Married Sex vs. Single Sex with Lynette Carolla

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, we've got Lynette Carolla in the studio. She's host of the hilarious and popular podcast For Crying Out Loud. She's a wife and mother of 2, and her podcast covers a lot of these issues in a very light, informal way. Today, we're talking about how to keep sex alive in a long-term relationship, marriage, sex tips, and so much more, and reading some of your emails. So thanks for listening to Sex with Emily Morse. Okay guys, you know I love sex toys, and I also like jewelry, probably like most women you know, and I've been obsessed with my gorgeous vibrator necklace. It's the Vesper by Crave. You've heard me talking about it for probably a few months now, and it's really funny because I wear it every day, 'cause I just actually, I forget sometimes it's a vibrator, 'cause I just like it right around the seat.

It's cool.

It's like a sleek piece of jewelry.

Yeah, it looks like one of those pens, like a silver pen. That necklace that people would wear?

Yeah, it's a good layering piece, it's long, and I gave it to my girlfriend who's a stylist, like, to the stars and stuff, and she's like Miss LA, goes to all the clubs every night, and every, I mean, doesn't have the best memory ever because she texts me every weeknight and goes, what's the name of it again? All my 15 girls want it. It's the, before anyone even knows what it is, it's cool looking and it happens to be a vibrator. And I get compliments, like I said, all the time before people know. And it comes in silver, gold, rose gold. It's slender, it looks like a pen on a long chain, and I wish I could gift them to all of you. I actually wanna give everyone I know one 'cause it's so freaking cool. But honestly, you should get some for any special woman in your life, or buy it for yourself 'cause it's that awesome. And it's a perfect gift. It's like jewelry and orgasms. Can you tell me, I know you think Louis Vuitton bags, but jewelry and orgasms.

I'm all YSL bags now. I'm off Louis.

Okay, YSL, it's all about YSL, you're right. So find one woman on the planet who would turn down this necklace. You would not. It's rechargeable in a USB port, which is like one of my favorite parts of it after the orgasms. Oh, and my friend, the stylist I gave it to, she went home and masturbated with it. She's like, I had 6 orgasms. Like, it's strong. It's a real full-on vibrator. You know, TMI, but people tell me everything. And the charge lasts forever. I've had mine for 5 months. I've charged it once for 10 minutes. So check it out. It's elegant, it's stylish, it's orgasms. Go to lovecrave.com. And check it, check it.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they called them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? 'Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, it feels so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. You can check out all of our podcasts, sign up for our mailing list, and do all that fun stuff. We're so happy to hear you. I just want to thank everyone for listening. I'm just being very heartfelt lately, Magnus, because we are coming up on our 10th year.

Wow, 10 years ago.

I just feel like I've been doing a lot of thinking about that and how grateful I am that I have listeners and that people like the show and that it's continued and we can Make a living?

How do I put up with you for 10 years? I do not know.

I do not know. I can't decide if you like me more or less. I think we're just like brother and sister, but—

I know, so I wanna shout out, I got somebody on Twitter, I think his name's Jer on Twitter.

Okay.

Says that he loves me on the show, so thank you for tweeting me and saying that you love me on the show.

Thank you for loving Minnesota.

And he called you M, which I— Did he? That's what I keep you in my phone as, M. You do? So if anybody ever wants you, Well, wants your phone number and they find my phone, you're under M. Okay, good to know.

A lot of my friends call me M. You've always had me as M? Like, aren't you other M's?

Yeah, just M. That's it.

Okay, I feel like that's a term of endearment. That's why friends call me M. And so you're all my buddies. So when you email me, you can be like, "Dear M." People do that sometimes. It makes me feel good and warm and fuzzy. So, it's great to see you. And I want to tell you, on today's show, I'm really excited. We have a great guest. Lynette Carolla is here. The husband of Adam Carolla. People have heard of Adam Carolla.

I don't think she's the husband.

Husband, wife?

I think she's the wife.

She's the wife, actually. She just walked, she's beautiful, she just walked in. Okay, but I wanna tell you, Menace, that I'm glad we're here because I had two near-death experiences in one week.

What? What happened?

Dude, well, first, I walked on fire.

Where?

I was in Las Vegas, I mean, Las Vegas, you were probably in Las Vegas. I was in, of course, I was in New York. I went to a Tony Robbins seminar. Do you know Tony Robbins?

Yes.

Okay, I've always wanted to go because I have a lot of friends who've been very successful in business, and like the minute before they went on to make like a million dollars and be successful, and I saw them change a lot by what, and I know people are gonna be like, ugh, motivational. It really moved me. It was 4 days, 12 hours a day, but the first night you walk across hot coals.

[Speaker] Are you serious?

[Speaker] I swear to God, and you put it like, he puts you in this, I mean his whole thing is about not just like positive mindset or motivation, it's about changing your state, and how if we change the way, like our body has so much, like our emotions create our emotions, It was just all this stuff, so we trained to go on fire and to walk, like you say this thing and you stand up straight and you breathe. We did a meditation. I walked across fire.

Wow.

And it was really cool.

At least you got it on tape somewhere.

I know, but it was dark and cold and snowy. It was like 7,000 people in the conference, but I was like the first 10 rows, so it was pretty cool.

No way.

Yeah, I walked on fire.

Walked on fire, that's amazing.

I know, isn't that cool?

Yeah.

I know, I was telling Drew, he's like, After doing it, he's like, you did what? That's crazy, 'cause he loves to doubt everything that I do. I'm like, no, it was life-changing, life-altering, because before you walked on the fire, you had to give up something. You had to find something that you wanna work on. It was really deep, intensive, emotional self-help stuff, and it was like, what do you wanna give up in your life? What do you wanna change? What's something you've been struggling with?

And you picked something easy like not getting married or something like that, right?

No. Ironically menace, thank you for saying that, is that I, it's funny 'cause it was one of these things where I usually hate this, like, turn to the person next to you and tell them what you're saying. I'm like, ugh, I don't wanna know you. But this woman next to me was like a life coach too. Not too, I'm not a life coach. But she was like, stuff happened, she totally got my jam. And she was like, and I said something like, I can't, I don't remember what it was. I'm like, well, I kinda feel like I can't really commit and I've got, I don't remember what, it wasn't strong enough. She goes, and then she kept pushing me. She goes, I don't believe you, I don't believe that thing. And then all of a sudden I thought, you know, I have a really hard time being vulnerable, and I need, I mean, we all know this, but I was like, 'cause we were gonna release something when you walked across the fire. So I released the fact that I'm never vulnerable, and I'm going to learn to be more vulnerable, so I might start crying.

On the show today?

No, I'm kidding.

Hopefully not.

Not in the show, I'm not feeling it right now, but I'm saying that's, and it just inspired me.

Well, it made you cry, so before the show started, I'm gonna get a little insight. Before the show started, Emily's, said, oh, I listened to podcasts that we did in 2011, and we were much more funnier then. But I, and I think they were more funnier then because I would make fun of you, but then you would cry and say that I was mean.

I never cried. It was only when we had guests or we were shooting our Bravo show, and Mendes was like, Bravo's here, I'm gonna really trash you. And it was like things you never said to me, and it was rude, and I never cried.

Oh, you always called me out on that, saying that I played up for the cameras.

You did play up for the cameras, which worked because they loved you and put you in every friggin' episode because he trashed me. So they're like, oh, it's reality TV, that's what we want.

but I did that on camera, on Facebook, on podcast.

