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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

Well, you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with.

Welcome, you guys, to the live Sex with Emily podcast.

At the Sexual Health Exposure Expo. I'm so. I'm so blown away right now. I'm so excited. First, I have to thank the Sexual Health Expo team. I have to thank Alec and Mo and Sarah and everyone for making this an amazing event. And thank you to all my listeners for coming.

I have to say that I have a lot of things that I'm going to say, but first, I've just been. My mind is blown, like, today. Blown away because I'm, like, doing my show in a box, right? Like, in my. In L. A. And I don't meet a lot of my listeners. I just don't meet you guys. You guys in the front where I met all of you and the things that you guys have said to me. And you've come up to me today and said that how the shows, like, impacted your life and changed your sex life. And I know this because people email me, but meeting you in person, I'm just completely humbled and like, oh, you're listening. Really, like, every time you just say hello and you come up, it just feels really good. And I'm so glad that you all came out to support the show. So thank you very much. I love you all. Something just dripped on me wet. Which kind of makes sense that there was something wet. Like, we could turn that into something sexual. Anyone else feel a wet drip? Maybe it was just a fantasy. But anyway, thank you for coming.

Okay, so why are we all here today? Sexual Health Expo. Do you guys know, like, when you think about sexual health? Like, what does that even mean? Like, people were asking me, who was I talking? A reporter. She was like, what is sexual health? I'm like, that's a really good question. I mean, it's about being able to ask for what you want. Having sex without a lot of shame and a lot of fear and being able to consent. Say yes, say no. So I actually found A like a definition of sexual health. And I was like, let me read this. Tell me of how you all feel about your sexual health. Okay. Healthy sexuality is a fundamental aspect of being human. Being sexually healthy means being able to comfortably discuss your feelings and values, initiate sex, say no to sex, enjoy sexual expression, arousal and orgasm without fear, guilt or shame. Okay, so who feels sexually healthy? Yeah. Good, good. Because I don't even know. I'm like, can I check all those boxes?

I mean, pretty much.

But the thing is, like, the reason why I think we're all here though, is because we're all like, first of all, congratulations everyone for just coming. Like, did you tell your friends you were coming, everyone? Good. Did you tell your mom you were coming? Nice. I love that because so many people still have this. You know, it's brave. Like, people like, I'm going to a. Like, I told my Uber driver this morning, he's like, should I come? No. But, you know, I mean, like, people are weird about sex and there's still a lot of people who aren't out there trying to, you know, learn and trying to grow and change their sexuality. So, like, whether you came here to learn about, like, blowjob tips or check out some new toys, I just think it's like really brave and cool because, you know, a lot of us get really stuck in our sexual routines. And I feel like a lot of people, including myself, until I started the show, we don't really, like, upload a new file to our. To our sexual knowledge, to our, like, the blueprint for our sexuality and what we know about sexual sex. We don't often update that. Like, we kind of learn things in high school or college and we keep having sex the same way over and over and over again. And for a lot of people, they don't even know that there's like, new ways to like, have sex. And we are not even prepared for all that messiness and the challenges around sex. So that's why I love the expo, because you can all come. It's like non judgmental environment, like, without stress, shame. We're like, all cool. We're talking about it. And so I just think it's awesome. So. And I had really shitty sex education. I don't know about who has a great sex education? Anybody? Right? Like, no, I. That's where I started my show because I was like, I know nothing. Like, I was like, I know, like, people would walk around and they're like, I'm having the best sex and sex is amazing. And I was like, I Mean, I'm also, like, kind of an overachiever, and I never think I'm doing as well as I am, but I was like, I have not had the best sex in my life. I know this for a fact. And so I did started interviewing people and talking about sex and trying to have better sex. And so I feel like.

Like, for me, I was just sort of. I had a lot of limitations in my head about how I could have sex. Like, I thought, like, I can't have an orgasm during intercourse. I was like, I can't have a G spot orgasm, which I actually hadn't until my show. And I think a lot of people have these, like, stories that we tell ourselves about sex, when really sex is, like, you know, is, like, expansive and growing. You can, like, you know, you guys, if you've listened to. How many of you listen to the podcast here, I love that. Can we all hang out after? Like, I just want to talk. I just want to, like, cuddle. But no, really, it's just cool to see everybody. Like, I have a friend I was just talking to.

And she's been married for, like, 15 years, and she's happy. She, like, loves her husband, and she's like, you know, Emily.

When I met him, she's like, I feel like our sex life is kind of weird lately, and, like, what I want has changed. And she said, when I met him, she said I didn't like soup, and now, like, I like soup. And I think I want things sexually that, like, I didn't really want before. And as you know, if you listen to the show, and we're also doing a live podcast now, so we're listening, is that we don't, like, really think that these things are going to change, and we don't know how to talk about them. So. And I get 100 questions a day, and, like, 99 of those questions are, like, a variation on this theme. Like, people want to know, is it normal that this is happening? And a lot of these questions I realized I was thinking about what I was going to say is, like, emily, am I normal? Like, is this okay that I have these desires or that I. Or is it normal that I've been with my partner for six years or 20 years, and I don't want to really have sex as much, or we want different things. And I'm like, there's no such thing as normal when it comes to sex. And if there is, like, first of all, I wouldn't want to be normal. Like, I don't even know what that means. So I'm never going to answer and say, yes, you're completely, completely normal. You know, but also, it's like, who cares? Like, it's not like there's a sexual police that's gonna come, like, knocking at your door and be like, sorry, excuse me. That is just so not normal. Like, you're so weird that you're, like, tying your partner up and, like, using one of these flogging things. If you guys checked out all the great products here, you know, it's not gonna happen.

