Penis Rings and Kinky Confidence

Stop what you're doing and listen closely because Bellesa and I are giving away free spicy toys or gift cards to every single one of you. That's right, everyone who signs up wins something. And if you haven't heard of Bellesa, let me put you on. They're a bi woman for everyone company that's completely flipping the script on sexual wellness. And now they're hooking you up. You've definitely seen Bellesa's viral toys all over your for you page. Like the rose, it blew up for a reason. This little flower shaped suction toy is iconic.

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them. In a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boy?

Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For More information, go to sexwithemily.com and you can easily subscribe to the podcast, our newsletter. Check out the store. We talk about a lot of fun, cool products on the show. You can find them all there. And now you can find us on the iHeartRadio app or on their website, which is exciting. I love being in all these platforms because you can now find us, of course, on iTunes, Google Play, SoundCloud, Spotify, you know, all the places where you listen to your podcast. We will be there. So thank you everyone for listening and also for reviewing the show. We appreciate when you review us on itunes. I know it takes some time to do, but it helps us a lot. And we love you. Okay, so it's been an exciting week here at Sex with Emily because, you know, we get a lot of stuff delivered to the office and. And I love it all. We have so much fun here. You should be. That's why you should check out our Snapchat and our Instagram stories because you can see our unboxing of all the exciting things that we get here. I got some craz Cool nipple clamps from Unbound, but Unbound also sent us our subscription box. Now, I don't know how much I've talked to you guys about this, and I was like, I have to lead with this because I have a really cool subscription box that comes out every three months. So you get it four times a year. And it's like the perfect gift either for you and your partner or, you know, for a friend of yours getting married or just for any friends that want to spice it up. Hey, you can also get it for yourself because every few months you're going to get a box from Unbound. It's just like, sexy things. It's like, could be a vibrator. It could be lube. It could be. What else? Butt plugs. They've got some. They've got some body lotion. They have some really cool. Like I said, they sent me some nipple clamps. I mean, there's going to be some great stuff in each box. And this is the perfect way to spice things up. It gets discreetly delivered to your doorstep. It's beautifully packaged, whether you're the gift giver or the recipient who doesn't want, like, something hot and sexy delivered to their house four times a year. And these boxes don't disappoint. So check it out on my website or go to sexwithemily.com subscription box. It's a good time. The other thing I wanted to mention before we get on with the show is that I love my uv. I finally got it, and we were doing a Kickstarter for them last year, so it's the UV cleaning system. It clean, charges, and sanitizes your toys. Right? We talked about it. It uses UV light, so you easily. You never have to deal with any of those problems that you have with sex to. Because while sex toys are all about pleasure, right? We just want to use them to, like, have more orgasms and be happy and joy in the world. The two biggest bummers are when they're. You haven't cleaned them yet, and they die. They're not charged, and you can't find the charger, and you can't find the cleaner, and you're like, I'm not gonna use them. So I actually have the UV now in my house. It's stored right next to my bed, and it is so freaking cool. Takes 10 minutes to sanitize your toys, and you store them in there. It has a little lock on it, right? So all my toys are ready to go. And here's what happened. So. So I was having sex, as I sometimes do, in my bed at my house, and I realized that I wanted to use the new. The we vibe pivot, which is their new cock ring, which is. Oh, my God, you guys, it's amazing. If you haven't used a cock ring yet. Oh, my God. Jamie's here with me, and she's just smiling at me. She's gonna. Have you talked about this?

I don't know if I talked about it with you, but I definitely used it.

It's epic, right?

It was great.

