New Year, Better Sex

Okay, let's be real. Confidence is sexy in and out of the bedroom. And when it comes to performance, sometimes a little support makes a big difference. So whether you're craving more stamina, fuller erections, or you're just looking to level up your pleasure game, there's a tool that's been helping people feel more empowered for years. Meet Bathmate, the world's leading hydro powered penis pump. These aren't gimmicks. They're FDA registered, backed by science and designed to give real, lasting results. At Bathmate Direct, you'll find pumps that naturally support size, strength and blood flow, helping you experience bigger, harder, more energized erections over time. And because they work with water, they're more comfortable, more effective and way safer than traditional air pumps. With just a few minutes a day, the Bathmate hydro pump can help you increase size and girth, gradually boost confidence in and out of the bedroom, improve stamina and performance, support stronger erections through better blood flow. And the best part, it's all natural, non invasive and totally shower friendly. You can literally work out your sexual wellness while you wash your hair. It's iconic. Right now, Bathmate Direct is giving our listeners 10% off when you use code SW10@bathmate direct.com. that's Bathmate Direct B A T H M A T E D I r e c t dot com. Use code SW10 for 10% off. So head to bathmate direct dot com, use SW10 and level up your confidence. Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. We are starting off the new year by answering your emails that you sent@feedbackextextwithemily.com. we've got a long year ahead of us and my goal is to give you the guidance you need to have better sex and relationships. So thanks everyone for listening to the show and I'm going to tell you about things that will improve your sex life. You know, I only tell you about products and things that will help you. So let me tell you about jjoo. They make high quality premium sex toys. They're all rechargeable, waterproof, powerful. Did I say powerful? Powerful and designed to hit her in all the right places and you can play with them together. So they have. And they're all like just beauty. You wouldn't even know that. Like if you're into like your iPhone and you love the way it comes packaged, it kind of comes packaged like an iPhone. Like it has all these really cool chargers and it's, they're just high tech, they're cool and you can use it with your partner and they have. You guys have heard me talk about the Jae Joo. It's Mimi for years. It's amazing. It's a great one to use during intercourse. Clitoral stimulation. But my new favorite, sorry Mimi. Is the Mio. It's a penis ring. But it's a penis ring like no others. Okay, so it's one size fits. Most go around his penis. You wear it during sex. It's a really powerful vibe. And I'm just telling you this because I actually, to be honest, had a really good experience with it this weekend. I'd used it before, but now I really got into it. The vibrations are so intense. He loves the vibrations. They feel great on his areas. Plus, it's not only a penis ring. You can take it off right on your fingers and use it anywhere you want on the body. And it's just the coolest toy they've got, the fifi, which is a dual stimulation for clitoris and G spot. And I'm just obsessed with these toys. I've been talking about them for years and I love them. So check them out. They are next level sensations. And also they're beautifully packaged and discreet. Leave them out. No one knows that they are mini orgasm machines. So just use code Emily and you get 10% off your purchase@jjoo.com, that's J E J O U E dot com. Use coupon code EMILY for 10% off. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? My man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, that feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list, which you should do. A lot of you have been doing that lately and I've been getting great feedback. And I love sending you a newsletter once a week with some important tips and tick ticks. And ticks. No ticks. And trips to. To.

I don't want any ticks, dude.

Menace, I haven't talked.

I know.

It's Happy New Year.

Everyone said I'm around, That's why.

Oh, yeah. You make me so nervous.

I'm shaking.

I'm here with Menace.

Hi.

This is Our first show, 2015. Happy freaking new Year.

It's crazy. And thanks for all the people hitting me up on Twitter and Instagram and all that, saying that they're excited that I'm here.

I love.

I don't know, you know, if you. If I give any good feedback or input on the show, but I think they just like that. I, you know, I poke at you.

And I know you make reveal stuff that I maybe wouldn't, and you give me shit about stuff that isn't even relevant anymore. But that's cool. If you guys are entertained by him poking fun at me, that's awesome. And you do give good advice from time to time. No, but I'm happy to see you and I hope this is gonna be a great year. I'm feeling good about it. I really am. I feel like a different person, actually.

Oh, that's good.

I took time off, so. Did you? What were you gonna say?

Honestly? No, I. I got a whole different vibe from you when I saw you today, that you're a different person. Because usually, like, when I see you before a show, it's just like this crazy, like, Tasmanian devil mess of a person. Even though I still love you, but just, like, all over the place, you know? And now you just seem, like, really focused and relaxed. I don't know what the hell's going on, but just keep on doing that.

I am. I am. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. And I have to say, well, I finally took some time off. I went away for almost like 10 days with my family, which normally people go with their families and they need a vacation from the vacation, but, you know, my family's pretty chill. Yeah, I went to Florida. I was with my mom for five days at her place, and then I went to my brother in south beach with my nieces. Have you ever been to South Beach?

I haven't, but I.

Crazy. It's like Vegas on steroids. No, Orlando is not. The rest of Florida is all interesting. That's where always all the weird thing, people cut off people's heads and you find it floating in swamps and stuff, or they do weird shit. But let me tell you about Miami. It's like south beach is kind of like Las Vegas, but it's kind of like I mean really, everyone's beautiful. Working out. Like it's very, I mean, it's kind of materialistic and everyone, like it's about the nightclubs and like everyone's. It's really flashy and. But it was a working great time. We were on the beach, I went running every day. And the other thing is I've been meditating twice a day. I've always been in done medicine. I've Learned meditation about 10 years ago, but it never was part of like my day to day practice as I always wanted to be. And it's every day, twice a day for 20 minutes. And it's. I seriously think it's really helping me be clear and focused and good. I feel relaxed. I think also, I mean, most of all it's really just the time, time off because I haven't had a vacation in a million years. So it was good.

That's great.

And I'm so excited about everything this year and about the shows because this is actually going into our 10th year of doing Sex with Emily. I mean, we kind of started 2005. Yeah, 2005 and 2005. And so I've been thinking, I actually just created a survey because I want to hear like this year. I know you like the shows and I love that you've all been listening, but I want to take them to the next level and I want you all to be really happy and I want to hear from you. So it's a survey that I'm going to be tweeting out, putting on my website, putting in the newsletter, all that stuff where however you find me at Sex with Emily, across the board, on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter. And it just takes you three minutes to answer a few questions about what they want to hear, what they like, what they don't like, what you like about Menace, all that stuff, what you don't like about Menace. And I think it'll help us make better shows good. So I feel good. How about you, Menace?

I'm great. I'm loving living here in la. As I've said in past podcasts, doing a morning show. For some reason though, even though our morning show is doing really well, you know, I have one year left on my contract, so I don't know what's, you know, up after 2015. Who knows?

Have you been here a year yet?

About nine months.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Okay, so I. We're getting amazing support on the show that I do.

The Woody Show.

The Woody show, yeah. On Alt 97. If you live in LA.

But can't they. It's a podcast, too. No.

