Orgasm More with Your Pelvic Floor

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sex with emily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. I'm talking about the most important sexercise you're not doing yet and the significant benefits of pelvic floor health. Also answering your sex and relationship questions. Topics include how to have the healthiest relationship possible, even if your partner has an sti. Ways to move forward when you're evolving sexually and your partner is still focused on old patterns. The best ways to tease and stimulate all the male erogenous zones, and recognizing when you're in a toxic friends with benefits situation and how to get out of it all. This and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man e here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her stand. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sex with emily.com because it's awesome, you guys. I just have to remind you that sexwithemily.com is a great resource for all of your sex and relationship questions, creative Valentine's Day ideas, and, you know, things you can do that are a little different this year. You know, not to knock your dinner date, your planned dinner date, but if you want something a little sexier, you'll find it on my site. Also, you can follow me on all social media, which is exwithemily. It's Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, all that fun stuff. And specifically this week. You guys, I know that you're gonna wanna follow me because I can't wait to talk to you on February 6th. I'm Facebook and Instagram live, 3 o' clock Pacific, 6 o' clock Eastern. So get your sex and relationship questions ready. Mark calendars, watch us and you can send your questions during the Facebook and Instagram Live. I'll be talking about some good Valentine's Day gifts, something a little different this year, some fun ideas. You can also ask me your questions about Valentine's Day and pretty much any sex and relationship questions you've got. We'll be talking live February 6th. Can't wait to see you there. Three o' clock Pacific. It'll be fun. Oh, also, you guys, there's a caller show on February 8th, so I'll be taking your calls. So make sure when you send or email me or text me a question before February 8th, so you should probably do it right now. Check that box that says I'd like to be called because then you can be a part of our caller show. I love these shows, you guys. They're my favorite because we can really get into all of the things that are going on with you. I get the details, so be sure to check that box or just send me an email or text. Love it. I'm really excited to have Amy Bomberg here today, and she's from Incontrol, the company behind the intensity, which we've been talking about for a few years now. Because I met Amy and she told me about this amazing device that was a vibrator and. Oh, it works your kegel muscles, strengthens your pelvic floor. And we hit it off and now we've been talking about it on the show for a few years. And I'm so. Thank you for joining us.

You're welcome. Thanks for having me.

I'm excited because it is the new year and we've been talking a lot about New Year's resolutions and making, you know, sex resolutions. Sex solutions. We've had some fun playing with that. And so I think, you know, the last weeks we've talked about making commitments to your partner and communication. And there's a lot of different things you could do, which I thought were good tips. You guys, check out the most recent podcast, but today we are going to get into some sexercises. I think the most important sexercise for men and for women is to strengthen your pelvic floor and do Kegel exercises. And I know the intensity was huge for me because I started using it when we met. We were just so. When I met Amy, we met at a hotel lobby.

Yes.

In la, a swank lobby. And we instantly hit it off. And then she'd be pulling out the devices. And, you know, we don't care in our business.

We just want people walk by looking like, what are they doing?

Exactly. But what we were doing is you were giving me the intensity. And I went home and I. It was part of my New Year's resolutions that year. And I use this device, which is also works your pelvic floor, like I said, and it's vibrator. So I would hope. And I, you know, and I still. I always. I mean, I've always used it and it. But it was amazing. In just a few weeks of doing it every day, I made it part of my. My routine. And it was like, you get into it. Cause it was like you really see the differences that I could lie back. My Kegels are done for me. And then it was a vibrator. So every day I knew I was getting it and I would do my meditation. It really worked out. So thank you for that. It's good to see you again. I haven't seen you in a while. And today I would love to talk about too. We're gonna talk about a new. A new device.

Yes.

But I know that you work closely with pelvic flu floor specialists around the country.

Yes.

So tell me a little bit what's been going on and what you're. What you're working on right now.

Oh, my gosh. We, you know, pelvic floor health is a personal passion of mine. I think that it involves.

