Lessons in Love & Lube

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes they call them. In a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's got to have her standard. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's, not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sex with emily.com. you can check out everything we have going on on the site. We have blogs, we've got posts, we've got things to help you have better sex and relationships. And it's easy to listen to podcasts now. Everywhere you listen to podcasts. Spotify, Google Play, iHeartRadio, SoundCloud, all those places find us on social media. It's exwithemily across the board. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, we are there. All right, here's some sex in the news. Here's some experiences that couples can have to strengthen your relationship. Whether you guys have been together for a long time or it's a new relationship, I just love some simple things that you can do that can have big changes in your relationship. And these are things you might not have thought about. I always say that couples who play together stay together. And I think just anytime you guys work through an experience, even if it's a negative one in a relationship, it can really grow that bond. And so here's a few things I love this one. Talking about your finances. Money, sex, and kids are actually three of the biggest stressors in relationships. So I really think as much as I want you guys to deal with sex things, finances are a huge one. And it can really create tension when you don't talk about it. And the thing about money problems is they're not sometimes as apparent as the sex challenges. Money is just like, well, we've never talked about money. Why would we ever talk about it now? So I just think that it's really important to kind of just bring it up and like, what should we do about, you know, whatever you guys are experiencing? Like, if one of you makes more than the other one and you're not sure who should pay for the date, or if you feel like one person's always contributing and the other isn't. Just like how I tell you guys to talk about sex in a relationship. I think that when you're in an environment that is stress free and maybe when you're driving the car, God, I love that for having the really good conversations. Talk about money. I promise you it'll feel good, even if it feels very small to you. Things add up over time. So talk about your finances and that can bring you closer together. The next one, you guys creating a scheduled date night. Here's what I want to say about that. I Talk about it a lot. But if someone like said to me, give me your best relationship tip, I swear to God, scheduling a date night would be in the top five. Because I happen to know from experience and from life that when you have a special night and it seems so simple to people and people think it's, oh, it's so unsexy, or if we have to schedule sex or schedule dating, then it won't make it as precious and as interesting in the relationship and as helpful. But it really does because we all get busy with work and relationships and children and hobbies and we just think, oh, well, we live together or we're married. Why do we need a date night? I'm telling you, when you have that one night that you're looking forward to, maybe you each take turns and one of you schedule it one week and one of you schedule the next week. It's just that night where you guys can stay close and keep the passion flowing and keeps intimacy live. And I just love a good date night. So if you don't have one yet. Planet traveling abroad together. I love this one, you guys, because it's true. When I just, I did a show with my boyfriend Ben, we went to Greece together. And I said at the beginning of that podcast, it's recorded there. I said, I knew this relationship would either bring us together or tear us apart because we had never traveled together. We never even spent like more than a night away together. So you do it brings you together or tears you apart because you just know. How do you guys negotiate things? Who's gonna pick the restaurant? Who's gonna make the travel arrangements? Who's paying for things? You guys have to really work together. And when you're ab and you're not speaking the language and neither one of you have been there and you're out of your comfort zone, that really tests the bonds of relationships. And if you're in a long term one, it can really bring you closer together. Another one, you guys releasing some adrenaline. I always say that couples who play together stay together. This is why. Because when you guys are doing something that actually, you know, is. Is really kind of thrilling, like hiking or skydiving, not that's always available for you, but something that's fun, something that you're like, wow, we never do this. When you try a new experience, it's going to release adrenaline and it's