Nina Hartley: Porn Star, Activist, and Hand Job Expert

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Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh. Oh, my God.

I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts. You can also go to itunes, Just download them all. I've got hundreds of podcasts on itunes. My website is Sex with Emily. I've got lots of information, informative blog posts and videos, and so much that you can learn there. And I just want to thank everyone for listening. And I'm really excited for tonight's show because I have an amazing woman sitting here in the studio with me, Nina Hartley. Hello. Hello.

Yay.

I love the clapping. That's amazing. She. Nina is. If you don't know, which I can't imagine, because everyone knows who Nina is, I feel. American pornographic actress, director, sex educator, feminist author. You've been in how many films?

900.

900 films. And you're still doing films?

Oh, absolutely.

And everything. You're activists. You've done so many things. And I'm. I'm so in awe of your career and all the amazing things you've done. And we're going to talk about sex tonight. I mean, sex with Emily, really. But if anyone. I almost feel like I should. I know. How about that?

Isn't it awesome?

I know. We're going to get into the stuff, all the things that you've ever wanted. Ask Nina. And I feel like so many of my listeners, they need tips. They need advice, like, for keeping their. Their relationships interesting and how to have a spicy sex life. And I love oral sex stuff. I always ask my guests. And I feel like you would have really good oral sex tips for women and for men. So we're gonna get into that. Nina, sexy voice. And Anderson, are you paying attention? Are you, Anderson? Are you there? So I'm here with Anderson as well, and he's making everything run smoothly.

I make things sound good.

You make things sound pretty. And you're not just a pretty face yourself.

I make you sound pretty, as does Nina. And I just make sure that the levels are good. That's all I do.

But you're doing good. But I also wanted to talk to you, Anderson, so I. I have to tell you about ting.

Right?

Ting.

Okay.

Who doesn't love ting?

I'm so okay, I'm obsessed with ting because I felt like I was waste. I didn't realize that I might, I just, you know, pay my cell phone bill. I signed up for my, my cut, my server and my carrier and I just started, you know, paying so much money every month and I just figured that's how it had to be. I had to just keep paying for my cell phone plan even though I didn't use all the minutes and all the data and everything. And then I discovered Ting and basically there's. They don't charge you for anything. They have the savings calculator right on their website. And you go there and you put in your phone bill and I'm like, this is what I'm paying now. They up, they go to my account and they say, Verizon, let's say. And they look at it, they're like, oh my God, you could save $80 with that. So it cuts my phone bill in half. Unlimited devices on one plan. You get credits for unused service. They have no add on charges. There's no weird things on your bill and it cuts your prices. So it's amazing. So everyone, if you want to save money, because believe me, if you look at your bill, you are, you are paying for things that you do not use and you do not need. So go to emily.ting.com to receive $25 off your first device purchase or $25 in service credit if you bring in your own device. And I'm just, because I'm saving like so a couple hundred dollars like in just over the next few months. So I'm going to buy myself some pretty things.

The easiest and best thing to do. I think I even. I've had friends of mine that to do it. I've asked them to do it and they've done it and they've come back with glowing endorsements. But you just fill out the worksheet. Actually they do the worksheet. Just print it, plug in your stuff and then you'll figure out exactly how much you saved.

That's their savings calculator.

Times that by 12. Bang.

It's so much more like I'm like, I already have been on Amazon. I have like my shopping list that I'm gonna. All the money that I'm gonna save. So it's pay as you go phone service. Check it out. It is emily.ting.com to receive $25 off your first device purchase or $25 in service credit if you bring in your own device. It's a great Deal. So that's what I have to tell everyone about right now. Okay. So Nina, I don't even know. I was like, nina. I'm like, there's so many things that Nina can talk about. And so I feel like, tell me what you're up to now. So first, well, yeah, tell me what's going on in your life now that you're excited about. What are you working on? Nina.com, which is amazing. You have that URL, right?

Yeah. Nina.com is my pay site and it's XXX. I do need to. I've been doing this 32 years since I started dancing and 30 years in porn. And I am now old enough to have children in their 30s. But as I tell the young people with whom I work, you know, I'm old enough to be your mother, but I'm no one's mother, so it's not creepy.

Right, Exactly.

So I have been working, putting more energy into branching out just in terms of talking and teaching because I've been a feminist my whole life. And so I remember the early days of the conversation about pornography and sex and sexuality and sexual expression from the 70s. And now I have 40 years perspective on how's that working for you?

Right, exactly.

So I'm the age of a lot of young people's parents and so. But I'm not a parent, so I'm not icky.

Right.

So I wanted to give back to the community. I want to talk to young adults about what I wish I had known about sex when I was their age.

What is. So when you say young, you're talking about people in their 20s?

I'm talking for me, 18 to 30. I could 54. I could easily have a 30 year old child without it being weird. And if I'd had a child right out of high school, that person would be 30. Two of my favorite playmates were born the year I graduated high school and they're 35. It blows my mind, but I see them as peers because they're. What do you mean?

Your playmates? People that you play with, have sex with.

Right. I am, I am not a monogamous person and I'm also queer. So I have a large circle of poly, poly, bi, queer, non monogamous.

Polymorphously perverse.

Exactly.

But I live a very sexually open lifestyle. And what people get confused about who are not wired this way is they could use open with anarchic, with like no rules at all. And what it really is, it's a kind of sexual orientation that works best when you keep it within people of your like, orientation. So people with whom I play and when we play is almost always some kind of sexual intention, if not actual genital contact, are people who share my sexual values, my sexual outlook. Most of my overlaps sexual philosophy enough that we can cohabit the same space and share some kind of mutual good time. And I don't try to do that with people whose sexual values and boundaries don't mesh with mine. And the biggest thing I could tell anybody as a young adult is figure out what this is. Something you can do alone while reading. You don't even have to do it with anybody. It's just something inside yourself. What do I seem to be? I'm strongly pulled toward monogamy. I'm strongly pulled toward non monogamy. But I feel guilty about it because of what I've been told. So am I really monogamous and wanting a fantastical dream or am I actually a non monogamous person burdened with guilt? Hmm. So we have to investigate.

Exactly.

And on and on. So my playmates, and they're 35 and they're born the year I graduated high school, like, get the F out of dodge. Oh my God. But I feel as. I feel more alive than ever. I wouldn't go back and be 35 again if you paid me. Because at 35 I was entering the most unhappy period of my first marriage where I was craziest and most absolutely, I've been unhappily married. I'm happily married now. And I have, I have insight I can impart to people. You know, and also the whole thing about personal responsibility. Stop feeling like such a victim. I'm sure you talk about that with.

People all the time feeling like a victim in their own life, in their own.

Especially when it comes to sex. Poor me, poor me. And you know, pull up your big. Pull up your big, big person panties.

Exactly.

And. And we're not talking about actually having been victimized, obviously. We're not talking about violence. We're talking about where, you know what you do when you're crazy? You keep thinking the wrong partners. You have this pattern that you act out again and again, you realize, and after the third time, it is you.

