Nip Slips & Fantasy Tips with Mr. Skin

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them. In a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like laundry?

It shrinks can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. you're gonna love our website if you haven't been there yet, chock full of information to help you. Plus, you can find me five days a week on Sirius XM radio, Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific. SiriusXM stars channel 109 and it's fun. And you guys should get a free subscription if you want, you can go to sexamily.com sm/ you can find me on all social media. It's exwithemily across the board. All right, guys, I hope you enjoy the show. I'm excited to welcome my guest. He just walked in, he's racing all around LA. I'm so glad you're here, Mr. Skin.

Thanks for having me.

Emily, congratulations.

Yeah, great to see you. Thank you so much.

I know. And you called in. You called in my first show. I'm just remembering this now here on Cyr Sex Avenue. Oh, that's right. Now I get to welcome you here and congratulate you on your book.

Thank you.

Being Mr. Skin. 20 years of Nip slips, cheek peeks and fast forwarding to the good parts. Jim. Mr. Skin McBride.

Yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah. The thing for me that has been fun about this book promotion is kind of the nostalgia of. I started this 20 years ago. This is my 20th anniversary this year. I mean, it was before YouTube, Facebook, you know, all those websites, Twitter, porn.

Porn.

Porn existed just so, you know, proliferation of online porn. Right, right. No, that's true.

Yeah.

Well, it. In the early days of me starting Mr. Skin, it. It seemed like all the innovation came from the adult side. All the best developers, all the people who. The money people that wanted to get into the Internet, it seemed they were all in the adult space. Now, over time, obviously there was money to be made in mainstream. But I remember in the early days, like the most talented developers or the most talented computer people were usually somewhere in the adult space.

And then did you. Is that what you happened? You brought them into work for you? Did you recruit them?

Yeah, I did actually. And there's been people that have been with me, you know, 16, 17, 18 years, which is pretty cool. And, you know, it's funny what I do. We could have fun, you know, it's a fun about.

You guys don't know. Well, yeah.

Mr. Skin is a database. Mr. Skin dot com.

Let's talk about it.

Where you can go to find Mr. Skin.com.

It'S amazing.

Yeah. Where you could go to find if any actress in the history of movies or television has ever done a nude scene. And it's. Yeah, it's just been. When I started this thing, I had no idea that I'd be doing this 20 years from now. I really didn't. And it's, you know, we've always had a real positive vibe. We never took pictures of actresses in their backyards and posted them or we didn't post cell phone pics. It's just really celebrating nudity in movies from television and movies. And it's just something that took off in a way I could never imagine.

I mean, it's so smart. It's really smart. I mean, I love your whole story. And you guys can find out more. It's mrskin.com and he's on Instagram rskinselebs and Twitter rkitskinsalab. And we've been. We've met, we've mutual friends. We met years ago. And I've watched you on this journey and I just think it really is amazing to me that, that you really. It's kind of like, I don't know what this vision just came my head. Like, you, like, you really did like, skim the best parts. Like, it really is like I was thinking, like the muffin tops or whatever, like in muffins, like, I want to eat the muffins.

No pun intended.

That's what I thought. I'm like, oh, it'll also be a sexual innuendo. Because you're thinking 20 years ago, if you saw a movie at the time, you'd be like, ah, that scene was so hot. There was no maybe you would have to get the VHS type. But still, it's still. So it's genius.

Well, no, thank you.

And your story, I love that you are finally telling your story in your book. Being Mr. Skin. A lot of people don't know that. It really is kind of like the American dream. What happened to you?

Yeah. And you know, when I was a kid, I used to just tape as many movies as I could and save the nude scenes. And I became a bit of a savant in the 80s and 90s. And my friends would love to just quiz me at parties. And it was before the time where you could Google something or you could just look on your phone. So there was this walking skin cyclopedia of nudity. And it was just a thing I did for fun, never dreaming that I would ever get a chance to do this for a living. And I got on a radio show by happenstance. I was in a bar, and my friends were quizzing me like they always do. And this guy had a radio show, and he said, you should come on. People would love this. And I didn't think they would, but I said, sure, I'll try it. I used the name Mr. Skin, which he came up with. And I went on to take calls from, you know, listeners of the radio show. I was terrified. I had never even. I had never even called into a radio show. And I was a clerk at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. I did this interview, and I really enjoyed it. It was fun. It was entertaining. I made it fun. I knew the answers to all the questions. But I thought, well, that's cool. That was my 15 minutes of fame. I'll go back to this job that I really don't like. I was in my mid-30s, and as I was leaving the studio, the producer tapped me on the shoulder and said, you know, people, really, we had so many people that wanted to ask you questions. Would you want to come back? And I talk about it in the book where I thought to myself, man, I have something here. I just didn't know what it was because it was before. This is like, 97, right? There's no, like, Internet. I mean, there was, but not. Not to make money on, right? So a couple years later, fast forward a couple years, which is what I do. I had become a bit of a local Chicago celebrity, as far as people knew me from being on the radio so much. And a guy walked up to me at a radio event, which I was a guest at, and he said, you have to put what's in your head into a website. And this was in probably sometime in the summer of 97, maybe. And I said, what's a website? Because I really didn't. I didn't even know what it was, right? And I just took a chance. And luckily, I wasn't really killing it at work. I wasn't doing great. It wasn't much of a risk. I wasn't married. I didn't have a family. I didn't, you know, I didn't have much to lose. I raised a little money, not a lot, and launched this on August 10th of 1999, thinking, you know, if I could just make a couple extra bucks to, you know, then I could find another job. And I'll have this in the background. And here we are 20 years later, and I have 40 people working for me. And, you know, we've been featured in Knocked Up, Saturday Night Live, Family Guy.

