Less Rejection, More Connection

Stop what you're doing and listen closely because Bellesa and I are giving away free spicy toys or gift cards to every single one of you. That's right. Everyone who signs up wins something. And if you haven't heard of Bellesa, let me put you on. They're a bi woman for everyone company that's completely flipping the script on sexual wellness. And now they're hooking you up. You've definitely seen Bellesa's viral toys all over your for you page. Like the rose, it blew up for a reason. This little flower shaped suction toy is iconic. Or. Or their famous whisper collection. You know the first fully ever silent vibrators. If you live with roommates, parents, or even if your partner is sleeping right next to you, these toys are silent without compromising power. Or their new Pebble Pro. They just one up their best selling pebble with a stronger, smarter and seriously spicy redesign. Ballast has somehow figured out how to engineer a one stop pleasure shop with three interchangeable heads. It sucks. It humps. It licks. It vibrates. I'm speechless. And of course I had to hook all of you up. So my friends at Bellesa are sending out free toys or gift cards for toys to everyone who signs up. You heard that right. Every single one of you wins something. Just click the link in the episode description or head to bbvibes.com Emily that's B B V I B E S.com Emily thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm talking about why your partner may be rejecting your sexual advances and how to get a better understanding around it. Plus, I'm answering your sex and relationship question. Topics include rejection, how to make it sting a little less, and hopefully to a place of better understanding. You love nipple play, but your partner is so not into it. Post baby, what gives? You want to give your partner more sexy surprises in bed, but your past has you feeling super nervous about it. What do you do? And how do you handle having different stress responses when it comes to sex? All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean?

Like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com and you can find us on all social media. It is Sex with Emily across the board, Intentions with Emily. So for each show, I start off by setting an intention for the show, and I hope you guys will do the same. So what I mean is, when you're listening right now, what do you want to get out of listening to this episode? How could it help you? And maybe it's, wow, when I heard this show was about rejection, I know that I could react better when my partner turns me down for sex. Maybe it's just I feel like I could learn how to deal with rejection better in all areas of my life. My intention is to help you find a little bit more understanding for each other. You know, think about it. If your partner's not in the mood for sex, not to blame yourself, how can you react better? How do you stay in the mood and let your partner down gently? We don't wanna hurt our partner's feelings, do we? I think we don't. All right, guys, enjoy the show. Thanks for listening. All right, guys, let's talk about sex, rejection, and how to get past it. So I'm here with producer Jamie because this really comes up. Hi, Jayme. This comes up all the time that, you know, we're not always gonna be in the same sexual space as our partner. In fact, mismatched libidos or desire discrepancy is probably one of the most common challenges in relationships. So just because your partner rejects you or they' in the mood for sex for a night or for a while, you know, people get rejected sometimes over and over. They have their reasons for it, but sometimes we don't even realize that we're hurt by our partner's rejections. Then we start blaming ourselves, and we think we did something wrong, and it becomes a mess. So I want you guys to. To learn something today about what it might mean when your partner says no to sex or when you say no to sex. Help you break it down?

Yes, because I think we're all really bad at doing that for the most part. How do you say no to something and then. Because no just feels like such a strong word.

It is, right? It's no. It is a strong word. And we feel like If I say no, especially if we're pleasers, we just think, oh, I'm just gonna keep saying yes. So I don't want to hurt their feelings. But listen, guys, we're gonna. There are ways to. Actually, there's a way to say no that isn't gonna suck.

It's true. No doesn't have to suck every day.

No, doesn't have to suck. So maybe like, okay, so maybe your partner is overworked, exhausted, or just completely stressed out. And people often complain the partner doesn't want sex cause they're too tired. But hey, we work demanding jobs. Some of us really work hard. Plus we're parents. Then we come home and we gotta take care of the kids, we gotta cook, we gotta clean, which is also tiring. And then there's. When there's big changes. Like sometimes it's like a big change and they're like, I'm just working late. I'm working a lot more jobs, I've got a second job now we have kids. And then that changes. So it just can feel impossible, insurmountable. Like, how do I get in the mood to for sex? How do I do it? If my partner.

It's like, you can't always turn your brain off either. Like, sometimes there are other things pressing on your mind. You're like, I would love to have sex right now, but I'm thinking about all of these things.

