Make Sex Great Again

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean?

Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, that feels so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com, check out our awesome website, our blog posts, our videos, all the cool things on our site. And also, so this month, take our sex survey. It's Alternative August, after all, and we want to know about your sex lives. You can be anonymous. It's all in the name of science. It'll just take you a few minutes. Just go to sexwithemily.com august or just click on the Alternative August banner. I promise when we read this and when you do this, you're going to feel better about your sex life because it's going to inspire you. I believe that's what we've heard so far. It's also going to help us make sure we make a show that will continue to help you have better sex and relationships.

And it's just gonna be interesting.

It's science sake for science sake. That's true. And then everyone follow us on all social media. Why should they follow us? I know I say that you're like, I already follow people. We have a good time on social media. We can all look at messages. It's at Sex with Emily. It's across the board.

I think it's a very, you know, as far as, like, Instagram tells about the shows, it gives you interesting sex facts. It gives you funny things. You know, on Twitter, there's like interesting sex articles and things that are happening in the world of sex and pleasure and relationships. And, you know, it's just, if you're just scrolling through, it's. It's nice. Like, hey, I'm gonna click on that. I'm gonna learn a little something today.

I'm gonna learn something today. And also, if you. I know where the show is. Put up show notes or the guests that are on the show. And also, I like your comments on there, too. Like, if you actually listen to an episode, I'd love to read what you think about it.

Exactly.

And you can also do that on itunes. Not the comments about a specific episode. But we love when you also review us and comment about the show on itunes. Subscribe to the show. Yes, that's important. Okay, let's get into some sex in the news. One in five women unsatisfied with their sex lives as atrocious. Oh, God, you guys. Let's talk about this. So it turns out more than 10% of women with partners have not been intimate in over a year. And over 30% cheat. Okay. One in five claim their sex lives are boring. This is a pretty long, extensive study here. You know, 32% describe their lives as okay, but could be better. 18%. Cause there's boring and unsatisfied. And let me tell you about this boring thing or unsatisfied. I started this podcast 13 years ago because I was like you. I was the one in five women. I wasn't having satisfying sex. I didn't know how to have satisfying sex really. And I was kind of bored. And I thought the reason why I got bored in a relationship, but had to do with my partner, because I was a good time. Come to find out that I need to learn a lot more about communication and my body, what felt good. And then I, you know, made it my entire life. So I'm telling you, I don't get bored anymore. In relationships, it's possible that actually it's not so bad to get bored, but you want to do something about it because it's okay to be bored. So I'm not saying these women should break up with their partner. All these boring women who are bored, you can get over the hump. So they just need a little bit more education. So, for example, they also report having low libidos, that they're not in the mood for sex. And we hear that all the time, too, from our listeners. And it's because they're not really that into, like, they're not enjoying sex. When we're having great sex, we typically want to have more sex.

Yeah. Why would you want to do something that's not fun?

Right? It's not fun. Right. They're not like, oh, I can't wait to have mediocre sex again. Let's get back at that. Let's have some mediocre romping tonight. Maybe I won't have an orgasm again.

We're going to have the most okayest sex ever.

Hey, babe, Want to meet up for some mediocrity? No. Okay, so what I'm saying is that. That here's why you guys, here's what you need to understand about sexual desire and libido. Women, I want you guys to understand this. I want men to understand this, that women. Sexual desire is responsive. It is not spontaneous. For men, how they work. This is when I always say that women are slow cookers and men are frying pans. Men is. They are. They are spontaneous. They get turned on a lot quicker. They're like, I'm in the mood, I'm in the mood. And for women, we need to respond to something. Maybe a sexy thought, maybe, you know, it's been building up for A while we keep that pilot light lit. And so I just think there's a big misunderstanding. And I think low libido doesn't mean it's a stuck libido. Okay, so more than 10% haven't sex in over a year.

And I did want to say here though too that, so it says okay. So 32% said okay, but could be better. With 18 saying boring and unsatisfying to me. Okay, but could be better is also not good. And so that's half. If you add those two numbers together, 32 +18 is 50% of women are having eh, sex lives.

God, that's a lot.

That's half the women.

That is half the women. Right, well, right, that's, that's, that's half our women. That's like half. There's four of us in the room. Three. Three of us. Sorry.

I would say hopefully I was like, who else?

I need glasses.

Yeah, we are not. Well, the people in this room are not a part of that study. I would like to say that I like my sex life. I think it's hot. Is sex hot every single time I have it? No. Is it hot most of the time? Yes. How about you, Emily?

