Luke, I am Your Daddy (Dom)

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex songs?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sex with emily.com. if you haven't been to our website, you're going to learn a lot. So check it out. Wherever you listen to the podcast, please comment and subscribe. We love that. Find me on Sirius XM radio. It's Stars channel 109 and I am there Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific, 8 to 10 East. And get a free 30 day trial at sexwithemily.comsxm and you can still call in even if you don't have a subscription. Triple 894-782-77. Find me on all social media. It's exwithemily across the board for even more sex and relationship information. It's a good time. So thanks everyone for listening and I hope you enjoy the show. Now it's time for your fantasy breakdown. Love a fantasy breakdown. All right, guys, this is a really popular fantasy. Okay, let me break it for you. It's called Daddy Dom little girl. So what is this? This is a fantasy more about, like, age play. So it's like role playing, where one partner plays the role of the dominant and devoted daddy figure and the other plays the role of the submissive little girl. So let me tell you what it isn't. So it's not pedophilia. It doesn't encourage pedophilia. And this fantasy is essentially always between two consenting adults playing the roles of people with different ages and demeanors. And sometimes sex isn't even involved. It's not even about sex. It's just about that sexy, like, dominant submission. Like people, like people who are in like, BDSM relationships, sometimes it's just about like all day long they're playing the, you know, there's like timeouts and spanking. So here you go. Fantasy could look like this. Like maybe you come home from a hard day at work, you want to leave the stress of your adult life behind and you're the little girl. So you go into your little space, maybe your little space in the house, and you switch into your little girl Persona. Maybe you're wearing your little pajamas with feet on it. Maybe you're wearing something sexier. Probably a sexy little girl's outfit. And your partner notices that you're playing the role of a little girl. And then he assumes his position as a daddy. So you might say, daddy, I'm sleepy. I need you to read me a story. In which case, you know, he wants you to be comfortable. He gives you, like, a little teddy bear to cuddle with. And then the story might get kind of steamy. He starts telling a story about the three bears. The three little bears, but turns to, like, a threesome or something, who knows? It gets steamy, and then eventually you guys will, you know, get a hot start having sex. And another example is maybe the little girl has, like, a temper tantrum, and she starts crying or fake crying, and then Daddy's, like, gives her a spanking, a consensual spanking. Calms her down, maybe gives her a little bath before bed. So these are fantasies. And essentially it's about, like, the, you know, daddy being the protector and the provider, and the little girl, you know, is kind of helpless and wants her daddy's love, Which I can kind of. I used to think, like, I'm not calling someone daddy. Like, daddy is not hot. Don't ever tell me to call you daddy. But I understand it now. I actually had a guy who was into it, and I was like, oh, I get it. Cause I kind of like. I like being submissive in bed. I'm dominant all throughout my life, so I didn't mind it with him. I was like, oh. So I think before you cast any stones, you assume you're not going to do something when you hear it with your partner. You guys figure out what kind of. Because this is really just a subcategory of bdsm. So I feel like couples can kind of, I don't know, just suspend what you've already believed about it and see if it could work for you. Parts of it. Because I didn't think this one could. And it was hot. I didn't go. I wasn't like, in a daddy dom relationship. It was like, I'd call him daddy and he'd be like, you're a bad little girl. And I didn't.

Hate.

Is hot. Okay, so why is this popular? I mean, first of all, role playing, you guys, is hot if you're just tuning in. Roleplay is a really sexy, hot thing to do in your relationship. And it's a foreplay in a sense, because a lot of you email and you call with questions about being distracted during sex, not being in the mood for sex, that everything's become rote and boring. We've had a few calls about that tonight. So if you are immersing yourself in a fantasy, it's almost like you guys have an activity that night. It's not just sex, it's an activity. You get to dress up in something and be or be a little girl or be whatever you, whatever you want because it's play. And then you get into a dynamic and the dynamics you get into are like you're so focused on maybe playing a role or even just a sexy costume. Maybe you're just wearing a wig and your partner's talking to you in a different voice or in an accent. That can be so hot. That's why if you think role plays like, oh, we could never do that. That's ridiculous. We'll laugh the whole time. Well, maybe for a second you'll giggle. But once you get out of your head and you get into like this is actually a role we're playing, it can be really hot. So I think that the fantasy know of Daddy Dom little girl is common because for most people it's very recognizable. It's relatable. It's like if you've never been a doctor, you can't be like, how can I play doctor patient? I don't know how to be a doctor. But like I guess we've had daddies and we know what little girls do. So it's very easy one to get into. Kind of like the master slave dynamic or the school teacher and the student. But this one is a little bit more loving and tender and it also what I love about this, it sort of can amplify the masculine and feminine roles which are a requirement in sex. Even if you're in a same sex relationship. We need the polarity of someone being dominant and someone being submissive in every sex act. I mean this is an extreme version but, but we, you know, this one works. So I guess so if you want some tips for this too, you guys, I mean it doesn't have to last the whole night. Like we had someone who worked for us who's an intern who we. Shannon. She's got some blogs on the site. Still the most popular blog on her site. And she was actually living this role with her part. She had a daddy, she only called him daddy. And she was always in the role. You know, she'd be at work, she'd be interning. But when she was home, that was her thing. She was a little girl.

Yeah, like they were like full on. It was like she. Well, first of all, just everything about her sex life is so fascinating because they do so much. But, like, she. She would, like, fall back into being the age of 12. That was like, her age.

Yeah, 12 was her age.

And it was funny, too. Cause she's like, you know how, like, when you get mad at your partner, you lose, like, their full name or, like, their middle name? Like, so if she was mad, she would call him by his actual name and not daddy.

Yeah. She'd be like, jonathan. And then he'd be like, oh, you're in trouble.

Yeah, yeah.

