Love, Lust & the Art of the Handjob

President Barack Obama. Virginia, we are counting on you.

Republicans want to steal enough seats in Congress to rig the next election and wield unchecked power for 2 more years. But you can stop them by voting yes by April 21st.

Help put our elections back on a level playing field and let voters decide, not politicians. Vote yes by April 21st. Paid for by Virginians for Fair Elections. How many discounts does USAA Auto Insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi-vehicle discount, safe driver discount, uh, new vehicle discount, storage discount, legacy—

How many discounts will you stack up? Tap the banner or visit usaa.com/autodiscounts. Restrictions apply. Hey everyone, thanks for listening to the show. I need to tell you my favorite thing that is going on this Summer, okay? So I get a lot of magazines, right? I get a lot of subscriptions. I've got the fashion ones, I've got the gossip ones, my guilty pleasure, and I tend to save them all. Whenever I'm, you know, for a while I was like kind of hoarding in my trunk when I was like going to doctor's appointments, but then I went on vacation with my family and my mom was like, why do you have 25 magazines with you? Like my back hurt from carrying them all. And it's 'cause I like feel like I don't have time to read them, but I'm gonna find a time. Okay, listen to this. Next Issue is the most genius thing I've ever heard of. It's like the Netflix of magazines. You pay one price and you get unlimited access to your favorite magazines. It's so easy. It's every magazine that you want to read. They have for men, women, ESPN, Sports Illustrated. For fashion, they've got Allure and Vogue and Elle and Cosmo. If you're in entertainment, Us Weekly, People Magazine, you got it. It's every magazine you want, which if you went to the airport and you were going somewhere, you'd buy a magazine, it would cost you $8, and now you could spend $9.99 and get every magazine you want. Oh, here's a good part. Share it with 5 people. You pay that one price, I could give it to my friends, you give it to your family, you can read it on your tablet, on your smartphone. I just think this is brilliant, and I want you all to have a free month. So check it out if you like it. It doesn't even cost you anything. Go to nextissue.com/em, like Emily, but just M, That's nextissue.com/em and you get a free 30-day trial. So check it out. It's gonna change your summer. It's gonna change the way you do business, the way that you read and consume. It's amazing. It's freaking me out because I love it so much. That's nextissue.com/em.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my, do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can Listen to all of our podcasts.

Do people ever send you nude pictures at feedbackwithsex@emilymorse.com?

Sometimes they have. Yes, I don't encourage it. No, I don't encourage people sending me nude pictures.

But what kind of pictures would you prefer if they did send them to you? I'm not saying—

picture of his dog yesterday, which was so nice. Yeah, I think his name's Sam. Yeah, well, because I was talking about my dog, so he sent me a picture of his dog, which is a really cute dog. And I don't know, just pictures of who they are and whatever. But you don't need penis shots.

People know penis shots.

We'll see if our email is feedback@sexwithemily.com. So yeah, how you doing, man?

I'm really good. Sorry, right before the show, like minutes before the show, I was eating a burrito because last night I hung out with my friends and they're like big fitness buffs. Okay. And I'm not saying the burrito, burrito, super healthy, but they were getting on me because I don't eat till late in the afternoon.

Right.

Like all day.

That's bad.

Yeah, because I get—

don't you get hungry?

I get up super early. No, I'm just so busy.

Right.

But the problem is the reason I'm, I'm not eating that much, but I'm not like losing a ton of weight is because when I do eat, I eat a lot and then I go directly to sleep.

Yeah, that's not good, honey.

That's not good.

So they were getting on me. Are you going to have breakfast now?

Yeah, I'm going to try.

Oh, good. Have like a shake or something, like a protein shake.

Yeah. So they were getting on me. They're like, you need to— you have to eat more and change your, your style up. And I go, okay, fine. So that's why I was eating a burrito.

Okay, that's good, honey. You got to eat more.

I think you got to be healthier.

It's important. It's important to have 3 meals a day. And you better sex that way too. We know if you're healthier, you're having a healthier sex life. Maybe that's good. Yeah. And that's good to know.

Yeah.

Yeah. So, you know, a lot of things. I'm excited for my little road trip to L.A., my big road trip to L.A. I'm going to go on Saturday because I'm staying through the night Friday night. Oh, where are you staying? I'm staying in L.A. Yeah. Oh, I'm staying with a friend.

Oh, a friend?

Yeah.

Cool.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah. What kind of friend?

What kind of friend? He's my ex-boyfriend. Oh, yeah. But, you know, I don't think—

the one we've been talking about for years. Yeah.

We're not sleeping together, though. He just broke up with some girl and we're not—

just broke up with a girl.

Yeah.

Sleeping together. Ex-boyfriend in L.A. for a couple of days.

I'm not going to say that.

I totally believe what you're saying right now.

Yeah, I'm really not. I think we're kind of beyond sleeping together. No, I'm serious. It's really changed. It's changed. We've evolved. We've grown.

You're—

look, what?

You don't need to tell me a bunch of bullshit.

I'm not telling you. I'm just— I'm feeling right now that I don't want to sleep with him. I'm not saying that it won't happen, but I'm saying that I don't think we're there. I don't think we're there. I think we're past it. I think we're friends. Like, I talked him through this breakup. I, I just feel like it's really— believe me. Wow. Believe me, man, nothing. But I'm excited. I'm gonna be— I told you, on Playboy Radio and the Heidi and Frank Show, and have a bunch of meetings in LA and then drive back. It'll be fun. My little Mini and my car and my dog, which is awesome.

Speaking about Heidi and Frank, I was talking to a radio friend of mine, uh, last night And I mentioned Heidi and Frank. I never heard the show before.

Okay.

And because I was just talking about, you know, how we do things here, right? And I was like, oh yeah, there's the Heidi and Frank show out of Los Angeles that does the same thing we do. And he was saying nothing but good things about them, saying that they did a really good show.

So they do a really good show.

So don't, don't let us down while you're on the show.

I won't let you down. I won't suck.

You mentioned the other day, kind of glossed over it, that you were going to an orgy.

