Penis Captivus & Other Sexual Hangups

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jeju. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super soft, ultra quiet and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20% off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily Today's show we are talking about you and your emails and your questions that you sent to feedbackexwithemily.com Here are some topics. How to last longer in bed, Sex and antidepressants. Struggling with your boyfriend's bisexual fantasies. Smoking for sex, Orgasms, Relationships, chemistry. No chemistry. We're covering it all in this show. So thank you for listening to Sex with Emily and supporting us. Oh, and also want some amazing sex toys? I'll bet you do. Products, Lingerie. Anything. Let me ask you a question first. Are you getting enough? I mean, I bet you'd love a little bit more, right? Well, AdamandEve.com wants to give you more with 10 free gifts. I've been working with these guys. I've known them for a long time. I can't believe they have an offer with 10 free gifts. I mean really, you order one thing and you get 10 free gifts? Like where else does that happen in the world? First, you'll get a sexy surprise for her. Second, a specially selected toy for him. And third, a little something we know you'll both enjoy. Plus you get six full length adult movies on DVD and number 10 free shipping on your entire order. Which by the way, I hate paying for shipping anywhere. It pisses me off. Free shipping is amazing. So what do you have to do to get your 10 free gifts. Not that hard at all. Go to Adam and Eve.com, select one item. Could be an adventurous new toy. You know, I always talk about great toys. Sexy piece of lingerie, A fun sex game to play together. Anything you desire. Just enter offer code emily at checkout and you'll get all 10 free gifts. So go to AdamandEve.com today, buy one item and get 10 free gifts, including free shipping. When you enter offer code Emily, that's offercodeemilyadamandeve.com.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts, read our blogs, check out our videos, sign up for our mailing list the second you get there, because you will love our emails. And also, I really just think it'd be really easy for you to subscribe to the podcast because then you'll never miss a show again. We do two shows a week and podcasts. To some people, they're still confused by them. They're like, I wanna listen. I don't get it. Let me tell you how easy it is. You download an app, like the podcast one app, Stitcher app. It's for any smartphone. And then you just listen to podcasts. You just stream it, and you can listen to it. You can also, if you have itunes on your phone, you download the podcast itunes app. This is all free, and you just listen to it or listen to it on your computer. So easy. You subscribe, and then you get them in your. And then you get a notification. And then there's the sex family show. How easy is that menace?

Super easy.

Super easy. I mean, we know this. Ten years we've been doing it. Podcasting. Some people are like, oh, yeah, I totally want to do that.

Yeah, podcasting's so hot right now. Can you believe it?

I know. We're hot too. You want to know why?

Yeah. Why?

Well, Menace, all this hard work that we've been doing for the last 10 years, just because we want to help people have better sex.

Has. Has earned us an award. A nomination for an award.

Wow.

We are nominated for the Podcast Awards, so I'm so grateful. Thank you. Podcast Awards. We are nominated in the mature category for best podcast. And all my listeners, I love you, and I would appreciate beyond if you would vote for us to actually win. It's@podcastawards.com you can vote every single day starting March 3 for, like, a few weeks, I think. So I would just save it in your browser. Save it on your toolbar. That was called toolbar. Bookmark. Yeah, bookmark and vote every day. It takes you two seconds. I know. You're already, like, on Twitter. Facebook. Anyway, just gotta bounce over. Vote for us. We're in the mature category and we'd like to win. It would feel good. I've never won anything. Really? What?

Yeah. Podcastawards.com Click on mature, sexy Emily. It's that simple, right? It'll be as fast as me saying it.

Exactly. You've already done, like, they could have done it 10 times.

Or me trying to put a sentence together.

And here's another thing, people, and this is just my own thing. And I'm cool. I've got confidence. It's fine. I want, you know, may the best team win. But I am also hosting the Podcast Awards with Dennis Miller, and I will be on stage giving out the award, hopefully to myself.

Yeah, that would be awesome, but I.

Don'T want to give it to someone else. I'm not that competitive. And I will celebrate anyone who wins. But really, you guys, come on, save me from that.

When you win, will you thank me?

Dude, I want you to be there. Oh, yeah. I gotta remember to thank you. Hey, let's write that down. I definitely think. Menace, menace, menace. Okay. Yes. So also, we would love you to be our intern at Sex with Emily. I've had a really vibrant intern program for the last 10 years, and we need some interns in Los Angeles. Or you could also work remotely. We're not encouraging that, but if you are, you know, fit the job, fit the bill, that might work. We're looking for a social media marketing intern and also a production intern who. Who can help with video and editing and all that stuff. So email us feedbackexwithelmy.com if you're interested. Include your resume, cover Letter writing samples, a thoughtful letter, like why you want it and all that stuff. The second thing we're looking for are some seasoned sex and relationship writers. If you'd like to write for us and be posted on our blog, we would promote. You get a lot of. We have a lot of readers, we have a lot of listeners and we'd love you to join us. So email us feedbackexwithemily.com that would be huge. Huge. We already have a bunch of blogs. You can check out our site. But I just think there's a lot of people out there who are talking about interesting things who have their own blogs and they might want to share. We would love that. And oh, and one more thing. You know what's coming up very, very soon.

Very important.

Your favorite holiday.

Very important holiday.

Very important holiday. Okay. Valentine's Day is done and gone. We spent a lot of time on it, but we did not spend a lot of time on the other holiday, which is Steak and BJ day.

It's a legal holiday, by the way.

