Madonna/Whores and Jesus/Gigolos

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She's here to share the dirty details of her sex life and help us answer your emails. This is gonna be good.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, that feels so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

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Yes.

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Absolutely. Or yes, at least oral sex.

At least something. He's getting a blow job. Because a lot of times we're stressed, we're uptight. Someone starts massaging you, and you're like, ah. Your defenses go down. So I made these candles that smell amazing. Aromatherapy. Vanilla, coconut fougere. And you light them, they look like regular candles. So it's not like your mom's gonna come visit and you're gonna be like, better run away with a massage candle. She won't know it's a reg. And it burns into the most luxurious massage oil. I gave you one.

I am obsessed with it. I told you as soon as I got it. Like, me and my.

I forgot ex fiance, which we're gonna get into. She's the shortest gaze in history.

Yes, we used it. You did.

Tell me.

Oh, my God. It was just like.

Yeah, don't listen to.

Well, first of all, I love candles. Like, I just love them anyway. But you gave me this weird. You told me you're like, this is more masculine scent. Which one?

Fougere.

Okay, I've never. I don't know, French. But that was.

It's like male woodsy, But I love it too.

It was so good. It was so good. It was like an aphrodisiac. It is. And it doesn't, like. It doesn't dry up too quickly, and it sort of feels like a combination between hot wax, but then it just melts.

It's not hot, though. I mean, it's warm.

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Hi.

Danielle is on a show right now. If you're all watching tv, which most of the world does. Sex Box.

Yes.

On WE tv.

On we. Which is like, you know, it's a. It used to be women's entertainment television, but they've rebranded it. They've got a lot of other programming on there. I don't know if you're into Braxton family values, but that's also on the network.

That is okay.

No, but, but yeah, it's Sex Box, which is awesome. It's like a couple's therapy show. And I do like man on the street and backstage correspondent stuff.

So people actually, I saw the British version. They. People actually. I'm sorry. Fuck that, people. Can I say podcast? Can I say podcast? Totally podcast. Do whatever the hell you want. Get naked. Yeah.

I mean, even though, like the. The British one had Dan Savage on who I love, so I'll give it that. But they didn't. It wasn't like, it was a little bit too tawdry for me. The British one, I think we did a good job at this one. Like, it really is coup. Couples therapy. And it just. People think it's like gratuitous because you're.

Like, oh, here's a couple, they're gonna go have sex in the box. And they're having sex in the box. And then you guys are sitting around having lunch, waiting for them to get done or whatever it is. And you give commentary. And then they come out and they're like, well, we had oral, we had anal.

Right, right. But they talk about in the sense where it's not like this like he, he, he thing that we're, you know, which America thinks sex is. It's like this is what couples do. This is how they connect. This is what they need. And. And the overall thing of all the couples was that they'd been in a long term relationship and the sex died. For whatever reason.

For whatever reason is that it happens in life. It's biology. It's gonna happen, people. This should not be a surprise to you. Right, six. Do you give advice how to keep it interesting?

Well, I don't, but the therapists do. And they don't really give advice necessarily how to keep it interesting. They try to get to the root of the problem to help them reconnect.

Right? Because usually it's something that's happened.

There's some elephant in the room of something that they're not being honest with each other about or something they don't want to talk about, and then they get it Out. It's usually this reveal moment, and then they go in, have sex, and come out, and, like, you can visibly see that this cut. These couples, like, most of them are, like, totally, completely different people when they come out. And it just goes to show, like, we. Sex is the first thing to go in a relationship. And if you just have even that, like, quickie, it, like, reconnects you.

Exactly. It's like, the more sex you have, the more sex you'll have. Like, the more likely you'll have sex. And you kind of. The truth is you have great sex. The beginning. And, like, we say it just happens. And it's not to be a downer. We're just saying that that's the natural evolution of being. Or you have had. I could have had sex with this microphone for six months. Like, it's just how it is in the beginning. Like, you know anything. Yeah, for six months, what I'm saying. And then it dies. The chemicals change. You know, you get used to your lives. Your real life creeps in. You got to start paying the bills and paying attention to other things. And then, yeah, it's about a year, year and a half, and we're just not as attracted, and we just let it fall by the wayside. But if you commit to do the same things that you did at the beginning of the relationship, like, what were those things that you did that kept it interesting? And you keep doing other people.

You were having sex with a few people at the beginning, but, like, if you can. Like, oh, we used to send each other sweet notes or texts or I used to ask. We used to have date night, whatever the hell it was. We used to always go for runs on the weekend, do the things that connected you at the beginning. You used to have had sex this way, keep having sex that way.

And I also think that there's different things. Like, your needs change. So, like, if a. If a guy I'm seeing in the beginning now, like, you know, I don't want him to come over and, like, you know, mop my floor. Like, that's like, what are you doing? Like, just unless he's naked. Like, my pussy. You know what I mean? Like, I don't need. Right, Exactly. But if we're together a year, you know, what's really gonna make me excited is if you. If I come home and you've done the dishes. Like, that is really. Because that show, to me, that's better than flowers that I might have gotten in the beginning of a relationship, but.

It'S still doing the same Thing, it's still doing gestures, it's action. So yeah, you're right. I don't mean like, yeah, it's the flowers and whatever, but it's. You still consider each other, you still prioritize each other, and you still prioritize connection and intimacy.

I think with, with men, I find that like the biggest issue that I run into. And you know, granted, I'm probably dating the same guy over and over, we often do, but that the actions don't meet up with the words. There's a lot of talking, a lot of like, I do this, I love you so much, I. Blah, blah, blah. And a lot of no action.

Exactly. And that's. I always tell people, you could. They say this, like, this is, this is the quintessential. Well, he says that, you know, he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and he's not ready to commit, but we see each other every single day and it's so great. And like his actions. Oh, but see, that's a little different thing. Is that like his. So then. But this is confusing because women see their actions of the guy doing that, but then they're saying one thing. So really they should listen to their words.