I was going to a sex party. I'm going to go to a sex party. Oh, I should go to one in LA now that I'm thinking about it. I've got a whole You know, fun. It's fun. Do you want to go? No, you don't have to do anything.

What is it?

When a man and a woman have to go together as a couple, or a single woman can go along with anybody. But it's like in 2 weeks, 2 weeks, 2, 3 weeks.

I am busy.

Dude, you're so not busy. You just want to go. I think for this show, if you really care about this show, you'd go to a sex party and you would use the masturbation sleeve on your penis. If you cared about learning more about sex and relationships, you would, you would do stuff like that. Man, it's just for the good of the show. You do everything else for work. I just feel like you need to come with me to sex party and you need to use a masturbation toy. We'll see. Okay, today's show, some topics include hand jobs, comparing your current partner with your ex, and getting him to go down on you. That's, that's some of the topics in emails. And for our sex topic, we'll be talking about his and her hand jobs. Find out the right techniques to enhance your handies.

Enhance your handies.

Enhance your handies. Madison and I used to have this handjob debate that went on and on and on, so I just thought we should give some advice to people how to give really good handjobs. And then we've got some sex in the news.

I know you were gonna record some other stuff today, but I got to meet up with this band called Cobra Starship. I know you're a huge fan.

Huge fan. Oh my God, I've got posters of them all over my bedroom.

And then after that, I gotta go to San Jose. I'm gonna go DJ a charity event for children.

Oh, that's nice. For children.

For the children.

Oh, that's good. Does it go late into the night? Like a DJ event on a Wednesday, Thursday?

Yeah, which sucks because, you know, I—

I know, I was like, how are you DJing on a school night?

It's for the kids, so they gotta do it. They asked me to. And then tomorrow I got invited to some, uh, a dot-com party.

Okay.

Don't know if, uh, if I'm gonna go for it. It's like a— it's like a barbecue day type party. And then, uh, these— these girls from high school that I know, uh-huh, that I haven't seen in forever. I took one of them to the prom as a favor.

And then as a favor, she was doing you a favor?

She just broke up with her boyfriend.

Okay, and you were like best friends or whatever?

Yeah. And then this other girl that's her friend, we were like flirting on and off like years, but now she's married with a baby, whatever. But they're gonna be both in town and they want to go party.

So where are you gonna take them? We had a guy ask us yesterday where to go party. Where are you— where do you take them party?

Because I got, you know, because chicks, I don't know why, but they love— I want to go dancing. I want to go out. Because, you know, when they're locked up and they're married or like, yeah, people that are just— so you got to take them out dancing and they want to go dancing, all that stuff. So I have a friend that owns a nightclub right up the street, right? So I'm just gonna say, hey, I'm coming by. And what's cool, because I get to be the cool guy, I would get to go walk to the front of the line.

I only roll that way.

I get, you know, drink passes? No, not even. I mean, I get escorted all the way up to my private table, all that kind of stuff, every time I go. I never go.

You never go?

Because that is just not my scene. And you know how many people— because, you know, we've talked about this before, I do that dubstep.

Yeah, love that.

So many people want me to do club nights now, and it's just not my thing. I don't want to do that. I keep on turning down gigs all the time, and they want to give me money.

I know. I don't want to do it.

I still want to be out there.

You don't want to be at the clubs? You got to go to bed early. I understand. Yeah, I understand what's going on to me.

No, I hear you.

Sleep is awesome. Sleep is awesome. And I still have to get my new bed, which has been on my list for a month and a half. I can't go to the store to do it.

Contact.

Oh, right. That too. I'm getting a new bed frame, but I need a new bed too. Yes. Oh, we need to talk about that.

I discussed with the president of the company about—

I love that you did that. And I will talk— I will talk the crap out of this new bed.

All right.

And I will have sex in it and everything.

I had the Simmons pillow top Beautyrest mattress.

Isn't it amazing?

And it's amazing.

Why is it manly? Is there a difference?

No, it's just because like the name Pillow Top, Pillow Top, Beautyrest, right?

Okay, I'm gonna check them out, so I'm gonna do that. And, um, uh, what else? I don't know, there's like a lot.

Yeah, so yeah, all that's going on. And still I just don't— I don't want to go out, but so many people just want to hang out.

I know, I know. I've gone through the summertime before. Yeah, no, I've gone through those phases and you just have to say no. I got kind of asked out by 3 different people tonight and I'm saying no. I'm saying no because I have too much I know, whatever work to do because I have plans tomorrow night and I'm leaving first thing Saturday morning, although the dinner I'm going to Saturday night starts at 9:30. It's for a wine company and there's a 6-course meal with wine pairings at every meal. So how the hell am I going to drive to LA early in the morning if I'm going to be hungover? That's going to be a problem.

And then also, another reason I want to go out is because I'm traveling to Chicago. So if we have any listeners from Chicago, feedback at sexwithemily.com because I love food. So if they have any food recommendations out there, let me know.

Okay, I'll give you some tips.

It's not on the South Side because I've been to South Side and I almost died.

You almost died? Be careful. I can give you some names too. That's kind of my home. I'm from Michigan. We live near Chicago, all that stuff. So we're actually— what?

I have a funny story that happened to me last night.

Talk to me.

So you're going to be an iPhone user soon, right?

Totally. Like any minute because this stupid phone keeps breaking.

Yeah, iPhone is an amazing phone.

Okay.

I mean, unless you have certain services, it does drop out here and there, but I assume you're going with the right service, right? But it has the autocorrect, which that does too. But for some reason, when you're typing really fast and then you send, you hit send, it will change it real quick and then send.

Oh, that's so annoying. And they even have websites dedicated to this where it's just screenshots of like the wrong things, you know, like the time I said I was gonna finger out my porn TV for you.

Auto type fail, right? And, uh, I told you this before, but I'm friends with a lot of suicide girls.

Uh-huh.

And there's this one Suicide Girl that I think is like freaking beautiful, right? But I've never met her. She lives like over in Ohio or something. Okay. And but my friends from this area are down at Comic-Con. Comic-Con is going on in San Diego, right?

