Making Scheduled Sex HOT

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God. Feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com you can check out all of our podcasts. You should really subscribe to our podcasts because we do two a week and then they just like, show up in your inbox. How cool is that? In itunes? So fun. Love that. And I'm here with Anderson.

What up?

What up, dude? How you doing?

My levels good? Are my levels good? Am I loud enough? Yeah. All right, cool.

Yeah, good. You're loud.

Sorry for behind the scenes. Look at the show.

People like bts.

Bts. Is that what we have.

Out of your mouth? I picture people being spanked with the bts.

You know what's so weird, though? Like, I bdsm. Well, I always hear stuff. Like, my friend says something. The other day, I was at a party, and she's like, yeah, it has little. What'd she say? Little. What would be the word? Nipples? No, she said something that was completely like, oh, and it has little critters on it. And I thought she said clit. I'm like, it's the clit. Like I always think people are saying something sexual, and they are not, because.

Your mind is always in the gutter.

My mind is in the gutter for your dream. Which is why I also didn't recognize what kind of car you had, which was disturbing.

Emily's been on this kick all night. Like, I can't believe that I don't know what kind of car you have.

Right?

And she's like, I think I do, though. I think it's white. The car's black.

Well, I showed up tonight at the studio, and I was like, I wonder if Anderson's here yet. I'm like, I don't know what kind of car he has. And we've spent a lot of time talking at your car, hanging out, and I'm sorry, it's a black car.

You got your bubble. You're kind of. I'm in a bubble.

But when I see you, I'm so excited to see you.

It makes you a focused person.

Dude, if I noticed everything around me, I would never get anything done.

I noticed everything around me, and you.

Still get nothing done.

I guess you're right. I'm way behind on everything.

I know. See, that's the problem. So I was like, anderson's here. I'm so excited. Don't know what kind of car he drives.

Yeah. So you didn't know I was here, and here I am.

Here you are. I love that you're here. And also, I would love to see you all March 10th, which is two days from now, Thursday, at the Hollywood Improv. I'm doing a great show. I did a podcast with the Great Love Debate's Brian Howey, and people loved it. So we decided, you know what? Let's do a podcast together. And he does them all over the country. He does these shows where they're like, the Great Love Debate. And they talk about being single and by. Dating is hard, and finding love can be challenging. So there's a lot of things standing in the way, men and women, you know, from getting what they want in the dating world. And I guess these events become, like, raucous. Like, the men are, like, upset about things, and the women feel like the men, they want the men to try harder, and the men want the women to chill out. So we're gonna have an audience, and we're gonna have the women start talking about sex, because we go around and, like, ask people questions in the audience. The women are gonna have to talk about the sex and the men about relationships. And we'd love to see you there. You get the tickets@hollywoodimpro.com. i think something like that.

They'll have it on the calendar.

Yeah.

What do the tickets cost?

I think they're 20 bucks. It's March 10, 7:30. So it's called Love and Sex Live. And I want to see you there because it's gonna be fun and it's gonna be a great night. We always have fun at the Hollywood Improv.

There's always walk ups too. I wonder what kind of walk ups you're going to get for a show like that.

Yeah, I'm in la. The improv.

Hey, look at that. But it's not going to be like sex.

No, I know. It's called Live love. Live Sex and what I call it live. Yeah, I know.

But there won't be guarantee you'll sell out.

Oh, good point. Maybe that was a smart name for it. It's like Love and Sex Live. I will not be having sex live. I don't think.

No.

Maybe I meet someone. Apparently people meet other people and they date.

I doubt you do it live there on the, on the street.

You know what? I've never had live sex in front of people. So at this point, 10 years in, not gonna do it right. So there's that. I did miss that boat. But I'm okay with it. I'm pretty happy with my choices.

You've seen people have sex life.

I have seen people have sex lives. Swinger parties and stuff like that, you know?

You ever go to those creepy. They're like the theaters where they got like the porn on and then there's like a back row or there's a chick getting like a train run on her. You ever been to one of those?

No, probably not. Maybe in San Francisco they used to have those like the old.

Yeah, you grew up.

No, I feel like, I feel like I did maybe once go to one of those like this creepy old theaters.

That's the kind of life she lives. She thinks that maybe she was in a creepy old theater where a woman was getting a train run on her in the back and she thinks maybe she saw that.

Dude, I've been through a lot, okay? I know a lot of sex. I don't know if I was.

I think I've been to that jail.

I can't remember exactly. Never been to jail yet. Proud to say good for you. So I've got some sex in the news for you.

Let's do it.

There is some disparity between the sexes in regard to oral sex. Go figure. A newly study. A newly published study in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality finds that women are more than twice as likely to go down on their partners than men are, even though men report enjoying the act of giving oral sex more. The study surveyed undergrads and got stats on their sexual orientation, and they found that 26% of women had performed oral on their partners, while only 10% of the man. Men have.

What?

Yeah, only 10% of the college dudes.

Super low numbers.

I know, but I feel like it's college dudes that they're just. I mean, I feel like that men at a young age just. It goes both ways. I think they don't really know what they're doing, or they're not interested in it, or they don't. I mean, they're probably interested, but they don't know how. And I think a lot of women at that age might be more. They've never had it either, so they might be a little more insecure about their bodies. Not sure that the guy wants to do it, so. Yeah, I mean, I think you guys.

Just like to please, too.

We are. We're pleasers. Women just give out blowjobs like they're giving out candy. They're like, oh, well, I don't want to touch me, but I want to blow them.

Do she. Dudes, like, especially if you finish the guy off, he's like, all right, what's. What's on espn.

Exactly. And I think that women should protest and not give blow jobs till he goes out on you. And then we would have a change.

All right, but speaking as the man in the room here, I can tell you from experience that once the act is finished, whether it be oral or an actual, like, traditional sex or even self stimulation, the last thing you want to do is any kind of work. And that's work.

That's why he should start going down in her first.

Barely get up off the couch to throw away the. The napkin. It's a lot of work.

Three words. Three words.

Yeah.