You know, the man, the woman, everybody. You need strong pelvic floor muscles to have a stronger, longer, better orgasm. But everybody kind of. We're all individuals, so we all have our individual problems or situations that were going on where maybe a strong pelvic floor to help you with bladder leakage. Or something along that line won't help you, but maybe you have a little bit of pelvic floor pain. You know, our product using muscle stimulation can help with that. We have studies going on right now at the Cleveland Clinic. A lot of our devices, intensity just being one of them, derived from medical devices. So we have a lot of studies that go on. We have one at Northwestern for postpartum. A lot of women, six weeks after delivery need to get their pelvic floor back in order because they want to have a fulfilling sex life. They don't want to have to worry about the problems that happen with weak pelvic floor muscles. So the one at Cleveland Clinic is for pelvic floor pain that is going excellent. All these should be done coming up within the next, I'd say two months.

So the intensity. And we're going to talk about the apex today as well, which is very exciting that we can now.

Well, yeah, all the devices have the same thing in common. They all use muscle stimulation. So the same thing that's in our medical device apex is going to be in the intensity. It's just the intensity has a vibration. And who doesn't want a little extra?

Exactly.

We call it with a kick.

Exactly. Well, I want to get to that, how it works, Dan, because I've explained on the show, but I'd love to hear it. You know, we can talk about it in the way that people can understand a different way of hearing it. But let's go back to pain, because pain is so prevalent for women during sex. So many women have pain, and they like a lot of things you just kind of accept as women. We're like, well, it's just part of being a woman. But it doesn't have. So even using one of these devices can also help with pain.

Sure. I have a really close friend of mine who, she had rectal pain after having her baby. She's like, what the heck is going on? She went to her doctor. The doctor said, pelvic floor issues. She's like, but it's rectal pain.

Right. But. Hi. I said rectal. Are you sure you're a doctor?

Yeah, but that's a whole figure eight. It's all one muscle. So she used the device and it helped her.

Can it help with a lot of different kinds? Because sometimes they don't know what.

Yes.

I don't even. Okay. That's amazing.

Yep. And that's. We're waiting. We're. We're waiting for the FDA clearance. This is all. Again, weak pelvic floor Muscles prolapse is part of that, where a lot of times a woman's uterus or bladder will start falling out. That's a real serious issue.

Even if you're healthy, you exercise, it can just happen.

In fact, exercise can kind of exasperate. It can make it happen faster. Because if you think about high impact exercises, you're pounding the pavement, so to speak. And that muscle that works as a hammock is just stretched and stretched.

What happens to the pelvic floor? Let's like break it down for a minute because what we're going to get into is the reason why I love this and why we're still talking about this after all these years is because I don't have a lot of time. Not everyone has a lot of time. And I'm the kind of thing, if I hear something that can be like, literally, I know there's no magic bullets in life, but it kind of.

It really is like.

It kind of is. That's why I was so blown away, because, you know, before I met you, I've did Kaggle camp. I've got my app and I would do it religiously, but this just. It speeds it up.

It is 10 minutes and 5, 10 minutes and I.

And it's done.

And it's done.

I didn't have to think about doing it right because so many women and men do it wrong.

And it makes such a huge difference.

Huge difference. Like, I can't mess this up. So just you do this.

So you're like, oh, is that what I was supposed to be squeezing this whole time?

It teaches you how to do them. Now I know that I do them correctly because. Because of my experience with the intensity. So let's first talk about. Let's give some. Since you're a pelvic floor expert, let's just talk about the hammock and how it supports your entire pelvic floor.

The pelvic floor is made up of several muscle groups. The levator ani is the main group. That it's a hammock like structure and that weakens over time. I mean, you can say it's due to childbirth, due to age, due to being pregnant, due to high impact exercises. Whatever the reason, being living on the planet. Yes, Living, breathing, walking. But over time, those muscles get stretched and sort of like a rubber band or a balloon. They just don't always go back to how we want them to over time. And so what we do is take those muscles and tighten them just like anybody. That works out as soon as you start working out, you see the tone of your muscles change. You see the muscles in your arms change, or your legs, or hopefully your butt or whatever you're focusing on. And this is that same thing. It's going to tighten and tone and strengthen those muscles, giving you so much more control. And again, the pleasure for your partner, the pleasure for you just triples. Right?

I mean, so it's pleasure and it's health. Because that's what I want to emphasize. People are like, oftentimes. And I, hey, I'll admit it. I didn't think about doing. Even though my doctor, or Even in my 20s, I go see my OB GYN, she's like, well, do your Kegels. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll get to that. Do my traffic light. I'm not.

