My #1 Tool to Spice Up Your Sex Life

And you know how I feel about jumping into threesomes. I believe you have to dirty talk at first. You have to really think about it. Like are we both okay with it? You know? But if you both circled yes, that is a great place to start. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Have you ever used a yes, no maybe list for sex? Well, it's a menu of sex acts that prioritizes consent and communication among sexual partners. It's one of my hands down favorite tools to explore new ideas and spice up sex lives. But how do you actually use the list and turn your choices into realities? Well, on today's show I reveal my new and improved yes no, maybe list which by the way, over a hundred thousand people have downloaded over time from my website. So I thought it's time to amp it up and make it even better. So on the show I'm going to show you how to use it individually or with a partner. I share new ideas we added to the list like orgasm, denial, bondage, electrostimulation, as well as success stories from folks who have filled it out. Plus, we'll talk about what to do if your answers differ from your partner's and how a real couple worked through that sticky situation together. Intentions with Emily for each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you all to do the same. Well, my intention is to inspire you with new ideas to add novelty to your sex life. New no matter your relationship status, I recommend doing the yes no maybe list on a regular basis to increase your sexual self awareness and intentionality. The benefits are more than worth it. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new articles the Basics of Safe Sex and Want Better Sex. Ask your partner. These questions are up@sexwithemily.com plus we have a brand new sexting guide on our website which was so much fun to create. I cannot wait for you to see like what are the hottest emojis right now to sex with? You're going to love it. Check it out. Go to sex with emily.com text to drop your phone number and get one of my best guides yet. Check out my YouTube channel, social media and TikTok. It's all sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. And by the way, I have officially launched my TikTok. So if you're on TikTok like I am like I've been just watching everyone's tiktoks. Now I'm on it. I'm obsessed with it. You're gonna love my TikTok. Like what to do if your partner wants to do something and you're into it, or how to have judgment. Free sex. It's all there. New videos daily. Come joy the convo. And also you can ask your questions there because I'll be answering them. So just please follow me. It's at Sex with Emily. If you want to ask me questions overall, do it. Leave me your questions or message me at sex with emily.com askemily or call my hotline 559-talk-sex or 559-825-5739. Just include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. And it's totally cool to change your name or choose to remain anonymous. It's all good. Okay, before we end today's show, I have to tell you I'm coming out with a book. I'm so excited. It's called Smart how to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. It will be released on June 13th and it's all new information for you. It's a new paradigm for thinking about sex. There are five pillars of sexual intelligence I have never revealed before. And all I'd love you to do is to pre order the book right now at sex with emily.com just go to the dropdown menu, select new book. It's super easy to do. Check out this. When you pre order, you're automatically entered to win a Smart sex prize pack from me and HarperCollins. It includes a rose and citrus candle, satin blindfolds, a Christian Sirianu duvet set, Uber lube, silicone based lube. Love their lube. Our sex game board game, a G spot vibrator from oh my bod. All you gotta do is click the link in our show notes. You can submit your proof of purchase at the bottom of the page. Plus, when you pre order, you'll automatically get my new and improved yes, no, maybe guide, which we'll be talking about in today's episode. And by the way, this is the only way to get this guide. You can also request smart sex at your libraries or pre order from indie bookstores. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode.

