Lubrication Communication: SWE Team Tells All

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com you can easily subscribe to the podcast. We're doing several a week, you know, and check out all the content we have on our site. You can subscribe to our social media. Don't want to miss that, do you? It's exwithemily on Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook.com sexwithemily and of course you subscribe to the newsletter and go shopping at our amazing store. All the cool products we talk about are mostly available there or on the banners on our website. And a lot of the great content on our site is provided by Amazing team who I'm here with. We've got a team show, plus one who's kind of an honorary member of our team. We've got Bree here. We'll start with you. Hi, Bri. How are you? Good, good.

Excited.

Excited to have you here. We've got Halina.

Hi.

Hi, Helena. We've got Jamie.

How's it going?

It's good. You know, Jamie's been on the show a few times. Helena made an appearance.

A brief appearance.

Brief appearance. So I'm glad you guys are all here. Just want to introduce you so you guys know what's going on. This show's gonna be awesome. We're gonna get into your sex questions. We're talking about grooming. We're talking about lube, because you know how I feel about lube. And it's going to be awesome. But let me just tell you a few more things. I gotta get out because I know that this show is gonna be like Girls Gone Wild. So before it goes wild, I want to tell you a few things that you need to know. On May 20th, I'm gonna be at Wanderlust. Wanderlust. Wanderlust in Hollywood, la, which sounds kind of like a porn club or something, but it's not. It's actually a very, like, spiritual place. They have yoga. It's a beautiful space, amazing food. And they have a symposium. It's the intimacy and sexuality symposium. And I'll be presenting Communication is lubrication. And there's other. Some other great sex educators there. I would love to see you all May 20th. And there's a limited amount of tickets for the 25% off you can get if you use CODIS Sexy Time to redeem. And I think you just go to wanderlust.com to get them. So do that. Do that. I will see you there. I have one more thing to tell you and this is important. It's May. You know what that means, right? It's masturbation month. We love masturbation month. Okay, so if you email me your favorite masturbation routine. How do you masturbate? We want to know. Special ritual. Is there a toy you love to use? Music, A scent that turns you on? You email me feedbackexwithelmy.com and if you're 18 or over and you submit your email before midnight on May 31, you'll be eligible to win a Sex with Emily masturbation month prize. We'll select four winners based on your emails. I'll be judging with this trusty team here and we're gonna put some together some pleasure packed prizes for you. We love reading you guys. Hasn't the content been great? Like, what was our last contest that we were so excited about last month?

It was the spring cleaning.

Spring cleaning.

We had some really amazing entries, right?

Yeah, Right? You guys really submitted. We asked you for what? Dating or because it's like spring cleaning. What dating? Relationship habit do you want to change in your life? And you guys made some serious.

Really hard to make a decision.

Yeah, I wanted you all to win. I really did.

Vibrators for everyone, right?

Vibrators for all. That's like my dream. Like, you know Oprah, when she's like, everyone gets a car. Look under your chair and like you get a vibrator. You do. All of you. If I could give you all a vibrator, I would truly. All my listeners, all of you here have a vibrator or two. Or ten. Multiple, multiple vibrators. Okay, so I think let's get into a little sex the news because I feel like this is going to really spark an interesting debate discussion that for the 12 years I've been doing this show, it's always a favorite. And also it, I think it's confusing for a lot of people too. Like what's right? What feels good? I mean, what feels good to you as a human? I'm gonna jump into it. 40% of men have asked their partners to change their hair down there. For most people, public hair grooming is just a fact of public, public, public hair grooming.

I mean, I've never done it.

You could do it in public.

You could. It's a little odd.

I mean, that's gotta be a burlesque act somewhere.

Totally.

I feel like that's breaking a few health codes. I'm not quite sure about that.

Pubic hair. Groom in public. Okay, here's the thing, you guys. Puba Hair grooming is just a fact of life, whether it's a quick trim or a neatly manicured landing strip. But although the concept of manscaping has become popular enough to spawn its own catchy name, a new survey found that men still expect more from their partners when it comes to grooming down below. So here's what they found out. Two popular male publications, Esquire and Esquemen, were behind this. And they found out that 92% of respondents undertake some form of grooming with unsurprising differences. Most men, 69%, trim their pubic hair. The majority of women, 57%, go completely bare. Nearly half, 46% of the men prefer their partners to go bare. The majority of women, 70%, want their partners to get neat but comparatively less high maintenance trim. They're not shy about vocalizing their expectations and are more likely to see their partner's grooming habits as a deal breaker. And I think this is the men saying that their partner's grooming habits are deal bigger. We'll get to how women feel in a moment. But according to the survey, 40% of men have asked their partners to change their pubic hair, compared to only 23% of women. And men, 30% are more likely than women to say that their partner's pubic hair might make them reconsider dating someone. Okay. And most men, 67%, say they spend nothing on grooming each month. Women say they spend $1 to $20. I don't know where they go, because bikini waxes are like what, 40?

They're buying the dollar store razors, the.

Dollar store shave club.

Cut up. Just difficult.

Okay, you guys, so I want to know what you. What you think about this, because my first thing, I think it's been around. I mean, it's funny. When I started the show, I think one of my first guests on the show, truly on the very first show, was a woman named Marilyn in San Francisco. And this was about the time 12 years ago that bikini waxing the Brazilian was becoming very popular.

I remember Gwyneth Paltrow, like, I don't know what social media vehicle she used, but she was talking about getting a Brazilian. And every woman I know, you know, was like, what's a Brazilian?

Right, right. So a Brazilian have I. Who's had. If you all had Brazilian waxes once?

I have not.

Only once and never again.

Okay. So that's when they truly, they. You go into someplace, they pour wax on you. You're lifting your legs over your head like an acrobatic Move. You're on the table naked, and there's a woman, and she's pouring wax on you and literally, this. Ripping it off. And it's painful. It is so painful. It is so painful. Especially when you get to your pubic mound, if you will, like, parts that you're like, oh, my God, I can't.

And I've given birth. Let me just be clear.

And she's about to give birth again.

I'm about to give birth again. I've given birth without drugs, and I will never, ever get Brazilian again. And most women I know do it, you know what, Like, a couple times a month.

Monthly. Once every five weeks. Right. So.

So I have a pretty strong tolerance for pain, but.

No, I know, right? It's pain. It's painful, but it does get a little easier over time. It's true. You're just like, ugh. Really? You're just like. I don't know.

Most people I know, that's their experience. It just was not my.

But tell me why you start. I want to know why you did it and how it felt.

So, for me, my husband did not request it. He's very. He can. He can go either way. But I thought, oh, this might be sexy. You know, my girlfriends are doing it. It's obviously doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but, you know, one of the things you mentioned is, like, a woman. Yes. Has you in every position on this table, and I'm like, this poor woman. Like, she does this all day, every day, all day. And I had this weird reaction where I was laughing hysterically because I couldn't, like, cry, right? And it was just like. And I just kept saying, why do we do this?

