Love, Lust & Other Addictions

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man e here, he just.

Got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sex with emily.com because there you can do so many things. You can check out our blog, which we update every day. We've got videos, we've got a mailing list. And I. I don't want to brag. You know, I'm not like that. But I've been known. People say I give good email, so I'll send you an email once a week. I won't say your name and I. You won't, like. I won't give it to porn sites or anything like that. I promise. I actually will give you really good information to help your sex life and your relationship, which is why you listen to the show. So sign up for that. And you'll also, when you do that, you will get a report, the five biggest mistakes you're making in bed, if you're a man or a woman. So check all that out. And you can also always follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. It's exwithemily across the board. I'm really excited for tonight's show. Hi, Anderson.

What up, Em?

What's up with you?

Hanging.

Just hanging. How's your week?

Week was good.

Yeah, good. Like hot.

I'm skateboarding again and I already fell.

I love that you're skateboarding.

Cut my leg all up. I feel Alive.

You did. You guys are all skateboarding. You and Mike Carano and stuff. It's like your thing.

I have two sticks now, too. I feel like a professional skateboarder again. It's good stuff. Yeah.

Is it? What? How has it changed your life?

I just have, like. You forget, especially being a boy, that you're supposed to have like. Like cuts on your legs and knees. You're not alive unless you're actually out there doing things.

Right. Okay, so you weren't feeling so much like a boy anymore. And now it's bringing back.

The worst part, though, is I fell while I was talking to my wife on the phone, who keeps yelling at me to get a helmet. And she heard me fall. It was very embarrassing.

She's like, I told you. That's right.

I picked up the phone and smashed on the ground. I picked it up and she goes. All I heard her say was, are.

You fucking kidding me.

Dude? Be careful of that. That scares me. Okay, listen, I gotta tell you something. So I. Speaking of your wife.

Yeah.

So last night. Okay, a few funny things this week that happened to me. Interesting thing. So last night I get a call from Dr. Drew's producer on HLN, and he's like, oh, we need you to come in at like, you know, it was like five o'.

Clock.

And I was speaking on this other panel. I was speaking on a panel in West Hollywood about bragging again.

Sounds like you're bragging again, dude.

F you.

Because, listen, you do give great email, though.

I do, thank you. I do want to write about that. So he said. So he said, we're doing a show tonight and Drew wants you to be here. We think it'd be really interesting. Blah, blah. So it was about a woman. This is kind of an older story, but we're resurrecting it because first of all, Drew's always like, we're not doing a lot of sex on the show anymore. On hlm, we're not doing all sex. But this show was like, all about sex. So it's a woman who's 40. She'd been with her husband for 10 years, and she decided for his birthday to give him a year of sex. 365 days of sex. How would you feel if your wife gave that to you for your birthday?

I mean, now it would be cool, but when she's 40, I don't know, dude.

What's like five minutes away? Really? No, really. It's controversial because, like, who, who, who would want that? You know? But I think the point that I was trying to make, though, is.

What about when she's, like, on her period and stuff? You get, like, twice a day on her day average.

Like, 28 days. But, yeah, do. It's blowjob day. It doesn't mean you have to have sex. It means that you just can be intimate. But they tried. Because I believe that.

That.

That there's a crisis right now with sex and marriage. You know, that I feel that way. That people don't continue intimacy, and they think that sex can go on the back burner. And they don't have to pay attention to it because they've got kids and work and life and family. And I think it brings light to that. But all these people are, like, outraged. And all our friends are like, don't tell my husband you're doing that.

Outraged. They were, yeah.

They're like, who can do that? And that's crazy.

And, oh, she's setting the bar too high. She's like, the new guy, like, working hard.

Exactly. And everyone's like, man, that's crazy. I wouldn't want that. So I just wanted to see what you. If you. If you would want 300.

I think that seems a bit excessive, actually. You know what? I'm pretty. I don't like to go, you know, give details or whatnot. But, you know, I've been married for a year, year and a half now, and we're both so busy that, yeah, it's definitely been put on the back burner a little bit.

This is the problem, is that couples let it slide, and they think they're going to get it back. You know, we'll get it right back around to it. But when too much time goes past.

Yeah, you get roasted. You fall into ruts.

You do fall into ruts. So I want to tell you that. And then another funny thing is that. Well, I think it's kind of funny. But first, you know what? I'm gonna introduce my guest. Cause he's gonna have something to say about me.

You have a very nice young man sitting next, smiling away.

Tommy Rosen is my guest. And Tommy is not only a very dear friend of mine, but this is not nepotism here on the show. I would just have him on because he's a friend. Cause I have lots of friends. He actually is a remarkable person. And he always has been a very big part of my life. And he just wrote an incredible book called Recovery 2.0, move beyond addiction and Upgrade youe Life. Welcome, Tommy Rosen.

Thank you. Emily.

I'm so glad you're here. With me tonight because. So Tommy is. His book is about addiction. You might be thinking, oh, yeah, whatever. Addiction. I'm not addicted to anything. I don't know what you're talking about. But I think it's really interesting because I do think that everyone's got a little addiction going on right now. Was to something. And I think there was interesting points that you brought up in the book, that even if it's drugs or alcohol, I mean, there's also just the patterns of the four. What would you call it?

The four aggravations.

Aggravations in our life that drive us to addiction that are underlying most addictions. And then a lot of things that people don't. It's not really about the drugs or the alcohol. It's about what our aggravations are in our life, which we all suffer from in some way. And we mask them by even drinking a lot of caffeine or it's smoking cigarettes or for me, it might. And a lot of you might be able to relate to this. Your phone. I sleep with my phone. Do you think that's a problem?

It could be.

I charge it on my pillow next to me.

It really might be.

And sometimes it slips and I get anxious, like I won't hear my alarm. And what if something happened? I turn it off at night. So I feel like in your book just. It's really relevant, I think for a lot of people. They read it and it really strikes a chord for people who are just, you know, suffering in any way. And I think that you've done amazing things with yoga right now. Your yoga teacher. And I'm going to give you a little bio here. I'm going to give Tommy's bio, official bio, and I'm going to tell you the real dirt on Tommy. Okay? He's a yoga teacher, addiction recovery expert. He spent the last two decades immersed in yoga recovery and wellness. He holds advanced certifications in Hatha and Kundalini yoga and has more than 22 years of recovery from acute drug addiction. And now you've become like this. So, okay. Tommy and I have known each other for a really long freaking time. I'd like to say 20 years. And you were my first friends when I moved to San Francisco, like real friends, because I just moved there. And you had recently. Which reading your book, I mean, I knew you were sober. You've always been sober, which was impressive and annoying because we'd be going to concert. No, not annoying. No, I love it. You were like the best. You've always Amazed me, because you've always been, like, the. One of the best sober, most fun sober people I know not to be, whatever. And I know a lot. But we go to concert, we'd stay up till 6am Like, I'd be tired. Tommy's still out there dancing, like, completely, you know, sober. And it's amazing. And now I feel like you. You moved. You abandoned me in San Francisco.