Right.

So they're all getting together because they get their own booth out there and stuff like that. They represent, you know, Suicide Girls. And they came out with this comic book. And she's in the comic book along with some of my friends. And I was like, can you get the comic book signed for me? And I replied my friend. And then I go, the comic book of, and I replied the chick that I think is like, right, hot, right? And I meant to write a huge fan from San Francisco, right? And it autocorrected it and it sent it and it says, Hung Fan from San Francisco. And so it got sent to my friend, right?

Uh-huh.

Who's a chick. And it got sent to that girl.

And you didn't notice?

I didn't notice till like a little while later. And then I delete it real fast. But once you do those replies, right, they stay there. Like people can see them. So I was like, oh my God, oh my God, this hot chick!

You told her you were Hung?

I said I was a Hung fan from San Francisco.

She's probably used to getting emails.

Yeah, but like pervs all the time. Now I look like one of the pervy guys.

I know you do. Oh man, that is so bad. There's nothing you can do.

But then my friend hit me back. She's like, oh, I'm gonna get one and it's gonna be specially signed for you and blah blah. And it's weird because I never like I never asked for any of that kind of stuff. I meet people all the time. I never asked for any autographs.

I know, but this is a chick that you like.

And this is one time that I asked. Did you respond direct message or anything and say like, I go, oh my God, iPhone fail. I hope you didn't see my last message.

Maybe it really was Freudian slip. Maybe you meant to say like a Freudian slip is like when you do something, say something sexual, but you think you say you don't mean it, but you really do mean it. It's like a Freudian slip is like maybe you meant to say hung. No, it's somewhere in your— in the recesses.

I did not. I did not.

I don't know, man. This—

maybe you need to say that.

Okay, you didn't mean to say hung.

But yeah, that's an embarrassing story.

That is an embarrassing story. And I thought it was embarrassing, but it was only you when I wrote it. I fingered— I'm gonna finger it. I, I'm gonna figure out how to do my— set up my porn box.

I know what we really need to do is actually record the show at Comic-Con next year.

I know, I know. Comic-Con is huge. It's happening right now.

Comic-Con is so huge right now. Spielberg is actually going for the first time this I know, why aren't we going?

It's this weekend?

Yeah, it's in San Diego.

Okay.

There's Comic-Con in New York, which I've already booked for. It's not as big.

What is it exactly? It's like—

It's a comic book, movie, pop culture convention.

Right, right, right. No, I've heard of it a bunch, but—

Movie, TVs, all that stuff. And it's just amazing. People go there and they book like a year in advance just to be there.

Wow. Yeah, well, we'll go next year.

And all you New Yorkers, I'm planning on going out there, but I don't know exactly if I can go yet because there's another festival now in, uh, San Francisco that I'm gonna have to go to.

Man, you're busy. Okay, let's get into some sex in the news.

Okay, what do you got?

I've got a little bit of sex.

I got a sex in the news story if you don't have it, so I'm gonna see what you have first. And it's pretty, pretty epically funny.

What is it? Go first.

Let's tell you the Harry Potter one. Do you have a Harry Potter No. Okay, good.

Which is surprising because I have Harry Potter fan interns. Yes.

So I just heard the story on my way over here. I was on the phone and my friend, she was telling me, she's like, oh, you got to mention this on Sex with Emily. There's drama with Harry Potter.

Oh, so sad.

Because there's ads being played before Harry Potter because, you know, the whole new thing, it used to just be trailers of new movies coming out, but now they put a lot of commercials.

So annoying, right?

So a commercial that's being run for Harry Potter is a douching commercial.

Really?

Why? That's what they're asking.

Why? Such bad judgment.

It's all kids watching it. Okay, now they said that in the, in the commercial, it all talks about, uh, the, the voiceover says, men have fought for it, men have died for it. The power of the V. This is so bad.

How does that happen and no one stops them? And then all these little kids go, Mommy, what's a douche?

So apparently I haven't seen these ads yet, but some people have recorded them and put them up online and it says the power of the V. And they said that one of the ads is a talking hand, so it makes it look like a vagina, right?

Vagina.

A vagina is talking and they're— they said so it goes through this whole process of like the power of the V, blah, blah, blah. And then at the end, it cuts to a grocery store of a woman looking at a brand of douche. And then she picks it off the shelf and puts it in her basket.

That's really bad.

And this is before Harry Potter.

That is so bad. That is— I'm just telling you, the kids are going to ask the questions. And douching isn't good for you anyway. Do you know that? That like, unless they're making some kind of new soup or whatever, but douching is like—

It's the super douche.

We have natural juices that cleanse you out, women. Natural. Natural lubrications and stuff that douching is not necessarily healthy. Just telling you on a separate note.

Yeah. So that's a new story.

And I've— hey, I was in that kid and they were like, what's a douche, Mom?

Yeah. I know you guys never take notes when I tell you to take a note, but try to find that story and put it up on sexylamy.com.

Okay.

You guys don't like listening to me.

No, we do. We post things that you say. We— oh, I found out that they do sell the pheromone stuff and it's supposed to work and be really good.

I asked if on adamandeve.com if they sell pheromone perfume, because that's like— or is it a cologne? I don't wear perfume.

It's both. It's like, it's like bisexual. I mean, for both. It's bisexual. It's unisexual.

So where the pheromone thing is supposed to make people horny, right, when they're around you. But if it's unisex, then guys might get horny around me too.

I know. I wear men's cologne a lot. And I don't know why. I don't— it's not because I'm trying to attract women, because I really like this Gucci cologne that it's men's. Anyway, I always wonder if chicks are going to be attracted to me.

So they have—

it would be cool.

Yeah. So they have it at sexfamily.com?

They do.

Okay.

They're at adamandeve.com.

Adam and Eve.

Just wanted you to know. And it's an international phone number.

Oh, see, wow.

People can call. We did listen to you yesterday.

So we do have an international phone number. Anyone in the world right now, anyone in the world can call Sex Family. Okay, cool.

