Making Moves & Sex in the News with Menace

I had a freshman when I was—

okay, I'll let you—

my senior.

But let me answer.

Nope, my senior.

I want to answer after you though. No, maybe because I have another— no, I have another thing that I want to say because I don't— I don't want— I don't want— no, I'm just saying I don't want Jordan to be like my ex-girlfriend where he comes back a year and a half and he wants to be with that girl.

Working hard.

I believe in true love.

That's why you don't want to hear— I believe in true love. I love this penis, it gives me power. Yeah, um, this is from Rebecca.

I know you can't see it because it's a podcast, but she's swinging a penis at me in anger as we're talking.

Yeah, it's a hard— it's like, oh yeah, what's this made of?

You take an eye out with that thing.

Okay, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by radio personality Menace. Now you might know him from the Woody Show, or if you're new to this show, he was my co-host for many years, and he's dropped by for some sex in the news and to answer your questions. Topics include the most annoying parts of sex that no one talks about, but most of us have been through, how Siri and other smart devices may just be listening in on us having sex, what to do when it seems your partner has a hang-up on your sexual past, and how to get over your pre-nerves of potentially starting a long-distance relationship. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred Secret institutions. Bedroom eyes, they called them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? 'Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, it feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex. Sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. And you can also find me on SiriusXM Radio. It's channel Stars 109. It's Monday through Friday, 5 to 7 PM Pacific. You can get a free 30-day trial at sexwithemily.com/sxm. And you can find me on all social media across the board. It's @sexwithemily. All right guys, I hope you enjoy the show. All right, so I'm here with Menace. If you don't know who Menace is, Menace, Menas is @Menas everywhere.

M-E-N-E-S. Yeah, on Twitter and Instagram.

And you might recognize him from the morning show, The Woody Show.

Yeah, it's The Woody Show. It's nationally syndicated. You can check it out at thewoodyshow.com or it's podcasted daily. Just search The Woody Show on iHeartRadio, on the iHeartRadio app.

Oh, amazing. It's there.

You don't do the intro anymore? So just a little background story. If people don't know, if you're new, if I'm new to you on the Sex with Emily podcast, I've been, I don't know, kind of involved with your podcast, what, 13 years or so?

Yeah, I've been doing it for 14, so I probably met you, I bet you—

Like a year in.

I met you a year in. I met you in 2006 when I started doing a radio show.

Yeah, and then I haven't been around for maybe like a year or so.

Right.

And the reason being is I was like, I don't know, I think I was down in the dumps. I usually go through this thing where I get too fat and I don't wanna see anybody. And I think that happened to me. And I get in this weird thing like, oh, I don't want to, you know, I get at a point where I don't want to see anybody, but I've been back in the gym like an hour a day.

Wow.

Every day. I still need to lose like 30 more pounds.

Okay.

I think.

But for how— no, you look amazing.

But I think I'm in a comfortable position where I can actually go out and see people again.

Wow. How much did you get? So you gained?

Yeah, just gained like way too much weight. I never even went on the scale to go look, but I just knew it was bad because every time You know, take a photo or something like, oh, that doesn't look good. Or you like, you try to crop it at a certain point and there's not enough crops left.

They just have your glasses.

Yeah. And I think it was really bad. I'm friends with this comedian, his name is Joe Koy. He has a special right now on Netflix. You can check it out. It's called Coming in Hot. It's hilarious. But I went to one of his shows and it was my birthday. And after the show, he got the entire staff of the comedy club to sing happy birthday to me. It was super funny. It was super nice. Nice. But when I saw the video of myself when he was singing to me, I'm like, oh man, that's okay, horrible. Okay, so they look really bad. So then that— it like, November—

so your birthday's October? Yeah.

And then, so then I, I did some vacations, and you know, you always have to hog out while you're on vacation, of course. But when I got back and it was a, you know, a new year, I figured, okay, gotta do something. So then I just Slowly. And you know what's helped me so much?

Tell me.

Is the iWatch. The iWatch, like completing your activity rings every single day. That has helped me so much.

The Apple Watch?

Yeah. Well, it's called— It's called the iWatch? No, it's called the Apple Watch. See, look at you. You're correcting me on tech.

Yeah. What the hell's the iWatch? You mean the Apple Watch.

But anyways, long story short, I've been like involved with your podcast for a number of years. I haven't been around for a year. I'm back here today because I miss you so much.

Yeah, I often ask about you all the time, and I talk about you all the time. But Madness, just so you know, for some history, is that I started the podcast in 2005, and in end of 2006, I got an offer to do a live radio show on an FM station in San Francisco. They're doing FM talk, it was called Free FM. And they're like— and I'd never done radio before, and I was like, oh my God, okay. And it wasn't like I started a podcast to get on radio, I was just— I was doing a podcast. So they All they told me, they called me, went in, it was Saturday night, and I got in maybe like 30 minutes before the show. It was an 11 PM show.

Yeah.

And the, and the guy said, oh no, maybe it was the day before the show, whoever the program director says, okay, um, here's the cough button. And that was about it. Like, if you cough, you press this button. Have a good show.

Yeah.

So then I showed up the next night and Menace is working the board.

Yeah. So I got assigned to you and it They said, well, she's never done radio before. And this is right after like Janet Jackson stuff and that the FCC came down on radio hardcore. You had to be super clean. And they're like, oh yeah, so here is, um, Emily Morse. She's never done a radio show before and she does a podcast about sex. You know, keep an eye on the dump. It's called the dump button where I have to cut out certain sections. Of what you're saying because it's not appropriate for the radio. So Emily has no idea, and then I love it when, so when I got assigned and helped put the show on the air, when you couldn't say certain things, you had perfect view of me hitting that button, and you would say live on the air, why did you hit that button? I can't say, and you would repeat the thing that I just cut out.

I can't say orgasm? I can't say masturbation?

I can't say blowjob?

And then he kept dumping it again. I'm like, why can't I say blowjob?

Yeah, I'm like, why are you doing that? So yeah, and it's funny, I just—

I thought he hated me.

Oh no, I was stressful.

It was stressful. Don't you actually run out of dump tape?

Yeah, at a certain point you, you run out and then you have to cut to commercial. Yeah. So yeah, we did that for, I don't know, about a year and a half, 2 years. Yeah, a year and a half, 2 years. And then, then the station went out of business. Yeah, that's—

they switched formats.

Yeah, they switched formats. It was like a dumpster fire. And then, you know, you just continued the podcast. And I think there's been like so many different variations of you just keeping this thing going, never stopping. And I always— I, I know you probably never hear it, but I always shout you out on the radio and on podcasts all the time on like how you just kept this thing going and like has built this empire.

Yeah, well, now we see, Madness, that podcasting is a thing.

Like, I know, right?

You were just cool. You're like, I'll do it with you. And you're so great, man, because Madness is like the hardest working person I know. I mean, I believe at the time you were sleeping at the radio station. car. Like, you were broke and you must have been 25 maybe, or, um, no, I was probably like, yeah, 23, 24. Oh my God. And you were sleeping at the station and I didn't even know that. But you were so mad. It's just thinking you worked so hard and you didn't— I didn't pay you until a few years ago, I think. I don't think you ever— I wasn't making money.

Yeah.

But you just kept showing up and, and do— you used to let me sneak into CBS after hours because you were CBS Radio and we would do it after hours. Sorry, CBS. And then you would— and then we were at Stitcher. Stitcher was so cool. We used to record in this tiny little booth, like It was so hot, there was no air conditioning. There's no air conditioning, you're dying. And we would do a show every single day from that one year. We did it from 12 to 1 every day. Yeah, we tried a video camera, we've tried every iteration. But I— and I think it's because you too, man, you were there for me. Like, I hadn't— I wouldn't have known how to do that. I still don't know how to upload it. I don't think I ever was the one who was on the technical part of the show. I don't think I ever really was the one who uploaded.

I mean, there was one point where you had to do some tech cool stuff where, uh, you moved to Los Angeles and it was a year before I moved to LA. I had no idea I was gonna move to LA a year later, but we would continue the podcast and you would have a recorder, my little MP3.