So.

And I am even going back to school again, and I'm taking a. You guys have been listening. This somatica sex coaching that I'm doing, therapy, training, and even I'm realizing, like, I don't, like, that's what I read. Sexually healthy. I was like, do I do all of that? I mean, pretty much even I'm like, the expert. I'm still learning. So in my somatic therapy, I realized, like, you know what? I ask for what I want, but maybe not every time. And maybe sometimes I'm still thinking about my partner more than myself a little bit, like, a lot better than I was. So all I'm saying is, even if you feel like, you know, sex is pretty good or it's okay, like, always, just remember there's just so much, like, peeling back the layers of the onion. There's always so much more to learn and to grow, and you can get so much better, like, even after today, you know? So hopefully you're all going to leave here armed with just barrels of knowledge. So the last thing I want to say before I bring up my guests, because today's show, I'm going to be interviewing two of the people here, and we've got a special announcement.

But.

But one of the most dangerous phrases in the English language is we've always done it this way. So think about that. So if you feel that way about your sex life, you're like, this is how it is. We've always done it this way. Just a dangerous place to live. So that's what my podcast is about. That's what this show is about, expanding your mind. And so, yeah, thank you all for coming. So let me tell you about the show. Today we are going to have two guest experts, and then a third that is going to help me make a really special announcement. And then we're going to be taking your questions. So the first guest we have is Brandon B. He's teaching a better blow jobs class. Did you guys see? He taught it beforehand. We're Going to be touching on some of that and then going to the next level of blow jobs. And my second guest is Tina Horn of the podcast why are people into that? And she's teaching a class here called Digital dispatches. How to sext Skype, and swipe your way to satisfaction. That's Tina Horne. I mean, because sexting is, like, confusing. Sometimes I feel like. Like I can dirty talk, but then taking into sexting has been, like, a whole thing, and I get questions about it all the time, too. So we might even do, like, an improv sexting thing. Like, I want her to teach me irl. That's going to happen. And another thing is this is Sexual confidence month. At Sex with Emily. We decided, like, yes, there's back to school, but we're talking about back to sexual confidence. And so just remember this. If you, you know, cultivating confidence in your life is the most important work you can do. And sexual confidence is about releasing all those insecurities you have around sexual asking for you want, asking for what you want, and understanding your body and knowing what you want. So, like, you still have another few days left in September. You're welcome to take sexual confidence into October, probably into the rest of your life. That's cool. So I just want to, like, say thanks, everyone, for playing along with us this month, and thank you for being here. So I'm going to call up Brandon B. Brandon, are you here? Let's talk blowjobs. Hi, Brandon.

Hi. How was your blow job class?

It was great. You know, I could talk about blow jobs for apparently all day long because I was looking at my time and I was like, wow, that went really quick.

That's good. That's a good feeling. Because sometimes I'm like, 57 minutes left. No, but that's awesome. I heard it was a great class. I heard people learn things. So, Brandon, tell me about. So you are from the Pleasure Chest.

Yeah, I'm the manager of the West Village location.

Okay. And you teach classes and you.

Yeah, I primarily teach the blow job class. I teach the Blowjobs and Beyond, which is our basic class, and then also the advanced blow job class, which, if you are here for the better. Blowjobs was, like, a portion of that class, which really is less about, like, blowjobs specifically and more about how to use the full body experience to participate in a blow job in different and creative ways.

Okay, so, so, but did you start off with, like, basic blowjob or you're like, forget that we're just moving into full body?

No, I started with the basic blow job class and then did extensive research.

Okay.

And then I was able to do the more advanced one.

Blowjob is, like, one of my favorite topics. Oral sex. Favorite topic, totally.

Yeah.

Right.

It's a lot of fun. I mean, it's a lot of. I think it's a very. It gives people a popular permission to have fun with sex versus, like, if you're talking about beginner anal play, people are a little less excited to express themselves about that.

Yeah. Anal plays a good time, but trickier to kind of get into. But let's talk about blow jobs real quick. No, August was anal sex month. I talked more. I mean, can we not talk about anal sex for at least a month? But you didn't know that, so it's okay that you brought it up in October. I want to talk about it again. Okay. But tell me about, like, your basic blow jobs. And then we're going to get into using your full body with the blow job. Basic blow job tips.

A lot of people are actually, not everybody here, I'm assuming, because we just had the class, but a lot of people are really surprised when I say how important lubricant is. You know, lubricant is so essential when it comes to giving blow jobs because the spit in your mouth is just so thin and dry. It doesn't last very long. And then our hands, you know, we're doing so much with our hands, especially. Especially here in New York. You know, we're on the go or grabbing the pole. You know, we just want to make sure that we're keeping our hands lubricated, soft, supple. And so lubricant is really important for sure.

I'm a huge fan of lube.

Yeah.

Do you know what? Like, my number one mission in life.

What's your number one mission?