Right. Why? Why? Well, exactly. Why do we do it? And I have to say that to finish up. The thing about Marilyn, I thought she was so interesting because I just had my first Brazil, and I was just starting my show, and I said to her, why do we do this on the table? And she said, honey, if you want to sell the house, you got to mow the lawn.

And I thought, will you come on podcast and talk about this? She's like, I've had my finger on every hot pussy in San Francisco. Because she was, like, in Pacific Heights and doing all the. And I was like, please just come to my show and talk about this. So that was, like, 12 years ago. And now. I mean, now I feel like it's a thing, like, literally, men are like, you have to do this or else. And I. Yeah, I've done it. I actually got lasered years ago, probably about. I don't remember, like seven years ago where I. I didn't do the whole thing. I didn't do the whole bush because I thought, what if the bush comes back? What if I want hair at some point? So I. It. For me, it's pretty easy just to like, take off the extras. But yeah, I don't know. And they also say the reason why women do it, and I kind of find this to be true, that there is more sensitivity, that when it's all gone, it's easier. Like for oral sex, for stimuli, because the hair kind of can get in the way. But I don't think I've ever been like, oh, my God, my orgasms are so much better because there's no hair there. It just kind of is what I'm used to now.

The other thing I will say about it is like, there was just nothing pleasant about it. From the, you know, the torture on the table to the bumps the next day and the soreness the rest of the day. And then I looked like a plucked chicken.

Right.

And then the grow back, like the grow back. And so there was nothing positive about the experience for me. However, I will say that I think grooming is important.

Okay, so how do you feel about male grooming then?

I like my men to look like men and, you know, take that however you will. I do not care about. I want there to be a man bush there. I just do because I'm actually a little creeped out by no hair.

I am too. The man has no hair. I'm like, how much time did you spend doing that? So, Bri, how do you feel about Dave? Do you get Brissenden regularly? Brazilians Every five weeks. Right? On the dot. Right. It's really not. It takes 10 minutes.

Yeah, I'm like out of there in 10 minutes.

Right. And then what about the grow back process?

I mean, it just doesn't anymore. I think I've been doing it for like five years maybe.

Okay.

Was your first time really the worst ever? So I totally get it. You went back.

Yeah, I. Because I would just. I used to just shave and now.

It'S like, then you get the bumps.

So much better when you.

It is better just to get it clean. Clean and off. And do you feel like it improved your sex life at all?

I don't know. Because I don't know anything different.

Okay. You know, right. Because you've always been forever. Right. And have you feel. Have you ever had a man or any of you this has opened everybody. Have you ever had a guy be like say anything?

No. Well, I mean I don't get any waxing done because when I've waxed other parts of my bodies, like I break out really bad. And I'm just not trying to have that kind of trouble down there. Like nobody know how.

Right.

So I just shave, which is fine. I was interested in laser. I just haven't done it yet because like I don't do anything that I think that I should do.

But rebel. Yeah, but I don't know, I've just been doing that ever since before I was sexually active because I personally just don't like to have hair down there. It's more of like I'm like come from a sweaty family kind of a thing. And like I just, I don't know, just I felt like my, my mind, I'm like, less hair, less sweat and kind of true.

What about all your friends? Because Jamie's. Jamie, you're 23 now.

24.

Oh, 24, right. Just getting older. Jamie. So would you feel like you said when you were younger, like, because when I was in high school, like that wasn't you just little things? No. You just did a little outside areas so it wasn't coming over your bikini.

Oh, I don't know. I always like from the get go it was like bush one day and it was just like bare for the rest of my life after that. Like literally it was just like, oh, okay. Cuz like I don't know. And it's just, I think also like it's a preference for me personally, like if a guy were ever to say anything to me, like okay, well bye. But like at the same time, like I don't really know if it's just because like we, you know, what's what we like especially me saw growing up.

Like, oh, that's what I'm saying. You suck growing up.

So it just seemed odd to have one. But I will say that I have one friend that like just goes back and forth between waxing and just having a bush and she's just like, I have sex regardless.

Right. Guys are kicking out of that.

Yeah. It's kind of like you don't like it and you're a dude, then like just go with another girl.

Yeah, I feel like. Yeah.

And the thing about being married is that like he kind of reaches point where it doesn't really matter what you do. You're going to get, you're going to get laid and you're going to have a grateful spouse. You Know, my guy doesn't. He does not mind a 70s bush. And then he'll. He might tease me about it, and then I'm like, all right, fine, I'll deal. But. But now that I'm eight months pregnant, I have no idea what's going on down there.

Right. You can't see it.

I can't see it. So I can't even really groom right. So, you know, I'm sure there's.

That could be some foreplay. He could come trim.

That's. That's a curt.

I'm just saying, if you're looking for something tonight to do when you get home.

Yeah.

Yeah, that could be interesting. So, Bri, what about you in your. In your. You're 32. Okay, so what about. And the same with you. Like, ever since the hair could go. It went. Yeah.

I mean, I. Yeah.

Like, I think I started shaving in, like, high school or something.

Right. No, that's.

And I just. I've never had anyone really comment on it, and it's just been normal.

Okay.

And I feel like. I don't know, like, when you get waxed or you just feel, like, clean.

Yeah, you do. It's true, right? Yeah. And you can feel more. I feel like there's nothing in the way at all. For all those 8,000 nerve endings are just, whoop, ready to go. Now. What about men? Real quick? Have you ever had, like, what breed is shutter?

I'm, like, very, like, I.

She's. She just went like.

She. Like guys that, like, shave for so many reasons, because it's, like, it looks weird, and it's, like, prickly and scratchy and, like, I just don't want anything to do with that.

I feel like seeing a completely shaven, like, male genitalia is just so much more jarring to see. It's just like. There's no, like. It's just, bam. Look at it in its glory. It's all there.

But the other thing is, are they taking care of their backs as well, or is it just the croat. Their backs and their butts, you know? Like, if you're gonna do the groin, you better be paying attention.

Yeah, no, exactly. Do a little flip around in that mirror at your house or something. Yeah. I feel like I don't even. I mean, I'm trying to think of the penises I've come in contact with lately. I just feel like I. Yeah. If the guy's spending too much time with anything, like, you spent too longer getting ready than I did. Like, that's not. But I feel like it's kind of the norm. Just maybe take care of it. If it gets out of control. Like, you. When you're giving a blow job and you're, like, got hairs in your mouth, it's kind of nice to, like. So it's just nice to, like, trim. I guess if I don't. I don't need it all off. Yeah. Okay. Because I also feel you guys, I have a question for you. Because here's the other thing, is that I feel like for many women, like, Jamie never even had a choice. Like, you were just like, this is what you do. Like, yeah. Nobody even had the landing strip. The landing strip was far gone when you were in high school. But I feel like, what if you were on a desert island alone or something? Would you. Would you shave still?