Yeah, same. I mean I'm telling you ever since I cannot, you guys, I'm here to. I've not had amazing sex in 13 years, definitely. But I don't stick with it. I know how to improve it. So no, my sex is amazing and it gets better all the time because I continue to talk about it and work on it. I have nights where I'm not in the mood, you guys. I'm like you. I'm not walking around like the queen of sex. I have nights where I'm not in the mood, where it's okay, not amazing, but that's like a one off. It's not my life, it's not my sexual experience. And I know what to do about it. And I know how to turn that frown of bad sex upside down. 30% only had sex twice a month. 40% gets hot and heavy two to three times a week. So what else?

So I mean I think it's kind of like because we do get a lot of emails in about on both sides, men and women not having the amount of sex that they would like to have. And some of them have talked to their partners and so they can be excluded from this part. But other part, people are like, we don't have sex enough. But it's like if you've never talked to your partner about it, how Are they knowing that it's not enough for you, you know, or what you're. You could be coming up with a compromise, you know?

Right. It's not. And it's not up to you on your own to fix it. So I think that. I think we often think like that we got to kind of just get all the answers on our own or figure out how to spice it up on our own. But it's like dancing. It's like you guys are together, you're dance partners, you're on the same team, so you should both kind of work on it together. We should have to go off and like, trying to figure it out on your own. Like talk about it, communicate about your sex life. Say that you wanted better sex, more fun sex with them, more frequent sex. And the more you talk about it, you guys, it does become. It's. It gets easier. The more you talk about your sex life, the easier it becomes. Talk about it. So not always easy at the beginning, but after a while, when you talk about with a partner, it will get better because you communicated about it, and it won't be as hard to communicate. And the sex will get better, sex will get better, communication gets easier. Just like everything in life, it takes practice. The other thing is 30% cheat due to the Internet opening a world of possibilities. Now, I think that number's always been high, that men and women cheat pretty much at the same rate. And I would. I would disagree that people are cheating more because of the Internet. I think that people are getting caught more because the Internet and their phones. Yeah, I don't think that all of a sudden they're cheating because the Internet's giving them more people. Yeah, there was. If you were a cheater, if you wanted to cheat, there was always someone to cheat with.

You will find a way if you are a cheater. And I do believe with the Internet and phones, it's just that you're leaving traces around everywhere. And I'm. Okay. Not that I'm trying to, because I'm not an advocate for cheating and I'm not trying to help you cheaters out here. However, if you are cheating, you gotta be smart about this. One, don't be on Tinder or one of the apps mostly, unless you have like, some other kind of, like, you know that none of your significant other's friends are on it. And two, if you're cheating, make the name in your phone a different number. Don't take pictures. Delete, like, just delete your traces. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be helping you out here, but I'm just saying that if you're getting caught, it's because you're doing. Doing it dumbly.

Yeah, well, right? And. But here's the thing. I think that even when you think you're deleting the trace of it, things show up. Your partner gets your. You guys share the messaging, like, just break up. Just break up. If you're cheating. Literally, if you're about to cheat on someone, think, do I really want to do this? Maybe I could try to one more time go back to my partner and see if I could sort things out and not cheat.

Agree.

Okay, here's some reasons why sex and a relationship is important. Why it actually matters. It doesn't need to be part of every relationship. However, it is important to remember if you're with someone, your sex life does matter in the relationship. Because we hear from a lot of people who are like, you know what? We've had enough sex. I had a friend who's with her husband for so long, and she said to me like 10 years ago, she's like, you know what, Emily? I don't know. I'm not talking about our sex life. We've had enough sex. I don't want any more sex. They have two kids and sure enough, they're divorced now and she's gone on to have another partner and she's having a lot of sex. So I'm saying is, if you're in that point where you're like, it doesn't matter. Why should we do it? Here are some reasons why sex actually matters and is an important bond in your relationship. Or even if you're on your own, masturbation, it's all important. So it gives you an emotional high that is real. You guys, the afterglow that you feel like after a workout, you can experience all those feel good hormones that release after masturbation. It increases your ambition, your sense of happiness. Testosterone, it helps you with work endorphins, reduces your stress level. This is all true. In fact, I talked about this a few months ago. I realized I had an orgasm for like a week and a half. I was traveling and stressed and da, da, da, unpacking. And then I said this. I was like, sorry, I'm late, but I literally was home masturbating and I feel so much better. Like, it literally is a release. And I notice it because I'm so in tune with my levels. I'm like, I haven't had orgasm. So if you guys gives you a high.

No, it's true. And it's kind of funny because it's kind of like the secret that you have for yourself. Some people who know you really well can be like, you got laid or you did something. Cause a lot of times it's like, when I have a really good sex session, the next day I'll come into work, I'll see my friends, and I'll be like, oh, you look really good today. Or you seem really happy today. And I'm like, that's because I am.