Okay, got So, okay, another alleged Marilyn Monroe sex film surfaces. So they say that there is a sex film with— it's an 8mm version of a film showing Marilyn Monroe having sex when she was still an underage actress, when she was known as Norma Jean Baker. However, an expert says that's not her, the chin isn't the same. And the collector says in an interview that he wants at least $500,000 for the sexually explicit 6.5-minute grainy black and white film, which he said was made before 1947 when she wasn't 21. The face of the woman in the film looks considerably different from Monroe, who emerged later this store as a star, but more similar to her than— more similar to the Monroe seen in her first movies. So hard to know, but a Marilyn Monroe film, a sex tape— people were doing sex tapes back in 1947, 8mm film. They've been doing them. I've seen porn from the 1900s in my sex school. It's awesome. There's like porn from 1910, and it's just like all these people, it's like black and white, it's like an old— it's like the old black and white films that you see, but it's like people just like getting naked in their pants, but it's like moving really fast and they're like in a car having sex and like wearing all these— wow, the women are like taking off all their like layers they used to wear, like their— yeah, garters and their bustiers.

It was so much of a pain to get a girl's clothes off.

I know, it was a big deal. And now it's just like men don't even— they do one big thing, they just take it all off and don't pay attention to the laundry. As we talked about yesterday. So, okay, more news. Couples in relationships spy on each other.

What?

What? Huh? A new survey by online shopping and review site Retriever found that a third of people in relationships have snooped around their partner's email or phone. Females were more likely than males to have checked the email or call history of the person they're dating. The numbers slightly evened out when it got to spying on children, though apparently distrust of a child knows no gender lines. So parents Parents are spying on their children and each other.

Yeah.

Have you ever checked anyone's phone that you've dated?

I never checked their phone. But I did. I was dating a girl and she was an assistant of a DJ. And she needed something because she was stuck in traffic. And the last— I went to check her email to get the— because she gave me the login, right?

Right. What happened?

I found her like talking to some other guy. While I was at her house, like, oh, he's over right now, blah, blah.

So, so what'd you do?

Dumped her.

You did?

Yeah.

She must have been heartbroken.

What? She's talking to some other dude while I'm at her house, talking about how I'm still at her house.

F that.

Remember I told you I don't take no shit.

I know, I know, I know, I know. I've checked guys' phones. It's so easy. I've got so much information. I've got, like, so much information.

You would get so busted technology-wise.

I would.

Yeah, there's so many things that I know I wouldn't want anyone like—

oh my God, I don't want anyone to check out my text or my email. Oh my God, so I'd be so bummed.

I automatically would go to hell.

Even though I wasn't already going into hell, which I might— I'll go to hell. So I think it's interesting. I mean, I have spied, and I told you that, like, my ex, the one in LA that I'm gonna go see, whatever, gave me a spell. I'm not gonna— I'm not in the mood. I gotta say, I'm not into him anymore like that. Why don't you believe me?

So many lies coming out of your mouth right now.

It's I'm not lying. I'm just being honest. Like, I'm not—

I wouldn't even tell me the truth.

I have other people to sleep with there. How's that? How's that for something? Something. Okay, so, um, so yeah, I have checked. And I have to say that like a lot of my friends have checked and you're always going to find something. There's always going to be something questionable. I think that you probably might even misread it. So I would say that you should talk to your partner before you check their phone. And now everyone's got passwords on their phones too.

Oh, here's another big thing too.

Go shoot.

Yeah, I've definitely had girlfriends, they'll say, oh, can I have the login for your email or something? Right?

Really?

Yeah. And I go, no, I'm not gonna give it to you.

No way.

Because dude, I've had— I have every single email from '06 in my email address.

Can I have your login?

No. Oh, no one can have my login.

But I could. No, that'd be so fun. I want to see Minnis writing like sappy love notes. No, you never do.

It's not gonna happen. But I'm not gonna give up. I'm not gonna give up my password. The same thing, like don't give up your sex number and don't give up your passwords.

Your sex number? Oh, right. Never give out how many people you slept with and don't give up your passwords.

And don't give it up, your passwords for your significant other. And just don't be shady and nothing will happen to you. You know what I'm saying?

Don't be—

because, because they're like, oh, you're not giving up your passwords because you have things to hide, because you're going to be talking to other people. The third part of it is just don't talk to other people and you'll be fine.

Yeah, but sometimes you talk to other people and it doesn't mean anything, even if it's not—

that's totally gonna be—

what?

Sometimes you talk to other people sexually and it doesn't mean anything while you're with— I did that with somebody.

It's okay. Sexting by minors officially illegal in Rhode Island. So they have banned sexting in Rhode Island by minors. Did you hear this? Signed legislation— I don't know— and said signed legislation on Tuesday that makes sexting by minors illegal in Rhode Island. Minors who create and transmit sexually explicit images of themselves on their computers or cell phones can now be charged in family court with a status offense. And like the old law, all other children or adults who possess or forward the sex can be prosecuted under the child pornography laws. In Rhode Island can't sext. I don't know how you monitor that. What, do you just randomly grab a kid's phone? I guess if they send to someone and then that person sends it to someone, you just have to be careful.

If somebody finds it, yeah, then, then you're out. I heard just in Philadelphia— Philadelphia in America, everybody, because we do have an international phone number. What is that, by the way? 415— you're falling asleep on me already?

What's going on today? 415-992-7392.

Feel free to call anytime, uh, in Philadelphia that you can't even walk down the street, uh, and text, right?

That's a new thing too. You can't text and walk down the street. What else are you gonna do when you're walking down the street?

Which I— you know what, even though I'm a heavy texter and you see me, uh, the minute the show is over, I'm on my phone, I think it's good for humanity.

I do too.

I really—

then you look up, you smile, and you look at people and you check out your— I mean, I have to say, even just walking, like, running— like, I've been running lately, or 3 days I've run now with my dog, which is 3 times more than I've run in like 10 years. And I, I like waved to my neighbors. I've seen all these parts of my streets that have changed in my neighborhood that I used to run in. And it's just like, you just see there, no cell phone on me. You just, you, your eyes are open. You're seeing people, you're watch, looking at the buildings and the trees and recognizing nature. Like, get off the frigging phone, people. Put the phone down.