Because he was always daddy all the time. She's like, well, daddy this, daddy that. So it's very. I mean, it's more common than we think. So they're all. Yeah, but you guys. But the role play just lasts until you're turned on, and then you start having sex as usual. You know, it's also good to have a safe word, because you just want to be on the safe page. My favorite. On the same page, my favorite safe word is using, like, the traffic light signals. Like, red, keep going, yellow, caution. You know, a red stop.

I swear I'm a great driver.

I'm actually not. Red means stop. Greens go. And yellow's like, let's just slow down. Let's have some caution here. That's just so easy. And then, you guys, props. Some great props. It's so easy. Dress up, do a coloring book, a teddy bear tea set. You know, cute little girl outfits. I love dressing up in little skirts and pigtails. It's fun.

Go out for ice cream.

Yes. Go out for ice cream. Get some spankings, if you're into that. And the daddy's role, too. They're more like lovers than, like, punishing you. So it's not about, like, inflicting pain. It's like love and care, and then maybe a little punishing and spanking.

Yeah. And then you can, like, it can be any couple doing this, like, just a parent child type.

Right. You could do anything.

Yeah.

Any kind of, like a mom, little.

Boy, or like mom and little girl. Right.

Step. Step parenting. Step sex is also a big trending thing that.

Yeah, that is like a thing.

It's like everything. Yeah. Like step parents, like sleeping with your stepmom or your stepsister. And stepbrother is a big porn genre. That's different.

Well. Cause it's like. It's not incest technically.

Right. They're like. Well, it's really not your. You're my stepsister. My sexy stepsister came into my room and what am I gonna do.

But, like, what if. Okay. Cause this is the thing. Cause I could see that actually being a real thing. Like, what if your parents get married and you get a step sibling, but you're, like, both, like, I don't know, already in your 20s or something? You're both in your 20s and they're.

Like, you're not attracted to each other. That's why this porn's unbelievable. They're like, that could happen. Or I was always out for my stepsister. Or I guess it's just still kind of forbidden, you know?

That kind of happened on Teen mom, though, where the two couples, like, the. The mom and the dad got married, and then the two kids were stepbrother and sister, and then they ended up getting married and having a child.

She's so Teen Mom.

Yeah.

Like, I feel like.

I know, I know. But I mean that. And. And they're still together. And they're still together. And it's so weird. Cause it's like it's his mom. His mom. It's like they share a dad, and it's like, you know, it's so. But it's not there.

But it's like the dad got married.

To them, but it stepped.

Wow.

Yeah. Were they. Were they cool? Were they parents cool with it when they found out?

Yeah, they were totally cool with it.

And then sometimes, like, what if you're already dating and then your parents meet and then they are both single and get together? So it's like the opposite. It's like you weren't. You weren't. You didn't start out that way, but then your parents made it a thing.

That'S happened to someone. I know. I've heard that before.

That's like more of a Gossip Girl trope, right?

Oh, it is like Gossip Girl.

Definitely.

Definitely.

Yeah. They're just like, yeah, you know, we're just gonna. We're just gonna go for it.

That's true.

Oh, and in Clueless.

Yeah.

OVI just typed that. Yeah. Our intern.

That's true. Yeah.

Well, it's kind of like if your parents get divorced, your fantasies, like, I hope they get together. I hope they, like, find someone. But then if they fall in love with your. Yeah. Your boyfriend's mom. Like, oh, it's so forbidden, but great. Yeah, that's true. Gotta see Clueless again. I have seen it.

Yeah. Oh, my God.

Paul Rudd.

So dreamy.

I know, but I didn't. Okay. Cause when I first watched that movie when I was way younger.

Yeah.

I didn't realize Paul Rudd was Paul Rudd. Until I started seeing him in all these Judd Apatow movies. And then when I watched Clueless again afterwards, I was like, oh, yeah. Like, you just like, have those moments where you're like, oh, yeah, he is. And then he's also in everything. He's like in Friends and like, all this stuff.

Oh, that's right. He was one of those actors circulating.

Yeah.

Still his best movie, though, Clueless. Oh, seriously? For sure.

He does. He's like. He does not age.

No. He's the Ant man now in the Marvel movies. Still looks the same as he did in Clueless.

How does it happen? And then I even get better looking some of them. Yes.

I can't. Men realize how lucky that they are sometimes because a lot of them do get just like.

I know.

They're like.

And then you play the daddy. You like the daddy. They're all your date. A lot of people coming calling in tonight. The age. That age difference. And honestly, in my mind, I'm like, how long can they can. This is gonna last? Is it sustainable? But you know, I guess also if. Does it matter, like right now if they're having a great time together and she's 23 and he's 51 or whatever it is. Like, I mean, they're having great experiences. They're having consensual sex. That's why I like to change how people think about, like, even breakups. Like, I guess I could see where there are different decades and different things could happen. But right now, if you're having a great relations and you're learning something for someone and you're expanding your sexual repertoire, I think it's okay. You know, I think that to look at relationships when they end as a failure and like, divorce or is a bad thing, I think that that's where we get tripped up. Like, we're not supposed to be with someone, I think forever. So even if there's a weird age difference or long. Not weird, but like a. You know, I don't know. I think that to think it could. Most marriages don't last forever anywhere. Relationships.

Yeah.

Does it just have fun?

Yeah. I just like to change that. I mean, I think people walk around like, oh, I failed, I failed, I failed. But I think if you're in a relationship and you tried and you committed, you got married, you worked on or even any kind of relationship, we can. If you do your work and you tend to look at it, I think we can learn. I know we learn from all relationships. There are lessons and they're great stories. Too. I'm grateful for all of my relationships. All right, guys, you can call us with any questions you have. Triple 894-78-8277.

We actually have an Instagram question somewhat related to our fantasy topic. From a man who's 30, switching from a dom to vanilla relationship, mentally and physically, is it possible?

