Mix Up Your Masturbation Routine

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet. And it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show. Hey, it's masturbation may. So I'll be talking all about your self love needs. Plus I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. Some things we're talking about how masturbation month actually became an international celebration. Why? Self love is the safest kind of love you can have right now. Ways to switch up your self love and routine so you don't get bored with yourself. That happens. And toys that may just push you past the pleasure edge you've been looking for. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man e here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God. I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of.

Girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com and all social media. We're having a lot of contests this month, so check those out as well. Intentions with Emily for each show. Join me in setting an intention for the show. I do. It helps before I record and it'll also help you. For example, it could be. Well, I've always struggled with self love because I actually don't know where to start and I'd like some guidance. My intention is to show you all why self love is really vital to having a healthy sex life and why it's also good for your mental health. I know it's been getting me through these times. Also, we are doing contests every week and just check out our social media. Be sure you're following us on Instagram. And we are giving away toys starting every single Friday this month. So please, please, please check that out. Join us. Win some toys. Who doesn't want any toy? I did not make up masturbation month. So everyone's like, was that your thing? And I have to say I wish that I thought of it. I did not. However, in 1995, Surgeon General, Dr. Joycelyn Elders, she was appointed by President Clinton to be the surgeon general. And her first initiative was she said that sexual health needs to be taught in schools. Not only that, she said I would start with masturbation. I remember this. And everybody was up in arms like, that is the worst idea. She's insane. All of our kids are going to be ruined. And she never ended up getting. I believe she didn't get elected the then surgeon generals. Maybe she. I don't think she did, did she? Okay, now I don't remember the story. Point is, look that up somebody. But the. I believe she didn't. I believe that Clinton.