I think it's number one. Yeah. I was thinking, is it two? Number one is that I would like a lube on every night stand in America. It's not the male start with America, but the world. Because people still think that lube is like, some people not in our worlds, not us, not here. But they're like, lube. Why I don't need. This is what happens when I bring up Lou to people that are not in this room or like, you guys know, they're like, I get wet enough. Like, I don't need Lou. We don't need lube. I'm like, it's not about needing, like, I get it. Like, it enhances. It enhances any sexual experience. Why don't people get that?

I don't know. I mean, I think it was. You phrase it in things that they can relate to you, like, yeah, you don't need shoes to walk to the bodega, but otherwise you're walking your bare feet on a New York sidewalk. And that's, you know, maybe not as ideal as if you were just wearing some flip flops even, you know.

Right. It just enhances it. It's like people like, why do I need sex toys?

It's an. It's a. Assistance with the process.

Right. And for so many women and men, like, the studies show that, like, when you add. And I'm not saying you just slather your body in lube, although maybe you. You do think that the next. But even just for sex, like, a few. Like, you can't imagine what, like a few little dribbles of lube, like, on your clitoris right before sex or masturbation. Like, a few drops will do. Like, it's like turbo. It just feels better. It just does.

Yeah.

And it will increase your ability to orgasm, if that's your goal.

It just feels better.

I think a lot of people that we hear coming into the pleasure chest are just concerned that they'll begin to need it and have a dependency upon it.

So what?

I'm just kidding. I got it. I can't leave the house without my lube. It's like, so that I think I have a caffeine and a lube addiction. Do you think that's okay?

Well.

Well, I know. System Joe just released a couple of new flavors of their lubricant.

Oh, my God. They have the gelato caffeine in it.

You have two birds with one stone.

Exactly.

No, you're right.

They have like the. The. The caramel macchiato. Macchiato. The gelato lube. Yeah, right. It's amazing. Okay, so back to blow jobs.

What else?

Like, you mentioned, like, just ask, like, what do you want? We have something at the store, the pleasure chest over there called the yes, no maybe list, where you actually sit down and have a conversation about what somebody is actually interested in experiencing versus what maybe they just don't like something that is off the table. Because the worst thing that can happen in the bedroom is you do something to your partner that they just don't like that maybe they're uncomfortable with. And so you have a conversation where you actually establish, okay, don't worry, this isn't going to happen, but I am going to try to make sure that these things happen.

So ahead of time, you're like, fill this out, like, during before foreplay. Like, how does that work?

No.

Well, we call it like a sex date. Like, where you're not going to have sex on it, but you, like, discuss what your sex is.

Can you, like, email it to him ahead of time?

Yeah, I mean, we're in the digital age, for sure.

So it's like, what's on this list, for example? Yes. No. Maybe.

Well, on ours, we have a lot of different things. I want this list for blow jobs. Like, maybe, for instance, there's playing with testicles. Some people are really sensitive about their testicles being played with. Some people like it but don't know how to ask for it. You know, maybe somebody is into a little bit more, like, BDSM stuff like, tie me up or let me tie you up or stuff like that.

You know, you kind of have your blueprint for how to have sex beforehand.

It's a map for pleasure.

Okay, so you got the mat for pleasure down, and then you have a penis. And then. Or you don't, but you have your barring penis. You're using a penis to give a blowjob.

And then what?

So you find out what they want.

So you know what they want. You're using lubricant, your hands are clean and everything. The next part is, like, enthusiasm. Like, you actually have to want to do it. If you're treating it like a literal job, then it's not going to be good. It's not going to feel good for either partner. Because if. If you don't want to be there, the other person doesn't want to feel like they're forcing you to do this. You know, nobody's ever, like, received a blowjob that the other person wasn't 100% consented to and been like, wow, this is awesome. You know, it's just not mentally connecting with the person either.

And what I found is I hear from so many women, like, I just don't like it. Like, I don't like the taste, I don't like the smell, like, or I don't know what I'm doing. And so, again, going back to sexual confidence, I think when you're saying, like, you have to be enthusiastic, people can kind of learn to become more enthusiastic if they're not, like, because, again, if we're releasing a lot of our shame and fears and, like, stigmas we have around sex, like, you can learn to be, like, you know, confident in your ability to, like, give a killer bojob, to appreciate it and worship, you know, the penis that you're with and not be so afraid of it. But like, it's kind of like changing your mindset.

Yeah.

Well, I think confidence stems from desire combined with information. Whereas when people, like have a desire to do something, but they don't know how, they don't have the confidence to do it versus when they want to do something and they have the information.

Right.

That's where confidence comes into play. Because now you're like, okay, now I can get my feet wet, so to speak.

That's true. You need the information.

Yeah, that's true.

So that's what you do. You're right. Because people are like, I want to do it, but I don't know how. And I think that's the other thing that stops a lot of people. They're like, I'm just. I hear from women all the time and men, they're like, I'm bad at it. Like, I don't think I give good jobs.

I mean, like, how. How are you supposed to know how to.

How are you supposed to. Right.

Just ask them, what do you like? All right, let's do that.

Right. But people are like, I don't even know how to ask. And then some people also feel comfortable saying what they like. They're like, I don't really know. Well, I guess maybe guys are know it.

Yeah.