I'm [Speaker:JENNIFER] not saying they were funnier and better. Actually, you heard the— I said it was interesting because, okay, we've got 2,500 podcasts, and that's a lot. And there's a lot of them that aren't on iTunes. You can go now, there's 200-something, but they give you a limit, as they should. And so people can download them, but I thought, God, some of these are really— we used to do 5 days a week, an hour a day. And 2011, they were pretty awesome, and I was just laughing, and it wasn't so much that they were funnier. I didn't say that, I just said it was We were both at different times in our life. And it was, I was single, you were single, I mean, I'm always single, but you were single, we were like doing more social things, and I don't know. But anyway, check out those throwbacks, 'cause I'm releasing 'em now, and they're funny, and they're like, I don't know, they're interesting. I don't think, we're more adult.

I guess.

Kind of, I mean, I don't feel like I'm adult, but I—

Me neither. But we have a guest.

We do have a guest, Lynette, Lynette Carol is here, we already talked about you.

Can I just say, thank you. Hi, Emily Morse. Hi. So nice to see you.

You too. I'm so happy to be here.

Can I just say, Menace, you are, cannot be further from a menace. I listen to the show.

She loves us.

No, but I'm a huge fan. I listen to the show all the time. Should I put the headphones on? Sure. Yeah, if you want. And I just, I couldn't, I didn't, PodcastOne, I've never been here, it's amazing. Wow, these things are squeezing me. I know, you can get.

Oh yeah. Yeah, I can get you other ones if you want.

No, these are fine. I just didn't, I didn't know what to expect, and I, Manus does not.

How did you picture him?

I pictured him that age, you seem young, you look young.

Yeah, you're as young as he used to be.

I know.

Just kidding, yeah, no, he's great.

But more like—

Not skinny.

Like tattoos or something. Oh.

Oh, menacing.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, 'cause the name, right. No, that's Manus, he's like kind of a geeky artist.

How did you two meet, by the way?

Oh, we were just talking, this is funny, 'cause—

Okay, do you wanna explain it, or?

Yeah, go ahead.

Actually, I don't know if you know this, but there's this guy named Adam Carolla, right? Mm-hmm. Never heard of him. So we worked for this company called CBS, and they launched a bunch of radio stations called Free FM, and they're talk stations.

Right.

In 2006.

In 2006. And I was working on the station, and Emily Morse was doing a podcast that was very popular on iTunes, and the bosses there were like, we should put this girl on air even though she has Zero broadcast experience.

Never been in a radio station in my life.

But you were podcasting.

I know, it's the same thing.

No, no, no, no.

There's FCC regulations. Like you can't say masturbation every 5 minutes, you can't say cock.

Jerking off and all that kind of stuff.

And so they're like, hey, can you look after this woman that wants to get on there?

Keep her off the board.

Yeah, the work board and make sure she doesn't get the license taken away. Which I would have a heart attack every 5 seconds and have to dump her out when she would say, I can't say blowjob on the air.

I would say it on the air.

She would say it on the air, why are you dumping me? I can't say blowjob, so she would say it twice.

I would literally make your life miserable.

That was just the first month or two. Anyway, so that's how we met. It was really cool because I started the podcast in 2006 and he was like a young, Young lad, he was sleeping at the station 'cause he was living in his car. That was right after you were living in your car. And Mendes is uber successful now. I'm amazing to see how much he's grown.

No, I was doing a morning show before that, and I thought it would last forever.

What morning show?

It was called the Dog House Morning Show in San Francisco.

Oh, but Adam was on Free FM.

Free FM.

The morning show every day. He was syndicated in every city. I was just in San Francisco Saturday nights, 11. —to 2.

So what happened was, I thought, you know, I was a young kid, I thought morning shows last forever, which they don't, and I got fired, and then I didn't save any of my money, and I got that job at CBS where I was working part-time making no money, so I would be, I would like sleep at the studio.

I'm just saying, 'cause I'm impressed by how, he's the hardest worker I know. Anyway, that's how we met. And we didn't talk the first few years, 'cause we just did the radio, and then we became friends, and then—

It's been 8 years that you two have been together. I know, 8 or 9 years. You make a very nice couple.

Aw, thank you.

I don't know who this Adam guy you guys keep referring to, You guys, I love, I love, I'm so excited.

I'm so glad that you've, and I've been on your show for crying out loud. We talked about your podcast, which people can find at adamcarolla.com. Is that where you send them?

Yeah, you just go to adamcarolla.com and you look at the other shows and it's up there. Just click on For Crying Out Loud. Okay, got it. So what's it all about? Everything, well, it's, my co-host is Stephanie Wilder Taylor. She was sort of like the first mommy blogger that was like drinking and getting drunk at like nap time and one of her first book was— best-selling book was "Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay." And she's just a funny author, writes books. She has a new book coming out, "Gummy Bear" or something. She's going to kill me. Oh my god. But she's great. And we got together. And Adam was doing his shows. And we were sort of building a network. And so we talk about— most of the time— I mean, not most of the time, but we try to keep it like family. Family.

Except for when I came on.

That's part of it though. We talk about relationships and marriages and, you know, we talk about everything, you know, kids and other people's marriages and relationships.

But you're really open too, and it's very like relaxed and gives, you know, good advice and talk about your— share your experiences where I think we all learn from each other.

Right, right, right. Yeah, it's a good time.

Yeah. And so I was on her show actually. Oh, that's cool. And we had fun.

How do you feel You made it filthy. I did make it filthy.

Yeah, we talk about G-spots, yeah. Yeah, we go filthy sometimes. But yeah, no, I wanted Emily on our show because she's done, she's with Loveline, you know, with Drew, and I just thought she was, you know, you moved out here from San Francisco, and it's just like, she's just an interesting person. I just like talking to her.

Well, I also like talking about sex, too. Well, that's why you're here. I mean, 20 years with the same person.

I know, can we talk about that? Yeah, we can talk about that.

Should we just get into it?

20 years. 20 years. About 20 years coming on in December. Okay, well, yeah. Yeah, so, well, we broke up, I mean, for about almost a year. My heart was broken.

Before you got married?

Well, we got engaged and we got engaged and it was because I wanted to get engaged. And it was right when he started doing Man, it was right at the height of the Man Show. And he never experienced And I met him before, I met him right before, right 3 months into Loveline is when I met him. So he's still living in an apartment, still living, driving his crappy car and all that kind of stuff. And we were together then. And then as he got, as we went on, he got successful and he wanted to see what life was like as a single guy. And I was like, let's get married, let's get married. It's been, you know, 4 years now. And even Jimmy Kimmel, his best friend, who was married, at the time and had two small children, was, you know, he's a big family guy, Jimmy Kimmel. So Jimmy was telling him, like, what's going on, when you getting married? And then Drew, his other partner, is like, so he's in between two family guys, and I'm like, yeah, and I'm like best friends with Mrs. Kimmel and Mrs. Drew, and you know. And like family. Yeah, so like, let's get married. And even Jimmy's wife found the wedding ring that I still wear to this day. Actually, I'm not wearing it right now. It broke, but. It got out of a gumball machine.

That was before he made money.

And anyway, so they kind of, he got pushed into it. And so we got engaged, but he wasn't ready. And then I came home from work one night. We lived together in the same house. And I remember Van Halen was playing on the KLS. I just remember. And I walked in and he opened, I was fumbling with the lock and he opened the door for me and he just started crying. And I was like, what's the matter? And he said, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't get married. He just went on a trip with Drew, and he was talking to Drew about it, and Drew said, you have to let her go. You can't, because, you know, juggies are throwing themselves at him. You know, at the time.

And how old was he at the time?

He was like 36 or something. Okay.

And it was a huge television show.

It was big at the time, and listen, he was a contractor. He didn't get paid famous until he was 31. And, you know, he didn't experience anything, right, as a single guy.

So he was— because he was just— so he wasn't getting laid. He wasn't getting—

right. I mean, he was getting laid by me, but no, before you, he hadn't really been—

right.

Yeah, he wasn't a ladies' man.