Okay. Unfortunately, when it comes to things that are negative, you should always listen to what people tell about themselves. But when it comes to like they.

Saying they're gonna change and they don't. Yeah.

And like what I get a lot of is, you know, an issue will come up in a relationship and it's like, okay, let's deal with it. And I just get like, but I love you. But I love you so much. But I would never do anything to hurt you. But I love you. And it's like, who cares if you love me? We need to work out this issue. Like it, it doesn't. You can't send. Stop sending me flowers, stop sending me love notes and start not treating me like an asshole. You know, like, that's really what I.

Okay, so why did you. Let's talk about your engagement. Last time I saw, we'd launched like a week ago and you were engaged. And then I saw you the next day, you were not engaged.

Okay, so it was. I'll tell you, the cliff notes of it is we got. It happened too quickly. We. I met him and I instantly knew I wanted to have long term relationship with him. And I feel ready to settle down. For the first time in my life, I've never been somebody. Thank you.

And how old are you, if you don't mind me asking. Ish. 30, mid-30s.

Mid to late. Mid to late. Thank you.

Doesn't matter.

Yeah, I just don't want Hollywood to know. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. My career's over.

Oh. Anyway, danielstewart.com is her website. She's hilarious. Dash A N I E L L E S T E W A R T dot com. It's all on my website. Yeah.

So as soon as we met, we, we, we had a really strong connection. And like, I was like, this is the guy. He, he met. He met the ch. Do you have a checklist? Do you?

Do I have a checklist?

I mean, maybe not a checklist, but like an ideal mate list. Like caring.

And some are floating in my brain. Yes, I know the basic things.

Well, I've written it down multiple times.

Does it change over time?

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, what happens is that I break up with someone and then they take the negative qualities of that person and put them on the list. The opposite on the list. You know what I mean?

It's like the pendulum swing. So if you're in a relationship with someone who's like, super lazy, never does anything for you, the next guy is gonna be like, so giving and whatever, but then. So the pen. And then you're doing the opposite.

Exactly.

We tend to heal our past relationships and our current. So you gotta like.

Yeah, that's exactly.

So was that what happened?

So he, he had almost everything on the checklist.

You pull out your list and like, check, check.

I knew, I knew what the blue chips ones were, you know, like, I knew what the big ones were and he really had it. And I was like, this guy makes sense on paper. I really like him. We get along really well and it was great. And then we started to run into. Stuff happened in my career that was like, really stressful and we had a lot of problems through that and we were fighting a lot. But he started to drop hints that he wanted to get engaged. And like, we had gone ring shopping at first as a joke, and then it was serious. And I was like, I wanted to get engaged to him, but I just didn't think we were ready. And he.

How many months has it been?

It had been at this point, three months.

Okay. Yeah.

So what's the rush? Well, the rush is, is that if you're. If you spent. No, do not want to have kids.

Oh, so no rush.

But I spent. You know, I'm, I'm. I've spent my whole life kissing frogs or blowing frogs. I don't know.

Whatever you want to say in a minute.

Yeah, totally. So anyway, so I asked him, you know, to basically to wait. And he didn't. And I. My mistake is when he proposed, I said yes because we were on this like really romantic weekend and I got swept away. But I just, I wasn't ready. We weren't ready. And the. Unfortunately the engagement pushed all of the issues, you know, to the forefront because all of a sudden it was like, can I marry a guy who blank? You know what I mean?

It's actually probably a good thing then.

Absolutely. Well, for me, not for him because he's, you know, he's.

So what were some of the issues? Can we talk?

Sure, absolutely. Actually, there. There was two main issues. And this is like, this is the number one killer.

He.

I don't know, I don't want to throw out the label sex addict. I don't want to do that. But I will say that in my experience, like, men that pressure you for sex so much and then if you don't give it to them, have to go into the bathroom and jerk off, like, may have some sort of a sex issue.

Okay, so when you say he's pressuring you for sex, because usually in the first, you were together how long total?

Yeah, we were together four months.

Okay, so total four months engagement. And so usually at those stages, typically you want to have sex.

Exactly.

So how was he pressuring? Was it.

We were having a good amount of sex. We were not at first. We were having every day. And then I would say it was like a few times a week.

Like I said my career stuff in my career happened. And so I was super, super busy. I mean, when we met, I was shooting Sex Box and I was working 12 hour days. So like, there's only so much the body can take, you know what I mean? And I just, you know, there was just not that much time. And I was like, oh my God.

And he'd be like, hey, babe. Yes.

And then it started to be like, you know, he'd try in the morning and then he'd try at night. And if I gave it to him in the morning, he'd still try at night. And then if I said no, it would be like a fucking issue.

Cause he feels rejected.

He feels rejected. So he would pout silent scorn and wouldn't.

And then he wouldn't cuddle or anything that night.

Sometimes he would, sometimes we would. But sometimes, yeah, we would. Like I tried to go sleep on the couch and it's like, yeah. And so the final thing was I had. Had, like, he tried and I said no, and he, like, was like. And, like, stormed out of my house. And I was like, I can't. Like, I cannot. This is a, you know, 49 year old man, right? You know, like.

So did he go in? Did he say, well, okay, now I have to go masturbate? Did he masturbate a lot? Was he watching porn?

No, it's just when I. When we would. When he would try and I didn't want to have sex, he would be like, okay, I'm either gonna. He's like, I'm either gonna jerk off in front of you, which I'm fine with. I like, right?

You're like, do you care if I keep reading?

Madison was like, what the fuck? No, I'm sorry. I was just telling.

This is Madison.

Yeah, Sorry. Hi, I'm here. My boyfriend does that sometimes. Like, as like a. It's almost like a weird persuasion thing that he does.

Like, he might get turned on if I come in your face when I jack off.