It's funny, because Michelle here is just like, why do I know this? And she's like, knocked up.

Yeah.

I mean, that was amazing.

Yeah. A lot of people, you know, here's a cool story. So a couple weeks ago, my son's in the basement. You know what. What he's doing? And I come down, I say, you.

Don'T know what your son's doing in the basement.

He's 13 years old. I could probably figure it out. And you would know better than anyone, right? So I. I go to him, come on, it's time for bed. And he goes, dad, I got to show you something. So he was watching Family Guy, and you know how, like, on TBS or something where they'll play a bunch of family guys in a row? So he rewinds a couple of shows, he goes, watch. And it was the part in Family Guy where they talk about Mr. Skin on family Guy. So as a dad, that was kind of cool, you know?

That is cool. He's like, my dad is awesome.

How cool is that? As a kid, you're watching Family Guy, which is, like, the greatest cartoon, and then your dad's website's in the thing.

Crazy.

So that was a cool moment. That was a cool dad moment. I don't have a lot of them.

But that was a cool mom.

No, that is a cool dad moment. I'm. I mean, like, that's the thing, though. Like, you. I want to go back to what you do and your book. So that's an amazing story. And then you were in Howard Stern. I know. That was a big.

Yes. Many times. That's one of my skin finding moments.

I talk about 2000.

Yeah, it was on March 23rd of 2000 was the first time I was a guest on the Howard Stern Show. And my website was six months old, and we were starting to do okay, but not to the extent it would become. And I did the show, and Howard loved it and promoted MrSkin.com and I thought I'd be able to handle the kind of traffic he could send back then, you know, when he was on terrestrial radio and all those markets all over the country. I was completely wrong, though. We still had a thousand people join the website, meaning they became members of the site, but I should have had 10,000 because my website just could not.

Move when websites crash.

Remember when. Those days when you couldn't move on a website. Yeah, I just was, you know, I. I learned a lesson.

You've learned so much and now you're going to business and you have a family.

Yes.

So how is it be having a family and then this is your other. Your other life?

Well, that is also. I talk. That's part of what being Mr. Skin is.

They gotta read the book. Cause it is. Tell your whole story. Because it is fascinating. But, you know, well, I live in.

A town where, you know, there's hedge fund people and business owners and attorneys, like really powerful business people. And here I am, my business is, you know, Mr. Skin. So it does lend itself to some humor, as you can imagine. And, you know, I have a freshman daughter, seventh grade son, fifth grade daughter. And, you know, it's interesting to show up for school and that's what your dad does for a living. But it's.

I gotta say, talking to them about sex and sex education and stuff.

Yeah. You know, it'd be pretty hypocritical of me to be afraid to talk about sex when that's what I kind of. Not to the extent you do. Maybe the same angle, but I do. It's really. I'm talking about sex in movies and television. So I do talk about it a lot. And it would be hypocritical if I was too afraid to talk to my children about it. Plus, I don't think it's a bad thing.

Right.

I know my children are gonna have sex when they grow up, and it's cool. And it's better to be open about it and help them through it and answer any questions they have than to be weird about it.

You know, do you let them go on the site and they look at the site? I know you talk about.

My son asked me for passwords. I'm like, listen, you're too young. You're 13. You know, when you're older, I'm happy to do it, but my daughters could care less. They don't matter. Why would they want to see it?

Well, I have a question for you, though. And you guys, if Mr. Skin, he know he still has the skin. What do you call it? The skin cyclopedia.

In my head.

In his head. But if there's any actor that you're like, have they ever been naked? Like, he can tell you it. It's pretty amazing. How do you know what makes a great sex scene? Like it can't. Do you ever think, like, the beginning, early stages, like, this was a great one and someone else didn't or is it just more about the celebrity? Like what?