You get on TV, it's like, right, pussy, like everything.

But he was not a ladies' man. He always had just one girlfriend at a time kind of thing. So Drew said, you got to let her go, dude. You can't— you're gonna— she's too You know, don't do this to her. And he came home from that trip with Drew and he started crying and he said, I gotta, and I started, I was like on the floor, like, oh, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. That kind of like just coming out of your skin. Yeah, just couldn't, I remember I went over to Jimmy's house. I couldn't sleep in the house that night and I went over to Jimmy's house and Gina was hugging and I was crying and I'll never forget Jimmy walked in and he was like, I'm sorry. He didn't know what to say. He's just a sweetheart. I'm sorry. And then he goes— and then 2 days later, I was still on the couch crying, upset. Like, it's just— I was a mess for a long time. And I stayed at Gina and Jimmy's house for a while on their couch, and with cousin Sal. And Jimmy came in one night and he goes, ah, you're still with the crying? And he's like, listen, Lynette, he's not that great. He's like— I'll never forget magic words. He's not that great. That is I was like, all of a sudden I snapped out of it. You're like, you're right! You know what, you're right! And then I stopped. And then how long, what happened?

Did you start dating?

It was about 9 months. I had, I got my own place. I moved in. I never lived by myself. I always had a roommate. So it was a whole new thing. Gina Kimmel helped me throughout the whole thing. She was, God bless her. And I started loving being in my own place. Right, you're like, this isn't so bad. I was coming home. I was working at ABC Network. I was coming home after work. My girlfriends were coming over. We were doing bong loads watching Survivor. It was great.

Sounds like me.

Oh my God, it was so much fun.

That's so fun. So then, did he circle back? Or did you not talk for those 9 months?

No, he always had his, he always, he kept in touch a little. Like, he would call and say, do you need one of my guys to come over and install the shelves in your room? Or whatever. He always kept, yeah. And then, around 9 months, 6 months to a year, he started to come back around. And he'd say, on a Friday night, he would say, "Do you want— I'll come pick up food and come over and we'll watch Boy Meets World together." 'Cause that's what we used to do. And then I'm like, "All right, dude, what's going on? Are we gonna— do you wanna get married?" And he said, "Yeah, eventually, I do." And then we never talked about marriage again after that for a long time. And then, like, 3 or 4 years later, when The Man Show ended, he said, you know what, I think it's time we start planning. Well, I said, hey, what's going on? All right, you know, man show's ending, whole new world. And he said, yeah, all right, let's start planning a wedding. And it was the best thing that ever happened to us.

'Cause he kinda came to it on his own.

He came to it on his own. Nobody pushed him into it. He went and experienced life as a single guy. He dated a model. I know he dated a model. He dated a model and he experienced it, but he always kept an eye get in touch with me and then, you know, he did what he had to do. Which was the best thing, but if you told a brokenhearted Lynette back in 1999, I mean, I was coming out of my skin crying. My boss would have Comedy Central on in his office, so I'd go in his office to cry and it would be like Man Show Monday night. That's the worst! Commercial. Oh man. Anyway, so that's that.

But you went on and did you date too, I'm assuming?

Yes, and I hated everybody I dated. I wasn't into it.

You just loved him.

Well, here I am 20 years later, okay? Now I'm thinking, wow, what— What was I so excited for? I should have taken advantage. I mean, I dated a couple. I didn't really— You didn't like— No. Your heart was— My heart was still broken. Right. But listen, here's the thing. The good news is that we love each other and we're still, I think the biggest thing, and I think we talked about this maybe when you were on my show, but the biggest thing I think is important is that we're attracted to each other. That is huge. That brings everything, 'cause even if you're mad at the person and you're like, it's been, you know, just in this funk or whatever, there'll be a time where he walks by or she walks by and they're like, oh, hmm, hmm, hmm, let's get it on, and then you get it on and you start to feel connected again. Exactly.

That's what sustains a relationship. That is really important, because I always tell couples, if you don't, people are like, oh, we can't, you know, it's very common for couples to be like, "We're not attracted to each other anymore. We can't really, we're not having sex." I'm like, "Well, did you have it at the beginning?" And there's a lot of couples who say, "No, we never did." I'm like, "Well then, there's nothing to get back." But if you have it and you maintain it and you prioritize it, you're good. You got the attraction because you need the attraction.

You need it. And he's my type. He was always my type. What is that type? Just tall, first of all, extremely intelligent, funny. All girls say that.

We all say tall, funny.

But just, I like that Jew, I thought he was Jewish. I'm full-blooded Italian. I thought he was Jewish. Name was Adam, he had a Jew fro. I thought he was Jewish for like a week and he was like, no, I'm not Jew, I'm a little bit Italian. And I was like, oh really? I was let down. But yeah, so that's the thing. You gotta be, you have to be attracted. So we were attracted to each other then, you know, still attracted to each other.

[Speaker] That's good, but keeping it like, do you guys make efforts to, you know, keep it—

Yeah, he, I mean, we do. And he knows that, obviously, by working next to Drew for, you know, 12 years on Loveline. He knows what you have to do, you know. So he'll say, you know, if it's been a while, he'll say, you want to go on date night, you know, Saturday? Let's go, like, make reservations for Morton's Steakhouse or whatever, you know.

It's important. And you have 2 kids.

And I never turned down a blowjob ever. Really? I always That was my thing. I can't believe I'm saying this on camera. No, it's fine. He's gonna kill me.

Yeah, I've never. Never turned it down, meaning he offers you his penis and you never say no thanks? Well, yeah. Right. No thanks, I'll have the steak. I'll have the steak.

Yeah, and I've always, I don't know. No, that's good.

I feel the same way. I mean, I haven't been in a long-term, well, 2 and a half years. She's never even lived with a guy. I never wanted to.

No, I'm envious. Listen. You know, you die, I'm envious of that.

I know, I know, it's like I go back and forth, but it's true. I feel like, we used to joke years ago about how you get married and there goes your last blowjob, you know, everyone jokes about it, and I think it's a big deal. You give him a freaking blowjob, you have the sex. It's like, I always say, it's like going to the, I've said this so much lately, but I'm like, it's like going to the gym. Sometimes it's harder, or even the sex thing. Blowjobs, I agree, you should just do it, and guys should also go down on their partners. Yeah, definitely. You should just, I mean, how long, 10 minutes?

I know.

And it's so much better, rather than the rejection of it, the rejection of the sex. Oh, it's bad. It's bad.

It's not good for a guy. You can't, I don't know, I just feel like you can't reject.

Exactly. I totally agree. Go ahead, 'cause I have to find another analogy.

It's not about blowjobs, but being together for a couple of weeks. 'Cause he hasn't had one in a long time. Please. So, I have an example from like last night, and I wanted to ask you, since you've been married 20 years, and how do you deal with maybe things that your partner does that irritates you? So my girlfriend is never on time, ever. All right, so I said, we were going to this really exclusive Foo Fighters show last night. Oh, wow. And I was like, yeah, we have to be there at 5:30. Right. And it's like 7 minutes from our house. She goes, okay, okay. I was like, we have to be there at 5:30. And of course, takes her sweet time.

This is a huge issue in relationships.

Yeah, yeah, of course, takes her sweet time. And then we get to the venue and I seriously, by 30 seconds, somebody was supposed to corral us to go backstage to go hang out with the band. We missed that window. And then she goes, we missed the band. I'm like— 'Cause you're doing your hair or whatever. We're goddamn late because of you, you know? Late is a— And that's like, that's like always like my number one pet peeve.

See, this is fixable though. You know, yeah, that's why. That's your number one pet peeve, yeah.

You have to work on it.

How do you deal with that?