It's so good. Okay. So the first. Okay, so anyway, it's a great. If you haven't used a penis ring or if you only have, like, one of those ones that you can throw away or whatever, this one is rechargeable. One size fits all. It just has a lot of power, but you can control it with different motors, different intensity levels. First time I used it, I didn't have a penis around, so I just used it as a. As a clitoral vibe, which was perfect for that. And then I had a penis in my bed. So I was like, oh, let's try this cock ring. And so I. I was like, oh, my God. And usually I have this moment. Even. Even I am not perfect, people. So I have these moments when I'm having sex and I open up my bedside drawer, and I'm like, oh, God, please be charged, please be clean, Please have the right lube. Like, you know, I don't want to use the flavored right now. And sometimes my drawer is a mess. It's true. But then I remembered in the moment that I had just put everything in the UV like a week ago before I went out of town. And I was like, oh, my God. They're literally charged. And right here next to my nightstand, you can't tell. It's a beautiful box. I open it up, I pull out the pivot. I pivoted. No. And I put it on his peanut, and it was amazing. And he had never used a toy before, which. Wait, isn't that what happened?

That's exactly what happened with me, Jamie.

We had our first toy experience. Wait, but let me. So you're gonna get your UV too, because they're finally shipping you guys. They were all sold out. It was crazy. So if you want this thing, you guys, because really, it solves every problem that you'd ever have around toys, which, let's be honest, it shouldn't be about problems. It cleans stores. Sanitize your toys. They have the go, which is the small model that you could bring around, and they have the UV play, and it's UV clean dot com. It's the perfect complement to your sex toy collection. It rocked my sex world because it was charged. Do you ever have that problem, though, Jane, when things.

Yeah, I literally just had to charge my womanizer to go for the first time. And of course, it didn't start blinking until, like, in the middle of, like, me masturbating. So I'm, like, looking at the light blinking, and I'm like, no, just wait. I'm almost there. Just wait. Don't die yet.

Did it die?

No.

Okay.

Yeah, it's like a 60 second orgasm, so it takes you exactly.

Oh, my God. Okay, so the. You love the to go, and you love the pivot, so. Yeah, the pivot's cool, you guys. It's the new WE Vibe product I love. They're coming out with a lot of cool things lately.

They really are.

So we both love the pivot, and we used it with partners that had never used it. And how was. Did we talk about this on the show? Your experience with it, or was it just a blog that you wrote? I get confused.

I'm pretty sure it was just the blog I wrote, which, if I do say so myself, is a good reader.

It's a great blog. That's what it was. It's. You're so. Actually, I was thinking about you when I was using. No, I wasn't Yay.

I was thinking about you.

Were you? Like, this is how I'm gonna write about it, but tell me, how did your guy respond to using a sex tray for the first time? And how did you.

I mean, he really liked it. It was actually my first time using a sex toy during sex.

That's what it was. I knew there was some first, but.

It was also his. He had never used one, so it was, like, for both of us. And he, like, really liked it. Like, he actually asked me the other day. He's like, hey, can we use that again? Like, that was really fun. And I was like, I mean, yeah. I just, like, I never remember to put it in my purse, but now I will, right?

Yeah. That's amazing.

Put it in your purse and then put it on his penis.

So how did exactly pivot. It's the pivot. It's a really cool. And I've been waiting for a really good penis ring to come out for years.

How? Well, I was on top when we used it.

I was gonna ask you that. Okay.

So, I mean, I like that because, like, the grinding motion, like, you can really feel, like, that clitoral stimulation from the vibration on it because it has, like, that little raised part at the top. That's like, the mound kind of thing, right? So that felt really, really good to me. I was like, this is perfect.

Exactly when you used it. Yeah, same thing. I used it on top, and I used it. I used to the same thing, the grinding. And I just like. I was like, don't move. And then we flipped over, though, because it stays in place, and I still. And then I. I actually am able to orgasm on the bo. Bottom now, too, which has been a new development in my life. So, yeah, I do the whole thing of, like, pumping my pelvic floor muscles and my kickoff muscles, but also, like, grinding and pulling them in. So it's like a. It was like a blended orgasm, if you will. So it was amazing. But I started out on top with the. Yeah. So how the. The cock ring. It basically has a motor on it that hits the clitoris perfectly. That's the point of it. And the vibrations feels great to a man because I think a lot of guys think that, like, I always say that they won't like vibrations or just for women. So did he say so? Obviously he liked it. He's asking for a repeat performance.

He really liked it. And also, like, I mean, I was made sure, like, I didn't before I put it, like, around him. I, like, put the vibration up to him first to be like, is this, like, okay with you? Because I don't think he's ever used any type of vibration.

