Male Call Mash-Up

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Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily Morse, and on today's show, I'm focusing on all you penis owners out there. That's right, I'm answering a variety of sex-related questions from different perspectives, all having to do with the male identity. Topics include: okay, so your husband says his orgasms haven't hit their peak, so how can you help him reach his sexual potential? Sex clubs— you finally decided to go to one, what can you expect? So you want a threesome and so does your girlfriend, but she's worried you just might enjoy it too much. Where do you go from there? So your wife of 10 years just dislikes the taste of semen, so she's never really tasted yours, but hey, you think it's time she tries it. So how do you politely ask her to, you know, give it a little swig? Try it. Just try once. How do you do that? Alright, all this and more. Thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they called them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? 'Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, it feels so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. It's got a lot of information for you to help you have your sex life and relationships going strong. And you can also find us wherever you listen to podcasts— iTunes, Google Play, iHeartRadio. We love when you review us. And find me on SiriusXM Radio. I am there 5 nights a week, Monday through Friday, on Starz Channel 109, from 5 to 7 PM Pacific, 8 to 10 East, or you can still call in even if you don't have Sirius, 888-947-8277, or 888-94-STARS. And if you want a free 30-day trial, go to sexwithemily.com/sxm. As always, find me on all social media across the board. It's @sexwithemily. All right, guys, I hope you enjoy the show.

All right, we have John. He's 34 in Indiana. He wants to know how he can ask his wife if he can cum in her mouth.

Hey, John.

Hi.

Hi, thanks for your call. Okay, so tell me where you're at with this.

Yeah, so I'll eat her out, she'll give me a blowjob, and I'll eat her out until she comes. And I want to come in her mouth just as much as she does in mine.

Okay, and what's happening? So, John, so you guys, how long have you guys been together?

10 years.

10 years. And has she told you that she has an aversion to swallowing in the past?

No, she just doesn't like the taste. And she's tasted it.

Okay.

Like 9 years ago when we first started, when we first got married.

Uh-huh.

And she does not she goes back to that memory and doesn't like it.

See, okay, so this is what happens a lot of times. We have like one experience where it doesn't taste the right way, or we think something's off, or maybe she wasn't expecting it, and then that links up the part of our brain is like, no, no, no, I can never do it again. So what I think you do, John, is when you're not having sex, when you guys are hanging out and maybe you're talking about your— you know, have you got— do you guys talk about your sex life often? Ever?

Yeah.

Okay, cool. So next time you could say, you know what, I understand, babe, you had that weird experience 9 years ago, but I think it would be so so hot, and I would love it if you would allow me to come in your mouth. And I understand that you've had an experience in the past, but what I'm thinking is we could try some of this great flavored lube, which, John, if you get this lube, it's amazing. It's called Muse, and you could buy— you can buy it in the stores now, I think, right, Jane? It's actually the only lubes that I would probably tell you to buy at like a— wherever it's at, Target. You get on our website too, but it tastes like— there's one that's salted caramel There's mint chocolate, crème brûlée, and so it's good, or you could try System Joe if the Muse isn't there, but here's the deal with it. It's just like, it honestly tastes like I'm telling you. It's not like that sticky bad lube, so that could be something where you could be like, maybe you could try this and then it'll, she'll just have that taste in her mouth, and then I think she'll realize, oh, that's not bad. It's not a, you know, I enjoy it. Like, I think to me that would be a great entrée to it. You could also just, I mean, you're not gonna be able to force her to do it, but I think maybe buying her some lube, and then another thing would be, for her to— we've heard this works, I haven't tried it— but putting her tongue at the roof of her mouth, um, in the moment that you're coming. Apparently you swallow it and she can't taste the cum.

Gotcha.

All right, but say it in a loving way. This isn't going to be a deal breaker. All right, John, let me know how it goes though. You got to call me back if she swallows your cum and all goes well.

Call me. All right, we have Melanie, who's 41 in Iowa. She said her boyfriend's orgasms aren't as great as they used to be.

Hey Melanie, I love this question. How do you know they're not as great? Tell me.

Well, I actually took your advice and I told him that I wanted to be his greatest lover and he said that sex is good, but that he just doesn't have orgasms like he used to. He said sometimes it's kind of like, "Really? That's it?" And so I want to know if there's anything I can do to help.

Oh, okay. Well, Melanie, first let me tell you this. Nobody has orgasms like they used to. So our orgasms change in our 20s, our 30s, our 40s. So they change for everybody. It's not because you're doing anything wrong. I promise you, like, in their 20s, men can, like, shoot a jacklit across the room. Like, you know, like, when the guy had a friend who did my Kegel Camp app and he was 38, he's like, I did it for 30 days and I was shooting across the room like I was 20. Because when your Kegel muscles are strong, that can happen, but you have to work on it. So what I'm saying is every orgasm changes, Melanie, so that's fine. But also, um, that's great. I, first of all, I'm so glad you took my advice. And then you could ask him. I don't think it's about his orgasms being differently, but like, did you ask ask him what turns him on, or like, what would— what does he want to try? Did you guys exchange sexual bucket lists? You know, I don't know where to start with because I don't know him.

Yeah, we started going down that path, but he kind of didn't seem interested in the discussion at the time, so I let it drop.

Okay, well, it's time to bring it up again. Say, I can't stop thinking about how you said your orgasms weren't like they used to, or I want to be your best lover to you. Like, you know, what, what could we— because you brought it up Did it— what were you asking for when you asked? You asked for something for you?

