Oral Sex Secrets

Start the conversation. Start the sexual conversation. No matter how you do it, whether you're talking about, do you define monogamy the same? Do you both want the same things at your sex life? Because once you start talking about it, you're not going to be able to stop in a really good way. It's going to be fun. It's going to be something that you build upon together to improve your sex life.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. So you got hangups around oral sex? Well, you're not alone. Well, yeah. Oral sex can provide abundant intimacy and pleasure. Lots of us struggle with giving and sometimes receiving. So today we're getting out of our heads and communicating with our partners, which are two essential tips for mind blowing sex. Some topics we cover. You love giving oral, but it's not being reciprocated. Maybe you're concerned about hygiene issues, either your own or your partner's. Well, I'm going to talk to you about how to address it. And what if your partner takes a while to orgasm during oral but your jaw, it just gets tired along the way? What to do? Well, from hangups to hygiene. I answer your questions so you can amp up your oral and enhance your pleasure intentions with Emily. Join me in setting an intention for this show. My intention is to help you gain a deeper understanding of oral sex. Both how to give with confidence and comfort and how to receive in an authentic, pleasure filled way. Check out my YouTube channel, social media and TikTok. It's all sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me at sex with emily.com askemily or call my hotline 559-talk-sex or 559-825-5739. Just include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. And it's totally cool to change your name or choose to remain anonymous. All right everyone, enjoy this episode.

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Before we get started, I just wanted to remind you all that this is a best of episode that may include outdated language like references to gender. I started using the terms penis owner and vulva owner in around 2020 in order to be more inclusive of all gender identities and expressions. We're always learning and growing here at Sex with Emily and can only continue to do so with your continued feedback. So. So thank you.

Okay, we have Lenny, 36, in New York, and she wants to know how she can get back into oral sex with her partner.

Yes, hi.

Hi Lenny, thanks for calling.

Thank you for taking my call. So I've been with my husband. We've been together since 2007. We just had our first baby a year ago. She's a year. And in between our relationship, we were off and on for a few years. So I've been with other men and. But I guess the long and short of it is that when we first got back, when we first got together in 2007, oral sex wasn't a problem. I would always go down on him and I always avoided it after, I'd say the first, after the newness of things because he has some kind of smell to his area that I can't get past.

Okay.

I don't know what it is and I enjoy it. I enjoy oral sex. I just can't bring myself to do it. And I with other men in between our relationship, I have no problem and I really want to be able to perform, but I just can't even.

Is he circumcised or uncircumcised?

He is circumcised.

Okay.

He's tried washes, powders. I mean, he's tried everything. And I don't know, it's like a musky, foul smell that I just cannot get past. And I don't know what to do because they really.

He's tried. So you've told him this. Like, you've actually. He knows it. He's working on it as well. Has he gotten checked out by his doctor? Like a urine? He could have something like a. An infection. Okay.

But they just kind of chalked it up to, this is your DNA, this is your pheromones, like that. This is who you are. And it's kind of defeating. I don't know.

I get a second opinion. And you're sure, like, how many times did he go.

He's only seen one. I think it's. You know, I feel like maybe he feels. I don't know. And maybe he just feels like it's emasculating to have to do that or Embarrassing.

Yeah. But I think. I mean, that's not health. Like, it's just. I don't know, that's. He could have an infection. I mean, he could have a uti. He could have a yeast infection. He could have something else going on. I mean, I. I don't know. And it's really like, he can't get rid of it. It's not just hygiene. Have you guys had sex in the shower at least? Could you give him a blow job in the shower to. Till he figures it out? No, it's just bad, huh? I mean.

Yeah, I can't bring myself to do it again.

Where, like, right when you put it, like, his whole. His whole area, like his groin, his balls.

I would say it's more around the balls that it's just like a sweaty smell, but, like, right out of the shower.

And does he use good? He scrubs. You're saying he scrubs and he uses. He ever exfoliate and, like, scrub?