It's not true.

You did, about 10 years ago.

No. No. You stayed in San Francisco. I came to Los Angeles.

I totally meant to come here early.

Did you follow Tommy here?

I did. Well, 10 years later, were you guys.

Friends or were you friends? Friends. Back in the day.

We were not. Did we ever have up?

Did we ever hook up?

Is that what you mean?

Yeah. It's shocking to me that you're sitting here going, did we? I don't remember.

I think we.

Your penis ever entered my body?

I had a penis in my vagina. But I think, like, you might have felt my breasts once or something.

At least. At least.

Oh, no. Twice.

No, at least.

Okay. So when I first met Ty, I did have a big crush on you. So I have a very dear friend, Suzanne. She might be watching right now. She doesn't care, right?

She does not care.

She was actually my very first friend, and I met her at a Dead show. And as Tommy, you write in your book that the Dead was your first kind of spiritual experience. Anderson, how do you feel about the Dead?

I'm too young.

No, you're not.

I mean, I know of them and stuff, but I know one song. I'm Too Young, I'm a Ween Guy, which is kind of like the Dead.

This guy's a very young man. He does not know about Grateful Dead.

Okay. So I went to, like, a Dead show with Suzanne, and I met her, and we were, like, instantly stinky.

Right?

Smelly.

Very, very smelly. Very stinky. And Suzanne and I had this kind of relationship where we instantly became, you know, I was. You know, I'm the mother of her godchildren now. And you are. Been very dear. You lived next in their house. Were you living in their house then?

I lived with Ted and Suzanne for years. Many, many years in the psycho years.

So, okay, so I'm always thinking, you're sober, you're fun, whatever. But I didn't realize how really, even though you were sober, how really, truly psycho you were.

That's right.

And I mean, we all thought you were psycho. Like, Tommy's always been the fun. I mean, in a way, like crazy Tommy. But, you know, still, you know, sober, which is so interesting because you talk about how you've gone through the 12 steps, but yet there's still the addictive mind.

That's right. Well, it's shadow and light. Shadow and light to everything. So there's this incredible thing, you know, very fortunate to survive drug addiction. There's no joke there. Very, very fortunate to survive it. And I had to learn the hard way that you can survive drug addiction and still be stuck in other addictions. We see people, they put down drugs and alcohol and it's like a whole sea of people. Like, ooh, people addictions. Let's get in there. Or food, Ooh, food addictions, you know, or now it's technology and all the money addictions. Gambling, you know, spending debt and all this stuff.

Pornography.

Oh, well, pornography. Epic. Rampant.

Epic. I mean, this is like the thing I hear from people every single day. I've got guys pulling me aside, like friends. A friend. They're like, hey, so did I tell the story last week? Guy friend. He's like, I masturbate. Do you think I have a problem?

Emily, I don't recall you talking.

I masturbate twice a day. Do you think it's a problem? And I'm like, no, totally. Because most you want to know if they're normal sexually.

Well, it depends too. If he's doing like two hour sessions, that's the thing.

And like twice a day, no, you're fine.

It's cool.

Because everyone wants to know normal. I'm like, it's fine. He's like, okay. Well, sometimes it's four. I'm like, okay. You know, but is it, is it affecting your life? Like with addiction? Is it wreaking havoc on your life? Are you able to work? Are you able to, you know, maintain relationships? And he's like, well, actually, I try to be with women. Sometimes it's six. He the number, he said, and I actually can't get hard with women. I can't get turned on. And so. And I just feel like everywhere I go now, it's just becoming this thing because it's like raised the bar for a lot of men sexually. And they're masturbating all the time and they have a hard time actually performing in bed. And it's like, it's rampant. I mean, it's available for kids at such a young age.

I was at a 12 step meeting recently, and a guy actually shared. It was what we call a universal 12 step meeting. So any addiction is welcome. So this guy started Sharing about his pornography habit. And it wasn't so much how often he was doing it or what the exact behavior was, but it was the feelings that went along with it for him. So this was a guy who. He would have the sexual release and be caught in this fantasy world of images, images, images, and it would pull him out of reality. He'd have the sexual release. He'd feel completely empty. There was a great sort of depression that followed that release for him, and it just perpetuated itself again and again and again. The guy felt so disconnected. And he reported back just like what you were just saying, that the images were more powerful for him than real life.

Right, exactly that. You can't beat that when you're having sex. It's like, no, you can't. You can only beat off. You can't beat that when you're having sex.

There is that.

Yeah, exactly. So it's true. But isn't that like all addictions in a way that you do it because it feels good in the moment, and then afterwards you sort of have this emptiness. With many addictions.

Short term gain, long term loss. Right, right. So you're. Yes, I'll get a pleasure in the short term, but I'm giving up a bigger price. Right. It's unsustainable.

So you. And you got sober at a young age, which is so impressive. First of all, I feel like even you went to Boulder. I feel like all my friends went to Boulder. Like they just. You guys parted your ass off. I kind of wish I went there.

It was. It was epic. I mean, there was. It was certainly no holds barred, let's just put it that way. Everybody took it just about as far as it could go. And it was an era, a particular era, those late 80s there in Boulder, where, I mean, the cocaine was flowing and the drugs were flowing and the women were flowing, and it was just. It was game on over there. And, you know, for people with my particular makeup and personality, it was.

You've always had. Okay, so you're married. Happily married now.

Very happily.

Very happily. I was at your wedding. Which is beautiful.

Yes.

And which was amazing too, that you're married and happy, which I'm just. And I know that you truly are like. It's not like, oh, yeah, they're how they have. Because you never know what goes up. But I know that you guys are a very strong couple. Prior to that, Tommy, you were quite a ladies man.

Well, define that, would you?

I define that. Women. You love women. Women loved you.

Yes, a lot. That's Fair.

That was the thing. And I loved you when I met you. I was like, oh, my God, he's so cute.

Tommy, there were so many women that just absolutely did not love me after.

You dumped them or just what?

No, in general. No, I want to paint the accurate picture. There. There was a certain. There was. There was a lot of attraction, a lot of stuff there. And there were plenty of people who were just, you know, be like, who's this jerk off? Who's this?

Were those the ones that you would go after then if they didn't like you?

Not necessarily.

Okay.

Not necessarily.

Well, there was some interesting. I mean, well, there's so much to say here. But I want to say, like in your book, we Talk, there were some things about the relationships that you were in. We don't have to get into that. That I knew you during some of those. Those relationships is interesting. And I wanted to talk a little bit about codependency in relationships.

Love it.

