Orgasm Facts & Threesome Hacks

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them.

In a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God.

I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind.

Of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sex with emily.com. you can check us out everywhere. You listen to podcasts. We love when you comment. Subscribe on itunes and follow us on all social media at Smith. Sex with Emily across the board. Also very exciting, you guys. I AM on Sirius XM radio channel is Stars 109. And I am there Monday to Friday, 5pm to 7pm Pacific, 8 to 10 Eastern. And it's been so fun, you guys. It's a dream come true. And I get to reach so many more of you, helping you with your sex and relationship questions and challenges. So go check it out. If you don't have SiriusXM, you should probably get it. All right, guys, so we're gonna get into some sex in the news. I'm gonna be answering your calls today, which I love that. But first, I just wanted to share something that happened to me this weekend. Let me know if you can relate. So Ben, my boyfriend, has been mentioning a few times. He's like, can you just dress up, babe? Like, if you've lingerie, I think that'd be so hot and sexy. And I gotta be honest, I have not made the effort lately at all. I mean, I'm human. I'm just like you. I want to dress up and do something sexy. But if he's just coming over or watching a movie, you know, so much easier to wear sweats at the end of the day. But I knew that we were going out that night, and I thought to myself, like, this is the night I'm going to put on these lingerie and the garters, that whole thing. Cause that's what I have, and that's what he likes. And I'm gonna do it. I was so lucky because my stylist friend was over my friend Isabel. And she was over. And she. I'm like, guess what? I'm gonna dress up. I said, but I gotta put these garters on. Cause we're going to a movie. I want to put it under my clothes. And she's like, well, I'm like, but I can never clip those goddamn little garters into the pantyhose. And she's like, I used to style Playbo. Let me help you. Which. How fortuitous is that? So we go in my room and she's like, you guys, this is you should have a friend come with you next time you're trying to put this stuff on. Because she was like, wear them up. She was, like, giving me little tips of, like, how to wear the bottoms, how to, like, zhuzh my boobs up. And then she was like, here's how we clip the pantyhose in. Into the garters. Which they never looked so straight and so perfect. And then I was like, okay, we're gonna go to a movie. I'm gonna throw on some jeans and some boots and. And, you know, I felt like. I felt sexy. I felt really good. I hadn't worn this stuff in a while. And the doorbell rings, and he was running late, and he's like, you know what, babe? I think you should just like, why don't you slip in something? Like, slip on some sweats, and let's go watch TV in my house. Cause we didn't have as much time. So then I, like, choked. I go in my room and I'm like, under this. He's like, let's go. We gotta. You know, we wanted to go back to his house and get. He's starving. I'm like, oh, my God. What do I do? Like, I've got these garters. You guys know it's the pantyhose. So I've got, like, feet stick. I've got the pantyhose sticking out from the bot of my jeans. And if I'm thinking I could put on sweats, but then that's weird. Like, sweats and tennis shoes and pantyhose. Like, that's not sexy. But I just did it because I like to be comfortable. I threw in my sweats. I threw in my pantyhose. I strut over to his house with him, and we get there and we sit on his couch and we start talking, and we get into this whole relationship talk, and it was intense, and it was long, and I start to sweat because I am wearing sweatpants with pantyhose underneath it, But I'm also sweating because I'm wearing my tennis shoes, and I don't want to take them off and have just my. My black feet. My. My black feet sticking out with the pantyhose on them. That's not hot. That's anti hot. That's like, why are you wearing pantyhose? Like, this is very strange. Like, do you work in politics? When I worked in politics, they made your pantyhose. Like, what the hell? Not sexy. So then we're talking, and he's like, you should Take your shoes off. So I take my shoes off, but I, like. I tuck my feet underneath my. So I'm like, sitting. And then we end up. You guys, here's the worst part. We don't. We don't even end up having sex, but when we start to get in bed, I start taking my clothes. And he's like, that's what you were wearing? He's like, you've been wearing that all night and you didn't tell me? I'm like, yeah, babe. Sorry. I guess we shouldn't try to have the talk. So. I don't know. He was cool. I made the effort. In the morning, we had sex. It's all good, but I'm glad that I did it. Even though everything was working against me, because I'd finally made the effort, I'd taken the time to do it, and I'm wearing goddamn sweatpants, and I'm stuck on the couch. So the good news is that he was, like, cool. It was something he wanted. And he thanked me. He was like, Emily, he's like, I'm really. Thank you for making that, like, in the morning. So not even in that moment. He was like, I know that's been a thing, and thank you for making the effort. So I guess it is the thought that counts. But the other thing I want to tell you as a reminder is that you guys, we really should just put in the effort with your partner. I know. It's so comfortable. It's so easy just to be, like, comfortable and put on your old T shirt and your sweats. But what I realize is that that also doesn't make us feel sexy. Doesn't make me feel sexy to always be wearing the same goddamn thing. So I think that, you know, taking a moment and thinking, like, what. What's, like, one thing I could do differently tonight or this week? It doesn't have to be dressing up. It could be just initiating sex. It could just be, like, wearing something that makes you feel cool. I mean, the garter things I don't recommend, because that's a pain. But, like, it could be dinner and oral on the side for dessert. Just anything, anything, Anything to make it a little extra spicy and not lazy. So this is for men and for women, I'm here to say it works. Okay, guys, so that's what happened to me this weekend. But let's talk about what's happening in the world of sex in the news. So here's some interesting orgasm facts that. That may surprise you. I think we all understand orgasms in the Sense of we know when we have one and we like orgasms. I never met anyone who is like, I hate having orgasms. But here's some things I just want to remind you of. You might not know some of these, and then there's a few in here that I think you're going to be like, oh, my God, Emily, thank you. So, first thing, let me remind you, for women, you guys, external clitoral stimulation is almost always needed to have an orgasm. And in the years I've been doing this, I many times I tell a