Yeah, that little tiny M Audio player.

And you would be on the phone and I would be on the phone with the recorder, and then we would match up the files and make some like we were in the room together. But I'm telling you, people, if you're listening to this podcast The first 45 minutes was me just making sure that Emily was recording on her end.

Yeah, exactly. We kept it going. But man, you always showed up for me. You really did. You were like, you didn't have to.

I try. Yeah, but I just— I knew, well, it was, it was always fun being around you and doing this. And that's, you know, I always thought I did radio and I did the podcasting stuff and I go, the money will come later. And it definitely It does. Like, anybody listens— like, if you go after something that you're super passionate about and you do well, and people will recognize that and they'll eventually pay you. It's true, you know, and I stuck with it, and I knew podcasting would eventually be a thing. It definitely took a lot longer than I thought it would be, but it finally became super easy and accessible, you know, to the general public.

Right.

Sorry, sometimes I'm not great with my words, but it'd be you know, easy for people to find.

Yeah, I mean, it really did when I think about it, because now I've been in it for so long. Like, even if someone said, how do I start a podcast today? I mean, I started it before there was really a podcast, but I would say that the advice would still be just to keep doing it, be consistent, do it all the time. But I don't know what else I would— I mean, I think I made a lot of mistakes with it too, maybe, but the best thing was just to keep going.

Yeah, I think being supportive of other podcasts too definitely helps. Yeah, if you're, if you're listening to this and you want to start your own podcast, um, yeah, well, let's give some advice.

What do you think? Being support— yeah, having other—

be supportive, and then definitely bringing people on. So, um, we haven't even talked, but I do a podcast once a week now, but it's basically about travel and food, and then I interview like artists and things like that. It's called the What's New Podcast with Menace.

I love it.

Yeah, you can just search Menace on the iHeartRadio app and find it, or just go to whatsnewpod.com. But I, I interview people like Tom DeLonge from Blink-182, and I'll ask him— he's super into aliens, and then so the, you know, the big movement, Storm Area 51. So I'll ask him things like that.

Okay.

And then of course, you know, I love food and I love travel.

And of course, you like cruises and going to Disneyland?

Yeah, all over the place. So that's what I talk about, not really about sex. I did have one adult film star on His name's Ryan Driller.

Okay, Driller. Is that his real name?

No, but you would love him. He's great. He was a great guest. So I'm definitely going to recommend him to you.

Okay.

But of course, me, I don't really even ask him about sex. I just ask him like, how did— I just asked him how his, his job affected his family and how his family took it and stuff.

We weirdly didn't talk about your sex a lot. I mean, we always had a show about sex, but you didn't often talk about your own sex life.

Because I didn't think it was as entertaining as the guests.

Yeah, but sometimes we didn't have guests.

Yeah, but people, people are not at the Sex with Emily podcast to hear about your sex, to hear about my sex life. They want to know about your relationship. My relationship is great.

You're still in it, right?

Like, I'm still in it.

How many years in now?

Uh, 8 plus. But here's something, here, here's an announcement. We are getting married next year.

No way!

Yeah, man, this—

yeah, I'm so happy.

Yeah, I mean, you probably don't know because we didn't like go on social media and there's no photo of me on my knee with a ring or anything like that.

Okay, but yeah, I'm gonna cry right now. I'm so happy for you.

Yeah, so next year, can I come? It's going down.

No pressure.

Of course it's gonna be the most annoying topic of life if you If you listen to the show for a number of years, I always talk about Las Vegas, and it will be in Las Vegas.

Of course.

Yeah, of course. I want to, you know, I want Las Vegas to be my second home. It pretty much is. I'm there almost every other day.

Debunk my myth about Las Vegas. I'm like, guys who love Las Vegas are kind of like guys really into gambling and cheating on their partners, but you actually are not.

No, I wasn't.

You're not that guy.

I was just there last Friday and I saw Janet Jackson.

Oh my God, really?

Yeah.

That's crazy. Yeah, you do love Vegas. That's great, Menace. I'm so happy you guys stuck this out.

Thank you. Yeah.

Wow.

That's it. What's going on with your life? See, that's why people are here.

Okay, so my life has been interesting. You know what's funny, Menace, is that I don't— you know me, I never listen to these shows. I don't go back. Menace used to edit the shows, right?

Yeah.

Thank you. But I really have not listened to, I would say, in almost 15 years of podcasts, I've probably listened from start to finish maybe 4 or 5, and I've probably done thousands. Yeah. I started 14 years ago, and where I was at 14 years ago, which you can recall, was like, I was like learning about sex. I didn't have my doctorate. I was like, oh my God, I went to my first sex party. I was with Captain Erotica, remember?

Yeah.

All the people who were on early stages, and then I was in open relationships, and I was exploring it all, and I went through periods where I'd have like 3 dates a weekend or dating 3 guys at once, and then I was in relationships with people, and you've met some of the guys. And now where am I at? Now I actually had another break from dating the last 7 months.

Oh no. Yeah, 'cause last time we were talking about you were with somebody.

Oh right.

Yeah.

Yep, not with him anymore.

No.

So I broke up with him like 7, 8 months ago. And I decided that it was just time to kind of work on me again. I used to call it a manatorium.

Yeah.

Giving up men. Which I did that once before, like 10 years ago.

Yeah, it was a big thing.

It was a big thing. And I actually did it. Like I did not have sex I think for like, whatever, a few months. So I really just worked on like making a home and making this business, you know. We started the show on Sirius 7 months ago. So, so now I'm starting to date again, but I don't have a lot of information about it other than like I feel like I'm in a good place right now to start dating.

How are you doing it?

I got fixed up. I got fixed up with someone who only wanted to sext and have sex. Yeah, that was my first date out of the rain. I got fixed up with someone, and he was actually really— he was Cute. And I was like, but it wasn't just like he only wants to have sex with me, because you'd think, well, sex with Emily Morse, of course. What else am I going to do with someone with such a name? Um, I'm on apps. I don't love doing the apps. I'm getting—

apps are crazy. So I have a friend who posts all the messages that she gets from guys on, on her social page. I mean, she hides up their identity, right? But hilarious stuff. Guys are really messaging women like this?

This is insane. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, is, uh, the guys are, oh well, I just sold my company and, uh, you know, I have a bunch of free time and I would love to take you out on a date. Or, uh, my dog just died and oh, I, I'll pay you $50 to see your feet, you know.

Well dude, speaking of the foot fetish thing, I gotta tell you something really funny about that.

So it's a good side hustle if you guys want to start it.

Yeah, yeah, right, the feet stuff. Yeah, it is more and more prevalent now. So I got interviewed by a journalist in Montreal yesterday. Yeah. And she has been a fan of the podcast for 10 years at least, because she says, well, I remember you and Menace, and it's just so weird to me when she was like throwing back me. She goes, you and Menace used to talk about foot fetishes and say, we're confused, but if you have a foot fetish, email us, call us, talk to us. And no one would come up about— no one would follow up.

It'd be a code that we've been trying to crack forever. And I brought this up on the morning show that I work on, The Woody Show. Still, I try to get calls.

I've cracked it.

Oh, okay, good. Thank you.

I've totally cracked it.

Yeah.

And we actually did a show about it yesterday.

All right, good.

Serious show. But it was just funny that she was like throwing back to that, and I was like, God, you've really been listening a long time. She remembered a ton of things that I did not remember. But then it's like, so first of all, we do understand more about it now. And I just saw the Quentin Tarantino film because, you know, he has a foot fetish. Yeah, do you know that? There's a lot of the dirty feet in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Yeah, I know he had one. Yeah, but I haven't seen the movie.

I saw a movie before you.

I know, it's insane.