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So when it comes to discovering what you like sexually, one of my favorite tools is the yes, no, maybe guide. It's a huge checklist of sexual acts and ideas. Think sexting to sex, parties, and literally everything in between. So it's designed to give you ideas for what you want, what you might like to try in the bedroom. Cause listen, it's normal to not know the things you like to try. So that's why I created this catalog of ideas to inspire you. And why I love it so much is because over the years, I realized there was a necessity for a menu of sex acts. Because sometimes we know we want something different, but we're just not sure what's on the menu. We don't even know where to go. Now, before I became a sex educator in my mid-30s and I was having a lot of sex before that, I was frustrated with the sex I was having. And to be honest, I would blame it on my partner. Like, why doesn't my partner know what to do to keep this interesting and spice it up? You know, why is sex so fun and exciting at the beginning of a relationship, but not so much years or sometimes even a few months into a relationship? And I always had this deep yearning for excitement, to mix things up, to try new things. But honestly, I didn't know what else there was besides missionary making out. I just thought, this is sex. Why am I bored? What else can we do? And honestly, there really wasn't a lot of places to go for this information. Like, where is there a list that tells you what else there is? You know, I just had this discomfort, this discontent. And so what I love about the yes, no maybe list, it provides options for days, for years, actually. If you've done everything on the yes or maybe list, you should get some major prize. I should invite you to my house to go through all the sex toys I have in my garage. There should be some kind of really, I don't know, let's, let's, let's workshop this idea at another time. Because if you hit everything on the SMB list, I want you to get something, something major anyway. Not that the goal is not to check everything off the list, but the goal is to kind of figure out what's hot to you. What else can you try to keep your sex life hot and interesting? Because just I want to normalize here that that's something that we all struggle with. We all want to keep sex hot. And one of the reasons I want to remind you why I even started this show is because I wanted to figure out what was wrong with me. I started out not being the expert, but just like, how does, how do you keep sex interesting and hot? How do you have sex with one person for the rest of your life if you choo to do that and keep interesting? So again, this show is going to help you do that. The classic yes, no, maybe list is on the site at sex with emily.com but we just updated the Sex with Emily yes, no, maybe list with a ton of new current ideas. And by the way, it's bonus content for you. Just when you pre order your copy of Smart Sex, all you have to do is provide proof of purchase and it's yours again. There's a link in our show notes how to provide proof of purchase. So not to worry. Plus, again, you're entered to win the killer Smart Sex prize pack. So it's fun goodies all around. So today's episode is about how to use the yes, no, maybe list and how to turn your curiosities into realities. I'm going to help you prepare to do a yes, no, maybe list, including how to prepare with your partner if you're in a relationship. And then I'm going to give you ideas what to do while you fill it out and then tell you how you might actualize your guesses and turn them into actual plans. Right. It's one thing to fill it out, but how do you actually make it happen? Plus, we've got a ton of new additions to the list, so I'll be discussing some of those as well. All right, let's start off with why. Why might you want to do this yes, no maybe list? Well, if you're single and dating, filling out a yes, no maybe list can help you know what kinds of experiences you're looking for, whether it's with a casual sex partner or with someone more serious. And just remember this. Being single doesn't mean your sex life is on hold or you're just going to wait around until someone comes along. It's the perfect time to work on getting to know your body, enriching your fantasy life. And in fact, the yes, no, maybe list is going to give you inspo for days. That's what it does. That's what it did for me, but it still does for me. I'm still inspired by it all the time. And if you're coupled, the yes, the Maybelline could give you a ton of new ideas to spice things up. Remember what we crave in relationships the most. You want to know what they are? Do you know what they are? Can you think about it? What do we crave the most? Think about it. When you're thinking about what you want right now, what is it? Well, I have a haunch. It probably falls into one of these three categories. You're craving spontaneity. You just want something to happen that's new and exciting that you didn't expect. Or something novel, something new, something you've never tried before. Or maybe a little bit of variety. Yes, you like missionary, but not every night. You want to mix it up with some spanking. You want to mix it up with some dirty talk. So that's what we create. We crave spontaneity, novelty, and variety. That is scientifically proven. Studies have shown that's what people crave the most. And that's what the yes do maybe guide can do for you. So no matter what your relationship status, I recommend doing the yes to