Well, I was the late one all the time too with him, and I think it was date number 4 where I pulled up late and he's like, hey, listen, you gotta be on time. That's enough. You got to be on time. If I say be here, and with him, with Loveline and radio, it's so regimented. So he's like, you gotta be here on time. And he's like, you know what? "He's right, I have to." So I made it a point, he's right, I have to be on time. So I don't know, menace.

No menace, I gotta tell you something. This is something that I just studied with, I was saying earlier that I went to see Tony Robbins last week. I was in New York for 4 days. Yeah, it was amazing, it was inspirational and cool and I walked on fire and I decided I was gonna be vulnerable and all this stuff. But the second thing, oh, I said I almost died twice. I had a really bad flu. I want to wrap up that story at the beginning. But the point is, he talked about this stuff about limiting beliefs that you have about yourself and what are the beliefs that you tell yourself. It could be like, "I'm too old. I'm too young. I'm never on time. I can't be on time." And how do you change those belief patterns? So I was talking to a friend of mine who she's like, "I've got—" She goes, "I'm always late. I don't know what to do about it." And she actually read a book. There's a book. I'll get the name for you. And it's about being late. And she said— we were talking about it and she said, There's a moment in the book, this thing that stuck with her in the book that says, you decide that you're gonna be late. Like, you know that moment that you're gonna be late. And she said, and she's learned, like, she's chronically, like, hour late. Like, it's a problem. She went to a support group, like a 12-step. What? No, I'm serious. This is a good thing. And she was like, I realized finally, and then I brought it up to her again, and she was like, last week, she goes, oh my God, she goes, I was about to go to my therapist. I was leaving the house, and then I realized, after we talked, she goes, I sat down, and I was gonna start, "Oh, this would be a good time to start crocheting my scarf." And then she's like, "Wait, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna go." And she's like, "And I was on time." And it's like, it's a decision.

[Speaker] You make the decision. It's a decision you have to make. You have to decide. And still to this day, sometimes where we're getting the kids ready and we gotta get in the car and we're going over to somebody's house for dinner that we're invited to or whatever, and Adam's like, "Wheels up, 6 o'clock." Now I have to get the kids ready and stuff like that. But I can't blame it on the kids. It's me, you know, because he'll— I'll say, well, the kids, blah, blah, blah. He'll say, listen, you were way, you know, before the kids, you had this problem. So you need to work. But I worked on it. And so now with kids, even, you know, a couple—

How did you work on it though? Even before the kids, sounds like you changed.

Well, I had to make a decision because I don't want him to get mad at me. I was like, all right, you know, and he's right. So you make the decision and it feels good, you know? It does feel good.

It does, and then it gets into your DNA. You start, like, it gets into the grooves in your brain. And my brother had the same issue with his wife when they first started dating, you know, like 20 years ago, and it was the same thing. People underestimate how much time things are gonna take too. So he's like, you take an hour to get ready, he would tell her, like she's one of these that takes a lot. He's like, so just make sure you get in the shower, and she did it. Like, she changed, not late. You gotta put your foot down. You gotta put your foot down. You gotta be like, listen, this is really, not like in a joking way, but just like, this is something that really bothers me and this is something that's becoming an issue. And if we gotta think, tell me what, you know, some solutions I have is maybe just realizing it could take you an hour and, you know, whatever it is, and then see what she says.

But I wanna dig in deeper though with somebody that's been married for 20 years. You know?

Well, married like 11, but together 20.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, together for 20 years. But like, how do you deal with pet peeves with him? Do you just like straight up tell him?

There's times where I tell, you know, By now, we've gotten past all that. It's sort of weird how relationships are because there was a time where I would sulk and not say anything and hold it in, and then I would blow up and he didn't know, you know? Or he would sulk and I would say, "What's wrong?" I would know. See, I pick up when he's sulking. He doesn't pick up when I'm— Right, he can't read you. He's got a little bit of, you know, Asperger's.

Well, no, guys can pick up on stuff. Howard Stern, right? Yeah, did he say that? He said someone had Asperger's. I don't know if it was Adam. I think it might have been Adam. Yeah, I think it was. Did you hear the whole Howard Stern thing?

No. Okay. I didn't have—

Drew was on Howard Stern. He was hosting the wrap-up show, and it was like, I guess it was the most popular wrap-up show they've had, and he analyzed every single person on Howard Stern, and then you heard about Adam, and I thought he said Asperger's. I'm sure he did.

I know he's said it before. Bean, from Kevin and Bean, they said that he has it.

Yeah, they don't pick up on emotional cues. Yeah, yeah.

Which can be hard as a woman. We have a lot of emotional cues. Oh my God, very hard.

And then when you start seeing it with the kids and stuff, he doesn't pick up on—

I think it's a man thing though too. Like, well, with women, we don't pick up the signs at all. We never— we've talked about this a million times, how we don't even know if a girl even likes us or not.

I know, we don't know. You know, they gotta—

yeah, but for men, it's pet peeves. You gotta, don't hold it in, you gotta get it out. And then after a while, they start knowing each other, you start knowing what to do. Like, I know this is happening, he doesn't like it, I gotta fix it. And he vice versa, he'll come and kiss me goodnight, I don't know, be a little more loving.

Whatever it is, if you're like, yeah, I wanna kiss goodnight, and you start making, and I think that men, it'd be good if you start communicating these things in a direct way with her.

I do too.

But you probably make it seem like whatever, you probably make her feel bad about it more than you do say, hey listen, this is really something that's bothering you.

Oh, because you know what I do. Dude, I know you better than anyone. No, when I notice that she's upset, I don't know if it's a good or bad thing, I try to— Ignore it? Fix it? No, defuse it. Defuse it right away. Like, I can tell that she's mad, and then I'll just start pressing—

You're like, why a cell bag?

What are you doing?

No, no, I'll say like—

Oh, look, there's Dave Grohl.

Yeah, I'll just keep on looking at her while I know she's really upset, and I'll say, why are you laughing so much? Why are you laughing? Seriously, within a minute she'll be fine.

Yeah, but honey, that just means that you made her laugh, but doesn't mean that you talked about the things you like about yourself. Yeah, yeah, then we talk it out. Okay, we got some work to do on you, but first, we have a few gifts here. You, geez. From our sponsors here. Okay, fine. Ooh, I love our sponsors. Well, you're gonna, okay, Lynette.

Yes, yes, yes, tell me.

This is for the candles. The Emily and Tony candles, I gave you a candle.

What did you think about it? Super sexy, super lovely, I mean, unbelievable. But the oil afterwards, how you can massage it And it doesn't get, it's not hot and messy or any of that. It's so luxurious, it's amazing. I don't know how, what did you do?

Go into a, are you scientists? No. What'd you do? We hired scientists.

Wow, unbelievable, they're beautiful. I mean, they look so classy. Yeah. And they smell so good and I want more. You gave me a gift bag.

No, I'll buy them. No, I brought you such a gift bag today, like you're gonna flip. I'm so excited. I'm glad you liked them. I brought you some more. And they are Emily and Tony. They are coconut oil and soybean oil. They're all vegan except for the beeswax part. And they do make other massage candles, but they were always messy and they weren't as moisturizing. But this is like my skin— I put it on at night. It's amazing and moisturizing, and it's just a regular beautiful candle like you said, but then it turns into luxurious oil. And you can use it as a massage, and it's spiced up. When you told me you used it, I had to bring you some. Thank you. And yeah, you pour it out, you give yourself a massage. Menace probably hasn't used it 'cause he doesn't touch his He doesn't get massages, does he?

See, she beats me up and she says I'm the mean one.

You don't even need to do a whole massage. You just pour a little bit onto his arm and massage.

Yeah. Hands when they get feet.

And you start and then that gets things heated up and stuff like that.

And it does smell really good.

Really good.