No, it wouldn't.

Or racks.

I mean, I think that that would.

Be just doing it for men. No, but I'm saying. Let's say no. Okay. You're on desert island, but you couldn't. Whatever it is. I'm just saying, like, if you had Blue Lagoon kind of situation, would you?

I think I still would.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Just curious, you know, I might. So silly. But I might take care of the bikini area, you know, but not worry so much about, you know, the whole. The whole farm.

Right. The whole farm is like a whole thing. It's a whole time.

But yeah. It's just funny to think about those circumstances, like, general survival. But I gotta wax, right?

No, I just mean, like, if nothing else mattered, do you think we would still get rid of all of our hair? Like, I don't mean. It's been a long time now since. I don't know if it's ever gonna go back.

It's a weird trending thing, too, you know, like you were saying about how Brazilians came about what was. What did you say, like, 12 years ago?

Yeah, I think. I believe it was probably about 2005, 2004.

And in the 70s, if, you know, a woman showed up, like, on a porn set with a completely clean vagina, what kind of reaction would she have gotten?

I need to know. Can we go back in time? Who would know the answer to that? I don't think they knew to do it. I don't think you thought you could take it off. Like, you're like, would it have been observed?

Would it have been obscene? Like, this woman looks like a child.

Right, Exactly. Right. And that's the other thing, is that it said, you know, men like women to look like little girls. There's that whole thing, but I just thought it was important to talk about here. I'm curious what everyone else thinks about it. You can email. Email me feedbackexwithemily.com okay, you guys, let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about.

First. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna give a shout out to our sponsors. We're gonna take a quick break. Thank you, everybody, for supporting our sponsors. We love them. I hope you do too. And we'll be right back.

Okay, now we're gonna talk about sex shock on sex with Emily. No, specifically, I've brought you all here today to talk about something very, very important. Something very close to my heart. And I'd like to talk about lube. I'd like to talk about lube in depth.

There is zero shock in this room.

You should see the faces.

You know. You know how I feel about lube. And I think that a lot of you, I don't know how you felt about lube pre sex with Emily, because I know I've sort of. I was gonna say I shove it down your throats, but I shove it. I don't actually shove it, but I'm like, try this, Try this. So tell me about just your own experiences with lube. Like, when did you try. Why did you or when did you try it for the first time?

I definitely tried it because of this job. I mean, especially just, like, being like my. Like, when I started this job, I was 22, so about, like, you know, a year and a half ago. But I, you know, like, I. My people, my age, they don't really have it. They don't really think it's necessary. They think that, you know, you're young. Like, why aren't you just producing all this wetness on your own kind of a thing? And it's like, for me, like, I've always, like, my whole sexual career. Career, have, like, always had, like, that issue, and I'm just like, whatever. And then I finally tried lube, and I was like, oh, my God.

Like, it's amazing, right?

Life changer. Literally game changer. And I love it now. And I use it all the time. I literally have in my bag at all times lube and condoms.

So you have been. You have been raised well here.

I love this. You're like my prodigy. My prodigy. I was gonna say. So. So you. So before that, you were saying, because that's one of the myths also about lube, that about when people use lube is they think, oh, she's Dry, or there's discomfort or there's a problem. Like, you think there's a problem, but you thought, how would you know better? You're like, why aren't I wet enough? Or, why did it hurt maybe?

Exactly. And I've actually had, like, not very many, but a couple guys be like, say something after the fact. Like, oh, like, was there something wrong, like, or whatever. And I'm like, no, there's nothing wrong. It's just. It didn't happen. Like, you know, like. And it's like, I'm still enjoying myself. It's just. It's the body, man.

Exactly. You can't help it. Sometimes you put. Sometimes certain times a month, you're whiter than others. But for me, I don't even just figure out if I'm wet or not. I just add a few drops to my clitoris and I use it every time I have sex or I masturbate. Okay, so tell me about your experiences with lube.

I was definitely in that, well, I. I don't need it, so why should I buy it category. You know, there have been times when I felt like I have. I have needed it but haven't had it. And the idea. Idea, I have gone lube shopping, but the idea of going lube shopping is so freaking intimidating. There are so many products, there's so many brands. And, like, I'm very sensitive to lotion. Like, if a lotion has any weird ingredients, I'm going to break out. So the idea of putting something, you know, in my vagina that has any kind of weird ingredients has always creeped me out. So it's. It's intimidating because you don't really know. You're reading the ingredients. You're like, I don't know what any of these things are exactly.

You're like, I don't have my vagina off. I don't know what they are.

Yeah, yeah. So coming here, like, being handed, having someone say, this is what you need was amazing.

What kind do we give you first?

Well, it's. I use the Jo. It's the. I'm spacing on the name, but it doesn't have any natural love.

The natural love we love, that we love.

There's no sense. There's no color. There's, you know, it's totally clean, and that works.

And you've had no breakouts?

No.

In your vagina. Good. Okay. And you? Perfect. Bre.

I think I first start. Tried it in college, maybe just out of curiosity, I think a boyfriend, but. And I. I'm the Same. I'm, like, allergic to everything. Like, I'm constantly breaking out in hives. Like, I put lotion on me and something happens, and I just had really bad reactions, and who knows what I was using? Probably, like, some crappy.

Don't use ky, you guys.

So I never touched it again because of that. Because I literally felt like I was, like, in pain after using it, so there was nothing pleasurable from it at all. And then.

Funny, because I Now assistant.

Joe is one of my clients, right?

Oh, right. She works at a convention, right? Yes, and advertising.

Yeah.

The first night that I met them and had dinner with them, when I first started working with them, they asked me, so, what kind of lube do you use? And I was like, oh, like, what do I say? And I was like, none. And they were like, well, you will now. And that night, they sent me home with, like, 30 pounds of samples. And I literally use it almost every.

Time I have sex. Yeah, as you. Right. She's, like, whispering, mom, I hope you're not listening. Right. And especially after the bikini wax. No, but I. Yeah, because it. And how have you found that? It's.

It's just I. And it's the total. Like, you just don't think you need it. Like, if there's no problem, then why use anything? And it just enhances, like, your experience a million times. And I never even knew there was this whole world of, like, warming and cooling and, like.

Yeah, I like those.

Stimulating. And so there's so many different kinds.

And what about the warming and cooling? Tell me about what you guys. Jamie loves you said.

I like warming. Warming's like.

See, I'm opposite.

Really?

Oh, I love this. So spicy. Okay, tell me about.

So why do you like warming, Bri?

I don't know. I just like the cooling because you can barely feel the warming. I think that's why I like it.

But it's a little warm.

Yeah, it's a little warm. And you, like, can't really tell that it's doing anything. But then if you use, like, nothing, you can tell that you don't have it.