There's a million other things going on. Believe me, you know? I do. So, like, let's say you're this tired, stressed out one. I think the important thing is if, you know, you're like, oh, God, this is. My partner's gonna want sex right now. And I don't. What do I do? I think the most important thing is to let them know that it's not that you're just tired or avoiding them, or you just say no and keep your headphones on and avoid them. Let them know that you would like to have sex. Let them know when. Maybe you guys could plan it for a few days from then or on the weekend, but that you. It's not anything to do with them. But your body, your mind, whatever's going on, you don't have the energy for it. I think it's important to explain why we say no.

Yeah. Instead of just being like, no, I'm stressed out. Like, give them under. Why? Okay, so I'm stressed out. But here is what's making me stressed out or in. Sometimes even the ability to vent might make you feel better. And maybe you will Be in the mood after that.

Exactly. Sometimes just talking it out makes us feel better. Okay. If you're getting rejected, understand where your partner is coming from. Right? So maybe they, you know, if they tell you that they're really stressed out or they're anxious about something, maybe if you try to help more with tasks that would make their life easier. Surprise them, give them a relaxing massage or a bath, and then try to have sex in the morning when they're rested.

Right?

Why not? Sometimes taking the pressure off of someone and just saying, it's okay, I'm here for you. I want me help out. Let me do something will actually be just the thing they need to come back around. So another thing is you guys being asked in the wrong moment and taking a sincere not right this second as a blanket no. Now this is a big one. Because sometimes we mean, no, not right now. Let me finish up with something. Or we just, you know, we need a different kind of approach and we say, no, not in this moment. So sexual can't be spontaneous. And if someone's in the mood and the other one isn't, it doesn't mean it's gonna happen. So maybe your partner is in the middle of, like, pay attention. If they're cooking dinner, finishing up emails, texting, and you come over, you start kissing them, you're turned on, you're like, I wanna have sex right away. They might not be ready yet. Doesn't mean that they're never gonna be ready. Or they might not be ready in a few hours. But sometimes we take it as like a no. My partner always rejects me. And then we make it a bigger thing, and then we go to bed unsatisfied. When really, what could have happened is you could have just waited to have sex. Maybe your partner needed 15 minutes to finish dinner. You know, maybe she said no, or he said no, and then you got offended, and then things were just shut down. So if you're asked in the wrong moment, even though this can be hard, if you're in the middle of a task, you might be like, no, but make it clear that you're doing a task and you'll be ready for sex when it's finished. So you could say, like, I don't wanna be distracted, babe. It'll be so much better afterwards. Or give me 15 minutes, give me half hour, or even give me till tomorrow morning. Like it's okay to reassign it, let your partner know it's not. And the reason why I bring this up, that it's not a blanket no, because these things fester. Like, people get rejected and they've. You know, they just remember that one time they get all sexy and dressed up and their partner didn't really see them or. And it's because their partner was busy and they didn't feel accepted and they stopped making efforts. So I think the clearer we can be in the moment of saying no, the better. Yeah.

I mean, if I am even me, who wants to have sex most all the time, if I'm doing something, like, if I am cleaning and you are trying to have sex with me right then and there, I'm just gonna be like, I need to finish this task that I am visibly doing. Please go wait for me in the bedroom. You can start without me. I will be there eventually.

I'm all, I'm down with you starting such a good thing. Right.

You know?

Yeah.

But then people are like, no, she said no, and now I'm mad. Or he. He or she.

Well, right. Well, if you're the one getting rejected, try to see it from their perspective, how being interrupted in the moment wasn't the best thing, wasn't the best time. And that if you're patient, you probably get up having sex anyways. So it's almost a matter of being present and catching our responses, catching our reactions that kind of get us upset.

Yeah. Not getting, like, not getting hung up on yourself, too. Like, oh, I asked them in the wrong moment, and now I feel bad about myself. And now everyone feels bad. It's more about, like, oh, you know, if I had thought about it, she is. She or here is doing his task. If I was doing that task, I probably wouldn't want to be interrupted either.

Right. Really being able to see from the other person's shoes. You could walk in their shoes for a day. Okay. Partner's body isn't made fun of, or it's change, and they're not comfortable being naked. This is another reason why we don't want to have sex. You know, you guys, I hear this all the time. We feel like we have saggy breasts, or our labia is too long, or we've gained too much weight, our penis too small. We've got stretch marks, feeling loose after childbirth. You know, it's really hard to forget all these things when we are being approached for sex by our partner.