It's so funny. I was joking last night with my friend because we were talking about this. And you know, you see those photos of evolution of man where the man is like hunched over, right? And then slowly the man is standing straight up, right? Well, I believe if we're still on these cell phones that we're actually gonna start going back slouched over.

Why?

Because we're looking down at our phone.

Oh, right.

So I think that the whole drawing of man will be going back to—

like, everyone's— exactly, you're right, you're right. Everyone's staring at the phones, like even people out to dinner with their friends, right? Everyone's on the phone. Makes me crazy.

And then to take it back, but yeah, but to take it back to sex and like meeting people, you're not going to meet anybody if you're staying on the phone. You're not going to be able to make eyes with people.

You got to make eyes with people. All people like the virgin who called in yesterday, William, like it's like, if you are so distracted by yourself, by whatever you're doing, by staying on the phone, by emails or whatever, then you are not going to meet anyone. Yeah, yes, it's true.

Can you do me a favor?

What?

Real quick, can you turn on the fan behind you? Because it's hot in here.

How do you do it?

How do you do it? On button.

It is hot in here, huh?

What's going on?

And I'm thirsty.

Take it off.

Should we take it off? I was already having a wardrobe malfunction earlier.

What's going on?

Well, my bra was sticking out over my shirt and I didn't want that to happen.

Oh, maybe you should take off your shirt.

I think I fixed it. Take my shirt off if it's a— it's—

if it's going to be a problem.

I need to talk to you about something, some very exciting news. You all know I love my Magic Wand, my Magic Wand vibrator that I've talked about for years. It's been around for 30 years, not mine personally, but the Magic Wand has been— we call it the Cadillac of all vibrators because it truly— if you've never had an orgasm, you want to have multiple orgasms, this It started out as a personal body massager, and now it has taken over as being the top vibrator for 30 years. But now, the big news. Vibratex, the company that brought you the original Magic Wand, they have released it from its cord. There is no cord. There is no limits to how you can enjoy it. It is now rechargeable. Do you know what that means? Do you know what that means? You could take it, you could like go camping. You could take it anywhere.

I know before that you had to bring a generator to plug it into.

I know, man.

It's out in the wild.

I know, it's crazy, and it's really good. It has a new silicone head. It really feels amazing, I have to say, and it has more speed patterns, 4 amazing vibration patterns, intensity settings. I'm so loving my Magic Wand Rechargeable, and you should check out their website magicwandrechargeable.com because if you've been hearing about this Magic Wand thing for a while and you haven't really— you haven't even bought one yet, you got to check it out, read more about it, and it'll be your sure thing. It'll be your go-to, and you can use it during sex, the whole thing, during intercourse. I hope you love it as much as we do. I know you will. Fill us in. I have to yawn again. I'm like yawning.

What's going on? You were out late last night.

No, I wasn't. Liar!

What were you doing?

I love when you're like, liar! Um, I actually did nothing last night, but I had to do these. I had to work. I was home. I did nothing. I told you I was gonna make you margaritas last night. I didn't do anything at all. I just didn't sleep very well. Sorry. Okay, today, like I said, we're gonna be talking about his and her hand jobs and find out the right technique to enhance your handies. But first, we're gonna be reading your emails right now. Okay. Hey Emily and Menace, love the show. I have a question and a comment. My question is, when are you going to finally give Menace that alleged hand job? Oh, funny, because we're talking about hand jobs today. The two of you crack me up with the whole hand job debate. Here you are, the super sexy woman volunteering to give Menace the best handy J of his life, but he always acts like a stubborn little kid who seems to argue with whatever you say. Menace, I love you, but why are you so hell-bent on ruling what I can only assume would be an epic moment of both of your lives? Let it happen, man. Wishing both of y'all the best from down in Dallas, Katie. So Menace, what do you think about that?

Turn around the camera and just give me a handjob right now.

I would.

Yeah, right. You can't be doing that on here.

Why? It's a free— we're not regulated by the FCC. Do you have any lube in here? You need lube.

Oh my god. I got my burrito that we can—

No, you need lots of lube. Forget it, menace. You're just— people are sorry to say you're missing out.

That's your one opportunity to give me a handjob.

During the thing? During the show?

You're gonna lose it.

I'll do it, dude. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't threaten me. You don't know.

I probably can't get it up.

I can make you get it up.

I know my penis would be disappointed, so it probably wouldn't.

It would be disappointed?

Yes.

In the handjob?

It wouldn't rise to the occasion.

Oh my God, menace. I don't think so. I think you'd be really hard.

There's no way.

Okay, we'll move on from that. Yeah, I bet I can make you hard. No, I could. I could talk you into it.

No effing way. Go ahead, try it.

I could. Oh, because I'd love to talk dirty to you. And I'm not going to. Seems wrong. But let's just say that I could. I know for a fact that I could.

I know me. Like, I don't care about all this stuff. And I think people trying to talk sexy is so funny to me.

It's, I can't do that on demand.

It'd be like Dave Chappelle doing comedy in front of me if you're trying if you're like trying to act sexy and trying to make me unflaccid.

Ah, whatever. Okay. Hey Emily, you seem to know what you're talking about and you're hot. A win-win. So here's my question. Can a long-distance relationship between me and you work? Just kidding. Okay. I'm a 23-year-old dude and I've been dating a girl from work for 6 months. She's attractive, funny, quirky, everything I'm looking for in a woman. But there's always a damn but. I don't know if I love her. We lack the sexual attraction connection, aka lust. My previous girlfriend was the complete opposite. We would fight all the time, 24/7, but we were physically compatible like a lock and key. We just fit together. Amazing kissing, incredible sex. So my questions are the following: am I just comparing my current girlfriend to the old one? And if that's right, what's the difference between lust and love, and I want a real answer. And how do I break up with someone who's perfect for me? I tried and she cried, and now we're back together. Thanks again, J-Dawg. Okay, J-Dawg, here's the dealio. First of all, it sounds like you want to break up with her, and that is not a reason to get back together with someone because she cried. I'm sure many a man has done that, like many. Yeah, they have. A girl cries and they're like, oh no, okay, we can try it out for another day, let's take a break. But really, they want to dump her.