Right.

And I think the cooling is just, like, you feel it too much the whole time. So I think that's why it just is distracting.

See, and that's why I like it, because I just like that intense, like, oh, my God, it's cold kind of thing. But, like, you know, I like to do kind of, like, that kind of, like, sensation.

Right. Okay, I got it. No, I like all of it. I mean, I drawers of lube And I'm just like, huh, What? It was. I had this story. I was hooking up with this guy last year, and I. I don't think I hooked up with him before. And I think it was the first and last time, but probably because he thought I was insane, but not for the reasons you think. Everyone's like, duh, he did. But no, I. I have so many drawers, and I. I couldn't find the lube that I. I was like, this is before I moved, and everything was organized, but I pull it out and I. And he's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm looking for, like, I have five drawers, and I was pulling out, like, the Joe flavored, the jo. I had, like, the warming, the cooling, and I wanted. I think I wanted, like, the natural level. Like, I knew there was one I wanted to try. Cause for me, when I'm having sex, oftentimes it's like, oh, I have someone here. I should try twofer. Like, try a product. I want a new product. I want to try and try something, you know? So he's like, what are you. And he gets up and he's like, what are you doing? And he's like, oh, my God, can you just pick one? You've got so much lube. But he was really judgy of my lube collection, and I'm really proud of it.

I feel like guys take offense to it because they're just like, why do you need that with me?

Well, that's. The stigma is that. That's why I want to lube on every nightstand. That's why. That's my dream. And when that happens, I could die and be happy. Because people think you use it if there's a problem. You use it if you know. And then they think the problem is, I'm not turning her on.

Well, and the number of emails we get from people that are like, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm really dry. I don't know what to do. I've tried lube, and you wonder what lubes they're trying. But also that there's this idea that there's. There's something wrong with you or your partner if lube is required.

Right. And there's just not. It enhances. I mean, Indiana University study. I talk about this Kinsey Institute. 80% of women who use lube were more likely to orgasm with lube than without lube. Because think about it. We. I always tell you, like, masturbation, you start with your clitoris that's where a lot of the magic happens. It's not self lubricating like your clitoris is not just. It's just not. So you add just a few drops could change everything. Okay, guys, the reason why I want to do this, this talk about lube is because I feel like I talk about it all the time, but I want to, I want to kind of drill down on the different kinds of lubes because we get these questions all the time. And again, it can be very confusing to like, do I want silicone? Do I want water based hybrid flavored cooling, all that stuff? So let's talk about silicone lube. Have you guys all used silicone?

I prefer not to use silicone.

Okay, silicone, same.

I mean, I guess this depends on what you're using it for.

Like for anal sex, it does depend. I look at brief space. For anal sex, silicone lube is amazing because you need more lube and it lasts longer. Her face got red.

I'm sorry, I'm new to this.

You can speak about saying you're doing great, you're doing great. So silicone lasts longer. It's typically a bit thicker. It works with non latex condoms. I would suggest skin condoms. S, K, Y, N. They're the only condoms I use. They're amazing. Not recommended for toys. Some people can be typically it's women. You can be sensitive to silicone lube. And I feel like silicone actually got a really bad rap when, when it came out. Like I feel like not when it gets been around forever, but in like the last 20 years, you were like, silicone's bad, it's gonna infect women. The truth is that's not true. Like, I think for a lot of women, like, I love Joe's silicone lube. I just gave some to porn star Joanna Angel. She was here, she was like, oh my God, I love it. I mean, yes, maybe you could buy some bad silicone lube, but I know all the ingredients that Joe uses are great. That's the only one that I found that I really like using. And I do like it. I like that it lasts longer and it's like slippery. And yes, it's great for anal sex if you want, if you don't like keep re. Because with water based you have to reapply more often. Silicone lasts a while, so that's silicone. And then we've got water based, it's thinner. Might need to reapply it more often and it absorbs quickly and it cleans easier. Because silicone can be a little bit messier. Sticky. Sticky and messy. But you'll be slippery. And it is compatible with all condoms and toys. So do you think you guys typically. You like the water based action?

Yeah, the one I'm using right now is a hybrid, which is. Which is great. Like, you know, like you said, it's the best of both worlds.

Right? I love that. Yeah. Silicone has a. Silicone Jo has a hybrid lube that. That. That I really like as well. It's kind of cool because you're right. You don't. Why must I choose? You don't have to.

I'm a Gemini.

Exactly. Oh, wait. Gemini's. That's so true. Right. Don't make me choose. So, so your preferences, though, mostly then are water based. I get that. And what about the. The flavored lubes?

That's why I mostly use water based, because I kind of like the flavored lubes a lot. Like, besides the, like, I do like the Joe's Natural love line. That one I like a lot just because I like organic things. But I do like flavors because I just like to use it for oral sex too. And it's fun.

That's my big. Right.

So. And then those ones are usually mostly water based.

Yeah. And they have, like, straw. What are the new flakes? Like, passion. The new flavors? There's a million, but there's like, strawberry, there's flav, there's the watermelon. Passion fruit. Watermelon.

There's pineapple, vanilla, Chocolate.

I love the chocolate ones. The salted caramel.

So, like, I think I tried flavored lube in, like, high school for that reason.

And it tasted like a club bathroom.

It was disgusting.

And I was like, why would anyone, like, ever, ever do that? That was, what, like, 15 years ago? And then you had an episode where you talked about, like, using the gelato flavors, like, for oral. And I literally, that night was like, you want to try it?

How happy was your boyfriend?

And like, I guess if you're using a good flavor, then it's totally worth it.

Exactly.

And it was just fun until I woke up the next morning and, like, my. All I could smell was, like, salted caramel. And I was, like, a little confused because I was pretty drunk the night before.

That's what I love.

You definitely have to brush your teeth after.

Yeah.

So funny. Yeah, no, it's. But right. So you put a little on your lips. This is why it's so good. If you are not loving the taste of just oral, some women just have Things like, I don't like the taste of or the smell, whatever. It's like, okay, well, how about a salted caramel job? Yeah.

And I have no problem.

But, like, I want one now. Well, I want to salted caramel something.

Yeah, same.

You.

What?

I like giving blow jobs. I just, like. It was just different. Like, it made it fun. It, like, made it a whole different experience.

Exactly. So that's the other thing. If you're, like, a woman and you're a guy and you're giving blow jobs and you're like, I'm not. I'm just. Yeah, One time to spice it up. It's like everything. Like, you're like, oh, you got excited to give that. But you. I know you always, like. Sorry, you got more excited than usual because I have, like, a new bag. Something in my new bag of tricks to you.

So since you guys talk so highly about them, I'll give them a try. But I've had an aversion to the flavored ones because I assume that they're gonna taste like a club bathroom or like a cab.

Oh, you gotta try it.