Yeah, it's legal. They have cards now at Hallmark. At Target. No, but really, it's a month after Valentine's day. It's actually March 14th is the actual date. But at the Hustler Hollywood store, March 13, I am having the first of its kind steak and BJ party. And if you've never been to the Hustler Hollywood store, it's awesome. If you live in the. In the. I was gonna say Bay area. If you live in Los Angeles area or anywhere, fly in, check it out. It starts at 8 o'. Clock. I'm gonna give a little blow job class. But really we're gonna have like steaks. We're actually having like fil. We're having like drinks and steaks to be fun. And it's a freaking cool store. And there's parking and back and it's so easy. And it's also, I always say it's to couples. They're like, how do I get my partner to do this? And she doesn't like this. Or he doesn't like that. I always say, go to your local sex toy store for a night and walk around. That's a great. I mean, you can't not but help but comment on toys, lingerie, DVDs, whatever you see there. And then you guys can say, well, that turns me on. That doesn't. There's books. So it's a great date night. And you might get a blowjob.

Yeah.

You know, right. Little blowjob. Hopefully you will Never blow job, never hurt anyone.

I mean, at least you get stake.

Yeah, exactly. If you don't have a blow job, you get steak. It's a win win.

Yeah.

Okay, I've got a little bit sex in the news. Menace. Unless you've got your own sex in the news.

I got a couple things in my own sex in the news.

Talk to me.

Number one, have you heard about the. So the hot thing in tech right now is wearable. So do you know what the term wearable is? So it's kind of. Have you heard of a Fitbit?

I have a Fitbit.

Jawbone.

I have that too.

Wow, look at you.

Oh, I did. I lost a job. I have Fitbit. I love it.

So there's Jawbone, there's Fitbit, there's everything. Like, that's what the whole, like, Apple watch is about. It's like, you know, tracking fitness and stuff like that. But pornhub is started a thing where they're trying to finance their own wearable. Now this wearable is actually a pretty good idea where you would wear it on your wrist, and as you're masturbating for male or female, it actually charges. So it has a little weight inside. And then when the weight goes back and forth, it's making energy and it charges the band. And you're able to charge your cell phone if needed. So you plug it in when you're.

Only when you're masturbating, it charges because you're going up and down.

So you're going up and down and that's actually charging. And so you. Have you ever seen, like one of those radios that you have to wind up? Yeah, kind of like that idea. But you're masturbating with the wearable, and then. So it's like having the extra battery on your wrist and they're able to plug it into.

But why. Why not just charge your cell phone? Like, what else is it tracking?

Well, no.

No.

Okay, let's say your cell phone dies, right? There's. So there's a company out there that I love.

So you gotta go masturbate in the bathroom. I'm so confused.

Hold on. Yeah, so. So why would you. Why would you carry around a battery? Well, there's a company that I love, it's called Mophie, and they make a lot of different batteries for cell phones. It's the same mofos, it's the same type of concept, but it's like. Like a Fitbit that you wear as a.

What is it? But is it measuring Anything or just charging your phone.

It's char. It's just giving you an extra battery.

Through masturbation.

Through masturbation.

Because they figure we know you guys are masturbating all the time anyway. Why not charge your phone? Charge your battery. Okay. Do you want one?

It'd be kind of cool to check out to see what it was all about.

Yeah.

But. Yeah, they say females and males can use it and they're looking for. They're calling beta testers. Get it.

Oh, beat it. Beat it. Beat it. Just beat it. Yeah. Which I didn't understand what that song meant when it came out, but. Right. That's good. I guess.

Yeah.

I thought it, like, measured your sexual fitness or something. No, no, it just charges your battery. Yeah. I'm just thinking, get a mophie. But. Okay, cool.

Yeah. You know what?

I want one of those Apple watches, though.

You do?

Did they come out yet? Well, is it like a Fitbit, but better?

It's coming out. I believe March 19th is like the announcement.

I still want the iPhone 6.

Yeah, I have the iPhone 6. I love it. But I not interested in the watch. No, not.

But it's just like a Fitbit, kind of. Yeah.

I just want Apple to make an actual television. That's all I care about.

Oh, not just get Apple tv.

Yeah. Not. I mean, not the Apple tv. Plug in Apple tv. The little box is amazing. But I want them to make an actual television because look how awesome their displays are.

I know. So clear. I don't know why they don't. I guess people do use them. Yeah.

Well, it's been a really rumor for years.

So.

Anyways, that's not a very sexy.

Jobs died. But. But maybe it was on his list when he died. You know, you die with a to do list. I would say that. You know the days when you freak out when you didn't get everything done? I do. Every day I'm like, you're gonna freaking die with stuff on your list. It's not like you're gonna like the day you die. Everything's gonna be checked off.

I know. That's why I want to travel more. I need to get some more travel.

I know. I am traveling, too. A lot. So I'm going to New York this week.

Nice.

Yeah. Be awesome. And am I going to Mexico next month? Okay, so we've got some sex in the news beyond your. Beat it. A South Africa man's penis gets stuck inside a married lover after suffering penis captivus. This is a real thing. This is the craziest story of the week that I've read. It comes from South Africa. It involves cheating, witchcraft, public fornication, and the medical term for getting a penis stuck inside a vagina forever, which I always thought was called a marriage. A 34 year old toy boy, which translates to boy toy in English, was called on by his lover to come on over for some sneaky hot sex. So the toy boy quickly turned to whoa, boy after Lothario's pleasure stick got stuck inside her married vagina. Wow. It gets worse.

All right.