No, no, no. I've had girls just bawling, like the waterworks, like crazy.

And you're like, sorry, I'm out. Like that girl that you dumped for the guy for, for emailing the other guy. The girl that you dumped for emailing the other guy.

No, man.

Okay, so I would say these, they're lacking sexual attraction and connection. And I'm wondering, yeah, that, that can be a deal breaker. If I wasn't having sexual connection with someone, even if he was the greatest guy in the whole world, but like the sex was like, eh, I would probably break up with them. But is there something you could do that to try And have you tried spicing it up, enhancing it, talking to her about her, her, her, her desires, her wants? Have you talked about fantasies? Have you tried to do anything to make it sexier? Because I'm not the one to just say, yeah, dump her, it's bad sex. Because I think there's always ways you can try to improve it. But if it just seems like she's more— she's just maybe more uptight sexually, or she's not as open as you are, that could be a problem. But if you think that she's just maybe holding back because maybe it's a fairly new relationship and she's holding back, that I would try to do something different. Try to bring in a sex toy, try to watch porn, try to ask her questions about what feels good. If none of that happens and she's not growing sexually, then I would say you got to dump her, even if she cries.

And you—

what's the difference between lust and love? Lust is just that, sexual feelings, and love is like true deep love. But lust is like something that really gets us in trouble a lot, which is why I say people should wait before sleeping with someone, because a lot of times if you do have sex early on in a relationship, you just get caught up in the sex and the lust and you don't really pay attention to all the other things. When they say love is blind, I think what they mean is lust is blind. When you're in the lusty phase of a relationship, we tend to overlook all the other things, like he's a, you know, I don't know, he's an asshole, let's say, or he's a jerk, or he's not a great guy, but you don't see that because you're having great sex. And oftentimes we have the best sex with the people that we're not most— that we're not— that aren't the best.

That sucks.

So sucks. Yup. Okay. Hey Emily, your show is incredible. I've been enjoying it for a couple years now and I gotta say, love it that it's available more often. Excellent job. Anyways, a while back you recommended the book Mating in Captivity. I downloaded it and really enjoyed listening. I'm not married, actually in a newish less than a year relationship, just trying to be proactive. You hear so often about marriages with no sex or blowjobs, LOL, and that sounds like a nightmare. Do you have any other good books you can suggest? My boyfriend and I listen together very often. We are both big fans of you and Mendez. Keep up the good work. Katie in Toronto, Canada. She's in Canada. Okay, so Mating in Captivity. Mating in Captivity is a book that I recommended to her. I always recommend this book for couples because it really deals head-on with the issues that people have in relationships of the sex life waning and being together with somebody and why does it go bad and how— what can you do to spice it up? It's a really good perspective. And if you're just dating right right now, I would suggest the book If the Buddha Dated.

If the Buddha Dated?

Yeah, I really like that book because it talks— it's a really healthy approach to dating, I think. That's what I think. It's by, um, her name's Charlotte something Hazel or something. You can find it, If the Buddha Dated. I like that book because I'm—

I am a spiritual, more of a spiritual chick, a hippie chick since you moved to San Francisco.

Yeah, whatever, honey. I moved here like a long time ago. I'm allowed to change. Are you the same as you were when you moved to San Francisco? No. Yeah, no, you're not.

You're much better up here my entire life.

You were in the Bay— in the Bay Area. Yeah, different. So, um, anyway, Katie, I would check out If the Buddha Dated. If you want some sex tips, Lou Paget writes great sex tip books. I love her books. P-A-G-E-T. That's what I'm gonna recommend right now. But I've got hundreds of sex books, but when I gotta just name them, I name them. Okay. Hi, Emily, love your show. Makes my day go by faster. Maybe my question is moot because I'm happy and pleased as is, but— well, I've been seeing this guy a couple months and we have a blast in bed. I can tell, and he's told me that he loves to get me off, which happens— wait, I can tell, and he's told me that he loves to get me off, which happens a few times every bed session. I'm happy to do whatever he wants. My problem is he has never gone down on me or even tried. I do not live and die for oral sex, but I still want to know that he is willing to go downtown. I don't know how to tell him this without sounding demanding, disappointed, or bitchy. I would love for him to simply kiss my inner thighs, but he just never even headed down there. Any suggestions? Thank you, Alana.

Just tell him.

Just tell him.

Don't beat around the bush. Say, are you gonna do it or not?

No pun intended. He's not beating around the bush. That's the problem.

Yeah, come on.

Just tell him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just say, look, are you gonna do this or not? Let's go on, chop chop.

Yeah, I don't think it works like that, but I would just say, oh, you know, and I'm wondering if you've gone down on him. I'm assuming that you have. So if you have, I would say, God, you know, it would feel amazing if you kissed me down here. Just say, God, you know, it would feel really good. It sounds like he's not that responsive, and I don't know why, because I think that there are the men, like I've said, that don't like the vagina. There's men— I've— you've heard me, my spiel— but there's men who love the vagina and men don't love the vagina. And I don't think that they're ever gonna, like, learn to love the vagina at a certain age. If a man is not into going down there, he might be one of those guys. Now, I think there's reasons why men don't like it. There's the school of thought that there's this school of thought that the men who don't like it don't know what they're doing, and they're afraid that they're going to mess up. So I would say you could tell them, like, what— can I show you what makes you feel really good? And you could say, if you start to kiss my inner thighs, I'll show you what makes you feel good. Then there are the guys who just don't like it. They're just grossed out. They don't like the vagina. And those are the guys you need to get rid of. I think the men who don't like the vagina. You just laughing?

I'm just laughing because you're like, just tell them, but it's not that easy.