Yeah. And tell people that you. You know what? It's funny you say that. I met someone. I was in New York recently or for the day when I had the layover and I was walking around and I met this guy. It was Ben. We walked into this guy's art studio. He was super cool, and. And I was like. We were only talking for 10 minutes. He's like, well, I said, why? He said, I'm having a great day. I'm like, really? Why? Why? He goes, I actually had sex this morning. He didn't even know what I did for a living. I'm like, that's awesome. And I thought if more people talked about having sex, the much more encouraged you'd be to have sex. Right. If someone says they had a great meal, you're like, oh, yeah, maybe I'll go eat at that place. Or they had a great workout. So I think we should all talk about our amazing sex more often.

Right? What did you do today? I fucked.

I had really good. Yeah, I fucked. However you want to say it. Sex also helped relieves stress. I'm sure you tried a lot of things, maybe like aromatherapy, hot baths, massages. But add sex into the mix, it really does releases oxytocin, all those good things, and makes you a lot less stressed out. And it can also boost your confidence. It really does. Because I believe that the less often we have sex and the less comfortable we are with our bodies and touching ourselves, we build up all these insecurities in our head. But the more we actually continue to have sex, even if it's not great sex, but we continue to have it and work on it, that does boost your confidence overall. It helps with body image issues. It helps with all kinds of confidence, and you get a better night's sleep. That is so true, too. Sometimes I just think I have to masturbate or I have to have sex to. You know. It decreases cortisol, increases oxytocin, and when you decrease cortisol, it helps your sleep because you release a hormone Called prolactin. So much about hormones, you guys, that we don't even understand. But I'm telling you, they're always there operating, fighting the good fight for you and they're telling you to orgasm and have sex.

There's actually, yeah, this movie on Netflix called Set it up.

Oh, I thought you were gonna talk about big mouth hormones. But no. What is it?

Oh, it set it up just because about relieving stress. It's about like two different people that have like these crazy, terrible, high strung bosses and they get them together and when the bosses start dating and having sex, they both just calm down and chill out.

That's so funny.

So less stressful. They're nicer.

Yeah, I think that's all of that's true also. You guys, you guys probably know this, but I'm gonna remind you that your intimacy extends beyond the bedroom. The more intimacy you have in the bedroom, the more intimacy you'll have outside the bedroom. And research backs this up, that sex predicts affection and affection in turn predicts sexual activity. So it's just a really healthy, beneficial feedback loop. If you have physical touch, if that's your love language, if you continue to touch and express love, you're gonna continue to receive more love. So just keep that love going, going. If you start in the bedroom, it'll go everywhere. And post sex cuddles. Why are post sex cuddles important?

It's nice.

They just feel good. You guys, aftercare, it's important. Get all snuggly with your partner. A blanket burrito. That makes me happier. I know that makes me.

I like being in a little blanket burrito.

I love it. That is the best thing. Okay guys, so in case you need a little more incentive to have sex.

Yes. Because there are people. I just want to say, because I do read the emails that come in. There are people that email and say that their one partner doesn't want to have sex anymore and that sometimes though when they, the other partner that does want to have sex brings it up. The non sex having partner is just like you're just using me for sex or it's not important and da da da. And it's like the thing is, is that it is important. Well, if it's important, if it's not important to either of you, then it's not important. But if it's important to one of you, it needs to be important to both of you. I'm not saying don't, don't do things you don't want to do, but find A way to make a compromise.

It's so true, Jamie, because think about it. I love that you said that. Because if you're in a healthy relationship right now, but everything's wrong but the sex. And let me tell you another interesting stat. They say when sex isn't a problem in the relationship, it takes up like 10% of your time, your thoughts. But when it's a problem, it can become like 90% of the problem. So when it's a problem, it's a big problem. So if you're in a relationship, though, and sex has become a thing, you're like, ah, we gotta talk about everything else is great. That's actually really good news. That means if you're in a healthy relationship, that means that you actually know how to communicate about things. And honestly, you guys, I've been thinking a lot about this lately, how to talk to you guys about how else can I tell you to communicate if you know how to communicate about anything. Like maybe you and your partner figured out how you can both work at home together or where to go on your vacation or how you can parent better. You guys know how to communicate. And it's literally nothing different. Talking about sexual. It really isn't that different. Those same skills, it's the same listening skills. It has more taboo around it, and there's a lot more shame and trauma and things we bring up, but really it's about listening. It's about compromising, it's about paying attention. It's about trying things and seeing what works and what doesn't. Just do it.

Do it.

Okay, so that's the little sex of the news. And now we can answer emails. Give a shout out to our sponsors. Thanks, everyone, for supporting our sponsors. We so appreciate it. We love our sponsors. We've got a lot of fun new sponsors this month that we so enjoy, and I hope you do too. And we'll be right back answering your emails.

All right, everyone, we are here to answer your questions. That's why I exist on the planet. We all want you to have better sex, right, Jamie?