She comes first, right?

It's a good rule to live by.

It's a good rule to live by. So that doesn't surprise me. Women are pleasers. And it just makes me sad that a lot of women are just like, well, I can't blow jobs. So hopefully he'll call. I didn't want him to touch me, but. No, come on, please. Quid pro quo, right? You are better than that. And that's what I want.

Let's not make this a whole movement, though. I mean, settle down.

I kind of want to make a movement like I kind of want to go around college campuses and teach my oral sex course because it was really powerful. I feel like people learn a lot. There's a lot of confusion. We did a show about it last week that men. We really got into the oral member guys are like. I mean, they don't know what to do a lot of times, and every woman's different. You were very helpful.

Was I helpful? Good.

Yeah, you're always helpful.

Mark that. Because that's probably one of the few times that you can say that.

No, you're super helpful. You plugged in the microphone, you plugged in the headphones, and I. You brought Stanley here.

I plugged in the mic.

I got that. Oh, we have to take a picture after me and Stanley. No, for the show.

I don't. Sorry, dude, that'll cost you extra.

I'll pay you. I'll pay you. Good.

Let's do it.

Pay. Good times. Okay, so I've got a little. We're gonna get emails, but I got a little mini topic here.

Oh.

And that is about scheduled sex.

Ooh, you're against.

Nope, I'm not. Here's.

But you've changed your tune.

I have. So I think we actually need to schedule sex more often. And when I started my show, I remember someone being on the show early on saying, well, couples just need to schedule. I'm thinking that is the most boring deal breaking.

Makes it seem like work. Yeah.

Like, oh, God, 7:00 tonight, sex. Like, you might as well throw in the towel.

Right.

But the truth about scheduled sex is, is that, you know, yeah, like, I thought it was passionless, but because the problem is we think it should be spontaneous, romantic, and we don't want it to be something that we plan. But the thing is, if your sex life is challenged or dwindling, maybe your schedules don't match up, maybe you have kids. There's a lot of things that get in the way of having sex and having your needs met. It could, you know, you might want to jumpstart into a fully satisfying planned sex routine so it helps your partner remain accountable. You both know that it's going to happen. And the best thing I heard about it was someone saying me once, you know what, Emily, my wife and I don't have time. And I'm always trying to have sex with her and she's always saying no. And I feel rejected all the time. And now that I know, every Saturday night we have sex or every Tuesday. And that's the thing. And so if really couples struggle with this all the time. And we can even make it sexy. So here's six ways to make hot scheduled sex with your lover. Five, four. Let's see how far I get. I might as well get bored. Okay, so make a rational schedule. Okay, so you want to sit down with your partner, calm moment outside the bedroom, like most of these sex conversations should have, and discuss how much sex you'd both like to be having. Because it has to be agreeable. I mean, if you want sex four times, and let's say your partner wants sex twice.

Three times a week.

What if you're shy and you don't like to talk to your partner about this? Would you say that you present the question and then you write it down like they do in movies where they make offers. They make offers to each other. Here's what I say to your offer. And they just write a big F. You pass it back, why not?

Or, you know, listen to the show. Listen to this show with your partner. You know, I get emails all the time from couples who say, your. Your. Your show help my sex life. We listen together. So if you're someone who's like, this is like, oh, that sounds cool. Have her listen to the hair. Have him listen to this episode with you. But anyway, you can set goals. You can add it to your calendar. So you're like, okay, three times a week, and this is what we're gonna do it. And you plan your week around it. It's non negotiable. You cannot say, well, I'd rather watch SportsCenter, and we're not gonna have sex. The other thing is, you don't have to get so fancy about it either. It doesn't have to be like, we're like, tonight we're gonna do the composite to pose number 82.

That's too much pressure, right?

It makes it really complicated. And so just focus on having the set sex once you start, because then once you start enjoying it, you can up the ante and you can, you know, make goals by trying out specific things. But, you know, for now, just say this is when we're having sex. Because the more sex, sex begets sex.

What? You just said a bunch of sex.

Sex begets sex. The more sex you have, the more sex you're gonna want.

Right? It's like the gym. The more that you go to the gym.

Exactly. Everything's like the gym. I need a better analogy than the gym. But it is like the gym.

So it's like reading a book. I mean, the more you chip away, and if you start Reading like, you'll get to the point where it's like, oh my God, I haven't read a book all week.

Right?

But in my case, I haven't been chipping. I haven't read a book in a year.

Right. I have barely read a book. I'd be like, just don't even. I just want to go does around read.

You don't have time.

No, but everybody's got time for what's going on.

It's hard to focus on the words when you're vibrating from the toy you're testing.

Well, sometimes I vibrate and I read.

That'd be tough. I would think all the letters, you knock one out.

That I'm relaxed and I read. Okay. You can also use technology to your advantage. So let's say you have the reminder in your Google calendar. Maybe you guys share it. You can send a flirty text. It's a little digital foreplay. It helps prime you for the night ahead. So like tonight, I'm so excited. I can't wait to see you naked and go down on you. Something like that. Something I love when Anderson goes, uh huh.

You could maybe even schedule those ahead of time so you have them fired up.

Exactly. Like hootsuite for tweets. You can schedule your text at a time because a lot of times another thing to do is go back through your digital communication. Do you ever do this? Go back and read emails that you sent when you were first together, like text messages?

No, I'm not a chick.

Look at the pictures. I do look at your pictures. Think about the rush and that thrill you had the first few months you were together and something sexy sparks up and you're like, oh, that was a night that we were naked in the moonlight.

You're right. It's like going back and looking at pictures of your puppy, like, oh my God, he was so cute. And I take it for granted now. Yeah, you go back to. Yeah, that's a good point there.

Right? Thank you, Anderson. Also, you gotta reserve the time for intimacy with your partner. So this is more for the guys. So I'm talking about masturbation here. So you remember that famous line from something about Mary, Right?

Of course.