I think anything's possible. I mean, you could absolutely. If you're with a willing partner, it just means learning a new skill set and finding out what else turns you on besides being dominant. So in a way, you could look at it like your whole sexual awakening is happening again. It's like the second coming, if you will. So to work with your partner and find out what. Find out what's happening. What it means to actually have vanilla sex could be just as novel as someone finding out what it's like to be in a dom relationship. You know, it's kind of like, still novelty indifferent, so. And if he doesn't like it, I guess he can share with his partner and go back. But I think it's all possible, you guys. Most of what's keeping us back from having the sex life that we want and that we deserve is just our minds, like, getting in the way and stories we tell ourselves. So it's really, like, a lot of what I do is just help you guys realize, like, what are the facts and what are just what you're interpreting to be facts about your situation. And, you know, it takes some work to kind of rewire our neural pathways in our brain, but we can do it.

I mean, I've always wanted to be in, like, a dom sub thing.

Yeah.

But I haven't found every. I keep finding guys. Well, the thing is, I keep finding guys that are, like, not able to be that dominant with me. Oh, so true.

It's hard. Well, as a woman, we're so. We're, like, in our masculine a lot, too. So you have to let them lead.

That's exactly it.

And that's really the thing of, like.

Stepping hard to do that, because I'm so impatient.

I know. Me too.

So I'm just like, oh, my God, I'm just gonna do it. Cause, like, I can't. But I want to, like, so badly. But I always find the feminine energy.

Right. Same. You have to change. It's like changing your behavior around men and getting more into your feminine when you're out in the world and, like, breathing into your body and, like, letting them lead. And I know. It's freaking hard, though.

It's so hard. It's hard to do that. So it's like I'm so, I guess, dominating in my work life all the time, that it's like, I just want to go home and be dominated. And so I'm like, you just do that, and then that's what do. And it works so great.

So good. So he'll take it. He likes it.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He actually helped me explore that part of me, because I didn't realize that's what.

How did you guys get into it? How did you know?

Oh, my God. It was something. It actually. So, I mean, this is a really long time ago now, but it was something where I told him that I liked being choked. And I said, you know, I. And he's like, have you ever thought of, like, do you know what BDSM is? And learning this in psychology, I was like, well, I learned that in abnormal psychology. Isn't that, like, abnormal behavior? And then he was like, no, this is not abnormal behavior whatsoever. And so then he kind of opened those doors for me, and that's kind of where it all set off. And then I realized I liked being dominant in the bedroom. And so then we played with that, and then I was like, but I like him being dominant with me. Once I found my, like, sexual energy, I realized, this is what I love.

That it's so true. Oftentimes we just don't explore or we cast judgment. Oh, that's wrong. Or it's abnormal. But you're like, no, let me find my groove. You're not born knowing what you want in bed, you guys. So part of what you're doing right now, which is why I like when the older women. Younger men, or older women, women, younger, whatever it is, wherever you're at, every relationship can be a time for you to explore sexually what you're into. So I love that you've been with your husband now for a while, and you've guys figured it out.

Yeah.

Like, do you guys use ropes and tie each other?

Oh, yes.

You do?

Yes.

Bondage gear.

Oh, everything.

Yeah.

We have shackles. We have handcuffs. We have. Yeah. I mean, we have different types of rope, too.

Amazing.

Some ropes that, like, you can tie up for your. Your breasts, and then there's some that, you know, you can tie up with his. His balls and his cock. And so it's like all.

All kinds.

Wow. I didn't. Did we know this? No, no, we just. We're just getting to know each other. We're, like, having our foreplay. Yeah, exactly. Just sending our new producer That's. I want to hear more about that. For sure. Yeah. Got some gear for you too. All right, we're going to take a quick break and we come back, we're going to get into your questions.

All right, let's talk to Lisa. She's 52, in Seattle. She's not been able to have an orgasm with any man since she separated from her husband.

Hey, Lisa, thanks for calling. Hey, of course, of course. Tell me what's going on.

Well, I was with my husband for 30 years and we separated five years ago. I've been out dating. I've had a couple one year relationships too in that five year period. Very nice men. The first guy, the sex was amazing. You know, after 30 years you have someone new and it was, it was great. But I have not been able to have an orgasm with my partner. I can do it with my vibrator.

Right.

I, I master it with my vibrator a lot. And then I think, oh my God, have I ruined it for myself forever?

Right?

You know, and the men, the first fellow and this new man that I'm seeing now, very willing, very. There's a lot of communication going on.

Just can't get there.

Right.

And I, I don't.

Okay, a question for you, Lisa. Now here's a question for you. So with your husband of 30 years, did you get there every time? Do you remember? Was it during intercourse? Okay, no. So even then you didn't.

No, no, I didn't. It was during oral sex. Really? Oral sex. Okay, go to.

You know, which is like you. And you understand, if you've been listening, that that's more common than most women come through oral sex or through a finger or through kit, you know, but, but, but not during a course. So what about oral sex with these new guys? Have you kind of heavy and they've tried.

Yes. So, yeah. No, And I mean valiant effort. Yes. And you know, and it's like I'm so close, but I just can't. And you know, it was a really funny thing because as I said, I was with my ex for a very long time, 30 years. And it was a really weird thing. I loved oral sex, but I would rarely let him do.

Was almost like I said to him. I know. And I would say, because my feeling was if he did it all the time. Right. That I would kind of lose the sensation because if when he did do it, usually not every time, but usually it would be pretty mind blowing. Like I would have these amazing multiple orgasms.

Wow.

So I was worried that if we did it all the time. I would kind of lose my sensation now. I'm like, you know, now that I don't have that right, you're like, oh, you find a guy that's willing to do it, I'm. I'm happy.

