Learning the Ropes with Porn Star Kelly Shibari

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Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

Well, you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com because you can see all of our blog posts. We write some informative stuff there that you actually will help you improve your sex life, just like this podcast. And sign up for our mailing list because we. We love to hear from you and we love to send you things that are actually informative and helpful. And you can follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and just go to itunes and subscribe from my website, and then you'll never miss another podcast again. And that would be amazing because I know that you would hate to miss a sex family podcast. We've got hundreds of them on itunes. I've got thousands of them in my vault that someday I'm going to release to you all because I think you're all still downloading the 200, and I've got so many more. Tonight's show. I'm really excited for my guest. It's Kelly Shabari. Hi, Kelly.

Hi.

Hi. She is a plus size performer and she was the. Well, this is the first things I have. But then we're talking about your big bang here. Ever molded for a fleshlight? Kelly has a background in design and construction in mainstream film and television production. She is right now. The Penthouse form cover just came out, right? It just.

Yeah, it just came out on Tuesday.

Okay. That's May issue. She's the very first plus size model ever featured on a Penthouse property feature, which just hit newsstands this past Tuesday. In her upcoming film is Jessica Drake's Guide to Wicked Sex plus size. First sex education film ever made about plus size relationships and sex. And I'm so honored to have you here today. Good work.

I'm really happy to be here. Thank you.

Groundbreaking stuff. You're doing what has been so like the Penthouse thing. How excited are you?

Very beautiful.

Everyone's got to get it. It's amazing.

Yeah. And the response has been like. I was kind of like, yeah, it's kind of cool, you know, you know, first plus size girl on the COVID of Penthouse Forum. And. But the response is so much bigger than I even thought it would be because.

Is it from just fans or is everyone. Or other women?

Especially other women, but also guys who are like, yeah, we love big girls. We've been waiting for a plus size person to be on a men's magazine, just in general.

I can't believe it's the first time.

Yeah, Maxim, fhm.

None of them.

None of them. And so a couple of people. Actually, this is, like, when it becomes really flattering is somebody was saying it's just like having the first black girl on Play It Boy.

Yeah, I mean, in a way, it is. It's sort of breaking ground.

And I was like, oh, I didn't even think of it that way because I'm not super, you know, like, diva ish that way. So I was like, I'm just happy that they asked and they put me on. And I was like, wow, it actually looks really good.

It looks amazing. It looks beautiful. So I want to talk. We're gonna get into your career and all that and what you do, Shabari, bdsm, all the kind of work you do. But first, I've got some sex in the news stories, and I thought you might be able to offer some interview insights to these.

Sure.

Okay. So. And I'm also here with Anderson. Hi, Anderson.

What up, Em?

How you doing, honey? I'm good. Yeah.

I'm not gonna say why, but I'm trying to figure out how to spell the word incestuous right now.

Incestuous.

Feeling incestuous.

I N C S T U O.

U S. You shouldn't admit that you know how to spell incestuous.

I can. I'm a good speller. That's about all I have. No, I've got other things going for me, too. Okay. So here's the thing, I think. Okay. Sex in the news. Sex student by day, strippers by night. According to the New York Post, New York City college girls are swarming to strip clubs for their first chance at the poll. Ever since Duke undergrad Belle Knox, who spends her first free time. Who spends her free time working in porn, announced that she would be opening up her first strip show. College girls are jumping at their chance to perform. Bell Knox will be opening the show at the palace, where she will make $2,000 in one night. College girls are now viewing this deal as a way to pay off Their college debts and work around their busy school schedules. On average, they can make 1500-2000 a week working three nights. The money they make goes towards tuition, school supplies, rent, savings, their families, probably some good shoes or something. But what do you think about this? So Belknox was the Duke undergrad made, you know, headlines that she was stripping and doing all this stuff to pay her college education. And now it's like a trend. Now these other girls are like, forget being a bartender, forget being a waitress. I can make 15. What do you think about this?

I don't know if it's actually a trend. I think it's just been more public because of Bell College girls have been doing webcam shows and doing porn. I mean, a perfect example is Joanna angel, right? You know, I mean, she was at Rutgers, right? And she. She's very public about that. She's like, I started when I was in college, I started doing some stuff with my best friend there, and then now she owns this giant empire, this porn empire. But she started when she was in college, right? So the whole, you know, the whole doing. Doing adult work to pay your tuition. I don't think it's new.

No, I don't think that's new. But I do think that the Bell Knox thing is having women who never thought. I mean, I think there. Women who think about other. But then I think it's kind of starting this. People are like, oh, I never thought about that.

Right.

And especially the show with what.

Especially with like, live, like stripping.

Yeah, exactly. So, yeah.

If a. Fun fact.

Fun fact. Yeah.

I don't know how you would know this, but Joanna angel, actually, not only had she sat in that seat a few times, spoken to that microphone, but you see behind Emily right there, that corner. She was over there in that corner some months ago, making herself ejaculate.

Oh, wow.

Yes. Not for me. Not for me.

No.

But for Mike Catherwood, unnamed, it never really happened.

But we're gonna have her recreate at the Squirtathon 2013. But yeah, she. She scored it in masturbation month. So I'm saying it is masturbation month. Happy masturbation month. I just sent out a newsletter about that today. Happy masturbation month.

Because it's May, so it's an alliteration.

No, it's not alliteration. I mean, maybe it is, but not. But whatever. It's been going on for 19 years. It's the 19th masturbation month, which I'm gonna be doing a lot of work this month around masturbation, not just my. But I'm gonna be. I want everyone. I've got like a 30 day masturbation challenge that I want to talk to you about.

What's the point of masturbation month? Is it for awareness? Do people, more people should know that you can masturbate? Is that what it is?

No, it's not awareness. Everyone's like, dude, wasn't everyday masturbation? I know that you're all thinking that and you just thought that in your mind, so I just said it for you. No, it's because masturbation is the way that you can truly get to understand your own body and have even better sex. If you're already having great sex, you can have more sex. Because so many people, they do have sex, they masturbate the same way over and over again. And so there are so many other erogenous zones on your body, like different things you could explore that you should, you know, take the time to get to know, you know, Andersen. Who knows? I could give you a butt plug and it could change your life.

Yeah, I'm a big fan of mutual masturbation. I much rather do Mutual Masturbation month.

Yeah, mutual. Maybe that could be good. Yeah, March. March for the alliteration. But you're right. Mutual masturbation is one of my favorite tips for couples to learn what your partner like, like you don't know how to get her off him off whatever. Check out what he does. Oh, okay, I get it.

The great Adam Carolla once said that sex is fine and it's good and all, it's just not as good as the real thing. Which is masturbation.

Right?

