Lovers and Friend Zones

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man E here, he just got his heartbroken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's got to have her standards. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. you can listen to all of our podcasts. You can check out our sign up for our mailing list. Have you not signed up for our mailing list? Like, what the hell are you waiting for? Send you really good emails with information and people love our emails, I gotta say. But not only that, on our website, we update it every day with new blogs and tips and tricks and videos and it is a freaking good time over there. So check all of that out. Also, I am going to be in New York City September 18th to the the 20th for the sexual Health Expo. I know you've heard me talk about the Expo before. We had one that was majorly successful in Los Angeles, then we did again in Phoenix and now we're going to New York. So get your tickets. And we're also. Let me tell you about it first. So the top sex educators in the world are going to be there teaching workshops for two days. I mean workshop. You might just fall asleep when I said that word because like I'm like, really a workshop on a Saturday? It sounds like you're in college. No, these are like workshops about all the sex and relationship issues that you might be navigating right now. How you wanna improve your sex life, how you wanna be better in bed, how to give a good blowjob, how to negotiate a threesome. And just some, you know, some stuff that are a little more kinkier, some stuff that are a little more just communication. You will love it. And also, the latest and greatest products on the market will be there on display. And I will be there. And I wanna say hello to all of you and. And I'll be giving the keynote, I think, on Sunday, so check it out. And also, if you wanna go, we're giving away free tickets. So email me feedbackextwithelmy.com and tell me why you wanna go. Each ticket actually is good for two people, and we wanna support you having amazing sex. So email us. And also, Happy Anal Sex Month. There should be like a happy Anal Sex Month to you. Yeah. Okay. I'm here with Madison and Alyssa. Let me just say hello. Okay, so Madison Priest or Madison. Alyssa is my everything assistant. Madison's my everything too. How do we say it? Your assistant intern. Yeah.

We haven't come up with an exact name, but anything works.

Just these. These people. This is my team. These are my homies. And today we are going to be. They're gonna be with me on the show, and I just wanted to wish them a happy Anal sex month too.

We are teaching a workshop. Okay. Hustler Hollywood, August 25th from 8 to 10pm so it's called Backdoor Basics. And I'm gonna be tackling some of your top questions and curiosities. So surrounding anal play. So common myths and misconceptions. We'll talk about prostate play, pegging sex toys, lube, and more. And also, if you missed last week's podcast, we had Charlie Glickman on talking about anal sex. And he is like the leading expert in everything anal. So you might want to listen to that as well. Please rsvp. So here's the thing. We do have a Facebook page. So if you go to my website, you can click on the banner and go there, but you might not want to. We want you to RSVP on Facebook. I'm not going to discourage you, but let's say you just don't want your mom knowing you're going to anal Sex Workshop. You can easily RSAP to HHRSVP.com like LarryFlint Productions.com LFP. And check it out. Come see us, you guys. They're really fun events and they're not intimidating. It's not like everyone's looking at you going, you care about anal sex? You know, I sit there, we talk, I answer your questions, I'll give you all the tips you need to know. And it's going to be a fun night. We'll have drinks, giveaways, and it's a good time. So join us there. Okay. Hi, guys. Hello. Hello. I think we should. We've got some sex in the news here. Anything else going on? You guys excited about anal sex month? How's it going?

Super excited.

Yeah, I'm stoked. Love it.

It's a big month, right? You love it. Okay, so we're gonna do a little sex the news first. Most people think that men and women can be friends, which is interesting because I actually remember everyone saying that they can't be friends. You feel like most people think, no, no, you can't be friends. But listen to this. Most people have heard the dreaded friend zone, right? Well, if you haven't, the friend zone is the phenomenon when you like someone but they only see you as a friend. Whether you've experienced this for or think it's been used in some very sexist ways. A new study suggests that the friend zone isn't actually as much of a thing as we think it is. Basically, it seems most people really do believe that platonic relationships between men and women are totally possible. Meaning we do think we can be friends with someone of the opposite sex without it being deemed the friend zone. Okay. And I don't really agree with their interpretation of the friend zone because the friend zone is when you actually want to be with someone and they don't want to be with you. Which is actually one of our emails. But the study in question was conducted by researchers at University of Alabama and tried to get everyone's opinions about male and female friendships. So plenty of studies have suggested that platonic friendships between the sexes is difficult. However, even in non romantic relationships between straight men and women are rare. The survey responses indicated that they think they're completely possible. And that's actually pretty encouraging. Men and women aren't actually all that different and two people of different genders can find plenty of reason to want to be around each other without sex or romance entering into the equation. So it's good that our society is slowly getting to getting used to getting used to that idea. Of course, the researchers also also ask how often participants thought such friendships were might have involved hidden romantic feelings. The result, on average, people estimate that occurred 63% of the time. Okay, so this whole study makes no sense to me, because if 63% of the time there's some romantic interest, are they saying, like, initially, it started because I believe that a lot of friendships between straight men and women start out because one person has feelings. Yeah. Agreed.

Oh, absolutely.

Do you guys agree, and then maybe you decide, we're just gonna be friends. But typically it's because someone gets boyfriend, girlfriend. And sometimes in rare instances, you're just like, oh, we've just been friends for years and we never hooked up. But I don't know. I mean, what's been your experience? Because to me, this says that it's, like, the same thing, that it is sort of the friend zone.

