Making (Multiple) Orgasm Dreams Come True

Stop what you're doing and listen closely because Bellesa and I are giving away free spicy toys or gift cards to every single one of you. That's right. Everyone who signs up wins something. And if you haven't heard of Bellesa, let me put you on. They're a bi woman for everyone company that's completely flipping the script on sexual wellness. And now they're hooking you up. You've definitely seen Bellesa's viral toys all over your for you page. Like the rose, it blew up for a reason. This little flower shaped suction toy is iconic. Or. Or their famous whisper collection. You know, the first fully ever silent vibrators. If you live with roommates, parents, or even if your partner is sleeping right next to you, these toys are silent without compromising power. Or their new Pebble Pro. They just one up their best selling pebble with a stronger, smarter and seriously spicy redesign. Ballast has somehow figured out how to engineer a one stop pleasure shop with three interchangeable heads. It sucks. It humps. It licks. It vibrates. I'm speechless. And of course I had to hook all of you up. So my friends at Bellesa are sending out free toys or gift cards for toys to everyone who signs up. You heard that right. Every single one of you wins something. Just click the link in the episode description or head to bbvibes.com Emily that's B B V I B E S.com Emily thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. I'm speaking with the founders of We Vibe about their journey to create the perfect couple story. And of course, I'm also answering your sex and relations questions. Topics include getting comfortable with a relationship, if you're settled in your single ways, taking next steps with your partner, even when there's a massive question mark. My best tips to make your multiple orgasm dreams a reality. And the results are in what really makes great sex. And it's a lot easier than you think. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our secret institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God.

I feel so good being Bad, feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com check out our website, all the blogs we post every single day to make sure that you're having better sex and relationships. You can also subscribe on itunes and review. It really helps in review and I love reading them. So please just take a few minutes and do that. So appreciate it. And also check out my Valentine's Day video series. I love them and I've been getting such great response. I mean, I had a lot of fun doing them and you guys are loving. You can catch them on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. It's all sexwithemily. And we've got 14 days of tips leading up to Valentine's Day to help make it a stress free and sexy day, just as it should be. And you can also, like I said, join me on social media. It's all sexwithemily, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat and Twitter. So now we've got some sex in the news. What good sex means to singles in America. So every year around February, this study comes out, the Singles in America survey. And I found it really interesting this year. So let me run through a few things right now so you know all about what good sex or great sex really means. So this study found that 83% of singles, regardless of sexual orientation, ranked a caring and enthusiastic partner as a top two indicators of good sex, which totally makes sense. I'm always saying enthusiasm is so important. You guys are always saying, like, give me a tip, give me oral sex tips, give me, you know, tips for missionary and all that's important. And I, I love giving you tips, but if you're not into it and you're just lying there, it's not going to be great sex. So enthusiasm is key. The other things that came up for good sex is someone who's a good kisser that matters and someone who helps them achieve orgasm. So if you've been listening to the show, this should come as no surprise to you that communication is key and so are orgasms. So it's really back to the basics. You don't even have to buy special props or anything to be a great lover so you can learn to have great sex. Which I think was really important in this, that like really you want to take care of your partner and communicate. You guys knew this already, right? But I love when it's Reinforced. This study also found that singles have definite turnoffs, including this one was kind of concerning to me. Too much talking. I mean, I talk all the time. I guess I dirty talk in bed. I'm not like covering like my day and what I had for lunch. But apparently for men and for women, too much talking, no passion, little movement, bad kissing, and ultimately not saying I love you are deal breakers and turn offs. And when it comes to bad sex, this was interesting. Apparently women are not gonna wait around for sex to get better. So while many singles actually believe that sex improves after a few sexual romps with a new partner, women are 70% less tolerant of bad sex than men. So when I first read this, I was like, oh, the alarm's gonna go off. Guys are gonna be like, she saw my penis. I knew it was too small. Or she's probably pissed that I, you know, ejaculated too quickly. No, no, go back to the thing that I said at the beginning. It just means you probably weren't paying attention to her pleasure and you probably weren't communicating about your needs. So there you go. Has nothing to do with your penis per se, but everything to do with communication. And what I think about this is like, it's a new era. Women, you know, we're not relying on anyone else financially. We can take care of ourselves and we're super sexually empowered. So we're not going to wait around for you guys to figure out that our orgasms matter as well. And the survey also found the best age for sex in women is 66, and for men it's 64. So there is a misconception that younger people are having better sex, but apparently that isn't the case. And I just think this has to do with feeling comfortable in your body. You know, the older you get, I don't think you have to wait till you're 60 to feel like you're having great sex. But the more comfortable you get in your body, express your needs, understand what you need, the better sex you're going to have. So this all makes sense. Hope this inspired you to get out there and keep having amazing sex, because it only gets better. Okay, next, I hope you'll enjoy the interview with Bruce and Melody Mirison, the founders of WE Vibe. I recorded this live at the Joe Lube booth at the Adult Manufacturers Novelty Expo. It's that biannual conference that I go to where the sex toy manufacturers and brands share their new toys and accessories and sexy innovations. And we have a blast. We posted all of our social media you'll hear a little background noise, but more importantly, you'll hear how one of the top sex toy companies began from the perfect combination of dedication, ingenuity, and passion for bringing couples closer together. And then I'll be answering your email questions, so stay tuned and enjoy the show. I'm coming at you live from the JO booth. I'm with Bruce and Melody Murison. They are the co founders of WE Vibe. They are rock stars here at this conference. They're like the Sunny and Cher of the sex toy industry. They created this amazing toy 10 years ago.

