Nice Guys Finish First & Other Penis Things

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by married couple and authors Jason Pfeiffer and Jennifer Miller to talk about their new novel, Mr. Nice Guy, as well as answering your emails. We talk about working together and sleeping together, how to keep things hot. Writing about sex is one thing, but talking about it, it's a whole other ballgame. Penis sex toys, what will give you the most bang for your buck, and why what we want in the bedroom can be completely different from what we want in our regular life. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because, uh, my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my, do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh Oh my God, it feels so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. Check it out, check out our website, all the awesome blogs and information to help you have better sex. We love when you comment and subscribe on iTunes. Give us a star rating, it totally helps, and listen on Spotify, iHeartRadio, Stitcher, Spitcher, SoundCloud, anywhere you can listen to podcasts, we are there. And you can follow us on social media. It's all @sexwithemily across the board. We are there. Okay, you guys, first here's an interview I did, a Skype interview, and I hope you'll enjoy it because I think they are such a great couple. Jason Pfeiffer and Jennifer Miller. He's the editor-in-chief of Entrepreneur Magazine. He hosts podcasts. He used to work as an editor at Men's Health, Maxim, Fast Company. And Jennifer Miller, she's an author and journalist. She's written a few novels and she frequently writes for the New York Times Style section, which I'm obsessed with. And she writes for the Washington Post Magazine, Bloomberg, Businessweek, Entrepreneur, lots of places. But they came together and they wrote a book, and I just love this concept. They wrote this novel called Mr. Nice Guy, and, um, we're gonna get into it. So I hope you guys enjoy this interview. So tell me about your inspiration for writing a book together, Jason and Jen, you adorable couple.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you. So I had, I got an email from someone, you know, named Julia Allison, who at the time was named Julia Bauer. And she reached out to me just after she had graduated college and she was getting into sex writing or she was a sex writer or something.

I can't, right. Right.

And she was looking for writing advice. And at the time I had written for, I was in my twenties and I had written for a bunch of places about sex. I had gotten this advice when I just started being a writer that you should specialize in something, and I didn't know what to specialize in, so I figured the very first thing that I got, like the very first piece that I landed, whatever that subject was, I would just specialize in it. And, uh, it happened to be the sex section of Salon.com.

Oh, uh, that's a big one.

Especially Salon had a sex section.

They— that was the— that was the one though. That was like the com— yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh my God, it was— it just felt like a life-changing moment. And so I was like, I am a sex writer. And so, um, so I wrote it for Salon and a couple other places. And then Julia reached out to me looking for, she had just graduated college, she was a sex columnist and she was looking for writing advice. And we traded emails for about a year. I actually never even met her. Oh, okay. But in the process of trading emails, I had this idea about, I was just thinking about like corresponding with a sex columnist.

They weren't sexy emails.

We weren't sexy emails. Oh yeah, that's very important to note. Very professional emails.

She wasn't like, so last night I was banging the senator or whatever she wrote.

No, no, no. No. And so I just had this idea, what would happen if two people each week slept together and then critically reviewed each other's performance in a magazine? It was just like a concept. And I was like, what would happen? And I toyed around with that idea. I thought it would be a funny novel and I tried to write it and I failed. And I tried to write it again and I failed. And then I married a novelist, which is a really great shortcut. Yeah.

Jen, the novelist.

And, um, and after Jen sold her last novel a couple years ago, she asked what I thought her next project should be, and I said, you should write the book that I've been kicking around because I'm never going to do it. And Jen said, well, why don't we do it together? And so began the project.

I love that.

Then it became a partnership.

When you've told me this and when I read about your concept of the book, which is coming out— I haven't even read it yet, it's coming out in like October, October 16th, October 16th—

Mr. Nice Guy.

Okay, Mr. Nice Guy. What I love about the concept is that I'm all for couples giving feedback. Like my, the basis of my show is communication. Communication is a lubrication. Talk to each other about the sex life you're having.

Yeah.

And I feel like much like you'd turn in a report at work and your boss would give you feedback on how to improve. We never do that with sex. So what I love about this concept, and I'd love to hear about how you execute it as well, is like, that's how you improve. We never do that. We like assume things were good or did you orgasm? Did you not? That's the end of the conversation. So what do you get into in the book about the— because isn't it like they have sex and then they write it, or they write about it, and then would they talk and then improve upon it?

Yeah, exactly. So every, um, basically they are working for the same magazine. And so they're actually given assignments every week to explore various sexual acts, various sexual situations. So, um, you know, they're supposed to go out and have sex in a public place. They're supposed to use one of our favorite scenes in the book. Involves a remote control vibrator. And of course, they don't know before they arrive at the hotel room, the designated hotel room, exactly what their assignment is going to be.

Oh my God, I love this idea. Okay.

So they have to, they have to improvise on the fly, but then it gets complicated because they're each writing a column about last night's sex and how it went and what was right about it and what was wrong about it.

Yeah, like a movie review.

Right. And it's a he said, she said. And it's literally the he said, she said, which I always think is interesting. And I thought, if you talk to two people who have sex, it's always very different accounts, or of the relationship even, or how things are going, or even of a meal. Oh, totally. So how—

Yeah. So just to say, the way that this whole thing kind of gets kicked off in the book is that one of our protagonists, he's this young guy, new to New York. Has never really taken a woman home before and picks up this woman at a bar and has what he thinks is the most amazing night of his life. And then a few weeks later, he opens the magazine, his own magazine, to discover, lo and behold, he has slept with the sex columnist at his magazine and she has torn him apart. And thus begins the experiment where he feels like he now has something to prove.

Right. Of course. I mean, any man, like, not just even to get verbal feedback is hard for a man, but to get written feedback at the place of business where you work. So what was— I love it. I love this concept. What is the, um, what was the feedback or what was the first comment? The first, very first one that skewered him.

Yeah. Do you—

well, that's a few points. Like, what was a few?

Yeah. The way that she sets it up is that the, the, the sex columnist is a very woman about town kind of character. And so she's usually sleeping with these very kind of high-powered dudes, bros. Yeah, yeah. The finance bros of the world who at least feel quite highly about themselves.

Exactly.

