Make Every Day Valentine’s Day

The best partners in the world and hopefully this is your partner is so grateful that you showed them what makes you feel good because I'm going to go on a limb here and hope that most of your partners really want you to have pleasure and to have orgasms at the same rate they do. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sexual all right, it's almost Valentine's Day, but listen, whether you're romantic or acidic, there's one thing we can all benefit from on this holiday, and it's not more candy, message hearts or flowers. I'm talking actual knowledge on how to build sexual tension on Valentine's Day and truly any day. So in today's episode, I'm talking sext scents and sex toys to create an erotic vibe with your partner all day long. Next, I'll be answering all the all your questions to create amazing Valentine sex, including body positive sex positions, how to have sex when one or both of you is tired. That happens. And how to lean into your sub side when you've been doming for decades. Intentions with Emily for each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you to do the same. Well, my intention is to empower you with creative ideas to make your sex life more interesting and playful every day of the year. Please rate Review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, three things you need to know about your scent and sexual attractiveness is up at sex with emily. Com check out my YouTube channel, social media and TikTok. It's all at Sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. And if you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me at sex with emily.com askemily or call my hotline 559-talk-SEX or 559-825-5739. Just include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. And of course you can change your name if you'd like or choose to remain anonymous. Okay, before I get into today's show, I want to tell you about something very, very exciting. I am coming out with a book. I just birthed a book and I cannot wait for you all to get your hands on it. It is called Smart sex How to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. I've been working on this for a while now and it comes out June 13th. I literally just turned it in because it took a little longer than I expected to get down all these thoughts and in the middle of writing the book, it took an interesting turn. And so a lot of what I thought about the book is stuff you haven't heard me talk about yet. It's going to be available at all major booksellers, of course, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, bookshop.org, et cetera. I will be revealing the COVID very soon, so look out for that. But most importantly because you're gonna be hearing a lot about the book in the coming months, you can pre order the book right now@sexwithemily.com all you have to do is go to the dropdown menu and select new book and it'll be easy from there to do. And I just want to say if you're thinking like why pre order or you know, I can wait, I got to ask you a favor and I don't ask you for much, to be honest. I really don't. I just ask that if you listen to the show that you sometimes make an intention and try to share some of this advice with your partner and just sort of stay in touch and let me know if you have questions and make better decisions for yourself sexually. That's really what I want from you. But right now, if you know you're going to buy the book or you want to buy the book, it would be incredible if you actually could go pre order it right now. Helps for a whole bunch of reasons. Particularly, it'll help to get the show out to more and more people the more that you buy it. There's momentum there, right? But also, if you need more of a reason than that, I will be gifting some special treats to those of you who order sooner than later. But we're going to be doing a bunch of giveaways and you'll just have to show a proof of purchase. So I would just love if you want to check it out pre order. I appreciate you all so much. I cannot wait for this year. I'm also going to be doing a book tour. I'll be in your city if you have any ideas, if you want me to speak or you want me to show up wherever you live, you can also email us feedbackextwithelmy.com and let me know. I have to say that I have never done anything like this, haven't gone on a book tour, been able to travel around the world and meet all of you, which has been a dream. So let's stay in touch and I look forward to seeing you all in 2023. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode.