Exactly, exactly. So yeah, it is masturbation month. And so I'll be doing a lot of things this month around like tips and tricks and toys and all that stuff. But also not only that, it's like even if you're in a couple, like you're in a committed relationship, a lot of times people think, you know, they let the masturbation slide, you know, go to the wayside. They're thinking, I don't need it. But really again, you can continue to. I always think of like our sex life are expansive and you can constantly be learning about yourself and all that stuff. So I think it's a fun. It's fun friggin make time for it. I mean really, like I have my assistant like schedule me in like because I have to review a lot of toys for my job too. And I'm like, I don't have time to masturbate. That's ridiculous. The fact that I'm saying that. So you people make time this month, and we'll be giving lots of good tips. Nothing, you know, don't worry. I'll have other shows about other things, but masturbation is important. Okay. And the other thing. Well, okay, so now that we're on this, I guess that was the only story I'm gonna read. I was gonna talk about Sterling. You know, the little thing going on with Sterling. The Bunny Ranch bans Donald Sterling for life.

I heard.

Yeah. So Dennis Hoffa announced that Donald Sterling is banned from the Bunny Ranch and the other six brothels he owns in Nevada for life. A lot of NBA players came here to party. Out of respect to them, we banned Sterling from coming here. And it's because, you know, at any given time, 20, 23% of the prostitutes here are African American. And they're smoking hot. Some of them crying this morning. So we're doing for this. This for them as well. We don't need racists or bigots at the Bunny Ranch. So the whole Sterling thing is he's owner of the Clippers, and he made a racist remark to a woman. His sugar baby. Is that what it was? They had like, a sugar baby, sugar daddy side piece. His side piece. And she tape recorded him, like, making really racist remarks. And it's just started. What?

I love Dennis Hoffa. I mean, this is great. Has Sterling ever even been to the Bunny Ranch?

You know, probably not.

I don't.

I mean, his players probably have.

He's never been there, and now he's being banned. Dennis is just desperately trying to get his name.

Like, yeah, maybe that's it. But it's a good thing to get behind. I mean.

Oh, for sure. But.

But no, you're right. Maybe he has been there. I don't know. What does it say? A lot of NBA players. Yeah, good for him. Good for this. But anyway, it's terrible what happened this week, and I'm glad that everyone.

It's. Yeah. I mean, it's. There's. There's obviously, like, the whole freedom of speech thing, but at the same time, like, if you own a company that. If you own a franchise that's predominantly African American.

Exactly.

And it's a. That predominantly African American people go to. You might not want to be racist.

People just are just such. He probably doesn't even realize the 80. Like, he doesn't even realize what he's saying. He's been away his whole life. Not. That's an excuse at all. It's just stupid. But I'm glad he got caught in this. So there should be more like that. Everyone have your tape recorders out, your phones out all the time. Tape everything. Okay, so that's what I wanted. So, Kelly. Okay, so let's talk about you. So you've had a very interesting career. I love that you started out. So your bio is so interesting that you started out.

I'm a weirdo.

No, but it's okay. Your background is in design and construction in mainstream film and television production to form performing in front of the camera as the sexually charged figurehead for chubby Asian girls everywhere. Kelly is a stereotype. Breaking tour de force, the plus size performer not only entertains fans in front of the camera, but she produced a 2011 Feminist Porn Awards winning padded kink which celebrates kinksters of all sides. And also we talked about your flashlight, which is the only like plus size one.

It's the only plus size one. It was a limited edition. It's not available anymore, which is what actually I'm saying to people because I still get people contacting me and they're like, hey, can I get your flesh line? I'm like, no, it's been two years.

Really, they can't get it anymore, but.

They can't buy it anymore. Okay, but this Penthouse Forum is like, it's only gonna be around for a month.

Oh my God, you guys gotta get the Penthouse Forum.

Yeah, so if you don't get it, don't come to me six months from now and say, hey, where's your Penthouse? Because it'll be gone. And this time I know when it's going away.

Okay, so this is the thing. And this was in Huffington Post too. You saw the Huffington Post? Penthouse Forum debuted their June issue Wednesday. And to our pleasant surprise, it features Kelly Shabari, a plus size adult performer. This is the first cover of its kind for the mag, which unlike parent magazine's Penthouse, features more journalistic and editorial pieces. So it's all Penthouse letters. It's. It's all the letter which is the best part. Dear Penthouse, I love it.

I never thought this would happen to me. That should be my story. I never thought this should happen to me. I know I'm on the COVID of Penthouse and I'm a plus sized girl.

I know, it's amazing. And so you were named Exotica's 2013 and 2014 BBW Big Beautiful Woman performer of the year. You run your own social media market. You know you have 65,000 followers on Twitter. But also their introductory letter explains the best. And I love their introductory letter.

It's so awesome, right?

So awesome.

Yeah, it's called Suck it, Vogue.

Yeah, it's stuck in Vogue. It says, we're not trying to be politically correct. We're not doing this to prove a point. And we're sure as shit not doing this to assert, as some second generation postmodern feminists do, that this is what real woman looks like. We're shining the spotlight on Kelly Shabari to show that we love women of all shapes, sizes and colors, just like our readers. So welcome to the biggest, boldest issue of Penthouse Forum yet. Enjoy. That deserves a clap.

Thank you.

I'm so proud of you and I'm.

So happy because it really is very much.

See, we're gonna clap for you.

It's so close to how I feel because I'm not very political, you know, I mean, if I was slender, if I was large, it really doesn't matter. I probably would still have the same kind of love for performing.

And there's plenty of other, like, plus size performers who are activists and I'm just not an activist.

Right. I get it. I totally get it. You're like, this is who I am. Yeah. In a way, just by doing your work, you. You don't have to say anything about you. This is who you are. You've had success. You're living your life.

Yeah.

You don't have to be the actress around it.

So having, you know, something like this happen. But for them to say it's not like a feminist stance is like, yes, thank you for understanding, because I'm not.

They totally got it. Yeah, they got you. They got it. And this is, this is an iconic issue. So, you guys, it's not going to be around forever. It's going to be off stands and then they're going to sell on ebay for a thousand bucks. So people should go buy it right now. It's June 2014 issue.

Yeah. It's on the stands right now. I hit the stands on Tuesday. It's there for a month.

So one month of May.

June 2nd.

Okay.

So it comes off.

Okay. My birthday, so. Yeah, I know. Well, yeah, it is my birthday because get it before June 2nd, everyone. And support her support this, this big movement.

When I think that it's a big sign, like, you know, I don't make a cent if they sell one, if they sell a thousand, I don't make an extra money.

Right, right. But it's just to support what you're doing.

Yeah. Absolutely. I think that if people will go out and buy one, even if they don't read it, they just buy like go buy 10.

I don't exactly.

But if you can prove that like a plus size woman on a cover of a men's magazine can sell out, then I think other magazines would think about.

Exactly. That's exactly what I'm saying. So do that now after you listen to the entire podcast, which is gonna get really good here with Kelli because she's got a lot to talk about and a lot to share with you. And as always on Thursday nights, you can call in between 8:30 and 9:30 Pacific Standard Time. Our number is 1-800-568-3191. So call in with your questions if you're hanging out and you wanna chat. So how did you first get into porn?

Okay, so I, where, where the whole like, I am an anomaly thing comes in is I started off as a roadie. I then became a production designer for mainstream like Hollywood commercials, TV, that kind of thing, and films. And then in 2007 there was a giant writers strike in town, right? And so all the work dried up. So when the writers struck, like there's a writers strike about every four years, right? And the first one we completely like, were able to recover from, but the Second one in 2007, like, the writers struck, then the actor struck, and then the crew struck and like all the work dried up, which is why we have so much reality TV guys.