The creepy friend suggests clearing the pipes before a big date. Well, that's all great in your early dating years, I think, for guys, but really when you get older, you want to save it. You might want to save the masturbation for the hot sex you're having with your partner because you might be like, not as motivated. So it kind of can store up that energy, that sexual energy and weight. So we only have a finite amount of sexual energy, you know, stored up.

So, yeah, you can share with the person you love.

Yeah, totally. And for the women, you know, I say if you're kind of someone who struggles with desire or, you know, you're not always in the mood for sex, I think that women should continue to masturbate. Because, again, this is like the gym analogy. The more you masturbate and the more you think about sex and the more you have sex in the forefront, the more you're gonna want to have. So I would masturbate. I'd start, you know, looking at porn or reading erotica or seeing what turns you on. So you make it like an experiment that you start to figure out what you really, really like, Are like, old.

Model Ts, like, you need to be cranked.

We do. We do. It's true. Even I do. Like, honestly, like, I'm pretty. I love sex, but when I don't have it for a while, like, I'm not. I'm not thinking about it. Like, I. I have a lot of friends. Like, I'm so horny. I want sex all the time. People say horny. And I was like, yeah, you forget. But when I start, Matt, when I get all these new toys, I start masturbating again. I'm, like, psyched. I get home. It's like anything in life, right? Like the book. Final thing is tired. Not an excuse. I'm sorry. We are all goddamn tired.

What about headaches? No, not tonight. I got a headache.

No, remember, this is for you just as much as your partner. Sex is the glue in a relationship. And I'm just offering a suggestion here. I'm offering something to do. So you guys, if your sex life's been dwindling or you're challenged, schedule it. So even if you're sleepy.

That orgasm orgism is gonna feel so much better and put you to sleep.

Can I give a do not do?

Yeah, totally.

You know, when you go to, like, a public restroom, like, at a fast food joint or CVS or something, they got a little clipboard hanging on the outside of the restroom with, like, little check marks of, like, when that was last cleaned. Don't have something like that outside your bedroom for the scheduling.

No, don't. Do you remember? That's such a bad move. And you remind me of the story. Do you remember that guy who sent the Excel spreadsheet around? It was a few years ago. So there was a guy in New York and he. Instead of ever talking to his wife, he had an Excel spreadsheet. He must have been an accountant or something, because he was very fastidious at every. For. For, like. It was, like, for a month or two, every time he asked his wife approached her for sex, she rejected him. Maybe once she didn't. But he tracked it in her excuse. And her excuse, like, two years ago was like, no, I'm watching Friends. I'm tired. I stay back from the gym. I feel gross. I'm watching Friends again. I'm like, she needs better tv. Friends has been off the air for a while. And then he emailed it to her one morning and said, this is what you've been doing into our love life. And then she released it. Google it. Excel spreadsheet.

She shouldn't release it. She should be a little bit embarrassed. I got a story real quick. My best friend, you've never met him, but he's a little off. He might be on the spectrum. He's the best man at my wedding. He's a little bit odd. Of course, he and his wife, similar situation before they got married. She was going through his briefcase. He's a lawyer. And she found, like, an Excel spreadsheet and a pie chart all, like, computer, like, done, like, professionally, like, with the color schemes and everything, where he made a pie chart of, like, how much money he spends. And she was like, the biggest wedge in the pie chart. And, like, all these relationship stats because he's. He's an od, this guy. And it almost cost him what is now his wife and family. Because she almost said, I can't be a pie chart to this guy.

I cannot be your pie chart.

I'm not a wedge in your goddamn pie chart.

Right, Exactly. Oh, my God.

He learned his lesson.

I'm glad they worked it out, though.

Yeah.

And you got to keep those pie charts to yourself. Don't print it out. Lock your computer. A pie chart.

Wow. They get remarried on their anniversary every single year.

That's really sweet.

They actually get a priest or a rabbi or, like, they do different things. They get judges sometimes, and they actually have a ceremony in the whole.

He's redeemed himself. That's like, I think that's a great idea that you renew your business.

They had me. They had me do it one year, and I actually had to go get ordained. I had to do that whole thing where I could actually officially oversee their bullshit.

Are they happy? They must be happy, though.

They're very happy. I brought up the pie chart in my Vows.

That's really funny.

Have them repeat.

See, that's a good kind of mishap that happens because then you laugh about it. Yeah. I actually like your best friend.

He's the best.

Okay, this is about salad tossing.

What? No.

Come on, you're better than that. I know, I know.

What is this, a prison rape show?

Here's the thing. I am not going to get too. I'm just going to say. This guy emailed us. Very nice guy. He's from Jacksonville, Florida. He listens on the itunes podcast app. He said, I discovered this podcast recently. I've been binge listening every day. I've been in a funk for the last three years and recently been dating someone with. I have some success. Would you mind shedding some light on etiquette in regards to, ahem, eating ass? I had my first experience with this recently and was surprisingly turned on. Just want to know if there are any basic rules and how they should be introduced and explored in the bedroom so that other party's not freaked out or turned off. Definitely subscribe in your podcast. And it's a wonderful thing, what you do. Exactly the sort of motivation I've been needing. Sincerely, wd.

Wd?

Yeah, that's his name.

Wait a minute.

But he wants it. What? WD we already checked. It's a man who was talking about a woman.

Is it Drew?

No.

Eating someone's ass.

Oh, stop.

It's not Dr. Drew. Are you sure?

Dude, how'd you get that?

Beating someone's ass?

Drew really said that?

Oh, he said way worse. I have him saying some way. All right, I'm sorry. Back to the.

That's amazing.

Sorry to interrupt.