Yeah, I know. That's. I imagine all these women out there, they're kind of like, oh, right.

Exactly. Now they're just texting, but. So forget even doing your Kegels. Don't text and drive. Kegels and drive. I'm cool with that. But the importance of it is for women of all ages and men. But I think today we are focusing a little more on women. But I just feel like. Yet it also. If you in your 20s, if you haven't had orgasms, your organs aren't strong enough, you just want to continue. If you're working on your outer muscles and things people can see, this is just as important. I wish I did them in my 20s, because it really does over time, start making a part of your life. And what you're thinking about now, it just.

I mean, Kegels are just as important for men. And we do want to address that. We have so many new products coming out within. Yeah, let's like, May Juneish. You know that.

Tell me what's ferment.

It's a device that'll help with their pelvic floor. So it's obviously, our devices are all inserted typically vaginally. This one is gonna be inserted rectally, and it's gonna help tighten and tone the pelvic floor. Cause again, It's a figure 8. It's a muscle group. It's important.

It is so important. I mean, this. That's why I love this. Okay, so that's. So the pelvic floor, it's gonna weaken over time. It's just going to. And so let's go back to how it works using gentle electrostimulation.

We actually had pelvic floor physical therapists, who I'm A huge proponent of I wish we could all turn 18, go to one, learn our pelvic floor top to bottom. There's so many good ones out there. A lot of them will just educate you to help you. I mean, even how you stand is important for your pelvic floor. So we worked with lots of pelvic floor experts. They have probably 30 to 50 years, their study going back, using muscle stimulation to help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. But you always had to go find these physical therapists. That's such a specialty and hard to find. And does your insurance cover and what's the copay and da da da da. And going to visit them. And it's pretty invasive working with them typically. I mean, they're down there doing the stimulation for you. So we took that technology, we packaged it in a way to be able to have the device inflate. That's super, super important. The inflation portion, it always kind of gets tucked under that. Our device.

Oh, I love the inflate. It's so cool.

But just like men, every is shaped a little bit different. So you want to have those contacts snug against the pelvic floor wall. And not only that, it gives you active resistance. So instead of nobody lifts weights and just drops them. You lift them up, you bring them down. That's the same thing. The inflation causes that active resistance. And even Dr. Cagle, Arnold Cagle himself said active resistance is critical. How do you do that? If you're just doing a normal Kegel, you can't. There's nothing to resist against, Right?

Exactly. That's exactly what it is. So when you insert it, you apply the gel.

You apply the gel, insert it, inflate it, and then I like that it's controlled. Two different controls. So you can do. Like me personally, I do the stimulation separately from the vibration. That's just the way I like to do it.

Well, it's kind of like you get your reward.

Yeah, exactly. This is the warm up and then.

That'S the big 10 minutes. And it went by so quickly too, because it feels good too. Just, just doing the. Having the stimulation. So it just felt.

At first, it's a little different. It's like, what. Because we don't usually feel muscle stimulation in our vaginas, but it's not a bad, unpleasant feeling at all. And like, for me, you can turn the device. I think we talked about that a long time ago. You can turn it like 90 degrees to get the most comfortable muscle contraction. You really can play around with it, which Is kind of neat. So I do the muscle stimulation part. 5, 10 minutes. I try to do it a couple times a week. I'll forget for a while and then all of a sudden something will come up. I'll get a cold and I'll start coughing and I'm like, whoa.

Right.

Exactly.

That's what I. Exactly. It's for maintenance. I do the same exact thing because I was like, airtight or even.

Yeah. Or even fooling around with my, you know, with my partner. There gets to a point where it's like, I think I need to start using that a little bit more. It just doesn't feel quite the same. Well, that and I know he's not changing exactly.

Right. You're getting smaller. It's all you blame. No, but it's true. It is true that. I'm so glad. So thank you for creating this. I mean, I know you were doing the research and helping to build it because it was like, I. I feel like I have a way to just. And it only takes like a week.

His name is Buzz Petticord, and I have to give the shout out to him. The. He's invented a lot of different medical devices. So this was one that his mother actually said, you want to solve a problem? Solve the problem of me getting up in the middle of the night 10 times to go to the bathroom.

