No Shame in the Game: Sex Toys for All

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet. And it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r a so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm tackling your sex and relationship questions. Topics include why masturbation is an important part of a healthy sex life, how lube can spice up your oral sex routine, should you date a hot housemate, and what to do when your penis has a mind of its own. Also, I'm talking with Tristan Widmark, the global passion ambassador at WE Vibe. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz My man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. Thank you so much for listening to the show. You can check us out on our website, all the amazing content we have. You can subscribe to the Sex with Emily podcast so you'll never miss a show again. Which is. Why would you want to miss a show? We do two shows a week. Follow us on all social media, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter. It's all Sex with Emily. So welcome to the show, everybody. Okay, guys, I got a special masturbation challenge for you. Yes, it's still masturbation month. You have a few weeks left to up your masturbation game. We've been giving you lots of great tips this month and I'm gonna get to more depth in that on this show. But if you email me your favorite masturbation routine, you know, do you have a special ritual, a toy that you love to use, like kind of stroke that you use, something I've never heard of, Music, a scent, turns you on? Whatever it is, I want to know. Email me. Go to sexwithelmily.com and just navigate to the Ask Emily tab and you can send it there. Or email me feedbackexwithelmily.com if you're over 18 and submit your email before midnight on May 31st. We were giving you till midnight. You guys, it's like serious. You can do this. You'll be eligible to win a Sex with Emily masturbation month prize. We'll select four winners based on your emails and we'll be judging it here with my trusty Sex with Emily team because we want to give you some prizes. I love it. I love doing that. So email me Also, you guys, check out my subscription box. It's on my website. More information, but it is by unbound box. And this month it's quarterly box. And this box, of course, is all about mutual masturbation. So it's a great box filled with some of my favorite things that you guys can mutually masturbate together, which is one of my favorite pastimes and will really be a great tool for you to reconnecting with your partner, upping intimacy and having a good time. So check out that box, subscribe to it. And also I'm gonna be at Wanderlust in Los Angeles on May 20 for their intimacy and sexuality symposium. It's in Hollywood and I'm gonna be presenting Communication is a lubrication. I mean, what else did you think I'd be talking about? Right? So there's a limited amount of tickets. You can get 25% off if you use the code sexytime to redeem. It's an all day symposium. Wander lesson is an amazing spot. I'm so excited to meet everybody there and I hope to see You. Okay, guys, I hope that your masturbation month has been going well. And I know a lot of you make jokes like, really? Like, isn't everyday masturbation day? Or why need to focus on masturbation? And that's because you guys, masturbation, like, understanding your body and what makes you feel good is like the key. The key to having an amazing sex life, but also just a healthy life overall and for women and men. And I get that the way that women and men approach masturbation is very different, I think for a lot of guys. I'm not saying all guys, but they're like, yeah, I just do it, and I do it every day or whenever and I don't really think about it or, you know, a lot of guys have questions about, am I doing it too much? Um, am I not doing it often enough? Am I doing it right? Am I watching too much porn? You know, and also for women, I think a lot of the questions I get asked is, are women just like, I'm not in the mood, I don't do it anymore, Or, I'm in a relationship, and is it really right to do it? But then also I think women who think that they are limited, and again, this goes to men as well. If you feel like you're having sex and this is how sex is always gonna be, maybe you know, the one or two positions that get you off, or maybe you've never gotten off during masturbation, talking to the women, I mean, during intercourse, and you just think that your body is like, set. That, like, the way you've had sex is the way you're always going to have sex. I'm going to tell you, if you want to have the best sex of your life and you want to keep expanding your sexual repertoire and you want to have a healthy sex life, so much of that starts with masturbation. It's taking that time alone to understand your body and what makes you feel good. So for women, you know, if you're like, ah, yeah, I just go in, I do it. I use my vibrator, I use my fingers, and I'm done. I'm telling you that if you put some extra time in to start exploring your body and touching your body all over and, and using different strokes and different touches and different positions. Like, if you always masturbate on your back, then like flip over and masturbate on your stomach. And if you've never fantasized before, you know, fantasy is like a huge part of arousal and getting you