maybe list every so often. To reflect, to be sexually self aware. Because a simple act of filling it out gives you insights into the sexual person you're becoming and then clarifies types of experiences you want to have. I mean, we can just walk around or we can just lay around having sex for the rest of our lives, which is great. I'm happy if you want to Continue have sex. But how cool to have a roadmap. How cool to know, like, where you're going and what you want to experience along the way. That's how I like to think about the yes or maybe less. It's a sexual roadmap. And if you're not sure that the yes, do, maybe list is for you, here are some testimonials from listeners who've done the list themselves. This is from Hannah, 42, in Indianapolis. Hey Dr. Emily, just want to let you know your yes, no, maybe list really helped me today. I've struggled to enjoy sex for years with my husband of 15 years. I used to orgasm from PMV sex. That's penis and vagina sex. But I can't anymore. Well, we went through your list together and had a great conversation about our sex life and later some great non penetrative sex. Thank you so much for your help. And then Andrew, 32, in upstate New York said, my wife grew up in an incredibly repressed household and I just want to thank you so much because we're three years into our marriage and the yes, no, maybe list really opened things up and has brought us something very incredible. Amanda, 24, in Japan said, since moving to Japan a few months ago, my husband and I were in a little bit of a sexual rut. I showed him some episodes of your show and we did the yes, new maybe list. We found that I am what I like to call a soft Dom. We're not interested in the pain aspects of bdsm, but I do take dominant roles in bed and it's amazing. We found so many new things to try via the list and I can't wait to get more stuff ordered. I also created a Persona for Dom Play and maybe write some erotica inspired by one of your callers who wrote a book for his wife. This show is amazing and thank you for all you do. And by the way, Amanda just reminded me of that. I love it. We had a caller who said that he wrote erotica for his wife. So instead of like talking about sex, it wasn't quite working for them. He was a creative and he was a writer. He actually wrote erotica for his wife of what he would like to do with her in the bedroom and she took it to heart and then she started to act out all the scenes and they just had a super hot sex life. So I love when you all come back to do this stuff because I don't remember it all either in the moment, but man, that was really hot and inspiring. So maybe someone else is going to be inspired right now to do that for their partner. So let me know if you do it. So let's get into it. Let's break it into, before, during and after. So before, how do I prepare to fill out the yes to maybe list? That might sound fun to you. Like, do I just find a pencil? And that's how I prepare. Actually, our new and improved yes, no, maybe list is interactive, meaning you can check off the boxes directly in the PDF. And just remember, you can get this list as a bonus for pre ordering my book Smart Sex, which I'm super excited about. This is just a whole new paradigm for thinking about sex. It has five pillars of sexual intelligence. And I wanted you to have the power to answer your own questions, which is what the book is going to do for you. So if you know you're going to buy it when it comes out, pre ordering helps to get this book into as many hands possible, which is what we want, right? This is why we listen to the show and why we want to have better sex. And my dream is to make it on the New York Times best seller list, which is major. And that only happens with the pre orders. Can you imagine? You're looking at the New York Times list and you've got like atomic habits, how to eat healthier. And then you've got a sex book, which is really gonna help move the needle in the sex education that we all need. So anyway, please pre order it. There's a link in the show notes. And for the classic list, just head to the guide section of my website. It's sexwithumbly.com guides. You can find it there. You can also print out the list old school. Write down your answers on a separate sheet of paper. It's all good. All right, so you've got the list. And to prepare, I recommend putting thought into this if you're coupled. Here's what I recommend. First, just bring it up to your partner. Be casual and say, hey, I heard about something really fun and sex with Emily today. It's a game we can play. It's called the yes, no, maybe list. And say I would love to do it with you. And find out all the ways we can play together. I want to know what you're curious about, what your fantasies might be. I want to share some of mine. And I think this could really take our sex life to a new place at next level. Do you want to do it with me? Let's play. Let's have some fun. And just side note, remember, anytime we're bringing up sex to our partner, we have to be prepared that they might say, well, what's wrong with our sex life? Are you not happy with their sex life? And you can just say, no. I love the sex we're having, and I want to make sure that we continue to be great lovers to each other. And this yes, no, maybe list seems like a great place to start. This is all about fun, guys. And I don't know about you, but I'm always looking for more fun ways to play in my relationship, sexually and otherwise. All right, so next you can set aside a dedicated time to fill it out together like a