New York City cab. You know, air freshener.

No, I would never talk about anything that did not taste good on this. That's what it used to taste like.

In 2001. But I think also. Okay, this is gonna be totally a. What's the word? Is there something when you're, like. When you are discriminating against pregnant women, I would say you're probably giving more blowjobs now. I don't know if you are.

I'm a poor husband.

No, but you should take home some flavor. I will be giving birth, like, any minute.

Yeah. Next month sometime, but.

Or here.

Yeah. You know, I will take some home because. Because he deserves it.

He's.

He's right. And you do, too. Exactly. So a little flavor to try that. Okay, cool. You guys. Any other common questions about lube? I'm trying to think. I think I just want you guys to know when we're talking about it and how to break it down.

Also, with the flavor lubes, like, going back to, like, not getting, like, wet enough, like, for me, too. Like, I get really parched during sex. Like, I have to make sure there is, like, a tall glass. I'm not drinking right there.

So that's.

No, I'm not drinking the Loop. But I'm just saying that, like, it makes it difficult because I like to give blow drops, too. But if my mouth is dry, I'm not producing enough saliva. It's Just like, it's not gonna feel good for them. It's gonna be weird for me. So it's like using the lube, like, help helps with that.

Right. Then it's a different kind of wet because it's like gliding and slippery. Like what I think a lot of.

Men want easier, you know, it feels good for them. It makes it easier for you to do.

It takes the work out of the job.

It does, exactly.

It makes it less like a job and more like blow. Fun.

Yeah, it makes the job. It's more like an extracurricular activity than like an actual job. I like also, I like this blow job spray. This is from. This is. I. I talk about. It's my website, but it's a Doc Johnson. Doc Johnson dry mouth spray. If your mouth ever gets me, you need like 10 bottles by your bed. Jamie.

I really do. I really do. You have extras. I need.

I do, I do. But. No, but the lube's awesome too. And it just gives a different kind of wetness to the penis when you're gliding down with the mouth and all that. So, Helena, you'll report back on Monday.

I will report back.

Perfect. Okay, guys, thank you. This has been great. Will you help me answer some emails now?

Of course, of course.

Oh, my God, I love this.

We live for emails.

I love it. Okay, we're onto your emails. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show. I love that. If you. It's so easy. Submit the questions. Go to. To submit them, go to sex with emily.com, click on ask Emily and you fill out the form and hit submit. That's it. And be sure to indicate yes if you'd like to be called on the show or have your email answered on the show. Either one. But I'm loving the call shows, you guys, because if you've got a question for me, we will solve it. We will get to the bottom of it.

I'm scared to hit that. Yes, you can change your name. You can even change the city you live in.

Yeah, you can do it here.

You can do an accent. You'll never know.

That's a good point. Actually, they could you. And we should say that more often that we're not gonna. We don't care if you use your real name. Yeah, all I really care about is your age.

Yeah, exactly. Because that. That changes your answer sometimes. But.

Right.

The anonymity. You know, seriously, we would just rather talk to you than. Than not.

Right. It's fun. But of course, you guys, where you're not shunning those of you who want to email, but also, this is new, you guys. I didn't think you all know about this. Oh, no, this just happened. You can text me and we'll feature your text question on the podcast. So right now, when you're listening, if you're like, oh, I've been wanting to ask Emily about the best way to clean out my butt before anal. I don't know. We get those questions a lot. I don't know why you can text that to me. It's not gonna come to my phone port. No, it does, so be careful, you guys. Question. You can text me. Just text. Ask Emily all one word to 797979. That's Ask Emily to the number 797979. Your normal message and data rates may apply. I don't know why we couldn't get 69. I was just gonna say it was Emily.

That would have been the porn star.

But I'm not gonna. No. Yeah, you guys, you should. Yeah, right? Obviously, we should have been 69, but you should definitely text. That's even easier than anything else.

You're one level up from 69. You are 79.

That's true. That's true. It's a new position that I'm gonna tell you about in the next show. So if you email me, call me, text me, do whatever you want to me. Do whatever you want. You can just remember, include your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Okay. Ready, guys? Okay, it's a loop question. Emily. Here's one. Here's the thing. Well, I have multiple things I'd love to talk to you about, but let's keep this one short. I love going down on a woman, but sometimes the girl will have a musty muff. Pungent. I don't want to say.

I'll just say it.

I was gonna say, this guy really likes alliteration. He's just like.

Will you read the rest?

Yeah, okay, I'll read the rest. So this is Jamie.

You read for me.

I love going down on a woman, but sometimes the girl will have a musty muff, a punching pussy, a sneaky, A stinky snatch, whatever you want to call it, don't mind it the first time because, well, hey, part of the mystery of finding out for the first time is the appeal. But after that, how do I bring up the fact that she doesn't smell the best? While I have tried using a little lube. Flavored or not, when it tastes or smells bad, it's akin to putting hot sauce on bad food, hoping to make it taste better. Oh, I don't like this guy.

I don't like it. I had to read it.

All I can taste is that funky funk. It's alliteration. Again, thanks, M. Any advice helps. Cheers. Andrew, 29, Sacramento.

Okay, Andrew, so here's the deal. This is not a lube question. This is a vagina question. This is about Volvo, a woman's scent. So I understand that sometimes we don't. Women just, you know, there's certain times a month, certain times, we just don't smell as great as maybe you would like us to smell. And I understand that we don't want that to happen either. But if you're with. I don't know if this has happened to you with one woman or you're saying it's happening all the time. So here's some things that you could do is that if you're dating a woman and you're into her, it's your girlfriend. You could say, like, let's take a shower together beforehand. Like, let's wash. If that's. Don't worry. I'm gonna get. Bri just looked at me like, that's not gonna work. But let me. I'm just. Wait. I've got.

I've got.

Not every time.

No. Okay. That's the first thing we can see. And for the women. And I learned this. I love Bri's face because she cannot hide anything.

So here's the thing. For some women, they just don't. I feel like when I was younger, when I was maybe Jamie's age, I don't think I knew that. Like, right before sex, I should maybe a show it out. But I go to the bathroom. Like, I wipe off before. Right now I have sex, too. I do the same, right? Like, I take some water, I splash, I make sure that I'm clean. And, you know, even if I've already showered, I just know that it's usually I have already showered. So that's one thing. So you could say, like, let's, you know, take a shower, if that's convenient. You know, something like that. But if this is an ongoing thing, when you're with a woman, typically this is not an easy conversation to have. It could be that she has an infection, like a bacterial infection. There could be something going on and she doesn't know that. That's if it's a really good.

She had asparagus the night before.