All of my. Yeah, like, I've always had a series of best guy friends. Like, I can, like, almost define my life by, like, oh, who was my best guy friend at the time? And they've always kind of started as, like, a flirtation that just stopped at that. And so I've always had, like, really, like, close, comfortable relationships with my guy friends. And it's like, maybe one day for one of us, there was the idea of feelings that would develop eventually, or we just would stop hanging out after a while. Like, it always exists, basically. And now, yeah, now I have a lot of platonic guy friends. And that's because I have a boyfriend.

Right, Exactly. It is easy. Well, I would think that. I always think that it's easier when you do have a boyfriend or girlfriend to have the friendship. I have a ton of guy friends, too. But I have to say, like, when I go back and I'm really close guy friends, that it did start with them, you know, initially, like, an interest, usually on their part, where I was like, you know, I don't think so. And then I might have gotten a boyfriend. And then we did stay friends. And some of them I actually did end up having sex with, like, maybe once. I actually forgot about that. Didn't I talk about this in the show last week? I think so. I think a guy friend in New York, we were hanging out, like, in just as friends, because I forgot we'd slept together. He's like, you don't remember having sex on Mission street in the alley? I'm like, oh, God, I must have been really drunk. So I guess we did hook up. But the truth is, you know, you can have good guy friends. But I think a lot of times, I don't think there's A lot of guys walking around going, I really would wish I had more female friends. You know, usually I wish I had the homie. Like, I just want to get some women to bone. And what about you, Alyssa?

I agree on the same thing. I mean, in high school, I had a huge group of guy friends, and we were all really close, and there was maybe one, two, you know, that we'd have the feelings with. The rest could stay totally platonic, but there's always been at least a little bit of interest, I feel like, between one and, you know, it's hard to find just the solid friendships, but they exist.

When I.

When I was with my ex, I was really close with his two best friends, stayed friends with them, now, you know, totally platonic friendships. But he was always jealous and was like, my friends can't be just friends with you.

And, oh, see, that's. I would think that he would have been psyched that his friends liked, you know, the guy you wanted to be with. He's like, my friend loves you.

Exactly.

He was a little too jealous in, like, certain things.

Jealous guys. That's so tough dating a jealous guy. Like, I can't. You can't date me if I'm. I'm the worst person to date. If you're like, an emoticon of jealousy in your bones, it's not gonna work.

That's true.

Yeah. Okay, These are the 10 cities where men have the most sex. Okay. One would assume major cities like Los Angeles, New York, and Trenton, New Jersey, whatever would be the most likely spots to bang as many women as possible. Possibly. But according to the study from seekingarangement.com, they're not the top spots where guys are getting laid the most. So this recent study reported. Let's see. Well, most are the sugar daddy site, too. Oh, yeah, I know Sugar Daddy. They were on my show a long time ago. Okay, so most sugar daddies reported having two or four sexual partners annually. What's that? The sugar daddy site? Does it matter if they're sugar daddy? I'm confused by the study. Okay. But anyway, here's the top 10 cities. So. Cause Seeking Arrangement hosts a website called Sugar Daddies. But that's not who only answered this. It's men answered this. So this is the deal. The top 10 cities, the most promiscuous cities. Number one. Should we start with 10?

Yeah, let's number 10 count down to the top.

Portland, Oregon, 56%.

I've heard people are kinky in Portland. Is that weird?

Phoenix, Arizona, 57%.

Those are the weird Ones.

See, that's kind of warm. I don't know, you're outside in the cactus and the desert. I don't know. Washington, D.C. 61%. I can see that people are like super type A, working hard, drinking a lot, banging. Chicago, Illinois. Number seven.

Gotta stay warm when it's cold.

Yep, exactly. That's another big drinking. Let's hook up cities. Number six, Las Vegas, Nevada.

Shocker.

65%. Yeah, I thought it would be Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 66%. Where they're just borders.

There's not a lot to do out there.

That's why I know 4. Charlotte, North Carolina, 69%. Scottsdale, Arizona, 72%. That's two places in Arizona.

That's the one I have trouble with right there. Cuz I've been to Scottsdale. There's nothing happening in that entire city.

Oh, college town. That's right.

Got isu.

Oh yeah.

But then you would think that you would see it like, I mean, I guess that's where like Phoenix is and Tucson and stuff. But Scottsdale is like Golf town.

No, it is golf town.

Yeah. I have a family there. I don't think they're having a lot of sex.

That's the largest city they associate with in this study.

We did do the sexual health expo there though.

So a lot of old dudes, a lot of sugar daddies there.

That's true.

Maybe, maybe that's why they're like, yep, getting it all the time.

They think they are like they forgot Cena. Okay, number two, Hoboken, New Jersey, 73%. And 60, San Jose, California, 74%. All those wealthy tech dudes. I guess, I guess so In San Jose. I know Silicon Valley, but I don't know menace if he was here. He loves. Menace is so funny because he literally, when we lived in the Bay Area, he goes to San Jose and I've never been with him there, but apparently people are waving to him. They love him. Like he's like, I'm going to San Jose. Like that's like his stomping ground. Maybe he got laid there a lot. We will have to ask.