Is that area even when we've showered? Like, when we shower together, I watch him and he doesn't have a sense to him anywhere else.

Yeah, that is just. Really. I would get another penny. I actually don't. I literally. I do not know what that could be if it's not something like an infection, because I. If he was uncircumcised, I was like, oh, it could be smegma. He might not be cleaning underneath the foreskin, but what about, like, you could use a flavored lube. Could try doing something like that we.

Do have one that we've used. We, you know, we really use a lot of toys and loops and we're into like rings and a lot of things, but there's just nothing that can get past this. Okay, Must be.

What if you spray something on it? Like, you know, like you could like rub in some kind of like scented coconut oil. Like. Yeah, they could use like the Woo more play massage. This is this amazing coconut oil lube that we're obsessed with that you could like massage in. It's like vanilla. It's, it's oil. It's like it's feels really good and he can massage it and coconut oil is healing also like he should go to a health food store. Like maybe he could take some kind of. Like there could be just something wrong with. How's his diet?

Horrible.

Okay. Does he smoke and drink? Does he take medicine? Does he on drugs? Is he, you know, it's all that stuff, honey, that's coming out of his.

Yeah, you know, like a lot of wings, beer, pizza, burgers.

Yeah, that's it. Does he drink it? Probably doesn't drink any water. Okay, well that's what it is. Okay. He's not a healthy person and so until he. I bet you if he changes his diet in a month you'll be giving him blowjobs all day. I can't think of a better incentive for someone to get in shape and to get their life, you know, to start, start eating healthy.

Hey, Lenny.

Especially if this is the guy you want to be with, you know what I'm saying? You want to be with someone who takes care of themselves. So tell him I said that. Tell him it's the food he's eating because I believe you. Tell me all that. Yeah, absolutely. I should have been my first question. I actually was wondering if he took supplements, but no. Yeah, there you go, Lenny, go do it. Okay. Yeah, get him healthy. Okay, thanks a lot.

Okay, this next one comes to us from a fellow Emily, 25 in Washington. Dear Emily, I'm very self conscious of my odor and taste. I've had several partners give me oral but have been too nervous about my smell and taste to enjoy it. I know that it's an issue because recently a partner went down on me for a short time, quickly moved on to something else and when we finished, he left the room. When he came back, he clearly had used mouthwash. I shower nearly every day and have been tested and there aren't any medical issues. I'm not sure what else I can do at this Point other than warn partners and let them know that they don't have to go down on me. What can I do? How can I discuss this with partners?

All right. Okay. Emily, I'm not sure. I don't see in here why you think you have some kind of odor or taste that isn't working. I gotta be honest with you. You're 25. I'm just gonna put this out there. Many people in their 20s do not get the oral that they require or deserve. That would feel good to them. Your partners might just beat you in the whole, like, one minute down there dip, thinking that's all they have to do, and then come back up for sex. There's no indication that there's anything wrong with your odor or your taste. This is just like, one experience. Maybe he does that with everyone he's with. He goes down for a minute. You know, that's one of my huge pet peeves. I'm like, guy goes down to me for one minute. You could have left the room, got me a glass of water, come back in. And that would have been way more effective than one minute downtown. I think it's important to always have, you know, shower after sex, go to the bathroom, bathroom after sex. I feel like, though, there's, you know, if that would just give you some more confidence. But I just don't think this should stop you from wanting to have oral sex. Yes, some women do have odors, and they're not aware of it because it could be they have some kind of STD or something going on. They might have a bacterial vaginosis. I don't see any evidence here that there's been a problem. So I think you're fine, Emily. I think you're fine. I just think they're not spending enough time. And of course, as women, we think, what's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Whereas if a man had a woman go down in her m for a minute, he might be like, what's her problem? This is about you asking for what you want and saying, I love a man who goes downtown to me for a while, stays there all night long, something like that, half the night. Okay, let's talk to James, 39, in West Virginia. Hi, James. Thanks for calling. What's going on? Hi.