You let me know when you need more. Adam loved it. So, go to, good, I got more, emilyandtony.com, and anytime when you go there, you can use code SexWithEmily for 20% off your first order. However, from now until March 29th, 2015. You get a free Down Under Comfort when you purchase any full-size candle with the code OFFLINE. It's the perfect pairing because you've tried the Down Under too. I love that.

That's in my gym bag. I put it underneath my boobies. I brought you some more of that too.

Okay, good, because I do need that.

I know. I got it. Guys should all have these. Okay, we're back. With this. So what were we talking about? So Madison needs to work on communication. I'd like you to come back next week having resolved one issue. To do with her. Okay. That's your assignment.

My thing is the late thing too, because my dad was always late too, which annoyed me.

No, people, this is like very common. I mean, this is something you can work on though. Do you want me to find out the name of the late book? Would she read it?

I would like it, 'cause I could use it. I know. I need, yeah.

I'm late too, a little bit. Not too bad, but.

I mean, I got late here today, but. But it had nothing to do with her lateness.

This was really late.

Like, your husband and I are in a similar Industries, but I mean, he's on a way, way higher level, but it's like, yeah, you have to be there on time at this time.

[Speaker] Right, 'cause you can't, the radio goes on, right, I get it. [Speaker] That's all. [Speaker] And then another thing I wanna say real quick that I skipped over at the beginning was that you can vote for us until April 23rd for the Podcast Awards. [Speaker] That's right, congratulations!

[Speaker] Thank you! [Speaker] You're nominated.

[Speaker] I know, in the Mature category, go to podcastawards.com and you can vote every day.

And you're hosting.

I'm hosting with Dennis Miller.

That's amazing.

I know, I've got no information. I'm like, are we just gonna show up and get on stage together?

There's nothing. Dennis is great, he's a pro.

Yeah, but am I a pro?

You're a pro too. You guys are gonna be great together. And then we're doing, well, we're doing a live show.

We are, we're gonna be on the road. Lynette and I are going on the road to Hollywood Boulevard. No way. May 12th, we just booked it. May 12th, we're doing a live. Well, she's doing For Crying Out Loud, her podcast, and I'm gonna be a guest on it. I'm so honored. It's May 12th, Tuesday. Tinhorn Flats Hollywood.

Yes, in the middle of every, in the middle of the heart.

Yeah, like in the heart of Hollywood. It's on Highland, and I'll be giving more information in coming weeks, 'cause I got some May 12th, but you gotta come. Yeah, a lot of people.

It should be a good time.

I live down the street, so. Oh, good. I never see you, that's cool. You'll come for that. Okay, but I wanted to, I had some stuff that I wanted to talk to, there's a study that came out. 10 science-proven facts about married sex. And since you're in a long-term relationship, I thought we could talk about some of these. Okay, and this is actually— a lot of these studies are kind of BS, but this is Kinsey from Indiana University, which they do all the top sex studies in there, so I actually give it a little bit of credibility, more credibility than most. So number 1 is the grass is not greener on the single side. So how many times on TV or in movies have we seen a married guy shamed by the bachelor buddy for settling down when he could be playing the field? Yeah. The fact is that married people have more sex than single folks, they say. In the research, they confirm this, finding that 61% of singles reported that they haven't had sex within the past year, compared with 18% of married people.

Well, it depends on who the single person is.

I know. You might have caught them in an off month or something.

I don't think that's the case for you, Emily, right?

No, I call it off.

It's gonna come off sexist, but a woman can get laid anytime that they want. They can walk outside if they really wanted to. If they really wanted to, yeah. But a guy can't do that. Yeah, you can. No way.

You just gotta have more confidence and you gotta be nicer to women when you meet them.

No. If you wanted to, if you wanted to. Just like a girl.

But you would have to really work at it to make it happen. A woman honestly just steps outside and says, hi, I'm here, I would like to have sex, and you'll have people.

Yeah, that's true, but that's true, with Tinder and everything speeding it all up, you can get a boyfriend.

Oh my God, I cannot. I'm meeting my girlfriend, she's a single mom. She's a single divorced mom, full-time, works full-time. She can't meet anybody. It's so hard. It's so hard, but she'll put in all the criteria she is looking for, and it's like, But still, it's like, she'll say, "Look, Lynette, this is what I have to choose from." And you could tell by the pictures that they're not—

Too fast. They're like, "Hey, beautiful." Yeah, not gonna work.

But I just met this woman that showed me her Tinder profile, and it's like sexy pictures of her. She's a nurse. She's a nurse, right? She doesn't look like that when I see her, but these pictures are artsy, sexy. And I'm thinking, now my girlfriend who's single, I'm like, "You gotta get your—" She's gotta get her stuff picked up.

No, you should. There's like a certain— I'm dying to be on Tinder.

I would love to be on Tinder.

Someone just did it. Mike Catherwood was saying that he did a fake profile. He did? Yeah. You could do it and talk about it on your show. It'd be funny. It'd be fun.

I think it's fun. I mean, I did it.

I just can't log in now because something happened with my whatever, but I was doing it for a while. I had a fake— I had a blind Tinder date on my show a few months ago. Right. But that was the last time I—

What about Hinge?

Have you heard about Hinge? Yes. Hinge is supposed to be great because Hinge is a dating app that connects you just through Facebook friends only, so you have to have a mutual friend. And then Coffee Meets Bagel, which we've been talking about for a while, but it's, it's now— I feel like more and more people are using that as well. It started in San Francisco a few years ago. I talked to the founder, and you're supposed to make a, um—

Emily's so connected. I am. She's like in that like Silicon Valley area.

It's funny, no, like they always joke about venture seriously.

My friends always joke in the office, or my team always jokes, they're like, how do you know? I'm like, well, the founder, because it's San Francisco. Like, no one was in entertainment. No one gives a shit. What we think, they're like, what, radio, tele— we were on the Broadway show. No one has TV. Yeah, no one cares, right?

Unless you're at like a dot-com though.

They're like, I'm so sorry, you're in— I don't have a TV. I'm like, oh, it's cool. Why don't you move here? It's like, what? You did what? Um, but yeah, I mean, Coffee Meets Bagel, I think it's like they set you up with pretty good My friend said it's a little higher caliber. I had a conversation with my friend in San Francisco today, 'cause she's been on everything, and she just said it's, I think you set up for a lunch or something, or maybe it's a group, I'm gonna butcher this, but it's a site that's been around for a few years, but apparently it's, since two people have told me about it in two days, I feel like it's taking off.

There's another one that's out of San Francisco where the guy has to make like a quarter of a million dollars to even be on it.

That's just living in San Francisco, right? Wow.

Well, you have to, in San Francisco now, you have to make $142,000 to buy a house. Yeah. Yeah. To even think about buying a house.

San Francisco is, yeah. It's very in. It's beautiful, though. Adam and I love to go there. Sometimes if we have a romantic getaway.

That's a great place to go. Go to Sonoma, Napa.

Drink wine the whole time. Met your husband for the first time at the Starlight Lounge. I was there, too.

That's where I met him. He was, because it was CBS, CFM, and they were bringing in Adam. He was the big name.

It was so funny, they set him up like it was a prom photo shoot.

He didn't say hi to me, I was too little.

I'm sure he looked down and didn't say hi to anybody.

Yeah, they just walked him in, then stood him in front of this background that looked like a bad '80s background and made everyone line up and take a photo with him. But he was very nice when I talked to him.

Adam was very shy, honestly, in front of people. Not shy, but it's uncomfortable. It's a little uncomfortable.

No, I get it. If you wanna know, you gotta meet, sit and talk like how we are, like in a room. Totally. We'll have them on. We'll talk about, you know, what you said, everything about your sex life. We'll play them clips. It says, okay, the next one is on average married couples are having sex how frequently? People always want to know this question, like what are the right number? I mean, I never want to say there's anything that's normal, like you should have it, but it's whatever feels good to you.