turned on and keeping you turned on. So if you're one of these women who say to me, I don't even think about masturbation. I don't even think about sex. I'm too busy. Once you start thinking about sex and keeping it top of mind, and this will happen. The more you masturbate, the more you're going to want to masturbate, and you're going to want to have sex. Just like going to the gym or eating healthy. After a while, it becomes, like, part of your routine. The same goes for sex. So I encourage you this month, next time you masturbate, be like, you know what? I'm gonna read this erotica, or I'm gonna try this toy. I'm gonna try something a little bit different. Because I promise you, the more that you do it, you'll realize, oh, wow, I can have multiple orgasms. I didn't know that my labia, my outer labia were as sensitive as my clitoris. Because, you guys, you know, we've got 8,000 nerve endings going on in there. They're all. All connected. So, you know, take this and use lube. We're talking about lube. A lot of lube. And just kind of explore this month. And for the guys, I know you think that, you know, like, oh, this feels good. It's the way I always do it. Use my hand. But there's a lot of exploring for men to do as well. I mean, really, you might think you don't like your balls touched because one time it might have hurt. But guess what? If you touch your balls, there might be some sweet spots on there that you never knew felt good, or different parts of your penis that you didn't know were more sensitive than others. I think you guys think you know your penis. But have you ever really slowed down your masturbation routine? Have you ever tried edging? If you're a guy who, you know, let's say you. You come quicker than you want to, right? You can practice edging where you, you know, you start to masturbate until you're about to go over, like, the point of no return, and then you slow down again. And so, like, there's different things that you could do to, like, work with your body to figure out how to have better sex and just how to have better sensations and more pleasure. Because that's what I'm all about helping you. More pleasure and my own pleasure. Come on. If I wasn't getting some out of this, I. I wouldn't be doing it either, right? I mean, I can tell You. I started the show because I was like you. I was like, I don't have enough information about sex and I want to have better sex. And in 12 years, I gotta say, it's a lot better than it was. But I don't think I'm ever done. And you're never done. So I want to open here with a masturbation month fact sheet. I got we Vibe did a study. Far more people in the US Are open to the idea of wearing sex toys underneath their clothing in public. You may be thinking, emily, what the hell does that mean? Have you ever used vibrating panties? Have you ever bought a pair? They are great. I used to talk about these years ago on the show and I feel like I need to bring them back. So we sell one on our website by Secrets. It's called the Secrets Remote Control Vibrating lace thong. I think it comes in several colors, but here's why it's fun, you guys. You could have like a date with your partner and you can say, I'm gonna wear this tonight. You wear the panties. They're like one size fits all and it has a little vibrator in it, right? And then you give the remote to your partner and then you go out and ooh, you don't know. You're ordering a drink at the bar and zzz. He starts vibrating you. Or maybe you're out with your parents. You have to bring your partner and it's like a boring dinner. And he vibrates you something that's sort of naughty or different, where you think, oh, we might get caught. Or I can't believe he's vibrating me when I'm talking to my boss at the company party. I'd be cool with my employees if they did that. Anyway, you guys always want to spice up your relationship. It's a great way to do it. Okay. In the uk. I always thought they're a little prim and proper in the uk apparently, though their awareness of both butt plugs and anal beads far surpasses other markets. I don't know what that's about. I have tons of listeners in the uk. I'd like to hear about your experience with butt plugs and or anal beads. And then also in the Netherlands, the Dutch men speak in a far more practical manner about masturbation. I don't know if it's like, I'm going to now go masturbate and take my pants down and watch porn, but I don't know. I like that you're practical. Maybe you're really efficient too. Okay, You Guys. So I just wanted to give you some masturbation facts around the world. So now you know. Okay, guys, I'm really excited to have Tristan Widmark on the show. She's the global passion ambassador for We Vibe. And We Vibe is known for their high quality toys, state of the art toy technology. Which is why I've always been a fan and why we, like, only work with the best products, the best companies. And that's why I'm always like, confident. Like, wherever I go, I'm like, oh, just like the touch the tango. No matter what the situation calls for. I'm like, you need the sink. You know, it's like, I feel very confident about it. They do really set the bar high for other manufacturers. And we're gonna get into what goes on behind the scenes to help WE Vibe remain one of the most innovative sex toy makers in town. And Tristan, thank you for coming.