date. Next time you're on date night, you could bring it to a restaurant. Or maybe when you're, you know, just at home having dinner or sitting around before you watch your next show, binge your next show together, you can say, let's take some time and have a glass of wine or over dinner and fill out this list. Because it's also a great communication tool. You're allowed to take the yes to maybe list multiple times with your partner throughout your relationship because our desires change and evolve over time. And to be honest, if I took the estimate maybe list 20 years ago, it would be very different than it was today. And in fact, I just did the new one with my partner, and we were mostly yeses. I'd say we were basically all yeses with very little nos. And I was reflecting on thinking to myself, I would never have been this even 10 years ago. But now I know that I'm like, let's play with things. If I've never and I haven't done everything on the list, let me tell you that I definitely would not have known all these things. I might have been a little more intimidated. But I'm just telling you, my partner and I, we still go back to it. We talk about it, we pull it up. We're like, we haven't tried. You can try it. Things change over time with a partner. And let's. The other thing about it, if you don't even get through all of it, the conversations that are going to emerge from this yes or maybe list are going to be just fantastic and sexy. And there might be some things on the list that seem wild to you. It's all good. You can definitely work up to the edgier things if you're interested in them. You know, a yes doesn't mean tomorrow. And there's a lot of magic in the maybes, too, which I'm going to get into in a Minute. So, you know, if it's not a hell yes, it might be a maybe. So it's all good. It's just great fodder for conversation, for inspiration. I can't wait to hear what you guys think of this too. I would love to hear how this works for you. I think that might be a whole nother episode. I would love to hear, like, what actually happened when y' all sat down. Like, I want a massive mobilization of you all doing the yes. And then I want to. Maybe we'll all get on Zoom and talk about it. Like, talk about our experiences. Maybe there's some kind of. I don't know. I'm just excited for us all to do this together. A yes, no, maybe army, if you will. But like a sexy army. Like a sexy hot army of us all marching towards pleasure. All right, during. Let's get into the during. How do we fill out the list? So you've got the paper or the PDF, or you're doing it on your laptop, it's in your hand, and you're ready to go for it. So let's talk about what constitutes a yes, a no, or a maybe. And I want to give yourself time to really sit with this. You know what I recommend? If you're sitting there to do it, why don't you take about 10 deep breaths to go with your partner? Maybe, like, make it more of a ceremony, and you sit together. You can do some deep breathing. I love just 10 deep breaths. Do you know what a reset that is when you just breathe deeply? Maybe you breathe in for five counts, you release for six counts. It's actually better to have your inhale, and then your exhale would be a few seconds longer than your inhale. So just something so you can, like, ground in it. Maybe light a candle or some incense. Just kind of mark that. This is sort of a. Almost like a sexual ceremony. This can be a really powerful next leveling in a relationship. So I'd like to just create a sacred space if that speaks to you. Okay, so what is a yes, what is a no, and what is a maybe? So a yes is something you're interested in exploring. If it's a yes, it should be like a hell yes. A full body. Like, you read anal on the list. You're like, hell, yes, I want to do anal. Or maybe it's a, you know, if it's a no. A no is something you are not interested in exploring, and that's okay. I do not want you to feel pressure to do anything. You're not comfortable with full stop. Like, you read food play on the list, and you're like, hell, no, I don't want any food. I don't want any food ever involved with my sex life. If there's food, I am not turned on. Right. Like, we want you to feel very strongly about these are yeses or it's a no. And I don't want you feel any pressure. I don't want you to think, well, my partner really wants this, so it's yes. No. This is about you. This is about you truly tapping in, maybe for the first time ever into what you want. The maybe is that, you know, in between area. Like, if it's not a hell yes or hell no maybe, it's a maybe. And what I love about the maybes is that it's actually really healthy to examine your uncertainty and consider, what can you learn from it? Is there some shame? Are you like, oh, God, it's. I would say yes, but getting a foot massage just feels weird. And maybe that means I have a foot fetish. And so I'm just gonna say maybe, but really it's a yes, or really it's a no maybe. It just means you gotta do some more homework. I think there's some magic in the maybes. You know, see where the conversation takes you, because curiosity around your maybes can lead to more clarity and more exploration. And again, don't feel any pressure. I just want you eventually to kind of explore the maybes. We're gonna explore all this, but. But again, I think there's some fun stuff to find out in your maybes. All right, we're gonna take a quick break, and when we're back, I'm walking through just some of the new items on the list and teaching you how to turn these theoretical yeses into realities.