He's like, okay, Mom.

So once he did that, the sexual health community came to us and said, you know, like, 10 to 20% of women orgasm with this medical device for incontinence. Can you help us out? So that's really how intensity came to be. Is the medical community saying, we need help for sexual health? We need something that we can feel really good and strong and confident about recommending because it's 100% medical grade silicone. Everybody's body conscious these days. Everywhere you go, it's all about organic and watch what you're putting in your body. So it's nice to know that our, our device is all about the body conscious.

Exactly. I think it's brilliant. I love it. So I've used the intensity. So I know now the apex is just like the intensity without the vibrator, Correct?

It is. It is FDA cleared for the treatment of stress bladder leakage, which is the type of bladder leakage when you laugh, cough, sneeze, do jumping jacks, do your CrossFit, jump on the box, all that that is. That is called stress incontinence. Even though we want to say, no, my mother has incontinence. Not Me, that's ladies. That's what it is. If you, if that whole, you know, everybody laughs. Oh, I pee when I laugh. Don't make me laugh. That's. That's not good. That's not a good thing. That's not, oh, I laugh so hard I peed. Should not be a good thing.

Exactly. And that, that happens way too frequently. That's what starts to happen. And especially women who have just recently gone through childbirth. How soon after can they start using it?

You know, we recommend six weeks. That six week checkup is, is usually the go time. Just like with.

Because the thing is, and I have so many friends, you know, who. I'm just like, you have to get this. I like, literally, it's like they're present, you know, like they're like, I'm not being.

Oh, I know. I had a lady that said, I bought six this year for my friends.

Honestly. No, well, really, it's the best gift because so what happens is, and it's so funny, I either have my friends calling me or their husband's calling me saying, well, the doctor says it's six weeks and now she's ready. Why doesn't she want to have sex yet? Or why isn't she ready yet? And I just think six weeks for some women maybe. But I feel like it's more and more like it might be three months, it might be four months. And for, you know, the, the men out there, like, you gotta be patient.

There's a lot going on. Absolutely. And for women, they're like, the last thing I have time for right now is to sit and do my kaggle exercises. And they might not be doing them right.

Yeah. And so much is just confidence in how are you feeling? And Right.

There's a lot going on, but. Exactly. But I feel like that why this is so great is because after six weeks you might not want to have sex yet. But this could help you get started on the path to even just paying attention to that part of your body. Because for women, like, I just, I've got the baby, I'm exhausted. There's stuff going on. And if you spend time just, even, even if you just can dedicate five minutes a day, I know you're busy at 10 and you, and you do it, you're like, oh, you start breathing into your pelvic floor. And you're like, oh, yeah, I remember there's sensations here. And you start breathing, you'll start to feel it like right away for women. And it's just the most efficient way to get your pelvic floor back after childbirth as well.

So I know you've like, everybody's worried about doing the sit ups for their, you know, physically getting back in shape.

This is just as important as not more important because if you're not having sex, you're not feeling, you know, alive down there anymore. This is like a great way to do it. I'm sure you.

And after having the baby a lot, it just changes it. There's no way. It cannot change. So getting to that feeling more like your old self as quick as possible, I think is.

Exactly. And I feel like it is true that in other countries. I know, I've heard in France they like send you home with something, right. Like it's a device like this or they're like, no, you can't, like, here's how to take care of your baby. But for women, here's how you take care of yourself.

Yes.

We just don't.

No, it's not common. I mean, there's some great doctors across the United States that because there's so much out there now for women. I mean, they're just besides our products, they're know you, you're in the industry too, so you're just inundated with all this new stuff and it's so exciting. And these doctors, you know, the good ones are embracing the technologies and they're checking into them and you can go to them and they'll tell you, you know, they'll help you with anything.

Yeah. So what is the latest then that.

You know, there's, there's the Oshot, there's different types of lasers, like Genevieve, there's.

Let's talk about these. There is a lot going on. I'm not.