Didn'T appoint her because of that or people got pissed. Point. Or maybe she got fired. But here's the thing. I believe she was 100% correct. And we are still having problems right now in schools. And if that had gone through in 95, she wasn't saying, I think everyone, like they get to school, second grade, they're like, here's your lube, this is your penis. Start to masturbate. What she said was, we need to talk about sexual health more in schools. And by that we're talking about naming your body parts when your kids are young, not saying you're hoo ha or your wee wee and starting out saying like that is your vulva, your vagina, your penis. And then teaching kids about what feels good, what doesn't feel Good. And then when they get a little bit older, like in third grade, fourth grade, you talk about feelings they might have, like if a crush comes. She was fired. Thank you. She was fired by Clinton. Yeah, I feel like he appointed her and she was fired like a month later because that was her first initiative. And I'm still telling you, like, that is one of my initiatives. Like when kids are in third, fourth grade, you talk about even before that. You're talking about consent. You're saying, like only allow people to touch you that are supposed to touch you. I could go off on sex education for hours. But right now, when talk about masturbation, there is an awesome podcast in the show. Notes, some six tips for talking to your kids about sex. It's a blog or a podcast. And why masturbation should be taught in sex ed. We've got a lot of that on the website. But let's get into why I love masturbation month. So it was started because good vibration. So you know, we love good vibes. The great store that they actually work the store on our site, they created masturbation month soon after that to raise awareness around the taboo topic, teach others all the wonderful advantages. And so it's funny because I've been doing this for 15 years. This has been my career, my profession, and I every year there's people who think there's a month about masturbation. Oh my God, that's so exciting. And it is exciting because every year what I love is people are like, I'm gonna get on board with your masturbation plan. You know what? I haven't been masturbating as much lately. I haven't been self pleasuring. I forgot that I should do it. I hear this from women more than I hear from men. I'm just gonna be honest. Like with men, I'm like, dude, you're like Walgreens, like, put it away. Like, don't masturbate right now. But with women, when we're like stressed and anxious and worried, we sometimes clench. The result of kind of tensing up as we actually forget that it feels good to release even just by touch. Doesn't have to even be full orgasm. Right. You don't have to put all the pressure on yourself. The truth is, I think we've all heard this, is that the cdc that the healthiest sex, safest form of sex right now is with yourself. What I hear a lot is that your masturbation routine, if you actually are masturbating, like, maybe it's become a little Bit stale right now. Maybe you're doing the same things over and over again, or maybe you don't know what else is out there. And so if you have any questions about how to mix up your masturbation routine this month, I'm here for you. I'm going to be answering your questions, giving you tips. Sexwithemily.com our website. We've got tons of blogs about it if you're feeling super inspired right now. And so one of the things is to switch it up, because you're doing the same thing now for men who are like, I always masturbate with my right hand, this is an easy way to master. To switch it up is to use your left hand. It's a different sensation. It feels like a different penis, maybe for a moment. And it's just a way to kind of awaken yourself. Because when we repeat something over and over again, we become dead into the process. Right? We're not even noticing that we're doing it. It could even just be a different position. So if you're always masturbating lying down, like, you could do it on your stomach for women, that could be really. You can hit different nerve endings. If you're using a toy, you can, like, lie on your stomach. And I just remember not even thinking that that was an option because I always masturbated the same way, like, on my back. And I was like, oh, if I flip over and use my toy this way or move my hands in different way, it actually feel. Because we find that one hot spot that works like, this is the way I move my hand, this is the way I move my fingers, and this is the toy I use on this particular spot, and I'm gonna have an orgasm. And that's great if you get there, because I'm not gonna, like, say, you should just stop that. I love that you actually know how to have orgasms and how to please yourself. However, this is a great month for exploring as well, because we have so many Roger Stones on our body that we. We don't even tap into. We don't even think to explore. And when you kind of give yourself a beat and say, I. I don't need to go right to this. I can take a moment. That spot will still be there. But what does it look like if I, you know, use my fingers on my vulva or my clitoris to the right instead of the left, or I use lube, and I haven't used lube before, I'm gonna go a lot slower. I'm Gonna change the way I'm using my fingers. That could just mix up everything. You might be surprised if you're like, oh, I had no idea I could orgasm that way. I mean, that's how I learned so much about what felt good to me was I was just very limited in my beliefs that it was only going to happen through a penis or through a partner. And I didn't even know that I had the options or that it was possible. So it worked for me. Can work for you, and I will help you. The thing I just thought about as well is a toy that I love that is very cool for this month in particular. And I'm gonna say it's for vulva owners, but it can also be for. I mean, that's the thing about vibrators. If you still are holding on to the belief that they're just for women, you're wrong. You are wrong. Because, A, you haven't tried it yet, but B, vibrations feel good for literally everybody. Most people, all over your bodies. Your shaft, your penis, your nipples, your neck. I love the Zoomio because the Zumio has, like, this pinpoint to it that it has this little tip. And since women are blessed with 8,000 nerve endings, clitoris is 8,000 nerve endings. If you're using typical toys or your fingers, you're just sort of hitting the whole surface of your clitoris. But it's got this pinpoint on it that I've never seen anything like it. And what I love is we had a listener call in and tell us about it last year, and they were like, have you tried the Zoomio? And I like to fancy myself as the sex toy whisperer that I actually have tried them all. People send them to us. But this one I had not tried. And I fell in love with it because for women who maybe they have some numbing or they haven't really explored it, literally, you can move it around all these different spots on your body and inside, outside. And if you go slow, you're like, oh, you can just sort of pick up all these different pleasure points and have orgasms that are crazy and realize that we are just an unlimited capacity for pleasure. It's kind of a whirling, massaging motion and not just like a vibration, although you might not know the difference. I'm just giving you the nuances of it. But it's called the Zumio. It's really cool. It's a fun one to explore and to invest in right now. If you're looking to buy a tour, have you Guys tried that yet? The Zumio. My team here. Anyone try it? Yeah, I've. I've tried it. I. I'm a fan. It definitely pinpoints, like, if you know your spots, like, it gets there. It does. And it's.

It.

I have it with me right now.

Oh, you have it. Thank Elisa. Cool, right? It's a cool little pleasurable right there, just right at her desk. It's. It's cool because it also. Right. She's like, I have it here.

I keep all my sex toys in this drawer that I'm like, sitting right by. So I'm like, there you go.

That's so cool. Can you turn it on? Is it charged?

I don't know if it's charged.

I just like that it's powerful. I'm like, oh, cool. Doctors have recommended as well, is because it is stimulating blood flow. So a lot of the pain we're feeling, or for some women, not all, is because there's just sort of like a. I want to say it's like a. I think I need a better word for this. Like a dorbet or like a dead area. And when you apply a vibration to it, it'll start to kind of waken up again and enliven it. So you'll just. Your whole body, your whole vulva for sure, is sort of in vagina can just open in ways that you hadn't. And this toy does that in a way that I've never seen.

So I've never seen a toy with just a pinpoint like that small.

Right? Exactly.

So it's very different.