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All right, so let's talk about Valentine's Day for a minute because maybe you're really romantic and you get really excited about it and you already have your plans and you realize that, you know, it's one day of the year where you can really just focus on love and sex and connection with your partner or with yourself. Remember, I'm all about loving ourselves, even if we're not in a relationship. But either way, I think there's one thing we can all agree on. When you are in a relationship, it's nice to have some swoony, sexy ideas in your back pocket. No matter what day it is. But especially with Valentine's Day, it's good to, like, think about what can I do that's different? And I'm going to be honest with you, sometimes I need to get into my own ideas too. I think, what can I do right now to make it interesting? Because when was the last time you thought about your sex life and thought, I know we have sex and I know what's going to happen, but let me try to do one or two things that can just mix it up and do something different. So I wanted to give you some small, specific ways you and your partner can tease and flirt with each other, build that sexual tension and just make your connection even more exciting. These will work for Valentine's Day, but listen, you can steal these tricks and use them any day. You're craving fun sex and a little bit of variety. All right, let's start off with sexting. Okay. Sexting. Why? I love sexting because it's all about building tension throughout the day or throughout the week. If you don't often see your partner, you're in a long distance relationship. You know, I think some people just think sexting, they go right to, oh, it's about sex. And it means I'm gonna get on the phone with someone or have sex with them. And it has to be very just sort of only sexual in nature in a way that a lot of people really aren't comfortable with. But again, I want to bring it back to it's just flirty vibes. It's a low lived way to say, hey, I'm thinking about you and I want to plant some sexy seeds until we see each other again. So few rules about sexting. Just remember, get their permission first. You can just say, is now a good time to tell you how hot you looked last night, for example? So if they answer right, you'll know their answer. If they're like, not now, babe, I'm, you know, giving up PowerPoint, you know, then you don't want to be sending anything because you don't want your sex to show up on anyone's zoom screen, share or presentation, but you want to clear it first. So just be sure your partner's in the mindset. And this is important because sometimes we send a sext and then we don't hear back from our partner and we think, oh God, was it too much and did I do something wrong? And oftentimes we're just not in the same mindset. Right. But doesn't mean our partner doesn't appreciate it. You could also send them a visual sext. And I want to take this moment to announce a super cool collection I just created with this app called HighNote. And maybe you haven't heard of them yet. They're a new app, they launched last year, it's totally free. But what I love about High Note is they basically elevate your text. So, you know, sometimes you're sending a text, you're like, oh, God, I need an emoji for this. Or I need a meme for this. And it still can seem just sort of. So anyway, I know the founder. I've known her for a long time, the creator of it, and she reached out to me last year. She's like, what about sexting? I was like, oh, my God, I've always wanted to do sexting with Emily. So, long story short, we. We just launched it, and you just have to check it out on their app. We'll put in the show notes. That's the easiest way. It's called High Note. This is another way to sext, basically. So you can send one of these images if you want. There's like 20 images, and you'll see they're all customizable and they're just really cool. Like, there's little tickets. Like, one says, good for one quickie with me. Right? You could send that. Then there's these really great lips, like lips kissing a napkin. There's a pair of black underwear, black panties, black boxers. You have to see this, you guys. This is what I drive. There's like a vintage hotel room key. It says, let's get naked with a key. Just take a look at it and just see if it doesn't inspire you. I've been sending these to everyone I know, even if I'm not don't want to sex with them. I think you'll like it. And you can choose just from one of these images and write whatever you want. So that's another tool in your sexting toolkit. So when you are sexting, you can share fantasy. You can say something like, I can't wait to. Right? So plant a seed for something in the future. And if that feels intimidating, a really safe way to just send a sexy missive is talk about past sex. That was really hot. Remember that picnic when we had sex outside? Think about this way. When you think about the most memorable times you have sex with somebody, isn't it often a time where you were surprised or you didn't know the sex was going to happen? That's just a side note. I've noticed for many of you who report your top fantasies and things you remember the most, it's always sex that you didn't think was gonna happen and it did, or it happened in a really unique and different way. So maybe you can think of some of those moments and sex that to your partner. And if you are feeling inspired, send a pic. Send a pic of yourself doesn't remember, you don't have to be fully nude. It can be a body part that you love. It could be your face and not your body. Your body, not your face. But sexting, like flirting, is a tease. So you don't have to show everything at once. Just something tasteful that, you know, torso or cleavage, something that makes you feel good. And again, depends on your personal comfort level. And that's not at all a requirement. It's just. Just wanted you to kind of think about sexting a little bit differently and how it's just another tool to enhance your arousal and connection. Let's talk about scent for a minute. Scent is also an important component to prepare for sex and build arousal. So for me, I have a habit of lighting incense in my house when I come home. When someone's coming over, I have so many candles, I just like to have a scent going. Makes me feel relaxed. I think it could be really sexy to find good fragrances that essentially that make you feel good, that make your home smell good. And our scent, our own personal scent too, is sort of the unsung hero of your overall attractiveness. And so often we plan out how we're going to look. Does the house look good? Am I wearing something that makes me feel good? But think about it. Smell is so primal. And