10 years ago.

10 year anniversary coming up. Okay, so I need to know the background. All I know is that you guys are even married, correct?

We are married. 3.2 kids and a dog. Yes.

Okay, and how long have you guys been together?

That's a Melody question.

We'll be 28 years married this year.

Okay, 20 years married.

I was supposed to say not long enough.

That is a good. You know, you've trained them well. Tell me about the. What were you guys doing in your lives before We Vibe? Like, I want to know how it happened, how you came up with this.

Well, we had both been at Nortel as a high tech company in Canada, and during the sort of crash of 2000 and subsequent years, it was about 2003 that Nortel was going extinct. And so we knew we had to find a new career and basically said, okay, it's time for something completely different. And we think that.

Sex toys.

Sex toys and alcohol and gambling were recession proof.

Recession, Right.

Okay. So Melody chose sex toys.

Nice.

Now, I knew I had married a bit of an inventor because on our first date, he actually showed me this, you know, file box and it had some of his drawings on it from the past.

Okay, so he. What were you inventing then?

Oh, just little electronic things in the past.

Got it. So you were trying to think, okay, yeah, like sex, drugs, alcohol, and then you think, well, I pick sex. So. And then tell me, had you had previous experience with toys, products?

No, we didn't.

Okay.

It was just came up in conversation on a long drive back from New York City. And knowing Bruce's background in electronics and inventions, it was kind of. It was, it was just a. I guess we kind of just said to ourselves, well, whatever it is in, in this new creation that he was going to do, it was gonna move or go buzz.

Okay, Right.

And we both kind of looked at each other and smiled and said, what about a sex toy? And that's where it started.

All right. Because how do you do research? How did you figure out what that toy was gonna be?

Well, we knew right from right away in an industry, you have to pick something that's unique. And so we said, what would we want in a toy? And we asked ourselves the question, is there something for couples? And that's where it started.

And it just became an idea. Something that would be worn between two people, that would stimulate the woman and man and that would just fit between people while they're having sex.

Which is so smart because really it is the couple's toy. It is the first couple's toy on the market. And, and it really was innovative because there is still that. That stigma that people have around toys now. It's gotten better, I think, because of your products. You know, you guys have definitely raised the bar. You always create high quality products and you're constantly innovating. But at the time it was like, yeah, there's still that, like, this toy is going to replace me. My girlfriend's gonna leave me if we bring toys in. I'm like, and I don't think anyone's ever left anyone for a sex ray. But you knew couples.

Well, I think the We Vibe has actually saved many marriages.

I think so too. Well, yeah, obviously. Right, obviously. But it has since then. I hear this all the time.

Absolutely.

So had you. But what kind of research went into it? So like, like if you had you do his mind. I mean, your own sex.