I could talk only so much about them, but yeah, there's. I mean, just from being in the industry, like doctors. Yeah. Dr. Runnels, he's the one that invented the O shot and he is. He also has a priapus shot, the P shot that's using your body's own healing power basically by taking your blood. They spin it out, take your platelets and re inject it either into the penis or into the vagina. I've been to the classes. I've watched women get it. I've personally gotten it. It's amazing. It really does help with blood flow. It helps with sensation immensely. We were kind of joking a little bit ago that. Yes. I was walking down the street like, oh God.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. I want, I want to really offer people like, we'll give you no shot. I'm like, let's. I mean, I feel like we would hear stuff like that. There's also certain, like, people think, oh, well, labioplasty. They think about it. It's like that kind of thing. No.

Yeah.

It's not about, like, that. Your vagina is not beautiful, because it isn't. I'm not for anybody changing the look of the vagina cosmetically. This is about, like, really doing stuff that wasn't available.

No, these are sensations. This is to help sexual. Because again, everybody. I'm big into everybody being an individual, and everybody's problems are a little bit different, and what they want and what they desire is different. And I'm a huge avid advocate for individuality. So in my mind, having all these different options. What? You know, a laser might not be something somebody wants. But this O shot sounds interesting because you understand platelets. I mean, they've been using platelets in wound care for, I don't know, 20, 30 years. That's just something to use. Your body's platelets are healing, so it makes sense.

Like, take advantage of what's happening. Those questions, when you see your doctor, like, what you've heard on the show, like, ask them and say what is available to you, because they might not know. They might not offer it. They're waiting for the next patient to come in. And so I just think people have to be smarter about this. The cool part is ask questions.

Even though all that. You have your lasers, you have the oh shot, you have all of them. I guess I get to be involved with them because all of them do pretty much use our product in conjunction, they're using intensity or apex.

So they do. So they're like. Whether you're doing the lasers, which is a different kind of thing, but as care. Take this home and use it.

Yeah. Because, you know, congratulations on your success of this.

Because I don't know who else is.

We're taking care of the muscles, you know, everybody else. There's tissue issues. There's, you know, just blood issues, blood flow issues, and it's a muscle. We're in conjunction. So everybody can get you maybe 80 to 90%, but you combine a lot of these things together, and it can get you to 100% of where you want to be.

Exactly. Strong pelvic floor. Okay. Well, Amy, this is so fun. I'm glad you're in town again. Thank you for coming by. And tell me how people can find out more about this.

They can go to pourmoi.com emily. They can go through your website and once you're there, there's a wealth of information. But what I. We have a chat option and our chat is actually answered by clinicians. So even if you call in to the number and ask for customer service, you're always gonna be talking to a female clinician, which I think is really pretty cool. I mean, even our manufacturing plant, it's all made by women for women. They're assembling it. There's pictures on our website showing that it's, it's pretty incredible. It's a great company.

I just clicked it. I'm like, oh my God. I mean, your testimonials too. I was just like, people like, it's life changing. Just go read the testimonials. This is not bs.

And it's every day. I mean, I have relatives, I have so many people that's impacted. I get teary eyed all the time. And why I've been so passionate for so long. Making sure. Come on, Emily, let's talk about people need to know.

Well, when I met with you, I was like, okay. Like I met with you and your story was like, okay, I'm doing it. I went home and that was it. Like, I'm like, I get it. So I'm so glad that you got that because I want people to hear from you. So, Amy, thanks for being here.

Yeah, thank you.

This is great information. Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.

Strong pelvic floors.

All right.

And thanks.

Thank you.

Hope you guys enjoyed my interview with Amy. And now you realize, oh, I probably should do my kegels and pay attention to my pelvic floor health. You know, just if you want better sex, more orgasms. And so I hope you enjoyed that. And now let's give a quick shout out to our sponsors. Love them. I love you all. Thanks for listening. We'll be right back. Answering your emails.