And, um, and so she took him home, she says, because she wanted an experiment in what it was like to date or to sleep with a nice guy. And so she calls him nice guy, which is where the title of the book comes from. And she just, she felt like he was too gentle at times to, you know what, she, she did a thing. I have to say, I don't know that I've told you this, that, um, that she criticizes him for doing something that I thought when I was dating, I was doing too much. So, so to back up, the character, uh, his name is Lucas, but just got out of a very long relationship with the only woman he's ever slept with. And now he's like out on the town. And so he's still functioning a little bit like he, he's like, like muscle memory. He's still sleeping with people like he's in a long relationship. And I, and Janet as well, in fact, both were in very long relationships, 8 and 9 years. Before we met each other. And so, uh, there was a little bit of dating break between that and us meeting, but, uh, but I definitely went through this thing where I realized at like almost sometimes during intimate moments with like new people after I, after I'd gotten out of that long relationship that like I was being too relationship-y in the sex, you know, just like in the way that I was, I don't know, like maybe trying to—

too gentle, too tender, like Loving, gazing. Yeah.

To gazing.

Yeah.

Yes. Oh, you, so you wrote that into the column.

Yeah. I wrote that into the column. So I basically had her criticize me.

Well, right. Right.

I'm just curious because I feel that, that, well, two things that you just said. Number one, one of the first tips I always give people is don't assume, I give this to men often, that your current partner wants what your last partner wants. It's a very typical error we make because we're like, first of all, when, especially when you're learning, you haven't been with a lot of people, you're like, well, she liked me to touch her clitoris this way. Like that, I assume every woman wants, and you don't know when you're young or when you're 20 20s, when you haven't as much experience, that no, no, every woman's different. You've got to relearn. And every man's different. You have to relearn with every experience. So that's a typical thing that happens. I could see that. So I'm just wondering, I'm assuming that things that came up were like, some people would see that as what's so wrong with that, but yeah.

Well, and in this case also, there's a degree of, um, so, you know, he's, he's fairly young. He's 24. She's, she's 30 and she's had a lot more experience than he has. Um, he has this idea of what really hot sex is, right? So he's being kind of performative in this way that makes him come across as kind of silly almost. I mean, I think we have her compare him to like a grad student, like a writing grad student who's like writing with all this flowery prose. Like that's kind of—

which was a real anxiety that I, I had. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.

This is real.

It's like, Yeah, you like, you don't know. I mean, I don't know, you know, most of my day I spent, I spent like in business journalism, so I sort of start to think about things in terms of business. But like, it's like you don't know what the market demands, you know? Like, if you get out of a long relationship, you know what that one person wants. You have no idea what is otherwise sought after or acceptable.

Yeah.

And it makes everything feel very scary, right?

That is the human experience of dating these days. That's why I almost want to You know, they have those columns. I don't remember what mag it was, like Glamour or Cosmo. And they did a, like, he goes on a date and she goes on a date. It was like a lunch date. And then they'd each write about it. It was probably like 10 years ago, but I just always thought that was interesting because we've all had those experiences, I think, where we think it's great and then the person doesn't call us back. So it's kind of that classic, or even if it's a date or, or sex. So what are you guys hoping that people learn from this? Or is it get from this book or just entertain? Is it. This fiction, or there's like points in there where we're gonna have some take— I'm already taken away.

So, I mean, I, okay. So I wanna say first and foremost that, you know, we wrote Mr. Nice Guy to be fun, right? Like we want it to be a breezy read. We want you to miss your subway stop, like that kind of thing. But you know, it really is about, um, about honest communication and, um, and how you talk to somebody about these intimate details in a way that draws them in instead of pushes them away. Because, you know, the relationship between our characters for a large portion of the book is very fraught, as you can imagine, especially because it's all happening out in public. I mean, these columns are in a national magazine. But it's really kind of when they get to that deeper level of intimacy and start connecting, not just on a sexual level, but also on a relationship level, and in some ways on a professional level, which that then translates into their sex life. And that actually kind of mirrors in some ways our relationship.

Yeah. Yeah.

As a married couple that wrote a book together.

It's so meta. Well, it's so meta. I was just gonna turn it on you and say, how has this impacted your relationship? And what have you guys learned as a couple who you're both writers, uh, journalists, you live together, you're writing about intimacy, sex, relationships, and you're working together. Like literally all of it is the same. So what have you learned?

Yeah.

How is this for your relationship?

I mean, I thought it was really good for our relationship. I, you know, so One of the things that really, that I really loved about Jen very early on in our relationship was how completely open you are about talking about sex and what you want and look for. Like, it was not a conversation that I had a lot with my previous, with like my girlfriend of 8 years. We just didn't talk about it a lot. And so I wasn't, I wasn't used to talking about it. And it also, it makes it feel embarrassing when you do want to talk about it. If you're not in a situation where it's, it feels open and natural to talk about it, right? You know, it's like you need to establish that, that, um, that it's always intimacy.

The intimacy. Not every couple's ready to be intimate at the same level, but that's what I always say. Like, you've got to get— people think it's just, I could never do it, we're not supposed to, sex is supposed to be amazing without talking about it, which nothing on the planet really is. That's not a sustainable way to think about sex, that without work it doesn't without talking about it. But I think that's, that's so true that you really— you probably weren't there because people don't even know that's on the table. Like, is it possible for us to have a really open intimate relationship and improve our sex life by just talking? But you know that that's really the key to it.

Oh, it makes such a difference. And once you— once that is open, like, once you're able to have that, those conversations, so many other things can happen. Like, you can start really exploring and experimenting in ways— like, do you remember when my— in my early— when we met, I worked at Men's Health And, um, and they would just like, companies would just send me random sex toys, show up at the office and some really weird sex toys.

So like they sent, they one time sent Jason, um, it almost looked like a beer cozy, but, but you, instead of sticking a beer in it, you stick your penis in it. And I was like, Jason, you're going to try this right now. Like, I'm going to sit there and watch you try this because this is amazing.

No, you didn't just sit there and watch me You try it.

I participated.

She participated. She lent a helping hand. That's a good partner for you.

Yes. That thing was— I was not into that thing.

That was a weird one.

I wasn't really into that thing either.

Right. But it's fun. But see, that's the novelty that so many, I think, couples miss out on because they just have sex the same ways. And like, even it's a fun story, right? Like, you might not have loved it, but you tried something new.

Totally. And can I say, like, with this book, the great thing I think about creating a book where characters are regularly talking about sex is that it forces you to regularly talk about it.