Because I think a lot of people suffer from that and they might even know that they're in this codependent pattern. So can you kind of, can you kind of break that down for people?

Sure, sure. I'll take you. Well, I'll give you a definition. So codependency. I look at it as the disease of the lost self. So you, you have lost a sense of self, a sense of grounding, a sense of boundary. Where do I end? And another person begins, and you're in a relationship with another person and never mind, whatever state they're in, you're in that state of codependency. They might be also.

So you, you go down the road and for a little while, everything's working out. You're enjoying your time with this person. You guys are immensely attracted to each other. It's that beginning of relationship sex. And it's.

It's just very, very six minutes.

Intoxicating. Intoxicating, Right. Super powerful. And at some point, and this is, this is one of the ways it can happen, is the, the sex in the relationship sort of takes top shelf over anything else. So that becomes the point upon which the relationship is built. Now, we all know there's no human being alive today that can maintain that level of sexual.

Power, the excitement of it over a period of years, if that's become the main thing upon which your relationship is built, your relationship will not last. So you have to. And when one has to develop the other parts of relationship, you cannot help it. If you want to keep having great sex with your girlfriend, your boyfriend Your wife, your husband, your partner. You are going to have to develop the other areas of your life and relationship equally now. A codependent. You've lost a sense of self. So you're looking for a sense of worth in the other person. You may be trying to control the other person. Exact a sense of control over the other. And there you are. There's no balance. There's no. Your relationship is not built upon love. It's not built upon connection. It's built upon this really shadowy, dark sort of sense of, I am not a whole person. You may not realize it, but I'm looking to you as my drug. Right. You are my drug.

So it's kind of like. Right, exactly. So it's kind of like how you replace. They always say, like, you replace another addiction. One addiction for the next. Precisely sober. But then you got into these relationships. Some of them.

And unfortunately, I've been. I've been all the way to hell and back through these kinds of relationships.

Yes, exactly.

You were there.

I was. I was. I was there for them in the middle of it, truly. Yeah, but I sort of. So I think that it's interesting because what you just said about sex is like kind of what I was talking about, the 365 days of sex thing is that I think that so many couples. And it surprised me because I hear from people all the time. And we'll be getting to some of your emails that you write me@feedbackexwithamily.com I love hearing from you. Is that people, to me, we know this. It's such a phenomenon. They're like, people are so. I feel like every day people wake up and they think they found out, like, the world isn't flat. They're like, what?

Sex was so amazing at the beginning. I can't imagine why aren't we having great sex anymore. Like, they're so surprised. They don't realize that it's biology at the beginning. The chemicals flowing in your brain, and it doesn't last without work. And people don't want to have to work at that. At building the other parts of the relationship to sustain the sexual chemistry.

That's right.

And it's possible.

Oh, it's more than possible. And in fact, you know, through very deep intimacy, which takes time, but through very deep intimacy with a human being, you can reach into different spheres of sexuality. You can have more powerful experiences than you can possibly have at the beginning. It's different. It's a different. It's like you're entering a different doorway. If you will, but it's super, super, super exciting. And the other thing, very, very important concept for people to understand. If you're in a long term relationship, if you're looking for, let's say, you know, you, you have everyone, okay, fantastic sex at the beginning, all right? Then there's a sort of taper off, but you're in love with each other, you're really enjoying each other company, you're friends, it's cool.

If you wait through a relationship long enough, you're going to see cycles in your sex life. You're going to see periods where your sex is phenomenal. There are going to be other periods where you just can't connect to save your life. And if you wait through those periods and you stay connected, you communicate, you go through those periods, you'll find another period come where it's the best sex of your entire life and just no rhyme or reason. But if you're expecting it always to be this way or it's always going to be good, or oh my God, it's bad, this will never pass. Therefore I have to get out of.

This relationship or cheat or do something else or start masturbating in the basement.

You may be missing a little bit of an important point.

So here's the interesting part. So when you're in that dip, though, the important thing you said is that you still need to communicate. Because I think the problem with so many couples is that they're in the dip and they don't know how to talk about sex. They're not like, hey, honey, it's weird we're not having sex because I'm sure that you're very communicative with your wife. You're like, okay, it's interesting. I noticed that lately, right, we have not maybe been having sex as often.

And it's me, it's me more than her. And like you, I'm a Gemini.

Oh, God, that's right.

Don't forget we're Gemini's.

Exactly.

We're birthies are so close. That's true, that's true.

Hey, is retrograde done, guys?

Yes, retrospect done.

I've noticed no difference. Everything's still ruined.

No Mercury record. They were laughing at me. I know nothing about.

I've heard it from a few other people.

Since you didn't make it up, Mercury was in retrograde. Is that true or not true?

It's true for people in Los Angeles, for sure.

Phones weren't working. Technology breakdown. It was, it was horrible.

This whole episode didn't record.

It's not recording now. That's fine. It's not that good. No, it's amazing. Okay, so let's talk about ways, then, that you guys have learned to, you know, you specifically, but, like, through yoga, for example, and breath and connecting with your body. So many people are disconnected, like, I. You know, their head and their heart. And you talk a lot about that in your book, too, about how even though you've done all this work and you've done yoga for a long time, that it really is. We can still be doing yoga and doing others, even meditation, but you're still not conducting your. Your head and your heart. And so I think that's really important. Yeah, I'm still learning it.

The. Well, the. The.

My head's, like, still in my office right now. My heart is. I don't even know where my heart is. I don't think it showed up yet. Nothing's changed for me. I read this book. I'm like, God damn, he's evolved so much.

Oh, is that right?

I was kind of, like, anxious about it, but. No, really. I mean, you've been through a lot of powerful work, but how would you apply that sexually to couples, to connecting?

There. There are a bunch of lessons I've learned along the way, and I'm on your show, so I'm feeling this, like, innate pressure to sort of speak about sex specifically.

Yeah.

And yet there's. There's a couple of other lessons that sort of will feed into not our.

Sex, which we don't remember, which we can't remember. We did not have penetrative sex.

So.

As far as we remember most of you.

It was amazing.

Right. Best sex ever.

Okay, go ahead.

So I was given a gift. I was given a gift, and it helped me to understand the sacred nature of what I'm developing with my wife, which led directly into a better sex life and a better relationship in general. And the gift was my spiritual teacher saying to me, tommy, you know, there are only four women you're ever going to meet. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. Who are these four women? And he said, you're only ever going to meet mothers, daughters, sisters, and a special someone.

Just one.

Not necessarily. But. But at one moment, in any particular moment, there's one person that's getting that attention.

The sexual love.

Well, it's more than just that. So. So I was like, okay, interesting. So I meet mothers, for example. A mother is somebody. Yes. Typically, they could be older than me, but not necessarily. They have a motherly energy about them. Okay. I'M not going to connect with them in any other way than as a son. And that means I have to develop that part of myself. How am I going to be a good son? Be respectful, be loving. Be, you know, how a son would be to his mother. When I meet daughters, these are younger women than me. You know, at this point, I'm 47 years old.