Now. We're onto your emails. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, I love that. You can easily text ask Emily all one word to 797-979 and then you'll receive a short form where you can enter your question and your contact details. And if you want me to call you on a feature show, we can do that. You can also submit a question from the sexwithemily.com website via the Ask Emily tab. And as always, include information that helps me help you. Your gender, your age, where you live and how you listen. And I can't wait to hear from you. This is from T. She's 27 in Oakland, California. Hi, Emily. The guy I've been seeing for a few months has gentle herpes. He doesn't carry the symptoms, but he let me know up front I'm getting closer to the stage where I really want to sleep with him. I usually wait as I've only had sex with one other person. We have crazy chemistry. He's sweet and it's just hot with him. But the STD is in the back of my mind. I know we can take medication, we can use condoms to lower the risk, and my doctor's advice was to definitely use condoms. I want to know your advice as someone who may understand what an STD really means as far as consequences for me and your thoughts on the situation. I love your podcast and love you. Help. Hey, T. I love you, sweetie. Thanks for listening to the podcast. And I love that he was so upfront about this because it's so important for people if you have an std, it is not a death sentence. There's a lot of people who have herpes have STDs, and they still go on, have very healthy, satisfying sex lives. So I like that he's upfront with you and I'm glad you asked this question because, yeah, he can take a daily suppressant. It's an antiviral medication. And typically if someone takes that, they will not have outbreaks. Now, some people choose just to take it, have the medication on them at all times. So when they have an outbreak, they can pop a pill. But that's still means that, you know, sometimes there's like a pre outbreak and some people are just carriers and they can't really tell when they're having an outbreak. So I would just like your doctor said, I would recommend using condoms all the time and also having them take the medication. But here's the thing. I mean, there's a lot of people out there having sex right now who are carriers and don't know it. You can also contract the virus through oral sex, through vaginal, through fingering, through your eyes, through your nose. I mean, there's so many different ways to catch it. So I think the more careful you are and the more precautions you take and the better off you're going to be. I can't guarantee that you're not going to get herpes, but I can tell you that condoms reduce your risk by 30% and an antiviral medication certainly helps. And yeah, the risk is higher because he has it. But also, like I said, there's a lot of people who are carrying certain STDs and they don't even know it. So I would say proceed with caution. I like that you're into this guy and continue to talk to him about it and see what he's willing to do, because I think if he's willing to take the medication, that's a great step forward and just keep talking about it. But I think you should move forward with caution. So thank you for emailing T. I appreciate it. The next email is Punita. She's 35 from New York. Hi, Emily. I suffer from vaginismus. When I met my now husband, I had started to overcome it, but sex was still painful. He and I would have sex regularly, but now, many years later, he's made it clear that I never seem like I was into sex and he didn't enjoy having sex with me. We rarely have sex now, and while he's made it clear that he loves me, he has no desire to have sex with me. He basically sees me as a nun. Over the past few years, I've been going through a sexual revolution, listening to your podcast, masturbating more, watching porn, sexual meditation. But I don't feel comfortable at this point to be openly sexual with him. I'm very self conscious about initiating because I'm so nervous about the sex being disappointing for him. I've actually said this to my husband and he said, if I have that attitude, we're never gonna get anywhere. He's right and I don't know what to do. I feel his attitude towards me is very negative when it comes to anything sexual. And I feel like we're stuck in a catch 22 situation. Any advice? Okay. Thank you so much, Punita, for this email. I know that is really challenging to be suffering from vaginismus all those years just having pain every time you have sex and not knowing why. And. And so congratulations to you for really, like, taking this on and evolving sexually and listening to podcasts and watching porn and sexual meditation. I love everything that you're doing. So my heart goes out to you because I'm sure you're in this great place and you're feeling like you want to be sexual and your husband is shut down to it, and that does not feel good at all. I want you to understand that it's not just your responsibility. It takes two to tango. You're both in your relationship, you're both having sex, and so you guys have responsibility to each other to work on the sex. So the fact that he said to you, you know, if you. You told him, which I would advise you to do that. You're worried about initiating because maybe you're not really sure what to do and you're afraid he's going to reject you. And the fact that he said, you know, it's your responsibility if you have that attitude, we're not going to get anywhere. And so I don't love his attitude. And I think it does sound very negative. And it sounds like you are in a catch 22. And so I think that he has to work on this with you to kind of rewire his brain around your sex life. Because if that was happening for a long time, that you were rejecting it or you didn't, I understand why he's, you know, his walls went up. He thought, I don't want to be rejected. Sex has become this painful