Well, so I've been married. Me and my wife have been married for almost 17 years. And I love going down on her, but it seems like the only way that I can get her off that way is if I, like, blow on her.

All right.

My lip.

Cool.

Well, I mean, after a while, my lips get numb and it's like it. You know, sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't.

Like doing, like, the motorboat, like. Like that. Got it. So. So that's the only way. Okay. So have you ever tried anything else? Have you ever tried a vibrator? Have you tried your fingers?

We use toys and stuff, but I was trying to find another way orally, to do it because, I mean, I enjoy it as much as she does.

Right.

But it takes a while first, like, little, like, bullets, like a bottle one that's like, I don't know, probably three inches long.

Okay.

It's rechargeable, waterproof, all that.

Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. So does that work, too? I mean, I'm trying to think what else you can.

Yeah.

I mean, could you use your fingers with the vibrator? Could you use your mouth and then use a toy and then go back with your mouth? Are you looking for totally other ways? You mean, like, different? Like, I mean, honestly, it's fingers, mouth, hands, toys. Using lube. She could, like, rub up against you, like on your leg. She could. I'm trying to think of what else. I mean, that's pretty much what you do. Have you ever gone down on her, like, over her underwear? Like, over it? Like, sometimes there's, like, a really cool sensation where you breathe on it. Like, you could, like, breathe, like, warm air and, like, the. It really stimulates all her nerve endings. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, years ago.

Well, I'll try it again. Doesn't mean it expires. I know. It's like a different sensation. Like the different kinds of underwear, like lacy underwear or cotton underwear. It all feels really different. So it sounds like she just really likes, like, clitoral stimulation. So I think playing and all the toys are different. Like, the womanizer is a different than any other toy. Or the melt by We Vibe 2 is a great one for couples play.

Okay.

Okay.

So check those out. Yeah, you're so welcome, James. I feel like for oral, like, I'm trying to think, like, what am I not thinking? There's so many things, but it's really like your toys, your hand, your mouth. Clearly, like, he says that 17 years. He knows she's not going to orgasm through penetration. He'll get it. Play with some. They should go to a sex toy store together and go shopping. This is the other thing. If you're listening, it might be fun to go to a sex toy store where you. Near where you live and go shopping and, like, kind of. Here's a hot tip. If you go testing vibrators, if you test them on the tip of your nose, you can tell how it's going to feel on your clitoris. Oh, speaking of toys, I have to tell you all about Vush. I'm sitting here with their new products and they're awesome. So their new products are all about play. In fact, it's called destination play and it's a range of couple toys which I love. But these are fun toys that encourage exploration. And Vush knows listen like I do. Sex is not perfect. It can be messy, clunky. But these toys are so much fun and they're actually incredible for this conversation we're having because they're great for oral. So they have a vibrating stroker which is a, you know, for a penis. And this one's called the sole. And if you have not used a toy on your penis like get in the game, the sole is ribbed internally for extra stimulation. It has flexible wings that accommodate any penis size. It has an open ended design you can use with water based lubes. So you could use this while you're giving oral. You could wrap this around your shaft and still use your mouth on the head. You could put your hands on the balls and use this on the shaft. I just love incorporating toys into oral. Or you could try their orb. So this is a pleasure ring so you could wear it around the penis. But if you're going down in vulva, you could put your fingers around the circle and then use these little rabbit ears, you know, like a rabbit style vibe. Well, this ring has little rabbit ears that are targeted for clitoral stimulation. So it's going to feel amazing actually all over the vulva. So either one of these toys would be great to amp your game and amp up your oral game. And again, destination play rate. And Vush, if you check out these products, you can get 40% off right now, which is so good. Go to Vush stimulation.com that's V U S H stimulation.com use code sex with Emily and get 40 off any of these really fun toys. We're gonna take a quick break and then I'll be answering more of your questions all about oral. So don't go anywhere.

We have talked to Denise, 40, in British Columbia because she's been holding and has an awesome question. Hi Denise, thanks for calling.