Right? No time. We tell me we are, like, on an oral mission here. We are like. Like random acts of oral. Like we're printing T shirts. I know, honey. It's not happening as much as we need it to happen, but I'm here helping you. So here's the thing. It sounds like. Here's the good news. You're not broken. Nothing wrong with you. Lisa, I feel like a lot of this is. You're o. Blocking yourself. I feel like you're in your head, and it sounds like you did a little bit. You have these rules in your head around orgasm and it's going to go away or in different scenarios how it could happen. And so really, this is just a matter of breathing into the moment with these guys and giving them direction in a way that's like. Even if it's like you say, they're valiant efforts, but they could be going at it like they did it with their last girlfriend. And that's just certainly not going to work for you because you don't like fingers or you don't want direct clitoral stimulation. So to kind of like. I believe that there's a way to give kind feedback when in the moment. Because guys don't know. Like, they're just. They want you to come, too, believe me, but they just don't know how. So it's a two part of you, kind of. Maybe you can be, like, right here to the left. Show them. But also, if you can practice any mind. Do you ever do any mindfulness work, like meditation or breathing or anything like that? Because this is what you got.

Yoga? Yeah, yoga.

Awesome. It's like that. It's literally in your mind going, it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. And then you go, okay. Okay, Lisa, you breathe and you breathe really deep. And I'm telling you, there's so much power in breath that when you move breath all the way through your body, it actually has this way of, like, eliciting orgasm. It moves up with you with your breath. So you can even practice that, you know, during yoga, like the deep breaths, like deep into your pelvic floor, that is going to help you if your breath is louder than your thoughts. So when you notice a thought, just go back to your breath or back to What I'm feeling, I'm feeling his tongue on my clitoris. How does it feel? Because I feel like this is a mind thing and so you can get through this.

I do kind of think it's a mind thing. I agree. It's just like, it's. And it's frustrating for my partner too. And I'm with this new guy and, you know, it's sort of like I. I don't want to frustrate him. I mean, it always feels good. I mean, this is the thing. I enjoy it very much. I mean, yes, it would be great to get to orgasm, but, I mean.

How about some mutual masturbation? This is. This is one of my favorite tips for new couples and for all couples, mutual masturbation. So you guys are hanging out and it's like, it's super hot because you're like, let's just, like, say we're new together. I think it's been really hot what we're doing, and I think that we could each show each other a lot here. So the cool thing about mutual masturbation, it's kind of like a twofer, which I love. Things that go two ways, two benefits, is that looking at him masturbate and him looking at you is, like, really hot. It's like a total turn on for him to see. Like, oh, wow, look at her like, what she does. It's super hot. She knows her body. Even if you use a toy. So I know you're like, but I use a toy. That's fine. And then it's also learning. Like, it's a great learning tool because you're gonna see how he touches himself. Like, I remember the first time I did this, I was like, oh. He takes his hand and it goes from the shaft all the way over the tip. And then he goes back down again. I'm like, so now when I'm giving a blow job, I'll make sure that I do that same movement. He's gonna be looking at you going, oh, I didn't realize that she touches her clitoris in this certain way in these roundabout circles, or it's just a way to learn and to feel. And that might seem awkward to you or weird, but I'm telling you, once you get into the moment with it, it's really hot. And a lot of couples have thanked me for that tip. So if you're comfortable with that, that's a great way to.

Try it.

Oh, totally.

Okay.

I unleashed my intersex kitten. She's there.

Good. Honey, you remember 30 years you're out of that marriage. This is the time of your life. This is the time to try it, to get there. Just know that it's going to happen. You're just going to have to communicate a little bit more than you already are. And being vulnerable, saying, I want to come with you, but here's some things I need is perfectly fine.

Lots of good Instagram questions coming in. So we have one from a woman. She says, how to get over the fear of getting on top due to being insecure. But you're married.

Oh, okay.

She did not provide an age.

All right, so here's the thing about woman on top. Like, how do I rob woman on top? Honestly, the best way to do it is to find something that makes you feel sexy in bed, right? Because I'm going to assume that maybe you don't want to get on top because you feel like, oh, my. You can see my whole body, and I can move. So maybe you're wearing something that, like, just makes you feel great. And then when you're ready, you just kind of. You roll, you get on top, and you just start moving your body, and you start just, like, feeling into your body. So what happens is when you say you don't have the confidence, that tells me that you're in your head during sex, which is, like, really, like, 99% of the challenges we hear from people is like, I'm so in my head during sex. And so if you can learn to be really mindful to going into that bedroom, you are wearing something sexy. And then when you get on top, if your brain starts going, you look awful or you don't know what you're doing, you go back to. And this is a practice. I am moving right now. I feel my clitoris on the. On my partner's body. I feel the. I feel my legs against his sides. I feel our skin touching skin. And the more that you go back to the present moment, I am hearing the music. I'm smelling the candle that we lit. I am feeling our body. That locks you into the present moment. Because when you do that and you focus on breathing and being present, you can't be in your head worrying about how it looks with you being on top. You just can't. It's impossible to be present and be in your head. Tripping about something doesn't work like that. And this is a practice. It's a lifelong practice. So also remember. Did you say it was her husband? It's your husband. He loves you. He's not leaving you because of the way you rocked woman on top. So for me, for you, it's more about getting over this hump and practicing. I'm all for practicing, too. When you're alone, masturbating, when you're in the shower, moving in your body. I think we forget to move, especially as women like this S curve our pelvic floor. We get tight, we tense, we clench, we like. Oh, we hold so much tension there. So maybe doing some exercises or some stretching, looking in the mirror, dancing, feeling sexy, and getting your body to move in a way that will feel comfortable. Because if you been stiff all day, you work. You know you're not working out. You've been sitting at work, you're in a chair, and then you get a home. You try to get on top, your body might still be in that uncomfortable position. Which is why I love to, like, try to exercise or stretch every day or go home and meditate. Like to separate work between work at home and just, like, get yourself into the mindset when you feel free. I feel like I've. It's been a long time since I haven't been confident with sex.

I mean, yeah. I mean, you talk about it all the time. It's your job. You've learned all the things.