You need to like ease into it. It's not that easy. Hey Emily, my name is Zach. I live in Des Moines, Iowa, and I'm a senior in high school. I recently turned 18 this January, but I've been a fan of your show way before. Every time I listened, I was so engrossed in your conversations that I ignored my relationship concerns. Since the age of 15, I've been dating girls that were out of high school. Some of my friends told me I was I was stupid lucky, and my family told me the girls were desperate. In the end, it turned out that my friends were right most time. My family was right on 3 of the 10 girls. My questions are: 1, should I worry about the reasons behind an older woman wanting to date me and pursue me and have a serious relationship with me? 2, could it possibly, possibly be that they find me attractive? And he sent me a picture of himself, which I don't have with me, but he was, um, flexing his muscles. He looked like a handsome young now. So Zach, uh, Zachariah is his name. Zachary. Zachary.

Zachariah.

It says Zachariah. Yeah, that's what it says.

So, uh, Zach, yeah, I would say that he's in it for the ween, man.

They're in it for your 18-year-old ween. I don't know. I mean, I can't imagine that when you say older, you know, are they 4 years older, like she's like a 22-year-old, or like she's 30? I mean, I just think that like an age difference after like 5 years is just not really gonna make sense. Even when you're 18, a 23-year-old is a lot older than when you're older, the 5-year age difference. So I would say they're probably not in it for a serious relationship, but I don't think you're at the point in your life where you should be in a serious relationship either with these women.

Do you know what I just found out? Something about older women that, uh, Justin Timberlake did an interview not too long ago where he said when he was 16 years old that he got caught in bed with his girlfriend at the time and then they started putting all these, uh, the time frames together because he didn't say who it was but they think it was Fergie. He was dating— he was— come to find out he was dating Fergie when she was 24 years old and he was 16.

No way.

Yeah.

Wow, that's hot.

I fully support that.

I fully support that too, she's hot. Yeah. He's hot.

I'm sorry, there's a double standard, like, older women with guys, you know, we just give guys, young guys high fives, you know, but like an older man with a younger chick, we just think they're pervs. And I'm, I'm fine with that double standard.

A lot of older men are with younger chicks, but I don't know if they're pervs, they're just attracted to younger.

No, we're talking about like, you know, we're talking because you always, it's always in the news now, more than you hear about men like men teachers with young underage, right?

Right.

It's more and more just women, more women with the young guys. Yeah, with the young guys.

I've never done that. I almost feel like it's something I needed to cross off my list. Illegal young guy, like legal, but like I've never done like so much younger than me that it would be like, like a lot of my friends date guys in their 20s and they're like in their 30s, but I'm sure that goes really well for them. For some it does for a while, for they're getting what they want out of it. Some fun, some fun, some good times. Okay, let's get into some sex tips here.

What do you got?

That's what I got. Oh, and then tomorrow's show, let me just tell you, is, um, I'll get to that in a minute because it's not all porn all the time. No, I'll tell you, that was— I thought it was on that page, but I'll get there in a minute. Okay, so these are handjob tips for women and men. You know, men can give handjobs and use their hands on a woman to turn her on too. You realize that?

Handjob tips.

Handjob tips for women— for men, if the man is using his fingers or his hands. Okay. Fingers. Fondling. Fondling tips.

Yeah.

Okay, so here's the deal. Before you get started, this is tips for women when they're doing this to a man. Make sure your fingernails are trimmed and you are hangnail-free. Make sure your hands are moisturized and remove any rings or jewelry from your hands. You always have to do that. Don't you ever have girls who like— okay, you don't like hand jobs, but they probably hold your penis at some point with rings on and it can hurt.

It can't hurt.

It can't hurt. Yeah, it can hurt. Take— yeah, okay, the basics. Rhythm is important. Find the rhythm to give a great handjob. Okay, pressure. A light touch is too soft, but a firm— we're talking about the penis now. Yeah, talking about handjobs, man. But a firm grip can be too much. The instant you mimic real vaginal snugness, he will be loving it. So men like it to be like snug, like they're in the vagina.

Yeah, remember I talked about this Not too soft.

Not too soft. It has to be like hard.

Yeah, you gotta get in the rhythm, right? The rhythm nation.

The rhythm nation. You gotta watch his rhythm too though. So you can also watch him masturbate first. That's the— I think before you do this, like mutual masturbation. I cannot talk about mutual masturbation. We should have a mutual masturbation month.

It's just like where two people are masturbating and not touching each other. Or, or they're masturbating each other.

Or yes, either they're masturbating each other or they're both masturbating at the same time. So I can look over and be like, Oh, that's how you do it. So I'll do like a variation of that. Like, I get what you need because men are all different. What makes them masturbate? It's true. What makes them ejaculate and masturbate? They all masturbate differently. So if they masturbate differently and you're watching them, there's different ways that you can learn. Like, I just, I can't explain it exactly, but I just know the different men that I've been with, that there's like different things they need. Okay. So most people stroke northward towards the belly button. This is great, but try other angles to change up the sensation. Try stroking west or south, but be careful. Some guys are strictly into the northward stroke.

The northward?

Like north? Oh yeah, instead of like west and east. I'm like this. I should have brought in— we were going to bring in a vibrator so I could actually show you, but then I didn't know if I felt like doing that, but I'm doing it anyway.

I guess it's on video, everybody.

Okay. This is on video, everyone. You can watch this right now. Okay, so wetness, hand job gets really good when you use lube. It's all about lube. It's all about lube. It's all about lube. I cannot say that enough. So the trigger points of a male penis, which are— is the ridge, the V-spot, and the head. Okay, so the ridge is the tender ridge that encircles the base of the head where it meets the shaft. So it's like your head. Do you know that's really sensitive?

Yeah, I do. Okay, yeah, penis.

Well, I never know with you. Like, I always feel like you're different. Like, like the things that might feel good for most men don't feel good for you.

No, that's the focus point.

What thing?

What is the area that you were talking about?

Yeah, I didn't— I didn't— I mean, I guess I know that now, but I didn't always know that. Okay, then there's the frenulum. You know where that is?

No.