Thank you for having me.

I'm so glad you're here.

Me too.

So tell me about yourself. Like, what's your background? Like, how did you become the passion ambassador?

So I went to school for social anthropology and learned a lot about cross cultural human sexuality. That paired with some psychology background in consumer behavior. And We Vibe happening to be in my hometown, I knew I had to work there, so I literally banged on the door until they let me in.

You did?

I did.

Aggressive. They like that. Persistent. So you got in. So what's your role with WE what does that mean? Passion ambassador. Exactly.

So I take all of the information that we get from consumers and from new innovations from our product development team and turn that into tips and tricks that we can share with the We Vibe audience. So all of that really great information that we get from market research, academic research, prototype testing, turn that into information that we can share and hopefully help couples enjoy sex more.

So you're talking to people, actually, you use the use you like. Afterwards you'll send them, like, fill out the survey or what do you like? Okay, what. How long have you been working with them?

About five years.

Okay, I guess. What's the latest that you're working on? Is there anything that's happening now, like 2017 that's been most interesting?

Last year, as you know, we recently launched We Vibe Sync, which is the latest of our couple's vibrators. And we're really excited about that because we've taken years of feedback from consumers and put it all into this product. So this is the fifth version of our couple's vibrator, and we've taken all the feedback we've received over the last however many years and turned it into this. So everything you see in sync is a direct request from consumers. Right.

I was saying, it's funny because I just moved and I moved. I was in a place that I had been in for three and a half years, but I moved here from San Francisco. Point is, I had all. And I still had the first We Vibe. Like, you know, I'm like, I have these, like, sentimental places in my heart, but I'm like, I think it's time. Like, I have like the sink now. Like, I don't need 1, 2, 1 through 4 plus. So that was the. Yeah, the sink is so cool. We've talked a lot about it on the show. The technology, how it's so great for couples to use, like, in long distance relationships. And like, just that that's the way, like, toys are going out and that you could move it around. It's the perfect fit for everybody. We're going to get. I want to get into that in a minute because we're going to get into all the products. But I want to know, because the thing that always stands out too is there's so many toy companies now, and they're just kind of always like whipping out and thinking like, oh, here's 16 new toys. But I know that we vibe, like, it's very unique. I know your founders are like, really smart, unique. They're behind it. And that I want to know about the development of a new pleasure product. Like, what is the process? Sure.

So it's actually quite involved. And it takes a lot longer than you might expect to create a new sex toy from We Vibe. And that process really starts with innovation brainstorms. If we're creating something brand new where all the functional groups within the organization really say, what can we create? Or what can we do better? And then that idea, whatever we come up with, moves into the product development cycle. So we start to do drawings and see what products are going to look like, look at new technologies, and then we create prototypes. That's one of the big areas for We Vibe is our prototype testing. So that we're making sure that the products that we think in theory are great actually turn out to be great in practice. So all of the products are prototyped and tested before they ever get to being in a consumer's hands.

So you have like a team of people who are like, try this out. What's your feedback? That's so smart. Because I go, I think that's another thing that why you Guys stand above the rest, because I don't think that a lot of companies. I've never even heard they do that. So I know that a lot of products. I mean, it's changed so much now, like, in the last 12 years, I've been doing this. But a lot of them are about women's pleasure. But now, like, what have you found with, like, the men's interest in toys?

I think that that's a really, really important question, because especially for something like a couples product, we focus so heavily on the benefits for women. Because the couples vibrator is designed to wear during sex, so it's providing stimulation directly to the clitoris and the G spot, which is great, but we often forget that our male partners are getting a lot of the benefits of the product as well. And one of those. The most basic of benefits is the increased physical pleasure from the vibration that they're receiving along the shaft of their penis.

Guys don't know that before. They're like, I did not know vibrations were for me.

I'm like, try it.

You will like it.

And I think that that, at its most basic level, is that the increased vibration during sex is something that we can all appreciate. But above that is that when we did a little bit of research, we learned that men really were responding to seeing their partners enjoy sex more. And that's something that I think we take for granted a little bit as women, because we see our partners enjoy sex all the time. So having the male partner see their partner be in the throes of pleasure was something that really turned them on.

Right, Exactly. And so then the sink does that, because it's kind of what. I mean, I know we. I mean, I've talked about it so many times, but it is a toy that you. I mean, there's so many different ways to use it. I've learned over the years. But it is made as a. To wear it during intercourse. Yeah. So, you know, she wears it. It hits her G spot and her clitoris, like. And you want to explain it because you're the passion ambassador for we Vibe. And I've just talked about it in my own terms, but. Yeah. How would you explain it now? How it sits today.