going help you bond and have that rush and support each other and bring you together. This is all about things that are bringing you closer together. Jumping out of A airplane could do that. Or just going on a fun skip, maybe a little, little bit more challenging hike could do all of those things. Cooking a meal together, I love that, you guys being in the kitchen together and learning to cooperate each other. Like, who's going to do the dishes? Who's going to cut things? Like, I can't cut onions, they make me cry. I have to take to bed. Can't do it. You got to be with someone who's going to pick up the slack or the onions or whatever. When you are not willing to. A day without technology. This is a lot easier than you think. Even going to dinner and leaving the phone in the car or saying on Sunday, like, do you really need your phone? Go four hours without your phone. Cause then you guys actually have to talk. There's nothing happening on a Sunday or a Saturday, typically that you're gonna need your phone there. So you'll be amazed to see how present you actually are with each other. When you're not looking at your phone, your phone's not at the table, and you just can show up for each other in so many other ways. You're not like, oh, let's check out this picture. Let's look at what's going on on Instagram and just connect to each other. And this one I love is celebrating an anniversary. You might think it's silly to be like, oh, this is the first time we met or the first time we went a date or our first kiss. But when you guys let these like little small accomplishments in your relationship go unnoticed, uncelebrated, then they just kind of pass by and you won't remember that they actually happened. But when you make a bigger deal out of it, like this is our birthdays or this is our anniversary, that will also bring you closer together because you're remembering the special moments that bonded in the first place and why you love each other. And I think anytime you guys can engage in something that's actually going to remind you why you fell in love. Like, I love the idea of recreating the first date when you guys were dating. And doing things like that just helps keep the romance alive. So I think any one of these things will do that and help strengthen your relationship. Just takes a little commitment and effort on both your part. And then go jump out of a plane. Okay. The best way to fight with your partner, according to psychologist. I like this because I think these are great tips for you guys. I think that we all get into fights and arguments in relationships and they can actually be really Healthy if you do it the right way. Because fighting gone wrong is contempt and anger that builds up and resentments. But when you do it right, I think makes a huge difference. And these are just little twists. So here is the first one. Be curious about your fights. Instead of having the fights, kind of look at them go, why is this fight happening? And so the example here is a therapist asking the couple, what does it look like the 5:30. What does a 5:30pm fight look like on Wednesdays? And so you might look at each other and say, wow, okay, yeah, we always have fights at the end of the day because, you know, I want my partner to come home and ask me how my day is. And they're always coming in really stressed from work. I need time to decompress. That's a classic argument. I've been in that with partners. I'm like, why do you not ask me about my day? Or whatever it is? And I think it's common. But if you look at it and you're like, oh, this is what's really happening. It's kind of the same argument over and over again. And that's a trigger. We're both tired at the end of the day and we have different needs. And then you kind of break it apart rather than fighting that your partner doesn't care about you because they didn't ask about the day. But to know, okay, at 5:30pm we, you know, need to take 10 minutes where we both, like, decompress and then we come together and we compromise. Because you realize if you pull back from your fights and as we're so in them, we get so attached to them. But when you pull back and you're like, what is cure? What can we get curious about this argument we're having? Even if you don't have a therapist, you can look at the problem and the argument differently and then come up with different solutions. Another one is schedule a time for conflict. I like this because sometimes we get into fights and we just don't want to fight. We're like, not now, later. But if you very specifically say, like, let's talk about it on Saturday morning or Saturday afternoon at 3, then we can actually think about it. We can have time to get calm with our thoughts and be more rational and avoid that instinct to be defensive or to be accusatory at a relationship. Because a lot of times we say things that just come from, you know, impulses or from our anger