No. Well, there's two things. If you ask me what makes a good sex scene? I think, you know, I get a lot of questions where someone will say, like, you remember Monsters Ball with Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton? A lot of people ask me, were they really having sex? To me that means it's a good sex scene. Because when you can't, when you can't tell or you're not sure, that sounds like that's, to me a good sex scene. The other thing is the chemistry between the two. You know, sometimes you're looking at it, you're like, nah, I don't, that doesn't work for me. But other times, like I could see those two hooking up in real life and you know, that's a good thing as far as a nude scene's concerned. You know, it's funny. What makes a great nude scene?

Nudity?

No, the lighting. You could have the greatest nude scene in the history of nudity. And if it's too dark and you can't see anything, what good is it? So my number one criteria for a good nude scene is lighting.

That is, and this goes for anyone making that their at home sex tapes lighting. Yeah, that's so frigging true. Because I was thinking about it here, like how we test vibrators. Like, we all have to test them. Because I can't be the only deciding factor. We have to all like in your office or a few people, like, is there ever debates that break out? Like, I don't think that one was so.

Well, we all test vibrators in my office.

No, but I mean testing sex scenes is ever, like, that's not a great one.

We have a. Yeah, we kind of try to set a standard as far as like length of a scene lighting and things that make it pretty obvious whether it's a, you know, a three star, two star, one star scene. And we try to have some standards at our office, but you're right, you have, you know, multiple people looking at a scene. Consensus usually rules when it comes to the quality of a nude scene.

Okay, got it. So in writing your book, tell me about this process. Like what, what do you feel like? Because I know the process of writing. You must have.

Yeah, it is, it's. Yeah, it was, it was actually, it was good for me because as you know, even, you know, you've been doing this how many years?

14.

Right. So you think about if you had to write a book about your career. Try to remember like the first Four or five years. It's really difficult. So what we did with my co writer with this, Matthew Klichstein is interview people that used to work for me and people that have been with me a long time and people that have just been with me a couple of years. But interview them and get it on tape and hear their side of things because believe me, people remember things differently or they remember things you have no idea even happened or you totally forgot. And it was really helpful, both through friends of mine, family, coworkers, past workers, even people that left. And everyone was really cool about sitting down for the interviews. And that helped a lot. And then when you have that, it makes it easier to tell a story about the history of a business.

Yeah, I mean it really is about the business. I mean you've grown a very successful business too as well.

Oh yeah. And you know, the other thing that I take a lot of pride in is, and writing this book has made me realize it is when you take a step back, I have so many people that work for me that have raised kids because of this business or own a mortgage because of this business or have put kids in school because of this business. And that's, you know, you take pride in that, that's, you know, in the day to day hustle, you don't think of it. But by writing this book and realizing that we've been around 20 years and all the highs and lows and mistakes and good and bad people have, you know, people that were in their 20s working for me are now in their 40s and their kids that they didn't even, they didn't even have a girlfriend, are now married and have ten twelve year old kids. It's really a, it's really a fun thing. Yeah, it really is cool.

I know. I have a family friend who worked with you too for, forever, for a long time.

Yep.

I think I've heard so many great things about working in your office. I feel like we probably have great. I feel like the two of us have.

I walk into your office, the vibe is very similar to ours. Ours is a little bigger, but the vibe is the same. And it's. Yeah. And it's, it's funny though, the people you know, I, I, My office has a ping pong table, a pool table, a kegerator, hard liquor. We have parties at the end of the day a lot for no reason at all because, but it's always, it's, it's with me. In the old days, I'd be the last to leave. Now I'm kind of the first to leave. I gotta drive 20 miles home, you know, and the. And it's.

But they're still.

Yeah, the 20 somethings are. They're having a riot. Imagine being in your 20s and at like 4:00 clock on a Friday you're working, you have a nice beer and then you know that there's gonna be a little happy hour after work. You play some ping pong and then you go out for the night. How cool would that be?

That would be fun. I've been talking about that. We should get. They're all looking at me. I'm with 20somethings.

Get a.

We should have some alcohol in here sometimes. I don't know, but there's some in the fridge.

See?

Yeah, we don't drink nearly enough but we do have a closet full of sex toys and they like, they have assignments every weekend to go home and try new vibrators and stuff like that.

Yeah. That is different than most office.

But has it ever been like, I guess no one like can complain about working for you or like was there anything? Because like human resources, we always joke here, like human resources, you know.

But yeah, at my office you get fired if you don't have porn on your computer.

Yeah, that's kind of the vibe.

That is a good question. If you don't.

Hey, what's that? What's that? CNN on your computer. You're fired.

That's amazing. So if people don't know about this, like about yourself. Well, I feel like it's not porn.

Mr. Skin.com.

Mr. Skin.com.

R rated. Really?

It's R rated but it's all the like the scenes that you wish because now people aren't fast forwarding or whatever. They see it once and it's gone. But now if there's any like celebs or anything, I have a question for you. Like that they could just go see them naked on your website.