It's true.

Yeah, so true. Because the writers weren't working, right? So they were like, oh, reality tv. And a friend of mine who was a weapons wrangler who I've hired for years and years.

A weapons wrangler?

Yeah. So he's the guy who does all the prop guns.

Prop guns, right.

Teaches. Teaches people like Daniel Craig how to shoot a gun on set. That safety guy, right? He, his, his girlfriend and he had also moonlit in porn. And so we're all just hanging around. I said, well, what are we gonna do? And just kind of, you know, right. What do we do while we wait for the industry to come back? And he said, you should do porn. And my, my immediate reaction was, there's no fat girls in porn. Because all the porn I'd watched up until then was like vivid, right? You know, like the stuff you watch on cable or like. And he goes, no, there's these websites now that have plus size porn. He actually showed me a couple of websites and I was like, wow, they actually look really pretty. They're not like the butt of a joke.

Right.

So I'll send my photos in and if they take me, then I kind of do it. So it's kind of a dare, right? Kind of a.

Had you ever thought of like, are you. Do you like porn?

I've watched porn since I was like, probably nine.

Okay.

Right. You know, I'm originally from Japan, so I like, come from like the land of hentai and tentacle porn. So, like, I'm. I. Sexuality has always been very open with me as well as with my family and with everybody I grew up with.

Okay. And so there was no shame around sex growing up. So that's good.

And so I sent my pictures in. They were like. I guess they'd never had anybody who was Asian sent pictures in for plus size stuff before. Although there are plenty of plus size Asian girls in the country. There's just none who are very overtly sexual. And so I sent my pictures and they were like, yes, when can you come in?

Oh, wow.

And I said, okay, well, I guess I'll do this as a sabbatical while I wait for Hollywood to kind of like get it stuff together. And it just never did. And it still really hasn't kind of recovered.

It never did.

And so I did that for a couple years. And I said, well, I guess I'll kind of keep doing this, but I'm getting kind of bored. So now I also do pr marketing.

Oh, you do on the set, as you said, for just different clients?

Yeah.

Okay.

Mostly novelties, but yeah.

Oh, okay. Toys, things like that. Okay, so you got. So tell me about like your first. So you did you do porn? So you did the shots for the website and stuff, but you also. Or was it. It was a porn site.

It was a porn site. So we did a. You know, they FL me down for three days. They shot me for three days solid at like two scenes a day.

And how was it your first scene? Like that. Right.

And my background's in production, so I was never in front of the camera. In fact, like, when you took. There's like crew photos of me from like different films that I've done where I'm like, I'm the tiny head in the back because I was like, I'm hiding.

Oh my God. And then you just break out in porn.

Yeah, so.

The first time I was on set, I was kind of like, you know, I kind of knew the format of how a shoot goes and. And I've watched enough porn so I can. I think the combination of two. I wasn't all that nervous.

Okay. And then who'd you have to sleep with? Men. Women.

Men.

Okay.

The first shoots were. Were men. And then I've had a couple of kind of girl girl scenes since then. Not that comfortable. Like, I've dated women.

Right.

But porn girl girl scenes aren't very authentic to me.

Take note, people.

Yeah, like. Like there's a lot. There's like feminist porn out there and there's a queer porn out there that's very authentic.

Which ones would you recommend for people? Because I'm always talking about that. That there's porn girlfriend films. Yeah, they're in San Francisco, right?

No, they're.

Here they are. Okay. Because they were on my show once when I lived in San Francisco. I thought they were there.

No, they're great. And so their stuff is, you know, they use a lot of girls who are authentically into girls, but with, with me, especially if we're plus size. Because girlfriends doesn't do plus size. They're not now, but not now, but they might. Hi.

But if, you know, like the girl girl scenes that I would do that were plus size, they weren't really all that organic. They weren't really all that comfortable. And so it was like overtly fakey.

Right.

You know?

Okay.

Yeah.

So then did you get to shift it after that and like, kind of do more what you want?

I'm primarily a boy girl performer.

Okay. Yeah, got it.

And there's girl. There's plus size performers who are predominantly. They do a lot of queer and girl girl stuff. Predominantly. I'm like the hardcore gang bang blowbang girl. Right.

So what do you. So what do you. So what kind of scenes? Like, what's your most, like, what was your most, like, challenging scene that you shot?

Okay, so two years ago, we did a fan blowbang with 18 guys.

Okay, so explain that to me.

So.

There was like a sports thing and like Twitter. Like porn stars on Twitter do this all the time where they're like, if my team wins, I'm gonna blow everybody and their teams don't win. And so it's kind of like a Twitter kind of like a media thing, right. To get some more followers. And in my case, it was the Japanese women's soccer team. And they won. And I was like, oh, they won. What do I do now? So we put out a call, like on all the social media we had like over 200 people apply. Then I said, no, you need to go get tested through, like, the adult industry testing facility, not like the clinic. And so that kind of Narrowed it down to about 18 people.

Okay. Wow.

And then 18 out of 200 people tested clean.

Yeah. Either. Well, no.

Either they didn't bother getting tested because adult industry testing is kind of pricey. It's like 150 bucks.

Yeah.

So they either didn't want to get tested or they were, like, just saying that they wanted to and they were never going to show up anyway because there's a lot of guys who do that. They're like, yeah, I'll totally be a porn star. And then when you actually call them out on it, they're like, oh, wait, they'll be like, no, I can't.

So what happens during the scene? So 18 guys show up.

Yeah, it was a blowbang. So it was.

You had to give them all blowjobs?

Yeah. All at the same time. So it was like, they're all around me.

It's a lot of penis.

Three guys at a time.

But did they all ejaculate?

Yeah.

You made them all come? All 18?

All of them. And then 15.

That's really impressive. I think we need another.

15 came twice.

15 came twice.

You that good? Do you like a good blowdive tip? For me?

Enthusiasm.

That's what I always say. People are like, what the hell does that mean?

But it's true.

You gotta be into it.

I love sex, but I really, really. Blowjobs.

What is it that you love about it? Let's try to talk women into it who don't love it.

Did you. Did you, like, practice with a Shake Weight for a few weeks leading up to this?

No.

But it was exhausting.

It was in the middle of the summer, downtown la. No air conditioning.

Yeah.

Yeah. So you couldn't tell whether it was sweat or come or whatever, what was.

Going on, which is probably good for born. The more liquid, the better.

The Japanese soccer team, were they, like, underdogs? Was it like a long shaft?

It was. It was right after the tsunami, and so they couldn't practice. They only practiced, like, half the time.

So you thought it was a safe bet?

Well, it wasn't that. It was more like, yay, go Japan. Because I'm originally from there.

Now, were you rooting against them at one point when you realize this might be coming a reality?

The last. The last game was US versus Japan. And I'm half American, half Japanese. I was like, I don't know. I don't know who I want to win. But, you know, they would win and then they would, like, lose. And it really was a really heated game. And when Japan won I was like, yay. You know, So I was really happy that they won. And about 20 minutes later, I was like, wait a minute.