Police had to be called in to restore. Called in to restore order after a crowd gathered to see a cheating wife and her lover locked together in during sex after the rumors spread that her husband has asked a witch doctor to put a curse on her private parts. And although medical experts say the embarrassing experience is more likely a case of penis captivus, in which the woman's vagina had contracted too much and trapped the man's penis, they were unable to stop the rumor, and the mob had quickly assembled. How did the like, seriously, like, how did the crowd know? Was there like a memo that went out? Was there like a meetup or something? Well, South Africa, there might they leave the window open? Like, how did they know? The spell, known as a mo is designed to make sure that if someone other than the husband tries to have sex with the woman in question, he will remain stuck until the husband returns to extract his revenge. The shocked couple were calling for help, which soon turned into screams as they became more desperate for him to withdraw, according to local media. To add insanity to hilarity, the crowd got so large and so out of control, the police had to use force. And a police spokesman said we had to use pepper spray to disperse the crowd as they refused to leave and were causing huge problems. Medical experts say the scenario, though rare, is very possible.

That is insane.

Do you think it was the witchcraft.

And the pepper spray? Witchcraft, Penis locking, penis captivus.

It sounds like a game or something that you could play.

That's a crazy penis captivist.

Does that sound like a game? Kids who play outside?

Yes.

Penis captivist. Whoever captures your penis first. Okay, so I don't even know how you avoid that. Maybe she was doing a lot of Kegel exercises or something and she's clamped down. So. Speaking of kegel exercises, my new Kegel camp, my app, I've had it out for four years now. We just relaunched it. It's so much better. It's for men and for women. Helps you have stronger orgasms, last longer in bed. Check it out. Okay. It would not be a day if I didn't talk about 50 Shades of Grey. It would not be a day in March. Okay. Fifty Shades of Grey has had a drastic effect on the world's Pornhub searches. Speaking of Pornhub, the release of 50 Shades of Grey has turned the world into kinky devils. According to the latest pornhub search stats, the site is one of the world's most popular porn peddlers. And new data shows a distinct trend in how our sexual tastes are affected by outside stimuli. Since the release of the fifty Shades movie, pornhub received a huge jump in the number of people searching for BDSM content in the USA as well as worldwide. That's bondage discipline, sadomascism. The data also shows the effect the movie has had on women, with the increase being much more larger. This is presumably because women are 50 Shades target demographic, the free porn giant said in a statement. Cinema has come to affect our lives and views in real and meaningful ways. For instance, after the release of the film Sideways, Merlot became more difficult to move off the shelves, while Pinot noir enjoyed a 16% spike in sales. Remember that movie Sideways? In the wine country, Deer hunting decreased by nearly half for a few years after Bambi. In the same vein, the recent release of the film. This is really a stretcher, but I love it. Adaptation of 50. I mean, it's like the comparisons, but it's true. 50 shades of gray has been shaking things up over at pornhub. Specifically, people are getting freakier in their pornographic preferences, and we've got the data to prove it. They also released a more detailed breakdown of the exact terms people are searching for. So. Ready?

Okay.

Okay. Well, first of all, searching for the word chains was up 20%. Dominant, up 40%. And 55% were. People were looking for submission. So here's the thing. Submission is up 55%. BDSM 42% dominant, 40% up. Flogging up 30%. Change up 30%. Dominatrix, 19%. Spanking's up 16%. Bondage is up 14%. Really? I mean, people are like, what the hell? Like, they saw the movie. Either they freaked him out, turned them on. It didn't turn them out. Something, but they want to know about it. They want to get it. And I think a lot of guys are curious because so many women were turned on by the book. But it doesn't necessarily mean that she needs you to whip her with chains or a flogger. It just might mean she wants to be More submissive while you take a more active role in the bedroom and maybe just pin her arms back behind her head and throw her down the bed. Lightly. Well, aggressively but lightly.

I know you don't have the attention span, but did you have the attention.

Span of a nat?

Yeah. Have you gone and seen the movie yet?

I was there at the premiere. I mean, I did premiere.

Watch it.

Yeah.

You watched it?

I talked a lot through it, but I watched it.

Yeah, I'm sure you did.

I watched it.

So funny. My co worker said she got a text message from her mom saying that her mom's friend went with her son to go watch it.

That's crazy.

Yeah. And they're like in their 40s or whatever, but I don't think at any age is appropriate to go watch that with your mom.

No, I know. I would not want to watch. I. I would watch with my mom because she read all three books. Yeah.

I think, like, women watching it together.

Cool.

But a guy and a.

No, no, no, no. It's like I told you. My dad took me to see Fast Times at Richmond High. Remember the blowjob scene? I was like, what the hell's going on with the carrot? Like, it was.

It was weird because I. My dad and I were really into 80s comedies. I love 80s.

I love 80s comedies too. They were the best.

The best. So funny. And we were really into watching Revenge of the Nerds, but there was like, there was scenes in there where it's just like naked. Naked women.

Right? You were psyched, huh?

Yeah, super psyched.

So, yeah, 50 Shades of Grey. It's not going away anytime soon. And again, like, I've talked about a lot on the show, I think that rather than fight it, if your partner's into it, kind of embrace it and see how you can adapt whatever it is in the movie that turned her on. To work with your own sex life. Yeah. So don't be intimidated by Christian Grey. You don't need to be a billionaire. Although it helps. We're not encouraging it. We're not saying you need that. Okay, everyone, thank you for emailing me. Feedbackaxwithemily.com I love hearing from you, but don't forget to include your name and where you're listening from and how you listen in your email. That just helps us. And we just want to know where you're from. Okay. Dear Emily, my girlfriend and I have been dating since we were both 16 and are doing a long distance relationship. Now that we're in school the last six months, I've Noticed that I'm having a hard time lasting longer than about two minutes in bed when I used to be able to go for 20. She acts like it's fine, but I can tell that I'm just kind of leaving her hanging. And she won't give me a minute before I can go again. Whenever I try to talk about sex, she says I'm being unromantic and ruining the mystery of it. Any suggestions on how to last longer or how to get her to open up a conversation about sex? Love the show, Alex. 20. Okay, so it looks like they've been together for a while. If they've been together since 16, they're both in college and now you're long distance. Here's the deal, Alex.