But I know there have been times where I'm just like. Well, I know that before I started the show, I was like, what can I do that looks? How can I move that he will think is sexy. Did he have an orgasm? I didn't. I cared less about mine. But once I started to realize that, like, confidence is the sexiest thing you can bring into the bedroom for me and my partner, then I really just started working on that. And it. All the rest of it fades away. And I'm older now, and I might not look the same way. I don't even think about those things, and I don't even think about what they're thinking, to be honest, because I know if I'm there with someone, we both want to be there. You can tell if someone doesn't want to be there. Yeah, we've gotten naked together. We've both been here. I don't have a gun to your head. You can leave. I could leave. And we're there. And they are certainly not thinking any of the things that I might be thinking that are insecurities. And. And most of what we spend our time worrying about are not even real. They're false evidence appearing real, which is fear.

I think so many women especially focus on performing. Like, I like how you brought that Up. You're like, how am I moving to make him right?

Well, he think this is sexy. If I'm sucking in my stomach while I'm on top and moving. In a way, I was like, I don't even think about it.

I feel like guys are almost partially blind when they're having sex. Like, I don't know what they're focusing on, but I'm sure it's not that little curve that you think, no, no.

Or yeah. That you gained two pounds or that you have a weird mole or that you didn't shave even. I don't know. Like, they're just. You know what?

I have noticed a lot that, like, when you just. When I just don't. Because I've. Before I used to have to be like, I can't have sex unless I'm completely bare, ready, and prepared. And I used to apologize sometimes, like, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was gonna have sex tonight. And everyone. Well, every guy, one. If. When I've said that, have been like, I don't care.

Yeah. Just glad you're here, dude.

Yeah. Also, when I haven't said anything about it, guys don't say, no.

No.

They're just happy to be.

They're just really happy to be there. They're so happy you joined them for this sexual escapade tonight. Thank you for joining me. They should send a frigging thank you card after.

I would love to get a thank you card after sex.

I know.

I think that would be like. I'd be like, damn, I did a good job. Yeah, exactly.

Why not? We do it for everything else. Thank you. That was great. Thanks for the great sex last night.

We have Nate, who's 48 in New Mexico, who wants to know how his wife got a uti.

Oh, hey, Nate. Thanks for calling.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello. How are you doing?

Good. How are you?

I'm hanging in there, and I can't complain.

Okay, good.

Listen, we. We.

We.

We.

Anal sex is not an everyday thing. I mean, it's. It is a.

My wife is on board with it, and I'm. And I'm cool with it. So I'm not gonna be some overbearing, you know, and just. Just. Just punish my wife with. So we go through all the steps, the sanitation steps, and. And. And, like, okay, it has happened where we have been having anal, and then. And then, you know, through the heat of the moment, go back to the vaginal.

Yeah, that's. That's it. That's how she gets uti. You can't do that, Nate. You can't go from back to front. Nope.

It.

Bacteria. Oh, no. Okay.

Never on purpose. Never intended.

No, honey, I get it. You're excited. Totally get it. Yep.

Yes. Yes. Very excited.

Yeah. That's what happens.

Okay, well, then now they're hearing you say that, it's like.

Okay.

It's like. You know, because recently, I mean, we. We had to get the antibodies.

Yeah. Nate, you can't. I mean, here's the thing. It's. It's. You can go from the vagina to the anus, but you cann Go back from the anus to the. To the vagina because that's the bacteria. And that's probably why she's getting a uti. It's bacteria.

Okay, then why. I don't understand why. You know, because my wife is very turned on by the. The porno show. You know, the porno. So it was like, you know, when they show that or whatever, and we're trying to replicate that.

Because porn isn't real. Nate, here's what I got to tell you. I'm so glad you asked this question. I love you, Nate. I know, because porn. No, but what I'm telling you, Nate, is that this is why I'm so angry with porn sometimes, is because the things that you see in porn, they don't show the lube, they don't show the warmup, they don't show that she probably first gets warmed up and has a clitoral orgasm, and then he massages her butt, and then he wears a condom, and then he slowly massages her buttocks, and then he pours, like, a vat of lube in her anus, and then he puts it inside. But they don't show that in porn. They show you going from back to front, and this is why you're doing it. And then this is where we all are having sex that's just not satisfying because we assume that the way they're doing things in porn is real. And that's just one of the reasons why it pisses me off. Nate. You got it.

And this is. And this is. And to be honest with you, this is my wife that is watching the porn. And, man, I'm game. I'm game. You know, I'm not gonna say, oh, no, no, no. We're not gonna watch that for.

Well, unless she likes taking antibiotics. Yeah. I mean, honestly, all you got to do is. You could even jump in the shower after. You could have some wipes by your bed. Although I don't even know if Those would be, you know, if you wipe off your penis really well, just leave some wipes there and then you can go back into her vagina. I will allow that. But make sure you wipe off your entire penis. Your balls, your hair, everything. Your crevices under your. Under your tip. And then you can go back in. But. But do not. Do not. Yeah, they do it in porn. And then this is what happens.

Okay, Nate very much.

Thank you very much.

You're so welcome. Nate, this is amazing. No more UTIs for your wife. This is how it happens. You guys. Remember, I'm not anti porn. There are some great things about porn. It's titillating, it can be great way to actually see certain scenarios that you would like to do with your partner. But no, technically, like, it's not safe. They don't practice safe sex. This is a perfect example. And they don't show the warm up. They don't show the messiness, they don't show the lube. They. They don't show the. They don't. They show the saliva. Do you know that how most people, you spit on your hand, you spit on your fingers. That could also cause a uti. People do that. I've had men do that up until like recently. I'm like, oh, you can't spit. Don't like stop a mid saliva. I hope this just gets everyone to stop right now and go, yeah, I did that last night. I'm sure you did. People don't have lube around, but you don't want to spit into your hand. It is in. Spit on your partner. I know you see it in porn. Grosses me out.