We do.

We care so much. We do. We love getting your emails and your questions. You can text. Ask Emily if you've been texting more, Jaime. I feel like they just like the emails, which is fine.

Yeah, they like the emails. Essentially, it's pretty similar, and it depends on how much you want to be texting on your phone or where you're at when you want to ask a question. Some people actually have been asking questions via Instagram.

Yeah, you guys can do that ex with Emily on Instagram.

Yes, you can do that.

We don't love it.

Another step sometimes. Sometimes we can answer there. Sometimes we will take those and then add them to our email queue.

Just because it's kind of hard to type out some of these answers in Instagram.

Right? Okay. So yeah, that's how you do it. You text. You can go through our website via the Ask Emily tab. Ask your question. As always, no matter how you do it, include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. And you can always change your name. You guys, we do not care.

Yes, you won't even know.

You can even change where you live. We just want to help you. But age is important.

Yes.

This is from Stephanie, 28. She didn't include her location, but it's cool. You guys will. Dear Emily, I'm kind of embarrassed to ask, but I hope there are others out there like me. I'm not able to orgasm from oral intercourse or even playing with myself. However, I'm capable by a different way. I have to be crossing my legs in order to masturbate. It has caused some hardships in past relationships because my partners would want to please me but weren't capable of doing so. If anything, I'd get way overstimulated to. To where it would just hurt. I'm wondering how many are out there like me and is it a respectable way of achieving orgasm? Thank you. Okay, Stephanie, here's the thing I want to say is that there's no, like, right way to orgasm. It's not like you're orgasming. Wrong. But it is an orgasm. There's no, like, perfect way. It's not inferior. Nothing wrong. Many, many paths to orgasm. So it's true, though, a lot of women do. Have you heard the same? Like, women do kind of press their legs together to orgasm. It's more of like a. I have that Kegel press. Or they're like rubbing their legs together. They're rubbing against their pillow when their kid.

Is it like a pressure thing?

It is a pressure thing because women could do it against their pillows and stuff. But it's also. I think it's a muscle. Like crossing your legs is also a way to squeeze and rubbing and squeezing. Oh, okay, I got you squeezing. Like your. Cause for me, a big part of my orgasm or when I first had them a lot like, and I used to have them on that thigh abductor machine in the gym, which is kind of similar, but your legs are going out. There's certain muscles like Your Kegel muscles, which are responsible orgasms, you pump those. So that's what it could be. It's probably a little rubbing and a little closing. So there's two things going on here, though, because you're saying that you have a sense of clitoris. So it sounds like you're very adaptive. You've actually figured out a way to please yourself without even touching yourself. It's because you have a sense of clitoris. For many women who are really sensitive, like, they literally cannot have their clitoris touched. And that's typically. I hear about this through oral. They're like, I just can't take oral. It's too sensitive. Means that they could be multi orgasmic. I used to fight Dr. Drew on this when we were on Loveline. I was like, that's the weirdest stat I've ever heard. I thought he was like, but it actually is true. I found in recent years, in years, not recent years, but over the years, I've heard from a lot of women, and it's kind of a thing. Not for every woman, but they can have a lot of orgasms, but it just. They can't be touched. So I feel like trying new positions that can kind of incorporate the leg crossing. Maybe you could, if you're with a partner, you could sit on the bed and wrap your legs around them. And, like, what if you, like, squeezed your legs tight? It's kind of the same motion or it's just you can't have anything. I'm just wondering if it hurts to have something inserted in you.

To me, it seems like she can have intercourse. It's just not doing much for her. But I do agree. I think trying positions where you can cross your legs is a really good idea. One of my favorite positions is it's a play on missionary, I guess, because I'm on my back. But you put a pillow under your butt and you cross your legs and he, like, kind of like can hold your legs and heat, but he. If you're with a man, he's leaning forward. He, like, inserts into you, but your legs are crossed in together.

Yes. Yes. That's a good one.

Yeah. So I think that that could be something that she can try.

She's, like, leaning onto you, Jamie, and your legs are, like, coming towards your chest.

Yes, but they're crossed.

Yes, I get it. That's a great one. Kind of like a yoga pose, too.

It's a great stretcher.

Yes, it is a good stretcher. You're getting your quads stretched and an orgasm. So I would just try to adapt. And this is a great tip for a lot of women who are like, I can only orgasm in a certain position. Bring that into your next relationship, your next partner that you're with. And I think that too. Sometimes, like, when I'm with a new partner and we gotta adjust, it's just like, this is how I have to sit and move, and this is what worked for me. And it's okay to bring your toys in or use your hands to get acclimated with a new partner, but I think that. Stephanie, I'm not worried about you finding partners. It says you've ruined or you've. You've had hardships in past relationships. Well, no more. Going forward, you're gonna be honest and be like, I'm figuring out new ways to orgasm. Let's play, like, make it fun, not like we need to talk. I've got this problem where I can only orgasm. No, Stephanie, it's more like, this is how I do it. Let's figure out how we can best find a position that works for me. Or do it on your own. You know, figure it out on your own. But I don't think this is anything to. To worry about.