Okay, you are?

I am. When I. When I meet, I think you're about 27, but.

Yeah. No, it's so weird. When we met when I was 7. Thanks for taking me out of those dead shows. I was like, you're out.

No wonder you don't remember the sex.

You're too young. That's horrible.

I'm not for you. You're older than me. Go ahead.

Well, you meet daughters, and of course, you have to develop the paternal side of yourself and Tommy. You'll have to be protective, loving, supportive, caring, just like a father would be for a daughter. But when you meet sisters, that's sort of where the problem comes in. Because a lot of these sisters in my peer group who are, you know, let's say my peer group is 15 years below me and, you know, 15 years above me, like, sort of in there. Now, those could be daughters. They could be mothers. But if I'm feeling that sense of physical attraction to them and they seem like they're in my peer group, they're not my wife. They fall under the heading of sisters.

Okay.

And this is where I've got to get really good at becoming a brother. How would a brother be? Platonic? Fun, Playful. Not flirtatious.

So you've cut. You learned to cut because you're always very flirtatious.

These ideas are meant to be aspired to.

Right. Okay. Got it.

So this is not a perfect plan.

Right, Right. It's not like you. Right, I get it. No, it makes sense.

Am I ever attracted to another woman? What do you think?

Yeah.

For God's sake.

Yes.

I'm a man. I'm in a human body, and thank God I'm with a woman who understands that's not threatened by that. Is my wife ever attracted to another man? Of course she is. She's an attractive.

You guys probably, like, talk about it.

Yeah. But it's just simply. It's just not a problem. It doesn't need to be a problem. We're not threatened by each other in that way.

And that's. That's huge because so many couples have this raging jealousy, and they don't even know how to discuss it. So that's an interesting paradigm that people could.

It comes from a place of insecurity, of course. And that's not putting anybody down. That's just saying, hey, if you're looking in your boyfriend's Facebook page or you're looking at your girlfriend's, you know, diary, and you're trying to pull out, like, information, that's because you have.

A lack of trust. And that may be valid, but the fact is there's an insecurity there, and you want to know what they're doing. You want to control the situation.

Exactly.

The fourth person is the one person you'll meet. That wife, that special someone, that husband, whatever. And that person's going to see a side of you that nobody else gets to see. Yes, it's sexual, yes, it's sensual, but it's more than all that. There's a sense of.

I get what you're saying. These archetypes of people. But can it be one person one night and then one person the next night?

I guess.

Confusing. There's one, Only one. That there's one person in the universe for us all.

Oh, I don't believe there's one person for us all in the universe, but it's just a question on how you want to spend your energy. How do you want to spend your energy? Ask me the question you asked Anderson.

Would you want to have sex every day for 365 days?

Hell, no. Oh, my God. I'd be exhausted.

Right?

I mean, how depleting would that be?

But I think it's depleting, but it's more about being conscious and being caught, being cognizant of your intimacy and connecting. Because so many couples let that slide.

That's right.

Even just the kissing or the touching or. It doesn't have to be sex. It could be massage. It can be.

You know that couple, though, that did the365, they just started it now, or.

No, they did it like last year.

Did they report back how the sex. Yes, she wrote a book afterwards. Like the next year, was it like 10 times? Times total.

They just got divorced. They were so over.

I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't be shocked.

No, it was awesome. No, really, like they learned that. That how they learned how broken their marriage really was because they had let all these other things get in the way of their connection.

The reason why, and I think Tommy could probably agree with me here, is that I. I would not want to ever feel like it was a chore, like, ah, we haven't done it today yet. We still have to. And I still gotta take out the trash, too, you know?

Absolutely.

Do we have time? I never want to think of sex with my wife as a chore.

Right. But so many people do. But the problem is some people just take out the trash instead of having sex. Like, we gotta take out trash, we gotta pick up the kids, we gotta do the laundry, you know, all the stuff. And then they don't have sex. So eventually it becomes habit and you learn to, you know. I know what you're saying. Like, oh, really? Sex again? But I just think the point was it really connected them and she taught them a lot about their relationship and whatever. But speaking of that, a word from our sponsor which can help you if you are not necessarily having so much sex. You could buy a Fleshlight, because. Do you know what Fleshlight is, Tommy?

I actually don't.

You don't? Okay.

Shocking to me that people still don't know about it. Maybe because I work on Loveline and whatnot. But, like, it. I feel like everyone's walking around with Fleshlights all about you.

Fleshlight, it is the number one sex tape for men and probably the only one you want. Like, you know, women give hundreds, thousands of vibrators. That's actually what I personally own. And it wouldn't be amazing if you could feel the pleasure of having sex anytime, even if you don't have a partner. It's a male masturbation sleeve.

You really have. You have. You have stunned me.

So it's a masturbation sleeve and it simulates the sensations of sex. So you have the option you can use your hand. That's what guys have. They got their hand. But women, we've all these other options. But now the Fleshlight feels amazing. It feels like real sex. It feels. It's engineered to look and feel like the real deal. And a lot of people think it's even better than.

Can I possibly get a visual?

You can go to my website. Oh, this is what everyone should do. If you want one, you should get my website. I don't know. A visual is just like. It's made out of, like, their special material that feels like. Okay. You can also buy one that's like a shape, like a vagina of your favorite porn star, not that you have one. And men use it for stamina training to last longer in bed.

Did you say you could shape it.

Like the vagina they already are shaped.

Of your favorite porn star?

Porn stars have it. Like they mold their vagina into a Fleshlight, and then you could buy it and you're like, oh, I really like who is supposed to be Terra Patrick.

Considerably more loose though. The porn star ones. Hey, Rune's flying. Flying one in for you to check out.

Oh cool. You gotta check it out. So anyway, the Fleshlight is amazing. It's like sex in a can basically. But if you're in a long distance relationship, your partner can even. Okay, I think hand jobs. Whatever happened to the handjob? I love good hand job.

The old fashioned.

The old fashioned handjob. Like what happened to him? I'm trying to bring him back. So you give your partner Fleshlight you can use in your own runes. Come in. Run's gonna show you what a Fleshlight is. You can check it out and have the most mind blowing orgasms of your life. Go to sex withelmi.com Click on the Fleshlight banner. And now for all my listeners, you will get a bottle of their amazing flesh lube. And actually award winning flesh lube if you use code Emily at checkout.

I'm stunned.

Do you want one?

I don't.

Your wife can give you a killer hand job tonight. Really, really good.

And no, no cleanup either. Which is another good thing. Your wife will like that. Rune actually has these hanging over his bed like microphones for like boxing matches. Like he just pulls down one whatever he feels like that night.