that we regret. So taking time to say, you know what? Let's not talk about this now, let's talk about it later, I think is a perfectly fine and can be a really helpful way to deal with conflict. Make requests instead of complaints. So fights can often start with you always, you always, you know, forget to ask me about my day. Or you always forget to pick up your laundry. And that automatically just starting any conversation with you is going to put someone on the defensive. It could be like, you, you're doing a great job, or you're doing. But we hear you and we're like, I'm on attack. So rather than saying you, you can make a request. Instead of saying you never clean the house, you could say, I'm not feeling great. I'm stressed about the way the house looks. Would you mind picking some stuff up? And this way you're more direct and respectful and you're not putting them down for, like, not keeping the house clean. And then you're letting them know why it would mean a lot to you and why it would help you, maybe why you're stressed. Like, it's just. It's just a little word twist that can actually get your intention across and helps your partner hear what you're actually trying to say. And these are also great for life, you guys. Like this one. Listen and ask your partner for clarification. Now, this can be challenging because if your partner's saying, you know, that he or she doesn't feel heard by you ever, and saying, you should listen, you might say, what do you mean, I'm always listening? So what you could do is just ask for clarification and you could say, well, what makes you think, like, what makes you feel I'm not listening? Or what would it look like to you if I actually was listening? That's a much more tactful way to address your partner's complaint than saying, like, you know, well, I'm listening. So you should just know that I always listen to you and you should feel heard. End of story. So actually asking clarifying questions and repeating back to your partner, like, what makes you feel that way? You're going to get a lot more information when you ask questions. And then I think, this, I like this one too. You guys learn the right way to apologize to your partner, which is very similar to the love languages in the sense. Because some people, you know, there's different ways you want to be loved. Well, some people want like a huge, like two dozen roses. And some people just want to hear the words like, I'm really sorry and here's why I'm sorry. Like, they want to Hear it several times maybe, or you know, so you just don't know. You have to. And buying flowers without saying I'm sorry could be a problem. So you got to find out what your partner needs. And then learning how they would like to be apologized to is a great way to hear it. You might think you've always apologized and like, you've never apologized. So this is something really important to clarify so you can get on with your relationship.

Tips for finding the right kind of lube. God, I love lube. All right, people with allergies, you guys, you might just want to avoid all the gimmicky stuff, like all the warming lubes and the flavored lubes. So those are fun for oral sex. I can't recommend like some of Joe's lubes, like their gelato lubes and stuff for oral is amazing. But you might want to avoid that stuff if you have allergies. And lubes are not just for women. Lubes are for partnered sex. What's good for her will definitely be good for both people if, you know, if you're with a man. So keep that in mind. And lube just heightened sensation. You guys, I just, this is why I love lube. I mean, really, I think that people still, there's some stigma in people's mind that like, oh, we only needed to use it if there's a problem, like if she's too dry or it means that someone's failed you, like, oh, she's not turned on by me. But the truth is, you guys, lube does enhance so many sexual experiences that I am a fan. Lubes are not great for conception. So if you're trying to get pregnant, do some research before using any old lube. There's certain things that your doctors can tell you about and there's other kinds of products they could give you. And finally, just remember, different lubes cater to different sex. So anal sex, you guys, the anus is not self lubricating. So I love some good silicone lube. Uber lube is great for anal sex. Love it system. Joe makes a good water base. I like good clean love. And then again, my suggestion for oil based lube is woo for play. So go have fun with lubes. And we got a bunch of them on our website too. Just go to our website, the shop link, it's there. Use lube, you're like it. And if you don't like lube, email me, we'll talk. Because no one's ever said, why'd you tell me to buy lube? I feel like it's worked out for all of you. Okay, guys, thanks for listening. And now we're gonna take a quick break. Give a shout out to our sponsors and onto your emails.