First of all, I always say it's important to get checked out by a doctor, make sure everything's running smoothly and all that stuff. But it probably has to do with the distance. You're not seeing her that often. You're really excited when you do see her. You go for long periods of time without having sex. And so you're a little too excited, a little too amped up. So maybe you need to do a little pre gaming.

Yeah, totally.

Before she comes, make sure you're still masturbating before she comes or doesn't come. We gotta work on her coming too. We'll get to that in a minute. But you know, I would work on your own ejaculatory control when you're not with her, because it sounds like it's happened a few times. And what happens a lot with men? I mean, it's hard to say if it's just psychological when this happens with guys or if there is a physical element to it. But a lot of times it happens once, then you get anxious it's gonna happen again. And then guess what? It happens. So when you're not with her, I would practice. There's certain things you can do. There is the stop start method where you're masturbating up until the point where you're about to ejaculate, and then you stop, and then you start again. And what you realize here is when you can start to recognize that point when you're about to go over. And you train your body to recognize that. So, you know, during sex. It's also Kegel exercises are great. Like I said, I have an app that reminds you to do them every day. They can help you strengthen it. I know a guy when he was 16, he said he premature ejaculated once he started doing Kegel exercises like a crazy person for like a year or something. A month. And he never prematured ejaculated again. So there's different things you can do. You can also. Here's the thing, slow things down in the bedroom. Don't rush through sex. You said that you're leaving her hanging. That is your fault. Why don't you crank up the foreplay, make sure that she has her orgasms before the actual sex starts. Maybe you'll be less stressed then. And you can make sure she has her pleasure. And then you have sex. And then you have your orgasm. All good. You could also speed up her orgasm. Use a sex toy during intercourse. You can stick one on her clitoris. You can perform oral sex. You can also try promescent, which is the only premature, which is the only treatment. FDA approved treatment for premature ejaculation. It's a delay spray. You put it on your penis, it doesn't transfer to your partner. And if you last, it doubles the time you last in bed. But also talk about it. It sounds like she won't talk about it, which she's younger, maybe she hasn't been in a lot of sexual relationships. The thing about talking about sex with your partner is it can be really overwhelming for people who've never talked about it. They don't have the skills. Right? Like you don't, hey babe, what do you think and what makes you feel good? You're like, I don't wanna talk about it. It's like scary, right? Or it's like, I don't know where to start. But let her know you wanna talk about it because you wanna make the sex better for her and for both of you. And so tell her that you care about her pleasure. And don't talk about it in the bedroom. Cause she said it's unsexy. Talk about it at breakfast, talk about it when you're on a road trip. You know, like you got to talk about it because this is going to get. This is just going to snowball into something not good. So she's saying it's all fine, that you come quickly. It's probably not if she's not having her orgasm. I mean it's probably okay a few times, but these are all. I just gave you good advice. What do you think? Have you ever had that problem?

Well again, it's always the pre gaming, you know, you have to do it.

Just jack off before she gets there. Yes, that works for some guys because then you go round two. And here's another thing. If you Ejaculate the first time you can go round two. I mean, I'm sure she a lot.

Of guys not immediately gonna have sex. It's gonna be a while in between.

And do you know how to perform oral sex there, Alex? Because I would work on that. I have a lot of shows about it. Okay. Hey, Emily, I'm a new listener to your podcast. Long story short, my girlfriend is on antidepressants and now I can't make her come. And I miss how the sex was before she started them. I just don't feel the same connection in the bedroom. We used to attack each other all the time, and now the connection is almost non existent. What should I do? How do I get her libido back? Should I ride it out and hope she gets off them eventually? Sign Mike. Mike. This is a tricky situation because antidepressants are, you know, you're sad, you're depressed, you can't get out of bed, and then they're like, here's a magic pill. And you take antidepressant and everything's bright and shiny. But your libido can drop from many of them and you don't want to have sex and it's hard to have orgasms, which is a huge bummer for many people. And so I would say first that you can't bring her libido back per se. She should first talk to her doctor. She should check her meds, because a lot of times they can. Maybe she's on a too high of a dose. They can add in another med that can help her have orgasms and bring back her libido. But she can find something that won't demolish her libido.

But yeah, she has to talk to her doctor about that.

Yeah, absolutely. And then also communicate with her and think about things that can get her in the mood. So here's another thing. Antidepressants, yes, they do diminish your libido for many people, not for everyone. But you might have to work harder and so might she on thinking about the things that get her in the mood. So take the focus off the intercourse and talk about, like, enhancing the intimacy. So, like, enhance the foreplay. Like give her a massage. Like what turns her on. Like a sensual touch. Like train your body. She should be training your body to get into the mindset. Like, think. Start thinking about things that turns her on. She can read erotica, masturbate, Prada, you know, Prada. Buy our Prada bag. You guys watch porn together, use vibrators. That helps a lot of women who can't quite get there. Unknown. So this is not a lost cause. And it's also, like, not your fault. Like, it's not your responsibility. You guys work on it together. It's true. What else? Menace? Before I get the next email.

No, I. I'm trying to think of all the stuff that's sex in the news. So you. You believe the. The Bruce Jenner stuff? Like the Bruce Jenner thing is going down?

