tell the rest of the team I love them and give them all hugs for me. Anderson Menace Jamie 2xoxo Success.

Sweet. So many different rings out there, right?

I know, right? So many cock rings.

I remember years ago, when we first started doing the show together, there was like, I think you. Maybe you were even promoting it or maybe you just got a bunch of samples. I don't even remember because it was so long ago. But the. The Trojan, like disposable, vibrating lifestyles. Oh, lifestyle.

The lifestyles. Disposable cock ring. Yes.

And then there's like metal ones. There's like all different types. Right, right.

There are. And so cock rings. So, Devin, this is a great question, because cock rings, when they first came out, like years and years ago, they were mostly for men to wear. They were like a single. They could be plastic, they could be metal. Aluminum. What are they made out of? What are they?

Titanium.

No, titanium.

Rubber.

But really, there's. So men. They can help men. It can help men delay ejaculation.

Ceramic.

Ceramic. Ceramic. Painted. You can paint them yourself. So here's the deal. The reason why I think that they've gained more attention in recent years is because now they vibrate. And the cock rings that we talk about in the show are amazing because men can wear them during intercourse. And then your partner can climb on top, wherever, on the bottom and hits her clitoris in this lovely way. There's also for gay men too. There's ones at your balls. You know, men get. Any men, I'm sorry, any guy, any person with a penis can use the ones that, you know, you can tuck your balls up in there and like, they just feel great. The vibrations feel wonderful to many men as well. So the thing about the cock ring is it's a great couple's toy. So I'm also lately obsessed with the We Vibe pivot. When they told me they were making a cock ring last year, remember I went with them in Germany, like, check it out. Make a cock ring. I was so happy because there hasn't been one lately that I've been this excited about. And I finally got it. If you watch on Snapchat, I think I was having a huge party celebration about it. And it's called the Pivot. It has 10 plus controls on it. There's different sensations, there's different patterns or different intensities. And so you wear it and, you know, again, it hits her clitoris. If you're having sex With a woman, she climbs on top. It's great. I also use it as a clitoral vibe. Put it like I put it on my fingers and use the top of it for all these great vibrations. So I think that that's. That's what a cock ring is. But again, you could also, if you're just asking because you want to use it on your own, you could use this one on your own as well. You could get one that just goes around your penis to restrict blood flow so you don't come as quickly. But that's the thrill of the cock ring. That's what we got time for. Menace.

It's great seeing you, Emily.

Great seeing you, too.

I learned so much every single time.

Really? That's good.

Take it home with you and let me do my little spiel for you, please. You listen to the show for free. I'm not gonna make you feel bad, everybody, but Emily puts a lot of time into the show. Her whole crew here in Hollywood, California.

Right? West Hollywood.

West Hollywood. We ho. We're in weho. They spend a lot of time on the show, and they put their own time and effort into it. So if you can, please, if you're listening to this on an app, a website, wherever you're. Wherever you're at, please rate and review the show. That just helps spread the word. Pushes Emily higher on the list. Let's say itunes. When you subscribe, when you subscribe, when you let people know that the show is here, it just benefits the show. And if you can just do that little piece for us, we would appreciate it. So thank you so much.

Thanks, Menace. And find Menace at Menace and the Woody.

The Woody show is a daily podcast and morning show in Los angeles and in St. Louis, Missouri. Coming to a bunch of other cities. If you want to check out, you know, pop culture news, whatever, just search the Woody Show. It's a Monday through Friday podcast.

Cool.

Enjoy it.

It's good.

It's not about sex, though. Get all your sex here, right?

Get your sex here. Get everything else there. Please follow me on Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram. It's ex with Emily because we like that. I love hearing from you guys. I love talking to you. Thank you to my amazing team, Ken, producer, Lark, Jamie, and Michael. And thank you, Menace, of course, for being here. I love you and thanks, everyone, for listening. Was it good for you? Email me via the Ask emily tab on sexwithemily.com.

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