Exactly. Just like this podcast. I always tell them like, you guys blame me, listen to it with your partner. And if I inspire something in you and you talk about it, cause it's hard.

So if it's a good jumping off point for the conversation, I feel like the hardest thing, you know what the hardest thing for me is in talking about sex is like feeling like I'm bringing it up out of nowhere, you know, like dinner's, dinner's done. And then I, and then I'm like, You know what I like?

You should just bring it up. It doesn't matter.

I know, but, but it feels so, it just feels so abrupt.

I know.

And that's the reason why I think that, like you said, with the podcast or the book or anything, like it just creates an opportunity where something can happen and then the follow-up can be a really useful conversation.

Yeah, exactly. But let me just tell you for your own relationship and for, for my listeners, which they've heard me say that there are, I get that it's abrupt. You can't be like, hey, great dinner, pass the salt. And maybe some more blowjobs would really help me at night. You know, it's just hard. It's awkward. To kind of know that talking about sex, it's best to do it outside the bedroom when you're in a relaxed environment. So maybe you're having brunch or you're going on a hike or you're even in the car. I always think when you're driving in the car, you're not making eye contact, but it's still intimate. And to say, so babe, God, last night's sex was so hot. I've been thinking about it lately. Like, has there been anything on your mind you've been wanting to try? And then you just like, literally like, you start with the positive, what you like about it. And if you've specifically been saying, you know what, I, I love your blowjobs. They feel so good. And lately I feel like it hasn't been happening as much, and I want to know what you want so we can both get our needs met. And then you're off and running. So it's kind of like just easing and even acknowledging, like, I know this might be weird, and you keep it light. It's not like, we need to talk, let's talk about— because that just sets the tone for, you know, oh my God, where's this going to go? But I think when couples remember to keep it a lighter tone, not accusatory, because I think when we talk about sex, it's often like a You people often, you need to do this to me, or I'm not getting this. But it's like, you guys are on the same team. You both want great sex. So it's more like, what can we do together, babe? Not that masturbation sleeve, that didn't work, but maybe it'd be cool to blank. So you just, you play with it and then it gets easier and then it becomes fun for couples. It becomes like the thing you talk about, like, what are we going to make for dinner? And like, what should we have sex this weekend? Like, we could try this. Cause then you can also see, how it improves, how it enhances your intimacy. And so I like anything that brings up the dialogue for this. So I think it's, uh, it's great that you guys did this book. So tell me about working together. Is this the first time you've done a project together? 'Cause you're both successful writers in your own right, right? You're freelance for a lot of different place books and you've written books. I know Jen, several books and yeah.

How, um, so when Jason and I first started dating, I was actually, um, finishing up a draft of my first novel. And I thought to myself, well, he's a writer, he's an editor, um, he better like my writing. Otherwise I don't think this relationship's gonna go anywhere. And so I did the dumbest thing that I possibly could have done, which was to basically hand him my manuscript and say, hey, take a look at this. Can you help me edit it? Which, um, it was a make or break.

Make or break. Yeah. That's gonna go well or it's really not.

That just shows you how naive I was.

Like after being in an 8-year relationship, this is You're like, just read all my deep dark— right? And then how was that for you, Jason? Was it good? Would you— were you like, oh, we got—

actually, it was. I'm sure because she's actually great. I mean, thank— like, thank God it was a good novel. Like, you know, it would have been really hard to fake. You know, it's like somebody— she like dropped this on me and it was just brutally terrible. Like, I don't know what I would have done, but we wouldn't be sitting here today probably. Um, but I, I found it was a really unique challenge where I had to think about how to edit this, not as like, I'm not the gatekeeper for this, you know, like usually I'm a magazine editor, usually I'm the gatekeeper for like the magazine's voice or whatever. But like, this isn't my project, this is her project. So it, it really taught me, like I had to figure out what my approach is and my approach, which I think is really useful for kind of anything in relationships, was to instead of say, this doesn't work, this doesn't work. I, I started circling things that I thought well, frankly didn't work and say, um, and say like, what, what were you going for here?

Right. What was your intention? That's such a good way. That's such a good way to give feedback. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then, and then we could talk through like, okay, now I get it. Like, here's why I think this doesn't achieve that. But I think that if we did this or this, or like, you should think about that, then it would achieve what you're going for. Like, as long— I think that if, as long as you, when you're working with somebody, communicate to them that you are on board with their intentions and all you want to, you want to make sure that you are You are bringing them to the place where their intentions are like fully achieved. Right. And they are, they're really on board with that.

That's really healthy. Well, it sounds like you guys have really good communication then, because I think always even a relationship when someone does something, it's so easy to react and say, this is wrong, this isn't for me. And just to be like, what kind of feedback are you looking for now? Like if someone, you know, or yeah, what, what was your goal here? And just to kind of use that language, that's just, it's so easy to go off, this is bad, this is bad to, but to be like, well, let me know what would help you now. What kind of feedback would be? You know, you already knew that, so that's good. That's how I didn't—

I think I figured it out. I mean, you know, I don't— I think it's really hard to tell someone to do that and then they can just execute it, right? You almost sort of need to be in this, this moment. Like, the stakes were quite high. I—

we were—

it was an early relationship.

Yeah. How long have you guys been together?

Well, we will have been— we have our 7-year wedding anniversary coming up in October, actually, 2 weeks after the book comes out.

Oh, great.

Um, and we've known each other, we met in early 2009.

Oh, okay. So that's good. That's the 7-year itch. Is that what it would be? Or 8 or 9? Where are we going now? What year is it? Okay. So Jason, you're the editor-in-chief and editor for Entrepreneur Magazine.

Yeah. Editor-in-chief.

Which I'm a fan of being an entrepreneur myself. Yeah, definitely. So you, so you guys, how did you guys meet? Cuz you're both like writers in New York. You just seem like this fun, cool couple.

Uh, we met on OkCupid.

Okay.

Um, which, and this was pre-Tinder, like pre-swiping.

Thank God. Okay.

We've had no experience with that. And so, you know, we as writers, this was back when, you know, people actually took a lot of care with their profiles because like you had to write in all of this stuff. And so, um, so Jason actually searched for Jewish journalists and then my name popped up.