All the girls running around on the field just look like giant penises coming towards you.

Right, Right.

Oh, my God. That's crazy that you did that. So where can people find that film?

That film, it was out two years ago. It's still available through my site. It's called Kelly Shabbari's Overloaded.

Okay, Kelly, she is overloaded. I'm overloaded. Just, like, hearing about it. And you're also KellyShabari on Twitter. And we'll have all this on my. And is there a website that you wanted to give out as well?

I have a free fan site. I don't have a membership site. I used to have one.

Those are tough. I know. With every.

Yes, it's very. It's a lot of work. And so I have Kelly Shabriry xxx.com, which is like, my free site the fans can go to, and they can find out what new DVDs are out where they can buy The Penthouse Forum. Okay.

Yeah, got it. I just want to clear that up. Okay. Let's take some calls. We got some calls.

You were asking for blowjob tips, and I cut you off.

Oh, you did. Okay. So enthusiasm. You're right. And then we'll go to.

The enthusiasm in eye contact is, for me, is really important. I like to spend my time. I'm not a quickie person when it comes to BJ's.

Unless, like, guys don't really want that either. I don't think. I think sometimes their mother's coming home or something. But then, in which case we've got other problems.

I think that there's times for quickies, whether it's sex or BJ's. And I have done those, and those are all sorts of fun because it's like, okay, now we're done. Now let's go to whatever it was we were supposed to be doing. But there's also the, you know, if you have the time. I like spending 20, 30 minutes.

Wow. And I'm sure they're very. They're very grateful. So using tongue, is there any, like, one thing besides that's, like, a specific thing that's like, your trademark? Oh, my God, he's gonna. This every man loves, even though every penis is different.

You know, I like to play with the frenulum with my tongue while my mouth is going up and down.

Right. The frenulum, which is the most sensitive part of a Man's penis. We talked about this last week. Of the underside of the penis.

Yeah, underside of the head of the penis.

Yeah, exactly. Okay, well, now we can take a call. Okay, let's talk to line two.

Yes, I just want to find out about oxaliplatin. I don't know if you heard of it.

My husband is being treated for cancer.

Okay.

And I was wondering if it has affected any. The libido or anything like that.

You know, I am not a medical doctor, but I'm assuming that it might.

I would think that the medication that they're giving him would help.

Yeah. If he's on a lot of different medications and stuff, it probably is going to affect his libido, but I don't want to say.

For sure? Yeah, for sure. So I think what I would do is just really treasure the time. That's what I think is more important.

Right?

Absolutely.

Yeah, absolutely. And I'm sorry that that's going on, but I would say that it could have affected libido. But there are still that you could do to keep sexual and intimate with your partner. You could also ask your doctor. There might be something else he could take that could supplement it if there is problems with libido. But just make sure you're connected.

There's actually a couple of products out there that if he's not able to maintain erection. One of the companies I do work with is Spare Parts Hardware, which is a strap on harness company.

Oh, awesome.

And they make a strap on harness specifically for guys who have erectile dysfunction. So you could, the guy wears it and you can actually have the dildo right in it. So you can actually have sex with your partner if he can't keep an erection. So you can still simulate that sexual experience.

Yeah. Do you hear that, Ina? You could do. Right?

So you can still be intimate. You could be kissy and cuddly and do all of those other things except for the actual penetration.

Right. Because you could still do oral sex, other things, but you could do the strep it. And what's the name of your company?

My client's company. Spare Parts Hardware.

Spare Parts Hardware. You know, you may have to get creative here, but I think you should still, you know, keep it going.

Yeah. Thank you.

Okay. Good luck to you. Thanks, Ina. That's a tough one. It is true. And so many of these medic medications. It's funny because I get so many emails from listeners and they're like, does this kill libido? Does that means everything from the birth control pill, antidepressants and it's just absolutely.

I mean, it could. Anything from alcohol.

Yeah, exactly. Alcohol, drug use, everything. So. Which is a bummer for people who are like. I mean, but there's so many. There are a lot of things.

There are other ways to be intimate.

Exactly. It's not just about. It's not just about intercourse. Okay, real quick. I have got a few words here for my sponsors. I want to thank everyone for listening to the show and I love being able to help you have the kind of sex life and relationships you deserve. And I want to give you the best show possible. So I so appreciate you supporting our sponsors who help keep this show free. So let me tell you about prorescent. Did you know that one in three men actually suffers from premature ejaculation? Do you ever get this, Kelly? Premature ejaculation? Maybe not important as much.

I don't personally have.

No, not you. But have you been with a man?

But I've been with guys, even porn performers who come really fast.

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Yeah, most women do take longer.

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It's cool that they have it as a cake smell because that's one of those like those things that you hear when they do like, like surveys with men. You hear that like baked goods is like the number one. They like it more than like floor or whatever. Yeah, they like baked goods smell. So like cake is a great.

Exactly. Cake is great. Sometimes I wear vanillas. And it's so true that like I got in the elevator today and someone's like someone baking cookies and cookies, donuts, whatever. So funny. And so their products are really, they're all, they're all different scents and they're really fun. So if you want to look and feel your best, you can't go wrong with Crazy Girl intimate products. Check out crazygirlproducts.com and you can use coupon code EMILY25 for 25% off your purchase. Crazygirlproducts.com use coupon code EMILY25. That's EMILY25 for 25% off YOUR purchase. Okay, back to you, Kelly. So tell me about your shibari. If people don't know what. Because that's kind of how you took your name. Yeah, it's shibari. What? How would you explain shibari?

So Japanese is. Shibari is Japanese rope bondage. So there's all sorts of bondage out there. There's like the whole like, you know, using a silk tie, there's using like, you know, string. Yeah. And shibari specifically is the Japanese kind of old school method that's been around for, I would say thousands of years because it started out back when the samurai were around. And it's very intricate. It's very pretty to look at. It's kind of like an art form.

It is an art. Like did you have to take classes to learn how to tie? Okay.

And I'm A rope bottom. Like, I'm the person that likes to be tied up, and I've done, like, full body suspensions and things like that. I'm not necessarily the person actually does the tying.

Okay.

So. But yeah, I like restraint play just in general. My mind goes in, like, 18 different directions.

Like, what, when you're tied up?

No, when I'm not tied up. So when I'm tied up.

So it helps you focus. I should try that because I have add. I mean, I've tried it.

Yeah. Helps you relax because. And I figured that out when I started getting massage because, like, okay, there's like, 18 different things I want to do, but I have no choice but to lay here and just take this massage. So then your body just relaxes. Right. And so that then translated into, like, you know, having been a roadie, I used to date a lot of, like, riggers and, you know, those kind of people. And when I was in film, I used to date a lot of, like, kind of grip electric type guys. So everybody's got rope, and. And through playing with those guys, I kind of realized that, oh, it's very similar. It's like, I'm tied down, I can't move. I can't do anything, so I have no choice but to relax. And so for me, it's relaxing.

Right. I love that. It's true. And then it's like, there's nothing else you can do right now because he's. He's in charge. He's in charge. So what do you think it is about? So it's kind of to form a bdsm.