woman this, or guys, like, really? What about the internal orgasm? Like, no, we require clitoral stimulation always to get turned on, even to have our orgasms during intercourse. It helps so much to be to get us turned on and to have us in the mood. But here's what I thought was an interesting fact as well. Studies have shown that the location of the clitoris has an impact on whether or not you'll have an orgasm during intercourse. So if the clitoris is less than 2.5 cm from the vaginal opening, you may be able to have an orgasm during intercourse. So if you want to know what this means, it's like the length of a thumb, two and a half centimeters. And for most women, nearly all this is just not how it's laid out. So it's actually. I used to think it was just some lucky women that were like, oh, yeah, I had an orgasm right away. But it's actually the way our anatomy is laid out doesn't mean you're not going to have an orgasm. It just means that it might not be as easy and you're definitely going to need to use some fingers and move around in different ways. Because a lot of women who think they're having internal orgasms, it's usually they could just be rubbing their clitoris on their partner's penis. Like, when you're having sex and you're on top, a lot of times it's just that you're getting that friction or whether, you know, you could be rubbing on your partner's pubic bone during intercourse. And that just means your clitoris is simply closer to where you're thrusting. So that's just some little clitoral facts there that pay attention to external stimulation. The other thing is, orgasms happen in a lot of different ways, and this is going to change for a lot of women. So some happen in small, short waves, like not everyone has a volcanic eruption, and we all orgasm differently. And some have waves of orgasms or smaller, shorter orgasms. And those all count as orgasms. Okay, let's talk about G spot orgasms. They are real, it's a thing. And not everyone's going to have them. So in scientific terms, when you're stimulating that area, the G spot, you're actually stimulating the internal apex of the clit. So some of them may just want internal stimulation alone, but most need a combo of internal and external also. You guys, you must know this, that orgasm is highly controlled by the brain. The brain is our largest sex organ. And so it plays a really big role in sex. So it's not just the clitoris, not just where your G spot is, it's what's going on in your body head. So the more that we're thinking, like thinking about sex, or we keep sex top of mind, or we use fantasy to get us turned on, which is totally cool. It's actually a great way to kind of stay in the mood. It's going to have an impact. And when you're not having orgasms and you're having anxiety during sex, that's also your brain. So brain functioning and your during, during sex. And when you think about it, about arousal, like it all plays a part in it. So we're all just different. The best thing we can do is to learn to kind of stay in the moment during sex and focus on our pleasure and not all the things stressing us out. I think we put a lot of pressure on orgasm. I'd love you guys to think about sex not in a linear fashion. Orgasm should not be seen as the goal of intercourse, but rather like great if it happens, but if not, remember that like it's still pleasurable to have sex with our partner, to connect intimately. So like, even if you don't have an orgasm, you know, it doesn't mean that the sex doesn't count. Right? And there's also other ways to get off. So if you're like Emily, that's bum all aroused and just cause I didn't have my orgasm during intercourse, I wanna have it. Well, I think you should. If it doesn't happen during intercourse, which by the way, doesn't happen for most women, why not get out your vibrator after? Why not have your partner finish you off, or you finish yourself off? But the point is, I just don't want you to think about the pressure like that. It has to happen. If it doesn't happen, sex failed. You get to define what good sex means to you. And it's not necessarily all about the orgasm. And then finally, just to reiterate this, you guys, every orgasm actually is clitoral. It's still based on your clitoris. All your erogenous zones are connected to the clitoris and the brain. If you have a nipple orgasm, it's connected to the same centers of the clitoris that are responsible for orgasm. So it all sends brain signals to the clit. Think of the clitoris as like the epicenter of everything. And the orgasm is kind of like the earthquake surrounding your epicenter that is your clitoris. So now you know your clitoris better. Go pay attention to it. All those nerve endings want your love. I promise you. Okay, guys, the next one. I like this because the surprising benefits of talking about sex with friends. So I was always that friend who was talking to my friends about sex. Once I realized I was having bad sex, I actually turned to my friends in college and said to them, what is the deal with sex, you guys? I'm not enjoying it. My boyfriend is kind of pounding away, like, I like making out with him. I'm not so much in an intercourse. And it was my best girlfriends, who are still my friends to this day, who are like, wait, Emily, wait. You've never had an orgasm. You never masturbated and I hadn't. So that's really how I started to learn a lot about sex. And I've never stopped talking about it since. But what I realized is that there's a lot of women and guys who just don't feel comfortable talking about sex with your friends. Then the new study in the Journal of Health shows that it's actually really helpful and it tends to boost their sexual self esteem. They're more confident about how they express themselves and perform in bed. When they talk to their partners about sex, they feel more confident. They protect their sexual health. So these are big benefits, you guys. So really, it's just like the reason you're not talking about it is because most of us don't talk about it. In fact, this might be the first time you've ever heard someone actually talking about sex in this way. But when you open that up with a friend and you say, you know what, how's your sex life going? Or let's talk about this thing that happened to me last night, you might be the one that breaks the ice. But I promise you, most your friends or your good friends, they're gonna. The friends that are interested are gonna jump on board. And that can really be a helpful way for not only for you to bond with your friends, because I feel like my girlfriends and I, when we just go There, it definitely kind of peels back a lot of the layers that might have been making things more uncomfortable. And we just, you know, you become even closer. So I think you practice with your girlfriends, and then you can also bring it into your own relationship. So talking to our friends, you know, it's really just gonna help us kind of get information, feel more confident, and compare notes. Cause think about it.