Yeah, yeah. Well, not— well, I just said, you know, explained to him that, well, we had had sex the day before and was just telling him what I liked about it, that I wanted more of that.

Okay.

And it was kind of the first time that I had opened up more and giving him direction instead of just like letting him go at it.

Perfect, Mel. Yes, I love it.

Yeah. So he said that helps, that that was good. And then I wanted him to reciprocate, but the only reciprocation I got was him just kind of confessing that his orgasms were not like, not fulfilling.

Like, so great. So that's a great first start. So Melanie, that probably felt to you like, oh my God, I'm doing something wrong. I gotta be sexier. I gotta do whatever. But also it was the first time. So I'm really proud of you. That's amazing. And he did what you wanted finally, after all these years, you were like, this is what I want. So that's amazing, Melanie. Like really, and just know now it's time for the next conversation. And so if you think about it, it was the first time. And we often go to our negative, right? Well, my orgasms aren't— that's all in the moment he could come up with. But I'll bet he's been thinking about it as well. So, I think you gotta bring it up again and say, you know, I've been thinking about— first of all, thank you for listening to me talk about what I wanted and for trying it. I love that. And then, you know, you mentioned your orgasms. Like, let's figure out how to make it stronger because the things that make our orgasm— and I can just tell you what makes it better for most people, men and women, is The anticipation, the teasing, prolonging orgasm, edging. Like maybe you go down on him and then you go like, maybe you like, you know, you stop and then you like massage his body. You play with his nipples. We're finding out some men do, you know, we know that some men do, some don't, but we don't often try it. So like just teasing. And, and, and I think that, you know, if you know anything about his fantasies or what turns on, maybe there's something new he wants to try or like dirty talk. You could also download the Yes, No, Maybe list from our website, which a lot of couples do. And they like look at all the items on the list. It's a great starting point for people and you find out the things that you like, what you both like in common. So, okay, Melanie, you there? We just see real quick how'd that help Melanie.

She's—

hey Melanie, you got it? Is that helpful?

Yeah, it is helpful. Um, is prostate massage something that we should—

oh my God, yeah. I mean, honestly, uh, yeah, thanks for asking. Prostate massage for men— all men have a prostate, women do not. Yes, I think that prostate massage would be super hot. I mean, he might be like— a lot of men are like, oh, it makes me gay, or I don't know. But I'm telling you, we've We've got a great blog on our site called Power of the P-Spot. So check that out, Melanie, and I think keep exploring, keep talking and doing it with love and without putting pressure on. I think you're doing great.

Alright, we have Frank, 44, in Tennessee, who's curious about sex clubs and is not sure what to expect.

Alright, hey Frank, thanks for calling. You're a good time.

Hey Frank.

Hey, how are you, Emily Morse?

I'm fine.

Yeah, I learned that there is actually a sex club in Nashville and didn't even know it existed until just recently. But, uh, curiosity has the best of me. What, what can you expect in places like this? Um, yeah, well, I'll take my answer off the air.

Okay, okay, cool. Okay, cool. Thanks, Frank. Thanks for calling. Well, they're all different. So here's the thing, if you heard about it and it's like an organized club, there's different kinds of sex clubs. There could be like, uh, a bondage club where you pay to go and it's more like kinky, like maybe there's, you know, different shows that people put on and it's more like BDSM, bondage, discipline, like there's like people being spanked or tied up, and there's different like sex clubs like that. And then there's ones that are more like play parties or like swinger clubs where couples can go, and then like typically single women can go. So, so single guys can't usually go alone. I mean, you know, you have to go in as a couple or a third with a couple. But do they let guys do that now? Maybe they do, equal opportunity. But it used to be like only single women and couples. And so typically that's the rules. And if you go, what you could expect is, um, honestly, like the ones I've been to and sex parties, they're kind of like a lot— they're sort of like a normal party. If you get there early, if you get there at the right— when it opens, like people are hanging out, they're drinking, maybe they're a little sexier. Actually, some of the clubs don't even allow alcohol, to be honest. So maybe they're not drinking, but they're hanging out. But it's not like you walk in— yeah, but it's not like you walk in and there's like people banging everywhere. It's actually typically the— what I love about the parties I've been to is that typically they're very much into rules and boundaries. And before you go, you have to like sign the waivers and say like, I will not go up and approach anybody. And it's like much more consensual and respectful than you would think. I don't know if this is gonna make you happy or sad, Frank. You might be like, oh damn, I thought it was a free-for-all and everyone's gonna be having sex. I mean, you have to be protective in these environments. So a lot of times you go in and then maybe there's a couple and they might approach you, Frank, to be a third. Or maybe if you're there with your partner, you know, you guys might be interested in just watching. Like, there's no pressure to have sex at a club. For many people, they just go to watch. They have their clothes fully on the whole time. So it's really, it's, it's kind of a very respectful environment. One of the ones I've gone to where you feel like, like I've been to like parties that are not sex parties that seem way more raunchy and crazy and over the top, perhaps even than sex parties that I've been to. But it depends on the party, on the club. Is it a one-time-only thing? You know, like it's a traveling club. It depends on it. So they probably have a website you can read, but I think that you have to practice consent. Typically there's a lot of condoms everywhere and, you know, just watch, use protection and see how you feel. Maybe you just want to go and then you go back again and see what you feel the next time. But I think going in with an open mind but not going in expecting to get laid.

Would you go to another one?