Yes.

And so do you have any tips about that? Like, couples who are interested? Because I feel like with the whole 50 shades gray thing, I know everybody.

Everybody's gonna want to try, and everybody's already is.

They already are trying it. Yeah. There's great stuff, like sports sheets, and I love bondage tape. And I mean, there's easy ways people think, oh, God, I don't have a dungeon. Well, you don't need a dungeon.

I think bondage tape. Tape is a great way to start because it's wide.

I love bondage tape.

And it's so easy to get out of, you know, like, not for you to get out of this bondage tape. Like, once you're. Once you have bondage tape used on you, you can't really get out, but it's easy to untie, like, if you're like, okay, I'm done. Like, all he needs to do is take a pair of scissors.

Exactly. And it's reusable. It looks like electrical tape, but it's actually plastic.

But it's wider, 4 or 5 inches wide. Yeah, yeah. Don't use electrical tape.

No, no, please do not. I'm just saying it looks like that.

But it's that kind of shiny kind of plastic material.

It's really easy. You can rip it with your hand. Like, you don't have to, like, use scissors.

And it's not sticky like electrical tape. It's kind of, like, based on, like, static electricity. So it just. You just kind of wrap it around. But opposed to, like, using rope, because rope can cut in.

Right.

It really is a great way to start is to use bondage.

Yeah, I agree, I agree. And you can also check it out@goodvibes.com use coupon code Emily, and you get 20% off your order of anything that we talk about tonight. Good vibes. Do you know good vibes?

I do. I love them.

I love them.

I love them.

I love them. They're like. They're like sex positive. They're amazing. And you should support them and buy some bondage tape or whatever else. What other kind of products do you like? Their sex toys. You've used sex toys.

Oh, so, like, not just specifically bondage. I'm a big fan of, you know, magic wand type.

The magic wand.

The magic wand.

Oh, my God. I could have guessed. I know. It's.

Well, and I'm actually working with a company right now that has a product called Shibari Wands.

Oh, yeah, I've heard of them. They've emailed.

Yeah. So they have. It's basically a magic wand with no cord. So it's all rechargeable. You can, like, carry it around everywhere.

The cord is like. It's always plugged into my bed.

Like, I get it tangled up in it.

Right.

Yeah. So I love.

And you see the cord coming out of my bed into my drawer. So you know that that's what it is. It's a whole thing. Okay, so those are the toys. I just want. I always ask people about what toys I like. Okay, so back to the bondage stuff. So what would be some, like, beginner tips? I always say, like, get a blindfold. Like, just tie her hands back or his hands back or whoever wants to do. Yeah.

I think for me, and different people see BDSM in a very different way. I'm not a pain slut, so I.

Don'T want the pain.

I'm not a big fan of the pain. Like, I like a little slap and Tickle maybe, right? Maybe some like light spanking. But for me, it's a lot about the mind fuck.

Right?

So it's a lot about the, the, you know, cuz I'm nerdy. So anything that plays with like my, my sense of, I don't know, reality versus, you know, control, like power play, like, control, like that kind of stuff really plays into that part of my brain.

Okay.

Like, I'm a big fan of erotica. I'm a big fan of kind of, you know, I'm super attracted to guys who can write.

Well, me too. I always date writers.

Always.

Like, I just fall for their word. I seriously, every guy I've ever dated, like, or many men, I love the words. They seduce me through the brains. Largest sex organism.

It's not necessarily like, you know, like a guy coming up to you and having a pickup line. Like pickup lines don't work, really work on it. They do not just look at him, laugh. But, but writing is so. Because it takes so much of you to kind of be that creative. And if you're that creative with your use of words, then I know you're going to be creative in bed.

Right. That's a good litmus test. So then when you're tied up and if you're not into like, you know, the real pain. So what happens when you're tied up?

Typically when I'm tied up, then there's a lot of forced orgasm play, which is why I like the magic.

A lot of forced orgasm, you know.

There'S a lot of kind of tease and denial. There's a little bit of sensation play, you know. So like, if you're using a blindfold, you can be like, oh, I'm. I'm not gonna tell you where I'm gonna touch you. But I'm, you know, you have to just kind of, especially when you're tied down, right. You can't be like, oh, don't touch me there. So, so that, that's great, right?

And you know, if they're doing like a hot sensation or cold sensation or what's coming next.

I'm not a big fan of surprises in general, but during like sexual play, it heightens the experience.

And are you blindfolded? Do you like to be blindfolded? If you don't like surprises. Okay. So sometimes. So do you have like a regular partner? Different people you play with or a regular partner? Okay, that's good. And you kind of have to find out beforehand, like, is it the kind of thing where you know beforehand that this is what they're into, like. Is it, like, a deal breaker if they're not into this for you?

No. God, no. No.

What I like is the connection. So I could be with somebody who's not into bdsm, and that's completely okay. And I could be with somebody who is absolutely into that. And then there's a lot of negotiation that's involved, and I can. You know, we just need to figure out what works for us.

Right. Which is. Yeah, communicating.

And for me, because my. I'm not really into a lot of, like, pain play. Like, I'm not into, like, whips and canes and that kind of stuff. Like, my BDSM experience. And what I like about it isn't necessarily the extreme stuff. So it's very easy for me to naturally transition into, like, a relationship with a guy who really isn't into that.

Right, right. No, I liked what you're saying because people think it's just, like, one way. Like, it's gotta be pain, it's gotta be dungeons, it's gotta be other stuff. But no, really, it can just be.

No, for me, it's all cerebral.

Yeah. I totally get it. So how do you. When you're saying it's cerebral. So you say that you read a lot of erotica, and so what do you like? What kind of erotica would you recommend for? I think it's great for couples to read together, too.

I actually am a big fan of. Oh, my God.

Penthouse Forum. I love this. Like, I want to steal this, but I know it's your only issue. I'm gonna go buy it tomorrow. Everyone go by. Did I tell you this already?

It's not that expensive. It's only, like, six bucks.

Oh, my God. It's nothing. And you're gonna be making a statement.

Well, and the thing is, not only is it, like, there's a profile piece about me, but something I do want to say is, like, the rest of the magazine is like, every other Penthouse Forum. Like, there's hot stories, you know? Dear Penthouse, I was at a resort with my wife, and I saw this other couple, and we totally got it on, and she sucked my cock. Like, that kind of stuff, you know, with additional photos of, like, slender, regular, you know, like the standard men's magazine models. So there's plenty of, like, wank material in there, right?

Exactly. And I think it's good for men and for women. So a lot of people email me, like, how do we spice it up again? Or a masturbation month. How do we even. For women, I Give tips. Because a lot of the time I give tips for women, especially around masturbation. Because I think that, you know, there are a lot of women you talk to. They're like, oh, I don't fantasize, I don't think about it. And they might need some material. It might help to read something like a Penthouse Forum or other female erotica or read it with your partner and.

Like, watching porn is great. Like, I love watching porn. Like, I'm a big fan of porn. That's why I'm in it. But. But there are times where I'm like, you know, I. I want something that takes me a little bit longer than a couple of minutes to get there. So erotica is really good for that.