It's so. It's so not a turn on for me when a guy, a guy does that, like to spit or whatever. Especially because I'm like, maybe that's not it. Maybe if it's not time to start penetrating yet. If I'm that dry and if I am that dry. Because sometimes too, it's weird. It's also because it's like inside, I might be some. There's some wetness there, but the outside areas are not right.

That clitoris does not lubricate itself. That's why you should just be safe and just have some lube on hand next to your bed. Get a beautiful bottle, like the uber lube. Get something like pure, you know, pjur. We love their lube. It's safe, it's there. You leave it on your nightstand. If you like to put it inside your nightstand, that's okay too. But just have it like, have it become so normal that you just. Before you start anything sexual, before you touch your partner, you put a few drops on, you rub it into the clitoris, and then you start. That's all you need to do because it's not going to be wet right away. For many, it just. And the outside is not wet.

And if you're going to spit, you might as well just go down on me.

I find it offensive.

I find it a little rude.

If someone spits on my vagina, like, don't spit on my vagina.

Wait, so they spit directly into your vagina?

Yeah. Porn all the time.

Yeah. You see now?

Oh, I've never had that.

When they go red, like, right when they're.

I've only come down on you, like, the hand or something.

No.

Spit on the vagina and then lick it. That happened to me once, and I was like, don't do that ever again.

It's a popular porn move.

Very popular. Especially spitting on a dick before you suck it. I feel like, you know, I've talked to a few men, and they say that they, like that, you know, they're.

Trying to get real wild.

But I'm like, do not ever spit on my vagina.

No, no. It's rude and it's not good for you.

And it's like, yes, I can get a uti.

I'm envious of all these people that have all this excess saliva in their mouth. Like, I have a fucking problem. I did not salivate enough.

It's probably the weed.

Oh, I mean, definitely.

Well, I mean, also, like, when you're. When you're pleasing yourself or whatever, I feel like my mouth is open most of the time because I'm enjoying a lot of it. And, like. And then I have to catch myself and be like, oh, my God, my mouth is dry as hell, so I have to close it. And then. And then I realize, like, when I'm with partners, like, to. I have to be conscious of keeping my mouth closed, because if they go in for a kiss, my mouth is all dry. I'm like, oh, this is not sexy at all.

What? Could you. Yeah, just leave water by the bed.

Water by the bed.

Water and lube.

Always said water by the bed. Okay.

We have Stephanie, 24, in California. She doesn't know if she should leave her boyfriend of six years.

God, why do I love these calls? I just feel like I can help you, Stephanie. I just know I can. Hi, thanks for calling.

Hi.

Hi, Stephanie. Tell me what's going on.

Well, I'm really conflicted.

Just a really hard topic to talk about.

It's okay. Take a few deep breaths. I'm here.

Well, like I said, I've been with my boyfriend for 16 years. I started listening to your show a lot. I started, you know, being more, like, open about, trying to talk to him about different things, but it just seems like he is very blocked off about it emotionally. Not just about sex, but just, like, where our future is going. And.

I talked to my co workers about it, and one of them says, give him a chance. The other one says, break up with him. It's not worth it. You deserve better. And so I'm just really confused. Yeah, I feel like he's also confused.

Right. So, Stephanie, let me just tell you this. This totally makes sense. And let me. And I know this might be a little hard to hear, but you're 24 years old. You've been with him for six years, so since you were in high school. Right. Maybe he was your first. I'm sure he's your first serious boyfriend, your first love, your first everything. And there's. There's something about these early stuff.

Well, not my first everything.

Right. But no, I get it. Not the first guy you sex with. But no, you love him and he's grew. You guys essentially grew up together. I know you don't feel this way, but 18 to 24 is a big jump. And you've shared so many things. And now is the time, I think, for you to get out there and realize who is Stephanie without a man in her life? Like, what do you. You want now in your life at 24? It's very different than 18. All I'm hearing is you want someone who's actually more emotionally available, who wants to work on things with you, maybe sexually and emotionally and grow with you. And I'm sure he loves you very much, but he just might not have the skills yet. He's just not there yet. You know what I'm hearing? Yeah, you could work on it. But I really believe that this is your 20s and where you're at, it's a perfect time to do you, like, figure out, break away from it and see, like, what you actually want and not jump into another relationship and mourn it. Honey. Because it's not going to be easy. But it's. You know, I'm not saying this is an easy choice. These are the hard. The easy thing is to stay. Actually, like, the hard thing to do is leave. But I think sometimes that's the right choice. And you're probably growing a lot of times. Maybe he's just not ready to grow in that way.

Yeah. It's just. It's really hard because we live together. We're intertwined in my. In our lives. Like, he works for my family.

Yep.

And so it's really hard to be, like, we're gonna not be together.

Right.

That's almost, like, impossible.

It feels impossible. It feels impossible.

Yeah.

But you don't do it right away. You don't do it tonight. But it step by step, and you kind of just realize. Maybe you just. For now, you just kind of start to talk about it. Let me tell you something. After six years, you don't just break up on a whim. Like, it takes time to kind of detangle relationships and figure out emotions and stuff. And I know that sometimes we stay because it just seems crazy. Like, I can't tell you how many relationships I've ended over my life where I'm like. But neither one of us will survive. He'll never be okay. How would this ever work out? We have so many of the same friends. And you realize, like, you get past it, it hurts. And you realize that when you get to the other side of it, that you're actually a lot stronger. And it was the right choice. And I don't believe in regrets around these things. I really don't. I've been through a lot more relationships than you have, and I just believe that people are in our lives for a certain time, a certain place, and then it's time to move on, and we move on. That is the right thing to do. And I feel like it's not the easy thing to do, but it's the right thing to do. That'll all work as himself. I'll get another job. You'll have to get another place. But first, take your time. I'm not telling you, yes, go do it tomorrow. I'm just saying that the reasons to stay are not because you live together and you're so entwined. Because think about people who are divorced and have kids, Right? We all go through this, but you're young, and you're 24, and you have your whole entire life ahead of you. I have so many more experiences, and this will be such a gift to you from what you've learned from this. But I feel like some baby steps need to be taken right now for you to kind of move forward towards your next chapter.