Yeah, and we've heard. And the thing is, is you are not alone.

Yeah, not at all.

You're not alone with this. There are other people out there like you that orgasm in the same way.

Right. And also for me sometimes, too. I'm telling you, for this and others. Like, I can have multiples, so it's easier for me sometimes without anything inside me. Just like I'll have one first and then I can do other positions and then have another one. Or sometimes. I'm just saying to get turned on and get yourself aroused, if you need to stick in that position and have one orgasm and then have intercourse, like, you'll figure it out.

Exactly.

That's it. Jane, you want to read the next one? Here from Chris.

So this is from Chris. No age or location added, but that's fine.

Breaking the rules.

Breaking the rules and breaking hearts. Maybe not, hopefully. Okay. Hi, Emily. I just want to say love your podcasts. I have a question. I'm currently seeing this girl that I'm absolutely crazy about and plan to soon be dating and together. Except there's one minor issue that is seriously holding me back from this. Progressing into a relationship. Okay. She's have a very strong odor down below. Even after she showers and comes over and we proceed to hook up, it still smells and it's pretty strong. It's A very, very big turn off. I really don't want it to hold me back from dating her, but I can't take it much longer. It's very unattractive coming from a very attractive girl. Please let me know what your thoughts are. Hope to hear back.

Okay, so this is a great question. I don't know if we've gotten this one late. Definitely get a lot over the years. So there's a few things that could be going on. Like first, just know that, you know, I'm not sure how many women you've been with, Chris, but it's sometimes women's. It can have interesting odors. It can smell muskier. It can, you know, just. It's not always flowers and rose petals. However, when you do bring it up, you do want to be delicate. And there could be. If it's really a strong odor and she's not, you know, hasn't said anything, or she may not be aware of it, she could have a very common vaginal infection, like bacterial vaginosis. And that basically just means that the delicate PH balance of the vagina could be off. And it could be because she's sensitive to new detergent or being with a new partner. It's just common. And so she would just have to take an antibiotic. So what you could say to her is, I just. Because if she's showering and she's doing all these things, I would just like to say that you could say, you know, I. I so love being with you, attract you. And there's just. I want to mention there's an odor, an interesting odor, and maybe you should get it checked out.

Yeah. He's got to be very delicate.

Very delicate. I understand you guys, this isn't easy, but I mean, I have some other tips here. Okay. But when it's a strong, strong odor.

Yeah, like really strong.

It really is when it's that strong. Not just like, that's how it smells. He's saying strong odor. I do believe that some women have this. And you think, how could she not know? It's like you can't smell your own house. Sometimes you can't smell your own body odor. It's with her. And I'm telling you guys, the thing about BV is that you could have it for months and months and months and not know. Yeah. It's really just disconnected from their vaginas. They don't masturbate. You're in the shower, you're not sniffing down there. You just don't know. It won't go away. And then you take an antibiotic for a few days, it's gone. And other things they could do are Diodoc.

I love Deodoc.

Obsessed.

No. Okay, so Diodoc, they have a couple things. They have a daily wash and they also have wipes. It's PH balanced. Because it's. The thing is, a lot of women don't know. You can't use your regular soaps on your vagina. You can't in your vulva area. You're not supposed to. It's a delicate ecosystem down there. And there's a PH balance. So that's why I love this product. First of all, it smells really great. I use it every day. The intimate wash. We're in the shower and it matches your natural PH balance, so it doesn't mess it up or anything. So she can use that if she's using, you know, other soaps.

That's true. She might have an infection from using other soaps that weren't great. That's what it could happen.

It literally could just be from using, like. I mean, hopefully no one's using dial on their vagina, but, like, maybe she.

Shouldn'T be using dial. Right.

Also too, they have wipes. So, like, maybe she comes over and she uses a wipe right before, and if that takes care of it, then maybe she's just using the wrong soap. Who knows? I also want to say, it seems like because some men are kind of pussies, no pun intended, when it comes to vaginal odors.

That's true, too. It might just be a run of a mill vaginal vagina smell.

Yeah. So to me, it sounds like he's usually down for it, but it seems particularly strong with this woman. However, if this is something that you always notice, Chris, you might need to just get over it.

True. If every woman you've been with has this strong odor, it might. It might be.

But I want to say that you're common denominator. I want to say you're. I want to say you're a good guy, though. And that's not what's happening here.