So, okay, here's how you gotta bring it up, wd. You could always test the waters next time you're gonna go down on her, but you run the risk of her not completely being clean, which can seriously kill the mood. So why not just. The next time you're talking about sex, you can talk about backdoor play. Is she interested? Does she get turned on by anything anal? And you could start just like, how I tell everybody. Like, you know, start by, like, using your fingers around there and see if she's open to just your fingers just kind of touching, rubbing around her anus, and see if she pulls your fingers away. Then, you know, that might not be your thing. And then you could talk about it. Then afterwards, be like, so, is that not your thing? Or she might say, well, I don't know. I've never done it. And this could start the conversation. You could Also suggest a fantasy. God, I'd really like to eat your ass. You could say that. See what she says? You could also just say, what are your thoughts on backdoor play? So you can lead to the conversation organically. And then if she's into it, I'd say take a shower together. If you don't have time to take a shower together, she should know that she should make sure she's clean, wiped down, all that stuff. So the tips for doing it, Foreplay. Just like with cunnilingus. You wanna make sure she's warmed up and you don't wanna go straight for the main event. You wanna tease her, you wanna build up to. It helps to pleasure her first. She comes first. You give an or, your vagina, vaginal orgasm, clitoral orgasm, whatever. But once you start going for the back door, you can't go back to the vagina because that's how bacterial gets transmitted, bacteria gets transmitted. So when she's lying on her stomach, you can give her like a butt massage with your hands, rubbing, massaging her cheeks. Then you like pull her cheeks apart. So use your fingers and pleasure vagina. If you've not touched her back door yet, then you can just start using your tongue all over. Lick the outside, swirl your tongue, play around with different pressures, tongue movements, motions. Kind of like oral sex. You can use your lips, your tongue, all that stuff. You can even kiss and suck the anus. Jesus. I'm sorry, I just had to get through it. When in doubt. I'm just saying, I know you wouldn't want this, but this is helping wd. And when in doubt, ask how things are feeling, what she likes and what she doesn't like. So go slow.

Can you just pay attention to how she's reacting? Enough with the asking. Right.

Well, I think pay attention.

Yeah.

And if she's into it, you'll know, and if she's not into it, you won't. But start with your finger.

Yeah.

Okay, moving on. That wasn't too bad, was it?

Pinky, maybe. Pinky, Pinky.

But first. But first. But first, before we get into Anderson's ass eating experiences. The Womanizer. The Womanizer, My latest obsession. If you've been listening to the show the last couple months, you've heard me talk about a unique product called the Womanizer. And what happened was the owners of the company said, hey, can I send you. I get these emails all the time. Can we send you one to test? This is a really different kind of toy, which of course, I agreed to. I never say no. And I tried it and I own and review a lot of toys and I was like, okay, yeah, show me something I don't know. But I was wrong. I had never tried a toy like this. It was designed in Germany, and unlike anything else on the market, it indirectly stimulates the clitoris using suction. So the way it looks, it looks like a sexy ear thermometer has a silicone cylinder on the face that you place over your clitoris. Kind of like how your partner might use your mouth. And while it's on, you vary the suction and you move it around and it creates this intense experience. And most women in their focus group achieve orgasm in one minute, 60 second orgasm. Not bad. So, yeah, so I tried it and they weren't kidding. The suction was amazing. It's adjustable. You can put in a lot of different. You can feel a lot of different sensations. And it really is in its own category. It has this like, special, like Airstream. It's not Airstream. It's like this. It is like Airstream. This technology where the. Where the. I think it's air. I think they call it like this.

I can't remember what it's called.

I know what you're talking about too. Hey, guys, I should say that we're doing the show late night too, so maybe our brains are not firing.

I know, but it's like pleasure stream. Pleasure stream.

Pleasure stream is what you're looking for.

It's like this. Really?

I thought you were looking for aerodynamic.

No, no, no. It's the coolest sensation. I feel like it's like the clit whisper. Like, I feel like it's what I would want someone to do my clit if they didn't know my clit. And the womanizer knows. So go to sexwithemily.com, click on the womanizer banner for more information and just buy one because you'll like it, I promise you.

Name yours.

No, I have so many I should.

End up naming the Sibian Frank.

No, I can't remember right now. You can't remember Johnny boy or something?

Johnny.

I should remember this.

Sorry, I brought it back.

No, it's okay.

Wasn't Stanley in the running there for a minute? Yes. That would have been very upsetting.

Stanley's on my lap right now.

Yes, he is.

Okay. Hey, Emily. I'm in an odd situation. My best friend has a boyfriend and they've been dating for 10 months. Her and I want the same thing sexually, but yet she has stayed with him. All we talk about is. It's sex, though I Want to screw her, but I don't want to mess the relationship she has with him. What should I do to compress the desire? Maybe means repress the desire to screw her brains out. Thanks, Dylan. Listening from the podcast app on the iPhone.

That's not right. Suppress. That's not right.

He said compress.

Oh, compress.

I think he means suppress.

Suppress. So Dylan, this is a dude with a girlfriend.

So he's got a girl best girlfriend who's with a guy, right? And she keeps talking to Dylan saying, yeah, my boyfriend won't do this and that, and they talk about sex all the time. So Dylan's thinking, I want to screw her, but I don't really want to.

Mess up our relationship or her relationship with the dude.

Yeah, exactly. But.

You kind of do. I mean, you will screw it up if you want to screw her. So neither of you are in the right on this one, because this is typical. You want what you can't have.

Neither are what they're not in the right.

Neither one of them. She's violating the trust. She's got a boyfriend and she's complaining that she's not getting what she wants.

Which she would do with a girl, but she probably shouldn't be dealing with a heterosexual dude who wants to bang her.

And we girls know that you want to bang her. Like, she knows. You didn't say how old you are. I'm assuming you're in early 20s. So this is typical. You lust. I mean, have you ever done this? Gone after a girl who wasn't available? Like, is that like. I know guys who have patterns of only dating women who aren't available.

I've done so many horrible things, and that's one of the. The few things that never really came across. Yeah, it's good.

Make sure all your other things not.

I've always had this weird thing, like, as soon as I heard a girl was married.

Yeah, me too.

She wasn't attractive, right? Same guy is a girlfriend, kind of like used or something.

I felt the same way. If a guy, a girlfriend, I was like, next. But. But there's some guys where I believe it's another way of not committing or like, having not. Like, it's a challenge, right? And like, I'm gonna get her. And then once they get her, they're like, eh, it was like a challenge to get her. And then they want. They can't have.