Yeah, I'm going to San Jose at the end of the month, so I will keep an eye out for all that sex.

Yeah, I need to do some underground undercover reporting.

I'll ask around, I'll ask her.

Thank you very much, I appreciate it. Okay, so let's get into some emails. Thank you everybody for emailing me. Feedbacksexwithemily.com I love hearing from you and I love it even more when you include Your age and where you live and also how you listen. So appreciate it. Okay. Dear Emily, first things first. Eliza, 24, Santa Cruz. I listen through itunes. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and it's going very well. Whenever I'm stressed out or upset, he does whatever he can to relieve my pain, which I so dearly appreciate. I'd like to do the same for him when he has a bad day, but I'm lost in how to do that. This is something I feel that I'm bad at with anyone, not just my boyfriend. I usually try to have him talk about whatever the issue is or repeat to him how much I love him and appreciate him or surprise him with his favorite candy. I've thought about offering blowjobs when he has a bad day, but I don't know if it would be welcome or not considering his mood. It feels weird to just jump into something sexual when he's feeling down. We have an awesome sex life and are openly communicating about it. The only reason I haven't asked him if I can blow him when he's upset is because I don't want to make him upset. No, I don't want to make his already bad day worse by putting a sex issue on the table. Do you have any tips on how to help a man who has an awful day feel better? Maybe menace can weigh in. I'd love to hear a male perspective. Thanks for the awesome show. You've helped my sex life more than you'll ever know. Thanks, Eliza. Okay, so here's the thing, Eliza. I think you're probably a lot better at cheering up folks than you think because you are even conscious of it. Most people don't even think about that as they go through their day to day life. And here's the thing though. Well, first of all, let's get into the talk about the blowjob thing. Like we always say, blowjobs are like flowers for men. And so yes, a blowjob could be welcome. However, another thing that is true of men is when they are stressed or having a bad day or worried about money, typically sex is the last thing on their mind. I'm not saying a blowjob might temporarily raise his. I was gonna say raise his mood. Raises his mood. Yeah, improve his mood. But. And raise other things. But, you know, I mean, I think the real issue though, the blow job is just kind of a band aid. And so if you think about communication between a men and women, I always think about men are from Mars, women are from Mars. Did you guys ever read that book? Like, I know it came out 20 years ago.

I totally remember the name.

People laugh about it because it really was one of the first, like, relationship books that came out. And it sounds so silly, but John Gray is actually a renowned expert in men and women communications. And it's. It always stuck with me that you know, how different we truly are. And then we're always trying to, like, you know, why can't. I'm with a guy and he'd be my best friend and my lover and my whatever. But we just. There's so many ways that we're different. But when it comes to communication, you know, when women. When we're upset, we want to talk, we want to call our friends. You know, that's how we feel intimate. Like, you know, we get closer to each other as girlfriends when we talk like we share something deep or, like, something hard, and we're like, oh, my God, we're so much closer. Men, not so much. The more they talk, you know, the talking is a tool they use to get a point across in order to achieve, like, a goal or problem or something or solve a problem. So you. You think that they would want to. You know, again, we think they'd want to do the same, but they don't. He doesn't want to talk about his feelings necessarily. You can't force a man to, like, talk about his feelings. So. And how we get our intimacy through talking, they get it through touching and sex and physically doing things for women. This is just what I always remember. So it's like, you might give him a blowjob and he might feel intimate and connected. But as far as Todd, when you. If you force him to talk about his feelings, he might resent you. He might feel like you're trying to parent him. And so you kind of just want to read him and wait out. And sometimes it helps with men to kind of talk about how you're doing because it takes them a way out of their head. And you, like, with girls that wouldn't work, like Alyssa, if you came in, you're like, I had the worst day. I got a car accident. I was like, really? Because I just had, like, the best day ever. I just, like, I just got won the lottery. Like, you know what I mean? Whatever. You girls, girls, we don't want to. We don't do it that. You know what I'm saying? If they're man, he might just want to hear what's going on with you and then let him, like, open up a little More. Because if you do, you know, your concern could translate, like, into distrusting him and all this. There's other things, you know, that. That he might feel defeated. Because for men, it's hard to admit they're having a bad day or they're having this. I'm not saying all men. I'm just saying for many. So feel out your guy. But it sounds like you guys have, you know, you have a lot of open communication.

So. But black to the blowjobs, though, I would say, you know, you could also just say, you look really stressed out. Let me give you a massage. You could give, you know, say, what can I do? Yeah, exactly. And then you could flip them over or whatever. Give him a blowjob. What about. What do you think? Madison, you're in a relationship, serious relationship, with your boyfriend. What do you do when he's in a bad mood?

I think that if I started treating his bad days with blowjobs, he would start having more bad days. Like, he would just be like, all right, now that I know that that works. No, I think that actually just my boyfriend being who he is and being very sexual and everything, he would love that. A lot of times when he has had a bad day, he wants sex because that's how he feels.

Close.

You know how you. Yeah, you gave me the whole. Emily taught me one time about how we experience love. Like, I think it's, like, how we love or something like that. And you were telling me about it.

Oh, right. It's the love language.

Oh, Love Languages.

Gary Chapman. The Five Love Languages. Great book.