We.

I think a lot of us doubt, like, what we're having isn't normal. Am I okay? And I think talking to your friends, you're gonna get some validation and you're gonna know that what's going on with you, you know, your friends might have had some very similar experiences. So that's another benefit. It's also huge because once you get comfortable with this, it's going to be a whole lot easier to talk to your partner about sex as well. I can't hear enough about all your sex lives. Like, I want to hear from everybody, but I think just start thinking, next time you're out for girls night, be the one that brings it up. I promise you, you're going to have her guys night. You're going to have an interesting conversation. You're going to learn a lot. It's going to benefit you and your relationship. We're going to take a quick break. When I come back, we're getting into your calls. Thanks for supporting our sponsors.

Okay, we are back, and now we're gonna get in to your calls. God, I love these shows. I love answering your questions. It's why I do what I do. So if you have a question you want answered on the show, just text Ask Emily. All one word to 797979, or go to my website, sex with emily.com, click the Ask Emily tab and always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Okay, we have David. He's 40, from Philadelphia, and his wife seems to have lost sexual attraction to him. Hey, David, tell me what's going on. Thanks for calling in.

Hey, Emily, thanks for taking my call.

Of course.

Yeah. So we've been married for 14 years now. And for the last probably seven years since we had kids, things have been kind of going sideways a little bit. You know, definitely had sex fairly regularly, but we had communication issues and things kind of, you know, went downhill over the years. I think a lot of it had to do with jobs and kids and all the other stuff around that. And then so we started seeing a therapist earlier this summer and feeling like we're really moving forward with Stuff. But during our therapy, I've found out that my wife had been unfaithful a couple of times over that exact same period. And so it was. That was really tough to get through and feel like we're. We're kind of moving forward now. And I think she's very remorseful about that, and I've accepted it. You know, we have some trust issues, but we're trying to move forward, and we're a lot closer and communicating better. But she does not have the feelings for me to want to go back to being intimate. And I'm struggling with it. So.

Yeah. Okay, so let me.

Let me.

Okay, so thank you for that. So I'm trying to understand. So when you said that the affair happened, you said during the therapy or during the last seven years since you've had kids and things haven't been as great?

No, during the therapy. So I think she had started, you know, kind of basically started chatting with guys before we went into therapy. Then we went into therapy, and I think she never really stopped. And to hear her explain it, she kind of felt like she could keep those two things separate until she figured out kind of what was going on with us. And then I figured it out, and now I think she's committed to trying to make it work. But for her, there's a big block.

Okay, well, wait. First of all, how long ago did this happen? The therapy and finding out? Like, a month, six months?

Therapy started four months ago, and I found out two months ago.

Okay. Okay. So just know, first of all, that you probably know from listening to the show that when someone cheats, rebuilding trust takes a lot of time. So I'm so glad that you guys are in therapy. I feel like I want you to give yourself some compassion here and some like to understand that it probably has been hard and that that would hurt to think that you guys are going to therapy and that this happened because your question is asking about her and how she's reacting to you. And I just wanna make sure, first of all, that you've actually, you know, have felt this, like, have known that it doesn't feel great. This is. It's still very soon that it just happened and that I think that the therapy needs to go to kind of talking about rebuilding it and, like, what actually really happened. I'm just wondering if you have all the information, because it's true that couples who typically can get past this and through this, they kind of have to. For many couples, it's helpful to reveal everything that happened. So I'm wondering if she did that in therapy. Like, if you have all the details.

Yeah, I don't know. I think she's been. I think she's been honest, and I don't think it was like a real affair. Like, I think she hooked up with a guy two times.

Okay.

I think it was. I don't think she's, like, trying to, you know, start a relationship with this guy. He's married.

No, I know. I'm just saying the fact that she did it is going to set you back as well, because I'm hearing about her attraction, and I just. I'm just checking in with you. So that's just, you know, it sounds like she wants to make it work, and you're both there in the same door, so. But I'm just saying that's very fresh. It's very fresh that you found this out, you know, after being married 14 years.

Yeah, definitely.