So. And we get self conscious. And so I think if, you know, if we are the one, if we're walking with all these insecurities. Cause we often get callers in the show, they're like, how could I get my wife to feel beautiful. We had someone calling the other day. It's like a lot of it really is an inside job that we have to like, learn to love ourselves, even if we're trying. So if you have the insecurities, you know, remember that your partner loves you and they're attracted to you and they're with her for a reason. They don't. People don't see our flaws the way we do. It's hard to forget flaws.

It's hard to forget that, like, not everyone is seeing. Like, because if you ever had a zit on your face, you're like, oh my God, I have this huge zit. And then the person you told that to is like, I didn't notice until you told me.

Yeah, and now I can see your zit. Exactly. This is what happened. Exactly the point. Listen, they're naked with you, they're in bed with you. They're probably turned on. And confidence, we always hear time and time again is the sexiest thing in the bedroom. So if you could learn to kind of even practice it in the mirror, move past whatever your insecurities are, like learn to love the parts or at least learn to accept the parts of.

Yourself that, yeah, acceptance is.

Does it have to be positive acceptance. And that can turn to full on confidence. Then if you're getting rejected, you know, it does help to compliment your partner, reassure them, let them know how attractive they are to you and think about things before you say them. If you have said something like, yeah, I can tell you, or maybe you should go to the gym more. Yeah, you know, if you've been the one criticizing them, that's, that's going to feed into it. So if you can find a way to.

Kind of come back from that, counteract that, talk to your partner, explain to them where it might have come from, maybe that could help them feel better.

Because sometimes we do, we also make these little nonchalant comments that aren't even to us. It wouldn't be an insult, but because that's an insecurity of someone else, they fixate on that. And you might even remember you said anything.

Well, that's the thing. And we hear things, we remember them. I mean, it's okay to say to your partner, well, I remember one time you told me that you've never seen a labia like mine before. And I took that to mean that it wasn't natural or normal and that you hated it. And then maybe this gives your partner, oh, no, I didn't mean that. I just Meant it was unique, or I meant it was. I think the more we give light to the things that we are keeping in the dark, the. The more we grow, the healthier we become. Another reason we might not want to have sex is pain. Either sex is actually causing us pain, or we're just in pain in general.

And we're like, your back hurts.

I don't have sex with my back hurts. Right. So 80% of women, though, experience pain during sex at some point in their lifetime, and that's a pretty high percentage. Some women have it all the time. Some women just, you know, now and then. And then we normalize it, and we're, like, too embarrassed to tell our partners, well, wow, I've got some pain. So they make up another excuse. And so I think if you're in pain, you gotta let your partner know that you are in pain and that you're gonna try to figure out some solutions together. Remember, you're both in this sex game together, and you don't have to live with pain during sex. Maybe it's seeing a pelvic floor, physical therapist, getting checked out, figuring what it is so you can start to rebuild and actually have sex that's not painful. If you're getting rejected, understand that you gotta be patient and that you're gonna work with them on getting, you know, getting the. The problem solved, like figuring out how they can manage pain. You know, when we're suffering in a relationship, sometimes we don't know how to ask for help and what we need. But sometimes we just need our partners to know that they're there, that they're invested in our health, that they want to help us get through it. Like, if you. Let's say you've been having pelvic floor pain and you go to physical therapist and they give you, like, a dilator that you have to use a few times a week to kind of help, kind of alleviate some of the pain. Well, as the partner, maybe you could say, hey, you know, want me to sit with you while you do your exercise today? Or how are they going? Or take an interest in. In their recovery and somehow maybe even.

Make that sexy in a way.

Well, yeah, I was thinking like some mutual masturbation or using the dilator with them.

Yeah. Because I would hate to feel alone in this. Like, imagine because you're letting your partner down because you don't want to have sex. You don't want to tell them you're in pain because you might think that's normal or whatever, and then you finally tell them and then your partner's like, oh, my God, I don't want to hurt you like this right now. Let's figure it out together.

Exactly. And then. Yeah, you're right. Then your partner's like, oh, I don't want. You have pains. I know. I feel like having this. I don't want to have the sex. Yeah.

And then you.

The sex.

You could have the sex. I love when you say that.