Yeah, I do. Don't you. You think he's lying?

I don't know. I don't want to say 100% yet because I haven't had him himself say something, you know, when he does.

But isn't it being filmed for the Kardashians? Yeah, but you.

You don't know for sure because, okay, Bruce Jenner. I could be totally wrong. I probably am totally wrong, but I just. I don't want to assume things until I actually hear the person say it out of their own mouth that this is happening. But.

He'S always hated the press. He, like, he never talked to the press, and he could be punking the press just to mess with them.

I don't think so. No. I think I've heard stories that this has always been kind of a thing.

I know. Yeah, they.

You're right. It could be out sitting in the press, you know, I mean, he sounds like. I bet you. He always was like, he's with this alpha woman, Kris Jenner, for a long time, and now he wants to.

And he wants to be named Belinda. That's the room.

Really?

That's the rumor. Yeah.

He's already picked out a name, so.

It'S gonna be really interesting to see, like, this all goes down. Do you think it might have been, like, you say, it's been like this his whole life, but what about, you know, he might have been a product of his own environment and being around, like, six, seven women.

I thought I'd be like, there's seven women. Like, I want all these shoes and clothes. It looks really fun. I want to get my hair done and make. Yeah, I. That's what. I was joking about that. But no, I think it's the kind of thing that, you know, for a long time and it's never. It's really hard to, like, make that switch now. He's like, maybe, like, my kids are older. My marriage fell apart.

Yeah, who cares? I have 100 million in the bank. Yeah, whatever.

Whatever. I'll become a woman, you know, and does.

Wait, I forgot. Does he still want to date women?

Yes.

So he wants to become a woman.

So wants to become a woman and date women, which is typically what happens.

Okay, yeah. Crazy.

We'll see what happens with it. So, yeah, seems to be a trend, like, more and more we're, like, hearing about, like, a trend, but, like, kind of people are.

Yeah, no, it is. It's. My. My gay buddy, he told me that it's, like, it's stealing the spotlight away from the gay communities.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. The transgender.

Transgender is all over the place now.

It's like, we have a lot of transgender, orange.

Orange is the new black, all that kind of stuff. They're like, yeah, it's so hot right now.

I know squirting transgenders. Like, there's so many things happening with sex. Well, speaking of sex fantasies, here's bisexual. Here's a bisexual question. Dear Emily, I consider myself sexually progressive and very open, but my boyfriend recently told me he fantasizes about sucking another man's penis and gets off by watching gay porn. He really likes watching two men sucking each other off and touching penises. When he was younger. He's 39 now. He gave. He had a man give him a blowjob, and he enjoyed it. He's gone to gay bars but hasn't had. But hasn't been able to get through with it. He says his ultimate fantasies with the transsexual. I'm being as supportive as I know this was hard for him to share, and we all have fantasies, but I'm still struggling with it. Does this mean he's bi even if he doesn't want a relationship with a man? How normal is this fantasy? I appreciate your advice, Sue. Mm. Yeah, I mean, it's not as unusual or uncommon as you think. The shemale, which might be an offensive but commonly searched porn term for a transgender woman, is a commonly reported fantasy for many men. And according to Pornhub, Shemale is one of the top gaining searches of 2014, with searches expected to increase to 191% in 2015. So I understand, sue, that you are feeling unsure about your boyfriend's confessions. Like, I don't know how I feel. If my guy was like, I might want to suck penis, and I watch skate porn, like, I would think it's so different for women because if women say that it's thick, you know?

Yeah.

They're like, oh, sexual identity is so, like, if you look at, like, the Kinsey scale, like, it's much more fluid, and men are more like, you're gay, you're straight, and women Are like, oh, I can practice, I can watch, you.

Know, lesbians get down with whatever.

But for men, it's just harder to wrap your head around. And it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to take it a step further. And there is a difference between sexual preference and sexual appetite.

However.

It sounds like it's something that he has an ongoing.

An ongoing desire for. And so I would just talk to him about it and be open and honest and supportive and let him know that you want him to do what he wants him to do and to be compassionate. Let me see. Are they married or. It's her boyfriend. It's her boyfriend. I mean, if it's still coming up at 39, you might need to just. Either you're going to be okay with him wanting to try this stuff, which. And if he's still a great lover to you, or maybe he needs to be set free and go experience on his own. But you guys have to have a real talk where you are not judgment. Sounds like you're open and you're not judgmental about it. And you just let him speak his mind and see what he really wants. And if he wants to try it, you've to decide then if you're gonna be okay with it. He might still want to be with you, but wants to have this experience with the transsexual.

Yeah. Do you know what's weird? This. I mean, it's a little. It's off.

That's okay.

But the lipstick lesbians that I know, they've. They've gone back to men. That's crazy.

Since when?

I don't know. Like this past year. Yeah. Now they're like. Well, one of them just got married to a man and she was like dating women for like 15 years.

Wow. She missed the penis.

I guess. I don't know why. And then, so then this other lipstick lesbian chick that I know just ran into recently and she was dating men that I know of for the past six years. I mean, dating women, Right. And then she's like, yeah, you know, oh, what about if I want to get married to someone and they want.

Kids, they get older. Right.

Oh, what is going on here? So that's why I say, like, women can go, women can weave in and out. Whatever makes them happy makes them happy.

There's the spectrum. Like the Kinsey scale I was talking about. Do you know what the Kinsey scale? It was like a scale 1 to 10 about sexuality. And it shows that women are much more fluid. Like 10 being gay and one being straight. That women Fall somewhere in the middle, or they can easily sway back and forth. But with men, it's much more. Men are usually like a 2 or 3.