Yeah, you just search the Woody show on anything. We don't. We don't.

It's not about boners.

Yeah, it's not about boners or sex. You're not going to learn how to, you know, pick up women or anything like that. If you're really into pop culture and talking about.

Right. All kinds of stuff, but you don't know if it'll get renewed. So.

Yeah. Yeah. You never knew. So. Yeah. So right now, 2015 is just about having fun and, you know, doing the best that I can.

Always have fun, though. You're in Vegas or Disneyland. You guys should all just follow Menace on Instagram, if only just to see that he's either in Disneyland or Las Vegas, like every day. And he's the hardest working person I know. And I'm not sure how he does all of that. He's Menace, right?

Yeah, just menace. M E N A C E. Which is funny. So you're talking about traveling over the holidays, I went back to San Francisco, visit family. But on Christmas Day, I flew straight to Hawaii, to Oahu, and I went all over the island and believe it or not, I was walking out of restaurant with my girlfriend. And then about five minutes later, I get a notification on my Instagram saying that, hey, I'm a Sex with Emily listener. I just saw you outside the restaurant.

No way.

I wish I could have got a photo. And I. I wrote him back. I'm like, why did you say hi? They're like, oh, it was too late. I was like, I couldn't believe it. Listener in Hawaii.

That's so cool. Hello, Sex with Emily listener. You know, that happened. That's awesome, man. You're so recognizable, too.

That's. Yeah, that's really weird.

You are, though.

I don't think that I am, but.

You know, you are. You've got the look and you're on billboards everywhere. But besides that, now your glasses, your thing, your manicisms. That's funny. I know. I get bummed because there've been a few times where I've been. People were like, I just saw sex with Emily. Like, I remember one time I was like, at Forever 21 or something, and this event was like three years ago, and someone's like, I just saw. Or you're a guy. I saw sex with Emily. I'm like, why don't people think they can't say hi? Like, we're like, some, like, no paparazzi, no hello. Like, I love you if you like the show and you listen. Oh, my God.

Say hi.

Please say hello.

I felt so bad because I would love to talk to the person. See, but that's so cute how they're doing.

They recognized you.

Yeah. That was really cool.

So we were on a television show together, too. Yeah, long time ago now.

On the tv.

On the tv. Which was good times. And so this show. So, Menace, you know how we love hearing from our people? We're gonna be answering your emails. We've been getting so many great emails lately, so. Feedbackexwithemily.com and man, our Facebook page is blowing up. People love our facebook.comsexwithemily page. Cause we put up really useful tips and tricks and all that stuff on there. And people ask questions through there as well, so you can do it that way. And so these are some of the topics we're gonna cover. And then also, sex in the News, of course. How to get your girlfriend interested in sex toys. Menace, you're gonna wanna listen to this one. Sex Tips for busy newlyweds. A guy can't stand his girlfriend's family jealousy, out of practice with sex and just not having enough sex. Those are some of the topics we're gonna cover on the show. And also, what else do I have to say here? Okay, let's go on some Sex in the News. Oh, no. First, I wanna say one thing. All right, I. This weekend, coming up or next weekend, I'm going to be at the Sexual Health Expo, which is in Los Angeles, January 17th and 18th. And it's 20 bucks gets two people in for free. And it is the very first of its. Very first of its kind. And it's an expo. Two days. People can come. The leading sex experts in the country that I've learned from are gonna be there. Teaching workshops, all the latest and greatest products, toys. There's gonna be party. You should come. There's gonna be party night, award ceremony, and. And I'm giving the keynote on Sunday.

Wow.

Yeah. And it's going to be really cool. So I just. I would love to meet you all and just come and say hi. And I think I know because I was checking out the panels@sexualhealthexpo.com and it's. I'm really impressed, actually, because when they first asked me like nine months ago, I was like, okay, never heard of this, because it's the first one. But now it's like everyone's talking about it. And it's really going to be a special, cool, informative, super fun event. And you might get Laid. Who knows? Everyone's going to have sex on their mind.

That rules.

Yeah. Okay. Sex and the news menace. The window for online dating is now.

Okay.

So if you resolve to Find Love in 2015, I've got some bad news for you. Your window of opportunity may be a whole lot smaller than you think.

Uh oh.

According to forecasts from Match.com and Plenty of Fish, two of the country's largest dating sites, the single most popular time for online dating, the window when the most people sign up, log on, poke around, will be January 4th from roughly 5 to 8pm Zoosk, which is another dating facility.

Oh yeah, I had some friends hooked up off of that.

How do you. I guess people just do them all now, right? Everyone's like on Zook. These are.

Yeah, they're on everything.

Everything. Why not, right? They say that it's the most traffic time was on Sunday after New Year. So in terms of. So it says that in terms of the number of fish in the sea, it's all downhill from there. Exaggeration matches 2.4 million North American users and plenty of fish is 90 million worldwide. So you can probably find a date. But across the board, dating sites see way more action between New Year's and Valentine's Day than any other time of year. So you've got like two months right now. So millions of people like New Year's. It's kind of hard waking up that day after New Year's isn't even an alarm for you. You get up at 3:00am yeah, but I mean, it's freaking rough that first day back and everyone wants to talk to you because everyone puts everything off in December. But. But everyone's like contemplating going back to work and now they're like, I'm gonna go online and date. So I guess that it says that.

Oh, there's also a spike in post holiday searches for porn. I'm sure everyone's searching for porn. And it also has to do with the dreariest of the winter months. And wait a minute, there was probably.

A lot of breakups during the holidays and then they were looking into porn.

Okay.

Yeah, because that's a good breakup time because people don't want to buy gifts and stuff like that, you know?

Totally. Well, yeah.

So then they're online.

Exactly. I always think that people break up over the holidays because, yeah, they don't want to buy gifts, whatever. But I guess the dumping season is kind of more like spring.

Oh, really?

Yeah. But I don't know, you don't want to. Like sometimes if you're like, I'm kind into this person. Not like you really want to go to their family's house.

I want to start a new year, a new life without you.

Clear everything. Do you make resolutions?

No, I don't really. I mean, we actually, some friends of mine, we're talking about reflections, you know, instead of resolutions, like reflecting on things and how you can make things better the next year. But not like saying, oh, we're gonna, you know, do this or do that, you know?

Yeah, that's good. Kind of reflect. Because resolutions, the thing about resolutions is if you just say something like, I'm gonna quit smoking or I'm gonna find love, it's so you have to have goals. You have to have measurable and strategic goals that you're like, I'm going to go on three dates a week, or I'm going to approach three people online so you can have it measurable. That's how you're gonna succeed with your resolution. But if you just say, I'm gonna lose weight, it's not gonna happen. Just gonna find love. Won't happen. But you gotta change your behavior so these things are more likely to happen.

I think one thing I'm gonna do that I did set a goal was I'm gonna be on this radio station in Santa Cruz, like on the weekend.

Oh, you are?

Yeah. But I can do it from la.