Okay, onto your email questions. If you have a question you want answered on the show, you can text ask Emily all one word to 797979. Fill out the form, put yes. If you'd like to be on a call show or go to sexwithemily.com, click the Ask Emily tab and include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. This is from Kate, 31, in Georgia. Dear Emily, I don't like to shave my pubic hair because of razor burn. However, I do like to keep it neat. My boyfriend says he thinks pubic hair is gross, so I feel like I should shave mine completely. I personally think bumpy razor burn is more unsightly than pubic hair, but he seems to feel strongly. Any advice on how to get him to be okay with my pubic hair? And if I shave, how can I avoid razor burn? I've moisturized, used hydrocortisone cream, and tried shaving different directions. Thanks a ton, Kate. Okay, Kate, so here's a few things. Like, I read this, and I'm like. Like, I really. I really want all women to understand, like, it's your choice what you want to do, you know, how you want to shave it and what feels sexy to you and what makes you feel good. Although I understand also, he's your boyfriend. He's the one who's seeing your vagina the most, besides you, I'm assuming. So I get you want to please him and turn him on. I always think that women, we all get to choose how we want our pubic hair to be, look and to feel and what makes you feel the sexiest. I also understand being in a relationship and when your partner makes requests about things and what turns them on. And if he says, your pubic hair is gross, I get it. You're like, okay, I'm gonna shave it. But I don't think that this is closed for discussion. I think that you can let your boyfriend know that, you know, you get bumps and sometimes it's painful, and you, you know, you really just. You kind of like it trimmed, and maybe he will get over it. I don't know if he said this to you, like, the first week you've been dating or I don't know how long you've been together, but sometimes we say things early on in a relationship and we assume that's how it is and how we need to be. But maybe, like, he's with you, he loves you. Like, and hopefully he might understand this, that you're like, it just. I get these bumps, and it's great. It's itchy and scratchy, and this is what turns me on. And he might be like, oh, yeah, I said that months ago. Or it used to gross me out. But I love you. We're together now, so I think that you always got to check in with those things. I don't remember something that, you know, a boyfriend said to me once about some kind of underwear. This was a really long time ago. But he's like, I just don't like those kind of underwear. I don't. And I think. Think it was like, a thong or something. And then when I saw him early on, I was like, oh, I didn't wear it. I was like, I wore other things I thought were sexy. And then one time I was wearing it, I was like, I'm like, I know you don't like these underwear. He's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, he's like, you said, like, you said that. He goes, I don't really remember. You know, it was kind of thing, like, in my mind, I thought it was like, those are horrible, and I won't date you if you wear those underwear or whatever. Think. We women think in our brains. But if you check in again and you're like, babe, it's painful, and I'm using hydrocortisone, and he might like, oh, go ahead. Like, don't worry about it. I love you. You're amazing. However, there are alternatives. If you want to know about shaving, if you want to do it differently and you don't want to get bumps. I think waxing is great. Getting wax, going to a salon, laser hair removal, you don't have to get it all off, but you could also do, like, the sides of it if you want to do that. And threading is something that I've actually done on my pubic hair. And that works. As far as shaving in different directions, that does work. Like you said, it's also important to make sure that that whole area is, like, moisturized and hydrated because it's, you know, the skin's very, very delicate. I mean, think about it, you guys. You want to be delicate. You want to, like, make sure it's taken care of, and you want to have a new razor. So you. I used to think this, that if you had a new razor you're more likely to get cut, but it's actually the older razors that are more likely to cut you. So always use the fresh razor. Use shave lotion. Keep the razor moving on your skin and stay hydrated. And deodoc, you guys, deodoc has like a whole plan. Like I love Doc. I use it for like in the shower, in the mornings. I love the way it smells. I love the way it feels. And then they have a shaving serum that's made particularly for that area and gets rid of redness. You can check out D O Doc. D E O D O C. So, Kate, talk to your boyfriend and then see if any of these other things work for you. But remember to only shave it if you want to. Okay. This is from Mike, 48, in Michigan, my home state. Hey, Emily. Longtime listener. My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years and have a great relationship in and out of the bedroom. We always try to keep things interesting and try new things often. Recently my wife told me she wanted to try double penetration. Not with another male, but with her vibrator. And me. She wanted to use her G spot vibe while we're doing anal. The problem we have run into is that we are both in our late 40s and she is a plus size woman and is not very flexible. We have tried pillows and the spooning position. And the spooning position sort of worked, but she'd like to be able