it's intimately connected to the regions of our brain that process memory and emotion. And maybe you've already got a fragrance that you love to wear, or maybe you adore your partner's natural scent. These are just ways to think about scent a little bit differently. So if you want to play with something fun, how about your pheromone levels? I know you know about pheromones, but just to give you a little more context, it's a signaling molecule that animals, and we are animals, we naturally secrete which can repel or attract potential mates. That's what a pheromone is. And in humans, our overall desirability and attractiveness is made up of a ton of factors. But we can definitely say that our pheromone level has the potential to deepen an existing attraction with their partner. And there's been a lot of studies that have shown that body odors can influence how someone perceives another person's attractiveness, their age, their health, and even elements of their personality. Scent can also influence people's self confidence. So I've gone down the rabbit hole lately and I've got really interested in scent. Previous studies focus a lot on attraction and mate selectin. And usually these studies have focused solely on visual cues like, why am I attracted to this person? And it breaks it down into your facial structure. But there's other study that suggests that there's other factors such as voice or scent that are also important, really important in determining one's attraction to another. All of these elements together paint a better picture of attraction. So as I've been kind of venturing into the scent world and pheromones, there's one company that I love, Eye of Love, they make these pheromone infused fragrances that are really, really popular. And I'm telling you about them because they keep coming up by people I know and respect. And they're like, wearing it. I'm like, you smell so good. So how you would play with this is you could dab a little bit on your skin before your date and just see what effect it has on your interactions. Just see, like, oh, did someone, was there a different kind of attraction happening here? And you could totally use this on a date with a new partner or to build tension, you know, someone that you spend 247 with. Just test it out. We're always trying to find new ways to play, Am I right? And with I have love, couples have found themselves reconnecting in a new way. Maybe you'll feel like you're back in the honeymoon phase. You know, the thing about using something new like scent and playing with scent is that it can heighten those sensual moments. Enjoying passionate kisses. And with something like this, you just need one or two sprays. They even have unscented. So if you're like, I don't want any scent. Just try it out and see how this works for you. You can also pair with the perfumes and colognes you already love. I realized that I was like really stuck on this one brand that I've been wearing forever. I just never thought to venture out. And now I've been combining it and it's really fun. And it. I've definitely had some reaction to it in a good way. I'm just sharing some of my favorite things here. Here's the other thing I'm using out every day is smart mouth. And smart mouth sent me this mouthwash that says it's clinically proven to eliminate bad breath if you use it for. And it definitely says eliminate within 24 hours if you use it. Two rinses a day. And so I love it because the bottle is so cool. There's two streams that come out and it goes into a little lid at the top of the bottle. And I Swish it around twice a day and I feel like it's working. I feel like my breath feels fresh. I mean, let's be honest, so much about products is like how you use it and how good it feels. And to me it's just a new ritual. I love that it goes into a cup and it's easy to switch around. I spit it out and I feel like I love knowing that my breath is taken care of. You might like smart mouth too. You can check that out. Don't let bad breath spoil your Valentine's Day. All right, finally. You've been preparing all day and now you want to spice it up in the bedroom. What do you want to do? Toys in the bedroom. So I recently put out a tweet and a ton of you responded to it, said, normalize using sex toys during sex to help both parties orgasm. I mean, to me this is crucial. If you've never used a couple's toy before, the world is your oyster. There are more and more toys every day. We get sent toys every day here at Sex with Emily to try out. And they're really good options. I'd say a lot of them are made with body safe materials. So many new products on the market that are made for all different body parts and all different kinds of people, which I love. And you've got so many options. And mutual masturbation is also incredibly hot. Again, I don't want sex to be so centered on Penis goes in vagina. Mutual masturbating with a partner is awesome. A great way to spice up your evening. You're both going to get off, have orgasms and probably learn something about your partner by watching how they masturbate. And if you're a vulva owner, or maybe you're sleeping with a penis owner. I love the Soraya Wave by Lelo. So it's a luxurious rabbit vibe. It offers super powerful vibrations for clitoral stimulation and then a pulsating arm for deep, deeply satisfying G spot sensations. So we also call these dual stim vibes. If you want to play around with your internal orgasms, I think this is a great one to start with. It has eight settings, long lasting, it's waterproof. And I know you might be thinking, well, if I'm sleeping with a penis, why would I bust this toy out during partner sex? Well, listen, penis sex can feel great, but doesn't necessarily vibrate. For those of you who are able to orgasm on your own, but not with a partner taking out a toy during partner play that you already know that you're comfortable with. To, like, use that with a partner and show them how you use it on yourself is a really intimate and sexy and hot thing to share with a partner. And I'm telling you, the best partners in the world, and hopefully this is. Your partner is so grateful that you showed them what makes you feel good, because I'm gonna go on a limb here and hope that most of your partners really want you to have pleasure and to have orgasms at the same rate they do. And also, everything I'm talking about now you can find in the show notes. And for Lelo, if you use Code Emily at checkout, you get 25% off all LELO products for Eye of Love. You can also get 15% off site wide with the Code Emily. All right, these are some quick ideas to help you up level your Valentine's Day or truly any day. Let's take a quick break, and when we come back, I'll answer all your Valentine's Day questions.