So the C, the couple's vibrators, if you wanted to imagine it, it's kind of shaped like a C. So the bottom part of the C goes into the vagina and rests up against the G spot. And then the top part of the C stays outside of the body and rests on the clitoris and provides a lot of vulva stimulation. And then the male partner, or a dildo if you prefer, slides in underneath and everyone gets to enjoy the vibration. So it's used during sex, but as you mentioned, there's tons of different ways you can wear it.

Handjob.

Yeah.

Love it.

You can wear it out in public and use the We Connect app. Make date night a little more exciting.

Exactly. Well, that's. Well, that's what I was going to say. So thinking about bringing men into an app, say that women don't love technology. I love that. I love that you can use the app with it. And I think some people might not get it. I kept saying this to like, you know, I've hung out a lot with your whole web team. I love all of you. Really? Like, we had a blast in Germany. We did all that. I was like, what? I don't think that people get it. Like, I say use the app and I've explained it, but I want them to see it. We did a funny little like Instagram thing of me using it. But it's like, I mean, you guys don't understand. You could be with your partner, you could be like the out at a party together and like, like she's wearing it in her panties or something. And then you are literally, you have your phone and you're sliding it up and down and as you move your hands up and down the app, you're vibing her, you know, or in a long distance relationship. It works from anywhere. I think it's so cool.

It is so cool.

Do you think that's gotten more couples interested, men interested in that as well? That there's like, oh, I can kind of see this because it used to be back in the day that you'd be like, toys are not going to replace you. It won't go to the farmer's market with her. You can't cuddle, you know, And I think we've kind of gone beyond that. I still get emails sometimes, but now it's more like, wow, it's technology. Like, that's kind of cool, you know? Do you feel like that sort of resonated?

Yeah, I think that the technology angle really helps because you get to have more refined control over the product. So you're creating the product, you're either adjusting it or playing with the app so it fits you rather than you trying to fit the product. And I think that that's a really big benefit. So being able to create your own custom vibration playlists or being able to connect from anywhere in the world and when you're in a connection from anywhere, you can see your partner, you can hear them, you can chat with them. You can do all of that securely within the app so that your relationship has a place to exist even when you're not together.

Right. That's so great. It's in the epic. It's own like a FaceTime but in the app like you can see what they're doing. You could see and it's private. Yeah. And you can only share it with one person. Have you any surprising stories or things that you've heard from couples who have used it? You must get all the feedback. Yeah.

One of my favorite stories is from a couple that's in a long distance relationship. One of the partners lives in Canada and the other in the uk and when we first launched the app they emailed me and to let me know that they successfully had sex across the Atlantic.

Nice.

And I think that that's so great that we're able to give people the ability to stay intimate even when they're apart. And one of my other favorite stories that I'll never forget, it stays with me is that an older couple, they were reaching their 80s, bought a we vibe and for the first time in their relationship and I think they'd been together for 60 years or something wild. They said that they were able to have an orgasm at the same time. And to have the male partner email us and tell us this and be so open about it was really nice to hear because the product worked in a way that facilitated a deeper intimate level of their relationship. Because he had never seen her orgasm during sex before.

Right.

Which is something really special.

Yeah. Right. Right. That's. Oh, I love that. Like it's not. It can happen. It will happen. It will. But that's why a couple's people like what do you mean a couple's toy like this is that you guys like coin couples toy like the market on and the toy like you came up with that. And I think that's just brilliant because also going back to the factor and I'm not saying that guys aren't maybe I don't hear from as much or women even still there are some women are like I don't want to use it. I don't want to use a toy. Why would I need that if I have my hands? But I love that using the sink really does enhance that connection and enhance that intimacy or any toy really. But it makes it things possible. That's why I try to explain. It's like no, you don't need a toy and your fingers are fine, or a penis or whatever you've got going. But what if you could experience something different? What if there's another world that you just. Just skin alone. God given gifts, can't do it. Yeah. And that's the thing. It's like, it's not bad. It's not either or. It's an addition to your already flourishing sex toy. Yeah.

It's designed to enhance sex, not detract from it. And it's a supplement rather than a replacement. And I think that with couples vibrators, or any vibrator really, any sex toy, they really work as a catalyst for communication. So even if the first time you try it, it's a total disaster, that's half the fun. Because you're learning something new with your partner, you're bonding over the experience and you're sharing some laughs. And at the end of the day, that's what sex is all about.