Yeah. So what you would do is if there's any actress, let's say you loved Gwyneth Paltrow and you wanted to know has she ever been nude? You'd search her at my website and we tell you every movie that she's done a nude scene. We tell you how far into the movie. We'd show you pics and clips with a review of each scene and a review of the movie that she was nude in. And we tell you how many movies she was nude in. Where she ranks as far as other actresses. You know a lot of details for. It's a database.

No One else wants to do that work.

It's a lot of work. And we have over 30,000 actresses chronicled from all over the world. Not just, you know, famous actresses, but, you know, a B movie actress from the 70s will be in our database.

And Mr. Man too. Right?

And Mr. Man is a website we started about five or six years ago. You know, my, my team came to me and was like, you know, I think we should do a male nudity website because first of all, there's so much in. And five or six years ago is really starting now. It's like crazy how much male nudity there is in television and movies. But they were like, listen, we're already going through Game of Thrones anyway. Why, why not get both the nude scenes and set up this thing? So we, we started Mr. Man about five or six years ago for the same thing Mr. Skin does, but for male nudity. And no pun intended, but it's my fastest growing website. It's been the tr, you know, the traffic and the success of it has been great. I'm so happy we did it and we do a really good job. Misterman.com, you do do a great, I.

Mean I, it's very impressive. You've kept up the quality and keeping up with the times that you've really like been able to keep innovating on it.

Well, I, you know, it's, I talk about this in the book too. It's really important. I have an incredible team. They're very passionate. Just like the people that work here, love working here. They're passionate about it. You need that to have a successful business. But they're also very skilled. When you get 6 million visitors a month to a website and are doing credit card transactions and email, you know, we have, we're sending out 250,000 emails a day and all the stuff we do. You need a very sophisticated tech team that knows what the hell they're doing. We do. Plus we are leaders in the industry and it's the adult industry, but we're the R rated section of the adult industry. But we're still considered adult. We're leaders as far as technology. And when you go to shows, we're very prominent. As you know, you've seen us, AVN and things like that. I even did a keynote address one year at the avnot and it's. Yeah, so we're very respected. But it's because I have such good people working for me.

It's true. But so what I know you talk about all this, the business part of the book. But like how with the growth part, like were you being the main, the face of it and then you growing this really successful business? Like what is some of your best? Because I know I struggle with some of this still.

You know, what are some of what.

Your best tips for that? Like being in charge, being the boss, but then keeping people happy, managing everything and being the talent and being the business.

Well, it's hard. One of the things I've been working on over the last five years and I think I've been good at is just realizing what I'm not good at, which is everything except being Mr. Scouts. In other words, I'm not technical when it comes to getting picks and clips. I'm not a designer, I'm not a developer. So I hired really good people. Even the day to day running of the company, I stepped aside and I let a guy, Sam, who's the president. Yeah, Sam's awesome. He's the president of my company and he runs the day to day business. My job is to be the, the face of the company. To come out to LA and do this kind of interview. All the big decisions go through me. It took me a while, it took me 15 years to do that to get to that point. But it's a smart, it's the smartest, it's the smartest thing I ever did because you got another year to go. It's the smartest thing I ever did because quite frankly, if you want to have a successful business, it can't rely all on you. Because if who wants to take over your business if you're not around or you know, or you. It just. You have to, the business has to succeed. You just got to be a part of it. There has to be other reasons as successful not just because of you.

Right, right. No, that's, that's, that makes sense. Okay, I have a question for you now too. I've been wanting to check back with you on this. Was this, what was this survey came out that said it was a very extensive survey and it said that the, the top three actors, actresses that men or anyone fantasizes about. Right. Are the three Jennifers. And I'm wondering if Mr. Skin. It's the same. It's. If there ever are, it's JLo, Jennifer Aniston.

Yeah. And then Jennifer Lawrence.

Jennifer Lawrence, Yeah.

Yeah. People ask me like who are the most popular actresses@mrskin.com and I usually say, well they're probably the same who are the most popular at Google. In other words, if they're Popular in the mainstream media for movies and television. They're popular at my website. It's not just because they've been nude. They become popular. So, yes, in the history of my website, I'd say Jennifer Aniston is In the top 10 most searched in the history. Alyssa Milano from the old days is also probably in the top 10. But, like, someone like Jennifer Lawrence has come on the scene in the last five to 10 years, and she's obviously very popular. So, yeah, those. And JLo, when I launched, remember when she wore that dress to the Grammys in, like, 1998? Like, that freaked everyone out. Like, she, like, went through the roof and since then has always maintained some level of popularity and celebrity.

And I just thought that you would know how to confirm. No, thank you. I figured. But that actually, that does make sense. So in 20 years, how do you think it's changed? The response? Or do you think a lot of it stayed the same? People are still happy that you're fast forwarding to the good parts of finding all the nudity, like, in writing your book, too. I mean, there's so much in here about, you know, your process. But for you, how has it changed? Have you seen changes?