to experience this without having to work her vibrator herself. Any suggestions with positions or are there any toys out there that could help? Thanks. Okay, Mike, I have a special treat for you. So very dear friend of mine, one of my favorite people on the planet and a very sex, very smart, amazing sex educator, Elle Chase wrote a book called Curvy Girl Sex. And so I asked her, I sent her a question and she actually replied. And this is from Elle Chase. You can also everyone just check out her book. It has great tips for all sized women, but I think you'll really enjoy it. So here we go. And this is from Elle. She suggests for you, Mike, to use a Liberator wedge and or wedge slash ramp combo. They also have plus size versions and the material is industrial foam, which is much more sturdy and doesn't squish down like pillows do. I don't think we've talked about the Liberator wedges lately. And all this like great sex furniture. I love all the Liberator products. Okay, so here to do. You fit the wedge under her hips so they lift up comfortably. He can either enter her anally while using a dual stim vibe on her. Like the Nova by WE vibe I think would be a great one. Or he can penetrate her with a dildo. Or even better, she's got into this hair out running the thrusting vibes from Fun Factory. So while holding a bullet to her clit. So like a little bullet vibe. The Tango by We vibe is a great bullet vibe. Also, if he wants at least one hands free toy. We have to email this to you, Mike, because there's a lot of information here. But if he wants at least one hand free, they could try inserting the We Vibe sync inside of her and you could still her. Well, I never say fuck on this show. Do I say fuck very often? He can still penetrate her with the smaller dildo. This can also work with her on top. All of these can be done from behind as well. In fact, if she bends herself over the side of the bed and gets a cordless magic wand and positions it under her where the head of it rests on her clit, then he can fuck her. Then he can have sex with her. He can penetrate her ass and use the dildo on her. That's pretty hands free as well. In addition, there's harnesses you can buy that allow space for a strap on and the bio penis can be used at the same time. She thinks that joke spare parts make it that's J, O Q U E. And you'd have to stimulate her clit, but hey, that's not too much Ask. This is from lchase. So this is the author thing she recommends. If you want to check out her book, she recommends using the following positions. The seashell threading. The needle cup and saucer. The whoopee pie. I just want to go pull out a book to read those right now. So check out Curvy Girl Sex by Elle Chase. I think those were some great tips. Let me know how that goes. Mike, you one of these are going to work for you, I think. And thanks for the question. Okay. This is from Ayanna, 22 in Tennessee. Hey, Emily. I have a couple issues when it comes to sex. When I was 18, I had my first sexual experience with my boyfriend. At the time, we didn't have intercourse, but we were handsy. God, that's a good word. I felt so guilty afterwards and he got upset with me for feeling bad. He was very emotionally manipulative and he guilt tripped me into doing things I wasn't ready for. I'm now 22 and a very happy relationship of a year and a Half with my boyfriend Ben. We lost our virginities on each other this year. And although I'm extremely happy and very comfortable with him, whenever we plan sex, like birthdays or nice dates or celebrating something, I'm fine up until the moment when we're making out and I know we're about to go further, I just get extremely anxious sometimes. The point of crying, if we have sex sporadically, I'm fine and it's hot and sexy. But if it's a scheduled thing or I know it's expected, then I freak out. I'm lucky to have been because he's so understanding and caring. But I want to get past this and be able to plan a date and have sex without so much anxiety. Any advice on how to get past this? Thank you. Thanks for your question, Ayanna. So it sounds to me like, first of all, I want to say that you. Good for you for recognizing that this past relationship when you were 18, wasn't that healthy because there might be some leftover trauma from it. You might still be having this reaction to feeling like you have to perform when you don't want to. So that makes sense. And I'm sorry that that happened to your own relationship. And it seems like it's still there, it's still holding in place for you. So I think that we gotta do is kinda take the pressure off, off of you. Now, even though you said something here that when you guys actually do have sex and it's more organic or sporadic, it's fine and sexy. So I'm wondering and if you could talk to Ben about it because it sounds like he's on board with you and you could just, you know, he obviously knows this is happening with you. So there's a few things. First, when this starts to happen, I know our instinct is to kind of like if you're crying or if you're anxiety, he might calm you down and maybe you just turn on the TV and don't cease what's happening. But I think there's a certain amount of you like kind of just going back to the kissing. I'm wondering if that makes you still feel anxious because I think if you guys either take sex off the table for a little bit and even just like a few weeks and they're just until you get more comfortable where you guys are just like kissing and making out and, you know, and he agrees that you guys aren't gonna have sex any further. So you can kind of experience that