So. And then when she's saying that she really wants to work on it. So what happens when you try to get intimate? Do you think that she might be feeling. You know, I doubt that it's sexual attraction. Like, I don't think that she's not into you and she doesn't love you and she's going to therapy. But there could be, like. Do you think she feels guilt about the cheating? Do you think that she's, you know, she might need some more time? Do you think anything's going on with her? I don't know. Like, is she taking any medications? Has she been depressed before? Like, you know, she might just not be in the mood, which happens a lot for women. Like, what is she telling you? What is she saying to you? I'm just not in the mood. End of story. Or, like, what's the word she putting around it?

Yeah, I think she. I think she got to the place where she wanted to have the affair because she felt like she wasn't getting what she needed out of our relationship. And I think, you know, she saw that we started working on it, and I made a lot of changes when we started going to therapy, but I think she had already kind of gone down the path. And now I think she's in the place where she, you know, she said. She said a few times, I just need to be true to myself and I need to trust that, you know, things really are different and they're going to stay different before I can kind of get back those feelings that I don't have right now.

Right. How was your sex life before, like, when you guys first met?

Oh, it was great. When we first met and for the first, you know, four or five years was awesome.

Okay. Right.

And then, you know, things.

Right.

Kids work several years into it, and, yeah, things change. And really, when we had kids is when everything just kind of went not. Not sideways, but it wasn't. Wasn't the way it was. And, you know, I think sex became. We both kind of enjoyed it, but it was. I think both. We never communicated much about it, and kind of, you know, I don't think we were asking for what we wanted. And neither of us. So neither of us felt like we were fulfilled. And rather than kind of waking up and doing about something about it together, I think.

It took this crisis to kind of say, now we do need to really communicate about this.

Okay, so have you. Okay, so here's what I'm thinking. I feel like I understand the whole picture now. I feel like you two need to take your regular sex off the table. Like, your intercourse or however you guys do it, the routine you've been doing. And you kind of got to stoke that early chemistry that you had when you met. So maybe it's just some more, like, fun dates or, like, making out and just kind of massage or doing things that are kind of new to you guys, but still intimate and reconnecting, even. It's for a week. And you're like, let's just start small. Like, give her a massage. She gives you a massage. Like, I don't. You know. Or maybe like, I don't know. Like.

Yeah, you know, it's funny.

Yeah.

We're not.

We are really close. Like, since this happened. We spend a lot of time together. We've always gone on a lot of dates. It's not like we're living separate lives.

Right? Okay.

And we, you know, we give each other lots of massages. We're, you know, we kiss and hug when we're saying goodbye.

Okay, so you're intimate still in that way? Yeah.

Yeah.

But there's, like, this block with her about, I don't. I can't have sex with you until I feel like I'm 100% there.

Well, what does that mean? I think you have to ask her how she's gonna know when she's there. Cause I'm wondering. To me, I don't. I don't know what that means. Like, when she's there emotionally and she feels. What? Cause the truth is, you don't just. And it could happen when she wakes up, she's like, I'm ready today. But I feel like There needs to be, to be maybe more talking about what you both want sexually. Like it's kind of time just to have a clean slate. And maybe it's time to talk about fantasies or masturbation or things that really turn you guys on to help get there. Because I don't know if she said to you, like, this is what this means, I need another month of therapy or I need some more time feeling good in my body or I, you know, because I don't know what that means.

Yeah, no, it's a good question. I'm not sure she knows or I know at this point. I mean, I think she's going through. So she's going to turn 40 in June. And so I think she's going through kind of like a midlife crisis where she doesn't know. You know, I think she's questioning a lot of stuff in her life.

Right.

I think she, I think that's part of it. And then I think, you know, I made a big change when we started going to therapy. And not that I was ever a bad person, but it was, you know, I wasn't listening to what she needed and I think I started doing that and I think she, you know, still today is like, I don't know if this is real. I don't know if these changes are going to last.

Okay, so this sounds really good too. So I get it now. I get the 14 years you've been together now you've actually doing the changes, which is always amazing when you were someone, you see them change. So I think that's, I mean, first of all, kudos to you because it's so not easy to change our patterns, especially in long term relationships. So I think that's great. So now it sounds like she's like, oh, wow, this is really happening. So it means maybe you just need a little bit more time right now. And I think that maybe if you guys are still going to therapy. Have you talked about your sex life in therapy yet?

Oh, yeah.

And this part of it. Okay, well, it sounds like you're doing all the right things. You're in therapy, you're talking about your sex life, you've made changes. She's got to process it. Is it real? And I think you can never talk about this too much unless it becomes super annoying to both of you. I think like your sex life, part of it and what feels attractive to her. Like it sounds like she wants to come around and she will, but I doesn't. Nothing you're saying sounds like it's about nothing. Not having a sexual attraction to you. I don't think that's what it is. Unless there's. You know, I think that maybe there's some more questions to ask. Like, is she. Is she masturbating? Is she connected to her body? Like, I get. Like, turning 40 and all that stuff can be challenging, but, I mean, it takes two of you to work on it together. So I think that if she's on her own saying, I'll let you know when I feel it, like, that's not fair to you either. So I think some kind of plan where you guys decide to come together and talk about it in a really healthy way.

Yeah. Yeah.