No, like your own little show. Big show. I don't mean little.

No, no, it's like little to the man.

Oh, that's so cute. You're cute. Little.

No, it's like just playing music and then talking over.

That's awesome.

Nothing big.

Okay, that's fun.

So hopefully that comes together. I already talked to them and everyone said, okay, so hopefully Half Moon Bay station. No, not Half Moon Bay. Santa Cruz.

Santa Cruz. Why do I think Half Moon Bay?

Yeah, well, it's pretty close to Half Moon Bay.

It's really cool.

So if you're listening in Santa Cruz, I might be on a station. You can't say, not yet. No.

Oh, geez. Why do you always do that? You're always dropping things and then not really dropping them.

You can'.

Cool. I'm happy for you.

Follow me on Twitter.

It's funny because people love you. Like menaces. You've been on the radio for like 10, like, in San Francisco, too. Everyone's like, you're with med. Like, people who just tune in or they don't know. Like, oh, you work with menace. Like, they all know you from the.

You were on live Well, I did radio in. In San Francisco about how maybe 16 years.

Oh my God.

Yeah, it's crazy.

And you're so young. Okay. The one thing I was going to say before I finish this article on Facebook about dating is that you'll like this menace because we used to have a thing. We used to talk about changing your relationship status and how I'm against it always that people don't need to know your biz. But it says that people are far more likely to change their relationship status in January or February than they are at any other time of year.

Yeah, that probably coincides. I mean, a lot of people probably get together with somebody around Valentine's Day. Like I screwed up once when I was in high school, I got with a girl. I think I've probably talked about this on the show before since we've done it together so long. But if you heard it for the first time. Here you go. I hooked up with this girl a week before Valentine's Day in high school. And then on Valentine's Day she got me a bunch of stuff and I'm like, we've only really been together a week. I wasn't expecting anything, didn't get anything.

Dude, your mom's a florist. I know, dude, how hard is that?

Totally screwed up.

How did you screw that up? I feel like you'd be like, you're like 16 year old kid or something.

I was like sophomore in high school.

I know. Guys always mess that stuff up.

I know what's messed up too is because.

For some reason, I don't know why I didn't get flowers that time. But my mom would always hook me up. She would give me like giant bags of like single roses and I would give them out to all the girls at school.

Oh my God, that's sweet people. I loved it.

The pimp.

Yeah, dude, that is so pimp. They used to that at my high school where you pay a dollar. It was like a 500 thing. And you give like. And then they cut the cheerleaders or whatever would come around and deliver them to the room and you'd be so happy. And like a guy would send you on.

Yeah. I would just have crazy roses. So like all the girls that didn't get a rose that day, I would hook him up.

You know, you've always just had such a big heart. Really, truly. You great thumb. A rose. You're like, here's a rose. Since you didn't get anything else. Okay, so here's some more about stuff. Porn and the Holiday spirit. A lot of people took some time out from all the presents and food to watch some porn over Christmas. Yes. Because we are a. A very Christian culture and a sexual culture. Let's see. According to pornhub's annual release of their search and traffic results over the festive period, they say that people were searching for it. But if it makes you feel any better about abandoning family time in favor of masturbating alone in your room on December 25, at least porn lovers got into the festive spirit. So you know milf. Do you know that MILF is like the top search term?

It is.

Why always I know you're like, I don't want to bang someone. No, but it's true. It's always milf. Well, now people were searching. Here's the naughty Santa's helper. That was the number one search term. Kicked milk out of the way. What?

Someone must have brought that up in like pop culture or something like that. No, then people started searching.

There's a list of them. Listen. So it makes sense because when else are you gonna look for Santa related porn? But it's a heck of a lot weirder to try it out in mid June. And also on the list, a lot of step relative related incest searches. Because Christmas is time for extending family coming over. That's kind of disturbing. Extending family coming over and overstuffed, which probably does not refer to how you feel after eating too much turkey. Gross.

Wow.

I know. Like, oh, sexy stepdad. Like, but here's the honorable mention. So not only were they searching for Santa's helper Christmas F, they were searching for just Christmas f. Yeah, Mrs. Claus. So people want to see Mrs. Claus getting double penetrated apparently, or something. And black Santa. People who are looking for a multicultural Christmas.

Wow.

Yeah, Black Santa. Well, they're thinking, you know, he might have a nice schlong or something.

I do have another theory too. I think a lot of people probably got electronic devices for the holidays, like an iPad or, you know, a Kindle Fire, like some new phone. So they're. They're probably testing out what the porn looks like on their.

Exactly. First thing you do, right? You used to like open up Yahoo or whatever. And now it's like, how's my porn looking?

Yeah, how's the you porn? Is it crisp and clear on my new device or what?

I know, exactly. Well, I'm glad that everyone got into the holiday spirit somehow. But, you know, here's the thing about serving for porn. It's like, and we've talked about this. And men and women do it, too. But for guys, why would they take time off if they do it every day? Usually. And it has nothing to do with if they're in a relationship or not. You're gonna need some release. And they do it. So there's nothing really wrong with that. It's not like Christmas. You can't do it. It's not like Lent, I guess, if you give up something. But it's fine. Keep your habits going. That make you happy. Unless it's obsessive and you have a problem with it. And then we'll talk. Okay. There are seven people who had worse sex than you in 2014. All right, these are all, like, the top news stories. When we hear all the weird things. People getting stuff. Things stuck in their vaginas.

Yeah.

The woman number seven. The woman who had a sex toy inside her for 10 years.

Yes.

I don't know how she didn't know that. The teen who simulated oral sex with a Jesus statue.

Oh, not good.

Not good. Anyone who tried to get better at oral sex by licking their phone. An app claimed it could improve oral sex skills. All people had to do was lick their phones. God, dude, wouldn't that ruin your phone? The saliva?

I don't think it would ruin.

Okay, so you're licking your phone and it's like, similar. It's like measuring your. Dude, that is not how you learn how to give a blowjob or oral sex on a woman. You need to listen to sex with Emily.

Fall for that stuff all the time.

That's hilarious.

Like charge your phone in the microwave and then explodes. Like, people fall for Internet stuff all the time.

They do.

Terrible.

Exactly. Okay, the man who just loves pool rafts a little too much. This man has been arrested three times for having sex with pool rats.

Yeah, I heard about that guy.

Okay, Alaskans. A survey revealed that the average time Alaskans spend having sex is between 20 seconds and one minute. They're cold. I don't know. You think they'd want to do a little more to warm up?

No matter.

It's a country. It's a state of minute, man.

Maybe I met these people from Alaska, and they just seem so goddamn miserable. I can understand. Because they're freaking freezing.

And, you know, speaking of freezing madness, I realize, I think, like, moving to la, it's been two years for me now. I think I've just been thawing out for two years. Yeah, it was frigging freezing there. I mean, it was 50. It's between 48 and 53. Degrees every single day. And no one tells you that when you move to California. I mean, you grew up in Northern California, but I, young girl, come moving there from Michigan, thought California, palm trees, sunshine.