So you don't. You don't think that, like.

I don't.

Even know what the problems are, Stephanie. Like. Like, here's the thing. What? Tell me. Tell me the biggest problem you have right now with it. Like, where are you guys not seeing eye to eye?

Well, well, because I live in.

Kind of cutting out now.

Hey, Stephanie, you're cutting out a little bit. Can you go to, like, a clear area or can you.

Give us a call back?

Yeah. So we're gonna hang up, but try to call back and we'll finish.

Call right back. Yes. Okay. Thanks, Stephanie.

Okay. I mean, I didn't. You're right. There is more to hear from that. I'd like to hear what happened, but I just kind of know at that age, that time he wasn't emotionally meeting her, where she's at.

I know my heart goes out to her.

I know it's not easy, but. Yes, call back, Stephanie. Cause you just kind of get all wonky there. But we can help you.

Emily, what do you feel about the people who are calling when you have to ask, do you feel like that kind of tells you.

Well, if you feel like you. Yeah, I mean, I think. If you think that you should break up and you're talking to all your friends at work, which, by the way, not always the best thing to do because you're. Your friends love you and they're not always gonna. They don't know. I'm telling you. But if you already are at that point, you probably. It's. It's time from. Yes, I believe if you gotta ask everybody about it and you're not sure, you're. When you don't know, you know.

Yeah.

That's like, some of the best advice I ever got. I remember someone tended me. She. I must have been in my 20s. Same thing. And a woman said to me, if you don't know, you know, I'm like, wow. Because when you know, you know, you might know that someone's great. But you still have like, yeah, I know. I love this guy, but am I gonna be able to deal with a, B and C? But I love them. But when you're on this kind of fence. I don't know. I don't know.

Typically, I don't think all those. All those butts, they would never exist but this. But that, like, when you don't know, there's always an instant gut feeling or something in the back of your mind that's like, you actually do know the answer.

Yeah.

It's just hard. Hard to pull the trigger.

It's true. Yeah.

Especially when you're at that age. Cause I remember when I was in my. That I was in, like, my high School sweetheart relationship, and we were all together. And then it was just such a bad relationship, though. I was like, I have to make this work. I have to fix him. I have to make sure we can get through this. And it's like, once you get on year four and you're like, oh, my God, I don't think I can do this.

Right. We were such fixers, too. Right. But people don't change unless they want to change. And that's why I was asking her what is actually going on, because typically, I don't. You know, I didn't know, but typically, maybe she wants to change him and sound like she wanted to be more emotionally available and all these things. And people get there when they want to get there, but they're not going to get there because you're making them. Like, you're saying, be more evolved and be what he does. He's 24.

Right, exactly.

I believe not to get married before you're 30. I know it's worked for you, Christina.

It has worked for me.

But we have a lot more of my relationship that we could get into.

Much more.

We will. We will. We will for sure.

That's like my big ex. I call him my big ex because he was like the love of my life, and that's why I had to leave him. Yeah, I had to leave him because he was not changing in the ways that I was. Like, I know you have it in you. And then now I know him as a person here and there, and he's not, like, fully evolved, but he's better. So I do see that he himself is deciding to make some changes now and again.

Yeah, they have to decide on their own, though. But you can't move that process along for people until they want to learn. And sometimes by leaving them is a great. Is a great gift. People grow after you leave them sometimes, too. Or they leave you, and that's when you do great work. I'm telling you, I was saying this morning, my friend. My friend saying with me, she's doing me forever. And I was like, I always leave all the guys I date better than when I found them. Like. Like, you know, when you go camping and they're like, leave the campground cleaner. Like, they're all. They're sober, they got into therapy, or they, like, learn how to do laundry and clean their apartments. They're always better. Like, I feel like I haven't harmed them, but they. Maybe they weren't ready, but I'm like, you got to do all these things, you know.

How am I better.

I feel like with their situation, since they're so intertwined, it's kind of like an excuse to stay together when in reality they're really holding each other back. So I feel like that's a perspective that, like, takes a while.

It takes a while to realize it, like. Cause it seems untenable to her, like, but she. He works for my family, and we live together. We have the same friends. And then her mind goes into like. Like fruit. That's literally the only life she's known. Let's talk about 66 years. That's a major. Like, since she's an adult, felt it's almost like saying, I'm gonna break up my family. Like, this guy's my family. So I definitely recommend therapy for that kind of stuff too. At a young age, it's gonna be hard. Or at least she has really good support around her, you know?

And you can get new friends, too, because I lost all my friends at the same time.

Yeah.

So it's totally happened where I was in my. My first relationship, my first love, and that's exactly what happened. All the friends, they were. He was the varsity baseball player, so of course they all were, like. They were. We were all on the dance team together. So it was just like, oh, well, we're with. His name was Brad. We're with Brad, so we're just gonna stay with Brad. And so it was just like, all of them were dating the baseball players too. So then when they went to college, when we were going to, like, community college first, then they were like, oh, well, we're gonna stay with him. And I was still in classes with him.

That's hard. I mean, it's not easy. But you wasn't. It was the right thing, right?

Oh, my God. Totally.

It is.

Ran into him recently. Was happy about that.

Yeah. Were you?

Great.

Oh, yeah. It's great because I had my husband with me. I was like, oh, I gotta go have my husband here.

Like, when you're, like, just winning the breakup, Right?

Yeah.

Even years later, like, you're. There's always a winner and a loser. And it's like even 15 years later, you're like, yep, I'm winning. Yeah.

And it will happen, I'm sure, with your big ex that you call Jamie. I agree. I totally think it's gonna happen to you where you're gonna run into him one day. Everything's gonna be so amazing. You could be like, wow, what the heck was I seeing in that guy?