It's smart. It's good for nipples, too. I feel like the nipples are ignored a lot. Like, we don't really. I know we don't really pay enough attention. I think. I think growing up, I was like, oh, men love breasts. They always want your breasts. They want to touch them, they want to play with them. And I just feel like sometimes they just forget or they go right to, you know, I just want to get the action on. And they don't stop and go slow and sort of pay attention because it's feels. That's been my experience, and I've heard that from a lot of you as well. But when we go slower and you get to, like, worship the breast, be like, I'm into this, like. Or ask your partner what feels good. Because when you slow it all down. Having a nipple orgasm or breast gasm is probably one of the second most common orgasms for women. But women don't have them because they don't think to, like, slow down or like, with. During their own masturbation or with a partner. It just can be a very, you know, mind blowing experience. So I actually used the melt on my nipples too. You did? How was that? That's a great idea. Yeah, it's huge. Turn on.

Apparently.

I love that Lisa. Do you think Lisa's gonna be our, like, Vanna White? Do you have the. Do you have the melts there?

But the melt is. Is by now. Okay. Mine too. Mine's in the shower. It's always in the shower now. I use that in the morning and I use the. This new bullet thing that I'll show you guys in a minute. You guys, these are. There's videos on the SiriusXM app, which you should absolutely check out. So the. The melt we're talking about uses this pleasure air technology. It's like indirect stimulation, so it can kind of nicely suck on your nipples or your clitoris and crazy orga. I mean, like, literally, like, I. I don't even know what happens kind of orgasms. I didn't even know that was possible. It's a good time to experience multiple orgasms if you've never tried that. These are all things that. And I'm telling you firsthand, I thought that multiple orgasms were just for, like, other women that were born luckier and on the plant. Like, they just had that gene. And many women, and I would say more so than not, actually can have multiple orgasms. We just don't. We're just limited in the way we think about it. We're like, I'm done. I had one. Or I can't ever have one, or I can only have one this way.

I just had two orgasms for the first time the other day when I.

Was really never done before. Congratulations.

Thank you.

Do you mind telling me how that went? Telling us how?

I just really focused on my breath because I noticed sometimes I'll hold on and not breathe. And I think that really, really blocks me. So I just relaxed my whole body and just kept breathing and it worked.

Yeah. That's amazing. That's so great, Elisa. I love that. That is one of the first tips when I'm telling women to figure out how because we stop. We were like, oh, I'm done. I'm out, or it can't happen. It's because we're clenching. So if you just kind of breathe and this can work. If you're with a toy or with a partner and you just breathe deep and you just sort of like kind of let. Because an orgasm is energy. So if you kind of let that energy move through your body for a minute, it circulates rather than holding on to it, you realize that the orgasm again can come up again that feeling. It's not just women. Our refractory period is a lot shorter, you know, than, than for men. So I love that. Elisa, thank you for sharing that. Okay, we're going to take a quick break and we come back. We're going to get into your emails.

We have a divine opportunity right now to really mix things up and to get more curious about our own bodies, our own self, love and how can we feel, how can we figure out ways that we can make ourselves feel better? Because as a result, like we are our best lovers. How you're going to become a better lover to yourself and to other to your partner. If you've been thinking about that, it's not about you learning how to be better at blow jobs or you learning how to look sexier. Are you learning how to go down on your partner better? That's part of it. That's like a skills. Like I could teach you that forever. The best part, the confidence comes from when we actually become our own best lovers and not waiting for others to figure it out or just figure out in proximity to someone else. And so this month is the month where I'm just asking that we all sort of try something different or make a pledge. This is the sex with Emily sex drive. We're all going to pledge the sex drive. So what are you going to do? What is one thing you're going to do to mix up your intimate routine? So we've also been doing contests. Just so you know, every Friday of this month, feature Friday we asked you what's one thing you're going to do to change up your masturbation routine. And we had some great, great responses from people because you might be thinking, the reason I want to read these to you because I feel like you might be thinking, I have no fucking idea, Emily. I've been doing it the same way my entire life. It feels good. I have an orgasm, I hate it and quit it. Give me some ideas. So our brilliant audience listeners, all of you sent in some great submissions for this. So this is from Michelle and she said the one thing I want to change up this month is trying the Kiven method, hopefully with this new toy which I freaking love. I never heard about that method until yesterday. I heard you on the Girls Gotta Eat podcast.