It's true. I always say, like, share new experiences, take on a new sport, take on a new sex toy. Like do something together that will bring you together. And I think this is like the perfect product for that. So what are some of your other favorite products from weva? You had to pick one. You're on a desert island.

Oh my gosh.

So sorry to ask that. It's really hard.

That is really hard.

I know. I'm really sorry I didn't pray for that ahead of time. I should have sent it to you three days ago that question.

If I was going on a desert island, I would definitely bring Touch or Tango because they are tiny and I could pack other things in my bag and I knew I'd be covered. But I think one of the really cool products that we've launched recently is Nova by we Vibe. And it's our take on a rabbit style vibrator. And I think it's so cool and interesting because we were able to take this problem that women were having with a product category, which was they were being sold dual stimulation, but it wasn't always happening for them based on how they were designed. We took that as a problem statement and turned it into a solution with Nova, where you get true, simultaneous, constant contact while you're using it.

Yeah, we've spent a lot of time here. We did a show where we all reviewed the Rave and the Nova. And that is what's so cool about it, is that. So you guys all know about the different rapid style toys that inserts and you get the little tentacles or whatever it is on the outside. But with the Nova, it doesn't. So what you're to explain to people, you don't lose contact. Like, it's. A lot of times you could be inserting it inside so it's hitting you internally. It feels really good. But then the little tentacle parts of your clitoris pull off. But you guys have the coolest little appendage on there that doesn't leave your glitter. It's genius. I think I squealed really loudly the first time. I think Simon showed it to me. He's like, oh, my God, that's genius. How did you do that? Yeah, that's been a cool toy too. And you can use that with the app.

Yes, you can.

I know. Are people even gonna not use things with the apps anymore? It's so smart. I know. And I think I don't want it to be a bare. Like, I just think that people. It's like anything. Like, once you try, it'll be like, why don't I always use this app? It's really. It's. It's super cool. I think if I was on desert island, I would bring the touch.

Yeah.

Because I love the We Vibe touch because I love all the different angles to it. I love that I can hold it my hand. Like. I love labial stimulation. I love it. You can also point it for direct clitoral stimulation. We all love it around here.

It's so versatile.

Oh, my God. It's so great. It's soft. It feels good. Makes me happy.

Petite and powerful.

Right. If I was on desert island, I was super hungry, but I'll just masturbate again.

Forget about it.

Exactly. Forget about anything. So is there anything else that's coming up you think that we could look forward to that's coming out with WE Vibe? We're always excited.

We have very exciting things coming up. Unfortunately, it's a little too soon to tell, so stay tuned. It's not far off.

Oh, my God. Okay, okay, okay. I got it. Okay. So, Tristan, as the global passion ambassador, I'm just gonna keep saying that as many times I can. So you said, though, a lot of your job is taking the feedback that you get, the research you get from people who've used the toys and building new ones. So I'm wondering if you could give me an example of research you got that helped you, how that worked into building a new product or what didn't work.

Yeah, definitely. So to go back to sync, I mentioned that a lot of the feedback that we got of all the previous versions of We Vibe couples vibrators directly influenced what we put into sync and how we get that information is through one is product reviews. There are ton of great bloggers and reviewers online that give really, really articulate feedback about products. That's so valuable to we Vibe and all manufacturers, I'm sure, because they have really intimate understanding of not only their bodies, but they've tried so many products so they know what work and what doesn't work for them and in general. And we also have our panel of prototype testers that give us a lot of really great information about products and how they're working. And so that combined with reviews as well as our customer service department, they give a lot of, or get a lot of really great information constantly, daily, hourly. And that information gets compiled and it's aggregate. So that information tells us for, let's say we Vibe three what's good, what's not good, what's coming back and what can we improve on. So one of the things with all of our couples vibrators that people really wanted to see changed was that it's not a one size fits all product. And we knew this and we were for years struggling with this problem with how do we make something adjustable without making it giant.

Right.

So finally we feel like we've really hit the head on the nail, so to speak.

You did. Right, right.

And made it adjustable in two different places so that the product can really fit you rather than trying to fumble around and try to make it fit your couple.

Right. Because that it would slip. And now this one is just like it really, it's so cool. It stays in place. And I love how, and I love all your chart. I love how you, all the product design, the development, the charging, the packaging, it's all, I mean, it all just works. So I think. Okay, so that makes sense. So people came back to you and they were like, do you feel like it's there now? Do like you feel, feel like the sync is. Is there going to be a sync too? Maybe.