Well, Matt won't see movies with me anymore. But anyway, I saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, and yeah, he keeps planking down these foot fetishes. But it's just interesting because it goes back like since the beginning of time, people have had foot fetishes. And a lot of it has to do with the feet being Having so many nerve endings in it, first of all, reflexology, how people can like pressure points on the foot can actually feel really good. Freud said the foot looked like a penis. A lot of men have early fantasies in life where they don't even realize it, but like they could be like in class when they're like 9 years old and maybe they're like 12 and they're just starting to have like feelings about sexual feelings. But maybe at that same moment, their teacher is saying something very loving to them. And at the same moment, they're like looking down at the teacher's feet and then all of a sudden feet get linked up with like erotic images. And then whenever they have to get off, they have to think about feet, they have to have feet in front of them. And the feet just can be like an erotic zone. And I feel like now foot porn is one of the top search terms on all the porn sites.

Yeah, but is it because it's talked about and then it's put into people's heads that they should go check it out?

No, I believe what it is is that people actually have, it's kind of like a latent foot fetish. So it might already be festering inside, but they're repressing it. But now, that it's more available, they're like, oh yeah, that's familiar to me, I actually am into foot fetishes. So I think people are coming out more and more. And so all these women that I— not yet, since I just started on apps— they're all getting guys asking for feet, and that was not happening 10 years ago. So I don't know, like, right, is the tail wagging the dog here? What came first? But I think foot fetish is the most common fetish. Yeah, um, for many reasons. That's one of them.

I guess that halfway explains it to me. I don't know, because I still think of, you know, the female body and so many other things I would like to highlight other than the feet, you know.

But here's the other thing. We all know, you've learned this, that sex can get very boring, right? And we all need to update our sexual bag of tools, our sexual toolkit, if you will. And so if you— if, if feet can be a— right, I'm telling you, I've had my foot, feet, toes sucked on when they were clean, and it feels really good. I mean, it kind of— it, it feels very erotic to have like this appendage in a way going into someone's mouth and they're sucking on it. It can— it is sexy. And so if you have something else on our body, we get bored. If you're just going for my genitals, I'm already bored after a few months. So why not bring the feet in if it's something that you haven't tried yet? I'm just saying. So that's what it is. Yes, we have all the other things, but for some people it can be really erotic. Not for everybody, just something else to play with. Okay, good to know, right? All right, um, so, so anything else with your— anything else with your, uh, about your sex life or anything?

My sex life?

Or your relationship life?

I think it's better now that, again, I've gone back into the gym and lost weight.

How can we stick here at this level? Because you do do this every few years.

Yeah, the—

So glad to see you again.

Yeah, you too.

Please don't make— go down the road—

I mean, down the path again. I don't know. I think not being complacent in my day-to-day life.

Well, you were saying too, you have a morning.

Yeah, so my 45 AM, right? If no one knows my schedule, live on the West Coast, but I live on kind of an East Coast schedule of where our show broadcast from the West Coast, and but it could be heard on the East Coast, if that makes any sense. So I have to get up at 1:50 AM every day, and then we broadcast from at starting at 3 AM because that's 6 AM on the East Coast for all the morning radio out there. And then we kind of just go for 7 hours straight and it keeps on dropping off crazy as you come back, uh, to the West Coast.

Crazy. So when do you have time to like— yeah, and then you work late.

Yeah, so I have to be in bed every day by 8 PM.

And you do that, you're like, lights off, shut down, lights off.

You got to be super strict about it. But what I was doing before is not caring about what I ate and I would just— it would just be a cycle where I'd be exhausted and just, just every day that would be my schedule.

Up and light right now.

I know, right? And then remember all the times I would, I would come in, I could barely keep my eyes open.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, I like this healthy menace.

So I know the people— some people are listening and they might have been in the position that I was in before. Yeah. And I— it sucks going to the gym. It sucks. I'm telling you, it never gets better. I'm not gonna lie to you and go, oh, I feel so much better, I feel great going to the gym. Those are lies. But, um, there was— there's this guy who works with Conan. His name's Andy Richter, right? And I would see Andy Richter on my way to the gym and He kind of just said something to me while we were in the elevator, and he goes, just gotta do it, just gotta go, just gotta do it. That's what you gotta do.

So you go every day for an hour, you just do like—

yeah, but I didn't start— I didn't start out that way. I started with 10 minutes, 10 minutes, 10 minutes, and then next week add another 10 minutes, next week after that add another 10 minutes.

I like— I, I— one person, I need it, like I, I crave it. I, I do enjoy it, but it's not for everybody. Some people never ever get there.

Yeah, I don't think I'm that person. Yeah, I just say I gotta do it.

I do it. You're doing it. Well, that's— that's—

and it will make your life a lot better.

Yeah, well, I can see it in your eyes. I can see it in your— the way you're moving and talking. Yeah, that's great because we want you around for a long time.

Thank you.

Yes.

So what have you learned about sex since I've been gone?

Oh my God, so many things. I was gonna ask you that, um, but I was gonna say, so since the, the, um, what were you calling it, the iWatch earlier? It's actually the Apple Watch.

The Apple Watch.

I want to know what you think about this, that Apple's Siri routinely records you having sex. Have you heard this study that came out?

This disturbing story? I was trying to read past just the headlines about it. I go, was it, I don't know, accidentally activated? Or is it just constantly listening?

There's consultants who go in. Apple hired consultants who leaked this story, which is like, fire those fucking consultants. But they leaked these stories that they said even the sound of a zip, Siri hears a zipper as a trigger. And then she starts recording— she, Apple Watch, starts recording everything that you're saying. So private discussions between doctors and patients, business deals, sexual encounters, and so on.

I hate to break it to everybody, but it's not just Siri, it's every app. You know, if you read the fine print in every single app that you download and it says access to your microphone, they're doing that. They're listening to everything you're saying. Why do you think some of the apps have ads?

That's chills and scary.

I want to throw this phone away. Have ads that pop up that you haven't even searched on your phone. Like, why are you— why suddenly you're talking about going to the Bahamas and then there's an app for a cruise for the Bahamas on your phone? It's because they're listening to everything. They're listening for triggers of what you're saying. I'm not a Big Brother, like, crazy conspiracy guy. I live my life where I'm not going to do anything that's going to put me in jail, so I don't really care what they're listening, listening to. And I go, oh wait, you're gonna show me an ad of something that I'm interested in? I don't really care, you know. And I know some people are super paranoid about that, but that's just how I am.

That did just happen. I was Googling a flight for something, and then, and then all of a sudden it came into my Google that I— like, I was Googling on my computer, but on my phone I got an email, something.

Well, because it has— that has to do with your web browser because web browser is recording everything you're saying.

All that stuff. But you think people are really— okay, so that's, that's disturbing.

When it comes to, when it comes to sex and online, there's the biggest, the big scam that's making people afraid, and they're getting blackmailed all the time. There's a lot of emails that are coming up where you'll get email, go, and it says, I know everything you've watched, uh, regarding porn. Your camera has been recording, uh, you, and we can see what you've been masturbating to. And if you don't send this amount of money. Oh, that happens all the time. And some people get afraid and they think that's actually happened. They go, we've recorded you, we're gonna release these videos to your contact list if you don't send us a certain amount of money. You haven't heard about this?

No. Have, have you guys? I haven't heard about this.

Yeah, because I don't— it's happened to people that I've known.

Do they send the money?

No, they don't send the money.

I hope not.

Don't ever send money to anyone. Yeah, don't send anybody.

Oh, you remember the things we used to talk about There was the, um, having sex over the internet thing that I've talked about years ago. You predicted it has happened, or that we've talked about, is being able to have sex with these— with the toys that can communicate and, yeah, virtual reality.

I know, remember people used to laugh at me. I go, dude, there's gonna be one thing— there's gonna be a thing where you can have sex through your laptop, and then on the other side of the country, you know, your partner's gonna have a toy and they're gonna be feeling what you're having sex with.

And that's— that happened.

Yeah, that happened, right?

Yeah, it's all happened. I know a lot. Well, that's the thing in thinking about what's changed over the last 14 years. I don't think we started— we didn't have social media. We did have MySpace, which I never did. And then I remember one day, I'll never forget this, it was like 2008, you're like, dude, you got to sign up for this thing called Twitter.

Yeah.

I was like, you like pull— I was in immediate— you're like, you have to get on Twitter. I'm like, okay. Yeah, but there— that was 2009, 2008.