Yeah, that's what I want to know, Emily. What do you think?

I mean, I think that couples who have more sex more frequently, and this study says too, are happier. Like if it's once a month, it's It's probably not enough. And they've even said, well, if you both agree to it, but then if you're both agreeing to once a month, then you're not connect— You need that intimacy. The intimacy is the glue that keeps you together and from being roommates, which I always say. And so, this study says the majority of married couples are having sex a few times per month or once a week, and past research corroborates this. Hitched couples had sex 66 times a year or a little more than once a week. So it says that, and single people are having a lot less. But I'm wondering, 'cause I was thinking the single, maybe they're talking to singles, 'cause if they were talking to singles and singles were like, we have a lot less sex, singles have it like once every few months, it could have just been in that month, 'cause when you're single and then you meet someone new, then you have sex 8 times a day. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So I'm not sure that I believe all this.

Listen, I'm jealous of the single life right now.

I know, but see, it is the grass is always greener thing. The grass is always greener.

It's so true. It's interesting, like I want my girlfriend to get hooked up.

I wanna meet her, we should all go out. I wanna meet any more single women here. I do, this is my year of not working as much either, like having a social life. Yeah, getting out there. Getting out there, I mean I do, but not enough.

And you're gonna stop dating people that you're not interested in?

No, I like this guy now that I'm dating. Okay, good. Who, can I? Yeah, totally. No, I mean he is a guy that I've been dating casually for, 6 months around, and it's dating.

Wow, that's a long-term relationship for her.

Wow. It's been so casual. How is casual?

What does that mean? Like, you hear from him?

It means we're not, yeah, we're not, like, committed. Right. Seeing other people. Mm-hmm. And—

But, like, there's times where you don't hear from him for a while?

Yeah, and then it got a little weird because you can only do that for so— So, we were friends first. Right. And I actually met him looking for apartments when I moved here. Mm-hmm. He was just moving from San Francisco as well. So, that was, like, our connection, like, San Francisco. And then we just became friends, and then, Eventually we slept together, and it was interesting, 'cause then I realized it was very casual, and it was the point where it wasn't as consistent, and then I was feeling like, and I'm so not the girl, like I've never had the talk, I've never been, but then I felt like this doesn't even, I actually liked it better when we were friends, 'cause you were more open, and now it's like, I know you have a date, that's fine, just tell me, 'cause I'm the kind of person like, let's talk about it, let's be open, and it 'cause I just, I didn't. But now we did, and then we thought, okay, I mean, we decided that we're just gonna see what happens. It's evolved more to the sense of—

Wait, are you guys going steady now, or what?

We're going steady, no, not exactly, but we're more communicative about what we want, and if we are seeing, 'cause it was kinda like this elusive, but the point is, what happened here, and this is what I told him, is like, I had to be the one to bring up the talk, which I've never done, And it was more of the talk, I'm like, this is the talk but without what I know how it's gonna end. It's just that, or how, I don't have a foredrawn conclusion to this. It's just that you can be friends with benefits. You can be anything for a while, but all relationships have to move. They have to move to evolve. Otherwise it just gets boring. Your friendships evolve. Mendis and I have evolved. We're like an old married couple. Girlfriends, you're like, oh, we get closer and closer. That's what's so exciting. But if it's just, we're gonna hook up every few weeks, we're not, it gets kind of, it's like Woody Allen said, relationships have to keep moving or they're, what'd he say? Say, like, they're a shark, a dead shark. Wait, oh, he said— what did he say? He said, um, relationships are like a shark, you have to keep moving. And he said, and what we have on our hands is a dead shark. When he was— it was in Annie Hall.

Anyway, all right, you're talking—

you're still talking like a politician.

What was the end result? The end result was that we really like each other and that— you know what, you're gonna stay how you are?

No, we're not.

We're gonna, um, we're gonna talk more about what we're figuring out. They're communicating more. They're communicating— we're communicating more. We We weren't communicating because we were just playing it cool and I'm really busy and I was dating other people and he is too and that still could happen but I said, we can't keep doing the same thing. I would like to at least talk about the fact, am I dating, are we gonna make plans and then he wasn't, you know, we should just make a plan. I can't, don't, why'd you ask me about this? I know, I'm kidding, it's fine. The point is it's evolving and I like him and that's all. That was, can we just cut that? What the hell, I'm never gonna cut anything. Okay, so let's keep going. I'm running for Senate later.

Hey Emily, does talking about married, I probably know the answer. Does talking about married life bore you? No, I love it.

Dude, this is what I do for a living. And it's so funny because I'm fascinated. I feel like I help a lot of people.

I'm fascinated by single life.

Well, we could just, we'll swap stories, but I think it's fascinating and I love helping people. It's funny, 'cause you're like, how can you help? What do you know? Listen to me tell my half whatever story. I find it fascinating and I think that I could help a lot of people because, and I'm just interested in how people make it work because I actually started this podcast because I was really cynical about relation, I mean, coming from a family divorce and all that stuff, I just thought, 4 divorces. I thought, I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. I wanna understand how, what makes relationships work and what doesn't. So when it started as a podcast, it was just me interviewing married people. It's interesting. Yeah, and I'm fascinated by it. Fascinated by it too. And I think there is a science to it. There is a, you know, it does all come down to communication. And sex. If you stop having sex, people are like, "Oh, it's okay because we'll get to that after the kids go to college." You got to keep it going. You got to keep the blowjobs. You got to have the chemistry and you got to work on it. So, okay, the next one was sex is pretty discreetly correlated to satisfaction in marriage. So, men and women, it says, for instance, one study of Australia noted that men and women who were dissatisfied with their frequency of sex were also more likely to get expressed overall lower sexual relationship and satisfaction, which makes sense. If you're having less sex, you're not as happy. And I agree, sex is the glue. And it's like we worry about so many other things like building the deck or where to go on summer vacation, but the second you realize that you're not addressing it, it's not going to go away, the sex thing. It's like people think, "Oh, it'll heal itself after the laundry." No, it's like going to the gym.

You sit there and you— You become middle-aged and you look at your body and you start going, well, what, you know, I'm getting overweight or whatever. So, you gotta go to the gym, you gotta work out, or whatever. You gotta maintain. You gotta maintain, but after you do it, it feels good. So, it's like you kind of realize, like, okay, it's been a while, let's have sex. And then, after you do it, like, we should do that more often, you know? Right. It feels good. And then, you know, then you go into this thing where you do it for a little while and then you start, you know, he's busy, he's gone, blah, blah, blah. And yeah, I mean, but you're right, it is the glue. It really, it really— once it goes—

'cause I'm sure when you had kids too, it was probably hard to get it, keep it going.

But yeah, I mean, with twin boys— yeah, boy, girl, boy, girl. Okay. Yeah, 'cause she's like a boy. That's why.

Oh my God. I mean, that's— you got your hands full, right? Yeah. But I always say that it is like going to the gym. And then today I was like, I always say that, so what's another analogy? I was thinking I was thinking about, a lot of times people ask me to do things, you know, go out to a concert or meet for dinner, and my first reaction is always like, usually it's like, no, can I get out of it? I don't like making kind of commitment around issues. But then I thought, I've never regretted any, I don't have a lot of regrets, but very rarely have I been on the fence about something and then I went and I was like, that sucked, I shouldn't have gone out with those people or gone to that concert or gone to the gym or had sex. You're not like, why did I freaking have sex? So I just feel like, when you're thinking in your head, Say yes. Say yes to the blowjob. Say yes to the sex. It's all a decision.

It boils down to a decision.

It is. And then moment by moment, making decisions that are healthier for your relationship.