That always happens.

Yeah, the tourists go there and they buy. But I lived there for a long time and I just realized like today it's 86 frigging degrees in LA and I feel like I still, I'm like, oh my God, it's warm. And I do feel like everyone's like, how do you like la? I'm like, well, the weather's great. Which seems cliche, but the truth is it really makes a difference in your mind. Yeah, everything. Like, it's healthy, it's good for you. A little sunshine. Okay. And also an 84 year old man who invited two 17 year olds to his house. He met them through a sugar Daddy website. The 17 year old attacked him, tied him up and robbed his house. That's your biggest fear?

Yes.

Well, because whenever I try to talk medicine to trying bondage, he's afraid someone's gonna tie him up and steal his wallet.

My wallet's gonna be gone. All kinds of crazy stuff.

And then number one, the couple who got suctioned together while having sex in the ocean, they end up going to the emergency room so they could be separated. Yeah, those are the people. So if you think your sex life kind of sucked in 2014, these people had it way worse publicly in a public manner.

There was a. Oh, what was it? I was, I was hearing about this article of like crazy stuff that people got cotton side them in like 2014, and it was just insane stuff like, oh, there was this one where.

This girl shoved a balloon into the guy's pee hole and then tried to blow up the balloon. And guess what? It didn't really work out.

Oh my God. And then you guys.

Yeah.

Can you imagine going to the emergency?

Yeah. This other guy like tied weights to his wiener trying to make it larger, which never works.

That does not work.

And they like clinched down and he had to get it amputated.

His penis?

Yeah, because he had it on for like a couple hours before he went to the emergency room.

People really? Okay, like you don't need to do. You can do Kegel exercises if you want to last longer and you want to have more orgasms and stuff like that. But really you don't. There's all these sites about. We get questions also, I do love line every night. Can I make a penis larger? What can I do? What can do? You can't do Anything. You're not going to get a penis enlargement. You can just work with what you have. Like, we all work with our greatest assets, our greatest, you know, gifts and things about us that we're challenged with. And I'm telling you, if you have a smaller than average penis or penis that you think is small and you don't like, life will go on. You will find love, things will be great. Don't freaking get your penis amputated this year, 2015. That should be your resolution, guys. Accept and love your penis.

So then we got a call from.

From this gynecologist is saying that it was checking a patient and was like putting whatever tools that they do in there, right. And found an eight ball in there. And then the eight ball, like rolled out and fell out.

An eight ball, like, okay, an eight ball from pool?

Yeah, from pool.

Like a, like a black ape in her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She didn't, she didn't know a big.

How do you not know that's like carrying a baby? Like, that's huge?

I don't know. But is that real? It was real. It was real for sure.

Ouch. People, you have to be really careful what you stick in your vagina.

Pornos where like, people stick like wine bottles up.

Yeah. Or you go to Thailand and they like, you know, they, they stick. They shoot ping pong balls on your vagina. Have you ever been to Thailand, seen those shows? Yeah.

No.

Good times. They're very, they're. They're very adept at making their vaginas do amazing things.

That's why, like I'm saying, the sex toy is a gateway drug to, to eight balls in your vagina.

No, dude, listen to me. The sex toys are a prevention from you stick. Having to stick an eight ball in your vagina. If you get a really good sex toy, you won't have to stick strange things. Like, I remember hearing about the girl in high school who stuck like a remote control in her vagina and all that stuff. Do you ever have stories like, you know, the rumors?

I had a rumor, like maybe a hot dog in there broke off.

Oh, God, people. And let me just tell you about this. It's not. It's actually bad for you to mix the bacteria. Like your vagina naturally regulates the bacteria in it. That we have natural bacteria in it. And if you mix anything in it, like sugary things, people like, oh, whipped cream, my vagina would be great. No, you're gonna get an infection. And that eight ball, God knows where it's been. Dirt. Well, now we know that one's been. But it's like dirty. Things are dirty. You don't want to put germs in your vagina.

I'm sure it wasn't like straight out of the package eight ball.

No, it's probably been sitting there in some dusty room with some old guys playing pool. That's disgusting. That upsets me, people. So please don't do it. Use lots of lube and buy the sex toys that I tell you to buy. Because I, and I know that, oh God, this is my whole mission in life that I do realize that, that, that the sex toy thing, when we started this, it was still kind of. I felt like I always had to explain, like, hey guys, don't be intimidated. Doesn't mean she. But we, you know, that she wants the sex toy over. You can't cuddle. It's not going to replace you. But I feel like we've kind of moved past that where more than 50, what is it? Like 52% of women have all had a sex toy. And of those like 70% try with their partners. And like I would say like guys had a good experience, had sex last weekend, just so you know. And I had a guy never used a toy. And of course I'm like, I'm his gateway because he's like, you always talk about these toys.

You have this suitcase full of them.

Yeah, a house full of them. So we tried the Jeju Mio, which is a cock ring, which, you know, cock rings are around forever. Men can use them to restrict the blood flow so they can last longer. A little bit. Have to last longer. I'll say harder. So now they made like in the last, you know, 10 years they make them so they vibrate. So they're like round. They go. There's a bunch of different kinds. There's cheap ones, there's more expensive ones. But you know, screaming O makes one that like you just throw away. It's like disposable. But the Mio, the one I was talking about is rechargeable. And it's like friggin. It's like a powerful vibe, but it feels awesome and it's like stretchy and it's like one size fits most and it was a frigging blast. Like you, it, it just does all these cool things because it goes on the penis. Then you can have sex like normal sex. So it's hitting your clitoris. My clitoris to be specific. But then you take it off and it's like, it looks, it's just like A little ring. So it looks like a ring. It shrinks back down. So it's like a ring put on your fingers. You could still use it on your clitoris, nipples. You can use it on his balls. And I'm telling you, it's not that I've been, you know, Okay. I haven't done this that many guys, but the guys that I have introduced vibrations to, their balls have never complained. They've liked it. And you can use it in your nipples. You can drag. It's this really maneuverable. I don't know. It's the Mia. I'm just kind of.

My new obsession we've never talked about.

Okay, go ahead.

As you're describing that, I'm thinking. So you're external, not internal the way that I. Orgasm. Yeah.

I could do both.

Okay.

But I. Most women can if they can do both, not. Not most. It's typical for women to require a clitoral orgasm before they can have a G spot orgasm, like a blended orgasm. So, like, if I. My clitoris is stimulated enough, then I can. And then we're having sex, I can have both. G spot, clitoral, blended, whatever you want to call it. And so that just like, boom. It's like. It's freaking amazing. And so here's the thing.

It's external is just such a pain in the ass, by the way.

Why? Because you have to use your mouth. Well, dude, this is what.

It's so much work.