Because the build up.

Yeah, I'm a big fan of Jack Stratton. He's. He's a writer out of New York. He has a website called Writing Dirty and he actually has samples of his writing. So you can kind of go without. You know, you actually get samples of stuff.

Okay.

Also, I love Rachel Kramer.

Russell. Yes, Rachel Kramer. Russell is great. He's like award winning. Yeah, exactly. And you can find those all at Good Vibe as well. Yeah, she just, she just knocks it out like every year. She does so well, that's. Yeah, it's a good tip. And for masturbation month, you should try it. If you've never read any erotica, have you never done any? Like, just check it out.

It's a great way to get started.

It is. It gets you in the mood, you.

Know, as much as I do. Not like Fifty Shades of Grey, you know? You know, people like reading, you know.

Yeah, they do. And so, and so if you feel like lately, like maybe you're Libby, you're not in the mood to have sex with your partner or whatever it is. Just like have a night. Like, this is the thing about masturbation month or masturbation anytime. It's like you gotta set a time and space for yourself. Turn off your cell phone, lock the doors, make sure no one's coming in, light some candles, pillows, whatever it is, and like read something. Watch porn, Give yourself time. And then you just start touching your body in different places maybe that you don't normally you do a warm up.

And this is what I've heard is people who maybe didn't start masturbating or don't have sex as much as often with their partners. The more often you do it, the more sexual you get.

Exactly.

So it's like going to the gym.

Right?

So like Make a regular habit of masturbating or having regular sex with your partner. And over time, you'll just eventually just be horny all the time, right?

It's so true. It's so true. Because the more I masturbate, I'm like, oh my God, I'm so. But I just don't have time and then I do it. So, yeah, it's like a feedback. It's a great feedback loop and everyone wins.

It's great. Like masturbation is great for like endorphins, for dopamine, like all those like happy chemicals.

It's serotonin. It makes you so happy.

It's a great stress reliever.

Yeah, we're also stressed too. That's another one of the biggest killers of sex drive for women and men is that there's so much stress. It's so hard to turn off. You saw me when I came in here tonight, I was like, hi.

I feel like that's why you needed a couple minutes.

I should have gone to the bathroom and masturbated. I would have been a whole different person.

But it's also great for like menstrual pain. I mean, it's like everything, all that.

I know. So why not just do it? Why are you not masturbating this month?

It's also good for guys too, because, like with prostate. Yeah, you know.

Exactly. And I always love to talk about the Fleshlight, because the Fleshlight is a great tool for if you want to mix up your masturbation for men. Because we got a zillion toys for women. But I always say, like, it's a masturbation sleeve. It feels amazing. There's also that, man, I don't have a penis. Sometimes I wish I did. The first thing I would do is try that goddamn flashlight. But because it's so amazing, I feel from so many men I've heard they're like, it really feels like you're having real sex. But they also have like that stamina training unit that helps men if you want to last longer or like.

Yeah. So you can actually do edging.

Yeah, exactly. You can do a lot of stuff.

You can like practice with it and go and stop right before you're gonna come and then kind of like wait and then you can start again. And like, doing that is actually like going to the gym for your penis.

Exactly. So you gotta work out everything. Yeah. So I also love flashlights, so you can check them out on my website.

I've actually had a couple of my fans who were like, A couple of my fans were saying, yeah, I'm totally gonna use my flashlight and get the. Because they already have them.

Oh, they already have the flashlight. They have your flashlight.

Right.

Which is now probably also gonna be sold for like a thousand dollars.

Yeah. Whoever has any left that haven't been used.

That's amazing that you're the only one. You've had. You've had a lot of groundbreaking things happen. So I'm very happy to meet you. Really, I am. So how do you think, like, what's, like, what worked for you when you. When you meet guys? So, like a transition, like for when you meet men. You said you love how they write, but like, is there anything that the guys can do when you meet them that they immediately get your attention or things that have worked for you?

I am a big fan of guys who are polite.

Manners.

Yeah, manners. I mean, I'm also older, you know, so I think that, you know, the kind of guy I like, you know, is in tune with the kind of person I am, especially at my age, because I'm 41. So it's like, guys who are 41. Thank you.

Hate. People say that to me too. I'm like, really? Yeah.

So guys who are like in there, like, you know, I've tried, I've tried getting guys in their 20s and you guys are amazing, but we just don't relate on the same level. It just doesn't work out.

No, it doesn't. Nothing. Right, Exactly. I totally get it. It's time for like a night.

But yeah, it doesn't work out for like a relationship. So guys who are closer to my age group mentally, because you are going to run into like 50 year olds who are not your age mentally.

Exactly.

But guys who are super polite. I. Yeah, putty.

And then do you, do people, men like, recognize you on the street a lot? Does that happen? They will now after this month maybe.

I have a very, very comfortable level of fame where people and my fan base is super, again, super polite. They're super gentlemen. They're amazing. If they do recognize me, I tend to get a lot of emails or like Twitter Facebook messages later saying, hey, were you at this concert?

Or I get that too. They're like, I saw you. And I'm like, oh, God, what was I doing?

And I was like, why don't you come say hi? And they're like, well, we don't want to bother you because you were with a bunch of people. And I was like, okay. You're just, you just want to make sure that like your friends didn't know that you knew me from four.

Right, right. That might be it too, but. No, I get that too. They're like, were you at the Grove Shopping Mall this week? I'm like, why don't you say hi? People think, like, I'd love if you said hi to me. Like, it would make me so happy.

Well, it's because I think they all hear the stories of like, Brad Pitt and like Angel.

Oh, right. Like I'd punch them in the face.

Yeah, they're punching them.

I don't get that many people on you.

Right, exact. I don't get like a mob at the airport. So please, if you see me, please come say hi. I will totally take a photo with you.

We're doing a little video after too, so you can check out the video. You can check out what she looks like and go say hi. So I want to know what, what has your experience been as a bbw, big, beautiful and performer been? And do you feel that you cater to a specific audience? And if so, who's that audience?

Well, I mean.

The quick answer is guys are into big girls. Right. And the thing is there's guys who are into all sorts of girls. And so my fan base is especially because I'm Asian. I mean, I'm half Asian, but I look Asian. So my fan base, it's interesting because I get a lot of couples where the girlfriend or the wife is a plus size Asian girl.

Interesting.

And they'll be like, oh, finally there's porn out there. Where my, where the girl on the screen looks just like my wife, like physically.

Because so many women are insecure about watching porn because they feel like my boyfriend wants me to have fake boobs and look like this and that and. Right.

And in my case they're like, oh, Asian and plus size. And so I'm comfortable watching that with my wife because then my wife or my girlfriend doesn't feel like I'm trying to replace her with this lyric fantasy.

Which is what so many women fear about porn. That that's what he wants. But it's really not about that. It's just something separate that men do. That. I mean, sometimes it could be about that, but a lot of times not. But I love that you, you, you are providing that. And so is there any, like, would you say so that's kind of your audience? I think mostly couples and, and, and.

Guys who are just general, like into big girls, you know?