Yeah, I would. All right guys, I have to tell you about the Zumio. I hadn't heard about it until a listener brought it to my attention and we all fell in love with it over here. So the Zumio is a toy that was built to actually not look like a toy. It's actually designed It's designed to deliver a really strong and quick orgasm. The clitoris, as you know, has 8,000 nerve endings, and what I love about the Zumio is that it truly allows you to access all those spots and very specifically explore all those erogenous zones. It's actually a great educational and exploratory tool. So, you know, I'm always telling you, grab a mirror, take a look at what's going on down there. Well, this is the toy to do that because you can see the way the Zumio works. You can kind of target different parts of your vulva and your vagina. Vagina, and actually any body part. It's for men and for women. The Zumio stimulates blood flow. It stimulates all the parts of the vagina and vulva to keep it alive and thriving. It only covers a few nerve endings at a time. It moves the blood and the collagen to the surface in very specific areas for excellent orgasms. By using different patterns in various speeds, there's actually 8 of them, it helps to wake up your vulva. I mean, you know, there's parts of our vulva, our vagina that is kind of sleeping. And helps women who are menopausal or have pain during sex as well. And it's great to use with a partner. It slips really nicely in between both of you during sex and doesn't look like a phallic symbol at all. The Zumio also has two models. There's one that's more intense and one that's a little less so. I think if you've been looking to explore your body, you want to go to the next level, find new orgasms, or even have your first one, you are going to love the Zumio. So go to sexwithemily.com/zumio. That's sexwithemily.com/zumio. Z-U-M-I-O today.

All right, we have Dan, who's 63 in Washington. He said him and his girlfriend has been talking about a threesome, but his girlfriend is afraid, uh, that he's gonna like the girl more than her.

Okay, this is one of those common threesome challenges. Hey Dan.

Hi Emily, how are you?

I'm good, thanks for calling.

So I've been divorced for about 7 years, was married 19 years, met my current girlfriend. The sex has been phenomenal. It's been a lot of fun. And so from time to time when we are making love or having sex, we'll kind of have that dirty talk talking about a threesome. And I kind of get the impression she'd like to— she kind of liked to try it, but then she talks about, well, what if, what if I really like her more than you? And, and I kind of go to the opposite field, and I don't think that she would And then the other question is, is this— is she kind of seriously thinking about it or playing with that, that thought? And how do you just gently kind of deal with it?

Okay, so you're saying that she's worried that you're gonna like the girl, or the other way around, that she's gonna want to run off with the girl, right?

Right.

Have you—

yeah, I don't think she would.

Well, yeah, I mean, here's the thing. This is why, if you know, the opening of the show, we actually talked about this, that like you really have to find someone together that you do, and you have to have really strong boundaries and make sure it's not someone that you, you know, that that's going to happen with. Maybe it's even someone that you arrange for a night. Um, but I'm wondering, has she been with women before?

When I've talked, she, she's had other women that have actually, in her younger years, that have, um, touched her breasts and her nipples, and, and I think she was eroticized by that. And I think that in her mind, she's always kind of had that, that, you know, fantasy thought. And, and so it's, it's one of those things where you're kind of like, I think you kind of want to do this, but you're a little afraid to do this. And we've talked about going to Las Vegas, like you mentioned earlier, where it's more of a safe environment with somebody that, you know, we don't know. And but yet it's, it's safe and clean. Um, but I'm just trying to determine, you know, how far do you kind of push that conversation? I can go either way. I mean, I think it'd be sexy and fun to watch her with another woman, right?

Okay, well, I think you just asked— this is exactly the conversation you say with her. You said, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I wanted to get really clear on this. Like, I, I— we could go somewhere where we know we won't see this person again. It won't be that possibility. Um, ask her, you know, get some more— get more curious about it. Like, does she really truly think it's going to happen? Is she saying that to as a way to— does she really not want to? That she used it as an excuse to be like, well, I'm afraid I'd fall in love with someone, so she doesn't have to have the threesome with you? Like, I don't really know. I can't tell you if she's just using that as an excuse or not, but I feel like you guys aren't ready yet, that there are some more conversations. How long have you guys been talking about it?

We've been dating about 6 years now.

Oh, okay.

It started about 4, 4 years ago that we started kind of talking about it at night, and, and month after having a good time. And so it's, it's one of those things where, you know, I think she's afraid that she'd like it too much with another woman, that it'd be, hey, Dan, you've been fun, but I think I like this better.

Well, you know, why do you— these days, why do you have to choose either, right? I mean, how old is she? Is she your age? She's 63?

Yeah, she's 61. I'm 63.

I mean, it could also just lead to more threesomes, more playing. I mean, does she think she wants to live with— I mean, honestly, okay, that's a risk we all got to take. If that happens, that happens. But I'm going to think at 63, You know, if it happens, good, that's what she needs to do. But I just don't think that— that to me, I feel like there's probably something else going on here. Or are you prepared, Dan? Because really, this is about you. What if she picks up and leaves with another woman because you had a threesome? Do you want to take that risk?

Well, you know, I love her to death. I mean, as far as my confidence, all I— just in the time we've been together, I think that she certainly wouldn't want to leave for another woman. I think that—

I don't think so either. Yeah, I don't think so either, but maybe she's just using that as an excuse. Maybe like, maybe she thinks— get more info from her. Like, maybe she's saying that as like a reverse psychology. She really wants to say, Dan, are you going to leave me for another woman? Maybe there's some deeper insecurities there. Reverse psychology.

Kind of like just sift through it.

Yeah, let her figure it out. Yeah, say, I'm not going to force you on it at all. You let me know if that's a concern for you. I'm happy being with you forever for these she's, you know, another 6 years. So I would just get— keep asking questions, get more information before you jump into it. Sounds like that's the case where you're close but not quite ready yet. Okay, Dan, thanks for calling. It's a good one. I can't tell there. Well, now I want her to call in. I want her to call in.