It's work for you because you're thinking your mouth or your hands. If I gave you one of these Mimi's or this ring, and you held it on your girlfriend for. For like five minutes, what would you care? That you didn't have to do any work. She had a crazy orgasm, and then you bang her and maybe she'll have another one. So I don't understand, like, I guess people, guys, if they have gone out of their heads, they have to realize that it actually enhance. It makes your life easier. It's like your new assistant. It's your. Should be your best friend. Because it takes the. If you don't enjoy going down, you don't have time. Let's say you quickie. You're like, oh, my God, if I go down in there to take 25 minutes, or what does you say? Matt is like, whatever. You're always like, can I do it for eight minutes? But this thing just helps you. It's like your handy helper. It's like, you know when you go to the gym and you. You. What did you do? To the gym to like make it more pleasant. You know, you put music on and it makes it go fast. You're on the treadmill and you're like, oh, I'm listening to music. That workout went by so quickly. Or you, you enhance it enhances. It doesn't take away.

All right, that's all I'm saying.

So thank you for asking about my orgasms. Okay, how did your girlfriend orgasm?

Oh.

Tell me you don't know yet.

Because that, Yeah, I don't know yet.

Okay, well, let's get into the emails then about the people and from the people, about the people, by the people. But first a quick word from our sponsors who I love and they help keep the show free for everyone. Fleshlight is the number one sex toy for men and it's the only one that you want or need. Because here's the thing, guys use their hands. That's all you got. You got your hand or you have sex and you're like, my hand's fine, it feels good, I know how to do it, blah, blah, blah. I have an orgasm and I go to sleep. But what if I told you that the Fleshlight, which is a male masturbation sleeve, could simulate the sensations of actually having sex. It makes your masturbation time so much better or just different because I know men love variety. And it's made with this body safe material invented by NASA. And it's like stretchy. It looks and feels like the real deal. The flashlights, they come in so many different like textures and sizes. And some people say it feels even better than sex. Not that you ever want to have sex again. And also there's the Fleshlight stamina training unit. It helps you practice lasting longer and becoming a better lover. Plus you'll experience some mind blowing orgasms. And you can use it with your partner. She can give you a little hand job. Maybe you sense women are on their period or whatever, they want sex, she just whips out. You know, Madison's with my assistant here with her boyfriend. She, sometimes she just wants, she's just gives them the flashlight says have a good time.

Here you go.

Yeah, that's also your new best friend, women. So get, get your, get your partner something, buy it. It's, it's gentle and sensitive on your skin, all that stuff. And for my listeners, go to sex with emily.com click on the Fleshlight banner, use coupon code EMILY and you get a free bottle of their award winning lube. Or you can just go to fleshlight.com use code emily award winning lube. What else do you need, Baloo? Lube enhances everything.

I love lube. You've been pro lube since I moved.

I know. I want lube in every night stand, and I'm really getting on that track this year. I have to say the lube thing.

Because I'm gonna visit everybody's.

I am. Yeah, exactly. You know how people, like, for the holidays, they, like, make homemade jam or, like, homemade whatever. I'm gonna make homemade lube next year and put it in little jars and just deliver it to everyone I know.

Like a chemist.

Yeah, like a chemist. Exactly. That's what I'm gonna do. And, yeah, because lube also. Just a note there about lube. Is that it? Actually, studies have shown that even if she's wet, it's not like if there's dry or discomfort, but even if, you know, she might already be wet, adding a little drop of lube actually increases a woman's chance of having an orgasm because it's a little more slippery or it's a different kind of slipperiness. So, like, why not again, whip out the lube? Leave it out there. What the hell, people?

Just do it.

Just do it. Okay, first question. Emily, in one of your latest podcasts, you had a script for introducing toys into the bedroom, but you only did it on a girl's perspective. You were here for the show, right? Yeah, I've been wanting to try out getting a toy in the bedroom with my girlfriend, and I don't quite know where to start. Neither of us have ever had any toys, and we always jokingly say, let's go into a sex shop every time we drive by one. Just wondering if there are any tips that you'd suggest that we do. Thanks, Jay. Okay, Jay, here's the deal. You're already halfway there. Next time, instead of saying, let's stop by the sex toy shop or driving by the sex toy shop, just turn into the parking lot and do it. Because there isn't a better learning experience for couples than to enter a shop together and explore everything that you've ever fantasized about. Because it can be. It's there. It'll provoke you. You'll see. You know, you'll see a bunch of DVDs. They'll watch porn. There's every toy under the sun. There's, you know, lingerie. I mean, they have everything in there. And you can just walk around together and be like, what do you think of this? What do you think of that? Let's. Let's try something and Then you could really start to ask each other questions about what turns you on and just buy one thing. You know, I always say, like, a good starter vibe, if you've never used a vibrator, is like the pocketrocket. It's a great one. It's just a little tiny handheld vibe. If you wanted to just, you know, it's like 20 bucks. You can also go to. If you're in the Bay Area or online. It's good vibes. Use coupon code Emily for 20 or for 15 off. But that's a great way. We're just like, you know, maybe you want to tie your partner up. 50 shades of gray is coming out. They've got whips. They've got, you know, light Velcro ones. It doesn't have to hurt. You can just blindfold your partner. They've got everything. So you can also just let her know that you want to see how much pleasure she can experience. And you think that trying toys together would be fun, especially if she jokes about it with you. It's not like it doesn't sound like she's working against you on this. And so, you know, I think I didn't give you a script for this, but it's the same exact thing I said last time. It's like, hey, I love our sex life together, babe. It's amazing. And I think if we brought a little toys in the mix or something fun little, some props, it could go to the next level. Happy New Year. Let's take our sex life to the next level. That's what you do. Also, if you are in anywhere where there's a Hustler store, there's about 11 of them in the country. If you go to a Hustler store, you can tell them that sex with Emily sent you and you get 20% off your order. So madness. What would you say to that if you wanted to? Well, you don't want to try toys, but if you did, do you just agree with me?

No.

Agree. No, I agree.

I agree.

You know, I haven't talked into it after all this time.

No, I. I'm going to spring you halfway. Joking all the time.

I know. Okay.

I wanted to before. Before I forget, Please. Cameron Diaz. She got married 42 years old last year.

She did?

Yeah.

She got married to Benji.

Benji? Yes.

Madden.

Wow, look at you, knowing the name and everything.

I know, I know, I know, I know. I was on vacation. I read People. People magazine. That's exciting. Good for her. She was always like, the. Yeah, gonna get married.

She's like, out there playing the field like you. And.

Are you saying there's still hope?

There's still hope.

That's exciting. Where'd they get married? Was it a private ceremony or something?

Yeah, it was actually at her house in her backyard.

That's nice. Like, they've been together five minutes.

Well, no, they've been together for a while, but they got engaged over the holidays in, like, December, and now they just got married real quick.