whole like excitement at the end of a date where you just Are like, you know what, we're not gonna have sex. And then who knows, you might wanna go further. But if you guys have this agreement where you're like, we're not, that might just make you feel a little bit calmer. If he's like, don't worry, like, I'm with you, I'm bored. Also, the thing about anxiety and sex is that when we're anxious, we are no longer in our bodies and there's no part of us that are gonna get turned on. Right? Cause we're thinking we're in our head. So I'm wondering if you just kind of can sit with that anxiety. And then when you guys start to like make out and kiss like you do in the sporadic times, if that will eventually melt away your anxiety. And so that's what I think. Like going slow, making sure that you know you're getting turned on and that you're, you're ready for sex. This might just kind of trump any anxiety you have. You allow yourself the time to build and he understands your body and makes you feel good. So you're not kind of rushing through sex. So either taking it off the table and just kind of working on like this warmup time of sex, which actually some of the hottest sex I think can be this whole early warming, touching, and then kind of get good at that part. So he knows how to like turn you on. And then you also know, and then that anxiety doesn't have a place because you guys are connecting. And then eventually when you want to bring sex back, I think the anxiety won't be there as much. So I think that if you make it more about connecting and your pleasure so you're like turned on, but take off the expectations of intercourse, this might allow you to eventually move through it and have sex without anxiety, which I think that you are close to it. And I don't think this is like in any way, you know, something that you're gonna have to be living with. I think that just making a few steps, talking to your boyfriend, a little more about having a plan, you're not going to see this anxiety anymore. Okay, so this is from. He literally says some guy in Michigan. So another guy from my home state. Hello. See you guys don't always have to give your names, although I prefer it. But this is from some guy. Hey Emily. I've been listening to your podcast for over a year now. I really appreciate your open sharing and advice. I am two and a half years out of a 16 year marriage. Our marriage decayed for many Reasons. As much as I accept my part in that, I'm working on my new relationship for it to be better. And I think I am better. I've been seeing a woman for almost a year now, and things are going really well. But my question is not about her. My ex wife and I are struggling to move into a healthy, formal relationship. We share two wonderful boys, and while to keep our communications limited to them, my ex feels she has a say in the woman I'm seeing because of the influence this woman and her family might have on our boys. My ex relies on Facebook and other social media to develop her opinions about my girlfriend and continues to insist she is wrong for me. And even though she's never met her and doesn't want to, obviously I disagree. How do I help my ex get past her fear and judgments about the new woman in my life? I want to have healthy relationships all around and maintain a positive situation for the sake of my boys. Thanks for taking the time to read my question. Well, you're so welcome. And I think this is a great question. I think a lot of people deal with this, and I know that I have a lot of friends who have dealt with, like, what do I do? You know, I wanted my partner to be happy. Now my ex. But what. It can be hard. So I'm thinking, like, you know, this is gonna pass eventually, but maybe she's. I'm wondering if she might be a little jealous or if she's still attached to you in that way. And so if there's something about her still, you know, she hasn't moved on yet or she hasn't met someone else, that can be hard. But I think the first thing is that she really loves her children. Right? Like all parents, many parents, she's protective, and she's worried. I mean, I think that's first and foremost, she is worried about someone that you could bring into your home and maybe a little jealousy. So I'm wondering how long you said you've been together a year. Has your girlfriend met the kids yet? Because I do think that's something that's important to. I think a year is a good enough time to meet the kids. But I think sometimes that happens really early on in relationships when people are, like, divorced and their new lover meets the kids, like a month in. I think that is too soon. But I feel like. I feel like it's unfair to you that she's building up, you know, resentments and building up a case on social media. So I just think that if there's any way, you know, you can sit down and talk to her, even though you're keeping it just about the kids. I mean, here's the thing. You've been together for 16 years, you were together for 16 years. And I get things didn't work out. But if you go back to your relationship and there must have been things that you learned about communication with her, there must be, you know, ways that you kind of know she will listen to you. So maybe it would be great if you did a gesture and you took her to lunch and you were like, listen, you know, we both love the kids, we both want the best things for, for the kids. And I'm, you know, I'm dating someone that is a good person, you know, So I think maybe it could be talking to her, making the time, but she can't limit what you're doing right now. But I think it's just a matter of.