I know, it's interesting to me, like, why she thinks— she's like, but what if I leave you?

Yeah, is that like a—

because to me, were you planning on leaving me soon? Like, I feel like you don't just think that You're right.

Is she using it as an excuse to bail? Is she saying it because really she's afraid he's gonna leave? You know, like in a reverse—

yeah, no, that was a great point. I hadn't even thought of that. Yeah, when you brought that up, you know how women's minds—

men's minds, we can kind of twist things. So interesting.

Women, women are very, um, smart in the art of mind play. Fucking— yeah, mind fuck the shit out of you.

Yeah, we can all dabble in that area, can't we?

Okay, we have Justin who is 36 in Virginia and wants to know the best kind of condoms to use.

Hey Justin, great question. Hey, how you doing?

Doing good.

Uh, I was just asking you about what, what condoms to use.

I know they got a bunch of them like Durex.

Yep, I love this. Yeah, well, it's funny, we just talked about this the other night. My favorite kind of condoms— we did a whole thing on this other night because we're like, condoms get a bad rap because a lot of them And they're all different. And they all fit differently and you gotta try out which ones work. And the ones I love and people, like, I've loved them for years, it's called SKYN, S-K-Y-N, and they're polyisoprene, meaning they're non-latex. And they have different kinds, but they're thin but strong. And so they, so that's great for people with latex allergies and they're thin and they generate the heat from your body. They're really cool condoms. I like Lifestyles condoms, and then there's a condom called Myone Fit, and that— Myone, M-Y-O-N-E— and then it's, it's basically, you can— it's a, it's a custom-sized condom, so you can like measure. You go on their website, there's like measurements, you measure your penis there, and then you— yeah, they send you condoms. So that's what I recommend. Yeah, tell me.

Well, I've never— well, I've never—

I mean, never used a condom before.

Okay.

And, uh, I just know overnight you was talking about lubes and stuff. Yeah, do you have to put lubes in—

I mean, lube in, in the condom?

Oh, this is what we were talking about, right? So this was like my hack, like when I'm like, people don't like to use condoms, here's how you make it better. Yeah, absolutely. I love the idea of adding a few drops of lube inside the condom, like where the tip is, because then when you put it on, it can feel really good, right, for the man, because it has a little bit of lubrication. And then on the outside as well. Yeah, I mean, my whole thing when I talk about lube, I say like rub a little bit on your vulva, inside your, you know, vagina, put it on the condom, and then have sex. Make it all lubed up.

Well, I— yeah, but that—

I like that, but I'm just trying to—

I'm just wanting to know because I've, I've never had sex before.

Okay.

Oh, and I just, just want to ask some stuff about it.

Yeah, no, I'm, I'm glad that you asked. I mean, that's what I would recommend. And like when you're masturbating, you can also try condoms, you know. You could like Try out what feels good. Practice. So yeah, okay, okay. Let me know how those go. All right, thank you for calling. Good luck to you. Thank you. Keep me posted. All right, thanks for calling.

Let's talk to Martha. She's 42 in Canada and she wants to know about changes in male sex drive.

Hey Martha! Hi Martha, I'm so good. How are you doing?

Hi, good, thank you. Um, yeah, so okay, so here's my, here's my I have a question. Um, it is about male sex drive but also male ejaculate over time.

It— yeah, there are some changes. Well, tell me why you're asking. What have you observed? Because I can let you know what kind of can happen.

So, uh, my partner is 47 and he— we've been together for a long time. You know, early on, 10 years ago, things were great. We had sex all the time. Everything was great. Everybody came all the time. Perfect. Um, and then, you know, now we're, uh, a family. We've got 4 kids. We've, you know, all those things. And so, right. And so, okay, great. So my sex drive is still there. His sex drive is still there. I think it's not— it's, you know, the typical marital thing. Like, it's not every day anymore.

We don't— right, you have 4 kids, right? I get it. Yeah, you're busy.

100%. And so, okay, great. So, um, a couple things happen. 5 years ago he was diagnosed with diabetes, so he's taking pills for that. It's type 2, so he's taking pills for that. And he immediately was of course looking at side effects, potential side effects of his medication. At the same time he was put on a low-dose cholesterol medication too. He's looking at those, at all of those things, and I think very psychologically he's like, "Oh my God, if something happens, I can't feed you that day." like it's gonna be over. And I'm like, what are you talking about? So everything was fine for a bit, but I've noticed like maybe the last 2 years, and intermittently, it's not every time, I'm concerned he's— that there's something else happening. So what's the note— the change that I noticed? So, so I guess this is the right place to be descriptive.

Yeah, of course, anything you want, Martha, like literally anything goes here as long as it's, you know, safe.

So So the way that I can— so for me, afterwards, you know, you go to the bathroom, something comes out in the toilet. There you go. You know what it is. It's a little bit chunky, whatever.

Totally.

Right. So now it's not chunky anymore. Now it's like, okay, I need to wipe myself and there's like lots of like creamy stuff.

Okay.

Yeah. But it's not thick and like something shot out anymore.

Right. I mean, medication can absolutely affect affect his ejaculate for sure. It could change the consistency, it could change the taste of it. So yeah, I mean, maybe you'd want him to come outside of you just in case. I mean, I haven't heard anything of people getting sick from other— you're not— nothing's gonna happen to you. But is it bothering you? You're just curious?