I feel like for women a lot they're saying, I don't know how to tell them what I want when I want oral sex.

Right. I mean, that is sort of the catch me to like, say to tell people, like, ask for what you want. Then the person's like, all right, well, I don't know what I want, you know, because you haven't really tried it or anything. But there's also, I mean, if you look at movies and tv, people go home with each other in the movies and just have amazing sex all the time.

Yeah, that doesn't happen.

I mean, every once in a while.

Maybe every once in a while. But let's be honest, like, how often do you just go home with someone? It's like the most of it. Because you don't know each other. You're not asking. You're not. I mean, you can have an amazing one night stand. I've done podcasts on that. You can listen, but it's not as easy. Yeah. Okay, so better blowjob. So you talk about using your full body.

Full body experience.

Full body blowjob experience.

Incorporating other parts of your body and the other person's body. As well, you know?

Okay.

Restraining somebody, like, maybe engaging the nipples. I talked in my Better Blow Jobs class about prostate play specifically, as well as electroplay, which people hear electro play and immediately tense up thinking that they're literally going to be electrocuted. There's a lot of fun topical electrical toys that just. It changes the sensation. It's not lubrication, it's not vibration, it's electricity, and it's just really intense.

It's a different sensation, but it feels.

It's.

Yeah, just try it.

It's fun.

You can actually try everything once.

Try it at the Pleasure Chess booth. We got the demo of it.

Oh, you do you think you guys go try it at the Pleasure if you haven't tried this kind of stimulation?

It's cool.

I know it feels good. Okay.

It's fun.

It is fun. Okay, so you tell me. Use your like so. But you wouldn't just dive into that, would you?

Yeah, it's definitely not, like, a first date thing. Like, you wouldn't pull out your neon wand and be like, all right, you know, let's get to know each other. But, I mean, that's again, stemming from a conversation like, hey, so I'm interested in this. Would you like to try it as well?

Okay, so what's on the yes, no, maybe list then? Besides, like, testicles? Like, is this, like, what would you.

Say, like, the questions that people ask the most about is, one, prostate stimulation in conjunction with a blow job? Two is, where on the penis does somebody actually feel pleasure? A lot of people assume the shaft is the most pleasurable part of the penis. It's actually the glands or the head of the penis. You know, And a lot of people just assume, oh, we've seen porn. Where the shaft is getting a lot of attention.

There's more of it there. Yeah, like, that's the main jam.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And just, like, really, like, knowing the anatomy and, like, where it's pleasurable.

Places on the body that can feel sensation while a blow job's happening that isn't genital focused, you know, you can. We have a lot of parts of our body that feel really good. So why would you just, like, focus only on the blowjob portion of it when you can be doing other things as well, which would make the plot pleasure sensation, sort of full body.

Okay, good. I love this. Thank you, Brandon.

Yeah, totally.

So they can find out more about you. You're gonna stay up here because I'm bringing up Tina Minute. But where can everyone find you? I've got pleasure Chest.

We have a Twitter account, Pleasure Chestny, Instagram, Pleasure Chestny or Pleasure test dot com. You can see our listing for upcoming free workshops that we do weekly in Los Angeles, New York, and in Chicago.

Yeah, because you guys, I know this is two days of, like, awesomeness, but if you want to go to a night class, you guys teach stuff every, like, a few nights a week or one night a week.

Yeah, I'm doing the beginner blowjob class on October 5th in our upper east side store. So that'll be fun.

Awesome. Okay, everyone, let's take a quick break and I'll be right back.

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All right, everyone. Hello. Hi. How you guys doing? This is so weird. It's so fun. I just want to, like, talk. We're going to talk to everyone in the audience in a second. Thank you for being here at the Sexual Health Expo during our live podcast. This is awesome. Okay, I am now. Thank you, Brandon B. Blow Jobs. For all that, bring up Tina Horn. Tina is teaching a class today called Digital this weekend. Digital dispatches how to sext Skype and swipe your way to satisfaction. Yay, Tina.

Hi. I am so excited to have learned about caffeinated lube. Also, two of my favorite things, right?

I feel like the universe was looking out for me today by letting me learn that information. Like, what else do I need? I'll just like, be chugging lube, which I've done. It tastes really good. They sent us, like, cases to the office, so.

Does it, like, absorb through anyway? We'll talk science.

No, I wish, but that's a good idea. I don't know if it does. I don't know if it tastes like caffeine or there's actually caffeine in it. And then I could sort of somehow. Right. If it absorbs into my skin. Let's test that out.

It's like a coffee enema. Anyway, we can. Anybody wants to talk about coffee enemas.

Let'S talk about coffee enemas after. But, Tina, thank you for being here. Please tell people where you can tell me about yourself.

Okay, what do you want to know?

I don't know. Just tell me everything. Okay, tell me what you do. You have a book. You have a podcast?

Yeah, so I'm a writer and producer and teacher. I host and produce a podcast called why Are People into that? It is about sex, kink, gender, and love. So I feel like maybe some people here might.

You might be interested in stuff. Right?

You can find out more. Is that, like, sex robots?

I don't know. They're, like, doing construction. It's a good.

Wherever there are. If there are sex robots here, I. I want to. I want to see them. So. Yeah. So you can find out more at. Why are people into that Dot com. And I am also a writer, a journalist, and I've written two books. My most recent book. Book is called Sexting, and it's. It's about sexting.