We're not allowed to actually talk about that.

You can't talk about the research.

I'm just kidding.

That's the best part, I would think. Let's try a sex toy and have lots of sex. Right.

Well, actually, we have a lot of volunteers that I'm sure all your friends are like, yeah, oh, yes, we'll help. Yep. And I think that one of the aspects that made the We Vibe catch on was that it's non phallic and it doesn't really replace the male. It augments sex. And it's, you know, very small. It's the size of your thumb and it just fits in discreetly. So men are not intimidated by it. And women, yeah. Love it.

Right. They love it. So it's. If we've talked about a lot of the show, but it's the C shape that a woman. I mean, you guys, I want you guys to explain how it works. And then I want to go back for a second but explain just in case you're just. You haven't used a We Vibe yet or the We Vibe Couples toy. We talk A lot about the sink, but how would you explain it? C shape fits inside. I say it all the time, so I want to hear the founders say it. It's kind of like.

Well, one of our taglines in the beginning to help people understand the toy was.

It was a dual stimulator that is warm while you make love. And that was the easiest way for people to get that image in their mind of how this toy was to work. It was both a clitoral and a G spot stimulator that was worn while you make love.

And a lot of the research went into finding a shape and a feeling and a flexibility that was low profile, so very thin and small and tapered so that it would fit into the anterior wall of the vagina and stay in place during sex. And then the exterior part was.

Again, small and fit between things to stay out of the way. And so that's from my engineering perspective on things. That's where a lot of work went into to get the most power and to the smallest spaces and to make it flexible and comfortable.

So what did the earlier, like, versions of, like, was it your mind? Like, something they can wear together? Like, maybe it would be a. You know, did you have something, like, with Velcro that maybe attached? You know what I mean? Like, was there other versions of it? You're like, well, that could be. She could be wearing this if, like, a belt went around her and then there was, like, a bullet vibrator on her. Like, I could just.

Well, that was. The butterfly has been around for a long, long time. And the problem with the butterfly we saw was that it moved around too much, and there was no real reason for it to stay in place. And so that's why the we vibe was worked well, because the fact that it was actually into the vagina and the clitoral area, that it just nestled in there and stayed put.

So how was the process of making it? How long did that take to actually. How many different versions were there?

It was basically six years from the idea. And the patents went in a couple of years later and then incorporated in 2004. And our first sale was 2008. And so by this time, we had spent our life savings, mortgaged the house, and borrowed money from friends and family. And we'd arranged, actually with one of our good neighbors in case it went belly up. We're gonna live in their basement.

Oh, my God. And that's because you really wanted to make this. You're like, I want to do this product.

Let's go big or Go home.

So was there ever a time when you were. Did it bring you closer together? How did it impact?

I think if it impact your failed, it would have done the opposite of bringing us closer together. So it's very dangerous thing to do.

It is very dangerous.

We were lucky.

How did it change your relationship?

Well, I think. I think it's strengthened us in many ways. Bruce, he was passionate about it and began his inventive quest. He basically worked away on his own. And one man designed it, both the electronics and the form and the molds. And I'd say we tag teamed it through. We have three children.

How did you have children? And the dogs and the making of the toys. That's a lot.

Well, I mean, when I needed him, he came through as dad. But for the running to sports and everything, I sort of took care of the family and allowed him to continue with his quest. When it came time to marketing, then I stopped.

Then you're like, let's get this out there. So what was the first response is like in the industry?

Just to go back on your previous question, I think, you know, it really is a true partnership. I think one of our reasons for success is to realize what one does well and what your partner does well and really utilize that. Because Melody has a great eye and a good sense for marketing and those sort of things. And I'm MacGyver. So between the two of us and as the business rolled out and expanded, we continued to really seek out people that did what we didn't do well.