My concern is that he's not coming. That's my—

oh, oh, oh, so then what's coming out of you? Him? You?

You, right?

Either, right?

It is. It's not me because I know what that looks like, right? Like, right, if I were to masturbate and go on my own, like, there's a little bit of clear something, not this like puddle of something else. Um, anyway, I— so that's one. But then too, like, so I've never experienced it. The other thing that I was reading on, it's like something where it's like reverse ejaculation.

Oh, retrograde ejaculation. Yes. Yeah.

So that's what I'm wondering if that's possible because the other day, you know, um, I gave him oral and then that's, that's, it's not what happened. Like there was a little something.

Okay.

Okay. And nothing, not so much.

Wait, there was a little something you just cut out. There was a little something when, when you ejaculated, but when he ejaculated, I mean, so wait, has he talked? Has he gone to his doctor? It sounds like he's on a lot of medication right now. Has he changed his health and his diet along with taking medication?

Yes and no. He's trying to be more active and he's reduced— like, he's eating things more in moderation. But, um, has he lost a bunch of weight?

No.

Has he, you know, drastically changed his life?

No.

No, right, because that's really what has to happen. I mean, they're showing now that there's just a lot we can do to fight diabetes and to fight all these health things. So I mean, I think like if he, if he ejaculates, um If he, he could ejaculate, do you think that he's having some kind of like discharge? I'm not sure. So you're saying when you, when you, um, gave him a blowjob, what was it?

It was, it was just a little, like he, he was right, like that's always been a sure thing. But then again, the consistency, I don't know, it's different. I mean, I have no idea.

Does it taste different? Yeah, I mean, the medication can impact his sex drive, it can impact erections. He might not come, he might have an, um, he might Right. Yeah. I mean, retrograde ejaculation is essentially when you don't orgasm for a while. Like it takes him a long time to ejaculate or not ejaculate at all. So it probably sounds like it is the medication. And if it's a problem, I don't think there's anything you have to worry about. I just would love him to get, to get healthier. Right. Like he's young, still 47. You got a lot of kids, you're busy. So I like that you guys are still making all the efforts and everything. And it sounds like you're still having sex. So I'm not concerned about the ejaculation, but I think he should definitely, I mean, that's a, that is a side effect. So he could talk to his doctor sometimes. Is it bothering him at all, or this is more of your observations?

It's, it's my observations. Um, I, when he first was diagnosed, I had gone to him with the doctor and we kind of sat there in silence because the doctor was like, so how's your sex life? And we're like, oh, right.

I know.

No one's prepared for that conversation. Like, I would love to say, and, and I I've, in the meantime, in case it was something else, because obviously I'm a woman, I'm going to be like, oh, something's changed, he's not attracted to me anymore, or just fallen into this rut, like, you know, those things, right? So I was kind of like, okay, so I tried to open it up, be really cute, flirty, play 20 questions. One of the questions was like, what's the best thing that you like about our sex life? What could be better? What, you know, anything you want to try? Like, any of those things. And he was like, "No, everything's good. You know, I like how you touch me, how you whatever, yes, oral, I like making love to you." All of those things. So, what can improve? Nothing really. Like, anything you want to try? And I'm like, hmm, you know, I said some things and he really was like, "No, everything's pretty good." You know?

Right. Okay, well that's good that you guys are talking about it and I think it's good that the doctor asked you. But let me just correct myself. A retrograde ejaculation is actually, I was thinking of the other one, retard, they call it. Retarded ejaculation. Oh, oh, delayed. Or delayed, or really, it's because they actually call it— that's the, the name for it. But, but, but retrograde is when it actually— he does ejaculate and it goes back up, like it's like retrograde, and then it comes out in his urine. And that is happened with diabetes medication. It can cause the retrograde ejaculation. The semen gets in the bladder instead of his penis during ejaculation, and it enters the bladder. So that could be something that's happening. Is he having any pain at all? Okay, I feel like it sounds like you, you— there is some things that you want to talk to him about, like with your sex life, and that maybe— I mean, I don't know how, you know, you have 4 kids and just making time for it. I mean, I think a lot of couples— yes, and things happen when you get older and hormones change, but also a lot of couples who find they have low sex drive just really aren't trying different things and aren't, you know, sometimes it could be just one thing different, something novel, something spontaneous, something a little like that you've never done before in another room, talking to me, any of your 4 kids. But if there's a way, I'm like thinking, where could you do it in another room? But you know, like finding, getting, getting babysitters so you could have time away, date night. Those are all the things that keep couples connected. And when couples feel more connected, they're more likely, you know, to talk about things and to, to try different things. So I feel like that's what I'm hearing from you. Like, it doesn't sound like the ejaculation's a problem as much as maybe you're yearning for something else that you haven't been able to say. To him.

Okay.

Yeah, that's what I think. I'm not worried about the ejaculation. I mean, I'm worried if he's taking a lot of medications and he's not getting healthier, but that's not what you're calling about. I think if you've been listening to the show like we do, we talk about this all the time. You have to— it's a continue. Just because you said it once to him, which I love the way you said it, like, do you want to try this or that, but to continue to have the conversation. And it's not okay for partners to opt out of it. And when they do say, I don't know, I don't care, it's typically because they actually don't even know what they want or what to say, or they're I'm afraid you're going to get mad. So it's kind of like really building that groundwork of like, no, I'm asking because I want us both to be incredible lovers to each other, to grow with our sex life. What can we do? And just continue to talk about it, Martha, with him. All right, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back on to your calls.