Right, exactly. And there's a lot, there's guys into everything.

And I'm also into. I also have a lot of fans who are just into me because my boobs are big. Right.

Whatever it is. Big boobs.

Yeah.

So, yeah. So what about when you're. When you've been filming? So are you still doing porn a lot now? You still are. Okay, so. So what. What is like the most, like, embarrassing moment or something that's happened to you during filming that kind of pushed your limits? Was there anything that was embarrassing or.

Just awkward that you actually. My most embarrassing moment turned out to actually be like an aha moment where I was filming.

You usually do, huh?

Right. So I was doing a scene in August with a guy. It was like a boy girl scene. It was like maybe like my second year in the business. And up until then I'd been told, especially with BBW porn, that the point of plus size porn is the girls have to look pretty, so their faces have to look immaculate and gorgeous. And then like, the body size is kind of secondary. And that's kind of what we were told, like, you know, and so I was doing a scene, you know, kind of like the bukkake movie, like in the middle of the summer in a place with no air conditioning, like Los Feliz or something, and I started sweating and, like, my eyelash fell off. My makeup was smearing and I was like, oh, God, this is probably like the worst scene. I'm gonna get horrible reviews. They're never gonna hire me again. I might as well just get.

And then the movie came out and people were like, that's the hottest scene ever.

How funny.

Because it looked authentic.

Right? Exactly. And everyone's into that. What movie was.

And I was like.

Waste watchers from zero tolerance. And like, seriously, it was like five years ago. And it was really like my aha moment I like, was like, oh, okay, so I don't have to be all fakey.

Fakey, Exactly. People want real.

Yeah. I mean, I'm still putting on a performance when I do my scenes because my point is, like, I want the guy watching it to be able to have an orgasm. So it's not that important for me to have an orgasm on camera. Like, I can do that at home.

But I don't necessarily have to make sure that my makeup is on perfect.

Right, Exactly.

So after that, my performing style change.

Right. Because you realize that that wasn't as important and you could just be yourself and be authentic. So you don't necessarily have orgasms during.

I do not.

So do you fake them or if they don't even want you to I.

Put on a very good show.

You've had a good show. Exactly so. Because you just can't.

No, because when I have an orgasm, I'm like. I'm like a dude. I want to take a nap.

Yeah, I know.

I.

Seriously, you're like, can I take a nap? A break here. So how easy to do. I know. That's true. That's true. How easily do you. Have you always been, like, do orgasm easily? Do you need certain?

Like, when I. I'm. I'm a clitoral.

Right.

Orgasm. Orgasmer.

Right. Right. As many of us are.

When I use, like, a magic wand. I'm zero to 60. I'm done in, like, 30 seconds. I'm like, okay, and then I grab my pillow and take a nap for, like, 10 minutes.

Right, exactly. As soon as you're like, 10. Do you ever, like, 10. Do you ever have, like, those met. Can you have multiple orgasms with the magic wand?

I cannot.

Okay.

No. I come really hard the first time.

Right. It's amazing. It really is amazing.

I've recently found out that I can squirt, like, in the past year.

From the wand?

No, from fingers.

Oh, okay.

That's good.

A lot of women. Yeah.

Yeah.

What was it? The G spot. They were touching you in a certain way.

Yeah. There's a whole, like, constant thrusting and, like, adding pressure, and so, like, that's fun. But, yeah, I'm mostly a clitoral girl.

Okay. Yeah, so that's. That's common, mostly. But you don't get a lot of.

Yeah, you don't get a lot of clitoral stimulation in porn.

No.

You know, it's all about thrusting.

It is. And that's the. That a big point we want to drive home, which I have on the show before, is that the thing about porn is that it obviously serves its purpose, but educationally speaking, if you want to learn how to have sex with a woman in an appropriate way, a lot of times it's thrusting. The man's penis is nowhere near her clitoris, and so she might not be. Some women can orgasm that way. Hats off to those women.

Yeah. So, I mean, it feels great.

Yeah, it does feel good. That's the thing.

You don't have it in porn. Like, it feels great.

But I don't get there.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. How about oral sex? Someone's performing oral sex on you.

I am not a big fan of receiving.

No. Really? You don't love it? How come?

I think it's because I'm submissive, naturally.

But wouldn't that be a submit if someone's receiving?

No, because I'm laying there while somebody's doing all the work is not necessarily a submissive move. Like, it's easier for me if I was laying there and they were, like, using the fingers or a magic wand and, like, doing a forced orgasm scene. But, like, for me, I just. Because it takes me a while to get there.

If it wasn't, like, fingers or a vibrator, after a couple minutes, I just kind of feel bad.

Right. You're like, oh, you're spending so much time.

No, you come back up here, Let me give you a blowjob.

Right. Oh, because you're a giver.

Because I'm a giver.

I understand that. So also, what would you say is. Okay, what's your favorite form of kink that you do? Is it mostly, like, the PBSM restraint?

And I also. I also do, like, a certain amount of breath play, but.

Oh, you do?

Yeah.

I heard that that breath play, so afraids could be very dangerous too.

Yeah. So there's a whole lot of trust involved. So I don't do that with everybody.

No, you have to know what you're doing.

Absolutely.

Because there was someone on the show told me that, like, it helps enhances our orgasm when you hold your breath. And not that we're gonna.

For me, it's. It's mental more than the actual breath. It's the whole, like, being held down act.

Right.

Yeah.

And you can't breathe, and it's like, okay, got it. And. Okay. So are there any skills that you think that you've learned, important that have improved your sex life that you could share? Like, what do you think porn taught you about sex?

Your own self? Your own body? Or how you.

Yeah, you know what? If anything, it's less about the actual, like, act of sex. It's more about body confidence. Because, you know, most. Most kids, when they're like, plus size, we all get teeth. You know, we all get bullied.

Were you bullied as a kid?

Absolutely. You know, especially living in Japan, I'm sure. And I developed early because I'm half Irish, so I have giant Irish boots.

Right.

And so I developed early, and I was always kind of chubby. Looking back now, it's like, this is the thing is, a lot of my friends do exactly the same thing as they look back at their, like, elementary school photos when they're like, oh, my God, I was such a fat kid. And they look and they're like, I wasn't right. You know, back.

And you're like, oh, yeah, it wasn't all that big.

Yeah. But you're teased for it because you're like the biggest girl in the class. And.

And so you kind of carry that with you, like, through, like, your relationships and stuff. So you kind of have. I've always been very sexual, but I haven't always been. I've always been like, you know, let me cover up my stomach, let me cover up my whatever. And being in porn.

I don't have any bullies.

Right.

Like, you know, it's easy on Twitter or Facebook if you have somebody who's like, oh, you're fat.

Right.

And you don't like that kind of conversation. Just block them.

Right, right. So easy.

And the people that do contact you because they like you, like, it's extremely empowering to have people telling you that you are their fantasy, because porn is fantasy. So if people are like, no, I'm going out of my way to find your stuff. And I'm a big fan of your work. I'm kind of like, wow, cool.

It really helps build your self esteem, and so therefore you're having better sex.