You know, typically, I'm against rushing into marriage, but when you're a little bit older, I think that you know yourself a lot better. And so I wish her. I wish her luck, and I'm happy for her and him. He. Benji. I hope that they live a long, happy. Lip Madden. I don't know that. I hope they live a long, happy life together. And it is true, though. That's why I always say don't get married before 30. And. And, you know, she's 42, so she, you know, she's been around the block. We know she's not a virgin. Right.

I mean, you know, and what else? Over the break, Chris Rock got a divorce or is getting a divorce. And he. And the reason was he just didn't feel like being married anymore because he.

Wants to sleep with other people.

He just, like, didn't want to deal with being married.

Like, does he has kids and everything and the whole thing.

Yeah. And apparently it's just like a mutual thing.

How long were they together?

They were together about 15 years.

Okay, that happens. I mean, here's the thing. I feel like if it's a mutual. I mean, how great if it is a mutual separation and you both just kind of fall out of love, you know, I think that's more typical than we realize. And people are shocked and they feel like it's such a failure. But if you're with someone a long time and you don't work on things in your relationship, like your sex life, which I think people need to do, or things just go south and you put in 15 good years. It wasn't great. You gotta leave. You gotta leave it. But he doesn't feel like being married anymore. Sounds a little aggressive to me. If I was his wife, I'd be like, you're basically saying you don't wanna be with me.

Yeah.

Right.

Out in the public.

Right. I don't wanna be married anymore.

Yeah.

Saying I don't be married to you.

Yeah.

Yeah. So is it ugly? Is it gonna be ugly? No. You say, she seems happy. He's probably giving her a large Sum.

Of money, I'm sure Chris Rock is think is worth, like, 50 million. Oh, no. 70 million.

How many times does he meet? I guess it was his first marriage.

This is only. Yeah. Only marriage.

Okay, well, you know, here's the deal. My next question. What we.

Yeah, no, I was just saying it's funny that. That he's getting divorced because he just came out with a movie called Top 5, which is really good. I recommend people watch it if it's still in the theater when you listen to this podcast or rent it when it comes out. But in the movie, he does talk with somebody else about getting a prenup for somebody else.

Prenup?

Someone else that got somebody else that got married in the movie and was talking about, like, oh, you wrote all the jokes. You're the one that came with all the. All the stuff, so you better get that prenup. You know, you made all the money.

Yeah, but she put up with you and your children and all that stuff and raised the children, did a lot of work. So, you know, I don't know.

But should she get half of all your money?

Dude, she lives in California. She's gonna get half.

I. I don't know where they live.

I don't know. But. Yeah, you get. Yeah. You know what? I don't know. It's tricky. It's true, I guess. People are so in love, and they're like, oh, we'll never get divorced. It doesn't matter. But if you're together that long and you have children together, I get it. But dudes are really. I know a lot of guys that are contemplating divorce, and then they look at the numbers and meet their lawyer. They're like, it's not worth it because I'm gonna lose half my. Half my money.

Which is crazy.

I would make someone sign a premium. I don't want them to take all my money, all my shoes.

You're worth $70 million. Like Kenny. Okay, all right, I'm gonna give her $10 million. You think she could. I think she could live off, like, 10 million she doesn't need.

It's the life she's become accustomed to. Really? That's what they always say. I've become accustomed to spending $20,000 a month on clothing.

Oh, it's crazy. You, like, see all these things, like Holly, Halle Berry or whatever, she, like, breaks up and she gives her baby.

Daddy, the model guy.

80. $80,000 a month. Something crazy.

Come on. Like that, like, just for him. Yeah, that's crazy. They were together, like, five minutes. And she got pregnant.

Yeah.

80,000. He had a good look. He had a really good lawyer. Because they weren't even married.

People don't even make like half.

I know, I know. Could you imagine just like, oh, there's goes the 80,000. I didn't even notice from his pocket. Change.

Yeah.

The disparity of wealth in this country is really disturbing.

It's crazy.

But I'm not gonna go off on that. Right.

So many first world problems.

I know, Exactly. I'm very blessed. We're both very blessed. I couldn't pay anyone any thousand, but, yeah, that's crazy. Okay, so the next thing, though, is about newlyweds.

Okay, let's turn around.

Next question. Because newlyweds have issues, too. Hey, Emily started listening to your podcast and it's been great. I have a question for you. Let me set up the scenario. My wife and I got married three months ago. We've been together for three and a half years. She's a manager for a restaurant, so her schedule's all messed up. Some days she works 7 to 5:30, others 9 to 9 or even 3, 30 to 1 or 2am My job, I work Monday through Friday, 7am to 3:30. Needless to say, we don't see each other a lot, and that makes it tough on our sex life. We have sex maybe one or two times a month. For a newlywed couple, we should be having a lot more sex. So the question is, any advice how to get more? Thanks, Chris. Well, Chris, I am so glad you're asking this question because, yes, yes, you certainly should be having more sex, especially as newlyweds. I mean, I know you've been together three and a half years, but everyone should be having more sex than one time a month. If you're in a committed relationship, you should do your best and work on your sex life and work on whatever issues are preventing you from having sex. So you're having sex more than once a month. So don't let this become the elephant in the room, meaning don't let it be the one thing that you and your wife both know isn't happening and not talking about. And you are hoping in your mind that some miracle time is going to open up where you're all of a sudden going to have time to have sex all day. Because that just doesn't happen. It doesn't sound like it's gonna happen with her schedule. So you need to talk about it and tell her that you, you know, again, whenever you have these conversations about sex. And I'm gonna Start my resolution for 2015 to you people. I'm always saying, talk to your partner. Communication is a lubrication. And what I realized is that that's so easy to say. You're like, oh, yeah, I'll talk to him. But I think it's like that being able to actually sit there and have the words come out of your mouth and know what to say, like, you know, you should do it, but you don't really know how. So I'm gonna start putting more words around that so you have the right words. So I think when you talk to her body, you could say, you know, babe, I know our schedule's so crazy and I just, I miss being with you. I miss being with you sexually. I love our sex life and I really love connecting with you in that way. And I miss it. So I would say, Chris, say, what does she suggest? Ask her what she suggests first. And just say like, what do you think about that before? Because here's that, that's A right. And then the wrong way to do B would be like, you're working all the time, then you come home and you're tired and we never have sex. I haven't had a blowjob since we got married. Do you know what that's gonna make her do? That's gonna make her vow never to give you a blowjob again and get mad at you for 16 other things. So it's not just about talking about it. It's about talking about it in a way that is proactive and that isn't without blame, without anger, without, you know, hatred or threats. It's anytime you approach someone and you use like, feeling words like I've been feeling lately, like, you know, I. I really miss our sex life and this, what can we do about it? And you make it up an issue with both of you, you're gonna get a lot better results than just, you know, being cranky and complaining. Because so many guys I know also are in relationships, they're like, yeah, I keep saying, like, we doing it tonight, we doing it tonight. You know, and that's never gonna make anyone wanna do anything, right? The second someone's saying like, why haven't you done this yet? Why? There's just different ways of asking for things. So also, here's another thing Kristin gonna say, maybe you need to schedule sex. And the first time I heard about scheduling sex, just like you and everyone else probably, is that you think that's a friggin buzz kill. I'm looking at my calendar and be like, you know, pick up dry cleaning, drive kids a dance lesson and have sex. You're like that, you know, whatever. But the truth is, if you know that you're having sex on Friday at 6 o', clock, then you don't have to all week long, be anxious about it and worry about it and think, is she coming home? Then you know what's happening. You can start to think about it, get excited about it. Maybe you can have a little textual foreplay, text each other some sexy things, and then you know it's happening. So, you know, plan out. You know, I think date nights are super important for couples. And again, don't put the pressure on the sex. You can also emphasize a need for connection and intimacy. If she's feeling like she's just too tired or whatever, stressed for sex. That happens sometimes when you have a lot of stress. So you could just say, I just want to be together intimately. You can give each other back rubs, massages, whatever it is. But I would plan out date nights. A night where, you know, and even if your schedules are changing, she'll know her schedule a week in advance. You'll be like, okay, this week it's a Wednesday. So what do you think, Menace? Because you have a crazy schedule.