Or the V-spot is the ultra-sensitive skin that forms a V on the underside of the penis between the head and the shaft. Does that make sense? So okay, this is your penis. I'm sure it's like super bigger than this, but if this is it and it's coming out of your body, it's right here. It's the under part, under part of the penis. Yeah, sensitive.

It is. Is it? How's this not common knowledge?

It's not, dude. It's not common knowledge.

It's common knowledge for men but not women.

Not women. We're helping women now. Like, that is the most sensitive. Wouldn't you want a woman to pay attention to that part? Yeah, yeah.

So that's— so you're saying that a man would know his body more than a woman, right? Is that what you're saying?

I'm saying that a lot.

So you're kind of implying like to—

don't try to bring up the hand job—

please a man.

No, I'm not talking about a hand job, but I'm just talking about, you Yeah, do you do?

No.

Yeah, I don't think so. I do think so. Okay, basic grips. Not every grip will work for every guy, so be sure to improvise and find your favorites. Okay, so the okay sign is the most natural grip. Make the okay sign with your fingers. You know the okay sign. Index or middle finger wrap around his penis. With this grip, you can travel the entire length of the penis. Then there's a sausage wrap.

The sausage wrap?

Yeah, there's special names. Enclose his shaft with all 5 of your fingers with your thumb at the top, or reposition your hands so your thumb is at the bottom of the shaft. Try these grips using two hands. Be careful not to lose balance. See, that's the thing. Don't you usually masturbate with one hand? With a woman, you could use two hands. Two— both hands. Two hands, like, like, yeah, yeah, okay. Or you hold them around the base of the shaft. As you glide your fingers up over the head of his penis, tighten your grip. Before you head back down, loosen your fingers. So it's like you vary the pressure, like, so make it hard and then make it soft, like hard on the way up, soft on the way back down. Isn't that kind of a common thing too for men? Like, yeah, yeah, I don't think everyone knows that. Would you like to explain that? Harder on the way up, it's softer on the way down.

Yeah, so no, but I don't think all women know that. No, they don't. But as long as it's not like super—

this is gonna help men, legions of men. I'm telling them exactly what women need to— what they need to— women need to do. There's something so obvious to you.

There's another group advanced that I don't think you're gonna explain. Do you have your pen? I'll show you and then you can show people on camera.

Is it gonna be funny? Are you being serious?

I'm being serious. Okay, you have to put— it's almost like that, but then you have to put like—

should we turn the camera on you? What?

Yeah, okay. Okay, can we do it?

Yeah, do it. I don't know, we should have the camera on you. I'm sick of it on me.

On you? Okay, so then—

look at Venice, so cute! Hi, Emily Morse.

Good it looks because I can't.

Okay.

Anyways, you're— you— so usually you would be like holding it like this, see?

Yeah.

And then— but change it up and put this finger right here and hold it like that.

Oh.

So then you're touching the frenulum, the frenulum, the bottom part.

Okay.

That you're talking about, that's super sensitive, right? Like that right there. You see, or can you envision?

I can envision that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.

Like that, see? Do you put in like some extra—

who's done that to you? I thought you never even had hands. Oh, is that how you masturbate?

That's a common thing.

Is that how you masturbate?

Oh, that's how a lot of people masturbate.

I've never seen that.

You never seen that?

No.

Yeah, you got— you put the extra finger in there.

Wow, that's crazy.

You learned something today, didn't you?

I thought I knew everything. No, I really don't think I know everything.

Looks weird.

All right, you look good, man. Your haircut, all that stuff. Uh-huh.

People got to see the other wall.

The other wall. We will have cameras in here, more cameras in here soon, okay? Won't we? Then there's a twister. With every stroke, give a twist up and a twist down the length of the shaft. Okay, what do you think about the twist? Feels good. So you probably don't do— men masturbate the same way every time, right? When you say pretty much the same thing, I mean, I kind of do. time. So there's a twister. With every stroke, give a twist up and twist down. There's the double twister. You use both hands to twist.

What?

Twist together in one direction and then back again. Now try twisting your wrist in the opposite direction— opposite directions, but be careful because no one likes a rope burn on their penis. Then there's a turtleneck. Okay, grasp him firmly just under the ridge and stretch his skin without gliding. Go up and down in mini strokes. Just under the ridge and stretch his skin without gliding. Does that make sense?

I really wish you brought in the penis dildo.

I know, because it's harder to explain, but I could bring it in tomorrow and finish up the rest of the tips. I think I want to do that because it's like basically time to go. But there is the next thing. All hands on dick. Put your other hands like all hands on deck. Put your hand, your other hand into motion on one of his. Press your knuckles, fingertips, or fist gently into his taint while you stroke his penis with the other hand. The taint. Oh, the taint.

Well, taint you very much for all those tips.

Yes, you're welcome. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com. I'm starving. Do you ever just get starving in the middle of nowhere and you've nowhere to get food, but you're so hungry and you're like, why didn't I go to the store? Well, I need to tell you something that has changed my life. Graze.com. Okay. I'm so busy. I don't have time to go shopping and I love to snack. Graze.com is a snack service that delivers tasty, nutritious snacks right to your work or home. They've got these boxes that are so awesomely customized to your taste and preference and dietary requirements. Plus, all Graze snacks come in perfectly portioned packs, great for munching on the go. And if you're like me, you probably crave a little variety in your snack drawer, right? Just like your sex life. Well, graze.com lets you pick from over 100 handcrafted flavors deliciously crafted snack creations to satisfy any craving. My personal favorite, the whole grain banana shortbread dippers. They're only 150 calories. I also love the punchy protein nuts with a chili lime twist, 7 grams of protein. Okay, you have to also try the triple berry smoothie with a medley of dried berries and bananas. All their snacks are approved by their in-house nutritionist and contain no GMOs, artificial flavors, or trans fats, so you can actually feel good about what you're snacking on. And who doesn't want that? Go to graze.com. Graze.com to get a free trial box. Okay, free food, who doesn't want that either? That includes 4 of their most delicious snacks when you use my special code Emily. That's graze.com code Emily.