That's exactly what I did to sensation. Right.

So I'm like, I don't know. I don't want to freak you out. Like, what if it's too much? I just didn't. I was like, I just don't want to have any surprises other than good ones.

Exactly. Right. No one wants bad surprises. But that's exactly a good point. That's what I do, too, is that when you're with a guy who's never used it, you have to start. Because I know being a professional, like, I'm like, turn it up. Just use it. However. But with a guy, like, if they've never felt it before ever, you really want to put it on the lowest vibration and you just want to, like, softly. They might even want to do it themselves. Or you can touch their shaft, you know, touch their balls a little really lightly and just let them know what it's going to feel like. You don't just want to, like, slap it on their penis and start riding. Just out of respect. Okay. The kid. This is funny. Okay, guys, I'm gonna pivot here for a moment. But if, you know, if you wanna buy the we vibe Pivot, you can find it in my store, on my website. Just go to Sex Emily and search Pivot.

Yep.

Yep. Okay, so let's pivot. I brought Jamie here with me today. I've summoned her to the show. Back in May, we held our Sex with Emily masturbation month contest. And we asked you guys, our amazing audience, to share your masturbation routines with us via email, why you love to masturbate and what you love about it and about your routines. And we were so blown away by the responses. We got hundreds of them. How many did we get?

Like, we got, like, at least 150.

Okay. So. And you guys were detailed and you were into it, and you were creative and interesting and celebratory, and you really, like, you gave us a lot. Jamie went through all of them in detail.

Yeah. Like, I sat there and I read all of them. And, like, like I said, a lot of you guys were very detailed. It was very viv. Picturing a lot of things. I had to stop a few times, cool down, get a drink of water. You know how it goes.

They. You. They turned you on. They got you. They. Their masturbation stories drove you to masturbate.

Yeah. And then, like, I mean, not at work. I waited Till I got home.

Dude, I don't care.

I know you don't, but, you know, just say, well, you can hear everything that goes on in this bathroom.

Can you?

You can. That's why, like, you know, maybe that week when you guys were gone, who knows?

But I'm just saying.

I'm kidding. No, I didn't. But. But no, they were really great. And they were all very different. Like, so many different things. Stuff that I never even thought of. I was, like, actually really happy. How many people, like, celebrated, like, in the fact that they really, really take, like it's a whole event. Like, whereas I just kind of go home and I'm like, all right, I'm gonna masturbate real quick. Knock that out. Then I'm gonna go eat a sandwich. But they, like, people, like, literally spend so much time and they make like, they, like, get it ready in a bath, and they do music, and they set the mood. And I'm like, I should do that more.

That's what I'm talking about. Mindful masturbation. It's really important. I mean, you guys, this is what I talk about. I don't mean just, yes, it's important to masturbate. I'm happy if you just sit down and masturbate. But when you really try to work on your masturbation routine in, like, a fun way and, like, make it a. Make it a real routine where you're, you know, pleasing yourself and, like, relaxing, learning about neurogenous zones, we find it really hot. And Jamie did a great job. We had to pick some winners, which was not easy because we wanted everybody to win, but we had to do it. And it took us a while, but we've got the winners, and we actually. They're on our way. So we actually published a blog on our website of the winners. And I think we just gonna. We're gonna keep publishing some more blogs. Cause it kind of reads like sexy erotica. And it's also inspirational and informative and educational and hot. So we're going to read two of the winners right now. Jamie, do you want to read the first one?

I do. Okay, so these. The first one here. I dubbed it Slow and Steady because, you know, I get to name things and it's fun. So this is from Gabby, who's 29, and she wrote in first that she's slowly becoming more comfortable with masturbation and actually allowing myself to enjoy it instead of feeling guilty. So yay for Gabby for that. That's amaz. Anyways, she continues on, so My masturbation routine has become slower, longer, and much more relaxed. I like to take a long hot shower first so I can slowly and sensually massage lotion all over my body. Ooh, that sounds good already. Then I run a feather tickler over my skin, which feels amazing and really warms me up. And oh, this is to you, Emily. You've totally converted me to using lube. Yay.