All right, so we got Bill who's 32 in Canada and he has a relationship question regarding his boyfriend.

Okay. Hey, Bill.

Hi, how are you today?

I'm good. Tell me what's going on. Happy to help.

Oh, you betcha. Well, him and I, we've been dating for about 6 months now, and I come home and I'll go and I'll do, and I'll give him a blowjob and give him a handjob, and then he, that's where it stops. And I just want to know how to approach him because, because I want him to have sex with, have sex with me, obviously. Yeah. I just know how I don't, I don't know how to approach it in a manner like it sounds needy or it sounds like, no, it sounds like reciprocity.

It's like you're, you're, you both want to get off. You're in a sexual relationship. So you've been together 6 months. And so at the beginning, like, was it, what was it like? I mean, it hasn't been that long.

Well, Well, yeah, no, well, we've, well, we've never actually had sex before. We've done like oral on each other off and on, that kind of stuff, but we never actually had sex yet.

Okay, well, so you're asking for you, but you, when you give him a blowjob, you want him to give you one back is what we're saying.

Yeah, but no, I want something else. I want to start, but start, and where I wanted to go is that, is I want him to screw me.

Okay, so you are— you, um, you're bottom and we know he's a top. Have you guys talked about your sex life at all?

Yeah, we have. I told him I'm bottom. We both agreed to that. And then we talked and he knows I'm a bottom. But this— I think he's somewhat interested in it, but I don't know how to, uh—

Okay, so this is what you got to do, Bill. When you guys— next time you go home, not when there's sex involved. Do you guys live together or you're just hanging out? Sounds like Okay, so next time you guys have a date and you go out and you're just chilling, maybe on a Sunday or Friday night date or something, and just say to him, hey, like, I want to talk to you about sex. I enjoy the sex we're having. You can tell them a few highlights for you and then just say, I, as you know, like, I really enjoy penetration and I want to know what you're into because I think that we've been in this for 6 months now and I really want to learn how I can be a great lover to you. And I want to share to you what I need. So let's just start talking about it. And I know this might be awkward and weird. It was really uncomfortable for me to say, got to be honest with you, but sex is a really important part of a relationship. So let's just talk about it. Because you're not going to get him like, there isn't like a hint, Bill. I'm not going to give you like a secret code. I'm not going to say, say these 3 words and he's going to be giving you, you know, letting you have sex with him. It's more like, hey, like, because there's probably, he might be like, oh, I thought you didn't want to, or, oh, lately I've been having pain and we don't know. So it's weird though to bring it up bring up when you're like disappointed, like when you gave him a blowjob and then he's like, let's order dinner, and you're like, what happened? So it's more like relaxed conversation and just curious and say, hey, let's, let's, let's figure out what we both love. Because I, you know that I like when, you know, I'm a bottom and you know that about me, and I know that hasn't happened, so I'm curious if there are any barriers. Like, just ask questions and listen. That's literally it.

Yeah, I know, I've had different things I've gone and bought like sexy panties and wore them for him and all kinds of things.

But that doesn't do it. You have to talk about it outside the bedroom without like in his face wearing something that you think would work. Like I hear from women all the time, like I wore lingerie and he just walked right past me. These little hints, which we think we actually think hints are like we're actually telling our partner something, but it's that they don't work. Hints never work. They don't. Hints don't work and suggesting it doesn't work and Apparently, our partners aren't mind readers. Sometimes we wish they were. So I feel like you have to have a straightforward conversation with him and not blaming him, not shaming him, not being like, "Why don't you do this?" But more like, "Hey, enjoying this relationship. Let's figure out how we can both be really sexually satisfied." You might find out, Bill, that he's not really that into sex. He might say, "You know what? Now that you say that, I thought I could be a bottom, but I'm not." Well, wouldn't it be great to know that, Bill? Don't let him get off the hook, and you're doing it in a very loving way. Talk to him, okay? All that. Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Bill. Let me know what happens. I know we don't want to talk. We all want to tiptoe around sex. We all want to do everything but actually say it. Like, well, I told him once when in the middle of sex, or I once hinted that I liked oral. No. Straightforward. No bullshit. Full heart, full of love. No judgment conversation is the only way you're going to figure out if you and your partner are on the same page. And how you're going to get your needs met in a relationship. That's the end, period, end of story.

That's so true.

So true.

It's so true. Those hints, you— it's kind of like you're testing your partner and you're just setting them up to fail.

It's true. And here's the other thing, and you guys can call us with any of your questions. Am I wrong? Have you ever had a hint work? I mean, I don't know, what do you guys need to solve? I'll help you. 888-947-8277. Is that we are so terrified of this conversation that it's like, we hear this all the time. It's like, well, we had a conversation 3 months ago, I told my husband that I needed more foreplay and he hasn't done it. It's like, have you ever changed a behavior from someone telling you something once? Have you ever learned a new skill? Has anyone ever said, you know what, Emily, you should— or like Michelle's ever said, Michelle, you should really join a gym. You're like, great idea, I'm going to sign up right now and I'm going to be there in the morning. No, we don't. We, we are creatures of habit. We're set in our ways. Someone makes a request to us sexually and our first thing is like, either fear or I'm not— I've been fucking up in this relationship and I just don't want to do it. Or maybe we don't know how to do what our partner requests. So just, just have a real conversation about it. It's not— don't do this with anything else. If your partner wasn't putting the dishes in the dishwasher, you wouldn't leave like the dish soap on their nightstand and you wouldn't be like, leave dirty dishes throughout the house. Like, oh, look, there's a fork with spaghetti on it in the bathroom. What does that mean? No, you'd be like, God, you know, hey, I've been doing doing the dishes every night for— I would love your help doing dishes around here, right? But sex, we're like leaving clues and like trying to send smoke signals and no one knows what the hell we're talking about.