It worked one time, and now he thinks that, like, it's gonna, like, every time. That if I'm like, no, I'm tired and he just starts drinking, jerking off in front of me, then I'm gonna be like, oh, all right. And it's almost like a guilt thing. Like, I'm sitting there and I'm like, how sad. Like, I feel like such a bad girlfriend, but at the same time, if I don't wanna have sex, I don't wanna have sex.

Exactly. So imperative.

It's a fine line. Because I like it. It does turn me on.

But, like, when he's pressuring you to have sex.

No, no, no, no. I like when a guy jerks off in front of me.

Oh, yeah.

Love it.

I think it's hot. Mutual masturbation is one of my big top sex tips for people. Or you mean, like, you like it when they just do it and you're not.

Yeah, I'll take that too.

Either way, whatevs.

Yeah, it takes me much longer than it takes him. So it's like sometimes if you're tired. But I like that. But not if I really don't want to have sex. Like, I'm not in the mood. It's not, you know, that's like. It feels aggressive.

It does. Well. Cause it's like, well, I'm still gonna. It's like an aggressive move to say, well, I'm still gonna sit here and jerk off in front of you. And also satisfying my needs and.

Exactly. And it also Makes it feel like, oh, if I can't jerk off inside your vagina, then I'm just gonna jerk off in your face. Which is like, okay, I'm sorry, am I a vessel for your penis? Like, it's just scary.

Is that what you want?

Yeah.

So. But it is hot. So I think that. Interesting, because I think you also talk a lot about, like, you've got your videos, Danny Stew, your channel D A N I.

Is that for YouTube?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

I was just watching some of your videos.

Just Danielle, I think it is.

Okay. And you were talking about. You were talking about blowjobs that you love blowjobs. Love them. And I do, too. And I had a guest on Lynette Carolla a few weeks ago, and she's been with Adam Carolla for 20 years. She's like, you know what? Never say no to the blowjob. And you always hear these stories about, like, people walking down the aisle to get married. And, like, you know, it's a bittersweet because the guys think, you know, this is awesome. But there goes my last blowjob that I had last night because we're gonna get married and there'll be no more blowjobs. So I don't get. You know, I mean, I get it because I do my show, but people just. Some women just don't love it. They're like, it's a chore.

Well, I have to say, I've used. I used to be a one size fits all blowjob girl. I mean, I would suck any dick. I just. Any dick, I would suck a dick that I wasn't attracted to. I just loved it so much. It was like an art form for me. I loved it. Now that I've gotten older, there are men who can't. A, can't come from a blowjob. B, take forever. C, have weird, like, blowjob habits. Like the head grabber.

Or like, how about when they want to push you like they want to.

That. Yeah, the skull fucker. Right, right, right, right. I love how you just said F and I'm like, skull fuck.

No, I just don't swear that much of a show.

No, Good for you.

Good for you.

No, no, that's good. I'll leave it to me.

Some kind of integrity to the show.

No, that's good. So. So, yeah. So I don't enjoy giving everyone a blowjob.

Right. You just don't hand out the free blowjob card anymore. Yeah, but you do it.

It's not a moral issue. It's just I don't have time. Like, I don't wanna get locked up. I've done all that.

Okay, what about the spitter swallow thing? Cause you did a few videos on.

That as well, so. I used to be an avid swallower. I mean, sorry, spitter. I was a spitter. I was just spitter.

Okay, where did you spit into what? I've never spit. I just thought. I didn't even know it was an option. I was like, you have to swallow to do it. Right. Which a lot of men are probably.

I would go into the bathroom. I mean, this is when I was younger, I would get up and go into the bathroom and spit it in the sink or in the toilet.

Like right after you be like, like leave the room.

And you know, I mean, there's an art to it. Like, you just, you're like, they come, you take it, you give a nice smile.

I know most women do, but I just guess I never thought, like, it's easier just to take one for the tv.

Well, once I started. So when I started in like a long term relationship, when I got older and I started to swallow, I was like, oh, this isn't. Yeah. I mean, sometimes it is when you don't like the guy and his cum tastes bad, but like for the most part.

Pineapple.

Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, on a one night stand.

One night stand?

Yeah. It's like, oh, I like this guy. I'm gonna feed him like pina coladas the whole night.

You know, it doesn't happen that quickly.

It doesn't. But. But I, Yeah, I mean, I, I would prefer. I don't want to swallow a guy I don't know has come.

Right. No.

So I will blow him.

I actually learned this on my second show because, you know, when the show first started, I was more interviewing people like this about their sex life and relationship. You know, it wasn't that I, you know, had my doctorate, was more of the expert, as it were. But I was talking to my friend, it was my second show and he was saying to me that he thought it was extremely personal if a woman swallowed his cum. Like right away, he's like, I only want a woman who know me for a while. I'm like, damn. Like I said, I was like, I just learned something new because I thought you just had. That was the. Right, that was the good girl. Like, you swallow. Like you just do, right. You don't spit. But you know, and also some men don't love it. So that was interesting to hear.

Men don't love it.

No, but there's some guys who. They'd rather come on your face, for example, come on your ass. Or they just don't. I think most guys do like it, but it's also like everything. Was sex good to mix it up?

Absolutely.

So what's the best sex you've ever had in your life? If you had to like when I say that to you, what? Why was it the best?

Okay, so this is. The truth is, is I like personally very un. Intimate. Just like I like not stranger sex. But it's like my perfect thing is if I kind of know you, but I don't really know you, and we just get, you know, it's like I like a lot of like.

Intrigue leading up to it. I like a lot of sex. Text messages or play. Yeah, I like that. And I build up the education. Very dirty. I like it. So the best sex I ever had was with. I wrote about it actually. But it was this guy. He was not that cute. Sorry, if you're listening. Just totally like milquetoast guy. But he worked. When I was working in a production office, we were like in cubicles and we just. Instant messenger had just come out. Sorry, don't mean to blow your mind, Madison. And so we started instant messaging. And it just. He must have said something. I don't know. I'd never done this before. And I hadn't even text it before because this was like 2001 or something. And it just built and built and built. It got so crazy. I went blind at one point. I'm not joking. Like, we, like. I lost my vision because of the word because I was so turned on. And then we ended up going into the supply closet at work and just fucking.