It's like cut and dry.

Yeah, but. But, you know, so with women, it is more fluid. They might grow, they may older, want kids. You know, who knows? That's interesting. I know women who have done that, but usually they go back to women.

Yeah.

Or maybe they're gonna have like, you.

Know what I guess. Do you know what I guess is gonna happen? Cause I also, my friends, their mother is a lesbian. And I think what will happen is they'll get back with the guys, they'll have kids, and then later on in the marriage, they'll get a divorce and go back to work, or they'll have.

A lot of threesomes or maybe. Who knows what's gonna happen? That is interesting. Didn't know that. Let's see if it's a trend. Okay, so first I gotta give a shout out to our sponsors. And Menace, you're actually holding one of our sponsors in your hands. Down Under Comfort.

I'm opening it.

Menace, why did you ask me to bring you some Emily and Tony Down Under Comfort today?

Smells so damn good. I love it.

I know. Tell me, tell me how you do use it all the time.

I use it. Yeah. Probably when I get home because, you know, you're. Well, explain what it is.

Explain what it is.

Yeah.

Okay. So, okay. Down Under Comfort, we've already, like, sold out of it. Men's Health voted it the number one product you didn't know you need because it is a very unique product. So let's say this. You know how you might use talcum powder, or a lot of men use talcum powder on their balls, or we use it where we sweat in our shoes, our feet, and, like, chafing at the gym. But. But talcum powder is actually carcinogenic and messy. Down Under Comfort is a light formula. It's vegan. It's a cream formula that turns into a powder, and it allows your intimate areas to stay fresh, comfortable, clean, dry, and you're ready for action anytime. And it smells amazing. It's like this light citrus scent for men and women. Women can use it under their breasts, lower back, men on their balls, between their legs. And honestly, if you think that you're fresh and dry and your balls are great because you showered this morning and you're gonna go see your work girlfriend tonight.

No way.

Guess what? Your balls are not fresh. This. All day long you went. Magnus was like, bring me Some. Bring me some. It's awesome product. Down Under Comfort is a godsend. And I got another said one of my listeners and someone else said, after being a baby powder man for most of my life, I can't imagine a day with outfit without this. My girlfriend is a big fan as well. Any guy who says that his girlfriend won't go down on him needs to try this stuff. She loves it. Balls are no longer lonely. Who wants lonely balls? Go to emilyandtoni.com, get down under Comfort. Now use the coupon code Emily for 20% off your first order. And Magnus gets them for free because he loves me and I love you. Are you taking a picture of him?

Huh?

I thought you were taking a picture of him.

Oh, okay. Well, I was gonna talk about them tomorrow.

Oh, yeah? What else do you talk about tomorrow? I can keep your fear peoples.

Yes.

Okay, this one is about smoking and sex, and I'm not talking about cigarettes. All right, Emily, here's my issue. I don't really enjoy smoking pot regularly, but I do have this sort of sexual neurotic connection with getting high with a sexual partner. My boyfriend enjoys smoking pot regularly, and we've gotten high together in the past years and years, years and years ago before we even had feelings for one another. But I haven't touched this stuff in years. The mentality that I've grown up with is that drugs are bad and you shouldn't ever do them. But of course, I had to experiment in high school. I'm 23 now, and I want to get high with my boyfriend and have sex. I should mention that I don't enjoy being too drunk or being in an uncontrollable state. Just being lifted and happy and being extra sensitive in all my erogen stones is what I'm aiming for here. Sort of how artists feel inspired when they're high, I suppose. I guess my question is, is this normal feeling to want to experiment with drugs and sex and can this be done safely since I don't enjoy being out of control. Thanks.

Yeah, I get a lot of questions about pot and sex and it's kind of. Yeah, people do say that when you smoke pot and you have sex that, that you are less in your head. Like a lot of times we're really thinking in our heads and we're worried about our to do list. And. And if you smoke pot, your body, you know, you might feel more of an all over high and you feel more stimulated in certain areas and your mind is more relaxed and.

Things feel more intense. Slow down. You know, but it's not that this is normal. It's more about your own preference.

What are you laughing at?

Just keep it real. It's amazing.

Yeah, it's not bad. I mean, I wouldn't make a habit out of it, but I would try, like, one little hit. I mean, you don't want to lose control, you said. So don't do, like, a big bong hit, but try a hit. Drink lots of water. See what happens. What?

I mean, it's gonna be legal soon, across the country. I know, FYI.

But I like your consciousness around drugs.

And I don't want to. I don't even say that. It's like it's a drug, to be honest, to be real, it's way safer than drinking alcohol. True, it is.

You don't lose control as much. There's also forea. Have you heard about this? The weed lube? My friend made this. It's coconut oil.

Okay. Yeah.

And he adds thc. Proceed to it. And then you put it in your vagina and you wait 30 minutes and your vagina gets high and you have amazing orgasms and you can have sex on it.

Wow.

That's crazy. Yeah, I know. He. Yeah. So it's supposed to be good for you.

I'm not saying that we smoke pot every single day.

No, not yet.

I'm just saying that it's happened.

It's happened. I'm telling you, Ali, I'm not gonna. You know, I'm not uptight here. I'm just gonna say that I like your consciousness around drugs, and I like that you don't wanna lose control. I'm the same way. I've actually never really blacked out or gotten sick from being drunk, ever.

I've had moments where, like, I can't speak about that.

No. Menace does it every weekend. But I.

No, I get it.

I don't even drink anymore. You don't?

No.

Since when?

Since a long time.

Even, you know, you don't drink. You have a drink.