Exactly. Like, what's the common denominator here? Oh, okay.

It's me.

I know I fully blame myself for all of my mistakes now. Like, I think it's so funny in all my relationships, I'm like, oh yeah, this is my pattern. And people don't stop. And they don't stop and look at themselves. But I think it's interesting. So you've been. Have you always known that you were non monogamous or when you were.

Okay, well, if I'd had the words in high school, I would have recognized that I was, to quote Reid Michalka, a poly bi slut.

I love Reed Reed sandwich. We love you, Reid.

We love you, Reed Reed. About sex.

And I never had a monogamous fantasy in my life. I always fantasized about them. I never fantasized about him. And I always felt strange about that. So when it comes to sex, I feel like Spock. I just never. And if you have friends who are very, very strongly gay, they'll tell you, oh, I knew from first grade. Oh, I knew since I was five years old. Oh, absolutely. And you know people like that.

Yeah, absolutely.

I am not. So my sexuality is as strong and inborn in me as their gayness. But because I didn't have language for it, I didn't know that it had to do with relational orientation or because poly is. And monogamous is separate from gay or kinky or bisexual. It says, how do you want to run your romantic life? And I'm very happy. I need a wide variety of people with whom I can be sexual. And I have a husband. And people will say, Nina, if you're. Why be married if you're not going to be monogamous? And I say, well, my husband's my through partner. So all the sex I have is intentional.

Right?

We negotiate it. We are doing it deliberately. It's not because someone got drunk. So each time I'm with someone. That's a beautiful bead. Maybe this is a carved ivory bead. This is a Murano glass bead. Or this is a Hopi Indian bead. And I string all those beads on the through relationship I have with my husband. And for me, that balances out.

Right. And is he also. Does he see other people as well, nothing.

Seriously. I'm polyamorous, he's non monogamous.

Okay.

But the orientations work well enough to. That we can make it work. My primary. When I got out of my first marriage, I knew that I would be single until I was dead and have cats and lovers before I would ever consent again to be with a possessive partner. I've been struggling with my guilt over wanting a non possessive partner for so long. I'm struggling over my guilt about desiring multiple people because person A would get so hurt that I expressed an interest in person B because person A felt of my interest in person B therefore meant less for him or her. Or you like B because you don't like me. You like B because I'm deficient. It's like, no, I like A and B.

There's enough for everyone.

As a poly person A is A is A. Nothing else can be A and nothing else can be. And you can't. They don't compete.

Exactly.

So if there's a, for example, another slender, attractive, accomplished, intelligent, young brunette woman over here who can rock the, the plaid pants which I no longer bother trying to wear, and if there's someone who on the surface of it looked a lot like you, I would not be confused because you're you and she would be her. And so that. So you vibrate this string in that harmonic resonance way and she. And she can't pluck your string.

Right, Exactly. People are jealous and they're possessive and so I totally understand. Do you think that there's a lot of people, do you find that would be non monogamous or polyamorous if they could, but they don't even think that's an option because they have to. Do you think really like a lot of people are, you know, I think a lot of people are suffering through monogamy.

Like, I think monogamy is an honest orientation. I think a solid 20% of people are truly monogamous. One partner is all they want and they're devoted their whole lives. And it's not a burden. And it really. It's what, it's what they are.

They chose it.

Right. They are it. Right. This is it. I felt I met your mother when we were 15. I fell in love and never looked at another woman since. I've met enough couples like that to know that for some people is true. And then there is 20% of the people like me who are fully acclimated to a functioning, healthy, non monogamous relational style and have a good partner and are okay with that. And the other 60% are struggling with some balance of it. So it's not that I think more people would be non monogamous. I think more people could be more open and fluid than are now if it were controlled, considered a healthy option right now. You know, monogamy is the only thing that's healthy and normal and mature and respectful. I would never put up with my partner. You, you let him do what you let her do. What it's like not letting.

Right.

So clearly I can't be with someone like you. And I. And I tried that. I tried very hard. I fail at monogamy I completely.

I do too.

I was, I end up being a cheater. I ended up being a liar, I ended up withholding. It was.

It was crazy.

So.

But if what I really. This is why I want to strangle them people and say, well, you know, I want other partners but I don't want my partner to have anybody else. It's like, then you are too immature for this. You don't get to have the cookie. Because this is a two way street now. Because in our culture people get stunted emotionally at very young ages around sexuality and pleasure and what do I get to have in the world? And then they grow up to be big people people and they interact with another adult person and then a trigger gets, gets pushed. All of a sudden they're again a very young child and they don't want to have to deal with their stuff. You have to do it first because I'm not going to. It's like I thought I was dating a grown up.

Exactly. No, I understand. And I think a lot of people struggle with I myself same thing I monogamy has. It's never worked for me. Really. Never. And I love hearing you say this because I still think I try to get into relationships where I am and not that I haven't been in, but I used to be a cheater. I'm a formed cheater because I don't really commit now in do I'm like, okay, this is more open. But it's something that I never wanted from a young age. I've never wanted that.

What's wrong with you for not wanting it?

I'm like, well, one day I'll want to get married. Well, one day I'll want to have kids. You know, it'll all happen and I think it's so good. But no, at this point it's just not going to happen. I mean I'm in relationships and it doesn't.

Right. I kept waiting for the to want kids and it never. The joke now is at the factory they forgot to wind my biological son. Exactly.

That's what I always say. I'm like, I don't have one. I love kids.

Love them, love them.

But let's go back to your child. So you grew up up in Berkeley, California, which I just moved to LA from San Francisco, so my heart is still in San Francisco. So what was a Go Niners Go Niners growing up in Berkeley then what were your parents like? Were they.

Oh, my parents are totally alt.

My father.

Was a blacklisted radio personality. So I grew up after he'd been blacklisted. Last people McCarthy got, and my mother, they had had a pretty modern marriage. And my mother was going back to school to get her master's, and she had a job too. And so I grew up in a very avant garde female breadwinner, male homekeeper household. 20 years before that was popular. So that was very difficult for everybody.

I'm sure it must have been.

So I was the youngest, and so I had a lot of time to myself to pursue my own interests. My parents were all of the 60s, deeply into therapy, all cut, girl, I could tell you everything you got. And in 1969, they found Zen Buddhism and started studying that seriously. In 1973, they quit. My mother quit her job and became full time students. And my mother is a senior priest at the Zen center in San Francisco. Oh, she is. She still is, yeah. Oh, wow. And so they found. They. I'm so grateful because being 1969, it could have been est. It could have been hard.

I was going to ask if it was est.

It could have been silent.

Thank God.

Thank God it was then.

That's what I was gonna say to you. Thank God. So then your parents are that. And then. Excuse me.

I'm sorry, guys. What is asked?

Oh, Earnhardt seminar training.

If I don't know, I'm glad you're asking. It's the. It was this, like, hippie.

It was the first cult of personality. I'm okay. You're an asshole.