Yeah, that's the one. So when someone. So Emily and I had a discussion about it, and she told me about the five love languages, and I took this little quiz, and then I had him take the quiz, and he experiences love through touching and through close, intimate connections, whereas I would rather have someone talk to me or ask me about it. But so he would love that. I don't know. It just depends on the guy and his level of sexuality, I think.

Right.

Yeah. What do you think, Alyssa, in this.

Exact situation, I think it seems like she has a pretty good idea, kind of. That he might be interested in that if she even offered it in the first place, you know, thinking, like, what can I do to make him better? Candy? Blowjob. Both of those things sound great in my book.

After a bad day. Exactly.

And, you know, it's not. It sounds like it's a, you know, a typical bad day. Sometimes you miss your Uber. I was gonna say bus, but that doesn't happen to all of us anymore.

She might be overthinking it. That's a really good point. Like, she might be questioning herself a lot. Maybe she should just try it. I mean, no guy's gonna be like, I can't believe you gave me a blowjob when I was a sack.

Like, can you imagine putting my penis away?

Can you imagine going, I can't believe you're minimizing my anxiety and my pain with just sucking on my penis. Like, if that ever happened in the world. I don't know.

Email us. We want to hear.

Yes, we'll have you on here.

But I just wanted to say a little bit thing about how men and women are different. But again, your boyfriend is different than every other man too, because we're all different.

But it's good to know those general points. When you're going. Launching into an argument with a guy, you know what's going to work? What's he going to understand?

Or not exactly. And the five love that. It is a good book. There are five ways that we've learned, and it's how we were brought up and how we experience love. And it's words of affirmation, just so you guys know what I'm talking about. It's physical touch. And usually there's two that are predominant. There's acts of service. So, like, if my boyfriend filled up my car with gas, you know, or empty the dishwasher, there's quality time. So some people are like, every Saturday night, I need to see you. Just us, no cell phones. And then the fifth one is gifts, gifts, gifts. So some people are like, God, when you bring me a gift, I feel, you know, so much better. And it's really interesting to take this test because you realize, like, for example, like, for me, it's. It's words of affirmation and physical touch. Well, if I'm with a guy who, like, never isn't cuddly, doesn't want to touch, or doesn't ever say, like, you know, you're great, or I'm feeling really good about it. It's like, I'm gonna feel like he doesn't. He's not that into me. But if he brings me gifts all the time, that'd be nice. Turn that they are. No, but I mean, I'm saying that that wouldn't mean love. I mean, like, what's he artificially trying to buy? You know? But for some women, I know a lot of people.

Yeah.

And it doesn't mean that your partner. You have to find Someone who has the same two love languages. It just means that you have to.

Understand them and communicate about it.

Right, Exactly. So it's a really. I think it's really, really useful because, you know, you can also work on a relationship. You find out that, like, your partner just might not know that you want him to make quality time. Like, you want him to make plans every Saturday night with, you know. So anyway, it's called Gary Chapman. They. The five.

Five Love languages. Yeah. I highly. I highly suggest bringing it up with your partner if you're in a relationship, because it was awesome. Yeah. Like, Wes and I sat there and, like, I made him take it, too. And he was like, this is how I experience love. And I was like, this. Mine is affirmative. The words of affirmation and services doing nice things for me. Those are, like, my two high ones. Yeah. My two biggest ones.

And he picked up your cell phone today.

I know he did. He went and he did that, and he took care of it.

Yeah.

I. Guys, I lost my phone in a lift last night, and the Lyft driver drove away, and then my boyfriend drove all to Culver City this morning to pick it up for me and then came back, dropped it off, and then went to work.

So. Okay, so when you guys had this talk, I know that going off top, but love, like, do you feel like you learned more about it? Like, it's changed things?

Absolutely. And then, like, his other thing was quality time, and, like, I didn't realize that that was something that was as important to him as it is. Like, I knew the touch thing. He's just a touchy person. And I'm not the most touchy person.

You're not. Like, you're not. Madison. I'm coming in for a hug.

I'm not, like, afraid of touch, but I'm definitely not like, the most, like, cuddly of human beings. And I know he is, so I work hard to do that. And he's not great at expressing feelings and stuff, so he got better at that. Like, after I told him, he told me, like, he started, like, trying to tell me, I love you. Like, every day, at least once. Like, it was great. It was really awesome.

I'm. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll take the test with you.

Yeah, I figured out I'd love to do that. I did it before, and I don't remember. I only remember physical touch was in there.

Yeah.

And I remember my sister's was gifts, and I made fun of her for that because I never liked myself, so I never was that Big about buying gifts on time. Now I make sure that like I.

Have something for her. Exactly.

You know, I know she cares.