And now it sucks because there's so many things, you know, being based in San Francisco, we saw exploding. And I go, why didn't we spend an extra 5 minutes and try to— why didn't we monetize that?

I don't know why.

Be a part of that more, you know?

Yeah, we love doing what we're doing.

I know. I remember going in the Twitter office and it was a little bit bigger than the room that we're in now.

Exactly, just a little. Oh man, that was—

yeah, I said, you know what, I could have swept the floors for you or whatever.

I know, it's okay. We're doing well now. We're doing well. We're doing—

yeah, but you still love doing radio. Absolutely. Yeah, it's super fun.

Um, that's good.

I'm not complaining.

That's good. Well, you seem like—

I would like to do it like from a yacht, but could you though?

Couldn't you take it on?

Yeah, I could, but I wanted it to be a yacht that I own, you know what I'm saying?

Are you investing your money? Did you buy a place?

Nah, almost bought a place in Las Vegas.

Do you love it that much?

I do. Okay, I do. I just don't do like all the cheesy go to a club every single night and sleep until 4 in the afternoon the next day. I just go to— I go to shows, check out nice restaurants. It has nice shopping. You can't beat the cost of living there. I just kind of just want it as a second home, that's all. I'm not gonna— I'm not gonna move there and be based out there, but, um, I, I don't want to pay for the hotel rooms anymore, you know.

You probably don't have to. Doesn't your company pay for it?

A lot. Yeah, we had the— shout out to the iHeartRadio Festival coming up, uh, September— no, September 20th and 21st.

I've never been there.

Go to the iHeartRadio Festival.

All right guys, we're gonna take a quick break, and when we come back, we're gonna get into your questions. All right, so what about this? The most annoying parts of sex that no one talks about.

Talking after?

Just talking in it all. Exactly. Yeah. I love that part of it.

What?

That's my favorite part.

I know, you will talk somebody to death.

I know, I love it. Getting a pubic hair caught in your throat.

Okay, I haven't had that happen.

Okay, when the ejaculate seeps out afterwards. That doesn't happen to you either.

Oh, guys afterwards?

Oh, a woman. No, if you ejaculate into a woman.

Yeah.

Or, yeah, I guess a woman.

What, are you just like cleaning up afterwards in general?

Well, you gotta get up and go to the bathroom and then there's like stuff dripping down your leg, you know?

Yeah, the overall cleanup.

This is the right— overall cleanup.

That can be annoying.

Hip cramps.

Yes.

Do you get cramps?

Not recently, but I have. And you try to fight through it too.

Gotta fight through the cramps.

Yeah, but sometimes you gotta stop because the pain is just overwhelming.

Right, exactly. Sleeping over afterwards, not as comfortable. People are just— people are so set in their ways now. I mean, you're in your relationship, but some people just don't want anyone to sleep over. That's my favorite part, is the cuddling.

Yeah, I don't—

not my favorite part.

I don't think I've run in a situation where like, oh, you need to leave now. Like, stay if you want to stay.

You're like, I'm out, I don't care, I've already passed out.

Yeah.

Um, the suction cup sound when things get really sweaty.

Yes.

Do you think that's annoying? I don't think all this stuff is annoying. Yeah.

Uh, okay, maybe I'm just not that mean.

I know, maybe you've gotten nicer.

I don't know.

Okay, what else do we got here? Um, when the pressure feels so good and you feel like you're gonna pee, that happens for women. All right, that means— let me tell you this, guys, here's a tip.

If you guys don't even care if you did—

well, they don't, right? Yeah, some guys would. Some guys in the past wouldn't. See, man, I think you've matured. You used— that stuff you used to think would bother you.

No, it wouldn't. I, I'm trying to think you're like a man. Yeah, I know. So if you listen to me over the past, I don't know, many years, I've always said that most of these hang-ups that women talk about, that they're afraid of, that what a guy would think— guys don't care. Guys are straight dogs, man.

They are, right? You know, what have you learned?

Just give them a treat and they're happy.

We really don't care. You don't care about it.

Like, no, don't care.

Like, we're not looking at your— yeah, your body in the way that we think you are.

No, not at all.

So we just—

we're just happy that, like, guys are just happy that you're there and you're having sex with them.

Yeah, they're so happy. And they—

I mean, there is some dicks out there who want you to leave immediately, but that's not all the guys.

No. And I found some of these men who were like, oh yeah, she has to look perfect and do all these things. But like, I'm just like, that's not your person.

Like psychos, honestly.

How about sleeping in the wet spot?

Sleeping in the wet spot? Do I want to?

No one wants to. Wasn't there something that we had that like seeps up the wet spot? That's like you put powder on it, or there's some kind of spray or something? It is. Yes, we can give it. Are you ready to go into the sex closet yet and take stuff?

No, I'm afraid you have the door shut. I, I don't even know what you have in there.

That's amazing. Did you ever—

oh, do you know what's hilarious? I was talking to, um, somebody to be nameless, but it was a gay guy that we were around, and you gave him a Fleshlight. Okay, you probably don't remember. I, I barely even remember this. I know that you had a bag of toys one day when we were hanging out. And he's like, you don't understand how great the Fleshlight is. It's the best. I use it with my partner.

I'm so glad. Yeah.

And I always thought like a Fleshlight thing was kind of a heterosexual thing. No, I never thought about—

you have a penis.

I, I get it. I understand. But I, I think— I don't know, I thought— I always thought like of heterosexual guys are the ones that are going out and buying all these things, because gay guys that I know they have no problem of just finding other gay guys to have sex with.

But it's about variety. Yeah, so it's something different because it's like masturbation. The thing with the Fleshlight is you use your hand. Yeah, something a little bit different. I was always trying to talk you into trying that. You wouldn't try it. Yeah, I get it.

But he swears by it.

I could bring him more. Yeah, I could give you more for your friends. There's something called the Hot Octopus now, which is a—

what?

You put it around your penis. It's like a— yeah, it's like a little cozy for your penis, kind of, and it has a little a little vibrator inside that oscillates around your frenulum. Do you remember where the frenulum is?

The frenulum?

Do you remember the frenulum?

No, I don't.

Have you learned stuff? You learned something. It's the underside of the penis. So, here's your penis, and there's a tip to your penis. We need our prosthetic penises here. Not like a real penis. But on the underside of the penis, this part where the shaft meets the tip, right there, that is the magic spot. So, it has some oscillation and it goes around and cozies up to your penis and then it does a little doo around and makes it feel good. And have orgasms and stuff. So you could take one of those.

How long do you last? Have you had races?

I know, no, it depends who you are. But maybe— oh, we do have one. Not very long. We should just leave these on the table. Okay, wait, so here's your balls. Oh look, thanks Jane, there's a penis. Yeah, here's the frenulum.

Okay, yeah, I have one of those.

So this is like organ—

so we're looking— so, so is this a circumcised penis? You would think?

No, this is circumcised. Yes, circumcised penis.

Okay.

Circumcised penis. Shaft meets the head. The shaft meets the—

I feel like I'm in sex ed right now.

You should. Have you seen the movie Sex Ed on Netflix?

Yes.

It was great, right?

Yeah, it was really good.

So there you go, right there. That is the magic spot. So if you're with a penis owner, as we say now, and you're licking it or touching it— do you know we have to all the things? Yeah. So we are licking it around. That's just the spot, that that is a happy spot. So this toy I like this. Have we had this for— Jamie, we've had— this is the one that was in the dome. Yeah, that's the light-up penis that spins around and lights up.

Wow, on display.

Yeah, it's like, you know how we used to get those like glass things? Yeah, where that like if you put the light on and it was like in the middle of the glass, it was like a wolf or a giraffe or something. It's like, but it's just you put the penis on top.

Nice.

Yeah, dude, check that shit. So that's amazing. Um, I just want it here all the time. Yeah, I just feel like I'm always doing like a lot of gesticulating and I can just show it now. Um, what else do we got?

Oh, I wanted to ask you, so how fun is it though? I mean, we— I know we love doing podcasts, but being on SiriusXM radio, it must be so fun to talk to people because, you know, initially that's where you and I first started was on— yeah, radio. So we can get people to call in and there are no dub buttons.