You heard about things where they keep you in the. In the room all day. You know, when you're hungry and tired, you need to go to the bathroom to break your ego.

Yeah. I mean, it was like a spiritual people remember, Like Landmark Forum. Have you heard people do that now?

Well, I think Landmark Forum is a descendant of est.

It's kind of like.

What about the thing where people screamed?

That's primal screaming therapy. My parents tried that.

She's probably done everything. Berkeley in the 60s.

Berkeley in the 60s.

Seriously?

Like, what else?

Apparently that Tears for Fear song, Shout, shout, Let it all out. It's all about that.

Oh, was it? Didn't know. Are you just saying that?

No, no, really. True.

Well, it does work. So I was so. Doesn't the what's aren't so important as. So, yes, I was a lonely child. Yes. My parents feel very bad about that. But the positive thing out of all of that is that they show by their example that you can their life have been upended by my father's blacklistedness. The plan they have of themselves 65 miles an hour into the brick wall. And so they showed me that you can, a person can cast about and find the best way to make an honorable and meaningful life for yourself according to your own needs. And for a proto queer kid who didn't know that word yet, it was very, very liberating because part of what they also looked at was sexuality and that. And then there was a feminist movement where I got all the, some of the source material because these brand new ideas. And so there was before the anti pornography feminists took over the whole branch of the whole wing of feminism, but actually quite open discussion about sex workers rights and women's bodies. Beautiful. It was this really great very. So it was very empowering that the thinking about. But I was younger enough that I wasn't fully an adult. I did. I hadn't become an adult in that environment. So I was reading people's projections on a utopian way of being around sexuality. Young enough that I grew into it.

And you lived it and we're living it now.

And if I'd had a little more F U U F N F I would have not put up with some of what I put up with. I was a bit, I was quite codependent for a number of years. And so in my secret mind, I wanted to be braver like Betty Dotson in my real life. I just couldn't quite break that pattern until I finally did at 40. It's like, oh, I'm holding myself back, right?

It's always us holding ourselves up. We're the only ones holding ourselves back. I know, absolutely. That's true. So I, I want to go back to how you. So you went to school, you went, you graduated from Berkeley and then you became a nurse or you went to nursing school.

I graduated from Berkeley High School, which.

All my friends went to Berkeley High School are like, they're the most, most interesting people. They're just, they're like some of my favorite people and their parent. I mean the way they, they eat, the way they talk. They're religious.

I know. No, they're pretty cool people. And I said, I'm, I'm friends with all the people. I was in the theater department, which was fabulous for me. And I saw my first. I discovered pornography when I was 14 and was reading the books by the bedside of this cool 70s swinging couple that I babysat for regularly. And they had a waterbed. And it was just very, it was 1973. 72, 3 and 4. So the height of it, I was I found the Joy of Sex and the Happy hooker. Maybe want to be a prostitute that very day. And I still, you know, it's like, oh my gosh, wouldn't that be great?

Could have been a prostitute. I think that's easy.

Well, if it were legal business, you know, and you, you've, you're educated. So I know some of the anti pornography screed is what they don't like about it. Porn is that it portrays women as horrors by nature. Setting aside for the moment that the reason you watch porn is to watch people in sexual action as opposed to any other kind of movie.

Right.

I don't agree that. I agree with them that not all women air quotes are whores by nature. But she says, raising her hand, some aren't.

Right, Exactly.

You know, some of us are suited for this job. Some of us are suited to be law enforcement. Some of us are suited to be lawyers. Some of us are suited to be accountants. And I'm suited to be a sexual intermediary.

So when was your first sexual experience? Was it young? Did you start sleeping with people like men and women? Or was it abuse?

Well, I knew at 14 that I was bisexual. I had the label bisexual. I knew that I was exhibitionistic and a voyeur at 14 because I was seriously, I was seeking out information about sex everywhere that I could. I think the Joy of Sex came out very soon after that.

And then I wanted to see. You went to Mitchell Brothers as well.

Right.

So that was before.

Okay, so that was absolutely. So I discovered pornography at 14, liked it right away. And I looked like the first Playboys I saw and anything depicting sex or bodies in motion. And as a bisexual, I love looking at pictures of naked ladies. That was just the most awesomest in the world. So when Screed came down about objectification being wrong, I realized that that line of thinking is just bullshit and based on nothing. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking like that.

No, you can do whatever, say whatever you want.

So I walked. So Berkeley High School, between my home and the high school was an adult theater. The Mitchell Brothers had a theater in Berkeley.

Okay, so Mitchell Brothers is an iconic theater in San Francisco.

Adult theater in San Francisco. And they had that. The Mitchell Brothers Theater in San Francisco had everything. This is just a movie theater. No peep shows, no live girls, just a theater. And so I boldly, when I was 6, 17, walked into the theater to see a movie because I'd read the book, I wanted to see the movie. And I had an epiphanic experience there I was just struck with, that's what I want to do.

Well, it was a porn. It was a porn film.

Yeah, it was a flea. It was a hardcore porno movie.

And you said, I want to do this.

And how long did it? 17. I was wearing overalls and a flannel shirt and Birkenstocks and granny glasses. I mean, full on stuff is 1976, right? So full on hippie get up and nothing sexual. I wasn't. I was. Now, in my mind, I had been thinking about sex with people for years, but I didn't actually have sex with anybody till I was 18. And those experiences were as awkward as they ever are. Right. But 18, 18 was my first girl girl, my first boy girl experience. And it took me years to like, to really learn how to like sex. And took me more years not to be. Be any good at it. And then there's some people who are.

Just, why didn't you like it though? Why didn't you like sex if you were. So you didn't know how to take.

I didn't. I liked it mentally, but. Aha. Aha. So, yeah, my, my relationship to pleasure, my relationship to my embodied feelings were as, shall we say, nascent and very immature.

Okay, so did you feel like guilt around it or did you deserve it?

I didn't. I just wasn't connected. I didn't. How. I wasn't connected to my body. My parents were very intellectual, so they had conversations about feelings and theories about.

Feelings, but Feelings, right, about feelings.

And so no, no free discussion. There's no yelling, no screaming. It was just very German.

Right.

And so I didn't. And more importantly, did you have orgasms?

Like, did you experience pleasure in that way?

Well, I wasn't some, you know, I wasn't very. For me, even to this day, my interest in sex and my desire for sex is from the brain down. Some people are very gently motivated, as in their. Their crotches. Go feed me now. Get off this chair, get a shower, go to a bar, find me something to eat because I'm really hungry.

Right.

Thank you. Please go. And I never had for me, I could totally stay in my head about sex. All I love reading about it, theories about it, you know, Master. I just love the science of it and the literature of it. Just fascinating to me. But then it was totally in my head, completely in my head.

Were you more of a performer than when you started doing films? So you started doing films? You started stripping?