And try something new.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, but I think you're gonna get there, like, keep up with what you're doing and just keep talking. Keep. Keep saying the things that you think you can't say because, you know, that's intimacy. Like, you know, you guys are probably having conversations right now that are blowing your mind. Like, wow. And then it brings you closer together. So I think you need to do that same thing with your sex life. I think you need to ask her more. Like, what does that mean? And how can I help with that? You know? Like, there's no pressure. Take your time, but I need to know what that means. So you know her plan.

Yep.

Yep.

Okay.

Okay. Stick with the therapy, though. It's amazing. All right, I will. Okay, David, thank you so much. Good luck to you guys. Stick with it. And congratulations. I think you're doing great work. Thank you.

Thanks so much.

You are. Thanks, David. Thanks for calling in, you guys. It's true when you're with someone for a while, and then all of a sudden, they actually make those changes that you wanted. But you've been so set in your anger, you're like, I kind of like that my partner wasn't delivering. Like, I actually. I hope he listens to this, because the truth is. Hope David listens. Because the truth is it's like, 14 years together, and then, like, in the last four months, your partner's, like, asking how your day was and bringing you presents and giving you massages or whatever it was that you wanted. And then you're like, oh, my God, is this real? It takes some time to kind of get to know your partner again, but I think. I think it's great. And I think this is a great lesson for people to know that you actually can change, your partner can change. And a lot of it does start with really good couples therapy. Find a good Therapist. If you've been together for a long time, I'm just gonna say you need some therapy. It helps everyone. All right, we have Alexandra. She's 30 from Florida, and she wants to know about sex swings. Hey, Alexandra.

Hey, Emily. How's it going?

I'm so good. Thanks for calling in. So you wanna know about sex swings?

Yeah.

Yes.

So I've been interested in them previously. The only thing is that I'm five' eleven, athletic, and when I look at putting them on the doors, I'm kind of like, ooh, that seems kind of flimsy. Also, my boyfriend is 6:2, and athletic, so that could kind of, you know, cause a problem. And then also having kind of something suspended from my ceiling, I'm not really sure how I'm feeling about. And I had a girlfriend, and she's like, I kind of would take them or leave them. So I was wondering kind of your input on it.

Well, okay. These are really good. These are really good. Actually, Jamie, my producer who you just talked to, she just used the door this weekend. She's like, I just used a sex swing. I'm like, okay, let's talk about it. She used the sports sheets. Door jam, sex sling that actually goes over your door. But I'm hearing what you're saying now about you both being tall, but I think it could work on a sturdy door. Right. Jayme. Talk about your experience.

Yeah. So if you don't mind. So I just use that one. And it's funny because you definitely want to set it up before you're gonna get intimate, just so that you don't have to do it in the moment, because it kind of takes some time. So it does secure in the door. And you can pull on it, like, if you want to test it too. Like, when you pull on it, like, I, like, put all my weight on it, and I pulled on it really hard to make sure that it's secure. Nothing ripped. Everything was fine, and I didn't feel like I was gonna fall out of it. I wasn't scared. Also, you. I mean, you're taller than I am by a few inches. You can adjust it, though. So what you want to do first before you act, it seems kind of technical, but you want to adjust it. And you can adjust it for your proper height to get into it, and then you want to just kind of, like, kind of practice hump in a sense, so that you know that you're at, like, the right level for penetration.

So.

So I wouldn't with this one. And especially when you Put your feet into these. These. I guess they're not ropes, but these things that come down and you're able to completely, like legs fully out and then you have handles for your hands. So when you're sitting in it like that, you actually feel very, very secure. It's. To me, it wasn't flimsy. You just want to make sure that you're. It's in a door that's not like a loose door, if that makes sense. Do you have like a door in your house where, like, even when it's closed all the way, you can't like, jiggle it, really?

My house was built in the 50s, so not really.

Maybe even the front door, though.

Maybe the front door. Yeah.

I bet the front door would be good. Yeah.

Yeah. So you can do it on that.

Something like that.

Yeah. So you can do it on the front door. The only. If you don't have to worry about neighbors seeing it from the other side. Like, it's just going to be these small little weights at the front that aren't gonna be like right at the crease of the door. So you're not gonna have to worry about that. So the front door might be good. The only reason why I say that is just because it's a little sturdier. It's sturdier and it's just a little loud if the door is jiggly. But if that's not something that you care about and if you live in a house and not an apartment. See, if I live in an. I live in an apartment. So that's why I was just thinking, it's a roommate.

So they heard your jiggly door.

So I'm just like. I'm just thinking the whole time. I'm like, they're hearing all of this happening. And so it was hard for me to focus. But it actually. But it actually felt really good and it was fun to use it. So if you have a house or you don't have roommates and you don't have to worry about that and you can put it on your front door. I think that would be something to try. And it's not very expensive.

Yeah, so that's the one from Sportsheats. But when you're talking right now, it's called the Sportsheats door jam. And it's like 30, 40 bucks for extra. I was just googling this. Cause I know you're both taught for extra support. I found one. It's called My Secret Luxury Sex swing. And that's 120 bucks but it says if you want to make sure you're not going to break something while trying this out. A sturdy swing built for support is way to go. And I think it looks like it maybe hangs from the ceiling and it can hold up to £400.