Yeah, I have a crazy schedule. And that you. You touched on. What I was gonna say was, you know, what are you doing with your free time? Are you just staying home? Are you just sleeping in bed all day and find things to go do that get. Gets her excited to, you know, maybe go in bed? Like, what if it's just going to dinner? If it's.

You don't mean like tequila shots?

No, I mean, definitely.

But whatever it is, create a whole thing. Exactly. Like have a date. Because we get excited when we try new things together. So, yeah, take her dinner. What have you done that's been a fun night? Anything new? Unique.

You know, she loves Justin Timberlake. We go to Justin Timberlake show, or just like a concert or just going to dinner at a nice place and stuff like that. Even though I'm like, really tired, I don't want to go out, but I still go and do it anyways, you know, because she's been at home and bored.

And that's one of the compromises you make in your relationship so it doesn't fall apart. Because if you had it your way and you didn't have a girlfriend, you'd be home all day, you would never leave.

Never leave. Until I had to go back to work.

Right, exactly. No, it's totally true. And I get it. So it gets you out. And any couples who, like, you know, we try something new together, too. It's. It's exciting and it would be good for me even.

It's like going to the grocery store together or something like that. Right.

Cooking together.

Just doing stuff together. I mean, every day I just want to go directly home into my bed. But my girlfriend wants to go run errands somewhere, and then I go.

You do? It's nice of you.

And I go with her.

Yeah.

Even though, like, the last thing I.

Do is be in traffic.

Yeah. I don't want to go do any of that stuff, but I still go do it anyways, you know?

Now, was this something that you guys had to talk about in the relationship or you just always compromise?

I just knew that myself, that I can't be like, not see. Not see her all day and then say, oh, yeah, go run your errands. I'm just gonna be at the home sleeping. And I'd have a hard time with that.

See, I would just want to be home and sleep. Yeah. And can you stop by Starbucks and I'll see you in two hours? Because I'm taking a nap.

Yeah, but you can't do that.

You can. You gotta relationship, you gotta hang out. Absolutely. Okay, next email. Dear Emily, I hate my girlfriend's family so much. I adore her son, even though he's a little bit badass. He's a little badass. And her and she and I have a decent relationship, but her mother, her aunt, her grandparents make me want to give up and move on. I love her, but knowing that they might be in my life forever scares me. I don't know what to do. They're so judgmental. Start drama all the time, and I don't need or want the bullshit. Should I leave her and get my head straight and mentally prepare myself and maybe one day fix things or stick around and hope there isn't a brawl one day. Thank you, Toni.

My recommendation on that is, why do you even care that much what they have to say? You know, I mean, it definitely. If it, like, goes between you and her, like, talk it out with her. Like, you don't need to be having to fight with the family or discussing anything with the family. Like, who effing cares? I don't care.

Right.

You know, if someone is like some like, uncle or aunt is upset with me, I'm not gonna go and go talk to them. I don't. I don't care.

Right.

Well, all I care is about the relationship. That I have with my girlfriend.

Right, exactly. But the family. Here's the thing, but I want to say Tony's like, welcome to the world of relationships. Because when you get into a relationship with someone, you don't only have to deal with your crazy family now you gotta deal with their family issues. So it's like a whole nother thing. So I'd be surprised if you didn't have this issue because there's always someone in the partner's family that like kind of bugs you and it can cause a lot of unnecessary strain in the relationship. So the thing that you have to do is Toni, first of all, she's your girlfriend. You're not married, you don't have kids. You don't have to go to every single family function just because she wants you to. That's one thing. Next thing is families don't change. Your parents aren't going to change. Her family's not going to change. So what you need to do is change your expectations or a family. Don't go into it thinking, oh, this year it's going to be great. I'm going to bond with the uncle, you know. No, he's still going to be the same drunk jerk that he was every year. So your expectations need to change and limit. So just be like, this is how it's gonna be. Limit the time that you see them and set boundaries again. You don't have to attend every event. I have a friend who's been married for 15 years. Her thing with the in law, that's their biggest strife is her husband's family makes her crazy. Finally she's like, you know what? I'm not doing the six days of Christmas. Like they wanna do like pre Christmas, post Christmas. She's like, I'm not freaking doing that. And this is the first year she was. Finally, she's like, I had the best Christmas ever. Cause she said no to the Christmas run. And the family does like the whole thing. And she feels so much better because she's like. Because a lot of us, we know, we want to please our partner. We want things to run smoothly. We want to do the right thing. But being with their family 247 isn't necessarily the right thing to do. So you're not married.

And also just think about it. Like if somebody in the family has a crappy comment towards you, like, how does that really affect you?

Right.

They don't really care that much. Who cares?

Yeah. I have a feeling Tony probably has issues with a lot of people in his life. No, I Mean, if he's.

Yeah, but I totally understand that with, you know, you. When you're dating somebody, you do have to feel. You deal with, like, so many different personalities, you know, attached to that. When you're meeting her family or, you know, hanging out with her family.

Absolutely. No, Tony, I don't mean you have issues. I just mean that. That's a really good point. Menace that you said that he. Why is he letting it get to him?

Yeah.

And if you just smile, turn away, you're like, there's the grandma in the living room. I'm going into the kitchen. You can avoid it, you know, you can just be high, smile and let it roll off your shoulders.

People might say, oh, just talk it out. But people don't change, no matter what.

No one ever, ever, ever, ever changes. Sorry. I mean, unless they want to change. And that's amazing. But you're never gonna make anyone change, Tony. So I would just say I think that you just gotta, you know, change your expectations. I don't mean to say you have issues with everyone, but the fact that he lets him get out of her skin probably means that he just really wants the relationship to work with the girlfriend. And she also might have a part in this. Cause she might be putting undue pressure on him. She might be saying, you know, I need you here. I need you here. And you know what you're allowed to say? I'm gonna go to two out of four of them.