That's true, too. She had asparagus. Your diet can Change it. It's true, but I'm not sure, Andrew, like you really can't. I don't know if you're in a relationship or not, but typically I get these questions a lot from people who are in a relationship. All right, Andrew, here's the deal. If you are in a monogamous relationship, and I would tell everyone in a monogamous relationship, if you're dating your partner and suddenly you know, you're like, yeah, it does not smelling right lately. Like, I know she's showering, I know everything's fine. A lot of times it can be a bacterial infection, it can be something that's just, you know, something's going wrong and a lot of times we can't smell it. So you could just say to her, you know, God, I love going. You can even blame it on me. You say, I'm listening to the show and you can say, I love, I love going down on you. But I feel like something that, that isn't quite right down there. Like it smells a little bit differently than it usually does. And I heard that it could be something wrong. You should go to your doctor, go see your gynecologist or go. That's. I mean, that's because there probably is something going on. Now if you're just dating casually, one thing is you could be someone who's just like very sensitive to, to women's odors in general. Which is why I think, I think a lot of, or to odors. Just no matter what odor it is, like someone wears perfume and it bothers you, I think that in that case, like you just might not like the smell. Like it might just be kind of too much for you and that's what you got to do. But again, casually, if you're dating someone, I think you can be like, like, let's take a shower, let's do shower sex. Let's take a shower beforehand. Or otherwise you just gotta. I mean, I guess you could say to a woman you're only having a one night stand with, but she'll probably freak out because she's. It's not the right thing to say to someone that you just met because that could be her scent. This is a very tricky, tricky territory because you know, really like I think that, you know, we all sex is messy. Sometimes we smell great, sometimes we don't. Sex sometimes is just can be like have this different scents and smells and tastes and odors and that's just part of it. So you just kind of got to roll with it. That's What I gotta say, Andrew, I really don't. I don't think that in your casual dating you can just bring it up the first time you see someone. So.

Yeah, he can also look at it as like, how does he know how he tastes and smells?

Yeah, you know, that's true too.

So how would he prefer his partner to approach it with him, you know, and you know, turn the tables? Because trust, not every man smells and tastes fantastic.

That's true too. That is absolutely true. They don't. And I think that you could also. Again, the flavored lube could not be a bad. Like it has a scent as well that could help you. But I don't want to say that. Like I feel like it's a matter of just getting comfortable with. With your body, with women's bodies and. How old are you? 29. I mean, I'm happy you're going down on women. I think you should keep doing it. I think you can move past this.

I think he has to think about it situationally too. It's like, you know, like if someone's, it's been a really hot day, you've been wearing jeans all day. Like, you know that kind of a thing. And like, just remember like it's of your vagina or not your vagina. Cause you're a guy, but a vagina is a mucous membrane. Like, I'm sorry but like what is it supposed to smell like to you?

Are you hooking up after coming home from the club too?

Yeah, you just have to think about things and like be it. So yeah, take it situationally.

That's. Yeah, it's true. If you've been out on like dancing, you're partying, you're drinking and you're like getting home at 2am she's wearing her.

Hot underwear that I'm not breathable Cotton.

Exactly. Right. That's the problem. The sexy underwear are not the best underwear for rose smelling vaginas. None of them smell like roses anyway, by the way. All good points. Anything else? Any other comments? Okay, what was your face about that? It's not shower.

No, I was thinking about sexy underwear and how that's so true.

Right, Bri? Right, Bama? The things that we do. We rip the hairs out of our vagina, wear sexy underwear. Our vaginas are suffocating, torturing our poor little vulvas. Okay, here we go. Hey, Emily. I'm Autumn from Michigan. I've been dating this wonderful guy for about four months now. We love going out to all the great places to eat and drink in the Detroit area. Oh, I'm getting nostalgic. My hometown, the Red Wings and Tiger Games and simply sleeping in and finding new brunch places on the weekends. We have a pretty fun, fulfilling relationship. Except one thing. I need more sex. Yes. I have a much higher sex drive than him. He points to being in the Marines for four years and not really being very sexually active during the time. He says, because he'd go literally a year without sex. He's just used to it. Not me. I love sex. I'd be happy having sex every day, two or three times. On weekends and high holidays. I love it. I get frustrated when I start kissing on his neck, running my hands over his body, and he just doesn't react. Once I get him going, the sex is amazing. I'm just frustrated as I'm not going. I'm not getting to enjoy this great sex with him more often. You'd be proud. I did communicate to him that I'd really like to have more sex, but he seemed to not understand, considering his easily satisfied libido. How the heck do I get laid more? So much. Thanks, Autumn, 24, from Auburn Hills, Michigan. Hi, Autumn from Michigan. Love, Michigan. Okay, so I totally get that you're frustrated here, that you painted a pretty good picture. And I just think that, like, in all relationships. I know you told him once. I'm really. Yes. I'm very proud of you right now. I am smiling and I'm clapping for you that you talked to him. I love that you said he doesn't. Didn't really understand it. Satisfying his libido. I think he probably understood in some ways. But you have to understand that having these sex talks can be very confusing sometimes for anyone in a relationship, because, first of all, we're not used to talking about sex. But also, just because I don't know how you told him or what you told him. A lot of times it has to do with how we say it, but also, you can't just say it once he's going to get it. He's not gonna be like, oh, okay, you want more sex? Okay, yeah, let's start now. Because for whatever his reasons are, that when he was in the military or, you know, he doesn't have as high of a sex drive. This happens in couples. This is very, very common. Like, more common than not. And so I think that there is. There is some compromise that has to go in here. And if he really, you know, wants to work on this relationship and you guys want to be together, you're Gonna have to let him know that you think about him all the time and you get really turned on. And like, you can let him know that when I rub my hands of your body, like, like that's my signal. Like, I wanna have sex with you. Like, you know, I feel like it's really good for our relationship. It makes me feel really desired. And once you get going, like you said, the sex is amazing. And I think that there's something to that, that we forget sometimes when we don't wanna have sex and we're like, oh, really? Especially if you're in a long term relationship, that once we actually do it, we're never regretting it. We're never saying, why the hell did I have sex last night? That was terrible. So I think that it's really just opening up the conversation more. And I know it was probably hard to do, but you've already done it once. So I think maybe you need a little more details around, little more information to him about why it's important to you and how you guys can. Maybe there's certain ways that he gets turned on that you don't even know yet. Like this could open up a whole new part of your relationship. Finding out more about each other. What do you guys think? Have you been in these situations?

Like, this is such a difficult conversation to have with a partner. I think like, I've been in a relationship that has ended because my boyfriend, like, because I didn't know how to communicate it properly. And I feel like guys can take such offense to it. If you're like, why aren't we having. Having sex? Why don't we have sex?

Exactly.

Enough sex and then you have less sex because you're talking about sex.

It becomes a manhood issue.

Like it feels forced and then you, neither of you even want to. So I mean, I would say like what I've learned from that would just be don't put it on him and talk about like, don't blame him. Why aren't you, why don't you want to ever have sex with me? Like, I would just talk about how much better it makes you feel because like, it raises your self confidence and it makes you feel sexy and it makes you just feel better and you know how much you love it as opposed to like putting it on him for not.