Yeah, I think that's the ceiling one because I did some research on it. I was looking at Adam and Eve and there's a couple other sex stores around, and I was like, well, all of the reviews were kind of misleading, so I was like, I think Emily would definitely be able to tackle this one for me.

I mean, yeah, I feel like the. The sport sheets one really is the best known one. It goes over the door, so it's a lot easier. So you're not, like, living with something drilled into your ceiling, like when your parents come over for dinner, like, what's that? Sex weight?

Yeah, I have the cuffs already and I really like them.

You have. Oh, the. Oh, from sports sheets. Perfect.

The cuffs from sports sheets.

Yeah.

Yes. I love them too. I have them under my bed. They're great. So the under bed restraint. So, yeah, try this. I think you're gonna like it. So.

Yeah, that's what I recommend.

Great.

I wanna hear all about it. And now I'm inspired and I wanna go do it. I never have. I'm gonna grab one from the office. Yeah. Okay. I love this. Have fun with it. Let us know what happens. Just be safe.

All right, thanks so much.

Appreciate it. Thanks for all. You do. Have a great night. Thanks, Alexandra. Bye. See, every day, you guys, I get inspired. I'm inspired by Jamie using a sex wing because Alexander called in about it, and I think I have one that I've never used. So now I think adventure. I don't know if I do, though.

No, you do. We used. We made a video a while ago called what Emily brings on a date at your house.

Oh, and the sex wings at my house?

Yes.

I just. Okay. It's probably in the garage. Unless someone took it. I'm very excited. Okay. So, anyway, thanks for the inspiration, you guys. And I still. Every day I'm like, oh, yeah, you.

And Ben are gonna be like, Ben.

Is gonna love the sex swing.

Yes.

I love this idea. Okay, so thank you for that, you guys. And I'm telling you, these little tiny things you do, whether you're bringing in Lou for the first time or a sex swing, they all will help you guys connect. And it'll be something that you remember that you keep talking about. No matter what happens, it might not be the best Sex of your life. But I promise you, it's a new adventure and something to keep reminiscing about, because a lot of sex is like that, you guys. We like to go back to the hot things that we did, and we want to keep inspiring each other. So thank you for all that inspiration. All right, we have Eric. He's 52, from Arizona, and he wants to break out of his sexual routine with his wife. Hey, Eric.

Hi, Emily. How are you?

I'm good. So tell me what's going on. Thanks for calling.

Absolutely. So I kind of have a different problem probably, than most folks. We've been married for roughly 30 years, and about. I would say about three years ago, we went to actually, like, a sex therapy couples retreat.

Great.

And we really, really got a lot of good information about communication. And I learned a lot about kind of what makes my wife tick in the bedroom, what she specifically needs. And so we worked a lot on kind of coming up with, like, a formula kind of what works for her.

Right.

She loves massages. She has a rechargeable wand. She, you know, that's kind of her favorite toy.

Great.

So we go through that. We. We introduce the phoria.

Oh, good.

Yeah. Oh, we love that.

Oh, foreism.

Yeah. Good. That's a pre lube that you, like, put on before sex. Yeah, she puts it. Great. I love it. Okay.

And so. And kind of her formula is that, you know, after that, after the massage and the wand and the. For you. She prefers, like, that I would rub my dick on her labia, and she would kind of get. She would keep using the wand, and in many cases, she can. She can orgasm that way.

Okay.

And at some point in time, she will, you know, she will take my dick to insert into her. Will continue that way. She enjoys that. Sometimes she can double. So she can. She can have multiples if we, you know, if we're doing the formula. Right.

Right.

My problem. My problem kind of gets to be the point of. I'm so focused on kind of what works in the formula that if nothing is kind of working for me.

Right.

I have delayed, maybe delayed ejaculation. So it Sometimes it takes me 45 minutes or an hour to finish.

Okay.

And that becomes problematic because, you know, by that time, she's kind of finished. She's Right. And she becomes maybe irritated or she becomes. It becomes uncomfortable. So I'm willing to kind of figure, is there a way that I can. Can kind of play on the same communications to help her understand? Maybe if there's something that we could do a little different or spice things up a little differently. That could help me kind of finish.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. No. Okay. This is a great. And you're right, we don't often. This is a really good question because I think, you know, a lot of couples get. Do they get into a routine? And first of all, I love that you went to a retreat and you figured out what works. Like, right. Cause I would assume like 30 years, like you might not have known this before, but now we know her. And so what about Eric and absolutely, you can figure out what makes you. What will feel good to you. And so I'll bet your wife would be. Would. Would love that. Right. I mean, I would think she'd be down with your finding out your routine.

Yeah. And listening to your podcast. You know, I kind of mentioned like, well, if there's something that I wanted. I kind of wanted to like maybe mention, hey, here's something that I thought about trying. What do you know, what would you like to try? So kind of doing a trade off kind of the problem we run into. Just because some family of origin issues that she has. She doesn't like to try a lot of like different things. So she's not specifically. She's not willing to like give oral. That's not kind of her thing. She does it, but it's much more of. She's not very enthusiastic when she does it. She's. She used to love receiving it, but. But lately that's not kind of her thing.

Okay.