So I what I love about this is she just Took the Kibbin method, which I've been talking about for over a year now on the show. And it's an incredible oral sex technique for when performing oral sex on a woman, on a vulva. And it's this incredible method. You can go to our website and just search Kiven K I V I N because I don't want to get into that in this moment to bless you. You can call and ask me. But what she's saying is, yeah, I might not have a partner right now, but I'm gonna use a toy and I'm gonna do it to myself. And. Okay, now I have to tell you, it's just a little bit of. It's. It's actually a lot of us are assuming that when we touch ourselves, we go up and down, like with our fingers. For a woman, if you're touching your vulva, your clitoris, it's like a up and down, like a toe to your head motion, like from you're going up, up. But with the Kivan method, why it's brilliant is because you go think about all the nerve endings going from thigh to thigh, meaning from your. Like your clitoris has so many nerve endings and your, and your, your labia as well. So just kind of using. Covering that whole surface area is a lot more effective at reaching other hotspots and figuring out ways to have orgasms and pleasure than just up and down. And so using the Kiven method and doing it with a toy on herself. I love that. And there's a blog on our site at sex with emily.com we'll also put in the show notes called Mind Blowing Oral in Under five Minutes. The Kibben Method. That was crazy. When we talked about that last year, I was like, here's a method. And I don't think in 15 years I had as many of you calling in and saying.

I tried this and it worked. And, and like the stories were like, I've been with my wife for 15 years going down in her and I can't believe this method. Or women calling in saying, I didn't kid, didn't think I could orgasm that way. It was pretty cool. So I love the creativity with Michelle here saying, I'm going to do it to myself. Okay, this is from Lindsay and she says, I'm going to try to allow myself to spend more time in each session. I'm going to learn how to reach climax in new ways besides through clitoral stimulation. Although it is amazing, I want to explore my G spot and the tantric self. Massage of the Yoni I found omg yes. Which has a lot of accessible and inclusive information to supplement all I'm learning on sex with Emily. I'm single for the first time in years, so finally going to really explore my sexual body as a 30 year old dancer who has a lot of body awareness but surprising myself without little I know about my own sexual pleasure.

Let's see what some of the guys are going to do here. Or maybe some of the men on my zoom want to tell me what they're going to do.

You don't have to. Yeah, yeah. Anyone? Ryan? Brian? Brian or Ryan?

Hey, you know, you said something earlier I thought was interesting when you said masturbating on your stomach. Now I've never done that and I can't see how I would, but I'm always open to new things. So, you know, I think for me you're, you know, when you get it right on the head, no pun intended, is that I've been doing things a certain way for.

As long as I can remember really. And.

It just works for me. You know, I get, it's almost like, it's almost like a, like a chore. Sometimes I'm like, you know, I really probably should masturbate right now. I mean, or sometime today. Like I really should. Like, I feel like maybe that's probably a good idea. Like it'd probably be good for my mental health and so I have to like pencil it in. But then other times I'm like, I can't continue what I'm doing unless I go ahead and, and rub one out. So either way, it's always the same way. Whether I'm doing it as a therapeutic way or a like an impulse, like, you know, exciting moment kind of way. It's kind of always. However, the porn that I watch, the subject material does change. That's really the only thing that changes.

Okay, let's change your hand movement on your stomach. I was mostly saying, yeah, for men on your stomach using exploring different parts of your penis or your shaft or your balls. I mean, literally starting with your left hand instead of your right or your right instead of your left or two hands. Lube. A vibrator. Do you have a vibrator? Have we given you a vibrator?

No, not yet. And I actually know I don't have, I don't have like a cock ring or a vibrator. I don't have any toys. I'm one of those guys that just hasn't entered that world yet.

Surprisingly well. We need to get You a.

We gotta get you. No one can be here without a toy. We need to get you one. We need to send John one and just start it.

Yeah. What's. What's the best, like if I. So like I'm a guy who's never really, you know, tried a toy for men or anything. So what would be maybe like the first, like the 101, like the first thing a guy should try or, you.

Know, as a toy. I think a ring would be really fun. I believe that a vibrating penis ring would be great to feel what that feels like around you. Like the, the we vibe pivot is a great one. I would also say so just because the vibrations feel great for men. Like on your shaft. If you. You've never felt. Let's just say this, you've never felt a vibration on you. Like a vibration on your. Any part, you know.

Well, you know, funny you mentioned it. There was one time I had a partner who. She brought a vibrator into bed and that was pretty awesome. But it was, you know, it was like a. It was like the size of a. Like a pen, like looking pen, like.

The vibrator necklace or something like my. Kind of like Vesper the best.

Yeah, yeah. And, and not very intimidating. It wasn't like she brought like busted out a huge thing that I've never considered, you know, but it was like small and it was like in her pocket. She's like, hey, I got this. Try it. And it was, it was great. But you know, she didn't leave it with me, so that was my only.