That's a good point. You don't want to blame. I'm glad you brought that up because it's not that you don't want to say, like, why aren't you doing this? I told you once and you're not making moves. I think you make it about both of you as well. You can say, I feel really great and more connected to you and I need that to stay in our relationship. But you could also say it's really important that we, you know, for us and for the health of our relationship, that we have sex more often and more frequently. What is it, once or twice a month? Month, she said, or whatever it is, it's not working for you. But I think again, it's very important to not blame, to not say you and attack him. But say, what should we do about this? Because I understand that you might not have as high of a sex drive. I want a little bit more, but it's really important for our relationship and kind of open it up rather than like blaming.

Yeah.

What do you think?

There's kind of two things going on here. I think one, it's kind of a personality thing. Like the people I know that are in the military have the type of personality where they can just kind of shut off an emotional connection because they have to, it's their job, you know, and so it, you know, if he's been, you know, in that kind of environment for as long as he has been, it might not be an overnight thing for him. You know, it'll take some while. Take a while for him to come out of his shell, so to speak. The other thing is, Autumn, you're, you know, I. Because you're 24, you have time on your side. Relationships are long. And you know, if you're playing the long game with this guy, know that your, your sex drives are going to ebb over time and that, you know, you know, hopefully you guys are together 10 years from now, maybe the roles will have reversed. But if you have a good dialogue and a constructive conversation about it now from the beginning, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of really great sex and a really great healthy relationship.

Yep, it's great. Great advice. Anything else, James?

I mean, well, I hit it.

Quit it.

No, I mean, it's been a while since I've been in like a long term relationship, but like it was kind of reversed. Like near the end of my relationship. I wasn't wanting to have sex as much as my boyfriend, but when he would bring it up to me, he'd always bring it up to me in bed. And then he'd always bring it up like it's like just saying certain things like, oh, we never have sex anymore, all this stuff. And like, and I'm like, that's cuz you're coming over at 2 in the morning when I'm tired and stuff like that. But it's like also, it's like if you want to have this conversation with me, like you want to. I was like, why are we having it right now? Like when we're in bed, like, this is not now. I'm going to go to sleep and I'm going to feel like crap because I'm not giving you anything what you want. So you have to like think about where you are when you're having this conversation.

Timing and tone.

And like also just make it seem like, like, like Bri said. Like don't put it all on him. Like say, like talk about how amazing you think the sex is with him. And you're like, I just want to have more of it because it's so amazing, you know? And it's like I want it more. And he'll maybe start to realize it's.

Important and it's changing his behavior too. I think that was. You all made very good points. Yeah, he could be a little shut down around it. Okay, open him up. And again, even, even if you are with him in 10 years or somebody else, I think it's really great that you're learning how to talk about your needs and express them. Amazing. Okay, another email. I love my trusty team here. This is so fun. Hey Emily, Love your podcast. It's really helped my overall self confidence inside and outside the bedroom. You've also given me the priceless information of what women like in the bedroom. So my question, is it healthy to see your partner every day? Our sex life is great and it's only getting better thanks to your podcast. But I'm worried that I'm seeing too much of my current girlfriend. I see her every day of the week, but only at night due to our working hours. We've been dating for around seven months and everything is great, but is this overindulging really healthy for us in the long run? Thanks. Keep the great work. Tom 24, South Africa. I love it. I don't think we've had a lot in South Africa.

No, that's always interesting to me when we get people from like, like other countries just because. Yeah, because it's just like to see the differences.

Oh my God. I love that we're talking to you, Tom. This feels so good. I feel so connected. Thank you for emailing, Tom. Okay, so first of all, I love what you said. I'm so glad the podcast has helped you and I think that I'm not going to tell you what is healthy and what is unhealthy because there are no rules here. But it sounds to me like you. You know the answer here. It can be completely healthy to see your partner every day. And seven days a week, it sounds like it's too much for you, right? Every day of the week. So. And that's fine. And here's the thing. In new relationships, and actually, you're 24. I remember doing this, and I. When I was in my 20s and I had a relationship, and it was amazing. And you really. Do you want to see each other every day. And it's like. It's that lust phase. It's the honeymoon phase. I remember, like, my bills weren't paid. My roommates hadn't seen me in, like, a month. You know, did you guys ever go to. Like, none of my bills were open. Like, my house was a mess. And I was like, with this guy who I love, and I think it's really easy. Maybe this is your first love, your first real, like, adult relationship in your life, that you're like, have your own place. And I get all of this. But I do think that in all relationships, it's really important to give yourself space. And there's nothing wrong with saying, like, taking a night off or two, and like, saying to her, like, in a loving way, like, I get so excited to see you, but I need these nights at home, too. And then when I see you, it's even better because I can get all my stuff done, or whatever it is that you do when you're not with her. Like, I think that what happens is we also tend to go hard and fast at the beginning. These relationships can fizzle out, too. When you spend every waking moment together, they can kind of blow up. So I think that it sounds to me like you might need to pace this. But I'm not gonna tell you that it's healthy, unhealthy. But I can tell you what I know and what I've seen that I think it's good to kind of pull back a little bit. And you don't need to see each other every single night. You're 24 years old. Your friends probably want to see you. You might just want to sit home and read a book.

Things get more exciting when you don't see each other every night.

I think it's true.

It does. And I can relate to this a lot because, like, in my last relationship, we would do the same thing. We would see each other every day, but mostly at Night because we're doing whatever our things. And honestly, I feel like that was the downfall of our relationship because it accelerated it too fast and it became expected. So then if your was going to be a night where you're like, oh, I kind of want to do this, it's kind of like, oh, well, why are you. She want to see me kind of a thing. And you don't want to get into that because it's just like, well, there's other people in your life. Like, you have to remember that you love this person, you care about them, but there's other people that came before them, and you need to also focus on them. But at the same time, if you're both happy and you're having a healthy thing with it, it could be okay. It really is situational. It depends.

Yeah.

Yeah, this totally happened. When I started dating my husband. I was, I was a bit older than Tom. I was. I guess I was 28 when we started dating. And we. It was the same kind of thing. Like, we were practically living together. I was living at his apartment, but, you know, paying rent at mine and not paying my bills because I was never there.

Right.

My roommate was freaking out because she's like, you're never here. And anyway, I, I think that if you're at a. It kind of depends on what stage in your life you're at. If you're at a stage in your life where you're looking to sort of not settle down, but, you know, be serious with somebody, potentially live with them, you're moving towards, you know, that type of. Of relationship, then it's absolutely normal and healthy and everything. But if you're a little younger and you're still just sort of exploring this serious dating thing, then absolutely, you want to, you know, say, hey, you know, maybe Friday night I'm gonna go out with my friends, and I'd love to, you know, see you Sunday, you know, whatever it is.