Really?

And we fucked in the.

In the. How long was this texting going on for the.

It was probably going on like a month. Like. No, no, no, no, no, the build up was probably. No, the build up was probably like a couple of days for the first time. But then we, we. We did it.

He.

And I've never come so hard. I came in like the Marshall's parking lot.

Oh my God.

And it was like my whole body went numb. I lost my vision. I mean, I've never been so turned on in my life and I've never had that again.

Now. Do you think it's because. What was he saying? Can you remember?

It was just that it was so new, you know what I mean? Like, he was so not sexual to me. He was so asexual in a way. And him talking about he had a live in girlfriend, which is a common theme in my life. And, you know, so the tabooness of it. And he worked in this office in this very like, sterile environment, which was also like, you know, that's taboo. And he was just so plain and he had this dirty, like, side, you know. Now porn addicts are like, you know, a dime a dozen. But at the time, I had never met a guy who talked like that.

Super sexy when they the word. Well, that's why it's so interesting because like I said, I'm like, their actions speak louder in life. Actions speak louder than words. But yet I've dated guys who are such good. I talked about this guy I've dated who was the best text sexter, texter. And I think it was long distance. And I think every time I saw him I'm like, I'm just gonna go to the next room and text you. Like, I couldn't visit him.

Exactly.

Like, he was better with words than he was with actions.

I dated him.

Guys do this and they. Even if they're telling you, you know they're gonna be. You like talking to them. You like what they say, but then they don't. It's not an actuality.

Yeah. And they can't follow it up with that. Like, I dated. I was with a guy also long distance.

I thought you were gonna do all these dirty things to me. You've been texting me all night.

Or even just say them. Like, he couldn't. I was with a guy who would text me the dirtiest thing and then we would get together. He was like silent and I'm like.

It'S like a mute. Like, what happened to you? Ripping off my panties?

Right, exactly.

Ripping them, ripping and tearing them. Right, right.

It's like, hammer, you wrote the story, act it out.

Exactly. God. And you're like, I know. Okay. Another thing we were talking that I really wanted to bring up because it's been so in my mind lately, is the whole Madonna whore complex.

Oh, God.

Coming up in a lot of different areas of my life. When I talk to, you know, I'm talking to friends, talking to people, and they just. I think it's confusing because, you know, Freud was the first one who kind of coined it and said that, like, you know, men want to be with women, you know, they could see as the mother of their child and, you know, whatever. But the woman that's like the whore, they don't actually want to marry because whatever it is, family values and it's what Their beliefs are passed down to them. But yet. And then there's comes the thing with men. If they. Their wives, once they have kids, they think, oh, I can't do this. But that's a problem with sex, because sex has to be something that, you know, you hope you're marrying someone because you want to keep having sex with them, because, like we said, once you stop having sex, you become roommates. So how do you. How is this run into your life? Because we were talking. We had dinner last night, so.

Oh, it's. It's such a. It's been such a problem my whole life. I grew up in Boston, which is all Irish Catholic.

Oh.

And.

Right. I was going to say it's a big religious thing, too.

I've been a. My whole life. Even before I was. When I was a virgin, I've always been coined. You know, I'm not.

You were the horror girl.

I was the horror girl.

You were the fast chick.

Yeah, because I was. Yeah, I'm not. Because I was Jewish and like, you can't marry a Jewish girl. And like, you know, I had a dirty mouth.

Always the dirt. You're Jewish, too.

I forgot.

Yeah, we just.

We just, like. We're just.

We don't have anything in our religions that you're gonna, like, go down.

Exactly.

We're not gonna go to hell for giving you a blowjob.

There is no.

So we just give you jobs. There's no hell. It's fine.

And we like to eat things, you know, so that's like. We're very Pants.

We like to see suck.

Yeah.

We, like, swallow sometimes.

We, like good meat. So. Yeah, but, like. So for my entire life, I've been the girl that they want to fuck and they don't want to date. You know what I mean? Or, like, if they try to date me, they try to get me into the Madonna role, which I'm just not. And what I think is so toxic about the Madonna whore thing is that it is a further separation between sex and relationships or sex and love. Sex and intimacy, which we. I mean, I don't know how everyone feels. I have such a hard time with, you know.

With what? With separation?

With. No, with. Yeah, with putting them together. Like, the guy that I want to date and be with is not the guy that I want to sleep with.

So you kind of have the reverse Madonna whore thing. You have it towards men.

Yeah, I have the Jesus. I don't know.

Donna and Jesus, Jesus.

Man, whore. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know. Matthew McConaughey. Yes.

What's a Mandahore college Jesus.

Like gigolo. That's the word, yeah. Jesus gigolo from Madonna. The Jesus gigolo. Yeah, I liked it. You just made that up. Okay. Jesus jigel. So I have that too. And it's. But it's not the same issue with men. With men, it has to do with, you know, the mother of my children is sacred. The whore is where I really get my sex out. For me, it's that I'm not interested in fucking a guy more than three months. So if I really like your company, I want to be with you for a long time, but I don't want to fuck you past three months. I don't want to fuck anyone past three months.

Okay, but that's a message that you're telling yourself.

It's a message I have tried to undo.

So what happens? There has to be a pattern that happens after those three months.

What happens is after three months, I realize that I'm with a human being.

It's that you want that he's Jesus.

That they have flaws. Right, right, right, Exactly. That they have flaws.

And.

And there's inevitably some kind of problem and I don't like it. And I shut down.

And it keeps. To keep you safe. Probably.

Yeah.

So. Cause the, you know, just to stick into the relationship would be getting into that ugly house.

And I wish it was conscious. It's not. I just don't want to fuck somebody I'm angry at.

Turns off. They just walk in and you're like, I'm done with having sex with.