Okay. Right.

Okay.

So how did you get to be an expert in sexting? Because I feel like you cannot get laid these days unless you can sext.

Well, I have been teaching dirty.

Have a relationship.

Yeah.

What's that?

Or have, like, anything. Like, everyone's sexting. What do I do? It's like, I get these questions.

Everybody's doing it. Yeah. Yeah. So I've been teaching dirty talk classes in various venues for 10 years. And, you know, I got my start doing professional BDSM and porn. And I was like, always had people asking me, like, how do you always know what to say? All the filthy shit that you say? Like, where does it come from? And I'm like, you know, I have a theater background. I have a literature background. Like, it's, like, as natural to me as, like, math is to somebody else.

Like, you just, like, came out of the womb being instead of mommy. You were like. Was your first word. Does that happen? Kind of.

More or less, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

I definitely have been saying for a.

Long time say that.

Yeah. And I've been saying it all kinds of stuff. But so, yeah, so. So I did that for a really long time. And I teach workshops and in Dirty Talk and, you know, after everybody asked me to sort of, like, get down to the nitty gritty of how to do it.

So what is the nitty gritty of Dirty Talk? Like, what People are like, they're like, I want to do it. Like, that's great.

Keep going.

Like, well, they're confused by it.

I would say that the. For me, that the nitty gritty of dirty talk is actually the same as the nitty gritty of sexting. It's just a different medium. And of course, there are different mediums for sexting, and we can talk about that. But I think it's really about developing your own style. And when I say style, you know, part of what I'm talking about, like, in terms of fundamentals, is what Brandon was talking about with the yes, no, maybe list. I'm a huge proponent of the yes, no, maybe list. I think that filling that out for yourself, you know, filling it out weekly, because who knows what has changed? Like, filling it out with each partner, like, for. Or if you have multiple partners, like, what are your yes, no, maybe lists for multiple partners. Because it could totally be different and really knowing that. And then once you have sort of like that syntax of Dirty talk of the things that you like, the things that you're maybe a little like, meh on, and the things that are absolutely off limits, then you start to develop your own style. And, like, I'm a creative person, so I think of it in terms of, like, rising action and climax and denouement and that kind of thing. But, like, if you're more of, like, an engineer, like, every. Whatever kind of mind you have, you. You have, like, finesse for something in your life. So I feel like applying your personality and your expertise to, like, your dirty talk, your sexual communication style.

Don't try to, like, pick up someone else. Like, have your own. Like, then it won't sound like you.

I mean, you can get ideas from other people. I'm also a big proponent of getting ideas from porn. I'm, like, all about porn. And I think that it gets a bad rap, but I think it can teach you a lot of creativity and union. I also think that the idea of, like, talking like a porn star gets a bad rap. Like, there's a reason that they say those things. They're professionals. They're artists. Those are the things that work. Those are the things that turn then on that they know, turn other people on.

Right. Okay, so. So how do you know when it's the right time to sex in a relationship? Like, I think sometimes people prematurely sexed. Like, anyone here dating online. Online dating, right. People they've never met you, like, you know, hey, so, like, can't wait to see you naked. We're like, I can't even. I didn't know I'm gonna see you for coffee. Like, how the hell.

What?

Totally. So that's like, where the finesse comes in, right? So anybody that is, like, cold sexting.

Don't cold sex.

Don't cold sex. Just hot. Think hot sex. Yeah. Anybody that is doing that is not practicing any kind of finesse. They're not interested in, like, volleying back and forth with someone. Right. They, like, probably are not even fully, like, seeing your personhood. Right.

Like, you're like, you saw my picture and now you are, you know.

Yeah.

And people. People are entitled. There's all kinds of reasons that people do it. But I think that if. If your objective is to, like, turn yourself on, turn your partner on, use language and use technology to create a better and hotter connections and deeper connections with your partner and, like, deeper satisfaction for yourself, then. Then I think that really thinking about, like, what your style is and what your finesse is, and also, you know, to, like, use a car metaphor. I don't drive, but I hear that people understand car metaphors. Like, you don't. If you, like, go. If you start in fifth gear, you'll stall. That's what happens in cars, right?

I have no idea. I don't got to stay. But people like cars. At least you didn't use a sports analogy.

I try to be bunched sometimes, you.

Know, Like, I don't fucking know which ball that game.

That's.

So you're saying, because I said, like, you can't get laid if you can't sex. And what I mean by that is I always say that foreplay starts after the last order orgasm. And for example, what I mean by that is if you're in a relationship or you're just banging someone, whatever it is, doesn't matter that it helps to kind of keep that energy going until you see each other again to send, like, it could just be like a recall of what happened. Like, that was so hot. The way you were, like, kissing my neck.

Yeah. Getting more mileage.

Getting more mileage out of what happened, but also, like, you know, you could be sitting there, you're like, oh, I haven't seen him in a few days. Maybe we can't see each other, but. But I can say something that, that will like connect us. And also it could be a recall of something that happened, but it also could be like, I want to do this next time I see you. It's also a good version of like kind of the yes, no, maybe, but in a sense of laying out what you're into. Because a lot of people have a hard time with the face to face explaining to their partner what they want. So if you can like lay it out in a sex be like, next time I see you, I'm going to do this to you.