Um, yeah, I was basically, you know, I had done after After a 9-year relationship, I wanted an experience of just like lots of dating. So I was dating, I was going on OkCupid and basically saying yes to anybody. Like I just wanted to go out and meet and just experience.

Which is actually healthy after a 9-year relationship to kind of figure out, you know. Yeah.

And I did the same, I did the same thing.

Right.

Right. Um, yeah, I didn't want to, I just didn't want to get into a really, you know, in fact the, the very, the, when the first time that I attempted to write Mr. Nice Guy, it opens with a character sitting down and writing a letter to his future self in which he reminds himself not to get into a relationship too fast. Um, which was really me. Like I was basically, I was just doing that myself. Very meta. And, um, and so, but after, after a while of that, it just got really boring, you know, going on 1, 2, 3 max dates and then losing interest in someone. And so I decided I should find someone who I like. I'm ready to at least meet and date someone who I have something in common with. Um, and maybe it could go somewhere. I don't know if I was ready for like the relationship that would turn into marriage. That would turn into a book partnership.

But he met me a little too soon, I think.

Yeah, it was only 5 months. I definitely was not— that was not on the timeline. But I did want someone who I had something in common with, so I just typed in Jewish journalist. And I'm not even— I don't even care about Judaism. I don't, but I just— I was like, background, I don't know. I just— I don't know.

It helps. No, I'm Jewish. It can just help sometimes. That kind of weeds through the riffraff. You're like, well, we're Jewish, so we got that, and you're writers, so that works. I totally understand that. Okay, so are you guys— so how has it impacted your sex life? How is your sex life going? Absolutely. If you have any questions for me, I'm available.

Well, okay. So the, our sex life is okay. I am, I am, um, almost 18 weeks pregnant at the moment.

Congratulations.

Thank you. So, so in all honesty, our sex life has been a little bit slower than, oh my God, it totally makes sense. Unusual because, um, the first trimester in particular was like pretty bad.

Yeah.

I'm just feeling it's, it's hard to be in the mood when you feel like you're seasick 24 hours a day.

Well, yeah, you and most pregnant women on the planet. So it makes sense. Go easy on yourself. Even though people say differently, it takes— not every woman is in the mood for sex when they're pregnant.

Exactly. But so now that I'm like getting more into the swing of the second semester, second semester, second trimester, and feeling, and feeling a little bit better now, we've started to pick things up a little bit. And, um, We really, I think, have to make the most of it before we hit the third trimester, when then everything becomes much more difficult. Yeah, logistically.

That's exciting though. So then your book comes out, and then you have— do you have plans for that? You guys doing a book tour?

I, you know, I don't know. I mean, my joke is always like, unless your name is Malcolm Gladwell, you don't go on book tour.

Yeah, but it's like press and media. Oh, you do? Oh, okay. You guys are Got it. You got your hands full. And I know you guys also, you guys also work together. Maybe it's you, Jason, that you help people like figure— entrepreneur, like figure out press and how to get press and all that. And then Jen, you also write for everyone, right?

So I, yeah, I write for the New York Times, the Washington Post.

Yeah, yeah, you guys are power couple. I love it.

That's sweet.

No, but you guys are going to get it out there. I, I want to help.

Like, we like to think of ourselves as a power couple. Yeah, we're—

but when you're in the power couple, you never feel like you are. No one's like, we're a power couple. But I'm seeing it, so it's okay. You don't You don't have to say that. So about the book, do you guys, how do you feel like it reflects kind of today's current dating and society, what's going on with dating and sex and stuff? Is there any of that in there that you think was like, oh, it's interesting that this has changed, or was there anything that you kind of learned through it in writing of kind of what our current views on it and how people are dating and in life?

And well, one thing that, that was really important to me when we were writing it was to try and and take a— so it's a romantic comedy, but I really wanted to take a different approach. So it's not the single woman in New York who's pining after the guy. It's actually the reverse. She's the one who has all the experience, knows what she wants, and goes out and gets it. And our naive but very ambitious young Lucas is the one who really needs the education. And of course, she, you know, it turns out that Carmen, our seasoned sex columnist, has plenty to learn, but a lot of it is really about the women in the book teaching the men what's up.

Which I think is realistic and not just sex, sometimes with emotional regulation and understanding feelings. And I think that that's something that we don't talk about enough, that we all need to help each other.

Absolutely.

Right?

The other thing though, is that they're, you know, because, so the book is set It's set in the world of New York City magazines. And, you know, this is a world that Jason and I have lived in for a long time. But for me, especially, like, being a woman in magazines and in a lot of ways, like, seeing how women's work is sidelined and kind of packaged in a way for what women, quote unquote, want to read. So our sex columnist, in some ways, like, has greater ambitions. And, you know, wants to be using her mind as much as her body and has really through the book has to learn how to— learns how to assert herself in that kind of power dynamic of this magazine where, you know, she has been sidelined to a certain extent. So that's kind of like how she's growing.

And how did you grow? So that sounds like that's been your own journey as well. So how has been your journey with that?

It's really about advocating for yourself and learning to to speak up. And that's something that I think, I think in a lot of ways just takes time. You know, I'm 38 now. I, you know, moved to New York when I was in my early 20s. There's just a, I think there's a confidence that just comes with like every time you face a setback, you just try to take another step forward. I recently was working on a piece and the magazine, for a variety of reasons was thinking about killing it. And I had to get on the phone with the editor-in-chief and argue. I've had to argue my way back into them keeping the piece. And I was successful. And I couldn't believe that I had, that I, that that was something that I did, that I did it and I was successful. And that was shocking to me, but also really empowering.

But at some point, at some point in the past, you may not have even thought that was an option.

Exactly. Exactly. No, good for you. And I think that's an inspiring for a lot of people because we just think, oh, and especially in magazines. I know that her world, I haven't lived in it, but I have a lot of friends in New York and it's cutthroat. I mean, it really is. And it is a lot of men in charge. I think things are changing, but it is a lot of men editor-in-chief. Jason's lovely, I'm sure, with all the women he works with, but I understand that.

I am indeed.

Yeah.

Hey, Emily, can we take a hard left here? You had asked, do we have any questions for you? And I was thinking, as Jen was talking, I was thinking, So, so here, I'm going to post, I'm going to post something to you. Jen's like, what is going to come out of this? But I'll be very interested in what she has to say. So, one of the great things I think in communication about, about sex is asking, like, is there something you want to do that you're not, we're not doing, or some, you know, some something or other. And Jen asks me that from time to time. And, like, you know, is there something you, you want or something we could do better? And, I have to say, I really struggle with like an answer to that.