That's hilarious. I'm just like picturing like the, you know, the partner's like going to bed and there's like a trail of dishes like leading to the bed.

I wouldn't get it then either, probably.

Who put this here?

Exactly.

Like, why is this existing?

Same.

Let's talk to Adam. He's 28 in Illinois and he says he doesn't like doggy style and it's becoming a problem.

Oh, okay. Hey, Adam.

Hey guys, thanks for taking me.

Of course, we're here for you.

So, um, this doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes when I'm with a girl and I'm doing doggy style, I'll like lose a boner. And it's my probably least favorite position.

Okay.

And, um, and it's worrisome that it gets to the point to where I lose a boner sometimes because I usually start missionary and then I switch to like doggy and And then I get like kind of anxious because it's been happening and I was curious if you had any tips.

Yeah. You know, Adam, it's so great that you actually just laid it all out. What happens a lot, which is good news for a lot of guys, um, a lot of the performance anxiety men have is because it happened just once and then they're like, uh-oh, uh-oh, it's going to happen. And then it happens. So it's really a matter of like, now you've recognized it and then, you know, practicing. Uh, well, first, before we get into how to deal with it, I want to know why you think it happened. Why you think you, you lost it. Do you remember why? Or the first time?

Um, I don't know. I mean, I would say most of the porn that I watch is, um, missionary, and it's my, my, my favorite, um, uh, one personally, or her on top. I, I think it's because I like looking at the face.

Yes, I was gonna say that, Adam. It feels disconnected. No, absolutely. So I think, first of all, you like missionary when, when, when you're on top and she's on the bottom or when you're on the bottom and she's on top?

I'm on top.

Right. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So here's the thing. First of all, I totally get that, that there is a certain disconnect when you're like, okay, why does he just want it for women? I've heard this a lot. Like, does he just want to do it from behind? Like, it doesn't— it feels less connected. So is there some pressure that you feel like you have to be doing it doggy style?

First of all, I don't know. I don't feel pressure, but, um, I would say that I've come to notice that, that, um, girls love it because, um, and I have read and I've done a little research that, um, it like does, uh, feel a little deeper, and I get deeper if I do doggies. So I know girls like it in that aspect.

Well, my research is that guys love it more than women. And is that— I don't know if anyone— what do you guys think here? But I feel like for— and I feel like a lot of women love it because guys can come quicker in that position. So sometimes it can be like, let's do it from behind so you'll come, get over with, because I don't know how to please myself. I'm not having an orgasm.

And I'm not—

some women probably get a bunch of calls now, I hope, from women who are like, no, it's not true. But I think that's part of it. And so I think if you know what positions you like, that I think I wouldn't make assumptions that she's just dying for the doggy style moment. But the other thing is she could turn around and like look at you. You could say, I want you to look at me like when I'm going, you know, when I'm behind, like I want to see your face, you know, and then here's the other thing to remember, Adam. Just if you could go into it, and my biggest thing is for— it's a kind of a mindful sex practice, is that just because you got soft in the moment, it doesn't mean that sex is over. You could not get— but I know like your brain's tripping, like, oh my God, if you could speak, okay, I'm getting softer. And then you just go back to like, maybe, okay, so I'm trying to think if you flip her over and then maybe you just start like going down, like maybe you turn around and then you just start licking her from behind, right? And her butt's out and then you're going, you're performing oral on her from behind. So you You don't stick it in yet, right? You're just turning around and then you wait for yourself to get hard again and you get your mind off it and you get on pleasing her. And I promise you, if you just distract yourself from those thoughts in a real way of like, let me just do something else, let me focus on something else, it'll come back. You're 28, you're healthy. I'm sure the erection will come back. It will. So yeah, and she's not looking at you going, oh, he got soft. If she's already turned around and you're like, this is going to happen. Then just ask her to look at you or just go down it or do something else until it comes back. So to please her, because when you take the attention off yourself and you're focused on her pleasure, you have nothing— like, that's what happens. You just— it'll come back because it's your brain that's kind of making it go down. How does that— I feel like there's a—

I think that's a pretty good plan.

Okay, let me know how it goes. This is not a Lifer thing, I promise. Thanks, Adam. Thanks for calling Sex with Emily Morse.

Okay, we have John, who's 38 in Washington Township. And he says that his wife's ex-husband was really large, and he feels intimidated by matching it.

Oh, hey, John, great question. I'm here for you. Thanks for calling.

Hi, Emily.

Hi, it's so nice to talk to you. I just recently found your station. And I love your conversations. It's really very enlightening to hear a lot of, you know, your comments and and your help that you give the others is so nice. However, as I was saying, um, recently married. I've been dating my new wife for— we were dating about 3 years and been married now for 2 years. Her ex-husband was quite large. He was like 10 inches, very fat, you know, very thick, whatever you want to call it, a lot of girth. And I just feel so intimidated and I just feel like like she's lying to me when she's, oh, you feel perfect and this is so right. And, and I wonder, is she really getting satisfied? Or if a woman has something that's big all the time, am I not hitting that, that magic spot anymore because that's what she was used to? And I'm intimidated. I really am intimidated. And I am extremely sexual. I love pleasing her, you know.