So I started stripping when I was 23 and I was going to. I was going to nursing school and I ran into a friend from high school that I'm still sorry, didn't sleep with Ruby. And she told me about this job she had. I was like, that sounds. She said she was a stripper at. This wasn't the Mitchell Brothers, but another club in San Francisco. She told me about. About amateur night. And I went to my then boyfriend who ended up being my first husband. And it was a shared fantasy of ours that I was that kind of girl who wanted to be a porno girl or be a sex worker. And so I didn't realize he was going to turn into a, you know, lunatic later.

But you never do.

He seemed very. And I was like, can't there be.

Some kind of thing that you can, like, talk to their exes or there's some kind of personality test you give people before you get into a relationship with them to figure out if you're. Aha.

But first you have to have a relationship with. With yourself. So I did not know how to say things like. Like, wow, did you mean to say that?

Right.

I don't agree. Go back. What did you say? Oh, no, I think you're wrong. That's a deal breaker. I didn't know you could talk to people like that.

We don't want you to learn skills. Learn skills.

And as a codependent, the person makes a big enough fuss over. You're just going to nod there and you can think whatever you want, but you're not going to. You're not going to say what. And he. And my first boyfriend, he said many things that. In my mind it's like, what? And I didn't know that you could. That you're supposed to say that.

Right? Exactly, exactly. So you're supposed to say like, right. But in the beginning, he was.

In the beginning, he was very supportive. And it was hot for him that I wanted to be a peep show girl. And so I did the amateur night, which is a whole other story, and I won a job. And it was.

So you were natural.

Amazing.

Did you get naked on stage? What'd you do?

I got naked on stage. And it was a photo night. It's an amateur photo night. So by being on stage, the guys in the audience had cameras. And I look at this. I have seen pictures from that night. And it's just, for me, horrifyingly embarrassing because I had a perm and I dyed my hair dark. It was just. But still. And then I end up getting a job at the Mitchell Brothers Theater.

Doing the lap. I love the lap dancing. I had a live show with the dildo and so full nudity, sex performance and what I loved about it. And people say, oh my gosh, strip club is so dangerous. If you're an exhibitionistic woman, that's the safest place to be because that's where you go to get naked. Everybody understands the rules. Everybody knows there's bouncers. The guys don't think that you're being a cockties because they understand that you're not going to go home with them. So they're not looking at you with hostility and the look of she's. Don't forget this 1983. I am dancing and the. Just to be able to sit on the edge of the stage and show my vulva to men who would sit there wrapped, enraptured and just transfixed and transformed. And I realized no woman had ever said, hey, try this. I like this. Try this move. Here's what, here's what this. Here's where these parts are.

Yeah, they know. They still don't.

They still don't.

That's why they listen to sex with Emily. Because I swear to God. Or whether they watch your films and you do educational films on your site.

Very proud of those.

I think that I just. Oh, I just want them to learn. They want them to learn. They don't know that the vagina. They know. They're clueless and every vagina they're with is different to them. They don't understand.

And, and, and, and they're stuck watching, you know, mainstream porn for information, which is really sad because it doesn't teach you anything. Mainstream.

I see this all the time. Mainstream porn and visually looks at that. That doesn't feel good to her. Dinner. You're nowhere near her clitoris. You really think she's having an orgasm right now? It's not happening. You know, I mean it's like it's a movie. I know it's a movie, but that's how kids. But that's what I want to ask you. We're gonna go back to it, but what do you think? Because this just comes up all the time. Is that what. How do you think that porn today is, is impacting like young people who are learning about sex and.

Well, I think that that's the only place they're seeing sex. It's certainly impacting them in a way that is going to make good sex that's much harder to get to. If we could counter porn with actual age appropriate, comprehensive sex education, that is that Is safety and pleasure based. So before you're watching porn, you should be, you know, watch all the porn you want, consume all. Judging you for. Consume all the media you want to consume it. This is where people say, one woman accused me of being a secret conservative because I believe in personal responsibility. So I've had the life that I've had, I've had the experiences that I've had. I've consumed the media that I've had. I've had the media messages into me that I've had. Eventually, when we're alone together in a room, it's just you and me and what. How am I going to be? Am I going to be a dipshit, ignorant, lame ass cunt, right? Or am I going to be a human who says, wow, you know what? I'm really uncomfortable now because this is new for me. Or wow, you're really beautiful. Or golly, I'm really scared. Or you know what? I really like this idea back at the bar, but now that we hear I really want to keep my clothes on or you know what, can we have some.

Whatever it is, whatever it is, women.

Think they get in a situation or I owe it to him, or he bought me dinner or I'm too drunk and people just don't even get that.

So if you as a person think that a human partner is going to like what a movie is doing, then you are not ready to have a partner in your bed with you. You need to back up and get acquainted with your own body and not talking. Guys, here's what I tell women. Don't bother getting another person in bed with you until you on your own can reliably give yourself an orgasm. Preferably a couple of ways, but it's only one way. Reliably know that I can do this. And here's what orgasm feels, feels like to me. And here's the things that I like and here are the kinds of. So I know me. So I'm gonna drive the Ferrari first and I'm gonna take through the hairpin terms. I'm gonna take it over to the. Do the. Do the. You know, the.

So many women don't do that. And then they call up and they're like, my boyfriend didn't give me an orgasm.

I'm like, well, it's not his job.

You know how to have an orgasm head. You spent time alone with yourself, figuring out your own body.

It's not. No, it's. No, it's not your job to give me pleasure. It's my job to not know what pleasure feels like to me and communicate with you. Helpful hints.

Exactly.

To give you go down, you know, the left fork is a little better. Just. Just so you know. And then surprise me. And. And so, ladies, don't have a partner in bed until you are comfortable alone in your room with a locked door and a closed window, naked in front. Make it nice lighting. I'm not saying no one's gonna know racial women are gonna love their love themselves with harsh overhead lighting. But. But with nice bedroom lighting. Do the therapy, the journaling, the masturbation, the naked dancing until you are okay.

So you love your body, you love yourself, and you know how to get yourself there. It's so true.

Get yourself there and then. And then discover, okay, what kind of sexy clothes do. What kind of things ought to wear to feel sexy. So if you need to wear a baby doll to cover your middle or stockings to cover yourself, whatever. You find your own sexy space and own it and claim it and go, okay, fine. Yay. So now you're this. You're at the starting line instead of being behind the starting line. Now, guys, my advice to you is don't bother trying to get someone into bed with you until you can stay hard and happy for at least 20 minutes.

Not baseball stats, not granny panties, not no happy be your bad. Sensual, voluptuous. You know, as Chris Rock says, get a good jerk on, right? And learn how to stay in. Stay pleasurably happy for at least 20 minutes. Bonus points if you do that drinking off with a condom. Because, hey, it's going to feel different way with a condom. Triple bonus points for both genders if you learn to make friends with the back porch, which is strictly external anal play. Back porch. We're going to hang out in the back porch.

How do you anal?

Okay.