I already feel that way. Which is funny.

Exactly.

And we always had this running joke that like even if we break up like at the 10 year reunion, we'll probably, we'll meet up and we'll still. He's like, I'm gonna have sex with you there. Even if we're with people. And I'm like, you're so dumb.

People love those moments.

And it's so funny cause it's like really close to that reunion. And like I lowkey can see that happening.

I can see that going minutes till the reunion.

Well just cause how funny would it be to actually keep that. I don't know. In my head I thought peak.

Good story here for the radio.

Yeah.

Emily, what are your thoughts though of people getting in these relationships and intertwining their lives so much? Like I know couples that literally share.

Bank accounts in at this young age. I mean it depends where you're at. I, I think, I mean it's easier. I think that you get into it and you don't realize it. You're like moving in together seems like the best idea because most people make all these decisions when they are in the falling in love phase, the honeymoon phase. When your chemicals or the love hormones raging and you're so bonded and connected and, and it seems just like of course we will live together and share a big count because there's nothing else that could ever separate us. So I think go slow on these things. I mean I think couples now don't even share bank. I have a lot of friends who are like we are married and we don't share a bank.

We don't.

That's what I think is to do.

My husband wants to.

Yeah, I'm sure he does. Yeah. Don't share a bank account and don't move in together prematurely and, and just you know, I think that it's maybe easier for financial reasons people do it but, but I get that. But really you guys try to keep your own autonomy. I think people move in way too quickly, especially in their twenties. Just young love. You think you got all the time in the world, but it makes it messier. So that's what I think.

And like having all the same friends like you talk about all the time, I think it's important that. I mean this girl just sounds like she's gotten to a point. It's so deep. How can she avoid that in her next relationship?

I think that you know, that's, you know, it's true. We tend to repeat relationships patterns over and over again. So I think, you know, taking some time to actually date, I Think that's something we forget when we're used to being in relationships. It can feel so scary to be out of a relationship that we tend to cling on to the next person. So what I would say to her is to definitely take time and just date. I think that now we have to realize that you have permission to date a bunch of people until you commit. Doesn't mean your people are like, oh, it means I'm slutty. I can't sleep with a few people at once. If you're on. Yeah, yeah, I think you can. Or at least date a bunch of people. So you, you know, you know who you are and you know what you want. And I think, how does she avoid that the second time? I mean, I think that there's a certain breeding ground when you're in high school together. Like, that's just so enmeshed. It's like dating people in college. It's kind of hopefully like she's. She's out of, you know, high school now, so in her 20s, like, hopefully that same kind of enmeshment won't happen. She'll realize what. How hard it was to get detangled from it, and she'll take time to figure herself out right now. And hopefully, as good friends around her, checker will be like, don't have move in yet.

And the true friends, like, even the ones that she shares with her boyfriend at the moment, the true ones will stick around.

Oh, yeah.

The other ones will drop off, and then that just makes room for better, newer friends.

Yes.

It's so true. We have a Justin, 34, in California. He wants to know where the pubic mound is and how he can stimulate it.

Ooh, I love this. Justin. Pubic mound is so not understood or easy to found. People don't know what it is. I love this question. Jim, let me tell you. Hi, can you hear me? Yes, Hi, Justin. Okay. Okay.

Hi.

But.

Oh, Dustin, I'm curious.

Yes.

I'm curious to know exactly where the pubic mound is and how do I stimulate it for my wife. Okay, so the pubic mound is essentially right above the clitoral opening. Like, it's the mound where the pubic hair is, essentially. So it's that whole area, like, right above it. Like, not like. Not like below your belly button. But we're talking by the vaginal opening, like, right above the clitoris and the vaginal opening. And it's like that whole area is the mound. And so what you essentially would do there, if that makes sense to you, is that you would stimulate it by applying pressure to it. Maybe it's like you. Because what happens is you're stimulating internal nerve endings, which could be the G spot. It could be internal clitoral nerves. You're sort of hitting all of them. And so a lot of women do this intuitively. They just kind of apply pressure to it. You could use a few fingers, or you could use the palm of your hand and just apply pressure to it. While you're also stimulating her vulva or her labia. It just kind of like. Yeah, so that's what you do. It's essentially the fleshy part of the vagina. Above the labia.

Yeah.

Like above the ve. Yeah. Apply pressure to it. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Okay. Any more questions about that? See if she likes it. I think that it's a hidden hotspot.

Okay.

Okay. All right, Justin. Anything else? Continue doing the way I did them. You what? All right, great. Thank you. So, yeah, it stimulates the clitoris from the inside, essentially. I think all those internal nerves were like, is it the G? I call it the G area. The G spot. There's. It makes sense, though, that it would be. And then it could also help a lot of women squirt that way. Holding up the magic wand on the pubic mound can help many women squirt, if you're into that kind of thing.

I started masturbating that way.

Yeah.

Like, pushing more down on that area.

Same. I mean, years ago, I realized that. And it's intense because you're hitting so many more because essentially you're, like, squishing. If you think about that fleshy part, and you're either you're applying pressure on it or you're pushing it down. It's like squeezing. It's like hitting all the clitoral nerves and then a little internal. I don't know. I've been doing that forever, and I didn't know. I thought it was weird that when I was having sex or if a guy was going down on me, I was, like, pushing on it. But I still do. I mean, that's just how I've had a lot of pleasure.

Oh, so you were doing it before you knew exactly what it was?

Yeah, I've been doing it since I was. Since in my 20s.

I think I only did it because you told me to do it.

Great advice.

Right. Any.

Any way you can get those nerves going. I think. Just don't be limited by thinking that clitoris is just what you see. It's so much bigger than that. Thank you everyone for listening to the show. Share this with a friend who you think it might help them out. It's helping you, right? I love hearing from you all. So thanks for participating, being vulnerable, calling in, emailing and sharing your questions. And thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, Elisa, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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