Not only working together as a couple as challenging, but starting your own business where it's sink or swim. I mean, I can imagine what you guys have been through and then to actually have it, enhance it, you guys got through the hard parts. Now that there's not always challenges, but just going back to business here because that is such a, such a true thing. Like when you're the entrepreneur and it's your idea, the classic thing could be like, we can do it all ourselves and then it all, you know, but to really realize where are my strengths, where my weaknesses, and then you can both shine and bring in the right team. And I have to say, working with your team for a long time now, like officially, I think I met you guys 10 years ago. You called into my radio show, which I loved, and it was late at night in Canada, it was like 11pm In California, in San Francisco, and you guys called in and it was so excited. It was the first time I'd ever talked to you. But your team is Very impressive. Like everybody who works with revive but I've had a chance to travel with them and airframe. You guys have really selected a great people working for you.

Very fortunate.

Yeah, you are so what's that like? So you've realized that both of your strengths are and then to kind of bring in the other.

Well, I think if you set a good example and yeah, as I say find people with excellent skills that where you're short and they're strong and I think give people the rope. Give people.

The opportunity to shine on their own and take pride in what they're doing and not. I've started numerous businesses in the past and seen a lot of other entrepreneurs struggle and it's often what they call founderitis where you have a real tendency of not wanting to let go and to stay involved in too many of the details. And so it's very hard to let go of your baby and to back off. But it's the right thing to do for the business and it allows it to mature and grow.

Yeah, you've done a good job with that. And you still make all the toys. You guys still invent all of them. And what I've seen is that you don't just say we gotta distribute 10 toys this year. We better just whip something out and get on the market. You, you spend a lot of time, years, years on each product. Like years and years like you have an idea for something and tell me about that process. I think that that is really raises the bar for a lot of the other manufacturers or it should.

I think it has. I think that there's numerous manufacturers over the last decade that have clearly risen the whole.

They're like oh, look at those. We vibe, we gotta do something.

It's not only us. There are so many others that, that I But I think from an industry point of view the whole presentation is much more women friendly as opposed to the smut and the XXX sort of side of things. And we've been very fortunate to have started this voyage right as the societaly was becoming more and more accepting of sex toys. And they're not seen as as dirty or negative but as actually I guess societal people. Permission to enhance people's sex lives. And I think that the attention to materials and toxics and the beauty of design. If you'll see through on here, there are hundreds and hundreds of beautiful toys and bright colors. A lot of things like the manufacturers paying attention to noise and quiet. So really truly quality things. Because when we started this I think the technology in the 2000 was basically 1970s technology. So it has really come a long way. And now technology is to the point where now, you know, our toys are all cell phone app connected and are really trying to get up to the right.

You guys are really the leaders. I mean, the We Connect app we love that is so brilliant. I mean, that's talk about like enhancing intimacy and bringing couples together. I love the We Connect app. I mean, I think it's just. It's just amazing that couples can be, you know, long distance or, you know, in the next room that they could actually control each other's pleasure using the toys. It's just so smart.

It's pretty cool.

Yeah. I don't know what else do that. So what else do you guys. Is there anything you're working on now that we don't know about yet? You guys, this year was a busy year because you had so many great products come out. I was like, every day there's a new.

He's always working on something.

Can you tell me?

Well, not as yet. There'll always be exciting things coming.

And I think in terms of the process, it really is. You know, that's why we're here, is to be inspired by what's going on and listen to people. And a big going back in terms of the success factors is to really, really listen. And I think that's what I attribute a lot of our success, is that the designer in me listens to the woman, Melody. And that's a big challenge is to find out how to translate something that's hard to define, like sexual preferences and what feels good and what doesn't into a mechanical, electronic object. And so that's all about listening. And I think that. So that's what we do here is listen. And we listen and look for holes. What could be done better, what could be further enhanced or done completely differently. And so some of the products that we just have come out over the last year were. One of them was three years in development.

Which one?

The Wish.

Oh, it was Wish.

And it's. But that's the way it goes. You know, we. It was planned to be about a year, but it was three. And then other. Other products are sort of a year to two years. And it's because you want to get it right. And we only have a handful of products. And so we try to put everything we can into the few products that we do make.

Right.

And I think that it's a long process. People don't realize that from the time you engineer something and design it and then make prototypes. We do it in Canada in house. So they're all handmade. And then we have very good group of testers of diverse backgrounds.

Is that what you do? The same group. How does that happen? So. So they all. You send them all like a prototype and then they all.