Yeah, so I know, and people call in, like, our lines are pretty full every night, and we have people calling in from all over America, all over North America, asking questions. And the thing that I love about it, Manus, is that it's really like changing lives. Like, on the podcast, we know that people are emailing in with questions, and it's, it's great helping people that way, but now getting to talk to people and helping them through all whatever it is in 5 minutes or less, and, and helping them even just figure out the next step for wherever they're stuck sexually, romantically, dating, all this stuff, it just, it's pretty, um That's what I know and love about you too, is that you love talking to people.

You're not like a shut-in where I don't want this person to talk to me. You definitely will talk to anybody that will come by.

I enjoy it.

Immediately ask them about their sex life.

Immediately. Or they'll tell me, and sometimes there have been times I'm like, can we not get into what I do? I don't remember where I was, and I was somewhere, they're like, so tell me about your work and what you do. And I literally had to turn around and be like, I, I can't talk about work right now. But mostly I, I love it. I love doing the show. I love doing radio. What is it though about radio, you think, Madness? Why do we love it? Because also I've remember, as you might remember this, that my dad, who died when I was young, he loved radio too. He was a DJ and then he went on to be a lawyer, but I know he always loved radio. And I love it just because of the immediacy of it, and you're so— I don't know, you're in— it's that adrenaline and you have to be so focused. But what is it that you love about radio?

Uh, I think maybe because I started from film and television and it was such— I mean, not that radio is not a collaborative effort, It is, but it's more of your ideas, you can just do them, you know. When I, when I went to film school, I always had a compromise. And I do work on a show of there's 10 people, but there's very little compromise on ideas. And I hate when somebody has an idea and it gets shut down. And I don't think you get too much. It's like when you do radio You do that idea and you see if it works. And if it doesn't work, you'll know right away.

You just let it go. How do you know? Yeah, we should talk about that.

Yeah, well, we have a texting system for our show that people text in in real time and they'll tell me if something's working or not.

Who is it though? Like listeners?

Yeah, just listeners. Yeah, they're like, just stop doing the segment right now. It'll be in the middle of the segment that are like, this is terrible, move on.

But how do you know? Like, how do you—

But you gotta— you kind of have to trust your gut and re—

you can feel it. You can feel in the moment it's going.

Yeah, if it's good or not, right? You know, and some things I push through and I'm like, oh man, afterwards it'll ruin my day sometimes.

Yeah, I know, but same.

Yeah, not for what the people say, because, you know, you got to have a thick skin. People will, uh, people will destroy you over nothing. It's social media, which I feel bad because I actually— I was talking to a a younger radio person just recently, and he goes, how do you deal with it? Because he's afraid to progress even more, to try more, because he, he's afraid of what people think. And those people that'll hit him up on social media and say, oh, you're terrible, or things like that. And finally, I've got a thick skin, but I hate disappointing myself. You know, I have an idea and I execute it and it didn't go well. I'm disappointed in myself. I don't care what other people—

no, that's how I am too. I feel like, um, when I can feel it, like I didn't execute it well, or I didn't— I wish I was more prepared for it, I, I— or just didn't go well, like I'm like, ah, yeah, it's about that. Yeah, hard on ourselves.

It sucks. But I want to go back to your dating life real quick. Okay, because people are interested in that. So you're off the apps, which I kind of support, because man, again, and talking to my friends, and the messages that they share are just out of this world. How do you find somebody legit? I feel out of that.

I've been—

and I, I like through friends kind of thing.

Friends, through friends, through going out. I meet people when I'm out, when I go out. Um, yeah, I just got fixed up, or I'll meet people. I'm just ready now. I feel like the thing about dating— and this is what I always tell people, it's actually true— when you are ready to date, you have to let people know that you're, you're single. Like, let your friends know. Like, I, I had a few people fix me up. I was out I met a friend last night. She's like, oh, I'm like, I'm single, you can totally fix me up. She's like, let me think about it. So now I know in the moment she didn't have anyone, but I'm sure if something comes up, she'll think about it. We don't think to tell people that, maybe because we feel like it seems desperate or we don't want to bother you. But people love finding love for people. They're like, how great if I could. So then you plant the seed. It's like when you're looking for a job, you let everyone know that you're single. And I think, I think I do those, those same things. So I also, um I mean, it's just starting now. I feel like I meet people, but I also am much more— the thing I've gotten a lot better at, Madness, is I know more what I want and what I don't want and what I will tolerate and what I will not. And so I feel like in a sense I know myself so well that I can just kind of— I can just have a few, and I don't mind talking to someone beforehand. I think it's really important. I don't want to get ready and drive across town and do my makeup and get ready and show up and be like, this date is not it. So I can already tell there's no chemistry. So I will like FaceTime before the date, or I will talk before the date, Oh, that's gonna kill that, that's gonna— no, I've saved time, be efficient. I'm like, this is what I want, this is where I'm going. And I think in my 20s I was like, I have all the time in the world to date people who suck or whatever. Like, you used to make fun of me, like, who the hell are you dating? Like, you used to make some of the guys, you're like, really, that guy? Yeah, remember I crashed that guy's car that one time when you were in it?

Yeah, that was pretty bad.

But what happened? I'm trying to—

I backed into it, backed into a pole.

But he was a jerk.

Um, we talked about this, we've talked about this numerous times over the years, not wasting time. Like, shoot your shot. If you like somebody, shoot your shot, see what happens. Again, you said this probably a billion times on the show, you're not gonna die if they say no. Nothing physically is gonna happen to you. You're— you, you'll be disappointed, it'd be sad, but at least you haven't wasted any time, right? You know, you can go on and meet the next person. We do this thing on The Woody Show where it's called— so there's The Bachelorette, which—

yes, no, I, I'm into it. I watched it for the first season.

I haven't watched— I haven't watched one second of it.

Okay, so ever in your life?

Ever.

Okay, I just started.

But we talk about, uh, we do this segment and it's called A Black— A Bachelorette. So we interview women on the street and talk about some of the dates that they've been on. And I'm gonna tell you right now that if you're a guy who thinks that they can't get a date, you should hear some of these stories on these dates that they've gone on with these guys. And if these guys can get a date, I'm telling you right now, you can too. So an example, just recently, one that we played, this woman was like, oh yeah, I was on a date with this guy and he got a call call, and it was from this woman that he used to date, and she was in labor because she was having his baby. So I had— he didn't have a car, so I— we left the date and I drove him to the hospital.

Stop.

Yeah, I drove him to the hospital and I sat there with him. I actually even went into the labor room and brought him coffee because he was tired.

He didn't even know that she was having his— or did she know he was having—

yeah, he knew, but he didn't think it was— but this is like Yeah, this is a first date and this guy is getting women to drive him to the hospital.

Crazy.

And then they're like, oh, did you continue to date? Yeah, we went on a couple more dates.

Oh my God.

So if you're listening to this podcast, you're like, I can't get a date. I'm telling you, the guy who has no job, no car, who's having a baby with somebody else, is having a woman drive him to the hospital I'm telling you, you can get a date. You just can't be shy.

You can't be shy.

And I used to be the shyest person ever, but now I just don't give a crap.

I know, that's true too. When you're younger self, like, what would you tell your younger self? You'd say just go do it. Just do it.

Yeah, just ask them out. Find out if they like you or not.

And now we— now I think we're into a place too, man, it's where I think that women are asking about— women are asking out.

That's something I've always said on the show too.

Yeah, just do it. Just do it.

I think you used to be anti that, but I think you're on board now.

I've evolved. But I think I used to be more like, oh, I think that let men— they need to do the chasing. I believe in evolutionary biology that makes men want to chase and hunt and gather. And I think that now we are all more equal, that we— I, I think, yes, we've always talked about how men can't read signs.

Men, again, we're dogs, we're dumb. I'm sorry. And if you're a man and you're listening to this and you're offended by that, you know it's true. We can't—

I don't know, they're all— I think some men are more emotionally available, right? I'm emotionally more mature. But I think that typically— there was a study that came out years ago that said that men typically can't read some of the signs that— yeah, they're not picking up on.