It's so true. I mean, I. I have a friend, one of my best friends. Like, and she's not like superficial, she's not like whatever. But she, when she got married to her husband like 15 years ago, she was really upset that like he always messed up her birthday. She's like, he never gets me what I want. And like it upset her. And I was always like, huh. But you know, that's how her dad always gave her a lot of gifts. So whatever. Okay, let's move on to the friend zone. Hey, Emily. My name is Drew. I'm 21 year old college student at West Virginia University. I've been listening to the podcast for a couple months now and I love it. You and your various co hosts are hilarious. P.S. menace is my boy. LOL. Have great advice and have great advice that hopefully I'll get to use in the future. I'm pretty single now and dating here at WVU kind of blows. It's either Tinder or meeting girls at parties, bars for the most part. I've been noticing this trend lately that the only girls that seem to be into me are my friends that are in relationships. Like four or five of them. They like touching down into my thighs, text me late night to come over and hang out. I'm not pursuing them or doing anything to warrant their attention besides being myself, which is friendly, but I know where the lines are. I don't plan on acting on this, but it seems pretty odd. Any help or advice why I might be attracting this attention? Thanks again. Can't wait to hear from you and listen to your show. More from Drew. Okay, so when I first read this, I was thinking it was the, that he was like falling into the friend zone. But this is a little bit different. This is kind of what we. It's kind of like. Cause the friend zone is like typically when women just friend zone you. And so since I announced I was gonna talk about that, I can get back to that in a second. But really he's a good guy and he's drawing these unavailable women. So he's kind of just a really good friend and doesn't really want to violate. Cause I know a lot of guys who like only date with girlfriends, they see it as a challenge. Yeah. So it sounds like you know that they're using you.

He's like their emotional fluffer, basically to like, to coin a term from. I think it was new girl that was on. But it's like, basically they can't have their boyfriend with them, so they're, like, bringing him in to get that, like, emotional connection and the, like, fire and all of that. He's. He's just a substitute. And that's a bummer.

Exactly.

Poor guy.

So. And it's not cool. They're like, also, like, flirting with you and rubbing their hands. Yeah.

It seems almost more sexual in that, too. Texting late at night to come over.

Exactly.

Is it like a college thing where they have boyfriends but aren't that serious about it and are calling him, or is it more.

Right. Are they connected?

It's kind of unclear into which side. It kind of goes into more from what he said.

Exactly. But I would also say just stop spending all your time with these women, too. Like, I get it that you're friends, but if you're looking for someone to date, that's not really. Unless they tell them to bring a lot of their single friends next time and let it be known to them that you respect them and their relationship and you're here to help them. But it's not cool, you know, for them to be. That's. First of all, it's so rare that you're from a guy who's, like, not cool with you. Yeah. Like, I'm just like, you sound like a really good guy, Drew, and just go out and start, like, talking to women. And again, though, there is a little bit of friend zone in this because why he has so many good girlfriends that have seen him as a friend. So that's typically when an individual, like a friendship develops more. One person has wants more than the other one, and more often than not, the other person is unaware of the friend's desires and quite happy with the friendship only arrangement. And then that person gets stuck in the friend zone. We often hear from guys a lot saying they're stuck in the friend zone and they're unable to transition from girlfriend to boyfriend. And so being stuck in a friendship and wanting more is so frustrating. And so it's. A lot of times it's like sexually motivated, so you can't get out of it. When you think about it, a lot of the guys get in the friend zone. And I've had this experience because they. They. They're really nice guys. They, like, start doing things for you, and they're like, I'll be your surrogate. I'll pick you up here and I'll run this errand for you, or I'll help you fix your curtains. Or get. Put the gas in your car, do all that stuff. And you're thinking like, God, you know, he's not even hitting on me or trapped me, but he's being a really nice guy. You're kind of acting as evil surrogate boyfriend. So I think if you meet a woman that you're really attracted to or woman you meet a guy you're attracted to, you got to let that be known, like right away. None of this friends don't get because it's a negotiation, a relationship. And if you're giving up all this at the beginning and showing that you're a friend, hoping that's going to turn into romance, they're just going to see it as a friend. So you have to sooner than later, just make the move. Ask them on a proper date. You know, if you go on a date, like, try, you know, if it gets. Touch them, like, change your body language up so they know that you're interested. And then you can just avoid that zone altogether.

And friend zone happens to girls too.

For record.

It does happen to girls. Been there.

Yeah, it definitely does happen to girls all the time. So another thing I was gonna say about that is just be, you know, if you are in the friend zone, be less available and less interested. It's okay. Just take a step back. You know, I'm not saying that you're needy, but if you wanna test it out and see if they're really interested, make yourself just. Do they. Do they miss you? Do they miss having you around? Do they reach out more and just don't be. Yeah, don't be as available. So that's the deal. Okay, so let's talk about some ad free. Let's do some bad reads. Let's talk about some. Some things that will change your sex life. Okay, guys, this product.