It'S been two and a half years out of a 16 year relationship. That's really not that much time, especially when you have kids. So I've seen these things happen and it will dissipate. If this is the woman you love and you want to be with, she's going to have to get over it. But I think she can't stop you from doing anything. But you can also try to mend the communication. So you guys are getting along a lot better. So I think it's a little communication and a little patience on your part. This is from Jackie, 29, in Ontario. Hey Emily, I'm a huge fan of your show and I've been binge listening to it ever since I found out about it. My question has to do with orgasms. I have great orgasms and I've always thought they were really good. But lately I've been doing more masturbation and I've noticed now my orgasms have reached a whole new level of amazing. However, sometimes after I reach climax, I have these aftershock feelings still in my vagina. I'm not complaining, it feels great. But I don't know if that means my body is wanting another climax or why I feel these pulsations for quite a while after climax. What's the sensation? Are they smaller orgasms? Jackie, this is great. I think that, you know, this means that you are like, first of all you're masturbating, you're understanding your body and you're just getting more turned on. So yeah, it's like, it could be that your body's like screaming out for more orgasms or multiple orgasms. Women have the potential to orgasm pretty easily once you train your body. So it's, you know, your clitoris does contract after orgasm, and you could just be feeling like, this aftershock, or you might be feeling something internally. So orgasms can also rage in intensity. You would kind of know, but maybe just means that you're still kind of turned on. So you could continue to touch yourself. I don't know if you've had multiple orgasms yet, but that is a good time. And that's something that a lot of women have to learn, right? Like you have to like or can learn if they've never had one. But it sounds like your body's like, yes, I would like to have multiple orgasms. So what you do is in that shorter refractory period, like, right after you have the orgasm and you're feeling that tingling, you can just continue to, like, touch yourself. You know, just maybe you, like, move your fingers over other parts of your body for a second and then go back to it and then see if you can have another orgasm. Because it sounds like you can. If you've been having, like, clitor orgasms, you can try using your fingers or a toy internally. So I think that's what it means. It means that your body's still aroused and it'll either die down or you can keep going and just see how many orgasms you can have. But I'm telling you, this is a great question and a good problem, if you will, in quotes to have, because I think this will bode well for also the future sex you're having. This is from Lindsay, 34, in London. Emily, I'm single. After my marriage ended two years ago, and I'm finally feeling ready to get myself back out there and start dating sexually. I feel I've led a quite sheltered life, and your podcast has validated for me that self love is okay. I would really appreciate it if you could suggest any erotica that I could read to get me started to getting in touch with my sexual side and getting me excited about sex again. Thank you so much. Well, I love that you're masturbating, because that is a great way to get you going. Self love will do it. So here's some erotica that I like, and these are some classics and some new ones I love. The Story of O. The Story of O is a classic. Woman on top. Every time I walk back in my bookshelf, I, like, pull it off. I'm like, I love the Woman on Top. The anthologies. And then there's a Too Taboo an erotic anthology by Morgan Cameron. And then I was thinking this too podcast like erotica podcast to listen to. So there's Kiss Me Quick Erotica podcast with Rose Caraway. So those are some erotica I like. Also more current stuff is Rachel Kramer Bustle right there A lot of popular erotica now that people like she has she has also as anthologies and I think it's really a matter of just checking some of these out and seeing what you what you like and what turns you on. So there's some great places to get started. Okay everyone, thank you for sending in your emails. I love hearing from you. Thanks everyone for listening. And thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback with emily.com.

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