Okay, so here's the thing. I'm just gonna, I'm pulling over the truck where we were wine touring and perfect time on our trip.

Okay. Right, right. I love wine tasting. It's the best. Yeah.

Well, you need to come to British Columbia.

Yes, I do. It's on my list. I've never been. Go ahead, tell me everything.

So during our little trip, the girls are together and we're discussing blowjobs. If you put your mouth on the penis. Sorry, just a little shy here. And then have sex, is it still considered a blowjob or do you have to do it to completion?

I'm confused. If you put a. If you put your mouth on a penis, is it considered a blowjob? Yeah. I mean, a mouth on a penis would be a blowjob. Yes.

Even if he doesn't finish.

Yeah. I don't think it's contingent on orgasms. Listen, if sex was contingent on orgasms, most women would be virgins right now because they're not having orgasms during sex. So I would say that, yeah, blowjob is a blow job is a blow.

Job came up because we all had different opinions. So the next question is the flavor of the semen?

The semen? Yep.

Is that gonna talk to me? Be affected by what they eat?

It you know what it is affected by what you eat. You know, they say you are what you eat. And I think that if you are have a diet filled with, you know, soda and burgers and fries and meat and fatty foods and all the things all the time, it's going to leak out of your pores, and then you definitely will taste it in the semen. If you have an unhealthy diet, smoke, cigarettes, and unhealthy lifestyle, it won't be the best tasting semen you ever had, I'll tell you that.

Okay, how about pineapple?

You know, there's the whole pineapple thing. You'd have to eat a lot of pineapple to make sure to have your semen taste like pineapple. But it can have an impact. Sure. I mean, I'm not going to say that we started downing pineapple. If you've been eating like crap all weekend, then you're like, but I just had a few bites of pineapple. It doesn't work like that. It takes a while to get into your system. But sure, if you eat more healthy fruits and vegetables, your semen is going to taste better than if you're just having, you know, steak and fries.

I feel like my husband's been eating pineapple since I left.

Oh, well, you tell me then. Denise, when you going back and call me? I mean, really? Yeah. I'm telling you, I think it does have an impact, but I don't think it's like an immediate thing, but I don't know how long you've been gone. And is he on a pineapple diet only?

I mean, four days only.

Pineapple.

No, no, no, no, no.

Okay, pineapple swine. Apple.

A pineapple stuffed with pork wrapped in bacon.

No, that would not taste good. That would cancel everything out.

Perfect.

This is from Jake, 40, in Arizona. Hey, Emily. I've been in a frustrating situation with my wife. My wife refuses to finish me orally. I have no problem at all orally finishing her, even multiple times. And it's really starting to bother me how she's never finished me all the way using her mouth. I just don't think it's fair. How can I please her this way? And she won't even do it once. Ideas help. Okay, Jake, few questions. We need to know. What are the reasons why she won't finish you orally? Because I know for a lot of women, they really just don't like the taste of semen. They're like, I cannot taste semen. Maybe her mouth starts to get tired. A lot of women, their jaw gets tired and, you know, it's just really hard for them to keep going. So. So I need to understand those things first. If she doesn't like the semen or the taste of it, there's a lot of great, you know, flavored lubes she could use if she's getting tired. Hands. You guys. I think that a lot of people giving blow jobs forget that your hands are like your best friend. It doesn't have to be your mouth tiring out. In fact, the tip is the most sensitive part of the penis that a lot of. For a lot of people. If you're using your hands or even two hands and your mouth, that is a sufficient. Can be a sufficient tip. Killer blowjob. So I think you have to ask your Jake in a blaming, non shaming way, like, why it's important to you and what you could do to make her more comfortable. Get some more information from her. You know, say, like, it feels so intimate and so hot. And when you actually, like, you know, I feel my penis in your mouth and to, like, have you finish is like a fantasy of mine. So, like, I understand you're not comfortable every time she tells you why, if she says, I just don't, you know, you might be like, well, do you remember the first time you didn't. Was it ever something you liked? Like, just find out. There might have been for all I know. This is a guess. Maybe in the past she was with a partner who forced her head down and made her give blow or, you know, wanted her to give blowjobs and she didn't. Or maybe she choked and gagged once. Women have experiences that will hold and men that will hold on for a lifetime. So I think we need more information here. So I think once you get that information and let her know how much it means to you, I think if she loves you and you're together, she's your wife, she's going to want to come around to it. I also want to know, how's the rest of your sex life? It sounds like she's cool with you going down on her. And is she having orgasms from penetration? Is she having pleasure? So I think it's a great time next time you bring this up to say, baby, I know we've got this oral sex thing going on, you going down to me, but I've actually been really curious. You know, this is one of my challenges with us. What about yours? Start the conversation. Start the sexual conversation. No matter how you do it, whether you're talking about, do you define monogamy the same. Do you both want the same things at your sex life? Because once you start talking about it, you're not going to be able to stop in a really good way. It's going to be fun. It's going to be something that you build upon together to improve your sex life.