No, that's so common. I get it.

It makes me feel like— and not the question, like I love the question, the question is great— that I don't have an answer makes me feel like I'm too— like I'm missing something, like I'm too basic, right?

I'm too like a vanilla, as they would use it, right? I love that you're saying this because, okay, this is a good— is that— that's such a good question because I can tell you guys kind of how to figure it out because I get that. Like, I get like You're happy with your sex, you're satisfied, you're satisfied. So you're like, I'm not sitting here thinking about like having an orgy next Saturday, if that's what you mean, or having, you know, like some people are, threesomes, right? I'm not thinking that you need to dress up and we need a stripper pole in the living room or whatever people fantasize about, which is totally normal. You're satisfied, you're happy. Do you ever ask Jen, do you ever have stuff that you would want to try, is my next part of it. Is there stuff that you've shared?

I mean, I do, though I'll be honest, I usually do after you ask me. You definitely are better at initiating that question, but then I ask, and I actually don't know, do you have an answer? Do you have answers? Sometimes you've said some things.

I can think of some things.

Oh, see, so that's one reason. So this is a really good lesson. So you're probably asking, 'cause you would like, there probably are things on Jen's mind that she'd like to try, and it's probably not even saying that you're a bad lover. She's probably just like, oh, it would be nice to, I don't know you guys, but she might be like, remember when we used to make out, just like taking sex off the table, and used to like go down on me, or maybe we have to do more massages and more making out, 'cause couples stop making out after like the first year, or maybe she, you know, wants more vacation sex or a foot massage or wants to be tied up, who knows, right? There could be things like that. So I think it's interesting that for couples to kind of be open and to kind of have it go both ways, like if you're not sure what to try, Jen might have some ideas and then she could share 'em with you. And then rather than just dropping it and saying like, okay, like I would love you to, what would be a good thing? To, I'd like to be blindfolded during sex. Maybe that's what she's been thinking about. And you might be like, great. And then you're thinking, now what? Do I get a blindfold? Do I use necktie? Do I, how do you do that? So I think sometimes we, we just say these things and we walk away. So the important thing is for you guys to together, to kind of hear these ideas, maybe even whiteboard it, do a document. What could be cool? What could be interesting? And then you talk about how it would, would go down. Like, what does that actually look like to kind of help Jen with some of her ideas? So you're not like, what does that mean? But as far as you, Jason, I think for couples to learn that there are some cool things, like I think there's some books like that you could read together, erotica, watching porn. Like Erika Lust makes some really cool female-friendly porn, like from the female gaze. If you guys ever do that, and it can be inspiration. You can watch and be like, oh my God, that's really hot. I forgot that I loved it when you slowly undressed me, or when you, you know, put me against the wall and held me up during, I mean, just anything. We took baths together. You could just get inspired. And they, maybe you're like, I never thought about that, but that actually would be hot. You need to know what's available. Exactly. And if you're not someone who's in that world or thinking about it all the time, it makes sense that you wouldn't know. I hear from people all the time. They're like, Emily, you talk about fantasies. You talk about what an important part it is about our sex life, but I don't actually fantasize that much, which is fine. So I'm thinking, and people listen, that's why I think a lot of couples listen to my podcast. Like, I, they're like, we went on a road trip for 8 hours and I get these emails all the time and we listened. And so it's kind of like a third party. That is helping, or a book, like a book about sex. I have a book called Hot— I'm not like plugging, I wrote this book 5 years ago, but couples like it. It's called Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Could Try Tonight. And you just like open it up and any page, it's like, you know, use whipped cream or like have sex outdoors. So just, you might need a little bit more of information and then maybe you'd be like, oh, that could be interesting. Even toys, you guys, I'm telling you, even if you're having orgasms and amazing sex, the thing about sex toys is that it's just like that variety. It's something different than the same sex you're having. And that's the key with toys or anything else is because after time, sex is going to become stale. It's gonna become rote. Like, like the same workout every day will no longer challenge your muscles in the same way. So working out, it's like something new in the bedroom. You get vibrations, feel great because your bodies don't vibrate. So it's different. Or dildos or a tie, a necktie around your eyes. So it's like, that's why these things are cool cuz it's just something new. And when we have these conversations, it's not that anything's wrong when Jen asks you that question. It's more like, let's just keep making it interesting and keep— have variety so we still want to keep doing it. Not that you— you know what I'm saying? It's right, right, Jen?

Uh, we can enact some of the scenes from Mr. Nice Guy.

We're gonna bust out, you know, we have, you know, like I say, we— I collected all that stuff when I worked at Men's Health a million years ago. We have a lot of that stuff.

It's like Where is it?

Oh, I, I know where it is. It's in like the cabinet next to the bed.

Can our son get into it?

Uh, oh, actually, probably. Yeah, we should probably move it.

Yeah, no, this is the thing though. One toy could be cool, like a vibrator or like a massage candle. They're so cool. Like, you, you have a massage candle and then you blow it out. It's like, it's a regular candle and then you pour it on your partner. It's like warm coconut oil and it feels great. So that could just be, you do that 5 minutes, whatever items you have in your closet would be cool, but one thing.

Yeah.

So there you go. That could be helpful, right? Not that there's a problem. I'm just saying, that's fun. Um, well, I'm really excited to meet you guys and to talk to you about your book because I can't wait to read it. And was there anything— and maybe there was something in Mr. Nice Guy that you subliminally, one of you, preconsciously put in there that could be fun to try?

Yeah, what did we— well, we haven't tried a remote control vibrator. Oh, there's a big scene I don't know, would you, uh, that is quite a thing.

That's my favorite scene in the book.

Oh my God, there you go. I actually want to send you one. Did we get this yet? So listen, so We-Vibe, right, the Jive. So We-Vibe is, um, I love— if you guys know We-Vibe toys, they make a— they're one of my favorite products. And so now they're all waterproof and rechargeable, and you can use the— control them with your phone. So you could be wearing it when you go out out or in the kitchen, doesn't matter. And then you have the control, Jason, on your phone.

Amazing.