It's usually a buildup of resentment. It's usually a buildup of resentment and I have a part in it. It's like they may do things and I don't set the right boundaries. And then, like, I get these.

You don't confront it.

I don't confront it. Yeah. And so then I' a sudden, by three months, three to six months, usually I have these resentments that I try to communicate and it doesn't go over well. And then I'm like, I fucking hate the person I'm with. He's a fucking dick.

So it's interesting because what you go through in three months in a way is more efficient and healthy than a lot of people who are in long term relationships. And like you said in your sex box, show that resentments build. You don't think about it like, he came home every single day. I have a friend who had a baby now. The baby's now in college, but the husband Never helped wash the dish, wash the baby bottles out, or help with the kid. Right? And then over the years, you know, now the kids open, there were something, things that were happening. And you build them, build them, build them. You never address them. And you have resentments that build over a lifetime. That's the silly one, helping with it. But then there was other things like didn't forgot her birthday or whatever it is. And they build, build, build sex life completely. You don't want to have sex with this person, it falls by the wayside for you. And this is why we're saying that couples have to address these issues as they come up. Your resentments, the things that you think you could never say, you have to say. And you are feeling this right away and getting out, but you have to.

Well, I try to address. What happens is I try to address it. I sometimes feel like I've had too much therapy because I have like, really, I think like rockstar communication skills. And most people, let alone men, do not. So it's like I try to communicate it. It's, it's. It usually the first time it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. I'll, yeah, let me not do that. And then they do it five more times.

But maybe it's the way you're explaining it to me. You're like, listen, so when you say this, this is how I feel when, with the. Give me an example.

Well, like I try to, like, well, with my ex, this recent ex, we were just two wounded children. Like, we would just, we would just say something and then like, react, react, react, react. So there was nothing. We couldn't get through anything.

Right.

It was just defensive. Defensive. But yeah, a lot of time I'm like, you know, when you say this, it makes me feel this way. And then I. And then usually it's completely civil the first time and then it keeps happening and I lose patience and I'm like, okay, you're not fucking changing, so fuck you. I think I'm an efficient communicator, but I mean, there's clearly something that I'm doing wrong because, you know, 10,000 failed relationships have to be on me.

Exactly. So maybe it's time to change. Like, you keep doing the same thing.

I just, I don't know what to do different.

Okay, we're going to get back to that right now. We're going to give a shout out to our sponsors. Maybe you need some more sex toys because good vibes.com is a place to go for your Sex toys. It's your one stop shop. They carry all the best sex toy brands. Do you? Sex toys?

Of course.

Tell me what kind you like.

Well, I'm into. I have the new. Not the new, but I have the rabbit. The Doc Johnson version of the rabbit. I just got that. And then I have like a big, like it's not a double ended dildo, but it's like almost as big as one, if that makes sense. And just. That's more for show.

Is it a VI or.

No, it's a dildo.

Literally a dildo.

Yeah, it's just. It's for them. That's not really for me.

Got it. Okay.

Yeah. And then, you know, clitoral simulation.

Or are you more G Spot girl?

No, I like both.

Okay.

I like both.

I love the Jeju Fifi, it's called. And it's the one that's shaped like a. It's like a. You know. You know the rabbits everyone has.

Yeah, of course.

But this one is like sleek and has like this rumbly feel. It's quiet and it's discreet. But it has like the perfect like G spot stimulation and clitoral stimulation.

Oh, that's great. Because my issue is always that I can't seem to get the rabbit part on my clit and the dildo part in. In the right. Like I almost.

We'll talk about it. I'll give you some help. I mean, you know what I mean? Not some hands on. Unless you, you know, we can talk about that after.

Okay.

But check out Good Vibes also. The Magic wand. Have you ever tried that? It's coming unplugged right now. And you plug into the wall.

And now you can get the fucking Hitachi. I don't want to desensitize my pussy.

It's amazing though. You gotta check it out. Okay, everyone go to sexwithemily.com, click on the good Vibes banner and see all my favorite toys. Cause you know, I've tried them all. And use code Emily for 15% off. Cause that's how we roll. Okay, so you with the guys? Okay. So. Yeah. So this guy's over. He's done.

Yeah, he's done.

And now how are you dating? Do you date online?

No, I've started like an intrigue thing with a guy who is much old. Well, I mean, he's much older than me and I've had a crush on him for like years. But he's always been like very appropriate with me. So I just didn't. And then I. And then I did. You Know, like, I. Yeah, well, we didn't. We haven't really. We haven't actually hooked up yet. I'm trying to convince him to. To do it. So. So, yeah. So that.

Want to, like, rush into anything right now?

I want to rush into sex.

Okay.

Yeah. So you really like.

Okay, wait. We did not finish the Madonna whore thing because we talked about your perspective of it.

Right.

But men who were brought. I just want to say one more thing about it that I honestly believe that it, it. Stop it, stop. It's setting yourself up for failure in a relationship if you honestly believe that your wife, the person that you're marrying, you no longer. You have to cut off this entire sexual part of yourself because of all the things that you love sexually. I think they also think that by marrying someone who is this pristine Madonna, that they'll no longer even have those. They're not planning to cheat, but they're still going to have those same desires that they wanted before.

May I say one thing, though? I will say in the argument for Madonna whore is that pro Madonna whore.

Yeah.

And I'm just saying is that, like, there are a lot of fat, unattractive women in the world who would not be married if there wasn't such thing as a Madonna whore complex.

Okay, so we're going to tell the women out there that just. Are just more Madonnas no matter what they look like.

Yeah, just exactly. Well, it's like, you know, I mean, you know, more power to them. It's like, you know. Yeah, I can't get a husband and good thing I didn't want kids because I couldn't have them. But that's what they got in life. They also got thunder thighs, you know, that I didn't get. So it's like, you know, my cross to bear as like a cute girl because everyone's suffering.

Doesn't she still want sex, you think? She really doesn't. Who? The Madonna.