Go on a journey with me here. Okay? Pretend you're lying on your back. No. You know that your pelvic floor muscles. Kegel exercises are so important for men and women. But right now I'm going to focus on women's pelvic floor. So we might do a lot of things to stay in shape. Go to the gym, we exercise, we do all these things. But our pelvic floor was. Sometimes we ignore doing kaggle exercises. It's kind of hard to remember to do them. I do have an iPhone app called Kegel Camp, but really, sometimes that's not even enough to sit there for five minutes. Although it does help some people. It's kind of like if you've been at the gym on the treadmill and you thought, you know, it'd be great if I could be eating pizza and exercising at the same time. Or I wish these push ups would at least give me an orgasm. Unfortunately, we rarely get to experience pleasure while maintaining our health and well being. Until now. Okay, so there's now a product that does your kaggles for you. It gives you mind blowing orgasms at the same time. This exists, people. It's an exercise routine that this one you are going to remember to keep up with intensity. It is called the Intensity. It's a revolutionary intimate health and stimulation device that takes all the confusion out of Kegels. It resembles a classic rabbit vibrator, but it is no ordinary sex toy. It is a vibrator and a kaggle exerciser. It does your exercises for you. Well, you have an orgasm as well. It's the only device that combines pleasure with your pelvic floor training. And you will look forward to this workout. I promise. You will never skip your keggle workout. But why should you do it? Because you will have stronger orgasms. You'll tighten up everything down there. You will not have any more urinary incontinence like after childbirth or when you just pee and sneak. When you sneeze and pee jumping on a trampoline, that's a bummer. When you laugh so hard and you pee, it just happens. It gets looser. And Studies show that 43% of women experience difficulty enjoying sex at some point in their lives. Okay, can you guys all relate to that? When you do these exercises, your muscles down there become stronger. You're going to want sex more. You're going to have stronger orgasms. So check out the intensity. It's at P. It's pour moi. P O U R M O I dot com. That's poor. P O U R M O I M O I dot com and check it out. Buy intensity and change your life. Change your sex life. Yeah. Yeah. Do it. Do it.

We're all excited to try ours.

I know. Very excited. How to squirt. Let's get into squirting.

Squirting.

Squirting's a new anal. I think pegging is a new squirting now. But, you know, I don't know. I kept saying squirting was a new anal, was a new blow job 10 years ago.

Yeah.

And now squirting, I think, is a new analogy.

We're gonna update all these somewhere.

I mean, yeah, I just made this up, but it's.

Pegging is the new one too.

Yeah, pegging's kind of like woo. Really? Okay. Pegging is when you wear a harness and anally penetrate your partner with a dildo. Right. Thanks.

But thanks, Dan Savage.

We're talking about squirting. Hey, Emily. First of all, thank you. You've already answered so many questions I've been wanting to know. But here's the most important that I have and I can't seem to do. How can I make myself squirt? Please help. Thanks back. Female squirting. I also think the reason why squirting didn't come up because people are singing porn all the time now. So they want to know how to squirt. And so there are all these books and studies and things are like, any woman can learn to squirt. Anyone. And I don't believe that any woman can do anything. Okay. But you can try this out. I'm going to give you some tips about how you can learn to squirt. It all comes from G spot. It's all G spot stimulation. And it might just like having a G spot orgasm. Might not happen the first time, might not happen the second time, but.

That'S how it happens is through your G spot. And you ejaculate through the stimulation. So might be difficult to do on your own, but it's worth a try. And there's no reason you can't position your fingers the right way or use G spot sex toy. So a G spot sex toy just curves slightly upward and it curves her G spot, which is 2 inches upside towards your belly button. Like, use the cum head hither motion. I know I've explained this. So I always wonder if everyone knows what I'm talking about when I say two fingers inside the comp hither towards your belly button.

I feel like that's a very good description. You don't need to see it necessarily.

You all get it. Okay. Go to our website, Google G spot. Okay, so first thing to do. Have you guys squirted?

First of all, I have not.

Yes, yes, I have.

You have always.

On accident.

Yeah.

On accident.

Yeah. I don't. I can't like, make it happen. It's a big discussion in my, in my bedroom about wanting it to happen on command. And I'm like, I don't work that way.

Right. Exactly. But it's got. Yeah, it's a popular thing. I'm telling you, it is not pee. She's not peeing on you, btw. Okay. So first make sure that you're relaxed and comfortable. Just like anything sexual, it's impossible to really enjoy it and to make it happen and have the most pleasure when you are tense. Foreplay is important too. Before you can even have a G spot orgasm, oftentimes you just need to be really aroused and have a clitoral orgasm. So you might want to venture down that road first. First get fully aroused, in the mood, get into the mindset. Because your G spot's actually easier to access once you have a clear orgasm, because that whole area becomes engorged. That's another word that I don't love. Engorged, but more turned on and more easy to find. And then you gotta find your G spot. So you can use two fingers or a toy. Use lube. Always use lube and insert them into your vagina, palm facing up like I said, located 2 inches inside the vagina. And you'll hit like a round ball of skin that's a little rough. It can feel like a peach pit. And that's your G spot. And if you want to stimulate it, it's kind of just like how you would stimulate it Trying to have a G spot orgasm. You can push on it and see how it feels. It's not so much like a hard pressing, it's more of like a pressure. And then you can stroke it and you can apply pressure to it and just keep stroking it, applying pressure. So you're stroking pressure, pressure, stroking it, applying pressure. And it might even start to become. To feel more solid. And you might feel like you have to pee. But really you might be about to have an orgasm or you might be about to ejaculate, or maybe both at the same time. So you want to introduce a toy. You can also put a toy in. We like the GG2 from Lelo. That's a great one. You can go to good vibes, use coupon code. Emily, get one of those. Because again, fingers at G spot are even more likely to. To make you squirt an empty spot than a penis. Sorry, guys. It's true. So first of all, make sure that you pee first. Because if you have a full bladder, your cell might be really confusing. Keep yourself open and relaxed. Just let it flow. You'll feel a sense. Let it flow. Once you get this feeling and you have enough of this stimulation with the fingers. Because you might have a G spot orgasm during sex and doesn't happen that way. That's why I'm going to push you towards, towards using your fingers. You might feel it like it's about to come out. Nothing happens. But if you just sit there and you sit with this Motion of the pressure and the stroking, you just might ejaculate. And it's about training. So during female ejaculation, it's a clear fluid that will squirt or sprinkle out of your urethra. And it can be a lot. It can be a lot. Like, it can wet the bed. Yes. I've squirted as well. I'm gonna say here, it's maybe the first time I've said it.