It's hard to say. I think the product just launched pretty recently, so we don't have a ton of feedback on it other than our prototype feedback, which was all really great and made us very excited for the launch. But I think that as the product matures and we get more information, we'll know if we need to refine how it adjusts or if it needs to adjust in a different place, or if there's a new feature that we totally missed and need to include.

So that's good. You're really listening. I mean, obviously you have to the feedback, but some people don't. I think some people just think we know what's right for our company. And that's, I think, why you guys keep turning out good products. So I have another question for you. So five years ago, before you started working for WeWeb, you said you were knocking on their door and you liked the company, but now it's been five years and you're entrenched and you're doing it. And so I'm wondering, is there anything that you've learned that's. That maybe surprised you about working in the industry that's, you know, what you thought it wouldn't be? That's my first question. The second is like, how it's impacted your sex life or if you've learned what you've learned about your body.

Well, I'm not sure the industry was a real blind spot for me. I knew it existed and I knew that there were really great products in the market, but that was pretty much the extent of what I knew. So I think that now, five years later, I have a much more informed position on the market and what's there and how many options there are and how many different categories of sex toys are available, how many different types of lubes and what lubes are good and.

What lubes need that. Right?

There's so much information, and it's so helpful to know that because now not only do I get to be a global passion ambassador and talk to people all the time, but my own friend network is more informed now because I'm constantly telling them little tidbits of information that I've picked up.

Do you ever go to parties where you're like, I don't want to talk about what I do tonight.

I often tell people that I work in consumer electronics.

No, exactly. I just say I'm a producer or I'm like. Of something you wouldn't even be interested in. You know, it's like. Yeah, because it becomes the whole thing. You create a party. Right, Exactly. No, that's. That makes sense. Okay, so what about yourself? Like, how, how much. How much did you know about your own body? I guess about your own body. And then fast forward five years.

I think that for the most part, I've. I've been with my partner for almost seven years now. And pre we vibe there was no such thing as homework. It was just an average regular sex life. But now prototype testing is so important, and if I'm supposed to ask questions, I need to be informed on what questions to ask. So I will text him like, oh, put some time in your schedule. We have homework tonight. And we joke about that a lot. But in a lot of ways we've bonded and become more sexually intimate and more knowledgeable of each other's bodies because we are doing this quote unquote homework because it's always a learning experience and sometimes you want to just. Can we just have regular sex tonight? Is sometimes the question. But you're like, no, we have homework. We have homework.

Maybe Saturday, not now.

Exactly.

That's really cool. Well, you have an awesome job and you work for an incredible company that's so well respected and I'm so glad you stopped by. Thank you Tristan for being here from We Vibe. Everyone you know we've been talking about for years. You could check out all their products on our site or go to wevibe. Com, follow them across the board. All We Vibe. This will all be on our website. Tristan, We Mark, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me.

And now we're going to give a shout out to our sponsors. We're going to come back, we're going to read your emails and change your life. Thanks for listening.

Hey.