She. She has to be in a really specific mood maybe for that to be the situation. So we tried maybe a little porn. I mentioned to her maybe we could try something anal sex, because that might be problematic for her, but maybe rimming or maybe a prostate play.

Yeah, I was going to say like try like one of the ineros. Prostate toys are great. I mean, yeah, I think that there's so many different ways. And you could use that. You could simulate yourself with that. That's a great one to use. Or even Hot Octopus now makes this toy, the Pulse for Men. Pulse 3. It's like a masturbation sleeve, but it's like a vibrator, but it actually oscillates. It feels amazing. It targets your frenulum. So these might be really cool. And there's also a duo that you could wear during sex. So it kind of has an outward motion, the pulse duo. So there are some toys that would be cool for you. I mean, for sure. If you've never tried Prostate play, I think you might really like that. And that could be a fun thing for you. Like, before. A few years ago, before this retreat, are there things that you were doing then that you kind of missed and you'd like to bring back? Like, is there time to incorporate those things into the. Into your sex life again?

I mean, she was always. One of the things she actually was receptive to was, like, toys. And so, like I said, we have the wand. She used to. We used to have, like, a variety of dildos, and she would. We would use those kind of as a. You know, it was. It was kind of fun for me, and it was fun for her. It was one of these things we could play with that kind of. Maybe a few years ago, that kind of wasn't. She just didn't. She didn't respond to them maybe, like, she used to. It wasn't, like, a big thing for her. I still love playing with them, you know, with her, but it wasn't like she was getting as much out of them.

Right.

So I'm wondering if. And I know that, you know, women's bodies changes, men's body change. So I'm wondering if, like, the octopus. Is that something that I could wear while I'm doing kind of the rubbing on the outside of her labia?

Yes, that's why it's so perfect for you. It's called the Pulse duo. And it's just. You got to look it up. Go to our website. Look at it. It's so cool because it's. Yeah, it's like a sleeve. And you could. That's the thing. It's just rubbing. And it sounds like this is exactly what. So there's an out side vibrator, and then there's an inside that's gonna be on your frenulum, your underside of your penis, which feels amazing. Like, I keep saying, I gave it to my boyfriend, and he literally is like, oh, my God, I cannot believe this toy. It's amazing. So I feel like that could help you with ejaculation, but she could also rub on it. Like, it. It's not for penetration, but she could rub her clitoris on it, and it sounds like it'd be doing the same thing that the wand's doing. And then you'd also be getting stimulated, and then it might. You might come to ejaculate a little sooner.

Okay.

So that could be something fun. It sounds like you like toys. Like, I would get some inaros, I'd get some lube. I'd get some uber lube, because Uber lube is great for Any anal play, it comes in a pump. It's a really cool jar, glass jar. And I would just try to, like, yeah, order some things like that. And then also really just think about, like, if there's something that you've been wanting to try that, you know, to bring in. But it sounds like toys could be a great place to start, because I can understand a routine just being routine. Everything becomes routine, you know, especially with sex. So I like that idea of you trying some new things, and it seems like you've put a lot of love and attention on your wife, and now it's time for you.

Okay, well, thank you very much for your help.

You're so welcome. Thank you. Thank you so much for calling. I appreciate it. I appreciate you letting me know.

Thank you so much.

Thanks. Have a great night.

All right.

Bye. Bye, Eric. Thanks, you guys. Do you hear this? 30 years of marriage, and they're still working on it. They're still just finding three years ago another routine that works. So I hope you guys are using this as inspiration. Whether you've been with someone for 3 months, 50 years, always make sex a priority and be figuring out ways to keep it interesting, keep it spicy, and keep talking about it, and that's the only way it's going to happen. So I found this really inspiring, and sometimes it could just be a new. New lube, a new toy, you know, some dirty talk. Like little tiny things make huge differences in your sex life. We've Sanders and Elizabeth, 26, from Salt Lake City, and they're looking for advice for finding a male third for male penetration involving a female male. Male threesome. I am so excited I get to talk to both of you, but I'm going to start with Elizabeth. Hey, Elizabeth.

Hi, Emily. How are you?

I'm so good. I'm excited to hear what's going on with you guys and how I can help.

Yes. So I know that you guys talked about the app field on your podcast.

So we've actually signed up for that. And so far, so good.

Okay, good. So you're still looking to find other people, then. Have you tried FetLife?

We have not gotten on Fet Life yet, but since we've been on field, we're kind of actually wondering if you could give us some tips on safety, like how to be safe in these kind of encounters.

Yeah, that's a really great question. I mean, the most safe way to do the most. The safest thing you could do is to obviously use condoms for everything. Like, every time you switch. Like, if you're having sex with a guy and he penetrates your partner. Like, you need just have to bring a bucket load of condoms. Okay? So that's the most important thing now if you want to. I mean, every time you switch locations, like with the penis, like more condoms. You could also use a dental dam too, if you wanted for, like, for going down on you. If you wanted to avoid any like, mouth germs or anything that could happen or mouth infections, you know, from one mouth to your vulva that your vagina, that could happen. And I think just talking honestly and openly, I mean, there are people who have their results on the ready. Like, they might just say, yeah, here they are, I can show you. So. But I think asking if people are safe is a great. Is a good way to start and letting them know that you take it seriously. Like, you guys be the ones to say, like, we won't do this without condoms. And is that what you mean about sexual safety or just safety in general? But I think for sexual safety, it's. Yeah, it's condoms. And I'd also say that it's just good to kind of meet this person beforehand, maybe for coffee or like, not guaranteeing anything yet, because chemistry is an interesting thing, right? Like, you just gotta know if you're both on board. And this is a whole new venture for you guys. So I would say just meet out with them somewhere neutral, have a drink, see how it goes, and then maybe plan your. Your night.