She does, but she doesn't know she's a Madonna because she's not aware. Only us, only the whores know about the Madonna whore complex.

Right.

The Madonnas think it's genuine sex.

With Emily, I'm like, okay, there I go. I'm certainly the whore you're bringing home to your parents at the end of the day. Okay, so let's get into some emails. I'd love to have you help me answer some emails for my listeners because I think that you, you know, you've been out there a lot. You've got some experience.

Yeah.

Okay. We've got Dear Emily, I was married for 10 years with my ex for 13 total. Went to 7 years of counseling to try and save my marriage, which did not work, and we got divorced. I'm 40 years old and I'm finding it very hard to date. I tried online dating, which seems like a joke. In the last two years, I would say I've sent over 300 emails and I've gotten maybe 10 replies at most. If I am approached by a woman online, usually she would not be the one I would date. I find it hard to approach women in public about dating, possibly from, you know, chance of rejection. I had a guy tell me, treat them like dirt and they stick like mud. Why does it seem like that the genuinely nice guys do finish last. I'm extremely sexual, enjoy all aspects of pleasing a woman. I take great pride in my abilities. However, I don't want to just settle to have sex with what I would consider mediocre, but not date them. Any suggestions as to how to make dating a little easier or more successful? Sean? There's a whole lot in there, Sean.

Yeah, there is.

Oh, I just want to note that when people email me, we've been, We've said this on and off over the years, but it's awesome to give your age and where you live. Love to hear that. Okay, so. Oh, he's. Yeah, he did give his age. We don't know where he lives. He's 40, 10 years. And so. Yeah. What do you think about this? I mean, sending some messages.

First of all, Sean, I feel for you. Like, you know, online people make online dating seem like it's just no big thing. And I think it's. It's really hard. You know, some people find it, like, fine to treat dating like a business interview, but, like, I find it to be really hard. At the same time, I also think it's a numbers game. So, like, if you, you know, it's fine. You've sent over 300 emails. Just keep going like, I know.

Yeah, but there's something wrong with his emails.

Maybe.

Okay. Online dating is marketing true in many ways.

Yep.

You know, and you gotta market yourself. So don't assume that you know the best pictures of you. Don't assume that, you know what you're saying is right. If you haven't done it before. And I would ask some of your closest girlfriends that you trust, your sister, people you work with, people you work with, or guys that you know who've been successful dating online because it has nothing to do with looks, has nothing to do with how much you're making. It has to do with whatever your approach is. So if you're that guy who's said, hey, you look beautiful, I mean, you might be saying messages. Your first message that's not getting replies.

Yeah. Actually, I will say this, is that the. And I live in Southern California, so. The majority of the men have two cardinal sins on their online dating. One is pictures with other women. What are you doing? What are you doing? I don't care if it's your sister. I don't know.

Right.

You know what I mean? Like, get air out of there.

Yeah, I agree. Or the gratuitous picture. I love animals, but like six pictures of you and your dog or with your buddies, I can't tell which one's you.

Right, exactly. And you know, if you have kids, find one picture with your kids. Stop with the multiple pictures.

I get it. You have a kid. If I'm okay with you, the kids, I get it. But you. Just one picture.

And also the whole like.

Everyone in Southern California is like, I'm into hiking and wind sailing and, you know, and it's like, I don't. I don't see these men in real life. Like, I'm not interested in any of these things. So unless you're really interested in them.

Don'T, like, it's a deal breaker for you if she won't go kite sailing. Yeah.

Like, you have to be passionate, like almost a professional parasailer in order to mention it. Because it's. Other than that, you're just turning off a whole. Plus, if you're not like super fit beach person, then parasailing, you know, is not gonna look. Not gonna attract the right girl.

It could turn the red.

Right, Right.

It could. Simple. So. And also. So what would you say? So I would generally about their character, maybe. Or I'm loving, I'm passionate.

Yeah. And I would also say that you're right in terms of his emails, probably my guess is they're not funny at all. Like, they're not clever and cute and like. No, if you're not a funny guy, that's fine. But you have to have an. Even if they're stock, have like three or four cute, like, opening things like the. Like.

Give me an example. Can you?

Well, the guy that I was engaged to.

Well enough. You got engaged?

Okay, well, it's a long story, but one of his was, you know, you're gonna laugh, but I just thought it was funny because I got all these generic, like, how was your weekend? Shit. And he was like, right Right. I always get that.

I'm like, you don't even know me. What do you care?

Like, yeah, he said something to the effect of like.

Like, you're either. You're prettier than a. Than a. No, you're prettier than a box of Captain Crunch. Or he said there was something about. I swore he said something about a Nigerian Ponzi. Like, a Nigerian, like, scheme.

Seems, like, smart and funny.

Yeah, he said something about, like, we should meet for coffee and I promise this isn't a Nigerian, you know, scheme or something.

And I won't ask you to wire $10,000.

Yeah. And it was like, it's not like, LOL worthy, but it's like, okay, this guy has some personality.

Right? No, it's true. It just takes that one thing to stand out because we. I used to say this too, like, in. When I used to go out a lot to bars and date. I mean, I guess I still do that, but not as much. But I remember being in San Francisco and just guys go, hey, hey, can I get you a drink? And then there was this one guy that just came up to me, and right now it sounds so silly, but he's like, hey. He's like, if you could have the best night. We were like, at some rave in San Francisco, boys. Like, you know, if you could have the best night of your life right now, but you wouldn't remember it, would you choose to have that night? Like, tonight could be like the most amazing thing. But you would. I'm like, yeah, totally would have to be every night, but with something like that or something. But I was like, oh, he's interesting. He wants to have a conversation like every other guy's just like, hey, hey, babe. And I ended up dating him.

Yeah.

So imagine that. Not cause it, but I'm saying is most of you guys out there who are just sending hey. Or buying me a drink, you're great guys. It's nothing to do with that. Just that you gotta kind of get their attention.

Yeah.