Totally. One of the things that I talk about in my books, Sexting the Grown Up's Guide to Getting Dirty Digitally, which is for sale at the Pleasure Chest over here.

Congratulations.

Is like to be like a little bit of a rhetoric nerd, a language nerd. Like just like thinking about past, present, future. So like, can do. Do you want to like play with this a little bit? So can I get somebody, somebody in the audience. Can you yell out a sex act? Like a sex verb? Like fuck, but something maybe more specific.

Anything.

Yeah.

Suck. Cool. Great.

Suck. Let's play with that.

So let's say.

Like the scenario that you were setting up, I really like that that sexting starts with like foreplay.

Starts after last order.

Foreplay starts at. Right. And sexting can be a really great foreplay. So let's say like.

You just like gave someone like really great blowjob because.

You went to Brandon's class.

Yeah. And you were like, oh, I have all these new techniques. Can I try them out on you? And you know, and so like, it goes really well. Right? So let's say that your partner that you just gave that great blowjob to you guys part ways. And then like as you're like, you know, getting on the train or getting in your car, getting home, you get a sext or you get a text message and it says, you sucked me.

Right. So that's talking about the past right now. You could embellish. He could he or she. They could embellish on that and say, you sucked me so good. The way you sucked me was so amazing. I can't wait for you to suck me again. Can you think of any other, like, past, past text that you would like.

To get Sucked me. You sucked me. Chrome off my.

You sucked the.

Is that a saying?

It is now.

Kidding.

Have you guys ever heard that she. Isn't there a saying, like, she sucks. What is it? Off a trailer hitch? Sorry. Something like that.

It works. That's hot. I like that. That's unique. I. I've never heard that before.

I am unique. I don't. I don't know. I'm not normal. It's totally fine. So how about like. Like, I'm trying to think of one.

Yeah.

Something like that.

So. So then an example of. So that's. That's. That's past, right? So that's like getting more mileage out of something that's, like, already happened. Right?

I can't stop thinking about the way you sucked me. I've never been sucked like that before.

Right.

And so you took me in so deep the way you sucked me.

Right?

Keep.

Keep it up.

I know.

Do you. Do you have one?

I like what I'm hearing.

I've done this before.

So when it comes to present tense with dirty talk, right, this is when you're. When you're in the room with someone, when you're narrating what's happening, right? People say that they don't know what to say when it comes to dirty talk, but you can always describe what's happening, and you can be as fundamental as. You're sucking me. I'm sucking you. I mean, if you're sucking someone, you know, that might be, like. You might be full, which is hot sometimes, you know, but it can also be. You're. You're sucking the. The chrome off my cock.

The chrome off the chrome. My God, you're.

You're the best. You're the best in the entire world. This is the best blow job I've ever had in my entire life. Hyperbole is fine. Nobody is fact checking your dirty talk.

Yeah, they're like, you said that last week. Like, you had a good blow job last week.

You can say. You can say this is the best blow job of my life. To every single person that ever sucks your cog. I am giving you permission right now. It is fine.

I thought that they were telling the truth, but I really was the best moment, Emily.

In the moment. It's true. I think we all know how that feels.

Helps my ego. So.

But when it comes to sexting, you know, for the most part, we sext with people, we text with people, we communicate, mediated by technology when they're at least in the other room. I mean, or like, maybe in another borough or maybe on another continent, or maybe eventually, like, you know, we'll sex people, like on Mars, on the moon. Right. So. So you're, you're separate from them but you can still use the present tense of dirty talk, right? By basically saying like. Like I'm like, oh, I'm touching myself thinking about how hot that blowjob was yesterday.

Right, Exactly. That's the best. When you. So the fourth, like, you recall like what had happened. Yeah. Like.

Or like I can.

I can't wait to do it again.

Well, yes, exactly. And you know, you can also if you're like still in the bed where you like had this encounter, you know, you can be like, I can still smell you, I can still taste you in my mouth, right? Like exploring all of the senses. It might sound cheesy, but like, you.

Know, you've got the visual. Like if you are whispering, you're like, I want to. I want to be top of mind for this person. Like I'm attracted to him and I want to be thinking about me all week long or until we see each other again. Just to drop these little things, you know, and just let them know that you're still thinking about him in a very descriptive, hot, sexy way.

And in terms of future, just to keep things moving, you know, future can be seduction. It can be a threat, you know, like a friendly threat. Like you don't even know what the fuck is going to happen to you when I get my hands on you tonight. Night. That kind of thing. And you know, like. Or like I can't, you know. And it can be romantic too. Like, sexting can be like really primal. But it can also totally be romantic and be like, oh, I can. Yeah, like, oh, I. Like, I can't wait to like. I can't wait to smile.

Kiss your dad.

Yeah, exactly.

Put rose petals on your bed.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can't wait. I'm drawing a bath. I can't wait till you get here. Yeah, totally.

Okay. Okay. Thank you for that sexting. When's your class?

It's tomorrow at 1:10.

Okay, so everyone check out Tina's class. I want you guys to hang out here, okay? We're gonna take some questions from the audience now. Questions.