Right. Can I go back real quick?

Yes. Because you kept on saying, I'm fascinated by the single life. Now, is it just because, is it kind of like if you're watching Sex and the City and you just want to see all the juicy stories?

No, I'll tell you.

You want to hear about it?

No, I'll tell you what. My best friend, well, two of my best, the closest girls to me are both single. One is, she lives in Malibu and she's happy to be single, but she's gorgeous and she has, I think she has a little bit of intimacy issues and she has a wall, but she doesn't meet anybody though, that's the problem. Like she doesn't, she's in isolation, yeah, and so it's hard for her.

Wouldn't she be like lonely?

She doesn't get lonely at all. Wow, that's crazy. I know, that's the, yeah, she's, and she's very close to me and my kids, she loves my kids, So, thank God for her. And then, my other girlfriend, I grew up with. And, you know, I saw her get married. I saw her have the kid. They had the kid at 18 months. They got a divorce. He wanted the divorce, she didn't. And he moved on and got, you know, into another relationship quick. And she had, like, you know, 5 years of trying to deal with, "Oh my God, you know, my whole life has changed." All she wanted to do was be a wife, her whole life. Like, "I just wanna be a mom and a wife." And she's completely changed. Now she's worked on herself. She went to therapy. She goes to the gym and all that kind of stuff. Her hair is brighter blonde. She lost weight. She looks great. And now she's like completely a different person. She's like, let's go. Like, you know, I wanna go meet people. And I'm with her. Like, I'm excited for her. Like, I want her to meet. And we went to New York and we had a blast. And we sat, it was so impromptu. It was one of these things that happened like Oh my God, we, these people, we went to the Howard Stern Studios, dropped off Mangria, okay.

Mangria, wait, we didn't even talk about that yet.

Yeah, that's fine, and we dropped it off for the Stern family, and then we asked them, where should we go for happy hour? They said downstairs is Del Fresco, you should go to the restaurant. We went there, we sat there from 4:30, 5 o'clock on a New York rainy day until midnight. Wow. And we watched guys come and go, and we people watched, She sat across from me and literally there was a group of guys that were talking. There was about 5 of them in the group. And I said, Suzanne, I turn around and look at these guys. And she turned and we, not one, not one ugly guy.

They were such good looking men in suits.

Maybe it's the suits. I love the suits. It is the suits.

Just go buy a suit, guys.

Yeah, guys need suits. Go buy a black suit. And so they're all standing there. "And then she's like, 'Do they have wedding rings on?'" And I'm like, "Well, two of them don't. No, two of them don't." And then the two that didn't, you know, we kept, then what do you do? At that point, she's like, "I don't know what to do." I'm like, "Just go talk to them." And then, so I don't know, I'm like, "Should I go talk to them?" And we didn't, we just sat there and watched. And we watched guys come and go. And in New York, they're so, guys are so different because they seem more genuine. I think that everybody goes to New York because they want to work in the finance industry, and they wanna build a family, they want a family. And people that come here, guys that come here, are Peter Pans. They don't want that. They're the opposite. They wanna be a model or whatever. An actor. Actor or an executive. I mean, it's, you know, at a network, or an agent. It's like, come on, it's too superficial and blah, blah, blah. And guys in New York, you just, you know, they're just normal, like, guys.

And they ask you out in New York, too.

Oh, they're very direct. I mean, I don't have guys out here.

So did she meet a guy?

She met a guy, yeah, she did. She met a guy and she just had fun. Like, she was just talking with him. And she talked to him, like, I got tired at midnight and I left and she stayed. And my other girlfriend was there, too.

I wanted to go on a girls trip. Next time I'm going on a girls trip, I always skip. Emily Morse?

Jaw drops. I would just walk right over and start talking to the guys. No, I just go talking.

But that's so bad. You, Minister, your question is, that's, I'm fascinated. I love, like, 'cause I haven't been single in a long time, but I can live vicariously through my girlfriends. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, that's what excites you is to hear the story.

Yeah, totally. My friends do that too. I'll be like, how's your marriage? They're like, tell me about you. And I'm bored. But I love hearing about what's, 'cause I wanna like help or listen or anything. Right, right.

But I wanna hear about you because you're having fun.

Yeah, I am having fun, and I think I just told a really bad story about my guy, but because this is evolving in a way that I can't actually tell.

Ask her about some of her old stories.

No, but you know, Emily, I'm fascinated by how successful that you are and how busy you are, but yet you date so much and you meet so many guys and you have— I do? Well, it seems like you do.

I guess I get asked out.

It seems like you do, yeah. And you guys, and you have a lot of sex. Sex, it seems like. I do. You do. And it's like, it's— I, and I love, like, who, who do we know that's open about that? Like, totally open, beautiful girl, successful. Hey, here I am, I have a lot of sex.

Yeah, I have a lot of sex and a lot of sex toys.

And a lot of sex toys. Fascinating.

She's very outgoing and very approachable. Yeah, I think that's what it is too, so guys feel comfortable to ask her out. I mean, I find exhausting and draining being around her more than 5 hours. But I think that's why I think a lot of, you know, she's not off-putting, right? You know, like, I'm chill, definitely. Yes. Or you can find, as a man, you can find a lot of women that off-putting, they seem like they're not even interested to even be around.

Well, that's what I'm trying to train my girlfriend Suzanne to not look. She's not off-putting, but she's shy, right? So it's like, don't look Don't look like you're stuck up or whatever. It's practice.

She's like, "What do you want me to do?

What do I do?

Should I just relax?" It's so funny because I was just talking to a single— I feel like all my friends are single now, but she was saying the same thing. She goes, "I think that guys think—" And she's beautiful, smart. She said, "I think guys think I'm stuck up and I think guys are intimidated." And she's the sweetest. I said, "You know what you got to do?" She goes, "But I tried it." She told me this. She said, "I went into Starbucks and I smiled at some guy and I just smiled." and then he came over and he was like, "You have really nice legs," and she's like, "I wasn't into him, but I realized that I so lost—" She does have nice legs. But then I said to her, "That's what you gotta practice." I'm like, "I want you to 5 times a day, like when you walk into a public, put your phone down, smile, because men probably think you're not approachable 'cause you're hot and you're like probably have a crushing, you're on your phone." So I think the phones are also a barrier.

That's another thing. Don't sit there and look at your phone. Just say hi. Just sit there, smile.

And that's, you know, and I actually, one of my things that I truly, and I've been this way since I was a kid, I love meeting people. Like, I can go into a room, my favorite thing is going to a party where I know nobody, or a room by myself. It's interesting. I know, 'cause I just truly, like, who are you, what's your story? There's no one around me there. Like, oh, have you met my boyfriend? He doesn't talk to people, I gotta worry where he is. No, it's me alone, I can do whatever, and I just, I love just people, I love connecting. It gives me juice. Yeah, so I think I've always liked that, but people— a lot of people aren't, and that's just— people got to work on it, right?

Put down the phone. Yeah, put down the phone. Smile. Put down the phone.

Yeah, guys, I mean, what, what city does she live in? Is it San Francisco?

She lives in LA. Oh, LA.

Okay, the poor single girls in LA. I feel bad for my single friends in LA. I really do. Well, I'm like, go to Chicago and meet someone. No, you love Chicago.

I love Chicago.

Well, I always tell my guys, my buddies buddies, uh, also who live here on the coast, like, they have problems also with meeting women. I'm like, dude, travel to like the Midwest or something like that. You're not gonna have any problems because the women there are so approachable and nice and they're like genuine.

Well, that's how we feel about the guys. Exactly. Us girls feel about guys in the Midwest. Like, I told her, I said, go to Chicago. I have family. Go see. Are you from Chicago?

No, but it's amazing if you're I mean, visiting, yeah.