Let's talk about a few of the new ideas on our list is not all of them, but just a few of them so you can understand what's going on in the new list. One is praise cake. So what's praise kink? It's when someone's aroused by compliments and praise phrases like good girl or you feel so good, it might really enhance your sex life if you have more of these kind of praises. Another one is audio erotica. That's sexual audio, like the name suggests. And that can be a narration of fantasy audio of masturbation, an audiorotica with a partner. This might inspire you to send some sexy voice notes back and forth instead of sexting. In fact, I did this with my partner I thought I talk all the time. And one time I sent him this voice note that was just like a something that I was thinking about. It wasn't even sexy. And he's like, your voice is so sexy. I'm like, really? I mean, maybe you all think my voice sexy times. I think I'm more of educating. But maybe you think it's sexy. But the point is, I knew in that moment that my partner thought I had a sexy voice and I just needed to hear that. And now I like sending my sexy thoughts all the time because I don't know about you. I'm so tired of texting that we just send these little sexy audio clips back and forth. Or maybe another one is homemade porn. That's another thing we added. Filming sex, if your partner is into it, consensus is really important, as well as boundaries. But homemade porn might be something that you been wanting to try, maybe your partner. Another one is electrostimulation. These are specifically designed machines to apply low voltage electrical stimulation to the genitals and erogenous zones for sexual pleasure. And please do not use anything not specified for this exact purpose. So just Google erotic electrostimulation. We have exhibitionism and voyeurism we've added, which means you either like to see or be seen doing sexual activities. We also have erotic massage on there, which I love this. I hope it inspires you all to have some more erotic massage in your life. Not just massage, but erotic massage. I know you don't have to get trained in erotic massage. I told people that I'm really into massage with my partner. We've got a massage table, like, oh God, you have to take a class. It's like, no, you just, you just touch your partner. It's like slow sensual touches using like warm oil or a massage candle if you're into the heat. And these are no clothes. A lot of times it's one way touch. Maybe it's happy ending massage, which is essentially when sex ends in an intense erotic orgasm, could be used as foreplay. What I love about erotic massage is it could be in one evening. One partner is receiving, another partner is giving, which, how nice is that? Is to know that there's a night that's just about you receiving and you have to automatically give back. And you know that like, maybe next time you'll do the giving, but it's just really nice to kind of split it up. You can also use the magic wand, which has been a big part of this for us and for many of you. What I love about the magic wand is that it's a great vibrator. It's going to get the job done. You're going to have incredible orgasms. But it's also a massager. In fact, this is the original massager and it feels amazing on your shoulders, your back, anywhere and yes, your genitals. And we actually have a brand new article on our site right now called I Gave my friend a Magic Wand Mini and here's why, which you should definitely check out. And that's@sexwithelmily.com magic wand that's sex emily.com magicwand if you want to know more about that, we've also got rope play and shibari. And that's the use of rope to restrict or restrain someone during sex. And shibari specifically originated in Japan and it's sort of a decorative form of bondage. I recently went to. If you listen to our sex party episode, I talk about a sex part. Is that where I watched like the shibari master in the world was there. And it's a really beautiful erotic way of playing with rope. I don't know, maybe you and your partner, one of you could get trained in jabari and you basically learn how to tie really pretty knots and even use in air suspension. Just be careful and be safe and take training in it. And you don't want to use ropes around the neck or anywhere that isn't comfortable. Side note, we also have all the oldies but goodies from our original yes, no maybe list like vava and penis worship. Like lavishing a vulva or paints with praise. Think like generous awe or compliments. Like your vulva tastes amazing or your feels so good, for example. Those are some of the worship things. Doesn't that sound good? Don't you want to be worshiped especially with your genitals and especially if you've someone who've shamed yourself. Maybe you don't love your penis or your vulva and you have consistently just said, oh, I don't like it, it doesn't feel good. I don't think it tastes good or it doesn't look good or doesn't taste good. Can you imagine the impact of your partner being like, I love your penis and here's why. Like I love your balls, I love the way it's shaped, I love the way it tastes like, like all the things. It can really be a game changer for how you feel about your own body. And we also have edging on there, which we also have an edging guide on our site. I don't think I talk about edging nearly enough to you. So