Congratulations.

I never really thought I needed it, but it really does elevate the whole experience. When I reach for my fave toy, which is a vibrator that's curved at the tip to stimulate my G spot, I'll put a few drops of lube on my clit and then I'll alternate between massaging my clit and my G spot. I'll only come with my clit, but I've been making a point of just enjoying the pleasure leading up to orgasm as much as the orgasm itself. I find it makes the orgasm better anyways if I'm not hyper focused on orgasming as soon as possible afterwards, I make sure that I mentally congratulate myself for doing something that's good for me. And I try not to entertain any guilt whatsoever. It's not easy, but it's so liberating.

Aw, Gabby. I love. There's so many great points in here. She gets like an A. I know.

It was so great. I picked this one because one. It just goes to show you we're not just saying it. Lube really does change things. We convert people all the time.

All the time.

And I just like the fact that she said that she's focusing just on the pleasure that she's feeling in the moment. So if she orgasms that's great, but it sounds like if she doesn't orgasm, that's fine too. And that she really just is enjoying the time that she's having with herself. And the fact that she's able to get past all of this guilt that she used to have is just awesome.

I love it.

You know, and it's like it goes to show you that at any age you can. Doesn't matter how old you are or where you're at in life, you can get there.

I love that she's not a goal oriented masturbator, like, because it's really, we think orgasm, you know, and she's really discovering new parts of her body, G spot, tickling, all that. And so as a result, she got a prize.

She did.

She got a womanizer pro.

Yes. And so I know she likes to slow things down, but maybe she will Be quite exhilarated with the speediness of the womanizer.

Oh, yeah. Oh, you're right. Good choice. You really matched everybody, didn't you, to their prizes.

You're like, I did. I tried.

I wanted like the sex toy Whisperer.

I tried. You guys. You guys are really.

That's awesome. Good job. So we're read the next one and then we have an announcement for you after this, which is very exciting. This one's called I can't take my eyes off you. I'm a 48 year old male with a 42 year old wife, been married for 24 years. And our favorite way recently is to be in the bedroom lit by candles. And she bought me a vibrating penis ring slash butt plug combo. It's fantastic. Had a vibrating bullet on the ring, one of the perineum taint and one in the plug. Whoa, you need like a diagram for this. Okay, this is. This is really impressive. So it had a bullet on the ring around his penis, one on his taint. Okay. And one in the butt and one in the butt plug. So I have this on while I kneel on the floor in front of the bed. And a fleshlight in between the mattress. So it's in between the mattress and platform and it's about a fleshlight that I'm gliding in and out of while she's playing with an assortment of toys for my viewing pleasure and her own pleasure. This goes on for an hour or more with her orgasming multiple times. And I myself usually having two orgasms and. And usually ends up with me giving her her final orgasm with my mouth and tongue. Well, that's how we've been doing it lately. Thanks for the great podcast, Darren. Darren48. Amazing. Well, okay, so let's break this down, Jane, because first of all, they've been together 24 years, okay? This is gonna happen in relationships. That's why I tell you guys, do something never has to be exactly how it is right now. You can always add something new to your repertoire. So he's doing all these things and basically there's essentially they're mutually masturbating. He's like getting off with his penis using a fleshlight. He's got the butt plugs, she's masturbating and then he's finishing her off. They're both getting turned on, they're doing a show. I love this.

No, it's great. And he's seriously innovative. He's using the fleshlight and then he has this vibrating penis ring butt plug combo going on. I don't even know what that is. Yeah, I wish he had sent a picture of it because I really. Not of him using. I don't need to see that. But like, not that the toy by itself I would love to see because that just sounds crazy. And then he's like incorporating it together with another toy while he watches his wife do toys. And it just sounds like a grand old time for them. Like they, like, I love them. It's inspiration and it's a couple of the day. And if they've been married for 24 years, that means that they got married like really young and it seems like they're experimenting together and they've grown together sexually. And that's amazing, right?