Well, I think you. The pivot is great because it's great. It goes around your penis visually. Cock rings. A lot of them were used to help men kind of stay harder longer or just. I mean it just. It also. It restricts blood flow and so that can feel really great too and help you stay harder longer. But the vibration element of it can just. It's just new sensations because here's the thing, we're all going to get. Things are going to get stale and boring in every sexual relationship. Even the ones with ourselves, so to say, like, okay, I'm going to try a little bit vibration. So I would say that or the, the hot octopus makes a great toy. That is a male masturbation sleeve. It like oscillates. They call it a guy braider. And it goes around your penis. It holds it like a little like a hot dog bun. It's not really, but it oscillates around your frenulum. Do you know your frenulum you probably do, but you might not know the name of it. It's the underside of your penis where the shaft meets the tip. It's like this.

Yeah.

It's like a small little area and it's super sensitive.

Yeah. That toy is for that.

The best part. It's the best part of the penis.

Yeah.

Feels really good when that gets played with or vibrated.

It's your best friend, right, Brian, You've used frenulum.

I haven't used the. The cockering for masturbation. I. I guess I can try that. What I realized is when masturbating, like to make it better, I just like take my time with it. Instead of like one and done instead of like finishing in three minutes or whatever.

Yes.

Porn video I'm watching.

Exactly. The prolonged. The thing about we are prolonging it actually can feel a lot better. Right. Because you. The delay and just the build up.

Yeah. It's not because you want to just like. Just like get it over with, but if you just like linger it out and edge it a little longer, then boom.

Great.

Feels good.

That's a great. Yeah. Okay. That's. Do you do that often? Do you do come here often? Do you do that often?

Elisa said boom. Sorry. No, I don't edge that much. I don't really think that. I don't know, I just kind of just get it over with. It feels like something I just like. It's just like I masturbated today, but I don't really give it much thought or like take the time to do all that. But I should. I feel like I should. Yeah.

May. It's May. What else do you gotta do? That's what I like. So, so. So that could be something for you too, Ryan. Something a little bit different. Edging, prolonging it, exploring, like I said, other parts of the penis, other erogenous zones. Like, I don't know, there's just so many nerve endings everywhere and just. Even just switching hands. Okay. I like all of that. That's a good plug, Brian. We'll circle back.

Yeah. One of these days, getting a toy involved, that'd be. That'd be interesting. And being got maybe an awakening.

And it's great if you. I'm not saying this, but for many men who want to last longer, the practice of edging is great for that because you start to understand ejaculatory control and you're like, oh, this is when I start to go over. And you just. I don't know, it's just. It's a great knowing. It's great for everyone. It's great for women too, to understand like what, what actually gets me there. What kind of touch do I need? Because this is just really. I don't, I don't think I would have been known how to have. I don't think that my sex life would have. Would be where it is always now, without fail, if I hadn't figured this all out on my own. My learning did not come from part from being with a partner. It learned from me learning stuff on my own and then saying, hey, let's try this. What do you think? You know, so there's so much to learn. Edging, all of it. And prostate too. I mean, no pressure. Just got here. But prostate play. If I was a man, I'd be all over my prostate. I'd be like, what? I can have like another crazy orgasm just right here. And only men have it. Yes. Sign me up.

That's got a whole nother.

Well, that's, that's for tomorrow. That's for May 19th.

That'll be May 2021.