Yeah. So, like, I'm not condoning, like, all fat people should go and start doing stuff.

Right? No, no, no. We're just saying that fat people, fat people, whatever people larger.

We're about to use the word fat.

I know, but I just don't feel right. But that. Because that's another thing too, that a lot of women have so many insecurities about their bodies, they want the lights off. And I think those are the women that are more shut down sexually and maybe they're not having the sense they can have.

And that happens with women of any size.

Right. But particularly with, like, I gained two pounds. My boyfriend won't want.

Yeah.

And it's not true.

It's not.

He's not looking at you like how you. He's in the bedroom with you naked. I'm pretty sure he wants to have sex with you naked.

If he's in the bedroom with you naked, then he wants to be there.

Yeah, yeah. He's not like, looking at, like, you.

Know, forcing him to be there.

Right. And whatever it is that you're worried about, like, he's not tripping on that. I can promise you that. So are there any skills that you learned in porn or in life that you think that men need to know that they don't typically like that you think that you're like, God, I wish guys knew this.

More girls overthink.

That.

We overthink it girls tend to overthink everything. You know, I think we just naturally, genetically just overthink everything. So they're constantly concerned about how they look or how they're acting or do things smell bad or do, you know, am I. Did I shave properly? And all we really need is a guy to say, you're fine, you're beautiful. So easy. Like, just everything's okay. Yeah.

And you look great and I love you, and you're beautiful and you're amazing. And we all love compliments.

And guys don't know that. Like, guys don't know that. A lot of guys are like, well, I told you six months ago.

Yeah, I know. I'm like, six months. I need to hear it every day if I'm with someone. Like, when you tell me something, I'm beautiful, you know, I mean, I used to joke on my show, but I say like 10 times a day, complimentary woman. And like, I know that's aggressive, but even if it's like, that's a little much for me to make fun of me, but I was like, no, okay, but just trying to get my point across that, like, why not every time, like, you look beautiful. Like, I love how you look today, or like, I just love you. I think you're smart. Whatever it is, we all want a little bit. We're.

We. We just want a little affirmation.

We want affirmation. My ex boyfriend used to call us affirmation nuggets. Like, if I didn't get him for him, I'd be email him and he'd say, do you need a little affirmation nugget? I'm like, I do. And he's like, these little pellets. You'd be like, I think you're really hot. I'm like, thanks. Gotta go. Like, I just, like, need it. Like, feed my ego for a second.

And in my case, it's just time. Like, if somebody will be like, take the time to actually text me and say, hey, I'm thinking about basically letting me know that they're thinking about me. I'm like, okay, I can run with that the rest of the day. I'm totally just a little something and I won't overthink.

Check it in. It's totally. You're absolutely, absolutely right. Okay, so, Kelly Shabari, you're awesome. Thank you so much for bringing the show. So it's K E L L Y S H I B A R I. So that's Elishabarri on Twitter. And your website is Kelly Shabari.

Triple X easy.

And then. Okay, guys, seriously, go buy this penthouse form now. It's only be on sale for a month. It is a groundbreaking issue, and they've never had a woman, like, she looks beautiful on it. And I love love stories and everything. And then support. Support this mission. Support this amazing, like, monumental moment in her life and life for BBWs everywhere. So thank you for being here. Thank you. Anderson, how's your Film Vault podcast this week? Anything we need to know about Film Vault's good.

I'm extra obnoxious on it, so.

I know.

I heard.

What'd you do?

I feel bad. I just got one email, actually two emails, but saying that I was. I was a drunken lout.

Were you drunk?

I came in here with a couple beers.

Yeah.

I just watched my hockey team, and.

They lost in the second, so they.

Should understand that we did top five houses. Actually, by the time this ends, it's listener question week. It's a really good one, actually. We talk about a lot of very fun stuff, and I also review some movies that are in theaters right now.

Okay, good. So everyone should check that out. And thank you, Kelly, and thanks, everyone for listening. You got to check me out at Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. Sex with Emily. You can always email me your questions. You know, I love hearing from you on any of those formats that you want to do it, like Facebook, Twitter. Thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com so you know I'm obsessed with candles, right? Have you ever heard of massage oil candles? Okay, so get this. I always light candles when I'm enjoying a glass of wine with friends. And recently they were over and I lit three candles for my new line called Emily and Toni. My skin felt really dry, so I went ahead and poured some of it on my hands and I gave myself a quick massage. My friends were stunned that I did this and immediately were obsessed. And here's why. See, these candles are really aromatherapy massage oils that when warmed like a candle, they melt into the most luxurious body oil that is super hydrating, leaves your skin feeling and smelling amazing, and it's perfect for massaging your partner or yourself. You can use it during foreplay. And you know me, I'm a firm believer in foreplay. They come in delicious flavors like creme de vanilla, cocoa, and fougere. Not just that, they look great in your home. So help us keep this podcast free. Check them out today@emilyandtoni.com and you're welcome.

Perhaps play a little game called Just.

A tip, just for a second, just.

To see how it feels.

Hey, this is Jordan Harbinger, host of the Art of Charm podcast, the number one dating and relationship advice podcast in itunes.

I'm Emily Morse, host of the Sex with Emily podcast, the number one sex and relationship podcast on iTunes and@sexwithemily.com and this is just the tip.

So a lot of guys email in and they're talking about friends with benefits. How do I sleep with my friend and still keep it a friendship? Or I want to hook up with this girl. I know her from work and I don't want to date her. What's up with friends with Benefits?

See, that's a pretty popular scenario. Everyone thinks, hey, it's a win win having sex with your friend. It can be convenient. It's sex without the courting. They don't have to buy him flowers and they don't have to play mind games. I think if you can pull it off, friends with benefits can be a mutually beneficial relationship. But here's some ups and downs, Jordan, because it doesn't always work out. Because the upside, it's sex without strings attached, right? Who doesn't want that? You don't have the pressure of a relationship meeting the parents or watching too many chick flicks. Just be honest about your intentions from the beginning. Also, you know, it's casual, it's convenient. You don't have to go through the song and dance of flirting and courting and blah, blah, blah, and it all works out. However, the problem, the downside is that most times in this scenario, someone's going to get more attached than the other one.

Boo. Yeah. And that's usually, that's usually the end.

Of the friends with benefits situation. You say, oh, I'm cool, I'm cool. If you're sleeping with Shar and you're sleeping with him, that's cool. But eventually someone's heart gets broken and they think, you know what I can't handle anymore, and then you gotta end it. So I think they're good as long as they last.

It's all fun and games till someone's tires get slashed.

Exactly. So if you think you're up for a no strings attached relationship, then do make sure you are honest with your friend as well as your.

If you guys want to learn more from the Art of Charm about dating, relationships, and even networking for business, Visit us at theartofcharmpodcast.com or check us out on itunes and follow me on Twitter at the Art of charm and check.

Out the Sex with Emily podcast at sex with emily.com and on iTunes if you want to have the best sex of your life, that is. Also, Follow me on Twitter exwithemily There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough off Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health, magnesium. And here's the thing, no single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.comsexwithemily for 50 off and here's a bonus. Use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q-U a L I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.