Yeah, I think the big difference is when I started, I was the only game in town. And you couldn't, you know, you couldn't go to YouTube or you couldn't go to Twitter or Facebook or wherever it is to get answers to questions. So that was, you know, we just, like. It was incredible, the amount of members and people. But looking now, I get it a lot from people where they say, okay, there's so much free stuff on the Internet. Why would someone pay a subscription to see nudity at your website? And my answer is, do you know how many television shows today there are with nudity Now? It's like 146 across 37 different platforms. You know, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, all of original programming. And it's like, because there's so much. There's an actual website that dedicates all their efforts to following this for you and putting it in a website and reviewing all of it and having it all in there. So there are people out there that are willing to pay a monthly fee for that expertise and that work, instead of you trying to figure out where all this stuff is and where can I go to 30 different places to find it. So it's funny, we're actually in the golden age of celebrity nudity because there's so much of it now, more than we've ever had More than ever in history.

It's the 20 year. I mean, I can't even. Like, how do you even keep up with all of it?

When I launched it, there were 19 television shows in 1999.

1919 that had nudity.

Now there's 147.

Wow.

So, you know, and people still couldn't believe how much there was with 19. Plus all the movies. You know, there was movies, now there's. I'd say there's a little less in movies, mainly because we're catering to a PG13 world as far as movies. A lot of money now is spent in that world, which is very nudity free. Right. You know, PG13 movies, they'll have violence, but they won't have nudity.

Right.

But television has more than made up the difference, you know, so now you.

Guys are a lot busier. So how quick is a turnaround? Like, is there a new, like, is there like your skin turns? Right.

Yeah. So like Sunday night.

I have skin turns. Yeah.

It's amazing.

Yeah.

So like Sunday night there'll be all those television shows, Game of Thrones, whatever is on cable. When you wake up in the morning, you go on Mr. Skin. It's already there. Yeah.

Okay, that's. You guys are amazing. I want to come to your office.

Yeah, it's fun. Oh, you see, we have new offices. They're really cool.

Yeah, they're really good. How do you keep it interesting for you after all these years?

Well, I. I just think that the challenge of trying to do better every year than the last is just. Just that competitiveness is something. And I just to see like when I'm at my office that I'm now at the point where it's so exciting for me to see how excited everyone is. Whereas that used to be me all excited, now I'm excited that they're excited. And that's fun.

That is fun. No, I totally get it. Yeah.

Yeah. And I, like I said I'm not in the trenches day to day, doing the mundane. Not mundane, but you know, the day to day business stuff. No, not at all. Everything that's done at that website, I've done at some point.

Right.

But now I have people that are way better than I ever was at it. And that's why the website, you know.

Yeah.

I mean, it's great.

I mean, I think couples like. Do you ever hear couples are watching it together? They're.

Oh, yeah. Well, a lot of times, you know, it's fun. I know women like to come to Mr. Skin and it's Funny why? Because they like to kind of compare. Like. Yeah, if someone. Okay, so Jennifer Lawrence was nude in Red Sparrow. I want to see that. I want to see what she looks like naked. It's a funny thing with women. I don't know if it's like, a competitive thing or they just kind of. I find that a lot where they're really interested in seeing it. Not all. Not just, like, how guys want to do it, to be titillated. More out of curiosity. And I get that all the time from women. Like, they can't believe that this actress did a nude scene. So they want to go on the website and check it out.

Right. It's good work that you're doing here.

Thank you.

It is. No, I mean, I'm proud. I'm happy for you. I'm, like, writing the book and being out here and you're doing. Are you doing tv, too?

You're doing podcast? Yeah, in Chicago. TV stuff. But I just did Adam Carolla's podcast yesterday.

He did your forward.

Yeah, he did the forward for my book, which is really nice. I'll be doing Dr. Drew, your good buddy's podcast, later.

Loves you.

Yeah, he's awesome.

Who doesn't love Mr. Skin?

Oh, my gosh.

Lovable. Well, congratulations on your 20 years. I want to ask you. Would you rather questions that we ask our guests?

Oh, sure.

Ready?

Yeah.

Would you rather make love in the shower or on the kitchen table?

Kitchen table.

Okay. Would you rather get a lap dance or a striptease?

Striptease.

Would you rather have sex with. Would you rather have, uh.

Oh, where's this going?

Some of these, I just. I don't have to.

Would you.

Would you rather have sex with a corpse or never have sex again? Wow.

I'd go never have sex again, but I hope that's it. Yeah. How bad?

Sex with the corpse.

That's exactly the question that I asked when I saw it. I was like. Cause if it was one day dead.