That's just insecurity. But that's not the case with this dude. This dude, I think he just straight up wants to bang this girl.

Yeah, maybe, but maybe. I don't know. I think he might want what he can't have. Why can't it be both?

Because, I mean, it seems like she's talking about the sexual things that she would like to be doing with this guy and he's like, yeah, I could do that. I'm in.

While his mind's going there. So the thrill of her being in a relationship, it adds a taste of taboo to it. The fact that she's talk to you about it and you and your friend I think have taken too far because you're not acting like best friends here. Because a real best friend wouldn't jeopardize a friend's relationship or keep a male friend on the hook when they are currently dating someone else. And it doesn't sound like she's leaving her boyfriend. And it's possible. It's like a flirty game she's playing but she's not gonna follow through. Or if she does, that's not so great either because she's cheating on her boyfriend. So I think this is gonna get messy and someone could really get hurt. So I think you gotta take a step back here. If you wanna do the right thing and not make your relationship about sex. I'm sure there's many other things to talk about.

Move on too. Don't be friends.

Yeah.

Anymore.

Distance yourself for a while.

I think we need more detail. We need to know like if he was friends with her before she hooked up with this new guy. Right.

Email is still.

And I can for the beginning. Has he made a pass? And she said, let's just be friends. Is he stuck in friendzone? You know, there's some. There's some info missing.

There always is. I guess we're taking callers and having people. I was going to put a voicemail thing up my website and my new website which hasn't launched yet because it's taking a while.

But keep going back to calls and a lot of them will sound like this.

No. But yeah, we won't use those. But I want people to be able to call up and leave a voicemail message or call on the station.

No, I'm not dealing with callers.

Okay, so leave me a voicemail. But soon we're going to have it up on the website.

Yeah. You don't have a number yet?

No.

Okay.

It's on the list though.

I can get you hooked up with that. Yeah, well, I mean we do it on the. After disaster. We have a phone call.

Did you play the calls?

Sometimes like on special occasions.

Is it easy to do?

Yeah.

On the After Disaster, Anderson's wonderful podcast.

You said I should. I should mention it.

I don't know what you're talking about. It's like your most popular. Anderson's got this podcast.

I do three podcasts and I do three shows, and I try not to, like, you know, shove them down everyone's throat. I do three.

But you're talking to podcasters right now. I mean, don't not listen to my. No, but Anderson's podcast, After Disaster, has a huge following. People love it.

Oh, thanks, sweetie.

And it's. I went to your live show. I was blown away by all your fans and, like, rabid fans.

Disaster is. It's a very unique. A quick little 30 second aside. I'll get my stuff out of the way. Okay. And then we can go back to the sex. Yeah. All right.

After Disaster, ass eating again.

No more salad tossing. I don't even like the name.

I hate that word. I didn't mean to say it comes.

From present prison, because I know. I didn't mean to. You guys.

That's what's on here is Madison's fault.

That's the story.

Producer Madison.

That's the story, though. Like, they would use ranch drink dressing to a mask.

I remember. I don't know why I said, can you imagine eating professionals either? I'm sorry.

All right, so the actress. We talk about such things as. I don't think salad tossing's ever been mentioned, but it could come up. It's very sophomoric at times, but it's with myself. Mike, who's one of the most unique individuals you'll ever meet. He's fantastic. He has his own show. And Tyler White, who is the youngest. We span many a few generations, I think, and we have a very fast moving, quick show. And it's a. It's. It's the ADD fans love it. The listeners who have ADD because it's hard to keep up with, but it's fun if you do. And then I also have the film Vault, which I've been doing forever with Brian, where we do top five lists. In fact, we just did our top five, the Vaulties, the best movies of last year. We do it right after the Oscars.

Okay.

And then I have the. My newest show is Cinematics, where we talk about two movies that are coming out of the theater near you that Friday. That show gets released on Wednesday. So it's two new releases. We see them before the movies come out in the theaters, and then we Do a streaming pick as well, where I let you know about a movie that you can watch on Netflix for free or Amazon prime, if you remember that's streaming that you can watch in your home.

What. What should I watch on Amazon prime right now? Because I have some. Yeah.

For you. You put me on the spot like that.

Why? Well, it's so funny because I was talking my friend Anna the other day, and she's like, I told her I saw a movie. She goes, you saw a movie? She, like, freaked out that I sat through a whole movie.

There's so many good ones. And I'm drawn. I, I, I'm drawing a Blake. As far as the. I mean, buzzard. I would say buzzard, but Buzzard's not for you.

Well, how do you know it's for me?

Ah, it's not for you. You won't be able to sit through it.

But I can sit still. I'm sitting here still.

Buzzard's not that accessible. But I'm obsessed with Buzzard right now. I love it.

I want to see it.

I love Buzzer. But anyways, Cinematics. I finally am doing a show that doesn't say or cuck or you won't.

Swear or why are you doing it all on my show, then? I don't swear on my show. Yeah, you do sometimes, but I don't.

I'm doing a clean show that parents can listen to with their kids in the car. They can keep up on movies.

And I think that's so smart because a lot of people are over on my movies. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, don't get all your cursing out on my show, your profanity, because don't use me for that.

So thank you, M Cinematics Film vault, which we cuss up a storm and the after disaster, which is if itunes actually took a listen, they'd probably pull it off. It's filthy. Yeah. And we go down roads that we shouldn't.

People watch.

We did the blacker disaster, where we had a bunch of black dudes on because people call us racist. And then we presented them with all.

Remember when you did that show? Oh, my God.

Black dudes come in and, like, they let us know that. Yeah, that might be racist. You shouldn't say that.

Oh, my God.

Some good stuff on the afters after pushing the envelope. Sorry. I said 30 seconds. That was three minutes. I apologize.

I don't care. I love it.

We talk about sex on there. Some podcasts.

No, it's fine. People want sex. They want pod. I think. I think we're Talking to podcast listeners, Right?

You guys are smart. You're ahead of the curve, right? Podcast.