And they fill. We have, you know, scientifically filled, you know, questionnaires and forms that allow us to do data analysis on. Because humans all have different likes and dislikes. And there's often a bimodal distribution where you've got half the population will like something and half the population won't and try and tease out what it is that people like and what it is people don't like. And that just allows you. So then you would go through. Through another design and refinement stage and then finally getting it into mass production and then the whole marketing side of things. So it's a very long process.

Yeah. I mean, I love that. You do. I don't know how many other brands really take that time. So I'm curious, in these last 10 years, what have you learned about sexuality or couples or intimacy that has surprised you?

That's a good question.

Well. Or is it surprising that it's actually a lot of common sense? So it's not surprising, you know, and.

I'm sure it is. You're like, oh, women and men, we get turned on different. Whatever it is, you know.

Yeah, yeah. I can't think.

I think one of the main things that we've seen change over the 10 years is how society is accepting of the. The use of toys in relationship and that it actually spices things up and makes it more fun. Fun for couples. Right. And that was our original intention. We were quite a hit at the first show. The launch, 10. 10. It'll be 10 years ago in April.

Okay.

And that was a surprise launch. And we arrived with our one product on the table.

Just the two of you?

Three of us. There was one other helper, Hilda. She was our first employee. And we came to the show and sat our one product on the table.

And then what happened? Do you remember?

We presented we vibe basically to the world. Right.

The crowds descended.

I'm sure we had ladies going by the booth. And it was a completely different C shaped product.

Nothing like it. Yeah.

Never seen it before. And it wasn't until we actually turned it on and put it in their hand and you could see this look come over their face when we explained to them that it was worn while you make love.

Yeah. Mind blown. Yeah. Right. I remember getting mine I was like, oh, my God. I think it was one of the first, like, free toys I got in the mail or tester toys for you. Tester. But that's. I was like, oh, my God. This is amazing. I think Coyote from Good Vibrations, as I was living in San Francisco, told me about it, and then you said. And it really was. There was nothing like that. I kind of. I get nostalgic for that because it seems like there's a lot of things that have been done, but I feel like that was so innovative. But then all of your toys, even, like, your take, you know, the Nova and the Ray, on the dual stimulation, I mean, and the stimuli. I mean, the fact that you were able to find more G spots with those toys, it's amazing.

I thought of something, actually, that was surprising, that. And I'm still surprised by it in a good way, and that is that this whole industry is like a family. When you speak of Coyote, you saw her today. And it's so neat that all of these different companies are competitors, but yet they get together at these shows several times a year, and they all know one another. And I just think that's so neat that it's truly like a big family in this industry.

I love that you're saying that. I felt the same way. I felt. So when I walked in the other day, I thought the same thing. I thought, God, what a great industry working. And I feel like everybody here is family. And, you know, we all. Yeah, we're all kind of doing the same things. We want people have pleasure. I think at the end of the day, there could be competitive products, but we all want people to have pleasure. So we're all like, let's just bring more pleasure to the world. So let's have a drink.

It's much more exciting than making toasters for a living.

Absolutely. So I have a final question for you guys. Bruce or Melody, any trends that you see in the industry. What do you think is happening with sex, tech, sex toys in the next five, ten years?

Well, Melody and I are headed off to the CES show after this.

Oh, fun.

And that is specifically to look for technologies. And I think that, as I was saying, the sex toy industry used to be back in the 70s, and I really believe that over the next few years, we will see toys that have never existed before, that have movement and stimulation mechanisms and truly original things that are going to be happening. And I've seen a lot of progress in the last two or three years, and I think that's just going to continue to accelerate so that artificial intelligence, robotics, all of that is going to.

Hit the sex toy and Levi's sex robot. I'll test it.

Hey, yeah, there's gotta be, right? That's fascinating. Well, I think that's cool that you go to CES and you're like, how can we bridge this technology with products? So thank you both for being here.

It was our pleasure.

Co founders, inventors creators Bruce and Melody, thank you so much for being part of the family and the industry and really, really, truly raising the bar for everybody. So I hope you guys enjoyed that interview with Bruce and Melody. And now we're gonna give a shout out to our sponsors and we'll be right back. Answering all your email questions.