And you could just be like, it's gonna go up, it's gonna go down, it's gonna turn off. It's got— yeah, it's called the Jive. And then they have a new one coming out, the Moxie, which has not been released yet, but we will send you something.

Thank you.

Yes. All right, I want everyone to have it. I want to make dreams come true.

Yeah.

Um, so thank you for your time. I'm excited. Tell me how people can find you. Find your book, and all of your social stuff, social media, or what the best call to action here?

Yeah, what is the best call to action? I mean, I guess the best call to action is to go to wherever it is you buy books and find Mr. Nice Guy. Um, it's called Mr. Nice Guy. You can see we're real marketers here. And, um, I'm very active on social. Uh, Jen is not so much, so I'll just say I'm, uh, @HeyPfeiffer, which is H-E-Y-F-E-I-F-F-E-R on on Instagram and Twitter. And, you know, my day job, as you said, entrepreneurs— I do a lot of like motivation stuff and focus and time management and, you know, all the things that people need, not just if you're running a business, but just if you're like out there making things happen in the world.

I'll put all this in the show notes and your, um, your links in the book. And you guys are wonderful. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Good luck with the launch. This is really, yeah, really fun. Thanks. Okay, Mr. Nice Guy, you guys, everyone check it out. Bye, guys. Thanks. Bye. Okay guys, we're gonna take a quick break, give a shout out to our sponsors. Hi sponsors, we love you. I hope you love them too. And when we come back, I'm gonna answer your emails. Okay guys, on to your emails. I love answering your questions. It's so fun, you guys. Thanks for sending so many great ones. If you want a question answered on the show, text ASKEMILY, all one word, to 797979, or you can go to my website sexwithemily.com, click the Ask Emily tab and include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Okay, this is from Keith, 28, in Australia. Dear Emily, I love your podcast. I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years and our sex life is lacking, to say the least. I'm lucky if we have sex once a fortnight. God, I love saying fortnight. That means like every 2 weeks, guys. Uh, sometimes I go longer than that. She won't try new things i.e., won't do anal, won't get blowjobs or handjobs, and doesn't even touch me intimately. When we do have sex, it's always me who initiates it, and I'm always the one who does all the work. There's absolutely no spontaneity, and it comes across to me that sex is a chore to her, not pleasure. I've tried a few different vibrators for her, and I always make sure she's pleasured. She's pressuring me to have kids and get married, but the lackluster sex life is a massive issue for me. Please Please help. Okay, Keith, I'm gonna help you here. So I read through this and first of all, good for you for thinking about your sex life and considering the importance of your sex life before you get married. So important to do that, you guys. But I hear this and I think, you know what, a lot of this is about what you're not getting, Keith, right? You know, you're not getting anal and she's not doing all these things for you, which I totally get, but I want to know, What does she need from you? So it sounds to me like you guys really just need to start communicating and talking about stuff with her. You know, have an open honest discussion, have a dialogue so you guys are on the same page. And I think of it as kind of creating your sexual roadmap together. So where I'm not even sure what she wants, she may have never talked about sex before. It sounds like, you know, you guys are in love and she's thinking about marriage, so obviously she wants to be with you. So I want you to understand the difference here. She clearly wants to spend the rest of her life with you, but she just might not have enough experience that when you present a vibrator, put all these demands on her, she doesn't know what to do with it because she doesn't have experience taking her sex life to these different levels. You know, once you have the talk with her and let her know in a very, like, neutral environment, not accusatory, not saying you never do this and you never that, but that you love her and that, you know, sex is important to you and sex is important for a healthy relationship and you you want it to be an important part of your relationship, but you want to get on the same page about sex. So I'm curious, do you know if she masturbates? Do you know— you know, in the beginning, usually I get these emails from people and they're like, sex was amazing in the beginning. I'm gonna assume that it was great in the beginning, or at least you guys were really connected. So I think just slowing things down. I don't think she's out to get you. I think again it comes down to out of the bedroom. What do you want? What's interesting to you? Does she masturbate? Does she have orgasms on her own? Does think about sex. There's a lot of reasons why maybe she doesn't. It could be the way she was brought up. There could be some taboos. She might be on medication. She might be really stressed out. I mean, there's reasons why it's not as comfortable for her. She might not be getting as much enjoyment. So once we kind of start asking questions to her and having a real conversation, you might find out about her sexual history, you know, where she's at now, where she's been, and then this way you can kind of together start to figure out like your sexual roadmap. What is both gonna be interesting to both of you to have a long, happy sex life together? So just start having that conversation before we jump to any conclusions about what kind of lover and what kind of partner she could be. Thanks for the email, Keith. This is from Julie, 25, in Ohio. Hey Emily, I'm in desperate need of some advice. My husband and I have been together for 4 years and married for 2. We met on Tinder during college. He was very experienced sexually compared to me when we first got together. He's had threesomes with married couples and had an active FetLife account when we first started talking. I never had issues with any of his requests or suggestions in the bedroom. I was down for anything and the sex was great. Then I found out he cheated on me the night before we graduated. I ended up forgiving him, but I've been really insecure, especially in the bedroom, ever since. Since we've been married, I've been weird about him watching porn because he was addicted to it, and I feel like it might lead him to cheat on me again. Recently I found out that he bought a cheap phone to watch porn on behind my back. I'm not sure what to do. I love him so much, I know he loves me, but I'm afraid that his dishonesty will eventually come between us. Any advice you have would be so appreciated. I love listening to your podcast on my daily commute. Okay, Julie, thanks for your email here. I think that there— let's unpack this for a second. Okay, first thing, I think the biggest issue here is the cheating. Okay, when we have unresolved issues in a relationship, especially cheating, I mean, that's the one that's really challenging for couples to get beyond because building trust, rebuilding trust, takes a lot of time and a lot of work. And so it sounds like maybe you guys haven't done that yet, and it can mean going to see a therapist. I mean, you just might need someone to help you guys tease out what happened and then build that strength and that solid ground again to rebuild. You know, if you guys have been together now 4 years— I'm assuming graduation you were 21, 22— I mean, 4 years since you were married, or 3 years, and it's still in your mind, I can imagine that it's coming out in other areas of your relationship. Maybe it has you feeling a little passive-aggressive, and, and obviously you have distrust. So maybe you've told him that you don't think his porn watching is okay, which leads me to his addiction of porn. I wanna know why, how you know he's addicted. Did he tell you he's addicted? Do you think he's addicted to