Exactly.

There is so. There is so absolutely no judgment on this. It's just interesting how creative human beings can be.

Exactly. It's amazing. Look at it. Yeah, it's. You know, it looks like a flat. A flash. A flashlight. Get it? Flashlight. Okay. So also another thing I need to tell you about. Speaking of sex toys. One of the reasons you're able to listen to my show for free is because the incredible people@good vibes.com. you remember Good Vibrations in San Francisco, I'm sure. Have you been there? Do you ever buy sex toys?

I actually haven't bought sex toys, but I've been in the store.

Right. Amazing store. But they also have Good Vibes dot com. They carry all the best sex toys. You can get the Vibratex girls, which are my new favorite, the Dahlia. There's amazing G spot stimulators like the G Key by Jaejoo. I also love the Jeju Mimi or the most orgasmic vibrator of all time, the Magic Wand. So go to sexwithemily.com, click on the Good Vibrations banner and use coupon code GVMILY20. That's GVMELE20 and you get 20% off. Plus, if you click on the banner, you'll see I have my whole store of all the toys that I love, and I've tried all of them. I've been busy since you've seen me. Apparently really busy. And. Okay, so this is some of the things. So I want Anderson White thing.

I just like. I like Tommy saying, apparently he's been busy. I just imagine what's going on inside his head.

I feel like we're always friends, but I just. I feel like we've kind of lost touch since you went on your whole spiritual journey.

She has over a thousand sex toys at her house.

There's nothing you could say to me that I'm not already.

And that's not a lie. That's true.

I wouldn't be shocked.

It's true, right, Em?

It's my job.

Thousand.

Literally, my sister's like, you gotta go home and masturbate tonight. You gotta try out the Dahlia. They just sent us that. You gotta try out this or that. But now my interns do it, too. Cause we have, like, intern sex toy day, which is. Which is a good time.

Do you have a boyfriend right now?

No.

You don't?

No.

If you had one, would you admit it on this show?

No. No. Yeah. Yeah, I would if I had a boyfriend. But I don't like that term.

Okay. What term would you use? Just out of curiosity, am I sleeping?

I mean, you know, I haven't had a boyfriend since I had a boyfriend in San Francisco. But I moved here and I left him there, and I've dated here and there.

Okay.

And I don't. I haven't met anyone that I feel is worthy of that boyfriend or that I wanted to be a boyfriend.

Fair enough.

But you might know some cute people, so we should talk about alcohol.

Of course I do. Fair enough.

I would love to, you know, find someone, date a little bit. It would be a good time. So another thing that I have to mention here that I forgot at the beginning is that I am, because I'm so excited that Tommy's here, is that I am speaking at a the Sexual health expo. It's January 17th and 18th in Los Angeles. Sexualhealthexpo.com It's one of a kind. It's open to the public, and I'm giving away 25 tickets. And it's going to be two days of workshops with, like, the top sex educators in the country. Teaching workshops. We're going to have, like, the latest and greatest toys. I'm giving the keynote speech. How about that?

That's awesome.

It's okay. We got to write it. Not, hopefully not the night before January 17th and 18th in Los Angeles. And I'm giving away 25 tickets if you want to go. And there's going to be like an award ceremony and parties and all that stuff. So email me feedback sexwithemily.com if you want to go. And I will give you free ticket maybe if you tell me why it's a good reason that you should be going there to the conference.

I like sex.

Speaking of, you like sex? Do you want to come? Okay. Also, I'm skipping around here, but I think we have to go a little back to Sex in the News because there's something really important that I need to talk about.

I love sex in the news.

I know. We just. I just got excited about Tommy. Okay, so Harvard, which is, you know, top school in the country, they're offering a class right now on how to have anal sex. And it's called what? What in the Butt, like the song. Exactly. Anal sex 101. Now this has been controversial at Harvard. At Harvard.

Is this true? Are you sure this isn't on the Onion or something?

And don't think I'm whatever, but it was on Dr. Drew's HLM last night. True, true.

Can you just picture all the guys with the pipes and the tweed jackets that are like, I never. I can't believe.

Exactly. Well, all these. University of Sex Week, which my university did not. I wish they did. Or maybe it was always Sex week, but there's an entire range of classes and workshops designated to teach students about doing the dirty in a safe way. So in the middle of Sex Week, they're doing this. And it's what? What in the butt? Anal Sex 101. That aims to teach the Ivy League students how to have anal sex. So they're saying. So called experts from a local adult store will lead the Tuesday talk, which seeks to dispel myths about anal sex and give you insight into why people do it and how to do it.

Well.

So after students giggling for like the first hour or two of the class, what type of topics will be covered? Well, they will cover anal anatomy, the potential for pleasure for all genders, how to talk about with a partner, preparation, hygiene, lube, blah, blah, blah. So the thing about this is it is obviously controversial because anything about anal sex. And the best part was last night because, you know, when we talk about like on Loveline, dude's always like, it's tearing, it can hurt you. But the thing is about Anal sex.

His go to is I talked to a nurse and the number one prosthetic being sold today is the new rectum. Because of anal sex.

Exactly.

He always says that.

He does. I think he's opening up a little. No pun intended. No, I don't know that. But the thing is that.

Well, I don't want to say.

Never what? Say what?

I was going to say Drew's. Apparently his manhood is so large, he never even is interested in the butt because it's not even available to him because he's so big, from what I've heard.

Speaking of big penises. Tommy. Just kidding. I don't. Never say. I don't think I did.

She doesn't believe she lube.

I did not see your penis. Lube is one of the most important factors of anal sex. And I feel like a lot of people. I'm not like saying you have to have anal sex, but I feel like there's a lot of women who have really bad experiences, like post traumatic, like anal sex disorder. Because guys just like stick it in. They're drunk, they do it the wrong way.

Dry.

I don't know. Rape.

Like you had it.

I don't know rape.

Yeah, you got it that one time.

Oh, when.

When you're having sex, drunken sex with the guy.

Right. First, second. I was like, what are you doing? So that happens to him. But he wasn't trying to have anal sex. The point is, is that so many people do it the wrong way. And so I think it's that you should teach a class because so many kids are watching porn now and they're thinking, I have to have anal sex. And there is some pleasure to be derived from it. However you have to do it right. You know, like I said, use lube. Don't disclose. Stick it in there without talking about it. That's very rude. And you gotta use lube. And don't ever just assume that that's what she's into. You want to just like first, like use your finger and just rub around there lightly. See if she's even into it. How does she react? And then maybe you stick a finger in and then maybe if she's okay with that, you can talk about the penis. So I think it's an important.

Are you hoping to get a spot on the panel for the Harvard class?

No, but someone tweeted that I should be teaching it, which I was sort of honored.

Tommy, you got kids?

I do not.