It's all about podcast now. It's true. I was ahead of the curve.

You still have that conversation, like, on a weekly basis. Like, people say, yes, what are you doing? You have to podcast. And they do that dog thing where their head tilts.

Yeah. Oh, every day.

I hate it.

As soon as I grab their phone, I'm like, do you know? I'm like, okay, so do you go to itunes? You know how you download a song really easy? This is like that. But it's free.

It's free.

And it's on your phone, and it's free on my phone. And then I grab their phone and then I search for, like, the podcast app, usually if they have an iPhone or if they have an Android. What do you do on the Droid?

I don't know. I don't understand it at all. The rocks, paper, scissors all get together.

I'm just telling you. Just search podcasts on your phone, and then they're all there. There's like hundreds of thousands of them. And I want to thank you all because out of the hundreds of thousand podcasts, last week, mine was number 32 overall.

Oh, look at that.

And that.

It was number one in health for the longest. It's always towards the top.

Number one in health. Number one in sex. Oh, and if you listen to the show, this is just a big commercial. No, but it's. It's cool if you listen that you go to itunes and where you can rate it. Yeah, you rate it.

That helps to get up to 30.

Helps us.

That's.

Yeah, give us five stars or one. If you don't like it, don't rate us. Okay.

You got, like, a perfect five star on there, right?

Well, you know what? I had some dark years. I've been doing this for 10 years. I. We were talking about this earlier that in everything that you do in life, I think we learn from our mistakes. And I started this out as, like, I'm just gonna do. I really want to help people. Better sex. I want a better sex. It was pure, noble, very pure. But then I realized I loved it so much, and it was doing well, and I thought I could make a living out of it, but I didn't know how to do the number. So I, like, one time, I charged for it.

Oh, that's. That'll get you.

Five years ago, and people were like, don't charge me. But I didn't know I was trying.

To make a living.

And Then people were like, you have too many ads for a while. And so now I'm trying to, like, not have it. I'm sorry, you guys. It's because I freaking love my show and I only way.

Did not know how to do it. So people were pissed about the ad. Like sometimes you read the things. Like too many ads.

Don't read the things.

I don't read them. Yeah, I mean, I will read them if you write something really nice. Okay. But yeah, it's pretty. Four and a half.

Or you'll read an email on air. If they send a good email.

Oh, yeah, totally. Feedbackexelmy.com. yeah, that's good feedback. That's where you get these. I read them all. Oh, okay. I've got Stanley.

I know, it's killing me. I feel your pain.

I love him. Okay. I'm getting a dog, though.

I heard you keep his name.

I'm getting a dog in two days. Pepe.

That's my wife's dog's name.

I know the dog, though. Don't be mad because he does look exactly like Stanley. Like identical. And that my friend Charlotte, as you know, is a vet and she's been at a shelter and she's been looking for a dog for me. And so, yeah, looks like Stanley. I'm really sorry. I'm like single white female.

Yeah, you are a single white dog.

Okay. Hey, Emily, I'm a massive fan of your show. I've listened to every podcast. I've been dating a guy for six months and I'm his first for sex. He went down on a few girls, but he's never had sex because he was so self conscious of his penis. I've had quite a few sexual encounters and I sometimes show my sexual rough side, which he hates. He says it makes him feel like that's how I would have been with other guys. I get that he's self conscious and I try to respect this, but he is brought up a few times and it makes me look slutty, which makes me feel ashamed. What should I do? Thanks for your help already. Love Ebony.

Oh, Ebony.

So this is interesting. Anderson, did you get the scenario here? So she's with a guy and Ebony's got experience with men and he's like, you're like slut. Or like, why do you. If you do something that's like a move that I don't know because I'm new at sex, I think of all that. He can't get the image of her having sex with other men out of his head. And he's got a penis issue. So there's a lot going on.

Come right back at him with like, I can't. I can't get the image of your face buried in a girl's muff out of my head.

That's true.

She could do that while your penis was being laughed at.

Right?

No, that's not.

Because, I mean, he's self conscious about his weird.

He is self conscious, so he's manifesting a lot of ways. Okay? So listen, Ebony, I think you're in the right here because you've nothing to be ashamed of, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. This has been a very common trend among younger guys lately. Like, he's ashamed of his lack of experience and he lashes out at you to make you feel bad, and that's not okay. And he's got negative feelings about his own inexperience. His own penis, whatever it is. And it's coming to light. And you had the opportunity to schedule what you said.

Coming to light.

Coming to light. Coming to light.

Stop it, Emily. Don't make that sound effect with your mouth.

You have that sound effect, don't you?

Yeah, I do. I'm not complaining.

Okay, fine. You have an opportunity to listen. You gotta educate this guy. I mean, I can't guarantee you that he's gonna listen, but you could try.

But she's gonna. If she tries to, he's gonna be like, how do you know? Slut. You know what I mean?

Well, let's hope he can break the slut shaming. But if you really like him, it is worth a try. Tell him how it makes you feel when he says these things. You don't wanna attack him. Be like. When you say those things, it's judgmental and it makes me feel like you're not being open and sexually. Like, you're not being open sexually. You're not accepting me for my past. And you understand that maybe he has not the same experiences as you, but that's a normal part of sex, that you learn what you like and that's how you understand your body and you grow as a lover. And that's all part of sex. So most importantly, you take what you learn from sexual experience in the past and you bring it into the future, and that's what's going to happen to him. But since you're his first partner, he has nothing to compare it to, right?

Plus, we don't know, Ebony might be going just hog wild and insane. You know what I mean? Like riding them and flipping over and going Gag. Do me like this, daddy. I mean, she might be going insane in the bedroom.

Well, you know what then? She's not with the right partner.

That's true.

What are you going to say? Since she wants it rough sometimes she wants to be spanked, let's say. And he's like, oh, you do have all the other guys. That's his own head. That's his mind F, if you will. And you know, if you want any more aggressive in bed, that's what you like. Don't apologize for it. You just might not be with the right lover if you try to break this down for her. He has to understand that sex, I mean, it is interesting. It's about both parties being fulfilled. It's not about his own like psychoanalysis of what she's done.