Let's talk to John. He's 50 in New.

Jersey. I have a question. I love your show, by the.

Way. Thank.

You.

I want to know, like, what. What makes a guy want to be dominated by a woman? I've always been more. I don't want to say alpha, but always more, like, in charge and stuff like that. But lately it's like, I want more. I like when she's more.

Dominant. John, it's just really a matter of preference and variety. And I think that if you've always been dominant in the bedroom, that it would make sense that you're like, I just kind of want to let go and have someone dominate me. Like, it's just really just about experiencing it. Wanting to let go, wanting to feel that you are so, you know, desired. That's part of it. Although the submissive actually has more of the power in these relationships. But I don't know, you tell me, like, is it something that you've never felt before and now you're thinking, I mean, tell me how it feels to.

You. It's more like she's very playful, extremely playful. So there's like. There's times, like, she'll pretend she's been good down on me and then won't, and then, like, deny it for, I don't know, a week or so. And it's like, it's frustrating, but it's hot, you.

Know? It is hot. Oh, that's what your orgasm denial? Yes. So.

Hot. So, you know, stuff, stuff like that. It.

Just. Oh, I get what you're Saying, I wish we had more of that. I think that men like that, women like that. Again, not for everybody, but there's something to be said for. It's teasing, right? It's everything that I talk about, like building arousal. You know, your partner slowly moves their hand up their thigh but they don't quite go there. Or she goes close to your penis but then pulls away or just like licks it for a second and then goes back. Kind of checks all the boxes because it's kind of spontaneous, it's variety, it's something new. And it's sort of like what we talk about, edging, you know, when you're sort of the practice of edging, which is something that all genders can do. When you're getting close to orgasm and then you stop and then you're building, building towards it and it stops. And what happens is when you sort of delay ejaculation, like the longer you delay it and you tease each other, the larger, more intense orgasms you can have as well. It's savoring the.

Arousal. Yeah, it's just very hot. We have a very happy life. We've been together for a long time. It just lately, I don't know. She's very, she's so playful, she's so beautiful. I love taking care of her first. Always. I always have to make sure she's taken care of first.

So. Oh, that's what it is. John, were you wondering like why did you think it was like odd or something or you're just, I mean.

It'S. Yeah, I just, I never, I just wondered why all of a sudden now it would be like I like kind of her in charge and I was just wondering.

Why. Well, how long have you been.

Together? Almost 30.

Years. 30 years. Oh, you are my hero, John. Because changes over time because you're like, I've been dominant for 30 years. Hey, this is something new and different. We've never done the delay orgasm. That feels really good. I think that we're also relieving with a partner. We can continue to innovate and keep it hot, which is, I think that's my goal in a long term relationship. But to be able to like prioritize what you both want in a relationship. And I think most couples would love to be where you're at to say, wow, after 30 years our sex life just keeps getting hotter because we are both open to exploring and trying new things. So why? Because it was different. It was interesting. She'd never done that before. She. Yeah, all that stuff I Don't think it means anything psychological or there's anything wrong with you, you know, I.

Was frustrated, but so turned on. I was like.

Whoa. I was like, you know, well, that's the.

Thing. It was like that mixed emotions.

You know, they're so closely related. You know, that sort of frustration and the hot. Just like pleasure and pain are so closely related in that way. It's all intense emotions. Right. It's sort of just like, you know, the edging and it's just something like, something different. It's like you're. And also you're all your hormones, everything's getting aroused and they stop. So it's frustrating, but hot because you know you're gonna come eventually, but, you know, only she can let you know when. Yeah, it's fun to role play, too. I mean, maybe there's some other things you could do with it. Maybe you could build it out now that you know you like it. You could talk about other ways to do it and how to expand upon.

It.

Okay. Get some toys. You with. Of course. Thanks for calling. Appreciate.

It. She loves her toys. I was never. I know I got friends that were very jealous when their, you know, girlfriend or wife's got a toy. I was never that way, you know? And.

You know what I love about her? She's so honest. She'll never lie to you. So I bought her a toy that was a little bit bigger than I am. And after I used it on her, I asked her, I said, well, how was it? And she started laughing. She goes, I don't think there's anything better, you know, like. And it just. It just made me laugh that, you know, she was just so honest about it. She's like, wow, really.

Focused.