thing. So I really think that this is a time where you guys need to see a therapist and really get into this. Because I don't see how after so many years together and if he's just shut down to any kind of conversation around, like your challenges around initiating and what you've been through, and he's just shut down to it and blaming you, I really think that you're going to need some therapy to help you guys work through this kind of. Of repair the past, heal a lot of the messages that were sent to each other through the rejection, through your pain and whatever he's feeling, and get to a deeper place where you guys can connect sexually and intimately. Because I'm not sure it sounds like you're really trying and he's shutting down with the same answers that he's not open. So if he's not open, I think that it's your responsibility to go see therapist and know if you won't see a therapist, which I think oftentimes in couples there's one that wants to, one doesn't want to. You could also get some help and talk about, get some tips about how to communicate date with your husband around this. But I feel like you're doing a lot of the right things here. And unless he's open to, to kind of being your partner in this, you're going to need to get some help. Otherwise. But keep going on your revolution. Keep going on your journey. Don't be discouraged. Thanks for the email. This is from B43, Los Angeles. Hi, Emily. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and together for 22 years. I'm reaching out because I would love to gift my husband with a prostate orgasm. He's all for it, and we've tried, but I fear I may need a little bit more guidance. He deserves to feel the equivalent of what he gifts me all the time. A G spot orgasm. He's the most amazing lover ever. He's always been extremely giving and may add, worships the pussy. I also wanted to thank you for enlightening me and helping me with my own sexuality. This has led to me educating my daughter and her girlfriends on the importance of learning how to embrace and please themselves. For Christmas, I gifted them all some Joe lube and mini bullet vibrators. I love them this. Oh, and by the way, our sex life has shot through the roof since we discovered you. Our New Year's resolution is to be better lovers to one another by continuously exploring each other's bodies. Thank you again and continue your amazing work. B. Oh B, I love this. I'm so glad that the podcast has helped you with your sex life. You guys are like, like this banner couple. I love it. Keep going. And you want to give a PE spot that is a great gift and I'm going to assume that he's open to it. I know we don't learn much about how to stimulate the prostate. I feel like people are just more open now to and thank God men are realizing it doesn't make me gay. There's a lot of pleasure I can have back there and it could be awesome to have a orgasm by stimulating the prostate. So really just like everything you've been listening to the show, it's kind of like looking for the G spot. You want to make sure that he's aroused, that he's relaxed. Maybe you can give him a massage first. It really helps if he's already turned on, so that helps the whole area engorges and so it can become easier to find the prostate. Make sure that you're going slow, that he's breathing and relaxed and like I said, hopefully turned on. Maybe he's already had an orgasm, maybe gave him a blow job or you had sex or he's just turned on. So you want to take a lubricated finger and go slow. It's 2 inches below the rectum towards the scrotum. So you insert a finger, go slow like I said, and you should feel a chestnut sized ball moving the fingers in a come hither motion. So very similar to the G spot spot towards his navel can stimulate the prostate to the point of orgasm. Now that's an advanced. That's like going all the way in. So that's like the actual technical of how you would do that. And again, you've never even been in there to find it. I don't know if he's explored. So you might just get a finger, a pinky finger in like half of an inch and that's totally fine too. So this whole area of exploring, like whenever I'm even giving advice for anal sex, you always want to just, you know, make sure that you are exploring that area without even entering. So the outside of the anus has a lot of nerve endings and so that can feel really great to him. So you could just take your finger, make sure again, hands and nails and everything's clean and trimmed, but you just take your finger and you can rub it on the outside and see if he likes it. Like I said, experiment with the finger. You can also play with toys. We Vibe has a new toy called the Verge, which stimulates the perineum, which is that area beneath the scrotum between the scrotum and the anus. And so that area actually, if you push on it, you can indirectly stimulate the prostate. So you might want to get a toy and kind of play with that area. I also recommend the Black Pearl by Vibratex. That's a great toy to play with. There's also some butt plugs and things you can do. But I think just take it as like a journey, this prostate journey, that it might not happen the first time, but it sounds like you guys have great communication and great intimacy and connection. Sounds like he's open to it, but you guys are in this together of finding his prostate. And I think that is the best present he's for sure gonna receive all year if not for his entire life. Because if you guys are curious and you've never heard about this, that men, gay or straight, can many men experience a lot of pleasure through stimulating their prostate. Men can have incredible orgasms by stimulating the prostate. Okay. This is fact and I say why not? Life's too short not to try, so good luck with that be and thank you for all the kind words. I love that the show has helped you be a better lover and have better sex. This is Charles, 25, from Massachusetts. Hi, Emily. I