That's my new favorite thing. Okay, this one. Okay. The other thing is there was no buildup. This is a big one, you guys. Quickies can be amazing. You know, I get it, I get it. But sometimes your partner just wants to be seduced. They want to be kissed, they want to be touched, they want to be romanced and take their clothes off slowly. And sometimes it's actually doesn't feel good. We're actually not going to get in the mood if we don't have a buildup. So we need it. So maybe, you know, instead of going right for the sex, you go out for dinner, go dancing and massage. Making out. That can help alleviate. That can help kind of get us in the mood. So how do we react? Better this. Okay, so let's say there's. There's no buildup, and you need buildup. You can let your partner know that you're not ready for sex yet. And it's going to be amazing. You know, you wanted to make out for a minute or you want to slow it down. It's okay to say to your partner, let's just kind of slow this down right now. I'm not ready, or let's revisit it tomorrow, because this escalated and I wasn't there. I wasn't on board. I wasn't there. I left the room. If you're getting rejected, take your time. Teasing is fun. Now this is a new skill you gotta learn. Some people just have learned just to rush right through sex, you know, not every time it has to be a whole production, you know, but once in a while. Yeah, I believe, I believe. You know, taking your time, teasing, finding out what your partner needs for this buildup. For arousal.

Yeah. Because even, like, I can orgasm pretty fast regardless. But even if that's the case, it's so much nicer when you prolong it because then you feel more connected and then it's. You want it even more.

Well, that's the intimacy, I think that all of us crave because quick sex is more of like scratching an itch. But if we're really craving a deeper intimacy and connection that comes from, you know, prolonged arousal and teasing and all that stuff. And actually, our orgasms are. Can be a lot more, you know, if that's your focus. Doesn't have to be, but they can even be more intense when we wait.

I love it.

All right, guys. So that's how to deal with rejection and with sex so you guys can learn to connect and have deeper intimacy. We're going to take a quick break. When we come back, we're going to get into your email questions.

Foreign.

That's why I do what I do. So if you want a question answered on the show, go to my website, sex with emily.com. click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form, check a yes if you'd like to be called or call into our show five nights a week. You can also email me feedbackexwithemily.com include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. All right, thanks, guys. Okay, Producer Jamie, want to read the emails?

Of course. Okay. This first one comes to us from Zach, 25, in Colorado. Hi, Dr. Emily. My question is, ever since my wife had our daughter two years ago, she really doesn't like nipple play. She says it reminds her of breastfeeding. Is there any way I can get her to like the feeling of sucking on them, slash, touching them again? That was a big part of our foreplay, and I wish I could get her to enjoy it again. Thanks for any tips.

All right, Zach, thanks for your question. So here's the deal. When women give birth, when we age, move through the decades, our bodies change, and so does our hormones, our desires, what we like in the bedroom, the frequency of sex, there's a lot of things that are going to change. So while your wife might not have the same exact feelings about you, you know, with nipple play, I don't think that she's completely. I'm fairly confident she can get back to a place of enjoying sensation. So it's more like she got a new pattern. She, like, is associating nipple play with. With breastfeeding. So now we got to get her to kind of rediscover the sensitivity of her nipples again. So I would say let her know you can talk to her outside the bedroom and just say, you know what? I love watching you be a mom. I love our sex life. All the things that are great. And then say, and I really miss playing with your. With your nipples. I would love just to slow down. Kind of like I always tell Jamie, like, take sex off the table when things get, like, sometimes you don't. If intercourse is a problem, you kind of want to bring back massage. Well, I think with her, you could say I just want to lightly start to massage your breasts. I want to start, like, massaging the sides of them. It feels really good. Like, give them. It does explore her breasts in a bunch of different areas that are not the nipples. So it's kind of like a tease. Like when you're teasing your thighs and you're playing with your inner thighs. So now, because I've just discovered in recent years how great it feels when someone. I'm showing Jamie right now, like, massaging the top of my breasts or the side of them. And then you tease it, maybe use a light touch. And then you go back to the nipples. And if you can slowly build, if she can build up, if you can take it slow and she can start to kind of rediscover all those nerve ending sensations, I think she's going to get that feeling back and she's going to learn to love the nipple feeling again. Now if she doesn't, like, if for whatever reason she can't get there, I'm sure you guys can find some other ways to play in bed.

Yeah. And I love what you're saying about just not touching the nipples and the breasts as a whole, because I also do feel like sometimes the whole breast gets ignored.

It does.