I love that because you guys seems like you're a very confident, you know, good place in your relationship that you're like, I know you love me. And you can also love this toy. A toy's not gonna cuddle and, you know, take you to the movies. I don't know. People still used to think they're gonna get replaced by toys. I just think it's, you know, interesting. You sound like you're a really healthy relationship, and it seems like just keep exploring with her for another 30 years. 50 years. All right, thanks.

John. Thank you so much. I appreciate.

It. I appreciate you. Thanks for calling. Bye, John. Let's talk to Angela, 41, in Ontario.

Hi, Angela. Thanks for calling.

Hi. Thank you for having.

Me. Of course. How can I help you? What's going.

On?

Well, my husband and I, we've been married for three years, and we're looking for some kits for plus size husband and wife sexual position. Because sometimes some of the, you know, the more typical ones are a little harder for us.

Can you give us any.

Tips? I can tell me more about the positions that no longer work and what positions you'd like to do or what doesn't work.

Anymore.

So when he's on top, it's a little harder for him.

And like, I can. I can't straddle him because he's larger. So, like, my legs just don't stretch that.

Far. Right.

Okay. So those are, like the two typical ones we just can't.

Do. Okay, well, the first thing I would suggest is there's a lot of great standing positions that could work for this. So you could be lying on the bed and then he could be standing and you're like, coming off of the bed. Right. Does that make sense? So you're kind of like, butt is towards the end of the bed, so he can still penetrate you that way. You could also do something where you're like. You could also do it. So yeah, your legs can be like, spread open or you could have one that kind of, like, scissored. You can kind of. You could, you know, play with different positions. So that works. There's something called a sex in a sling or a swing. It's by Sportsheats. I'd forgotten about this. Sports Sheets is a company that makes the sex super sex sling. You could also hold it and you could be, like, holding. It's kind of really fun. A sex sling. I should get mine out. It hangs from the ceiling or the one that goes to the door. And then you could be elevated and he could be, like, picking you up, and you could just be like, against the door and he could be holding you. But then he doesn't have to be, like, holding you the whole time. So it's uncomfortable, but you still get, like, the leverage from the door swing. I like a lot of the edging positions. You could also do doggy style with you on the bed and him off the bed. Right. So you could still be on your knees and he could be coming up from behind you. Now, if you want to be on top, let me tell you about an excellent book that my very dear friend wrote, Elle Chase. It's called Curvy Girl Sex. And it's a wonderful book. It's got great pictures in it, and it's illustrations, all these positions that kind of work for this. So for you being on top, I'm just trying to think of he could be, you know, using the couch is a really interesting way to kind of play with this stuff. Like, if he's laying on the couch, you could be like, you know how the couch can kind of give you, like, leverage a little bit differently? I love sex on the couch because there's like a different leverage. Like, you could use the sofa cushions to kind of give you some leverage. You could also use pillows underneath you, so it can kind of like elevate your knees a little bit, but you're still able to get out his penis. There's also some. Some sex furniture that could elevate your knees. It sounds like the problem is you can't get your. You can't get your body all around him. Right, right. So I would try that as.

Well. Don't go any.

Further. Exactly. So if you have something, there's something called a Liberator is a company that makes these foam wedges. Sometimes we just need to be elevated in different positions. And it just can change a position completely no matter what your just to mix it up, it can kind of elevate your pelvic floor so you can experience things more deeply. So is that.

Helpful? Thank you so.

Much. You're so welcome. Let me know how it goes. Angela. Scott asked 45 in Iowa. He's trying to spice up his marriage how to get your partner in the mood when they're tired.

Oh, Scott, that's a great question. How do you get your partner in the mood when they're tired? Well, this has to do with a lot of things. If they're always tired and it's a pattern of your partner being tired and you're not having sex, that's going to take a little bit of.

Planning. And perhaps if you've been noticing that your partner keeps, you know, pushing you off or saying they're tired, then you got to start thinking, well, maybe I should set my alarm 10 minutes earlier in the morning so we can have sex. Maybe I should find out if there's something I could do to get them in the mood. But if you want to spice up your marriage, I do have a few good tips for you. We also have a great blog on the site, which is@sexwithemily.com about scheduling sex. Now, when I first heard about scheduling sex.