Alright, imagine you have a daughter. What's. What's worse, her growing up to become a stripper or her getting into Harvard and, you know, spending your 80 grand, your 80 grand on tuition and signing up for this class.

It's a. It's a fair question. And I have to say that there's gonna be some backlash against Harvard for this class.

I know. Well, for sure. Better than anal rape. I hear what you're saying. Okay. Another sex of the news story is Tinder study reveals how you know Tinder.

I've actually heard of it because of my cousin.

Oh, really?

Yeah, my cousin. Can we bring him?

Yeah, totally.

Love Peter. My cousin Peter.

And he lives with you.

Handsome, single, incredible, unbelievable guy.

Love Peter.

And he's rocking the Tinder like no other.

Oh, my God, it's like a full time job. Tinder is amazing. I actually had a blind Tinder date on the show. I never met him. He came in here, it was full on date. We had like the wine, the whole thing. You guys can check out that episode on itunes, which is a really easy way to subscribe. So here's the thing, people. So Tinder is a dating appeal. Everyone says it's a hookup app, which was kind of based on Grindr, which is the gay app, which truly is a hookup app. But it doesn't have to. You don't have to like go like, oh, we're gonna have sex because we met on Tinder. It's a choice, obviously, but there are a lot of people who just meet on Tinder and you know, like, for example, if I match you look at people's pictures, you say yes or no. And then if I say yes and it's a match and he sends me a dick pic, I might make that assumption that he thinks it's about sexuality.

It seems like that would be.

That I would delete him.

A good assumption. Right?

But that's not what I'm looking for. But here's what the New York Times did research. The average person logs onto Tinder 11 times a day. Women spend 8.5 minutes per visit. Men spend 7.2 minutes per visit. And the average is an hour and a half on Tinder per day. Women are pickier than men. Women swipe right, like only 14% of the time. Men swipe right, like 46% of the time. So when you swipe right, that's, I guess when you are saying no to someone, right? No, no, right, wait. Left, right, right is when you are swiping, is when you're rejecting someone. But men are more. Men are more rejecting than women. Women are liking people more so if you like someone, you like them. If you swipe right, it means you're passing on them.

Got it.

So that's. That's the deal. So it's saying here, too, though, that because humans are really, really bad at flirting and Tinder is one of the few ways it lets you know for sure if someone's interested. That's why people are so. They say, why is Tinder so addicting? They're calling it an addiction. And so, according to researchers from the University of Kansas, the issue is not that we're unskilled at the art of the pickup, per se, it's that we have absolutely no way of telling if someone's interested. And this is true. I've actually heard these studies before that there's a lot of men and women who are. Are unable to read the signs if someone's actually interested in them. So after watching 52 strangers flirt with each other in a room for 10 minutes, the researchers. Researchers. Researchers found that the men and women in the study could only tell if someone was flirting with them 36 and 18% of the time, respectively. They could, however, accurately determine if someone wasn't flirting with them. So correctly identifying their conversation partners, Lack of romantic interest 80% of the time. And I hear this all the time from men and women. They're like, God, I wish I knew. I couldn't tell if you like me, all this stuff. So I think, you know, but I think, still think that there's something that's being lost to the art of just meeting someone in person.

Oh, absolutely.

And, you know, I never really dated online except for my blind Tinder date on the show, and we actually went on a second date. I liked him, but just till the second date. And then I didn't like him.

Why?

What happened? I liked that guy.

I know you did. You really liked him. Anderson checked him out first to make sure he's. Because I literally.

I didn't check him out. I mean, I talked to him.

You didn't, like, check out his package or anything and go, tight ass Anderson. Like, he's totally fine. He's totally fine. And he was. He was sweet, but then he wanted to kiss me after the second date, and I didn't want to kiss him.

You were a prude. I had no idea.

Really, Dude, Just because someone, by mistake, they suck their penis in my butt doesn't mean that. No, I am a prude. And I have to tell you, no, I'm not a prude, but I was interested. I don't just kiss someone Because I'm. I'm. I'm.

But if you're. If you're interested enough to go on a second date, I would assume right.

But by the end of the date, I didn't want to kiss him. So that, to me, was a sign, you know? So I think that's interesting. And, Tommy, you. You were always with women. I just feel like you're saying, no, they don't like you. But, like, I feel like there's a lot of men, you always just had that personality that, you know, wasn't. You didn't need alcohol, you didn't need drugs or anything, because I never met you when you were doing those things that. But you just had a way about you with confidence. And I always tell men this all the time because that is one of the top questions I get asked is like, how do you approach a woman? And I feel like you always had success in that department, and you're gonna go way, way back. But what was it about that? How did you have that? Because I know you still have insecurities, like we all do. What would be your best tip?

You think, you know, it's interesting when the worst thing that you can imagine happens to you. There's a certain freedom in that. And so the worst thing that can happen to a guy when he's approaching a woman is to be laughed at. Like. Or literally to feel a sense of shame and rejection. Like. Like, powerful rejection and, like, creating shame. That's sort of the worst case scenario. And when I was a young kid, that happened to me all the time.

And you just got. You get over it. You don't die.

I didn't die. I did get over it. I just kept getting up. And there came a point where there was. There was a young girl who's just like, yeah, yeah, I dig you. You know, we. And we. And we hooked up, we got together, and it was like, holy shit. Like, it was. It was the most incredible thing to realize, like, oh, there was some people that were just not into it. And then there were some people that.

Were into it, like, everything.

And you were like, wow. I just literally, like, the worst had happened early on, and I just got. I got, like, more comfortable.

You got more comfortable. So that's why I always tell guys like, you might be rejected a hundred times, doesn't matter, you're not gonna die. You get practice, and then you get more comfortable. But there's so many guys who are paralyzed in the corner and just don't know how to approach women.

Well, I mean, to A certain extent, there's, like, There's. There's necessity involved, you know, and literally, like, I really, really, really love women.

I know.

I really do. And there's no other way to love that about you. And I do. And I. And I love. I love a lot of different kinds of women. And I feel.

Yeah. Like, I love connecting, you know, and I love life. And I. And I have big appetites. Obviously, I'm someone who struggled with addiction in my life, so all those things sort of went into this. This person who was very comfortable. And.

Shadow and light. We talked about shadow and light. The light side of it was there was a tremendous amount of love and a tremendous amount of sincerity, actually, like, yeah, I dig you. Let's go out and let's have a fun time. Let's go enjoy our lives. That's all great. The shadow side of that is there's an addictive component to it which came out at certain points in my life, but the beauty was epic. And later on, the challenges were really, really painful. It's all of it.

So dating is tough, but just. I just feel like everyone just has to get out there. And everyone's always saying, like, they live in the worst town. Date in and wherever they live. And I think it's never about that. It's about yourself. It's about, like, wherever you go, there you are.