Okay everyone. Thanks so much for emailing me. I love it. You can go to sex with emily.com click on the Ask Emily tab, fill out the form, hit submit. That's it. Indicate yes if you'd like to be called on the show because we will call you. You can also text me. You guys, this is brand new. Text your question. How great is that? Text ask Emily all one word to 797979. That's ask Emily to the number 797979. Normal message and data rates apply. Leave me a voicemail 818-AsksWe1 and however you contact me, just remember your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. And I can't wait to hear from you. Hi Emily, I'm a new listener. I love the show. Why haven't I listened sooner? I was wondering, I just heard one of your ads and you said you did a survey and was surprised to find out how many people don't use lube for oral sex. My partner and I use lube, but only for vaginal penetration, anal or with toys. So I'm confused why you would have to use it for oral since there is already a lot of saliva to keep lubricated. Can you please explain? ThanksAnna25, Detroit. Hi Anna from my hometown. Okay, here's the deal. You don't have to use it for oral. And I gotta say, first of all, I love that you're using it for all those other things. You're using it for vaginal and anal and with toys. And you guys also, it's great for masturbation. But here's the thing about oral and using saliva. I'm just a little weary about saliva. I mean, it's not bad. We've been using saliva since the beginning of time, but it can carry bacteria. You know, maybe your hands aren't clean. I just think it's safe to add lube. And then also, yes, it can be lubricated if he's performing oral on you. But sometimes we just want a little extra, an extra lubrication. So even if you're already wet, what lube provides is just a different kind of slipperiness. And there's like flavored lube. So Joe makes a flavored lube. So you know, he might want, you know, he can go down on you and then you taste like strawberries. I'm sure you already taste like strawberries, but it's just kind of fun, right? It's like a fun little spice to the oral sex. And then just remember, like, even if you're wet during certain parts of oral, you might not be wet the whole time. And I just think, I don't know, I use lube for. I don't know why you wouldn't. Because unless you're already super wet and you don't feel like you need it at all. Not saying you have to, but I'm telling you, for a lot of people, it just takes sex to the next level. Oral sex to the next level. And women who use lube are more likely to orgasm as far as, like hand jobs, blow jobs, or oral sex. As far as blow jobs. Oh, my God. Lube is the best thing ever. Because you don't. Your mouth's gonna get dry after a while. You guys all call it a job anyway, so add lube. It will make it like a part time job. It'll make it like, I don't know, your extracurricular activity. You won't even be thinking about it because it has to be slippery enough. It just has to be. And if you're not using lube during oral and your mouth might be, but eventually, like, it just, like I said, it gets dry and you just add lube. And again, for you, flavored lube. Amazing. Joe has so many great flavors, like salted caramel, like, you know, peach flavored pie, whatever. They have so many Flavors. I love them. So I think again, during blowjobs, they're awesome. You just. You just. Then you have consistent wetness. You can keep reapplying, and it tastes delicious. So try that out. Let me know what you think. Okay. Hi, Emily. About six months ago, I moved into a house with two housemates. I didn't know either of them before moving in. The house has been great, but I've got a problem. I'm really into one of my housemates. He's such a great guy and I'm really attracted to him. We've gotten closer in the last few months and have even gone out for dinner with a few times, just the two of us. It feels a bit like we're both into each other, but we're both too scared to actually say anything. I was in a bad housing situation before I moved in with these roommates, so I don't want to mess it up. If I'm reading the situation wrong, how can I tell if he would be interested in dating without making it too awkward if he isn't? He's also 22. It's urgent because he's a volunteer firefighter, and every time he comes home in a uniform, I want to jump him. Ruth, 22, South Africa. Hi, Ruth in South Africa. Thanks for listening. From South Africa. Amazing. Okay, Ruth, I want to jump him. Okay, I get it. He's a hot. I understand the urgency, okay? But this is a good question. I'm glad that you're being thoughtful about this because you come. You're coming out of a bad housing situation, and I have no guarantees for you here. I can't tell you that, you know, if you make the move or you hook up with them, that it's all going to end, you know, great. It's going to be perfect. And even if you break up, you guys will continue to be best friends. Honestly, the odds are things can get messy. They really can. But I also think that you're emailing me this. I think you've already slept with them by the time I'm reading this. Like, I feel like there's no turning back here. You're both flirting, you're both attracted to each other. You know, you have a drink one night. You know, you have sex, it's going to happen. But if you can try before, if you have not slept with them yet, I think you need to talk to him about it and just be honest and just say to him, listen, I feel this attraction. Or, you know, if you guys start making out one day and he starts kissing you Say, listen, it's really important. Like, I love living here. And just be honest. Say, like, I think you're hot. It's fun having a hot roommate come home in that uniform. But I'm worried. I'm worried because we're living together and maybe ask him about where he's at in his life. If he's like, you know what? I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but I think it'd just be great to have sex and have something casual. Then you can make your decision because maybe you're okay with that. Ruth, I think that's gonna be really hard. You're 22 years old. You got a crush on your roommate. And then if he brings home a girl next week, that could be difficult. Right? And vice versa. Maybe he wants a relationship and you don't. I have no idea where you're at right now, but I think that especially because he's your roommate, you should take time to figure out where you're both at and see what you're both looking for. Who knows? He might be Mr. Wright, and