But that it does feel good. I love a good tit massage. It's nice.

It's so nice. I love every kind of massage. And that one in particular. Yes. It's like we hold tension in there. We're wearing bras all day.

I know.

We deserve a massage every single night once we get the goddamn bra off.

I would love just to have, like, a bra that felt like hands. What if you had a bra that just felt like hands? It would be so comforting. It'd be like a hug all day.

Oh, my God. You could hug all day. That's right. And maybe it has a little like, like soft velvet or something. Maybe it vibrates every once in a while. It's like, hello. Maybe it's like, lift up.

All the ideas we come up with.

On this podcast are great. Oh, man. I just made me really want to get a breast massage now. Like, I really want to ask a partner to do it. You could use massage oil. They could use, like, the womb or play Coconut oil.

Yeah. What are they going to say? No.

Exactly. And if they say no, then we have zero left words to say to each other. Oh, okay, there's the door. There's the door. All right, let's go. Next one.

All right, this next one comes to us from Jordan, female, 25, in Wisconsin. Dr. Emily. My boyfriend and I are big fans. We always listen and agree on your great tips. We've been together for three years now, but somehow I still don't feel confident with our sex life. I want to surprise him more and keep it alive. So what are some good tips to get myself a little more comfortable? To introduce toys and lingerie to our love life. I really want to feel more confident and sexy. I was in a relationship a few years ago that was emotionally and physically abusive, and sex was a joke. When I tried to be sexy, it was hilarious to him, and I'm so afraid of being turned away or laughed at.

Okay, Jordan, thanks for your email. And I love hearing. We love hearing right here that couples are listening together.

Oh, yeah.

And learning, growing from the show. That makes me, like, that gives me, like, a. That's why I'm alive feeling. So thank you for sharing that. A lot of couples do have success in listening. So, Jordan, you seem, like, super evolved. Like, you're doing the work here. You understand that your last relationship wasn't healthy, and perhaps that that is having an impact on you and your confidence in the bedroom. So while it's not great to go through things and, you know, neg past relationships, when we learn from them, like, that's where the magic happens. So especially when people make comments and they don't make you feel great about yourself. So I would say that some of this is gonna be a you, you thing to do that trying on the lingerie or something. I think, like, lingerie is amazing, but if you have, like, something that makes you feel sexy and you could kind of practice in your bedroom how I've done this, like, I've gotten sexy lingerie and, like, a little robey thing. And I was like, okay, I'm going to a boyfriend's house. I'm gonna, like, look how I look in the mirror. Like, this is how I want to move. This is what who I am. And, like, I could go, oh, God, my thighs look weird or my left boobs bigger than my right boob. But instead, I had gotten myself into the mindset of, like, I'm gon look how I look is like, this sexy goddess in the mirror. That's who I am. And then that is what helps. That's part of it. And even if you just get to the point of, like, I look okay, that just to see how you look and practice confidence, that's the part you gotta do on your own. You know, I'm a big fan of us working on sex, working on our sex lives together with our partner. Cause sometimes one partner's carrying the whole burden of having to fix it. But this part, the self confidence part, starts with you. But then also what you guys could do together is check out the yes, no, maybe list on our site. You can download it. Yes, no, maybe. And then you guys could sit there together and you could each fill it out and figure out, hey, what feels good to me? What feels good to you? Are we both into spanking? Are we into dressing up? Are we into trying different things? And it gives you all these options. Maybe it's breastplate. You know, all. And then you check, and then you compare. After you're like, yes, I'm yeses on here. I'm. No's on here. We're maybes. Okay, so once you guys do that, then you have a blueprint. You kind of have a roadmap to think. Okay, well, we are both into. We both want to receive sensual massages. The surprise comes in where you set it up. One night, maybe he comes home and you have it. You give him a blindfold. You lay him down on the bed. You have some massage candles lit. And then you start to do some of the things that you learned that you both like. And there's something very empowering about taking charge of that. So, for example, if you give him a blindfold and then you put on your sexy outfit and you tease him and you use, like, play with different parts of his body, he's not going to know what comes next. It's a very exciting way to spice it up and play together.

I love that you brought up the blindfold because that might make it easier for her to bring in the lingerie, because maybe the first time he doesn't take the blindfold off. So she's just getting used to the sex and the. The playfulness in the lingerie without him actually having to see her.

Exactly.

And then the next time, that's great.