Well, I just have to comment on the. On the. There's no one to date kind of comment. Whenever any of my. Just. Just hang on here. So I live in Venice, California. I'm in the yoga world, right? I teach yoga. And by the way, you should see what comes into my class. Sometimes hot, but it's. It's ridiculous. And. And so. But I say to my friends, my guy friends, who are like, I. I can't meet anybody. There's no one to meet. It's like. It's difficult. I'm like, this is how it's gonna go down. Okay. Go out and buy an $80 yoga mat. Go into a yoga class that cost 20 bucks. You've now spent $100. Place your mat down in the class. Look to your left, say hello. Look to your right, say hello. You've now met two people that you could fall in love with and marry someday if you really wanted to, who are gorgeous, who are alive, who are involved in a process that keeps them in great shape. Not everybody who steps into a yoga class is the greatest person ever, but all these people are, like, actually going. If they stay with it, they're gonna be moving towards being great people just go out and you.

I think that is such good, great advice.

Come on.

A hundred dollars?

$100?

That's huge.

Why do you just buy the $80 yoga mat?

You don't buy. You know what, rent a yoga mat.

You could rent it for a dollar five bucks. Okay, so where do you do, where can people find you and teaching and all that stuff?

All right, so these days, because I released my book and I've been on.

A recover, we want people to buy it@tommyrosen.com they can buy it on Amazon.com Amazon, okay, sure.

I released my book. I'm releasing a coaching course for people in recovery from addiction on December 3rd. And you can learn about all that on tommyrosen.com but because of all these new initiatives, I gave up my local LA classes and now I just teach workshops around the world.

So that's amazing.

We're Costa Rica in two weeks. We're going to be in India in a couple months for six weeks. And then we're going throughout the UK and Europe from April and May get back. And then we do a summer circuit here in the United States. And it's just teaching all about yoga, meditation and healthy life. You know, how to live a great life.

That's, that's. I'm so proud of you.

Oh, thank you.

I want to take one of your classes, but now you're not even doing it anymore. I missed the boat.

We'll do a private. Yeah, anytime.

I love it. I would love that. And I have been doing more meditation again, you remember, because that's a big part of your book as well that, you know, I think everyone should meditate. And you remember like I did those ten day silent retreats. Do you remember I did that?

I do, I do.

When I went traveling, backpacking and all that. And then I. I've lately been meditating again, because that's. Is that why I probably seem really calm to you tonight, really mellow. But you'll appreciate this, Anderson. Do you want to hear the story?

Of course.

So the other day I was on Allison Rosen's podcast. Allison Rosen? Yeah. So I'd never met her, but I was on a podcast and she. So I got there early because my new assistant Kimber is awesome. And she's like, made me leave my office an hour ahead because there's gonna be traffic, right. Getting to the. It's the Corolla Studios.

It's in Glendale. It's a terrible location, but I got.

There in 20 minutes. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna do my 20 minute meditation. So it's kind of a. I thought.

This was gonna be turned into a Waze ad. You're not doing an ad for Waze?

No, I'm pissed at Waze right now. I don't wanna talk about it. So I was sitting there in doing my meditation. I closed my eyes. I got this app, 20 minutes thing, rose for 20. I know exactly how long. And we do it 20 minutes, and my eyes are closed. It's dark. I'm sitting there and I'm doing it, and I feel good. I'm really great for the show. And all of a sudden, I feel people coming towards my car and they're, like, waving at me, waving at me. And it turns out Adam Carolla is trying to pull his car out of the parking lot. Thinks that I am just, like, staring at him because you can't see them. My eyes are closed. But there's some chick sitting in the car and, like, really sorry. Like, Adam's got to get out. Like, I don't know how long they were waving at me, but I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I was meditating.

This chick's in their car.

So then I, like, pull up next to him, and he, like, gives me this look, and he, like, pulls out. Like, I don't know.

He's such a. He's such a crotchety old man.

I'm sorry.

He's in a really bad mood today. I'm like, I'm really sorry.

They don't have to say, he's in a really bad mood today. They just have to say he's. He's here today. You just preface everything with he's in a bad mood in your head.

Because he always felt that I felt bad. I just felt bad because I was, you know, I'm trying to. I'm trying to bring that, you know, into my life again, which I think is.

Ironically, if he was actually meditating with you, he'd be a much happier person.

I know. Wouldn't we all be happier if we did a little meditation? I think it is the breath. It's very healing.

Right.

We have to all get connected to.

That big part of sex, by the way.

Let's talk about that for a second.

Sure. So obviously, breath, most important thing in the body. Highest. It's the highest. You know, the hierarchy of the body's needs. Breath is number one. So we use the breath to. First of all, to control the way that we have sex, to control our release. Right. And also to direct energy. So very, very powerful. Very powerful. You learn how to use the breath, you unlock certain doors that lead to greater pleasure and lead to a kind of a stamina that most people don't actually know about.

So practice the breathwork before or actually during sex as well. Because a lot of people hold their breath during sex and they don't realize it, and it can actually prevent them from women especially from having orgasm.

Everything's about creating vitality from the yoga standpoint. So you're creating vitality, you're working with prana, or life force, which comes in through the breath. And then we're trying to direct it. So we direct it in every aspect of our life. And of course, sex and sexuality is no different. So how can you use the breath to become a better lover, to become a more present lover, to strengthen your body and your vitality and to be more present. Those are powerful ideas. Do you.

Any of that tantra stuff?

Sure. So, I mean, tantra is a very misunderstood, very misunderstood thing. So what you're thinking about, you're thinking about in terms of tantra is not what I'm.

No, no, no. I know all about it.

Yeah, you know all about it. You know all about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So. So when. When we talk about tantra, just the word, all tantra really is, is about present experience. So am I into the present experience of. Of the. Of sex? Sure. That's where it's at. That's where the action is. Right. And the more you can be present, the better off it is. You can bring fantasy into your sex life and still be present. So that's the important idea.

Like to talk. To create a fantasy together and talk about, like, role playing.

Yeah, you. Well, that's, that's, that's. Or like one way. But. But I just want to say that a person can bring that purposely with awareness, bring fantasy into a sex situation. That's. That doesn't mean you're not being present with your partner.

So if you're thinking about Brad Pitt, you're still super present with your partner because you're looking in their eyes.

It depends. You might be taking it slightly out of context.

I don't like Brad Pitt. I don't think he's cute.

You might be seeing it differently than I'm seeing it.

Okay.

But the main thing that we're seeing more shallow. I think one of the. One of the sad things is that when people, you know, they bring. They. They have left the building when they're having sex with their partner because they're.

Thinking about the porn they were talking.

About and they're, they're just out of the building and they're not really there. And they're more interested in sort of their image of how they're going to get off. An image of what they think the other person wants, but they're not really connecting with the other person. So there's, there's no intimacy, there's no connection. And I just think that just, that's just shitty sex.