Yeah, Sounds bad. What is that. What is the expression? Blue is the color of my true love. No. Forget it. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Okay. Would you rather walk around with an erection from 6am to 5:59pm or never be able to have erection from 6pm to 5:59am Geez Louise.

That's a. That's a tough one.

I know. I know.

I'd go.

I'd probably go with the night. The nightstick versus the day.

Okay, you did well, then.

I don't know. But how do you know if I did? Well, what's the Answer to these questions.

That's what. Watch your other Making up a thing.

What did I win? I know you have a big toy closet, but what did I win?

He'll give you some toys. Okay, everybody, you have to check out being Mr. Skin. 20 years of nip slips, cheek peeks and fast forwarding to the good parts. Learn a lot about the. How he grew his business, his mind about the. I mean just, just you in like the top 10 new scenes. Like there's a lot of great information, it's entertaining, it's a good business manual and it's, it's a good time and I'm proud of you.

Well, thank you so much.

Thank you for being here@mrskin.com. check it all out. All right guys, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back, we're gonna get in to your emails.

Alright, guys, I love answering your questions. That's why I'm here on the planet. It's my favorite thing to do. I want to help you guys have better sex. So if you want a question answered on the show, go to sex with emily.com, click the Ask Emily tab. Fill out the short form or feedback at sex with emily.com. however you do it, include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Thanks, guys. Alright, Jamie, you want to read the first email?

Okay. This first one comes to us from Lance, who's 53 in Utah. Dear Emily, you talk about sharing your fantasies with your partner. My question is, how far do you go with the answers? What I mean is I have a fantasy about having another man join us, but I'm not sure if she'll be into that or not. So I think those kinds of fantasies would be okay. But I assume you don't say, I'd like to have sex with the hot mom next door. So how do you know how deep you go and what do you share? My other question is, you say that don't use porn as an example. However, when watching porn, there are some things I see that I think would be pretty hot. For example, the girl's tied up with ropes, etc. So what's the best way to bridge that with your partner? Watch and say, hey, would you like to try that? Or just ask her? Not sure. Love your show. I've listened to every episode and always look forward to the new ones.

All right, Lance, okay. Sounds like you do listen to the show and I'm so glad you listen to the episodes because you get it, you know that you don't Just say, let's invites a Thursday. You know, the hot neighbor next door over for a threesome. We're not gonna do it that way. I think the best thing to do is to have a conversation with your partner about your sex life overall. One of these conversations where you're just saying, you know, I, I've been thinking about our sex life and I have some things I wanna try. I'd love to know if you have any fantasies. I'd love to, like, take this to another level with you. I trust you. I hope you trust me. Let's have some conversation. And then you could say, how would you feel? I think it would be hot to have another man join us. Now, here's what I want to know. Lance, are you interested in being with a man? Are you interested in watching her with a man? I guess that's something for you to figure out together. But those might also have very different reactions. But it sounds, I'm thinking it's that you want. You probably want to see her with someone else. So maybe it's a little cuckold fantasy here. So I would just say again, you guys, remember, these are micro conversations about sex. It doesn't have to all come out. This could be very overwhelming to a partner to have everything come out in one conversation. So the first one could be, I've been thinking about exploring things with you. Have there been things you want to try and then get into specifically? You know, I've had fantasies about having a third. How would you think about another man coming in?

I think it'd be hot. And then you have to explain why, like what you think would be hot about it, maybe how it would all go down. I think that everybody who chooses to talk to their partner about fantasies or anything have to remember that your partner's going to probably, maybe they've never heard it before, or they're going to go to the worst case scenario in their head. They're going to think, are they going to leave me if I don't do it? Does it mean that I'm not enough? So I think the less we say, like, the less we try to get it all out just to have it done. And the more we have a conversation where we're doing some active listening, the better. The other part of this is porn. I love that you're bringing up this question here because you're right. It probably does sound like I, perhaps sometimes I'm giving mixed messages around porn. I don't think that technically, you know, Lance, you're 53, but I'm talking about young people. Well, it's actually people of all ages now who watch porn and assume that this is how porn, this is how real sex happens. So I have a problem when people think, technically all women want to be choked without asking, or everyone wants a threesome, or every woman can have an orgasm just through intercourse. Like, these are when I have a problem with porn, where I think, no, this is not technically how it goes down. Where I think porn is useful is exactly what you're talking about. You've seen some scenes in porn that you think would be super. You know, you're like, I would love to tie you up, babe, and here's what I had in mind. And then you show her a specific scene and you're like to do this thing with ropes or to have some kind of handcuffs. That would be a really hot thing to say. So I think that that's exactly how you do it. You say, would you be interested in this? Are there some scenes that you like in porn? We could both, you know, you could watch it together, but I think that that's really the best case scenario to use it. And you can kind of separate fantasy from reality and porn as well. Just to clarify, when I say don't use porn, I mean, it's not necessarily a step by step guide about how to have sex, but it's great for some isolated scenes that you might see that you'd like to try with your partner. I think it's great that way. I think it can work just fine. Use porn wisely.