You can take it off. Right? Because then you're in the vicinity of sex, and you might just feel so sexy that you can't help it. Take the blindfold.

Exactly.

If that happens, we're happy. All right, thanks for email. We appreciate you, Jordan.

This Next one is Cassie, 34, from New Mexico. Dear Dr. Emily, My husband and I respond to stress very differently. My body responds to stress by shutting down. I want to snuggle, watch tv and sleep. His body responds to Stress by yearning for sexual intimacy to relieve it. Because both of our jobs deal with the well being of other people, we're often stressed and typically at the same time add kids to the mix and forget about it. How can we help each other in these times when we have polar opposite reactions?

All right, Cassie, thanks for your email. Just so you know, this is a very common struggle that a lot of couples are facing right now. We're all running around so goddamn stressed out. It is hard to connect. It actually can really destroy our sex life. So it sounds like you both just need to take some time to, to de stress, get out of your comfort zones there at home and maybe like take a trip together, take a day off, get a babysitter, rent a hotel room for a night. You would be amazed at what a change of location for even a night can do for a reset. Like so you can reconnect when it's not as stressed and do you make time? And I understand having kids and also this is just a time when you have young kids and you're, you have jobs and you're working it. It is just a struggle for several years, but if you can think about it. Okay, well, when are we the least stressed? Now this is going to take a little effort, but I think it's worth it. So maybe it's setting the alarm for 15 minutes earlier in the morning because you're like, you know what if we have 15 minutes for intimacy to connect in the morning, then we'll both feel connected as we go about our day. Or maybe it's Saturday mornings and the kids are all off doing something or you have a babysitter or you go somewhere because this is like as important as your workouts. It's important going to the kids games, it's important as everything else. Family dinner, your time to de stress and then to connect with each other and have sex is, is actually a priority. So if you put it in the schedule and you say this is the times we're gonna have sex, this time we're gonna be intimate. So you guys can kind of know that that's gonna happen and look forward to it and make sure you're the right headspace, I really think that would be a solution. It could help you both.

So this next one is from Josh who is 43 in Colorado. Hello, Dr. Emily. Big fan. I was in a 15 year marriage that ended and I'm now on dating apps mostly. But what I experience is this. The women I'm interested in want a long term relationship and I'M not saying that I don't, but I'm also not saying that I do. The women who want to just date, I'm usually not interested in. I feel bad on dates if women are looking to be married or at least monogamous. And I can't say that is what I want. But it's not that I don't want it. I know it's what I want with the right person. But how do you handle this? What if you love dating someone but you don't want to marry them? But in the beginning they communicate that they do. It's like everyone is jumping from first date to joint bank account. I want to see more than one person a while and then maybe get exclusive and then we will see. It's like a three year process. And the women I date who I find wonderful, hot and amazing want to be married yesterday. So what does one do?

All right, thanks, Josh for your question and it's good to hear from you. So, okay, this makes sense. You're married for 15 years and you're back on the apps. And a lot of women, they are looking for long term commitments. They are looking for marriage, as are a lot of men. But you can let someone know that you'd like to date casually and that that's what you're looking for right now. You can be totally honest. I just got out of a marriage. I'm kind of figuring out what my next steps are. I'm looking to spend some time with a few people and you know, eventually maybe you want to be in a longer term relationship, but right now you don't want to jump in right away. You can let them know that I agree with you that it does take time and I sort of date more like you do. I feel like I. Why? How should we know after a few dates if this is something we want to move forward with and have a relationship? I think that if you are dating a few people at once and you're really honest about it to everybody and to yourself, then you get to kind of see, well, what's out there. Who am I now? Who is Josh? As a 43 year old man who got out of a 15 year marriage, you might not know what kind of woman you're looking for, what kind of relationship you want. So there's nothing wrong with you wanting this, but I think the big thing here is communication, being upfront on the app. Say you're not looking for something serious and you are open to whatever happens. Just let it know, let them know, put it out there so everyone's on the same page. If you like the show, find us. Rate us five stars wherever you listen. We love that. Give us a review on itunes. Any questions, Suggestions? Feedback@sexwithemily.com Thanks to my awesome team, Ken, Kristin, Elisa, Brian, our interns, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health, magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement. It's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which I always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.com sex with Emily for 50% off. And here's a bonus use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15% off your order. That's Q-U a L I a life.com sex with Emily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.