I mean, I don't get, like, wasted. I'll have, like, a drink.

Wow. Good for you.

I just.

It's a new mess. Maybe that's why you're happier. Maybe that's why.

Oh, it's been like that for a while.

Okay. Well, you know, alcohol is a depressant. And I honestly think that pot is a little safer. I mean, you can still get addicted to it, but.

Yeah, you just feel like crap the next day. I know. I always joke around, like, oh, give her some tequila and this. But you know, maybe because, like, I'm in my 30s and I'm not 20 in my.

You can't, like, right. Bounce back like we used to.

You just feel awful.

I know. I hate that feeling. And I hate. I hate the sex. I hate being hungover. I do. Okay, another question. Emily. I started listening to your podcast on itunes last fall and completely addicted. I listened to it almost every day and can't begin to tell you how much I've learned and how much I adore you. Menace and Anderson, and all of your guests and expertise, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I'm 22 years old. I've never had an orgasm. It's not for lack of trying. Although I wasn't sexually active until I turned 20. At that time, it didn't seem very important to me that I learned how to orgasm. Now, however, I'd really like to know what the fuss over the big O is all about. I get turned on pretty easily and have an amazing time during sex, of course, but I've never orgasmed during it. And when I try to with a vibrator, I get so overwhelmed, I can't continue. It feels good, I think, but I can never keep it long enough to climax. I get to a point where it feels like it's too much. What can I do to fix this? I have a boyfriend. He's absolutely incredible, but we're long distance, cross global. He's Australian. He doesn't know that I've never orgasmed. I'm just saying. I'm ashamed to say that I faked it. And I'm not sure how to go about involving him in this process or if I should. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for your time and for all the love you put into your show. Lena from Minneapolis.

Aw, Lena.

Lena, you're so sweet. It is love. Okay, Lena, here's the deal. Let's stop with the faking of orgasms. Let's not do that anymore. That's very misleading towards men because, like, you talk to any guy, they're like, every girl I've been with is orgasm. Like, yeah, every girl you've been with has probably faked it. No, you're sending them the wrong message. They think they're doing something right. They're gonna learn how to make your. They're never gonna really learn anything if you fake it, but that's cool. Don't worry about that. That's not your big problem. That's not your big concern here. You don't have any Problems. Toys can really be intense for some women. I'm not sure what toy you're using right now, but maybe you have it on too high of a speed. And I would say it's kind of awesome that you are long distance because now you can make this like your second job. And it's gonna be a really fun job. I'm gonna give you some homework, and I think that you should spend every single night, 20 minutes masturbating in your bedroom. Door is closed, cell phone off. Lock the door, play the music, or take a bubble bath. Get yourself in the mood. Because a lot about sex for women is being in the mood. And when you say you get turned on, I'm wondering, do you ever read erotica? Do you watch porn? Like, are there certain images or thoughts that turn you on? And just spend some time getting to know your body. I put the vibrator aside and just start like, you know, rubbing your hands all over your body, playing with your clitoris, playing, you know, putting your fingers inside. Experiment with varying pressures to see what feels best with your fingers. You can use like a circular motion. You can go up and down fast or slower until you find out what you like. Also, if you use a vibrator and it's too powerful, you can try it over your underwear. That can feel really good too. And you've all heard me tell this story before about my friend who took 30 days in college. She had never masturbated. She was your age, she was 20. And after 30 days in the third week, she finally had an orgasm. And she had no vibrator, she just had her fingers and she let her fingers do the walking and she figured it out. So if you make a commitment, Lena, to find your orgasm, you will be able to know how to give it to yourself. And once you know that, you can teach your boyfriend what to do. So he might not, you know, you can just say, hey, this is some things I've been experimenting with. And then you'll know how to move during sex. And again, it's not gonn happen right away, but you have to commit to this process. And I honestly think it is the most important work that women can do is learning their own bodies. Because a lot of women expect that their partner is just going to figure it out. Well, once I ride his penis, it's all going to come together. And for some women it does, but for many women it doesn't. But you have the power in your hands to give yourself killer orgasms and figure out your own body.

Yeah, because Then you can guide the man.

Like saying, because they don't know, right? Have no cube of life. Like it's friggin confusing.

Honestly, a lot of them don't even care, you know, they just want to get to it and then have their orgasm. And then if you get there, then you know, if not, then all right.

And if you faked it, he just assumed all as well there in party town. Yeah. And so I wouldn't worry about it, honey. And also you're late, you started late. And I didn't have an orgasm until I was like 21 maybe. I mean I really didn't either until my friends were talking about it and I had to work at it. And so there's so many things at your exposure right now at your disposal that you can look at books, whatever, find what turns you on and spend these nights when you're not with him. Turn again. Turned on. Good times. Okay. Relationship with no chemistry happens. Okay. Dear Emily, my brother Brandon highly recommends you for advice. And I wanted to ask you a question or two, if you wouldn't mind. And it's not too much trouble. What do you do in a situation when you're in a relationship with someone you love very much and there are no problems except the bedroom, there's no spark. The chemistry in the bedroom is lacking. And he's a 41 year old man who acts like he knows a woman, like a 19 year old boy knows a woman. I'm all about coaching and teaching and I've told him what I wanted, but it doesn't work. I'm losing my sexual attraction towards him. Although I have mentioned going to sex therapists and he was on board. Oh, one more thing. I also cheated on him when I was away at work event last week. I didn't plan on it, but the sexual chemistry I felt with this other man was amazing. It was almost as if. If it was something I needed. The sad thing about it, Emily, is I don't even feel bad about it. I know I love my boyfriend, but I just had sex with someone else. Today was the first day I felt guilty. And it's been a week since it happened, which kind of makes me feel like a sociopath. I'd love to get your expertise on this. Many women would tell me I'm with the wrong man, but I'm hoping that there's a way to bust through that barrier. Is it possible that I could still love and respect him even though I cheated on him? Because I feel like I do. Thanks in advance for your advice. Nikki.