what I love about edging It's a great way to maintain sexual tension or increase the intensity of your orgasms. Think about sex on a one and a ten. Like one is basically you're sleeping in ten, you're having an orgasm. Edging is the process of being at an 8. Like you're really aroused and you're about to have an orgasm and then you bring it back down again. And for penis owners who struggle with premature ejaculation, edging is a great technique to learn ejaculatory control and it's a great exercise to learn how to bring your orgasm back down. And side note, in addition to edging, if you do struggle with pe, you can't go wrong with using Pervescent. Promescent is delay spray that helps penis owners last up to 64% longer in bed. You just use it 10 to 15 minutes before play and it lasts for up to an hour, which means your partner's orgasms will increase by 50%, especially if you're with a vulva owner. And you can get 15% off your order if you go to promescent.com emily that's P R O M E S c e n t.com emily for 15% off or click the link in our show notes, we also have tantric sex, cuckolding and things like cuddling, neck kissing, making out. I mean there's literally something for everyone on the list. And let me just say this, you might not be into all these things. Praise, kink or edging or face sitting or gags or group sex. But I want to remind you again, I love that I checked cuddling and I was like babe, we need to cuddle more or taking a bath is on here too. So this is not just this edgy out there list. There's a lot of everyday sex acts that it's a great way to remind your partner and remind yourself that these things are really important part of me being a sexual being and of me being sexually satisfied, satisfied, aroused and turned on. Like I need more kissing, I need more cuddling. So this list is an all encompassing list that I think includes pretty much everything you need to have the enduring active, fun sex life that you're craving. And side note, I'm open. If I left anything off this list, please email me. Let me know. There really is something for everyone. I remember to get it. Just provide proof of purchase of my new book Smart Sex. So now you've got some inspo how do you actually fill out the list and compare results? If you're doing it as a couple, what do you do? Well, you can either discuss your answers as you go, which might be really fun. Like maybe you do the first 10 and then you're like, okay, how do we do? Or you fill out separately and compare after. And if you don't know a term, I got you. We've got a glossary on the sex with Emily website and you can find in the drop down menu or just Google sex with Emily sex glossary and it'll come up, no problem. So now we are in the after you've done the list, you did it with your partner, and now what do you do? You did the list. How do you turn the yeses into a reality? What do you do with all the information you just gathered? Okay, once you're finished filling it out, star your top three favorites. What are your favorite things on the list? What are the things? Now these could be things that you've already done, right? And then I want you to select your top three new things to try. These are different things. So your favorites are things like, let me remind you, taking a bath, cuddling, and fingering are really important to me. That's a reminder. Like, if these three things happen, I need them to happen more. They're my favorites. You can never go wrong with these. Here's a reminder to myself and my partner. And then the three new things to try. These are things that are new to you and or your relationship that are at the top of your list of what was new. You're like, I never thought about using handcuffs before. That's actually new to me and I want to make sure we try it. This is a way to prioritize the work you just did. I want action after this. I want you guys to see some kind of results and something different in your relationship. Now. This is the most important step and yet the most easily overlooked it is how to turn your yes into a reality. Like, now you've got all these yeses, perhaps, and if you're coupled, you've got a handful of the same yeses that are new ideas. Just pick a month to try them out. Say, we've got a month. June is going to be our sexual exploration month. We're gonna have so much fun this summer and we're gonna try five of these things. If you had 25 yeses, I don't want you to feel like, oh, gosh, we gotta have sex all month long. But maybe the ones that you prioritize June's gonna be our month. And I also have a really helpful guide on our site, another free guide. It's called the Pleasure Planner. So you can find that on our guide section. And you also don't have to set a specific date, but by choosing a month, you're more intentional about turning this desire into something real. You are making a plan of action. For example, though, let's say you both want a threesome. That's great. You might need some time. In fact, I highly recommend time to do research. Say if it's going to be with a stranger, someone you know, a sex worker. Right. And you know how I feel about jumping into threesomes. I believe you have to dirty talk at first. You have to really think about it. Like, are we both okay with it? You know? But if you both circled yes, that is a great place to start. So don't rush into it now for other