I love it. I bet you weren't doing this 24 years ago with the butt plug combo and the whatever. So. Yeah, I love it. I agree. A great choice for winner. So we had like four winners, but Darren and his wife received my subscription box, the mutual masturbation Edition. Perfect, Jamie.

Exactly.

You did so good. So if you want to read more of them because they are super hot, they're on our site at sex with emily.com. it's called masturbation Month winners. You can find that when you Google it on the site. When you search it on the site. The announcement we have is we're having another contest because we were so friggin inspired by you rockstars, by everything that you wrote to us and just all the great stories you told that this month, August, we are asking your best. We're calling it Alternative Sex Month. Okay. We've decided some people call it Anal Sex Month. It's been known for that. But I thought, why let's expand it this year. Let's have about anything alternative. Basically, if you share with me how you've moved out of your comfort zone, explored new things, new sensations, maybe even you opened a new dialogue with your partner about what you want to try in bed or maybe, you know, you've started sensation play or maybe you're looking to each other's eyes or breathing together. I mean, really, it can be anything that's outside of your comfort zone currently and how you're expanding your repertoire. We want to hear from you what you've been doing. Alternative sex practices. And if you email us by the end of August, feedback@sexwithemily.com Just like our masturbation contest, we're gonna pick some winners and we're gonna give you some special prizes. Yes.

Well tailored.

Yeah. So Alternative Sex Month. Cause really, why not? Why not try I think that people often think, like I'm meaning here, that they need to go out and buy a bunch of crazy gear, BDSM or do something and which if you're into it, that's awesome. But really can just be like one thing.

Exactly. And a word of advice. It's not necessarily like, I'm not going out there and we're not looking for. For the absolute craziest story.

Thank you for.

We are looking for something genuine and something that just when we read it, like, warms our heart and just kind of says, hey, that's awesome. I love this story. Like, it's something that resonates with us.

Right. That you're. That you're actually really doing to. That's a little different. That you're challenging yourself. You're. And you could be single as well. Doesn't have to be in a relationship. Try something alternatively sexy. It could be an alternative to your masturbation if you want as well.

Exactly.

So we would love to hear from you by the end of August. Thank you, my lovely Jamie, for being here. You're awesome. And yeah, you guys, we're gonna take a quick break. Shout out to our sponsors and we'll be right back with your emails.