In my sex school training, I thought, that is the worst idea I've ever heard. First of all, I hate schedules. I don't like planning. And then if I see sex on the schedule, like, if my calendar said, like, you Have a Zoom call from 11 to 12, then you're talking to your accountant, then you gotta pick up the dry cleaning and then at five o'clock you're having sex. I'd be like, ugh, I would just lump all that into all the shit I don't want to do. However, if you look at scheduling sex this way, when you're in a relationship with somebody and you can't quite find space and time where you're both in the mood, when you schedule sex, it takes all the guesswork out, all the rejection out. You no longer feel like, you know, because a lot of times when we keep making advances to our partner and they reject us, we start to feel really bad about ourselves. We start to think that we're no longer attractive to them. And then we stop trying and then that becomes a problem. But when you schedule sex, you just say, okay, Saturday night is our night and we're going to look forward to it. We're going to talk about the kind of sex we're going to have. We're going to go on a date and then we're going to get all the toys charged, we're going to put the lube out, we're going to give each other sensual massages. And then, you know, like, sex is going to happen. I know when I have time to think about sex happening, I'm much in a better place when I'm like, okay, it's happening. I've. I have shaved or done my things I need to do. I'm wearing underwear that I feel cute in. I've got my rooms clean. You know, all the things that, you know, spontaneous sex is great too, but if you're with somebody for a while, you're like, yeah, I want to know what's happening. Or at any time, especially if it's become stressful. When your partner pulls up the driveway and you're like, oh, partner's home, they're wanting sex. And then you run upstairs and, you know, fall asleep. Which I think a lot of us have, have employed this tactic, avoidance tactic, to die to sex. And that creates so many other problems. So scheduling sex is awesome. I know that it can be so difficult to be motivated to have sex, but the thing is, sex begets sex. So, you know, we're responsible for our own sex drive, responsible for our own conditioning and our own motivation. The truth is, and sometimes we need a little bit of emotional motivation. Like we need to think like, okay, sex begets sex. Then maybe I should start to masturbate again because I haven't in a while. And once I do that, the result of that will be, well, wow, I have an incredible orgasm, which we all know is really good for us, good for our health, good for our immune system. So there's that also. It's like, once you know that, okay, so I'm going to continue to masturbate. And then you'll be think sex will be more top of mind. Our brain is the largest sex organ, so we really want to keep our own pilot lids. And how do we keep ourselves engaged? But also, you can think to yourself. Some people need, like, an emotional motivation. Like, we need something. What's my reward gonna be? Well, if your reward is gonna be more connected with your partner. Cause you know how you feel when you have sex, and it feels great. Maybe it's like, oh, good, now I have something to look forward to. I have something to look forward to. And I can think ahead and think about, you know, the sex we're gonna have. Because actually, the more that we think about sex and we get creative about it and we start to do our own research, Maybe we read some erotica or listen to erotica, or we think about things that have turned us on before or things we want to do. That's all part of the motivation you need for sex and getting yourself in the mood. You know, I love sex toys. You know that toys are a great way to instantly. I don't know for me, okay? And I know for many of you.

I might not even be in the mood to masturbate. But sometimes even I have to think about it. Cause I'm like, okay, I have it in a while. And the second I hear my toy, I get my toy. I'm like, yes, I am in. It's the same thing as going to the gym in the morning. Like, the hardest thing is getting on your shoes. Then you tie your shoes and you're out the door. You're like, I did it. Same thing goes for it. So it could be using sex toys. Oral sex is really hot. I'm so into erotic massages. I'm telling you, I love massage candles. If you haven't used a massage candle, they are incredible. Not messy. They're not like, waxy or hot. They're actually. The ones that I love are coconut oil and soybean oil. And you light the candle and then you wait a few minutes or 20 minutes, doesn't matter how long you wait, and you blow it out. And then you take this warm, luxurious oil and you pour it on your partner's body and Then you can, like rub on them and your whole body smells amazing and it becomes like this body lube and it, like instantly makes everything feel good. It's warm, it smells great. You're lubed up. So I think what a lot of couples need to go back to, Scott's question is how do you spice it up? How you spice it up is you try something different. The reason why you want to spice it up is because you're probably bored and you fall into the same old sex routine. Most couples, what they're craving is variety and they're craving spontaneity and how you get the variety and the novelty. It's actually novelty, variety and spontaneity are the three things that we crave most in long term relationships. So, you know, spontaneity, spontaneity would be like, you know, surprising your partner with a massage or a meal or something that would, you know, would make them feel good. Right. Variety could literally just be using lube. If you're doing something different, mix up your sex moves. If you are always having sex on top and have sex on the bottom. Have sex in the living room if you always have sex in the bed. These are all the things. Do one of those things the next time you see your partner. Be a game changer.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to, like, subscribe and give us a review. Wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner, you can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Exwithemily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline, 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering this, the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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