Anal sex, huge right now. I mean, I feel like in the last 10 years, I don't even feel like you'll talk about, like when I was in high school ever. I didn't come up, didn't know it. No guy, no. Like you ventured there. But now. And I do believe it's because of porn that they think, oh, that that's what I'm. It's expected of me. Men and women, right?

I mean, well, certainly. And. And again, there is what. There's what we feel porn is quote unquote telling us. And then what I'm. What I'm telling. What I'm telling you is.

Is, you know, not that porn's bad again. You know, I love.

All the time.

Back we don't learn to drive a car by watching Vin Diesel. We don't learn about spycraft by watching.

And we don't learn about actual sex with a human person by watching porn. We may get a couple of cool ideas with a wrist flip or something. But in the end, ladies and gents, good sex is sex that pleases both people and makes them go, you know what? That was really great. I'd like to see you again. I feel good after it. Not bad, not guilty, not shame faced, not apologetic, not sorry for it.

And what about tips for people who have never had anal sex but they'd like to and they like a lot of guys. They email that. I go, I want my partner to. And I'm like, have you ever tried it? Like, what about, let's first talk about men and women, they've never had anal sex.

How would you first, the only people who should attempt anal pleasure are those who are sincerely interested in it for their own sake. So butts are like cats. They must be coaxed and seduced every time.

But you're weeks away, you just jumped forward a month. We're talking about our mental state. So butts must be coaxed and seduced every time. And they're moody like cats.

And they cannot lie. You cannot make your butt relax. You cannot make it want it what it doesn't want. And buts also know that the butts know when what is touching them is paying attention, being a jerk, including ourselves. So if one wants to become more more, one wants to investigate anal sex first, one needs to invest in a high water, high natural fiber diet to make, to make things all regular. Okay, if you have bowel issues or poop issues diet, that's not going to.

Be the thing for you yet.

Thank you for saying yet. Thank you for saying it so first. So if we're interested in anal play first, I have to be interested in it for myself. I want it not to please. You can't do it to please anybody. It has to be because it's pleasing to you. It's like, oh, hey, wait a minute, cool. So there's that. Then you read up about it. You read about it so you have some actual information. If you're a female, Tristan Tiramino's book is excellent. If you're a male, Jack Moran's book, Anal Pressure and Health is excellent. And just get acquainted with it and understand then you have to go through, through reacquainting.

So much of the resistance to anal pleasure is cultural that just getting to the point in your Life where you can take a. After a shower, everything's clean and clean, clean, clean. To get to the point where you can touch the outside of your anus in a pleasurable way while touching the front of you and putting those two sensations together, that's 80% of the battle. And we're not even talking about anything.

No, just.

We're just working on. Because as we approach pleasure from our anuses, all the roadblock that's been put up in front of us from our culture and our experiences. It's only for fags. But did that sturdy exit only.

I'm always trying to get men on my show. I'm like, just try it. If you never.

It's.

It's if you want to.

If you want to. And plenty of many gay men do not do anal intercourse. And many women, she says, raising her hand, are fiends for it. If you know how to. If you know how to make my butt happy, you can sew, but how do you tell.

Okay, so did you learn all this? Let's go to your porn career. So when did that. Mr. Brothers, you're stripping, right?

I started my. Made my first movie in 84, but in terms of going back to anal sex, oh, I did. I. So I didn't really get really adept at it and really learned to like it until I got with my now husband and we followed Tristan Tiramino's book, Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. And the anal training program.

And the anal training program.

Sign me up.

Who wants to sign up for that, right?

The secret to learning how to be quote unquote good at anal sex or enjoy anal sex. Anal pleasure is besides my personal reorientation of my relationship to my butt. That's my journaling and therapy and whatever else. So I get to the point, I get neutral. Okay, cool. I'm okay with this. Now we can move forward with a partner. My job is to get okay with all of my parts. Right, Your job is to get okay with your parts. And we bring two people who are okay, maybe inexperienced, but okay with their parts, able to communicate and listen to messages from your body. And we have the dialogue. So when I was learning how to do this, what we do even now, every time we make love, we do something with my butt. We always play with it with gloved fingers. I clean it out and we do is do some kind of anal attention and a nice comfy plug. Every fourth or fifth time, my butt goes, more, please. And my husband goes, well, alrighty then. And we progress to analyze. But we Never. It's never. People think, oh my gosh, so good, I'm going, we have to get his penis in my ass tonight. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, honey, pumpkin. That's when you get people going. Well, you know, will we get drunk and see what happens? No, no, don't get drunk.

Right, exactly. You know, there's that I had drunk. I don't remember. I did have it once. I was really drunk.

I only like it when I'm drunk. You can only. Nurse Nina says you can only have drunk anal sex with an ongoing anal sex partner. And you plan to be. It's something you plan to do, right? I'm not saying that quote unquote, drunk anal sex can't be fun. But unless you set the playground up in a safe way, you're going to end up with a nasty infection, an injury to your body.

So many things could.

So many things can go wrong. So our butt's always there, right? And so we can circle around the issue of our pleasure from it for as long as we need to eventually, with the right partner.

Circle around your anus?

Yes, and, yes. And massaging the sphincter. And don't even go near. And people think, well, I'm just going to. Have you ever had this happen with a guy, you know, he's petting your butt and then he's just, he's starting to go like. And you really think I'm not going to notice, right? You really think I can't tell that you're half an inch from my ass and you're trying to like just until you learn to ask for it. I would like to explore anal pleasure with you, darling. What do you say? It's not on the table, right? You can't talk. You don't talk somebody into their butt, right? Hey, dude, can I talk you into your butt? No, of course not. So to think. And so one thing I don't like about movies is that they never show any because it's a fantasy. They don't show the preparation. So it appears to go from vaginal intercourse to ooh, fuck my ass, Boom. They don't know the 24 hours preparation she did. They don't know that the warm up she did in the makeup chair. They don't know what she did off camera because we don't know. It's all been edited out for your viewing pleasure because it's a fantasy. So in real life, your miles may vary. And some days my butt really would like my mind. My butt wants it. And my mind Wants it. My butt goes, no, actually you don't, but I do.

You listen to your butt, Listen to it. Loses your entire body. Oh, my gosh.

Right?

Yeah, the whole body. The whole thing you have to listen to, you have to be in touch. And you are very in touch on it. So you've done all these films. So I did, but I worked at it.

I worked at it. Oh, my God. It took me years. And then I meet these young women who are 18 years old, 19, and they've been digging intercourse for three or four years. About 20% of the women in porn, they liked intercourse. The first time they did it, it was just like their bodies went.

They really did. They really did.

No, no, they said, yeah, this, this is, this is the first time that it was fun. It may not have been transportive, they may not have gone to. But it was like, this is fun. And for me, it took years for me to go, this is fun, right? Years.

Years. Even after you were doing movies and stuff?

Even after I was doing movies. In my movies. Movies, Movie sex was always fun for me because it's a performance and yay. This is awesome. In my personal life, first I had it. I was not happily married, so there was. That was a roadblock to having good sex in private, was my primary relationship wasn't a healthy one. So there's that problem.