Yeah, I don't think you've mentioned it.

On the show before. I can squirt. I've been known to squirt. Not every time, but sometimes. And so listen, if you're with a squirter and it upsets you, well, you probably shouldn't be that person. But really. Because if you're with dude or girl, you're like, I don't like it. It's messy. Like. Or if you're a girl, you're like, I don't like that I squirt. You can find someone who's probably totally into it. Or if you're upset by the Met, put a towel down, you guys. Three towels down. Who cares? It's sexual. Sex is messy and sexy and hot. Okay.

Yeah. I had a guy friend in college who was dating a girl, and I didn't know her name. I only knew her by, like, the story of her, like, ejaculation, which was legendary. And he would. They would have to sleep on the couch. Like, they would be hooking up in his bed. He would make her square, and they would both have to go sleep on the couch that night. And just, like, their roommates would wake up and they'd just be there because they couldn't sleep on the couch.

It is true. Like, you can get, like, waterproof, like, if, you know. Yeah, you gotta just. You gotta clean it up. Cause it can get soaked. Soaked through the mattress.

Yeah, it's true. Yeah. But it's no problem. It's no problem. People just. Also, the magic wand can be a great way to squirt. Yeah. And what else did I want to say that it is? Well, I was gonna say that it's a lot of fluid. A quarter cup sometimes. And it is. People always wanna know, is it urine? You know, there are traces. It's from the periorethral duct. And there might be two traces of urine in it, but you can tell the difference. It is female ejaculate. Yeah.

I don't think that if it was full of urine that so many dudes would be open to it being on their face. Let me just say that's like a big fetish the guys have.

That's a good point. Yeah. Although there are people who are into that kind of thing. But that's true. You're right. But a lot of guys into it. Okay. Anything. Should we. One more. Okay, guys, we have time for one more. Okay. An unreturned I love you. What does it mean? Dear Emily, My boyfriend and I have been together for nine months. He's 28 and I'm 25. About a month ago, I told him that I'm in love with him. He does not feel the same way, but assured me he's never felt this strongly about a girl before and he thinks he could love me in the future. I accepted his response and decided that it was enough. Lately though, I'm feeling like it is enough. I feel left out of his life a lot and feel like he'll never love me. I feel like I'm unlovable. How do I cope with these feelings? I want to be patient, but I also am afraid of being heartbroken in at the end of this. Thanks, Nicole. Has that ever happened to you guys?

Has not happened.

Say I love you first. Yeah, me neither. But my vulnerability. But Nicole, here's the thing. I know seriously, rejection, it's pretty scary. And so it's bold that you said it. You know, I'm proud of you for saying it, but, you know, there is no guarantee. We give sometimes. Not just so we can receive, but we give. And you were feeling it in the moment. But be aware that, you know, he is not ready. He is telling you how he feels and it doesn't happen the same for everyone. You know, he says he's not rejecting you. He's saying that he might not be there yet.

So I like that he's being honest with you and he's telling you that he authentically just might not be there. But I feel like you're also projecting some insecurities. You said that you feel unlovable. I'm not sure if this is brought on just by this situation or if you have often felt unlovable in your life. Because a lot of us feel. Have walked around with feelings of feeling unlovable could come from childhood. We feel like we're never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, all that stuff. And so if you do are having unlovable feelings, then I would say, you know, you gotta look at where they come from. Because a lot of times we think that, you know, once he loves me or once this person gives Me, Validation. I'm gonna feel better. I'm gonna feel, like, loved. But the truth is, no one can ever fill us up enough until we love ourselves. And that is a lifelong journey. That is the hardest work you can do, is learning to love yourself. So I don't know if there was. Again, if there's other stuff that happened in your life, Nicole, you know, if there might be some therapy that you need here. I'm not even, like, saying, I don't know if this is coming from the boyfriend, but if this is something that feels familiar to you and you walk around feeling like you're not good enough and not love, you know, you might want to get some work on it. Because your boyfriend, no matter how much he does tell you he loves you eventually, and you still feel. You might still feel unlovable. So I wouldn't, you know, worry about it so much. I mean, I wouldn't. If you still love him and you like being in the relationship, I think you can. Can stay in the relationship unless it starts driving you crazy. What do you guys think?

Yeah, I think that if she's really that afraid, because I understand the whole vulnerability thing. Like, as you were saying, that's a scary thing. And not only that, it's scary to feel like you're all in and someone else isn't. Absolutely. So I think what she should be doing instead of sitting around worrying about it is she should get herself out in the world. Go hang out with girlfriends, go get a hobby, read. Do stuff to fill up your life on your own. One, it's gonna make you feel better about yourself and make you a little bit less, like, worrying about the demise of this relationship. And two, it is going to make him be like, oh, hey, like she's running around doing her own thing. Maybe the feelings will come faster.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's true. The busier you are in the relationship and the more. I mean, that's always more attractive. To keep your own life and to keep yourself. Yeah. And not just, like, focusing your whole life around your boyfriend.