Okay, now we're on to your emails. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, I love that we've made it to super easy. So you guys, you can text me your question. Just text ask Emily all one word to 797979. That's ask Emily one word to 797979. And what happens is you text Ask Emily and then you immediately get a link and you open that link and it's a form and you fill it out and you ask me your question. And it's actually the same form, just like you'd fill out on the website. If you go to sexwithelmy.com you click on the Ask Emily tab and then you ask the question. However you do it. I love it. I love hearing from you. And as always, include your gender, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Hi, Emily. I just ended a 20 year marriage last September. I thought my vagina would be retired and I would never need her again. Thankfully, I discovered I still had a motor down there and she was revving. Yay. I felt like I was a virgin all over again. I didn't want to give away my new hymen to just anyone, but I also wasn't looking for a serious commitment. After swiping right and kissing half the men in Los Angeles to see who would penetrate my golden vagina. If you can't kiss, you probably can't get it on. I found the one. He was good looking, had a sense of humor and a high profile job. We had a fun night together, a couple of romps in the hay and a couple of hours of interesting conversation. He left and sent a nice follow up text 20 minutes later. Because he was my first one out of the gate, I wrongly assumed I would click with every man I interacted with. Me and Prince Charming got together one other time and it wasn't as a feeling. And I haven't heard back from him. I can't stop thinking about him or comparing every other connection to him. This feels like an odd and display sense of attachment. I'm not nearly as hung up on my ex who wants to get back together as I am on this two night stand. Have you heard of people becoming fixated on the first sexual partner after a long term commitment? What can I do to move past this? I feel so silly for this overwhelming infatuation. Sloan, 43, Los Angeles. Okay, Sloan, this question, I totally get it. Okay, first of all, congratulations that your vagina is out of retirement and that the golden vagina lives on. Because really I get it. I get that feeling. You're like, is my vagina am I ever gonna feel again? But you are. And so let's just look at this guy. It was a gift. Like you met a guy and you had amazing sex and he did you a favor that he didn't show up again. I know you're not there yet, but let me just, just, just hear me out, okay? You seem super self aware and that this is like a displaced attachment and that it's not totally healthy. But remember that it's not all about him, right? It's not even about the guy. Because here's the other thing. When you're saying that this guy is somebody that you feel could have been the one, we realize that that's like, I mean, you just met him. But I understand. Amazing sex can make you feel like you really love someone. But that's lust. There's no such thing as love at first sight. It's lust at first sight. And. But what you're feeling is that rejection and the fact that you know, you. You placed all this meaning on one one encounter. Be this amazing guy. But this is a favor because first of all, like I said, he showed you who he was. And also I don't think you should be jumping into a Relationship right now, I think you got out of a marriage, and I understand you've been dating and all this stuff, but this is the time where you. You're going to be exploring yourself, and you're going to be meeting a lot of guys and a lot of people, and you're going to be learning more about who you are. I mean, you were just married for 20 years. So who are you? Sloan, out of a relationship. Single at 43 is much different than the Sloan 23, who got married and who, you know, has lived this whole life. So I understand that natural inclination is to attach to these guys and to think, oh, my God, could he be the one? Could he be the one? But I'm going to ask you to change it to flip this and have the expectation that when you go out with these guys, it's just for really getting to meet new people, having a good conversation, learning some new things, possibly having amazing sex. So just know that this is going to happen again, that there's going to be rejection. You're going to reject them, they're going to reject you. But it's going to get easier, first of all. But also the less time you spend obsessing and worrying about, like, why he didn't call or why he didn't get back to you, which all of us can do. Just move past that. The sooner you can do that and just keep dating and keep going. You will move through this stuff. It won't even bother you. Be like, oh, that was an experience. You'll think of it like, I went to a movie last night. It was a bad movie. Like, that's how it's gonna impact you. You can get to that place if you don't place as much weight and emphasis on these experiences. So it's your choice. So I feel like this was your first time that you felt something. You weren't sure the vagina was even awoken. Your vagina is healthy and ready to go, and so are you, Sloane. So good luck with dating. And remember, it's not how you fall down. It's how many times you fall down. It's how you