Right, which led to the cheating thing. Right, the cheating thing.

Oh, yeah.

Well, yeah, yeah, I've done that too. So wait, so when you were doing porn, so did you, what did you learn then? Doing porn? What was your. What did you learn about your body when you were like, were you actually enjoying yourself?

Oh, no, no. I know. I. The secret, and I. This is being a feminist. I. My one rule, my two rules was do not cut school to make. Do not cut school to make porn. Because I, I did. I started in 83, didn't graduate till 85, and if I don't do it at home for fun, I will not do it on camera for money. And that's the number two, three. The number three on the list of things I recommend to young women. If you don't do it at home for fun, fun, don't bother doing on camera for money because they don't pay you enough to not have a good time too. So whatever you see me do on camera, I do anyway and more. And there are plenty, plenty of things I do at home I don't do on camera because A, that's personal and B, they're never going to pay me enough to make it worth my while to do that.

Did you ever fall in love with anyone or.

I had a couple. I had a couple mad set crushes that I did pursue sex with them off camera one and I think over the 12 years he was in the business, we got together off camera maybe three times. And always super amazing hot. And one guy really wanted really badly. And his wife. No, no, no. It was clearly mutual love fest. It could have been my porno husband forever. But his real life wife was not okay with the emotional. She was barely okay with the sexual contact. But when it started getting emotional because she was not emotionally non monogamous, you know, for her, for. For her, the fact that he and I had a little crush thing going that was too scary for her. Even though I knew he wasn't gonna leave her, I didn't want him to leave her.

People get so jealous. How was it dating men when they found out what you did and how you are.

This is where I'm really weird.

I'm sure you get asked at times. 20.

I've never been single. So I went from my. My first relationship was a three way relationship with my husband and his girlfriend. My first. My then husband and his girlfriend. And that was 20 years. And that's when I started porn. So we were swingers together. I did porn, I lived in a three way relationship. Then I had that affair thingy and eventually left that marriage. I've always been very open about being in porn. So I've never. And I was single for all of like five months before I got serious with the person to whom I'm now married, with whom I had an affair, you know.

But now you can't even have affairs because you're in place. It's very open.

But also I'm not. So I've never dated. I've never. I've never actually. I've never been quote, unquote single. So if I'm ever without mate again, right there will. There's no dating. There's my circle of playmates. And some, you know, like Reed. Reed hit the very special sweet spot in me. And I think he hits that in a lot of people. And I love that he is generous with that part of him. And I wouldn't want. I wouldn't. With someone like Reed. How can. I'm not meant to be monogamous. And I think if I'm ever quote, unquote single, as in I don't have to answer to anybody else but me. I don't.

But then I mean a fucking Hartley, I Mean, you know, and so. And. And I also. I've also now gotten enough of a skin that I just will not tolerate jealous behavior aimed in my direction.

Right.

If you can't handle it, I don't care if you think I'm a bitch. You can go now. Just go.

I think that's handle elsewhere.

And if I. And I knew that in my head at 18, because that's what the literature said, you know, just, you know, be yourself, and I didn't know how to.

Like everyone else, so it's hard to be yourself.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

I get it.

Come on.

I totally get it. I'm not like everyone else. How do I explain? I'm the only like.

But you look so normal, Emily.

I know. That's the thing. I look so normal, but I'm. I mean, I think I'm normal.

You're normal for you.

But you normally look. You look conventional. I look conventional, but I'm not. But thank you.

Yes.

But I think I'm. You know, people are like. I'm like, people always expect. I've done all these things. Okay, maybe I've done some of those things, but not as much as you think, but probably more than the average person. But not.

But is it the fact that you're open to the idea of it that makes you that much different than most people? It's not about behavior. It's about your attitude.

Yeah. So I've always been so open, but also, I grew up in Michigan. It was much more, you know, conservative. Yeah. Go up to Michigan. University of Michigan. Okay, so my question for you. Okay, so I put some Twitter dates.

They're better all the time. Oh, my gosh. Thank God you're not a Spartan. No, thank God you're not a Spartan.

I'm not a Spartan.

Go blue.

Yeah. Love it. Go Wolverines. It's so true. Michigan's a good place to grow up, but it's very provincial.

Yes. Yes.

I put on Twitter today, so I said. So I'm stacked with Emily on Twitter. And your Twitter is ninalandina Land. Ninaland. It sounds like a fun place. So some of my listeners, they had some questions for you.

Oh, good.

Yay. Yay. And so. But for. Okay, well, here's the first one. Why she still. I said, if you have a question for Nina, what. What do you want to ask her? Andrew G. Says why she still does porn? And what's one of your top favorite scenes or experiences?

Why do I do porn? Because I like having sex with people without having to date. Them and I like having a platform to keep promoting my own sexual message and vision about sex as a sex artist. Porn is awesome and the most memorable scene, man, I've had. So, ooh.

Almost catch it on camera. Because some of my great best, some of my most memorable things have been in Europe lives heterosexual sex performance in Europe and there's no camera in this country. My oh my. Scene with Jiz Lee for Crash pad series episode 100 was very memorable because Jizz.

Jizz.

Jizz Lee.

Is that her real name?

Jizz is a hot gender queer performance former who is a female bodied person but prefers the pronoun they. And that day they consented to be submissive to me.

Wow. Hot, hot.

What happened? Give me one, give me one snippet, quick snippet.

Oh, fisting her front hole. Fisting their front, their front hole. Sorry, Jason. Oh my God. Fisting their front hole.

You've been very good using the right pronouns. So fisting different. Okay, that's a good one.

But this. Yeah, strap on. Intercourse was awesome.

Sounds great. Okay, so next one is from Tom Morris, 79, says compare how fun porn was in the 80s and 90s versus the past decade.

In 80s it was very fun and innocent. It's a very small community. So you work with the same people over and over again. It was.

Had not yet started trying to mainstream itself, so it was still very insular with a very little closed community, like a little country club. You know, he worked with the same talent all the time. You work with the same directors all the time. In the 90s was the big ginormous expansion. The bubble started in the 90s when we started getting mainstreaming and getting into mom and pop video stores. And it's pre digital. So these are the cassette tapes. And so they were brick and mortar stores everywhere. And so that was a circle.

Did they recognize you wherever you went all the time?

Oh yeah, they did. Especially when I was younger and I dressed in more body conscious fashion. In my 30s I got recognized a lot. And by the end of the 90s, the bubble and the beginning of the digital bubble and the remember the ROM.

Dist and things. So that was the beginning of the push into digital adult. And the first people into there, of course made a huge killing and retired like smart people. And then Honestly, since, since 2002, 2003, it's definitely been a downward spiral with the competition from digital and the piracy and all the vast overproduction of subpar material all through the 90s and late 80s to the early 2000s. It's just tens, you know, for 10,000 titles a year released, most of which were garbage. And after a while, I think the viewing public said, you know, f you too. And porn also has become less special. Back in the day when I started, you had to go out and find it. It was special. You couldn't. You could keep your kid away from it, you could keep yourself away from it. And now it's just so ubiquitous. I think it's losing some of its. I think some of the more extreme images are there trying to shock you. Because back in the day, just seeing intercourse was shocking enough. It was enough.