have a job that requires special training. It's physical, tactical, mental, and extremely intense. The program pairs you up in groups of two and I'm paired with a female, which is extremely rare as the program is mainly men. My partner, I are splitting an apartment and a few weeks ago we got drunk and made out. She's coming out of a long term relationship and isn't interested in monogamy. I Want monogamy. There's clearly chemistry, as we've also cuddled. But we recognize that we work together and live together. Obviously, we don't align on monogamy. Point. What's messing with me is she started seeing another guy and their relationship progressed to the point where he's over all the time. I really like her, and we have to be friends for another year because intense training lasts that long. But I'm starting to resent the way she treats me. We're very open when it comes talking about sex and relationships, which makes us very close in our friendship. And we've talked about how we would both be sexually compatible. I feel like she's using me every day to fulfill her emotional gap and getting her sexual fill from this other guy. It's driving me crazy. I really want to hate her and move on, but we have to work together for a year. What can I do to maintain balance between my work, my living situation, and my feelings? Charles. Okay, Charles, this is a sticky one. I mean, my first thing would say, you got to get out of that place. You guys gotta. You gotta get another roommate. But I'm not sure if your job is going to allow you guys to switch up apartments. But that doesn't seem cool. Everyone is paired with men, except for you're paired with a woman. If you cannot get out of that situation, this is going to be all on you. So I understand that your feelings are hurt and you're feeling rejected, and you guys hooked up, and she said one thing, and now she's doing another, and there's a guy coming over and having sex. And that. That makes me. That would make me jealous. Anybody would be like, oh, why, why, why? And you also feel like she's taking advantage of you by dumping all of her emotional stuff on you or however you put it here. But I totally understand that you feel like she's using you every day, but you're also allowing yourself to be used every day. So you can set boundaries here, Charles. And I think that's going to be your key. If you can't get out of this living situation, it's going to boundaries. And remember, boundaries take practice. We're not taught how to set boundaries. And that would just mean, like, telling. Letting her know that it's challenging for me to be your main support here when you've got these emotional challenges that you're sharing with me every day. And I'm just. I'm not the person to talk to about this. I care about you. We're roommates. But let's keep it at that. We don't have to be best friends. I mean, you can let her know that I had feelings for you or I really enjoyed our hookup. And it's hard for me, you know, to hear you, you know, with this guy here every day. It's okay to be honest with her and to let her know in a very, like, kind way, in a very straightforward way, though, that. That you're filling her emotional gap while she's getting sex elsewhere. That hurts your feelings. So maybe she'll hear that, and she'll start to reel herself in and understand you. And this might take a few conversations. I'm telling you that this could just keep building and building over the next year, and you guys have another two years together. You said, I think this would be great practice for you, too, Charles, because this won't be the first time in your life where you're in a situation that you want to get out of or that you. That isn't. That you need to manage and that feels like. That you're not in control of it and that you're not reacting to it in the way you want to. So I think practice being really. You can even tell her, like, I'm not. I really, you know, respect you. I'm glad we're roommates. And maybe it sounds like you really do care about her, and you can leave and let her know, like, I care about you, and obviously I want to be here for you. But I'm finding it challenging to. To hear about your emotional challenges when I also had this feeling of rejection that we didn't hook up. I mean, I just think that you have nothing to lose here and everything to gain by being honest and open and listening and also listening to what she's saying. And again, this might not be one conversation. This might be a conversation that you're having a few times, but I guarantee that your living situation will be a lot better if you just, you know, if you're vulnerable, you're honest, you're open, and you tell her exactly what you're feeling right now, because I guarantee you, even though it feels like she's trying to hurt you and messing with you, she's not. And I'm sure she wants you to feel good as well and have a pleasant living situation. So you gotta try it out, Charles. It'll feel really good. All right, Those are the emails. That was our show. That was fun. So thanks, everyone, for listening. Thank you for subscribing on itunes, reviewing the show. It's all really helpful checking out all of our podcasts. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, our volunteers Shannon and Jenny, Producer Lark and Michael. And thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbacksexwithemily.com.

There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health, magnesium. And here's the thing, no single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created. Needed with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals, it provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and take just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50% off and here's a bonus, use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15% off your order. That's Q U A l I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.