And this is ego and jealousy. Yes, that's what it is at its core.

And, and he's not respecting her either.

I wonder if like maybe just like a, if she gave him like a weekend at Hoff's, Hoff's Bunny Ranch or something. Maybe kind of catch up.

No, no, no.

Come back after like, you know, doing.

A couple, doing some herbal Viagra like.

Some random hookers and may come back like, all right, I'm caught up to you experience wise. Now let's do this. No, no, no. Good.

No, no, no, no. I mean, I think, I mean, here's how some guys would say, like, wow, cool, you've got experience. Like, let me try to learn from you. Like, that's one way he could take this scenario.

Yeah, that's a very mature way.

Or he could find a partner who's less experienced and learn with them. But no matter what, like slut shaming, never acceptable for a boyfriend to do.

Absolutely not.

He has to work on his own insecurities and he cann knowing what you know and knowing what you want to turn off. I know, I'm like so turned off too because it's like, how is she going to grow as a sexual young woman if he's repressing her and compressing her?

I do.

The callback.

Callback.

I do kind of understand.

I don't call back enough.

I have no. Callback is cheap and it's low hanging fruit and you should not do it too much. I'm sorry to be so judgmental with that.

I'm sorry. Yeah, I got a script.

I get it. But.

I've kind of been in his situation because I've been the jealous guy and I have a lot of shame about that. And I look back on it with horror. And I cringe in a few relationships where I have been the jealous guy. But I think she needs to make him understand that every sexual relationship between two people is different.

Right.

And it's just because I like this. I like this with you. It doesn't mean that I liked it with. Because it's gonna be hard for the guy if he's jealous and he's got his ego Right. Wrapped up.

Right.

When she says pull my hair to. Especially if you don't learn that who did that, there's a good chance that this guy has seen who banged her before, too. Right? Walking the streets, maybe in the same class, you know, same. You know, so it's hard. It's hard to get the guy.

It is really hard. I mean, that's the thing. It. So if you don't see any movement on this, you know, and this guy is not letting you be the sexual being that you are, then it's not going to be the right relationship.

Come up with something that you've never done with anyone else and be true about it and say, hey, look, I've never done this with anyone or have.

Yeah. What's your fantasy? What do you want to try? You seem, like, pretty open, Ebony. Maybe he wants to try something, too. Maybe he wants his ass slapped.

Maybe he wants pegged. Maybe he wants to get pegged.

He can get the Vibratex pearl. Peg his ass.

Peg his ass.

Yep. Okay.

Ebony Pegasus.

Peg it. Okay, Ebony. Good luck with that. Keep me posted. People should keep me posted. I want to know what happens.

Keep me posted. Says him. That'd be a lot of work. I know all your questions. Don't all your emails.

Okay, so this one's about a backdoor obsession. But don't worry, we're not gonna get into ass eating again.

All right, well, you can't Deepen that.

I'm 21 years old, and there's a lot of pressure from guys these days to do anal. I'm not into it. I've never tried it. But I feel like if I don't do it with my generation and Tinder and everything, that I will miss out on dating. Any advice, Morgan, from Twitter?

Is that helpful?

Yeah. Cause, you know, Tinder is just, like, pressuring people to have anal all over the place.

I can date successfully unless I give up the ass. Is that really where we're at?

Yeah.

Is that where it's. It's got.

Oh, dude. Well, I had a long talk with the office because everyone's, you know, in their, like, 20s, mid-20s. And they were just, you know, that they were saying that a lot of women do feel bad about things they don't want to do in bed, and it just feels like anal's acceptable. And. And I'm telling you, when I went to school, like, when I was in high school, anal sex wasn't even on the menu. It wasn't even on the radar. Like, I would have been shocked if someone was like, let's have anal. And about 10 years ago, when I started a podcast is when it really started to become the hot thing. Thing that everyone wanted to try. And now it's, like, squirting and pegging. Like, everyone's like, of course you do anal. But here's the thing, Morgan. A big reason for the spike in the popularity is porn, of course. And I also think it's seen as taboo, which is, like, thrilling and sexually exciting for men and women. And a lot of guys see it as, like, a gift. Like, you're gonna give me your butt.

When you hold a concrete. I can tell you this, though. It's way less taboo now than it was, like, 20 years ago.

Right.

Becoming vanilla.

Right? What's becoming vanilla? But what I'm saying is it's very confusing because she feels like, what if I don't want to do it yet? These guys aren't gonna like me. These Tinder guys.

Fuck the Tinder guys.

Fuck the Tinder guys. Exactly.

Look at that.

Yep. Are they asking you before? Are they like, hey, you up for anal? You up for a. You know, is there some kind of, like, emoji? I didn't realize this was a prerequisite for Tinder at all. A prerequisite for dating. But listen, you stick to your guns, and you stick to your. Your butt doing whatever you want.

Hold yourself to a higher standard.

Exactly. So I feel for you, and there is a lot of pressure. Now, it is true that everyone assumes it. You even hear about girls having anals, so it's like, they're still virgins. I mean, that's another story.

The Catholics kind of invented that.

And it's unfair that you feel like you should have to do things in the bedroom in order to be considered like, a sex partner. So don't do anything you don't want to do. And it doesn't mean that you're closed off to it, but maybe you're just not ready right now. So it's still not an everyday sexual thing, despite what most men think it's risky, can lead to diseases, anal tearing, serious injury. When it's done incorrectly or with an inexperienced partner. So you want to be with someone that you care about, that you love, or that you really like and that you trust. So don't give in to the hype and the pressure because, you know, you just want to make sure that you're doing it with someone who makes you feel safe. And I'm not saying anal sex, a lot of people love it. It can be safe. And if you're doing it right and it's pleasurable and, and some women really enjoy it, but it's okay to say no. And I just want you to feel like men. And also, here's another thing. Not every guy wants anal sex. They don't.

Evidently, a lot do. But for the most part, if you're good enough and you have enough self esteem in yourself. What's her name?