Yeah. Yeah.

I have nothing better to add to what she said aside from that. You know, just kind of see how it goes over the next couple of weeks and month Again, like you said, if she's driven crazy by how the relationship is developing, then, yeah, if it gets to an unhealthy point or where you're more unhappy than she would be happy, then it seems like it's a point to reanalyze things. But, you know, if they get better naturally, even if It's a longer, you know, progression then, you know, as long as it's going up the right way, there will come a point where she'll know one way or the other. I think it's hard to find that and accept it if you get to that point. But there is like a yes or no, like, I can do this, I can't do it.

Okay. You know, Madison's no, you're so right. I mean, it's true. And that's the thing, is that you got to put a timeline on this too, because a lot of times we say in relationships, and if a year goes by and he still hasn't said it yet, I mean, I would say like, you know, three months, two months.

And follow through with what you decided.

Exactly, exactly. It's important to, like, write down today's day. I always tell my friends, it's like, where do you want to be in three months in a relationship? Like, write down in three months on your calendar where you want to be feeling in your relationship, because we can get lost in it. And time goes by. So maybe you should start tracking this and then again, keep busy. Great advice. Yeah, really good. Thank you guys so much for helping for being here.

Oh, yeah, it was so fun.

Thanks for having us.

Thank you, Madison and Alyssa. I appreciate it. And thank you everyone for listening. And be sure to follow me. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. It's sex with Emily across the board. We do fun giveaways. We post a lot of stuff on Facebook, articles, we write. I mean, I write also for Harper's Bazaar and Glamour and Patty Stanger, the millionaire matchmaker. A lot of tips. And you guys write amazing blogs that are on our website because I know y' all want a better sex. So thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Okay, I'm going to talk to you about your balls because it's really friggin hot out right now. Okay? Can we talk about that? So we. I have a product line called Emily and Tony, and we make this thing called Down Under Comfort. It is a unique formula and last year we actually sold out. And we keep hearing from everybody that it is changing their lives because we get sweaty in the summer, you know, under your breasts, your balls, your back, even on your feet. And you might use talcum powder, but that is completely carcinogenic and messy and. And this is like a dry, comfortable, fresh, clean feeling. It's a light. It's a cream formula. Turns into the light natural powder. It's for men and for women. And all day long, you'll stay fresh and dry. You will not sweat. No boob sweat, no back sweat, no ball sweat. I'm telling you, this summer is going to be so different for you. So, you know. And also, poor hygiene is the number one complaint that men about men and women say about their partners. So use it. And. Oh, someone just tweeted me. Thank you, Robbie. He said, down under comfort has changed my life. My balls don't stick to my thighs at work anymore. Aw. We should send him some more. Thanks, Robbie. And someone else wrote, down under comfort is a godsend. I was a baby powder man for most of my adult life, and I can't imagine a day without this. The girl is a big fan as well. Any guy who says that his girlfriend won't go down on him needs to try the stuff. My balls are no longer lonely. So go to emilyandtoni.com to get down undercover right now. Use coupon code Emily for 20% off your first order and for a limited. Okay, so check that out also, you guys. Fleshlight. We got 21 pounds of fleshlight. Oh, my God, it was so funny. Alyssa the other day, Madison, I look at her and, like, what? She's holding this. We got 21 pounds of Fleshlight because it said 21 pounds on it.

They labeled it and they did.

Oh, my God. We did not know. It just looked like a box. But, you guys, the reason why is because we get a lot of flesh tights because we like to give them weight. We have people test them out because. And everyone goddamn wants them. Because it is the number one sex toy for men, and it is a male masturbation sleeve. And if you haven't tried it, you will have a different kind of orgasm and a different experience than you've ever had before. I'm not saying sex isn't great. Your hand is just dandy. But a masturbation sleeve with material invented by NASA and is meant to look and feel like the real deal is gonna rock your penis's world. Madison, I know you have some experience with some flashlight. Your boyfriend likes it.

I was gonna say, yeah. I don't have a penis. Unfortunately. Unfortunately, I don't get to explain it the way he does, but he's got a collection of a couple, and he really likes them. My roommate has them and he likes them. He likes his, too. He and his. He and his boyfriend have his and his Fleshlight. That's so cute. It's really cute. Like, so everyone in my life is just obsessed with their Fleshlights. One of my friends created his own and his girlfriend is fascinated by it. He like showed it to her and she was like, what is this? So, yeah, you can build your own Fleshlight too, which I think is really cool.

That's so freaking awesome. Okay everyone go to sexthelmie.com click on the flash Fleshlight banner, use code Emily and not only you pick out a Fleshlight, but you get a free bottle of their award winning flesh lube. That's sex with emily.com and click on the Fleshlight banner, use code Emily. Check it out. Thanks for listening. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep. Sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health. Magnesium. And here's the thing, no single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And and personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really noticed calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50% off and here's a bonus, use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15% off your order. That's Q U A l I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.