If you have a question you'd like me to answer on the show, it's so easy to do. You can just text ask Emily all one word to 797979. That's askemily to 797979. And you'll receive a short form. You can enter your question and contact details. And if you'd like me to call you during a future caller show, please, please indicate yes on the form. You can also submit a question from the sexwithemily.com website via the Ask Emily tab. And as always, I love it when you include information that will help me help you. Your gender, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. That's it. I can't wait to hear from you. Okay. This is from Claire. She's 24 in New York City. Hi, Emily. I've been single most of my life. I've had relationships, but they ultimately end it. And I've become really good at being my own person and having my own routine. I, as such, I've not had much experience in the bedroom and find myself making excuses to avoid dating, sex and getting close because of my fear of losing my current lifestyle as a single person. How do I help myself get out of my own head? Just go for it and ease my anxiety over having sex. I guess I want the best of both worlds. Claire. Okay, Claire, I read this a few times because you're asking a lot of different things here. And so. And I don't even know that you knew it. Here's a news flash. I think there might be some intimacy issues going on here. I can totally relate to you that. Being single feels really good. It feels powerful. You're in control of your own life and you feel, ugh, if I get in a relationship, then I'm not going to be Able to do my thing and have my own experiences. But you also mentioned that you had some fears around sex, that you don't have a ton of experience with sex. So I can't decide if it's about sex or if that's. You're really just afraid to get intimate and be in a relationship with someone. But no matter what it is, let me tell you this, you don't have to lose yourself when you're in a relationship. Okay. And I'm going to be honest, it took me a while to learn that. I really thought that being with someone took away my power. But we do some of our best growth as a human when we're in the context of a committed relationship. So when we're in a relationship that's open and communicative and honest, we actually can get through some of the stuff that's holding us back. So even if the people you're dating right now, Claire, you get into a relationship or have sex, work on just communicating, being vulnerable and being yourself. Because then you're gonna learn how to do it when you decide that you wanna get into maybe a more serious relationship. And you can also, if you don't have a lot of experience with sex, which again does not matter. It's all about what we learned about earlier in the show. Enthusiasm, being into it and then also, you know, having compassion and communicating. So if you can do that, it's not about how much experience you have. And sex can be more experiential in a long term relationship. Cause then you really trust your partner and you can express explore your sexuality and sexual preferences. So I like Claire that you're doing, you, you're not obsessed with a relationship and finding the one. But I'd also like you to be open to finding someone so maybe kind of look at what's really holding you back and then just see if it feels right so you can go out there and start dating and you don't have to commit, but just put yourself out there, see how it feels. And I think you're gonna like what you find when you get into a relationship and you can really or have start having sex again and start working on yourself. It'll be a good time, I promise. Okay. This is Hope, 28, from Illinois and she says hello Emily. Your show is the best, informative and saucy. I'm in a healthy relationship with a wonderful 31 year old. We've been dating for several months and about a month in my fella found out that he may have a baby on the Way with a girl he's dated for a few weeks last year. While the news is devastating, it did happen before we met. Also, the father is unknown, so there's that detail. I'm not worried about his faithfulness. We both believe we have found the one. My concern is, if the baby is his, how do we go from being a couple to a relationship of four? He wants to be a good father and I want to be supportive, but I can't help admit that I'll have jealous feelings as he experiences such a life changing thing with another woman. Thank you, Hope. Wow, Hope. There's a lot to unpack with this one. So this is tricky. It's like, bam, I found the one and he may or may not be the father. We have to wait for the paternity test. I get that there's a lot of anxiety and there's a lot of unknowns in this situation. And while it could go either way, if you really like this guy and it sounds like you both, you know, feel like you found the one, I think you just gotta wait it out and see. And I wanna go back to something you said here, which is I can't help but admit that I'll have jealous feelings. How do you know? Like maybe you'll also, you know, be in love with this child and be a great stepmom or be a great co parent with him. So I think a lot of times we should check language about things that we're predicting, negative predictions into the future. You have no idea how you're going to feel. So I just want you to check that because we don't know what's going to happen. So rather than spend