Okay, this next one comes to us from Kaylee, who's 22 in New England. Hey, Emily. I've been listening to your podcast for a few weeks now, and I'm obsessed. I feel like I'm learning so much and found so much hope in enhancing my sex life. It's a long story, so I'll give you the Cliff Note version here. I gave my best friend of 10 years a chance and started dating him eight months ago. He's so handsome and such an amazing man. But transitioning from best friends to sexual partners has been so tough. Do you have any advice on how to navigate this type of situation and increase our sexual chemistry? I love him and he's amazing in every single other way. I could just use some help aligning us sexually. Is that even possible? I really want it to work.

Hey, Kaylee, thanks for your email. Okay, so here's the thing. So you're saying you're 22 and you've been best friends since you were 12? So this is different than, let's say if you were 44 now and you met at 34, you guys met before sex was even a thing. You were like best friends, right? You probably had sleepovers and your families are friends and the whole thing. So now at 22, to try to make it sexual. It's interesting to explain this to you. It's. Anything is possible here, but it sounds to me like, was this more of a intellectual decision? Like, oh, well, we are such best friends that we should obviously be romantically linked. And so to kind of try to think your way into a relationship can be challenging. Was there time or has there were a time when you actually find him attractive and you. You find him sexy? And when he touches you, do you ever feel any kind of thrill or when you kiss? Because that's kind of what I'm looking for. It's really hard to create chemistry where there never was any chemistry, like, not even a spark. But if there's a little bit of chemistry and you feel like it's hard because you're not really sure how to navigate, I would say that it would be interesting to have some talks about maybe some mutual masturbation where you're both showing each other how you get turned on, and maybe some just really open talks about what you. If you happen to know what you're into sexually, what you think about sexually. I think that, you know, it could be fun to kind of role play as strangers. Now, hear me out. A lot of you are like, oh, role playing, that's so hokey. I'll laugh the whole time. But if you guys play like sexy strangers, where you meet up at a bar or at a party or something, and you pretend you don't really know each other, and you become. You get that spark to where you. First, there's that newness that happens. And why this works for couples who have been together forever is because once they get past the giggling or the weirdness, they're like, oh, yeah, I really believe that you were someone I didn't know and you had your alter ego? Because we can suspend it, you guys. We can suspend what we already. What we know to be true for a moment or two or for an evening. So I think role playing as strangers could be really fun for you guys. And maybe it could be a reset for you to see him more as a sexual person than as your best friend that you used to run through the sprinklers with when you were a kid.

That's always fun.

It's fun.

I think it Is I feel like it should be more acceptable to do that as an adult, but you know.

To be naked around through the sprinklers. Yeah, yeah. I mean.

All right, this next one comes to us from Steven, who's 36 in Indiana. Hi, Emily, longtime listener of the show. So thank you for what all you do. My question is this. My wife and I have been trying to do random new sex acts each month to add a little fun bicep, our sex life, which is wonderful. However, some of the things on the list I have a hard time actually doing. Some of them are some of my biggest fantasies, like giving her a facial, coming in her mouth. But when actual push comes to shove, it's hard for me to do it. Is this normal? And do you have any tips for overcoming this? Thank you.

Alright, well, first of all, Steven, I'm so glad you've been enjoying the show and listening to it for a long time. So if you guys are trying to do random new acts of sex, have you actually told her that you'd like to give her a facial, that you'd like to come in her face or that you'd like to come in her mouth? So I'm wondering if the reason, if she actually, when I read this, I read this twice, so I couldn't tell if she had actually said to you, yeah, babe, let's try out these new things, and that you actually can't do it now or you're afraid that that will be too much. And this, let's say you have talked about it and she's like, yeah, sure, come my face. Maybe you just even say to her, maybe before sex, like when you're like, I think it's hot for God to talk dirty. So if you're like, I'm gonna, when we're having sex tonight, like, I'm gonna come on your face or I can't wait to, you know, come in your mouth tonight when you're going down on me. Like, if you say it verbally ahead of time, then she's already gonna know it's coming. It's a little bit of dirty talking your way into it. Which is also a great way to test out something new you wanna try with a partner is when you dirty talk through it. And since you guys have such open communication, maybe you start with that. And then like the next day or later just be like, how did that sound to you? Is that something you'd be into? But I gotta be honest, if this is something that you've already talked about, you just can't do it. It's like ripping a band aid off. You guys, I know that having a conversation about sex or doing something sexual can be really scary to try the first time. Just any of these things is scary. But when you do it, it is ripping a band aid. You just do it. You say, I know this is awkward, I know this might sound weird, we've never talked about it, but I want to come in your face tonight. I think it'd be hot. Or just come in her face. But if it's something she's approved of and you're still nervous about it, because if you have a hard time actually doing it and you're putting in all caps here, it's your biggest fantasy. I say you just gotta let it rip. Especially if she's approved of it. And if not, be honest with her. You guys have been together a long time. It's your wife, she might even be into it. She might even want a facial. She might want it in her mouth. So just be honest with her and it'll make it a lot easier. Or if you've already, she's already proved it, just do it. Rip the band aid off and let her know you're gonna do it ahead of time. All right, Steven, also, if it turns out it's not your thing and it feels uncomfortable and you're like, no, I did not like that. Then guess what? You never have to do it again. That's the thing with sex, you guys, I think try everything out, you know, with consent, with your partner once, see how it feels and if you want to do it again. This is how we learn how to become great lovers to ourselves and others. By actually testing out the things you want to do and checking in and see how it works.