get back up. So just keep moving, keep dating, keep swiping, and have fun. Hi, Emily. I've been listening to your show for a few weeks now, and I'm obsessed with it. I recently jumped into the dating game. I met this guy who's super into going down on girls and often talks about going down on me. Absolutely nothing wrong with this, except I'm scared. No man has ever gone down on Me before and I'm super self conscious of my vagina. I'm a plus sized woman and I can't wrap my head around anyone putting their face down there. I'm so into this guy and I guess I'm afraid that if he doesn't like my vagina, it's going to be the end of it. He's also really into rope play, edging and commands. I've always wanted to try that stuff, but at the same time I'm a little scared. How do I find the courage to not only let them go down on me, but to try these new and exciting things? What would you do? Thank you so much and I can't wait to hear the next podcast. Alana, 24, Alberta, Canada. Oh, Alana, I wish I was in your situation because this sounds really fun to me because you're 24 and here's the thing, remember, don't be as hard on yourself. We're all so hard on ourself. A lot of women feel this way at the beginning. I remember when I was in college and my boyfriend at the time, I'd been dating him for months, wanted to go down to me and I was like, oh my God, really? How could you want to do that? I didn't understand. And I think a lot of women go through this. We just don't get it. We're like, it just doesn't seem appealing. We're self conscious. And so this is kind of like something that you need to go through and it's fine so you're right where you need to be. But it's going to be challenging the first time. But let me tell you the good news here. This guy, he wants to go down on you, he wants to please you. And that's the thing, is that the guys who are actually into oral sex and into pleasing you, it's a pleasure loop. It's like a feedback loop. So if you can relax into it and take deep breaths, rest and really get into your body and the pleasure that you're feeling and get out of your head, you'll realize how great it feels. And then he's going to realize how much it turns you on, which is why he's doing it. And that's going to give pleasure to him. So that's the loop, right? He's doing it not because he's sitting there with like, you know, a checklist looking at your vagina, going, oh, well, does she look like this? Does it taste like this though? Guys like this are like, he's into it. He's into the vagina. He's into you and pleasing you. Believe me, he's not the guy who. Because I know guys like this. Guys who love going down are not the ones who are, like, taking note. So he's a great guy for you to experience the first time with. I feel good about this. So it's really about you being relaxed, and you can be honest that you're nervous about it, but every time you start getting into your head and thinking, oh, no, he's not gonna like it, or, what's he doing? Just breathe. It's so important to breathe. Lay back, breathe into your pelvic floor, and then just go back to the sensations in your body. Like, what are you feeling at the moment? You know, with his tongue or his mouth, his hands, like, whatever he's doing, just your mind will go, oh, no, he doesn't want to be down there. And they go, oh, that feels really good. And then after a while, you'll get into that groove where you'll naturally be into your body and feeling the pleasure. But again, it's new to you, so go easy on it. Go easy on yourself. And I think you're going to realize that, like, oral sex literally is the best thing since sliced bread. So I'm just jealous because I wish I was in your place and trying it again for the first time. And also, I think it's cool that you're into ropes and bondage and you think you might be, because that's great. It interests you. So just remember, when he brings it up, you know, you can let him know that it's new to you, but it excites you. And then, you know, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but it's the same kind of thing. You just kind of got to go into it, make sure that, you know, there's consent and you feel safe and let yourself relax into it and enjoy the pleasure. So I think he sounds like a great partner for you to have some fun with. Right now. It's just you. So you got to do the work, take care of yourself, love yourself, and let yourself experience all this amazing pleasure coming your way. Alana, you got this. Hey, Emily. I just started dating this guy, and I really like him. We've been an official couple for about a month now. My new guy lives three minutes away from me, but can somehow only make time to see me twice a week and is never down to hang out when we both have breaks in our schedules or free time. A prime Example is when he sends snaps of himself chilling by his backyard pool and I drop an obvious hint that I'd like to come and hang out. I don't receive an invite, and it's incredibly infuriating. Should I end it before I get too emotionally invested or just keep dating and see if it gets better? There is also the fact that I give him blowjobs all the time, and he's literally gone down to me twice. And the second time I had to ask him to spend more than two minutes between my legs. Emily, 21, Vancouver. Oh, Emily. From one Emily to another Emily.