Okay, let's do it. That's good. You are a good guy. I think that he asked and he really likes her. So let us know how it goes. It's typically one or the other, and we can work on this. Get to the bottom of it. Okay. This is from Hannah, 26, in Pennsylvania. Dear Emily, I love sex, and I'm one of the few women who can orgasm from penetration.

Mm.

I want, like, a clap, right? Yay. Hannah, I love a lot of aspects about sex, except one. When a guy ejaculates on my face. This has obviously been portrayed in porn, and men mimic that. How can I tell my man that it's not something I enjoy? And what is the sexier alternative? How do we tell guys to do something different? No, no. Just say no. I mean, I'm kind of, like, surprised that he just does it without asking. Like, typical guys would be like. And I. Okay, here's the thing. You're 26. I'm assuming that your partner's about the same age. You guys grew up on porn. You like porn for breakfast. Like, it was there from the time you came out of the womb watching porn, or at least from the time you cared about sex. They might not have known that you should ask about that. Like, it is. It's a thing you ask. You don't just do it. So I think just, like, you could say.

Finish on my back. You could tell him that that doesn't turn me on. Like, you could let him know, straightforward. I don't love when you do that. And the next time you guys are having sex, say. You could say to him, it'd be so hot if you. Where do you want him to come? Come on my stomach? Come on my back? Come on my chest? Like, wherever you'd be comfortable. Just offer an alternative. It'd be so hot if you blank.

Yeah. And I mean, I'm just. I'm sorry.

Like, I know you got it. Jamie's like, how did he not ask? Right?

Like, I just can't believe that someone would do that without asking. Cause that's, like, your face, right? That's your. Like, it gets in your eye, up your nose. What if it gets in your hair? I don't know.

I feel like I've had it in my eye.

And I was like, and it stings. Yeah, he should definitely be asking and not just doing it. And then I just kind of like. And this is just me. And I'm. I'm very. I don't know. I'm just very confident in myself and asking for what I want in bed. However, if a guy was to just try to, like, pull his dick out onto my face, I would be dodging it so quickly. I'd be, like, dodging it and then being like, what was that?

What are you doing? Right.

What are you doing?

Right.

Like, most of the time, Emily's like, outside the bedroom. Talk about this.

No, but.

No, this is in the moment. In the moment.

This comment's about to shoot in your face. And you don't want it. That's something in the moment. You direct. You direct you, Bob. And we. No, you just say no. No.

Yeah. I just say no. I would put my hand up. I would move out of the way. So I.

It is a respect thing.

Yes.

But he just might not know. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt.

Yeah, he doesn't. Maybe he doesn't know, but I will say, I'm so happy and proud that you can orgasm from penetration alone. I think that's great.

That's amazing. Now, what is that, like, 20?

It was like 20. 25%.

Yeah. Very rare. So good for you. You got a good future head.

Yeah. And then just let this from. Use this as a stepping stone. If there is other things about sex that you would like to just talk about.

Exactly. That's a great entree. You'd be like, don't come my face and please go down on me more. Or please.

I love that. Yeah, don't come my face, but also go down.

If I made a T shirt that had said random acts of oral on it and, like, Sex with Emily on it, little logo. Would you guys buy it? Just curious.

I want it.

You want it? Don't you want it?

Yeah.

Love that bumper sticker. People don't do that anymore.

We're gonna do a Twitter poll when the show comes out. I'm gonna do that. We're gonna do a Twitter poll. We're gonna be like, would you wear a shirt that says Sex with Emily? And then it says random acts of oral?

Okay. We've said okay. But let me tell you something. I have my Sex Emily T shirts. We still have some left. It says, I had sex with Emily, and all I got was this T shirt. It says it on the back. And I guess I made them, like, a long time ago. Six years ago, maybe five.

So.

But you all said you wanted them, and. And we didn't sell that many. But I probably forget to talk about it because that's what happens.

Yeah, we should.

But you guys want them. We have them. We have them for men. We have them for women. They're gray for men, the gray T shirts and little cute little tanks for women. They're actually good. They're the most comfortable. They're like American Apparel. I think they're good.

I get interesting looks at the gym.

Do you?

Yeah.

They're cute, though. Check them out. They're still on the website? Maybe. Maybe they're not on the website anymore. Damn it, Ken. You're in Trouble. Call Ken. Anyway, I want to make the other two. I'm already onto the next teacher, but these are cute. Check them out. All right, let's move on. We've got here.

Ooh, an alias alias.