Yay. Hi, my name is Amanda. Hi, Amanda.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, no. He's gonna be really mad at me for asking this question. Do it. It'll change your life. I have a question about having sex with someone. Someone who might have a bigger penis than normal. Okay. I'd be so friggin psyched right now. Are you kidding me? Like, certain positions, like, they're kind of like painful. Oh my gosh. Right? They're kind of painful. So I was wondering for, like, tips for that. Absolutely. Yes. Yes. So, yes, repeat the question. Is.

Amanda. Amanda is having sex with somebody who has a larger penis than normal? Is that what you said? A large penis? And a lot of times I get a lot of these questions that it can be painful or it can hurt. Like, a lot of the. Your go to positions, it doesn't feel as good or it's more painful. So definitely use lube. Do you guys use lube? Like, a lot of lube? Caffeinated lube? No, don't try that yet. And you just. You definitely want to. I mean, woman on top. When you're on top, you definitely have more control of, like, the depth and then the movement, the penetration, the speed, all that stuff, because then you can control it. I know that doggy style can be painful. Is that where you're. I actually just wrote. That's what. That's what. That's the one.

But it's a good one.

It's a good problem to have. It's fine, honey, because we. I actually just wrote. I write for Glamour, and I just wrote a column this other day. And there are variations that you can do to doggy style. For example, like lying on your stomach, lying flatter on your stomach, which if you're on all fours, like, typical, like, that could hurt more. Like, that can go deeper. So if you're lying flatter, that can help. If your hands are down and you're like, your bum is back up more, that could feel better. Also, lying on the. You think about, particularly for doggy style, okay? Lying flat and then using lots of lube, going slow and not. And your bums more in the air.

Or if you're on the bed with.

Your body over the bed and your butt sticking over the edge of the bed, can feel a lot better as well. Do you guys have any more tips for that?

Does everybody know what reverse cowgirl is? Speaking of things I've learned from porn, reverse cowgirl is basically doggy style of. Of the bottom on top.

Or, you know, like, you know, the. The. The person being penetrated is on top. So everything that they say about.

About, like, the person on top being, like, in. In control is true of reverse cowgirl or reverse cowboy, where you can, like, control the depth and speed, but also still get, like, all of the really, like, delicious, sexy, like, naughty things or, like, where it hits in your anatomy for doggy style, but you have more control. That would be my tip.

I'm just gonna be the mom voice here and Say, have you been drinking enough water? Because hydration is a really important part of sex. It affects your muscles, your joints, your general mental sense of comfort. So that is something just to keep in mind, too. Whatever you ate that day and if you haven't had enough water can be contributing to just physical pains as well.

I also want to say that spooning, I know, like, spooning position is also great, too, because then you're also more in control. Slipping it in.

Yeah.

So, like, it can feel really good, but you can also, because you got to. And you got to just, you know, you just got to go slower. And usually, I'm telling you. And spooning is kind of a way that it can feel just as good. People think it's kind of like a morning sex thing, but it's actually can feel great and not cause you as much pain. Thank you so much. Thank you for asking.

I have a question. One of my female friends told me recently that girls don't really like being compliments so much on their physicality. She said that it's much more meaningful to a girl if you tell her that she's smart or that she's funny or something like that. And any kind of compliment that has to do with her physicality, she views as insincere, and girls don't want to hear it. My question is, is that, like, the main consensus upon women, or is that maybe an unorthodox opinion on the matter?

I don't think there's a main consensus among women, first of all. I wish there was. It'd be so much easier.

I think that a lot of women, I mean, here's what I hear. I hear, like, if you're, like, on a dating app or something, or you just meet someone and you walk up to me like, you're so hot. You're so beautiful. They're like, yeah, I've heard that. Like, you know, so it might be if you don't really know the person and you're just going out to them, that might be kind of disconcerting and make them uncomfortable. But I think for women, like, if you. I mean, are very more specific in your compliments, like, God, like, I. I love your, you know, your dress, like, is really, like, a beautiful dress, or you look at their eye. I always think about the eyes. For example, like, I've had guys say, like, you pretty eyes. And then I've got to say, God, you have these really cool rings around your eye, like these dark rings around your eyes, like, more specific to her. And it's like something that you know or like, I like the way you laugh. I find that really sexy. So things that rather than just like you're hot because that's just like I want to bang you. So I'm gonna tell you something that's gonna make you feel good. So, I mean, I like when a guy like thinks I'm attractive. But the more like tailored and specific you can make it to her, I think the better.

Another question. Hi.

So I had a question about, you mentioned porn. So I just read a very long online article about how young boys today who are inundated with porn have all these different expectations about sex and how the young girls, probably high school or so, have these unrealistic expectations about sex acts or whatever. And you did mention that porn is a good kind of bar for that. So I just want to hear your comments about.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, I don't think. Yeah, I mean, the question is if porn is how it's impacting young kids, men in particular.

No, it's more along the lines of you're saying kind of how it's a good tool or it's a good sex tool. Does it actually set wrong expectations or is it valuable? Is it a bad thing?

Yeah, I mean, I think it's a double edged sword. I think that porn is great for fantasy, for masturbation. Technically, porn I don't think is not a great way for people to learn how to have sex. Technically, you're like, I've never had sex before and I'm just going to watch porn because sometimes I'm watching it, I'm thinking, like, he's nowhere near her clitoris. Like, there's no way she's having this orgasm. Or some guys have sex for the first time, they're like, why didn't she bring three friends and squirt all over the place? Like it's not realistically set up to how we really have sex. So that's what I think. And you, Tina, would you like.