Okay, sweetie, here is the deal. It's one of these. He's just not that into things, and that's totally okay. And I get it. You're 21 and you're new at dating, and you sound like loving, and you're a giver and you want to please, and you want him to like you and give him blowjobs, and you're like, I don't understand why he's not getting back to me. Because he's young too, and he's 21, and all I know is how he's treating you. And it's really. It's not respectful, and I don't even know what's going on with them. And here's the thing. Who knows what he's doing? He's in his backyard. He could be snapping with his friends. He could be talking to other girls. All I care about is the way he's treating you. And so, no, you should not get emotionally. More emotionally invested than you already are. You should not keep dating because this is not going to get better. There are so many strikes against this guy that I literally wish I could go over there and take his phone and throw it in the pool. He never wants to hang out when you guys have breaks in your time and he only lives a few blocks away. He's sending you snaps of him chilling and not inviting you, which is a. Which is actually an aggressive, like a passive aggressive thing to do, which is not loving. He knows that you're home waiting, so it's almost like he's playing a game. The fact that. That you're giving him blowjobs all the time and he's only gone down on you once or twice. It's kind of like, what if you went over there and every time you went over there, he walked into the kitchen and grabbed himself a beer and just sat down and didn't get you one? And he did that every single time. Like, how would you feel that's essentially what he's doing. He's like, I'm gonna get mine, and you're not gonna get yours. I'm taking care of myself, and you're not getting taken care of. He does not care about your needs. He doesn't know how to take care of your needs. Has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with anything that you've done at all. It's just that him being who he is at the point in his life. So please don't spend any more time obsessing, worrying about this guy, because he's not worth it. And there's a lot of guys out there. I promise you that will be reciprocal, and that will go down on you for more than two minutes. Cause let's be honest, I. Two minutes doesn't even count because we don't even. That's, like, nothing. Like, at that time, he could have gotten you a beer, and that would have been More useful than 2 minutes reaching your legs. You can get a lot more pleasure from a lot more men out there. So really, just cut him. And I know it's going to be hard because we all do this. It's going to take a little longer. Like, right now, I want you to delete him and block him. But I know you're not ready for it, Emily. But the sooner you can realize that you actually deserve respect. You wouldn't take this kind of behavior from a friend, right? A girlfriend who treated you like that. She was like, hey, we're all hanging out, but you can't come over or didn't treat with respect. We wouldn't put up with it with our friends or family, and you shouldn't put up with it for a guy ever, Emily. So demand the respect that you deserve because you sound amazing. So that's it, Emily, run. Don't walk away from this guy. Hello, Emily. My girlfriend likes to be milked like an animal, and she likes to breastfeed me like I'm her child. She's not a mother, though. Why does she like it? And why am I coming around to liking it, too? Is this normal, or are we totally weird? Loving the podcast, kj. Kj, I'm reading your question, even though you didn't put your age or where you're from, because you guys know that's a rule. But I really like this question. Kj, this all comes down to one thing. Your kink is not my kink, and that's okay. I'm not going to judge your kink. No one's going to judge it. And you're into it and it turns you on. And you know why? Because it turns her on. So this is the thing about kinks and fetishes and alternative sex. It's that you see that she's getting so turned on by what you're doing because you're like, you know, playing with her breasts and she's turned on. And so it's a reciprocal thing. It's like that feedback loop. She likes it. It doesn't matter why. It really doesn't. And I love that you're coming around to liking it because again, you're seeing her turn on and she's turned on. And so I think it's. If you want me to use the word normal, I will. I hate using that word, but I'll say that it's normal and it's really not weird. I think that I want you to know that, like, you have my permission. And if it's not hurting anybody, it's not hurting you. And you feel like she's not forcing you to do something. It's totally healthy expression. And I could sit here and surmise, like, well, maybe it's because she's got some kind of fetish around being a mom one day, or you've got something about breasts and motherhood and feeding. But, you know, a lot of people try to make sense of why people have certain fetishes and they're just. It's inconclusive because it's a case by case basis. So I would say that you and your girlfriend are having fun right now and you're having some sex that turns you both on. Like, thumbs up and I'm happy for you, so don't trip on it. And August is alternative sex month here at Sex with Emily. It really is. So I wanted to highlight this and say, you guys, whatever you're into, this is a great month to kind of play with your edges and bring in some new kinks and new fun things into your relationship and just to go easy on yourself. I think I've said that to almost every email today, that you should all just, like, really be kinder to yourself. And if something turns you on and it feels good and you're using consistency, consent, and you're enjoying what you're experiencing and you're treating your partner well. Enjoy your sex. Don't beat yourself up for things that you're into or things that you're not into. Like, that's fine. Like, the most important thing about sex is understanding what you truly like and what turns you on and being able to express that. And then if you two of you come together with a partner and you're both getting turned on by things, even better. So you know, this month you guys go crazy. Tell your partner what you want, experience it and have fun. Happy Alternative Sex Month. Thanks everyone for emailing me and for I love you all. Like for emailing me and checking me out on Snapchat and Twitter and Instagram. I'm getting all your questions and on Snapchat you guys are sending me such great questions and I would love to answer them all, but it's just hard to do on Snapchat. So it's a simple thing. I can definitely let you know, you know where I bought something or what to do, you know quickly somewhere if it's a quick question, but if it's a longer thing, you definitely have to email me through texting or through the website. So much easier that way. But I just love that you're all following us and staying in touch. I feel like I know you. Again, it's all Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, exwithemily and thank you to my amazing team. Ken, Jamie, our interns Shannon, Miley, producer, Lark and Michael. Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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