This next one comes to us from Rob, who's 34 in the good old US of A. I really want to use some type of massage oil that's natural with my wife. She's big time into holistic products and is freaked out about getting any type of reactions. Is there any type of natural product that can allow me to massage her legs but and ultimately her vagina without causing reactions to her vagina?

Alright, well, Rob, we have just a thing for you. I feel like I read this, I'm like, woo. More play. Woo. More play is amazing. It's coconut oil. They call it coconut love oil. Vanilla extract. It has beeswax in it. It's all natural ingredients. It tastes amazing. And it's a massage oil slash lube. And I'm telling you, we are all huge fans of it around here because when you rub this coconut oil on each other's bodies or all over her, it's gonna feel so good to her and to you. I mean, you could even like, you'll see how easier you can glide and slide. They also now make freshies, which is also at the same company. Woo. More play. And they're after Sex wipes, which is really fun to clean up after the aftermath. We love them. If Michelle was here, she'd be telling you that. She actually. A few nights she was like, I'm going to use my vibrator. And then she used the womore play. She works with us and she said an orgasm. Just had one right away. So it feels amazing. I think you gotta check it out. It's sexwithemily.com woo.

This last one comes to us from CJ, who's 25 in Alaska. Hi, Sex with Emily family. Wanna real quick say that I fucking love you guys? The show has truly changed my life and learning how to openly communicate what I want with my partner in and out of the bedroom as well as so much more. I tell everyone about this show, so keep being passionate about changing the sex game. So I've been dating my boyfriend for a while now and we're very open about our sex life, communicating what we want and trying new things. We listen to the show together in the car and it's a great way to talk about things. You wouldn't think to just bring up yourself. Which brings me to. He wants me to do anal play, which I'm totally cool with, but I don't really know what to do. Yes, we use lube, thanks to you. It's the shit. I'll put it on my finger and slowly put it in after. I've been giving him oral for a bit, but what next? Do I move it back and forth, up and down, in and out? Where is his prostate? Can you explain to me what to do once I'm all up in it?

Alright, cj, I love your enthusiasm here. You guys sound awesome. All right, finding the prostate. Here's the thing. It's very similar to finding your G area or your G spot. So you start slow, you use some lube, which you're already doing. Make sure that your hands are clean, your nails are trimmed, because you know that's a very sensitive area. There's a lot of nerve endings outside of it. So you want to lube up your finger, slide it in about 2 inches, right? And then you do like. And I would start with one finger and a kind of like a come hither motion. You could use your pinky, you could use your pointer finger. And that come hither motion is going towards his belly button, much like how we do with the G spot. So. And then you're gonna feel like a different textured area, kind of like a peach pit feeling. It's a little bit rougher. And then you use your finger and you just apply direct pressure on it. You do small movements and it's more of like a grinding motion. So it's not like an in and out penetration. It's more like you could even leave your finger in or like a slightly in and out, but you're pressure, applying pressure, applying pressure. Now you might not find it the first time. That's okay. You can also get a great prostate toy. You could also get something like Baianeros or the Black Pearl from Vibratex we love. But it also helps, much like the G spot for him to be already turned on. So he might want to already have an orgasm. He might want to already be like, making out and ready for it. And that makes it also easier, much like the G spot. So good luck to you. I love your enthusiasm. I love that you're doing it. And we also have some blogs on our site about this as well that should be very helpful to you. Thank you, cj. All right, great questions today. Thank you, Jamie. And thank you guys. To thank you to all of you for listening to the show, for supporting the show, for subscribing. We love when you subscribe, we love when you share an episode with your friends. It's that easy. If you're like, oh, my God, I wish my sister knew this, or I wish my best friend knew it. Send them the episode. Tell them to listen in. I think that everybody's a little bit more open now to podcasts, to listening to podcasts. But also, you know, you guys didn't have this information before you started listening, so share along with your friends. Thank you to my amazing team. Thank you, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, of course, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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