Her name is Morgan.

Morgan. Hot name. Hot name for a girl you're gonna be. It's not gonna be a deal, Kit. If you have something to offer. And you know what? A lot of the time it's a deal. Killer. The other way. Like a guy, once he gets you in the ass, he's like, all right, she's not marriage material. She's not like a woman. Not that you're looking for a husband, but they'll look at you a little bit differently. Like, oh, yeah, she's the type that'll take it in the ass, right? So hold yourself up to a higher.

Wait till you're with someone that you really. That you're. That you feel comfortable with, that you feel like you can trust and that you really like and that you've been with for a while. And you know what? Maybe you'll want to. But you know what? You might not want to. You might Want to for 10 years, you might not want to for a year. You might meet someone next week. But just be open to it.

It.

But don't ever do it unless you're ready. I mean, be open to like, that one day it could happen. But right now it's okay that you don't.

I wonder how many girls are crying and getting pegged right now just because they feel like they have to.

So many women do things. That's why they give out the freaking blow. My friend called Tinder a blowjob dispenser. He's like, every girl gives me a blowjob.

But then you got the friend that you go to, like the Jewish deli with who has like the full rainbow of dicks on her phone. She's like, look, I'm blowing this. So, I mean, it can work both ways, but.

Totally. It can work both ways, but I just don't like that these girls and guys, I guess, are being pressured into all this.

And it hurts me.

I just think of my nieces.

Maybe I'm getting old. And I got sisters and a mom, too. Actually, you know what? It probably would have pissed me off even more when I was younger, but there's the girls, and she's a. Morgan's a perfect example. They feel like they have to be porn stars just to. Just to be in the game, and that should not be the case. I mean, I feel like last year's movies were more feminine dominant than ever before. You yet we got Morgan's thinking that they have to give up the ass to date on Tinder.

Right. Morgan, I want you to spend more time masturbating and figuring out what makes you feel good. And then you'll know your own body, and then you'll start to enjoy sex more.

What happened? You guys were burning bras 50 years ago. Now look at you.

I know this obsession.

Giving your ass away on tv.

I don't give your ass away. You're totally fine. I think more women need to hear this message. They should never, ever do anything they don't want to do. So that's what we got time for.

Nice.

I know. This is fun, Anderson. And everyone, I'll see you on March 10th at the Hollywood Improv Thursday. And I got some other events coming up too, but I can't think of what they are at this moment. But just check out my website, and, yeah, find me. Oh, oh, follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. It's all SexWithemily and on Snapchat, Facebook.com SexWithemily and yeah, Anderson, you can find you at Anderson Cowan, all your stuff.

Yeah. And you know what? In the interim, when you put me on the spot and asked me for a movie off Amazon on Prime, if you're. If you're a member.

I am a member.

There's some really good ones. Wolf of Wall street from last year.

I saw that.

That's on there. A great movie called While We're Young with Adam Driver.

Oh, I heard about that. I love him. I want to see that, too. Okay, we'll watch it tonight.

And Ex Machina is also awesome tomorrow.

Okay, thank you. Appreciate it. Okay, thanks, everyone, for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Okay. By now, you've probably bailed on your New Year's resolution. That's okay. Maybe you wanted to work out more. I mean, did you make a resolution to work out more? It's okay. I know it feels great to be in shape. It boosts your confidence and your libido. But are you ignoring the one muscle group that can have the biggest impact on your sexual performance? Don't worry, because now there's a product that will do the work for you. The intensity is unique. Insertable device that strengthens your pelvic floor with gentle electrostimulation, delivering an extremely effective and automatic Kegel exercise. This is what I use, Anderson. When I lie back and I read, I do my kegels for 10 minutes a day. The shaft inflates. It perfectly, fits you. So you know that you're working your muscles and you feel them contracting. But you don't even have to do the Kegel because it does it for you. Do you understand? It's like someone doing sit ups for you that doesn't exist. The kegs.

Lee. Bruce Lee used to work out that way.

Really?

Yeah. He had like the electrolyte things and they would make his muscles twitch. Yeah, I want that.

Can we do that? I want that.

You're doing that with your vagina.

Well, my vagina. I'm doing it. This muscle group gives you more control over your pleasure during intercourse and also prevents urinary incontinence. You know, when you sneeze you and pee. Is that what happened to you? The Intensity just happens to have a vibrate option too? Because, hey, why not have an orgasm while you're working out? I'm telling you, this product has changed my sex life. I've talked about it a lot on the show. I've increased strength, control, and seriously, the best orgasms I ever had, which I didn't think were possible because your G spot becomes much more heightened when you're Kegelling Are strong, the whole thing. Listen to the past shows. Check it out. If you want your intensity, do it now. Go to sexwithelmily.com, click on the intensity banner and it's pour moi Intensity. It'll say pour moi by intensity. Intensity by pour moi. Check it out. Sexelmy.com Also, guys, one more thing. Are you looking to mix up your masturbation routine? Well, the number one sex toy for men wants to help you. It wants to give you a hand. The Flesh Light. It's a masturbation sleeve. Use it solo or with a partner. It simulates the sensations of having sex. You actually feel like you're having sex with a person. With a woman with a butt, whatever. A vagina. It feels that way. This, this, this unique patent material, they made it like a vagina. I don't know how they did it, but it's amazing. There's a Fleshlight stamina training unit. Helps you last longer during sex. There's the discreet flight, the go. It's compact, you could take it wherever you go. And now there's the quick show shot. It's the open ended male masturbator. Looks like a camera lens. And yeah, it's great for hand jobs. Your partner can use it on you. You'll love it. You'll love all the things they have there. Go to sexwithemily.com Click on the flashlight banner, use code Emily and you get a free bottle of their award winning flesh loop. Thanks for listening. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, Sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital min human health, magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement. It's a foundation for daily well being, which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age. Well, Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive, intensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really noticed calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.comsexwithemily for 50 off. And here's a bonus. Use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off. Your order. Order. That's Q U A L I A life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.