That was just.

It was a wow. And now it's like, wow. Oh God. That I've seen that.

Exactly. Everyone's seen everything now. Okay, so I have some questions for you too that I want you to. I talk about this a lot on my show and I just. Okay, so you. What advice would you give to. You're with men and women, you're bisexual. So what would you give to straight girls who want to experience with other women? And they haven't yet, but they kind of want to. Like what kind of. What advice would you give for them?

Well, first, for laughs and giggles, you go to YouTube and go to Garfunkel and Oates, the college try. Okay. And just after you die laughing.

First, make sure that you are sincerely interested in women as a sexual partner and not just doing it again. If they say for male attention or.

To be cool, make out with some chicks so your boyfriend thinks you're.

Yeah, no, don't do that. If you're sincerely interested in sex with women, then you can seek out.

Well, actually my movie for men or women. My educational take, Nina Hartley's Guide for the Bi Curious Woman.

Oh, awesome. That's amazing.

It's really great because the educational scene with the amazing Justine Jolie teach a lot about hand techniques. And the biggest thing, there's girl girl sex pornel techniques and then there's lesbian sex. And girl girl sex is. Is usually pretty silly and lame. And so Justine, she looks like a quote unquote girl girl player, but I taught her actual lesbian hand techniques and so she's amazing to watch. You like girl? Tell me some hand techniques first.

Tell us all.

Okay, well here's a good one.

This is what we want. We want some nuts and bolts.

I need the friggin tips.

Well, the tip is to realize that a phallus is a phallus is a phallus and a women's phallus is maybe a half an inch long and a guy's phallus is anywhere from 5 to 7 inches long. It's the same thing.

Right.

And also that the visible phallus, the visible clit, is only the phallus part of our sexual organ. The woman's engorgement tissue, of course, is internal. And so women have as much internal clitoris as men have external corpus cavernosum. So there's that internal. So it gets very puffy. So understanding that it looks like a little button, but it's actually a three dimensional phallic object, women experience. Top edges, side. We have a frenum, we have a glans. We have the chorus, we have a shaft. I mean, we have everything that a penis has.

So we're just lucky if you guys can find it. But then. Right. Oh, my God. We got left quadrants. Right quadrants.

Thank you. Yeah. So when men. When men realize that a clit is just a teensy, tiny, little short penis. And I'd.

So 8000 nerve endings.

Nerve endings, right. So what I would do.

Hand techniques.

Hand techniques is you are behind her. She's on her back. Our legs are open. You're going to run your hands up her thigh until they meet with her vulva in the middle. And you're going to press all the flesh together. And if you wiggle it up and down, so toward the ceiling and toward the bed in a horizontal. You'll feel. You'll look in between your fingers, you'll see Nina's doing. You'll see her clit glands pop back and forth between your hands. So that is a lovely warm feeling you can reach.

Don't go right for the clay.

For like, I think I found it. I'm gonna go right there. I'm like, we don't even know what we're not talking about. We're not excited. It's gonna settle down.

It's not going anywhere. Guess what? It'll always be in the very same place.

I think men are so excited that they're actually having sex or they could. That they just go right for it. And they're not even. We're not even registered young guys.

Before you. Yes. Before you. Hope. What was going to be a hot date and you're under 35. Just jerk off at home before you go out. Just to calm down. Calm down. You're going to get off before the end of the evening. Let's just have fun with it. So there's a squishing of the vulva.

I love this.

Between your. Between your hands. And what that does of Course, it places your fingertips on her or near her pubic bone and your thumbs near what is called the introitus or the fourchette, or near the taint. So the bottom of her vulva toward her butt. So you press down with your fingers under her pubic bone. You take your thumb, you deeply rub up the muscle till your fingers meet. You pinch and you pull the flesh off of her pubic bone and you let it go and you dig your thumb just along the opening all the way up the pubic bone. You pinch and you pull off and you let it go. Do that, oh, anywhere from four to 10 times. And she'll start to make fun noises. And if you look when you're pinching and you're pulling her flesh towards you, you'll see her clit move in there. So you can go, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

I love this. This is so specific.

The longer you can stay away from entering the introitus, AKA the hole, the better. More brownie points. So you take your thumb and you rub your thumb all around the muscle and you'll feel it engorge. And in the beginning, unless she's been aroused for quite a while because you've been flirting all night and you've been dancing and she's already halfway there. I mean, if you go into the room and she's pulling off your clothes and saying, fuck me now, you beast. Dude, dude, grab the condom and go.

Right. But if you're just likely not.

If you've been grinding in the cab all the way home, if she's telling you, please, please do this, don't listen to me. But if you're getting her in the mood, spend time learning Volva Misleading. I'm going to talk about in the guide by Curious women. But pressing against the opening into the muscle around her top of her thighs, pulling on her lips, putting your thumb in the cleft of her vulva and pulling it up toward her belly button until it's a little bit tight. And then tell her to do her kegel. She'll jerk herself off her clit. So you apply tension to the top of her clit and she supplies kegel squeezing from the bottom. And her clothes will jump. And that's like.

Oh, and she should do her Kegel as well. She's doing that. Yeah, she should do.

Right, Exactly. And we should be. Everyone should be doing Kegels everywhere.

I have an iPhone app called Kegel Camp.

Good for you. No, that's. You have to download it for Android.

No, not yet. That's okay.

Awesome. What A great idea.

Every day it pops up. You can say, I want to do my Kegel exercises every day at 11:30am so every day on my phone, and it's my voice walking you through it. Tense. Relax.

Great. Oh, my God, you're so, so clever. Why did I think of that? Awesome.

And there's 20 levels and people, men and women can do them. And they. Men get to 20 more men do them than women that email me. They're like, I'm at level 20. I'm like, good for you.

That means a wet washcloth. Yeah, we're talking. I know wet. Level 20 is the wet hand towel.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, the Kegels. First you get the, you know, the. The. The.

The.

The tissue, and then you get the dry washcloth and get the damp washcloth and get the wet washcloth, and then you get the, you know, the. The dry hand, the dry dish towel, the damp dish towel, the wet dish towel. Then if you're Evan Stone, the bedspread.

I love it. Yeah. Kegels, they're so important for everybody. What about oral sex tips?

Oral sex tips is for women.

Men performing sex on women.

Oh, here's what.

Here's what. Women performing for sex on women, for.

People who want to perform oral sex for a woman who wishes to have oral sex performed on her and wishes to teach her partner a good technique. If you are not yet in a private place, send him to the bathroom. Have him wash his hands really well. When he gets back, make sure his hands are damp and smell of soap. Get out your hand sanitizer. Do his hand again. Then you're going to, ladies, you're going to suck the web of his hand the way you like your vulva sucked.