No idea if you like me or not. I— you're nice, maybe you're just being nice to me, right? I don't know if you're actually into me or not, you know?

I think so.

I think so. Just make it apparent to a guy. If you feel that you're letting a guy know that you're into them and the guy has not taken any action on it, then maybe they're not picking up on those signs. Just tell them, hey, would you want to go out? Yeah, why not?

Exactly. I don't— I don't— I think it's a different world right now, and I think that every— there are more single people out there than ever before. And so to think that you can't find anybody, I think, is ridiculous. To think that you live in the worst place ever to date— everyone thinks that wherever they live sucks. So try it. Go out, ask, um, put yourself out there, be vulnerable. That's all great, man.

I know. Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. I'm just trying to think of what's changed. There weren't dating apps. And the study came out last week that showed that like 4 people are meeting online now more than anywhere else. So it's not that I don't like— and I do have the apps and all that stuff. I just don't enjoy them, getting back to people, the texting. I already suck at texting.

I have, I have people in my life who got married off of Craigslist, you know.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm not, I'm not poo-pooing the dating uh, online thing. I'm just saying that I, as a woman, I don't know how you deal with it because the guy— the guys out there, it's just crazy.

I know, because you're hearing— well, that story, that was enlightening about the woman who's like, yeah, but we will put up for so much. But I think that men do too.

I guess there's always diamonds in the rough.

There are. But do you think it's really different here? Mine is because we both have the San Francisco and the LA experience. Yes, you do think it's absolutely. How so, dating-wise or just life-wise?

I think, and you're probably part of the problem, is the distance thing. So when you live in a concentrated city like San Francisco, Chicago, New York City, uh, it's easy to get around, right? And here there's a, there's a weird thing too about— there's the Valley, and then people in West Hollywood don't like the Valley, right? And my— the funny thing, and they won't go over to the Valley I absolutely love the Valley. And the thing is, which I find hilarious, is the people— let's pick on West Hollywood for a second.

Okay.

People in West Hollywood, even though I live here, they think they're above people that live in the Valley. And it's funny because then I'll go visit them as a guy who does live in the Valley and say, wait a minute, you pay how much for this shitty apartment? And I think you live— and people where I'm from live in a way nicer place, but yet you think I'm better than you. You're better than me.

Better. See this?

No, there's this like this weird thing, but it's— again, let me get back to— I'll, I'll get to my point.

I don't think I'm better.

There is— I, I understand. Okay, but there is like this weird—

there's this weird thing where I don't drive anywhere. I go my whole life is 1.2 miles. That's what I—

that's the point they're about to make is that people won't date outside of a certain distance.

Oh, that I can't do because I'm not gonna drive unless they drive to me all the time. I'm not gonna drive.

Yeah, so you limit—

it's limiting.

Yeah, you limit the circle. So I think that's what's much different about dating in different cities.

Because you could date anyone in any— it's a very small town.

Yeah.

And you could date anyone anywhere. Although now it sucks, the traffic and all that. It's like, remember there wasn't traffic when you grew up?

Oh, it's horrible. It's just as bad.

You're never gonna go back there. Though?

Uh, eventually, yeah, I will. I think so.

You're gonna like babies and stuff? No, no, no, you're not.

I have my French Bulldogs. I'm good.

You're not gonna have kids?

No, I'm good.

Yeah, that's good. I get it. Same.

And it sucks. I hate to say this, but I would say, I don't know, out of the 100% of people that I know that have kids—

oh, tell me—

90% of them just tell me how much, how miserable they are all the time because of the kids.

Yeah.

And they just vet. And but there is that small percentage who just absolutely love it.

I mean, they love their kids, but life is harder. And here's the other thing, it is no secret that when you have children, it does take a huge toll on your sex life.

Yeah, and anybody that's listening—

don't be surprised.

Yeah, and anybody that's listening that has kids, I'm, you know, I'm— I, I feel for you because I hear these stories from my friends on stuff that they have to deal with, and it's horrible. And, um, you guys off the air were talking talking about the TV show Euphoria. And I think that Euphoria is like almost true. I know some of it's like hyperbolic, but it's kind of, it's kind of true to life, I think, in urban, just urban life, urban life, like drug use and with young people and stuff like that. And I couldn't imagine going through that. I know we, we, we definitely have friends and family have gone through drug issues, but having a child that you raised who was this innocent little kid who has to, has to go through something like that, I don't know. I don't know if that's something that I could, that I could deal with. It'd be super rough, right?

No, it is rough. And I still have my own things to deal with and managing my own life. It is a harder time to grow up now. It's funny, we were talking about this because millennials get all this, like, this slack right now. Are we slack? Is that the word? We get all this crap to millennials. They got— because Because they're just whatever people say about millennials, that they're only connected to their phones or they're lazy or whatever. But we were saying that, and I don't think that, I mean, obviously I have wonderful millennials who work around me, but they were saying that Gen X, our generation, we don't get much. Like we're kind of are the generation that, you know, baby boomers were above us. They had a bunch of, but we're Gen X, right? You're not a millennial.

No.

Thank God.

I barely missed it, yeah.

But we, what is our thing? Like we grew up, it was still more innocent.

Absolutely. I think—

I don't think that we had as much. I mean, that's the word, like drugs. Maybe I never saw drugs until I was like—

Millennials definitely just have way more access to all the stuff. When I—

porn and sex.

Yeah, when I want to watch porn, I had to look at a scrambled signal and I would see a boob, right? You know, like here, uh, every kid, when you go to a restaurant, they have a tablet, you know, and they could pull up porn if they wanted to.

Yeah, you're like at Applebee's and your little kids, you're not looking at what they're eating.

They can see everything they want to see.

I know.

They can get whatever they want.

But yeah, exactly. So Euphoria on HBO has been— yeah, it's really, it's, it's, it's harrowing. It really is. And it's kind of—

I'm obsessed with it. I've watched every single episode.

Yeah, I am. I'm almost there.

Watch it if you haven't watched it, people.

What else have you— you said you watch Sex Education?

Sex Education. Of course, I'm always— I'm still into all the reality shows even though I don't watch The Bachelorette. I love the Vanderpump Rules, all the Bravo shows. Do you still watch other—

Menace and I were on a Bravo show. Yeah.

Yeah, for a quick second.

We were, we had one season, 2012. It's called Misadvised. Out of all my friends, they met everybody in my life, they only liked mine to be on.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, do you remember that? Yeah, dude, that was hell, but it was a good show. It was a good time.

It was fun.

Um, should we— do you want to answer some emails like old times?

Yes, please.

I love emails. Yeah. All right guys, we're gonna answer your questions. It's what we— why I, I love doing this. I love answering emails. If you want to answer an email, you can email me feedback@sexwithemily.com. Or go to the Ask Emily tab on the Sex with Emily site, but no matter how you do it, include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Yes. Ready.

Do it.

Alright. This is from Jordan, he's 20 in Maryland. Hi Emily, I'm transferring to an out-of-state college this fall.

Sweet.

Right?

Yeah.

I've had a summer fling with my prom date from high school that has now turned into a relationship. I'm a pretty loyal man, pretty loyal, but I'm concerned about the stereotype/temptation around sex in college. Any tips on this would help. "Also, how to handle being the more experienced partner since I'm my new girlfriend's first." Let me tell you this, Jordan.

And we've always actually differed on this subject.

Oh, have we? What I'm gonna say is—

Go ahead, what are you gonna say?

I don't even know that we do. We're like an old couple. Like, I don't remember this. Do we disagree the fact that you should not bring your— Don't bring sand to the beach. Don't bring your love from high school to college. Do not do it. Don't. You are 20 years old. I think that your prom date from high school— No. Go to college. You will have sexual temptation in college. You already had a summer fling that turns into something. At your age, you're very susceptible to finding people that you're going to be attracted to, and believe me, the second you step foot on campus, there's going to be a whole lot more. And I just think that in college, that you can get distracted if you're always talking to people back at home and you're texting and emailing, FaceTiming. You will not be able to be fully present with your college experience, and that includes includes meeting new people. What do you think, Menace?

See, this is where we differ.