Yeah, I, I, Yeah, I want. That's true. Because I'm looking at his age and I'm saying it's probably. You probably should take your time, but maybe if you're ready to get married, you think she's the one.

But if he's asking.

But that's the thing. You're asking me. Yeah, exactly, honey. You're asking me and Tom, I think, you know, do what you gotta do. All right, Any other comments, questions, feelings, emotions? Okay, one more email. Yeah, how about that? Hi, Emily. Long story short, this is usually when they're really long. This is not too bad. Oh, no, no. This is good, Kim. You're the best. Okay, long story short, I've never had an orgasm. Not through masturbation or sex or with a partner. Part of it was because I literally had no desire to touch myself until very recently, and part of it was because I've had some sexual trauma from my past. In the initial testing I've done, I found that I can find my G spot without any trouble. But that's the most penetration I can handle without freaking out and having a hard time finding my clitoris. Do you have any recommendations that might work for me or any tips on how to find my clit? Thanks so much for taking the time to read it and answer my question. Kim, 24, Wisconsin. Okay, Kim, you'd think it would be.

The other way around.

You're like, the first woman ever who's found her G spot before. Her clitoris, probably. No, that's. I don't know if that's true, but I would give you some kind of golden congratulations. Golden dildo.

Yeah.

Congratulations on that. Okay, Kim, so first I want to focus on your sexual trauma, because I'm sorry that you. I'm sorry you went through some trauma. And thank you for sharing that with me. I appreciate it. And I just hope that you've gotten some help around the trauma, that you've processed it and you maybe sought out therapy and, you know, kind of released a lot of it, because untreated trauma does not go well for a lot of people. So that said, you found your G spot. That's amazing. And through masturbation or sex as a partner, I think that the best place, the best way to find it is through masturbation and to not have a goal in mind. So the thing is, I think a lot of women just think, I'm just gonna lay down and going to find it. It's going to pop up, and there's my. You know, there's my clitoris. And it doesn't work that way for a lot of women. So it's really like you have to seduce yourself. You have to set the mood, like. Like light candles, make sure your door's closed, your phone's off, or whatever it is that you need to feel safe and to feel comfortable, just to start exploring without the goal of orgasm. And use lube. I'm telling you, this will, like, speed up your whole process. Don't start directly. Like, I'm sure you know where the clitoris is, but I would say a lot of times it starts going in your inner thighs, like around your Pubic mound. Just like teasing yourself with your fingers, your nipples, like rubbing your hands over your body and like, not going right for your clitoris. Because sometimes it has to for women, it's like a little bit hidden. It's got to like, peek out. You know, we have this clitoral hood that's going over. We all do, but it might be a little more. You might need some more time turning yourself on. And then it will come out. You will find your clitoris. It will happen. But I think that when we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, like, I must find my clitoris and it doesn't happen, you know, you don't keep trying. So I think that you just need a little more. And it's masturbation month. This is the perfect time to do it. And we have a lot of great posts on our site about masturbation as well and how to touch yourself and how to feel yourself. Vibrators are great. As I've mentioned once or twice, I like the Wish. The we Vibe Wish is one of my new favorite toys because it's a great vibrator that feels really good. It's soft, it's squishy, and you can. It actually is built to stimulate your. Your outer clitoral nerves and your inner clitoral nerves. Meaning that there's like. It's not just about the clitoris. Like you're saying, I want to find the clitoris. Here's the other thing. We think it's that little button, but really it is. But there's all the clitoral legs and the labia. And so you just, I think, need to explore your entire vulva with your fingers and all that stuff.

Yeah, I would say, like, especially if you're new to it and haven't really masturbated. I would say I feel like a lot of people, when they don't know what to do, they think just like, penetration is like, all you should do and like, that's what works. I would say, like, use a vibrator and just like, like Emily said, like, teaser, like, get out of your own head. Give yourself time to just like, only think about yourself. And I would start on like the outside too, like with a vibrators probably.

Right. I'm surprised you found your G spot. I wonder if you had an orgasm with it or you just think that you found it. Because for a lot of women it also helps to have a clitoral orgasm to get turned on to find their G spot.

So, yeah, I just want to totally commend You, Kim, for having the courage to talk about this and to explore this topic at 24. Because I know women with sexual trauma, that they didn't deal with it till they were, like, in their 40s and lived a really long time suffering and. And, you know, not getting any kind of satisfaction or happiness from sex because of it. So just, you know, thank you for your courage because there's somebody out there listening right now who is having a similar experience. And I just want to add, too, that thank God for masturbation month, because, I mean, people like you, it's the reason this needs to happen because we need to take away the shame and the sort of lack of knowledge about our bodies. And, you know, masturbation is, I think, the. It's the key to understanding ourselves sexually and physically. And also, don't be afraid to get down with your own anatomy. Emily has talked about this before, but, you know, use a mirror. There are all sorts of ways to experiment when you're. When you're masturbating, and it's an opportunity for you to really get to know yourself very well, which will only make relationships that much, you know, that much better moving forward.

I love the mirror thing. It is true that when you look, you're like, oh, I can't look. But you'll actually, if you like, literally don't know where the clitoris is, you're gonna find it. You can look at it. You'll. You'll. You'll see the little. The little bud. You'll see what's going on down there. Yeah. And I do love this month. It's about your pleasure. Great.

Yeah. And I just think also, too, that we have this understanding. Like, oh, you're supposed to know how to do it. But no, it's like, honestly, like, it's true. Use a mirror. Like, look at an anatomy book. Like, you know, like, read about it. And we even have blogs on the website. Like, there's a whole blog about, like, all the parts of the vagina. Like, read it. Like, it has diagrams and everything. On our website, it's called. It's called. I. I don't even remember what it's called Fl. The vagina.

What's it called? I don't know.

We'll find it and we'll find it.

We're going to link it. Okay, that's perfect. We're going to link it in the show summary on the website because, Kim, we really want you to find this clitoris because it's there. I promise you it is there. And you will find it. So we'll post it on the site for you and we've a lot of great stuff. Orgasmless in the City is another post. Was that a podcast? And then anyway, there's a ton. Just search clitoris. I don't know what I'm saying. But you're gonna find it. Just be patient. You guys, thank you so much. This was awesome. I love this. Aww. Thanks for having me. Yeah, it was awesome. What a fun show. You guys, Masturbation month. Remember only it's only. You got like 18 more days or something. So get to it, get to it, get to it. Don't forget to enter our contest. Shop on my site. It's a good time if you want to check out the lubes. I love lubes. Just saying it. I got happy. Okay. Thank you Bri. Thank you to my amazing team. I love you all. Thank you to Ken, Helena, producer, Lark, Jamie and Michael. And most of all, thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? It. Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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