Oh. So show him. This is the best tip I've ever heard in my life. Okay.

Suck the web of his hand the way you like your vulva sucked while looking him in the eye. Dive if you want to brag about how good you are in the oral sex department and you're still in a place where you cannot notice, you cannot be naked, have her go wash your hands and come back and you do this if she, you know, did the same thing. Ladies, if you are in bed and you are having your vulva sucked or attempted to suck in a very nice voice. Tone matters.

Tone does matter.

Tone matters. Tone matters. Tone really matters. And say, ooh, hey, give me your hand. And start. And then you take his hand and you say, okay, I'm going to suck on that. You do. Just. Just what I'm do to me what I'm doing to you. You'll have 100% better oral sex in five seconds.

Right, because it's different for, for every woman too. So guys, you can't even learn. You can't let.

Generally speaking, if you suck on Revolver the way you like her, not yet hard cock sucked way she pulls the, gets a gland smushed between her right and pulls on it when it's getting hard. It's okay to let women suck on your cop before it's hard, guys. Yeah, seeing pornoland, all that stuff, a.

Lot of guys like it when it gets hard in your mouth.

It's awesome. And you'll never see a, you'll never see in straight porn any soft dick sucking because that's not the fantasy, but.

It does exist in the world.

So if you're getting your vulva eaten and you want to improve your partner's technique, suck on their hand and say, ooh, copy what I'm doing to you. And he'll be better right away. A really great way to get excellent. Okay, so ladies, get on your right or left hip, whichever feels better to you, and halfway on your hip, lube up the sole of your foot with a nice silicone lube. And get it so he can rub his crotch against your foot. So the first thing you have that while his mouth is on your vulva, that will leave that hand able to reach up to your mouth. And so you say to him, sweetheart, sweetheart, suck me the way I'm sucking you, that will automatically start him pumping his cock against your foot. It's a lovely non coital, no babies way to share lovely energy loop. That is a good loop.

So he's performing on you and he's.

Not humping the sheet, which can be rough. And also don't forget.

All those acupressure points in your foot. So, and the foot is a very sexual item for, for a lot of people and it just feels really good.

People just don't know that.

They don't, they don't think, they don't actually know. And so I'm someone who always tries to have a decent pedicure if I'm going to go to a place where I might be getting laid by strangers.

Because at home, which happens right at.

The home, I wear, I, I wear high heels. So it's not at home. It's sexy for me, not barefoot thing. But in other situations I want the options. I always make sure I have a nice petty, you know, as many as petties often as you can afford. Them at least every three weeks. If not just right. Learn how to do it at home. Because it's important.

You got this. Feet. Guys pay attention and women pay attention.

When I see guys getting a pedicure, I love that. Psych. Because you know what ladies like, right? A nice, well cared for foot. It's really awesome. So that's a nice loop. And sometimes. And you know, until I. I want to let a guy know if I was dating, it's like, you are going to get off tonight. I'm not saying we're going to fuck, but you won't go home without an orgasm, right?

Exactly.

And once. And so. So ladies, if you want to start feeling less victimized and more. More in control before you're drunk, just say, you know what? I think you're. I think you're hot and cute. I would love to get to know you sexually. Just so you know. Until further notice, intercourse isn't on the table. But other ways of having orgasms are totally on the table. And let's go have dinner.

Right?

And sometimes. So instead of wondering, oh my God, will she? Won't she? Are we? Aren't we? Dinner can then be. Huh. Okay. Non coital ways to be share naked time. There's side by side masturbation, which is 100% safe. There is oral sex with the foot rubbing, masturbation.

Because then you get to see what they do, what you do. It's like the best thing in the world. Do that first.

Yeah. And also. And you know, why would you want. So people find it easier to just go ahead and fuck. Because I can lay on my back and I can leave my body and the person can fall on top of me and our bodies will do it and we don't have to be here with each other. But mutual masturbation or side by side masturbation or facing masturbation. I have to be here.

Right?

That's. That's so people say safe sex is safer sex. If it can be safe physically, it's. Then it's. It's scary emotionally.

Right?

Because if I'm exposing myself to you and we probably have to go now.

Right? No, we're good. We're gonna go in a minute. But I have to ask you a quick question. Sex toys. What's your favorite sex toy?

The plug in Magic Wand with an extension cord. At least a 6 footer 9.

How about the new Magic wand? Do you have the new one?

I got a new one. It's fine. It just. And I. And the. Every woman needs to find Find the vibrator that works best for her and some lucky women don't need them at all. I know about again about 15% of women have such low organic thresholds that vibrators are irrelevant to them. Mika tan, I love you and an envious of you. And then the njoy toys. Pure wand.

Oh I love the pure wand.

Oh my God. I had it's the only deal. Oh oh oh oh oh oh.

I can't even. I can't even. I'm gonna have to leave it. I wish I had it with me.

And the 11 and the 11 enjoy toy 11.

No, I just have one of the enter they gave it to me and I met him at.

You need to get these.

I don't know. Okay. Do I?

Yeah you do.

You know what? I left the friggin enjoy at my ex boyfriend's house. No you didn't. I did and I want to get it back so I feel like I have to see him and then say hi and then when he's not looking go into his drawer cuz it's like I love it.

Like you can autoclave it, you can sterilize it.

I never talk about the endoy in the show and I should.

God ziki.

You guys can get all this@good vibes.com. how much do we love Good Vibrations?

They are the best. If I wasn't so exhibitionistic enough as to be a performer or I wasn't pretty enough to be considered considered for porn, I would still be working at Good Vibrations.

I love Good Vibes. So it's good vibes dot com. Use coupon code Emily and you get 15. Oh swear to God.

Wow.

Anything you want. Good vibes dot com and if you're in San Francisco.

Goodvibes dot emily dot com.

No just goodvibes dot com and coupon code Emily. Wow. And you get 15 off anything go there now.

It's so good.

It's the best place ever. I love it. And there's an Emily's picks page. Go to my website sexdummy.com. i have all my favorite toys there.

Oh yay.

Check it out. And I don't think the end maybe the enjoy is but anyway I should talk about it more but it is amazing. And then I also want to say what else do I have to say? I guess we are out of time. You're going to come back. You're going to come back on the show.

I'm never coming back.

Oh my God, I'm insulting. So fun. There's just so many other things to talk about, but I want to thank everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

Hey guys, can I ask you a question? How are your balls feeling right now? Are they super clean and dry? Does your partner complain or is not always willing to go downtown? If so, I've got something for you. I've just launched a new product called Down Under Comfort from my brand Emily Tony. It's really unique. It's a cream to tapioca powder formula that is designed to keep men fresh and clean down under or wherever they need. And girls can use it too, under their breasts, their lower back, anywhere they want to stay fresh. So help keep this podcast free and your balls dry. Use code Emily to get 20% off your first purchase. Check them out today@emilyandtoni.com Trust me and you're welcome.

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