God. Okay, that's fine, though. This is from an alias who's 45 in California. Hamley. One night, my wife, her girlfriend, and I went out together. When we got back to her place later that night, they started making out. She was hesitant to touch her as they were making out on her sofa until I took her hand and put it on my wife's breast. They continued kissing and touching each other intimately. The night, unfortunately, ended shortly after that without anyone taking off their clothes. My wife and I still talk and fantasize about that night. We were just unsure on how to go about inviting her to threesome or girl girl. Should my wife invite her? Should I. Should we approach her for a girl girl night? My wife and I have gone as far as setting boundaries and setting up a safe word. We know that we're ready. We're just unsure of how to invite her. As last time, it kind of just happened. We've never approached a woman for something like this before and would like some insight. Please help. First of all, Jamie, another happy couple in their 40s.

I know.

Spicing things up.

I love it.

I know. So, you guys, it's never too late to spice up any which way. So I think it's not you reaching out. They had a moment. If this is really her friend, I mean, how close are they? Like, they made out. They did a thing. I think they should grab lunch, get lunch if they haven't, and then see what comes up.

Yeah.

I don't know how you, like, extend. Like, you said an Evite. Like, please invite us for a girl girl. You know, I think they just feel it out. How'd you feel about that? Right? He's like. Because he's very specific about how to go about it.

Don't send an Evite, but send us what that Evite would look like.

Exactly.

I would love to see. See what it would look like.

Right? Exactly.

But no, I agree with you. I think that's really smart, Emily, to just do her and the girl. Yeah, I think you. I think him. Because that's the thing. Especially because it did not escalate beyond what had happened. You don't need to be in the mix for the asking, engaging, whether or not she's interested in this, because that also might make her feel kind of, like, awkward. And then there's two people Staring at her like, we want to fuck you.

Exactly. Right. She'll feel like meat or something, some kind of bad meat.

But I think, yeah, I think, you know, the wife goes and gets lunch, talks about it, and then you can gauge whether or not it was like just that one night thing or if she's into it. And then also you have to like you kind of. This might be unfortunate. She may be down for your wife, but she doesn't want you to be there.

Right. Well, I was gonna say they talked about that. And I was gonna say kudos to you for. For setting these boundaries ahead of time and having a safe word. So are you cool with. If they have a long lunch, then it turns into something else. Have you guys talked about twice the eating? Exactly so. But it sounds like you guys are communicating about it and let us know what happens. And I mean that when I say that we want follow up. We want follow through. When threesome goes down, I want to hear all about it. Okay, Jamie, you want to read the next one?

Yes. Cool. Okay. This is from Megan, who's 24 in Idaho. Hi, Emily. I've been married for a year, but been with my husband for four years prior. We have an incredible life together and half the time an amazing sex life. Lately I have been super horny, but all at the wrong times. Leaving me masturbating on my lunch breaks or any time that I'm alone. Although this is fine. I'm to the point that when I'm alone with porn, I orgasm in under five minutes. And when I'm trying to enjoy being intimate with my partner, I can't speak seem to orgasm. I feel like something's wrong with me that I can't relax enough to enjoy the real thing with my man. Should I quit masturbating altogether or maybe just quit using toys? Thank you.

Okay, great question. None of the above. There is nothing wrong with. You just need a little bit of good old fashioned communication. And it sounds like you're really in your head with your husband and you're probably maybe o blocking yourself. Orgasm blocking. That is a real struggle.

So.

And I would say you're at the wrong times. What are you just like getting horny when you're hungry at lunch? Is that what sounds like you're at work or horngry? Horngry is a thing instead of hangry. Horngry. Yeah. And you organize another five minutes. I think that you've gotten into your head about this. I think that you got to. It's about getting out of your Head and into your body and thinking about what's happening in the moment. Yes, definitely. Bring toys. Bring porn. And I'm sure it's going to turn your partner on as well. That's what works for you. That's going to work for both of you. It's your husband, so this is the time to start talking about it.

Yeah, no, definitely. Like, it's. Those things don't have to be separate. You just. And Emily said this before, recreate your masturbation sessions with your husband. You know, like, incorporate that. And also, if you. Toys aren't going to ruin you and either is porn, but switch it up. Don't use them every time that you're masturbating.

Yeah, just try. Yeah. If you're worried about it. Right, exactly. Just kind of switch it up. Just like everything. Just because that's gonna get boring too. Right. That's gonna get to be the same old, same old. So I think it's a communication thing. Once you take the pressure off yourself, you're gonna realize that the orgasms will come.

Yes.

The orgasm joke in there.

Something like that.

Yeah, exactly.

And then. Do you want to do this last one?