Okay.

I mean, if you're in a relationship, I would say go ahead and, you know, try it. Try to, to continue the relationship if you want to. That's what I'm gonna say. Because if you're in a college— if you get to college, I'm gonna give you a story in a second.

All right.

But when you get to college and you're just gonna do it just to do it, then What does it matter? You know, you're just like, oh, because I just want to get my, my numbers up because I'm in college and I'm just gonna hook up with, you know, all these chicks just because I want to and to have the real college experience. I say if you really, really like the person and you think you can continue the relationship, go ahead and try it. Uh, I'm gonna tell you right now I was in a relationship, um, just out of high school. My partner, she went off to a different school. We tried to continue the relationship. 2 weeks later, I got a call and say, where do you think we're gonna be at? I go, I don't know, hopefully together. Well, yeah, I don't think it's gonna— it's gonna work out, right? So fast forward maybe a year and a half later, she was— she couldn't continue school, she had to move back on home and try to call me and then continue relationship. I didn't want to continue it. So that's what happened to me. I'm not— I'm not saying— what I'm saying is don't automatically do the stereotypical thing. Well, I'm off to college, I need to automatically end my relationship.

But let's just think about this. Let's talk about Jordan though.

I think that's so—

he had a fling.

Yeah.

And, and it's his first, so now he wants to know how he's more experienced. Now he's got to teach her how to sex, and he's not even going to be there. He's moving out of town. He's going to an out-of-state college. He's going to be in another state.

I get it. That's the thing. That's the textbook thing that everyone's going to tell you to do. Automatically break up.

They barely were together. They had a fling. Capital F fling.

Wait, hold on. Reread that email because he said, I'm in a relationship.

Summer fling with my prom date that's turned into a relationship. It's summer, dude. It's summer.

You're glossing over the part that it turned into a relationship.

Relationship.

You're in a relationship.

I'm the doctor, sex doctor. I'm done.

I understand.

Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it.

Okay, do the textbook thing then. Just break down—

I'm not doing the textbook thing. I'm a doctor.

I'm a therapist. I'm— I understand.

Menace. I'm right.

I understand.

I appreciate your advice.

I understand you're right. I understand you're right. But I'm just saying, like, at least if you're in a relationship, at least try to get to—

Can you come over Christmas or something for the break? Yeah, I mean, honey, listen, I, I I dated my high school prom date.

Again, I told you we differ, but we're done differing, and now I'm stating what you should do.

Okay, Jordan appreciates your input.

Yeah, Jordan, I don't mean to like put two different answers in your head.

Okay, I'm just saying, listen to Menace.

No, no, wait, okay, maybe I can reword it.

Okay, try.

Okay, do you really, really, really like this person? Is this somebody that you really want to be with? That's what you should ask yourself. Ask yourself, and then you can make a decision.

You don't see her when you get on Temptation Island and you're on campus and there's all new women walking around you want to hook up with. I get it, you're going to want to do it.

I understand.

You got to come back and teach her things, and you're 20. I just think— I just don't want you— I don't ever— because when I was a freshman in college— no, I'm not holding on. I had a freshman when I was—

okay, I'll let you—

my senior—

but let me answer.

Nope, my senior—

I want to answer after you though.

No, maybe because I have another—

no, I have another thing that I want to say because I don't— I don't want— I don't want— no, I'm just saying I don't want Jordan to be like my ex-girlfriend where he comes back a year and a have, and he wants to be with that girl.

Working hard, he's transferring, which means he's taking his life seriously. I get it. He's leaving the country, he's leaving. That's hard.

He's, he's got to get it on his shoulders. But okay, let's say he gets out of college and he goes, you know what, I ran through all these girls and it didn't fulfill my life, and I want to be with the, the girl I totally messed up.

When we come to it. But right now, why is that necessary?

Why not try to continue? Why?

Okay, here's my—

you don't want to hear it.

When I was a senior in college, high school, I believe in true love.

That's why you don't want to hear—

I believe in true love. I believe in truth. Yes, my high school boyfriend, I— he's amazing, he's a great guy, but we were together senior, then I went to a different college than he did, and I spent all of freshman year driving back and forth to his college and my college.

And you know, I get it, you don't like driving. We've talked about this.

It wasn't just the driving, it was like I should have been present in my college meeting new people, but I was like, oh, my boyfriend, blah blah blah. Guess what? Didn't work. In fact, none of your relationships, many relationships under the age of 30 are not gonna work. So that's the other thing. Wait until you're 30 at least to get married, Jordan. So go to college and have fun.

I didn't say get married.

Dude, we're moving on.

Okay.

But Jordan, you know that I'm right. Okay. Okay.

Godspeed, Jordan.

Ready? Okay. I love this penis. It gives me power. This is from Rebecca.

I know you can't see it 'cause it's a podcast, but she's swinging a penis at me. Me in anger as we're talking.

Yeah, it's a hard— it's like, oh yeah, you take an eye out with that thing. Okay, this is from Rebecca, 26, in Ohio. All right. Hey Emily, I love listening to you while I'm at work. It's a great show and it helps me a lot. I've been with my person for about 4 months now. He's sexually inexperienced and I've had quite a few sex partners. Every time I mention something such as Hustler or anything sexually related, he makes a comment, I'm sure you've been there a million times, or I'm sure you've done this before with someone else. Even if I have, that's none of his business and also makes me feel bad about myself. It's like he sees me as a floozy or something. So he's kind of slut-shaming her. Is there any way I can get him to stop saying those things, or do you have any idea of why this would be? Thank you so much, Rebecca. Okay, Rebecca, here's the thing. Um, you've been with him for 4 months, he's inexperienced. Listen, when somebody feels that they are less experienced than you are, whether it's the man or the woman, they're going to feel threatened. And how it's coming up is his insecurities, like, oh, you've probably done this before, you probably know all this, because he's insecure about it. So I think the more you can not even pay attention to his comments, like, like, because he's not meaning to hurt you and he's not trying to treat you like a floozy. What he actually is saying is like, I feel really insecure right now, I don't have this experience. So I think what you can do is, it sounds like what he needs from you is some reiteration and some confirmation that he's doing, he's doing fine as he is, and the things that you really love about your sex life. Because you're not saying that, you're saying he's sexually inexperienced, but you're not emailing me saying saying he's sexually inexperienced, how do I teach him what to do? You seem like you're probably pretty satisfied in your relationship. Your question is, how do I get him to stop feeling so bad? Yeah, so I think you really just have to affirm what you like about it and say, you know what, I'm not really concerned with my past right now. I'm really focused on the sex we're having right now.

Yeah, the second you threatened— you threatened that— I don't say, oh, I'm not gonna have sex with you anymore, but the second you started getting that in his head, oh wait a minute, she's upset with me, he's gonna wanna— he's gonna wanna stop that right away, you know? Yeah, that's gonna cut off the good time that you guys are having together.

Exactly.

I— again, we've always talked about this, and you always have the tagline, communication is the lubrication.

I still have it.

Yeah, uh, be direct. It goes back to not wasting time, you know? If there's something that, that bothers you, yeah, tell him. And if he continues with it, then you have to think, do I want to continue this?

Yeah, that is true. I mean, you could— I still think that you could just reinforce what he needs to make it feel like he's a really good lover. But if he keeps saying these things, instead of saying, why do you say that, it makes you feel bad, you could say, you could say, when you say those things to me, it makes me feel like you have a judgment around my sexual past. But what I'm reading through the lines here is that he's just insecure. Insecure, which makes sense. So I think you could either just address his comments and/or just focus on what you love about your sex life together, and that's going to bring up his confidence. Because maybe he's just not feeling it, because it's hard to be with someone who's more experienced. Have you been with someone more experienced before?

Yeah, but I'm not being a bitch like this dude.

Well, right. He's—

I'm— I say that in a nice way.

I know you do, in the nicest way.

Yeah.

This is from Marissa. She's, uh, in New York. All right, just Hamily, I love your show.

I love your city, by the way, Marissa.

I love New York. My boyfriend and I have a very healthy sex life. This is what I miss about you, man. You're like, they have the best burgers in Minnesota. Oh yeah, there's a show.