And I'm not saying you gotta even make up things like, this guy maybe sounds like a player, but he's so not a player. He was just. We had met a few times and I never remembered him.

Well, apparently you answered the question correctly.

I remembered him. I was like, oh, yeah, I know. It's funny though, because a few times. But then this time he came up to me and said something different. So I was like, oh, you're different. You stand out. So the other thing here, though, we gotta address is his Friend told him that, you know, his guy friend said, treat him like dirt, they'll stick like mud. That's the genre of women we know who likes the bad boys. I've never been that girl. You treat me like dirt, I'm out.

Okay, well, there's a.

Here's the thing.

There's a lot of different levels of dirt, because outward dirt.

But like, come here, go away. Is also turning like dirt. And that is like, you know, here's.

The thing that's like, I want to see every night. I want to see every night. And then. Oop, where is. He didn't call.

It's like the guy who's constantly in contact over text but never really, like, asks you out or, like, you know, or the guy that, like, you guys have sex and then doesn't, you know, text you for, you know, two days and then, you know. You know what I mean?

Like, the whole, like, it's texting emotional beast.

Yes, it is. It is. And that if the guy is the right kind of guy. Here's the thing. It does not work for every guy if you do not have the chutz to be a bad boy. I'm not even a bad boy. She's emotionally unavailable. You can't decide to be emotionally unavailable. So if that's not in your. If it's not in your vocabulary or whatever to treat a girl like dirt, and it sounds like it's not, then he needs to just let that go because it's just not in his nature.

But I think it more. So what do you think that says more than that? Women just want more of a. They don't want a man to lay over and play dead. Like, they want him to be a challenge. And I mean, not a challenge, like, am I available or not? But to challenge. Let's keep it interesting, keep it exciting, keep it. The newness of a relationship, spontaneous. These are the things that people can do, guys can do to keep it interesting. It's not like he has to be, like, texting. Not texting, sending mixed messages, but just be like, I like it when guys are into me and they're enthusiastic, but I also don't want him to, like, give up his life and start, like, you know, like, parking out of my front lawn. Yeah.

You know what?

And start, you know, stalking me.

It's the little nuances, tiny little nuances. Like, for instance, I was supposed to see the older guy yesterday. The older guy, the older guy, you know, it kept being like, oh, this window, that window of time bubble. It didn't work out, he ended up being like, I can't meet. And I was like, you know, showered.

Shave, the whole thing.

Well, I was going out with you.

Guys, so it was fine.

But like, I was like, you know, I want. So anyway, it didn't end up working out. And I was like, okay, it was annoyed. Now today, now I'm just gonna call myself out today. My plan was that he was gonna be like, okay, what time can you meet today? And I was gonna be like, sorry, not available. Which is what I should have done. But. But I didn't. But, but, but for Sean, the difference.

Is you're gonna go see.

Of course I'm gonna go see him because he's got me hooked. Just whatever, you know. What are you gonna do?

I'm a lost cause, so don't do what she says. Don't.

But I'm just. What I'm saying is, is that, like, there's a way to play. So. So you, if you're an independent person, be that independent person. Don't change your schedule around. Like. Like, don't be too accommodating in. At least in the first three months. Don't. You know what I mean? You have to have your own. Because women can smell the bend over backwards backflips, and it makes us feel like we. We just don't end up respecting you.

Yeah, at the end of the day, it's a. It's a slippery slope. The other thing we wanted to. I mean, it is. It's tough for men and for women to navigate through this because we're saying, don't play games, but don't be so available all the time. So it's just. There's a difference between yourself and keep your independence.

But I don't think. I don't think. No game playing. I mean, they call it games, I call it strategy. It's the same way you would do with a job or something.

Like, you wouldn't call the job. I mean, I get it. Did I get it? Did I get it?

Yeah. And you're not going to cry on the job. Like, you have to have some game face in your relationship. And it's not necessarily game playing. It doesn't have to be a manipulation. It's just like if I was a smart woman and I was trying to land this guy as a boyfriend, which I'm not. I just. I want.

Right, you just want to have sex with him.

So you're fine with that in my face.

And I really hope he does. I hope he fucks with my Face tonight after this.

No, no, no, no, no, no. So. God, I hope my ex isn't listening to this.

We won't tell him.

Oh, yeah. So, you know, so like, if I was trying to get him as a boyfriend the way I would, I would have to be unavailable tonight. I would have to be unavailable for two days.

Right. But you're just gonna sleep with you, so it's fine. I get it. I get those things too. As long as you can keep it in that.

As long as I'm honest with myself about that's what I want because.

Exactly. Okay, let's go on to another email.

Sexual compatibility. Emily, first off, I love, love, love your podcast. I'm a new listener learning tons from each episode. Very sexually empowering for women. Well done. My question is, how can you find out if a new partner will be sexually compatible with you in the long run? Obviously, in the beginning sex is amazing and extremely frequent, but it never seems to last. I'm a very sexual person and require my sexual needs met for longer than the courting period. I've been in a long term relationship where the sex fades after 6 month ish to a year and I've had to beg for it. How can I avoid this with a new partner? Any input would be helpful. Thanks, Fiona, 34, from Atlantic Canada.

Okay, first of all, I want to say, Fiona, you are a hot commodity. I mean, I am so jealous of a woman that is just like begging sex from a guy like I. That's just. You're my hero. I just want to say that first off the bat, I mean, I don't mean to take the reins on this, but I mean, if you go, I.

Do it all the time.

I think it goes back to what we were saying, which is that you can't, you can. There's nothing, there's no insurance policy that will protect you against the first three months. You just don't know who you're with. You know what I mean? Obviously, if it's bad, you know, it's not going to get any better. But there's a lot of trickery going on in that period of time. I think the key is, is that you should be with a guy who is. The compatibility comes into. Is he willing to show up for the relationship? Is he, does he say, does he do what he says he's going to do? Because if he does what he says he's going to do, then when it comes to the point where the sex is dying, he will show up and work on it. That is my thought okay.