So here's the, here's the comparison that I like to make.

Wow, cars again. I guess I'm just talking about cars. So I do know how to drive and I took driver's ed and I had to take a test in order to get a driver's license. And I've also seen the movie the Fast and the Furious and I don't drive like the movie the Fast like they do in the movies, all of the movies of the Fast and the Furious. I enjoy watching those movies. I enjoy the adrenaline, I enjoy the excitement. I Enjoy the fantasy, as you said, I enjoy seeing the sort of exaggerated, outsize adventure created for my consumption by professionals. But I'm not going to try to drive a car out of a helicopter. I mean, I wouldn't even know where to start. Right. So I would compare porn to the Fast and the Furious. And the difference is that we are not giving people good enough sex education in the way that we give them good driving education and traffic education. Right. So part of the reason that people don't have a critical awareness of the relationship between the outsized, professionally made fantasy of porn and their own sex lives is because we're not educating people enough, especially at a young age. So I have lots to say about this if you Want to visit tinahorn.net I've been writing about this a lot in the media lately, and if you ever want to talk to me about it, I'm available for that. And I hope that the sex education that is happening here is going to change our critical awareness of our. The relationship between our. Between porn and our own sex lives. Do you want to add?

Yeah, just. I mean, to echo that. I mean, I don't think porn is the issue. You hear that a lot in the political landscape these days, and porn isn't the issue. And in the context of what we're talking about up here, as far as, like, education's concerned, you can get inspired. Inspired. Once you accept that porn is not like a litmus for reality. You can find inspiration within different porn and everything to influence your life in a healthy and positive way. But what's happening on the screen isn't like an instruction manual, you know, so education is definitely very important, especially for young boys. Like, you're talking about there.

This is awesome. Thank you. I want you to stay up here for my big announcement. Thank you, everyone. Also, I will. I have a booth here, and I'll be here the next two days. So I'd love you all to come up and say hi, thank you, to both Tina and Brandon. And now I've got a big announcement.

Okay.

So we were talking about Joe lube earlier. Well, the people at Joe asked me to create my perfect lube. And I'm like, wow, like, that's like a dream. Like, I can build whatever. And now we kind of talked about, they might have already made one, but I want to make my own lube. I was like, yeah, I could probably do that. And I thought, I want your help with this. And so I'm going to invite Seth up here from Joe to explain this. We're all going to make an ideal lube together. Hi. Hi, Seth. Come on up. I'm great. How are you?

Good.

Let's talk about lubes.

So we're excited about this.

We're so excited.

So, I mean, as a manufacturer, even though we think we do a pretty good job and we ask some of our consumers what to do, it's great for us to work with someone like you and then for you to go out to your audience so we can really try and find out what matters to consumers. What do they want?

Right. Like, what do you guys want in your lube? From everything. Like from the consistency to the container. Like, I don't want to screw top on lube. Why do they. Who wants to screw off a top in the middle of the set? Like, excuse me while I unhinge this. No. You know, everything.

That kind of stuff all the time. Like, some people want this, some people.

Okay.

Do you want that?

Okay.

Right. It's okay if you want that.

No judgment.

We don't judge here. But. Right. Make your perfect lube.

Yeah. And we want to hear everything. I mean I. Someone other day talked about like, hey, can you guys put nanobytes inside your lube?

They say what?

Nanobytes inside your lube. And we don't have nano technology.

Not yet.

The point being that we want to hear everything and then we'll try and figure out what we can do so that we can produce like the perfect Emily lube.

Exactly. Okay, so this is what you have to do. Go to sex with emily.com dreamlube dream lube. It's all one word. And so, and there's also prizes. So there's going to be 10 participants selected randomly to receive packages. If they. It's like a 10, it's like a five minute survey and just asks you your experience with lube and you fill out these little questions and then we're going to like actually create this lube that you can all try. And if you fill out the survey and you guys send killer packages.

Yeah. And we're going to, we're going to give like 10 big prizes. Like I think it's like $100 worth of various products to 10 of your. Your people that fill out the survey.

So do that on my website, sex with emily.com dreamlube and let's do it together. Let's make some killer lube.

Yeah. We really want to see what can come out of it.

I'm so excited. Okay, so the surveys are actually live right now through November. And check it out.

So, yeah. So 2017 should be a really interesting year.

2017. Watch for the Emily Jo loop. Thanks, Seth.

Thank you.

Okay.

Awesome.

All right. Okay. I think that's all we got time for. Thank you guys so much for being here. Thank you everyone for being at the Sexual Health Expo. And I'm just telling you, please come say hi. Like, everyone's like, oh, I don't know if I should say hi. You're changing my life. Like, really, a lot of you are telling me your stories about how my show's impacted your life. And just seeing you today makes, like, me feel like it's all. It's very humbling and just knows that I'm. It's all worthwhile just meeting you. I don't get to meet people. All of my listeners. So thank you for coming. Thank you for supporting all the exhibitors here. There's amazing stuff you have to walk around. We'll be here for two days. Thank you everyone for being here and thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Thank you.

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