the next few months kind of obsessing about all these tragedies that could happen in the future, I would just work on strengthening your relationship with him right now because it sounds like you have a good thing going. I mean, jealousy is going to happen no matter what in relationships. Or it can happen and we just have to learn how to deal with it. So I wouldn't spend time in your mind circling this around. Be a waste of time when you can really focus on enhancing your intimacy with your partner right now and then you'll deal with the situation when you find out whether or not he's a father. Please keep us posted because we all want to know. The last email is from Ashley, 25 in Boston. Hi Emily. I've been seeing my boyfriend for about four months now and he's the best partner I've ever had in and out of the Bedroom. He's the first person I've ever been with who puts my pleasure first. From the very first time we've had sex, he wanted to hold out so I could orgasm before he does. But I can't seem to achieve multiple orgasms. I can't even have multiple orgasms. Not even when I masturbate. While I'm able to continue having sex after I come once, I'm wondering what I can do to increase my chances of having more than 1o in a given session. We're super open with one another, so I can bring anything into the bedroom and just try it. I don't know where to start. Any advice would be amazing. Ashley. Okay, Ashley. Well, congratulations on the great sex and a guy who's putting your pleasure first. I love all of that and I love that he's waiting for you to orgasm. And I also love that you can have one orgasm during sex because chances are good you'll be able to have more. So the reason why we often don't have multiple orgasms is because we really don't even know how. We know it's possible, but it seems like this elusive thing in the future. So I would say the, the best thing to do is to focus on it when you're alone. So when you're masturbating, flying solo, that's the best time to figure out, well, what exactly happens and how do I learn how to have a multiple orgasm? But here's my best tips and some steps to get you there. So first, give yourself permission for pleasure. Like you're allowed to have pleasure. You're allowed to have as many orgasms as you want, so you gotta relax into it. That's the key to multiples. So when you're alone in your room and if your everybody wants to join you for some mutual masturbation, that's awesome too. Enjoy the first orgasm. So you had one, that's great. But the trick is to stay connected physically and emotionally while you take a break from the orgasm or however you orgasm. So if you're having sex, you might want to slow down. He might even want to pull out, start touching you all over your body. You know, just kind of put your hand over your vulva so you can just kind of breathe, but you still want to stay connected. And again, during masturbation, this might be a little bit easier and you want to kind of master this touch on your own. And since most women don't experience a lot of multiple orgasms through intercourse because a lot of times our clitoris is Too sensitive. If you have a clitoral orgasm and we just can't take any more touch. But that doesn't mean that you can't build up that energy again. So he might want to pull out or just move slower and you can start, like, indirectly stimulating your clitoris. Or again, he can touch your breasts, moving hands all around your body. And throughout all this, what you're doing, enjoying the glow of that one orgasm, you want to continue to breathe. Because if you're two in your head and you're like, is the next one going to come? How is it going to happen? You're going to lose your mojo. So if you get overwhelmed, just focus on your breaths. Because when we breathe into our body, you guys, and this is important for even if you want to have one orgasm, it spreads throughout your whole body and it expands how much pleasure you can actually feel. And it also can enhance the intensity of your orgasm when you breathe. I can't tell you how many people, listeners and friends and people around the office are like, oh, my God, Emily, I'm so glad you told me about breathing. Because now I breathe, and when I breathe, I'm able to have more orgasms, and my orgasms are more intense. So never forget the breath. And they also don't put too much pressure on yourself, because when we pressure ourselves, we all know what happens. We get out of the moment, we stop orgasming, and we're just wondering when the next one is happening. So I think again, when you're alone would be a great place just to masturbate. You know, using a vibrator is great. I didn't learn how to have multiple orgasms until I was on my own. And then I'm able to bring it into a relationship. So just breathe, take the pressure off yourself, experiment, and I think it's totally possible. Let me know how it goes. Okay, everyone, I hope you enjoyed the show. That was fun. I had a good time. Did you? That was awesome. I love hearing from you. And thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, our volunteers, Shannon and Jenny, producer Lark and Michael. And again, thanks for following me on all social media. It's at Sex with Emily, across the board, and for reviewing the show. And I love you all. Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Text ask Emily to 797-979.

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