This last one comes to us from Cindy, who's 53 in Colorado. Dear Emily, when I first met my boyfriend, he said he loves cunnilingus, but I've been with him for two years, and he's only done it for me five times. And I've had to ask. I've asked him if he doesn't like my vulva. He uses the excuse that he just enjoys penetration more. Not sure if this matters, but he was married for 20 years and she cheated on him multiple times.

Oh, well, I don't know if that's relevant about the cheating part, but we could get back to that in a minute. Cindy, I think two years and he's only gone down you five times. I would think that there's either. There's a few things going down here. Um, he might actually if just doesn't. If he was married for 20 years, it doesn't mean that he's like a great kind of linguist, that he loved going down his wife and not you. I would say that he probably got with her in his twenties and. And he never really got into it. She didn't Demand it of him. She didn't ask for it. And then therefore, he. Maybe he's not honed his skills, right? There's some women that don't like it. And so for whatever reasons, they just don't. So maybe he is actually maybe a little bit more insecure about his skills to go down. And. And in his mind, if he hasn't been doing it a lot, he. He just truly believes he prefers penetration more because it's been so many years since he's done it. So I would let him know then, outside the bedroom, tell him that it's not just an option for you, that you actually require oral sex and you love receiving it and you think it would be so hot. And you'd say, I know you like penetration a lot, and I like it too, but this is a requirement for me. Is this something that we could talk about? Would you be on board for this? More so I'd be happy to show you what I. What I like and what feels good to me, but it's really. I think it's such an important part of a healthy sex life for me. And then see what he says. And if he's like, nope, not my jam, or, yeah, actually I'd love to know what you like. You know, see where it goes from there. Because this happened to me once and he said, you know what? Oral sex isn't my thing. And. And I said, well, then, you know, you're not my thing. And I left the relationship. There were other problems in the relationship, and now that I know more, I. Maybe I would have been like, what do you mean by that? It's not your. Because I really love the guy. There were other problems, but. But I think that sometimes it's just because guys don't know. Maybe some guys don't like it, but they just also need some more information or they need to know how to do it better. They need some tips. Because I think if a guy is really masters, like when you really master or giving a blow job, like, you feel good about it when you're confident, enthusiastic and confident in your skills and connected to your partner. So maybe he hasn't had those, like, secure, performing oral sex experiences where he got endorsed for it. And there's someone's like, endorsed, where someone's like, that was amazing. I loved it, babe. Maybe he's always felt like it was an awkward thing, just like everything if he never learned it.

Your oral experience was endorsed by Sally?

Yeah, he got a great Yelp review. He. Maybe he never got a five star oral Yelp review and I feel bad for him, so do some teaching there. See if he's down to pleasing you. You're in your 50s, I'm gonna assume he's about your age and at this point he should be willing to please you.

Or not.

That's it for today's episode. See. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email, so sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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