Yeah. See, if he's someone who's interested in change, when you give him feedback on things as he listened. I mean, there are signs, I think, at a beginning of a relationship, people show you who they are pretty. You know, my mom always says, I've said this on the show, the issues you have in the third date, you'll have forever. And that. That a lot of times, that's why they say love is blind. Because we don't want to see, like, the red flags waving in the distance because the sex is so good. So if you look at someone's behavior and how they're treating sex at the beginning, like, if they're more adventurous or open. No, you can't tell the first, you know, whatever, one, two months. But I think it's important to start if you think this is someone you really like, that the sex talk should happen sooner than later. Like, because it's gonna be amazing forever. But if. Let's say you have something that you really need. Like, let's say you need more foreplay. And it just wasn't happening the first three months. You wanna say to him, hey, babe, I think it's really hot when you, like, slowly undress me. Like, you wanna start testing those waters so you can find out if you are sexually compatible rather than just waiting for it to fail.

But what do you do? What does a guy do with someone like me who is such a whore? In the beginning, I am like, I will do almost anything. In the first three months, it's like, I'm shut. Like, whatever you want.

It's too many blow jobs. I can't help it. They're like, danielle, I will now.

I'm adventurous. I'll do. I'll do whatever.

And then what?

And then I just. Yeah, it shuts down. And it's like, if he was to have a conversation with me in the first, you know, two weeks and go, look, I just need to be with a girl that's gonna be like this from the long run. I'm gonna go, okay, well, it was nice to meet you because I know that after certain amount of time, I just shut the fuck down.

Okay, so. But we have to look at that because that's why the relationships aren't working out. Because the guy's like, what the hell? What happened to my whore?

Of course. But. But I think that that isn't that uncommon, is it?

I think you have to find a way to turn it on. You have to find other ways to keep it interesting, to keep it.

Yeah, I'll Find other ways. You need to make more money and start fucking helping me around the house. That's how we find other ways.

It is true that a lot of women say if he does the dishes, he puts the, you know, empties the dishwasher, takes out the trash. That is sexy.

But, you know, it doesn't even have to be that. Plan a date. You know, it's like, men don't act like that.

Do you say, honey, it'd be really nice for us to have a date tonight?

You okay? Yes, sure. But, like, I cannot. Haven't you have the experience of, like, when you say, like, you know, I would really love it if you would plan the date. And then it's like, okay. And then it's like, you know, they pick you up and they take you to Olive Garden. And then it's like, that's your sign.

You'Re not an adventurous guy who's gonna be crazy in bed.

Right? But like, that. What if that's like a year into the relationship? You know what I mean? That's. It's like. It's just hard. Like, sometimes you can't change a leopard spot.

You can't. Sometimes people don't change. Right? So, yeah, whatever the leopard has. But it's true. Can do. Do people change? And they say, like, once a cheater, always a cheater. If you have a sexual fetish, are you always gonna. You know, fetishes, typically.

I hope it's not, once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you think?

Oh, God, really? It's tricky. If they've worked on themselves, some people could grow out of it. Yeah, no, I do think that I work on myself.

Myself, because I work on myself too.

No, me too. I was a former cheater. I'm reformed. I just don't commit now, so.

Right.

So those are the polls. Thank you very much. I'm very sorry about that. But, you know, again, she. She wants to look at this feeling of one more thing. Just steer away from people who doesn't seem that interested in sex and they want. You can try. You can tell someone who's adventurous. You can tell someone who's. Wants to know if he's pleasing you.

Yes.

Like, have you been with those guys who are like, I don't know if you orgasm'd or not. Were you even here? Make me. You know, I'm some pizza or get some pizza. It's like you can tell right away. But to have your eyes open early on in the relationship, because you're gonna have chemistry at the beginning because it's new in the adrenaline. But that does. But you can also. Just because you're having great sex. Because it's new. The newness. Look at some signs. What's he committing to about your pleasure?

So that's a. Yeah.

And how open is he to you? Touching his balls, for example. Okay, we have to wrap up. Danielle, that's upsetting. You're awesome. I know. I'm scared, I'm sad. I love that you're here, you're gonna come back. But this is what I have to say about you. That you are@DanielStewart.com and that you are a writer at After Party magazine.

Yes.

Do you wanna talk a little about that?

Yeah. That's an addiction and recovery online magazine and resource for people who are sober, wanna get sober. And you know, it's not as like bland and boring and serious that a lot of those things are like. We make it funny.

Yeah, you do, because you're great for it. You're a funny person. Okay. Also, where else can they find you? Your Twitter is the Danny Stew. D A N I S T E W. Yeah. S T E W. And yeah. Also Facebook. The Danny Stew.

That's right.

Okay, we got it. Thank you. And this all be on my website. Thank you for joining me.

Thank you for having me.

And a few things I have to tell you people that I love, my listeners, love you deeply. Is that you can find me Facebook and Twitter and Instagram is all sex with Emily across the board. We send out newsletters. If you go to my website. I have to say it's the strangest thing. Like, of all the things I've done, I've done like iPhone apps and I wrote a book, I had a television show. But I run into random. Oh, my hot lawyer last night that we saw and he's like, hey, I get this like a few times a week. I love your emails. I actually read them. Like, people tell me that because we send. I send these weekly emails and you actually. They're informative and you like, you know, even people like you like, I read them too. I know, right? People don't put them in spam. So sign up for our mailing list and I think you'll just. You'll learn some things. Maybe people learn by reading, you know, auditory. Who knows? Check it out. Also, if you like the show, you can review us on itunes. It's easy. You can also listen to us by downloading the podcast One app. That's super easy. And for smartphones, any kind of phone you have so also, we need interns. Email us feedbackextwithenly.com It's a good time, right Madison?

Yes. We need in office interns. Come hang out, be a part of the show.

We have a good time. We've got like, you know, districts are.

Hot, like they're hot chicks.

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