you guys could ride off into the sunset together. But don't get married till you're 30. But still. So I think that you need more information and you're being thoughtful about your situation. And so I would just take those precautions if you can. And if you already sub with them, that's cool. It's never too late to still have the conversation now and let me know how it goes. Sexy firefighter. What's a woman to do? I don't know how I would do. I know what I would do. Okay. Hello, Emily. I'm 30 years old, currently been divorced for two years, and I've always struggled with premature ejaculation. I was married for seven years, and this was always the case. My wife wanted it hard and fast, so I think this may have been the cause. When I approached the topic with her, she refused to help. In any event, I've recently been practicing mindful masturbating, if you will, or sensate focus. However, I still have a tendency to ejaculate sooner than I want to. I'm not currently sexually active with anyone. However, it's masturbation month, and in honor of it, I'm practicing. Do you have any recommendations? What about a flashlight? Would that be too much stimulation? If I involve porn in my sexy time, I get so much adrenaline that I basically ejaculate as soon as I start touching myself. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, Mitchell. Hey, Mitchell. Happy masturbation month. This Is great question, and I'm so happy to help you. So, okay, you're saying premature ejaculation never happened to you before, and I guess the cause of it doesn't really matter. But the good news is that maybe it was your wife, and who knows? But here's the good news. It didn't happen to you before that, and we know now that it's still happening and you're not. Now you're not in a relationship. This is the perfect time for you to practice this. And you're saying it still hasn't worked. You're doing sensate focus, which is a lot of focusing on the sensations you're feeling and understanding, you know, your ejaculatory control. I was going to recommend also, you know, edging when you masturbate until you, like I said earlier, like, to the point of, like, you lay down, you masturbate with an intention, and you start to masturbate, and you have to realize when you're about to have an orgasm, and then you stop yourself and you breathe and you pull back. You can even start thinking about, you know, baseball or whatever it is and change your thoughts. And then you breathe and you stop, and then you go back to masturbating. And so you build yourself up again and then you bring yourself down. So when you're actually having sex, you get. You can train your body to be able to recognize that point when you're about to actually have an orgasm. But here's the thing about it, is that it's not the kind of thing, if you practice it once or twice, it's going to be solved. This is like, this is an ongoing practice, and you probably have to do it for a month or two or three. This will really bode well for your relationships in the future as well, because you're going to get over this PE thing, premature ejaculation. I'm certain you didn't have it before. I know that you're gonna be able to do this. But the good news is when you start, like, mindfully masturbating, then you're really gonna learn your body in a lot of different ways that you never would have thought about before. So then when you start having sex with partners down the road, you'll, like, I think you're gonna be surprised at, like, how much longer you can last, and you're gonna know your. Your penis and your body more and be able to tell your partner, like, oh, I do like my balls touch, or I like my shaft. I mean, I just think it's a good time for you to get to know your penis. Like really, really get to know it. And again, don't rush into being sexually active with anyone. Spend this time knowing your body. And if you involve porn, don't involve porn then. Because if it is giving you too much adrenaline, I would just focus on the touch. Focus on, you know, thinking, thinking thoughts or fantasies. That's cool. Just put the time in. But recommendations? Funny. Should ask. Fleshlight makes a masturbation sleeve called the stamina training Unit. It's just for pe, so it's a training unit that will actually help you with this edging. What I'm talking about is it helps you with controlling your ejaculation and learning how to train your body so you can last longer. So I would totally check that out. The stamina training unit. You can go to the Fleshlight banner on my website. Hey, Mitchell, I love that you are taking masturbation month so seriously. Take it by the balls. And yeah, practice, you guys. And all of you, a lot of you email me. You're like, I tried it once or I did it for three days. Think about it. What have you ever learned that mattered to you? What skill have you ever honed in on that you feel like an expert at from trying something once or trying something for a week? This is something that you commit to and you devote. It's a practice. It's like a devoted practice of masturbation, which to me, you guys, come on. What other practice, really? I mean, it's sex. Don't we all want to be better at sex and understand our bodies more? So go for it. Mitchell, you already are on board with the sensate focus. So just add some of these things in in a little more time. Go easy on yourself and let me know how it goes. Okay, you guys, I love hearing from you. Thank you for listening to this show. We have so many new listeners and thanks for telling your friends and listening with your partners. It's been amazing to have so many people on board with the show and I love hearing from you on Snapchat and Twitter and Instagram and Facebook and emails. It's just really, that's why I do this. It makes me feel really good and I love helping you. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Helena, producer, Lark, Jamie and Michael. And thanks everyone for listening. Was a good for you. Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep. Sharper focus, stronger muscles, and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't Getting Enough Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human magnesium. And here's the thing, no single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age. Well, Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50 off and here's a bonus use the code to Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q-U-A-L-I-A life.com sex with Emily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.