porn? Because addiction is a real thing. But just to explain to you the difference between addiction and just someone who watches porn, when someone's addicted to porn, there's consequences. It means like he lost his job, he can no longer have great sex with you, you know, he's, um, you know, really it just takes over your life and there's a serious consequence and that's when you gotta get help. But watching porn is actually part of a healthy sex life. And so, I understand that can kind of be confusing sometimes. I've said this, but when I was younger, in my early 20s, I was really confused by my partner watching porn because I was like, "Aren't we having great sex? Why do you need porn?" But porn really is a healthy expression. It's separate from you. So, when we get down to the issues here, I feel like there just has to be some talking here. He probably feels like he has to hide porn from you because he probably maybe has shame if he did have addiction and he feels like he's he's going back on whatever promises he made, if he was like in a 12-step program around it, maybe he shouldn't be watching porn. But if it's really just to hide it from you because maybe you've made side comments or talked about your disdain of porn, he has no choice but to hide it. And so this is a problem. I actually hear this from a lot of men who feel like, and who are married or dating, that they have to hide it from their girlfriends. And it's just this, I just want everyone to understand that it really can be healthy and that people are going to masturbate in a relationship, out of a relationship, throughout a relationship, and it really has no— you know, when they're single. So it just really doesn't have any bearing on you and his feelings for you. So I think again, all of this goes back to the trust, because I don't love, sweetie, that it's making you feel more insecure in the bedroom, which I understand. It's really hard to be— you know, when we feel really safe with a guy or with anyone, with our partner, when we feel trusting and feel in a good place, we can have better sex. But when there's distrust, you probably feel like you can't bring your full self to the bedroom because you've got all these things in your head and you're like obsessing about the cheating and the dishonesty. And so now, in a way, by having this rift between you, it's really hard for you guys to come together literally and physically in all these other areas. So I think you need to just talk to him about it and say, I still don't have trust in this. It's nothing that he, you know, he might have been a saint the last 4 years, We don't know. So I think you guys are married and it would be worthwhile for you guys to go into therapy. I think it might just take a few sessions, um, to kind of get to the bottom of this so you can really tease it out because the sex and I mean the porn and the cheating is something that I don't believe you're going to be able to get past on your own. And let me just say this, I'm so happy you emailed me now about this because Julie, I do not want you to spend another month, a week, another year with him when you're feeling this way. Is whenever you— when you're not treating something like this, like the dishonesty, it's just going to fester and it's just going to get worse and become a bigger problem. So I think talking about it, letting them know how important it is and how much you want to work on your relationship. And the great thing about couples therapy is that you're going to learn some really good tools that's going to serve you for the rest of your relationship, the rest of your marriage. And so that's what I say about this situation, Julie. So don't be afraid to make that call to talk to about and get some therapy. This is from Kevin, 63, in Washington. Hey Emily, I'm looking for recommendations for a reasonably priced penis vibrator, maybe something like a cup or sleeve that stimulates the frenulum spot at the back of the head for a hands-free orgasm. I can't spend a lot of money, but I don't want something that will cause injury or pain either. Something that's easily clean and maintained. Thanks. Okay Kevin, first of all, and to all my listeners, I will never ever I never recommend any toys that will cause you pain or injury. We've tried every single toy that we talk about, every product. We only work with the best brands and the best sponsors. So, just know if I talk about it, you're gonna be fine with it. There won't be any risks. Okay, so here's my suggestions. You guys, do you guys all know about the frenulum, by the way? It's kind of like the male clitoris, if you will. It's the most sensitive spot of the penis on the underside, right beneath the tip. So, where the the tip meets the shaft. That's where the frenulum lives, and it's a happy spot. So think of it as your new best friend if you weren't quite sure what it was. Okay, this is what I recommend. The Hot Octopus Pulse 3 Solo or Duo. It's called a Guybrator, which is genius, but it actually oscillates, so it's not vibrating, which is a pretty great sensation. I know the founder of the company, and I adore him, and when he— I saw him bringing this around to shows years ago, and now it's a He created this great toy for men. I've never seen anything else like it. You put it on the head of your penis, kind of like a sleeve, but it doesn't fully go around your penis, and you let it do its thing, and there's no movement necessary. And this has been getting rave reviews from all the penises that I know, and some I don't know. The We-Vibe Pivot Penis Ring. You can use it with lube and use it as a stroker. This toy, you guys, I'm obsessed with the Pivot because It's a penis ring, it's a great clitoral vibe, and you can use it as a stroker. It's a really cool toy, and you can use it with an app, so you could really do it hands-free. And then there's the, um, Fleshlight Quick Shot, which is different than other Fleshlights. It's actually a sleeve that's open-ended, has easy cleanup, and it's made of their patented Super Skin material that has to look and feel like the real deal. And also, just use any finger vibe, and you can use it while you masturbate. There's some really nice even battery-operated. Screamy O makes some really reasonably priced toys that are disposable, some of them, and I like them. They're a lower price point. So those are some options there. Let me know what you like. I'd love to hear, Kevin. I'd love to know which one you choose and how it feels to you. So let us know. Thanks for the question, Kevin. This is from D, 22, Pennsylvania. Hey Emily, I haven't had that many sexual partners, but I enjoy sex and love to masturbate. As most of us do. Often when I'm fantasizing, I imagine someone talking dirty to me in a derogatory term such as dirty slut or whore. I haven't brought up this fantasy to any of my sexual partners because I'm embarrassed. If anyone said things like this to me in real life, I'd be so offended, but in bed I find it hot. I'm just wondering why this is such a turn-on for me and if this is normal. Thanks, D. I love this question because I think we all kind of struggle with these things that we fantasize about or the things we desire bad and we think, I would never want anyone to like pull my hair in real life or just come up and spank me, but in bed, that's so hot. Well, that's why you guys, it's like I say, the brain is the largest sex organ. And what I mean by that is the thoughts in our mind is really what gets us turned on. So it also, when someone dirty talks to you, it kind of activates those regions in your brain while your body is getting stimulated. So it's all connected. So like the more, think of it this way, the more input we have, like into our brain or things that we see or feel or touch is going to turn us on even more. So that's why you're really into those words. So basically you're talking about dirty talk, but this is more like humiliation, which is kind of a little bit of S&M, and it's a little more like— like there's some people who would really just want someone to say like, you know, I'm gonna fuck you so hard. But then when you