I love the food. New York, what's up to Black Tap? Love Black Tap. They finally have Black Tap on the West Coast. Yes, love it.

Okay. Hi Emily, I love your show. Um, my boyfriend and I have a very healthy sex life and great intimacy. We talk about fantasies and we're very vocal about things we want to try. We fantasize about threesomes, dirty talk in bed, or sexting, and in order to be on the same page, we've started picturing a mutual friend of ours. However, I've already tried a threesome once years ago with my ex, and it was with that same friend. My boyfriend has never tried a threesome, and I never told him about it for two reasons. One, it was with our mutual friend, and I didn't feel like disclosing a sexual experience of hers when we agreed never to tell anyone. Number two, it was such a blip on the radar, a drunk experience with my ex We weren't happy. Our sex life was nothing compared to what I have with my current partner. I don't want to tell him I've had this experience, but the more we talk about fantasies, I feel like I'm lying and would hate for him to feel like I kept something from him. And aside, I'm not sure I would ever actually go through with the threesome, or is it simply a bedroom fantasy? What do I do?

So I don't tell him. No, please. Well, here's the thing, ever take that to the grave. Also, she brings up a good point. Sorry to cut you off. Yeah, you answered right away. Yeah, this is the Sex with Emily podcast. I'll sit back. Can I just say real quick though? Geez.

He's just good.

No, I'm just saying, like, as a— from a guy's perspective, yeah, don't tell him. It's unnecessary. And she brought up a good point where it was with somebody else that you agreed that you would not tell anybody, and that's not cool, right?

Yeah. Okay, so let me say this. I don't think— I believe first when I was reading this, I thought that you were saying, should I tell my boyfriend that it was with this friend? But you've never even told your boyfriend that you you've had a threesome. Now, if it was one threesome years ago, I don't think you have to tell him. I don't think you have to tell about a threesome. I don't, especially because he's going to say with who, and then you're going to be lying about your friend. So I don't think that. However, I think that, um, if you actually do want to have a threesome with him, I think go ahead and do it and just don't have it with this friend. Obviously, there's many people to have a threesome with. I mean, you're in goddamn New York Plus, yeah, all these apps, there's all these places. Yeah, what's that third person called? I had a coworker, F-E-E-L-D, and then there's, um, Cassidy, and then there's FetLife. Um, there's a bunch of them. We have a thing in our site, FetLife.

She was talking about—

go to sexlily.com. We've got a lot of, um, posts on the site. I think it's like how to find a third, so check that blog out. So I believe— okay, here's my thing. I also feel this way, like if you're in a relationship and maybe you kiss someone or maybe you had sex sex, even sex, but you regret it and you don't feel like it's an ongoing thing, I don't think you should tell. So in this case, you've already told him you haven't had a threesome, it was a drunken experience. I think though, if you guys want to have a threesome together, I think that don't obviously bring in this friend. Find a new third and create a new experience together, because I don't think he has to know about your drunken hookup with an ex because he'll never forget it. And, and I think that when you do share, sometimes it's too much for our current partners to hear about past.

I think also, yeah, yeah, Yeah, it— guys, they act like they're super confident, but it does bug them. And I also want to say, if you're the woman that brings it up, and I think you can find another partner easily. Yeah, if it's a guy trying to coordinate it, it's not as easy.

No, you have to be— you both have to be attracted to the woman. And let me say one thing, Marissa, what you are doing well here is that you fantasize about threesomes. And this is like your step one. I always tell couples, before you just jump into a threesome because we're bored or we want to spice mess it up. Start role-playing it, fantasizing about it, talking about it, looking at porn with threesomes, like really thinking, what can we do this? Because that's the next thing to having it. So walk it through. And then of course you discuss boundaries and when it's gonna happen. I think going to Vegas and having a threesome isn't a bad idea.

Pretty good idea.

Have you done that yet?

I support it. No, I haven't.

I don't think you would. Would you?

Would I?

I don't know. Would you?

Probably. But no, I have not done No.

I wonder if you've opened up at all sexually.

Have I? In a threesome way? No.

Okay, in other ways maybe, after 8 years.

Yeah, I wish.

Okay, should we do one more here? Let's see. Okay, how about oral?

Oral. Let's do it.

This is from Kali, 26, in the USA. Hey Emily, I'm 3.5 years into a relationship with my boyfriend. Um, he actually recently became my fiancé. Uh, he really wants to give me oral sex, and I love that he wants that, but honestly, I find oral 'Oral, boring. It feels fine, but I'd much rather be doing other things. I love giving oral, but receiving doesn't do much for me. Any woman I tell this to says that my partner must be not good at it or he must be doing it wrong. I've had 5 or 6 sexual partners and I felt the same way about all of them, even when I'm guiding them through it. Is it possible that it's just not for me or everyone else has it right and I'm just receiving it, not receiving it the right way?' Alright, Callie, let me tell you this about oral. There's 2 answers here. First, you actually might not love oral. You might be having a lot of pleasure from your partner in other ways. There are some women whose clitorises are really sensitive, and these are women who tend to be multi-orgasmic, and they can have a lot of orgasms during intercourse. That might be you. However, there is a shot, there is a chance that at 26 years old you might not have had oral sex that actually feels right.

Emily's an oral pusher, everybody.

I am an oral pusher. I love oral sex.

She's a dealer.

I am. If I could just deal oral to everybody, boom boom boom, I would fucking do it.

Yeah.

So dude, I gotta say, Callie, that if you you, um, if he likes doing it to you, maybe then I'm just gonna check in here. Like, do you have orgasms? Do you have pleasure from sex in other ways? So no, like I said, there is a small percentage of women who don't, just don't love oral because it's too painful. But also for some women, it's also because maybe they had a bad sexual experience with it. They feel like there's something wrong with their vagina, it looks bad, they think their partner isn't really into it. So if that's you, Callie, that you're like embarrassed or shameful around it, like only you know that, then I would say then it's your fiancé. I would say you can let him know that you have some, even some shame around it, and then his job would be to praise it and tell you to sit back and he's not going anywhere and he wants to go down on you and he's got all night long. But to me, that's the most assuring thing women need to hear. Know that he's into it and he's staying and he loves it and he loves the taste and he wants to be in there and all those things.

Yeah, I, I agree with you. It might just not be— I know you like that, right? No, I think think it might not just be for her, or again, she's pretty young, she might not have found a person super experienced.

Yeah, it took me a long time until I found that person.

Those people— now you've been addicted ever since.

I love it. Yeah, the world's amazing. I mean, come on. I mean, also, we only know that 20% of women orgasm during penetration alone.

I know, right? How do we fix that?

We fix that by doing a lot of oral and using our fingers and becoming very adept at other All right, Menace, it's been great seeing you. I love seeing you.

Can I just, can I just say what's up to a couple things real quick?

Do it.

All right, so I will be— if you're in Las Vegas, I will be at the iHeartRadio Festival. Look for me on September 20th and 21st. If it's October and you live around Palm Springs, I'll be at the Morongo Casino October 18th. And, uh, yeah, just listen to my weekly podcast, not about sex or oral or anything like that. If you want to know about travel and just pop culture, just search Menace on the iHeartRadio app or just go to whatsnewpod.com. And if you happen to listen to FM radio, I'm on The Woody Show and just search The Woody Show on alternative radio stations across the country, or just search The Woody Show podcast.

Yeah, so proud of you, but you're doing great. Congratulations. Thank you so much for your And I love you dearly, like a brother.

I miss you, and I promise I'll be back more.

Yeah, just keep going to the gym and come back. Yeah, yeah, I know.

I love it.

You look amazing, and I'm really proud of you, and congratulations on your—

I'm proud of you. Look at you doing radio all the time. It's awesome.

Look at both of us. I know, I love it. Okay, thanks, Mandis. Thanks everyone for listening. All right guys, I hope you enjoyed the show. Thanks for following us everywhere you're on social, it's @sexwithemily, and for subscribing to the show, reviewing the show, and letting a friend know if you found something useful. I'm sure they will too. You can share the episode with them. And thank you to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.