things. You might be able to try it tonight. You might be like, we have never mutually masturbated, but since we both know we masturbate and we both circled mutual masturbation, no time like the present. All right, so what to do when you have differing answers? Well, first take note of it. It's great to have an intimate conversations about why you answered what you did. Like, explain like, why is this a no? What was it about it? And remember, rather than shaming your partner or getting mad, this is such a great time to get curious, ask questions, be a great listener. You can say, tell me more about why this is a no or what makes this a maybe and not a yes. This is not. Though let me remind you, this is not an opportunity to try to change your partner's mind and say like, like, are you sure that's not a yes? You know, no. This is just another opportunity to learn about each other and learn about what you both want, maybe where you've come from and where you want to go. And this is a great time to share a final success story from a listener in New Orleans who took the Astomaby list with his wife and he said, Dear Dr. Emily, I discovered your podcast within the last year and have shared it with my wife and have learned a great deal and we are both grateful for the work you do. And I thought I'd take this opportunity to share a success story of sorts of My wife and I have been married for 22 years. We were both raised in conservative households. When it came to sex, we were told what parts go where and only in conjunction with reproduction. Shame based sex education is what I'd call it Masturbation is wrong, birth control is wrong, et cetera. I'm sure you know the drill by now. Shedding that messaging has been a long, often emotionally painful process. While my wife and I always communicated well before, our communication about our sex life often left one of us frustrated and the other in tears because we just didn't have the vocabulary to discuss it well. Thankfully, that has changed radically and in no small part to your work. I'd like to share with you our most recent experience discussing and using your yes, no, maybe list and hope it can serve as a positive example for others. I printed each of us a copy we filled out separately in the afternoon. We were confident we knew our nos but were curious about some of the others. We filled them out, put them in envelopes, and came back to it later in the evening once the kids were in bed and we could really talk. We had fun as we went down the list. Oh, that's a maybe. Really? I've always been more sexually curious than her, so it was no surprise that I had more maybes. But we were playfully delighted to discuss the differences where they appeared. It was light, it was fun. Until there was one really big difference. We discovered threesomes. She had an X and I had marked mine with a check. Completely spontaneously, she began to cry. I felt terrible, questioning whether I should have been honest and lamenting the whole thing rather than retreat into copious apologies and sweep it all away. I decided to ask her why she was hurt by my answer. She was hurt that I felt the need to bring another person to the bedroom as if she was not enough. I completely understood that and was able to share with her what I meant when I checked the box. When I think about a threesome, I picture myself and another woman, totally focused on her and pleasing her. I have zero desire to sleep with anyone else and told her that I was able to share with her my fantasy that focused on watching her receive pleasure from me and other woman. We had a good conversation following that, and while I don't know that we'll ever walk down that particular road, we did incorporate the fantasy into our playing together, which she was completely comfortable with and excited to do. The point is, we were totally honest in our communication and rather than ignoring feelings or sweeping the them away, we lived in them, allowed them to happen and work through them. The list and our commitment to each other to have honest and respectful dialogue were the catalyst for a deeper intimacy as well as a more exciting sexual experience. That's just one example of how you've helped us and I wanted to thank you. We look forward to more broadcasts, so appreciate that email. So see you as I just thought that would be inspiring to share with you and that really was a heartfelt message and I hope you realize that you can get through anything with a trusting partner and going into these conversations openly and with curiosity and leaving your judgment at the door. So remember, whether you're single or in a relationship, try to do the yes do maybe list once a year. It's so healthy to take your own sexual inventory so you can be more intentional and fulfilled. And I'm so excited for all the adventures and conversations that the yes do maybe list will inspire for you all. And please, please please keep me posted. I'm dying to hear how it all goes down for you you.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex With Emily. Be sure to like subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Sex with Emily oh, I've been told I give really good email email. So sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-talk-SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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