And right, okay, John, here's the thing. You guys have been together— no, I totally— no, I, I totally get it. And I I'm like, bummed she told you this, right? Because then now you got to be thinking about this big penis and you're like, mine's not measuring up. But my first question is, John, have you talked to her about your sex life? Like, have you guys talked about what really turns her on? And like, does she seem like she's having a good time? Like, is there anything that led you— besides your thoughts, besides your mind telling you otherwise, have there been any other signs that maybe she's really not having a good time with you in the bedroom?

No, no, never. She, uh, we are very, very open verbally. Um, I am very open to anything that she wants to do. I always try to do something new and keep it, um, fresh in the bedroom. Um, she actually, she told me, and I, I tend to believe her because she seems, you know, we, we've been together for a while and I think she's truthful with me. She told me she has never had an orgasm vaginally. You know, of course, you know, clitoral stimulation through oral sex, she orgasms very easy. She never has had an orgasm through penetration except with me. She said, you were the first one to make me ever have an orgasm.

I wish I could high-five you here through the phone, John. Not a problem here. So you as a man in society are obviously like, you just need one mention of big penis and that's all you can be thinking about for 5 years. And I get it. It's like that thing. You're like, there's a bigger penis. First of all, bigger is not always better. I can tell you I didn't have my great orgasms. I've been with big penises, all the kinds of penises, and I'm telling you that it was not like the biggest penis in the world where I had orgasms. And I can tell you that's true for so many women. But what I can tell you is that your wife is giving you such good information right now that she's never had an orgasm, and I don't think she's lying about that. This. We don't lie about that. She's never had an orgasm during intercourse, and now she is with you. She's telling you that everything feels great. Well, no one does all the time. Guess what? No one does all the time. Some— okay, some women do all the time. Most do not. But you guys just got married. Well, in just a few years, you'll keep learning. But that's— it's not all about orgasms for women. It's also not all about penis size for women at all. It's more about penis size for men than it is for women. Because men are all like, oh my God, yeah.

Can I ask you one more question in that same category there? Do any of these enlargement items, enlargement pills, do they actually work? Is there any way to really increase your penis size?

There's not. No, there's no way to increase your penis size at all. Your peen— and you know what, John, I wouldn't even let you. John, you're fine. You have to— here's what I think. This is your wife for life, at least, right? You love this woman. You guys are great, having great sex. She's having vaginal orgasms for the first time. You got to talk to her about this because I think it's going to make you feel better and just be like, babe, I got to tell you, I know our sex life— or baby, our sex life is amazing, whatever you prefer. It's so great. I love you. And I can't help you. That one time you told me about the guy with your ex with the big penis, sometimes I think about that and I just want to make sure that I am doing everything I can to keep increasing pleasure. And like, let's do a sexual bucket list there. Let's have a plan in 2019 for amazing sex. Just kind of like, not in like a needy, like, was his penis bigger? But John, you don't sound like you would do it that way. Just more casual. Because it feels like— I don't know why you still think this, because everything is pointing towards you guys are having some great pleasurable sex, but it's your mind. And I'll bet you probably do this in other areas. It might make you successful at work to think about all the other things happening in the environment that you could improve upon. But in your sex life, right? Like at work, you're like, someone got a bigger deal, or how am I going to be the best in my job. I don't know, does that resonate for you?

It makes a lot of sense what you're saying.

I—

it just— it's me, it's mentally.

I—

especially if she like goes down on me, I'm thinking, oh my God, she's holding me and probably going, okay, looks like a real penis, just smaller, you know.

Honey, she married you. That's the last thing. No, no, no, no. She married— she walked down the aisle with your penis. Like, there were no surprises. She saw it beforehand. She's wearing your ring. She's not going down on you every time going, damn, I wish this was bigger. Literally, I'm sitting here with 6 women and we're all like, oh my God, have you guys ever— with someone that you love, she's committed to you. She's not thinking that you're thinking that. Total projection here, John.

She's like, I just didn't know if a woman had a big one, does she always need a big one to be satisfied?

No, I mean, and those women would probably— I'm trying to think about a woman who'd be committed to someone and being like, there's other problems in the relationship. I'll tell you that. If she's just some woman who's like, and I'm not gonna get you out. There are women who are size queens. That is not your wife cuz she wouldn't have married you for sure. There's women who are dating around and they love, need a huge penis and they need all that. That's for sure. Just like men want really super large breasts. I'm not with those guys. Those guys are with Jamie. So, so what I'm saying is that's just how it goes. So, so you know what I'm saying, dude? So it's the same thing. So this is all in your head. It doesn't make it easier, but whatever you can do to like replace these thoughts— next time she's going down on you, you could just start thinking about how great her lips feel and how much you love this woman. She's loving it.

I am like—

I am very romantic and I do everything to please her. I, I do the massages and I know every time I'm with her.

Okay, John, very—

I hear you.

You don't have to prove— hey, John, you got nothing to prove to me. She's having orgasms, she's having happy. You just got to get happy, and you got to ask her if you need more. I know it's your own thing. I'm telling you, it's your own stuff. And I'm telling you, I know, because I would be honest with you, John. I'd be like, well, yeah, kind of sounds like she might be— no, there's nothing here but your own thoughts, which is amazing because you get to control those and tell yourself a different story.

I just wish that I never had asked her.

Thank you, great point. Thank you, John. We're going to talk about for like an hour now. Alright guys, I hope you enjoyed this show. And I want to know which shows are you liking? What else would you like to hear more of? Thank you for sharing it with a friend and just for supporting us. We love you and I appreciate you so much. And thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristin, Michelle, producer Jamie and Michael. Hey, was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.