Yeah, Right on.

Yeah. I love this, though. And you're down with him. You're down with your partner, with your guy. Your boyfriend being penetrated by a man.

Yes.

Yeah.

I mean, he. Early on in our relationship, he expressed to me that it was something that he had always fantasized about. You know, you talk about fantasies and being open about your fantasies with partner. And I was like, well, let's make this work. But I didn't really make it work.

Right. Well, you're such a good. You know, Elizabeth, really, like, I love this. I love that you're like, you were cool with it, right? Like, you mean. Yeah, yeah. You're like, I want. I want him to be happy. I want him to be pleased. So. So did you get to ask for what you wanted?

Yeah, I mean, I am open. I don't, like, I don't really identify myself as bisexual, but I am, I guess what they call hetero flexible. You know, I don't, I don't just pick one. I'm just open to all sorts of experience. So the fact that he opened it up to me being interested in male penetration, I was like, well, that's great, because I don't think that sex should just be limited to male, female partners.

Yeah, I hear you. I think that's really. I think that's really great forward thinking, and I love that you guys are communicating about this, so I think that's how you be safe. And then I keep checking the apps, FetLife field, you know, meetups. Like, you know, you're in Salt Lake City and not sure, like, you know, look for different. If there's, like, a sex toy store, like, a really cool one, they might have some information for you, But I think you're gonna find someone and just pay attention. You guys should go, you know, confirm, make sure you feel good about them, and then you have to let me know what happens.

Excellent. Yes, definitely.

Okay, cool. Did Sanders have any questions or. He's just standing by.

He was just standing by in case you talk to him, you know.

Well, I feel like you guys got this, like, has he ever. First of all, my other question, though. Has he practiced with anything going inside of his anus? Has he used toys or has he used fingers or have you guys done anything yet that he's felt it before?

Yeah, he. Upon your recommendation, he actually got one of the divers, and that has been wonderful.

Awesome.

Thinking about getting him an asteroid product because Christmas is coming up here soon. Even plugging those new ones.

Yes. I think the Trident collection. Yeah, they're amazing. Oh, and I love that he loved the diver. Okay, this is good. Yeah, I love this.

Okay.

He uses the diver on his own often, and then we've done it together, just like the two of us, you know, and that's kind of where he's like, I wish there was someone here, a physical person here, you know, because, like, I can use the diver, but it's hard for me to find where it's supposed to go.

I know. It really is. The prostate can be trickier. That's why it's good for guys to kind of figure it out on their own, like, maybe some help if you're there, but, you know, it's. It's worth it, but it might take a little, you know, a little more patience and time, so. With our own bodies. So that's really cool. Okay. I love it.

Good.

Sounds like you guys are doing all the right things.

Well, you've helped us so much. Listening to your podcast is. I don't know. Amazing is not the right word for it.

Thank you. That makes me feel really good. I'm so Glad it's working for you guys. Well, keep listening and keep sharing. I actually want to hear what happens here. I love the story and I love that you're so open and honest with each other. It sounds really healthy.

Yeah. So, well, definitely keep posted because we're always, we're always like listening to wait for someone who kind of like experience what we're looking for and.

Right. Okay, I'm gonna put it out there. I would love someone to call into the show or email us if you've had this experience with a female and two males. Yeah, let us know. There you go. I will let you know. Okay, thank you. So, Emily, thank you so much for listening and I'm so glad it's all working for you. Thanks, Elizabeth. Have a great night. Thanks a lot. Bye. Okay, guys, I like this call. If we can help out. If anyone's been in this situation where two men and a woman, that would be cool. And I like that she was open to pleasing her part. I think that I'm not saying everyone, but for a lot of you, you might be surprised at what a long term loving partner or partner that you trust and you've been with might be a little more receptive to your fantasies than you think. Especially if they've been listening to Sex with Emily. I feel like you all have been listening to the show and this just warms my heart so much to hear how much you guys have learned and that you guys are realizing that being honest and open and taking some risks in the bedroom is totally worth it and you're gonna get your fantasies met. So I love that. And also I love that he's tried out a prostate toy. So I think that there's been some, some inspiration here for men to kind of check out their prostate and to see how good that P spot orgasm feels, I would recommend Anaros Toys. I'd also recommend the Black Pearl by Vibratex is another cool. It's a vibrating prostate toy. So great call. Thank you so much, guys. Okay, guys, that was fun. So remember, you guys, check me out on Sirius XM radio. The channel's called Stars109. Five days a week, Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm for more sex talk still called Sex with Emily. So if you're on a commute, you live on the East coast, it's eight to 10. Call in. I'm really excited. Tell your friends if they're serious. So love that and thank you everyone for listening. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedbackexwithemily.com.

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