And again, if there's any issues, you talk it out with her. That's what I think.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, I think so, too. People's. People gotta talk about everything. So talk about communication is a lubrication.

Your favorite line.

It is my favorite line. And it's gonna be my tombstone even though I'm dead. I'm talking when I'm dead. But it is gonna say, communication is a lubrication. Don't you forget. Would you visit me?

Yeah, I'm just gonna.

I just want my dust, you know, spread.

I don't know, I was thinking, like, the Golden Gate Bridge or something, but I really don't care. I don't want anyone to visit me. Be like, oh, I didn't bring her flowers, whatever. Just, like, have a good picture of me. Listen to my podcast. I've done 2,000 podcasts. Listen to those and miss me, and.

I'll chop up your voice to say whatever.

You would do that, wouldn't you? You just, like, would say all the shit you'd want to say to me all these years that you haven't said. That'd be so sweet.

Yeah, I'll make sure. I'll, like, spread your dust at the Hustler Club or something.

The Hustler Club. That's really what I want. Larry Flint would stand up and have a moment of silence for me. My parents would be really, really proud.

Yeah.

Just need a moment of silence for that depressing moment. Okay. Hi, Emily. I would love your advice. Three years ago, I found out that my husband was having an affair with one of his co workers. This had been going on for three years and I had no idea. When I found out, he told me it wasn't an affair as they never had sex, only oral, and had exchanged photos of each other. I was completely gutted as I thought we had an outstanding sex life and relationship. I've forgiven him, but I still feel unsure and vulnerable at times. We own a company together. He's the boss and deals with men and women. He's close relationship with his safety officer as she's female. And at times I feel threatened as they spend many hours together. Am I being a jealous wife or should I be on my guard? Regards.

I mean, if there's a history, then unfortunately you're gonna be on your guard for the rest of your life. That's what sucks.

Well, that's the thing. I mean, you. You made the decision. You're gonna stick with your husband and forgive him. But forgiveness doesn't come just because you, in your mind, decide you're gonna forgive him. Forgiving someone and rebuilding trust takes work.

Yeah.

And the kind of work I mean is marriage counseling, therapy time, talking about it. And if you just said, I forgive you, and you've moved on and three years have gone by and the same issues are flaring up again. You haven't done your work. So I think it's totally normal for you to feel scared and threatened in this situation because it mimics what just happened to you three years ago. So you gotta talk to him about it and share your feelings. And I know you're probably thinking, oh, but he thinks I never let it go. Well, you know what? Cause you probably haven't let it go because you guys haven't worked on it together. I'm assuming you haven't gone into therapy together and worked on it because this wouldn't be an issue that you're emailing me about. You would already say, okay, babe, you'd have the language. Because what happens in therapy? I don't know. People think, like, therapy is, like, I'm asking, telling them to go to surgery or something, getting their, like, heart removed? No, I'm telling you that therapy is, like, the best work that you could do as a couple. And I do believe that every couple needs it at some point, because you'll learn how to communicate with each other in the right language so these same things don't happen over and over again. So, for example, when you first found out that he started spending time with this safety officer. What is she, like a police officer? Safety belt, whatever. Okay, cool. So you would have been like, hey, babe, this. You know, you'd have words, you'd say, so this is triggering my feelings of insecurity or whatever. And then you talk about it like the first time it happened, but now it's been a few months. So I'm saying if you really want to rebuild and you want to trust him, you need to find a therapist. And it's not the hardest thing in the world. And it's not going to kill you. It's going to make you stronger.

Have fun with that.

What? Therapy?

No, just like, dude, you need therapy.

Have you ever had it?

Me? Believe me, you need the therapy.

Dude, I've had therapy my entire life.

I know.

I've gone to therapy more than I've gone anywhere else.

You've been going therapy since you were, like, a kid, right?

10. No, but I haven't gone in a few years. But I want to go back. I love therapy. Therapy is a lifelong process. It doesn't have to be a beginning and an end. And you can go for three years, you can stop for five, go back, and different points in your life.

You know, you have different issues that come from your life. So it's always good to go. And, like, it's. The truth is, is that sometimes the best time to go to therapy is when you're not having a crisis, when you're not in crisis, and when you just kind of want to work on things.

All right, fine.

So you could go if you want me to give you some.

I don't understand why you think I need therapy. You're just throwing that out there.

No, I think you do. I mean, I think everyone does. Because you know why I think everyone needs it? Because just like how you go to the doctor for a checkup, you know, you go to the dentist to clean your teeth, just might be good to have someone objective to go and, you know, talk to about some issues that have been floating around your head. Because the issues that we have, the struggles that we have, whatever our insecurities are, our fears that hold us back. They don't change over a lifetime unless you work on them and you learn how to deal with them. So you're not going to change your relationship to whatever issues you have unless you go talk about it with someone. That's all I'm saying. So those are my words for the new year, everyone go to therapy and have lots of sex. Anything else, Manus?

No, just make sure you follow the show on Twitter, Instagram. I'm trying to think of what would be the best one. There's this new one that I want to suggest. We'll mention it next.

Okay.

The next podcast where I want you to sign up and be on.

Why are you teasing?

Huh?

Okay, well, I don't want to give.

I don't want to give it out.

Okay, fine. Okay. Now they're gonna write down this next show. Okay?

They might, like, take your username.

Yeah, don't take my username. I'm so glad we didn't talk about it. Okay, here's the deal. So come see me this weekend. It's 17th and 18th in Los Angeles at the Sexual Health Expo because I'm giving a keynote that's going to change your life after I write it, which I'm gonna figure out this weekend. No, it's be really cool, all that stuff going on. And also follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Oh, you know what? They could do Menace.

Because you suggested this and it actually, it was a really great idea.

All right.

That if you are on itunes and you download my podcast and you like it, you might want to review it. Just say, hey, I love it. Give me a star, too. Let me know what you like and don't like it. Also, don't forget to check out our survey that we're sending out and let us know what you love about the show and how we can make it better in 2015. So thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com hey, everyone, thanks for listening to the show. I love being able to help you have the sex life and relationships you deserve. And let me tell you all about Promescent, which will help you have the best sex life in your life. One in three men suffers from premature ejaculation. But you know what? You really don't have to. In fact, you might not even suffer technically from premature ejaculation. You just might want to last a little longer in bed. You might last four minutes and you want to last eight. Promescent is the only FDA approved treatment for lasting longer in bed. It is. It closes the arousal gap. Men and women. Men take like, you know, two minutes between two and four minutes of orgasm. Women need, you know, sometimes between 18 and 40 minutes. So if you would like that gap to close and actually have both of you have orgasms, you should try Promescent. It's a delay spread, helps you last twice as long. That's promescent.com P R O M E S C E N T and check it out. Promescent.com thanks for listening. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health, magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but quality of Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement. It's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just, just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50 off and here's a bonus. Use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q U A L I A life.com sex with Emily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.