I'm from fucking LA, so. I know, I mean.

I was born in Cleveland, but my family moved here when I was about 7 years old, so I grew up here.

Midwest, you guys are nice, but I can't afford.

To meet people, just friends at least.

Yeah, what do you think, Emily?

I think that as far as dating or Midwest?

As far as like, where, what city has great guys?

It's so hard because every town that people live in, they say it's the worst town to date in. New York's like, Oh, every guy's just like, you know, working for his career and women are always chasing the bigger, better deal. They say LA, every guy's chasing the bigger, better deal. San Francisco, no one asks you out ever. I'm like, the guys there check their balls at the Golden Gate. I'm like, really? Yeah, and so I don't— what is the best? I honestly believe that wherever you go, there you are, and that you can find someone wherever you're at. I don't care if you're like in Des Moines. I mean, I'm from Michigan. People find love and you just got to put yourself out there and it And it's so easy to blame it on the city. But what are you doing lately to meet someone new? If you're doing the same thing every day and you're not changing up your mood, your pattern, doing something different and putting yourself out there where you might be a little nervous to go to a party that you don't have a date for but you got invited, go. You're not gonna die.

You sound like my husband. Adam says the same thing. Does he? Yeah, Adam says these people that say, "I can't meet anybody," it's like, "No, you can.

Go." There's billions of people and you're gonna find somebody, right?

Yeah, you gotta put effort into it.

You do. I'll talk to you soon. We'll all have drinks. Yeah, it'll be fun for sure. I really— yeah, I really— come away.

Well, you can join us. We're going in Burbank after this, but I mean, yeah, Burbank. But, um, no, we— no, we have to get together with my— my— no, we are.

We're gonna do that thing, and we're gonna do our live show. And then I was gonna ask you, so, I mean, you know, I had some sex questions for you, but you go ahead. No, I want to know, first of all, um, how's it going with— we talked about the G-spot on your show? Because I brought you a special toy too.

Yes, my whole life I've, you know, heard about it, but I'm always the girl that has the orgasm, you know, literally, right? That's good.

So at least you can have that. A lot of women can't. Really? Oh yeah, really. But during intercourse you can? And yeah, that's hard.

Okay, but I need help. Yeah, it's right. Yeah, it needs to be stimulated, right?

Of course, right?

Okay, so, but I— the G-spot, I'm like, I don't, I don't know.

Do I? I brought you such a goodie bag.

Okay, I brought you— no way, look! Oh, okay.

Yeah. Oh, the other thing, she's gonna freak. But this is the Jeju, so this is my favorite. I've heard you talk about this. Okay, so this is— I talked about the Mimi, which is the clitoral one, which if you like that. This is the Uma, and this is like all about G-spot. It moves, it, it's— oh my God, and it's rechargeable and it's beautiful. Like, you're just gonna— it looks beautiful.

Thank you.

I got some other stuff that we'll go through. Thank you.

You're welcome. You Show her the really cool thing though.

That's awesome. I'm very excited. This is pretty awesome. Okay, so do you know about my bike?

Oh my God, of course. I hear about it all the time.

No way. So I got you one.

Oh my God, thank you.

It's the Crave. Thank you.

Oh my God, I have the Crave.

The Crave Vesper, and it's, yeah, look at it. I love it.

I know, I hear you talk about it all the time. I went on your website and looked at it. I've been wanting to buy it. I just—

oh, and I was talking yesterday, I'm like, okay, so wait, no, tell me what kind of vibrator, because I already got something else you're gonna love, but I need to know. I love it. I know, I'll show you how it works. It's really cool. It's already charged too. Really? Yeah, so check it, check it. I hope you— I know, I'm gonna have a fun one sitting in traffic.

What did you want?

Did you want one?

It's like, uh, Christmas here or something.

Totally. I know. Um, okay, we gotta wrap it up. I know, I'm so We could talk forever. I know. You can come back on.

I would love to.

And then we're gonna do our live show. And I have to give all of your info, which is adamcarolla.com to listen to it, which is C-A-R-O-L-L-A. Yes. And then Lynette Carolla, @lynnetcarolla on Twitter. Yeah, Instagram, Twitter, it's all Lynette Carolla. Facebook.com/lynnetcarolla, Instagram, and we'll have this all on our site as well. Thank you. And For Crying Out Loud is your podcast. Check it. It's a really Briggin' Hilarious Funny Podcast, popular. Congratulations on that. Thank you. And Mangria. Mangria, yes. I've never had it. I just hear Adam talk about it.

Here, I have it for you.

I've been hearing about it for a while.

For years, I don't even know, like—

We should have poured some during this. I know. But yeah, here's the white, here's the red.

What makes it a cocktail and not white wine?

You know, I'm telling you, it's really strong. It's— That's all we need to know. 19-proof. What do you call it? And it's not, it will, you'd have like one, you pour it over ice, it's ready to pour, pour it over ice, and one drink just melts. When I come home like after a day of like stress, have a glass of that and all your stress just melts after one glass. I need a stress melter.

Where is it available?

It's available at BevMo, a lot of our retails. It's doing well, right? Yeah, just go to Mangria. Yeah, go to mangria.com, corolladrinks.com, and click in your area, you'll find it.

Yeah, it's— I'd like to pour that over something right now and drink it. For our next show, and then we'll do our drunk show, which we just talked about. Yeah. Okay, well, Lynette, thank you.

I'm so glad. Thank you so much, menace.

Nice to meet you. I know, menace is better than she thought. And okay, I have a few announcements. I do that. I'm trying to like— I know I do a lot of the beginning, so now I'm moving them to the end. You guys, you like that? You happy? Okay. We need interns. We love our interns. It's a really— I'm just gonna say it's a good gig. You get sex toys, you get a lot of sex information, we have a good time. So email us feedback@sexwithemily.com. Send me your resume and a cover letter of why you want the job. Seasoned sex and relationship writers needed. Please email us again feedback@sexwithemily because we will promote your stuff and we'd love to hear from you. And newsletter, sign up for our newsletter if you like our show. Tell your friends about it. I love your newsletter.

I get excited when I see it. I know, I seem like a kiss-ass or whatever, but it's true. It's not like bullshit. No, I get your newsletter, it pops up in my inbox, I'm like, ooh. And then I can't look, my daughter sitting next to me, I'm like, get away from me, I'm trying to, 'cause the pictures are so beautiful. Thank you.

Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad. Okay, yeah, so sign up for our goddamn newsletter. And review us on iTunes if you like us. If you don't like us, you know you don't have to, but you can do whatever you want. Thank you, Menace. Menace, you're Instagram, Twitter, M-E-N-A-C-E across the board.

That's it.

Thank you, Madison, who produced the show. Love you. Thanks, everybody, for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com. Okay, everyone, flashlight. It's time for your flashlight story because it's the number one sex toy for men, which is perfect because it's really the only one that you want. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could actually feel the pleasure of having sex anytime, anywhere, and you don't have a partner? The Fleshlight simulates the sensations of real sex. It's like a male masturbation sleeve. So you guys have your hand, I have 18 million toys, and it's kind of, you know, you want to mix it up and try something new. So try the Fleshlight. It was engineered to look and feel like the real deal, you know, kind of like a vagina or a butt, whatever you're into. It's cool. If you have porn stars that you like, they probably, she probably has her vagina molded. So, go to fleshlight.com, use code EMILY, and they have an award-winning Flesh Lube, and they will throw that in because you like to use a little lube. Believe me, you want— it's like having the mangria without the ice. I mean, really, you got to get the lube into the Fleshlight, and it'll rock your world. So, check it out, fleshlight.com, or go to sexwithemily.com, click on the Fleshlight banner, and use code EMILY and get your lube. Thanks for listening.

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