Sure. This is from Dave, 40, in Maine. Hey, Emily. My sex life with my wife is okay, but I wish we had more. It's mostly due to our conflicting work schedules and our two kids. Anyway, we're going on a vacation. We'll be staying in a hotel room with our two kids, 6 and 3 years old. How do we go about vacation sex? My wife is leery about it. With kids in the room. I. I just think we can try and keep each other quiet while the kids are asleep. She doesn't want to do it in the shower or bathroom with the door locked. Okay, so I think this is a great question, and I'm going to say that I used to feel differently about this, but I don't think that you should have sex with the kids in the room. That close of a room. I'm going to say no. And that's because I recently heard, and I've heard this before, but it's from a friend who said that parents never thought that she could hear them. And from as little as the age of five, five in the house, she could hear them having sex. And it was really disruptive to her. And she can still. And then granted, this went on for her entire life. She always heard her parents having sex. But I think kids can. It just takes once or twice for them hearing you and not understanding it, that if you do it in the room. Is there a way I know that you're going with your kids and I want you to vacation sex. I feel better about you guys doing it in the shower, but then you've got a three year old, so can the six year old watch the three year old? I don't want you to. I know parents are.

Yeah.

Worried about leaving the kids. So I just think that.

If the kids could be in front of a movie, maybe. Maybe you guys could like have the kids watch the iPad or watch a movie and I'm cool with you going into the bathroom and they can't hear you and running the water if you're comfortable. No, the parents are all weird. I know parents who leave their kids at whatever age and go down the street and some who like have it and their kids are 10. So I'm just saying this vacation might not be all about vacation sex. So I would say if there's any way to. God, you can get a babysitter when you're gone for a few hours. I just want you guys to have your sex.

Yeah, I mean, eventually you're gonna need to take a trip without your kids there. Like, I know it's difficult, even if it's just for a few hours to go and rent a motel room. Maybe it's not even a vacation, but you just, you get a babysitter, you leave the. The kids with like a grandparent or someone so you can go and have this crazy, amazing vacation.

It doesn't make you a bad parent.

No. And I'm just a better parent. And this. I want to ask your question on this, Emily. Do you think that as long as they're not like sitting where the parent, like the kids can all of a sudden jump on their lap, like maybe they're going on a walk or they're in a movie to. Well, not in a movie. Cause you're not supposed to use your phone, but you're somewhere where you can maybe discreetly use like the We Vibe jive and the Pivot with the We Connect app.

I like that.

So you can kind of be like getting that stimulation.

Little mutual master. Right? Exactly. So you guys, We Vibe makes these toys that you could control with an app for some kind of like discreet fun. Discreet, really discreet fun. So I guess they could. Yeah, they could use it. Dinner. They could use it when they're both in the room. But the kids don't just come jump on the bed. As long as the kids really don't know. I've just come to find out and come to Learn. And even being as being a child myself, we know more than you think. Kids get into it things. Six is still young. Three is young.

Yeah.

But that is a good. That's some good discreet fun. And maybe you guys could hire a local babysitter and have a night.

Or maybe there's like, an event where, like, a bunch of kids.

Music. Yeah, they're dancing. The kids are in the front because there's some band for kids. And you guys can be in the back playing with the toys and using the We Connect app like that.

Yeah, you gotta go back to the room. Gotta be a little sneaky.

Sneaky. You gotta be creative. But I understand about the hotel room thing, so. And you guys can only trust if you can leave your kids in the room with the door locked. We are in the bathroom. But figure it out. And if you have kids right now that are like, over the age of two and you've never left home yet, and you've never been without them even for a night, make that trip. You can figure it out. Your kids are gonna be fine. They're actually gonna appreciate to see mommy and daddy go off doing things on their own, and you guys will be happier and more solidified as a couple because of that time that you spent. Make it happen. I just hear from couples all the time, like, we can't leave them alone. We can't do it.

Yeah, it's like that separation anxiety, right?

Your kids are fine. Your parents. Your parents leave you.

I mean, they. I mean, they. Yeah, they would. I grew up with babysitters. Not, like, all the time, but, like, I had, like, you know, a couple good babysitters, and I liked my babysitters. They were really cool. They were fun. They played games with me. Babysitters are cool. Kids do, like other, you know, other adults or, like, you know, maybe not adults, because when I. When I was a babysitter, I was only, like, 13, 14, but I appeared to be an adult in comparison to the.

You still appear to be adult.

Oh, cool. I'm glad.

I'm sure when you were 13, you did too.

News flash. Jamie is an adult.

Jamie is an adult. Yeah. No, yeah, it's true. It's good to give your kids a little bit independence. My parents love me all the time. Look at me. No, not all the time. Not. I know that's a bad example, but okay. Thank you, Jamie, so much.

Thank you.

This is so fun. Thank you. I love you, sister. And I love all of our listeners. You guys, thank you so much for keeping up the show. Supporting our show in this 13th year. We'll be heading into the 14th year soon. I love doing the podcast. Really. It's my favorite thing in the world. So thank you everyone for supporting it and for being there and for sharing your stories. And thanks to my amazing team, Ken. So Sarah, producer, Jamie and Michael, was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwith emily.com.

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