I do. I do too. I think that so many times and women are so socialized, I think to please the man. Think about what's. And man are insecure too. Are they pleasing each other? And no one's enjoying the moment and it's a problem. Except for Anderson enjoys it. Okay, I think we wanted to wrap up here. I have time for like I was gonna do an email. There was three.

Do an email with Tommy here.

Okay, Tommy, I'm gonna do an email here. This is. Oh, you'd like this post breakup behavior because I know you've had those. Okay. Dear Emily, I'm a 26 year old male and recently got dumped. She's a great girl, but she's 24 and going through a PhD program and said she simply can't have a bf right now. Boyfriend. We went out for about a year and got really serious, but it seemed out of nowhere. We ran half marathon together on Sunday. Then I left her alone to focus on school. Then boom, we break up the following Sunday. I'm devastated and do not know what to do. She wants to stay friends and reiterates her feelings for me, but with her schedule, she can't commit. Do I cut out all the lines of communication? Do I keep texting her when she texts me? Please help Ryan.

Go ahead, Tommy.

Sure. So I've been in this position a number of times.

Yes, you have.

And I would say that you've got to really develop a keen sense of intuition if this person is genuinely serious and they really don't want to be with you in that way anymore. I think it's very difficult, if not impossible for someone to go from lover to friend. Especially when one person is interested in the other and the other person's not interested back. So that transition from lover to friend can be like light years. Light years. Very difficult. So sometimes it's very helpful to cut off all lines of communication. Take a period of. Yeah, well, what you're doing is you're coming back to your own power. It's a self love sort of move to come Back to your own sense of power. Very important. Sometimes people talk about.

Leaving town like, I just needed to get out of town for a couple of weeks and let things pass. It's not that the person or the emotions won't be there for you when you get back, but. But sometimes a little distance from it can be a real positive thing.

Yeah, I think so, too. And I think that what he's saying, though. Should I text her? No, you should cut it. Because, people, she's telling you that she doesn't want to be with you, Ryan. It's very, very clear. And there's no dispute here. There's no discussion. I think that he likes to think that he heard something else, but she was, like, really clear here that she needs her time, and often we don't listen.

Well, here's the thought.

Yeah. And don't keep texting her back because it's addicting. You're gonna text her, delete her number, and take some time off, but no one ever listens. But you should really delete the number and not text her back. And cut.

And the thought that comes to the person, either the one who's been broken up with, the thought is, if I don't call her or text her, she won't know that I'm not giving up on her. She won't know that I'm not giving up on the relationship. I need to let her know that I'm not giving up on the relationship. And, of course, that's total bullshit. If you don't call her and she's interested in you, she will call you.

Exactly.

And you will immediately find out that she's interested in having some kind of connection again.

Right. So I think you got to cut it, Ryan, just to save yourself and to save your sanity. She told you she can't be in a relationship right now. You know, we often want to change. Oh, I can change it. She's gonna come around. She's not gonna come around. Ryan, I'm just making. I'm saving your life here. I'm saving you many, many texts and painful, painful evenings. Okay, Tommy Rosen, I wish we had more time because I wanted to tell you all the ways you changed my life, but this has gone so quickly. But can I just tell you that you've been. I was thinking about. This is gonna be so out of context. This has been that you. You inspired me to first time go rock climbing. That was huge. It was a huge pivotal point. You're like. And you always were like, emily, just come. Just do it. Like That's. You've always had this joy, the spirit about you that was like, of course you're going.

And you loved it.

I freaking love it. You were great at it, and it was amazing. We win. So Yosemite, all that, you. I made a documentary film, and you were the only person I know who made a film. And I came to you and I said, tommy, what do you think? You're like, you have to do it. And then the first day of shooting, you showed up, and you really inspired me there as well. And then you also took me to Jazz festival, which I went for eight years, and Sundance for 10 years. I went. It was all because of you. And then also, well, I'm having to get into the gambling stuff now because we have to cut the show.

Well, we're gonna gamble.

Well, there's a. He went through a gambling addiction after his drug addiction. After he was. And we were. There's a funny passage in here where we went to Vegas to go rock climbing. We went to the Red Rocks, which was like the whole spiritual part of it. But then didn't know until I read Tommy's book that he actually had a gambling addiction. That we were sitting there at the tables till, like, for 10 hours at the table. And I'm not gambling very much. Right.

What were you playing? Not blackjack. Not blackjack.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Gotta go pie.

Gamble.

And they didn't move. And I never even gambled before. We're sitting there. We're sitting there, we're gambling. I'm doing very little. I don't even think I was in every round. And Tom is very, very convincing and persuasive. And he turned to me, he goes, emily.

I need you to go to the ATM and I need you to take out $500 right now. And I was like, I didn't know you could do that. Like, cash advance. Like, it's a cash advance. I'll pay you back Monday. I'm like, I don't know. This good idea. Like, you gotta do it. And like, you just don't say no. So I went and I did it. I didn't know. I don't know. I went. Gave. Because he's my friend. Game foundation.

And then you found out later that you're feeding his addiction?

Yes.

It's in a way. Oh, that's terrible and awful.

And then I was like, one of the people that was enabling him. I didn't know. So I'm sorry about that. But then. Then the fees. Who knew? They charge you like 500.

I did that. Tom, I've been. I woke up and I thought that I'd done it five times. And then I kept. I found like two or three more slips in my pockets.

Oh, yeah.

I'm like, oh, my God. I went back like, $4,000. Not good. Hey, Drew just walked in here and he's like, who's that talking? I said, tommy. He's like, tommy Rosenatal. He's awesome.

Hey, Drew.

What's up, Drew, the show's got a wrap.

We got.

I gotta put you to work.

Gotta go. Love you. Mean it. Okay. Tommy, you're awesome. Check him out@tommyrosen.com you can also Twitter. The book is Recovery 2.0. No matter what you're struggling with, it's addiction or not, you will be inspired and uplifted by his book. So check it out on Amazon. And thanks everyone, for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com Guys, can I ask you a question? How are your balls feeling right now? Are they super clean and dry? Does your partner complain or is not always willing to go downtown? If so, I've got something for you. I've just launched a new product called Down Under Comfort from my brand, Emily and Tony. It's really unique. It's a cream to tapioca powder formula that is designed to keep men fresh and clean down under or wherever they need. And girls can use it too. Under their breasts, their lower back, anywhere they want to stay fresh. So help keep this podcast free and your balls dry. Use code Emily to get 20% off your first purchase. Check them out today at emily and tony.com trust me and you're welcome. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep. Sharper focus, stronger muscles, and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals, it provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger, and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement. It's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just just feeling more grounded in my body which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.comsexwithemily for 50 off and here's a bonus use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q U A L I A life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.