We're still going to be home. So. Hey, you got time. There is an edging blog coming out tomorrow at sex with emily.com about edging. All right, if you want a question answered on the show, just email me feedbackexwithemily.com and as always, include your name, your age, where you live, and how listen to the show. Hey, Dr. Emily, longtime listener of your show and I love it. Quick question. I want to buy my wife a G spot vibrator. I've done some research and have narrowed the options down to the we Vibe Brave and the Enjoy Pure Stainless steel steel wand. My wife has never used a vibrator before. Which would you recommend? Thanks in advance. All right, great question. Because what you're asking is what is the difference between a vibrator and a dildo? Well, essentially a dildo is more of a phallic shaped object. Typically, they don't all look like penises. People think they look directly like a penis, but they're more internal and they don't vibrate. So that's a difference. That's the easy way of explaining the difference. And vibrators vibrate. Now, the njoy stainless steel wand is an excellent internal way to find your G spot or your internal pleasure zones. But I think it's a little bit more advanced. If she's never used a toy before, it's great because it applies this deep pressure. And for many women, they don't necessarily need all the Vibrations and they might just need more of a deeper pressure and that's what the Enjoy Wand can provide. I love the we vibrate because I actually call it the G Spot gps. It has this really great ridges on it and curves that really allow you to target internal nerve endings. A lot of people I know have had their first success using this toy. I think it's one of the best out there and I just think it's pretty much a no brainer. I love that it works with the app. I love that it's her first vibrator because you can also use it externally. She can use it on her clitoris. She can sort of use it to expand, explore all different parts of her body. So what I like about the Rave is that it's a little bit more versatile and you can also use it with the We Connect app, meaning you can control it from anywhere in the world or just sitting next door. So that's what I recommend for starters. But if someone's listening and you're more advanced and you already have a G Spot vibe, the N Joy, N letter N Joy Wand is a game changer. And if you haven't experienced, experiment with dildos. I recommend that one wholeheartedly. Okay, this is from Bobbi and she's 20 in Bulgaria. Dear Dr. Emily, I come from a country where sex is still a taboo topic. A few months ago I found you and I've been reading your stuff and listening to your podcast. You helped me with a lot of insecurities in the bedroom. Recently I found my boyfriend of three years is watching porn. He was looking at actresses that look or act nothing like me. I had never had a sexual encounter before him and I thought our sex life was pretty good. I confronted him and asked if we could watch it so I can understand him and try out something he'd seen. He got mad. He made me feel guilty for bringing up in the first place, but I just feel insecure. In the past I also had eating disorders and body dysmorphia. I know you've been asked this before, but can you please give me some advice? Well, Bobbi, thank you for emailing and I don't think I can answer this question enough because I was once your age and had the same exact problem with my partner watching porn. He was my first partner and I thought this is amazing sex we're having and we're were great lovers and I thought why would he need to watch a watch porn if sex is so satisfying and this woman looks nothing like me. She was the Complete opposite of me. I am short with brown hair and she was tall, she had large breasts, she was blonde. And I was very, very confused by it. But what I came to find out is that for men watching porn, they typically they're going to do it throughout their lives. They're going to do before they met you, during the time they're with you. It's really just more a part of being sexually healthy for men. And it's a stress reliever, it's a distractor, it helps them feel. Sometimes they just want to, you know, again, relieve stress, have an orgasm on their own. I'm sure that you would know if he was not happy in a relationship or not satisfied. It doesn't mean that he wants all those things that happen in porn. So let me just say that, and I don't, I believe that I had to learn this on my own to get over it. I had to understand, I had to start studying sex and sexual behaviors. So that's really a process. But the other thing is, let's talk about body image as well, because that is an inside job. That is something that I know you said in the past you had problems with it, but sometimes we have these deep challenges and we don't just go out, get over them by thinking we're over them. So I would really make sure that you have done that. Work around eating disorders and not feeling great about your body because it's really a matter of therapy and understanding why you're having these feelings and then doing different exercises like upping your self loving game. Are you able to give yourself orgasms? Have you ever looked in the mirror at yourself having pleasure? Have you spent time alone, figuring out your body, holding a mirror up to your vulva and see what that looks like? Once we look at our learn to love our entire body as women, it really helps us learn to love everything. So that can start with your vulva, with your vagina. So many of us have shame. We were told that we don't taste right or we don't look okay. And we don't think that we deserve pleasure and we don't deserve someone wanting to please us. And that is really a barrier to us actually feeling love and feeling desire. So it's a whole process we're wrapped up in. And so it's really easy to look at our partners and feel like we're not getting that from them or they're doing something that's hurting us. But this whole self love, self confidence thing, well, first off, you're never done with it. But just so you know that it's not like one day you're like I'm done with my issues. You just sort of continue to work on it and understand it. And I think we get better over time. But make sure that you are putting in self love work and self reflection and therapy because that helps all of us. Thank you. Bobbi. Thank you for your email. Okay guys, thanks for listening to the Show Business with Emily find me on SiriusXM radio. It is Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific on SiriusXM Stars 109. You can get some awesome sex talk and you can call in at 889-478277. I will answer your question during that time. So just call me. You can get a free 30 day trial sexwithemily.com sxm and if you like the show, check out whatever app you're listening on, look at your phone. Give us five stars on that platform. Rate us, review us wherever you listen. I so appreciate it. Thank you to my awesome team. Ken, Kristin, Elisa, Brian, our interns and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbacksexwithemily.com Foreign.

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