All right, Nikki.

Wow. I can totally relate to all of this.

Yeah, you can. You be the expert.

I am the expert here. Okay. So.

You'Re in a situation that is very, very common. You lose the spark. The chemistry goes away after a while in a relationship completely. Like, I want. I hate when talking about sex being on terms of normal. Not normal, but it's very typical that this happens. And you said that he wants to go to a sex therapist with you. I would recommend that. I would recommend going to a therapist and figuring out what turned you both on because you're losing that chemistry. Because you probably have been, you know, maybe you have kids or you both are working or you've just been together a long time. And this is what happens when couples do not maintain that spark and prioritize their sex life. And so, you know, like, the chemistry is gonna go and you're gonna have to work on it. Like you've heard me say, you can watch porn together. You can. You can try sex toys. I'm assuming you've probably tried this stuff. And it seems like maybe you guys are just too far gone now that you need to go see someone.

Yeah. And somebody is gonna tell you to come clean about it. Don't do it.

Don't come clean. Don't tell them. And listen, I've cheated before and not felt guilty. I'm a reformed cheater. I think I felt guilty that I didn't feel guilty. So I probably felt like a sociopath. And it was the same thing in a relationship where we didn't have a spark. And.

I really tried to go back and make it work. And I honestly don't think this one off cheating thing had anything to do with it. It just made me realize, like, wow, this is getting to the point where I need to work on it. And so I went back to my relationship with my boyfriend. I didn't. Again, I didn't tell him. And I don't think that you need to tell him. No matter what people say, it was a one off thing. I hope you don't do it again, because really, you should break up with someone before you want to have sex with someone else. But you got to turn the focus back towards, like, how was it at the beginning? I'm sure it was amazing. I'm sure you had sex all the time. How can you channel that? What were you doing at the beginning? You know, trying things new, like letting him know what turned you on. I don't think that you should leave him. I think that you should try to Work on it. No spark is a huge problem. And sex, you know, you say at the beginning, like a lot of people, everything's great, but the sex. Well, when the sex is a problem in a relationship, it takes up 90% of the problem. When it's not a problem, sex is like a 10%, 5% thing. Like, everything's great, but it's huge. That's how you stay close and connected. Cause then you're just roommates. So if he's open to therapy, try it. And the cheating thing, you know, again, let it go. If you did it once, don't feel bad, but don't do it again. There's something you're missing from your current relationship, and if that need isn't fulfilled, there is a possibility of it happening again. So run. Do not walk towards finding a therapist for you guys to go see right now and do it. Yeah, it happens. Chemistry fades.

But if you do cheat again, then just break up with them.

Yeah, but don't cheat again, because that's the quick fix. That's like a drug. That's like, oh, this person chemistry. Blah, blah. You can channel that and get it back with your boyfriend. It's gonna take work, but sexual homework is fun. Work, people. I'm not, like, telling you to go, like, do some long math equations. I'm like, oh, go see if you could have multiple orgasms by using this toy or whatever. Watch porn. Have a good time. Good luck to you. Thank you for writing me, Lena. Let me know how it goes. Okay. That's all we have time for already. Wow. I know. You said, I love seeing you. I'm just sad that we're gonna have to depart now. I know, I know. I love it. Well, Menace, thank you. And thank you for being part of our podcast, Dr. Dummily. That was voted for an award, the best award.

I know.

So go to podcastawards.com vote for us every single day. Just once a day. And what else? Anything else? Follow Menace. M E N A C E on Instagram and Twitter.

Twitter and Instagram. I love hearing from people. So if you tweet me or say what's up on Instagram, say what's up? Just, you know, and just. I know people are listening, but it's cool to.

I know. I love hearing from it, too. Like, follow me. Yeah. Instagram, Twitter and, like, my Facebook page. Facebook.com sex with.

Yeah, you can just say hi. It's not a big deal.

Yeah. And I always want to hear, like, what? You know what's funny, Mattis? Remember when we used to do shows about like the hand job debate.

Yeah.

And people would like talk about specific things that like ongoing in the show that we talked about. But I feel like right now people aren't commenting as much as they are like asking questions. So if there's certain things about the show that you liked or didn't like or topics like, let me know and take the survey on my website because we're always improving the show. All right. Even though we're nominated for the best.

Podcast, I'll work on a strong debate for us to debate about.

Frickin handout debate went on for five years. We had a kid. Okay everyone, thank you for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com okay everyone, thank you for listening to the show and thank you for trying to have better sex because that will make the world a better place. And if you are suffering from, let's just call it premature ejaculation, or you just come a little bit sooner than you'd like to, you can check out Promescent. It is a quickly absorbing delay spray and it allows you to have the sex you want. You can focus on your partner. You can now focus on your partner's hot body. And you don't have to think about baseball when you're using Promescent because it helps you last longer. It's a delay spray. It doesn't transfer to your partner. And you will last twice as long and close the orgasm gap. Because men just they tend to come quicker than women. We take 20 minutes. You take between four and six minutes. We take 20 minutes or longer. This will close that gap. Go to promescent.com that's P R O-M E S C-E-N-T.com Check it out. Thanks for listening. There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles, and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health, magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger, and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.com sex with Emily for 50% off and here's a bonus use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15% off your order. That's Q U A l I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.