go into like slut and whore, people might like dirty talk and might not like that range. But again, it's just about humiliation, which means we just have things that are kind of taboo in real life, but in the bedroom, we can eroticize it and it just really turns us on. And again, it's okay that you'd find it hurtful in real life and it would turn you on in the bedroom. So, it's really just the way our brain processes the information. So, that's why. I mean, that's why you feel that way. It's completely like so commonplace. I know you haven't talked to your partners about it yet, and I think that The way you would do it is just be like, I think it'd be like when you're making out and be like, I think it'd be really hot if you, you know, told me what you want to do to me. And then you could say like, so my little slut, like you could lead them on and say, so I'm your little slut. And then they might get the hint and be like, yeah, you're my dirty little slut. That's how it can work. A leading, it's kind of like a leading question, but it's like a leading dirty talk phrase. And then you ask the question and he'll give it back to you. So there's nothing wrong with you, D. That's why these things turn us on, you guys. Our brain, remember, it's the largest sex organ, and that's why I'm so concerned and so focused on all of you getting out of your heads during sex. Unless you're thinking dirty thoughts, I'm cool with that. But when you're thinking thoughts that kind of take you out of the moment, so when you're thinking anxious thoughts and you're wondering how you look in bed and you're wondering how you're performing, that's why all the brain, all the other energy is rushing to those thoughts and away from your genitals. So that's why those thoughts are more destructive, but thinking sexy thoughts and dirty talk and all that is a way to keep our brains focused on the matter at hand, which is having amazing sex. This is from Pete, 34, in Chicago. Hey Emily, I love your podcast and I've been listening for a while now. My therapist recommended it to me. I love that. I'm 34 years old and lost my virginity to my now fiancé when I was 32. I'm really new at sex and am insecure about sexual performance my lack of experiences relative to my fiancée's colorful past, and my penis, which is not circumcised. In the beginning of our relationship, my fiancée went from saying how she's never been as horny with anyone until me. However, after months of dating, she made a comment about me being a unicorn without a horn, or after cumming says, 'That's small,' referencing my flaccid penis. She asked me why I was bugged by what she said, and now I'm insecure about not being at par with her past lover. I've seen a urologist who says I'm over the 5-inch average and I'm fine, but if I want to increase size, I can try stretching device that'll add an inch after 4 to 6 months. I'm seriously considering trying this or something else. I feel like this may even spice up our sex lives again. She loved when I tried Cialis. What should I do? By the way, you and Ben are awesome together. Ooh, okay, Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete. Let's break this down. I, First of all, there's a lot here. I don't love the way your fiancé is talking to you. I gotta say, even one of these statements are upsetting to me. So she calls you a unicorn, she's referring to your uncircumcised penis, which by the way, most of the world has uncircumcised penises and there's nothing wrong with them at all. And the fact that she says, you know, you have a small flaccid penis, um, hi, who doesn't? I've never seen like a large flaccid penis. Those words have never been spoken. So, I feel like there's some kind of weird manipulation going on or just negativity and I just, I don't like it. And finally, I'm going to go back to these, but your urologist, I'm sorry, are you sure he's a certified urologist? Because I've never ever, ever heard of anything that can stretch your penis an inch. This doesn't exist. It's like the back of one of those magazines they used to sell in like the '80s. Like, I literally have no idea. So this is all misinformation, okay? So you can't stretch your penis, and your penis is totally fine. And I'm concerned about all these messages. Now, I don't like that she's making you more insecure and it's making you question yourself. And so it's really hard to dig yourself out of this space. I really would love you to kind of stick up for yourself here and explain to her why it made you feel bad. Like, it was insulting to say that, you know, you're— any man or woman, you're saying something about their body or their, you know, their— especially their genitals— is going to hurt. And I also have a question for you. Is she doing this in other areas of your life? Are there other ways that she's not making you feel great, belittling you, and impacting your self-confidence? Because it's, it's interesting to me that she wouldn't find this to be offensive, this language, and that you actually have explain to her why telling a guy, you know, their flaccid penis is small. Like, you know, if you told a woman she had small breasts, that would not feel great to me. So I feel like I need you to kind of really pay attention to what's going on in this relationship because I want you to be in a healthy place. And here's the other thing I want to say about experience, okay? I hear this a lot from people, and we had an email earlier about experience. Remember that experiences is very different than experience, right? So she might have had a ton of lovers, but it doesn't mean that she necessarily has experience being in a healthy sexual relationship. And a healthy sexual relationship is about communicating, you know, about your wants and needs and taking each other into consideration about your desires and going really deep about, like, what does great sex look to you, trying new things, adding variety, and making sure that you're both satisfied and happy. It does not include shooting each other down and saying things that are hurtful. I just want to say there that yes, I understand you came in as a virgin, but this experience thing, just because she's had a lot of lovers, I feel like you guys are at an even playing field right now where you're not married yet, she's still your fiancée, so I would say this should be one of the most important things you focus on, making sure you can get your sex life on track so it feels good to both of you. I want you to to put, you know, I want you to also consider your needs as well. So we've got the fact that your relative is telling you things that are not true and your fiancé isn't being that great to you when it comes to giving you feedback about sex or even making you, building you up, because we all need that. I'm telling you, it just takes one comment and it could wreak havoc on your sex life. And just sounds to me like she does need to learn a little bit more about being compassionate and sensitive to your needs. There's also some certain positions and angles that allow for deeper penetration and a fuller feeling that will feel great to both of you. You can bolster her hips up with a pillow. You can use 1 or 2 pillows in missionary or doggy style. I love using pillows in basically any sex position, either under my back or my lover's back. It just changes things up. I mean, sometimes you want a pillow, sometimes you don't, but it's kind of like another way to try out positions and to see what angles work because we're all different, right? All of our bodies are shaped differently. So I would say play with that, play with the way that you do missionary or doggy style. My biggest concern here is not about your penis. I think you're perfectly fine. Your penis is great. And I just want you guys to have some healthy communications around sex so you continue to feel great together and have a happy life. Happy sex life, happy life. Thank you so much for your email, Pete. Alright everyone, I love you all. Thank you so much for listening to this show. Check me out on social media. Sex with Emily, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.